50 Best Mercedes Jones Quotes

Rachel: Hey, guys.
Kurt: Cut the butter, Benedict Arnold. We heard about your new boyfriend.
Mercedes: Look, Rachel, we're all happy that you're happy, but we've worked too hard in Glee Club to let you throw it all away on a relationship that might not even be real.
Rachel: Why, 'cause he's in Vocal Adrenaline?
Kurt: Their motto is "Aut neca aut necatus eris." Which loosely translates to "murder or be murdered."
Tina: They give their dancers human growth hormone.
Mercedes: Look, we're not saying the dude is playing you.
Kurt: He's playing you.
Mercedes: We just think that until regionals are over, we can't risk the possibility that he is.
Tina: None of us want to go through what happened at sectionals again.
Rachel: Okay, look, Jesse and I might not be true love, but what if we are? I know who I am. And how many chances at this am I going to get?
Kurt: If you don't break up with him, you're out.
Rachel: You can't kick me out!
Artie: But we can all quit if Mr. Schue doesn't.
Rachel: Well, good luck winning without me.
Kurt: Everyone is replaceable. Even you.
Rachel: How could you do this to me?
Mercedes: How could you do this to us? We're a team, and all you've ever wanted was for us to be great, and be a part of something special. Now is that still true or not?

Mercedes: Ladies! Vocal warm-ups can wait. I was up half the night thinking about our mash-up for the mash-off, and it came to me: Adele.
Sugar: I sound just like her.
Brittany: I love her. I think she sounds like how banana cream pie sounds when it sings.

Artie: She slashed the tires on my wheelchair 17 times!
Mercedes: She swapped out my hair weave glue with mayonnaise
Kurt: She made a fake elevator, which she trapped us in, then she pumped airborne drugs through the vents and she built a small robot to try and force us to kiss while it watched and made noises.
Blaine: She put a live bear in my house!
Rachel: Sue Sylvester came all the way to New York City to see me in my opening night on broadway Honey Girl only to get up and leave in the middle of my performance to have sex all over my apartment!
Joe: She cut my dreads off!
Geraldo: Why do you think she hates the Glee Club so much? Do you have an explanation?
Artie: She's had it out for the Glee Club from the very beginning. Before we came along the Cheerios were the stars of this school and then we showed up and she's never forgiven us for stealing her thunder!

Mercedes: Yeah, I'm most looking forward to meeting Rachel Berry's children.

Noah: Hey, sugar. Listen. I got a proposition to make. I did some research. Blacks and Jews have a history of sticking up for each other. And Wikipedia says that King Martin Luther loved the Jews.
Mercedes: Okay, you just said, like, ten offensive things.
Noah: My point is you're popular now. And I got to be honest... I need to spice up my image a little. We should join forces. It wouldn't take much. Just a little light making out. And I like a girl with curves. You got to admit, I'm easy on the eyes.
Mercedes: Baby, I just am not attracted to you. Plus, I know what you do the girls you date. You knock them up, and then you hang them out to dry.
Noah: Quinn and I weren't dating. She was dating someone else. We just did the nasty. And she understood you can't tie me down. I'm a sex shark. If I stop moving, I die.
Mercedes: Okay, I'm gonna ask you to stop, because I'm starting to get embarrassed for you.

Blaine: Now, I don't want to sound cocky or anything, but you guys better be pulling out all the stops for regionals, because the number we just rehearsed is so off the hook, it's dangerous.
Kurt: Seriously. People should wear protective headgear when they're watching it. Guys, we're kidding.
Rachel: Yeah, well, it's just hard to laugh right now with everything going on at McKinley.
Mercedes: I mean, look at us, the stars of two rival show choirs sitting down to coffee; our school is so messed up, we can't even keep our own football team together.
Rachel: It's so sad, you guys. Coach Beiste and Mr. Schue were so close at getting everyone at the school together.
Kurt: Why hasn't Finn told anything about this? I mean, we live together. I mean, I bring him a glass of warm milk every night, just in the hopes that we'll have a little lady-chat.
Blaine: Warm milk? Really?
Kurt: It's delicious.

