Top 300 Quotes From Poirot

[last lines]
Hercule: Miss Lemon, in addition to solving this case that has been most difficult, Hastings and I, we have brought you back a little gift from the very tomb of King Men-Her-Ra.
Miss: From the tomb?
Hercule: Oui.
[pulls aside curtain to show cat statuette]
Hercule: Voila. It is the very likeness of the favourite cat of King Men-Her-Ra. Buried with him in his tomb to keep him company on his long journey.
Miss: Oh, he's beautiful.
Hercule: Go to bed this evening with him in your hand, and Catherine the Great will visit you during the night.
Miss: Oh, Mr Poirot, thank you!
[Miss Lemon leaves with the statuette]
Captain: I don't know how you can tell her such *guff*, Poirot.
Hercule: No no no no no, Hastings, it is not a guff. It is as I said at the beginning of this case to Lady Willard: the power of superstition, it is a power that is very great indeed.

Boucher: [Poirot is suspecting St. Alard as the murderer of Paul Deloulard] God in Heaven, man! You're not just suspecting the man, YOU'RE accusing him of MURDER!
Hercule: [stoutly] I accuse no one... yet.

Captain: [Recites a line from "The Scarlet Pimpernel"] They seek him here, they seek him there, those Frenchies seek him everywhere.

Hercule: I shall need at least six... no, no, no. no... eight for de grouse en glaze. I shall ask the hotel to cook us some tomorrow.
Captain: It's not like ordering them in a shop, Poirot. I've gotta shoot the damn things.
Hercule: I have every faith in your marksmanship, Hastings.

Hercule: Superb, Miss Lemon. I knew that you could arrange it.
Miss: Difficulties are made to be overcome, Mr. Poirot.
Hercule: Difficulties are made to be overcome. What a truly magnificent attitude.

Hercule: You see, Agent Burt. Sometimes a lost dog can be found in a place so conspicuous it is the last to be considered.

Sir: [at dinner] War, Poirot, that's what I said. War is what I mean, and it's coming soon, you mark my words.
Hercule: With anyone in particular, Sir Reuben?
Sir: Germany, of course. Rearming. They remilitarised the Rhineland. They'll be all over Europe before you know it, probably start with your place, um, Belgium. Ah, shouldn't take them long.
Hercule: You'll forgive me, Sir Reuben, if I do not view the prospect with such sang-froid. I myself have experienced at first hand the horror and destruction of war with Germany.
Sir: I am not saying that war is a nice business, but business it is.
Horace: War and chemicals go hand in glove.
Charles: There are more important things than business.
Horace: Business will not be the only beneficiary. Think of the great strides that science will make, new fuels, new alloys...
Sir: ...and it'll do wonders for economy. Do you know how many unemployed we have today? More than a million! More than a million scrounging on the dole!
Victor: War seems a pretty drastic solution, heh.
Lady: I think I agree with Victor, eh.
Sir: As well you would, Nancy. Never could face facts. Always the great actress.
Lady: Could we talk about something a little more pleasant?

Hercule: What about Mademoiselle Henderson?
Captain: Really? No.
Hercule: Oh, I think perhaps she has the motive, no?
Captain: She's a lady, Poirot.
Hercule: And you think, mon ami, that ladies do not commit murder?
Captain: Ladies don't get found out.

Miss: I don't like you going to this restaurant, Mr. Poirot. It could be dangerous.
Hercule: Ah, but when Poirot himself is involved, he too is dangerous, Miss Lemon.

Hercule: You forgot the Sisters Tripp.
Captain: Oh those two? They're batty, yes, but not murderers surely?
Hercule: What is murder but a kind of madness, mon ami?

[first lines]
Sir: Mayfield.
Tommy: Sir George.
Sir: Show me.

Colonel: [commenting on Poirot's presence at a murder scene] I think it's a godsend. I mean, you're a detective.
Hercule: I am THE detective, Colonel Curtiss.

Hercule: Madame Dainty, has it ever occurred to you to organize the goods by the country of origin?

Simeon: It's a terrible thing to get old, Lydia.

Captain: Dirty swine! I beg your pardon.

[last lines]
Hercule: From Monsieur Halliday. He says in his letter that he will return to Australia, immerse himself in his work, and try to forget. He has been most excessive in his generosity.
Miss: Poor man.

Man: Nasty business, ey?
Alexander: Yes, very.
Man: You never know with lunatics, do you? They never look balmy. Sometimes they can look just like you and me.
Alexander: Yes, I suppose they can.

Captain: Useful, eh, living above the shop? I suppose from here, Farley likes to keep an eye on his employees.
Hercule: No doubt. But it is a pity that such diligence does not improve the quality of his so-called delectables.

Tommy: [observing a test flight] Like a solid wall of lead, two feet square, coming straight at you.
Sir: The main spar must be tremendously strong to withstand the g-force at the turning circle.
Tommy: And the recoil from the gun. It's built up in layers, so the whole thing acts like a giant leaf spring, and we are still improving on it too, but I can't go on pouring my own money into the Kestrel forever.
Sir: You seem not to understand the position the Defence Committee is in, Mayfied. They like you. Most of them are hundred-percent behind you, but that Japanese business nearly brought the government down. One more scandal like that and...
Tommy: There are no more scandals like that. You are saying they don't trust me.
Sir: It's not a question of trust.
Tommy: Yes, it is! Very well then. If they want me to prove to them that they can trust me, that's what I'll do.
Sir: How do you mean? How you'll do that?
Tommy: I have invited Mrs. Vanderlyn down for the weekend.
Sir: Mrs. Vanderlyn? You are mad? You have invited her down here?
Tommy: And before the weekend is out, I promise you, I have hooked Mrs. Vanderlyn, reeled her in and gaffed her.
Sir: How?
Tommy: By using the plans of the Kestrel as a bait.
Sir: You idiot! You can't go using touchy papers like that! This is madness!

Tommy: Why do politicians treat everyone else like idiots?
Sir: [as a MP] Probably because they voted for us in the first place.

[last lines]
Pamela: Goodbye, Monsieur Poirot.
[kisses his cheeks]
Hercule: Oh.
Pamela: I hope we shall meet again.
Hercule: Au revoir, mademoiselle.

