50 Best Hellboy II: The Golden Army Quotes

Hellboy: Watch it boys, she's on fire!

Johann: [after thrashing Hellboy] There we are. Your temper, it makes you sloppy. Try to control it, Agent Hellboy. Before it controls you.
[Johann "walks" away, singing in German]
Hellboy: Glass-hole.

[repeated line]
Hellboy: Aw, crap!

Tom: What's going on? What's going on?
Hellboy: I quit.
[gives Manning his belt and weapon]
Tom: What? Are you serious?
Liz: Looks that way doesn't it?
[gives Manning her belt and weapon]
Tom: What's wrong with you? You can't all just quit.
Abe: [gives Manning his belt and weapons] Watch us.
[pats Manning on the cheek and walks past him]
Hellboy: [comes back] On second thought...
[pulls out the Samaritan]
Hellboy: I think I'll keep this!
[walks away]
Tom: Come on. Come on! Johann, they can't do this. Stop them.
Johann: Dr. Manning, suck my ectoplasmic schwanzstucker!

Hellboy: [reading a CD's track listing] "Can't Smile Without You"?
Abe: I know...
Hellboy: Yep, I'm gonna need a beer, too!

Liz: [over the radio, at the auction house] Abe, what have we got?
Abe: [reading through his book] Oh, this is interesting. Both boxes have the royal seal. Only delivered in a time of war... Red, we have company.
Hellboy: [getting annoyed] Come on, Blue. Give me something to work with here!
Abe: Burrowing creatures.
Hellboy: How many of them?
Abe: Many... there are no corpses because there are no leftovers. Have you noticed the floor?
Hellboy: [walking through the bloody sludge] Aww, crap!
Abe: Precisely. All these things do is eat and eat, then poop, then eat again.
Liz: [sarcastic] Remind you of anyone?

Hellboy: I can be discreet.
Liz: Really?
Hellboy: Hey, I followed you and Myers, didn't I?
Liz: And then you had him transferred to Antarctica. That's very... discreet.
Hellboy: Ah, he said he liked the cold.

Hellboy: [looking at Liz sleeping; drunk] Look at her. She's it, Abe. She's it. She's my whole wide... You know?
Abe: [also drunk] Yeah. Yeah.
Hellboy: I would give my life for her... but she also wants me to do the dishes.
Abe: I would die and do the dishes.

Abe: [as she lies dying] I never got a chance to tell you how I feel.
Princess: Give me your hand.
[he takes her hand]
Princess: It's... beautiful.

Princess: [with the others in the meat-locker] To wage his war, my brother needs this.
[holding the crown piece and cylinder]
Princess: The final piece of the crown of BethMora and this map to the location of the Golden Army chamber.
Johann: The Golden Army. The harbingers of death, the unstoppable tide...
Hellboy: [under his breath] Howdy Doody.
Johann: Your Highness, if you hand the crown piece over to us...
Princess: No. Where it goes, I go. My father died to uphold the truce with your world. We must honor his noble intentions.
Abe: The lady is in dire danger.
Johann: I take is your are vouching for her, Agent Sapien?
Abe: Most emphatically, yes.
Johann: Even so... I am sorry, but we simply cannot assume such responsibility on our own.
Hellboy: [getting in Johann's face] Lady just lost her father, what more do you want?
Johann: You may not care, but there are procedures, rules, and little handbooks that...
Hellboy: She's coming with us. You got that, gasbag?
Johann: [offended] What-what did you call me?
Prince: [from behind the group] You! You will pay for what happened to my friend down there.
Hellboy: [turning to face him, sarcastically] Yeah, right. You take checks?
Prince: [enraged] Demon. Born from a womb of shadows, sent to destroy their world and you still believe you belong?
Hellboy: Are we going to talk all night? Because I'm really sleepy.

Hellboy: I wish father were here. He'd know what to tell you... us.

Liz: Over seventy guests reported. There are no survivors?
Hellboy: Same story here, babe.
Liz: Don't call me "babe."
Hellboy: *Abe!* I said Abe! Wrong channel...

Hellboy: Liz...
Liz: Don't try to talk.
Hellboy: No, you need to hear this. I know what's important. It's you. I can turn my back on the world, all of it... as long as you stay with me.
Liz: I'll stay with you. You're the best man I know.
Hellboy: [smiles] Man...

Prince: [after practicing, to Wink] How long have you been there, my friend?
[pointing to the Tooth Fairies]
Prince: They're over there. I bought them today. I haven't fed them, at all. I will go up first, you will follow. And remember Mr. Wink, don't be shy.

Hellboy: [drunk] Why is she mad at me? And it's not about the mess, either, it's about something else.
Abe: [also drunk] Well, ask her then!
Hellboy: No! Look, Abe, when a woman's mad at you, but she's really mad about something else, and you have to ask, she gets mad because you had to ask in the first place! You know?
Abe: Uh...
Hellboy: Never mind, don't answer that.

