Top 50 Quotes From Grace Adler

Grace: It's time!

Grace: [after seeing loads of pills fall out of a closet in the Karen's bathroom] What kind of prescription plan are you on by the way?
Will: I think it's the 'sneak a truck across the Canadian border' plan

Grace: Well, I got it out.
Will: Yeah, by vandalism, theft and yelling. The three pillars of Kabbalah.

Grace: Wait, you haven't updated your will in 15 years? Will, you update your Barry Manilow fan site web thing every day.
Will: It has a name, Grace. It's called "The Mani-Lowdown" and people depend on it.

Grace: [Looking at Sal] I am so into him.
Karen: Yeah, well I'm double into him.
Grace: Well I'm gonna ask him out.
Karen: I'm going to ask him to move in.
Grace: He gave me a hickey.
[Points to her breast]
Karen: [Points to her belly] He gave me a child! I am pregnant Grace!
Grace: No you're not. You can't get pregnant from kissing.
Karen: Oh thank God!
Sal: [On his cellphone] Hey I just bagged two old ladies.
[Watching them look at him]
Sal: I may need to borrow your dad's toolshed later.

Jack: We'll rent a movie. You're into gay porn, right?
Grace: Who isn't?

Grace: [right after Will came out] That's not a compliment! A compliment is "You're sexy. You turn me on"! not Not "One look at you and I know I'm queer"!

[Grace has broken Will's mother's Lladro figurine, and is panicked that she knows. Marilyn is on her way up to their apartment, and Will wants her to just lie]
Will: Grace. What are you worried about? You didn't do anything. Right?
Grace: Right.
Will: Right. So anything she has to say about the fate of her figurine is new information, and should be met with shock. Let's try it. Um...
[imitates his mother]
Will: Grace, my Lladro is broken!
Grace: [immediately] DEAR GOD, NO!
Will: [pause] Yeah, you're - you're *mildly* surprised, not being asked to give money to charity.

Grace: Tonight I'm gonna be better. I know it. Look, I've been playing with myself and I feel much more confident.
Will: Funny, it just makes me feel sleepy.

Grace: [to Ellen after Will tells her he's gay] How could I not have known? He was Boy George for Halloween, he has a diffuser on his hairdryer, and he's prettier than me.

Grace: Was that a proposal or a suicide note?

[Ellen asked Grace to baby-sit her kids but is now upset because she assumed Will would be there as well and he is out of town and she no longer wants Grace to do it]
Ellen: You know what I just realized? Rob's sister can probably do it. She lives closer to us anyway.
Grace: Judy? The one who has to turn the lights on 14 times or the oceans will dry up?
Karen: Ellen, why would you leave your kids with someone who has such an important job?

Will: A sex dream about Ang Lee? What was that like?
Grace: A little slow-paced, but visually stunning.

Will: [Grace's sister is showing off her Ann Taylor dress bought with her employee discount] No-one does fashion on a budget like Ann. Except Lane Bryant, but, y'know, that, that's for biggies... Also, Jones New York. Actually very reasonable. Great separates. But you can build a suit in any of those places.
Grace: OK, I want you to stop while you're still a man.

Grace: Can't you just wait a few more minutes? You have the best table in the restaurant.
Will: Yes, if you enjoy dining on the sun. Look at me, Grace! My back is sweating so much, my underwear is like a bucket!

Grace: What you're feeling are pangs of guilt.
Karen: What?
Grace: Guilt. Oh, boy. Ok. How am I gonna explain this one? Uh... guilt is an emotion that - Ok. Jumping ahead. An emotion is something that...
Karen: Hey, hey, hey. Come on. I know what guilt is. It's one of those touchy-feely words that people throw around that don't really mean anything... You know, like "maternal" or "addiction."

Jack: You're so generous. I swear, if you weren't Jewish, you'd definitely go to heaven.
Grace: Thanks, Jack. And if you weren't gay, you'd go there too.

Noah: Don't take it personally, OK? I just think people like you are ruining the city. Did you know there are now more cupcake shops than porno theatres in my neighborhood? Who wants to live in that world?
Grace: I do. Porn is gross, and we are living in the golden age of cupcakes.
Noah: New York doesn't need beautification, OK, it needs uglification. Bring back Lincoln Plaza cinemas and Little Mike's.
Grace: I found a mouse in my soda at Little Mike's once. It hadn't finished drowning yet.
Noah: So you drink around it. It's New York!

Grace: Pam could you answer that?
Pam: Right after my smoke break.
Karen: So inappropriate... smoking in the office. Would anyone mind if I took my boob out?

