30 Best Don't Look Up Quotes

Dr. Teddy Oglethorpe: One time, I met Sting, and I swear to God, he farted right in front of me. Didn't break eye contact and didn't even say "excuse me." And the thing is, he actually pulled it off. 'Cause I still found him to be quite charming.

[President Orlean is attacked by an alien bird creature]
Congressman Tenant: What is that thing?
Peter: I believe that's called a Bronteroc.

Dr. Randall Mindy: We really did have everything, didn't we? I mean, when you think about it.

Peter: You know that BASH has over 40 million data points on you, on every decision you have made since 1994, Doctor? I... I know when you have colon polyps months before your doctor does. You got four or five at the moment actually. You know, they're not of concern, but I'd have a checkup as soon as you can. But more importantly than that, much more importantly than that, I know what you are. I know who you are. My algorithms have determined eight fundamental consumer profile types. You are a lifestyle idealist. You think you're motivated by beliefs, high ethical beliefs. But you just run towards pleasure and away from pain. Like a... Like a field mouse.

Kate: Can I say something?
Jason: Yeah, we've been dying to hear what you gotta say.
Kate: I didn't vote for you. But this is obviously much bigger than my misgivings. So I will be 100% behind this effort. No matter how offensive I may find you.
President: Hmm. Wow. That's great.
Jason: Yeah. That's really nice. You know, I did have the FBI put that bag over your head. They don't do that. The CIA does, but I made them do it.
Kate: You know, I had a feeling. I really did.
Jason: It's a good feeling 'cause that is what I did. And it was very funny and cool.

President: Let's get some other people on this. Some Ivy Leaguers.

Dr. Randall Mindy: I don't feel so good.
Brie: Alright, so I think what we'll do, we'll go to commercial break...
Dr. Randall Mindy: No, please, please Brie. Don't cut away. Let me say something
Jack: You came to the right place because on this show, we like to say things...
Dr. Randall Mindy: Would you please, just stop being so
[bleep]
Dr. Randall Mindy: pleasant? I'm sorry, but not everything needs to sound so goddamn clever or charming or likeable all the time. Sometimes we need to just be able to say things to one another. We need to hear things! Look, let's establish, once again, that there is a huge comet headed towards Earth. And the reason we know that there is a comet is because we saw it. We saw it with our own eyes using a telescope. I mean, for God's sake, we took a fucking picture of it! What other proof do we need? And if we can't all agree at the bare minimum that a giant comet the size of Mount Everest, hurtling its way towards planet Earth is not a fucking good thing, then what the hell happened to us? I mean, my God, how do-- How do we even talk to each other? What've we... What've we done to ourselves? How do we fix it? We should have deflected this comet when we had the fucking chance, but we didn't do it. I don't know why we didn't do it. And now they're actually firing scientists like me for speaking out, for opposing them. And I'm sure many of the people out there aren't even gonna listen to what I just said 'cause they have their own political ideology, but I... .I assure you, I am not on one side or the other. I'm just telling you the fucking truth.
Brie: I-I think this would be a good time to establish that Isherwell and the president have both said that there's benefits to be...
Dr. Randall Mindy: Right, well, the president of the United States. Is fucking. Lying! Look I'm just like all of you. I hope to God, I hope to... God that this president knows what she's doing. I hope she's got us all taken care of, but the truth is... I think, this whole administration, has completely. Lost. Their fucking mind! And I think. We're all. Gonna die!

Kate: What if we have to go to the bathroom?
Jason: We'll lay out some newspaper for you. Grab you a can of Febreze.

Kate: You guys, the truth is way more depressing. They are not even smart enough to be as evil as you're giving them credit for.

[Kate sits in a car with a bag over her head]
Dr. Randall Mindy: I did everything I could. They won't listen.
Kate: Surprise, surprise.
Dr. Teddy Oglethorpe: I'm starting to think you just like riling people up.
Dr. Randall Mindy: I'm so sorry, Kate. Really, I am.
Kate: Oh, Randall. God. Where's Brie Evantee? Shouldn't you two be playing footsie in a restaurant that only serves cubes and foam?
Dr. Teddy Oglethorpe: Well, she ain't wrong. You did lose the thread in a big way.
Dr. Randall Mindy: And what do you suggest we do? An online petition, huh? You want to hold... Get a mob and hold up picket signs? You wanna overthrow the government? I mean, look at this.
Kate: I can't! My head is in a bag!

Jason: Man... I timed this Molly perfectly.

