500 Best Olivia Moore Quotes

[Liv meets the anonymous phone lead, Byron Thistlewaite, as Liv reads his T-shirt]
Olivia: 'T-shirts Are Passé'? I don't get it. You're wearing a T-shirt.
Byron: It's meant to be ironic. It's a joke.
Olivia: Good one.
Olivia: [Byron chuckles] Your T-shirt is stupid. That's meant to be literal.
[Byron and Clive both get silent]

[Liv sees Drake while she's on the erotica-brain]
Drake: Liv.
Olivia: [Liv takes a deep breath] God help me.

[Liv tells Ravi that the vigilante The Fog is a grown man in tights]
Ravi: The Fog certainly took some licks for the greater good.
Olivia: Ravi, the most this guy ever did was momentarily distract criminals, who were shocked to see a grown man in tights.

[Gilda and Liv talk about Gilda's hot guy at work, also known as Major]
Olivia: Whatever happened to Magic Mike, that super-hot guy you hired?
Gilda: Let's just say he's done some quality work underneath me.

[Ravi tells erotica-librarian-brain Liv to think about baseball]
Olivia: She wrote erotica, I can barely keep it in my pants.
Ravi: Then you think about something sacred, like your mum. Or something gross, like Margaret Thatcher. What do American boys think about?
Olivia: Baseball, I guess?
Ravi: [Ravi rocks his head up and down] Then think about baseball.

Olivia: Clive's out this week with his back. And you know what that means?
Ravi: That this is Cavanaugh's case?
Olivia: It means we can do whatever we want. Like police harass the crap out of Blaine. We can get a warrant for his big, fancy house. We can ransack it.
Ravi: Can I be the guy that takes a knife and rips into his couch cushions?

Clive: [Explaining the process of getting permission to date co-workers] You go to Diana, in HR, on the fifth floor. You tell her about...
Olivia: [Starts singing] Go to Diana in HR / And tell her how you feel...
Clive: ...She gives you a waiver for legal and an official declaration form.
Olivia: [singing] Once you declare what's in your heart / It means your love is real

[Ravi tries thinking of a superhero name for Liv]
Ravi: 'Super Dead,' that's just too awkward to say. 'Help me, Super Dead.' Ooh! 'Mighty-Whitey!' What do you think?
Olivia: I think I would be the Ku Klux Klan's favorite superhero.

[Liv looks at the paintings inside of Byron Thistlewaite's house]
Olivia: You do all of these paint by numbers, or you have a slow nephew or something?
Byron: No, I found them at a gallery.
Olivia: Were they in the garbage?

Clive: This is where you end up when your parents don't tell you they love you.
Olivia: Don't be so close-minded. A control freak like you could enjoy being told what to do for a change.
Clive: Whips, chains... Unlikely.

Doc: Look, I'm being set up here.
Olivia: Typical Niners fan. It's never your fault. "It's the ref's. It's the injuries."

Major: Once I'm new me, keep reminding me of what we meant to each other?
[sighs]
Major: And give me a new name. One that's less silly.
Olivia: Gern Blanston.

[Clive and Liv pay a visit to Byron Thistlewaite's home to question him about his missing dog]
Clive: Evening, Mr. Thistlewaite. We had a few more...
Olivia: [Liv quickly interrupts Clive] Where's your dog, Byron?
Byron: Uh...
Olivia: 'Uh. Uh. Uh.' It's a simple question. Don't stall for time. Don't invent a story. Produce the dog.
Byron: [Byron begins calling for his dog] Lana! Come here, girl.
Olivia: [the dog comes running from around the corner as Liv exhales] Hmm. As we suspected... You have a dog. That's just a little game we play called, 'Does the person we're questioning have a dog?'

Lowell: Okay, uhm. So, here's the speech. The zombie thing is a bitch. Your world shrivels down to a dot. You know this. And, all you can think about is how to get your next meal, and keeping your secret. And no-one can really know you now. Kissing, touching, sex, love, yelling at someone for stealing the blankets. Uhm, out of the question, forever. But then one day I see this
[pause]
Lowell: beautiful woman. She's the only thing in colour. Odd, 'cos she's so pail. And then suddenly there's hope again. That's what I'm saying. Who knows if we even like each other. But, I like everything I've seen so far and, ah, what have I got to lose.
Liv: I am free this weekend, and I have your number.
Lowell: I'll only hover by the phone for the next 72 hours or so. After that, I'm on to the next zombie girls.

Enzo: Tell me the names of every conspirator of the Underground Railroad.
Olivia: Mangez mon short.

[erotica-librarian-brain Liv asks Clive a question about men]
Olivia: Men are always so phallocentric, Clive. Why is that?
Clive: [Clive turns away] Just are.

[Liv looks through a catalog of women next to Officer Clive Babineaux]
Olivia: [Liv laughs] It's like a catalog of skanks.
Olivia: [Liv see's a photo of a girl sucking on her finger] Oh, take your finger out of your mouth, sweetie, that's full of herpes.
Olivia: [Liv see's a photo of a teenager looking girl] Little Miss Jailbait. 'Likes to be pampered.' As in diapers?
Olivia: [Liv see's a photo of a girl licking on a lollipop] Oh, this one reminds me that I need to take out the trash...
Clive: Meow. Someone has their acrylic tips out.

[Liv tells Clive about the time Ravi took a video of her snoring]
Olivia: Ravi took a video of me snoring, and I was on the verge of ripping out every follicle of his facial hair if he hadn't deleted it.
Ravi: [Ravi next to the two] Steady.

Clive: Silverware? People ate in here?
Olivia: Big whoop. Half my meals are consumed in a morgue.

Clive: Why the school desk?
Olivia: Do you have any fantasy life at all?

[Liv asks Ravi how him and his girfriend Steph are]
Olivia: Things good with you and Steph?
Ravi: Yeah, they're fine, I guess.
Olivia: Can you have sex without worrying you'll turn her into a member of the undead?
Ravi: Yeah.
Olivia: Then no bitching.
Ravi: Well, I didn't think I was. It might be time for someone to eat.

Olivia: [watching Clive trying to pick up women] Oh, code red. The herd has arrived.
[Clive shows the woman his phone]
Olivia: That better be a photo of his penis.
Ravi: And it looks like she's crying.
Olivia: Okay, it probably is his penis.

[Clive and Liv interview Becky who rented the Captain Wozzles costume]
Becky: Uh... I'm a furry.
Clive: A what?
Becky: I'm into costumes that look like stuffed animals. Like sexually. It's a fetish, okay?
Olivia: [Liv happily responds to wanting to know more] I was not expecting that. Uh, here's what I'm going to need. I'm going to need details, photos.
Clive: We don't need details or photos.
Olivia: Unless you have them, and they're hilarious.
Clive: We definitely don't need details or photos.
Olivia: [Liv pauses, looking to Becky] Yes, we do.

[Liv calls Clive after having a vision of who murdered Big Fish]
Olivia: Big Fish saw Terrell bent over Popeye Collier's dead body, blood on his hands. Big Fish could've put Terrell away for murder. That has to be why Terrell killed him.
Clive: We should drop back in on Terrell. I can swing by first thing.
Olivia: Great. I'll be ready. Oh, and Clive, if you can, pick me up a soy vanilla latte. There's this new study that says caffeine helps stimulate psychic activity. Clive? Clive!

[Ravi tells Major the good news about the location of the tainted Utopium]
Major: Where do you think it is?
Olivia: In the stomach of a dead drug dealer with a prosthetic leg.
Ravi: Well, the good news is, we've managed to narrow the location of his unmarked grave to a single 100-acre field.
Major: You really need to work on the whole 'good news' concept.

[Liv watches Sonny get arrested for the murder of Chad Wolcoff]
Olivia: [narrating] Our lives are a collection of choices. Sonny chose to avenge his father. I chose to not tell my fiancé I'm a zombie. We make our own beds. Seems beneath our dignity to whine when we are forced to sleep in them. But Major held me... Held me and told me he would let nothing happen to me. Maybe, just this once, there's a do-over.

[Peyton still tries to get the Cassidy information out of Liv on stripper-brain]
Peyton: Maybe try closing your eyes. Focus on the phrase, 'Stash house.' 'Stash house.' 'Stash house.' 'Stash house.'
Olivia: It's not about focusing, okay? It's not Pop-A-Shot.

[Peyton and Liv on stripper-brain follow a girl into the women's bathroom]
Peyton: Does it help for me to mention this isn't really you?
Olivia: [Liv and Peyton enter the bathroom] Hey! You in the stall! You're gonna flick me in the grill with your cheap-ass wannabe-Ariana-Grande clip-on and then just hide in the bathroom?

Olivia: [Watching video of Gordie Shultz] This is him?
Clive: It's a highlight reel of sorts.
Ravi: You're going to be a hockey player, Liv.
Olivia: He's not a hockey player, he's a felon.
Clive: He's a goon.
Ravi: [Happily] You're going to be a goon, Liv!

Olivia: She was a dominatrix, Ravi. A dominatrix who went by the name "Sweet Lady Pain".
Ravi: Oh, that? You're already a bit on the bossy side, I doubt anyone would even notice.

[Liv questions Vaughn Du Clarke on how many times he slept with Taylor Fowler]
Vaughn: Zero, Miss Moore. Zero. We were not lovers. At the risk of sounding like a cliché, I prefer younger women. Blonder women.
Olivia: [Liv looks to Clive beside her] Are you just gonna let him talk to me like that?
Clive: Like what?
Olivia: [Liv throws her water at Du Clarke] I'm not your little whore!

AJ: [restrained by cops] What are you, lady?
Olivia: Just a girl. You got your ass kicked by a girl. Get over it.
AJ: You're a freak!
[hauled away]
Olivia: [turning to Clive] I don't know how many Take Back the Night self-defense seminars they gave at your sorority house, but I could pretty much take out Batman with a spiral notebook and a student ID card.

Peyton: So, we can go and find Castle What's-His-Nuts, fight that thing, come back and we'll get rewarded by this little old lady.
[Looks at Liv]
Peyton: Or we could just tie up this little old lady, and take what we want now.
Olivia: Georgie begins to mutter an incantation. Electricity fires from her hands and strikes Brangelina.
Ravi: I try to dive in front of the lightning bolt. "Not on this day, Ms. Fogglebottom!"
Olivia: The lightning bolt has already struck Brangelina. And Mosco lands on the ground in front of her, looking foolish.

Clive: You might wanna make yourself a little snack.
Olivia: It will be just a *little* snack, thank you very much. Because this---
[Holds up tiny brain bits]
Olivia: ... Has to last me a week.
Ravi: Don't you always say you wish you were on a diet?
Olivia: I'm kidding. I'm mocking people who say that. That's how anti-diet I am. I have bits about my hatred of that lifestyle choice.
Ravi: All right. You're hangry

Blaine: Look, I get that you work here at the brain automat, but for the rest of us, meaning me, procuring brains is kind of a massive undertaking. So I was hoping, from time to time, you might be so inclined as to help a brother out.
Liv: [long stare, then finally] Okay.
Blaine: Jeez, that pause was like a year!

Peyton: How are things on the Justin front? I mean you're highly-critical. You broke up with a guy once because his o-face made you laugh.
Olivia: If you had seen it, ugh!

[Ravi tells both Liv and Peyton that Major didn't kill Liv's boyfriend Drake]
Olivia: So, these victims aren't even dead? Major didn't kill them?
Peyton: And he did all this to protect Liv?
Ravi: Yeah.
Olivia: So Drake is still alive?
Ravi: Frozen and, as discussed, a zombie, but yes...

[Major tells Liv he wants to get back together with her]
Major: Liv, I don't want to do this anymore.
Olivia: Do what?
Major: Pretend I'm okay just being your friend. I want more. I want us to be together again.
Olivia: Major, nothing has changed. I still...
Major: I know all the risks, and the reasons it can't work. But I don't care. I'm a better man with you in my life. Can we give it another shot?

Mrs. Brinks' Chef: He's only six. Mrs. Brinks would rather let him die than loan me 20 grand. She said it would set a bad precedent.
Olivia: Well, it would.

[Liv changes her hair to go undercover at Max Rager]
Ravi: What does it mean that I find your new look weird and creepy?
Olivia: It means that you spend too much time with the dead.

[Clive asks Rodney Ricks to put his foot up on the table in the interrogation room]
Rodney: [Rodney puts it up to Clive] You know, if we were in Baghdad, this would be like me flipping you off.
Rodney: [Rodney looks at Liv] Should I put the other one up here, too?
Olivia: Does this look like your gynecologist office?

[superhero-brain Liv tells Clive there's bad people in this world]
Clive: Our mugging victim ID'd her assailants. They're both in the system.
Olivia: [Liv in a low voice] They're not in the system. They are the system.
Clive: [Clive hesitates] Yeah, not really following.
Olivia: [Liv slowly walks up to Clive] There are bad people in this world. We put them in cages, expect them to change, they never do.

[Liv returns to her job at the morgue happy to be back]
Olivia: Hello, body. Hello, beakers. Hello, bone saw!
Olivia: [Liv answers the phone to talk to Ravi] Hello, Ravi. Yes, I am here, and who knew I'd ever be this excited to be back in a morgue? Yes, the rats are in fine shape, the aneurism hook is looking sharp, the sutures are fresh.

[Gilda comes home and finds jealous-brain Liv on Major's Facebook page]
Gilda: Well, look who's home for once.
Olivia: [Liv talks at her laptop] You slut!
Gilda: [Gilda hesitates] Um... Whatcha doing?
Olivia: Making a list of all the women who comment or post on Major's Facebook entries. This is bad, huh?
Gilda: It isn't good.

Olivia: There is no easy way to tell you this, but I've met someone and I think he may be the love of my life.
Major: [Exhales] ... I've had a very long day unsuccessfully tracking down an incriminating video. Plus we're in a fight, so... I'm gonna go make myself a burrito.
[Leaves]
Olivia: He is so brave.

Olivia: [after finding Shawna's tumblr page] I don't want you to freak out, but I think Shawna's...
Major: Crazy?
Olivia: --- A zombie hunter trained by the CDC. Getting close to you is step one of a nine-step plan. Step two...
Major: I'm going to stick with she's crazy,

[the Fog's Super-Team tells Clive and Liv Mr. Boss' plan]
Olivia: Now what was it that made The Fog want to form his super-team?
Mega: The Fog heard Mr. Boss was bringing in a shipment of guns.
Clive: Mr. Boss, huh?
Mega: Yeah. He said they were big-ass guns.
Clive: So, what was the plan?
Ghost: We really didn't get to the 'hearing the plan' part.
Mega: Mr. Boss? Guns? That's some super-dangerous stuff.

Ravi: What if it's Blaine?
Olivia: Huh?
Ravi: What if it's not a teenager or a middle-aged man? What if Blaine and his goons walk through the door? Trained killers.
Olivia: I'd forgotten about Blaine.
[Quickly]
Olivia: It's probably not Blaine.

Ravi: Nice look. Bit more reserved than I was expecting, frankly.
Olivia: Like I would be interested in the input from someone whose style would best be described as British boy school CPR mannequin.

[Liv returns late to the lab speaking to Ravi]
Olivia: Sorry. I would've been back sooner but we got stuck behind an Asian driver.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Hey, Archie Bunker. I'm of Asian descent.
Olivia: Great. Explain to your people how turn signals work.
[Ravi freezes]

Olivia: Look around, Clive, this place is utterly gray. Not a nice Kim Novak suit in Vertigo gray, I mean, a lifeless, greenish gray. We work inside a dead frog.

[Liv and Ravi talk about Ravi's life with the ladies]
Ravi: I used to be a real wand hand until I realized it didn't help me with the ladies.
Olivia: So you moved onto video games and forensic pathology?
Olivia: [Ravi hesitates] Hey, uh, Clive and I have to go question a magician after his show tonight You want to come?
Ravi: [Ravi hangs his head in disappointment] I wish. I have a date.
[Liv squints her eyes at Ravi]

[first lines]
Liv: [in shock] He was like that when I got there.
Detective: You said you arrived just before 10:30. Neighbors heard a shot in Mr. Tracey's apartment 10 minutes before. Where were you then?
Liv: Driving.
Detective: Great. What streets? We can check the traffic cameras.

Major: If Major as we know him is gonna vanish soon, he should really make some proper goodbyes to the important people in his life. Leave something behind to remember good old Major.
Olivia: Is good old Major planning on new Major being a real dick?
Major: If only to make people appreciate good old Major. The guy was a sweetheart.
Olivia: I'm cool with that. As long as he doesn't speak in the third person like good old Major used to.
Major: Yeah, good old Major was pretentious in that way.

Clive: [to the chef] You programmed Mrs. Brinks' safe, because she wasn't good with that stuff, was she?
Olivia: Who can blame her? All the stupid gadgets these days, beepin' and boppin' and boopin'.

[Clive tells Liv that he has to call in the police to Max Rager]
Clive: I have to call this in. Even though I have no idea how any of this is going to get explained away.
Olivia: Super Max. It created a violent chain reaction. Armed guards lost their heads and began firing on rampaging employees.
Clive: You think that's really gonna fly?
Olivia: You think 'zombie outbreak' has a better chance?

[Ravi talks to Liv about dumping Janko's body in the bay]
Olivia: You saved both of our lives.
Ravi: Maybe we don't report it. And we, uh... We, we smuggle the body out, and dump it in the bay.
Olivia: Is that what you do? Dump it in the bay by the cover of darkness?
Ravi: Wait. No... Right. I'll just turn myself in.

[last lines]
Liv: Lowell could turn out to be nothing. Or everything. He may even break my heart, but, any of that sounds good to me. I'm ready to feel again. Anything, good or bad. I want to be alive, now, more than ever.

[Clive tells Liv the blonde stripper Lorelei is suspicious at the club]
Clive: We should wait until she gets off work and follow her.
Olivia: Should we sit at the tip rail or do you want to grab a table?
Clive: I meant wait in the car.

Olivia: Logic dictates, if you withhold data, you have reason to hide it. "
Ravi: Data," what... You mean her statement?
Olivia: It's all data, Ravi,
[Thinks]
Olivia: I mean, you could design a system, you'd have a mechanism to gather crime data. Physical evidence, testimony, relationships, motive. A smart algorithm analyzes. And voilà.
Ravi: Congratulations. You just invented the police.

[Clive and Liv question Mr. Boss about the vigilante crime fighter The Fog]
Stacey: What exactly is a 'vigilante crime fighter'?
Olivia: You know exactly what he is, a superhero. A selfless defender of those who can't defend themselves.
Stacey: I see. I don't want to pretend to know how to do your job, but it just seems to me, your best bet, would be to aim a floodlight into the night sky with his logo burned into it. I'm sure he'd find you.