Grace: I am running for president of the New York Society of Interior Designers, and you have a ton of followers, and I would love a shout-out.
Noah: What? No, I'm not here for that. I saw a crowd, and thought there'd be appetizers.
Grace: I so get that. I was technically a Scientologist for, like, a minute, because their Welcome Center had great chicken salad.
Noah: I was in AA for the donuts, but left because of the cameraderie.

Grace: Stan? Stan's alive? But we were at the funeral...we scattered a trash bag full of his ashes!

Grace: We've always just been Will & Grace
Will: It's okay
Grace: What do you mean?
Will: Maybe we've been Will & Grace long enough

Grace: Do you think people can tell I'm Maria even though I don't have my Captain Von Trapp?
Karen: Of course, honey. You make a perfect Maria. You're sweet and perky, and you're obviously not cut out to be a nun.
[Grace stops smiling]
Karen: Because you're a whore.
Grace: Thanks, Karen.
Karen: And a Jew.
Grace: Yeah, I got it.

[Grace and Jack have been seeing Vince at a grocery store with another man, Dennis, and think he's cheating on Will; they don't know that he was fired and now works there, and that Dennis is his boss]
Jack: [to Vince] We know what's goin' on.
Grace: Yeah, we know your filthy secret.
Dennis: Vince, I want your ass in aisle five.
[Grace gasps]
Dennis: And bring the mop.
[Jack gasps]
Jack: Oh, my God. What kind of a place is this? And why do I shop anywhere else?

Grace: Jews and chicken; it's real and it's deep.

Grace: [sobbing] I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. And all the people are pigs. And I'm the pretty one, but everyone thinks I'm ugly because they're all pigs and they think pigs are pretty.

Grace: Pam, did you fax over the drawings to the cabinaker yet?
Pam: Right after my smoke break.
Grace: I already told you, there is no smoking here.
Pam: It is part of my religion.
Karen: Smoking in the office... how inappropriate! Hey does anyone mind if I take my boob out for a second?
Grace: It's one thing at dinner Karen but work is where I draw the line.

Grace: Sometimes I wish I were a Republican. Then I wouldn't have to worry about anyone's feelings. The only thing I'd have to worry about is being indicted.

Will: Apparently she's never liked any of his boyfriends, so I'm gonna take her for a day of shopping. Give her a whole "Pretty Woman" makeover, without spending more than $100
Grace: Where you taking her shopping? Flint, Michigan?

[Jack is angry with Karen]
Karen: Hi, poodle.
Jack: Mm. How are you?
[to Grace]
Jack: Hi, Grace. Who's your daddy?
Grace: [confused] His name is Martin Adler.

[Lyle walks in]
Lyle: There she is, the woman who set my heart on fire.
[Karen rolls her eyes]
Lyle: Which is a nice change, since the women I'm usually with cause a burning feeling in an altogether different area.
Karen: Get lost, David Cop-a-feel. Just because we once made out like drunk straight girls at a frat party, doesn't mean you're wanted here.
Grace: [to Lyle] Hi. Welcome to my office. And we usually reserve this kind of talk for casual sex Friday.
Lyle: Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't see you there. Lyle Finster.
Grace: Finster? Oh my God. You're Lorraine's father. You tricked Karen into kissing you.
Karen: That's right. And it ain't never gonna happen again. No, sir. Not on my watch.
Lyle: I understand. But I only came here to return the kiss that you left on my lips.
Karen: What? Give it back!
[Karen jumps on Lyle and they start making out and growling]
Grace: If you'll excuse me, I'm just gonna go in the back and gouge out my eyes and puncture my eardrums.
Karen: Oh, no, honey, stay. I was just taking back my -
[realizes]
Karen: Hey!
Lyle: Karen, I'm lost without you. I've tried to fill the void with secretaries and whores, but at the end of the hour, it's you I wish I was paying.
Grace: Really, I'm uncomfortable.
Karen: It's never gonna happen between us, Lyle. So beat it.
Lyle: Very well. But I'll never forget you. Every mouth that I kiss will be your mouth. Every bottom that I slap will be your bottom. Every nipple that I tweak...
Grace: Please, one of us has to go!
Karen: Get out.
Lyle: Very well. But know this: Every vagina...
Grace: GET OUT!