Hellboy: Come on, Abe! What are these things?
Abe: Carcharadon Carcharias.
Hellboy: English, English.
Abe: They're, um... tooth fairies.
Hellboy: Ha!
Abe: No. Black Forest, 3rd Century. They feed mostly on calcium. Bones, skin, organs... But they do usually go after the teeth first. Hence the name, "tooth fairies."
Liz: Bet you they don't leave money, either.

Hellboy: You're in love. Have a beer.
Abe: Oh, my body's a temple.
Hellboy: Well, now it's an amusement park.
Abe: No, no, no. The glandular balance of...
Hellboy: Just shut up and drink it, would you?

Drunkard: Hey, you Hellboy?
Hellboy: Yeah.
Drunkard: You're ugly, man.

Johann: You say I'm not human, but on the contrary, I understand your pain all too well. You see, a long time ago, I lost the woman I love, and that was, in fact, the cause of my present misfortune. I will tell you about it someday. But for now, the tactical advantage is ours! Consider this: the Prince lacks the crown piece. And without it, his Army poses no threat to us.
Liz: So, we have clearance then?
Johann: Agent Sherman... Liz... screw ze clearance! Ve vill *take* that plane!

Hellboy: Hey, gasbag! Stop talking now!
Johann: Or what? Are you threatening me? Because I think I can take you.
[silence]
Hellboy: Excuse me?
Johann: You heard me.

[last lines]
Hellboy: Maybe we can find a place with a yard. It'd be great for the baby!
Liz: Babies.
Hellboy: [mouths] Babies?
Liz: [holds up two fingers, wagging them]

Prince: [releasing the tooth fairies] Let this remind you why you once feared the dark...

[after smashing up a dozen of the Golden Army's soldiers]
Hellboy: Industrable, my ass.

Prince: The humans... the humans have forgotten the gods, destroyed the earth, and for what? Parking lots? Shopping malls? Greed had burned a hole in their hearts that will never be filled! They will never have enough!
King: What humans do is in their nature. To honor the truce is in ours.
Prince: Honor? Look at this place! Where is the honor in this? Father, you were once a proud warrior. When did you become their pet?
[turns to the council]
Prince: I have returned from exile to wage war and reclaim our land, our birthright! And for that I will call upon the help of all my people and they will answer. The good, the bad...
[holds up the crown piece]
Prince: ... and the worst.
King: [puts a hand to his own crown piece] The Golden Army? You cannot be that mad!
Prince: Perhaps I am. Perhaps they made me so.

Prince: [to the Golden Army] Kill them.
Abe: [shocked] He lied to us.
Hellboy: Abe, old buddy. We ever get outta this, we gotta talk.

Johann: You have one fatal flaw.
Hellboy: Oh, I wanna hear this.
Johann: No, you don't. You can't take criticism.
Hellboy: Try me.
Johann: [pokes Hellboy] Can't... take it.
Hellboy: [yells] What's my flaw?
Johann: Your temper! It gets the best of you. Makes you weak, makes you vulnera...
[Hellboy punches him]

[Hellboy has defeated Nuada, and holds the completed Crown of Bethmora, that controls the Golden Army]
Hellboy: All that power...
Liz: Don't even think about it!
[grabs crown from his hands, and proceeds to destroy it]

Hellboy: World, here I come.

Professor: It is said that at the dawn of time, man, beast, and all magical beings lived together under Aeglin, the Father Tree. But man had been created with a hole in his heart, a hole that no possession, power, or knowledge could fill. And in his infinite greed, man dreamed of expanding his dominion over the entire earth. The blood of many an elf, ogre, and goblin was spilled in their war with man, and King Balor, the one-armed king of Elfland, watched the slaughter in dread and despair. But one day, the master of the goblin blacksmiths offered to build the king a golden mechanical army, seventy times seventy soldiers, that would never know hunger, and could not be stopped. Prince Nuada begged his father to agree. "Build me this army," the king said. And so, a magical crown was forged that would allow those of royal blood to command the Golden Army, if unchallenged. "I am King Balor, leader of the Golden Army. Is there anyone who disputes my right?" And in his throne room, no one challenged his word.

Prince: [draws his spear] Your weapon?
Hellboy: [holds up his stone hand] Five-fingered Mary.

[entering the Golden Army chamber]
Goblin: Here we are... and there they are. Seventy times seventy soldiers. Sometimes I wish we'd never created them. Bim-bam went the hammers! Whoosh went the furnaces! One of those fires took my legs off. This is as far as I go. I'm not very good with steps. But if you're here to stop him, the Prince, I wish you luck. The Golden Army must not awaken. Undo what we did.