[Clive asks superhero-brain Liv if she wants to come check on the two muggers with him]
Clive: So I spoke to these muggers P.O. and got a last place of employment. Turns out, they work together. Wanna go check them out?
Olivia: [Liv in a low voice] I make time for justice.
[as Ravi rocks his head up and down, smiling]

[Liv and Major look through the Max Rager crowd for someone to help get them in the labs]
Olivia: [about the corpse of Janko] We should've taken the damn hand.

[Clive and Liv go over the murder scene of Lacy Cantrell]
Clive: No DNA. Nobody saw anything, nobody heard anything. A flying start.
Clive: [Clive turns his head to Liv] What about you, Zoltar?
Olivia: Johnny Cash, Loretta Lynn, Dolly Parton. I'd say Lacy was a little bit country.
Clive: And I'm a little bit 'let's rock and roll.' Tell me something I can't see.

[Peyton and Liv arrive at a stripper club]
Peyton: Did that dancer just accept a tip with her butt cheeks? That's just... I mean, how does she even know how much he gave her?
Olivia: Oh, she knows.

Liv: [referring to Jerome's American Flag themed shoes] Section 8 of the Flag Code states that the American flag should never be used as apparel, although enforcement of the code conflicts with your First Amendment right to freedom of speech as laid out in the 1990 Supreme Court case United States v. Eichman.
Jerome: [to Major] You didn't say you was marrying Siri.

[Ravi tells social-media-brain Liv that he did some research on Madison Brenneck]
Ravi: It turns out our Madison was quite the millennial social media maven. Instagram, Facebook, Tumblr. She had over 600 Yelp reviews. The day she died, she tweeted 27 times.
Ravi: [when Ravi notices Liv not paying attention by tweeting] Liv. Liv.
Olivia: 'Devoured tuna roll.' Hashtag 'Sushi obsessed.' Hashtag 'Covering my ass.'

Olivia: Fear not! I have slain the rodent foul. No more will his pestilent droppings threaten the purity of our tools and provisions and our boxes of cardboard will forevermore go un-gnawed.
Ravi: ...I think she killed the storage closet mouse.

[Liv makes Peyton a chocolate-covered brain nougat for her to get to Major in jail]
Peyton: And this is, what exactly?
Olivia: Chocolate-covered brain nougat. We have to get Major brains by tomorrow morning, or we're in serious trouble.

[Liv asks Ravi if he heard what the last words of Leslie Morgan were while at the coffee shop]
Olivia: Did you happen to catch her last words?
Ravi: 'I'll get the pooper-scooper!' Then, ker-splat.

Olivia: [Clive and Ravi are trying to convince her to eat the brain Ravi has been experimenting on] I'm not putting that in my mouth.
Ravi: The memory restoration serum had no effect on Blaine.
Olivia: Blaine's human, I'm not. But that's not my problem.
Ravi: It's the color, right? Blue isn't appetizing.

[Liv on actor-brains defends to Ravi what an actor is]
Olivia: That's the essence of acting. It's a search for truth.
Ravi: [Ravi crosses his legs and fingers like a therapist] Tell me more about this truth and how to find it.
Olivia: To create a reality where the truth is fear of zombies, I would draw on a sense memory of something that scared me. Like the time I went camping and I saw a bear.
Ravi: Or the times you've seen actual zombies.
Olivia: My point is you don't act with words. You act with your soul. With your imagination. That's what gives the words life.

[Liv tells Gilda about all the women she found on Major's Facebook page]
Olivia: Well, I started out just looking for one name. But once I started poking around, I started noticing all these chicks throwing themselves at my man. Oh, 'So true, Major. Violence is bad. Keep fighting the good fight.' Classic whore line. 'A bunch of us are going out for karaoke. You should come with.' Toss your panties at him, Jezebel.
Gilda: Wow!

[magician-brain Liv asks Clive to pick a card]
Clive: Got something to show you, Liv.
Olivia: [Liv holds up a few playing cards, whispering] Pick a card.
Clive: No.

Guinevere: It's not what you think.
Clive: Well, that's good, Guinevere, because what I think is that your husband, King Arthur, murdered your lover, Lancelot.
Olivia: You do know that when LARPing, you are free to change the endings?

[Clive and Liv bring in Miss Shaefer to identify the dead body of Corey]
Miss: [Miss Shaefer sees the body] Oh! Oh, this jackass.
Clive: You do know him?
Miss: Kind of. His name's Corey. I hooked up with him a couple months ago. Dick never called me again.
Olivia: Possibly because he was dead.
Miss: Yeah. You're right. That's probably why. 'Cause I know he had a good time.

Olivia: Rough night, playa?
Ravi: Please keep your rebuke to a dull roar.
Olivia: I'll let god be your judge.
[pause]
Olivia: But let's review the facts, shall we? First, you tell Peyton that you're in love with her, leaving her confused and speechless, and then you take home your old boss for a drunken hate-bonk. And when Peyton shows up to say that she's ready to take a chance on Pavi or Rayton or whatever it is that you two would call yourselves, you kiss her, while your latest conquest is in the next room. Not good.
Ravi: I know.
Olivia: Also, I believe god is a woman, so, you're really screwed.

Olivia: We said 0900.
Clive: [Checks watch] It's nine right now.
Major: If you're early, you're on time, if you're on time, you're late.
Clive: Just so I understand... If we can find you two some new non-soldier brains, you won't be like this?
Olivia: Depends on the brains.
Major: If we ate the brains of a train conductor, for example, similar issue.

[Liv discovers that Major has a safe in his closet]
Olivia: You have a safe in your closet?
Major: You're back.
Olivia: I didn't like how we left things, so I came back to apologize. When did you get the safe?
Major: I got it when a giant zombie broke into my place last year.

Ravi: Isobel could be the key to creating a vaccine that could prevent every human on the planet from catching the zombie virus. As difficult as this is for her, it's the responsible thing to do. It's the adult thing to do.
Isobel: Ravi? My mom wants to speak to you.
Ravi: [Terrified] Oh, God. No, not me. Liv, you do it.
Olivia: I believe taking that phone call is the adult thing to do.

[Peyton asks Major and Ravi to rent the apartment across from her and Liv]
Peyton: Please, try and rent the apartment across the hall.
Olivia: So we can be like the friends from Friends.
Peyton: Oh! Yes!
Ravi: Fantastic idea! Peyton is Monica-esque.
Ravi: [Ravi looks at Liv] You're clearly a Rachel. Type-A. Relationship drama.

[Drake shows up at the morgue to talk to Liv]
Drake: Haven't heard from you. What happened? Sex-starved-librarian brain wear off and you lost interest?
Olivia: Oh, no, I've just had a crazy day at work, lots of murders.
Drake: [Drake pulls out his phone] Yet you, uh, had time to tweet 17 times today. 'Pumpkin spice latte, yay!' 'Stop lights, boo!' 'Wow, Seattle, cloudy much?'

[Liv, Clive and Major arrive to the dead Rob Thomas party]
Clive: Looks like the party's over.
Major: Everyone's dead.
Olivia: Or undead. Watch your backs.

Clive: A.J.'s running toward the edge of the roof, and I see someone has laid down these planks over the alley, kind of a makeshift bridge to the next building. Know what I do?
Olivia: You shoot the planks.
Clive: Damn straight I do. I shoot the first one, BANG! But A.J. decides he's gonna try his luck with the remaining plank, and he takes his first step. Guess what I say?
Olivia: "One more step, and it'll be planks for the memories?"
Clive: Really? You think I'd say something like that?
Olivia: I would.

[Liv on stripper-brain gives Peyton a more rough lap dance]
Peyton: What do you want me to say?
Olivia: I want you to appreciate how freakin' hot I am.
Peyton: Okay.
Olivia: Why do you have to make it all emotional? I have a body, all right? Can't you just think of me as a sexual object?
Peyton: Fine. Whatever. You want to back up that booty, back it up. Let's see what you got.
Olivia: Oh, I'll show you what I got.
Peyton: Oh, bring it.
Olivia: [Liv dances her butt up to Peyton's face] You know it's still 20 bucks, right?

[Liv sits down with a guitar while in the pawn shop fingers and strums a G Major chord, getting the eye of the cashier]
Phillip: You got a good eye there, Miss. How long you been playing?
Olivia: Just picked it up.
[Liv plays a rising chord progression over four frets]
Olivia: [with a southern accent] Just like ringing a bell. I'll take it.

[erotica-librarian-brain Liv tells Drake that this is the brain making out with him]
Olivia: She hadn't gotten laid in years. This really isn't me.
Drake: This isn't, uh, far from me. Really, I would've been willing pre-brain. Pre-zombie. Pretty much anywhere after my 12th birthday.

Peyton: Who's dead? Who are you talking to?
Olivia: Drake.
Peyton: Uh, Drake? Old boyfriend, Drake?
Olivia: [Sarcastic] No, Drake the multi-platinum hip hop star.

Olivia: You were in Vice. How many people who've been heavily addicted for 30 years turn themselves around?
Clive: Hmm, I know it happens.
Olivia: That's good.
Clive: ...I've never seen it, though.

[Liv gives Major a speech about getting back up]
Olivia: I'm going to remind you something, son. Something you already know. The world ain't all Dilly Bars and debutante balls. The world throws wicked punches. It wants to see who goes down easy. Some people stay down on the mat. Not you, though. You were an undersized walk-on free safety at U-Dub. Three years later you were a starter. It takes a tough, get-back-off-the-mat son-of-a-bitch to do that. But that ain't what impressed me. I fell in love with the guy who could've cashed in on his looks, his connections, his notoriety. But instead, he said, I've been blessed, and I want to give back. I'm going to be a social worker. 'I'm going to be the guy who gets others back up.' I know you've taken some haymakers lately. I know that this time it's harder to get back up than it's ever been. But you're Major mother-flippen Lilywhite, and you don't quit.
Major: [Major says with a smile] God, you're so weird.

Olivia: The only way the killer gets in is through that door. I'm a zombie, and Ravi is heavily-armed.
Ravi: With... With this.
[Pulls out gun]
Ravi: Which I've never used before.

[Liv has a vision in front of Peyton before telling her that she has to go]
Peyton: [Liv wakes up out of her vision] Hey, you're back.
Olivia: Yeah, but I gotta go. Sorry about the mess.
Peyton: Okay. But don't eat a new brain, until this is dealt with.

Olivia: First order of business, bar. Then I need eyes on me. Once I fan the mark, I'll tug my dress strap. Left strap means leather in the pit. Right strap, the prat. Both straps, I'm legit adjusting my dress.

AJ: You're a zombie. I get it. You were a zombie when we tussled. That's how you knew Kung Fu. And that's the only reason you beat me.
Olivia: I might not know Kung Fu anymore, but I know Brooklyn.
[Holds up a fist]

[Liv tries to reject Blaine's request]
Olivia: I try not to make a habit of fraternizing with murderers.
Blaine: That's no way to go through life, is it?

Don: Cruise's tan is way too even, and he's barely aged a day in 30 years.
Blaine: Why do you think he does his own death-defying stunts? It's 'cause he's already dead.
Olivia: I'll bet he doesn't eat the brain of anyone over the age of 25.
Clive: So I should be thinking, "That's a raged-out zombie," next time I see Tom Cruise doing a chase sequence?

Bitchkraft: Yeah, I used glue-on rhinestones. Is that a crime?
Olivia: Yes.
Clive: Or no. In a legal sense.

[Clive asks Liv if she wants to go with him on his lead to Lacy Cantrell's murder]
Clive: Sue's working at a pawn shop downtown. Wanna go for a ride?
Olivia: Does the one-legged duck swim in circles?
[Clive remains silent]
Olivia: Is a pig's rump pork?
Clive: I'm gonna start walking. If all that meant yes, catch up.

Ravi: Can you focus, please?
Olivia: I am focused. I just don't understand why you can't spend five minutes with me without also trying to solve a murder!
Ravi: Liv!
[Exhales]
Ravi: You know how we finish...
Olivia: Each other's sentences?
Ravi: Yes! And sometimes can even read each other's...
Olivia: Texts!
[Ravi gives her a look]
Olivia: Minds!
Ravi: So what am I thinking right now?
Olivia: You want to... Get the phone, solve the case, and eventually become dance partners.
Ravi: Close enough.

[Major questions Liv about hanging around with Blaine]
Olivia: I'm not palling around with him. One of the weird, um, 'perks', at my job is that I get to know just about every funeral director in the city.
Major: You didn't tell me.
Olivia: Yeah, because I thought you would do something unwise with the information. Drop by the grenade store.

[last lines]
Olivia: [narrating] Yeah, no kidding it'll make you crazy. You spend your life in a comfortable dream state believing in destiny. Then reality snaps you awake like a kick in the teeth. Bad things happen as often as good things. People who think they're meant to be together, aren't. Turns out we're nothing more than chemicals hurtling through space, haphazardly bouncing off each other.
[there's a knock on Liv's front door]
Olivia: [narrating] Feeling stupid we ever believed there was some grand plan.
[Liv opens the door, seeing an emotional Major on the other side]
Major: I need help.
[the two give each other a tight hug, the two begin to kiss, repeatedly, passionately]

[Liv comes to the lab wearing a bright blue dress, wearing make-up, with straight hair]
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: I'm confused. Is this a Seattle morgue or a Milan catwalk?
Olivia: You like? It's my roommate's. I literally had nothing to wear until she gave me a free pass to raid her closet. I thought this was a good look for work, because I wear this dress like someone's paying me to.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Oh, as I do with this.
[Ravi gives a twist in his lab coat]

[a detective walks in on Liv at the morgue as she listens to her music]
Olivia: [the detective turns off the radio] Gonna lose a hand turning off a girl's music like that.

Clive: Liv, you're off the case...
Liv: I'm never off the case! The case is in here.
[pointing at her head]
Liv: I'm the freakin' murder victim whisperer.

Olivia: Did she promote you? Do we get to start calling you Major... Major?

[Liv on erotica-librarian-brain slaps Ravi in the butt at work]
Olivia: I've been a bad morgue attendant. I'll understand if there are punitive measures.
Ravi: Liv, did you eat a librarian from a porno?

[the Zombie High prop master Fitz calls the actor Jordan Marsh Numbnuts]
Clive: Did you find the prop gun?
Fitz: Not yet. You can bet it'll be me who gets fired for it, not Numbnuts.
Olivia: I love the cute little nicknames the crew have for the actors.

[Gilda arrives home with Liv and Peyton on the couch]
Olivia: Gilda!
Gilda: Hi.
Olivia: Want some Tom Yum soup? I ordered it extra-spicy.
Gilda: Thanks, but, uh, new diet. No eating after 6:00.
Olivia: [softly] Unless it's a whiskey sour.

Mrs. Brinks' Chef: Mrs. Brinks wasn't afraid to tell you what she thought, but she had such a generous spirit. A big laugh, and such a way with words.
Olivia: Raggle fraggle riggin frakety frack. Ugh!
Clive: What are you doing?
Olivia: Oh, just trying to warm up my rum toddy.
Clive: You got into their rum?
Olivia: Yeah! And I'm trying to warm it up in the microheater but I can never figure these gizmos out.

[Blaine pays a visit to Liv asking for her help]
Blaine: You know those five missing gentlemen in the newspapers, the ones the FBI has seen fit to investigate?
Olivia: Yeah?
Blaine: Well, three of them were big fans of brains. I know. They were my customers. It seems someone out there is killing Seattle's zombies.
Olivia: And you're here to warn me? To make sure that I watch my back?
Blaine: Oh, God, no. I'm telling you this because I need your help to stop whoever's killing our living-challenged friends. Not to mention, it's bad for my bottom line. So, what do you say, partner? Should we take justice into our own hands?
[Blaine holds up the Justice Tarot card]

Clive: AJ and another Cobra member, Bi Li Xiong, AKA "Fleabag", helped Ghansu with a heist that netted a quarter-mil in jewels.
Ravi: Fleabag? Do you think there was an isolated incident were the man had fleas, or did he always have them and everyone's just accepted it?
Olivia: I assumed that he had a taste for cheap motels.

Olivia: It's just my... Martin...
Major: Your dad?
Olivia: That word still does not come naturally to me. It's like calling a pine cone Your Majesty.

[Clive goes over the murder of David Biel the Santa Claus]
Clive: David Biel, a resident of the Yesler Mission Men's Shelter. Lately, he's been raising them money at Third and Cherry dressed like this, ringing a bell.
Olivia: Any idea why someone rang his?

Olivia: Gimme the line.
Baron: Get out of the truck!
Olivia: Where's my second hijacker?
Stan: Ah...
[Looks at page]
Stan: "Do what we say..." "Do what we say and you won't get..."
Baron: "Get on your knees, fool!"
Olivia: Baron is blowing you off the stage right now, Stan, and you're just letting it happen!
Stan: He's going off-script!

[Liv plays the guitar back at the lab with Ravi beside her on the couch]
Olivia: [singing] When you near beat a man to death and got yourself thrown in / Walla Walla State Pen
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Love and murder. Country song staples.

[Liv and Ravi introduce themselves to Uma Voss while undercover]
Olivia: I'm Julie Walker and this tall drink of water is my fiance.
Ravi: Shawrama Parachanchetabarka.
Olivia: [Liv continues speaking] We just started wedding planning.

Major: [Liv wants to go to Don E's zombie bar] The place is full of rowdy, boozed-up, horny zombies. And frankly, you're not at peak bad-ass on preschool teacher brain. You see the potential in everyone.
Ravi: You told me I could be an astronaut if I studied hard enough.
Major: Me, too! We don't all want to be astronauts, Liv.
Olivia: The point is, you could be. Or firemen. Or the president!

Olivia: This case is bigger than we thought. I'm thinking deep state. Shadow government.
Peyton: Wait... The government's involved?
Olivia: Well, not the "government" government, obviously. But the people behind the government, the Illuminati.
Peyton: Liv... Whose brain have you eaten?
Olivia: [Looks around nervously] Who wants to know?
Peyton: I do. That's why I asked.

Olivia: Excellent work, Steve. I would say that warrants a special deal on raffle tickets. I'll go 10 for 10 bucks.
Vampire: That's not a special deal, that's just what they cost.

[Blaine tells Liv he has no reason to help her find a cure for the zombie disease]
Blaine: Why would I want to help? I'm human. I got a thriving business. I just learned I've been pre-approved for a Best Buy card. I've gone legit. Put my criminal ways behind me.
Olivia: We're not sure if your cure is permanent. The first batch killed the test rat inside of two days.
Blaine: And which batch did you shoot me up with?
Olivia: [Liv smiles] The second.

Major: How long do I have?
Ravi: Weeks. Maybe. Then you'll have to take the cure, memory loss and all.
Olivia: [On Zen brain] Identity's just a hallucination of the unenlightened mind anyway.