Captain: I know it's a rather odd question, but a rather odd person would like to know.

Lady: I was there when you solved the Chalfont Diamonds case. I was one of the suspects. It was so thrilling, and I have to say, Monsieur Poirot, you were magnificent!
Hercule: Yes.

[last lines]
Hercule: You will keep it, I hope. Something to remember me by.
Countess: Oh... I won't forget you.
[kisses his head]
Countess: Hercule.
Hercule: Nor I you... Countess.
Countess: [as the train pulls away] Au revoir.

Captain: It's the only explanation that fits.
Hercule: Like the round hole into the square peg.

Hercule: And still you protect him. Even though you later discovered that he was implicating you, his own wife, in the crime!

Hercule: And with a blackmailer, of course, one has to be sure that the evidence, it is destroyed root and boot.
Captain: Branch.
Hercule: Thank you, Hastings.

Miss: I thought this was meant to be a holiday, Captain Hastings. I'll talk to you later.

Chief: [to Poirot] I don't know why I bother sometimes. I may as well stay at home and do my garden. Who do you want me to arrest now?

Hercule: Prevention of crime is not what policemen are best at. They will need to have one constable for every citizen and go everywhere with him. But fortunately for the human race, most of us have our own little policeman up here.
[taps his head]

Captain: Marvelous view over here, Poirot. Come and take a look.
Hercule: [as he and the fox terrier sit] No. We will take your word for it.

[first lines]
Prince: One of my father's most valued possessions. From the reign of the Pharaoh Pherisees.
[Waiter empties Champagne into his glass]
Prince: Some more.
Waiter: Yes, Your Highness.
Prince: And some coffee for the woman.
Waiter: Very good, Your Highness.
Prince: [as Iris rises] Where're you going?
Iris: Just going to powder my nose; won't be a minute.

[first lines]
Hercule: Hastings, my friend, tell me: to blow up the English Parliament, was it a sin or a noble deed?
Captain: Oh, it's no good asking me, old son. I was never much of a one for politics. Where's Mrs Japp tonight, then?
Chief: She can't abide fireworks.
Hercule: Ah, the noise disturbs the delicate sensibilities of many ladies.
Chief: Maybe, maybe. I think it's more that she doesn't like to see people enjoying themselves.

Hercule: [Poirot is looking through a trashcan at the crime scene, and he finds something] Ah-HA! I thought so...
[he pulls out the object, revealing to be a small bottle filled with mysterious liquid]
Hercule: Voila!
[He sniffs the cork of the bottle]
Hercule: [turning to Mr. Donovan Bailey] Pardon, I have a cold. Would you be so kind, Monsieur Donovan?
[Donovan Bailey takes the bottle, smells the cork. Then he opens the lid and smells and passes out after one whiff of the aroma]
Hercule: [frantically shouting] No, no,no,no, NO! Why did he take off the lid? That is stupid!

Hercule: Ahh. But Hercule Poirot; he sees everything and he forgets nothing.

[last lines]
Hercule: My friend, you are barking up the wrong bush. The case of Monsieur Reedburn will remain, I fear, one of that great body of unsolved cases.

Hercule: [after an Australian emigre has cornered Poirot into looking ay 500 pictures of his homeland] The man who invented the camera has a lot to answer for!

Lieutenant: [referring to the false beard they have discovered] Who put it there?
Hercule: Someone with a great deal of intelligence, Hastings. He chose to hide it in the one place where its presence would not be remarked. But we must be even more intelligent that he does not suspect us of being intelligent at all.
Lieutenant: Absolutely.
Hercule: And there you will be invaluable, mon ami.

Hercule: [instructing the maid who is packing his clothes in his suitcase] No, no, no, no! With care! With CARE!

Chief: [Hanging up the telephone] They've arrested a vagrant in some un-pronounceable village.
Hercule: A vagrant? Suspected of attacking the prime minister?
Chief: When in doubt, arrest a vagrant. They'll let him go again.

Captain: [Imitating Chief Inspector Japp, who was talking in his sleep] Stand back lads, he's got a blancmange!

Hercule: Ah, c'est magnifique. Just the place for a restful vacation. The food will be inedible.

Hercule: Mr. Fingler is an artist, Hastings. And like all artists, he must be treated with a firm hand.

[first lines]
Doctor: There's very little I can do for him now, Mrs Hill. He's very weak.
Mrs. Hill: Oh dear! Is there no hope?
Doctor: I'm afraid not. It's more a matter of hours, rather than days, now. Doesn't Mr Anthony have any relatives?
Mrs. Hill: There's a brother, Henry, but they haven't spoken in twenty years.
Doctor: No one else?
Mrs. Hill: Well, yes. There's Mr George, his nephew, in London. I expect he'd want to know.

[first lines]
Captain: It's all over, Poirot. You can open your eyes now.
Hercule: [opening his eyes] Hastings, this is the last time.

Hercule: [to Miss Patricia Matthews] Mademoiselle Patricia, I once knew a beautiful English girl who resembled you greatly. But alas, she could not cook. So, our relationship withered.

McKenzie: Sorry I couldn't be of any help.
Hercule: We all have false hopes, Monsieur McKenzie.

Marcus: Johnnie will be in here with me, with, perhaps, you here, by the window.
Chief: Good.
Marcus: And Poirot guarding the door into the hall.
Chief: Ah, I don't know about that, sir. If there was to be any rough stuff, I don't know as Mr. Poirot is the first person I'd think of. Brain work, yes. Rough stuff, dubious.
Marcus: What about his colleague, Hastings?
Chief: Mmm, that'd be more like it, sir.

Mr. McNeil: I'd have you know that in the five years that I have been head of security here, not so much as a paperclip has gone astray.
Hercule: Monsieur McNeil, I'm sure if such a thing were to happen, you would be the man ideal for the case.

Hercule: When was this last robbery?
Captain: Three days ago.
Hercule: Three days! But it is too late. It is better to strike while the metal is warm, yes?

James: Are you sure I can't persuade you to recount some of your juicier cases on the radio?
Hercule: Alas, no. You see murder, a real murder, is not an entertainment. Look at this place: people dance, they laugh. But anywhere there may be evil beneath the mask.