Mercedes: Rachel kind of got some intense news yesterday.
Quinn: We were spying on Vocal Adrenaline, and...
Will: You guys, that's not fair! You gotta stop doing that. But, uh, you know, what... what'd you find out?
Mercedes: Okay, y'all ready? Miss Corcoran, their coach? She's Rachel's mom.
Will: Are you serious?
Artie: Way to bury the lead, Mercedes.
Noah: We're screwed. Rachel's gonna jump ship over to Vocal Adrenaline.
Rachel: [entering] Never. I really don't want to talk about it, though. I'm still processing the news. And my dads are moving my therapist to our spare room later this afternoon. All I know is that I'm not going anywhere, and I've chosen a Lady Gaga look the longing for a childhood I was deprived of.
Brittany S. Pierce: You look terrible. I look awesome.
Mercedes: I think it's the Kermit the Frog look.
Kurt: [a stuffed animal falls off Rachel's dress] And we have a jumper.
Rachel: Well, my dads can't sew, so these are just stapled on.
Will: Guys, why don't we worry about this later and maybe try to focus on the song?

Mercedes: I don't see anything wrong with getting a little church up in here.
Quinn: I agree. I've had a really hard year, and I turned to God a lot for help. I, for one, wouldn't mind saying thanks.
Santana: Thanks for what? That it didn't come out a lizard baby?

Will: Okay, Quinn, it's your day to show us your funky side. So, take it away.
Quinn: For some of us... just simply getting to class takes a little bit longer. When you're pregnant, you're responsible for two lives. And you're walking down the hallway oppressed by the Man.
Mercedes: [to herself] Oh, my goodness, she is not about to go there.

Will: Two things. First, our competition at sectionals are your classic stool choirs. Great voices, but they don't move. Now, if we're gonna beat them, we need to do what they can't: dance. Which is why I've decided to feature Brittany and Mike Chang's sweet moves in our performance.
Rachel: Wait, they're gonna dance in front of me while I sing my solo?
Will: You're not getting a solo for this competition, Rachel.
Mercedes: Finally. So what song do I get to sing?
Will: I was thinking that the winners of our duets competition would take the leads.
Rachel: Ken and Barbie? Wait, a-a-are you trying to throw this?
Quinn: You used to be just sort of unlikeable, but now I pretty much feel like punching you every time you open your mouth.

Mercedes: Damn Kurt! This car is fly!
Kurt: My dad got it for my sweet sixteen after I swore to stop wearing form-fitting sweaters that stop at the knee.
[camera shows he is wearing one such sweater]
Kurt: What he doesn't know won't hurt him.

Rachel: You told Kurt?
Finn: I don't remember. Maybe.
Mercedes: About Finn and Santana? No, I think I told him.
Rachel: Who told you?
Quinn: Me. I think Brittany told me. Or maybe it was Puck.
Noah: Yeah, it was me.
Rachel: Everybody knew about this but me?
Tina: Pretty much.
Santana: Nobody tells you anything because "A", you're a blabber mouth, and "B", we all just pretend to like you.
Noah: That's not true. I kind of like her.
Finn: Look, Rachel, when all this happened, you were dating another guy, so you don't really have a right to be pissed at me about it, okay? And fine, I shouldn't have lied about it, but to be honest, that isn't what you care about. You care about the Santana of it all.
Rachel: Oh, who are you right now?
Lauren: Best green room ever.

Will: All right, New Directions, let's give a warm welcome to the newest members of Glee Club.
[overlapping angry shouting]
Mercedes: Oh, hell to the no, Mr. Schue. Are you serious?
Will: Hey! Come on! Guys!
Shannon: Hey!
Finn: Mr. Schue, are you serious? These are the guys that made Kurt transfer.
Rachel: And there's no way that I'm sharing the choir room with a known homophobe.
Will: I don't disagree with you guys. But I talked to Coach Beiste about it, and she and I both agreed that the kind of bullying that David does is born out of ignorance. Having him in here, as difficult as it may be for us, is an opportunity to show him and the rest of the guys that being in Glee Club is kind of cool; find some common ground.