[Ravi and Liv tell Clive about the Grace LeGare homicide]
Ravi: [about Grace LeGare] So they send her to us. And she might've been categorized a 'respiratory failure' due to 'unknown'. But...
Olivia: But Ravi figured it out, and he's super desperate for an attaboy.
Clive: [Clive hesitates] Attaboy.

Major: My job is pretending to be RoboCop, but knowing the Buzzfeed Quiz explicitly told me I'm a C-3PO.
Olivia: Well, I am on board for all your reforms, for what it's worth.
Major: And Ravi keeps reminding me that C-3PO's an Ewok god, so, I've got that going for me.

Olivia: You each start the campaign with this many gold pieces.
Ravi: [Rolls dice] Twenty-seven gold pieces.
Clive: I buy a small farm, retire from adventuring.

Olivia: You get lost in that innocent face and those big shining eyes, pleading for you to be her white knight, lift her out of her nightmare, and before you know it, she's slipped an ice pick in your spine, casual as putting a pen back in the holder at the bank.

Ravi: It's just Peyton. She's just a little bit...
Olivia: Underwhelmed in the sack?
Ravi: What? Did she say something?
Olivia: You're probably overdoing it. It's a common mistake for young men. It's simpler than you think. You know, four hours before sex, you just take an ice bath, eat three Brazil nuts...
Ravi: Okay, thank you.
Olivia: ...a spoon of fermented trout butter, and then, during the jam sesh, you just, sort of, soak. You know, think of it as a hot tub. Not a lap pool. And focus on the eyes.
Ravi: ...I was gonna say she's a bit overwhelmed at work.

Olivia: She DJ'ed at ice ship? Hashtag, my kind of cool bitch.
Joel: I told you, she was so talented. She could've been a star if she hadn't been murdered.
Olivia: It so sucks when that happens.

Olivia: 'Tis with the proudest of hearts that I shall fulfill the third of my promises three.
Isobel: Oh, great. Quick question. Do all zombies talk like you or do you, like, actually work at a Ren Faire?

[Major agrees to be something more serious with Liv]
Olivia: So you're okay with it? Because if we're gonna do this we have to be totally honest with each other this time around.
Major: Of course I want to sex you up, girl. You're very attractive, and I very much have a penis. But just being with you is enough. Honest.

Don: The matchmaker. She was murdered?
Olivia: Can you believe it? She's trying to make people happy, ends up thrown off a balcony.
Clive: Did you meet Mrs. Barbera?
Don: I poured her a drink. She told me that she had my perfect match.
[Gasps, points at Liv]
Don: You're in her brain! Please tell me you remember the name. When... When she told me, I dropped a glass.
[Throws a glass on the ground]
Don: Come on. Have a vision.
[Drops another]
Don: Nothing? Come on!

[Liv wonders what a night watchmen's brain will show her]
Olivia: Night watchmen brain. Wonder what fresh hell this is going to be.
Ravi: In cricket, a night watchmen is a low-order batsman moved up in an effort to maintain the strike till the end...
Ravi: [Liv turns on the bone saw] Funny girl.

Vampire: [about Zoe] I think we may yet be joined in holy union.
Olivia: Good luck with that. She's polyandrous, and would only stay married until a male child is born. Plus, you'd need to find a unicorn to sacrifice.
Vampire: You don't know. I could find a unicorn.
Clive: ...I was talking about real life.

[Liv turns in her case work for the Bailey Barker case]
Olivia: Idle brains are the devil's workshop.
Clive: I think it's 'hands.'
Olivia: What did I say?

[Liv cooks an Asian plate of noodles with Bailey Barker's brains]
Ravi: Mmm, that smells familiar. Like something I had from Taiwan from a street car in the capital city.
Olivia: Taipei.
Ravi: Ooh, look at you, always with the answers.

[Ravi walks with Liv to a crime scene while hungover from his night with Peyton]
Ravi: The violent soundscape of nature is making my ears bleed. Birds chirping, leaves rustling, gnats laying eggs.
Olivia: Never start a land war in Asia. Don't go toe-to-toe with Peyton Charles when drinking is involved.

[Liv comments on Clive's suit and tie]
Olivia: You ever think about a pocket square, a little splash of color.
Clive: [silently replies] Every time I get dressed.

[Liv sums up what Twitter is to Ravi]
Olivia: Twitter, a vast collection of humanity's impetuous thought vomitings.
Ravi: I'd like to think I'm quite introspective about what I tweet to my, 23 followers.

Clive: So, how's the brain?
Olivia: Nothing specific so far.
Clive: You'll let me know if you get an urge to disrupt anything or...
Olivia: Which begs the question. Can the mind truly comprehend itself?
Clive: Oh, man. So it's going to be like this.

Clive: So, check it out. That red button found at the scene... Not hers.
Olivia: Not hers? Interesting.
Blaine: [Voice-over] No, it's not. We all know the drill. You eat the brain. Find clues. Blah, blah, blah. Case closed. But this isn't her story. It's mine.

[Clive, Liv, and Major exchange weapons in the Max Rager garage]
Olivia: Let's rock and roll.
Clive: Sorry, that's all the firepower I've got.
Major: [Major sees an axe on the wall] There's always 'In case of fire' power.

[Don E. tries to charge Liv $25,000 for the brain she needs for Major]
Olivia: I can bring you a brain in return in a couple days.
Don: [Don E. smiles] It's not brain friends, Liv, it's brain business.
Olivia: You did hear the part about the apocalypse, didn't you?
Don: Sure did. That's what's called leverage. I'd think preventing the end of the world is worth 25 grand.

Stan: Who're you playing?
Olivia: An amazing role, thank you for asking. She has many layers to her and a very difficult accent, because we challenge the audience when we challenge ourselves.

Ravi: These are some kids we rescued from their captors. All, unfortunately, suffering from Freylichs, but, doing okay for now.
Olivia: Ravi, you did it.
Ravi: Major helped.
Major: I was gigolo bait, and I got shot.

[first lines]
Liv: [narrating] This was my life before I died.
EMT: 17-year-old male. Went down playing basketball 20 minutes ago.
Monica: I've got no pulse!
Liv: He's cyanotic!
Monica: Where, the hell, is our chief resident. Did someone page Doctor Jeffries?
Liv: I need xray, pulse ox, and a central line, now. And the biggest needle you've got. We're doing this now.

[Ravi tells Liv that if she eats Clive's ex-girlfriend's brain that she might have a vision of having sex with him]
Ravi: What if you have a vision of having sex with Clive? You might see his O-face!
Olivia: Really? That's where your mind goes?
Ravi: I bet it's super angry.
[Ravi makes an angry 'O' face]

[Liv picks up a bottle of Cannonfire alcohol for her birthday alone]
Liquor: [the clerk reads Liv's birth date] Hey, it's your birthday. Looks like we're having quite the party.
Olivia: Massive. All my friends will be there.

[Liv questions Major after finding the text messages he received in his phone from Rita]
Olivia: [Major scoffs] No 'pfft!' There's no 'pfft!'
Major: All right, you should've been able to see from your snooping that I haven't texted her since we got back together.
Olivia: How do I know that you didn't call her from a landline?
Major: Because it's not 1987.

Olivia: Tim wrote his number on my hand last night, and it smeared off and now it's gone.
[Cries]
Olivia: Tim. Tim!
Peyton: Liv, I'm sure you can find another way to contact him.
Olivia: How? I don't know his last name. I don't know where he works. All I know is he has these piercing emerald eyes and the smooth, velvety lips of a sex angel.
[sighs]
Olivia: And that's not exactly something you can Google, is it?
Peyton: Not if you don't wanna see stuff you can't unsee.

Olivia: Always by the book, Babineaux. You clear many cases that way?
Clive: Uh, almost all of them, as you know.

Ravi: Oh, please don't be a grosser than normal death that ruins my memory of the most incredible romantic meal of my life.
Olivia: You brought Peyton to Le Dome? On your salary?
Ravi: So worth dropping premium cable.

Clive: How does a zombie disappear from a walled city? If you scratched me right now, what's the first thing I'd do?
Olivia: Take Bozzio to Bone Town.
Clive: ...After that,

[Peyton and Liv on stripper-brain pay a visit to the amnesiac Blaine at the funeral home]
Blaine: Can I interest you ladies in a cup of decaf java? Organic, fair trade, shade-grown, barely discernible carbon footprint.
Olivia: There's going to be a discernible carbon footprint on your ass if you don't cut the crap.

Ravi: Liv. Isobel told me she was sad that she was never going to have sex.
Olivia: Wouldn't you be?

[Liv on the set of Zombie High recalls some of the show's scenes]
Olivia: [Liv gasps in the school hallway] Oh, my God. That's where Burdick defied principle Henson and went out looking for more ammo.
Olivia: [Liv gasps] And this is the drinking fountain where Burdick first got the news that his foster brother was his actual brother.
Ravi: [Ravi gasps when he see's the actual dead Burdick] And that's where Burdick died.

[Liv has finally discovered the true identity of Gilda, and punches her in the face]
Olivia: [to Gilda laying on the floor] So... Gilda, or Rita, or whatever the hell your real name is. How many pictures of Major did I have around the house? Did you hunt him down on Tinder using a phony name? Or... no. You knew he was a trainer. That's how you found him? Those lingerie shots that you sent him when you knew your texts were already tearing me up. Was that part of the fun?
Gilda: I...
Olivia: [interrupting] You know what? I don't want to hear your side of it. You're a sick bitch and I just want you out now! Because at midnight, I'm going to hunt down anything you left behind and burn it!

[first lines]
Drake: [Liv walks into her bedroom, seeing Drake in bed] Everything okay?
Olivia: Yeah. Just helping a friend. Sorry I took so long.
Drake: Don't be sorry. Watching you crawl back into bed is not a bad thing.

Olivia: [Texting] Lady next to me says she recognizes me from somewhere. She signed up for wifi.
Clive: Not good.
Olivia: She's looking up "The Good Place". She thinks I'm Kristen Bell.
Ravi: She will be sorely disappointed.

Olivia: Straight talk? I don't think you and Peyton work. True, you like a challenge and Peyton is certainly that, but she dates guys you'd find in a most eligible bachelors on the planet catalog, if such a thing existed.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: And you don't think I'd be featured in the pages of Hunks Quarterly?
Olivia: Ravi, she's a lawyer who looks like Victoria's Secret model.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Liv, I'm a tall doctor with fantastic hair and a British accent. But to hear you tell it, she's out of my league. I mean, I don't even *need* to be this attractive.

[Liv on stripper-brain talks to Clive on the phone]
Olivia: Do I need to get, 'I'll tell you if I have a vision' tattooed on my forehead?

AJ: I hear you're looking for Ray. And that you're into Asian dudes. I'm A.J. , and I'm into white girls. Really white girls. You might just be my Moby Dick. I didn't catch your name.
Olivia: Melody.
AJ: You sure about that?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Please. It's been Melody, Melanie. She even tried to get me to start calling her Starfire last year, but I drew a line.

[Clive and Liv find Mr. Boss in the Santa outfit]
Clive: That's Mr. Boss. He's head of the biggest crime syndicate in Seattle.
Olivia: [Liv in a low voice] So all this Santa delivers to our city is crime.

[Liv and Ravi begin to work on a dead body in the morgue]
Olivia: What's that Missy Elliot song, 'Cerebellum, don't fail me now'?
Ravi: I don't think that's how it goes.

Clive: Knocked out by meat? I mean, is that even possible?
Olivia: If it was frozen, it would be like swinging a club.
Clive: Ravi did say the murder weapon was French-bread sized. I mean, do we DNA test the pork?
Herbert: Actually, the pork loin was served.
Olivia: With warm beet salad?
[scoffs]
Olivia: Were fries extra? Did they come served in a box with a prize?

[the coffee shop cashier Darcy tells Clive and Liv about the jar of money they're raising for Pam]
Olivia: Oh, look, Clive, they're collecting money to get Pam out of jail.
Darcy: Pam would never hurt Leslie. It's not just me saying that. So is the money in the jar.
Clive: The jar is half-empty.
Olivia: It's half-full.

[Clive and Liv watch Lacy Cantrell's manager, Richard DePalma, speed off in his car after questioning him]
Olivia: [in a southern accent] Well, butter my butt and call it a biscuit.

[Ravi calmly lectures Liv about her pranks on him while he was asleep, putting make-up on his face and writing 'fart' on his forehead]
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Liv smiles the whole time] I know you can't fully control your actions when you're on a brain. But I really need you to try and rein in the bro. We would be in serious trouble if someone came in and saw how you arranged the medical skeletons.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi holds his hands up to his face] And this, this is unacceptable. What if someone came in to identify their loved one and the medical examiner had 'fart' written on his forehead?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Liv chuckles] It isn't funny.
Olivia: It's pretty funny.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: It really isn't.
Olivia: It kinda is.

[Ravi and Liv follow the new lead of magicians Smoak and Meers]
Ravi: Hashtag, 'I think we have a new lead.'
Olivia: Don't do that.

Olivia: Buck up, buttercup. You're bumming these kids out.
Ravi: ...We're at a memorial.

Clive: What are you doing
Olivia: I'm negging her, Clive.
Clive: Nagging?
Olivia: No, no, no. "Negging." I'm undermining her confidence so that she'll be more vulnerable.

[Ravi rushes into Liv and Clive's bedroom]
Ravi: Are you decent?
Olivia: [under the blankets together] Decent enough.
Ravi: Tell me you haven't had sex yet.
Major: Seems like a question you could've asked outside the door.

[Liv tells Ravi that Vaughn Du Clark is pure evil]
Olivia: Vaughn Du Clark. That man is pure evil. I know that at my very core.
Ravi: Rationalization isn't just a river in Egypt. No, no, wait. That's denial. Nevermind.

Olivia: No one would've been wise if Blaine hadn't shown up. What was he up to? That's the real question.
Clive: Well, did you get an answer?
Olivia: The same usual smarmy evasiveness.
Clive: So that's no answer.

Clive: Try to dial it down a bit, Liv. Let's not remind them that zombie cops eat their loved ones.
Olivia: Zombies are the worst. Pale-ass, brain-eating bitches.

[Liv tells Major him and her have no future as a couple]
Olivia: Unless there's a cure, we have no future as a couple.
Major: You sure about that?
Olivia: Well, think about it. You've always wanted kids. That could never happen. No sex. Clearly, not ready to write that off.
Major: I seem to recall a couple items on the menu that don't involve exchanging fluids.
Olivia: I could be holding your arm, walking down an icy sidewalk. I slip, I reach out for you, I scratch you, instant zombie.
Major: [Major leans to Liv] So far, to me, it sounds like all of our problems could be solved with condoms and rock salt.

[Liv tells Ravi that she had a vision of a full Romero zombie in the Max Rager basement]
Olivia: A full Romero zombie, Ravi. Dr. Cash had one in captivity. That's gotta be what's in the Max Rager basement.
Ravi: Wait, how do you know you didn't see a zombie at some cheesy Halloween haunted house? Or on TV? In case you haven't noticed, our popular culture is quite inundated with zombies.

[last lines]
Liv: [dials the phone with a bloody hand]
Operator: 9-1-1, what's your emergency? Hello? Hello?

[Major talks to Liv from the bathroom floor as she still wears her frat outfit]
Major: Am I that messed up, or are you wearing police tape?
Olivia: You're that messed up.

[Bonnie tells Liv that Wyatt Carver was trying out for the role of the Blue Power Ranger]
Lana: After we started sleeping together. He's so nice and... He'd ask about my job and what was going on in the writers' room. Then a few months ago, he read for the Blue Ranger part in the new Power Rangers movie.
Olivia: I don't know if he has the range for Blue.

[pathological-liar-brain Liv tells Clive the drink she invented when she used to bartend]
Olivia: I invented the Orgasm, Clive. Amaretto. Irish Cream Whiskey. Coffee Liqueur. That was me.

[Liv on doctor-brain asks herself about Drake's secret behavior]
Olivia: [narrating] Drake. Late again. What does it mean? Existing data points. Lateness, standing me up, leaving at odd hours of the night suggest various hypothesis. He's just not that into me, he's got a zombie on the side. Maybe I'm the zombie on the side. What I need is additional data and more detailed observation.

[Brody comments on the empty pumping from the corner of the frat room]
Brody: Oh, hey, I think we killed that.
Clive: [Clive turns around to see Liv pumping air out of a keg] What are you doing?
Olivia: Coaxing the flow to the hose.
[Clive stares Liv down as Liv drops down the hose walking off]

[superhero-brain Liv introduces the Super-Team to Detective Clive Babineaux]
Olivia: [Liv in a low voice] Ghost Cobra. Gray Area. Superfly. Mega Fist. Blue Swallow. Detective Babineaux needs your help. And someday, you may need his. Think of him as your Jim Gordon.
Clive: I'm not your Jim Gordon.
Olivia: That's right. He's his own man. Detective Clive Babineaux. Remember that name. Your friend in the Seattle PD.

Ravi: The original batch of Boat Party Utopium. Now I know how Sir Galahad felt when he at last held the Holy Grail.
Olivia: The Holy Grail? So, who would that make my father?
Ravi: ...Mordred?

[Liv explains the Empress tarot card to Blaine]
Blaine: [Liv holds the card] What's that chick's problem?
Olivia: That's the Empress. She symbolizes fertility and growth in the natural world. Ancients say...
Blaine: Super boring. Sorry I asked.

[first lines]
Olivia: [Liv and Major lay in bed togther after making out] Phew! That was pretty good.
Major: Yeah.
Olivia: It was almost as good as sex. Like the difference between a turkey burger and a hamburger.

Liv: So, multiple victims, or victim in multiple pieces?

Olivia: Could you hang on to this for me? It's pinching me like crazy.
[Takes a necklace, starts patting at him]
Clive: What are you... What the... We are in the south now. You don't put stolen jewelry in a black man's pocket.
Olivia: [whispers] It's not in your pocket.
Clive: I just made a terrible mistake

[Liv asks Clive why he was twitchy around the Romero Zombies]
Olivia: What's with you? Why were you all twitchy?
Clive: Zombies kinda freak me out.

[Liv tells Ravi at the morgue that she's ready to tell Blaine to cut the fake amnesia]
Olivia: I'm about to help him to a fistful of, 'Cut the crap' if this doesn't stop.

[Liv tries to apologize to Major for turning him into a zombie]
Olivia: You know that this elevated mood you're experiencing is temporary, right?
Major: [Major rubs Liv's shoulder] Look, let's not worry about tomorrow until we're done enjoying today.
Olivia: Okay, but when this everything-is-awesome brain wears off, I want you to know how sorry I am.
Major: [Major puts his hand over Liv's lips] Shh... Love means never having to say you're sorry.

[Liv narrates to herself when she solves the murder to the Cassidy Kozlowski case]
Olivia: [narrating] There's loyalty and there's being an idiot. Sometimes it looks the same. If you love someone despite what they do, you're lying to yourself. You can't love someone you don't really know. But it sure as hell can feel like you do.

