The Best Diane Chambers Quotes

Lilith: [distracted by Diane's singing] Can you make that stop?
Dr. Frasier Crane: I'm sorry. It's stuck in my head.
Diane: [singing] "I was unwise with eyes unable to see..."
Lilith: [Frasier stands and puts a hand to his forehead. Diane stops] Thank you.

Diane: So there I was on the balcony of my Malibu beach house when a pod of whales passed by. I knew I had to commune with these gentle giants, so like a flash I was on the beach scrambling to my kayak. But cruel fortune interceded when not twenty yards offshore I suddenly discovered myself entangled in an enormous bed of, of, um...
Niles: Sea kelp.
Diane: Exactly right. Sea kelp.
Martin: Oh ho, that's funny. I thought he said "Seek help."

[On a getaway at a rustic cabin, Frasier imagines conversations with three of his previous loves]
Nanette: Before Frasier sold out, we always dreamed of having a home like this - where we'd be surrounded by nature and need only the food that we grew and the shelter of each other's arms.
Lilith: [dryly] Amazing that marriage didn't work out.
Diane: [aside to Lilith] She was probably great in the sack.
Nanette: Actually, I made a lot of distracting noises.

Frasier: [Martin walks in just after Diane invites Frasier to see her play] Are you sure you're ready for this?
Diane: Oh yes, it's time. Tonight, I bare myself to you.
Frasier: [Martin ducks behind the pillar] Big step, Diane.
Diane: Oh well, I have to say I'm a little nervous about it. But, barring any lighting or prop problems, the whole thing will be over in a couple of hours.
Martin: [heading to the kitchen] Hello! People still in the house here!

[Diane's recollections of Maris]
Diane: Niles, do you remember the last time I was in town and we dined together? You had just started dating this woman, she was the queerest little creature...
[accepts a glass of wine from Frasier]
Diane: Thank you. She ate everyone's sorbet, and then she had to lie down in the ladies' lounge while the coat-check girl massaged her abdomen!
[she laughs loudly, then stops when she notices Frasier's uncomfortable look]
Diane: Oh, I hope I haven't put my foot in it. You and she didn't get married and live happily ever after, did you?
Niles: No, can't say as we did.

Lilith: Excuse me, the definitive study was done five years later at Cambridge.
Hester: Oh, excuse me for not keeping up, I was busy being dead.
Nanette: That's her excuse for everything!
Hester: Don't you have a tambourine to bang?
Diane: [to Nanette] Don't feel bad, she tried to kill me once.
Hester: Oh, not this paranoia again!
Diane: You had a gun!

Dr. Frasier Crane: All right. I screwed things up with Lana. But wait, that wasn't my fault. She was still in love with her ex-husband.
Lilith: No, Lana is not the problem.
Hester: No, she wasn't right for you at all.
Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, mother, you would say that. You never approved of any of my relationships.
Hester: Don't pin this on me. I liked Claire.
Diane: Oh, she was perfect for you.
Nanette: Everybody thought so.
Hester: So why didn't it work out?
Lilith: Maybe because she was just right for you.
Dr. Frasier Crane: What does *that* mean?
Hester: Well, Claire was everything we ever looked for in a woman.
Lilith: And that terrified you.
Diane: Because inevitably she would have left you.
Nanette: And so, of course, you ran away.
Dr. Frasier Crane: No. No, no, no. I left Claire because I discovered I had feelings for Lana.
Lilith: You *created* feelings for Lana...
Hester: Who was extremely flawed...
Lilith: So you'd have an excuse to leave Claire.
Dr. Frasier Crane: Yes, but I didn't need an excuse. I didn't love her!
Lilith: You didn't *want* to love her.
Hester: She was too good.
Diane: And that's why you were afraid.
Dr. Frasier Crane: All right, you're saying that I'm afraid of a good woman?
Hester: You're afraid of *losing* a good woman. Again.