50 Best Lt. Col. Samantha Carter Quotes

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: We're supposed to stay under the radar.
Teal'c: I doubt if this world possesses such technology.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: We don't know where it is now, but we do know where it was: Giza, 3000 B.C.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: You can't be serious.
Brigadier: What?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: It's the only way.
Brigadier: What?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: No, we agreed.
Brigadier: If I have to say "what" one more time, heads are gonna roll!
Dr. Daniel Jackson: We have a time machine. We can go back and get the ZPM.
Brigadier: She wouldn't let me go back and watch the Cubs win the World Series.

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: [Members of the Trust are about to launch symbiote nerve gas on a Jaffa world] You can't do this--it's murder!
Hoskins: That's where you're wrong colonel, it's war.

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: But the truth is the Stargate program just doesn't get the support it used to from the people in charge.
Jacek: Why not?
Dr. Bill Lee: Eureka! One down, twelve to go.
Jacek: That's too bad because after all your Stargate program has accomplished for this network of planets, I would think that the decision makers would show it the respect it deserves.

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: How's it coming?
Dr. Bill Lee: Ah, well... I mean, we all know our auditory senses are a direct line to certain brain functions, and we know they respond differently to different sonic frequencies, but, uh... you know, trying to achieve something as specific as isolating one small part of the brain, that's like... I mean, it's like, uh... It's like trying to do... something that's... impossible.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: [dryly] Good analogy.
Dr. Bill Lee: [laughing] Come on, I haven't slept.

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: [after unsuccessfully confronting the dragon] Well, we know the P90 fire just bounced off its armor.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Which means it's not a hologram. If it was a hologram, the bullets would've gone straight through.
Ba'al: So it's not that your weapons aren't ineffective, it's that they're ineffective in a different way.

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Daniel, these are VX rockets.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yeah?
[Danial picks up a cylinder of blue liquid]
Dr. Daniel Jackson: What's this?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Methylphosphonofluoridic acid.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Which is?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Nerve gas.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Okay, putting that back.

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: It's the wrong one! You can't just jam it in!
[Vala jams in the small crystal. The power grid activates. Carter stares at it in surprise]
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: How did you do that?
Vala: Honestly? I don't know. That almost never normally works.

Dr. Daniel Jackson: I got it! I made the connection. Sir Gawain to Gwalchmei, Culhwch, and Olwen. Verus Gen Bree.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: [to Cameron] And you say *I'm* hard to understand.

Teal'c: We located this vessel in a field several miles from here.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: We were onboard trying to override the command code when it was remotely activated and flown onto the roof of the school.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: That's right. You brought us to you.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: After that, it was a simple matter of activating Chimera. It's an Asgard holographic projection system. It made it look like we beamed in.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: And you might've gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for us meddling kids.

[in the Farscape sequence]
Vala: [as Aeryn Sun] Call me fahrbot, but they're gonna have our mivonks on a platter if we don't Starburst the draz out of here.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: [as Crichton] The cluster's been damaged. We're not goin' anywhere.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: [as Chiana] Oh, dren.
Teal'c: [as Ka D'Argo] Hezmana!
Vala: [as Aeryn Sun] Frell.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: [as Stark] Son of a hasmot!
Asgard: [as Dominar Rygel XVI] Yotz!

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: We didn't think we were ever going to make this work.
Cameron: Make what work?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Well, since you disintegrated the Alteran communication stones and the base terminal in the kawoosh, we've been...
Cameron: I'm sorry the what?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: The unstable vortex of a forming wormhole. Kawoosh.
Cameron: Don't think I've ever heard you call it that before.

Cameron: [softly] You know, I read all the mission reports on the Asgard. They're not what I expected.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: What were you expecting?
Cameron: [glancing at Kvasir] Well, pants for one.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: No offense, Jackson, but you do not strike me as the drug dealer type. In fact, you're not even close.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I think I'm as close as you are!
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Come on! You're miles away.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Teal'c, which one of us is closer?
Teal'c: I believe the three of you to be equidistant.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Oh, please! Mary Poppins is not even in the running!
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Hey!