Quinn: This is a disaster. Our reputation as McKinley High's "it" couple is in serious jeopardy if we don't find some way to be cool again, Finn.
Kurt: [quietly to Mercedes] The slushie war has commenced.
Mercedes: And if Finn and Quinn got nailed, none of us are safe.

Mercedes: The boys beat us last time we competed against them. We've got to bring the noise hard this time.
Quinn: To be fair, they didn't officially beat us. We got busted for Vitamin D possession before the vote.
Santana: Wait. Something's definitely wrong. Why isn't Rachel talking?
Brittany S. Pierce: Yeah, she should totally be bossing us around right now.
Rachel: The idea of the assignment was to do the opposite of what we normally do. I'm just trying to stick to the lesson plan, which is proving nearly impossible since you're gluing those sequins on backwards.

Will: Hey, guys. What's this?
Finn: Oh, we're trying to get into the Christmas spirit, Mr. Schue. Christmas is totally my favorite holiday. And check out this awesome tree! I found it on the side of the road. It must have fell off some guy's car.
Will: And the ornaments?
Santana: The guy who lives next door finally killed off his elderly mother. And when they carted him off, they left the house, like, wide open, so... I think she was a holiday hoarder.
Will: Uh... a-and the presents?
Noah: I lifted them from a display at the mall. But don't worry. They're empty.
Will: Guys, look, I appreciate the effort, but this isn't what Christmas is supposed to be like.
Mercedes: For us, is is. This tree is like a mascot for Glee Club. We won sectionals two years in a row, and according to everyone at this school, we still suck.

Brittany: I don't want to do Britney.
Kurt: Why no Britney, Brittany?
Brittany: Because my name is also Brittany Spears.
[everyone looks at her, confused]
Will: What?
Mercedes: What the hell is she talking about?
Brittany: My middle name is Susan, my last name is Pierce. That makes me Brittany S. Pierce. "Brittany Spierce". I've lived my entire life in Britney Spears' shadow. I will never be as talented or as famous. I hope you'll all respect that I want Glee Club to remain a place where I, Brittany S. Pierce, can escape the torment of Britney Spears.
Will: Well, there you have it, guys. It's been decided. No Britney. Sorry.
Kurt: Thanks, Britt. Thanks a lot.
Santana: Leave Brittany alone.
Brittany: Thank you for understanding. It's been a hard road.

Mercedes: Why would I want to do a duet with you? We can't stand each other.
Santana: Look, Wheezy, I realize I've tried to punch you a couple times, and sometimes, when you're not looking, I put weird things in your food. But it's a new year, and you and I are the best singers at this school.
Mercedes: I don't get what the big deal is. It's just a free trip to Breadstix.
Santana: Um, I'm sorry, have you been to Breadstix? They are legally forbidden to stop bringing you breadsticks. One time I brought a wheelbarrow, and when the manager tried to stop me from filling it up, I called the corporate office and got her fired.
Mercedes: Well, I guess our voices do sorta go together.
Santana: Mm-hmm. That's right, girl! So if we do a duet together, we will be the undisputed top bitches at this school.

Mercedes: [During a song rehearsal, Rachel Berry kicks and nearly hits Mercedes in the face] Whoa, whoa. Hell to the nah! First of all, you try to bust my face again and I will cut you. And also, this song is terrible.
Will: Okay, no, no. It's not the song, you guys just need to get into it.
Kurt: No, it's the song. It's really gay.

