Top 20 Quotes From Tracey Gold

Maggie: [Carol, Jason and Maggie return home from the hospital] So Sandy's parents will be in at around 6?
Carol: [laughs] Yeah, I'm going to go back to the hospital at around 7. Sandy thinks an hour should be enough time for his dad to stop yelling.
Dr. Jason Seaver: Like every other parent, Carol, I would say two hours yelling... minimum. Make it 8 o'clock.
Maggie: [Mike enters the living room, his face very serious] Hi, Mike.
Mike: Hi.
[uneasily]
Mike: Uh, listen, Carol. That guy Doug just called from the hospital.
Carol: [concerned] Uh-huh?
Mike: Well, he told me that uh... he said that...
Dr. Jason Seaver: What is it, Mike?
Mike: [sighs] Carol... Sandy just died.
Maggie: Oh my God.
Mike: Yeah, he said it was just a few minutes ago.
Carol: [frantic and with her fists raised] Michael Seaver, that is the sickest joke that I have ever heard!
[Mike grabs her wrists]
Carol: And I am never going to forgive you!
Maggie: Carol...
Carol: [sobbing] But that's impossible! I mean, we were just down there! I saw him, he looked good, he was laughing, and joking, and sorry that this happened, he wouldn't dare die!
Maggie: Honey...
Carol: [screams] No!
Mike: [to Jason] The doctor said that he was just... um, bleeding inside... or something... internal...
Dr. Jason Seaver: [nodding] Hemorrhaging.
Carol: But Mom, this has to be some mistake! I mean, Sandy's gonna be fine! He told me!
[Maggie embraces her, but she abruptly pushes her away]
Carol: No! This isn't fair! What happened to his second chance? What happened to his second chance?
[she breaks down, sobbing uncontrollably as her parents and Mike gather around her in a group embrance]

Carol: [Carol, Jason and Maggie return home from the hospital] So Sandy's parents will be in at around 6?
Mike: [laughs] Yeah, I'm going to go back to the hospital at around 7. Sandy thinks an hour should be enough time for his dad to stop yelling.
Dr. Jason Seaver: Like every other parent, Carol, I would say two hours yelling... minimum. Make it 8 o'clock.
Carol: [Mike enters the living room, his face very serious] Hi, Mike.
Maggie: Hi.
[uneasily]
Maggie: Uh, listen, Carol. That guy Doug just called from the hospital.
Mike: [concerned] Uh-huh?
Maggie: Well, he told me that uh... he said that...
Dr. Jason Seaver: What is it, Mike?
Maggie: [sighs] Carol... Sandy just died.
Carol: Oh my God.
Maggie: Yeah, he said it was just a few minutes ago.
Mike: [frantic and with her fists raised] Michael Seaver, that is the sickest joke that I have ever heard!
[Mike grabs her wrists]
Mike: And I am never going to forgive you!
Maggie: Carol...
Mike: [sobbing] But that's impossible! I mean, we were just down there! I saw him, he looked good, he was laughing, and joking, and sorry that this happened, he wouldn't dare die!
Carol: Honey...
Carol: [screams] No!
Mike: [to Jason] The doctor said that he was just... um, bleeding inside... or something... internal...
Dr. Jason Seaver: [nodding] Hemorrhaging.
Carol: But Mom, this has to be some mistake! I mean, Sandy's gonna be fine! He told me!
[Maggie embraces her, but she abruptly pushes her away]
Carol: No! This isn't fair! What happened to his second chance? What happened to his second chance?
[she breaks down, sobbing uncontrollably as her parents and Mike gather around her in a group embrance]

Carol: Well actually you gave me the idea that I should blow the interview by belching and smelling bad.
[Mike smells Carol]
Mike: Ok. But can you belch?

Carol: Are you sure you're not just after my blank check?
Mike: Of course not! What kind of brother do you think I am!
[thinking]
Mike: *Our* blank check.

Mike: [the Seaver kids are making breakfast for their parents on their anniversary] Yeah, Mom and Dad are going to scarf this stuff up. A'ight, we got oaties...
Ben: Check.
Mike: Peanut butter toast...
Ben: Check.
Mike: Space bars...
Ben: Check.
Mike: Champagne...
Ben: Check.
Carol: Stomach pump?
Mike: Oh sure, sure, go ahead and criticize, Carol, but where were you when Ben and I were planning this breakfast?
Carol: Putting on my face.
Ben: You missed!

Carol: You mean, you haven't even started yet?
Mike: What's your point?
Carol: 4.0. What's yours?

Maggie: Four pages that are typed.
Dr. Jason Seaver: Researched.
Maggie: Footnoted.
Dr. Jason Seaver: With bibliography.
Maggie: That you should have been working on for four weeks.
Dr. Jason Seaver: And it is due tomorrow. And...
Maggie: According to your teacher...
Dr. Jason Seaver: If you don't get at least a 'B' on this paper...
Maggie: You won't pass the course. That means you...
Carol: Won't graduate!
Ben: Yeah!

Carol: I'm going to go wake up Chrissy and we can do a happy dance that we're girls.

Carol: [after falling through the ceiling] I'll get on a scale and PROVE this wasn't my fault!