[fatal-attraction-brain Liv asks Major who's using his shower]
Olivia: Who's the bitch using your shower?
Major: Uh...
Olivia: Or did you suddenly switch to Sinful Diva shampoo? 'For the shine that gets him to notice you'?
Major: Oh. That's Ravi's. Smell it.
Olivia: [Liv smells the shampoo] It does smell like Ravi.

Liv: So 'you are what you eat' isn't just a bitchy thing my mother says about fat people.

Blaine: I saw you heading this way, my curiosity was piqued.
Olivia: Here's hoping that curiosity has the same effect on you as on the proverbial cat.

Clive: There's Baracus.
Olivia: A regular man of the people when he's not spread-eagled on a bondage bed wearing a gimp suit.
Clive: ...Thanks for planting that image in my mind.

Ernie: Why would anyone kill such a nice old lady? Every day at sunset, she used to walk the gardens and tell me how much she loved them.
Olivia: I bet she didn't love these gladiolas. They are crap. Crapiolas!

[Blaine comments on Liv and him sitting on a stakeout together]
Blaine: Look at us, on a stakeout. You're like, the stoic by-the-book veteren and I'm the fun guy who...
Olivia: Who deals drugs and kills homeless teenagers.
Blaine: I was gonna say, 'Doesn't play by the rules,' but sure.

[Liv asks what to do when Drake calls her]
Olivia: [Drake calls] It's him. What do I do?
Ravi: Well, he's a zombie with anger issues and a prison record. As far as millennial break up options go, ghosting him gets my vote.

Ravi: Time-travel murder! Perhaps the impaled knight stepped out of the TARDIS seconds before his death.
Clive: What the hell's a TARDIS?
Olivia: Something nerdy.

[last lines]
Liv: [narrating] I wanted to do something with my life. I wanted to help people. Not, necessarily, as a zombie psychic who eats murder victim brains, but still, I so nailed it today. I've spent five months bemoaning all that was taken from me. It never occurred to me that I'd have something to give. A way to contribute. A reason for being not alive. To sleep, perchance to not dream. All I needed was some hope that there was a future that I fit into somehow. At last. Sweet blissful sleep.
[wakes up in a panic]

[Liv tells Clive that she's a zombie]
Olivia: Clive, I'm a zombie, too. I got scratched at the Lake Washington boat party massacre. And I turned. Like Major. I keep myself from turning all the way with brains from the morgue. That's where my visions come from, I feel out victim's personalities, I experience their memories. And I'm telling you this now, because Major has been locked up without brains, and he's going to turn. And if he turns, he'll infect everyone in that jail, it will spread out of control. You need to let him out. If you don't, by some time tomorrow, we can be looking at the beginning of the end of the world.
Clive: I'm sorry, Liv, but... I don't believe you. I mean, I can't. I mean... You want me...
Clive: [Liv walks into Clive's kitchen] Liv... Liv, Liv, what are you doing?
Olivia: [when Liv stabs herself in the chest with a butcher's knife] Do you believe me now?

Clive: He didn't do it.
Olivia: I agree. Classic milquetoast husband. Probably collects commemorative plates. Murder takes balls.

[Liv straps the dismembered hand of a lab tech to her belt]
Olivia: A massive zombie outbreak means never having to say you're sorry.

[Liv examines Leslie Morgan's brain and finds a piece of concrete in it]
Olivia: [Liv holds up a piece of Leslie's brain] You missed a piece of sidewalk.
Ravi: Fiber.

[last lines]
Olivia: [Major opens the safe in his closet for Liv] My engagement ring. I thought for sure you'd sold that when I gave it back to you.
Major: I couldn't stand the idea of anyone else ever wearing it. Besides, I never gave up hope that you'd want it back.

Olivia: What was she like? Anything weird?
Ravi: You know, driven, direct, nothing weird. You've had worse.
Olivia: That's your glowing endorsement? You slept with this woman.

Liv: That's the thing about pain isn't it. Really feeling it it doesn't make it stop. It just show's you you're still alive.

[Clive and Liv interview the stylist Bethany Miller, who comments on Liv's shoes]
Bethany: Those shoes are amaze, by the way.
Olivia: Thanks. They're actually my roommate's. I'm looking to find some that are like them, but...
Bethany: Strappier.
Olivia: Yes.
Bethany: Possibly in suede.
Olivia: [Liv with a big smile on her face] Can you crawl back out of my mind?
Clive: [Clive breaks the conversation between both girls] Can I ask a non-shoe related question?

Olivia: And who might this hirsute stranger be? Introduce yourself.
Ravi: I am Mosco Bandywax of the Mirkwood Bandywaxes. I'm a Halfling monk.
Olivia: And you, good sir?
Major: I am Sir Jay Esclaborne, the human paladin.
Olivia: I don't remember your character earning a knighthood.
Major: Oh, he's not a knight. His first name is: Sirjay.
Olivia: ...Clever. I'll be watching you. And, you, madam?
Peyton: Uh, Brangelina Darksbane. Dark elf assassin.
Olivia: And who might this stout fellow be?
Clive: Earl. Dwarf fighter.

Major: What'd you see?
Ravi: Were you losing your virginity to Howard Hughes?
Olivia: I believe I'll be saving that information for my driver.
Ravi: Liv, Clive isn't your driv...
[Liv walks off]

Liv: [voice-over] They call death "the eternal sleep". But I haven't slept in five months. I tortured myself obsessing over every worst-case scenario, like my best friend catching me eating brains, or my brother being consumed in a zombie apocalypse I unwittingly bring on. But it's not like I can talk it out or confide in my loved ones about what's going on with me. I have no idea who I am anymore. What purpose, if any, I serve.
[pause]
Liv: But the real question is, why do I suddenly, desperately need a handful of plastic eyeballs?

[Liv sees that Drake doesn't have a Facebook when she asks for Clive's advice]
Olivia: What does it mean if the guy you're dating isn't on Facebook?
Clive: I don't use Facebook. So, nothing?
Olivia: Hmm.
Clive: Or maybe he's married with a bunch of kids.

Harley: Do I know you from somewhere?
Olivia: I get that a lot. Don't I get that a lot?
Ravi: She gets that a lot.
Olivia: There's this girl on one of those shows on TV and everyone says i look like her. What's it called?
Ravi: Oh, yes. It's got a dumb name.

Major: I tried to get you to listen to jazz for years. I spent weeks strategically arranging the perfect mix CD for you and you stopped listening after two songs.
Liv: I think this is the CD.
Major: You said you thought the lack of structure was narcissistic and you'd rather listen to someone dropping cutlery.

Ravi: Messing with the mind, it feels kind of Frankenstein-y.
Olivia: Horses disrupted feet. Trains disrupted the horse. Smart drugs will disrupt the mind itself. Imagine, Ravi. The new normal.
[Draws on white board]
Olivia: Synthetically enhanced brains processing a massively expanded sensorium wired into a worldwide data net with cybernetically empowered superbodies.
Ravi: Got it. The future will be obnoxious.

[Liv's brother Evan starts to wake up while in the hospital bed]
Evan: [mumbles] Liv...
Olivia: Hey. I'm here.
Evan: [mumbles again] Go away. Don't come back. I don't ever want to see you again.

[Clive interrogates Harry Cole with Liv pacing back and forth behind him]
Clive: Let me tell you what it looks like, Harry. You have a gambling problem. Racked up debts you couldn't pay. Telly was sent to break some bones, or worse, but Telly brought a hammer to a bat fight.
Olivia: [Liv whispers in Clive's ear] Nice touch, Clive. You got this.

[Brody Johnson tells Liv and Clive that his alibi was going for a D and M]
Brody: Me and Austin were having a D and M.
Brody: [Liv and Clive remain silent] A deep and meaningful? You know, like when you grab a bottle of whiskey and you just walk and talk about life.
Austin: True story, bro.
Olivia: You two went on a walk, that's what you're gonna go with?
Brody: What's with the tone, bro? You've changed.

[Peyton tries questioning Liv on the stripper-brain for information]
Peyton: Anything about Hong Kong suppliers? Or shipment schedules?
Olivia: No.
Peyton: Hmm. Cassidy said she knew every criminal thing Nick was involved with. Maybe just start with that.
Olivia: I'm gonna start with throwing this frickin' plate across the room if you don't step the hell off.

[Liv finds Rita in one of the Max Rager cells]
Gilda: Hey, roomie.
Olivia: Well, if it isn't the poster child for poetic justice. Did someone have a lab accident?
Gilda: I'm gonna guess, based on that dismembered hand in your belt, that you weren't invited down here.

Bitchkraft: I have better things to do than watch a couple of old queens make dad jokes and sing show tunes. Bitch needs to have her eyes checked.
Olivia: As should you. Those lashes look like drowned spiders.

[Clive believes he solves the Cassidy Kozlowski case]
Clive: Nick's our guy. His ankle monitor puts him at the time and place of the murder. We'll use it to track him down and arrest him.
Olivia: Why can't they all be this easy?
Ravi: [Ravi puts his thumbs up] Hooray for dumb criminals.

[last lines]
Olivia: [Liv has a vision of Don E. selling Blaine's drugs] Blaine is the new player.

Clive: I guess this is what they call "the good life"
Olivia: With these knees, they better have an elevator in "the good life" or you're going to be carrying me up the stairs like a Sherpa.
Clive: Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

[Liv makes out with Drake on the table]
Olivia: Wait! I'm taking advantage of you.
Drake: I don't think that's true.
Olivia: [Drake continues kissing Liv] Wait. I roofied you with horny-librarian brain.
Drake: That's a first.

Ravi: What's that look?
Olivia: I'm hatching a scheme.
Ravi: I'm not in the mood, Liv.
Olivia: I didn't ask, 'cause guess what? I know how to heal your chakra, Barti. 'We're gonna solve the case.
Ravi: First of all, there'll be no further wordplay with my name.

Olivia: I'm Seattle's only identifiable zombie.
Peyton: No, you're not identifiable. People look at you and all they see is gorgeous.
[Points to newspaper]
Peyton: That looks like a picture of a monster.
Olivia: You know that's still me, right?
Peyton: Sorry..
Olivia: I mean, it's not a great picture but... Monster?
Peyton: [Backtracking] A cute monster.

[Clive tells coffee-girl-brain Liv they're meeting the real estate agent Gary Derryberry]
Clive: The real estate agent Gary... Derryberry, is meeting us there.
Olivia: Gary Derryberry?
Clive: [Liv gasps] You know him?
Olivia: No, but he sounds like a hoot!

[Liv asks Gilda where the birthday cake for her came from]
Olivia: So I don't have you to thank for the birthday cake?
Gilda: No. Some chick came by, waited around a bit, but then she had to fly. I'm sorry, I use the names part of my brain to store body envy. This girl had several parts I'd kill for. And a beauty mark right where I wanted to punch her.
Gilda: [Gilda laughs, then points to her upper lip] Here.
Olivia: [Liv smiles with slight tears in her eyes, looking back down at the cake] Her name is Peyton.

[Liv talks to Clive while an African male gang member keeps trying to get her attention at the police precinct]
Gang: Hey, Snowflake. You look like you could use a little color in you, you know what I'm saying?
Clive: Sir. Unless you want to spend the night in the cell with Aryan Knights of the New Confederacy, you're gonna need to zip it.
Olivia: Thanks, Clive. You're one of the good ones.
Clive: [Clive slowly stands up from his chair taking Liv's comment as a racial slur] I'm gonna go get myself a coffee and try very hard to forget that you said that.
Olivia: [Clive walks off] What? Oh, it was a compliment.

[Liv and Clive question Vaughn Du Clark about the homicide of Dr. Eleanor Cash]
Vaughn: Dr. Cash? Never heard of her. What makes you think she works here?
Olivia: We, uh, we...
Clive: We have a source.
Vaughn: Source? So, it's not just that you enjoy dropping by every time a homicide is committed in King County?

Ravi: What's a "Fillmore-graves brain tube thing?"
Major: It's like a yogurt tube full of mashed-up brains. No personalities. No visions. I'm pretty psyched to try it.
Olivia: No, no, no, no! If they wanna eat brain mash, let them eat brain mash. But in this house, we eat whole brains and we solve murders.

Clive: Liv... Remain calm. You're going full-on zombie.
Olivia: It's called beast mode.

[last lines]
Olivia: [Gilda laughs, as Liv begins yelling at the TV] No, zombie!
Olivia: [Gilda stares at Liv with an evil smirk] Dumb, dumb, zombie.

Olivia: [Hoping to meet Allan at 'The Scratching Post', while she's under hopeless-romantic brain] I can't wait to see Allan and look deeply, sensually, into his eyes.
Tanner: Wanna open a tab?
Peyton: Blaine let's us drink here for free.
Olivia: I can feel it Peyton. The twirling forces of fate and destiny, burning inside me, tickling my loins...
Peyton: Like bad sushi.

[Liv and Ravi learn that Clive plays the piano]
Olivia: Clive plays piano?
Dale: Beautifully. He's got one in his living room. You've never been to his place?
Olivia: Nope.
Ravi: Clive has a strict church and state policy with regards to his work and personal life.

[Liv walks pass the mouse cage of New Hope in the lab]
Olivia: Have you noticed that Final Hope hates me?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Her name is New Hope, not Final Hope. You Know this. If I wanted to give her a depressing name, I would've gone with Phantom Menace. And she doesn't hate you, she just feels like you don't put enough energy into the relationship. And she is not gonna let you be a bit player in your grand drama. At least that's what she insinuated to me. Sorry, New Hope. I can't be trusted with secrets.
Olivia: I am serious about this.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi sighs] I think someone is feeling sorry for herself.
Olivia: Who, me? Or...
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Oh, you.
Olivia: Well, I do feel sorry for myself. But that doesn't mean I'm wrong about Final Hope. She looks traumatized every time I get close to her cage.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Well, maybe it's the cannibalism. She is squeamish.
Olivia: Great. I'm grossing out a rat.

Johnny: I thought I could make the whole thing go away by paying the money.
Olivia: Only an idiot would trust a blackmailer to destroy the footage. Say it out loud. "I'm an idiot".
Brandt: Detective, can you tell your partner to stop verbally abusing my client?
Olivia: Tell your client to stop asking for it.

[jealous-brain Liv goes through Major's phone late at night]
Olivia: [narrating] This isn't you, Liv. It's the brain. You know this. Put the phone down and get back in bed. You don't know his pass code, anyway. Or maybe this is a sign.

[Liv on coffee-girl-brain asks Clive what brings him to the morgue on a beautiful morning]
Olivia: So, what brings you down here on this beautiful morning?
Clive: It's raining.
Olivia: [Liv with a smile] That's liquid sunshine, my friend. Don't believe me? Ask a farmer. Or a duck.
Ravi: Or Gene Kelly.

[Ravi reveals to Clive and Liv the piece of rotting fish he found with Syd's dead body]
Ravi: So, I took a gander around the room, and found this in the wastebasket, with this lovely note attached. 'Welcome to PrestoFest.' 'Here's a gift from your fellow magicians.' So I thinks to myself, 'Hmm. Okay. Kind of boilerplate stuff.' Maybe they thought the summer sausage would make up for the stock sentiments. But wait, there's more.
Clive: We're all hoping.
Olivia: [Ravi reveals the old piece of meat] Ugh!
Ravi: [as Ravi concludes on reading the note] 'Enjoy the decay!'

Ravi: [Tastes a blood-looking substance at crime scene] It's corn syrup.
Olivia: Nice work, Ravi.
Ravi: Thank you.
Olivia: ...You just ate 57 empty calories.

[Liv on stripper-brain almost gets in a fight with a working stripper]
Helvetica: Pasty-ass ho.
Olivia: You wanna go? I will kick you right back to the trailer park where you used to make out with your uncle.

Clive: You don't even know his last name. Look. You wrote, "Mrs. Tim's wife."
Olivia: Clive, what's even in a last name?
Clive: Accountability.

[Ravi inspects The Fog's utility belt]
Ravi: As a man who's mentally assembled his own utility belt, I find The Fog's impressive. Carabiner hooks. Giant marble. Oh! A giant marble.
Olivia: Marble?
Ravi: Always handy. Mace.
Ravi: [Ravi sniffs the mace] No. No, wait. It's chloroform. And the handiest of crime-fighting tools, duct tape.

Ravi: So, I've got some weird news.
Olivia: Oh, you and Peyton tried the soak-and-stare technique.
Ravi: Uh, no.

[coffee shop owner Stan Mendoza defends the Daily Grind to Liv and Clive]
Stan: Seattle's Daily Grind uses the same exact coffee. Same beans, same methods. You know what the difference is? They draw a little flower in the foam.
Olivia: I love those flowers!

Olivia: Think I'm gonna go catch that D I was talking about.
Ravi: I think I'm gonna go home and make love to my girlfriend.
Olivia: Don't be gross.

[Liv while on the stakeout feels she willed herself a pizza to be delivered]
Olivia: [to Clive] Holy crap. I think I just willed myself a pizza. This way, pizza boy. Mama wants some pepperoni.

[Liv and Ravi tease Clive while eating his Grandma's Po' Boys]
Olivia: [Liv takes a bite] Hmm. Mine's a little uninspiring. How's yours?
Ravi: [Ravi with a full mouth] I'm neither overwhelmed, or underwhelmed. I guess I'm whelmed.
Olivia: Grandma must have lost her touch.

[Liv gets on stage of The Slow Roll country bar to sing her song]
Olivia: [speaking while strumming the intro to her song] Hi, I'm Liv. This is a song that I wrote about two people that I have gotten to know recently. They love each other, desperately, but they can't seem to stop hurting each other.
Olivia: [begins to sing her song] So you heard from some folks that I ain't been true / I guess you still get gossip in the clink / It happened on one night, I was full of SoCo and lime / When a pretty boy bought me a drink / And he said, "Darlin', you're too pretty to be sad" / And I said, "Mister, I needed to hear that real bad"...
[Babineaux leaves Liv a voicemail message regarding the case as a woman brings in a bag of something her son found]
Olivia: [singing] There's only nightmares ahead of us / And sweet dreams long ago / It's time to wake up, baby / It's time I let you go / Oh oh, oh oh / I've got to let you... go.

[Liv tells Ravi she wants to name the test subject rats after the Boston Celtics players]
Olivia: As the ranking zombie on-site, shouldn't I get veto-power over their names? I'm kind of over your whole Star Wars theme. Why don't we name these guys after the '86 Celtics?
Ravi: As in Celtic F.C., from Glasgow?
Olivia: As in Boston Celtics. Bird, Mchale, Parrish.
Ravi: Then, no. I don't have the foggiest idea who those guys are. And neither will you in a few days. We'll just be standing here trying to remember why we're calling a rat Bird.
Ravi: [Ravi talks down to one of the rats, Ravi then smacks his lips] Isn't that right Boba Ratt?