Mercedes: [Quinn offers her a snack] Thanks. I'm not hungry.
Quinn: Yes, you are. You're starving. I know. I've been there. Did all the other kids start looking like food right before you fainted?
Mercedes: Yeah. How'd you know?
Quinn: Been there. Eat the granola bar.
Mercedes: Why are you being so nice to me? I can't remember the last time you said two words to me that weren't "you" and "suck".
Quinn: 'Cause I was you; scared. Hating myself for eating a cookie. But I got over it.
Mercedes: Yeah, well, of course you did, Miss Pretty Blonde with the white girl ass.
Quinn: When you start eating for somebody else, so that they can grow and be healthy, your relationship to food changes. What I realized is that if I'm so willing to eat right to take care of this baby, why am I not willing to do it for myself? You are so lucky. You've always been at home in your body. Don't let Ms. Sylvester take that away from you.
Mercedes: I'm so embarrassed. This isn't me.
[crying]
Mercedes: How did I become this person?
Quinn: You are beautiful. You know that. I'm gonna stay here with you until your mom comes, okay?

Rachel: Guys, we have a serious problem. You know how I've been doing some deep background on Vocal Adrenaline?
Artie: Isn't that against the rules?
Rachel: No, not at all. Or probably. Whatever! Anyway, what I figured out; I rooted through the dumpsters behind the Carmel auditorium and I found eighteen empty boxes of Christmas lights.
Tina: Oh, no.
Rachel: Which led me to Joelle Fabrics. I asked them about red Chantilly lace, and they were sold out.
Mercedes: Oh, sweet Jesus.
Kurt: Oh, my.
Will: Wait, wait, wait. What?
Kurt: They're doing Gaga.
Mercedes: That's it. It's over.
Rachel: Exactly.
Kurt: We should have guessed it. They're going for full-out theatricality. They know it's the easiest way to beat us. Damn them.

Mercedes: Why do we have to go all vanilla on this song? See, what we need is my chocolate thunder.

Mercedes: There's only one 'I' in diva, Rachel. And that 'I' is me.

Will: Now, we're a little short on female roles, so we're gonna have to double up on Columbias and Magentas.
Rachel: It's standard practice on Broadway. It'll preserve your voices.
Mercedes: I'd like to preserve you. In a jar. In my basement.
Will: Sam. I'd like you to play the role of the Creature.
Sam: From the Black Lagoon?
Quinn: Rocky. He's like the Frankenstein character, but blond. You'll kill the part. He's cute, just like you.
Santana: Better start working on those abs.
Sam: Are you kidding me? You could cut glass with these babies.

Kurt: [whispers] Psst... He's on Team Gay. No straight boy dyes his hair to look like Linda Evangelista circa 1993.
Mercedes: You're crazy, circa 2010.

Mercedes: You get to wear a fabulous hat.
Kurt: You had me at fabulous hat.

Finn: All right, how's everyone doing?
Mercedes: Kill me now. I'm gonna die.
Tina: Is anyone else tired of lying down all the time? I wanna play.
Finn: Just don't get ahead of yourself, okay?

Mercedes: Look Rachel, the truth is; you're the best singer we've got.
Kurt: As much that it hurts me to admit it, and it does... shes right. Rachel is our star. If anyone is gonna go belted on the fly, it should be her.
Rachel: Well, I do have something that I've been working on since I was four.

Rachel: Mr. Schuester is right. We can't get complacent.
Mercedes: Chill out. I already picked the songs. We're gonna do a mash-up of "Halo" and "Walking on Sunshine".
Rachel: Yeah, that was my idea.
Mercedes: Whatever. Come on. We can do this in our sleep. You think those six dudes are gonna give us any competition? I say we just wing it.
Rachel: We can't just wing it.
Mercedes: All those in favor of winging it?
[nobody moves or replies]
Mercedes: All those opposed?
[Rachel raises her hand]
Mercedes: Looks like the ayes have it.

