Top 250 Quotes From Oz

[repeated line]
Officer: Lockdown!

Augustus: Why didn't you let me have the paper route?
Burr: What?
Augustus: When I was ten, I wanted a paper route. Instead, you put me on the street, selling drugs.
Burr: So, what do you want? An apology? Well, you ain't getting it! When your father died in 'Nam, I swore to him I'd look out for you, and I did.
Augustus: How in the fuck did you do that?
Burr: I taught you how to do the only thing I knew how. I kept you alive, I kept you fed, and I helped keep a roof over you and your mother's head!
Augustus: Bullshit! The fact of the matter is, I wouldn't be in Oz, I wouldn't be in this chair, if you had only let me have the fucking paper route!

Jefferson: Hey, I want to talk to you about what happens after death. The afterlife. See, the ancient Greeks believed when a brother died he just got on a boat, crossed the river Styx and went to a place called Hades. Now everybody went to Hades. It didn't matter how good or how bad you were. The place we all just got our groove on. But the Greeks, they understood. Just having lived, just having gone through the sheer shit of getting up and going through a whole day was enough to earn eternal reward.

Ryan: Neuter's a fag.
Augustus: What makes you say that?
Ryan: Look at the way he's grabbing Pecky?
Augustus: Their fighting.
Ryan: Yo all I'm saying is that its a lot of body contact man.
Augustus: That's the stupidest thing I ever heard of, a gay puppet.
Chris: One of the teletubbys is gay.
Augustus: What?
Chris: Yeah Falwell, the reverend somebody says twinky dink or whatever his name is, he's a butt pirate.
Augustus: That's nuts, listen you gotta have a, a cock to be gay.
Chris: Where does it say you gotta have a cock to be gay? All you need is a mouth so you can suck cock.

[first lines]
Augustus: "Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds." So says the United States Postal Service in their sunshine motto adapted from the ancient Greek historian Herodytus. Now back then, "swift" coulda meant a year and a day. Now? Ten am the next morning anywhere, from here to Kukabamba. People all over the globe every afternoon stand at their mailboxes, wondering what might be inside. You never know what to expect. And in Oz, most times, the best part is the expectation.

Lisa: What about homosexual activity? Does it happen?
Chris: Well that depends. By "homosexual activity" do you mean deep seated love by one man for another? Or guys fucking other guys in the ass?

Agamemnon: You a Russian?
Nikolai: Yes.
Agamemnon: From Russia?
Nikolai: Yes.
Agamemnon: You were born in Russia.
Nikolai: Yes.
Agamemnon: Wow. First time in Oz?
Nikolai: Only time.
Agamemnon: You'll get used to it.
Nikolai: I was seven years in Soviet gulag. This place is cake.

Chris: I'll see ya.
Tobias: When?
Chris: Back here... or in Heaven.
Tobias: You really think we're getting into Heaven?
Chris: Ah, you and me together? God doesn't have the balls to keep us out.

Arnold: Thanks man. You know, if I was a girl, you'd get tongue.
Augustus: If you was a girl, son, you'd be buttass ugly.
Arnold: Why you got to be all like that, man?

[repeated line]
Tim: Get him the fuck out of here!

Kenny: Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Happy motherfuckin' birthday...
Simon: [puts his arm around him] To Kenny. Happy birthday to you.
[blows out candle]

Augustus: When Napoleon died in Exile, the doctors cut off his dick. They put his dick in an ornate jar and gave it to his priest; don't ask me why. Over the years, Napoleon's dick was sold and sold again to the highest bidder. To this day, at least three people claim to own Napoleon's dick. But you see, it's not important who owns the real dick. The big question is, well... who the fuck do those other two dicks belong to?

[Schillinger has just learned that Hank is dead]
#97R492: You know, your kid was into a lot of shit. Drug deals and pimping. So there's any number of people who might want him dead.
Vernon: Is this you consoling me?
#97R492: This is me giving you the cold, hard facts. Your son was murdered. Sonebody's got to pay. I think that someone is Beecher.
Vernon: [shocked] Beecher...
#97R492: Remember when you said you were waiting for Beecher to retaliate for Hank killing his kid, but nothing happened. Well, that's because he'd already taken care of it. We're in Oz. There's any number of guys here who could set up that hit.
Vernon: That motherfucking...
Vernon: [beat] I'll kill his daughter. I'll kill his whole FUCKING FAMILY!
[Robson smiles as Schillinger storms out]

Augustus: Billy Shakespeare, in his last will and testament, left his wife, Anne Hathaway, his quote, "second best bed." Now, Shakespeare had abandoned Anne and the kids years before and had only come back home to Stratford when his bones started to creak. Was the second best bed a joke between a husband and wife, or was it Shakespeare's ultimate fuck you?

[after being beaten severly by Said]
#97R492: That spade motherfucker! That cock motherfuck, motherfucking NIGGER!
[cut to Muslims]
Zahir: The Aryans must be punished. We will no longer tolerate their actions! From now on, every single one of us is on point.
[cut to Aryans]
Vernon: So Said's nigger ass is in the hole. It looks like Arif's in charge. These fuckers are more pissed off than ever. I want you guys to watch each other's backs. Carry weapons whenever you can. This shit's coming down and it's coming down hard!

Augustus: Life in Oz sucks, and only a fool or a Republican will tell you different.

Vern: You are the guy who destroyed the statue, right?
Guillaume: Yeah.
Vern: Fucking sicko bastard.

[Robson gets the drop on Lalar in the warehouse]
#97R492: Pretty cushy gig for a Jig. Leaving you around all this merchandise, how do we know you're not stealing shit. Guess we'll just have to cut you open and find out.
#97R492: [takes a razor and cuts Lalar's chest] Nothing there.
Prisoner: How about his arm?
#97R492: [cuts Lalar's arm] Aaah. Strike Fucking Two. Well, Lalar, I suggest that you get comfortable, because this could take awhile.
[continues cutting Lalar until he bleeds out]

[looking at Miss Sally on TV]
Chico: Whoa, what the fuck is this, man?
Agamemnon: Miss Sally's new TV series -"Sallycise". It's a health and exercise program.
Chico: Yeah, well, one of my muscles is already getting bigger.

Antonio: You're Kosygin, right? I heard of you. The most brutal hitter in Little Odessa. Antonio Nappa.
[He holds out his hand but Kosygin ignores it]
Antonio: I'm extending my hand to you in friendship.
Yuri: I don't need your friendship.
Antonio: Fine. Let me tell you something. My boys control everything that goes in and out of this joint. Drugs, cigarettes, gambling. You decide to start your bullshit here, you won't live 'til morning.
Yuri: You Italians. So melodramatic.

[Zavitz is blackmailing Schillinger for protection from Keller]
Vernon: Jeez, I thought the Jews were supposed to be tough?
James: That's just the Israelis.
Vernon: [beat] Kill him!

Nikolai: Are you here to kill me?

Augustus: A man stands in a cemetery, reading a letter he wrote forgiving his long dead father. The mother of a girl killed by a drunk driver is racked with fantasies of retaliation. Your boyfriend begs you for one more chance. You say to your mirror you're done hating yourself. But you know you're not. Maybe instead of forgive and forget, it should be forgive and remember. Remember that you might have to wake up tomorrow and forgive all over again. And again, and again, the way your heart keeps beating like a drum. Forgive. I can't. You can. Forgive. Forgive. I can't. You can. Forgive.

[O'Reily has just offered to arrange for Adebisi to meet a woman sitting on death row]
Simon: O'Reily, if she sucks my cock, I'll suck yours.
Ryan: That's an appetizing thought. Pass.

Ryan: So where'd they put you?
Cyril: Uh, with them.
[points to Schillinger and the Aryans, who smile and laugh]
Vern: Don't worry. We gave him the *royal* welcome.
[Aryans continue to laugh]

Tobias: You wouldn't understand, you kill for sport.
Chris: *I* don't understand? *I'm* not the one who's here by accident. I kill because I have to.

Officer: Congratulations, Vern.
Vern: For what?
Officer: It's a boy. A bouncing baby boy.
[beat]
Officer: Your son arrived yesterday.
Vern: Which unit is he in?
Officer: Your favorite. Emerald City.
[Schillinger is horrified]

Jason: You know, all this time in Unit B together, you've never given two shits about me. Now that I'm boxing that Muslim, you're my best pal. Must have been kind of hard deciding who to root for, huh? Let's see, the fag or the nigger? But then again, you know a lot more about what it's like having your cock sucked than having an afro.
Vern: You better watch your mouth, Tinkerbell, or Khan's gonna win by default.

Tobias: You creep into my heart, and make my heart BURN!
Vern: You sneak into my mind, and make my head ACHE!
Tobias: Look it's time to face the music.
Vern: BYE bye!
Tobias: Don't slam the door.
Tobias: This is the last duet. Last chance you're gon-na get. No more h-har-mony for you and me. This is the LAST DUET!
Tobias: I'll ever do with.
Vern: Never do with.
Tobias: Never never never never never do with YOOOOOUUU!

[shouting to the solitary unit inmates]
Officer: Rise and shine you little fucks!

Antonio: Midway through the 20th century, man wants communication without communication! He wants to sit in his living room and watch people in a box fall in love, work, sing, golf, cry, fuck and fuck up. Television! A one-way conversation between you and the world, where the world does the talking! Like God, man can finally create man in his own image and then sit back and watch all sorts of shit hit the fan.

Miguel: I'm so tired. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of the walls. The lies. The fear. The death. I'm so tired.

Frances: [before confronting Sippel, his molester] I haven't seen him since that day. Ten years is a long time to carry this shit inside. Sorry to say "shit" in front of a priest.
Father: Sometimes "shit" is the only word that fits.

[Said has proclaimed his loyalty to Adebisi. The Muslims and Homeboys are celebrating together]
Christopher: Wow. Said and Adebisi hand in hand.
Ryan: It's the end of the fucking universe.

Vernon: Hi, Petey. Nice ass.

Lenny: Peter, the family is embarrassed.
Peter: They got no reason to be embarrassed.
Lenny: They're not happy with the way that you're running things in here.
Peter: They blame me for getting poisoned?
Lenny: Your father got fed ground glass over the course of months. Now, whoever did that, probably Adebisi, took the time because they knew that Nino was watching. Nino was smart.
Peter: And so because I got one quick shot of poison instead of ground glass, I'm not as good as Pop, right?
Lenny: This is what they say. The family.
Peter: Christ. You tell 'em I'm gonna handle Adebisi. I'm gonna get my honor back by the end of the day. Either that fucking moolie or me is gonna be in a bodybag.

Warden: Hey, everybody. I'm back.

