500 Best Johnny Depp Quotes
Henry: [from trailer] I saw her ankles.
Captain: You would've seen a lot more if you kept your cakehole shut.
Paul: The only upside with Nixon is he ain't gonna win.
Sala: He's got the grin.
Paul: He ain't gonna win. Irish guy's gonna win. But don't ever let him live.
Sala: Well how do you know that?
Paul: I do horoscopes.
[duelling with Jack, Barbossa suddenly throws away his sword]
Barbossa: You can't beat me, Jack!
[In reply, Jack stabs him with his sword. Barbossa simply sighs, pulls the blade out of his body and stabs Jack with it. He smiles as Jack totters - but is shocked when a shaft of moonlight turns Jack into a cursed skeleton of his former self...]
Jack: [examining his new form] That's interesting...
Jack: [to Barbossa, an Aztec coin dancing on his fingers] I couldn't resist, mate...
Rango: [repeated quote] Now, we ride!
Grandpa: Mr. Wonka, I don't know if you remember me, but I used to work here in the factory.
Willy: Were you one of those despicable spies who everyday tried to steal my life's work and sell it to those parasitic copy-cat candy-making cads?
Grandpa: No, sir.
Willy: Then wonderful, welcome back.
Officer: [after being awaken in the middle of the night by Hanson] Why didn't you call?
Officer: You wouldn't have let me in.
Officer: I know. Why didn't you call?
Raoul: [Narrating] Ah, devil ether. It makes you behave like the village drunkard in some early Irish novel. Total loss of all basic motor skills. Blurred vision, no balance, numb tongue. The mind recoils in horror, unable to communicate with the spinal column. Which is interesting because you can actually watch yourself behaving in this terrible way, but you can't control it. You approach the turnstiles and know that when you get there, you have to give the man two dollars or he won't let you inside. But when you get there, everything goes wrong. Some angry rotarian shoves you and you think "What's happening here? What's going on?" And you hear yourself mumbling...
Raoul: Dogs fucked the Pope... no fault of mine.
Raoul: [Narrating] Ether is the perfect drug for Las Vegas. In this town they love a drunk. Fresh meat. So they put us through the turnstiles and turned us loose inside.
Moburg: Maybe I can interest you gentlemen in something else.
Paul: Like what? Death?
Moburg: Like the most powerful drug in the history of narcotics. I'm not at liberty to discuss or disclose; all I can tell you is: this stuff is so powerful, they give it to communists.
Paul: Who does?
Moburg: The FBI.
Sala: Why would the FBI get communists high?
Moburg: That I can't help you with.
[last lines]
Margaret: Tom, what kind of woman do you think I am?
Officer: Two thirty average, huh?
Raoul: Quick, like a bunny.
Off. Doug Penhall: [after being awaken in the middle of the night by Hanson] Why didn't you call?
Off. Tom Hanson #2: You wouldn't have let me in.
Off. Doug Penhall: I know. Why didn't you call?
Captain: There's an assignment that's come up, and I think you're the one to do it. Before I give it to you I wanna explain it, it's a tough one.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: I'm not going to have to wear a dress again am I?
Captain: No.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Good. Last time I did, some mook from homicide sent me a dozen roses.
Sweeney: [sings] And if I never hear your voice, / My turtledove, my dear, / I still have reason to rejoice: / The way ahead is clear, / Johanna...
Anthony: [sings] I feel you, Johanna...
Sweeney: And in that darkness when I'm blind / With what I can't forget / It's always morning in my mind, / My little lamb, my pet, / Johanna... / You stay, Johanna, / The way I've dreamed you are. / Oh look, Johanna, / A star! / A shooting star!
Anthony: Buried sweetly in your yellow hair...
Jack: [after being covered in mucus after the Kraken roars at him] Not so bad...
[wipes the slime from his face]
Jack: [he looks down and sees his old hat] Oh!
[reaches for his hat and puts it on]
Jack: 'Ello, beastie.
[smiles and draws his sword]
Rango: [Rango marches into the bank after it's been robbed] All right, folks; stand back, clear the area, this is a crime scene, now. Secure the parameter, dust for prints, check for fibers, scan for DNA, I want a urine sample from everyone and get me a latte. Don't mix up the two.
Rango: Is this Heaven?
Spirit of the West: If it were, we'd be eatin' Pop-Tarts with Kim Novak.
Jack: Clergyman, on the off chance that this does not go well for me, I would like it noted here and now that I am fully prepared to believe in whatever I must, so that I may be welcomed into that place where all the "goody-goodies" get to go. Savvy?
Henry: [about shotgun wedding] Wait. Surely... this is not legal.
Captain: This is not legal.
Carina: He's right. Does any man here object to these nuptials?
Captain: I do.
Priest: Congratulations, you may kiss the bride!
Jack: So, what is the ritual?
Angelica: Two silver chalices, the teardrop of a mermaid, and water from the fountain. One chalice will contain the tear, the other will not. Whoever dinks from the chalice with the tear will have their life extended, from the person who drinks from the other chalice...
Jack: I don't really agree to that...
Busdriver: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Where's your bus pass?
Off. Doug Penhall: [as Doug McQuaid] My dog ate it.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: [as Tommy McQuaid] I got the same dog.
Susan: Hi.
Officer: Hi.
Susan: Looks like you could use some help.
Officer: Yeah I could. My tire's flat.
Susan: Only on the bottom.
Off. Doug Penhall,6739: [at the same time] THROW IN A CHIP, HARRY!
Off. Doug Penhall: [to Hanson] Poke, poke, you owe me a Coke!
Sweeney: Pretty women.
Judge: Silhouetted.
Sweeney: Stay within you.
Judge: Glancing.
Sweeney: Stay forever.
Judge: Breathing lightly.
Sweeney: Pretty women.
Sweeney: Pretty women!
Will: I'll never let you go.
Edward: You are a strange, peculiar man.
Hercule: I am of an age where I know what I like and what I do not like. What I like, I enjoy enormously. What I dislike, I cannot abide. For instance, the temporary pleasantries before what is determined to be a business discussion.
Edward: You're fun.
Donnie: [to Maggie in their garage] If I come out alive, this guy, Lefty, ends up dead. That's the same thing as me putting the bullet in his head myself.
Raoul: [narrating] Ignore this terrible drug. Yeah. Pretend it's not happening.
Raoul: Yeah. HI THERE! My name... is, uh, Raoul Duke. I'm on the list. Free lunch, final wisdom, total coverage. I have my attorneyyyyyyy... with me, and I realize that his name is not on that list, but we must have that suite! Yes, must have that suite. What's the score here? What's next?
Desk: Your suite isn't ready yet. But someone was looking for you...
Raoul: [seeing her morph into an eel] DAH! No! We haven't done anything yet!
Edward: Well, hello.
Caroline: Eyes linger any longer I'll have to charge rent.
Edward: I'll pay.
Caroline: Hmm... have another drink.
Paul: Beasts of obesity. Asses that wouldn't feel an arrow. The great whites. Probably the most dangerous creatures on earth.
Angelica: I love you.
Jack: As do I. Always have, always will.
Rango: I will blow that ugly right off your face!
Jack: You know the feeling you get when standing in a high place, the sudden urge to jump...
[looks over the cliff, as if considering jumping, then comes back to reality]
Jack: I don't have it.
The: [after her hand escapes her arm and dances up Victor's arm] Pardon my enthusiasm.
Victor: [snapping her hand into place] I like your enthusiasm.
Raoul: Well? What are your plans?
Dr. Gonzo: Plans?
Raoul: The child in the bedroom.
Dr. Gonzo: Oh, Lucy. I met her on the plane. Yeah, she's a religious freak. I gave her a cap before I realized... Jesus, she's never even had a drink before.
Raoul: Well... it'll probably work out. We can keep her loaded and peddle her ass at the drug convention. Yeah. She's perfect for this gig. These cops will go fifty bucks a head to beat her into submission and then gang-fuck her. We can set her up in one of these back street motels, hang pictures of Jesus all over the room, then turn these fucking pigs loose on her. Hell, she's strong, man. She'll hold her own.
Dr. Gonzo: Jesus Christ. I knew you were sick but I never expected to hear you actually say that kind of stuff, you filthy bastard.
Raoul: Straight economics, man. This girl is a godsend. Shit, she can make us a grand a day.
Dr. Gonzo: That's ugly, man. Stop talking like that.
Raoul: I figure she can do about four at a time. If we keep her full of acid that's more like two grand a day. Maybe three.
Dr. Gonzo: Hold on, man. What if I just jump you and beat the dog shit out of you? Would that make you feel better? You filthy bastard.
Raoul: All right, listen to me. In a few hours, she'll probably be sane enough to work herself into some kind of towering Jesus-based rage at the hazy recollection of being seduced by some kind of cruel Samoan who fed her liquor and LSD, dragged her to a Vegas hotel room and then savagely penetrated every orifice in her little body with his throbbing, uncircumcised member.
Dr. Gonzo: That's so ugly, man!
Raoul: Fuck. Truth hurts.
Dr. Gonzo: That's... argh! Argh! That's argh! Argh! That's argh!
Raoul: Argh!
Dr. Gonzo: I wanted to help her, man.
Raoul: Well, you'll go straight to the gas chamber for this one. And even if you manage to beat that, they'll still send you back to Nevada for rape and consensual sodomy. She's got to go.
Dr. Gonzo: Shit. It doesn't pay to try to help someone these days.
Victoria: Since I was a child, I've dreamt of my wedding day. I always hoped to find someone I was deeply in love with. Someone to spend the rest of my life with. Silly, isn't it?
Victor: Yes, silly. No. No, not at all, no.
Victoria: [knocks over a vase]
Victor: Oh, oh, dear. I'm sorry.
Off. Doug Penhall: Studs and leather, here I come. KKK - awesome band.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Band?
Off. Doug Penhall: KKK- Klean Kut Kids. It's a band. It's a gang. It's a floorwax. You gotta keep up with the popular culture, Hanson.
Captain: Sorry, Penhall. They're not gonna buy two of you. one of you goes in hardcore, the other's just cute.
Off. Doug Penhall: Hanson? What are you breaking the laws of nature here? I'm a natural.
Captain: Hello Jackie.
Jack: 'Ello dad.
Billie: Boy, you are in a hurry!
John: If you were looking at what I'm looking at, you'd be in a hurry, too.
Jack: [Wakes up and sees Elizabeth burning the rum] No! Not good! Stop! Not good! What are you doing? You burned all the food, the shade... the rum.
Elizabeth: Yes, the rum is gone.
Jack: Why is the rum gone?
Elizabeth: One: because it is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. Two: that signal is over a thousand feet high. The entire Royal Navy is out looking for me. Do you really think there is even the slightest chance they won't see it?
Jack: But why is the rum gone?
Elizabeth: Just wait captain Sparrow. You give it one hour, maybe two; keep a weather eye out and you will see white sails on that horizon.
[Jack momentarily considers shooting her with his single bullet he has been saving for ten years before stomping off]
Jack: "Must have been terrible for you to be trapped here Jack. Must have been terrible for you." Well it bloody is now!
[Seeing Norrington's ship off shore, vindicating her plan]
Jack: There'll be no living with her after this.
Jack: [empties bottle of rum] Why is the rum always gone?
Jack: [stands up and staggers drunkenly] Oh... that's why.
[Barbossa fiddles with his pegleg and and removes it]
Jack: Oh! A knife?
Barbossa: Better!
[Reveals his pegleg is a flask and takes a drink]
Jack: I want one of those.
Rango: I couldn't help but notice you noticing me noticing you.
Off. Doug Penhall: They're gonna have fireworks, free hot dogs. Even Sprinkles the clown!
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Sprinkles? Really?
Raoul: Finish the fucking story man! What happened? What about the glands?
Uncle: If they disembowel you, ask for Victor, he's got the softest hands.
Captain: Thank you!
Uncle: Mention my name, and they won't cut your feet off.
Jack: [upon seeing Elizabeth plunge into the ocean] Will you be saving her then?
Mullroy: I can't swim.
[Jack looks at Murtogg... no he won't do either]
Jack: Pride of the King's navy you are. Do not lose these.
Mullroy: What's your purpose in Port Royal, Mr. Smith?
Murtogg: Yeah, and no lies.
Jack: Well, then, I confess, it is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out.
Murtogg: I said no lies.
Mullroy: I think he's telling the truth.
Murtogg: If he were telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us.
Jack: Unless, of course, he knew you wouldn't believe the truth even if he told it to you.
Musician: Whaaats the trooouble?
Raoul: Weeeellll, all this white stuff on my sleeeeve, iiiis LSD...
The: [angrily, grabbing Victor] Hopscotch!
Victor: No, no! Victoria!
Mrs. Cody: Jimmy! When did you get out of Alcatraz?
Whitey: Oh, uh, that's nearly ten years ago.
Will: Look, I'll be long gone. And you, you will never be in the end of it if you don't try.
Max: I know. I'd like to think that I was smart enough to save you.
Will: Don't underestimate yourself. You're the third smartest person I know.
Willy: You can't run a chocolate factory with a family hanging over you like an old, dead goose. No offense.
Grandpa: None taken. Jerk.
Mr. Salt: [as the squirrels take Veruca] Where are they taking her?
Willy: Where all the other bad nuts go, to the garbage chute.
Mr. Salt: Where does the chute go?
Willy: To the incinerator. But don't worry, we only light it on Tuesdays.
Mike: Today *is* Tuesday.
Willy: [after a pause] Well, there's always a chance they decided not to light it today.
Raoul: I'm a relatively respectable citizen. Multiple felon perhaps, but certainly not dangerous.
Jack: Did everyone see that? Because I will *not* be doing it again.
Paul: I tend to avoid alcohol.
[pause]
Paul: [takes a bottle of alcohol] When I can.
Veruca: Will Violet always be a blueberry?
Willy: No. Maybe. I dunno. But that's what you get from chewing gum all day, it's just disgusting.
Mike: If you hate gum so much, why do you make it?
Willy: Once again you really shouldn't mumble, 'cause it's kinda starting to bum me out.
Principal: [Hanson has been forced to reveal his true identity] Why wasn't I notified?
Officer: Because then it wouldn't be undercover.
Carina: My calculations are precise and true. I'm not only an astronomer, I'm also a horologist.
Captain: No shame in that dear. We all have to earn a living, eh?
Murtogg: This dock is off-limits to civilians.
Jack: I'm terribly sorry, I didn't know. If I see one, I shall inform you immediately.
[Jack makes to continue but is blocked by Murtogg and Mullroy]
Jack: Apparently there's some sort of high-toned and fancy to-do up at the fort, eh? How could it be that two upstanding gentlemen, such as yourselves, did not merit an invitation?
Murtogg: Someone's got to make sure that this dock stays off-limits to civilians.
Jack: It's a fine goal, to be sure. But it seems to me... that a ship like that one, makes this one here seem a bit superfluous, really.
Murtogg: Oh, the Dauntless is the power in these waters, true enough. But there's no ship as can match the Interceptor for speed.
Jack: I've heard of one, supposed to be very fast, nigh uncatchable: The Black Pearl.
Mullroy: Well, there's no real ship as can match the Interceptor.
Murtogg: The Black Pearl is a real ship.
Mullroy: No, it's not.
Murtogg: Yes it is, I've seen it.
Mullroy: You've seen it?
Murtogg: Yes.
Mullroy: You haven't seen it.
Murtogg: Yes, I have.
Mullroy: You've seen a ship with black sails that's crewed by the damned, and captained by a man so evil that Hell itself spat him back out?
Murtogg: No.
Mullroy: No.
Murtogg: But I have seen a ship with black sails.
[Jack quietly slips passed them unnoticed]
Mullroy: Oh, and no ship that's not crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that Hell itself spat him back out could possibly have black sails, therefore couldn't possibly be any other ship than the Black Pearl. Is that what you're telling me?
Murtogg: [nods] No.
Mullroy: Like I said, there's no real ship as can match the Interceptor.
Jack: How did you get here?
Will: Sea turtles, mate. A pair of them strapped to my feet.
Jack: Not so easy, is it?
[last lines]
Jack: Drink up, me hearties, yo ho!
Sweeney: [ending monologue; last lines] There was a barber and his wife, and she was beautiful. A foolish barber and his wife. She was his reason and his life, and she was beautiful. And she was virtuous. And he was...
Jack: I love this song. Really bad eggs. Ooh.
[falls]
Jack: When I get the Pearl back, I'm gonna teach it to the whole crew, and we'll sing it all the time.
Elizabeth: And you'll be positively the most fearsome pirates in the Spanish Main.