Will: April is amazing. But she's not in the glee club anymore. It... I, uh... I screwed up bringing her here. It was about me, and Glee Club is supposed to be about you guys. You don't need her to be great.
Mercedes: But we need her for the second act.
Will: I'll just have to go out there and tell them we had to cut the show short.
[seeing how disappointed they are]
Will: Hey, guys. You were great. Don't worry. There will be other performances.
Rachel: [entering] Excuse me? I think I might have a solution. In show business, when a star can't perform, her understudy steps in. I'd be happy to go in for April, if you'd let me.
Mercedes: Since when are you willing to be an understudy?
Rachel: Since I quit the play.
Kurt: Really? Why?
Rachel: I realized being a star didn't make me feel as special as being your friend. If I'd let you down when you needed me the most, I'd never forgive myself. I know all the words to the song.
Quinn: You don't know the choreography.
Finn: Then we're gonna have to give her a lot of help out there.
Will: Go get in your costume.

Dakota: Am I hurting your feelings? Did I say something wrong? Because I thought you wanted somebody who respected you enough to tell you the truth. But maybe you don't have the confidence to hear it, hmm? Maybe you need somebody who's going to lie to you and tell you things like "You got what it takes." But you know what? As far as I can see, you don't. So, why don't you just take a little second, take a breather, and ask yourself "Do I want to be a winner or not?".
Finn: Screw this. I quit.
Tina: Me, t-t-t-too.
Mercedes: Let's roll, Artie.
Dakota: No. Great, great. You know, separate the wheat from the chaff. That's perfect.
Rachel: Wait. Barbara Streisand. When Barbara was a young ingénue, everyone told her in order to be a star, she'd have to get a nose job. Thankfully, she refused.
Dakota: Where's this going, Yentl?
Rachel: Where it's going is that... we don't need you. Let's face it. We're never going to be as good of dancers as Vocal Adrenaline. We're gonna win because... we're different. And that's what makes us special.
Mercedes: They told J-Lo her booty was too big.
Artie: Curtis Mayfield was more successful after he became paralyzed.
Finn: Jim Abbott.
Kurt: I have no idea who that is.
Finn: He was a one-armed pitcher for the Yankees. Pitched a no-hitter.
Dakota: Okay, so, yeah. Misfits and spaz-heads and cripples can make it, too. That's great. What's your point?
Rachel: Our point is that... you're fired. And I'm taller than you.

Tina: I feel so violated. It's like someone broke into our home.
Will: Look, it was jut a lame little prank. And the fact that they're trying to get to us means maybe we got them spooked.
Mercedes: Uh-uh, Mr. Schue. They aren't afraid of anything. That number they did was fantastic. You know, which doesn't make any sense. They had all that equipment. How did they even get in?
Sue: [entering] I gave 'em all keys. Helped them do a sound check over the weekend.

Santana: Where's Puck? I haven't seen him since yesterday, and I need him to get me a churro.
Mercedes: My guess is he'd rather quit Glee Club than lose sectionals, and I can't blame him. Our set's gonna be real light on the Mercedes.
Tina: I'm telling you, if the Warblers win sectionals, it's only because we gave them Kurt. We should not clap.
Brittany: If we lose, we should throw possums.

Mercedes: How do you know for sure? You can't prove that there is no God.
Kurt: You can't prove there isn't a magic teapot floating around the dark side of the moon with a dwarf inside of it that reads romance novels and shoots lightning out of its boobs; but it seems pretty unlikely, doesn't it?
Brittany: Is God an evil dwarf?

Mercedes: [Puck and a group of jocks are tossing nerds into a dumpster] Puck, what the hell is going on here?
Noah: Just a little payback. You hear that? That's the sound of order being restored.
Mercedes: No man of mine is gonna be pulling stuff like this.
Noah: Babe, this is what we do. Look at 'em. They need this. Without the fear of a good dumpster toss, it'd be chaos up in this place. Look, you don't need to like it, but you need to accept it: this is the way things are. 'Cause now, we're part of the system. We're at the top of the heap.
[to the line of nerds]
Noah: Who's next?

Will: When you answer the phone, what do you say?
Mercedes: What up?
Artie: Who this be?
Kurt: No, she's dead. This is her son.