Augustus: [as narrator] Let me tell you, dying is a lot harder on the living then it is on the dead. Death really only hurts those left behind.

[all the gay inmates are being transferred out]
Officer: Let's go, ladies!
Christopher: [to Pancamo] More white guys leaving Em City.
#97P468: They may be white. But they ain't guys.
Christopher: Still. It's getting awfully dark around here.
#97P468: [noticing that they are surrounded by black inmates] True.

Leo: Look, whatever relationship we may had in the past, it's over, you're my prisoner now!
Mayor: That simple huh... do you actually think I killed those little girls?
Leo: You're found guilty!
Mayor: As a black man... you gotta know that don't mean dick!

Arnold: [after Seeing White Patches on Skin] DAMN, I might be able to get a cab now.
[homeboys laugh]

Sister: We do not choose God. God chooses us.
Chris: What happens to those of us who he don't choose?

Augustus: Yeah. Everybody wants to escape from Oz. 'Course truth is, there is no escape. I mean, let's say you manage to sneak out. Then you gotta run and keep running. The life of running away ain't no life at all. Better to stay put, face reality, deal with what you got and make the best of it. Yeah, the measure of a man is not where he lives, but how. How he makes the best of it. Make the best of it. Later.

Alvin: [Hughes stares at Yood saying nothing] What, you want something there, kid?
Clayton: What kind of name is Yood?
Alvin: What do you mean, what kind of name? It's a last name. Jesus.
Clayton: I meant what kind of nationality is Yood, you dumb ass.
Alvin: It's American.
Clayton: There are no American names, dumb ass.
Alvin: Quit calling me that.
Clayton: Because there are no Americans.
Alvin: Oh, here we go again.
Clayton: We're all from someplace else originally.
Alvin: My name is American.
Clayton: Your name is Dumb Ass.

Dr. Tariq Faraj: [in the dentist's office, examining X-rays of Robson's diseased gums] Well, as you can see, aside from some cavities you can see that 10 and 11 show significant rescission in the gums...
James: Meaning what?
Dr. Tariq Faraj: Meaning that surgery is recommended and I would say sooner rather than later.
James: What kind of fucking surgery?
Dr. Tariq Faraj: Well, you have two choices. The conventional method is to take palatal tissue from the roof of your mouth and graft it to your gums.
James: Shit. That sounds fucking painful.
Dr. Tariq Faraj: It is painful. The alternative is an acellular dermal graft, where we use the gum tissue from a cadaver.
James: You're kidding. Some dead person's fucking gums in my mouth?
Dr. Tariq Faraj: You could think of it as an organ donation.
James: Sounds fucking creepy.
Dr. Tariq Faraj: Well, the use of your own fucking tissue would require a longer and more painful period of fucking recovery. In the end, your fucking gums would be healthy either fucking way.
James: [gets in his face] Are you mocking me, Faraj?
Dr. Tariq Faraj: Fuck no.
James: I don't like your Third-World bullshit attitude. And whatever I decide, Gunga, I got a thing about needles. Any anesthesia or whatever, I want gas first.
Dr. Tariq Faraj: My pleasure, Sahib.
James: Oh, and one more thing. Being that I'm Aryan and you're camel shit, I'd appreciate it if you wore two pairs of those plastic gloves. You know, the less contact, the better.
[Robson leaves, Faraj curses in Arabic]

Simon: I admire you, more than I desire you.

[Beecher is back in Oz, having been set up by Keller]
Tobias: [to Sister Pete and McManus] Same old story. I got fucked in the ass.

Antonio: Adebisi, I don't get it. Why would you want to transfer out of the cafeteria to take care of a bunch of fags, huh?
Simon: You don't like fags?
Antonio: What do you think?
Simon: Well, out there, I hated them. But here, sometimes you need your dick sucked.

Governor: [at a live press conference, announcing the pardon of Kareem Said] The celebration of Ramadan is at the center of Islamic worship. Therefore, I'm pleased, in the grand tradition of this holy time, to bestow clemency on a prisoner. Kareem Said has been an outspoken critic of our administration, but political differences aside, he has been an outstanding member of the prison population. Even after suffering a heart attack last year, he's continued to work with prisoners of every race and color, especially the young, to instruct them and guide them to better lives. So I hereby grant Kareem Said a full pardon and I wish him well in his new life.
Kareem: [Said walks out in front of the microphones and cameras to shake Devlin's hand] Finally, we meet face-to-face.
Reporter: Mr. Said! How do you feel?
Kareem: How do I feel? I feel joyless. My brothers remain behind. Imprisoned, suppressed. I don't just mean my Muslim brothers, I mean every single man that will sleep in here tonight, that was cut off from everything that he loves. Cut off from his own self. You know, as the word went around that the governor was gonna give somebody clemency, I saw a rift develop as each inmate wished himself to be the chosen one. The longing to be free became as palpable as the food that we eat. But it is a meal that I am being served right now. And I am Muslim. And Allah does not allow me to swallow certain things. Allah does not allow me to take scraps from the hands from a man such as this. A man who is corrupt and immoral. A man who denigrates the gift of clemency just as he violates the principles of justice. A man that gave the order that caused the death of eight people. And so, Governor Devlin, because even the cost of freedom can be too high, I *refuse* your pardon!
[the reporters go wild asking questions]
Warden: Officer, take him back inside.
[a CO takes Said back to Emerald City]
Governor: [humiliated, furious, muttering] Cocksucker.

Tobias: You hate the law? Well, I love it. I love the law, even if it didn't turn out in my favor. You know why I love the laws we have in this state? Because it keeps people like Schillinger, Adebisi and Hernandez away from my kids.

Kenny: Happy birthday to me. Happy motherfucking birthday to me. Happy motherfucking birthday...
Simon: ...to Kenny. Happy Birthday to you.
[blows out candle]

Ryan: McManus, you gotta see that I love her, man.
Tim: Love? What the fuck do you know about love?
Ryan: Well, what do you know, huh? What do any of us?
Tim: I know it's not a reason to commit murder.
Ryan: Yeah, well then, maybe you've never really been in love.

Simon: [grabs Said after learning he's being transferred out of Em City] So, the end is near, huh?
Kareem: No! More likely things are gonna go back to the way they were before!
Simon: Not for me - for you!
[holds a shank to Said's throat]
Kareem: You said you weren't gonna kill me!
Kareem: You swore to Allah that you were my brother!
Kareem: And I meant that.
Kareem: LIAR! I gave you that tape as a final test or your loyalty, your friendship - your love!
[cuts Said on the cheek]
Kareem: [screams, starts to struggle with Adebisi. The sounds radiate outside into Em City. All the inmates and COs stare in anticipation. Suddenly, a large blood stain appears on the curtains blocking their view]
Simon: [Bursts out the door, staggering. Walks a few steps, laughs, spits out blood. Finally, falls over dead. The inmates start shouting in disbelief]
Officer: [into his radio] This is 25, we got a 16!
Kareem: [the inmates rush up the stairs, but are blocked by COs as he stumbles out of the cell, breathing heavily, covered in blood and holding the shank]
Officer: [takes out his nightstick] Drop it. Drop it! Drop the shank!
Kareem: [throws the shank to the ground, and is restrained by a CO]
Zahir: Imam! Imam!

Simon: It's simple. You help me get rid of the niggers, and we take over the drug trade.
Raoul: Simple huh? What about the wiseguys?
Simon: They don't care who they work with, as long as the job gets done.
Chico: You're asking us to get rid of your people?
Simon: They are not MY people. I am African!

[the Latino and Sicilian Inmates are being transferred out of Em City]
Martin: As you can see, we have some more prisoner transfers, including trustees Pancamo and Morales. So, I'm naming Supreme Allah and Poet to replace them as trustees.
[the Black inmates start cheering]

Governor: The celebration of Ramadan is at the center of Islamic worship. Therefore, I am pleased, in the grand tradition of this holy time, to bestow clemency on a prisoner. Kareem Said has been an outspoken critic of our administration but, political differences aside, he has been an outstanding member of the prison population. Even after suffering a heart attack last year, he has continued to work with prisoners of every race and color, especially the young, to instruct them, guide them, to better lives. So I hereby grant Kareem Said a full pardon, and I wish him well in his new life.
Kareem: [to Devlin] Finally we meet face-to-face.
Reporter: Mr. Said, how do you feel?
Kareem: How do I feel? I feel joyless. My brothers remain behind. Imprisoned. Suppressed. I don't just mean my Muslim brothers; I mean every single man who will sleep in here tonight. Who is cut off from everything that he loves. Cut off from his own self. You know, as the word went around that the governor was going to give someone clemency, I saw a rift develop. As each inmate wished himself to be the chosen one. The longing to be free became as palpable as the food that we eat. But it is a meal I am being *served* right now. And I am Muslim, and Allah does not allow me to... swallow certain things. Allah does not allow me to take scraps from the hands of a man such as this. A man who is corrupt and immoral. A man who denigrates the gift of clemency just as he violates the principles of justice. A man that gave the order to cause the death of eight people. And so, Governor Devlin, because even the cost of freedom can be too high, I *refuse* your pardon!

Tobias: [flinching away from Keller] Don't.
Chris: You realize we've only kissed once? In all these months... once. All I've been thinking about is kissing you again.
[reaches out to touch Beecher again]
Tobias: [jerks away] Hey, I said don't!

[Vern's sister visits him for the first time in over 20 years]
Vernon: Greta. What I did, shutting you out after your wedding. I had to.
Greta: And I despised you for decades. Now all I can say is shalom. Shalom, Vern.

[the Sicilians confront Bukowski regarding his pot brownies]
Stanley: You fucks better stay away from me. Or my homies'll...
Frank: What? They'll come protect you. Go ahead. Call them.
[Bukowski realizes that he's all alone]
Stanley: Ah, man! I feel like Custer.
Chucky: C'mon Custer! Let's go for a walk.
[the Sicilians melt Bukowski's face off with a steam pipe]

Augustus: The worst stab wound is the one to the heart. Sure, most people survive it, but the heart is never quite the same. There's always a scar, which I guess, is meant to remind you that even for a little while, someone made your heart beat faster. And that's a scar you can live with, proudly. All the days of your life.

Sister: Simon, after the riot, you went into severe heroin withdrawal. I thought you kicked the habit?
Simon: I did.
Sister: Oh, come on. These reports say you're still using. Now, I want you to come to drug counseling.
Simon: Rehab is bullshit. No offense.
Sister: Fine. Then I'll have you tested for drug use every week and if you keep using, I'll send you to the Psych Ward. Have you ever been to the Psych Ward here, Simon? Peter Schibetta's there, along with twenty other guys who've lost all sense of reality.
Simon: Reality? Oz?