Olivia: I think I banged that dude.
Clive: Chase Graves? Yeah, you banged him.

[last lines]
Liv: The passionate mind is selfish. It's so focused on what it desires, reason becomes background noise. Javier's brain made me cross the line that divides what I long for and what I can never have. There were so many nights I could have been with Major that I stayed home studying. Days I could have spent sucking the marrow out of life I spent building a resume for a life I'd never have. There were parts of me that were dead even before I became a zombie. So, maybe, that means that it's possible for me to spring to life. Even now that I'm dead.

Olivia: [narrating] I know it's not a different sun that came up this morning. But somehow, it looks sunnier. Ravi is hitting it off with Major, who seems willing to give me another shot at this friends thing. The "pretending to be something I'm not" isn't over, but at least Sammy's brain is out of my system, finally. I'm so ready to start looking forward instead of constantly watching my back. What's that old zombie saying? Today is the first day of the rest of your half-dead life.

[Liv tells Mega Fist she's disappointed with him]
Olivia: [Liv in a low voice] You disappoint me.
Mega: Yeah, that's what The Fog said.
Mega: [Mega Fist sighs] I'm sorry. I work at a cold-pressed juicery during the day. I'm not taking on a crime lord.

[Rita tries to tell Liv, Clive and Major that they're all on the same side]
Gilda: [Rita whining through the glass] Come on, guys. We're all on the same side here. We all hate my dad. We all want to survive the night. We've all seen Major naked
Clive: I haven't seen...
Olivia: Do it, Major. She makes one false move, I'll put a bullet in her brain.

[Liv, Clive and Ravi go over the murder of actor Jordan Mason Marsh]
Clive: The actor who pulled the trigger apparently had no idea he was holding a real weapon.
Olivia: Who was that?
Clive: Wyatt Carver.
Olivia: [Liv in excitement] Cody! Sorry.
Ravi: Uh, she's seen every episode. On purpose.

[Liv and Ravi show Jordan Marsh's pierced penis to Clive at the morgue]
Olivia: Well, there it is. Some of the most famous junk in America.
Clive: Cover it. Cover it. Who gets pierced there? Why?
Ravi: It's called a Prince Albert. I wonder how you get it through airport security?

Olivia: I was in the neighborhood. I thought maybe we could talk more strategy? Save a few more lives?
Levon: Is that before or after you texted me, "Down to duck"?

Olivia: Guess who was tied for second place with Laurie-Beth? Elise. Ironic, right?
Clive: Well, I think you're using ironic wrong, but...
Olivia: Oh, I think I'm using it right.
Clive: Define ironic.
Olivia: Like, you know, just... Ironic.
Clive: Agree to disagree.

[the bartender identifies the body of Corey Carp]
Bartender: Yeah, Corey Carp. But everyone called him Big Fish.
Olivia: Because he's a big guy and his name is Carp?
Bartender: [the bartender chuckles] No. Because everything out of his mouth was a lie.
Olivia: Ah.
Bartender: A fish story.

Olivia: This floor is made for batucadas.
Ravi: Actually, it was made for draining blood and embalming fluid, but that twisty, spinning bit was delightful.

Kelly: The last thing I heard was this guy keyed Clint's car. Wrote something that riled up my husband.
Clive: You remember what it said?
Zorn: "Richard Sherman is an average cornerback."
Olivia: WHAT?
Clive: Liv...

[Clive tries to tell superhero-brain Liv that the police can't just raid a place]
Clive: We can't just raid a place. There's a protocol. First there's probable cause. Then comes the warrant.
Olivia: [Liv in a low voice] I'm the probable cause.

[Liv talks to Peyton for the first time since Peyton's return]
Peyton: You stalked me, and you brought me a present?
Olivia: That birthday cake you left last night. It meant the world to me.
Peyton: Look, um... When I left, I can't lie, I resented you. I can't tell if it was more, 'I can't believe my best friend is a zombie,' or, 'I can't believe my best friend didn't tell me she's a zombie.'
Olivia: I get that.
Peyton: While I was away I had a chance to put myself in your shoes, and... Ugh, I realized how hard this last year must have been for you. You gave up being a surgeon, you gave up the love of your life. And then I bailed.
Olivia: Well, to be fair, you had just seen me stab someone in the head.

[Clive finds Liv in the police precinct snoring away on the couch]
Clive: Liv. Liv!
Olivia: [Liv gasps] What, already?
Clive: Late night?
Olivia: Suddenly you're Matlock?
Clive: Neighbor of the deceased called the tip line, left an unintelligible message. I was gonna run it down. Any visions yet?
Olivia: Yeah. I got a vision of you leaving me the hell alone, so I can catch some shut-eye.
Clive: Fine. I'll handle this solo. You take care of that hangover.
Olivia: Oh, brush the sand out of your crack and relax. I'm just busting your chops, flatfoot.
[Clive freezes, staring back]

[Clive asks Liv if she's okay due to how efficient she's acting at her job]
Clive: Everything okay?
Olivia: Why? Did I do something wrong?
Clive: Not exactly, you're the opposite of distracted. Your efficiency is kinda scaring me.

Olivia: [Rapping] Comin' at you from the basement of the SPD / It's the E to the M to the C-E-E / ME's rolling up for an autopsy / Getting brain like a boss / Call me Queen Zombie

Herbert: The morning I found Chef, I get there. And there's a pork loin and duck thawing on the counter, with cabbage and warm beet salad.
Olivia: [Scoffs] Ugh!

Olivia: [Drinking a cup from a "Tasty coffee" machine] You lie!

[Drake thanks Liv for saving his life by turning him into a zombie]
Drake: Thank you. And I guess I should thank you for saving my life too, huh?
Olivia: You may want to wait a couple weeks. See if you still feel grateful.

Olivia: Get over here, you dirty little soldier boy, and let mama show you a trick I like to call the "Loni Anderson."
Major: Do I want to ask what brain you're on right now?

[Vaughn Du Clark tells Liv that he has secrets in his Max Rager basement]
Vaughn: You wanna know what's in the basement?
Olivia: Yes.
Vaughn: Secrets. You know who else has a secret basement? Everyone. Because it's business, and businesses compete by trying to come up with even cooler new things, and you don't want someone trying to copy your new cooler thing before you're done, do you? So you work on it in your secret basement.

Clive: What happened back in Vaughn's office?
[Gilda is eavesdropping from an office alcove]
Clive: I assume you had one of your psychic visions that told you Vaughn was sleeping with Taylor.
Olivia: Yeah. The kind I'd like to erase. The man has sex with an ankh necklace on. On a leather cord!

[Ravi and Liv arrive to the Karma Cleaners & Alterations shop]
Ravi: All right, what's the plan?
Olivia: We'll wing it. You ready to do this?
Ravi: Yes, and...
Olivia: And what?
Ravi: 'Yes, and... ' It's the first rule of improv? It's what keeps the scene moving forward.
Olivia: Try not to talk. You willing to hold my hand?
Ravi: [Ravi smiles while holding Liv's hand] Yes. And...

[Clive tells Liv he thinks her phone is giving her third eye cataracts]
Clive: No visions? I think the radiation from your cell phone is giving you third eye cataracts.
Olivia: Don't hate 'cause you can't relate.

[Liv on stripper-brain gives Peyton a lap dance to maybe get a vision]
Olivia: It's a lap dance. Low mileage. No knee to groin contact. I'm your best friend.
Peyton: Yeah. That's why this is awkward.
Olivia: So, with some other girl it would be fine? Wait. Do you not find me attractive?

[Liv and Clive get out of the police car, as Liv yells at a couple teenage skateboarders rolling by on the sidewalk]
Olivia: [Liv yells] Turn your hat around, punk. Show some respect!
Olivia: [Clive stares at Liv] What? Was he crouching behind home plate at Yankee stadium?

[Liv and Blaine break into Agent Bozzio's house while she's at the gym]
Olivia: Dale left with her gym bag. I'd say we have about an hour.
Blaine: Uh... I'd say 90 minutes. You don't get that ass in an hour-a-day.

[last lines]
Olivia: [Major arrives home seeing Liv still on the magician brain, heading straight to bed] Major? Major!

Weston: 'Sup, shawty? What is good?
Olivia: On my grind, you know. Gettin' that schmoney.

[Liv, Clive, and Ravi go over the hotel security tapes that were watching over Syd Wicked's hotel room]
Olivia: So, Syd went into his room alive, no one else came in or out of it, and yet, he was murdered?
Ravi: You know what this means, right? The murder is a magic trick. Sometimes I really love this job.

[Liv talks to Clive on the phone while she's in the dressing stall, as Clive tells Liv the truth about Bethany being the murderer]
Clive: [Clive on the phone] Where are you right now?
Olivia: Um, shopping.
Clive: [on the phone] Why are you whispering.
Olivia: Because I'm in Hauter Than Hell with Bethany.
Clive: [on the phone] You are, why?
Olivia: Well, she's getting me 40% off.

[Liv leaves Drake a voice message]
Olivia: Hey, it's me. I thought you were coming over for dinner? Text me so I know you're alive? Unless I'm being ghosted. In which case that would defeat the purpose. Ah, frack!

[last lines]
Olivia: [Liv visits Major to pick up her phone, wanting to talk to Major, knocking at his bedroom door] Major? It's me.
Major: [from the other side of the door] I left the phone with Ravi.
Olivia: I just want to say 'Hi'.
Major: [through the bedroom door] Kinda busy.
[Liv hangs her head down and walks off, as we see Major laying in bed snorting more of the Utopium drug]

Liv: Javier's brain shows me a view of the world that's brighter, more vibrant. I can't let Lola diminish that view. I'm not ready to go back to a world without that light. I want this feeling to last. I want to leave something more than impressive report cards to remember me by. There is so much beauty in the world. And that's all that matters. Inspiration, love. The heart wants what it wants. Who are we to deny it ?

Olivia: I brought brain broth, and even more importantly, according to medical professionals, my emotional support through this.

[Liv, Clive, and Ravi go over Syd Wicked's crime scene]
Olivia: What kind of name is Syd Wicked?
Clive: Stage name. He's a magician. You don't dress like that unless you do magic or you hate your parents. Apparently there's some big magician convention happening at this hotel all week.
Ravi: Of course! PrestoFest. How did I miss that. I'm on the mailing list.

[Liv chugs down a beer as her roommate Gilda walks in]
Gilda: [Liv burps] Bad day?
Olivia: I got smacked down by someone I used to be tight with. It was harsh.
Gilda: Hey, I'm happy you're drink-through-the-pain type. Not the sad-girl-surrounded-by-empty-ice-cream-pints type.

Olivia: Suspect number six. Dimple chin, high cheekbones, barbells in each of his nipples.
Jimmy: This is kind of a "from the neck up" situation.
Olivia: [Mildly threatening] Draw the nipples, Jimmy.

Ravi: [Reading Liv's personal ad] "Liv from the Scratching Post." "Tim, my blue crew twinsie. You stole a kiss then stole my heart." Liv, you didn't. You did not post a Missed Connection...
Clive: "I believe in feta?"
Olivia: Fate! I was very hungry.

[Liv asks Major and Ravi if they've ever wrestled]
Olivia: Have you guys ever wrestled? Stripped down, oiled up, seen who winds up on top?
Major: [both guys hesitate] Have we?
Ravi: Strangely enough, no.
Major: [Major looks back to Liv] Night's young.

[Clive compares Liv to a box of chocolates for her wackiness at the Alpha Beta house]
Clive: You're like that box of chocolates from Forrest Gump, I never know what I'm gonna get.
Olivia: You're getting chocolate, bro.

[Gilda walks up to Liv who finishes a game of Beer Pong]
Gilda: Hey! I know you're going for gold in the bro-lympics. I'm just wondering how that's a work thing?
Olivia: Right. My bad. Time to focus.
Olivia: [Liv grabs a kid's beer and chugs it in front of Gilda, walking off] You got this, bro. You got this.

Olivia: She must've been an amazing chef.
Saul: A genius, but also a monster. It happens, you know. Edison electrocuted puppies.

[Liv takes Major to basketball practice when he sees a group of kids on the court]
Major: Liv, what are we doing here?
Olivia: You mean, with this ragtag group of disadvantaged kids who tragically lost their coach a few days ago? Oh, did I forget to mention they'd be here?

Olivia: I see it's your time of the month.
Ravi: It's obvious?
Olivia: You're wearing that stocking cap indoors. Plus, zombies have this stench to them.
Ravi: I've never noticed.
Olivia: It's true. They smell. They're disgusting.

[erotica-librarian-brain Liv tells Peyton about Drake]
Olivia: He's got these thick biceps that stretch the cottony limits of his T-shirt.
Peyton: Hmm.
Olivia: He's got a scar on his face that speaks of sin. This is a man who knows when to take a woman by the back of her neck and...
Peyton: Oh!
Olivia: Sorry. I'm on horny-librarian-slash-erotica-novelist brain.

[first lines]
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [sewing stitches] Easy. You're lucky you're not dead. Although, if you were, this would come much more naturally to me.
Major: [laying on his exam table] You know what you're doing, right?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: I mean, theoretically. Sure. But did you consider a trip to the ER?
Major: I'm a social worker. My insurance covers, like, one Band-Aid a year.
Olivia: [entering] Major? What the hell?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: It's nothing.
Olivia: Those are Y-incision stitches! They need to be closer together, unless you're going for that Frankenstein look.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: The man's too good-looking. I'm giving him character.

[Major asks Liv for the zombie cure while talking to her through the glass of the jail visiting room]
Major: Liv, look at me. You need to get me the cure. Soon. Very soon.
Olivia: Major, I mean about the case, and getting you something decent to eat.
Major: It's too late for that, Liv. All right? It's taking everything to stay myself, and if I'm not myself in here, it'll be bad.
Olivia: Major, no. No, we can't. It wipes away your memory, everything...
Major: You have to make a choice, Liv, 'cause we're going to lose me one way or the other, and we both know one way is a lot worse.

[Liv beats away on her drum instruments while at the apartment]
Olivia: [narrating] Okay, so, one mystery solved. Apparently, this brain belonged to a drummer. Just as well, because I pretty much have nothing but nervous energy these days.

[the coffee shop cashier Darcy meets Clive and Liv while at Positivity]
Darcy: Hi! Welcome to Positivity. What can I get for you this amazing morning?
Clive: I'm Detective Babineaux, Seattle P.D.
Olivia: I'm Dr. Moore, with the medical examiner's office.
Darcy: Oh, you must know Ravi. He's one of my favorites.
Olivia: Isn't he just the best?

[Liv sees how Clive acts differently when staring at former NBA basketball player Calvin Owens]
Clive: We should probably go talk to Calvin.
Olivia: You look like me going to see NSYNC when I was 10.

[Ravi tells social-media-brain Liv to be careful on social media]
Ravi: You need to be careful not to overshare on social media. Anything zombie-related is TMI.
Olivia: Don't worry. I'm on my chill hustle hundo-p.
Ravi: My annoying millennial speak knowledge ended with TMI, so I have no idea what you just said.

[Gilda and Liv talk about Gilda's reasons for not coming home at night]
Olivia: [Liv hints towards sex] So, those nights you didn't come home...
Gilda: I'm loud. Seriously, I sound like a cartoon character being murdered. I wouldn't want to put you through it. And what about you? It's like a convent up in here.

[Liv walks into the police precinct with a full dress on and pair of boots]
Olivia: Good, you're here. I just had to see what you think of these bad girls. If they don't make you want to cross-dress, I don't know what will.
Clive: You ever hear of casual Friday?
Olivia: You ever hear of casual elegance? What's wrong, were your bib overalls in your wash tub?

[Ravi talks to Liv through the prison visiting glass]
Ravi: We get eight more minutes. So, what do you want to talk about? Oh, what's the best American album of all time? I say, it's Pet Sounds by the Beach Boys.
Olivia: Can we just sit here? Eight minutes of silence is just what the doctor ordered.

Ravi: I sold 60 raffle tickets.
Olivia: Sixty? We only got 50.
Ravi: I sold 10 of yours too, which makes me current sales leader.
Olivia: I haven't started, you cheated.
Ravi: I've heard that before. Oh, that's right, it's the first line of the loser national anthem.

[first lines]
Gilda: [Gilda finds Liv in their kitchen, as Liv downs a bottle of hot sauce out of the fridge] Good morning, stranger. Hangover cure?
Olivia: Just a weird craving. At least it's not hollandaise sauce, right?

[Harry Cole admits that he didn't kill Telly Levins]
Harry: We have a guy who works at our firm, a fixer. He cleans up messes like this. He told me to wipe down the bat and everything else with bleach.
Olivia: But you forgot the blinds.
Harry: I was working fast.
Olivia: 'Be quick, but don't hurry' John Wooden said that.

Clive: What was the vision?
Olivia: It's news we already knew.
Don: We're in Harley's truck, Liv's squeeze in our headlights, frothing at the mouth. He wants our brains, man! I yell, "Go! Go! Go!" Harley guns it in reverse. Her friend is chasing us down going like 60 miles an hour.
Blaine: That's a slight exaggeration.
Don: Dude, I was there!
Blaine: We were all there.
Clive: This was on YouTube for God's sake!

Olivia: [a red zed has been painted on their door] "Z." For "zebra." The referees read what I wrote on their NFL fan board, and this is their revenge.
Peyton: Liv, it's for "zombie."

Olivia: Look at you... Right at home. Born to be Lieutenant.
[Taps nameplate]
Olivia: Babineaux.
Clive: You need anything else, Liv?
Olivia: Mmm. A raise wouldn't hurt.
Clive: No.
Olivia: Can I have a gun?
Clive: No.
Olivia: Ooh, how about a squad car?
Clive: No.
Olivia: Diplomatic immunity?
Clive: No.

Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: So, in the five months you've been here, what's the weirdest thing you've seen?
Liv: You drinking cereal milk over a corpse?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: I like that you always keep it under 15 syllables. It gives us a good rhythm. Working with my last resident was like prepping for the Newlywed Game. "Oh, what's your favorite color?" "How old were you when you first touched a boob?" It's nice to know I can dissect a Jane Doe's spleen without feeling obligated to list my top desert island albums.

[Ravi tells Liv that he'll ask Cher for her alibi]
Olivia: You won't ask a poor orphaned girl for her alibi? Clive would. But not you. You're a softie like me.
Ravi: You know, I'm offended. I'm just as hard as the next man. Yeah? Be it Clive, or Jason Statham, or Dwayne Johnson. A man so hard, he was once called The Rock.

Enzo: [French accent] Ah, a hate crime. Most likely the work of the Dead Enders. The human was, how you say... "Dommage collateral".
Olivia: That's not how I say it.