[first lines]
Paul: Can't you understand! It's our future and Belgium's future that I'm thinking of! The Catholic church has narrowed your mind, Marianne, just as it has my mother's.
Marianne: But don't you see, Paul? You keep asking me to choose between *you* and my *faith*.
Paul: I can't believe what you're saying, Marianne. You mean fresh ideas have no place in your mind? My God, we're into a new century, but you are *stuck* in the last! Just like your damned clergy.
Marianne: Attacking the church won't help Belgium, Paul. It'll turn the people against you!
Paul: I don't attack it! I want it to open its eyes. As my wife, the wife of a government minister, you should support me in that!
Marianne: I married you for *love*, Paul, not to advance your political career!
[she runs out]
Paul: Marianne, come back here! Marianne!

Captain: [Hastings and Poirot are doing dishes. Hastings hands a washed dish to Poirot, who inspects the dish, dries and places it in the stack] Do you think their cooperation will lead to anything?
Hercule: It is possible. You know, Hastings...
[Hastings gives another washed dish to Poirot]
Hercule: I cannot rid my mind of the impression that something was said this afternoon that was significant.
[Poirot hands the dish back to Hastings to re-wash, which he does, without skipping a beat. Hastings passes the dish to Poirot for the second time]
Hercule: Ah, it is odd. I cannot pin it down exactly.
[Poirot rejects the dish again, and hands it back to Hastings for a third washing. This routine seems to be normal]
Hercule: But something passed through my mind that reminded me of that which I had already seen or heard or noted.
[Close-up of Hastings, who continues to wash and pass to Poirot. It is difficult to tell if the thrice-washed dish was finally approved and dried by Poirot]

Hercule: And the miserable one that I am, I saw nothing.

Captain: You shouldn't tease her, Poirot.
Hercule: She makes it irresistible.

[first lines]
Auctioneer: Ladies and gentlemen, lot 22. An Esker Brant wrought iron wall mirror and console table. I shall open the bidding at thirty pounds. Do I see thirty pounds? Thirty pounds.
Captain: This what you came for, Poirot?
Hercule: Yes, it is, Hastings; I thought for the vestibule, you know, by the door.
Auctioneer: Forty pounds.
Captain: How high will you go?
Hercule: Ninety pounds.
Auctioneer: Fifty pounds.
Hercule: It will be enough.

Chief: Ah, there you are Poirot... you got any idea how I can get hold of this Saffra ? Some sort of friend of Mrs. Chevenix.
Captain: Saffra's dead... she's Vanda's spirit guide.
Chief: Ah... I might as well be off then.

Hercule: [questioning Carla Romero] And there could never be a position for a woman of your ingenuity in the Ma...
[Poirot stops short of saying "Mafia," realizing that Agent Burt is present]
Hercule: Pardon. In the Brotherhood.
FBI: "Brotherhood." Look, the FBI is unequivocal in this matter. There is no such thing as the goddamn Brotherhood!

[last lines]
Chief: It's the little chaps that keep things on an even keel - chaps like you and me.
Hercule: Ah, but there are no "little chaps", Chief Inspector. Particularly not Poirot.

Captain: Suppose he, uh... Poirot and the countess...
Miss: He wouldn't... Would he?
Captain: I don't know. I've never seen him like this before.

Miss: You do like birds, don't you, Mr. Poirot?
Hercule: Miss Lemon, small animals have no part to play in the home life of a private detective from Belgium... Except, of course, as a source of nourishment.

Lady: [Gertie, alias Lady Millicent, having discovered that her cover has been blown by Poirot and Jap. She breaks into a Cockney accent that is unlike the soft English accent she used earlier] Oh... DAWG... NABBED!

Captain: [to Miss Lemon] If you ask me, all this fortune-telling is going to his head. He is talking about investigating a murder now that hasn't even happened yet. Making a mountain out of a molehill, if you ask me.
Hercule: [Enters his bathroom and gets entangled with films Hastings has developed] Ah! Sacristi! I can not enter even my own bathroom without walking into the Hanging Gardens of Babylon.
Captain: I'm sorry. They have probably dried by now.
Hercule: And I'm not making hills out of mole mounds!

Julia: The truth is often wicked.

[first lines]
Captain: Community Chest. You've won second prize in a beauty contest. Collect ten pounds.
Hercule: Thank you very much, Hastings. It would appear that skill plays but a little part in this game, hein?
Captain: It's all about skill. What to buy and when. Where to put your property.

[first lines]
Captain: Husband put head in gas oven; home life happy.
Hercule: No.
Captain: Belgravia and Overseas Bank clerk absconds with fortune.
Hercule: How much is this fortune?
Captain: Uh... ninety thousand pounds.
Hercule: No.
Captain: That's a king's ransom, Poirot.
Hercule: When it is used to ransom a king, it becomes interesting to Poirot.

Hercule: They fear me, Hastings. The criminals, they fear Hercule Poirot so much that they have repented of their naughty ways and have become citizens of the most upright.

[last lines]
Chief: [in the Wax Museum] Well, I suppose we'd better be leaving. Catch our train.
Hercule: Oh, no no no no no no no, no, Chief Inspector. It is still early, and the exhibits here are quite remarkable, n'est-ce pas? To be immortalized in such a fashion unique, ah! quelle honneur. Now I wonder what is around here.
[he stands beside a model of himself]
Captain: Oh, very impressive.
Chief: Quite incredible.
Captain: It's a masterpiece.
Chief: A true work of art.
Captain: That's his curly hair to a T.
Chief: Even got the little dimples on his cheeks.
[they walk up to a model of Chaplin]
Chief: Look.
Captain: A real piece of craftsmanship, wouldn't you say?

Captain: [On the moor, walking in puddles besides the sheep] Look at that, Poirot! Look at that view!
Hercule: Yes, views are very nice, Hastings. But they should be painted for us, so that we may study them in the warmth and comfort of our own homes. That is why we pay the artist, for exposing himself to these conditions on our behalf.
Captain: What do you mean, conditions? It's a wonderful day! Just fill your lungs with that air!
Hercule: No, my poor friend. This sort of air is intended for birds and little furry things! The lungs of Hercule Poirot demands something more substantial! The good air of the town!