Vern: [Robson's gums hurt] Not much of a meal there!
James: Yeah, nothing cold or crunchy
Aryan: Why, you on a diet?
James: Because it hurts Dipshit! Do I look fat to you? GOD DAMN IT, what is that, suddenly Ice Cream, croutons, its like getting your gums raked.
Aryan: There probably recessive, my old man had bad gums
Vern: When's the last time you get a cleaning?
James: I don't know, 5 or 6 years, I hate the fucking dentist!
Aryan: Don't fuck around with your gums, my old man didn't deal, his mouth ended up a train wreck!
Vern: If I were you, I'd go see Dr. Faraj, you don't wanna be slurping turkey milkshakes at middle age.
James: Faraj, I don't want some Sand Nigger's paws probing my mouth thank you!
Vern: They wear gloves now, you know, since AIDS came along
James: Oh
Vern: [Looking at Robson's mouth] Jesus, how long has it really been?

Bian: Jiu shi.
Enrique: Jiu shi, what does that mean?
Bian: "Chairman," like Mao.
Enrique: I love that. Jiu Shi Morales.
Bian: In fact it would be Morales Jiu Shi. The family name is always first.
Enrique: See, now that's what's fucked up about your side of the world. The names, the way you read, the funny alphabet - you people do everything backwards.
Bian: Or you people do.

Augustus: When you take revenge on somebody, you are actually paying them the highest compliment possible. It's like saying, "You've affected my life to such an extent that I must reciprocate. I must affect your life as deeply as you have mine". Revenge may be the ultimate Hallmark card. Yeah. When you think of it like that, the cliché is true. Revenge *is* sweet.

James: I hear Pancamo picked up a bug in the infirmary, could be fatal.
Vern: Good. But if it's not, when he gets out, we'll *make it fatal*.
James: Schibetta's in the psych ward, Urbano's in the hole. Hell, the Sicilians don't even run the cafeteria anymore. Seems like The Wiseguys ain't lookin' too *wise*.

Officer: What's the word on Busmalis?
Tim: Do you really care?
Officer: I wouldn't ask if I didn't.
Tim: You care, why? Because you're afraid that it'll look bad on your record? That you used excessive force?
Officer: I did not use excessive force.
Tim: The man almost died.
Officer: But he didn't.
Tim: Yeah, 'cause you knew when to let go. What's the motto? "Choke 'em 'til you smell shit"?... Nice tattoo.
Officer: Souvenir of a misspent youth.
Tim: Metzger, I know who you are; I know *what* you are.
Officer: All I am is a highly-trained, underpaid member of the Correctional Officer's Benevolent Association. But if I am what you think I am, you should tip-toe.
Tim: Is that a threat?
Officer: I'm merely reminding you who your friends are. Remember who you want standing next to you when one of these fucks comes after you with a knife.

Ryan: What do you call it when a son kills his father?
Jahfree: Patricide.
Ryan: Yeah, patricide. I like the sound of that.

Chris: [as Keller is being sent off to another prison] Don't worry, we'll meet again. If not here then in Heaven.
Tobias: Do you think we'll really get in?
Chris: You and me together? God doesn't have the balls to keep us out.

Augustus: In my hood, you had to learn to run, before you learned to walk.

[the Sicilians confront Robson in the gym]
Frank: How's the bitch thing going?
James: Shut up.
Chucky: Look, the only people who hate Cutler more than you, is *us*. So why don't you do everyone a favor?
James: Ace him?
Frank: Ain't no downside. It proves to the Brotherhood you're still a man.
Chucky: And, you'll make a few friends in the kitchen. Win win.
[Robson nods]

[Penders and Alvarez are training seeing eye dogs]
Alicia: Okay, you see the steaks?
Greg: We gonna teach the dogs how to cook?
Alicia: No, we're going to teach them restraint. I'm going to put them on the floor, and you're going to stop them from eating it.
Miguel: All right.
Greg: You gotta be kidding me.
Alicia: What?
Greg: I haven't seen a steak in six years. Now, you're gonna throw it on the floor so a DOG won't eat it?

Chris: Hey, I'm gonna see you today, right?
Sister: Three o'clock, visiting one of your ex-wives.
Chris: Yeah.
Sister: Which one? Kitty or Angelique?
Chris: Bonnie, wife number 2 and number 4, she's the best.
Sister: Hmmm.
Chris: There she is, there she is.
Sister: Aha, a redhead.
Chris: No, the other one.
Sister: Chris she's...
Chris: Huge.
Sister: Well, did she gain some weight after the divorce?
Chris: No, she was that way when I married her. Both times. Bye.
[He goes into the visitation room and starts making out with Bonnie]

Ryan: I'd rather fuck Miss Sally.
Tobias: I wouldn't mind a four-way work Neuter and Pecky.

Tobias: Father.
Father: Yeah?
Tobias: Have you ever loved anybody too much?
[Mukada looks a little taken aback at the question, Beecher shakes his head]
Tobias: Of course. You're not allowed. I mean, the celibacy thing. I guess my question is, is it wrong to love somebody too much?
Father: Well, I guess that depends on how the love manifests itself. And the answer to your first question is, yes, I have.

[Tidd trips Cyril, forcing him to his knees]
#00B563: Hey, Goldilocks!
[pulls out his dick]
#00B563: How'd ya like to suck some chocolate.
Cyril: NO!
[decks Browne, Tidd and a couple of COs before being subdued]

Warden: You wanted to see me.
Chris: I gotta get out of this place.
Warden: There's a reason you're in protective custody. We want you to live long enough to testify against Schillinger.
Chris: Yeah, Warden I stay in here I die of boredom.
Warden: You wanted magazines, I sent magazines.
Chris: How many times a day can a guy jerk off?
Warden: I don't know, depends on the guy.
Chris: I gotta go back to Em City. I ain't worried about Schillinger. I'll take care of myself. I want that fuck to see I'm not punking out.

[Keller got stabbed multiple times in a storage room]
Vern: I guess Mr. Keller's got himself about *three or four* assholes now.
[the other Aryans laugh]

Enrique: Miguel, Miguel! Where you been?
Miguel: I was kissing the warden's ass.
Enrique: That's funny.
Miguel: Not as funny as you think. You know he wants me to rat on you. He says if I don't give him any inside info on drugs and shit, I'm gonna be put in Solitary again. So, I've been thinking, you know, maybe I could be like a double agent, right? I just give him the information you want him to have, you know?
Enrique: That's a brilliant idea.
Miguel: Think so?
Enrique: Except for the fact that there ain't no information I want Glynn to have.
Miguel: Misinformation.
Enrique: You tell him stuff that turns out not to be true, how long's he gonna trust you? No, my friend. If I were you, and I'm glad I'm not, I'd prepare for the inevitable - spending the next fifty years all by your lonesome.

Nikolai: [Talking about Kosygin] You Sicilians think you're so tough. He would cut out your heart, eat it, and not think twice.

[repeated line]
Ryan: Fucking Cyril!

Officer: [sees Alvarez, Hernandez, Ricardo and Guerra in the same pod] Why is it whenever I see the four of you together in one pod I get nervous? Whoever don't live here, out. Now.
Officer: [Ricardo and Guerra leave] Hey, Hernandez. For Christ's sake it's Christmas. Take a break from being a tough guy, ok?
Raoul: [after Murphy leaves] He's right. Enjoy the day.
Raoul: [turns to leave, but then goes back to Alvarez] It'll be your last.

Simon: Hello, boys.
#97P468: We gotta talk.
Simon: So talk.
Enrique: The fuck you doin'? We're your partners. You think you're gonna fuck us over and we're just gonna take it up the ass?
Simon: [chuckles] Morales, nobody wants your ass.
#97P468: Johnson hits me with his fucking stick, throws Zanghi in the hole? That ain't the fuckin' deal, Adebisi.
Enrique: Besides, it's been ten days since we've seen any green. You pocketing the profits?
Simon: No, there's plenty of profits. But there's been a change in the organization.
Enrique: Yeah, how's that?
Simon: Well, you know, we three were partners... and now we're not.
Enrique: What?
Simon: I don't need you boys anymore.
Enrique: You looking to start a war?
Simon: You know, if there was a war, you'd lose. Look around.
[points out that Em City is 90% populated with black inmates]
Simon: You see all these faces? They match mine. No, boys, there won't be any war.
#97P468: And why the fuck not?
Simon: Because you and your pal are about to take a little holiday over to Unit B.
Enrique: What? When?
Simon: [motions to two black COs approaching behind them] Oh, look. I would say now.
[laughs]
Simon: Hey, I'm gonna miss you. Say "hi" to Schillinger for me, huh?

[repeated line]
Agamemnon: This is the best Miss Sally ever.

Sister: I want to find the three men who raped Peter Schibetta.
Warden: Why?
Sister: Why, Leo? Why?
Warden: Look, we're doing everything we can to keep the number of reported rapes down.
Sister: Reported? Listen to you, your own daughter was raped.
Warden: Well... this is different. This is Oz.
Sister: Rape is rape, Leo.
Warden: I don't agree. Here, rape has a leveling effect. Peter Schibetta, from the day he arrived, wanted to be a tough guy, wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, running things, hurting people. Well, he got stopped by Adebisi, and now he got stopped again.
Sister: What's going on? Do you have something personal against Schibetta?
Warden: No, no, simply survival of the fittest, as natural and basic as Darwin.
Sister: You and I have disagreed about a lot of things over the years, but this is...
Warden: Peter Marie...
Sister: "... a leveling effect."? You want rape to do your job?

[last lines]
Augustus: Truth is a powerful thing. It can right a wrong or make a bad thing worse, but in Oz, the truth is... if the facts don't fit the truth, fuck the facts.

[last lines]
Augustus: At the end of the day, a bed is the best friend you got. Sure, the mattress may be lumpy, the springs may have sprung, the bed itself may be in some seedy motel or in Oz. The bed beckons you. It comforts, cradles 'til you sleep. If you're lucky enough to have the right person lying next to you, shit, there ain't no reason you got to get out of that bed come morning. Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite.

[Keller is in Sister Pete's office having a session with her]
Sister: You and Schillinger were together at Lardner when you were how old?
Chris: 17.
Sister: He saved your life.
Chris: Mmmm-mmmm.
Sister: Did you have sex together?
Chris: Yeah.
Sister: Did he force himself on you?
Chris: Vern likes the power part of sex, so I let him think he did.
Sister: Do you enjoy sex with men?
Chris: I enjoy sex, don't you?