Mercedes: Look, Quinn, I could never see myself being into a guy like Puck, especially since he's your baby's daddy, but... something just happened between us.
Quinn: I say... go for it.
Mercedes: What?
Quinn: Look... I screwed up by letting Puck get me pregnant. He's an idiot, and his mother won't let me eat bacon. I'm stuck living with him right now, but at least, if you guys are dating, I won't have to spend so much time listening to his insane theories on how "Super Mario Brothers" changed civilization.

Quinn: Mercedes, I'm so sorry.
Mercedes: You may not be a minority, but you certainly get how it feels sometimes.
Quinn: For nine months. You've had to deal with this your whole life. People making assumptions, calling you names. I seriously can't understand why you don't feel like yelling at people all the time.
Mercedes: What's the point in getting angry?
Quinn: Because it's infuriating. I hate all the looks at school. Don't even get me started on Puck's mom.
Mercedes: You're not angry. You're hurt. You just need someplace safe where you can dig through all that rage. Get to the pain beneath it. So it's decided. Saturday, you move out of Puck's house and you move in with me. I already talked to my mom about it. My brother went off to college and we have an extra room.
Quinn: [touched] Mercedes...
Mercedes: It's cool. Us sisters got to stick together, right?

Mercedes: Hi, church.
[the congregation choruses "hi" back]
Mercedes: I have a favor to ask you guys. My friend Kurt Hummel's dad is in the hospital. And it's pretty bad. And I know we have all of our own worries and troubles, but if we could just put them aside and focus on all of our prayers and give them to Burt Hummel, and to my friend Kurt. I know you don't believe in God, and you don't believe in the power of prayer, and that's okay. To each his own. But you've got to believe in something. Something more than you can touch, taste, or see. 'Cause life is too hard to go through it alone, with something to hold onto and without something that's sacred. Anyways, Kurt, this song is for you.

Artie: I had never kissed a girl before.
Rachel: I was getting slushied.
Finn: I didn't... I didn't have a father. Someone I could look up to. Model myself after. Someone who could show me what it really meant to be a man.
Rachel: We don't care what the judges say. We won. Because we had you as a teacher.
Mercedes: And Glee Club will never end, Mr. Schue, because... you are Glee Club. And you're in all of us now.

Artie: Remember, if Sylvester hits you in the face after you cop to posting the video, don't scream like a woman.
Mercedes: You're so brave for doing this, Kurt.
Kurt: I know. Thank you.

Mercedes: You are not gonna slushie on my man Kurt.
Rachel: Why wouldn't he? He's made his choice. He doesn't care about us losers anymore.
Finn: No, that's not true! It's just if I don't do it, the guys on the team are gonna kick the crap out of me!
Kurt: Well we can't have that, can we?
[grabs the slushie from Finn]
Finn: What are you doing?
Kurt: It's called taking one for the team.
[Splashes himself in the face with the slushie, and pauses]
Kurt: Now get out of here. And take some time to think whether or not any of your friends on the football team would have done that for you.

Will: And now, drum roll, Finn. Because I have in my hand our competition for sectionals next month.
[whoops and hollers from the class]
Will: First, the a capella choir from the all-boys private school in Westerville, the Dalton Academy Warblers.
Santana: Okay, hold up. Like, a million awesome gay jokes just popped into my head.
Will: And the other team to beat, the Hipsters, a first-year club from the Warren Township Continuing Education Program. Now, they are a glee club composed entirely of elderly people getting their high school GEDs.
Rachel: Is that legal?
Mercedes: How are we supposed to compete against a bunch of adorable old people?
Noah: Are you kidding? Brittle bones. Give one of those old ladies a good luck pat on the rear, it'll shatter her pelvis.

