The Best Mr. Salt Quotes

Mr. Salt: [as the squirrels take Veruca] Where are they taking her?
Willy: Where all the other bad nuts go, to the garbage chute.
Mr. Salt: Where does the chute go?
Willy: To the incinerator. But don't worry, we only light it on Tuesdays.
Mike: Today *is* Tuesday.
Willy: [after a pause] Well, there's always a chance they decided not to light it today.

Willy: [about Violet grabbing the gum] I'd rather you didn't. There's still one or two things that are a...
Violet: I'm the World Record holder in chewing gum. I'm not afraid of anything!
[pops the gum in her mouth]
Mrs. Beauregarde: How is it, honey?
Violet: It's amazing! Tomato soup, I can feel it running down my throat!
Willy: Yeah! Spit it out.
Grandpa: Young lady, I think you'd better...
Violet: It's changing... roast beef and baked potato. Crispy skin and butter!
Mrs. Beauregarde: Keep chewin' kiddo! My little girl's gonna be the first person in the world to have a chewing gum meal!
Willy: Yeah. I'm just a little concerned about the...
Violet: Blueberry pie and ice cream!
Willy: That part.
Veruca: [staring at Violet] What's happening to her nose?
[Violet keeps chewing and her nose starts turning blue]
Mr. Salt: You're turning blue!
Mrs. Beauregarde: Your whole nose has gone purple!
Violet: [touching her nose] W-What do you mean?
Mrs. Beauregarde: Violet, you're turning violet!
[to Wonka; concerned]
Mrs. Beauregarde: What's happening?
Willy: Well, I told you I hadn't quite got it right, 'cause it goes a little funny when it gets to the dessert. It's the Blueberry Pie that does it. I'm terribly sorry!
Violet: Mother, what's happening to me?
[continues to turn blue and starts to grow]
Grandpa: She's swelling up!
Charlie: Like a blueberry!
Willy: [to Mrs. Beauregarde] I've tried it on, like, twenty Oompa-Loompas and each one ended up as a blueberry. It's just weird!
Mrs. Beauregarde: But I can't have a blueberry as a daughter. How is she supposed to compete?
Veruca: You could put her in a county fair!
[Wonka laughs]

Veruca: Daddy, I want a squirrel. Get me one of those squirrels, I want one!
Mr. Salt: Veruca dear, you have many marvelous pets.
Veruca: All I've got at home is one pony and two dogs and four cats and six bunny rabbits and two parakeets and three canaries and a green parrot and a turtle, and a silly old hamster! I WANT a SQUIRREL!
Mr. Salt: All right, pet. Daddy'll get you a squirrel just as soon as he possibly can.
Veruca: But I don't want any old squirrel! I want a *trained* squirrel!
Mr. Salt: [wearily] Very well. Mr. Wonka? How much do you want for one of these squirrels? Name your price.
Willy: Oh they're not for sale. She can't have one.
Veruca: Daddy!
Willy: [imitating Mr. Salt] I'm sorry, darling. Mr. Wonka's being unreasonable.

Willy: And the rest of you must be their p-p-...
Mr. Salt: Parents?
Willy: Yeah! Moms and dads!
[expression darkens]
Willy: Dad? Papa?

Veruca: Daddy, I want a flying glass elevator!
Mr. Salt: Veruca, the only thing you're getting today is a bath, and that's final!
Veruca: But I want it!