Jack: Not just the Spanish Main, love. The entire ocean. The entire wo'ld. Wherever we want to go, we'll go. That's what a ship is, you know. It's not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails, that's what a ship needs but what a ship is... what the Black Pearl really is... is freedom.
Veruca: I'm Veruca Salt. It's very nice to meet you, sir.
[does a curtsy]
Willy: I always thought a verruca was a type of wart you got on the bottom of your foot.
[laughs]
Jack: [holds up jar of dirt] Oi! Fishface! Lose something? Eh? Scungilli!
[falls down stairs, holds up jar again]
Jack: Got it! Come to negotiate, eh? Have you, you slimy git? Look what I got.
Jack: [sing-song] I got a jar of dirt, I got a jar of dirt, and guess what's inside it!
Willy: [about Violet grabbing the gum] I'd rather you didn't. There's still one or two things that are a...
Violet: I'm the World Record holder in chewing gum. I'm not afraid of anything!
[pops the gum in her mouth]
Mrs. Beauregarde: How is it, honey?
Violet: It's amazing! Tomato soup, I can feel it running down my throat!
Willy: Yeah! Spit it out.
Grandpa: Young lady, I think you'd better...
Violet: It's changing... roast beef and baked potato. Crispy skin and butter!
Mrs. Beauregarde: Keep chewin' kiddo! My little girl's gonna be the first person in the world to have a chewing gum meal!
Willy: Yeah. I'm just a little concerned about the...
Violet: Blueberry pie and ice cream!
Willy: That part.
Veruca: [staring at Violet] What's happening to her nose?
[Violet keeps chewing and her nose starts turning blue]
Mr. Salt: You're turning blue!
Mrs. Beauregarde: Your whole nose has gone purple!
Violet: [touching her nose] W-What do you mean?
Mrs. Beauregarde: Violet, you're turning violet!
[to Wonka; concerned]
Mrs. Beauregarde: What's happening?
Willy: Well, I told you I hadn't quite got it right, 'cause it goes a little funny when it gets to the dessert. It's the Blueberry Pie that does it. I'm terribly sorry!
Violet: Mother, what's happening to me?
[continues to turn blue and starts to grow]
Grandpa: She's swelling up!
Charlie: Like a blueberry!
Willy: [to Mrs. Beauregarde] I've tried it on, like, twenty Oompa-Loompas and each one ended up as a blueberry. It's just weird!
Mrs. Beauregarde: But I can't have a blueberry as a daughter. How is she supposed to compete?
Veruca: You could put her in a county fair!
[Wonka laughs]
[Jack sees Mr. Cotton's parot]
Jack: Well! I'm actually feeling rather good about this. I think we all arrived at a very special place eh?
[Governor acts disgusted]
Jack: Spiritually. Ecumenically. Grammatically.
[Walks over to Commondore]
Jack: I want you to know that I was rooting for you, mate. Know that.
[Turns to Elizabeth]
Jack: Elizabeth. It would never have worked out between us, darling.
[Elizabeth looks confused]
Jack: I'm sorry. Will. Nice hat.
[Will smiles]
Jack: [Jack runs up to the edge of the balcony and turns to everybody] Friends! This is the day that you will always remember as the day that...
[Falls off balcony]
Jack: [to Pintel and Ragetti] Guard the boat, mind the tide... don't touch my dirt.
FBI: [sitting on the floor of a motel room, reserved for the FBI] What's "Forget about it"?
Donnie: "
[lying on the couch]
Donnie: Forget about it" is, like, if you agree with someone, you know, like "Raquel Welch is one great piece of ass. Forget about it!" But then, if you disagree, like "A Lincoln is better than a Cadillac? Forget about it!" You know? But then, it's also like if something's the greatest thing in the world, like, "Minghia! Those peppers! Forget about it!" But it's also like saying "Go to hell!" too. Like, you know, like "Hey Paulie, you got a one-inch pecker?" and Paulie says "Forget about it!" Sometimes it just means "Forget about it."
John: You can be a dead hero or a live coward.
Willy: Can you imagine Augustus-flavored, chocolate-coated Gloop? Ew, no one would buy it.
Captain: You guys are going back to the academy.
Officer: What?
Officer: Are you kidding?
Captain: [points at his face] Do I look like I'm kidding, Penhall?
Officer: No.
Turnkey: [Indiana State Prison. Int. Gatehouse - Turnkey examines Dillinger a second time...] Didn't you get paroled out of here a few months ago?
John: Yes sir. Three months ago.
Turnkey: ...John... Johnnie Dillinger?
John: That's right. But my friends call me "Johnnie". You gotta address me as "Mister" Dillinger.
Jack: One question about your business, boy, or there's no use going: This girl... how far are you willing to go to save her?
Will: I'd die for her.
Jack: Oh good. No worries then.
Edward: Please tell me you didn't do this.
Edward: If I were to leave something unpleasant on your pillow, sir, it would not be a letter.
Jack: This is the day you will always remember as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow!
[Purvis and Baum are listening in on a wiretapped call]
Agent: This is a phone conversation from a car dealership twenty-seven minutes ago. Harry Berman.
[He pushes down the needle to play back an acetate disk]
John: When you drop it, leave the keys on the floorboard.
Harry: I got a DeSoto.
John: Okay.
[Purvis takes off his headphones]
Melvin: How did we get to Berman?
Agent: Off the Dillinger coat. The coat was bought in Cicero, Illinois, a few doors down from Berman's dealership. Now we know Berman. He's been supplying cars to the Syndicate since Capone. When Dillinger bought that coat, he must've been at Berman's switching cars.
Melvin: Soon as they call to drop the DeSoto, we'll tail it. I want men on this, around the clock.
Jack: The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can't do. For instance, you can accept that your father was a pirate and a good man or you can't. But pirate is in your blood, boy, so you'll have to square with that some day. And me, for example, I can let you drown, but I can't bring this ship into Tortuga all by me onesies, savvy? So, can you sail under the command of a pirate, or can you not?
Off. Doug Penhall: Hanson, Hanson, Hanson. I'm trying to save your life here, but you're going to have to give me a little help. Bowling? I once knew a kid who's father was a bowler. He ran away from home. He was three. His mother helped him!
Officer Harry Truman Ioki: Listen, Penhall, maybe there's still time. You know, maybe Thomas here isn't any good.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: You want to know what my handicap is?
Off. Doug Penhall: Yeah, bowling!
Officer: Can't a guy be in a good mood?
Officer: Not if he's you. Now cut it out, you're scaring us.
Bill: So Edward, did you have a productive day?
Edward: Mrs Monroe showed me where the salon's going to be.
[turns to Peg]
Edward: You could have a cosmetics counter.
Peg: Oh, wouldn't that be great!
Bill: Great.
Edward: And then she showed me the back room where she took all of her clothes off.
[everyone stares, Kevin snickers]
[last lines]
Captain: Am I understood?
Officer: Yes, Sir.
Captain: Now get out of here. Oh and guys, that's a two day suspension without pay.
Paul: Your tongue is like an accusatory giblet!
Jack: If you were waiting for the opportune moment, that was it.
Deborah: This is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.
Whitey: Aw, Debbie, you're breaking my fuckin' heart.
Laurel: Would you call this a case of life imitating art?
Officer: Yeah, sure.
Gavin: [Tom is posing as a bouncer in front of a nightclub. Gavin sees him reject some patrons] You're obnoxious. But I like that!
Officer: They don't!
Gavin: That bothers you?
Officer: No, I'm not really here to make friends.
Whitey: You need to control. Because you know the game surprises you. And you bite your ass not know when, you know?
Angelica: I love you.
[leans in to Kiss]
Jack: [just about to kiss] I gotta go.
[leaves]
Audience: So you want to create a god? Your own god?
Will: That's a very good question. Isn't that what man has always done?
Host: Quite a story, yes? Any questions for Edward? Yeah, get way over. Stand right up.
Audience: What's been the best part of your new life here in town?
Edward: The friends I made.
Host: Any other questions?
Audience: Have you ever thought of having corrective surgery or prosthetics? I know a doctor that might be able to help you.
Edward: I'd like to meet him.
Host: We'll give that name after the show. Thank you very much. That's very nice. Anyone else? Yes, stand right up.
Audience: But if you had regular hands you'd be like everyone else.
Edward: Yes, I know.
Host: I think he'd like that.
Audience: Then no one would think you're special. You wouldn't be on TV or anything.
Peg: No matter what, Edward will always be special.
Angelica: [Jack turns to leave] Wait! I am with child... yours.
Jack: I don't recall that we ever had...
Angelica: You were drunk.
Jack: I've actually never been that drunk.
Donnie: [Lefty Ruggiero is explaining Mafia code to Donnie Brasco] If I say you're a friend of mine, that means you're connected. If I say you're a friend of ours, that means you're a made guy. If I introduce you, I'm responsible for you. Anything wrong with you, I go down.
Angelica: The lies I told you were not lies
Jack: *Pause* You lied to me by telling the truth?
Angelica: Yes
Jack: That's very good. May I use that?
Officer Harry Truman Ioki: In two weeks, I'm gonna disappear!
Officer: [to Hanson] Do you hear something?
Officer: No. Do you?
Rango: Name's... Rango.
[crowd gasp]
Will: Look at the sky. The clouds. We're healing the ecosystem. not harming it. Particles join the air, building themselves out of pollutant. Forests can be regrown. Water so pure, you can drink out of any river. This is your dream.
Gibbs: So, we're setting out to find whatever this key unlocks?
Jack: No. If we don't have the key, we can't open whatever we don't have that it unlocks. So what purpose would be served in finding whatever need be unlocked, which we don't have, without first having found the key what unlocks it?
Gibbs: So, we're setting out to find this key?
Jack: Now you're not making any sense at all.
Carina: Give me my diary
Captain: Give me The Map That No Man Can Read
Carina: If you could read it then it wouldn't be called 'The Map That No Man Can Read'
Captain: Most of the men on this ship can't read, which makes all maps 'The Maps That No Man Can Read'
Carina: If you can't read it then you have no use for it, or me
Charlie: [after a car chase] Okay buster, get your hands were I can see them and freeze!
Officer Harry Truman Ioki: Wait a minute, don't shoot! I'm a cop!
Charlie: Says who?
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Says me.
Charlie: [to Tom Hanson] Hanson. I should have known. I didn't recognize you without the bandage on your partner's nose.
Grindelwald: Mr. Scamander.
- Do you think Dumbledore will mourn for you?
Dr. Wonka: Heavens. I haven't seen bicuspids like these since... since...
[long pause]
Dr. Wonka: Willy?
Willy: Hi, Dad.
[long pause]
Dr. Wonka: All these years and you haven't flossed.
Willy: Not once.
[from trailer]
Paul: We'll nail this bastard to his own front door.
Paul: I don't know how to write like me.
Angelica: [being marooned] And how will I get free of these bonds?
Jack: You broke free of your bonds thirty minutes ago, waiting for the precise moment to pounce.
[blocks Angelica's attack]
Pintel: You're supposed to be dead!
Jack: Am I not?
Rango: [an arrow is sticking through Turley's head, entering in his right eye and coming out the left-rear side of his head; Rango looks disgusted] Whoa! Ehh... are you sure you're fit for duty there, soldier?
Sergeant: [oblivious] What?
Rango: Uh, well, you've got a little somethin' in your... eye, there.
Sergeant: [indicates his left eye, seemingly oblivious] Oh, that! That there's conjunctivitis, sir. It's hereditary.
Rango: [going along as not to hurt Turley's feelings] Oh! Well... um... glad to hear it's not contagious.
Mrs. Lovett: [placing a small pie on the counter] Here we are. Hot out of the oven.
Sweeney: What is THAT?
Mrs. Lovett: [sings] It's priest. Have a little priest...
Sweeney: [sings] Is it really good?
Mrs. Lovett: [sings] Sir, it's too good, at least. Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh... so it's pretty fresh.
Raoul: What kind of rat bastard psychotic would play that song right now, at this moment?
Peg: Why are you hiding back there? You don't have to hide from me - I'm Peg Boggs, your local Avon representative and I'm as harmless as cherry pie...
[sees Edward come toward her]
Peg: Oh - I can see that I've disturbed you. I'll just be going now...
Edward: Don't go.
Peg: [sees his scissor hands] Oh, my. What happened to you?
Edward: I'm not finished.
Charlie: Mr. Wonka.
Willy: Huh?
Charlie: Why would Augustus' name already be in the Oompa Loompa song unless they...
Willy: [interrupts] Improvisation is parlor trick, anyone can do it.
[turns to Violet]
Willy: You, little girl. Say something. Anything.
Violet: Chewing gum.
Willy: Chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum I hate the most. See? Exactly the same.
Jack: [after Will draws his sword] Put it away, son. It's not worth you getting beat again.
Will: You didn't beat me. You ignored the rules of engagement. In a fair fight, I'd kill you.
Jack: That's not much incentive for me to fight fair, then, is it?
Raoul: Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. A normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop heart. Make the bastard chase you. He will follow. But he won't know what to make of your blinker signal that says you are about to turn right. This is to let him know you're pulling off for a proper place to talk. It will take him a moment to realize that he's about to make a 180 degree turn at speed, but you will be ready for it. Brace for the g's, and fast heel-toe work.
[from trailer]
Paul: I thought maybe you were a mermaid.
Chenault: I'm from Connecticut.
Officer: So you're really gonna do it, huh?
Officer: Yes, I'm gonna do it. Why is it so important to you that I break up with Amy?
Officer: I'll tell you why it's so important - you've been dating her for twelve weeks, but you've been talking about breaking up with her for eleven!
Sweeney: [from trailer] I can guarantee the closest shave you'll ever know.
Jack: Why should I sail with any of you? Four of you have tried to kill me in the past... one of you succeeded.
[looks at Elizabeth; Will looks at her; she looks around, guiltily]
Jack: Oh, she's not told you. You'll have loads to talk about while you're here.
Jack: [to Tia Dalma] As for you...
Tia: Now, don't tell me you didn't enjoy it at the time.
Jack: Fair enough. You're in.
[begins going down the line of pirates on the beach]
Jack: [to Ragetti] Don't need you, you scare me. Gibbs, you can come. Marty, Cotton... Cotton's parrot, I'm a little iffy... At least I'll have someone to talk to.
[to Tai Huang]
Jack: Who are you?
Tai: Tai Huang. These are my men.
Jack: Where does your allegiance lie?
Tai: With the highest bidder.
Jack: I have a ship.
Tai: That makes you the highest bidder.
Jack: Good man. Weigh anchor, all hands! Prepare to make sail!
[takes out compass]
Cotton's: Weigh anchor!
Barbossa: [pats the charts in his hands] Jack... Which way ya goin', Jack?
Davy: [upon seeing Elizabeth on the ship] Harridan! You'll see no mercy from me!
Elizabeth: That's why I brought this.
[drawing her sword to fight]
Davy: [Will stabs Davy Jones with a sword from behind] Missed! Did you forget, I'm a heartless wretch!
Davy: [seeing Will looking at Elizabeth] Ah, love; a dreadful bond, and yet, so easily severed. Tell me, William Turner: do you fear death?
Jack: Do you?
Davy: [Turns to see Jack holding the heart]
Jack: Heady tonic, holding life and death in the palm of one's hand.
Davy: [sneering] You've a cruel mind, Jack Sparrow.
Jack: Cruel is a matter of perspective.
Raoul: Oh god... did you eat all this acid?
Dr. Gonzo: That's right. MUSIC!
Jack: My tremendous intuitive sense of the female creature informs me that you are troubled.
Jack: [Repeated line] Just keep breathin'.
Paul: So many hotels you can't see the sea.
Lotterman: You can see the sea by checking into the hotels.
Paul: Pay to see the sea?
Lotterman: What's the matter with that? You're paying to be in the dream...
[Henry meets Jack for the first time]
Henry: Do you even have a ship, a crew... pants?
Captain: A great pirate does not bother with such intricacies.
Whitey: Take your shot, but make it your best. 'Cause I get up, I eat ya.
Gellert: Magic blooms... only in rare souls. Still, we must skulk in shadows. But the old ways serve us no longer.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Without Jenko we're gonna be Charlie's Angels.
Hitchhiker: Hot damn. I never rode in a convertible before.
Raoul: Is that right? Well... I guess you're about ready, then, aren't you?
Dr. Gonzo: We're your friends. We're not like the others, man, really.
Raoul: No more of that talk or I'll put the fucking leeches on you, understand?
Dr. Gonzo: Heh heh heh...
Raoul: [as the Hitchhiker stares at them nervously] Get in.
Raoul: Look, there's two women fucking a polar bear!