Miss: This lady keeps telephoning, Mr. Poirot.
Hercule: Sacré. What a terrible circumstance.
Miss: There's no need to be sarcastic, Mr. Poirot. I was going on to say that I didn't put her through to you, because she wouldn't give her name.
Hercule: Ah.
Miss: I told her you don't take anonymous phone-calls.
Hercule: But I do, Miss Lemon. Sometimes I think anonymous telephone calls are the only ones worth taking.
Miss: But how will I know where to file her if I haven't got a name?
Hercule: Life first, Ms. Lemon, filing second.
Miss: Very well then.
[Hastings huffs in amusement]
Miss: Next time she calls, I'll let her talk to you. And on your own head be it.
Captain: You shouldn't tease her, Poirot.
Hercule: She makes it irresistible.

Chief: What's that thing in the bathroom, Poirot?
Hercule: Comment?
Chief: Like a umm... foot bath.
Hercule: Ah, the bidet.
Chief: Oh, bidet. It's got a sort of fountain thing in the middle; what's that for?
Hercule: Uhh... it is of no significance.
Chief: Nearly got a squirt in the eye when I turned it on.
Miss: Kumpf!
[snorting with stifled laughter]

Alexander: When I undertake to do a thing, I follow it through.
Mrs. Marbury: Oh well, if you say so Mr. Cust.

Captain: Why won't you let me drive you?
Hercule: Hastings, the train has one advantage over the car. It does not often run out of coal.

[last lines]
Hercule: It is satisfying, is it not, Chief Inspector, in a case, when at last one knows everything.
Chief: I thought you knew everything anyway, Poirot.
Hercule: Well...
[Miss Lemon and Hastings arrive carrying ice cream cones]
Hercule: Ah.
Miss: There's one for you, Chief Inspector.
Chief: Ah, thank you.
Miss: None for Mister Poirot because I read an article on the train how ice cream was extremely bad for the little grey cells.
Captain: And two for me because mine are dead already.
[Japp laughs]
Hercule: They are very amusing, are they not, Chief Inspector? The sea air obviously agrees with them. I think perhaps, when I return to London, I shall leave them here.
[Japp laughs, and Hastings hands one of his cones to Poirot]
Hercule: Thank you. Santé!

Hercule: We wait. Already the thief is planning his next crime. And the next one - it will be his last.

Cynthia: [to Hastings] I do hope she's found him out at last. I'm sure he's a fortune hunter.

[last lines]
Hercule: You are Lucky Len of the Daily Echo, and I claim my ten guineas.
Lucky: You're right. I was Lucky Len, but I'm sorry, I got fired this morning.
Hercule: Fired! Why?
Lucky: Too many people were recognizing me. The paper's decided it must be my face. It's too common.
Hercule: Common?
Lucky: That's what they say. Bit of a cheek, if you ask me, but there you are.
Hercule: They are wrong, mon ami. You have a face that is most distinguished. You have no need to work for this newspaper. You have a face of a great man.
Lucky: You think so?
Hercule: Oh, yes; I know it.

Mrs. Marbury: Terrible the news nowadays, isn't it? Nothing but this murder business. It gives me the creeps, I don't read it.

Simeon: My family hate me, you know.
Hercule: It is not hard to see why.

[first lines]
Newsreel: British pies are famous the world over, and last year Farley's Foods produced five million of 'em. Everything from steak and kidney to Cornish pasty. But that's not enough for old man Farley; he wants to double the score. Work's been pushing ahead on the new extension to his factory, and this week the great day dawns.

Hercule: Good night, Sir Bernard.
Sir: Where are you going?
Hercule: To bed.
Sir: You don't seem to realize, Poirot, this is a national emergency. I do not intend to sleep until the Prime Minister is found!
Hercule: I am sure it will make you feel very virtuous, Sir Bernard, but it will not help the Prime Minister! For myself, I need to restore the little grey cells.

Hercule: Tell me, mademoiselle, was it absolutely necessary for a poor wretched woman who had never done to you one moment's harm to die? Was there no other way?

Chief: Yes, but you had her down as a suspect...?
Hercule: Well, even the good chaps can sometimes kill their fellow man, chief inspector.

Pamela: Don't you think that human beings tend to reproduce certain patterns, Mr. Poirot? Stereotype patterns?
[draws a triangle in the sand]
Hercule: Précisément, mademoiselle.

Captain: Good Lord!
Hercule: What is it?
Captain: It's another one. Another ABC Murder letter.

Hercule: I'm sorry madam, but I do not take that particular kind of business. I wish you good day.
Mrs. Ernestine Todd: So that's it, is it? Too proud, eh? Only deal with government secrets and counterfeit jewels? Well, let me tell you, Mr. high and mighty Poirot, a good cook's a good cook. And when you have one, it's as much to you as pearls are to some fine lady.
Hercule: [after a thoughtful pause, he breaks into a smile] Madam, you are in the right and I am in the wrong. Your remarks are just and intelligent.
[He turns to Hustings]
Hercule: This case will be a novelty, Hastings. Never before have we hunted the missing domestic. For here is this problem of national importance.

[first lines]
Dicker: Oh yes, and what time do we call this, then, eh?
Postman: Don't want to get you out of bed.
[hands over letters and packages]
Dicker: No good leaving all this stuff for 56B. They're on holiday.
Postman: What, all of 'em?
Dicker: Oh, yeah. That Captain Hastings has gone off shooting things, and the secretary has gone off to visit her sister in Folkestone.
Postman: Well, what of the French one?
Dicker: Somewhere foreign. Sent me a postcard with goats on it.
Postman: Oh, yeah, I remember. Well, let's hope it keeps fine for him.

Countess: And what of a perfect crime?
Hercule: It is an illusion, comtesse.

Captain: There's Japp. I don't know what you're going to tell him.
Hercule: Nothing at all, Hastings. I hate to be the bearer of bad news. He will learn soon enough that his open-and-shut case has the broken hinges.

Japp: Ah, but it gives you the creeps - this place, doesn't it?
Hercule: You are too sensitive, mon ami.
Japp: That's true.

