50 Best Jack McFarland Quotes

Will: Got a hot date?
Jack: No, but the guy who's dating me does.

Jack: My ride is here. It looks like a huff. I think I'll leave in it.

Jack: [to Will] That's funny. Do I hear screaming? Oh, no, that's just the buttons on your shirt.

Will: No, no. I don't want to have sex with you.
Jack: Oh, Will that wasn't sex. Okay, how do I explain this? Okay, when a man and a man love each other very much...
Will: No, no... Psychic Sue said I was going to spend the rest of my life with a guy named Jack.
Jack: Jack who?
Will: Jack you.
Jack: Jack me?
Will: No thanks.

Jack: [when Beverley approaches him] Beat it, homo!

Will: So we agreed we should probably both date guys our own age... but I think he's gonna remember what I said. Y'know, until the ADHD kicks in.
Jack: Mine left the apartment screaming like Vera Farmiga in The Conjuring.

Karen: So, what we're doin'?
Jack: What all teenage girls do. Which is remarkable similar to what gay men do. Talk about boys, obsessed of our bodys and make fun of people.

[while watching basketball on TV]
Grace: Have you seen Matt yet?
Will: Yeah, he's right there, right on the sidelines. Just four clicks left of Spike Lee. Just right beside that little girl and her grandpa.
Jack: Uh, that's Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas.

Jack: So we need to get them back together, but how? Pretend to think, pretend to think.
Karen: Pretend to care, pretend to care.
Jack: Oh, I've got it. What we need is a plan. Some way to get them in the same room together.
Karen: Oh honey, that's genius, write that down. Oh, wait, not on that, that's for Will and Grace, that's an invitation to Joe and Larry's kid's birthday party.
Jack: Oh yeah, I got one of these too. Anyway, enough about that. We have to figure out a way to get them in the same room so they can work it out. But how? Ow, I just got a paper cut on this party invitation for Will and Grace.
Karen: Focus. We're trying to get them in the same room together. Forget about this party they're both invited to. Now, what do they both like?
Jack: Well, Will likes to be taller than everyone, and Grace likes to eat cake.
Karen: Where can we take them where there'll be small people eating cake?
[takes a sip of wine]
Karen: Oh, shoot, I just spilled on this invitation to a child's birthday party.
[pauses]
Karen: Hey, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Jack: I don't know, are you thinking what it would be like to have Spiderman spray his web on you?
Karen: Okay that's just freaky.

[Jack has just seen Karen's enormous closet for the first time]
Jack: My God. If my closet were like this I never would have come out of it.

Jack: [to Beverley Leslie] I'm Sorry, I'm a little bit confused. Em, how am i gonna put this delicately? You're a raging 'mo yourself

Jack: This is fun, Grace, goin' to the movies on a weekday.
Grace: Why do you have the day off?
Jack: Oh, bomb scare at OutTV. Everyone got the day off to see the new Jude Law movie, because they're scared it's gonna bomb.

Jack: Just be grateful you have a divorce to talk about. Gays aren't even allowed that right. That's why I'm voting for Jim Carrey.
[Confusing Jim Carrey for John Kerry, who ran for President in 2004]
Will: I'm sure as leader of the free world his Pet Detective skills will come in handy.

Jack: My boss is on my case. He says I've got to have a more professional relationship with my secretary, or else I have to fire her. He gave me an old tomato.
Will: Old tomato?
Jack: Yeah, when you have to do one thing or the other? You have to eat it or throw it. Old tomato.
Will: Oh, I see. I was confused, 'cause you know, I pronounce it old tomahto.

Jack: That's it? That's your story? That stunk! You're supposed to make him feel better about his dad not worse about his friends.

Jack: I WOULD DIE, I WOULD JUST DIE!

Jack: This place can't fix you, because you aren't broken.

Grace: We're having a whole I Love Lucy discussion. Will is obviously Ricky.
Jack: Oh, Will is totally a Ricky.
Grace: And I think we all know who the Lucy is.
Jack: Oh, totally.
Grace: It's me! You? That's crazy! I'm Lucy!
Will: Aye-yi-yi...

Jack: [Karen has left Jack and Beverly Leslie alone] Nice seeing you again. I'm sure you have places to go... a magic ring to protect...

Karen: So, did you have time to look over my divorce papers?
Will: Oh, yeah, uh, looks like Stan got the cabin in Vermont, but you got Vermont.
Karen: Suck it, New England!
Will: Jack used to have a tank top that said that.
Karen: [Will hands her the divorce documents] So, now what, I just sign these, and that's it?
Will: Pretty much. Once you've done that, you're no longer Mrs Stanley Walker.
Karen: Hm. It's that easy.
Will: You OK? You've gotta be struggling with how hard this is.
Jack: I had a tank top that said that, too.
Karen: Good Lord, why is everybody making such a big deal out of this. What do you want me to sing a torch song, or something? I'm fine.
Jack: Oh, Karen, I know this is hard to swallow.
Jack: [Karen just points to the general area of Jack's chest] Yes, a t-shirt.

Karen: Y'know, sometimes it seems like our sole purpose in life is just to serve Will and Grace.
Jack: Right. It's like all people see when they look at us are the supporting players on the Will & Grace show.

Jack: [calling for Karen] "Olly, olly, OxyContin!"

Karen: So that miniature pony offered you all his money just to take a few rides on him and you said no?
Jack: But I don't like him.
Karen: Since when is that a problem?
Jack: Well played.
[pause]
Jack: I can't do it.
Karen: Oh you'll do it. You'll do it the same way any self-respecting woman does. Get on your back, point your heels to Jesus and think of handbags.