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: General.
Brigadier: Colonel. We've all met.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Yes, actually we know each other's life stories.
Brigadier: That snippiness?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Is that a word?

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: We need the Asgard to send us a disrupter satellite as soon as possible.
Brigadier: I've already talked to him. He'll be there in thirty minutes, or it's free.

Captain: It's not a competition.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Says you.

Ba'al: Why don't you do something? You're the Orici. You're supposedly possessed of significant powers. So snuff out the flame and get us on our way.
Adria: My abilities don't work that way.
Ba'al: Of course, how does the saying go? "All flash, no photo?"
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Actually, it's "All flash, no substance."
Ba'al: I prefer my version.
Adria: Would you care for a demonstration?
[Adria pauses then turns away]
Adria: Taking your life would be a waste of my time.
Ba'al: Which I suppose would be put to better use complaining?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Oh, geez, why don't you two just get a room!

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Considering their unique ability to maintain an active Stargate indefinitely and their force field capabilities, the President has authorized any and all means to complete the mission.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Oh boy, here I was trying to have a nuke-free career.

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: If I could go back in time, which, admittedly, is an opportunity I am occasionally presented with...

Jack: I just walked in with a whole handful of ingredients for my world-famous omelet!
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: World-famous, huh? What's in it?
Jack: Eggs.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: I don't think that that actually qualifies as a recipe.
Jack: Oh, don't kid yourself. There's a secret ingredient. I can't tell you what it is or I'd have to shoot you.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: It's beer isn't it?

Vala: Our only chance is to take this ship back.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: I have an idea about that, but it's pretty risky.
Vala: It's probably better than our plan.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Well, what's your plan?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: We don't have one.

Major: [Discussing the alternate reality Carter's failed marriage] It was this dot com millionaire smartass named McKay.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Not... Rodney McKay?
Major: Yeah. You have one too, huh? Is he a jerk in your universe?

Teal'c: It is ironic that not so long ago, the mere presence of the Goa'uld on earth would have been cause for great concern.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Seriously. Who'd ever think that we'd have bigger fish to fry? Or that you'd use the word ironic in a sentence!
Teal'c: Indeed.

Ba'al: What do you want?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: I need your help. Look, I still think I'm right about the obelisk, but I can't make heads or tails of its programming.
Ba'al: Well, that's hardly surprising. I mean, I know where you come from, you're considered relatively intelligent, but by galactic standards that's not really saying much. Wouldn't you agree?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: [Carter punches Ba'al in the face] You know, if you're not gonna help, then you're really not much use to us. And if you're not much use to us, then there's really no point in keeping you alive any longer. Wouldn't you agree?
Ba'al: I'd... err... be delighted to help.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Great to hear it.

Brigadier: So... what brings you to this neck of the woods, on such a fine day, in my backyard?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Well actually, I've been sitting in your driveway for the last ten minutes, trying to work up the nerve to come and talk to you. The truth is, I've been trying to work up the nerve for a lot longer than that.
Brigadier: Oh?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Pete put a downpayment down on a house. It's a beautiful house. But... The truth is, I'm having second thoughts about the wedding.
Brigadier: Why?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: See, the thing is, the closer it gets, the more I get the feeling that... I'm making a big, huge mistake.
Brigadier: Look Carter, I don't know what...
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: I'm sorry to bother you with this but, see, there's actually a good reason that I'm bothering you with this and if I don't tell you now, I might never...
Kerry: Jack, I looked everywhere, but I could not... Colonel Carter!
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: [coldly] Miss Johnson.
Brigadier: We were just meeting here, in my backyard on this fine day to discuss the state of affairs.
[splashes beer everywhere]
Kerry: Well this is awkward.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Ya think?

