The Best Abe Sapien Quotes

Prince: [to the Golden Army] Kill them.
Abe: [shocked] He lied to us.
Hellboy: Abe, old buddy. We ever get outta this, we gotta talk.

Hellboy: [reading a CD's track listing] "Can't Smile Without You"?
Abe: I know...
Hellboy: Yep, I'm gonna need a beer, too!

Hellboy: Come on, Abe! What are these things?
Abe: Carcharadon Carcharias.
Hellboy: English, English.
Abe: They're, um... tooth fairies.
Hellboy: Ha!
Abe: No. Black Forest, 3rd Century. They feed mostly on calcium. Bones, skin, organs... But they do usually go after the teeth first. Hence the name, "tooth fairies."
Liz: Bet you they don't leave money, either.

Princess: [with the others in the meat-locker] To wage his war, my brother needs this.
[holding the crown piece and cylinder]
Princess: The final piece of the crown of BethMora and this map to the location of the Golden Army chamber.
Johann: The Golden Army. The harbingers of death, the unstoppable tide...
Hellboy: [under his breath] Howdy Doody.
Johann: Your Highness, if you hand the crown piece over to us...
Princess: No. Where it goes, I go. My father died to uphold the truce with your world. We must honor his noble intentions.
Abe: The lady is in dire danger.
Johann: I take is your are vouching for her, Agent Sapien?
Abe: Most emphatically, yes.
Johann: Even so... I am sorry, but we simply cannot assume such responsibility on our own.
Hellboy: [getting in Johann's face] Lady just lost her father, what more do you want?
Johann: You may not care, but there are procedures, rules, and little handbooks that...
Hellboy: She's coming with us. You got that, gasbag?
Johann: [offended] What-what did you call me?
Prince: [from behind the group] You! You will pay for what happened to my friend down there.
Hellboy: [turning to face him, sarcastically] Yeah, right. You take checks?
Prince: [enraged] Demon. Born from a womb of shadows, sent to destroy their world and you still believe you belong?
Hellboy: Are we going to talk all night? Because I'm really sleepy.

Hellboy: "Popular Love Songs"? Oh, Abe... you fell for the Princess?
Abe: She... she's like me! A creature from another world...
Hellboy: You need to get out more.

Tom: What's going on? What's going on?
Hellboy: I quit.
[gives Manning his belt and weapon]
Tom: What? Are you serious?
Liz: Looks that way doesn't it?
[gives Manning her belt and weapon]
Tom: What's wrong with you? You can't all just quit.
Abe: [gives Manning his belt and weapons] Watch us.
[pats Manning on the cheek and walks past him]
Hellboy: [comes back] On second thought...
[pulls out the Samaritan]
Hellboy: I think I'll keep this!
[walks away]
Tom: Come on. Come on! Johann, they can't do this. Stop them.
Johann: Dr. Manning, suck my ectoplasmic schwanzstucker!

Hellboy: You're in love. Have a beer.
Abe: Oh, my body's a temple.
Hellboy: Well, now it's an amusement park.
Abe: No, no, no. The glandular balance of...
Hellboy: Just shut up and drink it, would you?

Abe: [as she lies dying] I never got a chance to tell you how I feel.
Princess: Give me your hand.
[he takes her hand]
Princess: It's... beautiful.

Hellboy: [drunk] Why is she mad at me? And it's not about the mess, either, it's about something else.
Abe: [also drunk] Well, ask her then!
Hellboy: No! Look, Abe, when a woman's mad at you, but she's really mad about something else, and you have to ask, she gets mad because you had to ask in the first place! You know?
Abe: Uh...
Hellboy: Never mind, don't answer that.

Abe: My name is Abraham Sapien.
Princess: There is no such name.
Abe: Oh, I don't like it much either, but...
Princess: Enough! Give me your hand.
Abe: I'm sorry?
[she menaces him with her dagger; he holds up his hand, and she places hers against it]
Princess: You are an agent of the Bureau For Paranormal Research And Defense.
Abe: Yes.
Princess: And your name is... oh, dear.
Abe: Awful, I know.

Liz: [over the radio, at the auction house] Abe, what have we got?
Abe: [reading through his book] Oh, this is interesting. Both boxes have the royal seal. Only delivered in a time of war... Red, we have company.
Hellboy: [getting annoyed] Come on, Blue. Give me something to work with here!
Abe: Burrowing creatures.
Hellboy: How many of them?
Abe: Many... there are no corpses because there are no leftovers. Have you noticed the floor?
Hellboy: [walking through the bloody sludge] Aww, crap!
Abe: Precisely. All these things do is eat and eat, then poop, then eat again.
Liz: [sarcastic] Remind you of anyone?

Hellboy: [looking at Liz sleeping; drunk] Look at her. She's it, Abe. She's it. She's my whole wide... You know?
Abe: [also drunk] Yeah. Yeah.
Hellboy: I would give my life for her... but she also wants me to do the dishes.
Abe: I would die and do the dishes.