Kate: We have exactly six months, ten days, two hours, 11 minutes and 41 seconds, until a comet twice the size of Chicxulub tears through our atmosphere and extincts all life on Earth.
Dr. Randall Mindy: When did you do those calculations?
Kate: I put the moment of impact on a diet app. So, impact is when my diet ends. Only I'm not on a diet. I'm just crying five times a day.

Yule: Nice to meet you. I'm Yule.
June: Yule.
Yule: I'm FirePuma142 on Twitch. Do you game?
Kate: It's really doubtful she knows.
Yule: You're right.
June: Who said I game?

Jason: I wrote that.
Kate: Isn't that from Saving Private Ryan?
Dr. Randall Mindy: Yes. Yes.
Jason: No, that's something totally different.

[last lines]
Jason: What' up, y'all? I'm the last man on Earth. Shit's all fucked up. Don't forget to like and subscribe. We out here.

Dr. Teddy Oglethorpe: Okay. Now be cool. I just have more skin pigmentation than you. 'Cause your ancestors migrated to Northern Europe and developed lighter skin so as to not get...

Benedict: [screaming at approaching comet, trying to shoot it] You'll never take me alive!

Kate: I'm grateful...
[long pause]
Kate: I'm grateful we tried.
Dr. Teddy Oglethorpe: [Beat] Man, oh, man, did we try.

Dr. Teddy Oglethorpe: Science tells the truth, Randall.

Peter: Our algorithms can even predict how you'll die. To 96... 96.5% accuracy. I looked you up after we met. Your death was so unremarkable and boring. I can't remember the details, apart from one thing. You're gonna die alone. Alone.

Riley: You guys discovered a comet? That's so dope. I have a tattoo of a shooting star on my back.
Kate: Oh.
Dr. Randall Mindy: That's terrific. We heard about your breakup too, so we just wanna say... We're very sorry, right? We're real sorry. You seem like a... great person.
Riley: Why don't you mind your own business, you old fuck?

Benedict: Know what happened to the last pussy I worked with in combat? You ever see inside a man's torso?

Yule: I love fingerlicking potatoes!

President: We will blow Comet Dibiasky off her course... But we're gonna need a hero. We're gonna need a pilot, real guns and...
Dr. Randall Mindy: Shouldn't this mission be accomplished using remote technology?
Dr. Teddy Oglethorpe: Washington's always gotta have a hero.

Brie: I've just realized, we don't really know anything about each other. Do we?
Dr. Randall Mindy: True. Well, every time I try to ask you about your life, you seem to just tell me about your, your favorite restaurants.
Brie: Well, I... You know... I just despise the, you know, getting-to-know-you part of relationships, so...
Dr. Randall Mindy: Oh, okay. I understand.
Brie: Okay, let's just get it over and done with. Okay, uh... Right, so, uh... My grandfather invented the flash-freezing process. So I come from grotesque money, but I got away from it by getting three masters degrees.

President: Mmm-hmm. So how certain is this?
Dr. Randall Mindy: There's 100% certainty of impact.
President: Please, don't say 100%.
Old: Can we just call it a potentiality significant event?
President: Yeah.
Kate: But it isn't *potentially* going to happen. It *is* going to happen.
Dr. Randall Mindy: Exactly, 99.78% to be exact.
Jason: Oh, great. Okay, so it's not 100%.
Dr. Teddy Oglethorpe: Well, scientists never like to say 100%.
President: Call it 70% and let's just move on.
Kate: But it's not even close to 70%.
President: You cannot go around saying to people that there's 100% chance that they're going to die. You know? It's just nuts.

Kate: I'm sorry... Are we not being clear? We're trying to tell you that the entire planet is about to be destroyed.
Brie: Well it's uh, you know, it's something we do around here. We just keep the bad news light.
Jack: Right. Helps the medicine go down. And speaking of medicine, tomorrow we've got a...
Kate: Well maybe the destruction of the entire planet isn't supposed to be fun.
[Everyone stops]
Kate: Maybe it's supposed to be terrifying. And upsetting. And you stay up all night every night crying... when we're all 100% for sure going to fucking die!

Jason: People are gonna ask why we didn't act earlier. So you're gonna have to take the hit on this one.
President: Yeah, but we'll take care of you down the road, Jocelyn.
Jason: We will.
Dr. Calder: Of course, Janie. I will resign in disgrace first thing tomorrow.
President: Good. Yeah, good.

Kate: Am I to understand correctly that, after all the information you've received today, the decision you're making is to "sit tight and assess"?
Jason: I'm sorry, who is she?
Kate: Who the fuck are you? Aren't you her son?
Jason: I'm the fucking Chief of Staff, Boy with the Dragon Tattoo. So I'm doing fine.

[last lines]
Peter: [about the colorful animals] What ever you do, don't pet them...