Dr. Daniel Jackson: Most cultures on Earth recognize that there's a significant gap between the experiences of men and women. Among the Masai of East Africa, each newly wed man is required to wear his wife's clothing for a month, as a way of gaining insight into her life.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: If only it were that simple.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: The point is, while rituals and customs may vary, almost all cultures put significant pressure on single adults to form bonding pairs. In ancient Persia, if a girl died a virgin, they would go so far as to marry her corpse off before burial.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: That's horrible!
Dr. Daniel Jackson: The groom was usually quite well paid.

Dr. Rodney McKay: I just wanted to thank you for being there for me recently in a time of great personal need. Well, actually, you weren't there - I was alone in the dark - but, um, um, you know, it sure seemed like you were.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Are you telling me one of your fantasies?
Dr. Rodney McKay: No, it was an hallucination. Look, I had a concussion, I was trapped in the back of a sinking jumper, and my mind conjured you up as a means of survival. It's just what you would do in my situation. It saved my life.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Okay, well, that's... sort of nice.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Hmm, yes, it was.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: [beat] Was I naked?
Dr. Rodney McKay: Partially.

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: As we discussed the situation we realized we could pinpoint the source of the phenomenon to a precise window. Specifically the interim journey between the two gates.
Cameron: Did she just say "we"?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Pardon me?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: She said we. You said we?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Ah, me and... myself, I suppose. The other Samantha Carter.
Cameron: Right, finally someone who can keep up with you.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: [Smiling] Yep!

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: The Rodney McKay I know wouldn't back down from a challenge. He is one of the most forthright, courageous, and selfless men I have ever met.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Hm.
[pause]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Aw, you're makin' that up, aren't you?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Most of it, yeah.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Eh, okay. I'll help you.

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard: If he speaks again, I'll shoot him.
[Sam mouths 'Thank you']
Dr. Daniel Jackson: But to answer your question, we are introducing another stargate into the equation. Teal'c should have it in position right now.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: If we can make a connection between that gate, and one from the Pegasus galaxy...
Dr. Rodney McKay: You're gonna try and make a jump.
[to John]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Don't shoot me. You know I can't help myself.

Brigadier: They want a what?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: A goat, sir.
Brigadier: You can tell them lamb is far less gamey.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: They want it for a ritual sacrifice.
Brigadier: Yeah, well you can tell them that's not gonna happen.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Yeah, I was hoping you'd say that.
Brigadier: They can have a piñata. That's always fun.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: I'll suggest it, sir.

Martin: I'm talking about... a twist!... Something nobody's expecting
Major: You mean, something like this?
[O'Neill is standing in the doorway waving]
Vala: Wow... Don't think anybody will see that coming
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Nope! There'll be spoilers
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: You kidding? It'll be in the commercial

Major: Colonel Carter, President Landry.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: President? Of the United States?
President: That's right. Is there a problem?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Uh, no sir, it's just that in my reality... never mind.

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Thank you.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: You're welcome. Yeah, I was gonna say, "no sweat," but, there was definitely sweat involved. In Kvasir's case, I think it was perspiration.

Anateo: You have a whole ship to fix.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: You know, that could take the rest of my life.
Anateo: Whether that is long, or painfully short, is up to you.

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: That still doesn't explain the proximity issue. I mean, if the stone General O'Neill touched was kept here, how was Joe able to see everything that happened to the General off-world?
Daniel: I think he was getting most of it from when Jack was writing up his reports right here on the base. The stone was being stored just a few levels above.
Joe: That's why the stories were so easy to write. It was like someone else had done most of the work for me.
Jack: [disappointed] And you say they all got rejected?

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: What's wrong?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Ah, nothing, I guess I just wish my first trip to Atlantis wasn't under such desperate circumstances.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Ah, it's just another mission, Jackson.
Vala: One upon which the fate of the entire galaxy hangs in the balance.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: And he goes on those all the time.

Vala: Tomin and I got married.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Whoa, married?
Vala: Stay with me. I had no choice. I told you, he was very devout, and there's no way he would have slept with me out of wedlock.

