The Best Linda Belcher Quotes

Linda: Cotton candy Dan is that the guy who sold corn dogs

Linda: You know what you gotta do to Droopy Bob?
Bob: Uh, what?
Linda: You gotta punch him in the nuts, like this.
[punches Bob in the groin]
Bob: Ow!
Linda: Sorry, sorry, sorry. You know what I'm saying. It's like a metaphor, like this.
[Punches Bob in the groin again]
Bob: Ow! Stop! It's not a metaphor if you actually do it!

[Over end credits]
Linda: What about Snail and Newt try stand-up? Oh, oh! Snail and Newt get fun haircuts - two tight perms. Snail and Newt go on tour with Guns N' Roses. Snail and Newt start a fight club, Snail and Newt go to Buffalo. Oh, Snail and Newt eat too much mac and cheese, and then they can't poop! Oh, Snail and Newt go to couples' counselling and they work it all out!

Louise: Ugh. Okay, you're doing really, really well.
Linda: Everyone compliment your father.
Gene: Um, | think you're handsome for your age, which is what, 65...
Bob: Oh, my god!
- He's ramming us!
Linda: Hey, cut it out!

Linda: Bob, you know I love this "bring him a burger" idea, but isn't it a little early to be making it? I mean, our appointment isn't for a while.
Bob: [whispering] This is a practice burger.
Linda: Why are you whispering?
Bob: I don't want it to hear and feel bad.
Linda: Okay.
Bob: [as burger] Wait, I'm a what?
Bob: Noting. What? You're great.
[pats burger]
Bob: Shh, shh-shh-shh.
Bob: [as burger] Mmm, that feels nice.
Bob: I know, I know.
Bob: [as burger] Don't rub my sesame seeds off.
Bob: I won't.
Louise: They're a cute couple.
Gene: Eh. I give them a year.

Linda: [from trailer] I'm the marketing department! I took Gene's burger suit, let out the crotch a little bit, and bam!

Linda: Bob, what do they want?
Sterling: Hambledurgers, Linda. Would you please go in the goddamn back.
Linda: Well, excuse me, Ike Turner. Jeez.

Bea: I loved writing those books, but I wrote them years ago when my kids were little. I write dramatic thrillers now, for adults.
Linda: Books for adults? I guess that's a thing.
Bea: Yes, yes it is. My new book is about a middle-aged librarian who learns mixed martial arts to infiltrate the mob and break up a rare books crime ring.
Linda: Yeah, that sounds good. I didn't really listen to what you said it was about, but Bea, the "Snail and Newt" books were magical!

Louise: Just learning the steps to becoming a god would be great.
Linda: You can be whatever you set your mind to be, sweetie.
Bob: Right, but *maybe* not a Greek god?
Linda: Maybe not, maybe yes. Who knows, Bob?
Gene: Don't squash her dreams you puny human man!
Louise: I'm gonna strike him down first

Linda: I know I went overboard, it's just that I thought that if you could write a book, another book, we could be back on our bed, all - all snuggling and crying and laughing again, and maybe no-one has to grow up and leave and go to college. I know, it doesn't make sense, I know.
Bob: Lin, if it helps, I'm pretty sure at least two of our kids are gonna have to live at home for... a long time.

Louise: I love how Mom will take on any authority figure at any time, under the slightest pretext!
Bob: She'd take him out if she had to...
Linda: [Drawing closer] Are we taking him out?
Bob: No! No, no, no!

Linda: So, you live nearby?
Bea: No, Connecticut.
Linda: Ooh, Connecticut! Did you know it's spelled "Connect-icut"? Weird, huh?
Bea: Uh, yeah.

Bea: My son gave me a fancy phone, but I never remember to charge it.
Linda: I'm like that with toilets; I never remember to flush 'em.
Teddy: Yeah, technology, right?