[the Aryan Brotherhood has exiled James Robson while in the hole for getting a black man's gums implanted into his mouth]
James: [returns to Unit B and approaches Schillinger and a few other Aryans with a smile] Hey!
[all the Aryans but Schillinger literally turn their back on him and walk away, stunning Robson]
James: Jesus. Don't do this to me, Vern. You guys are all I've got in here.
Vernon: It's not my choice, James. We've got a charter we gotta follow. You know that charter better than anybody.
James: I asked the fucking dentist; he said put white man's gums in my mouth! White!
Vernon: Really? Because that bruise Dr. Faraj planted on your cheek is blue. That tells me you didn't get the answer you were looking for. Tomorrow you're moving to another cell.

[the Sicilians find Robson alone in the library]
Prisoner: Robson! You shanked me and I almost died! Now you're gonna wish I had!
[Pancamo advances on Robson]
Stella: Officer!
[CO pulls Pancamo off]
Prisoner: [cursing in Italian]
Stella: Holy Shit!
James: Yeah.

[CO tries to intervene after a scuffle in the infirmary]
#97R492: You can't punish us. We're *recovering*.
Vern: Yeah. Health care's a bitch, isn't it.
[CO leaves unhappily]

Chris: [to Beecher] You should take care of where you stick your dick. That baby is lethal.

Tobias: Did you purposely fuck up my parole?
Chris: I can't imagine going through the rest of my life in here without you.

[repeated line]
Vern: Hey, prag!

Colonel: So I hear you're a faggot.
Tobias: Whether I am or not, what's it to you?
Colonel: Lights go out, I don't want you getting any ideas.
Tobias: Trust me, Colonel, I'm never gonna get that horny.
Colonel: As long as we understand each other. Fucking faggots are ruining the military. "Don't ask, don't tell" my ass.
Tobias: I agree. You know, I think the military should stay the way it's always been. A bunch of redneck he-men who murder children and rape women.
Colonel: You making a joke of me?
Tobias: Seems like you're doing a pretty good job on your own.

[Mukada has rebuffed her advances]
Jessica: How dare you! I am a good Catholic woman. I have been all my life! How dare you have such thoughts! My son was right about you. You are nothing but a fucking slanty-eyed *mongrel*!
[smacks Mukada hard]

[Keller is leaving to stand trial in Massachusetts for a murder he did not commit]
Chris: See ya.
Tobias: [scoffs] When?
Chris: Back here. Or in heaven.
Tobias: You really think we're going to get into heaven?
Chris: Aw, you and me together. God doesn't have the balls to keep us out.
[Keller is pulled away by the guards, zoom in on Beecher's sad face, Augustus begins narration]
Augustus: The worst stab wound is the one to the heart. Sure, most people survive it, but the heart is never quite the same.
[cut to Augustus, sitting in the dark]
Augustus: There's always a scar. Which is meant, I guess, to remind you that - even for a little while - someone made your heart beat faster. And that's a scar you can live with. Proudly. All the days of your life.
[blackout]

Tim: I'm sorry Rebadow, it's your word against his. The word of a correctional officer against the word of an inmate... who is known to talk to god.

Antonio: You look like my ex-wife
Nat: Why, thank you.
Antonio: That's not a compliment

Vernon: Adam Guenzel has become a liability.
Prisoner: You think he'll blab to the nun?
[Schillinger nods]
Vernon: [to Guenzel] Hey, prag! Get over here!
Adam: Yes, sir.
Vernon: It's your lucky day. Tonight, we're going to help you escape.

Chris: [hugging Toby, crying] Don't let go.

Agamemnon: Relax. You're suffering from PBS.
Bob: PBS?
Agamemnon: Pre-Bunny Syndrome. It happens quite often in my line of work. You dig and dig and dig and just before you have to make like a little bunny and go through the hole, you panic.
Bob: This is real, Pre-Bunny Syndrome?
Agamemnon: Well, yeah. I mean, I made the name up, but sure.

[Repeated line]
Robert: God told me.

Chris: Toby, I died... and there's no white light. I was in hell.

Sister: Do you like sex with men?
Chris: I like sex. Don't you?

Chris: I love you.
[kisses Toby, he refuses and pushes Chris]
Chris: Beecher no!
[jumps over the railing]

Tim: [to Tobias] This is a prison, not an employment agency.

Officer: Raoul Hernandez, Miguel Alvarez.
Miguel: El Cid, it's an honor, man.
Raoul: You Latino?
Miguel: Si.
Raoul: They lied to you. You too fucking white to be a Latino. Get the fuck outta my face.

Warden: THIS... is a restraining chair. It will be placed in the hole. If you break any of the rules, YOU... will be placed... in IT! I wanted to show you this bad boy to let you know that I will NOT... take any SHIT... from ANYONE! So remember, don't FUCK with Querns!

Augustus: So, what separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom? What makes us so different? We're the only species who put our own kind in cages.

[to Chucky Pancamo]
Vernon: Hey you! You fucking dago. You killed my son.

[Beecher and Guenzel are playing basketball, Robson touches Guenzel]
#97R492: [flirtatiously] Ooh, I love a man who sweats.
Tobias: Leave him alone.
#97R492: Stay out of this, prag!
#97R492: [to Guenzel] Now, this can go one of two ways, precious, kick or kiss. They both end the same. With my dick up your ass.
Frank: Not necessarily.
#97R492: Who the fuck are you?
Frank: Who the fuck am I?
[Decks Robson, causing a riot between the Aryans and the Sicilians. Beecher and Guenzel slip away]

Ryan: [bringing Martin Montgomery a piece of cake] Hey, Marty, my boy. How about another piece of cake?
Martin: Sure, thanks. O'Reily, right?
Ryan: That's right
Martin: How come you're offering me extra cake? I've been here almost three years, and you never even farted in my direction.
Ryan: Well, you're right. We're not friends. Everybody knows we're not friends. Which is why I can offer you an exciting money-making opportunity.
Martin: Which is what?
Ryan: I want you to go to the warden and tell him you saw Henry Stanton murder Patrick Keenan.
Martin: But I didn't
Ryan: Marty, there's a lot more cake where that came from.
[indicating the money he's just placed by Martin's tray]

Augustus: Ultimately, I guess it don't matter what they write in your obituary, cause you ain't gonna be around to read it. Newsprint fades, paper turn to pulp. The mark you leave behind has to be deeper. The mark you leave behind, has to be on another person's soul.

Timmy: The Catholic Church is Satan's whore.

[Kirk has been implicated in Burns' murder]
Timmy: It's Hoyt's word against mine. He killed Jim Burns, he bricked Cloutier in a wall.
Timmy: [referring to Mukada] This is all some weird revenge thing on *his* part. I am INNOCENT!
Father: You LIAR!
[attacks Kirk but is restrained]
Warden: [to the guards] Take Kirk back to Unit B!
Father: You will BURN, KIRK!
Timmy: [snarkily] NO! *You're* the one who will BURN!

James: [James Robson has been implanted a black man's gums, he does not know, except for the Irish and the Homeboys] Just soup!
Arnold: You sure you dont want no chitlins and gravy go with that
[Ryan O'Reily and Poet laugh uncontrollably]
James: What?
Ryan: Shall we?
[Ryan and the Homeboys bang the pots to get everyone's attention]
Ryan: Everyone listen up! Robson here went to the dentist and got himself a nice pair of dirty ghetto gums!
[all the inmates laugh, Said smiles, the Aryans look embarrassed and humiliated]
James: Thanks Vern!
Vernon: I didn't say a fuckin' word! Shut up, you goddamn nigger just give him some soup!
Arnold: Whoa! You gonna take that G? Man calling your brother a nigger and all...
[menacing Poet]
Arnold: Hey, hey! Don't get stupid! Don't want me to Sammy Sosa that jaw with this here spoon!

Ryan: [to Robson] Beecher bit off the tip of your dick. How'd you like to lose the rest?

Augustus: The Vikings, their brutality aside, had their moments of brilliance. At one point, they were such great shipbuilders, that Leif Ericson and his crew sailed all the way to America. Some people say that he probably went as down south as the New York harbor. Here's where the brilliance comes in- they took a look and went back.

Mark: [while painting his self-portrait] Picasso, bend over.

Augustus: Junk mail. Selling you this, promising you that. Publisher's Clearing House, you got your American Family sweepstakes, you got Ed McMahon warning you to open that envelope cause you could be a millionaire. And you know you can never win so you toss it. But what if you made the wrong choice? What if this was the one in a trillion time you win?

Arnold: Yo, my step-brother. Must feel good talkin with black man's gums.
James: I need a shit load of tits. Now!
Arnold: I guess all that Aryan anti-drug bullshit just bullshit, huh.
James: Are you gonna shut your fucking corn-trap and hook me!
James: [shows his cash] Or do I take my cash someplace else?

Kareem: I understand you have some information regarding the governor, James Devlin? Information of a damaging nature.
#98W504: Damaging? Depends on how you view crack.

Franklin: [having just given Vern a blow-job] Permission to speak, sir?
Vern: Sure prag, but wipe your mouth off first!
Franklin: I come from Aryan blood. I've got an education. I can be of better use to you than just this.
Vern: You want to join the Brotherhood?
Franklin: Yes, sir.
Vern: That would be highly irregular. Usually, a bitch is a bitch is a bitch.
Franklin: But I have a plan.
Vern: Ooh. That Ivy League mind at work?
Franklin: If Beecher gets hurt before he's paroled, you get in trouble. Right?
Vern: Yeah.
Franklin: But revenge on that scum-fuck is all you can think about. Right?
Vern: What are you talking about?
Franklin: I'll kill Beecher's father.
[beat]
Franklin: I can pay off the CO's, cover my tracks, and if I'm caught, I'll take full blame. I can *kill him*, I WILL kill him. *If* you promise me an upgrade.
Vern: [beat] DONE!

[Schillinger tries to rally the white inmates together in light of recent racial unrest]
Vern: I know we've had a lot of shit between us. But we've got to put that aside for now and be united by the one thing that binds us together: The color of our skin.
Nikolai: [stands up] I am Russian! And I am a Jew! But I am also white. So Schillinger, am I a member of your club?
[pause]
Vern: Yes.
[Beecher walks off in disgust]

Augustus: Don't worry, Poet. I won't rat you out.
Arnold: [gives Hill a kiss] Thanks, man. Shit, if I was a girl, you'd get tongue.
Augustus: If you was a girl, you'd be butt-ass ugly.

#97R492: [after the Muslims have left] You know out on the Serengeti, where these Nigs come from, you know how they send a message to the leader of the pack? You kill the youngest and weakest of the herd.
Prisoner: Yeah, I've seen that. One one of those wildlife shows.
#97R492: Let's go do some big game hunting.

