Top 30 Quotes From Cousin Pearl Bodine

Cousin: Grandpa wasn't a day over 90 when he married that girl and his Ma didn't bust up the marriage. That poor little bride just wore out havin' so many young'uns to take care of.

Cousin: Granny, you stay away from Walter McKeegan. He's mine!

Cousin: I forgive you. I forgive you.
Daisy: But I deserve to be punished and punished bad. Sing to me Pearl!

Cousin: My answer is still no.
Jed: Better quit while your ahead, Mr. Brewster.

Cousin: Jethro, I told you to get rid of them worn-out brakes.
Jethro: I did Ma. That's how come we ain't got none.

Cousin: I tell you Jethrine, that's one place you got it over your cousin Elly May, playin' the pump organ.
[examines Jethrine's hand]
Cousin: Them hands can stretch purt near two octaves.

Jed: [getting off the escalator] Well, now that wasn't bad was it?
Cousin: No, it was fun! Let's go up and ride down again.
Jed: No Pearl, it's fun alright, but it just ain't worth fightin' your way back upstream.

Cousin: That man is so in love with me he can't eat.

Jed: I declare, this is the nosiest family a man was ever burdened with.
Daisy: Well lookit them shoes, all fresh oiled.
Elly: Fancy new laces, too!
Cousin: And them's his best socks.
Jethro: And it ain't even Sunday.
Cousin: Son, every day's Sunday when you're in love.
Jed: Now that takes the rag offen the bush. I ain't in love and I just oiled my shoes 'cause they was squeakin'.
Daisy: They been squeakin' for 15 years as I remember. You ain't never oiled 'em.

Cousin: [Pearl is doing the ironing in the kitchen while Jethrine is walking towards the door holding Granny's rocking chair] Where are you going with that, Jethrine?
Jethrine: Outside.
Cousin: I told you to take it up to Granny's bedroom.
Jethrine: And Granny told me to take it outside.
Cousin: Your taking your orders from me and not from Granny. That old woman is old and tired and we owe it to her to let her rest. Now, just hope and pray that when I get to be her age, that somebody will be looking after me.
Granny: [Granny enters the kitchen without Pearl knowing and taps Pearl's shoulder] You can quit hoping and praying! And if you don't stop messing around my kitchen you ain't gonna get to get to be my age!

Cousin: Dried crawdad tails.
Granny: Ooo, big rascals too. When they is ground up to powder, you can't beat it for easin' headaches, curing warts, and seasonin' sauerkraut.

Cousin: Now then, I don't know what it takes to get engaged in Tulsa, but in these here hills, you've done enough to get yourself promised, hitched, and honeymooned!

Cousin: I've got to decide which dress to wear tonight. Do you think this one shows off my figure?
Jethro: Well yeah, Ma, but wear it anyway. It's pretty.

Cousin: Uh oh, wouldn't ya know it. There's that snoopy Elverna Bradshaw and her big-mouth daughter settin' on my front porch. Oh, I could just hear the stories that'll start goin' around if they see me sittin' in this car with you. YOOHOO! ELVIRNA!
[honks car horn]
Cousin: IT'S ME, PEARL!

Cousin: You gimme my hand-knit socks. Yer feet can't get no colder than they are right now.

Cousin: So this is Californy. It's so warm and the air smells different from the mountains.
Jed: Yep, looks different too. Out here, you can see what yer breathin'.

Daisy: You put it smack dab right in the middle of this room.
Cousin: Don't you dare! This floor's clean enough to eat off of.
Daisy: Good. Elly, fetch my pot of jowls off of the stove
Cousin: You splatter one drop of jowl juice on this floor and I'll wrap this spinnin' wheel around your neck.
Daisy: You touch that spinnin' wheel and there'll be more than jowl juice splattered on this floor.
Cousin: You lay a hand on me and I'll bash you over the head so hard your shoes will have three toes.

John: As a matter of fact, I'm wearing a little theatrical makeup. Mrs. Bodine, how would you like some pancake on your face?
Cousin: How'd you like some sweet potato pie on yours?

Cousin: Trouble is we don't know no doctors.
Elly: Well, I know the critter doctor over to the zoo.
Cousin: Jethro's a human being, Elly May.
Jethro: Thank you, Ma.