[Clive tells Liv and Ravi that Regina Summer was a badge bunny]
Clive: She was a badge bunny.
Olivia: A what?
Clive: A badge bunny. A woman who sleeps with cops. Something about the badge turns them on.
Ravi: [Ravi whispers to himself] I have a badge.

[Liv asks both Clive and Ravi out for drinks and a bite to eat]
Olivia: Hey, later-later, like Friday, I was thinking we could all grab a drink after work, maybe get a bite to eat? I mean, if you guys are free. It's just been a while since we got together.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Friday's tricky, yeah. I've been seeing Stephanie. You know, the girl I met at the club. Been seeing a lot of her, actually. She's trying to get Friday night off work so she can fix me a home-cooked meal. Turns out, right, she's got this whole Martha Stewart side to her. Which combined with her raw honesty and lack of intellectual pretense giving me a sense of emotional intimacy I've not felt in a long time, you know?
Clive: [Liv quietly stares at Clive who answers] Can't, busy.

[Ravi wakes up hungover one last time from drinking late with Peyton]
Olivia: [Liv over the phone] Like I told you, when you're playing drinking games with Peyton, all you'll walk away with is a 'thanks for participating' ribbon.
Ravi: A tiny man with a jackhammer has taken up residence in my skull.

[Drake gets dressed for work when Liv asks him out to dinner for the following night]
Drake: Work called. G-Rad got attacked by a drunk bachelorette. Girl nearly took his eye out with a penis straw. They need me to go down there and cover the door.
Olivia: How about dinner tomorrow? I make a mean brain ziti.
Drake: Yeah. Sounds great. Wait. Is that another lie?

[Liv questions Clive about being a Knicks fan after spotting his New York Knicks mug]
Olivia: You're a Knicks fan?
Clive: Yes. I've had this mug as long as you've known me. You're just now realizing I'm a fan.
Olivia: I'm just impressed you broadcast it. Nice job using your lottery pick this year on Kristaps Porzingis.
Olivia: [Liv coughs] Darko Milicic.
Clive: We're really talking about basketball now? I caught you trying to put paperclips in here a couple week ago. You thought it was for knick-knacks.

[Liv narrates her final thoughts about what love is]
Olivia: [narrating] What is it Cher said? 'Love makes you stupid.' With every passing hour, Leslie's impossibly upbeat brain has less control over me, and I'm able to see how naive I am about Drake. Does this mean I'm in love, or does it mean I'm dimwitted? Or is it the fact that even as I get back to my old self, I'm still giddy about him showing up that makes me an idiot?

Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [cell phone chiming and vibrating] What's going on? You keep getting texts that disappoint you.
Liv: They're not the texts that I want.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: I hate to pry...
Liv: Said the man who keeps asking me for my urine samples.

[Liv talks to Clive at the auto body shop as they're leaving]
Olivia: Oh, I'll just wait here. For you to pull up the car.
Clive: What am I, Driving Miss Crazy?
Olivia: I didn't know I would be walking today. This is more of a sitting shoe. Super cute though, huh? Look how long they make my legs look.
Clive: You need to use those long legs and get yourself to my car.

Olivia: A zombie crashing a zombie haters club meeting. It's like the coolest dare imaginable. We could even do accents. You be American and I'll be Brit!
[Puts on a terrible cockney accent]
Olivia: Mind the gap, you dumb squib! I cocked up that giddy kipper. Now I'm all collywobbles.
Ravi: [Terrible American accent] And I only speak one language and I wear white socks! USA! USA!
Olivia: I think we need to practice.

[Liv and Clive ask to speak to the manager of the Positivity coffee shop]
Clive: Could we speak to your manager?
Darcy: I'm a manager. Everyone who works here is. We're all co-managers.
Olivia: Amazing.

[Ravi shows Liv the dead body of a drug dealer from the rave club]
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: All four victims are missing teeth and fingernails. The detective on the case thinks someone was sending a message.
Olivia: [Liv and Ravi walk up to the body on the table] And this is the guy who sold you and Major Utopium at the club?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: I buy drugs one time, purely for research purposes, and this is what happens. How bad must my karma be?

Olivia: I can't find a body for this leg.
Ravi: It's like the most horrible jigsaw puzzle ever.

[Major gives Liv her Christmas present]
Major: I got you a little something, Liv.
Olivia: [Liv opens the present and gasps] Zombie High, the Complete Second Season!
Ravi: What's my gift?
Major: Not having to watch that.

[Liv sits beside Ravi and begins smelling what smells like cologne]
Olivia: [sniffs] Are you wearing cologne?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Uh, it's called Desire-Rx. It has human pheromones in it. I'm a walking sex experiment.
Olivia: Seeing Steph again tonight?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Obviously. She's my test subject.
Olivia: Look at you! You don't know whether to wind your watch or scratch your ass.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: I'm fairly certain I do. My watch self-winds. My ass, on the other hand...

Olivia: If Sir Garrett did doth portray himself falsely a zombie whilst in battle with zombies, who, believing him kindred, fought without care, 'tis on Garrett's own shoulder the fault doth lay, does it not?
Clive: That's what I was thinking, but in a less annoying way.

Peyton: What's the first thing you wanna do once you're human?
Olivia: Escape the city. Go somewhere where no one knows me. Never date, get fat.

Olivia: There are, like, 80 movies here. How long did you work in the porn business?
Rhonda: Five months.

Martin: Riley's team takes over a brothel, infects conventioneers, who bring it home, and... Bingo! Zombies are everywhere. Where we're meant to be. And a new order begins.
Olivia: Martin, that's... That's crazy.
Martin: No, it only seems that way because you're not looking at it from the right perspective.
Olivia: From my perspective, it looks like mass murder

[Byron Thistlewaite tells Liv and Clive about the local teenager that terrorizes the neighborhood]
Byron: This... This kid, he's, like, the terror of the neighborhood.
Clive: What kid?
Byron: Rodney Ricks. Okay, he's from a couple blocks over. He's a real thug.
Olivia: [Liv sits forward] He's a teenager. Not a bear. Pretend you got a pair and speak up, son.

[Liv asks Ravi how the safe sex research for zombies is going]
Olivia: I've got that lucky feeling tonight, Doc. Give me some good news on the safe sex research.
Ravi: Oh, nothing certain yet, though I have proven that when you purchase boxes of every brand of condom available at once, the lady at the drugstore counter looks at you funny.

[Detective Benedetto tells Liv what his police precinct says about her]
Detective: Wanna know what people say about you?
Olivia: What?
Detective: That you're the real deal. That you'll be running your own morgue before you're 35.

Ravi: They have retinal scans, Liv.
Olivia: Pfft. cut off a dead guy's hand once for fingerprint access to a secret lab elevator. Well, Major cut it off, but I carried it around on my belt.

Peyton: Aren't you forgetting a certain four-letter word that starts with "F"?
Olivia: Funk?
[Peyton shakes her head]
Olivia: Fart?
[Peyton sighs]
Olivia: I give up.
Peyton: Fate.

[first lines]
Liv: I had one chance at love. Turns out my would be soul mate survives on the brains of murdered teenagers.

[Liv and Peyton reunite as roommates with Peyton moving in]
Olivia: What is happening over there?
Ravi: [as Ravi tries to lift up his bottle of beer] I literally can't lift my arms. Why did I get all the boxes of books?
Major: Because you made me carry the furniture all by myself.

[Liv takes over to coach Major's basketball team during practice]
Olivia: [Liv blows the whistle] Huddle up! Here's what's going to happen, gentlemen. You're going to pick it up. I want to see ball movement, proper screens, hard cuts to the hole. And if I don't, I'm going to run you like dogs.
Olivia: [the kids laugh, as we see them running on the court next] Let's go, ladies! Hustle! I tried to warn you, you want to dance, you got to pay the band.

Olivia: Should I be the first to point out that a cradle robber works at a nursery?

[Liv interviews Bailey Barker's friend Frankie when she tells her Brody Johnson is Bailey's murderer]
Olivia: Why would he want to kill her?
Frankie: He was running against Bailey for president of the student senate.
Olivia: They must really take their student government seriously here.

[Liv talks to Ravi about the remaining body of Wendell Gale]
Olivia: We're cremating Wendell? We couldn't find any next of kin?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: We found them. They just weren't interested in claiming his body.
Olivia: [Liv rolls out Wendell's dead body, narrating] What do you have to say for yourself, Wendell? Life dealt you a lousy hand, so you just folded tent, decided it was easier to be a rotten bastard. That's not gonna be me. I'm going down swinging.

[Liv sees Blaine for the first time after he loses his memory]
Olivia: Does he remember that he's a dick? I can smack him in the head a couple hundred times. See if that shakes something loose
Blaine: Do you know me?
Olivia: Unfortunately, yeah.

[Blaine asks Liv is she's ever happy to be a zombie]
Blaine: Are you ever happy you're a zombie?
Olivia: You should know that's a stupid question.
Blaine: Is it? Before I became a zombie, I was wasting my life. Human Blaine was a nobody. An underachiever. He was a, he was a joke. Zombie Blaine, though... Zombie Blaine was the man.
Olivia: He was a murderer.
Blaine: But he was exceptional.

Olivia: [after finding out Tim is a zombie-supremacist] Goodbye, Tim. I guess I didn't need to know your last name after all.
Tim: It's Timmerson.
Olivia: Tim... Timmerson? No, thank you.

[Peyton reveals to Blaine that Liv is her friend]
Peyton: [Liv stands at Peyton's side] Blaine thinks he and I could have something special.
Olivia: Aww, he swiped right. I'm sure that your Tinder photo is hair-centric and flattering, but how do you spin that bio? 'I'm a humble guy, always down for a hike, or we could just murder and chill.' 'My fave slays are astronauts, homeless teens and boyfriend.'

[magician-brain Liv does a magic card trick for Ravi]
Olivia: Okay. Have you thought of a card? Do you see it?
Ravi: [Liv does the magic trick, as Ravi gasps] The 10 of clubs is missing. Where did it go, you witch?
Olivia: Ah! The 10 of clovers. A clover needs a dark space to take root. A place as dark as a closed casket buried six feet under.
Ravi: That's dark.
Olivia: Or, a man's back pocket.
Ravi: [Ravi gasps when finding the card in his back pocket] This is the best brain ever! I almost want to start killing magicians so it never ends.

Olivia: I'll lift her keycard and get it to Ravi, who will access her office computer and switch Charli's retinal scan to read as Saxon's. All you gotta do is keep her occupied and out of her purse till he gets it back. Got it?
Clive: Yeah. I'm the Clooney, I got it.

Lola: Asking Javier to sleep with one woman for the rest of his life would be like asking him to paint those little seascapes on the novelty spoons they sell at the pier.
Tasha: He had a way of, like, discovering people, and then sort of revealing them to themselves.
Liv: [patronizing] That is really beautiful. Seriously, he sounds amazing.

[Drake tells Liv his mom's kitchen sink is leaking and it's an emergency]
Drake: [Drake receives a phone text] I am so sorry, can we reschedule? My mom's kitchen sink is leaking. Which I know doesn't sound like an emergency, but if I don't handle it, she'll call 911.
Olivia: Buzzfeed teaches us that when a man abruptly changes his plans, he's up to no good.

[Ravi arrives back to work late with Liv's lunch]
Ravi: Lunch is here! Finally. Did you get lost?
Olivia: I would've been back sooner, but the guy in front of me in line had a mild heart attack. I had to administer CPR, wait for paramedics... He'll survive, but your Kung Pao chicken may be cold.
Ravi: [smiles] Then it would be small of me to complain.

[first lines]
Olivia: [Liv and Major make out inside her doorway] What are we doing?
Major: Well, it's hard to put a label on it just yet. But I'll get back to you in a minute.
Olivia: We should stop. We don't know enough about how the zombie is transferred. All this kissing.
Major: [Major and Liv keep kissing] I've been kissed by Blonde Liv before. Still human.

[Ravi sees social-media-brain Liv write a mean food review]
Ravi: 'Real talk? Your sandwich artist was chugging some serious haterade today. No eye contact? Am I a leper? Also, where's the main-from-scratch sriracha? The artisanal pickles?' One star. A bit harsh for Bernie's Sub Shack, don't you think? We eat there once a week.
Olivia: [Liv keeps typing] Hashtag 'Sorry, not sorry.'

Olivia: A pint of ranch dressing is 2,200 calories. FYI.
Clive: Good to know. Thanks.
Olivia: It's just... I know you like ranch dressing.
Clive: I usually manage to avoid having a pint in a sitting.

[Liv tells Major and Ravi that Clive really fills out his fitted shirts]
Olivia: He really fills out those fitted shirts, huh?
[both Major and Ravi nod up and down while eating]

Olivia: Did I mean for Steve to get shot? Of course not. Could the plan have gone better? Sure. But ask yourself... Could it also have gone worse?
Clive: Yes, that's the point!

Olivia: Let the music take control. Let the rhythm move you.
Ravi: Are you really quoting C+C Music Factory right now?

[Blaine tells Liv that he knows about the FBI Agent Dale Bozzio on the missing persons case]
Blaine: Look, I know they brought the FBI in on this missing persons case. Read it in the paper. Been a Sunday subscriber since '07, NBD. Anyway, they got this lady Fed heading up the investigation, Dale Bozzio. Bitching name. One you'd remember. Ring any bells?
Olivia: Maybe.

Ravi: A few weeks ago, I gave a syringe to Major, just in case. He never used it. He's still got one dose.
Olivia: So, we just wait for Major to get back?
Ravi: It'll give you time to think of something better than ice cream. A figgy pudding, perhaps. Oh! Or a Sherry trifle. A good flummery... .

Olivia: Your ex is such a pig. You def traded up. Rav is the bomb. Like, part Prince Jr. Part Van Der Beek, but with a beard.

[Liv and Clive pay a visit to Brody Johnson]
Brody: [Brody wraps his arms around Liv] Bro! Bring it in like Flynn! Oh... Mmm, you smell good! You back here down to pound? Wanna go back to the house, play some flip cups, maybe touch bits?
Olivia: Not even a little.

Olivia: They're the same type of guns used in the Baracus shooting... And Wally's murder. I thought we should run ballistics to confirm.
Clive: If Cavanaugh learns we have these, *he'll* go ballistic,

[Ravi tells Liv that he would like a cool stage name]
Ravi: Syd Wicked. I want to change my name to something cool like that. What do you think of Rick Bang?
Olivia: I think Rick Bang lives in a one-bedroom apartment in the San Fernando Valley and gets paid to do it on camera.
Ravi: Ow. Well, Steph told me how to figure out my porn name. Sadly, it's Polly Cripplegate.

[Liv asks Ravi if they would've still became friends if she hadn't become a zombie]
Olivia: I wonder if we would've been friends if we'd met before I became a zombie.
Ravi: Definitely. Like me for my antidotes, love me for my anecdotes.

[Liv tells Clive what she see's in her vision about Terrence Fowler]
Olivia: When we interviewed Terrence, he already knew that Taylor was sleeping with Vaughn. I saw the moment he learned about the affair. He was pulling his fist out of a wall. Eek!
Clive: So when he sat at that coffee table, it was all an act.
Olivia: I thought you'd be more surprised.
Clive: I'm speechless surprised.
Olivia: I know, but I was hoping for something, like...
Olivia: [Liv in a whisper gives a high pitch moan] Ah!

Olivia: You know, you'd be calmer if you lived in the moment.
Clive: I am. This moment is about finding a witness to help solve a case.
Olivia: The lightness and clarity of mindfulness will help us solve the case.
Clive: Yeah, when? You haven't had any visions. Name one thing this brain's done to help catch the killer.
Olivia: Can we get over this fixation of who did what, when?
Clive: It's a murder investigation!

Clive: Zombies! Heh. I would be a dangerous man if the zombies came. I wouldn't be makin' any mistakes. Is that a scratch on my grandmother?
[shouts]
Clive: Blam!
[softly speaks]
Clive: Oh. Hasta la vista, meemaw.
Liv: Chivalry is dead.
Clive: Oh, but Clive is alive.

[Ravi gives Liv the brain of an innocent victim who died]
Ravi: [Ravi talks like a game show host] Olivia Moore! Let's see what's inside drawer number one. Today we're sending you home with Madison Brenneck.
Ravi: [Ravi opens one of the morgue doors] 25 years old. The victim of an ill-fated rendezvous with a Seattle cross-town. Bus driver said she never even looked up from her phone. She's only in our morgue because she was killed on city property. So, Madison comes complete with wonderfully unremarkable, non-murdery visions.
Olivia: All the great taste, none of the foul play.

[Liv scrambles eggs, slices open a brain, fries it, to fold it in-between an egg omelet]
Olivia: [Liv talks with her mouth full] Mmm. Oh, my God.
Ravi: Nothing more primal than a zombie craving brains.

[Liv tells Clive she has a vision of who killed The Fog]
Olivia: The Fog, he was attacked by another guy in a costume. Tic-Tac-Toe Man, or something.
Clive: That's Hashtag. I'll bring him in. He's another joker in a mask.
Olivia: You know where to find him?
Clive: All you have to do to summon Hashtag is to hashtag, Hashtag.

Olivia: It gets worse. Detective Cavanaugh is on the case.
Ravi: Detective Cavanaugh? That weasel-faced kiss-ass? He'd waterboard his own mom if it meant making lieutenant.
Detective: [Enters] To make lieutenant?C'mon. I'm not a monster. Now, for captain's bars? I'd go full Gitmo on the old biddy.

[Liv tells Drake that she'd like to get to know him more]
Drake: So, here's the thing... if I can't deal with Blaine anymore, you think I could, um... get brains from you? From here?
Olivia: I don't really know you.
Drake: Oh. No, I totally get it. I'll make the Blaine situation work.
Olivia: But I'd like to know you.
Drake: [Drake chuckles] Yeah? Just say when.

[Liv yells at Major with how she feels by him]
Olivia: Hey! Stop! I'm coming here like and adult, trying to talk to you. How can you be this cold to me?
Major: Who exactly am I being cold to? Huh? Uh, who-whose brain did you eat this week?
Olivia: Oh, this is all me! And in case you've forgotten, I didn't ask for this. I went to a party because you told me I should. I woke up on a shore craving brains. And next thing I know, I've cracked this corpse's head open... How could I bring that home to you? How could I be your wife? I had become a monster. And I was confused, and I was dangerous. Every decision that I made last year, I made trying to protect you from my new reality. I-I know that in your eyes I screwed up badly along the line, but I did the best I could.
Major: You know, I just... I keep asking you for some space, and every time I turn around, here you are.
Olivia: [walks away but then pauses at the door] Why are you doing this?
Major: Doing what?
Olivia: Making me doubt the only thing in my life that I was sure was real.