[last lines of the series]
Dr. Jason Seaver: Well, I don't mean to break up the fun, but we've got a long drive to Washington. Guess we better hit the road.
Mike: Yeah, I've gotta go break in my new landlord.
Carol: Dwight's driving me to my dorm.
Chrissy: Can't we stay and see what the new people look like?
Ben: [solemnly] I'd rather not know.
Carol: Me either.
Maggie: Oh, come on, we better get moving.
[the entire family leaves and look back at the empty house for the last time]
Carol: [tearfully] Goodbye...

[as Ben studies, visions of his friends and family appear before him]
Vito: Ben, what are you doing sitting up studying? You've got the answer sheet in your pocket. Doesn't that bed look mighty comfortable?
Ben: [scoffs] I can't cheat, Vito, they're onto me!
Vito: You're not thinking. You don't have to get them all right; just make sure you get a couple wrong.
Ben: Well, how do I do that?
Vito: Just be yourself.
Mike: They're witches, Ben, they're witches!
Maggie: [evilly] Ben, you bring home another D in Science, you'll see a side of me you have never seen before!
Carol: [shown in a kangaroo suit] Ben, if I hadn't mentioned it before, let me mention it now: you're a real disappointment to me and the other marsupials.
Vito: [more visions freak out Ben] Come on, Ben, cheat!
Stinky: Yeah, Ben, cheat!
Dr. Jason Seaver: Of course it's not okay to cheat!
Vito: Hey, who will know?
Mike: They are witches, Ben!
Stinky: What else can we do?
Carol: [a realistic kangaroo is shown] Marsupial! Marsupial!
Maggie: [in the style of the Wicked Witch of the West] ... and your little dog, too! AH, HA, HA, HA, HA!

Carol: That will never work.
Mike: Sure it will, I saw it on The Cosby Show.
Carol: Mike, that is a television show. This is real life.

Carol: Jerk.
Mike: Geek.
[They hug]

Dr. Jason Seaver: [after catching his kids having a party] Carol, what was going on in there that you couldn't hear what was happening out here?
Carol: Dad, I don't like what you're implying!
[Carol leaves until Mike and Jason see sawdust handprints behind her black skirt]
Dr. Jason Seaver: STOP!
Carol: [freeze and pauses for a moment] What!
Dr. Jason Seaver: What is on your backside?
Mike: Carol, looks to me like your butt's got a big mouth.
Carol: [chuckles in disbelief] Oh, you think these are Frank's, dad? Dad, they're mine. I mean - well, I was just talking to him and standing like this.
[Carol puts her hands behind her trying to play it off]
Mike: Good, Carol, and dad was worried you were hot for the guy.
Dr. Jason Seaver: Well, I think maybe it's time I had a word with Frank - maybe MORE than a word.
Carol: Daddy, please!
[Jason opens the door to his office purposely knocking Frank off the ladder to the floor]
Dr. Jason Seaver: And another thing: YOU'RE FIRED.

Maggie: Carol, how dare you disobey us!
Jason: I never thought I would ever say that but Carol Ann Seaver, you're grounded.
Carol: Wait...
Maggie: No explanations. You are not getting a nose job.
Carol: I know.
Jason: What?
Carol: I'm not getting a nose job.
Jason: Don't confuse us by agreeing with us, Carol.

[reading fortune cookies]
Mike: 'Every dog has his day.' Oops, Carol, I think I got yours!
Carol: Then I must have yours, 'One day you will meet a handsome man and fall in love with him.'!

Ben: [after carol reads Jason's old book, in delight] So I got a divorce for my family history!
Carol: I guess...
Ben: [runs upstairs] Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!
[a shot of the Seaver house on a winter's day is shown]
Ben: [off-camera, shouts] OH, NO! AAAAAHHHH!

Dr. Jason Seaver: [Jason and Maggie arrive at the hospital, where they confront Carol after the accident] Were you drinking?
Carol: Yes.
Maggie: Was Sandy?
Carol: Yes... and driving.
Maggie: [angry] Carol, we have talked about this!
Carol: Mom!
Dr. Jason Seaver: I don't believe what I'm hearing, Carol! I thought you had more sense to get into a car with a guy like that!
Carol: I do!
Dr. Jason Seaver: Well, it doesn't sound like that to me!

Chrissy: [sees the whole family having fun without her] I knew it! I caught you!
[everyone gasps]
Dr. Jason Seaver: What should we do?
Mike: Put her back to bed!
[Mike picks up Chrissy sending her back to her room]
Dr. Jason Seaver,112699: [chanting] Put her back to bed! Put her back to bed! Put her back to bed! Put her back to bed!
Chrissy: [crying] STOP IT! STOP IT!
[Chrissy is shown already in bed having a nightmare]
Chrissy: Stop it, stop it, stop it! Stop it!
Dr. Jason Seaver: [runs upstairs with Maggie] Honey, what's wrong?
Chrissy: That's it! I'm never going to sleep again!

Ben: [comes home wearing glasses for the first time] One crack and I'm gone.
Dr. Jason Seaver: [Mike laughs in convulsions] Mike, cut that out.
Mike: [as if in pain] Oh, you don't know what you're askin', Dad.
Carol: Well, I'll say something. I think you look brainy.
Ben: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.
[he tries to run back outside, restrained by Jason]
Mike: Oh, don't stop him, Dad, my pancreas is about to blow.
Ben: Dad, brainy is just another word for geek.
Dr. Jason Seaver: Hey, I wear glasses, I'm not a geek.
Ben: Sure, you've got a woman.
[he leaves]
Mike: [playing it for all it's worth] Oh, man, I gotta go lay down. I think I just hurt myself.