Lieutenant: This is green.
Hercule: No, it is too dark.
Lieutenant: Good Lord!

Hercule: But there is one thing that Poirot does not understand. This note. It was placed in my bed, and still I do not know who wrote it. I, Hercule Poirot, whose business it is to know everything.

Hercule: Some cases are simple and some are trés compliqué but all are of interest because all, you understand, rest solely on the character of the participant.

[Hercule Poirot has read an outrageous letter from the Todds, and is extremely furious]
Hercule: [shouts] *WHAT?*
[pause]
Hercule: WHAT? HOW DOES SHE DARE?
[He slams the letter on his desk, much to the concern of Miss. Lemon and Hastings]
Captain: What is it?
Hercule: [seething] As a favor... As a great favor, I agreed to investigate this two-penny, HALF-PENNY AFFAIR!
Captain: What is it, old chap?
Hercule: [pointing furiously at the letter on his desk] READ IT! Read it!
[Hastings picks up the letter, Miss Lemon looking over his shoulder. Poirot, meanwhile stands a distance from them, still fuming over the contents of the letter]
Captain: [reading the letter] "Mr. Todd regrets that, after all, his wife will not avail herself of Mr. Poirot's services...
Hercule: [high-pitched and curt] Ahm!
Captain: "... After talking the matter over with me, she sees that it is foolish to call in a detective about a purely domestic affair..."
Hercule: [high-pitched, angry agreement grunt] Yep!
Captain: "... Mr. Todd encloses one guinea for consultation."
Hercule: Is this to be believed? huh? Do they think they can get rid of Hercule Poirot like that? HUH?
[shouts]
Hercule: *NO.*
[rapid fire speech]
Hercule: No, no, no, no, no... No, no,no, no, no... Thirty six times...
[shouts]
Hercule: NO! They send me *ONE* guinea, huh? *NO!* I will spend *My OWN* guineas! 3,600 of them, if need be! But *I* will get to the bottom of this matter!

Superintendent: [referring to the missing diamonds] They definitely only were missing, but only two people could have done it, and one of them might have done it as a joke.
Hercule: I have yet to meet anybody in this household that has even the most rudimentary sense of humor.

Anthony: [Pauline is upset and angry at him for a damning article he has written about Foreign Oil] Pauline, I'm a journalist!
Pauline: [snaps; furiously] Anthony, *you're* a *fink*!

Captain: [walking in the funeral procession] The man had a lot of friends, Poirot.
Hercule: What good are many friends, mon ami, when you have one bad enemy?

Lady: And I must say, you were wonderful.
Hercule: Yes.
[Hastings frowns at Poirot]

Lady: You're not dancing, Monsieur Poirot.
Hercule: Oh, no, no, no, Lady Chatterton. This music is for the young people with the limbs that are supple.

Hercule: Mais non, c'est impossible! How can I be fifty pounds overdrawn? It is a point of principle that I always keep my balance at four hundred and forty-four pounds, four shillings and four pence. A point of principle!

Captain: Is there *anything* in the English cuisine that you like, Poirot?
Hercule: The English they do not have a cuisine, my friend, they have only the food.
Captain: Well, that's a bit harsh, i...
Hercule: Like the meat, overcooked, the vegetables too soft, the cheese inedible. And the day the English create their own wines is the day I return home to Belgium.

Charles: When I read about the murder, you see... this kind of thing - it's, uh, not exactly good for business.
Chief: Right now, it's not exactly good for you.

Miss: It's nearly complete, you see. My system.
Hercule: Ah.
Miss: Every one of your cases classified and cross-referenced five different ways.
Hercule: Five?
Miss: Oh, yes. In this cabinet, names of witnesses; in this, name of perpetrator, if known. Victim's trade or profession. Type of case: abduction, addiction, adultery - see also under marriage, bigamy - see also under marriage, bombs.
Hercule: See also under marriage?

[first lines]
Chief: No sign of him yet.

[last lines]
Chief: [watching Hasting's model boat sail] Did you ever think of going to sea, Poirot?
Hercule: No no, my friend, this is as close as I like to get.
Chief: I used to dream about the sea.

[repeated line]
Captain: Good Lord!

[last lines]
Hercule: I shall see you in London.
Captain: Why won't you let me drive you?
Hercule: Hastings, the train has one advantage over the car. It does not often run out of coal.

Hercule: Monsieur Waverly has received letters threatening to kidnap his son.
Captain: Really? In England? Could be some band of foreigners, you know. Some gang.
Hercule: [Clearly agitated] The letters give no indication that the writer is a foreigner.

Hercule: Cricket. The English enigma. I know not of any other game where even the players are unsure of the rules.

Chief: Not murder made to look like suicide... suicide disguised as murder.

[last lines]
Miss: [as Hastings prepares to tee off] Captain Hastings!
[swinging her pendant]
Miss: A hole in one, Captain Hastings, a hole in one.
Hercule: Miss Lemon, Captain Hastings possesses far too much of the intellectual strength...
Captain: Quite right, Poirot.
[Hastings tees off, and actually does make the hole in one]
Captain: I say!

[Donovan is stumbling through the darkness of a dark, seemingly vacant apartment]
Donovan: What on earth is Pat piping up to? Everything is the wrong bloody place!
[Jimmy turns on the lights; revealing that they are not in the right apartment]
Donovan: This isn't Pat's flat.
Jimmy: [excited whisper] Jeepers!
Donovan: [reading a letter on the table] Mrs. Ernestine Grant...
[beat]
Donovan: Oh, Lord! we're in *36B*, not *46B*!
Jimmy: We better get out here before she finds us!
[someone snoring sounds]
Jimmy,60291: [the two men burst into giggles]
[the two men are about to leave when Jimmy notices something shocking]
Jimmy: Look!
[Donovan turns to see a pair of a woman's feet sticking out behind the packing cases in the flat]
Donovan: [genuinely shocked] Good God!
[They walk over and discover Mrs. Ernestine Grant's corpse concealed behind the curtain]
Patricia: [singing in the background] Life is just a bowl of cherries...
[scene shifts to Hastings and Poirot watching Patricia and Mildred singing on the stairs]
Patricia: [singing cont] Life's too mysterious, life's too mysterious... You work, you play, you worry so/ But you can't get your dough/ while you glow, glow, glow!
Donovan: [He and Jimmy walk out of the apartment; looking perturbed] What do we do?
Jimmy: [pause] I don't know.
Donovan: [to Patricia and Mildred] Pat, Mildred. Something's happened.
Patricia: What is it?
Donovan: There's a dead woman down here.
Mildred: [as she and Patricia rush down the stairs; unaware that Poirot is close by; shocked] Oh my God!

