The Best Frank Wilcox Quotes

Daisy: Then what I call my Heavenly Hash, that's grits, chitlins, possum belly, hog jowls, and catfish, all minced together and simmered in gopher gravy, topped with poached hawk eggs.
Jed: Mmm mmm, now there's vittles you won't forget in a hurry.
John: I'll try.

Edythe Brewster: I'm very anxious to meet the Clampetts. John has told me of their transformation from backwoods hillbillies to Beverly Hills millionaires.
John: I'm only sorry you couldn't have seen them the way they looked 3 years ago back in those hills. I'll never forget Mr. Clampett when he opened the door of that cabin. He looked like he hadn't shaved for 3 days, he had on an old beat-up hat, faded blue jeans, a torn coat. He was carrying a jug of mountain dew.
Jed: [Jed answers the door looking like he hasn't shaved in 3 days, wearing an old beat-up hat and faded blue jeans, and carrying Granny's jug] Well howdy folks.

John: You say your grandfather built this cabin?
Jed: He sure did.
John: Well he must have been a remarkable man.
Jed: He sure was. He finished the cabin in the mornin', went to town, found a girl, courted her, married her, and carried her across that doorstep all before sundown. Tell me Granny, was that eighteen and ninety-seven or eighteen and ninety-eight?
Daisy: Eighteen and ninety-eight.
Jed: Yeah, that's right. She was 18 and Grandpa was 98.
John: You say he was 98 and his bride was 18?
Jed: That's right, marriage didn't work out too good.
John: I don't doubt it.
Jed: Yeah, Grandpa made the mistake of havin' his Ma come live with them.

John: You should put Mr. Clampett in a job that sounds useful, but doesn't contribute anything. Something unimportant.
Jane: I have it, the Board of Directors.

Jed: Whatcha cookin' tonight, Granny?
Daisy: Mustard greens and possum innards.
Jed: Mmm-mmm. Did you hear that Mr. Brewster?
John: Very clearly.

Jed: I got good news fer you. You ain't spendin' your honeymoon in no hotel.
Edythe Brewster: I ain't?
Jed: No, you ain't.

John: The last time I tried to land near the Clampetts in a helicopter, Granny took a shot at me.

John: As a matter of fact, I'm wearing a little theatrical makeup. Mrs. Bodine, how would you like some pancake on your face?
Cousin: How'd you like some sweet potato pie on yours?

John: Perhaps she'd like to stretch her legs.
Cousin: They're long enough now. Jethrine's awful tall for her age.

Jed: Seems a shame to clutter up a honeymoon with a lot of worries like that. All we had to worry about was what time the shivaree started.
Edythe Brewster: The what?
Jed: Shivaree.
John: It's a custom in certain rural areas, darling, where the friends and neighbors of the newlyweds get together and serenade them by shooting off guns, beating on pots and pans, blowing on horns, yelling.
Jed: In the middle of the night.
Edythe Brewster: You're joking.
Jed: Naw, then everybody come in, have vittles, pass the jug around. It's a heap of fun once the first scare wore off.

Jed: [while asking about Beverly Hills] Is 'Tom Mix there?
John: No, I'm afraid Tom Mix is dead.
Jed: Oh yeah, what's the matter with me. Remember Pearl, he got shot at the end of that picture.

John: I think you may have a wrong idea about Beverly Hills.
Jed: Is that where you live?
John: No, my home is in Tulsa.
Jed: Well say, maybe you could get us a place there in your neighborhood.
John: Mr. Clampett, let's not beat around the bush. You will love Beverly Hills.

Milburn: There it is Mr. Brewster. That's where the Clampetts are living right now.
John: What a magnificent estate!
Milburn: It's quite a change from that little cabin in the hills, eh?
John: I'll say.
Milburn: Yes, that place has got everything, championship tennis court, olympic-sized swimming pool. The main house has 32 rooms, 14 baths, and guess how many servants.
John: How many?
Milburn: None.

John: You don't celebrate Halloween here in the hills?
Cousin: I never heard of it. What's it like?
John: Well it's an occasion where everyone gets dressed up in their most beautiful clothes.
Cousin: These old things? They're just something I threw together myself.
John: Well they look like they come from Saks.
Cousin: Well they didn't. I made these with store bought yard goods.