Dr. Gonzo: Don't tell me these things. Not now man.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: You know, man, this thing was completely bizarre. I mean, it's like this weird apparition off shot you know.
Off. Doug Penhall: Let me guess, you stood in the corner and took votes all night.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: No man, I got out there and got into it.
Off. Doug Penhall: You slammed and I missed it?
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Yeah, you get out there and you bash into a bunch of other guys. You sweat a lot. I mean it's just another sub culture. Taking orders, packing rules, that kind of thing.
Elizabeth: Thank you, Jack.
Jack: We're not free yet, love.
Elizabeth: You came back. I always knew you were a good man.
[kisses him to distract him, then handcuffs him to the mast]
Elizabeth: It's after you, not the ship. It's not us. This is the only way, don't you see?
[unconvincingly]
Elizabeth: I'm not sorry.
Jack: [almost understandingly] Pirate.
Elizabeth: We're not getting out of this.
Norrington: Not with the chest. Into the boat.
[takes chest]
Elizabeth: You're mad.
Norrington: Don't wait for me.
[runs away from the longboat with the chest]
Jack: Uh, I say we respect his final wish.
Jack: I have no sympathy for any of you feculent maggots and no more patience to pretend otherwise. Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness.
[Barbossa is giving orders and Jack repeats the order]
Barbossa: What are you doin'?
Jack: What are *you* doin'?
Barbossa: No, what *are* you doin'?
Jack: What are *you* doin'?
Barbossa: *No!* What *are* you doin'?
Jack: What are *you* doin'? Captain gives orders on the ship.
Barbossa: The captain of the ship *is* givin' orders.
Jack: My ship, makes me captain.
Barbossa: They be my charts!
Jack: Well, that makes you
[pause]
Jack: chartman.
Pintel: Stow it! Both of you! That's an order! Understand?
[Jack and Barbossa stare at him]
Pintel: Sorry. I just thought with the Captain issue in doubt, I'd throw my name in for consideration, sorry.
Ragetti: [to Pintel] I'd vote for you.
Elizabeth: There will come a time when you have a chance to do the right thing.
Jack: I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.
Raoul: With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever. Always thinking that just behind some narrow door in all of his favorite bars, men in red woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he'll never know.
Sweeney: "Don't I know you?" she said. You knew she lived!
Mrs. Lovett: I was only thinking of you!
Sweeney: [angry] You lied to me!
Mrs. Lovett: [sings] No, no, not lied at all! / No, I never lied!
Sweeney: [sings] Lucy...
Mrs. Lovett: Said she took the poison, she did, / Never said that she died. / Poor thing, she lived...
Sweeney: [in unison] I've come home again...
Mrs. Lovett: But it left her weak in the head, / All she did for months was just lie there in bed...
Sweeney: [unison] Lucy...
Mrs. Lovett: Should've been in hospital, / Wound up in Bedlam instead, / Poor thing!
Sweeney: [unison] Oh, my God...!
Mrs. Lovett: Better you should think she was dead. / Yes, I lied 'cause I love you!
Sweeney: [unison] Lucy!
Mrs. Lovett: I'd be twice the wife she was!
Sweeney: [in unison] What have I done?
Mrs. Lovett: [in unison] I love you! Could that *thing* have cared for you like me?
[he turns toward Mrs. Lovett in anger]
Sweeney: Mrs. Lovett, / You're a bloody wonder, / Eminently practical and yet / Appropriate as always. / As you've said repeatedly, / There's little point in dwelling on the past!
Mrs. Lovett: Do you mean it?
Sweeney: [in unison] No, come here, my love... / Not a thing to fear, my love...
Mrs. Lovett: [in unison] Everything I did, / I swear, / I thought / Was only for the best!
Sweeney: [in unison] What's dead is dead!
Mrs. Lovett: [in unison] Believe me! Can we still be married?
Jack: [to Elizabeth] You know, these clothes do not flatter you at all. It should be a dress or nothing. I happen to have no dress in my cabin.
Max: Are you sure about this?
Will: Good enough for the monkey...
Barbossa: So what now, Jack Sparrow? Are we to be two immortals locked in an epic battle until Judgment Day and trumpets sound?
Jack: Or you could surrender.
Captain: Go see the shrink.
Officer: He's not gonna make me lie down on a couch, is he?
Kim: Hold me.
Edward: I can't.
School: I like the hat!
Off. Tom Hanson #2: I like the hair!
Off. Doug Penhall: Very false
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Nice sheen: Only one thing missing...
Off. Tom Hanson #2,8185: [together] BANGS!
Priscilla: Sheriff? You are going to bring that water back, aren't you?
Rango: You can count on it, little sister.
Bill: Soup's on!
Edward: I thought this was shish kabob.
Jack: There'll be dangers along the way... firstly mermaids, zombies... Blackbeard.
Jack: So what's your plan, then?
Will: I row over, search the ship until I find your bloody key.
Jack: And if there are crewmen?
Will: I cut down anyone in my path.
Jack: [turns to Gibbs] I like it. Simple, easy to remember.
Captain: Tell me what you want.
Captain: I want my compass... 216 barrels of rum, and the monkey.
Captain: You want Jack?
Captain: Dinner. I want to eat him. I want to eat that monkey!
Captain: [gags Sparrow] No deal, Jack. A clever young woman such as that would never believe that a swine like me could ever be her blood.
Sweeney: Noooooo! Would no one have mercy on her?
Mrs. Lovett: So it's you. Benjamin Barker
Sweeney: Where's Lucy? Where's my wife?
Mrs. Lovett: She poisoned herself, arsenic from the apothecary round the corner, I tried to stop her, but she wouldn't listen to me, and he's got your daughter.
Sweeney: He? Judge Turpin?
Mrs. Lovett: [nods] Adopted her like his own.
Sweeney: 15 years sweating, and living hell, for a false charge. 15 years dreaming I might come home to a wife and child.
Mrs. Lovett: Well, I can't say the years have been particularly kind to you, Mr. Barker.
Sweeney: No, not Barker. That man is dead. It's Todd now. Sweeney Todd... and he will have his revenge.
Whitey: [after watching Martorano dip his dirty fingers in a bowl] Hey, you know something?
John: What?
Whitey: For 15 straight minutes, I been watching you putting your big fat fuckin' fingers into your disgusting mouth, which is filled with God knows what kind of fuckin' bacteria, and then you take the same big fat fuckin' filthy fingers and you stuff 'em back into the bowl that is there for public consumption. Now what the fuck are you thinkin',John?
John: Well, I wasn't thinking, Jimmy. I'm sorry.
Whitey: Just don't do it again.
Jack: Cuttlefish. Eh? Let us not, dear friends, forget our dear friends the cuttlefish... flipping glorious little sausages. Pen them up together, and they will devour each other without a second thought... Human nature, in'it? Ooor... fish nature... So yes... we could hold up here, well-provisioned and well-armed, and half of us would be dead within the month! Which seems grim to me any way you slice it! Or... ahh... as my learned colleague so naively suggests, we can release Calypso, and we can pray that she will be merciful... I rather doubt it. Can we, in fact, pretend that she is anything other than a woman scorned, like which fury Hell hath no? We cannot. Res ipsa loquitur, tabula in naufragio, we are left with but one option. I agree with, and I cannot believe the words are coming out of me mouth... Captain Swann. We must fight.
Susan: Boys didn't kiss like this when I was in high school.
Officer: It's a good thing, you never would have graduated.
Rango: We can control it! Like a monkey's bladder!
Off. Doug Penhall: [to Wally] We can't protect you for the rest of your life, you gotta learn to take care of yourself!
[Raises his voice]
Off. Doug Penhall: C'mon, be a man!
Officer: We salute you!
Officer: [Whilst grieving] Look Coach, I know what you're gonna say. I'm gonna get through this thing.
Captain: No, you don't know what I'm gonna say - 'coz *I* don't know what I'm gonna say!
[in agreement with Philip's comment]
Jack: I support the missionary's position.
Victor: [trying to practice his vows] With this hand, I will cup your...
[unconsciously holds hands before his chest in a suggestive manner, and is then horrified]
Victor: Oh goodness, no!
Carina: My calculations are precise and true. I'm not just an astronomer. I'm also a horologist.
Captain: No shame in that, dear. We all have to make a living.
Carina: No, I'm a horologist.
Scrum: So was my mum. Although she didn't crow about it quite as loud as you.
Victor: With this candle... I will set your mother on fire.
Will: Where's Elizabeth?
Jack: She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised. And you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we're all men of our word really... except for, of course, Elizabeth, who is in fact, a woman.
Jack: Why is the Black Pearl in the bottle?
Officer: [after learning that Darryl wants to make a $4,000 bet] I think you have a problem.
Darryl: Yeah, I need two grand by next week.
Officer: No, I mean with the gambling.
Darryl: Oh, right. Here it comes. I'm a compulsive gambler and I can't help myself? I'm in college, what am I going to lose? My house? My car? My wife? I'm on my own. I'm putting myself through school, I don't have a problem. If I pull this off today, I can double this money tonight, because I know who's going to win.
Officer: Darryl, do you realize you don't do anything but gamble?
Darryl: Okay. I ski, I play tennis, I collect rare stamps. Can I make my bet now?
Lotterman: What do you know about horoscopes?
Paul: Nothing.
Lotterman: Ah, well, if I can write one, you can. So it's every day with a special "Star's Star" featured Saturday with Betty Grable and Neil Sedaka, things like that. So here, everything you need is right there. It's called "Madam La Zonga Predicts."
Paul: What happened to Madam La Zonga?
Sala: He got canceled.
Paul: What do you mean, fired?
Lotterman: They raped him to death.
Paul: They raped him to death?
Sala: There are very few places on this island I decline to visit, but the toilets frequented by sailors on the west side of Candado Pier is one.
Paul: They raped him to death?
Off. Tom Hanson #2: A guy from homicide sent me a dozen roses.
Davey: You have a debt to pay. You've been captain of the Black Pearl for thirteen years. That was our agreement.
Jack: Technically, I was only captain for two years, then I was viciously mutinied upon.
Davey: Then you were a poor captain, but a captain nonetheless! Have you not introduced yourself all these years as "Captain Jack Sparrow"?
Barbossa: There's not been a gatherin' like this in our lifetime.
Jack: And I owe them all money...
[last lines]
Officer: Get over here.
Donnie: You know something?
[Donnie soon boasts, when he meets FBI agents in a place the mob would never look, a kosher restaurant]
Donnie: I got him. I got my hooks in the guy.
[referring to Lefty Ruggiero]
Raoul: We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.
John: Bye-bye, blackbird.
[Jack throws a bucket of water on sleeping Gibbs]
Mr. Gibbs: Curse you for breathin' ya slack-jawed idiot. Mother's love. Jack. You should know better than to wake a man when he's sleepin'. Its bad luck.
Jack: Fortunately, I know how to counter it; the man who did the waking buys the man who was sleeping a drink; the man who was sleeping drinks it while listening to a proposition from the man who did the waking.
Mr. Gibbs: Aye, that'll about do it.
[Will throws more water on Mr. Gibbs]
Mr. Gibbs: Blast! I'm already awake!
Will: That was for the smell.
Captain: Now remember you gotta get close to Madigan and I.D. the gang members.
Officer: How are we supposed to do that?
Captain: You're undercover cops. You're supposed to have an imagination. But use your heads 'cause I'm sending you in armed.
Officer: Hey, Jenko never sent us into a school armed.
Captain: That was Jenko. And what I'm looking at here is a Frasier blood who wants to kill a principle.
Jack: Now we're being followed by rocks. Never had that one before.
Bill: OK, everybody. Grab your plates. Soup's on.
Edward: [with mouth full] I thought this was shish-ka-bob.
Bill: What?
Edward: [a little clearer] I thought this was shish-ka-bob.
Bill: Yeah, it is shish-ka-bob. It's a figure of speech, Ed.
[Wielding a shower curtain rod like a spear]
Raoul: Don't fuck with me now, man, I am Ahab.
Bus: Where's your pass?
Off. Doug Penhall: My dog ate it.
Officer: I got the same dog!
John: Well if it isn't the man who shot Pretty-Boy Floyd. Good thing 'cause he sure wasn't Whiz-Kid Floyd.
Edward: Kevin, you wanna play scissors, paper, stone again?
Kevin: No!
Edward: Why not?
Kevin: 'Cause it's boring. I always win!
Gibbs: So the Pearl. Any idea on how to get her out?
Jack: We shall need a crossbow, an hourglass, three goats, one of us must learn to play the trumpet, whilst the other one goes like this.
Gibbs: I know a man with a goat.
Jack: Good. I can go like this.
Norrington: Do excuse me while I kill the man who ruined my life.
Will: Be my guest.
Jack: Let us examine that claim for a moment, former Commodore, shall we? Who was it that, at the very moment you had a notorious pirate safely behind bars, saw fit to free said pirate and take your dearly beloved all to hisself, eh? So whose fault is it *really* that you've ended up a rum-pot deckhand what takes orders from pirates?
Norrington: ENOUGH!
[Jack somersaults off roof, Norrington turns to Will]
Norrington: Unfortunately Mr. Turner, he's right!
Will: My wife has always been eager to change the world. But I'll just settle for understanding it first.
Angelica: Admit it, Jack. You still love me.
Jack: If you had a sister and a dog... I'd choose the dog.
Officer: This is a vintage machine, it's a work of *art*. It's like a - it's like a Da Vinci.
Officer: Now it's a Warhol.
- Ah. Love.
- A dreadful bond.
- And yet,so easily severed.
- Tell me,William Turner, do you fear death?
Jack: Do you?
Ronnie: You could end up dead, man...
[with gun pointed to Hanson's face]
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Hey Ronnie. The safety's on the left, man. You ought to take it off if you want to threaten somebody.
Ronnie: Safety don't work, man. Never did.
Chenault: Where are you going?
Paul: Her friend's playing in a band. We're gonna go check it out.
Chenault: Oh, we wanna come.
Sanderson: I'll rephrase that: We don't wanna come.
Sweeney: What is that?
Mrs. Lovett: It's fop, / Finest in the shop. / Or we have shepherd's pie peppered with actual shepherd on top. And I've just begun. Here's the politician, so oily it's served on a doily, have one.
Jack: You look bloody awful, what are you doing here?
Norrington: You hired me. I can't help it if your standards are lax.
Jack: [immaturely] You smell funny.
Angelica: You were the only pirate I thought I could pass for.
Jack: That is NOT a compliment.
Waffles: [Rango and his posse have found new purpose in their search for the outlaws] Uh... What exactly are we gonna do now?
Rango: Now... we ride!
[whip cracks; Rango stops and looks to his right, puzzled]
Rango: [the band of mariachi owls stands a ways away with their instruments, waiting; Rango shouts to them] That means we're riding now! This moment.
[another whip is heard and the owls start playing the background music; everyone is riding roadrunners in the next cut]
Jack: [to Weatherby Swann] I think we've all arrived at a very special place. Spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically.
Jack: I want you to know that I was rooting for you. Know that.
[to Commodore Norrington]
Jack: Elizabeth... it would never have worked between us darling. I'm sorry... Will... nice hat. Friends... This is the day that you will ALWAYS remember as the day that you...
[backs up and trips over ledge]
Elizabeth: [of the Pirate Lords and their crews fighting each other] This is madness.
Jack: This is politics.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: [after bowling a strike] Oh! Another slam-a-rino for the Kingpins! Yeah!
Girl: Your friend?
Off. Doug Penhall: [chuckling] Yeah well, sort of I guess.
Girl: He's very good, isn't he?
Off. Doug Penhall: If you like guys who say "slam-a-rino", yeah
John: [approaching group of police officers] What's the score?
Sweeney: You have a room over the shop, don't you? If times are so hard, why don't you rent it out?
Mrs. Lovett: People think it's haunted.
Sweeney: Haunted?
Mrs. Lovett: Yeah. And who's to say they're wrong? You see, years ago, something happened up there. Something not very nice.
Officer: Look, without Jenko this thing's gonna be nothing but Charlie's Angels.
Captain: Do you want to give me a break, Hanson, or do you want to get back to that desk at headquarters?
Officer: What I want is for the mayor to realize he just can't plug some new guy into a program like this. I mean, who's gonna run it? You?
Captain: I don't have the wardrobe. Adam Fuller. The guy's a Captain, transferred out of the sixteenth precinct. Before that he was N.Y.P.D., spent eleven years undercover.
Officer Harry Truman Ioki: Yeah, probably going to tell us he was in Sirpicles graduating class.
Captain: Look, you guys don't have to like this, but you're signed on for professional police officers, and I expect you to act like it.
Officer Harry Truman Ioki: Look, Captain, with all due respect, but there is no way anyone is gonna take Jenko's place.