[Grace broke Marilyn's Lladro figurine at a party and hid it under her couch]
Marilyn: I have some very sad news, Will. Fiona was cleaning after the party yesterday -
[starts crying]
Marilyn: and she found Ouisan in pieces on the floor. Ouisan is dead, Will. She's dead!
Grace: Ouisan? Well, she sounds like someone who was ready to go anyway.
Marilyn: She was a very rare Lladro figurine. And somebody broke her. Oh, I bet it was that Skippy Faber, the clumsy drunk. Grace, you were talking to her. Was she slurring?
Grace: Uh, a little. But I really couldn't tell 'cause she was...
[raises her arms stiffly]
Grace: stumbling around and waving her arms.
Marilyn: I knew it! I am going to wait until April and pour bleach on her roses.
Will: Well, hey, that's something to look forward to.
Marilyn: I'm just going to splash some cold water on my face, and then I'll be going.
[exits crying]
Will: [whispers to Grace] This is perfect! This is what happens when you keep your mouth shut. Skippy Faber takes the fall!
Grace: So, that's it? I just let Skippy hang for my crime?
[considers]
Grace: Ah, she's German. We'll just call it even.

Grace: We're having a whole I Love Lucy discussion. Will is obviously Ricky.
Jack: Oh, Will is totally a Ricky.
Grace: And I think we all know who the Lucy is.
Jack: Oh, totally.
Grace: It's me! You? That's crazy! I'm Lucy!
Will: Aye-yi-yi...

Will: Did no one read my email?
Grace: Which email?
Karen: What's email?

Grace: You have had some lousy birthdays. Remember when we went to see James Taylor, and that drunk roadie peed on you?
Will: Ironically, during "Shower the People".

Will: That's my Grace. You're a good person. Just like Jake Gyllenhaal. I don't know, sometimes when I look at my screen saver, I think... 'Yeah, you're thinking about me, too.'
Grace: You know, I used to feel that way about Sarah Jessica Parker. But then, we shared an elevator ride together and she poked me in the boob with an umbrella and didn't apologize.
Will: Were you trying to hug her?
Grace: That's not important.

[the planned get-together for Thanksgiving with Vince's family has to be cancelled, and lately Grace has been having sex dreams]
Grace: Great. No sex, and now no turkey.
Karen: Well... either way, no stuffin' for you.

Grace: [returning from first class] You will not believe this: Leo is in first class.
Will: Leo DiCaprio is in first class?

[Karen is offended because Grace said that she, Karen, could not be trusted as a babysitter]
Grace: Look, Karen, I'm sorry, but taking care of children is a huge responsibility. It's more "Tickle Me, Elmo" and less... "Let's fill Elmo up with drugs and smuggle him across the border."

Karen: [sympathetically] Oh, Grace...
Grace: What?
Karen: Nothing, I just thought it needed an "Oh, Grace".

Grace: Thanks a lot! Now it's a tenth anniversary suck-tacular!

Grace: We're the flippers who care.

Grace: Oh, how cute! Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes.
Jack: Yeah, I don't think those are girls.

Jack: This is fun, Grace, goin' to the movies on a weekday.
Grace: Why do you have the day off?
Jack: Oh, bomb scare at OutTV. Everyone got the day off to see the new Jude Law movie, because they're scared it's gonna bomb.

Will: A long drive with your father? Grace, that's a gift. I'd give anything to have that kind of time to talk to my Dad again.
Grace: It is different with girls. Your relationship with your Dad changes the second you get boobs.
Will: So there's still time for you.

Grace: [to Jack] Today I'm handing out lollipops and ass-whoopins and right now, I'm all out of lollipops.

Jack: I fooled around with Josh.
Grace: What?
Jack: Remember when I told you that there was something about Josh that I couldn't put my finger on? Well, I put my finger in it.
Will: There was a saying on the island. Mana Na Kalaka. Kana Makalui.
Grace: What does that mean?
Will: I don't know. I just can't believe you ended up with another gay guy.

[while watching basketball on TV]
Grace: Have you seen Matt yet?
Will: Yeah, he's right there, right on the sidelines. Just four clicks left of Spike Lee. Just right beside that little girl and her grandpa.
Jack: Uh, that's Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas.

Grace: The only reason you were offered a job, is so that he can slither out of the lawsuit.
Will: Of course. That ruthless bastard offered me a 5-year contract, paid vacation, a huge signing bonus, all to make a dispute over slipcovers go away. How could I have been so blind.
Grace: Why do your people always go to sarcasm first?

[Vince is in the shower]
Grace: [knocks] Vince, hurry up!
[to Will]
Grace: Your boyfriend's been in the shower for 20 minutes. All the cops you could've dated, and you hook up with Dirty Mary?
Will: Grace, he's a gay Catholic - he may never feel clean.