Prince: [to Hellboy about the Forest god] Demon! What are you waiting for? This is what you want, isn't it? Look at it. The last of its kind. Like you and I. If you destroy it, the world will never see its kind again... You have more in common with us than with them. You could be a king... If you cannot command, than you must obey.

Hellboy: I know; I'm ugly!

Prince: Sit *down*, proud, empty, hollow things that you are! Let this remind you why you once feared the dark.

Johann: You will learn to obey me, follow protocol and stay focused at all times.
Hellboy: Oh, that word - "fock-yused"? Yeah, with your accent, I wouldn't use it that much.

Tom: What are these things?
Liz: We normally can't see fairy folk and trolls. They emit a cloaking aura of "glamour." But in 1838, Emil Schuffstein designed these. Four crystal diopters that allows you to see things as they really are. Keep an eye on her.
[Manning sees the team following a bag lady pushing a shopping cart full of kittens]
Tom: That little old lady? Come on!
Liz: It's a Fragglewump. An ugly Scottish troll. They're afraid of canaries.
[Manning puts on the glasses and looks again]
Tom: Oh, my God! Canaries, huh? What about the kittens?
Liz: She feeds on them.
Tom: That thing is a "she?"

Hellboy: Eh, Mr. Kraut, sir?
Johann: Krauss, agent. There's a double s.
Hellboy: SS. Right, right.

Liz: We're looking for the entrance to BethMora.
Goblin: What would a nice girl like you be wanting in the Nightlands?
Liz: We are looking for Prince Nuada.
Goblin: Ah, him I know. Trade me something, and I'll take you to him.
Liz: Here, I have a shiny belt.
Goblin: [his legs are missing] But I have no pants.
Liz: I have a wonderful pair of magic eyes...
Goblin: No, I already have binoculars.

Abe: My name is Abraham Sapien.
Princess: There is no such name.
Abe: Oh, I don't like it much either, but...
Princess: Enough! Give me your hand.
Abe: I'm sorry?
[she menaces him with her dagger; he holds up his hand, and she places hers against it]
Princess: You are an agent of the Bureau For Paranormal Research And Defense.
Abe: Yes.
Princess: And your name is... oh, dear.
Abe: Awful, I know.

[about Johann]
Tom: No fingerprints, no photos. But they say, and I'm translating, "he has a nice, open face."
[Johann's head turns out to be a clear, open bowl of glass]

Angel: Anung un Rama...
Liz: You know that name?
Angel: And yours, Elizabeth Sherman. At last, I have been waiting for you both, I am his death and I will meet him at every crossroad.
Liz: Can you save him?
Angel: It is for you to decide. It is all the same to me, my heart is filled with dust and sand. But you should know, it is his destiny to bring about the destruction of the Earth... not now, not tomorrow but soon enough. Knowing that, you still want him to live?
[Liz pauses]
Angel: So, child, make the choice. The world, or him?
Liz: Him.
Angel: The time will come, and you, my dear, will suffer more than anyone.
Liz: I'll deal with it. Now save him.
Angel: It is done.
[the Angel removes the spearhead from Hellboy's chest]
Angel: I have done what I can, now give him a reason to live.

Hellboy: [as he's wrapping an infant in his tail] Your first piece of tail.

Hellboy: Now stay down!

Prince: [defeated] Kill me. You must. For I will not stop. I cannot.
Hellboy: [taking the crown] Sorry, pal. I win, you live.

Prince: We die and the world will be poorer for it.

Prince: [stabs Hellboy in the chest] You may have mused in the past, am I mortal?
[breaks off the spear, leaving the head in Hellboy's chest]
Prince: Now you are.

Tom: [very upset] You've murdered me. You've murdered me and ridiculed me. And... you've brought this onto yourself.
Hellboy: [uninterested] What?
Tom: Washington is sending down a BPRD agent.
Hellboy: [now caring] A new guy? Why?
Tom: [sneering] To look after you!

Tom: "Undercover." Can't he get the meaning of the word? I mean, we are still government-funded, we are still a secret, although a dirty secret, if you ask me. Officially, we-do-not-exist. So, you see, that's the problem when we get these.
[shows Abe a series of photos]
Tom: Subway... highway... ah, park.
[holds up one, showing Hellboy giving a "peace" sign with his stone hand]
Tom: And he posed for this one, and gave an autograph. I suppress each photo, cell phone videos, they cost me a fortune, and then they show up on Youtube... God, I hate Youtube!

Hellboy: "Popular Love Songs"? Oh, Abe... you fell for the Princess?
Abe: She... she's like me! A creature from another world...
Hellboy: You need to get out more.

Johann: Nice baby.
Baby: I'm not a baby. I'm a tumor.