Hercule: In my book, as you say, monsieur, everyone is a suspect.

[last lines]
Policeman: The trial's been adjourned, sir.
Chief: Adjourned? What for?
Policeman: Radnor confessed, sir.
Chief: Confessed?
Policeman: To the murder. He confessed to that French gent. In writing.
Chief: POIROT!

Hercule: You think it is wrong, Hastings, to enjoy the compliments, or the 'buttering,' as you say?
Captain: No, but, uh, do you have to show it quite so much? Not English.
Hercule: Perhaps it is Belgian. Hastings, why should I be the hypocrite, to blush when I am praised, and to say like you, "It is nothing." Hmph! I have the order, the method, and the psychology. There, I admit it. I am the best. I am Hercule Poirot.

Captain: Oh, but you would have noticed if his behavior had been in any way unusual?
Dulcie: I doubt it. Painters' behaviors are always unusual. They can never make up their mind whether to commit suicide or give a party.

Countess: And what of the perfect crime?
Hercule: It is an illusion, Countess.

[repeated line]
Captain: I say, Poirot!

Hercule: Come, Captain Hastings, We embark on a voyage into darkness.
[They head into a tunnel with flashlights, aka "torches" in the U.K]

[first lines]
Pauline: Barton, please!
Barton: Don't try to stop me, Pauline; I have to do it.
Pauline: I'm afraid.
Barton: Don't be. Two years almost to the day.
Barton: [to the grave] He will rest, Iris. I swear it.

[Pamela Lyle sprints across the dock to find Poirot and tell him about the death of Valentine Chantry... only to see his ship leaving. Pamela looks on in despair...]
Hercule: [angrily yelling] I've told you again! And AGAIN! I'm on HOLIDAY!
[shouts in French]
Hercule: I'm a Belgian Citizen! You have no right to detain me!
[Pamela runs to investigate and she sees a frustrated Poirot being questioned by several officers]
Custom's: Sir, you will not leave this island until you have explained all actions...
Hercule: [shouts] How can I ever leave here now? My ship has gone, you idiot!
[he sees Pamela Lyle]
Hercule: Mademoiselle Lyle!
[Pamela Lyle rushes towards him; looking utterly distressed]
Hercule: What is the matter? What are you doing here?
Pamela: Thank God! Mr. Poirot, I thought you have left! you must come quickly! Valentine Chantry is dead!
Hercule: [calmly] Ah.
Pamela: Someone poisoned her husband's glass... And she drank it.
Hercule: I feared such an outcome.
Pamela: Then why didn't you do something?
Hercule: Do what? What was there to do, before the event? Tell the police that someone has murder in their heart? No.
[pause]
Hercule: I will come.
Hercule: [to the officer] I am a detective, not a spy.

Samuel: Was the accommodation all right?
Hercule: No, Monsieur Naughton, the accommodation was all wrong.
Samuel: Oh.
Hercule: The duck feather pillows; I fear the little ducks are still in them.

Captain: So how have you been these last six months? Busy?
Hercule: No, the little grey cells, I fear, they grow the rust.

Marcus: That policeman is a fool.
Hercule: Oh no. Japp is a good policeman. Prevention of crime is not what policemen are best at. They would need to have one constable for every citizen and go everywhere with him. But, fortunately for the human race, most of us have our own little policeman, up here.
[He touches his head]

Hercule: I did not say this before, Hastings, because... uh, perhaps it would have been mistaken for self-importance - a characteristic that I dislike more than any other.
Captain: Oh, right...
[Giving Poirot a look of disbelief]

Hercule: Non, non, non! There should not be between the husband and the wife, the sleepy dogs!

Hercule: [polishing his shoe] Petroleum jelly, Hastings, that is the secret. You rub it well in and it will prevent the cracking, yes.
Captain: [resting on a sofa] How do you work out cubic thingummies?
Hercule: Comme?
Captain: Cubic thingummies, how do you work them out? I mean, this ceiling is what? Ten feet up, yes. So do you multiply ten...
Hercule: Hastings, I am trying to instruct you in the care of patent leather, something that will be of use to you in later life.
Captain: So will be cubic thingummies. Suppose I'll have to survey something or something.
Hercule: You do not deceive me, Hastings. You are having these eccentric thoughts because of this girl of yours, eh? This student of architecture.
Captain: Well, we never seem to have anything to talk about. I tried reading a book about Bernini. She is very keen on Bernini. I couldn't make head or tail of it.
Hercule: No, no, no, no, no, Hastings, women do not wish to talk about Bernini and cubic "thingummies".
Captain: I don't know if she wants to talk about anything. She's never in when I call around to see her. I end up having tea with her mother every day.

Thora: What a fool I was! I let you all down. I never really looked at him.

Hercule: Your vitality is formidable, dear lady.
Mrs: "You're so alive, Adeline," they say to me. But really, Monsieur Poirot, what would one be if one wasn't alive?
Hercule: Dead, Madame.

Captain: You mean it wasn't true?
Hercule: Not in the least, mon ami.
Captain: Good Lord!

Captain: What a good night for a murder, eh? I mean, if somebody wanted to kill anybody, nobody would know if it was a gunshot or a firework.
Hercule: But not so good, my friend, if your chosen method is strangulation.
Captain: No. That's true, no.
Chief: Or poisoning, come to that.

Hercule: You know, Hastings, sometimes I wish that I was not of such a moral disposition.
Captain: Really?
Hercule: Would not Hercule Poirot do better than any criminal? Hercule Poirot would use his grey cells, huh. Hercule Poirot would change his modus operandi for every crime. Scotland Yard would never be able to pin me down. Ah, Hastings, Hastings. To work against the law for a change. I think it would be quite pleasing. Imagine it - every morning a new crime, huh. Every morning, Inspector Japp tearing his hair. And on every street corner, the cries of the newspaper sellers, 'Read all about it - Monsieur Big reveals everything.'