Quinn: I'm gonna look terrible.
Tina: Shut up. With your bone structure, you could rock the "Rosemary's Baby" look and still look good. I'm gonna look like Jackie Chan.
Rachel: If Barbara can pull off a bob, so can I.
Santana: Enough yapping. Let's do this.
Will: [entering] Whoa! Whoa! What are you guys doing?
Mercedes: We're going all "Gift of the Magi" to raise money to buy homeless kids those school supplies.
Sam: The guys are gonna sell their watches and the girls are gonna sell off their hair.
Will: You can't do that.
Santana: Oh, no, it's cool. Most of this isn't mine, anyways.
Will: No, I mean that's not the answer. There are other ways to raise money at Christmastime.

Sue: Nutrition is abysmal at this school.
[holding up a crown of broccoli]
Sue: You know what this is?
Mercedes: Toilet brush.
Sue: It's broccoli. When I showed this to Brittany earlier, she began to whimper, thinking I had cut down a small tree where a family of gummy bears lived. I am declaring a war on junk food.

[first lines]
Mercedes: Is it just me, or does it feel like we have a real shot at regionals next month?
Artie: The Ohio Show Choir chat rooms have all been buzzing that about how Vocal Adrenaline has lost a step.
Kurt: I agree. The judges know all of their tricks and now that we have Jesse, they've lost their best performer.
Rachel: [approaching, in a panic] You guys have to come to the auditorium. It's an emergency.

Finn: What about the Cheerios! in Glee Club?
Will: They have a choice. Us, or the Cheerios! competition.
Rachel: Well, obviously, Quinn is gonna choose the Cheerios!. I mean...
Finn: Well, that's not fair. You don't know what she's gonna do.
Will: I think the cheerleading competition is gonna be a lot of fun, but if you go, you're gonna miss out on us doing the most iconic song of all time. The Super Bowl of pop anthems: "Thriller".
[whoops and mutters of excitement]
Will: Yeah, remember a few years ago when that Philippine prison did that mega performance of "Thriller" and put it on YouTube? And in the four months it took to rehearse that number, prisoner-on-prisoner crime dropped 80%. Doing that, together, as a team, created a unity within that prison. And that's what I'm looking to do here.
Mercedes: I mean, don't get me wrong, you know, I'm big on Michael and everything, but isn't that kind of what they're expecting us to do?
Will: Which is why we're gonna mash it together with the Yeah Yeah Yeahs' equally spooky single "Heads Will Roll."
Azimio: [more mutters of excitement] Who's Yeah Yeah Yeah?
Shannon: All right, New Directions, Titans, we're going to zombie camp.

Mercedes: Oh, Hell to the no! Look, I'm not down with all this background singing nonsense. I'm Beyoncé, I ain't no Kelly Rowland!

Tina: Do you want half of my peppermint patty?
Mercedes: No. I don't put junk in my body.
Artie: Why are you doing this? We like you no matter how you look.
Tina: And those shake diets are really unhealthy.
Artie: They also don't really work. As soon as you go off them, you gain back the weight you lost.
Mercedes: [standing up in anger] You know what? I don't want to hear it! You have no idea how much I'm sacrificing to be a Cheerio! To look fantastic. To finally fit in at this school.
Tina: [looking like an ice cream cone] We're just trying to look out for you.
Artie: [looking like a piece of cake] We just want you to be healthy.
Mercedes: Stop getting all up in my face, telling me what I can and cannot do. And I'm really hungry, so stop trying to get me to eat you!
Artie: Hold up. Did she just say she wanted to eat us?
[as Mercedes turns to leave, she sees Rachel and Jesse, appearing as a cupcake and cheeseburger, respectively]
Rachel: The point is that Fanny Brice is the most iconic work.
Mercedes: Aw, damn.
[her eyes glaze over and she falls to the floor]

Sugar: Awesome! More back-up for me.
Santana: Okay, you know what? I did not just leave one diva-driven Glee Club to join another, so let me write you a reality check, richy bitch. I've seen what you can do, and what you can do is stand in the back, sway, and sing very, very quietly.
Sugar: I, erm... I just... wanted to be on the winning team for once?
Mercedes: Then turn down the 'tude and you will be.