Olivia: So, what brings a nice British lad like you to Seattle?
Lowell: Well, I had to escape the chilly, wet, depressing London weather. So, Seattle, naturally. There may have also been a girl.
Olivia: Oh, there's always a girl.
Lowell: So, your ex, what's he like?
Olivia: Determined.

[Liv tells Ravi that she beat up one of Mr. Boss's men while looking for Drake]
Olivia: I just beat the snot out of one of his goons trying to get answers, but he didn't know anything.
Ravi: You did what?
Olivia: He started it. He... He tried to manhandle me.
Ravi: So you went Jack Bauer on him? Are you mental?
Olivia: Okay, I might need to get off stripper brain.

[coffee-shop-brain Liv chooses to believe that the spirit of Leslie Morgan is in a better place]
Olivia: What a mess. Poor thing. I choose to believe she's in a better place now.
Ravi: Than under an air conditioner, you mean?
Olivia: I'm talking about Shangri-La. The happy hunting grounds. Valhalla. The great coffee shop in the sky.

[fatal-attraction-brain Liv in bed questions Major's late night text]
Olivia: I'm going to plead temporary insanity.
Major: Hey. A little jealousy makes a guy feel wanted.
Olivia: [Major gets a late night text] Little late for a text, isn't it?
Major: But let's not overplay it.

[Drake's mother takes a picture of Drake and Liv standing together]
Drake's: Okay, press your tongues to the roof of your mouths. You know, we don't want any waddles. And smile!
Olivia: [Drake's mother snaps the off-centered picture] If you post that, you have to tag me in it.
Drake's: [Drake's mother smiles] I don't know what that means, honey.

[Liv on doctor-brain sits with Drake at the bar while out on their date together]
Olivia: [narrating] So, Drake does have a job. He's on familiar terms with a crusty bartender. He's known and liked by regulars. He's told people about me. Current hypothesis? Initial data points to Drake being on the level.

[Liv and Clive interrogate the CI Tanner about a new player in town]
Olivia: [Liv takes a photo of Tanner when he doesn't cooperate] What's your Twitter handle, Tanner? Hashtag 'real CI's of Seattle,' hashtag 'riding the U-boat.'
Tanner: Sally Tiny Tears is freaking me out, man. I can't have people thinking I'm tight with cops.

[Liv tells Ravi about Rita's true identity]
Ravi: Gilda-slash-Rita slept with Major, you found out, confrontation, argue, argue, argue, exit Gilda.
Olivia: And I punched her in the face.
Ravi: You Americans and your violence.

[Ravi asks Liv why she's on the Seattle PD database]
Ravi: What are you doing on the Seattle PD database?
Olivia: Looking for background info on Drake. I feel like he might be hiding something. What kind of person doesn't use Twitter or Facebook?
Ravi: Only a lunatic. How else would he disseminate inspirational quotes and latte art?

[Liv changes her clothes to go undercover at Max Rager]
Olivia: It's so they don't recognize me at Max Rager.
Ravi: Well, for the degree I've been creeped out by this, the clues you find by this better be Earth shattering.
Olivia: I almost forgot. For that professional look.
Ravi: [Liv puts on a pair of glasses] Literally the stuff of nightmares.

Clive: [Reading Liv's personal ad] "I wanna spend the rest of my life decomposing with you."
Olivia: What? What? It's zombie romance.
Clive: No.
Clive: No, no, no, no. It's desperate.
Ravi: It's what someone would point to if you decapitated a stranger at the back of a bus and they were looking for warning signs.

[Liv strolls over the Alpha Beta house on a search to find Chad's killer]
Olivia: [narrating] Right now, I've got one word in my bro-cabulary, and that word is 'Justice'. I am going on a vision quest of all vision quests. I will not rest until I find the bastard who...
Olivia: [Liv screams out when seeing a table] Beer Pong! Time to get your balls wet, bro!

[Liv tells Clive that the teenager boy, Rodney Ricks is guilty]
Olivia: They brought in that Rodney Ricks kid who killed Wendell.
Clive: He did it? You had a vision?
Olivia: No! Good God, Lemon, patience! That kid screams guilty. He's wearing makeup, and his pants are hanging so low, they look like a bra for his ass.
Olivia: [Liv sighs] Obama.

[Liv and Clive pay Mr. Boss a visit at his place of business]
Stacey: Can I offer you a Vatrushka? Come on. You've got a second shot at life. Indulge.
Olivia: I'm good.
Stacey: Well, there's your problem.

[Ravi tells Liv that he made clones of the test subject rat New Hope]
Olivia: What am I looking at, Ravi?
Ravi: Matricide. These six young zombie rats are clones of New Hope. The remains you see here are those of the mother that gave birth to them. Apparently, the little clones decided it was time to switch from mother's milk to brains.
Olivia: Why the clones?
Ravi: When we find the tainted Utopium, I'd prefer to test on rats, normal and zombie, rather than humans. New Hope, like Blaine and Major, became a zombie and was given the cure. Her clone should give us the most accurate picture of what Blaine and Major can expect. I'd hate to lose a perfectly good zombie rat.

Olivia: Fear not my lord, for both my sword and my life are yours.
Clive: You don't have a sword. Or a life, if we're being technical.

[Liv and Blaine sit on their stakeout outside Agent Bozzio's house]
Olivia: [they see Bozzio and Clive kiss from the front window] Love is only a delay of death, a tragedy waiting in the wings.
Blaine: [Blaine turns his head to Liv] You're bumming me out, man.

Olivia: All that sex talk made me horny. Mind telling Ravi that I left early to tap some ass?
Clive: [Rolls eyes] Yeah. I'll get right on that.
[Writing note]
Clive: "Tapping that ass."

[Liv and Bethany Miller go through Liv's closet of dresses]
Olivia: [Bethany pulls out one of Peyton's dresses] That belonged to someone. A long time ago, we used to be friends.
Bethany: Hmm.
Olivia: [Liv pulls out a bottle of red wine] Ready to try on something red?
Bethany: White is so last bottle.

[Liv leaves the hospital after visiting her brother who had just told her to never see him again]
Olivia: [narrating] I couldn't have given Evan my blood even if I had been willing to turn him into a zombie. The second some nurse took my pulse and my temperature, they would've quarantined me. Maybe it's better this way. I'm radioactive. That I repel the people I love. Keep things simple. Harden yourself, Liv. You have no more family. You're a monster. Act like one.

[Peyton sees Liv tweet a selfie photo of them both that she just took]
Peyton: Did you just tweet that photo of us? Hashtag 'friendship goals.' Hashtag 'booty had me like what'?
Olivia: [Liv with a smile on her face] Not cool?
Peyton: Uh, little weird.

[Liv and Ravi ask Clive why he kept his cooking skills a secret from them]
Ravi: Why did you keep it a secret? You figured Shaft never cooked for his friends, so neither could you?
Olivia: It's adorable.
Clive: And there it is. Need I say more?

Olivia: You know, I could catch any D I want in this place?
Ravi: Most of the guys in here are human.
Olivia: They won't be when I'm making them brains for breakfast.
[Ravi gives her a look]
Olivia: Just kidding. I'm not gonna let them stay for breakfast.

Olivia: Have you got some information for us?
Vampire: "I want to touch your monkey."
Olivia: Bold, direct, and a little confusing. I was hoping for something more along the lines of Harris' password.
Vampire: That is Harris' password. For everything. All one word, lower-case.

[Liv tells Major how she truly feels]
Olivia: From the moment that I met you I knew that we were meant to be together. I was sure of it. It was like fate. But that was before I witnessed a mass murder. Before I'd eaten fresh brain, before I'd lied to you, or let you put yourself in a mental hospital. It was before I watched you die. And it was before all of this cruelty was directed back at me. Now, I don't think space can fix what's wrong with us. We're a dream that's dead. I doubt that I will ever stop loving you, but it's over now. I gotta let you go. Completely. Forever.
Major: [Without any emotion, Major replies] Perfect. Uh, thanks for stopping by.
[Major then closes the front door on Liv]

[Liv asks Blaine if he killed the fourth man who walked on the moon]
Olivia: You killed the fourth man who walked on the moon?
Blaine: Please, nobody cares about the fourth person to do something.

[Liv prepares to eat the brains of Taylor Fowler]
Olivia: I've never had a lady-who-lunches for lunch.
[the scene cuts to the scenes of Liv slicing Taylor's brain, a tomato, opening a can of tuna, biting into her tuna salad]
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: She looks as tasty as she was tasteful.
[Ravi eats a handful of cheerios from a jar]

[first lines]
Olivia: [Liv walks up to her brother's hospital bed, narrating] Time heals all wounds. Time heals all wounds.
Olivia: [Liv sits on the bed beside her brother Evan who's asleep] Hey, buddy.
Olivia: [narrating] Another surgery to remove shrapnel. Three months. Three surgeries.
Eva: [Eva Moore walks into the room] You need to leave. Right now.

[Liv accepts on helping Blaine]
Blaine: So, what do you say? Team up with me. Stop a zombie killer, maybe save a few lives? Have a few laughs?
Olivia: I don't think so.
Blaine: Okay, let me put it to you in Liv-speak. Some of these missing zombies have families and are 'nice people.' And more 'nice people' are going to go missing unless you and I do something about it. Look, we know things the FBI doesn't. So we're ahead of the curve. Help me, Zombie-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope.
Olivia: This doesn't change the fact that you still sicken me.
Blaine: [Blaine smiles] Wouldn't be me if I didn't.

[Liv cuts the red suit off the dead Santa Claus in the morgue]
Olivia: This isn't the sort of visit from old Saint Nick I had in mind.
Ravi: [Ravi into his recorder] Beard color, white as snow.

[Liv and Bethany are trying out dresses while out shopping together]
Olivia: [narrating] Sometimes you have to move on from an old friend. And when you do, sometimes there's a new friend waiting. Someone who helps you see that in life, at the end of the day...
Olivia: [Liv's phone rings and she answers it with] Hello?
Clive: [Clive on the phone] Liv. I think I know who hired Joe to kill Taylor. It was Terrence's personal stylist, Bethany.

Liv: [voice-over] I can't refuse to be dead. I can't eat a ham sandwich and feel like a sated normal human being. I can't have sex, or tell the people I love what's going on with me, but I can choose not to have a drawer full of fake eyeballs and strangers' tchotchkes. I can choose to be a decent person. I can choose to help find justice for a fellow dead girl.

[coffee-girl-brain Liv compliments Gary Derryberry's real estate apartment]
Olivia: Very airy, Gary Derryberry.

[Liv prepares herself on finding out the killer of Chad Wolcoff]
Clive: I'm really gonna need a hand with this, so let me know when things get extrasensory.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Clive walks off as Ravi whispers to Liv] Well, I hope you like yager bombs and homoerotic subtext.
[the scene cuts to the scenes of Liv microwaving, eating, and washing the dishes after eating Chad's brains]
Clive: [Clive calls Liv] Can you meet me upstairs?
Olivia: Yes.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Liv turns, burps, and walks forward] And so it begins...

[Liv on coffee-shop-brain tries to comfort Cher for the loss of her mother Leslie Morgan]
Cher: Behind all those nutty sayings, She was just the kindest...
Olivia: Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
Cher: That's exactly the kind of dorky thing she would say.

Ravi: Clearly, American Ninja Warrior brain. We basically have to do a high-wire obstacle course through the labs of Zone 19. One ninja warrior, we'll be able to climb walls.
Olivia: Look, I'm just saying Cirque du Soleil is a bit more stealthy. We have to climb without being seen.
Ravi: We don't know what role they had. They could've been a mime.

[Liv and Ravi arrive to the set of Zombie High]
Olivia: Last night, I was watching Zombie High, and now I'm friggin' in it. But only because the star's been murdered. Is there a word that means both cool and awful?
Ravi: In the 16th century, the word was egregious. Now it just means, 'shockingly bad.' As in, the way Zombie High treats science.
Olivia: It's not supposed to be a documentary on zombie biology.
Ravi: Then mission accomplished.

Ravi: Cars can be possessed. Herbie for example.
Olivia: Herbie wasn't possessed. You're thinking of Christine.
[Emotional]
Olivia: Herbie wasn't evil, he was the Love Bug.

[Liv wakes up Major by checking his blood pressure]
Olivia: [Major hears the blood pressure pump] How are you feeling?
Major: Great. Who doesn't enjoy waking up to a beautiful girl cutting off his circulation?

Ravi: I've got some good news for you. I can make you human.
Olivia: Are you serious?
Ravi: 100% serious... 80% certain it will work.

Liv: [about Blaine] I think he's a liar. And a phony. And I think he's just using me for my brains. Well, *their* brains.

[pathological-liar-brain Liv tells Agent Bozzio about her imaginary lotto ticket]
Dale: Hey, Liv. What's up?
Olivia: Clive didn't tell you? About my lottery ticket?
Dale: First I've heard of it.
Olivia: I hit five out of six numbers, and I only missed the sixth by one. I was this close to $40 million.
Clive: Five out of six numbers, I think that still wins you 50 grand or something like that.
Olivia: Oh shoot! Why did I tear up my ticket? I just was so mad. Live and learn, I guess.
Clive: That's very Zen of you.
Olivia: [Liv smiles] Well, back to the salt mines.

[Liv hums 'The Blue Danube' song while working on a dead body next to Ravi]
Ravi: [as Liv hums] Did you and Major have sex?
Olivia: Whoa. Aren't Brits supposed to be repressed? What would Judi Dench say?
Ravi: She'd say we don't know a lot about the sexual transmission of zombie-ism.

[Liv on stripper-brain sits on the lap of a guy while waiting for a vision to happen]
Cocky: Olivia. I like how your mouth looks when you say that.
Olivia: [Liv smiles in the guys lap] Olivia.

[Liv and Clive interview Houdina who denies believing that Syd Wicked is dead]
Clive: We'd like to ask you some questions about Syd Wicked.
Houdina: He's not dead. I bet it's a stunt. Syd's very talented.
Olivia: Trust me, he's dead.
Houdina: [Houdina smiles] Whatever you say.

Olivia: Remember where we found her? In her dungeon surrounded by her freaky sex toys and strangled by her whip, does that sound fun to you?
Ravi: Thinking?

Clive: Go home. Get some sleep.
Olivia: I'll sleep when I'm dead.
Clive: You're already dead.
Olivia: We're all already dead, Clive. We just don't know it yet.
Clive: ...Cool.

[Liv and Clive examine Roger Thrunk's turtle]
Olivia: I saw a movie once set in a jungle prison. Prisoners wrote messages on the bottom of turtles' shells.
Clive: [Clive puts on a pair of gloves, picking up the turtle] Ah... The things they never tell you that you'll be doing at the detective academy.
Dale: [as Dale Bozzio walks into the room] Babineaux! You and that turtle get a room.
Clive: I'm looking for messages.
Dale: [Bozzio nods] I won't ask.

Liv: I'm having a hard enough time pretending I'm alive, let alone throwing a performance as a psychic into my repertoire.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Liv, you ate the girl's temporal lobe. Going to the police with her potential murderer is the least you can do.

[Ravi tells Liv that the vigilante The Fog was a man who stood for justice]
Ravi: I think it's noble to go out and pursue danger to protect the innocent, to be an active symbol of hope. To show the world that one person can make a difference.
Olivia: I just think it's kind of ridiculous.
Ravi: Would you say that to Batman?
Olivia: If he were real, yes, I would.

[Liv asks Major if he remembers the Friends episode about a zombie]
Olivia: Remember the episode when Ross and Rachel break up because she's a zombie who wants to solve murder cases?
Major: Mmm. That was so us.

Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [reads description of a corpse in the morgue] Marvin Webster here, family man, two kids, suburbs, owner operator of Sea-Tac Bug Whack until someone ran him over in the Whole Lotta Lotta car park. Should be a pretty safe brain to eat.
Liv: Said nobody. Ever.

[Liv shows up to The Slow Roll country bar, explaining to Ravi how nervous she is]
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: What? What's with the face?
Olivia: [nervously] I'm sweating like a 10-dollar whore on nickel night. What if my voice cracks? What if, in the middle of my song, some redneck shouts out, 'Show us your hooters!' and I go into full-on zombie mode?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Oh, 'if, if, if.' If a bullfrog had wings it wouldn't bump its bum when it jumps.

[first lines]
Olivia: [Liv arrives at Ravi's house] Hey, I just got your message. I came as soon as I could.
Ravi: I texted you last night. Several times. Where were you?
Olivia: Out thinking. Where were you, Pigpen?
Ravi: Out digging.

[Liv gets a text on her phone in front of Clive]
Olivia: Oh! Jackpot! We've got a hit. 'I'm gonna need a slim jim, a black hoodie and a head lamp.'
Clive: What exactly...
Olivia: The less you know the better.

[Liv gives Ravi a lecture back at the lab]
Olivia: I am literally going through hell. Do you even care?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Okay, you've literally forgotten the meaning of the word 'Literally'
Olivia: It's not my fault! All my friends are cold-hearted bitches, and that includes the men. Why is everyone abandoning me? Why?
Olivia: [Liv throws her bag down and sits on the couch] I'm sorry. I just really need a pinot and some salty chocolate right now.

[Liv tries to offer Clive a way out from the enclosing zombies by scratching him]
Clive: No way I'm getting eaten alive.
Olivia: There's another option. I could scratch you.
Clive: You wanna turn me into one of them?
Olivia: Not one of them. One of us.

Major: Hey, a couple of months of not being a zombie sounds good to rne. I mean, no offense.
Olivia: I'm gonna take a little offense.

Olivia: Do you think there's anywhere to honeymoon in Seattle that doesn't feel like, "Help, I'm trapped here forever"?
Peyton: You've met him once, he's human, and he probably murdered his last girlfriend.
Olivia: Nobody's perfect.

[Ravi and Liv ask Clive how Regina Summer got a hold of his gun]
Ravi: How'd she get your gun?
Clive: Stolen from my place the night before her murder.
Olivia: She wanted to have something you touched against her skin.
Clive: Whose side are you on?

Ravi: I just need to get into character.
[Puts on a posh accent]
Ravi: The rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain. The rain in Spain...
Olivia: [Cockney] 'ello, Ravi. I'm a good girl, I am.
Ravi: Liv, I'm trying to channel Prince William and you sound like a garbage disposal with vocal fry.
Olivia: I thought you were doing My Fair Lady, OG makeover movie.

Don: [All on conspiracy theorist brain] All those people that night on the street in Vegas, no one sees a shooter!
Blaine: It's because he didn't get shot. Look at the cover of Don Killuminati. There's Tupac crucified, and in the liner notes it reads, and I quote, "Exit Tupac, enter Makaveli." He is alive and well, and will return like a new messiah.
Don: That's insane.
Blaine: Oh, so you think he's dead?
Don: No, of course he's not dead. He's working for the Feds as an informant. He's mowing his lawn in Scottsdale.
Olivia: Stop! You two sound crazy. Sad to say, but Tupac is dead and gone.
[pause]
Olivia: Biggie Smalls' twin brother killed Tupac, and it's that twin that got shot in LA. Biggie, at this moment, is sipping mojitos in Havana...