Captain: Ah, Poirot. Sleep well?
Hercule: Like the top, Hastings. I am turning and spinning all of the night.

[last lines]
Captain: [giving Poirot a chip wagon serving of fish and chips] English cuisine. There's nothing like it in the world! You must agree, Poirot.
Hercule: Eh bien, Hastings, when it is cold and dark and there is nothing else to eat, it is...
[takes a small bite]
Hercule: passable.
[eats more chips]

Lady: [furious at being hauled away by a policeman after crashing her car into a haystack] Why can't you leave me alone! Don't you know what it's like to love a man?
Captain: [nonplussed] Well ah... no ah... not exactly.

Captain: This is not like you, Poirot.
Hercule: But this is not like the grey cells, Hastings. I have given them every chance. They have been closeted. I have slept to allow them to do their work. I have eaten fish for breakfast. Result? Nothing!
Captain: It'll come, Poirot. The little grey cells have never let you down yet.
Hercule: Ah, but is this not an indication, perhaps, of what is in store? A sign that they are weakened by old age and the fast living?
Captain: Fast living, Poirot? I wouldn't call your life exactly fast.
Hercule: Oh, not now, perhaps, Hastings, but in my youth.
Captain: Really?
Hercule: Umm.
[Shakes his head]
Captain: Really?
Hercule: See, one pays, Hastings. Eventually, one is called to settle one's account.
Captain: I say.
Hercule: I shall have another tisane.

[Poirot and Hassan are leaving the market place where Poirot called Miss. Lemon for information. They are then waylaid by a mob of excited children, asking for some of the bread that Hassan is carrying]
Hercule: [over the children's voices] You want what? Very well, but only if you're good.

Chief: You'd been told about his death?
Vanda: Oh yes... Saffra told me. She knew.
Chief: Did she indeed? Ms Chevenix,can you tell me where I might be able to get hold of this Saffra?
Vanda: [Smile] She used to live in Egypt.
Chief: She moved?
Vanda: No!

[last lines]
Hercule: When she opened the cupboard, she tried to focus our attention on the wrong object, so she used the briefcase as a... what is it? A bloater? Kipper?
Captain: Red herring.
Hercule: Absolutely. And now, my friends, it is time for me to take you to lunch.

Captain: [referring to marriage] You ever thought about it?
Hercule: In my experience, I have known of five cases of women murdered by their devoted husbands.
Captain: Yes?
Hercule: And twenty-two husbands murdered by their devoted wives. So thank you, non. The marriage, it is not for me.

Hercule: You are leaving? One can leave?

[first lines]
Chief: Sorry about this, Poirot. I thought as she was here visiting with her sister it would be a simple matter for her to meet us at the station. Trouble with Mrs Japp is when she gets nattering over a cup of tea she loses all track of time. Perhaps you two better run along and we'll see you there.

Hercule: Hastings, what do you say to an invigorating ride to the West Country?

Captain: An Italian with a French restaurant in South America?

Museum: [looking at wax model of Poirot] Never quite as realistic in the flesh somehow, are they?

[last lines]
Chief: [presenting a plate of his own cooking to Poirot and pointing to each item] There, now that is what I call food. That's your mashed potato, this is your peas - mushy peas we call them - you'll love 'em - and this,
[in a French accent]
Chief: the piece de resistance - faggots.
Hercule: Faggot.
Chief: Faggots - and there's spotted dick for afters.
Hercule: [looking incredulous] - Dick?
Chief: Yes. It's called that because...
[looks puzzled]
Chief: .
Hercule: This is tragic Chief Inspector.
Chief: No no, it's fine.
Hercule: I can eat none of this wonderful food.
Chief: What? Why?
Hercule: Because... I have an allergy of the faggot.
Chief: An allergy?
Hercule: Oui. I... I do not know how you say it in English, but in Belgian it is... known as... 'la phobie de faggot'.
Chief: I've never heard of that.
Hercule: I'm so sorry Chief Inspector, I should have warned you.
Chief: Well, this is a blessed upset I must say. Still, you can have some spotted dick...
[sarcastically]
Chief: you haven't got a 'phobie de dick' have you?
Hercule: [smiles and shakes his head] No.
[Hands his plate to Japp and with a pleading look]
Hercule: some cheese?
Chief: I'll have a look.
Hercule: Just some Camembert, a little Brie perhaps.
Chief: [putting a cheese dish in front of Poirot] Bon. Nothing like a bit of mousetrap.
[Poirot screws up his face in disgust and looks away]
Chief: .

Hercule: [Referring to suspect Carla Romero whose flat the FBI and Scotland Yard have staked out] Monsieur Burt, I understand that she has had some dealings with the Mafia.
FBI: When will you guys understand, there is no such thing as the "Mafia" or the "Black Hand" or the "Cosa Nostra." Sure there's some immigrant families of mainly Southern European extraction who push each other around, but organized crime, *no sir*!

[last lines]
Captain: Allow me, Poirot.
[picks up fallen paper from Poirot's pocket]
Captain: [looks at it] There's something about you here, Japp. "Chief Inspector Japp to speak in North Country lecture tour."
Captain: [to Poirot] You knew! That's why you dragged me all the way up here!
Hercule: No, no. It was the other side I was interested in. I did not know that...
Captain: [turns paper over] "Learn to speak French like a Frenchman"?
Hercule: In Belgium, Hastings, it is considered quite bad form to read another person's newspaper cuttings.
[takes clipping]
Hercule: Thank you.

Captain: Why on earth did Graves tell Miss Lemon he was a private secretary when he's really only a valet?
Hercule: Hastings, have you never exaggerated your own importance in order to impress a young lady?
Captain: Well, certainly not! Never. Oh, well, I once told a girl I was a member at Wentworth when I wasn't, but she didn't play golf anyway. She thought Wentworth was a lunatic asylum.