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: A member of this facility gets kidnapped unchallenged, it's no wonder he doesn't think we can protect him.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: But we can protect him.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Yeah, by locking him away for the rest of his life.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: What can you say? There's a downside to working for supervillains.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Chief, got a full count. Two strikes, three Ba'als.
Chief Mst Sgt. Walter Harriman: Oh. That's clever, sir.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: He was thinking that one up the whole way home.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Yeah, the whole three seconds.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: 3.2.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Good point.
Chief Mst Sgt. Walter Harriman: Well, that ties you with SG-12, because they brought in two more about an hour ago.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Damn.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: It's not a competition!

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: [O'Neill's arm is around her shoulders and she is leaning into him, for comfort] Thank you, sir.
Brigadier: For what?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: For being here for me.
Brigadier: [pauses and looks at her] Always.

Jacek: Say, how'd you like to go out to dinner with me once this is all is over?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Oh, I don't think so.
Jacek: Why not?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Well, I'm an incredibly busy person with very little free time. Oh; and you're a jerk!
Jacek: Oh, of course there's that.

Major: This is going nowhere. Two weeks, and he hasn't given us so much as a decent haiku.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Well, it's understandable, sir. Most Jaffa would never break under normal interrogation techniques.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Not to mention the fact that the Sodan are an elite group of warriors. I'm sure their minds are trained to withstand a lot worse.
Major: What about the device?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: We haven't made much progress, I'm afraid. It seems the code preventing us from using it is rigged to some sort of defense mechanism. Dr. Lee received a few nasty volts while trying to implement an override.
Major: How is he?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Dr. Lam says the feeling should return to his legs in a few days.

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: The Rodney I know is a master of subtle persuasion.
Dr. Rodney McKay: Hm.
[pause]
Dr. Rodney McKay: Oh, you're lying again, aren't you?

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Coffee!
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Oh, thank you.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Don't get too excited. They packed us decaf by mistake.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: D'oh!

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: We have got the best jobs in the world, don't we?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: I'm gonna hit the shower.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: I'm gonna find a doctor.
Teal'c: We are indeed suitably employed
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Yeah, it was a good day.

Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: [re: the number of mission files] No, I'm pretty sure it's 1,263. Pretty sure I've read all the files recently.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Actually, you haven't read 30185.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: 30185. What's that?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: We can't tell you.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: What do you mean, you can't tell me? I have the highest security clearance known to mankind. What is 30185?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: We were sworn to secrecy.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Why even mention it to me if you're not gonna tell me what it is?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Sorry.
Vala: Can you tell me?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Oh yeah, we can tell you.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Well, it has to do with the time that the gate sent us back to 1969.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Well that can't have anything to do with me. I wasn't born until a year later!
Dr. Daniel Jackson: Actually, it was *nine months* before he was born.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: [taken aback] What?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: You hafta remember, it was the sixties.
Dr. Daniel Jackson: C'mon. You have to have known that Jack's always taken an interest in your life.
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Jack. O'Neill?
Teal'c: Indeed.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Remember when you were chosen for the 302 program even though you thought you weren't going to get in? How about when you were chosen for SG-1?
Vala: [Giggles] Wait, are you saying that Jack O'Neill is...
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: -my daddy?
Dr. Daniel Jackson: It's all starting to make sense now, isn't it?
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: Oh, I'm being punk'd, aren't I?

Ba'al: It's one thing to send someone here and there on the surface of the planet. It's quite another to send them half way across the galaxy. It's like, uh, comparing a laptop to a super computer.
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Well, it wouldn't have to contain the entire navigational system, now would it? Just a command code sufficient to override normal dialing protocols.
Ba'al: Yes. But to borrow a rather quaint human phrase: "why hide a needle in a small haystack, when you can use an enormous one?" It wouldn't be much of a security measure if it could be discovered by the first Tau'ri female that comes along, would it now?
Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: I'm sorry, are you dismissing my idea out of hand because I'm human or because I'm a woman?
Ba'al: Huh. A little of both, I suppose.

Lt. Col. Samantha Carter: Do you really think the best way to introduce the heroes of this story is to show them causing a massive catastrophe?
Lt. Colonel Cameron Mitchell: That's... realistic.