20 Best Terri Schuester Quotes

Terri: Beautiful table. Meticulous, really. I guess being crazy has its benefits.
Emma: It's date night. Actually, it was tomorrow, but Will wanted tonight, so I'm surprising him. And I know he keeps a key under the mat.
Terri: You're really loving this, aren't you?
Emma: I take no pleasure in your pain, Terri. But I am enjoying seeing Will get a second chance at happiness, yes.
Terri: Oh, and you're the one to introduce him to this magical new world of bliss? What, you with your three times a day showers and the fact that you can't sleep unless your shoes are all in a row?
Emma: Is there a reason that you're here? 'Cause I'd kind of like you to be gone when Will gets home.
Terri: I just needed to pick up the rest of my Bruckheimer DVDs.
[leaving and returning with "The Jazz Singer"]
Terri: Whose is this?
Emma: That's mine. I got really tired of watching "Con Air" every night. And Will picked "Hello" as our song.
Terri: Oh, you poor girl. Don't bother sleeping with my husband tonight. You're already screwed. "Hello" was our prom song. I mean, I doubt Will remembers. He goes to the market for milk, comes home with a pack of gum.
Emma: You're lying.
Terri: Ask him. Or better yet, go to the library and look it up for yourself in that year's Thunderclap.

Terri: I think that I might be able to help you with your problems at school.
Will: Uh, thanks, Terri, but the last time you helped out at school, it didn't go over very well.
Terri: But...
Will: Besides, this is serious. I mean, Sue said she wouldn't rest until she saw me fired.
Terri: Well, all the more reason. You got to do whatever it takes, honey. You got to get down in the gutter if you want to win this.

Terri: This banister was made by Ecuadorian children.
[Terri Schuester gasps in delight]
Will: It's great Terri but there are nine foreclosures on our street. Why can't we just buy one of those? They are half the price.
Terri: I'm not raising our baby in a used house. They're not clean!

Will: [voice over] My father always said you become a man when you buy your first house. I'm not sure what he meant by that since he burned ours down once after a drunken fight with mom.
Peggy: Welcome to your little slice of the American dream.
Terri: I have a question about the trees. It's always been my personal dream to cut down my own Christmas tree. How many Christmas trees will we have in the backyard? And do they come in different colours because... well obviously we're starting a family and I have a real sense that it's going to be a girl.

Terri: Come with me, I'm going to show you something really special.
[Terri leads him to a child's room done entirely in pink]
Terri: This is where our daughter or our gay son will sleep. I thought maybe we could put one of those mini pianos in here and you two could put on mini shows for me.
Will: I love it Terri but we still can't afford everything.
Terri: It's my very own Sophie's Choice.

Will: I can't handle going through this again.
Emma: Sorry, going through, um... going through what again?
Will: Have I ever told you about... Suzy Pepper?
[Emma shakes her head; cut to Schue teaching in flashback]
Will: So the alpacas start there and, uh, travel down towards Guadalajara along...
Will: [v.o] Suzy Pepper wasn't the first schoolgirl crush, but she was the hardest. It happened about two years ago, before you were a teacher here. Suzy was... unique.
Suzy: [raising her hand in class] Mr. Schue, how do you conjugate the verb... "to love"?
[cut to Suzy approaching his desk as the class leaves; she hands him a present, which is revealed to be a pair of socks with jalapenos on them]
Suzy: Peppers. So you can wear them and think of me. Suzy Pepper.
Will: [v.o] I thought it would burn out like the others, but it only got worse.
[another flashback; Will and Terri are in bed when his phone rings in the middle of the night]
Will: Hello?
[no sound except for heavy breathing]
Terri: Who is it? Who died?
Will: [the breathing continues] Suzy Pepper?
Suzy: You knew it was me just by the sound of my breath. That's so romantic.
Terri: [taking the phone] Listen, you little psycho, this is Will's wife. And if I don't get enough sleep, my antidepressants don't work, and then I'll go crazy and I'll kill you.
Will: Terri.
Terri: Stop calling.
[hanging up]
Terri: Can't you handle anything, Will?

Sue: Let me put it to you this way. If it's not a full blown affair, well it's certainly heading in that direction. You need a machete to cut through the haze of lust that surrounds them.
Terri: Oh God. What am I going to do?
Sue: I think you should both pack up and move out of the district. Unless you want to lose your man to a mentally ill ginger pygmy with eyes like a bushbaby.

Will: Hey, baby. Which one of these ties goes better with my shirt?
Terri: You're blocking the TV, Will.
Will: Oh, come on. I need your help. School pictures are coming up.
Terri: Oh. Well, in that case, um... wear the red one for the teacher photo and the green one for the glee club. It'll pop more when the cool kids deface it.
Will: Yeah. I, uh... I wanted to talk to you about that. So, Figgins stopped putting the Glee Club photo in the yearbook because it always gets vandalized, and I just feel so bad for the kids. I mean, they work so hard. They deserve to be recognized. Not being in that book gives the appearance that Glee Club isn't important. I want to buy an ad and use it as the glee club photo spread. It's around $300.
Terri: [sarcastic] Oh, great. Yeah, why don't you take the food out of the refrigerator and just give that to the kids?
[seriously]
Terri: Will, that food goes from my mouth right into our baby's belly.
Will: We have a couple hundred bucks left over from selling the Blue Bomber II.
Terri: The answer's no, Will. No.
Will: But if we...
Terri: No!
[cutting him off as he tries to argue]
Terri: No. No.