Captain: I have no intentions of taking Jenko's place.
Will: It just doesn't make sense. They're afraid of technology because of it's threat to humanity. Yet, they don't flinch at taking a life. So, obviously, they're not big on logic; but, there's no shortage of irony.
Jack: Blackbeard. Edward Teach. The pirate all pirates fear. Resurrector of the dead in his spare time.
Edward: They want their money back with interest, you know. Italians! A guinea's a guinea.
Raoul: I want you to understand that this man at the wheel is my attorney. He's not just some dingbat I found on the strip, man. He's a foreigner. I think he's probably Samoan. But that doesn't matter, though, does it? Are you prejudiced?
Hitchhiker: Hell no.
Raoul: I didn't think so. Because in spite of his race, this man is extremely valuable to me. Oh, shit. I forgot about the beer. You want one?
Hitchhiker: No.
Raoul: How 'bout some ether?
Hitchhiker: What?
Raoul: Never mind. Let's get right to the heart of this thing. Twenty-four hours ago we were sitting in the Pogo Lounge of the Beverly Heights Hotel, in the patio section of course, drinking Singapore Slings with mescal on the side, hiding from the brutish realities of this foul year of Our Lord, nineteen-hundred and seventy one...
Tia: You know I demand payment.
Jack: I brought payment. Look.
[brings out the monkey in a cage, shoots him]
Jack: An undead monkey! Top that!
Tia: [releases the monkey from the cage]
Gibbs: [muttered] No...
[Speaking clearly]
Gibbs: You've no idea how long it took us to catch that.
Tia: The payment is fair...
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Look, I went to the academy to go and patrol, to be a police officer like my... To enforce the law.
Captain: Tom, it's either this, or I assign you to a desk at progress centre until you look old enough to be a cop.
Gellert: I now restore to you your name, Aurelious Dumbledore.
Tia: Land is where you are safe, Jack Sparrow, and so you will carry land with you.
Jack: Dirt. This is a jar of dirt.
Tia: Yes.
Jack: ...Is the jar of dirt going to help?
Tia: If you don't want it, give it back.
Jack: [greedily] No!
Tia: Then it helps.
Jack: The crime in which you have been found guilty of, is being innocent of being Jack Sparrow.
Judge: How seldom it is one meets a fellow spirit.
Sweeney: With fellow tastes... in women at least.
Judge: [unsettled] What's that?
Sweeney: The years, no doubt, have changed me, sir. But then I suppose the face of a barber, the face of a prisoner in the dock, is not particularly memorable.
Judge: [with immense shock] Benjamin... Barker...
Sweeney: [shouts] Benjamin Barker!
Sweeney: [singing] For what's the sound of the world out there?
Mrs. Lovett: What, Mr. Todd? What, Mr. Todd? What is that sound?
Sweeney: Those crunching noises pervading the air!
Mrs. Lovett: Yes, Mr. Todd! Yes, Mr. Todd! It's all around!
Sweeney: It's man devouring man, my dear!
Sweeney: And/Then who are we to deny it in here?
Will: That's not true. I am not obsessed with treasure.
Jack: Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate.
Sweeney: [sings] And though I'll think of you, I guess, / Until the day I die, / I think I miss you less and less / As every day goes by, / Johanna...
Anthony: [sings] Johanna...
Sweeney: And you'd be beautiful and pale, / And look too much like her. / If only angels could prevail, / We'd be the way we were, / Johanna...
Anthony: I feel you, Johanna...
Sweeney: Wake up, Johanna! / Another bright red day! / We learn, Johanna, / To say / Goodbye...
Anthony: I'll steal you...
Victor: Look, I am terribly sorry about what's happened to you and I would like to help. But I really need to get home.
The: This is your home now.
Captain: Aah! Monkey!
Jack: [to cannibals] *Alas*, my children! This is the day you shall always remember as the day that you almost...
[gets splashed by a wave]
Jack: ...Captain Jack Sparrow.
Sweeney: [singing] Alright! You, sir? How about a shave? Come and visit your good friend Sweeney! You sir! Too, sir. Welcome to the grave... I will have vengeance. I will have salvation... Who, sir? You sir!No one's in the chair. Come on, come on! Sweeney's waiting. I want you bleeders. You sir? Anybody? Gentlemen, now don't be shy. Not one man... No, nor ten men... Nor a hundred can assuage me. I will have you! And I will get him back even as he gloats; In the meantime I'll practice on less honorable throats... And my Lucy lies in ashes, and I'll never see my girl again. But the work waits! I'm alive at last, and I'm full of joy!
Rango: [burps fire in face] I'll take care of that for you.
[rubs some of the soot off his face]
Rango: There. All better.
Esmerelda: I can't believe you sheep have strayed so far from the path of righteousness!
Edward: [Walking towards Esmerelda] We're not sheep!
Esmerelda: It's not heaven he's from! It's straight from the stinking flames of hell! The power of Satan is in him, I can feel it. Can't you? Have you poor sheep strayed so far from the path?
Edward: We're not sheep.
Esmerelda: Don't come near me!
Angelica: Maybe you don't believe in the supernatural.
Jack: Oh no, no, I've seen a thing or two.
Raoul: One of the things you learn from years of dealing with drug people, is that you can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug. Especially when it's waving a razor-sharp hunting knife in your eye.
Willy: [sorting through a big bunch of keys] There it is. There it isn't.
Officer: [while mechanics are turning his vintage Mustang into a drag racer] Why can't they just shoot it and put it out of it's misery?
Rango: Us reptiles gotta stick together. Right, my brother?
Buford: I'm an amphibian.
Rango: Ain't no shame in that.
Willy: And the rest of you must be their p-p-...
Mr. Salt: Parents?
Willy: Yeah! Moms and dads!
[expression darkens]
Willy: Dad? Papa?
Angelica: [after realizing Jack tricked Blackbeard into drinking the wrong chalice] You bastard, how could you?
Jack: Your father saved you. Perhaps his soul is now redeemed.
- Hide the teaspoons.
Grindelwald: You have suffered the most heinous of betrayals, most purposely bestowed upon you by your own blood.
- Your own flesh and blood.
- And just as he has celebrated your torment, your brother seeks to destroy you.
Guy: [revealing prior writing on a notepad by shading over it with a pencil] You see that?
Girl: Wow... That's amazing.
Teddy: They did it in The Big Lebowski.
Guy: Do you know, that's exactly where I learned it from. Isn't that weird?
Gibbs: Your carriage waits, my lady! The oars are inside.
[Elizabeth bids her pirate friends farewell]
Ragetti: 'Bye, poppet.
Barbossa: MRS. Turner...
Elizabeth: Jack... it would never have worked between us.
Jack: Keep telling yourself that, darling.
[Elizabeth steps forward to kiss Jack]
Jack: Once was quite enough!
Elizabeth: Thank you.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Okey-dokey.
Captain: Like that sound?
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Not really.
Captain: Me neither, PRAISE GOD HALLELUJAH! Maybe I'm saved! Been a deadhead since Woodstock!
Off. Tom Hanson #2: I didn't go, I was only 5.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Doug I know you're sorry, You know how I know? You've apologised to me 430 times! You cleaned my desk, You washed my car... You brought a whoopie cushion... You've sharpened all my pencils!
Off. Doug Penhall: Any of them need re-sharpening?
Off. Tom Hanson #2: No! No...
Off. Doug Penhall: Well, It's just that, you know, shooting your partners just a very stupid thing to do! You gotta be a little mad at me.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: No I'm not
Off. Doug Penhall: Oh you gotta be... You know it's very unhealthy to keep this stuff couped up, you should let some steam off get it off your chest.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Alright! Alright. I sharpen my own pencils pal, understand? Noone sharpens my pencils but me... Noone
Off. Doug Penhall: Then you are a little mad...
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Of course I'm mad you shot me in the ass! and I'll never forgive you okay? There.
Off. Doug Penhall: Oh Wonderful, Terrific! One little mistake and you're gonna keep a grudge over me for the rest of my life? Fabulous!
Jack: Mr. Gibbs!
Gibbs: Aye, cap'n?
Jack: You may throw my hat if you wish.
Gibbs: Aye, AYE!
[Gibbs throws Jack's hat into the celebrating crowd]
Gibbs: Hurrah!
Jack: Now go and get it.
Officer: The man stuck a gun inside my ear!
Captain: Would you relax, Hanson? He didn't pull the trigger!
Officer: Oh yeah, there's always a bright side, huh?
Will: [to Evelyn Caster] Joseph said you were out of my league but I always like a challenge.
Jack: Do us a favor... I know it's difficult for you... but please, stay here, and try not to do anything... stupid.
Officer: Doug, you know there's going to be a million vampires at this Halloween dance tonight?
Officer: What? I'm Count Chocula!
Officer: And where does a kid that age get sixty grand?
Officer: Dealing crack.
Captain: Right. This is Sergeant James Adabo. He's sort of the local expert on the subject of raw cocaine.
Rock: [the hawk drops a bottle with Rango inside it directly on top of Rock-Eye the Toad, who is hiding from the hawk as a rock, from a great height] ¡Ay! ¡Madre de Dios!
[He sees Rango]
Rock: You! I'll kill you! You stupid lizard! Get out of there! I'm gonna strangle your huevos!
Rango: [points frantically from inside his bottle] The bird! The bird!
[He starts running away in his bottle by rolling it]
Rock: [Rock-Eye looks behind him] No wait, come back!
[Rock-Eye starts chasing Rango]
Rock: Hey, I was just kidding! C'mon, we're friends, right?
Rango: Aaah, I don't know you!
Rock: Lizards, frogs... we're practically related, right?
Rango: [Overlapping] Find your own hiding place! No room at the inn!
Rock: Come on! Move over! I'll let you kiss my sister!
Rango: [Rango runs the bottle over a small sharp rock and the bottle breaks in half] No no no nonono...!
[the bottle slides to a stop]
Rock: [Stops with him; pointing in triumph] HA! Ha ha ha!
[the hawk snatches him up]
Rock: [Screams furiously] You son of a b...!
[Hawk screech]
- Sparrow.
- Sparrow
Jack: Yo ho,yo ho
- A pirate's life for me
- We're devils and black sheep
- Really bad eggs
- Drink up,me hearties
- Yo ho
- DrinK up, me hearties, Yo ho
--------------------------
- --------------------------
[last lines]
Off. Tom Hanson #2: [setting up his sax] Well, I figure maybe I can sit in with you guys for a set.
Captain: You? You're going to sit in with us? You?
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Yeah, if you can keep up.
Captain: Say what? Hey, don't strain yourself bro.
[last lines]
Gibbs: [consulting a map] What be our heading captain?
Captain: We should follow the stars, Master Gibbs.
Gibbs: Aye, AYE, Captain!
[throws the map away]
Captain: I have a rendezvous beyond my beloved horizon...
Captain: Pirate's life.
[raises glass of rum]
Lindsey: [crying] I'll pull the plug myself, I will.
Whitey: [looks up] What did you say?
[tears form in his eyes]
Whitey: What the fuck did you just say? My boy? You pull the plug on my boy?
Lindsey: I can't have him like this, Jimmy.
Whitey: How could you be so cold?
Lindsey: Don't say that to me.
Whitey: How could you be so cold?
Lindsey: Don't you dare fucking say that to me.
Whitey: I could never, never. You're pathetic.
Lindsey: You of all people in the fucking world cannot say that to me.
Whitey: Who the fuck are you?
[Jack is about to eat a peanut when a shot is heard. He falls to the ground to reveal ANOTHER Jack Sparrow]
Jack: [picking up the peanut] MY peanut!
Raoul: And that, I think, was the handle - that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of old and evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn't need that. Our energy would simply prevail. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look west, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark - that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.
Jack: Stop blowing holes in my ship!
Clerk: Mr. Duke! Mr. Duke!
Raoul: Oh fuck.
Clerk: We've been looking for you.
Raoul: [Narrating] The game was up. They had me.
Raoul: Many fine books have been written in prison.
Clerk: Sir?
Russell: Would you forget about the tattoo?
Officer: You can't forget about a tattoo, man, that's the point!
Officer: I'm thinking about quitting.
Officer: You mean, like, turning in your badge? Oh c'mon man, you just got it back! What are you talking about? You can't quit being a cop. It's in your blood man. Your father was a cop.
Officer: What are you, my biographer?
Officer: No, I'm just saying it's the natural thing for you to do. What the hell are you gonna do anyway?
Officer: I'm gonna check my options.
Officer: Oh, like there's a really long list is there?
Gibbs: Let's put some distance between us and this island and head out to open sea!
Jack: Yes to the first, yes to the second, but only insofar as we keep to the shallows as much as possible.
Gibbs: That seems a bit contradictory, Captain.
Jack: I have every faith in your reconciliatory navigational skills, Mr. Gibbs, now where is that monkey, I want to shoot something!
Will: You want me to find this?
Jack: No. You want you to find this, because the finding of this finds you incapacitorially finding and or locating in your discovering the detecting of a way to save your dolly belle, ol' what's-her-face. Savvy?
Will: This is going to save Elizabeth?
Jack: How much do you know about Davy Jones?
Will: Not much.
Jack: Yeah, it's going to save Elizabeth.
Ronnie: This is what I've got to say. What have you got to say?
Officer: I want to work for you.
Rango: Crunchy-creamy-cookie-candy-cupcake. Okay everybody, let's take it from the top!
Billie: What do you want?
John: Everything. Right now.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Nice digs Doug, you dog. I dig em.
Gibbs: [Tia Dalma just uncovered Jack's Black Spot] The Black Spot!
[he does a strange superstitous dance]
Ragetti: The Black Spot!
Pintel: Black Spot!
[Pintel and Ragetti do the same dance]
Jack: My eyesight's as good as ever, just so you know.
[Lefty is cooking dinner in his kitchen]
Lefty: Punch of salt.
Donnie: [watching him from behind him] Punch?
Lefty: Punch. Punch of salt.
Donnie: Punch or pinch?
Lefty: Punch, punch. Not pinch. What'd I say? I say pinch?
Donnie: Nah, you said... you said punch.
Lefty: Sometimes you don't make no fuckin' sense, Donnie.
Willy: Let's go put him in the taffy puller!
Mr. Teavee: [horrified] Taffy puller?
Willy: Hey, that was my idea!
Rango: [Rango and Beans have been locked in the bank vault with water pouring in and the water level rising] Don't worry! I have a plan!
[looks through the glass to those who have locked them in]
Rango: Heeeeeelp! Open the door!
Rango: [no one does anything] Okay! Plan B!
Whitey: [from trailer]
[at dinner]
Whitey: What did you marinate this steak in? Because it's out of this world! You're killing me with it!
John: Now, now, it's a family secret.
Whitey: Oh, come on! You got to tell me that! What's the secret? Come on, you can do it, come on, that is one of the best goddamn steaks I have ever had in my entire life. What's the family secret recipe?
John: It's ground garlic, with a bit of soy.
Whitey: That's it?
John: Yeah, that's it.
Whitey: [pause] I thought it was a family secret.
John: It's a recipe.
Whitey: No, no. You said to me this is a family secret, and you gave it up to me, boom just like that. You spill the secret family recipe today, maybe you spill a little something about me tomorrow, hm?
John: I was just saying that...
Whitey: You were just saying? "Just saying" gets people sent away. "Just saying" got me a nine-year stretch in Alcatraz, you understand? So, "just saying" can get you buried real quick.
[suddenly laughs]
Whitey: Look at his face!
Donnie: [to his fellow wiseguys, after he punches a former district attorney that recognized Joe Pistone] Fuckin' asshole, he grabbed my cock!
John: [nodding at money left by a bank teller in front of his booth] You can put it away. Not here for your money. Here for the bank's money.
Gellert: Their arrogance is a key to our victory.
Gellert: [as Newt and Theseus confront him] Mr. Scamander! Do you think Dumbledore will mourn for you?
Spoons: [after Rango forms a small posse to find the band of robbers] What do we do now, sheriff?
Rango: Now, we ride!
[cut to them all riding across the desert on roadrunners, excited and energized]
Spoons: [to Rango] Where are we going?
[they have no leads on where the robbers might be]
Rango: What?
Spoons: Where are we going?
[cut to them all walking back into town, embarrassed]
Jack: [after the mutiny is victorious] The ship is ours!
Blackbeard: [comes out of his quarters and glares at Sparrow] Gentlemen. I be placed in a bewilderment. There I were, resting. And upon a sudden, I hear an ungodly row on deck. Sailors abandoning their posts, without orders, without leave. Men before the mast, taking the ship for themselves. What be that, First Mate?