Father: We work with criminals. We try to understand the reasons why they broke the law so we can help them. We examine the psychological elements, the sociological, we consider their family backgrounds, environment, addictions, blah, blah, blah. Usually there's an answer, if not a cure. But sometimes we come face to face with a larger, more stunning reality. We come face to face with pure evil, and we are powerless. I believe that Kirk has no hope for salvation. He is pure evil.
Sister: I don't disagree that there's evil in the world. I do disagree that we're powerless against it. Ray, you and I have dedicated our lives to overcoming evil through love. God's love.

Kenny: That's fucking what I heard. Rebadow collected like 3 G's. And that money's gone tomorrow. Know what? I'm thinking we go to Rebadow, we take the dough, and so these other fucks don't get mad, we make Rebadow swear he sent it.
Simon: No.
Kenny: What do you mean, no? It's $3,000.
Simon: I said no.
Kenny: Why?
Simon: 'Cause sometimes it's good to be human.

Vernon: Hey, we gotta teach Clarence Seroy a lesson. He's claiming he buttfucked you.
James: He did.
Vernon: [stunned, confused] What? Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you stop him?
James: Retribution. It's all about retribution.
Vernon: You let a nigger take you in the ass? You know what this means.
James: I'm out of the Brotherhood?
Vernon: Yeah, that's right.
James: I don't care, Vern. I'm moving to F.
Vernon: The fag unit?
James: They're not all fags.
James: [Clarence walks by; Robson stops him]
James: Hey, Clarence. I've got some news for you.
Clarence: Oh, yeah, bitch? What's that?
James: I'm HIV-positive. If I were you, I'd start getting regular check-ups from now on.
Clarence: And you knew this all along?
James: Yep.
James: [Seroy punches Robson; his nose is bleeding, Robson touches it with his finger] Ooh, blood.
[Schillinger is up against the wall in horror as he looks at the blood; Robson laughs, amused]
James: Jeez, Vern. I've never seen you so scared.
[taunts Schillinger with his bloody fingers and leaves, laughing]

[Connelly, an IRA Terrorist, refuses O'Reily's friendly overtures]
Ryan: You're starting to piss me off. You best starting treating Oz like Northern Ireland. In here we eat, sleep, drink, work, piss and shit with our own kind!
#01C972: Oh, and you think 'cause your name's O'Reily that you're one of *my* kind.

#01B784: Keller and I fucked last night. It was fantastic. He told me he loves me.
Tobias: Oh, honey, can't you see it's just another Ponzi?
#01B784: Maybe. But I'm in Oz, so what's the difference?

[after Sippel, a child molester, is moved to Unit B]
Vernon: How do you live with yourself?
#88S510: How do you?
Vernon: Whatever I've done. I've done for righteous reasons. Any laws I've broken don't deserve to *be* laws. But you... you...
[grabs Sippel and throws him against the cell bars]
Vernon: [shouts] Fucking *baby raper*! You should be *dead*!
Officer: Back in your cage, Schillinger. Don't make me use this.
[shows her baton]
Officer: You wouldn't want me to enjoy myself, would you?
[Schillinger leaves]
#88S510: Thank you, officer.
Officer: [disgusted] Hey. Just doing my job, pal. For once I agree with that Nazi fuck.

Augustus: There's lots of folks who think the world's gonna end, come the dawn of this new millennium. They think we'll see the Second Coming of Christ, the Apocalypse, Armageddon, Doomsday. They tie it all to God's great plan. But ask yourself, "Does God know it's January 1st? Does he have his watch set for midnight? And if he does, which time zone is he in?" Man invented hours, days and minutes. Man invented calendars and clocks. God's got his own timetable and it's stupid of us to think that we can set it for him. All we can do is watch the clock run out, and hope for the best.

Shirley: I woke up this morning with a crick in my neck.

Augustus: [his last words] I can feel my legs.

Bob: I'm getting a premonition like I used to when God would talk to me.
Agamemnon: God would talk to you?
Bob: He would tell me what was going to happen.
Agamemnon: And is he talking to you now?
[Rebadow nods]
Agamemnon: So what's he saying?
Bob: He says, "Be afraid."

Chris: You saw my ex, Bonnie? When I met her, she was all alone, and very unhappy, so I knew it'd be easy to get her to fall in love with me. But what I didn't know, was after I broke her heart, would she still love me. See, I am a piece of shit. I am worthless. As bad as they come. And to have someone keep loving me, no matter how bad... You happy now? You got me to open up and spill my guts all over your table. Breakthrough.

Burr: I got little mission for you, Colonel. A little Seek-And-Destroy.

[first lines]
Augustus: Oz. That's the name on the street for the Oswald Maximum Security Penitentiary. Only, big news - they changed the name. It's now called the Oswald State Correctional Facility, Level Four. I don't know what the difference is. Leo Glynn is still warden, Sister Peter Marie is still in psych, Tim McManus is still unit manager of Emerald City, and I know for damn sure none of us have changed. Beecher is still in the hospital after Schillinger and Keller broke his bones, Alvarez is still in solitary after blinding a C.O., Adebisi is still in the loony ward after changing hats. Maybe it's truth in advertising. Maybe by getting rid of the word "penitentiary," the state is finally admitting that nobody's penitent. Nobody's sorry. Nobody.

Ryan: Hey, Khan. I just thought you should know, Wangler's been talking shit about you and Said. I think it's time you taught that heathen homeboy a little lesson.

Vernon: [Keller just broke Beecher's arms, and Schillinger is about to break his legs] My turn now. Sieg Heil, baby! SIEG FUCKING HEIL!

Nikolai: You know what I miss more than anything about being free? Taking a bath. I hate showers. To sit and soak in a hot tub with bubbles everywhere...
[says 'amazing' in Russian]
Ryan: I bet you even had a rubber ducky, huh Nikolai?
Nikolai: Rubber ducky?
Ryan: Yeah.
Nikolai: What is rubber ducky?
Augustus: A product of capitalist imperialism.

Nikolai: I'm telling you, Kosygin must be eliminated.
Ryan: You know, we have a saying in this country. You might have heard it before. "You can't shit a shitter".

William: [repeatedly] Peter... Peter Marie.

[Kirk has been accused of the arson at Mukada's church]
Timmy: Clarence Seroy is a lying sack of shit!
Warden: That's funny. You said the exact same thing about Jaz Hoyt.
Timmy: I am INNOCENT!
Warden: NO! You're a guilty little prick who's finally going to take responsibility for the shit storms you created!
Timmy: You've got no proof. It's still their word against mine.
Warden: Ray Mukada is a friend of mine. He's lying in a hospital bed and that's pissing me off. Pissing me off ROYAL!

Andrew: Dad, my whole life you crammed into my head how superior we white folks are. I don't see the truth in that. I look around this room and I see white faces, black faces, every color in between. The only thing that I know for sure is that we're all shit. Shit don't come in degrees. White or black, shit is shit. So fuck everything you believe in, fuck everything you stand for, and fuck you!
Vernon: [knocks Andrew down] Don't you DARE talk to me like that!
Andrew: Old man, you hit me way too many times like that when we were growing UP!
[Attacks Vern, resulting in a brawl until the COs separates them]
Lopresti: WHO started this?
Vernon: HE DID!
Andrew: [as he is being dragged away] You fucking LIAR! Fuck you, you FUCKING ASSHOLE! FUCK YOU! You're an ASSHOLE!

[Said's sister has confronted him regarding his religion and his friendship with Tricia Ross, who is white]
Kareem: What do you want me to say? I am BLACK, I AM a Muslim and I am a man! Sometimes, those three things, they *WAR* with each other!

Prisoner: I just got word from Mr. Nappa. Your friend what's-his-name, he needs to learn a little respect.
Nikolai: Kosygin is no friend of mine. I'm a Jew, he's a Cossack. In my community, he's feared for his savagery. You Italians, you think you're so tough... Kosygin will rip your heart out, eat it, and no think twice.

Warden: Said is representing Vern Schillinger?
Tim: Didn't Nostradamus predict this? Doesn't this mean we're two steps closer to the end of the fucking world?

[McManus has just unveiled the cage, plus some other reforms]
Chris: Excuse me, Mr. McManus sir. Just how big *is* your penis?
[laughter throughout Emerald City]
Tim: Very funny, Keller. Now *you* have the honor of being the first slug *in the cage*.
[Keller is locked in the cage]

William: [after refusing to steal any more sedative drugs for O'Reily] I've figured out what you've been doing with the chloral-hydrate.
Ryan: Oh yeah?
William: You've been spiking the fighter's spritzers so they'll be drugged in the ring.
Ryan: That's crazy talk.
William: I've made an appointment with the warden to tell him. My soul is in jeopardy, so is yours. By doing this, I'm gonna save you.
Ryan: Not if I save you first.

#98W504: Man, my first prison stay was over at Lardner. Eighteen years, I was seventeen. My family came to visit me regular and LaTanya, my fiancee, and my friends. They all came the first year. Then LaTanya married Beau, so she stopped coming, stopped showing up. Then Rodney didn't come no more, then my cousin Scat, my sister, my dad, he died. Year five, it was just me and my mama. Then they put her in an old folks' home. Six years in, I had no visiting days. I had no one come to see if I was still breathing. So I said, hey, get on TV, become a superstar, maybe they'd come for longer. Maybe they wouldn't forget about me. Fight the power, baby. Little hostile.

Miguel: Hey, will you shut the fuck up? I'm trying to masturbate!

Augustus: Clemency. That's a fancy word for mercy. You see, the Governor can commute a death sentence. He has the power to just pick up the phone and say no. But to me, the only time the Governor shows clemency, is when he don't make that call. 'Cause life in prison without parole is a shitload worse than death. Death is parole. Death is the real mercy.

Tobias: How is love wrong, Kareem? In whatever form it takes, how is love wrong? Especially, here in Oz where there's so little of it. You and I, we love each other. You stabbed Schillinger and Robson for me. But the Aryans say that any sort of love between the races is a perversion. Who decides these things? Who chooses which love is permissible?
Kareem: God.
Tobias: The God I worship... Loves everybody, and he created a universe full of different kinds of people sharing different kinds of love.