Terri: Are you trying to have the Glee club killed?
Sue: Or kidnapped and killed.

Terri: I'm probably revealing too much, but I do still love you. And you have to admit, no matter how toxic our marriage was, I was really good at taking care of you when you were sick.
Will: That's because you like me best when I'm weak.
Terri: Maybe. I mean, that's what my therapist says.

Will: I had to make a deal with Figgins so he wouldn't kill Glee Club.
Terri: But Will, I'm on my feet four hours a day, three times a week here. Now I have to go home and cook dinner for myself?

Terri: I don't want my baby to grow an extra arm just because I live in squalor and I'm so stressed. So, I want you to run any and all tests you have.
Doctor: Trust me, you're clear.

Terri: This is where our daughter or gay son will sleep.

Terri: It's just hamburger casserole-Look-out for bones!

Will: What the hell were you thinking? You gave drugs to my students?
Terri: I'll say it again. They are over-the-counter, FDA approved. And if I didn't give it to them, I'm sure the kids would just find a way to get them for themselves.
Will: No! No, they wouldn't. These are good kids.
Terri: Nothing bad happened.
Principal: Howard Bamboo got arrested.
[cut to cops tackling Howard in the drugstore]
Terri: Well, that.
Will: Wait. What?
Principal: Pseudophedrine is an ingredient in the manufacturing of methamphetamines. Howard got picked up by the feds on suspicion of running a crystal meth lab.
Terri: I never told Howard to get them all in one place.
Will: Okay, enough, Terri. How are we supposed to raise a baby when I can't trust you to look after a group of teenagers?

Will: Why did you even let her in the house?
Terri: 'Cause she said she was one of your Glee kids. It didn't take me five minutes to realize she's in love with you. She asked if she could see your baby pictures.
Will: What, so now you're making her clean our bathroom?
Terri: Look, Will, I have been dealing with these schoolgirl crushes for years. So why shouldn't I get a little something out of it?
Rachel: [entering] Do you have any more Ajax?
Terri: Oh, in the linen closet, sweetie.
[Rachel gives Schue a flirtatious wave as she leaves]
Will: This is immoral, Terri.
Terri: No, honey, do you know what's immoral? Is me having to deal with the fact that my husband spends all day with young girls who are perkier and younger than I am. I have a rash on my belly from that cocoa butter that your mother sent me. Do you have any idea how much it burns when I sweat? I can't scrub the floors as hard as she can.
Will: Baby, if it's that bad, you have to let me see it. It might be infected.
Terri: What, so now I'm going to show you the bleeding pustules on my skin? Wow, yeah, no, that's not gonna send you into the loving arms of some teenage slut.
Will: For the last time, I am not having an affair with any of my students, and you are not allowed to turn one of them into your slave because you have this irrational fear of me leaving you.
Terri: But why not, huh, if it's a win-win for everybody? Look, she's a really good cook. Try it.
[he starts to leave]
Terri: Where are you going?
Will: I'm taking Rachel home.
Terri: Can you ask her to dust the blinds in the craft room first?

Terri: I'm not pregnant? But I've gained ten pounds!
Dr. Wu: That's probably from eating.
[Turns off ultrasound machine]
Dr. Wu: I can see a chicken wing you probably swallowed whole.

Will: [heartbroken that Terri was faking her pregnancy] Why did you do this to us? I don't understand!
Terri: I thought you were leaving me. You're so different, Will. We both know it. I can feel you. You're pulling away from me.
Will: Why, because I... I've started standing up to you? Trying to make this a relationship of equals?
Terri: No, because of the damn Glee Club. Ever since you started it, you just walk around like you're better than me!
Will: I should be allowed to feel good about myself!
Terri: Oh, god, who are we kidding, Will? This marriage works because you don't feel good about yourself.
Will: This marriage works because I love you, because I have always accepted you.
Terri: No.
Will: Good and bad.
Terri: You loved the girl you met when you were fifteen. I'm not that girl.
Will: You've made yourself a stranger to me now. Are you happy? Are you satisfied?
Terri: It didn't start as a lie. I really thought I was pregnant. And then the doctor, he said it was a hysterical pregnancy, and I... I just panicked!
Will: This is insane. What were you gonna do when the due date came?
Terri: [quietly] Quinn Fabray. It was so perfect. She didn't want hers, and I needed one. I had the doctor use her ultrasound DVD at your appointment that you came to.
Will: I loved you, Terri. I really loved you.

Kendra: [stunned to see her kids all asleep in bed] I think this is the first time they have all been asleep at the same time. What's that smell?
Quinn: Soap.
Terri: You got them to take a bath?
Kendra: What are you, an exorcist?

Will: What are you doing here? You should've called.
Terri: I brought you some more soup.
[babbling like a baby]
Terri: But I guess baby's feeling a lot better if he's healthy enough to have a beer with a friend!
Holly: No, no. Hi. I'm... I'm Holly Holliday.
Terri: Are you a porn star or a drag queen? I'm Terri Schuester, Will's wife.
Holly: Wow. Your wife's kind of a bitch.
Will: She's my ex-wife. And I have no idea what she's doing here.