Angelica: Mutiny, Captain.
Blackbeard: [holding his hand to his ear] Again?
Angelica: Mutiny!
Blackbeard: Aye, mutiny. And what fate befall mutineers? Now, we know the answer to that, do we not? Mutineers... HANG!
[raises his enchanted sword, making the sails drop, and the rigging ensnare all the mutineers]
Jack: [hangs upside down in front of Blackbeard] Captain, I wish to report a mutiny. I can name fingers and point names.
Blackbeard: Perfect.
Anthony: [singing in the first lines] I have sailed the world, beheld its wonders, from the Dardanelles to the mountains of Peru. But there's no place like London.
Sweeney: No, there's no place like London.
Anthony: [spoken] Mr. Todd?
Sweeney: You are young. Life has been kind to you. You will learn.
Raoul: How long could we maintain? I wondered. How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert was the last known home of the Manson family; will he make that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming about bats and huge manta rays coming down on the car? If so, well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs. Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?
Officer: He didn't do anything, it was my fault.
Captain: That's right, he didn't do ANYTHING. That's why the department calls it acquiescing. Partners are responsible for each other, you know that, and you know that it works both ways. Your screw up last night could cost him HIS job too, think about it. That's all.
Veruca: Daddy, I want a squirrel. Get me one of those squirrels, I want one!
Mr. Salt: Veruca dear, you have many marvelous pets.
Veruca: All I've got at home is one pony and two dogs and four cats and six bunny rabbits and two parakeets and three canaries and a green parrot and a turtle, and a silly old hamster! I WANT a SQUIRREL!
Mr. Salt: All right, pet. Daddy'll get you a squirrel just as soon as he possibly can.
Veruca: But I don't want any old squirrel! I want a *trained* squirrel!
Mr. Salt: [wearily] Very well. Mr. Wonka? How much do you want for one of these squirrels? Name your price.
Willy: Oh they're not for sale. She can't have one.
Veruca: Daddy!
Willy: [imitating Mr. Salt] I'm sorry, darling. Mr. Wonka's being unreasonable.
The: Darling... where are you going?
Victor: *Home*!
Jack: [examining the map] Up is down. That's just maddeningly unhelpful. Why are these things never clear?
Miniature: [voice] Clear as mud, Jackie...
Jack: What? Eh?
Miniature: [appearing from Jack's left dreadlocks] Stab the heart.
Miniature: [appearing from Jack's right dreadlocks] Don't stab the heart.
Jack: Come again?
Miniature: The Dutchman must have a captain...
Jack: Well that's even more than less than unhelpful.
Miniature: Sail the seas for eternity.
Jack: [smiling] I love the sea...
Miniature: What about port?
Jack: I prefer rum... Rum's good.
Miniature: Making port, where we can get rum and sultry wenches... once every ten years.
Miniature: What'd he say?
Jack: Once every ten years.
Miniature: Ten years is a long time, mate.
Jack: Even longer, given the deficit of rum.
Miniature: ...But eternity is longer still.
Miniature: And how'll you be spending it? Dead?
Miniature: ...Or not... The Immortal Captain Jack Sparrow.
Jack: Ooh, I like that.
Miniature: [looking out to the sea] Come sunset and it won't matter.
Jack: [realizing] ... Not sunset... Sundown! And Rise... Up!
Violet: What's so funny?
Willy: I think it's from all those dog-gone cocoa beans. Hey, by the way, did you guys know that chocolate contains a property that triggers the release of endorphins? Gives one the feeling of being in love.
Mrs. Beauregarde: [flirtily] You don't say?
Norrington: [drunk and angry] So am I worthy to serve under Captain Jack Sparrow...
[he draws his pistol and points it at Jack, who is hiding behind a pole]
Norrington: ... or should I just kill you now?
Jack: [tries and fails to hide behind his pole] You're hired!
Norrington: Sorry. Old habits and all that.
[smiles and prepares to pull the trigger]
Whitey: Just make him an offer for the company.
John: I tried. Won't sell.
Whitey: Would his widow sell?
Sweeney: And who may it be said is your intended, sir?
Judge: My ward... and pretty as a rosebud.
Sweeney: Pretty as her mother?
Judge: [confused] Wha... what was that?
Sweeney: Nothing, sir. Nothing. May we proceed?
Barbossa: [talking to Will Turner] Who are you?
Jack: No one. He's no one. Distant cousin of my aunt's nephew twice removed. Lovely singing voice. Eunuch.
Captain: You don't have to call me sir, I'm not uniform.
Officer: Good cops like you are always in uniform.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Doesn't Harley have the right to die when he wants to?
Captain: As far as I'm concerned, there's only one guy who's got that right. He doesn't ride motorcycles though - his robes get caught in the spokes.
[last lines]
Victor: Wait. I made a promise.
The: You kept your promise. You set me free. Now I can do the same for you.
Grindelwald: You have joined a noble cause, my friend.
- I know. I know. I know, Antonio.
- So needy.
Henry: [whispers into a jail cell] I need to speak with you.
Captain: [attacks Henry from behind, holding him against the cell door] Hand me your sword.
Henry: I don't have a sword.
Captain: What kind of soldier has no weapon?
Henry: I'm currently wanted for treason.
Captain: So not the very good kind then?
Henry: I'm looking for a pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow?
Captain: [let's go of Henry] Well today's your lucky day. Because I just happen to be Captain Jack Sparrow.
Henry: [in disbelief] No, it can't be. I've spent years searching for... this. The great Jack Sparrow is not some drunk in a cell. Do you even have a ship? A crew... pants?
Captain: A great pirate does not require such intricacies.
Henry: Do you know how long I've been waiting for this moment? The risks I've taken to be here? Are you sure you're *the* Jack Sparrow?
Captain: The real question is, who are you?
Jack: Death lies before us, as we sail to the Fountain of Youth.
Raoul: Strange memories on this nervous night in Las Vegas. Has it been five years? Six? It seems like a lifetime, the kind of peak that never comes again. San Francisco in the middle sixties was a very special time and place to be a part of. But no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time in the world. Whatever it meant.
Parking: You can't park your car here.
Raoul: Why not? Is this not a reasonable place to park?
Parking: Reasonable? You're on a sidewalk! This is the sidewalk!
Donnie: [while carrying bags and coolers onto the boat] Hey Richie, what are you trying to do, get me killed with that fucking suit?
Richard: What?
Donnie: That fucking car, purple fucking car. Don't say the word plotz, you understand?
Richard: Yeah, yeah.
Rango: So you want something to believe in, Spoons? Believe in me.
[points at the "Sheriff" sign]
Rango: Believe in that there sign. For as long as it hangs there we've got hope.
Barbossa: [Jack and Barbossa see the dead Kraken] Still thinkin' of running, Jack? Think you can outrun the world? You know the problem with being the last of anything, by and by there be none left at all.
Jack: Sometimes things come back mate. We're livin' proof, you and me.
Barbossa: Aye, but that's a gamble of long odds, ain't it? There's never a guarantee of comin' back. But passin' on, that's dead certain.
Jack: Summoning the brethren court then, is it?
Barbossa: It's our only hope, lad.
Jack: That's a sad commentary in and of itself.
Barbossa: The world used to be a bigger place.
Jack: World's still the same. There's just less in it.
[repeated line]
Jack: Savvy?
[last lines]
Officer: What do you think?
Officer: I don't know. There's always the possibility they might be telling the truth.
Officer: Nah.
Willy: Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable! But that is called "cannibalism", my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.
Jack: Move away.
Will: No.
Jack: Please move?
Will: No. I cannot just step aside and let you escape.
Jack: This shot was not meant for you.
[Judge Turpin leaves from the barbershop thanks to Anthony's blundering]
Sweeney: [quietly] Out.
Anthony: Mr. Todd... you have to help me!
Sweeney: [louder] Out.
Anthony: [persistent] Mr. Todd, please, I...
Sweeney: [roars] *Out*!
[Anthony runs out, and Mrs. Lovett hurries in]
Mrs. Lovett: [arriving] All this running and shouting, wot's going on?
Sweeney: [sings] I had him! His throat was bare, beneath my hand!
Mrs. Lovett: There, there, dear, calm down...
Sweeney: No! I had him! His throat was there, and now he'll never come again!
Mrs. Lovett: [sings to calm him] Easy now. Hush, love, hush. / I keep telling you,
Sweeney: *When*?
Mrs. Lovett: What's your rush?
Sweeney: Why did I wait? / You told me to wait! / Now he'll never come again!
[he goes toward the window and looks at it]
Sweeney: There's a hole in the world like a great black pit, / And it's filled with people who are filled with shit, / And the vermin of the world inhabit it, / But not for loooong!
Dr. Gonzo: Sounds like big trouble. You're going to need plenty of legal advice before this thing is over. As your attorney, I advise you to rent a very fast car with no top. And you'll need the cocaine. Tape recorder for special music. Acapulco shirts. Get the hell out of L.A. for at least 48 hours. Blows my weekend.
Raoul: Why?
Dr. Gonzo: Because naturally I'm going to have to go with you. And we're going to have to arm ourselves... to the teeth!
Raoul: Well why not? Shit if it's worth doing, it's worth doing right! This is the American Dream in action. We'd be fools not to ride this strange torpedo all the way to the end!
Willy: Good morning, starshine... the earth says hello!
Billie: They're looking at me because they're not used to having a girl in their restaurant in a $3 dress.
John: Listen, doll. That's 'cause they're all about where people come from. The only thing that's important is where someone's going.
Billie: [smiles] Where are you going?
John: Anywhere I want.
Kevin: Man, those things are cool! You know, I bet they're razor-sharp. One karate chop to a guy's neck...
Peg: Kevin...! Edward... would you like some butter for your bread? Great!
Edward: Thank you.
Kevin: Hey, can I bring him to show and tell on Monday?
Peg: Kevin, I've had enough
Paul: Why did she have to happen? Just when I was doing so good without her.
Victor: Tomorrow, Victoria, we are to be...
[nervously twists his tie]
Victor: Mmmm... mmmm... mmmm...
Victoria: [small giggle] ... married.
Victor: Yes, married.
John: The public don't like kidnapping.
Alvin: Who gives a damn what the public likes?
John: I do. I hide out among them. We gotta care what they think.
- They confined me and tortured me in New York.
- They had struck down their fellow witches and wizards.
- For the simple crime of seeking the truth.
- For wanting freedom.
- Your anger, your desire for revenge is natural.
Grindelwald: No!
Jack: There's one thing I forgot to tell you. In return for its awesomeness, the Big One always demands a sacrifice. One of you will not return.
Squidward: I volunteer SpongeBob!
Paul: I've got a tongue
[trying to lick his lips]
Paul: like a towel.
Willy: [getting his shoes shined by Charlie, his face hidden behind a newspaper] Pity about that chocolate fellow, Wendle, er, Walter...
Charlie: Willy Wonka.
Willy: That's the one. Says here in the papers his new candies aren't selling very well. But, I suppose maybe he's just a rotten egg who deserves it.
Charlie: Yep.
Willy: Oh really? You ever met him?
Charlie: I did. I thought he was great at first, but then he didn't turn out so nice. He also has a funny haircut.
Willy: [coming out from behind the newspaper] I do not!
Charlie: Why are you here?
Willy: I don't feel so hot. What makes you feel better when you feel terrible?
Charlie: My family.
Willy: Ew!
Charlie: What do you have against my family?
Willy: It's not just *your* family, it's the whole idea of...
[balks]
Willy: You know, they're always telling you what to do, what not to do and it's not conducive to a creative atmosphere!
Charlie: Usually they're just trying to protect you, because they love you.
[Willy looks away]
Charlie: If you don't believe me you should ask.
Willy: Ask who? My father? Ha! No way. At least not by myself...
Charlie: You want me to go with you?
Willy: Hey! Hey, what a great idea! Yeah!
[jumps up]
Willy: And you know what? I brought transporta...
[bangs into the glass elevator and falls down]
Willy: I have to be more careful where I park this thing.
Captain: Who are you?
Henry: My name is Henry Turner. Son of Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann.
Captain: Ewww. You're the evil spawn of them two.
[pause]
Captain: Does mummy ever ask about me?
Henry: No.
Captain: Oh go on. She call my name in her sleep?
Henry: She never spoke of you.
Captain: Are you sure we're talking about the same people? He's a cursed eunuch. She's golden-haired, stubborn, pouty lips, neck like a giraffe, and two of those wonderful...
Henry: Yes! Yes, it's her.
Jack: Better to not know which moment may be your last. Every morsel of your entire being alive to the infinite mystery of it all.
[last lines]
Jack: Now... bring me that horizon.
[humming]
Jack: "And really bad eggs." Drink up me 'earties. Yo ho.
[snaps compass shut]
Sal: Go home! You know what I do when my toilet gets stopped up at home?
Officer: I can't imagine!
Sal: I call a plumber, you can't work all the time.
Barbossa: How the blazes did you get off that island?
Jack: When you marooned me on that god forsaken spit of land, you forgot one very important thing, mate: I'm Captain Jack Sparrow.
Bartender: Bud Light?
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Right.
Gibbs: Jack! The world needs you back something fierce!
Will: Cutler Beckett has the heart of Davy Jones, he controls the Flying Dutchman.
Elizabeth: He's taking over the sea!
Tia: The song has already been sung! The brethren court is called!
Jack: I leave you people alone for just a minute and look what happens, everything's gone to pot!
Barbossa: So you expect to leave me standing on some beach with nothing but a name and your word it's the one I need and watch you sail away on my ship?
Jack: No. I expect to leave you standing on some beach with absolutely no name at all, watching me sail away on *my* ship, and then I'll shout the name back to you. Savvy?
Barbossa: But that still leaves us with the problem of me standing on some beach with naught but a name and your word it's the one I need.
Jack: Of the two of us, I am the only one who hasn't committed mutiny, therefore my word is the one we'll be trusting. Although, I suppose I should be thanking you because in fact, if you hadn't betrayed me and left me to die, I would have an equal share in that curse same as you.
[bites into an apple]
Jack: Funny ol' world, i'n'it?
[offers him an apple]
Jack: Parleley, parlelellyleloooo, par le nee, partner, par... snip, parsley...
Ragetti: Parley?
Jack: That's the one. Parley. Parley.
Pintel: Parley? Damn to the depths whatever man what thought of "Parley".
Jack: That would be the French.
Raoul: Order us some golf shoes, otherwise we'll never get out of this place alive. Impossible to walk in this muck. No footing at all.
Whitey: ...I need you to listen very carefully to what I am saying because there are lessons throughout your whole life. And you gotta learn from these things, right? Here's the deal. You did not get in trouble because you punched this sneaky brat in the face, not at all. You got in trouble because you punched this sneaky little brat in the face in front of other people.
Lindsey: [Lindsey sighs] Jimmy, I really don't think that that's the right thing to be teaching your kid.
Whitey: No, that's absolutely what I should be tellin' him, babe. So the lesson you gotta learn is this, it's not what you do, it's when and where you do it. And who you do it to or with. Huh? You follow?
Douglas: Yes, I follow. Punch people when no one's looking.
Whitey: That's exactly right.
Lindsey: [Chuckles]
Whitey: If nobody sees it, it didn't happen.
Victor: I've got a... I've got a dwarf, and I'm not afraid to use him!
Captain: He's got an undercover program. It's the Mayor's baby. Nobody on the force knows about this except Silver Shields and Up. It's called Jump Street Chapel. Now the reason it's called that is because this particular undercover unit works out at an old abandoned chapel on the corner of Jump Street and Sixth. Interested?
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Not yet.
Captain: Every year the department takes younger looking officers. At least younger looking ones we think can handle the pressure. Teach them how to be teenagers again. Then we send them out to various high schools where we could use a good man undercover.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Kinda like Fast Times at Bust Ya Buddy High?
Captain: Kinda.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Yeah. No, thanks. Y'see, I hated high school the first, you know. Swimmin' in gym class without trunks, health films, not getting the girl you wanted because you're not wearing groovy enough shoes. And I don't think I'd get off cutting some kid for a spit ball at his chemistry teacher.
Captain: I've had eleven homicides in high schools since December.
Raoul: [Beginning to narrate the "Jefferson Airplane" hallucination] There I was...
[Seeing the actual Hunter S. Thompson sitting in the scene]
Raoul: Mother of God, there I am! Holy fuck...
Willy: [while passing a room where Oompa Loompa's are shearing pink wool from sheep] I'd rather not talk about this one.
Barbossa: [at St. James Palace in London] Jack, our sands be all but run. Where's the harm in joining the winning sides?
Jack: I understand everything... except that wig.