Tim: [McManus discovers that a CO Karl Metzger is a member of the Aryan Brotherhood] So before Metzger came to town, he lived in Montana where he was part of the White Supremacy Warriors.
Sister: You sure of this, Tim?
Tim: I got a friend who works in the FBI who verified it.
Warden: Even so, you can't fire a man for what he did 15 years ago. I need proof that he's in cahoots with Vern Schillinger, that he's responsible for what happened to Busmalis, Beecher, and the others.
Tim: Nobody will testify against Metzger.
Warden: Well, the union's not gonna let us do anything without evidence. He's also very popular with the other CO's. I don't need any more morale problems.
Tim: So we let him stay on board till maybe he kills somebody?
Warden: I'm afraid, we have no choice.
Tim: Even though he only thinks of you as a Nigger?
Warden: What did you say?
Tim: A Nigger.
Warden: If you're trying to piss me off, you're succeeding. I don't want Metzger in this building one minute longer than you do. But if I'm going to take him down, I'm gonna need ammunition.

Chris: [in handcuffs, Toby hugs him] Sorry I can't hug you back.

[Morales listens silently to his brother-in-law trashing his dead sister]
Javier: ...I mean I don't like to disrespect the dead, but...
Enrique: You know what, Javier. You never will again.
[bashes Javier's head into the table]
Enrique: My sister was a SAINT! You MOTHERFUCKER!
[continues bashing Javier's head]

Dr. Gloria Nathan: I became a doctor to help people. Now, I know that that sounds like a cliche, it sounds naive, but it's true. I could have a fancy practice anywhere, but instead I chose to work in Oz. I saved your life, O'Reily. And in return, you destroyed mine.

[In Oz's boxing tournament, Alvarez got beaten by a gay opponent]
Kenny: Yo, Alvarez! Nice fight!
Miguel: Shut the fuck up!
Kenny: What you gonna do, motherfucker? Hit me with your purse?

Ryan: [when asked by Busmalis, Rebadow and Hill how to choose a winner in the coming boxing match] Hey, I'm a man of logic; I'm a man of planning. I consider every detail; I factor in every possibility. Then I flip a coin.

Chris: Oz didn't make you a bitch. You were born one.

Tim: You must think I'm an idiot. You want me to move Keller out of your pod and put Andrew Schillinger in?
Tobias: You're wondering if I'm going to harm the son of the man who double fucked me.
Tim: The thought had crossed my mind.

Augustus: [the final lines of the series] So, what have we learned? What's the lesson for today? For all the never-ending days and restless nights in Oz? That morality is transient? That virtue cannot exist without violence? That to be honest is to be flawed? That the giving and taking of love both debases and elevates us? That God or Allah or Yahweh has answers to questions we dare not even ask? The story is simple. A man lives in prison and dies. How he dies, that's easy. The who and the why is the complex part. The human part. The only part worth knowing. Peace.

Seamus: My life has been nothing but shit since the day I was born, and I didn't have no brother to lean on like you did. I've been alone my whole fucking life, and soon... you will be, too.
Ryan: I'll never tell anyone the truth about what happened with Carolyn. That's between you and me. But, Dad... You better pray to Jesus Christ almighty himself that I never get out of this place, because when I do... I will kill you.

[the FBI names Keller as a possible suspect]
Tobias: No. Not Chris. It can't be him.
Mrs. Beecher: How can you be so sure?
Tobias: I know Chris, Mother. Intimately.
Mrs. Beecher: Intimately?
Tobias: He's my lover.
[Mr. and Mrs. Beecher are horrified]

Cyril: I hurt that man.
Ryan: Nah, he'll be fine.
Cyril: No. I hurt him bad. Why, Ryan? Why'd you make me hurt him?
Ryan: Just get ready to go to bed, please, Cyril. Come on.
Cyril: Tell me. Why'd I have to hurt him?
Ryan: Would you just shut up, please, and get ready for bed? I'm tired.
Cyril: No, you answer me now. Why'd you make me think of Dad? And Mom? Why?
Ryan: To survive. Don't you fucking get it yet? To survive in this fucking hellhole! You want the goddamn truth? Khan is brain-damaged.
Cyril: No.
Cyril: Yeah. I saw it when he went down. His eyes went all vacant and shit.
Cyril: You mean I made him just like me?
Ryan: No.
[leans in closer, whispers]
Ryan: Worse.

[the Governor's assistant has just been arrested]
Tim: [to the Governor] You're next, Devlin.

Burr: [Augustus Hill has just OD'd on drugs] So how's he doing?
Tim: [Grabbing Redding Angrily] You son of a bitch, Augustus' blood is swimming in heroin, you want to fucking tell me about that!
Tim: I don't know nothing about that! Just tell me how the fuck he is
Tim: He's dying, he's lying in a fucking hospital bed, dying.
Burr: So why the fuck are you sitting here trying to talk to me?
Tim: I want to know who gave him the drugs Redding!
Burr: McManus, I swear to you I don't know nothing about that!
Tim: Why the fuck should I believe you?
Burr: I'm getting old, I should've died a long time ago, but there's one thing I won't do and that's outlive that boy, now you go to him and do everything you can and I swear to you I'll find the motherfucker that gave him smack!
Tim: All right and when you do you bring him straight to me!
[Redding immediately searches for Poet]

Yuri: At last count, I have killed 49 men. You will have the honor of being my 50th.

Sister: [McManus has an engagement ring ready for Diane Whittlesey on the day she's scheduled to return from her two-week vacation in London with her daughter, but Peter Marie visits him at his office with some news] Well, you know, she and Didi were standing in front of Buckingham Palace and she got into a conversation with a guard.
Tim: I thought they didn't talk.
Sister: He was on break. Anyway, um, one thing led to another, and, um... they're going to get married.
Tim: [smiles, laughs] Right.
Sister: I'm serious.
Tim: [stops, looks at her, face slowly drops, the words sink in] She's getting married... to a *Bobby?*
Sister: No, no, not a Bobby, Tim. He's a guard. He guards the Queen!
Tim: [hollers] Yeah, well, then I can see how they've got a lot in fucking COMMON! Oh, FUCK! Jesus fucking Christ! Did she leave a number?
Sister: She doesn't want to talk to you.
Tim: Yeah? Well, I've got a hell of a lot I wanna say to her!
Sister: Which is why she doesn't wanna talk to you. She really feels very badly.
Tim: [sarcastically] Oh, really?
Sister: Now listen, Tim. Diane Whittlesey has not had an easy life. Poverty, spousal abuse, single motherhood, her mom dying after a very long illness. And just now on the phone, her voice - she sounded so happy.
Tim: Happy. Sure.
[slowly exhales and sits back at his desk]
Sister: If you need to talk...
Tim: What I need is a drink.
[pulls a bottle of whiskey out from his desk drawer]
Sister: Tim...
Tim: Don't worry, Sister. This is what guys who've been dumped do in order to move on.
[pours himself a glass and raises it in a toast]
Tim: Cheerio.
[downs it]

Simon: I don't give a SHIT about what your Koran says.
Kareem: What exactly do you give a shit about, Adebisi?

[Schillinger blows up because Beecher is coming up for parole]
Sister: [to CO] This session's over!
Officer: Let's go, Schillinjur.
Vernon: [shouts] Schillinger! God DAMN IT! Schillinger! I've been here NINE FUCKING YEARS! You'd think you'd know how to say my goddamn name!

[Schillinger thinks he's going to kill Beecher]
Vernon: You're a dead man, sweet pea.
Vernon: [Realizes he's been set up by Keller and is going to die himself] That cocksucker.
Tobias: DOCTOR NATHAN!
Kenaniah: THAT motherfucker's *DEAD*!
[all the prisoners in the audience cheer]

Agamemnon: I treat every hole I dig like a lady. A very special lady. I never married, you know. I could never find a real woman who could satisfy me the way she does.

Father: [At the funeral of an African American CO Joseph Howard] Eternal rest grant unto him, Oh Lord, and let perpetual light shine down upon him. And now, Tim McManus would like to say a few words. Tim.
Tim: Joe loved to bet on the horses, and so, in honor of him, I would like to...
[singing]
Tim: Camp town races sing this song, doo-dah, doo-dah, Camp town racetrack's five miles long Oh, the doo-dah day.
[Blacks in Audience including Glynn begin to look at McManus with disgust]
Tim: Gonna run all night, Gonna run all day. Bet my money on a bobtail nag, Somebody bet on the bay.
Warden: [a scene later in the Warden's office] Come in.
Sister: Leo, we want to talk about Tim.
Warden: I have had all the discussion about Tim McManus I'm gonna have.
Sister: He's clearly in distress.
Warden: Yes.
Dr. Gloria Nathan: He needs help.
Warden: That's what I told him.
Sister: So, you've seen him?
Warden: He just left.
Dr. Gloria Nathan: We've been looking everywhere.
Warden: He just left.
Dr. Gloria Nathan: Well, where'd he go?
Warden: I have no idea.
Sister: Alright, we'll try him at home tonight.
Dr. Gloria Nathan: If not, we'll just see him here tomorrow.
Sister: Right.
Warden: I don't think so.
Dr. Gloria Nathan: Why not?
Warden: I just fired him. Good night.

[Suzanne Fitzgerald has started a music program in Oz]
Suzanne: Why don't you ask some of your friends to sign up?
Ryan: Sure thing.
[cut to a scene of Ryan slamming Busmalis into a wall]
Agamemnon: All right, I'll do it!

[repeated line]
Martin: DON'T fuck with Querns!

Antonio: So Adebisi, how come you want to work in the AIDS ward with all those fags?
Simon: You know, it's funny. Out there I hated them, but in here, well, sometimes you need your dick sucked.
Antonio: Yeah, well that's the difference between you and me. I've got some self control.

98M232: Hey, Brass!
98M232: You drink?
Officer: Why, you wanna go grab a couple of beers?
98M232: How about a blood-piss-shit-puke cocktail, Motherfucker?
[Martinez throws bowel mixture into his face]
98M232: [Brass screams, Martinez laughs and is beaten down]

Chris: You saw my ex, Bonnie. When I met her she was all alone, very unhappy. So I knew it would be easy to get her to fall in love with me. But what I didn't know... was after I broke her heart would she still love me.
[He pauses and lets this settle]
Chris: See, I'm a piece of shit. I am worthless. As bad as they come and to have someone keep loving me, no matter how bad...
[he pauses]
Chris: You happy now? You got me to open up and spill my guts all over your table.

Jonathan: I say we institute a 'no swearing' rule.
Raoul: Man, Fuck you!
Augustus: Suck my dick.
Kenny: Asswipe.
Ryan: Cocksucker.
Chucky: Stupid cunt.
Jaz: ...Putz!

