The Best Kate Dibiasky Quotes

President: Mmm-hmm. So how certain is this?
Dr. Randall Mindy: There's 100% certainty of impact.
President: Please, don't say 100%.
Old: Can we just call it a potentiality significant event?
President: Yeah.
Kate: But it isn't *potentially* going to happen. It *is* going to happen.
Dr. Randall Mindy: Exactly, 99.78% to be exact.
Jason: Oh, great. Okay, so it's not 100%.
Dr. Teddy Oglethorpe: Well, scientists never like to say 100%.
President: Call it 70% and let's just move on.
Kate: But it's not even close to 70%.
President: You cannot go around saying to people that there's 100% chance that they're going to die. You know? It's just nuts.

Riley: You guys discovered a comet? That's so dope. I have a tattoo of a shooting star on my back.
Kate: Oh.
Dr. Randall Mindy: That's terrific. We heard about your breakup too, so we just wanna say... We're very sorry, right? We're real sorry. You seem like a... great person.
Riley: Why don't you mind your own business, you old fuck?

Dr. Randall Mindy: Why don't you go find some, uh... what are the little potatoes called? The tiny ones?
Kate: Fingerling potatoes?
Yule: Oh, I fucking LOVE fingerling potatoes!

Kate: Unless you assholes are taking me to the Batcave, fuck you for putting this hood on me.

Kate: I'm sorry... Are we not being clear? We're trying to tell you that the entire planet is about to be destroyed.
Brie: Well it's uh, you know, it's something we do around here. We just keep the bad news light.
Jack: Right. Helps the medicine go down. And speaking of medicine, tomorrow we've got a...
Kate: Well maybe the destruction of the entire planet isn't supposed to be fun.
[Everyone stops]
Kate: Maybe it's supposed to be terrifying. And upsetting. And you stay up all night every night crying... when we're all 100% for sure going to fucking die!

Kate: What if we have to go to the bathroom?
Jason: We'll lay out some newspaper for you. Grab you a can of Febreze.

Waitress: That's an awfully official-looking White House badge you got there.
Dr. Randall Mindy: I don't know why I have this on.
Nearby: Listen, just tell us what's going on.
Guy from the Bar: I got three scared kids at home. How about you just tell us something.
Dr. Randall Mindy: I understand. I wish could share information, but...
Guy from the Bar: We're people just like you. We deserve to know!
Kate: They're right. They deserve to know. Do you really wanna know what's going on?
Dr. Teddy Oglethorpe: Kate, don't. Kate.
Dr. Randall Mindy: Kate.
Kate: They found a bunch of gold and diamonds and rare shit on the comet. So they're gonna let it hit the planet to make a bunch of rich people even more disgustingly rich!

[Kate sits in a car with a bag over her head]
Dr. Randall Mindy: I did everything I could. They won't listen.
Kate: Surprise, surprise.
Dr. Teddy Oglethorpe: I'm starting to think you just like riling people up.
Dr. Randall Mindy: I'm so sorry, Kate. Really, I am.
Kate: Oh, Randall. God. Where's Brie Evantee? Shouldn't you two be playing footsie in a restaurant that only serves cubes and foam?
Dr. Teddy Oglethorpe: Well, she ain't wrong. You did lose the thread in a big way.
Dr. Randall Mindy: And what do you suggest we do? An online petition, huh? You want to hold... Get a mob and hold up picket signs? You wanna overthrow the government? I mean, look at this.
Kate: I can't! My head is in a bag!

Kate: I'm grateful...
[long pause]
Kate: I'm grateful we tried.
Dr. Teddy Oglethorpe: [Beat] Man, oh, man, did we try.

Yule: Nice to meet you. I'm Yule.
June: Yule.
Yule: I'm FirePuma142 on Twitch. Do you game?
Kate: It's really doubtful she knows.
Yule: You're right.
June: Who said I game?

Kate: Can I say something?
Jason: Yeah, we've been dying to hear what you gotta say.
Kate: I didn't vote for you. But this is obviously much bigger than my misgivings. So I will be 100% behind this effort. No matter how offensive I may find you.
President: Hmm. Wow. That's great.
Jason: Yeah. That's really nice. You know, I did have the FBI put that bag over your head. They don't do that. The CIA does, but I made them do it.
Kate: You know, I had a feeling. I really did.
Jason: It's a good feeling 'cause that is what I did. And it was very funny and cool.

Kate: You guys, the truth is way more depressing. They are not even smart enough to be as evil as you're giving them credit for.

Kate: Watch out for him. He'll charge you for free shit.

Kate: We have exactly six months, ten days, two hours, 11 minutes and 41 seconds, until a comet twice the size of Chicxulub tears through our atmosphere and extincts all life on Earth.
Dr. Randall Mindy: When did you do those calculations?
Kate: I put the moment of impact on a diet app. So, impact is when my diet ends. Only I'm not on a diet. I'm just crying five times a day.

Jason: I wrote that.
Kate: Isn't that from Saving Private Ryan?
Dr. Randall Mindy: Yes. Yes.
Jason: No, that's something totally different.

Kate: Am I to understand correctly that, after all the information you've received today, the decision you're making is to "sit tight and assess"?
Jason: I'm sorry, who is she?
Kate: Who the fuck are you? Aren't you her son?
Jason: I'm the fucking Chief of Staff, Boy with the Dragon Tattoo. So I'm doing fine.