Will: [to Evelyn Caster] Your heart is palpitating, perspiring. You're terrified of me.
Female: Is that what they tossed you out of Westminster for?
Officer: No, that was more of an honor code situation.
Officer: [gesturing towards Hanson] That dork violated the honor code?
Officer: Well, he's really quite corrupt once you get to know him.
Jack: You walk like a girl.
Angelica: You would know.
Barbossa: You've always run away from a fight!
Jack: I have not!
Barbossa: You have so!
Jack: Have not!
Barbossa: Have so!
Jack: Have not!
Barbossa: Have so!
Jack: Have not!
Barbossa: You have so and you know it!
Willy: Why, I believe they're going to treat us to a little song. It is quite a special occasion, of course. They haven't had a fresh audience in many a moon.
Oompa: Augustus Gloop / Augustus Gloop / The great big greedy Nincompoop / Augustus Gloop, so big and vile, so greedy foul and infantile / Come on, we cry, the time is ripe to send him shooting up the pipe / But don't, dear children be alarmed, Augustus Gloop will not be harmed, Augustus Gloop will not be harmed / Although of course we must admit, he will be altered quite a bit / Slowly wheels go round and round, and cogs begin to grind and pound / This greedy brute, this louces ear, is loved by people everywhere, for who could hate or bare a grudge against a luscious bit of fudge?
Raoul: We are all wired into a survival trip now. No more of the speed that fueled that 60's. That was the fatal flaw in Tim Leary's trip. He crashed around America selling "consciousness expansion" without ever giving a thought to the grim meat-hook realities that were lying in wait for all the people who took him seriously... All those pathetically eager acid freaks who thought they could buy Peace and Understanding for three bucks a hit. But their loss and failure is ours too. What Leary took down with him was the central illusion of a whole life-style that he helped create... a generation of permanent cripples, failed seekers, who never understood the essential old-mystic fallacy of the Acid Culture: the desperate assumption that somebody... or at least some force - is tending the light at the end of the tunnel.
Raoul: [to Dr. Gonzo] PLEASE! Tell me about the fucking golf shoes!
Officer: It's different when you're a natural.
Officer: That's right, you're an actor now.
[at a bizarre circus-themed casino]
Raoul: Bazooko's Circus is what the whole hep world would be doing Saturday nights if the Nazis had won the war. This was the Sixth Reich.
Captain: Now we're about 4 weeks ahead of you, Hanson, so I'm going to have to rush you through some of the training.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: What kind of training?
Captain: Hoffs! Gonna teach you how to be a teenager again, how does that grab you, sport? I'm talking about the bad kind, the kind that gets into trouble, the kind you're gonna have to be like so they think you're one of them.
Edward: Are you insulted?
Caroline: Disappointed. Some men have a good look. All they have to do is keep their mouth shut - and they can take home any prize they want. Still, the mouth opens!
Raoul: When I came to, the general back-alley ambience of the suite was so rotten, so incredibly foul. How long had I been lying there? All these signs of violence. What had happened? There was evidence in this room of excessive consumption of almost every type of drug known to civilized man since 1544 AD. What kind of addict would need all these coconut husks and crushed honeydew rinds? Would the presence of junkies account for all these uneaten french fries? These puddles of glazed ketchup on the bureau? Maybe so. But then why all this booze? And these crude pornographic photos smeared with mustard that had dried to a hard yellow crust? These were not the hoofprints of your average God-fearing junky. It was too savage. Too aggressive.
Jack: We must fight... to run away!
Salaman: You're either with us or against us!
Philip: I'm not with you, neither am I against you!
Salaman: [to Jack] Can he do that?
Jack: He's religious, I believe it's required.
Carina: Men on that ship are looking for Jack. And Jack is on this boat. I'm going to swim for it!
Captain: How dare you do exactly what I'd do if I were you?
Willy: [as the Glass Elevator passes over a hospital wing, where Oompa-Loompa doctors and nurses are tending to their puppet patients] This is the Puppet Hospital and Burn Center. It's relatively new.
Off. Doug Penhall: I hope you don't have one already... Tada!
Off. Tom Hanson #2: It's very nice... What is it?
Off. Doug Penhall: It's a pillow.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Where's the rest of it?
Off. Doug Penhall: No, it's supposed to be like that... It's for guys who have...
Off. Tom Hanson #2: What?
Off. Doug Penhall: Hemroids.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: You hope I don't already have one? Make this go away
Off. Doug Penhall: Okay... I'll put it over here, in case you change your mind. It's right here alright?
Uncle: Have I ever told you about the one with the skeleton?
Captain: Yes, you have, many times...
Uncle: A skeleton goes into a bar, and orders a beer and a mop!
Captain: ...Funny as ever.
Angelica: That's hardly appropriate for the first mate.
Jack: Was I the first?
Lotterman: How much do you drink?
Paul: I suppose at the upper end of social.
Sweeney: What may I do for you today, sir? A stylish trimming of the hair? A soothing skin massage? Sit, sir, sit.
Judge: [singing] You see, sir, a man infatuate with love, her ardent and eager slave. So fetch the pomade and pumice stone and lend me a more seductive tone, a sprinkling perhaps of French cologne, but first, sir, I think... a shave.
Sweeney: The closest I ever gave.
Officer: [in a thick Kentucky accent] Hey! Did you steal that earring from your Momma, little buddy?
Officer: Why would I want to do that if your Mother gives them to me for free?
Will: She goes free.
[points pistol at Barbossa]
Barbossa: What's in your head, boy?
Will: She goes free!
Barbossa: You've only got one shot, and we can't die.
Jack: [whispered to Will] Don't do anything stupid.
Will: You can't. I can.
[points gun at himself]
Jack: Like that.
Barbossa: Who are you?
Jack: [to Barbossa] No one. He's no one. A distant cousin of my aunt's nephew twice removed. Lovely singing voice, though - eunuch.
Will: My name is Will Turner. My father was Bootstrap Bill Turner. His blood runs in my veins.
Ragetti: He's the spitting image of ol' Bootstrap Bill come back to haunt us.
Will: On my word do as I say, or I'll pull this trigger and be lost to Davy Jones' Locker.
Barbossa: Name your terms, Mr. Turner.
Will: Elizabeth goes free.
Barbossa: Yes, we know that one. Anything else?
Jack: [points at himself] Me!
Will: And the crew - the crew are not to be harmed.
Jack: [to Angelica] I thought I should give you fair warning, we're taking the ship. Nothing personal.
Willy: [looking at silver hair] I realized in that moment, "I must find a heir".
Officer: [simultaneously, as the McQuaid brothers] Hello! Hah!
Gibbs: Where's the Commodore?
Jack: He fell behind.
Gibbs: [solemnly] My prayers be with him.
[suddenly brightens]
Gibbs: Best not wallow in our grief!
The: [meeting Victoria] Darling, I just wanted to meet... Darling, who's this?
Victoria: Who is she?
The: I'm his wife.
[She proudly holds out her hand with the ring on it]
Victoria: Victor?
Victor: Victoria, wait. You don't understand. She's dead. Look!
John: [in his jail cell] Well, here's the man who killed Pretty Boy Floyd. Damn good thing he was pretty, 'cause he sure wasn't Whiz Kid Floyd. Tell me something, Mr. Purvis. That fellow, the one who got killed at the Sherone Apartments - the newspaper said you found him alive. It's the eyes, ain't it? They look at you right before they go. And then they just drift away into nothing. That'll keep you up nights.
Melvin: And what keeps you up nights, Mr. Dillinger?
John: Coffee. You act like a confident man, Mr. Purvis. You got a few qualities. Probably pretty good from a distance, especially when you got the fellow outnumbered. But up close, toe to toe, when somebody's about to die right here, right now - I'm used to that. What about you?
Melvin: Goodbye, Mr. Dillinger...
John: I'll see you down the road.
Melvin: [turning back] No, you will not. The only way that you will leave a jail cell is when we take you out to execute you.
John: Well, we'll see about that.
Dr. Gonzo: Let's give the boy a lift.
Raoul: What? No. We can't stop here. This is bat country.
Mrs. Lovett: [singing] With the price of meat, wot it is, when you get it, if you get it.
Sweeney: [suddenly understands] Ah!
Mrs. Lovett: [singing] Good ya got it.
Officer: I think we're dealing with sexual molestation here.
Officer: Maybe you SHOULD whack her father, maybe I should do it FOR you.
Augustus: Don't you want to know our names?
Willy: Can't imagine how it would matter.
[Jack is to be executed]
Captain: Guillotine? Sounds French. I love the French! How bad can it be? It's French.
[sees what the guillotine actually is]
Captain: Oh, that bad. I've changed me mind!
[is frog marched up to the guillotine platform]
Captain: You mean I have to walk up stairs as well for this?
[is strapped to a body board]
Captain: Here's an idea, how about a good old-fashioned stoning? I'd kill to be stoned right now!
[gets put in the guillotine]
Captain: I'm not normally one to complain, but this basket is full of heads!
Officer: You've had this thing for days, you're getting nowhere! You're gonna push this into a dead pile and no one is gonna look at it for 6 months!
Captain: I heard where you're headed. The Fountain.
Jack: Have you been there?
Captain: Does this face looks like it's been to the Fountain of Youth?
Jack: ...Depends on the light.
Edward: I am not complete.
Peg: My, those are your hands? Those are your hands! What happened to you? Where are your parents? Um... Your mother? Your father?
Edward: He didn't wake up.
Peg: Are you alone? Do you live up here all by yourself? What happened to your face? No, I won't hurt you. But at the very least, let me give you a good astringent. And this will help to prevent infection. What's your name?
Edward: Edward.
Peg: Edward... I think you should just come home with me.
Japanese: Take your shoes off.
Joe: [while concealing a wire in his shoe] Take my shoes off? You take your pants off, what the fuck.
Raoul: A drug person can learn to cope with things like seeing their dead grandmother crawling up their leg with a knife in her teeth. But no one should be asked to handle this trip.
Blackbeard: [points the gun at Jack's head] I need those chalices.
Jack: Shoot. Save me the bother of the fall.
Blackbeard: You will go. You will return. Or I will kill her.
[points the gun at Angelica]
Jack: [surprised] You won't kill your own daughter!
Blackbeard: [hands the gun to the zombie quartermaster] Quartermaster, get me six more pistols, remove the shot from all but two, but do not tell me which two.
[walks to where the six pistols are at]
Blackbeard: You get to choose, Mr.Sparrow.
John: I was a wild boy, and, well, I was foolish. I held up a grocery store, which I never should have done 'cause Mr. Morgan was a good man. And they sentenced me to 10 years in the state penitentiary for a $50 theft. When I was in prison, I met a lot of good fellows. So sure, yeah, I helped set up the break at Michigan City. Why not? I stick with my pals and my pals stick with me.
Jack: Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid.
Whitey: [after a man gets shot in the head] Lots of good your vest did you today, you fuckin' prick.
Captain: [holding bag of chips] Breakfast?
Off. Tom Hanson #2: No thanks, I'll grab an omelet.
Captain: Uh-uh. No you won't. When was the last time you saw a teenager have a cup of black coffee and an omelet for breakfast? Uh-uh, from now on it's potato chips, soda pop, French fries and pizza man! It's the Pepsi generation, sport!
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Don't call me sport, okay?
Captain: Hey pard, I'm your boss, I'll call you anything I want, have a seat, sport.
Off. Doug Penhall: This guy is the worst burglar I've ever seen. He's drunk.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Hammered.
Off. Doug Penhall: Pickled.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: To the gills.
Officer: [after hijacking a school bus] Top of the morning ladies and gents! Everybody just relax and the McQuaid brothers will guide you safely and soundly to your destination. We'll be cruising this morning at speeds between 40 and 140 mph so just kick back, and enjoy the ride!
Victor: [alone in the forest, practicing his vows] With this hand I will lift your sorrows. Your cup will never empty, for I will be your wine. - Ah, Mrs. Everglot. You look ravishing this evening. What's that, Mr. Everglot, call you "Dad"? If you insist, Sir. - With this candle, I will light your way in darkness. With this ring, I ask you to be mine.
[He places the ring on what he thinks is a root. As he turns away, the root shoots out, grabs Victor's arm and almost pulls him into the ground. Victor pulls himself free and finds a detatched skeletal hand gripping his arm. He watches as the ground gives way and an unearthly female figure, wearing a dishevelled wedding dress, rises from beneath the tree. She pulls back her veil]
The: I do.
Raoul: You people voted for Hubert Humphrey, and you killed Jesus.
Jack: [looking at all the swords] Who makes all these?
Will: I do. And I practice with them three hours a day.
Jack: You need to find yourself a girl, mate. Or perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you already found one, and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet. You're not a eunuch are you?
Will: I practice three hours a day, so when I meet a pirate, I can kill it.
Dr. Gonzo: When it comes to that fantastic note where the... rabbit bites its own head off, I want you to - throw - that - fuckin - radio - into the tub - with me.
Raoul: Fuck, man. You've gone completely sideways! That'll blast you right through the wall. You'll be stone dead in ten seconds. Fuck, they'll make me explain things. Shit.
Dr. Gonzo: [reaching for his knife] Bullshit!
Raoul: [wielding a shower curtain pole] Don't fuck with me now, man. I am Ahab.
[Gonzo rises out of the tub with his knife]
Raoul: Alright, you weird fucker! Sit down! Back in the tub! Back in the tub! I'll plunge this into your fucking throat, man.
Dr. Gonzo: Don't make me use this, man.
Raoul: Alright, man. It's probably the only solution. Let me make sure I've got this all lined up. You want me to, uh, throw this into the tub when the white rabbit peaks? Is that it?
Dr. Gonzo: Ugh, I was beginning to think I was gonna have to go outside and get one of the goddamn maids to do it.
Raoul: No, man. I'll do it. Shit, what are friends for?
Raoul: [now playing white rabbit] Are you ready? Close your eyes. Yeah... good boy.
Dr. Gonzo: [suddenly flailing around] White rabbit! White rabbit!
Raoul: Why, goddammit? You're wasting my time!
Dr. Gonzo: Higher, man! Higher! Ugh! Higher!
[Duke turns up the volume]
Raoul: Okay, close those peepers. Ten...
Dr. Gonzo: Waughhhhh!
Raoul: Nine! Hundred-and-eleven! Fifty-two! Three!
[Duke throws a grapefruit and Gonzo's head and runs out of the bathroom]
Dr. Gonzo: [offscreen] UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Lefty: [standing next to Donnie's car at night] There's the boss. And, under him, there's the skipper. You know how this works?
Donnie: Yeah, it's like in the army.
Lefty: Bullshit. The army is some guy you don't know telling you to go whack some other guy you don't know.
Willy: I sure hope no part of him gets left behind.
Mr. Teavee: What do you mean?
Willy: Uh, well... sometimes only half of the little pieces find their way through. If you had to choose only one half of your son, which one would it be?
Mr. Teavee: What kind of a question is that?
Willy: No need to snap, just a question.
Melvin: What keeps you up nights, Mr. Dillinger?
John: Coffee.
John: If you fall I'll catch you.
Beans: [unimpressed] You ain't from around here, are you?
Rango: [she walks away] I- I'm still working on it. Uh, so, what's your name?
Beans: [rummaging through glass bottles in her cart] Beans.
Rango: That's a funny kind of name.
Beans: What can I say? My daddy plum loved baked beans.
Rango: Well you're lucky he didn't plum love asparagus.
Beans: [quickly stands up] What... what're ya saying?
Rango: I mean, I uh... I enjoy a hearty puttanesca myself, but I'm not sure that a child would uh, appreciate the moniker.
[picks up a jar with a sort of powder in it and puts some in his mouth]
Beans: [walking around the cart to Rango] My daddy was a great man, even if he did exhibit a proclivity for legumes, and... you...
[sees what Rango is eating]
Rango: Mmm, spicy!
Beans: You are eating his ashes!
Rango: [spits, disgusted] Eh! You carry his remains?
Beans: [takes the jar and reseals it] No! His ashes; he loved to smoke. They never found the body.
Rango: Oh. Um, I'm sure he had his reasons.
Donnie: [repeated line]
Donnie: forget about it...
Police: How long does it take you to run through a bank?
John: About 1 minute... 40 seconds... Flat
Rango: Now, we ride!
Jack: Done?
Lord: Done. Although if I kill you, then I can use the compass to find my way to Shipwreck Cove.
[raises his gun]
Lord: Cut out the middle man, as it were.
Jack: Without me, you'd arrive at the Cove and find it a fortress, nigh-impregnable, able to withstand a blockade for years. Then you'll be wishing "Oh, if only there was someone I hadn't killed inside, to make sure the pirates come OUTside..."