Jack: I've got the Evian flu!
[pause]
Jack: I shared a bottle of water with a stranger at the gym.

Jack: Weirdly, this is not the first time a nun has urged me to stay in the closet.

Jack: Ah, you missed a great wrap-party at White castle last night. Woho, it was off the hook.

Jack: You're so generous. I swear, if you weren't Jewish, you'd definitely go to heaven.
Grace: Thanks, Jack. And if you weren't gay, you'd go there too.

Jack: Wow, that was just like "The O.C.". Just without 25-year old teenagers and 35-year old parents.

Jack: I have had the biggest glitter related tragedy since Mariah Carey's film debut.

Jack: [screaming] Karen! You're bending my ethnic porn!

Grace: Oh, how cute! Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes.
Jack: Yeah, I don't think those are girls.

Jack: Hello Ro. He-Ro! I'm Jack, Will's friend. Not like Will and your brother are "friends." Okay. And one day they'll eventually be "roommates." And then the proud parents of a Chinese girl
Ro: I know my brother's gay. I've known it since high school when he beat up some guy for saying Lee Majors looked dopey.

Jack: We'll rent a movie. You're into gay porn, right?
Grace: Who isn't?

[Will and Jack have bought a place in the country and are now trying to escape their crazy neighbours]
Will: Come on, Jack, let's try the back door.
Jack: Will Truman! Coming on to me at a time like this!

Jack: [about Leo] I don't even know how to act around them. Do I like him? Do I hate him? Do I have an accent?

Jack: The more you know... and shooting star!

Jack: He's my arch-nemesissy.

Jack: Shut up, Patti LuPone! Shut your brassy, magnificent trap! I don't want to hear you sing! I don't want to cut your hair! And I *certainly* don't want to hear you singing while I cutting your hair! Got it? Now I'm talking to my best friend, so stand back, Buenos Aires!

Will: Well, I was going to this art opening...
Jack: Ooh, that sounds great, I'd love to join you!
Will: It's not a person named Art, you understand?
Jack: Yes, I know. But there's always a lot of rich old gay guys at those things looking for younger gay guys to take care of. You know, the way Dick Cheney takes care of George Bush.

Cher: Ya know dude, it is a little weird that you are talking to my doll.
Jack: Um I don't think that I need a drag queen to define normal behavior. But I will say this, the look, is flawless.
Cher: Whatever.
Jack: Ohh. Working the attitude. OK, you're good.
Cher: I've had a lot of practice.
Jack: Hey hey. You're not that great Mister Sister. I do a better Cher than you.
Cher: Ya think so?
Jack: Actually it's "You think so, hooooooooooooooe"
Cher: Are you kidding me with this?
Jack: OK, the hand is perfect, but it's more "are you kidding me with this, hoooooooooooe"
Cher: Get a life.
[walks away then turns around]
Cher: [sings] If I could turn back time.
Jack: [clears throat to sing] If I could turn back time, hoooooooooooe. Time hoooooooe. Time hoooooe. Time hoooooe.
Cher: [slaps Jack] Snap out of it!
[she leaves; Jack realizes who she really was and faints]

Jack: I don't know how much longer I can live with Will. I mean, every time I get in the shower with him he's like, Jack, get the hell out.
Karen: I know honey, Grace is driving me nuts too. She can't concentrate on work anymore, she just sits around all day, doodling pictures of people's houses, on these enormous sketch pads. And then, she's on the phone all the time ordering furniture. Honey, where's she going to put all that, huh? In those "houses" she's drawing?

Jack: I fooled around with Josh.
Grace: What?
Jack: Remember when I told you that there was something about Josh that I couldn't put my finger on? Well, I put my finger in it.
Will: There was a saying on the island. Mana Na Kalaka. Kana Makalui.
Grace: What does that mean?
Will: I don't know. I just can't believe you ended up with another gay guy.

[seeing Jack at the gay bar]
Beverley: Well well well. If it isn't Karen Walker's little gay friend. Where's your olive-skinned cohort? Don't you homosexuals always travel in pairs?
[Benji shows up]
Benji: Beverley, they don't have Clay Aiken on the jukebox.
[Beverly groans in disappointment]
Jack: Well, look how cute you two look. The Black Stallion and My Little Pony

Jack: Hey, what's in the bag fag?

Jack: [to Josh Lucas] It's like you're Matt Damon and I'm Ben Affleck and I just made "Gigli". Or "Paycheck". Or "Bounce". Or "Jersey Girl". Or "Surviving Christmas".

Will: [Jack takes Will out to a new club] Are you sure this is a gay club? Middle-aged women keep bumping into me, and this song is like 28 years old.
Jack: It's a straight club right now. It doesn't turn gay until 9:00.
Will: Had a roommate in college who was the same way.

Jack: He's my male fiancée, my Boy-ancée.
Will: I guess that makes you Gay-zee?

Jack: [Celebrating with, Karen, getting Grace & Will back together] Hey, let's get a dessert! Nothing too filling. Something small and fruity with lady fingers.
[Beverley Leslie walks in]

Karen: Honey, I'm too tired to slap you. Bash your face up against my palm.
Jack: [rolls eyes and does so]

Jack: [Jack runs into Will's ex-boyfriend Vince at George Truman's funeral] I'm going to be playing a COP in a new TV show and I would love some pointers. The only COP things I've done is use handcuffs and say to someone, "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?".