[the Imposing Elf Thug asks the vigilante-masked Liv what she's supposed to be]
Imposing: What are you supposed to be?
Olivia: [Liv turns into her zombie rage mode] I'm the nightmare before Christmas.

Olivia: [narrating] Sean Posey let a tragedy ruin his life. His sister died, and he couldn't get past it. Now two lives are ruined. What was it Mom said? Right before "Sit up straight?" Something about not letting life pass me by.

[Ravi and Liv walk to a crime scene in the early morning while Ravi is hung over]
Ravi: Why are we sprinting?
Olivia: Because I'm hungry. I haven't eaten anything lately.
Ravi: I was afraid that horny-librarian-brain would lead to poor life choices.

[Blaine questions Liv about why she's still pretending to be a cop]
Blaine: I'm curious. Why? Why are you still suiting up for Team Z? The uniform sucks. Morale is, let's be honest, consistently low. Don't tell me you've actually developed a taste for brains.
Blaine: [Liv remains silent] Hold the phone! You dig it. You get off on being a hero, don't you?
Blaine: [Blaine begins imitating actor, Jimmy Stewart] Oh, would you... Would you look at that. That's a... That's a crime-solving zombie. Roger, get in here! Why, she's a credit to her species. Why can't they all be like her?
Olivia: [Blaine laughs] It's not a choice.

[Liv gets in a taxi with Major and Ravi who are still on Utopium]
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: You guys are the best And - And can I just say how glad I am we're all in the know over the whole zombie thing.
Olivia: [Liv whispers with the cab driver in the front seat] Not cool, bro.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi looks at Liv] I am your bro.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi looks at Major] And I'm your bro.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi tells the cab driver] And I'm your bro.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Liv gets a text message, as Ravi tells Liv] And I'm a bro to whoever's texting you.

Olivia: Bunny ain't talking. Corpses are funny that way.
Ravi: Uh, there's a lot we can deduce from a body. That's literally our job.

[Drake approaches erotica-librarian-brain Liv]
Drake: I would've called you but I don't have your number.
Olivia: Babe...
Olivia: [Drake squints] Ruth.

[Liv tells Clive that their rescue mission is a zombie thing]
Clive: I can't help you with this.
Olivia: I would never expect you to. This is a zombie thing.

[Liv finds Ravi in the morgue watching Zombie High]
Olivia: I thought you hated the show.
Ravi: [Ravi rolls his eyes] I did. But it's like mental pork rinds. I can't stop!

[Liv sees Ravi hungover again from drinking late with Peyton]
Olivia: Is your breakfast not using its indoor voice?
Ravi: [Ravi stares into his Rice Krispies cereal bowl] Snap, crackle, pop. So loud.
Olivia: Drinking on a school night again with Peyton. You're a disgrace to your country's proud history of functional lushes.

Officer: I just got a report from a woman about a pimp yelling at a hooker in a car.
Clive: Meaning us?
Olivia: You have been snippy with me.

[Drake tells Liv about where he got the scar above his right eye]
Drake: My dad split, my mom had a string of loser boyfriends. The worst was this mean drunk named Frank. So, I'm 19. I come home and my mom's eye is swollen shut. Blood down the front of her shirt. Frank's just sitting in front of the TV with his hands in his shorts, calling out for another beer like nothing happened. And I just snapped. Went after him. He pulled a knife, that's how I got this. The prosecutor said I went a bit overboard, because Frank still can't walk. Or feed himself.
Olivia: I'm glad you told me.
Drake: Well, I usually wait until date five or six to spring the whole ex-con thing on a girl.

[Clive talks to Liv as her friend about the case he has against Major]
Clive: I'm here as a courtesy, Liv. Because we're friends, and things are about to get complicated.
Olivia: More complicated than they are now?
Clive: My case against Major is solid. We have his DNA at the scene, we have the witness who sold him the guns, we have plausible motive. You are his only alibi. You haven't been deposed yet, but when this gets going, you are going to get hammered hard. It's going to be rough. So what I came here to say is this, think it over. Then think it over again. If there's anything you left out, anything else you want to say, now's the time to come clean.
Olivia: Clive, I told you, he was with me.
Clive: I'm not here to discuss it. I just wanted to advise you to think about it. As a friend. Goodnight, Liv.

[first lines]
Olivia: [Liv talks to Ravi on the phone while organizing his house] I'm here, Ravi. You were late so I let myself in with the hide-a-key. I did the living room, but I can't tackle the kitchen or the closet until you get back from the store. How bad is traffic? Okay you better hurry, because this Type A brain won't last forever. No, this is all wrong, I need to break this down by genre. Bye.

Clive: Stop calling me "My Luurd."
Olivia: Yes, my liege.
[Clive makes a face]
Olivia: Your Grace.

[Liv goes out shopping with the stylist Bethany Miller]
Bethany: Look what I found for you.
Olivia: [Bethany holds up a red dress] That is so cute. I literally want to die, just so that I can be buried in it.
Olivia: [Liv pulls out her credit card to the cashier] Start a tab.

[Liv tells Drake they can still have sex after the erotica-brain wears off]
Olivia: Here's the plan. If we're still interested when this brain wears off a bit, we can pick up where we left off. But right now, we can't do this.
Drake: [Drake clears his throat] Story of my life. Zombie date sends me away until horny-brain wears off.
[as Drake kisses Liv's forehead]

[Ravi calls Clive the man of the hour for his heroism]
Olivia: We've been pulling bullets out of Mr. Cole all day. We heard you were inches away.
Clive: Yards away. Nothing heroic about not getting shot.
Ravi: Well, did you soil yourself?
Clive: No.
Ravi: [Ravi smiles] Then it's heroic in my book.

Clive: She's a Louisiana State Correctional Officer on disability, following a human bite sustained during a prison riot.
Olivia: She said she wanted to be a vet.
Clive: Well, I wanted to be a test pilot.
Olivia: And you can be. If you work hard and believe in yourself, there's nothing you can't...
Clive: You wanna hear what I got or make another one of these speeches?

Olivia: I've been on zombie dates before where the gentleman zombie and I weren't rocking the same brain. I was a pathological liar, he was a hypochondriac. He was gay, I was a nympho. So, how about we hop on the same brain train?
[Passes a spoon of Brain Chili]
Justin: Mmm... this spoon-feeding thing makes me think you ate my mom's brain. That'd make for an uncomfortable night.

[magician-brain Liv stands in the morgue over Syd Wicked's dead body while surrounded by candles]
Olivia: Well, would you look at that? The death card. The 13th trump in the Tarot. A fitting reminder that no matter how clever a path we run, the Reaper always takes his bounty.
Blaine: [Blaine walks into the morgue] Did you eat Edgar Allen Poe?

[Liv sits next to a bushel of dying red roses]
Olivia: This flower had color and could bloom once. And yet death, blind to the beauty of all living things, even one as vibrant as this, has swept over it, wrenching it closer to the ground. Until it breaks.
Major: So, is that a 'yes,' you want a quesadilla or no?

Clive: I need you to focus on the task at hand.
Olivia: You know how many tasks I can focus on at once? I clocked Gladys when I walked in while pinching two wallets and this watch.
Clive: Is that... my watch?

Olivia: I slept with Chase Graves. I was on Katty's brain. The woman wasn't choosey about her lovers.
Ravi: Thanks.

[Liv and Clive begin questioning Rodney Ricks in the interrogation room]
Olivia: I'm warning you, son. A bunch of good men didn't die face-down in the muck so you could paint your face like a $2 whore.
Clive: I think what she means to say is, did you or did you not threaten Mr. Gale?

[Clive goes over the crime scene of Mike Hayden as Liv and Ravi talk sarcastically]
Olivia: So, what? He turned off the cameras so his killer couldn't be identified? Think how easy it would be if there was video footage.
Ravi: Yeah. And the killer could've been wearing a T-shirt that inexplicably has his name and address written across his chest.
Olivia: And the address was, like, right next to the police station.
Ravi: And the killer's just waiting calmly, already in handcuffs, just, sort of, reciting his Miranda rights to himself.
Olivia: That would be so great! Now what're we gonna do?
Clive: [Clive hesitates] I guess we earn our paychecks.

[Liv arrives home discussing that her only friend just may be an alcoholic drink]
Olivia: [narrating] What was I saying back at the boutique about friends? Oh, right. Lose one, find another. Hello, friend. Happy birthday to me. Hey, maybe I should invent a special cocktail. One part spicy whiskey, two parts zombie tears, a dash of hot sauce. I'll call it the 'Liv & Learn'. Because maybe this is the way it's gonna be from now on.

[Liv tells Major that they can watch the movie Hoosiers together]
Olivia: We can watch Hoosiers.
Major: After all these years? You've always refused before.
Olivia: [Liv smiles] Well, back then, I was worried that seeing you cry over fictional sports would adversely affect my sexual desire for you. But that's not an issue anymore, friend.

[Liv yells at the horse race on TV]
Olivia: Thread the needle, baby! That soft grass is nothing, it's nothing.

Liv: [surprised about cocktail] This is hot.
Lowell: Perks of dating a zombie.

[Liv joins her new roommate Gilda in the living room to watch some Zombie High, when it's revealed Liv's new roomie is a spy for Vaughn Du Clark]
Olivia: Hmm. What are those pesky zombies up to this week?
Gilda: [Gilda smiles] Death and mayhem. The ush.
Olivia: Hey, how was work?
Gilda: [Gilda chuckles, talking about Major] Oh, my God. You would not believe the guy we hired. Super freaking hot. Like, stupid how. Magic Mike hot.
Olivia: Right on. Are you gonna work your Gilda magic on him?
Gilda: [Gilda sighs] It's under serious consideration. Maybe I'll just toy with him for a while.
Olivia: Oh, he doesn't stand a chance.

[superhero-brain Liv tells Ravi this city needs more than a symbol]
Olivia: [Liv in a low voice] This city needs more than a symbol.
Ravi: Yeah, you keep saying stuff like that. I'll follow behind you, jotting notes for the graphic novel.

[Liv and Clive tell Gilbert Lambert that they know he's the murderer of Leslie Morgan]
Clive: Pardon my French, Gilbert. Your ass is grass.
Olivia: 'A work of art is a confession.'

Blaine: Color me curious what sort of trouble Bunny had got her self into. She was a valued employee.
Olivia: She was a hooker.
Blaine: Who brought such joy to so many. What's more valuable than that?

[Liv has a flashback of Chad arguing with one of his frat brothers]
Olivia: [Liv looks at frat brother Randy] Hey, you. How did Chad ruin your life?
[the frat brothers all look around at each other]
Brody: [Randy look at his brothers, as Brody yells out in a high pitch yell] Damn!

[Clive and Liv find the vigilante crime fighter The Fog in the back of a garbage truck]
Clive: I was afraid this would happen.
Olivia: You were afraid someone would find a grown-ass man wearing a cape in the back of a garbage truck? Pretty specific fear.

[Clive hopes for Liv's help with the three headless victims]
Clive: Hoping you can work your magic, Liv, help ID these guys.
Olivia: Uh...
Ravi: Looks like a no-brainer to me, Liv.

[Liv bumps into the nerdy Jimmy Hahn in the police precinct]
Olivia: Did they find the guy who did that to your hair, or is he still at large?
Clive: Jimmy. Jimmy. Hey, never mind her. There are some bear claws in the break room. Why don't you take mine?
Jimmy: I'm taking hers, too.
Olivia: Oh, you'll lose a hand!
Jimmy: I'm not scared of you!

[Clive and Liv find the dead body of Rob Thomas on stage]
Clive: Uh, poor Rob Thomas.
Olivia: This is how a skull breaks.

[Liv tells Clive that the zombies need brains just like the movies]
Olivia: If zombies can feed regularly on human brains they can stay more or less functional. I've been feeding Major from the morgue. If they don't get brains, then yes, it's Dawn of the Dead, 28 Days Later, World War Z. Take your pick.

Liv: I know you.
Jimmy: Do you? Do you know me? Do you recognize the slope of my alpine-snow-drift nose?
Liv: Kind of.
Jimmy: I'm sorry. I can't work with her.

[Liv and Major see Clive and Agent Bozzio together]
Major: [speaking to Liv behind his smile] Oh, no. Abort. Just turn around.
Olivia: [speaking to Major behind her smile] I'm already waving, that would be incredibly weird. Nut up.
Olivia: [Liv finally talks to Clive] Hey, you. Didn't know you existed outside the station. I thought you were just put back in your Detective Clive box. Pull his string and he says, 'Miss Moore, please.'

Ravi: Clearly you're being distant. It's not my fault we brain-banged.
Olivia: I'm just having a weird day, okay?
Ravi: Most women can't help thinking about sex when they look at me. You'll get used to it.
[pause]
Ravi: I have to ask. Did you see my...
Olivia: I don't want to talk about it.
Ravi: I'll take that as a yes.

[Liv compares herself to Britney Spears while talking to Major]
Olivia: When I eat someone's brain, it sets up camp in me. It's like, I'm always Britney, but sometimes I'm Hit Me One More Time Britney, and sometimes I'm... shaved head, smashing car windows Britney.
Major: Real talk? I thought both of those Britney's were hot.

Isobel: I can't help noticing that you have all six seasons of Zombie High on a shelf in there.
Olivia: Yeah.
Isobel: Is it any good?
Ravi: *Is it any good?*
Olivia: It's only the best Zom-Com-Rom-Dram on TV.
Ravi: I went in thinking I wasn't going to like it.
Olivia: He's a snob.
Ravi: But there's always a great plot twist around the corner. I find the characters so winning.
Olivia: So self-aware.
Ravi: Exactly. They react to absurd situations almost exactly like we would.

Clive: Did Mrs. Brinks have any enemies you know of?
Carlton: None that I can think of. Mrs. Brinks was well-loved.
Olivia: [On Mrs Binks' brain] You club-foots be careful with that piano, comprende? You drop it, I'll bury you in it!
Clive: ...No one?

Olivia: I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you, Peyton. Weckler killed Roxanne.
Peyton: No!
Olivia: Roxanne caught him as he was stealing the camera memory card. She was calling for help and he panicked and strangled her.
[Peyton looks upset]
Olivia: You know, most prosecutors would be happy that the person they put away was actually guilty.
Peyton: Yeah, but my desire to be right is even greater than my desire to win.

Ravi: The report was for a dealer from Mr. Boss's crew, busted a day after the boat party with Utopium in his possession. Possibly cooked by Beanpole himself.
Olivia: [On pageant girl brain] That's great. I think drugs is one of the biggest issues facing young people today. Or any people.
Ravi: It's true. Albeit unrelated. The best part is, the dealer made bail then vanished. Likely meaning Mr. Boss had him murdered.
Olivia: Oh. Well, um, murder is almost always bad. But, uh... I don't know.

[Clive tells Liv the true identity of who The Fog is]
Clive: Everyone on the force knew this guy. His name is Chris Allred, AKA The Fog. He was a high school shop teacher by day, but at night, he would put on a costume and patrol the streets. He considered himself a real-life superhero.
Olivia: So he was crazy?

Ravi: All I'm saying is, next time you and Peyton get into a bar fight, I'd like to be there.
Olivia: We did all right without you.
Ravi: Oh, I know, I don't need to participate, I just wanna watch.

[Liv and Clive interrogate the stripper Lorelei who can't stop crying]
Olivia: [Lorelei crying uncontrollably] Is this chick crying because her granny is finding out she's a stripper? You're being questioned in a murder case because you're a suspect. Oh, my God. It's like a frickin' Adele concert in here. More information. Less tears and snot.
Clive: Lorelei, we need to know what happened the night Cassidy was killed. Were you with Nick when he left the club?
Olivia: [Liv and Clive leave the room] That was like interrogating a puddle.

[Sue talks to Liv about how much he loved Lacy Cantrell]
Sue: I liked your song. I think Lacy would've liked it, too. Growin' up, my dad used to tell me, "Son, you can screw up a steel ball." I did that with Lacy. I loved that girl.
Olivia: Love ain't always enough.

[Liv tells Major that they both belong with their own kind]
Olivia: Can we both be honest for a moment? We both know deep down that this can't work. Being a zombie has changed me. You love the woman I was before. You tolerate the woman I am now.
Major: Who you are now is only temporary.
Olivia: This brain is temporary. But... The not being able to have sex, the day-to-day personality changes, that's the new normal. And that's what neither one of us is okay with. We're not. The truth is, we belong with our own kind.
Major: Is this... are we breaking up?
Olivia: We have to.

[Liv tells Major that her roommate is out babysitting her uncle's dog]
Olivia: My roommate is dog-sitting her uncle's mini golden doodle. So cute. The dog, not the uncle.

Olivia: Flirty Zone 19 janitor who likes you is good.
Ravi: You could, like, subtly pump him for inside information.
Dr. Collier: Oh, I've tried. The only scoop I got is that there's a racist security guard who thinks Darrell and the other black janitor are the same guy, and he calls them both "Chief."

[Liv on coffee-girl-brain asks Clive what his notion of Heaven is]
Olivia: What's your notion of Heaven, Clive?
Clive: Just, you know, Heaven-heaven.
Ravi: Except in 'Clive-heaven' things are a little bit tougher than here on Earth.

[Major bumps into Liv, who calls him bro when trying to talk to him]
Olivia: I'm on frat boy brains at the moment, and everything's getting filtered through the boy-zone layer.
Major: [Major chuckles] I'm on frat boy brains. 'No big whoop.' Just like you're doing a cleanse. Eating dead people brains.
Olivia: It's just a fact of my life right now. Look past it, please. I wanna catch up.
Major: Sorry, bro. No can do.

Doc: I'm a Niners fan, okay? I... I have a sticker on my car, sure, but, like most of America, it's because I hate the Seahawks. I hate how cocky they are.
Olivia: It ain't cocky if you can back it up.
Clive: It's true. They're awful.

[Liv and Ravi tell Clive they weren't surprised by Jordan's pierced penis]
Clive: You two don't seem that skeeved.
Ravi: We've pulled stranger things out of corpses. Golf balls. A snake.
Olivia: Besides, we were expecting it.
Clive: Jordan's pierced...
Ravi: Yeah, it's front and center on his sex tape.
Clive: He had a sex tape?
Ravi: [Ravi looks at Liv] Aw... So innocent.

Olivia: Fillmore-Graves is The Borg.
Peyton: I don't know what that means.
Olivia: Keep dating Ravi, you will.

[the kids report to Liv and Clive about who they suspect killed their basketball coach]
Grieving: Who chokes someone at basketball practice?
Olivia: Well, Latrell Sprewell does. A Knick, wasn't he?
Clive: Not at the time.