Lord: And you can do this?
Jack: You may kill me, but you can never insult me. Who am I?
[Beckett falters, confused]
Jack: [put out] I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!
Rango: [taken aback] Golden guardians... Alabaster chariot... The Spirit of the West!
[to Spirit]
Rango: Ahem... excuse me... Mister Spirit... sir?
Spirit of the West: [eyeing a fish hook] Now there's a beaut. Sometimes you have to dig deep to find what you're looking for.
[to Rango]
Spirit of the West: So, you made it.
Rango: Is this Heaven?
Spirit of the West: If it were, we'd be eating Pop Tarts with Kim Novak.
Rango: Yeah, ain't that the truth. What are you doing out here?
Spirit of the West: Searching... same as you.
Rango: [downhearted] I don't know what I'm looking for. I don't even know who I am.
[brighter]
Rango: They used to call you 'The Man with No Name'.
Spirit of the West: Nowadays, they have a name for just about everything. Doesn't matter what they call you... it's the deeds that make the man.
Rango: But my deeds just made everything worse. I'm a fake... a phony. My friends were counting on me. They were looking for some sort of hero.
Spirit of the West: [emphatic] Then be a hero!
Rango: [disbelief] Oh, no! No, no. I'm not even supposed to be out here.
Spirit of the West: That's right. You came out here looking for something that didn't exist. But don't you see?
[pause]
Spirit of the West: It's not about you... it's about them.
Rango: But I can't go back.
Spirit of the West: Don't think you have a choice, son.
[draws rectangle on windshield]
Spirit of the West: No man can walk out of his own story.
Sweeney: [with a smile] These are desperate times, Mrs. Lovett and desperate measures are called for...
Jack: Last time... I was here a grand total of three days, all right? Last time, the rum runners used this island as a cache, they came past and I was able to barter passage off. By the look of things, they've long been out of business. Probably have your bloody friend Norrington to thank for that.
Elizabeth: So that's it, then? That's the secret, grand adventure of the infamous Jack Sparrow. You spent three days lying on a beach drinking rum.
Jack: Welcome to the Caribbean, love.
Officer: I usually work with Penhall on an assignment like this.
Captain: Ah. Are you guys dating?
Off. Tom Hanson #2: [about Hoffs] Hey Jenk, you know I'm starting to like that lady. What's her deal?
Captain: Hey, don't sweat it man. You'd never make the wait.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Don't bet on it.
Jack: Anamaria.
[Anamaria slaps Jack]
Will: I suppose, you didn't deserve that one either?
Jack: No, that one I deserved.
Anamaria: You stole my boat!
Jack: Actually...
Anamaria: [Anamaria slaps Jack again]
Jack: Borrowed... borrowed without permission, but with every intention of bringing it back.
Anamaria: But you didn't!
Jack: You'll get another one.
Anamaria: I will.
Will: A better one.
Jack: A better one.
Will: That one.
Jack: What one?
Will: [Will looks at the Interceptor]
Jack: That one? Aye, that one. What say you to that?
The: Aye!
Mr. Gibbs: No, it's frightful bad luck to have a woman aboard.
Jack: It would be far worse not to have her.
Henry: That's it! I'm going with her!
Captain: You would leave me for some horologist in her knickers?
Henry: Yes!
Captain: You men are all alike!
Paul: I thought you said you had a TV.
Sala: No, the guy across the alley has a TV. I have binoculars.
John: We don't work with people we don't know. And you don't work when you're desperate. Walter Dietrich. Remember that?
John: Walter forgot. When you're desperate, that's when you got no choice.
Will: For 130,000 years, our capacity to reason has remained unchanged. The combined intellect of the neuroscientists, mathematicians and... hackers... in this auditoirum pales in comparison to the most basic A.I. Once online, a sentient machine will quickly overcome the limits of biology. And in a short time, its analytic power will become greater than the collective intelligence of every person born in the history of the world. So imagine such an entity with a full range of human emotion. Even self-awareness. Some scientists refer to this as "the Singularity." I call it "Transcendence."
[last lines]
Gibbs: I don't get it, Jack. You had the chalices, the tear, the water - you could have lived forever!
Jack: Who's to say I won't live forever, eh? Discoverer of the Fountain of Youth. I've no say in it, Gibbs. It's a pirate's life for me.
[winks]
Jack: Savvy?
Victor: But I don't even know your name.
Maggot: [from inside the Corpse Bride's head] Well, that's a great way to start a marriage.
The: [grasps head and hisses] Sshh! Shut up!
[smiles at Victor]
The: It's Emily.
Raoul: I wouldn't dare go to sleep with you wandering around with a head full of acid, wanting to slice me up with that goddamn knife.
Dr. Gonzo: Who said anything about slicing you up, man? I just wanted to carve a little Z on your forehead.
Victor: We're moving this wedding party upstairs.
Dead: Upstairs? I didn't know we had an upstairs.
Skeleton: Sounds creepy!
Skeleton: Let's go!
Jack: FIRE!
Elizabeth: It's real!
Norrington: You actually were telling the truth.
Jack: I do that quite a lot. Yet people are always surprised.
Will: With good reason.
Mrs. Gloop: Where is my son? Where does that pipe go to?
Willy: That pipe, it just so happens to lead directly to the room where I make the most delicious kind of strawberry-flavoured chocolate-coated fudge.
Mrs. Gloop: Then he will be made into strawberry-flavoured chocolate-coated fudge? They'll be selling him by the pound all over the world?
Willy: No, I wouldn't allow it. The taste would be terrible. Can you imagine Augustus-flavoured chocolate-coated Gloop? Ew. No one would buy it.
Officer: [to Captain Fuller] Well, maybe the rainbow wasn't enough.
John: I told him everything! The IRA, Cahill, the whole bit! I know I shouldn't have, Jimmy, but I had no choice!
Whitey: Fuck you. You always have a choice. You just happened to make the wrong fucking one.
Raoul: Let's get down to brass tacks. How much for the ape?
Lord: [sarcastically] You *are* Jack Sparrow?
Jack: There should be a "Captain" in there somewhere.
[he grimaces]
King: I've heard of you... and you know who *I* am.
Jack: Face is familiar. Have I... threatened you before?
Will: Why did you lose faith Evelyn? Why didn't you believe in me?
Captain: [realizing that Carina is Barbossa's daughter] Smyth? Smyth is quite an unusual name. Did we not once know some one called Smyth?
Captain: Shut your trap!
Captain: What was her name? It's on the tip of me tongue.
Captain: [Unsheathing his sword] Do you want to lose that tongue?
Captain: Margaret Smyth! Should we make an accord then? Or should I tell you-know-who what we both know to be true?
Captain: We both take this secret to our graves!
Captain: Oh! You mean it's true? I was bluffing.
Captain: I'm not!
Paul: Oscar Wilde once said, "Nowadays, people know the price of everything, and the value of nothing."
Willy: [bangs into his elevator] I've got to be more careful where I park this thing.
Grandma: You smell like peanuts. I love peanuts.
Willy: Oh, thank you. You smell like... old people. And soap. I like it.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Did someone mention the manly art of poker on Valentine's day?
John: My friends call me John but a son of a bitch screw like you better refer to me as Mr. John Dillinger.
Raoul: There was madness in any direction, at any hour. You could strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right, that we were winning.
Officer: Hey Doug, how you doing? I was worried about you.
Officer: Why? I'm fine.
Officer: Well you blew out of here last night, you didn't say anything, and I called you half the night and
[clears throat]
Officer: you weren't home.
Officer: Yeah?
Officer: Yeah, so what'd you do? Did you get lucky?
[impersonates Doug]
Officer: Hi, I'm Doug Penhall, I'm so depressed, won't you take me to bed and cheer me up?
Officer: ...Went home early, went to sleep, guess I didn't hear the phone. You got a sick mind.
Victor: I want some questions! Now!
General: Answers... I think you mean answers.
Victor: Thank you, yes, answers. I need answers.
Norrington: No additional shot nor powder, a compass that doesn't point north,
[looks at Jack's sword]
Norrington: And I half expected it to be made of wood. You are without doubt the worst pirate I've ever heard of.
Jack: But you have heard of me.
[from the trailer]
Will: [Distraught] You've changed... have you fallen out of love with me?
Evelyn: [Reassuring] No
Will: [Demanding] Have You?
Gibbs: [as Jack steps onto the ship] Not quite according to plan...
Jack: Complications arose, ensued, were overcome.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: You could always quit.
Brian: And what? Go back to being a jock? President of the student council for gosh's sake?
Off. Tom Hanson #2: WHY NOT!
[gritted teeth]
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Why not?
Jack: He needs the Pearl. Captain Turner needs the Pearl,
Jack: [to Elizabeth] and you felt guilty,
Jack: [to Barbossa] and you and your Brethren Court.
Jack: Did no one come to save me just because they missed me?
[Everyone looks around. Pintel, Ragetti, and Jack the Monkey cautiously raise their hands]
Jack: I'm standing over there with them.
Jack: How's mum?
[Captain Teague holds up a decayed shrunken head]
Jack: [revolted] ... She looks great.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Wow. Well, Socrates can rest easy.
Will: You cheated.
Jack: Pirate.
Lord: Jack, I just remembered... I have this magic compass that points to whatever I want. So what do I need YOU for?
[aims his gun at Sparrow]
Jack: It points to the thing you want the most, and that is NOT Shipwreck Cove.
Lord: Then what is, Jack?
Jack: Me... dead.
Whitey: I gotta tell you something, Officer Flynn. It's a sad day when a native son takes up with his oppressor. There's a word for that back home, you know. Penalty's death.
Officer: You threatenin' me, Bulger?
Whitey: The last thing I would do if I was planning to harm you was was to warn you in advance, you dumb fuck.
Officer: You better watch yourself, Bulger.
Whitey: You better fuck yourself, Flynn.
Officer: Fuck you, you project rat.
[looks at Tommy]
Officer: And fuck you, you rummy.
Edward: Goodbye.
[Kim kisses Edward]
Kim: I love you.
Rattlesnake: [realizing it's a swarm of bats in the form of a hawk] Ain't no hawk, ain't nothin' but bats!
[starts shooting at them]
Maybelle: Stick to the plan boys, bleed the devil dry!
[swarm spreads out, Jake laughs excitedly while trying to shoot every bat down, realizes he used up all his bullets, turns to see Rango pointing a gun at him]
Rango: It only takes one bullet.
Rattlesnake: You ain't got the nerve.
Rango: Try me.
[last lines]
Billy: [answering the phone] Jimmy?
Whitey: Hey, Billy Boy. Been reading the papers?
Billy: Not even a little.
Whitey: Smart man. I wouldn't if I was you. Um, listen. You're not gonna see me for a while. You know? So, uh... Just look after yourself, you know.
Billy: You sure you want to do it this way?
Whitey: Is there any other way? Take care, kid.
Joseph: This is staggering, Will.
Will: Actually, it's still in its infancy. What you're seeing is just a small taste of what we'll achieve.
Raoul: Of course, I could hear what the clerk was really saying.
Clerk: Listen, you fuzzy little shithead! I've been fucked around in my time by a fairly good cross-section of mean-tempered, rule-crazy cops, and now it's my turn. So fuck you, Officer. I'm in charge.
Officer: [incredulous] They're running!
Officer: [resigned] They're running.
Gellert: [to Queenie] Queenie, we are not here to hurt you. We only want to help you. You're so very, very far from home. Far away from everything you love. Everything that was comfortable. I would never see you harmed, ever. It is not your fault that your sister is an Auror. I wish you were working with me now. Towards a world where we wizards are free to live openly, and to love freely.
Donnie: [Lefty tends to the pigeon coops on the roof of his building. Donnie's alongside him] Did you know there used to be falcons in New York?
Lefty: They got everything in this fucking city.
Donnie: Peregrine falcons. They lived across the river.
Lefty: In Queens?
Donnie: In the Palisades
Lefty: The Palisades is in Jersey, Donnie.
Donnie: I'm saying that's why there's so many pigeons now. The falcons used to hunt 'em and kill 'em off.
Lefty: I love these fuckin' pigeons. I'd die before I'd let anybody touch these pigeons.
Donnie: These falcons could read a newspaper from a mile up.
Lefty: A bird could read a newspaper?
Donnie: I'm saying their eyesight.
Charlie: So, if I go with you to the factory, I won't ever see my family again?
Willy: Yeah! Consider that a bonus!
Grindelwald: [to Newt] Will we die just a little?
Jack: I know those cannons. It's the Pearl.
Man: The Black Pearl? I've heard stories. She's been preying on ships and settlements for near ten years. Never leaves any survivors.
Jack: No survivors? Then where do the stories come from, I wonder?
Paul: [Kemp and Sala are wandering down a pier late at night, high on hallucinogens] I thought I was losing grip in there. What did we take?
Sala: I don't know.
Paul: We need to get some more.
[Kemp stops to stare at a tank full of lobsters]
Paul: [quietly] That explains it... doesn't it?
Sala: Explains what?
Paul: The world... and us.
[he stares deep into the eyes of one particular lobster]
Paul: [voiceover] I wonder what it is you might think about our different worlds. He looked at me kinda sideways and said, "Human beings are the only creatures on Earth who claim a God, and the only living thing that behaves like it hasn't got one. Does the world belong to no one but you?" And when he said it, I was taken aback. Not because of who was doing the talking. Because I finally understood the connection between children scavenging for food, and shiny brass plates on the front doors of banks.
Off. Doug Penhall: What do you want me to do? Kill myself?
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Yes!
Captain: [as the guys come in dressed for the prom] Well, well, well. Far out. Looks like we've got a Japanese Elvis Presley, a pimp, and the butler.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: With the budget we've got, you're lucky we could afford to rent the pants.
Captain: Maybe you should go without the pants, tell them you're a poor butler.
Sweeney: [sung] They all deserve to die. Tell you why, Mrs. Lovett, tell you why! Because in all of the whole human race, Mrs. Lovett, there are two kinds of men and only two. There's the one staying put in his proper place and one with his foot in the other one's face. Look at me, Mrs Lovett! Look at you! No, we all deserve to die... Even you, Mrs Lovett, even I! Because the lives of the wicked should be made brief. For the rest of us death will be a relief. We all deserve to die... And I'll never see Johanna, no I'll never hug my girl to me... FINISHED!
[Jenko arguing about Hanson's date with the teacher]
Officer: I'm sorry.
Captain: Hey, hey, you're a person. You don't have to apologize for having a personal life. You should just always remember to have it on your two-week-vacation each year.
Paul: What's your name?
Chenault: Let's keep that a secret.
Paul: But I don't even know it.
Chenault: Then you'll keep it even better.
[the other prisoners are whistling and calling for the dog with the keys in his mouth]
Jack: You can keep doing that forever, the dog is NEVER going to move.
Seedy: Well excuse me if we haven't resorted ourselves to the gallows just yet.
Joe: [to Maggie in their garage] All my life I've tried to be the good guy, the guy in the white fucking hat. And for what? For nothing. I'm not becoming like them; I am them.
Jack: Darling, I am truly unhappy to have to tell you this, but through an unfortunate and entirely unforeseeable series of circumstances that had nothing whatsoever to do with me, poor Will has been press-ganged into Davy Jones's crew.
Will: I need you to wait here.
Evelyn: What? Where are you going?
Will: Everywhere.
[first lines]
Raoul: [narrating] We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like:
Raoul: I feel a bit lightheaded. Maybe you should drive.
Raoul: [narrating] Suddenly, there was a terrible roar all around us, and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, and a voice was screaming:
Raoul: Holy Jesus. What are these goddamn animals?
[swatting the air]
Raoul: Huh! Huh! Huh! Fucking pigs.
Dr. Gonzo: Did you say something?
Raoul: Hm? Never mind. It's your turn to drive.
Raoul: [narrating] No point in mentioning these bats, I thought. Poor bastard will see them soon enough.
Will: I'm losing her, Jack. Every step I make for my father is a step away from Elizabeth.
Jack: Mate, if you choose to lock your heart away you'll lose it for certain.
Grindelwald: From you?
- Nothing.
- Foryou?
- Everything I never had.
- But what is it you want, my boy?
- I want to know who I am.
Jack: I may have had... briefly, mind you... stirrings.
Gibbs: Stirrings?
Jack: Stirrings.
Gibbs: What, like feelings, you mean?
Jack: No, no, no, no, not quite all the way to feelings. More like... All right feelings, damn you.
Rango: [seeing Jake has Beans wrapped in his coils] Put her down!
Rattlesnake: Or what, little man? You gonna kill me?
Rango: [serious] That's just about the size of it.