Cousin: Jed! them stairs is movin'! We're havin' a Californy earthquake!
Jed: Now Pearl, them stairs is supposed to move like that.
Cousin: What fer?
Jed: I dunno, but that's what they call an "eskylater". Only thing is, last time we was here, they was movin' the other way.

Jed: What do you think Pearl? You think I oughta move?
Cousin: Jed, how can you even ask? Look around you. You live eight miles from your nearest neighbor. You're overrun with skunks, possums, coyotes, and bobcats. You use kerosene lamps for light. You cook on a wood stove, summer and winter. You're drinkin' homemade moonshine, and washin' with homemade lye soap. And your bathroom is fifty feet from the house. And you ask should you move!?
Jed: [ponders all this] Yeah, I reckon you're right. Man'd be a dang fool to leave all this.

Cousin: I'll have vittles a-cookin' before you can say Jack Robinson.
Daisy: Jack Robinson. You stay outta my kitchen.
Cousin: I believe that kitchen belongs to my cousin Jed.
Daisy: Well I's a granny and grannies is closer than cousins.
Cousin: Not when the granny's on the wife's side. I've got Clampett blood in my veins.
Daisy: You wanna keep it there, you stay outta my kitchen.

Cousin: [Granny and Pearl, making sure that Jed can overhear them] Hey Granny?
Daisy: Yeah, Pearl.
Cousin: If you had a beau drivin' up in a fancy car and a huggin' and a kissin' you, uh, wouldn't you want your kinfolk to meet that beau?
Daisy: I sure would, Pearl, especially if I was givin' that beau expensive presents.
Cousin: You mean like a diamond choker?
Daisy: That's what I mean.
Cousin: You know, I hear tell that French women is real fond of jewelry.
Jed: If you two are tryin' to make somethin' outa what just happened outside, you can leave off before you git started. All I was doin' was returnin' that lady's dog and that diamond choker was the dog's collar.
Cousin: Say Granny?
Daisy: Yeah Pearl.
Cousin: What do you reckon that red stuff was smeared on Jed's cheeks.
Daisy: I reckon he cut hisself returnin' that dawg.
Cousin: Either that or his lady friend scratched herself on his whiskers when she kissed him.

Cousin: [Pearl is offering yodeling lessons for 20 cents] Jed, what do you think of my prices?
Jed: Is that what you been chargin' at home?
Cousin: No, but Beverly Hills is full of millionaires and movie stars, so I figgered I could double 'em and get away with it.
Jed: I reckon you might can. I don't recollect seein' one sign in this whole town advertisin' yodelin' lessons.

Daisy: [Jethrine is singing] Don't tell me that child ain't sick. Nobody makes a noise like that on purpose.
Cousin: You're gonna be sorry you said them things when Jethrine commence to singin' with a big orchestry like Rudy Vallee.
Daisy: Who?
Cousin: Rudy Vallee and his Connecticut Yankees.
Daisy: Did you hear that, Jed! Your traitor cousin Pearl is lettin' her daughter desert to the Yankees!... Well, I reckon they're gettin' what they deserve.

John: Perhaps she'd like to stretch her legs.
Cousin: They're long enough now. Jethrine's awful tall for her age.

Jethrine: [Granny and Cousin Pearl disagreeing over who is going to cook in the kitchen] Hey, Uncle Jed. Come on back. There's gonna be a fight.
Cousin: Oh, I don't fight nobody twice my age.
Daisy: There ain't nobody twice your age!
Cousin: I happen to be on the sunny side of 45.
[slaps table]
Daisy: Well, then move over into the shade. You're drying up something awful.

Cousin: Jethro, tell your Uncle Jed why there ain't no snow in California.
Jethro: Don't look at me, I didn't take it!

Cousin: Jethrine, why couldn't you have been born with some of my brains instead of just my beauty?

John: You don't celebrate Halloween here in the hills?
Cousin: I never heard of it. What's it like?
John: Well it's an occasion where everyone gets dressed up in their most beautiful clothes.
Cousin: These old things? They're just something I threw together myself.
John: Well they look like they come from Saks.
Cousin: Well they didn't. I made these with store bought yard goods.