[Wolfgang Cutler gives James Robson a spoon]
Wolfgang: Lick this. That's right, lick it real good. Now give it back to me. Drop your pants. Now bend over.
James: What?
Wolfgang: You and me, we're gonna spoon. Now bend the fuck over.
[Cutler rapes Robson with the spoon. Robson screams]

[after witnessing an argument between Browne, Supreme Allah and Adebisi]
Ryan: Ah. Trouble in Paradise.
Chris: Yeah, but not any good to us. You know what we have here, O'Reily? A fan-dan-go. And we need to do something about it soon.
Ryan: Hey, I don't like being in the minority, but what the fuck can *we* do? Even the fucking Muslims are kow-towing to Adebisi.
Chris: We could detonate a few well-placed depth charges.
[O'Reily realizes Keller's plan and grins]
Ryan: Whatever you need, K-Boy.
[they touch fists]

Omar: I ain't no drug abuser. Truth is, I treat my drugs better than most.

Timmy: I want to become a Roman Catholic again.
Father: No.
Timmy: What? You can't refuse me!
Father: I sure as hell can.

Burr: They say since Adebisi died, you been running the Homeboys.
Arnold: That's right man, That's right
Burr: They also say you been doin' a shit job!
Arnold: Look, old man, let me tell you something
[Redding interrupts]
Burr: You think old man bothers me? Boy, I done dealt with a whole lot of men that much meaner than you, that said worse and never made it to old. My age is my honor and my strength!
Arnold: Shit, you just think you can come in here and take over.
Burr: Some men are born leaders, others are not. A wise man knows his own limitations, you think on that!

Tim: I may be blind but I'm not dumb.

Burr: You the cat who wasted Simon Adebisi, Outstanding! I heard he was one mean motherfucker, which makes you even worse.
Kareem: I killed Adebisi in self defense, the court exonerated me.
Burr: No doubt, but motive is less important than outcome, he's dead and you're not!

[Wangler got knocked out quick, during the Oz boxing tournament]
Ryan: Hey, Bricks! Nice one, man! You're like Tyson all right, Cecily Tyson!

[Beecher confronts Schillinger after Hank got away with killing Beecher's son]
Tobias: I'm going to kill you, motherfucker!
Vernon: [after the COs pull them apart] Well, I guess you heard the good news about Hank.
Sister: Take him back to Em City!
Tobias: [while being hauled away] COCKSUCKER! You fucking cocksucker! You wait! YOU FUCKING WAIT!
Vernon: [after Beecher is gone] Whew. Got quite a temper on him, doesn't he?

[O'Reily has told Pancamo, falsely, about Schibetta putting the evil eye on him]
Peter: Hi, Chuckie. What do you want to talk about?
Prisoner: Oh, this and that. Life and death. My life...
[draws a shank]
Prisoner: ...and YOUR DEATH!
[kills Schibetta]

Officer: I've been here five minutes, I got two bodies in my floor! This is NOT THE WAY SHIT'S gonna happen WITH ME HERE! We find one more hole, who's going in it? I'm putting one of you goddamn cocksuckers in the next FUCKING HOLE WE FIND! WHO HAS A SHOVEL? HUH? Dig me the goddamn hole! You want to keep me a hole! GO WITH IT.
[in Beecher's face]
Officer: GODDAMN IT!

Augustus: Napoleon's final defeat came at Waterloo. Must've been embarrassing. You're the fucking emperor. You conquered all of Europe, only to lose in a place with a stupid name like Waterloo. Or Watergate, or Whitewater. Note to politicans: Stay on land.

[in his will, Cutler left everything to Miguel Alvarez]
Vern: I'm gonna suggest this now, Alvarez. Or I'll find a way to make it happen later. You sign over all of Cutler's stuff to his widow.
Miguel: I already thought about that.
James: Don't think, spic! DO!
Miguel: You know, maybe I should just sign all his assets over to *you*, Roby. Seeing as how you already gave him *yo' ass*.
[Miguel walks away]
James: Cunt!

[repeated line]
Vern: Niggers are up to something

Augustus: The final act of mercy, to bury the dead, to pray for the dead and the living. We are merciful, not just for humanitarian reasons. We are merciful because we ourselves want to be saved. God expects mercy from us. God demands it. And how much mercy does he show us? Kyrie eleison... that means Lord have mercy. Christ have mercy. Please.

Vernon: Sorry to hear about your girlfriend, O'Reilly.
James: Who's his girlfriend? Adebisi?
Vernon: Dr. Nathan. She took a leave of absence. Apparently she almost choked to death when our boy Ryan here came in her mouth.
[O'Reilly attacks Schillinger]

[Querns just took over Em City]
Martin: For me, drugged-out prisoners make for a quiet cell block. So you can sell whatever you want to whoever you want. I don't care. I'll be looking the other way.
Simon: On one condition, right?
Martin: Gee, you *are* a smart one. One condition. No violence, I mean none! ZERO!

[O'Reily is delivering food to Solitary just as Robson arrives]
Ryan: Hey, what's up, half-dick!

[Keller got Beecher sent back to Oz]
Tobias: I wish to God I left you on Death Row!

Franklin: [Guenzel has been transferred to Unit B] Oh, how the mighty hath fallen.
Adam: Fuck you, faggot!
Vernon: GUENZEL!
Adam: Oh, Hi Vern. Your buddies from Em City all send regards.
Vernon: Shut up!
Adam: But I was...
Vernon: [bitch-slaps Guenzel] Speak when you're spoken to!
[the other Aryans drag Guenzel into a storage room]
Franklin: [blocking Schillinger's path] Sir. May I watch?
Vernon: If you don't watch, how will you ever learn? After you.

Jia: [to Morales] Hey! Just 'cause you and Redding are making nice, that doesn't mean I'm not gonna bust up your taco-eating ass!

#00B563: C'mon. Let's go bitch.
Tobias: You're such a romantic. You treat all your women this way?
#00B563: Hey! When I'm horny, the less talking the better.
Tobias: All right, loverboy. Pucker up.
[they proceed to deep-kiss]

[Officer Johnson, a Black CO sees an Aryan Brotherhood member who has been lynched in his cell]
Officer: Well, ain't that a kick? One of you actually went and lynched yourselves.

[Robson interrupts a meeting between Said, Arif and Lalar]
#97R492: Well, well, well. Huey, Dewey and Jigabooey are having a little lesson.
[a scuffle insues, which Said diffuses, the Muslims leave]
#97R492: I hope it was something I said.

Nikolai: When life is good, it's better not to ask why.

James: Dr. Faraj. Hello.
[Robson is holding a scalpel to Dr. Faraj's neck]
James: Now *who's the FUCKING donor*?
Dr. Tariq Faraj: Please? I have a wife. I have kids.
James: Then don't make me slip.
Dr. Tariq Faraj: No. No. He was *white*. He was just like you. He was just about your age.
James: Prove it! Call the fucking lab or whatever!
Dr. Tariq Faraj: Ok, I'll prove it. Just get me my address book from over there.
[Robson turns around, Faraj hits him on the mouth with the phone]
Dr. Tariq Faraj: He wasn't white! I made *sure* of that! What's done is done! Officer!
[CO Johnson comes in and subdues Robson]
Dr. Tariq Faraj: He attacked me! It must be his *gums* acting up!

[last lines]
Augustus: So, that road to hell that's paved with good intentions? I'm not saying to make a detour, only that before you make your first step, consider the consequences, 'cause good can turn to bad in the blink of a fuckin' eye.

#00B563: Yo' Keller! Mind if I fuck your girlfriend, Beecher? Mind if she sucks my cock?
Chris: I don't give a fuck what you do or what he does.
#00B563: Hear that, Leroy?
#00T255: Ya, Mondo. I did.
#00B563: 'Cause we don't want no problems in Em City. So it goes on record that I have Keller's *permission* to fuck Beecher up the yazoo.
#00T255: You sure do, dog.

[a severed hand coms through the X-ray machine in the mail room]
#97R492: Holy Shit. Vern, you'd better come over here.
Vernon: What is it?
#97R492: Package for Tobias Beecher.
Vernon: Shit. Officer Howell! You'd better get over here!
Officer: What the fuck is that?
Vernon: A child's hand.
[cut to Beecher bawling loudly in his pod]

Enrique: I saw you and Alvarez making nice. Were you serious?
Chico: The truth? I don't know. I've hated his guts for so many years, now I can't even remember why. And today, I almost got my throat cut. That started me thinking. Enrique, you ever feel like you've lost your appetite for all of the bullshit?
Enrique: Yeah. When my sister died in that bus accident.
Chico: That's right. You were talking peace and patience back then... What happened?
Enrique: Oz. Oz is what happened. Fucking Oz.

[repeated line]
Kareem: Salim, my brother.

[Said and Arif see Robson alone in the library]
Zahir: You were right, Imam. Allah has *punished him for his sins.*
[to Robson]
Zahir: Hey. How's the mouth?

Vern: The niggers are up to something.
Chris: The niggers are always up to something. So are you.

Kenny: Adebisi, you still got the gun?
Simon: Lower your voice.
Kenny: You still got it?
Simon: Yes.
Kenny: And when you gonna use it?
Simon: I'm not.
Kenny: Then what the fuck is the point of having a gun if you don't use the shit?
Simon: If I use the gun, I end up in the hole, solitary or death row. No, our goal was to get rid of McManus, remember? To have a black man running Emerald City.
Kenny: Yeah, like you can make that happen?
Simon: I can, depending on who I get to shoot the gun, and who gets shot.
Kenny: I don't understand, man.
Simon: Of course you don't, Kenny. Of course you don't.

#97R492: Beecher hasn't been out of his pod in two solid days. He just lies there in his bunk, sobbing like a wuss.
[mocks crying]
Vernon: Good. That's the brilliant part of this plan. Physically we don't touch Beecher, but the damage done is far more hideous.

[Peter Schibetta walks into the repair room, and sees Vernon Schillinger, James Robson, and another Aryan]
Peter: Hey! You got the toaster done?
Aryan: Hold your Calvins, Bocce boy! I'm in the middle of something!
Peter: Yeah well, I got lunch coming so these jokers can wait.
Vernon: We don't wait for wops.
Peter: Someone's gonna teach you manners Vernon.
Vernon: Yeah? Well, it ain't gonna be you prag.
[the Aryans laugh, and Schibetta turns... acting like he's going to leave... but then he pulls out a kitchen knife from the back of his pants, and runs at Schillinger and tries to stab him]
James: OH, LOOK OUT!
[the Aryans stop Schibetta, and punch him in the face several times. Then, Robson and the other Aryan drag him over to the pool table, and hold him down]
Peter: FUCK OFF! LET ME UP! LET ME UP, GODDAMNIT!
Vernon: You know, I always wondered... was Adebisi's dick bigger than mine?
[Schillinger puts his hand into a bucket of black grease, then turns and faces Schibetta]
Vernon: ...You be the judge.

Timmy: If you're not part of the solution, you're Satan's tool.