Mike: You don't understand *anything* about science! First off, there's a difference between waves and particles! DUH! Second, the amount of power it would take to convert energy into matter would be like nine atomic bombs!
Willy: MUMBLER! Seriously, I can't understand a word you're saying!
Evelyn: Will, this is wrong. This is - these are my thoughts! These are my feelings! You're not allowed!
Will: Evelyn.
Mrs. Lovett: Mr. T, you didn't!
[looks into the chest, sees Pirelli's dead body and gasps. Shuts it]
Mrs. Lovett: You're barking mad! Killing a man what done ya no harm!
Sweeney: [polishing his razor] He recognized me from the old days. Tried to blackmail me. Half me earnings.
Mrs. Lovett: [relieved] Oh, well that's a different matter then. For a moment there I thought you lost your marbles.
[opens the chest again and stares]
Mrs. Lovett: Ugh! All that blood. Poor bugger. Oh well!
[looks through Pirelli's jacket before removing his money pouch and examining its contents]
Mrs. Lovett: Well, waste not, want not!
[tucks it into her bodice]
Guy: [with a heavy accent] I am Guy Lapointe. That is my name. Guy Lapointe. And I spend 20 years as the inspector of the Surete du Quebec. And but for the last 10 years of my life, I have been hunting an animal who is doing the masquerade as the man. I have been hunting this Howard Howe. Howard Howe, this elusive, uh... devil made of the flesh. This serial killer who makes the bringing of the blood and terror to the true north.
Guy: I... Am very dedicated man and I have sacrificed my life. Too many marriages, any chance at happiness, and very likely, some may say, my, uh... sanity. All in the pursuit of this butcher of the men. And because of this, the solace of the sleep most of the time eludes me. But last night, after you call me, I sleep like the breast-fed baby. And I wake up this morning, in the morning, and I know that in my bones, my quarry is close. And he is so close that I can almost smell his shit. Pardon my French.
Jack: You're the one who insisted on bringing the bloody mermaid!
The: We need to go up. Upstairs? To visit the land of the living.
Elder: Land of the living? Oh, my dear.
The: Please, Elder Gutknecht.
Elder: Now, why go up there when people are dying to get down here?
Victor: Sir, I beg you to help. It means so much to me... us.
Elder: I don't know. It's just not natural.
The: Please, Elder Gutknecht. Surely there must be something you can do.
Elder: Let me see what I can do.
[watching Dr. Gonzo leave]
Raoul: There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
Victor: [to the corpse of Scraps] Play dead... Oh, sorry.
Jack: A wedding? I love weddings. Drinks all around!
Mike: Who wants a beard?
Willy: Well, beatniks for one, folk singers, and motorbike riders. Y'know. All those hip, jazzy, super cool, neat, keen, and groovy cats. It's in the fridge, daddy-o! Are you hip to the jive? Can you dig what I'm layin' down? I knew that you could. Slide me some skin, soul brother!
John: I ain't most men.
Captain: I once knew a Spaniard named... something in Spanish.
Henry: El Matador del Mar. 'The Butcher of the Sea'.
The: [about Victor's dead dog, Scraps] What a cutie.
Victor: You should have seen him with fur.
Whitey: Morris... me and you gotta have a sit dowm about something... what the fuck did you marinate this steak in 'cause it's outta this world! You're killin' me with this.
John: Ah, ah, ah... that's a family secret!
Whitey: [Jokingly] I gotta knife here. Ah, c'mon, you can do it. What's the secret family recipe? C'mon, what's the secret?
John: It's ground garlic and a little bit of soy.
Whitey: That's it?
John: Yup.
Whitey: I thought you said it was a family secret.
John: It's a recipe.
Whitey: No... no. You said this was a family secret and you gave it to me *boom* just like fuckin' that. You spill the secret family recipe today, maybe you fuckin' spill a lil' somethin' about me tomorrow. Am I right in assuming that?
John: [Looking to Connolly] I...
Whitey: Don't look to John... he can't fuckin help you.
John: I was just sayin...
Whitey: Oh you were just sayin'? Just sayin' get people sent to Allenwood. Just sayin' got me a nine year stretch in Levinworth and Alcatraz, do you understand? So... just sayin' can get you buried real fuckin' quick.
[laughs Maniacally]
Whitey: Look at his fuckin' face! Hey! I'm just fuckin' with you. It's a fuckin' recipe! Couldn't give a shit! Tastes great, I'm fuckin' with you.
John: [laughing nervously] Yeah, well... you got me too. I'd like make a toast...
[raises his glass]
John: ... to success.
John: To sucess...
Whitey: [Clinging his cup against theirs] Just gettin' started.
Wounded: You kill bird?
Rango: Why, yes, I did.
Wounded: Bird dead, snake come.
Rango: Uh, snake?
Priscilla: He means Rattlesnake Jake, Mr. Rango. He usually doesn't come to town because he's scared of that hawk, but he might come now. Can I have your boots when you're dead?
Rango: No. I ain't got no problem with this Rattlesnake Jake.
Priscilla: That's just what Amos said.
Rango: Amos?
[Priscilla looks at something offscreen, Rango looks and sees a small graveyard with a headstone reading 'Amos, Sheriff Thur-Sat.']
Priscilla: You got any gold fillings?
Raoul: The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride.
Willy: You're all quite short, aren't you?
Violet: Well yeah, we're children.
Willy: Well that's no excuse. I was never as short as you.
Mike: You were once.
Willy: Was not. Know why? Because I distinctly remember putting a hat on top of my head. Look at your short little arms. You could never reach.
Sweeney: [sung to his razor] You there, my friend... /Come, let me hold you...
Mrs. Lovett: [sung] I'm your friend too, Mr. Todd... /If you only knew, Mr Todd...
Sweeney: Now, with a sigh / You grow warm in my hand.
Mrs. Lovett: [unison] Ooh, Mr. Todd, / You're warm in my hand.
Sweeney: My friend.
Mrs. Lovett: [unison] You've come home.
Sweeney: My clever friend.
Mrs. Lovett: [unison] Always had a fondness for you, I did.
John: We're having too good a time today. We ain't thinking about tomorrow.
Rango: [after some kids throw rocks at him] Hey! What was that for?
Priscilla: You're funny-looking.
Rango: Well? You're funny-looking too.
Priscilla: That's a funny-looking shirt.
Rango: That's a funny-looking dress.
Priscilla: You got funny-looking eyes.
Rango: You got a funny-looking face!
Priscilla: [small pause] You're a stranger. Strangers don't last long here.
[walks away]
Blackbeard: Aha. Dead end. Dead. End. Dead end!
Angelica: Jack, I'm starting to think you don't know where you're going.
Jack: It's not the destination so much as the journey, they say.
Sweeney: [singing] Have charity towards the world, my pet.
Mrs. Lovett: Yes, yes, I know, my love.
Sweeney: We'll take the customers that we can get.
Mrs. Lovett: High-born and low, my love.
Sweeney: We'll not discriminate great from small. / No, we'll serve anyone...
Sweeney: Meaning/We'll serve anyone, / And to anyone at all!
[from trailer]
Gellert: My brothers... my sisters. The clock is ticking faster. My dream, we who live, for truth, for love. The moment has come, to take our rightful place... in the world, where we wizards... are free. Join me... or die.
Will: We're going to steal a ship? That ship?
Jack: Commandeer. We're going to commandeer that ship. Nautical term.
[last lines]
Officer: To Reggie Peterson of Virginia.
Captain: And to everyone else we left behind there.
Rango: [addressing the townspeople after the bank robbery] We all know exactly what we need to do now!
[aside]
Rango: And that would be?
Mayor: [whispers] Form a posse.
Rango: Form a possum!
[short pause]
Mayor: [still quiet] A *posse*.
Captain: [about Barbossa] Shoot him!
Captain: Cut out his tongue!
Jack: Shoot him and cut out his tongue, then shoot his tongue! And trim that scraggly beard!
Off. Tom Hanson #2: This is Jump Street Chapel, right?
Officer: Only if you're Catholic. Ioki, here, thinks it's a Buddhist temple. Me? I think it's a synagogue. You know, my Mom's Jewish, which only means I get to celebrate both guilt and Hell.
Officer Harry Truman Ioki: Yeah, you see, his father used to be a priest, so don't play bingo with this guy. He's a killer.
Kim: You're here... They didn't hurt you, did they?
[Edward shakes his head]
Kim: Were you scared? I tried to make Jim go back, but, you can't make Jim do anything. Thank you for not telling them that we...
Edward: You're welcome.
Kim: It must have been awful when they told you whose house it was.
Edward: I knew it was Jim's house.
Kim: You... you did?
Edward: Yes.
Kim: ...Well, then why'd you do it?
Edward: Because you asked me to.
Officer: How many times have you seen this?
Off. Tom Hanson #2: 122 times... but I don't watch the whole tape. I watch 3.3 seconds. 3.3 seconds that slipped through my fingers. 3.3 seconds where I could've done a thousand different things. But I didn't move. Do you know how many things you can do in 3.3 seconds? You can take off your shoes, pop a beer, and shoot someone in 3.3 seconds.
Officer: Come on, Hanson.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: You can hold your finger down on the remote control and pass 17 stations in 3.3 seconds. You can open a can of tuna fish, shuffle and bridge a deck of cards, or twist the tops off six bottles of ginger ale in 3.3 seconds.
Officer: Hanson, please!
Off. Tom Hanson #2: You can ring a doorbell 22 times, lock and unlock a deadbolt four times, or sing the entire alphabet in 3.3 seconds.
Officer: Hanson, please! Please.
Moburg: [being examined] Is it Clap?
Paul: [grimacing] A standing ovation.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: If you would've just kept your mouth shut, we'd still have our car.
Off. Doug Penhall: You said something, too. They took our badges!
Off. Tom Hanson #2: [with a Mexican accent] We don't need no -
Off. Doug Penhall: [together with Hanson] - stinking badges!
Donnie: [referring to Bruno, to Lefty, while in his car] Twenty years you know a guy, you fuckin' whack him out just like that over a lounge? That's beautiful.
Commandant: [reading Hanson/Harrison's file] Fighting, disrespect of superior officers...
Officer: [as Sgt. Harrison] It was a confusing time of my life, Sir.
Commandant: It was last month, Harrison
Guy: The boys on the force nicknamed this killer "The First Wife,"because the first wife doesn't let you talk, she doesn't let you go anywhere, and she does not fuck you.
[no reaction from Ally and Teddy]
Guy: See it's... And she don't fuck you.
[no reaction]
Guy: It's... It's funnier if you've been married a few times.
Officer: What would your parents do? Would your parents pay 75 grand to get Doug back?
Officer: Doug who?
Sweeney: [sings] The history of the world, my love...
Mrs. Lovett: [sings] Save a lot of graves, does a lot of relatives favors.
Sweeney: Is those below serving those up above.
Mrs. Lovett: Everybody shaves, so there should be plenty of flavors.
Sweeney: How gratifying for once to know...
Sweeney: That those above will serve those down below!
Donnie: You think I'm a rat...?
Lefty: [to Donnie while in his car, before putting a loaded revolver to his head] How many times have I had you in my house? If you're a rat, then I'm the biggest mutt in the history of the Mafia.
[Dillinger, Pierpont and Makley walk up the stairs into a bank lobby; Makley walks over to one of the guards]
Charles: How are you today?
[whips the guard, who falls to the floor]
Charles: On the floor now! Now! Do it! Do it!
[Dillinger heads for a marble railing]
Charles: On the floor! Down! Now!
[Dillinger leaps over the railing, Thompson in his right hand, and grabs the manager]
John: Let's play a game, Mr. President. It's called Spin the Dial.
[the alarm goes off as Dillinger marches the bank manager at gunpoint towards the vault and Makley heads for the teller cages]
Harry: [to hostages] Put your hands up and sit down. On the floor.
John: All right pops. Open it up.
[He watches the manager as a teller forces money into Makley's bag through the teller cage at gunpoint]
Charles: Empty it. Move! Move!
[the manager looks for the key on his keychain]
Grover: It's one of these.
[Dillinger takes a second look at the lobby, then whips out a pistol and strikes the manager over the head, knocking him down]
John: You can be a dead hero or a live coward. Get it open.
[the manager complies]
Charles: *All of it!*
[breaks open another teller cage]
Charles: Empty it - all of it!
Harry: [to someone in the lobby] Sit down!
Charles: Push it to me.
[Pierpont climbs up onto the railing and points his Thompson at another hostage]
Harry: Oi, don't move!
[Cuts to Van Meter outside, hiding a BAR under his overcoat, watching the street. He looks to his left and sees a car pull to a stop in the middle of the nearby intersection; Van Meter quietly slips back into the doorway and taps his rifle against the door]
Harry: We got company!
[Hamilton, in the getaway car, checks his watch, then pulls forward; one cop runs towards the bank while the others take up position behind their car]
Angry: [to Van Meter] Move outta there!
[Makley slides his money bags along the lobby floor over to Pierpont, while Dillinger, finished with loading money from the vault, leads the bank manager towards the exit at gunpoint; he notices a customer's money on the counter]
John: You can put it away. Not here for your money, I'm here for the bank's.
[Cut to outside, where the cop has just reached the door]
Angry: I said move it outta here!
Homer: What for?
[Van Meter whips out his rifle, and jabs it at the cop's chest, then strikes him across the neck, spinning him around. Van Meter locks the cop into a chokehold with his left hand, levels his rifle over the cop's shoulder with his right hand, and opens fire]
John: [pointing his Thompson at a female teller] Come here sister. Take a ride.
[He, Pierpont and Makley start walking towards the door; outside, Van Meter is spraying up the police car]
Lord: [Jack is about to light a cannon that's pointed at the mast] You're mad.
Jack: Thank goodness for that, 'cause if I wasn't this would probably never work.
[fires the cannon, which catapults him onto his ship, landing safely on his feet behind his crew]
Jack: And that was without even a single drop of rum.
Officer: Gentlemen, we have some excruciatingly bad news for you guys. We're cops. You're under arrest.
Stevie: [laughing] I love these guys! These guys are great.
Officer: No really. We really are cops.
Stevie: I think they're serious. You guys are really cops?
[Hanson and Penhall simultaneously flash their guns]
Mark: Aw Jeeze.
Stevie: Oh man. What a lousy way to make a living.
Rango: I think the metaphor broke my spleen.
Sweeney: [holding up one of his razors] At last! My arm is complete again!
[last lines]
Susan: Hi.
Officer: Can I buy you a drink?
Susan: Why don't we just stay in?
Officer: You okay?
Officer: I can beat this guy.
Officer: Beat him? What're you talking about? You're not even supposed to race him!
Officer: [to Captain Fuller] I broke this girl down in the produce section!
Donnie: [Joe's kids are giving him the silent treatment, while making them eggs for breakfast] I bet you can't get through breakfast without saying three words
Daughter: [beaming up at him] You lose!
John: Three rules I learned from Walter Dietrich. One: never work with people who are desperate. Two: never work with people who aren't the best. Three: neverwork when you're not ready.
John: Well I got rule four: stay away from women.
John: Without women, I might as well have stayed in stir.
Raoul: There's a uh, big machine in the sky, some kind of, I dunno, electric snake, coming straight at us.
Dr. Gonzo: Shoot it.
Raoul: Not yet, I want to study its habits.
Lotterman: [after mentioning that the former writer, male, of the horoscopes was raped to death in a public toilet] Say, you're not .uuh. artistic, are you Kemp?
Paul: Oh no
Lotterman: Y'might wanna rethink those menthol cigarettes
John: I was raised on a farm in Moooresville, Indiana. My mama died when I was three, my daddy beat the hell out of me cause he didn't know no better way to raise me. I like baseball, movies, good clothes, fast cars, whiskey, and you... what else you need to know?
Mayor: Control the water... and you control everything. But I don't have to tell you that, being a true man of the West as you are.
Rango: Oh, yeah. The West is the... the best!
Augustus: [Augustus steps in front of Veruca] I'm Augustus Gloop. I love your chocolate.
Willy: I can see that. So do I. I never expected to have so much in common.
[Wonka stops and turns around to Mike]
Willy: You, you're Mike Teavee. You're the little devil who cracked the system.
[looks at Charlie]
Willy: And you, well, you're just lucky to be here, aren't you?
Edward: I'm not finished.
Paul: Practically every major corporation hides its money offshore. And that is good news for us, because *we* are the the shore.
Joseph: Will?
Will: You surprised to see me, Joseph?
Joseph: Um... That depends.
Will: On what?
Joseph: Can you prove you're self-aware?
Will: That's a difficult question, Dr. Tagger. Can you prove that you are?
Evelyn: Well, he certainly hasn't lost his sense of humor.
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