Officer: You know what your problem is, Diane? You try to be everybody's best pal.
Officer: You know what your problem is? You try to be everybody's worst nightmare.

Augustus: [In Em City] Oz.
Tim: [In his office] Oz.
Tobias: [In the infirmary] Oz.
Vern: [In his Gen. Pop. cell] Oz.
Sister: [In the Gen. Pop. section] Oz.
Ryan: [In the guard booth of Em City] Oz.
Warden: [in front of fellow officers] Oz.
Miguel: [In Solitary] Oz.

Kip: Please, go back! You disgrace us all when you act like a fool.
Simon: Move out of my way.
Kip: We're African brothers. I know you see that.
Simon: Look at all this black skin around.
Kip: No, you and I are different.
Simon: I'm no different.
Kip: Yoruba! Who have they turned you into?
Simon: Who are you?
Kip: Who are YOU?

Murphy: Gentlemen, this room here is the, uh, computer room. Call me crazy, but I think when I see people in this room, they should be using computers. But you three aren't, which leads me to guess, you know, 'cause I'm such a bright fella, that you're here for a different reason. Now forgive me for being distrustful, that probably means you're up to no good.
[Guerra and Hernandez get up to leave]
Murphy: That's right, take a hike. Let's go. You too, Simon.
Simon: I am using the computer.
Murphy: Ah. Well, can I give you one little small suggestion? Turn it on.

Augustus: You swat at a fly, step on an ant, squash a cockroach, you don't think much of it. In fact, killing a bug gives you a sense of accomplishment. Fucking ant was ruining your picnic, cockroach was crawling through your kitchen cabinets. You put an end to their disgusting, miserable little lives and make a better world for everyone. Only, for every one you kill, more appear. Bigger, uglier, meaner than before.

Alonzo: So, I don't want to fuck you. That would be too common. No, Miguel Alvarez... I want to be you.

Jonathan: [word has spread about Beecher's broken bones] They broke his arms and his legs!
Jaz: What is he gonna do when he gets an itch?
[Bikers laugh]
Chucky: He looked like a fuckin' pretzel!
Robert: Beecher was in love
Agamemnon: Love hurts!
Kareem: [angry tone] Schillinger did this!
Ryan: Fucking Schillinjur did this man!
Kenny: [looking at Beecher's pod] I want this pod. Gotta better view.

[continuous chanting in Unit B following Hill's unjust placement in Ad Seg]
Black: Set Hill free! Set Hill free! Set Hill free!
White: Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up!

Tobias: [about Schillinger's son, Andy] I haven't fucked him. At least not yet. You see, because I was there for him. You know. Holding him, comforting him. I think he's getting a little bit of a crush on me. And I have been tempted to, you know, deep-tongue him a couple of times. But I knew it'd make you mad so I haven't. Even though, he wants me to stick my dick up his ass. And I'm afraid one of these nights, he and I alone, in our pod, well. I may not be able to control myself.
Vernon: You'll be dead before you get the chance!
Tobias: [as Schillinger walks away] Well, you better hurry. Because Keller's getting horny. And I heard O'Reily's been talking about a three-way with Cyril and Andy.

[Bukowski has been whining to O'Reily since arriving in Em City]
Ryan: Tell you what. Maybe I can get you a tampon to stop your pussy from bleeding.

Tobias: [watching the Miss Sally show] I'd like a four way with Nooter and Pecky.

Black: [after Seeing that Clayton Hughes has shot the Governor, inmates start Chanting] Clayton! Clayton! Clayton!
White: Kill Hughes! Kill Hughes! Kill Hughes! Kill Hughes!

Vern: So Cutler's a suicide, huh?
James: That's what Reimondo's saying. And I ain't disagreeing.
Vern: Nah, I didn't think you would.

Ryan: [O'Reilly sees James Robson dressed as a woman] Hey, Robson. Hey, what shade of lipstick is that, huh? Is it dick suck red?
Chucky: [as Robson gives O'Reily a nasty look] Yeah, I heard you've been working in "receiving and discharge".
James: FUCK YOU, Pancamo!
Chucky: Tell you what, prag. I'll use my *bad hand* to beat you. Even things up a little.
[Cutler attacks Pancamo]

Simon: Make me a dress, bitch.

Prisoner: I'm concerned about the agitation that's out there since Khan got flattened.
Raoul: I'm know what you mean, man. I hear a lot of shit coming out of your mouth.
Simon: It's not shit.
Raoul: Look, I ain't saying you cocoa locos haven't been fucked over in life. I have been too. But all these noises you're making will fuck things up around here.
Prisoner: You can't move tits if you're in lockdown 24/7.
Simon: There are some things more important than tits. More important than money.
[Adebisi leaves]
Raoul: More important than money? He's in his loco mode again, man.

Tobias: Adam? Is everything all right? You haven't said a word all evening.
#02W561: Were you a fag before you came to Oz or did you start here?
Tobias: What?
#02W561: I've been asking around, I've heard some stories; are they true?
Tobias: Depends on what you heard.
#02W561: That when you first arrived, you were Schillinger's bitch?
Tobias: [embarrassed] Yes.
#02W561: And then some guy named Keller's bitch?
Tobias: Not "bitch", exactly.
#02W561: Well, then what? His "girlfriend"?
Tobias: People like to reduce things to their most basic form...
#02W561: You're either a fag or you're not a fag. And if you are, you should of told me instead of pretending to act normal; pretending to care about me for the right reasons.
Tobias: [begins to approach him] Adam, I *do* care about you for the right reasons.
#02W561: Stay back!
Tobias: Come on, don't be an asshole.
#02W561: Yeah, you'd like that, huh? You'd like to be up my asshole?
Tobias: Shut the fuck up!

Tim: Burr, I think it's important for you to know how things work around here.
Burr: I grew up in the ghetto, Pops died when I was nine. I had to quit school at the age of ten and support my family shining shoes, shooting craps, doing some of everything. They shipped me off to Vietnam, where I learned to kill small children and women. I've been in all kind of penitentiaries from Arizona to Alabama and back. I'm not saying this out of pride or out of shame, I'm just letting you know that I know exactly how things work around here.

Governor: [after tossing a pack of cigarettes at Glynn] Give these to Jiggy Walker. I owe him.

Augustus: Then the Lord said: "I have seen the affliction of my people who are in Egypt and have heard their cries because of their taskmasters. I know their suffering and have come down to deliver them out of the hands of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land to a good and broad land. A land flowing with milk and honey." Yeah. God sends Moses to be a deliverer, then throws a curveball. God hardens Pharoah's heart, so Pharoah won't let the Israelites go. "Moses set my people free. Pharoah, keep them captive." Hey, God, who's side are you on?

Sister: I had a thought in the shower this morning - about you
Tobias: You think about me when you're naked in the shower?

Vernon: [about Beecher, Keller and O'Reily] Those are *not* the sort of people you should be hanging around with!
Andrew: As compared to *whom*? Those fine, upstanding individuals who make up *your* merry little band?

#97R492: Sorry about what happened to Leroy Tidd, or... Ooga Booga. Or whatever the fuck you call him.
[Said starts pounding on Robson, Arif knocks Schillinger out]
#97R492: You fucking nigger!
Kareem: NIGGER! You wanna see the nigger in me!
[Said's pounding on Robson intensifies]
Kareem: You wanna SEE the nigger in ME!
[Said continues beating Robson to a pulp]

Agamemnon: You pissed off that I tried to escape?
Robert: I'm pissed off that you didn't ask me to go with you.
Agamemnon: Huh.
Robert: That you never ever told me you were digging another tunnel.
Agamemnon: I had my reasons.
Robert: Which were?
Agamemnon: Well...
Robert: What?
Agamemnon: I thought you'd slow me down.
Robert: "Slow you down"?
Agamemnon: I'm sorry, Bob.
Robert: I'm as vital as I ever was.
Agamemnon: I know.
Robert: I killed a man.
Agamemnon: [enthusiastically] I KNOW!
Robert: Fuck you.
Agamemnon: Aw, shit...

Mayor: [alone in Loewen's private hospital room] You fucking cocksucker. You swore to me you would never let me serve a day.
Governor: Wilson, they were burning down the city.
Mayor: Correction! They were burning down *their* city, *their* neighborhoods, *their* businesses!
Governor: The violence was escalating, spreading...
Mayor: So you send in the National Guard, tear gas, rubber bullets. What you don't do is humiliate a man, especially when that man knows where the bodies are buried.
[Devlin freezes]
Mayor: I want my pardon, Jimmy, and I want it fucking today. I'm not going to spend another night in this cesspool. Do you understand me? I don't care what kind of political typhoon it causes. If you don't give me my pardon, I will call a press conference and I will tell tales, Jimmy, tales of corruption, tales of graft, tales of voter fraud! By the time I'm finished, you'll be sitting right next to me in Unit J playing Par-fucking-cheesi!
Governor: [nods weakly] All right. I'll figure out a way.
Mayor: Yeah, you always do, Jimmy. That's why you're my boy.
Governor: [walks out looking defeated, and then says to his assistant standing outside] Perry, there's something I want you to do; something that requires enormous discretion...

#02W562: Hey there, handsome.
#02W561: Fuck you.
#02W562: Hey, what's with the attitude, man? I'm in here because of you, remember? I didn't wanna rape that girl!
#02W561: Look at yourself. Look at what you've turned into!
#02W562: I had to, to survive, you know?
#02W561: You don't see me all dolled-up.
#02W562: That's 'cause you've got Beecher, and from what I understand, you're paying the same price for protection that I am.
#02W561: Bullshit!
#02W562: Hey, everyone knows that Beecher's a fucking fag, and everyone knows you're sucking *his* cock.

Kenny: [after being raped by Adebisi] Why don't you just kill me?

James: Vern, you gotta help me.
Vern: Keep walking.
James: After all I've done for the Brotherhood, *you owe me*!
Franklin: You heard the man, keep walking!
James: Watch your mouth, prag.
[goes for Winthrop but the other Aryans restrain him]
Franklin: I'm not a prag anymore, pal! As for watching my *mouth*, YOU'RE the one with the *nigger gums*!
[taps his cheek]
Franklin: Bye bye.
[Robson get kicked away by the Aryans]

Augustus: OZ. The name on the street for the Oswald State Correctional Facility, Level 4.

Augustus: People are defined by three things. Their heads- how they think. Their hearts- what they feel. Their dicks- who they fuck. At the end of the day, each of us has to answer one question. One, not so simple question. Who am I?

[Angus is watching his brother play with Holly]
#97R492: Hey, you.
Angus: Me?
#97R492: Yeah. You Beecher's brother?
Angus: Yeah.
[Robson shanks him in the heart with a bedspring]