Delivery: Morning, Sir, I've got a parrot for Mr "Poy-rot".
Hercule: No no no! Poirot. It is pronounced "Pwa-roe".
Delivery: I beg your pardon, Governor. I've got a "pwa-roe" for Mr "Poy-rot".

[last lines]
Hercule: "Pay to Hercule Poirot the sum of one guinea only. Ernest Todd." It is to me, Hastings, a little reminder never to despise the trivial, hein, but the undignified. A disappearing domestic at one end, a cold-blooded murder at the other.

Hercule: I can assure you, Monsieur Clarke, that Poirot never permits himself to get false impressions from anything anyone says.

[first lines]
Jane: Yes, sir?
Rupert: Hello, there. You're new, aren't you?
Jane: Is there someone you wanted to see, sir?
Rupert: Well, yes, there was as a matter of fact. I'd rather like a few quick words with my wife.

Hastings: A lot of golfers are very gastronomic, you know, Poirot. Nothing like eighteen holes to build up an appetite. You really ought to try it, you know; you might find you actually enjoy it.
Hercule: To hit a little ball into the little hole, in the middle of a large open field - I think it is not to the taste of Poirot.

Chief: We see a hundred of these every day, Mr. Waverly. If we was to go chasing about after every one...
Hercule: A hundred, Chief inspector?
Chief: Well, perhaps not a hundred. Mustn't be too literal, Mr. Poirot.
Hercule: Every day?
Chief: Every week, anyway.

[first lines]
Mr. Vavasour: Morning, Mr Shaw.
Mr. Shaw: Morning, Mr Vavasour.
Mr. Vavasour: Terrible weather, Mr Shaw.
Mr. Shaw: Yes, shocking.

Captain: With both of the brothers dead, there aren't many Gascoynes left to pay their respects.
Hercule: Not too many suspects left either, huh?

General: He got into her hospital somehow.
Ellie: Did it have anything to do with his being wounded, do you think?
General: Oh, yes. You had to be wounded.

Chief: [Looking into cell where Poirot is being held] Vicious-looking character, isn't he?
Sergeant: He hasn't been any trouble.
Chief: No, he's too clever for that. We've waited to get our hands on him for months.
Sergeant: Apart from not giving a name. What is his name?
Hercule: This is not funny, Japp.
Chief: Well, nobody knows his real name. But everyone calls him Mad Dog.

[first lines]
Captain: The whole art of clay pigeon shooting lies in the timing. Trick is, when I say "Pull"...
[Pamela pulls the release]
Captain: No.
[He shoots twice]
Captain: Sorry. My fault, should have warned you there.
Pamela: Weren't you ready?
Captain: No no, it's all right.

Hercule: Marie Marvelle is the greatest film star Belgium has ever produced.
Captain: I should think she's the *only* film star Belgium's ever produced.

[Hastings is teaching Poirot a song while driving back to the Waverly Estate]
Captain: [singing] Two men went to mow/ went to mow a meadow!
Hercule: [following along; singing] Two men went to mow/ went to mow a meadow!
Captain: Two men, one man and his dog went to mow/ went to mow a meadow!
Hercule: Two men, one man and his dog went to mow/ went to mow a meadow!
Captain: [speaking; laughing] Good!
Captain: [singing together] Three men, two men, one man and his dog went to mow/ went to mow a meadow!

Hercule: Superintendent, I beg of you to allow me to ask of Mr. Inglethorp just one question.

[last lines]
John: And, Poirot, I'd... Thank God you came.

Hercule: Remember, Monsieur Fraser, our weapon is our knowledge, but it may be a knowledge we do not know we possess.

Hastings: I thought I might go for a swim before breakfast tomorrow, Poirot.
Hercule: That is a madness that, Hastings and suffered only by the English!

Chief: Little grey cells are all very nice, Poirot, but it's dogged as does it.

Hercule: I'm sorry.
Mr. Shaw: Don't be. Prison can't be much worse than 25 years of the London & Scottish Bank.

Henry: [Complaining angrily about Valerie's wooden acting] "I thought this was a love scene! My dear Valerie, you are not discussing the weather with this man, you are about to commit adultery with him!"

Mr. McNeil: With due respect, I can't quite see what's to be gained by employing a Belgian.

[last lines]
Hercule: You still have the hankering for the glamorous young woman, hein?
Captain: No, no no, no, not at all, no. Quite the opposite, in fact. It's just that, well, there she was, as you say, a glamorous young woman, and with a bit of a wig and a few bits of make-up she could transform herself into that dowdy hag of a nurse.
Hercule: Yes, it was indeed very well done, Hastings.
Captain: But... Well, I mean... If a woman can do that one way, she can do it the other.
Hercule: Oh, Hastings.
Captain: Well, I mean then where are you?
Hercule: At the beginning of wisdom, mon ami. Now, that also is something to celebrate, n'est-ce pas?

Hercule: A doctor who lacks doubt is not a doctor. He's an executioner.

Chief: Does a madman have any motive?

Bonnington: Ah, I can see that bicuspid is still sensitive, Poirot. We must take a look at that.

[last lines]
Hercule: Hastings, there are two reasons why I should never become the millionaire.
Captain: What are they, Poirot?
Hercule: The first: that I should never make the detestable pork pies, hein? And the second: I am too understanding towards my employees.
Captain: Quite.

Hercule: Did you mark about his scar, Hastings?
Captain: Yes. You probably need one to be a member here.

Captain: Well, what do you say, Mister Poirot?
Hercule: One cannot hurry the little grey cells, Captain.

Hercule: Ah, a log fire, one of the better traditions of the English.
Captain: Roger was saying you keep an eye on the place for the family?
Archie: Yes, I'm local. A poor relation is available. Damn ignominious it is too.
Captain: Why?
Archie: Some of my pupils' families live six to a room. This place lies empty forty weeks a year.

Hercule: [Upon hearing about the life of the late Rupert Bleibner] Playing the good golf is no reason not to commit suicide, Hastings.
Captain: You just don't understand golf, Poirot.

Captain: I'm worried about Poirot, Miss Lemon. He's talking about retirement.
Miss: That's because he hasn't had an interesting case for five minutes.

[last lines]
Hercule: Miss Lemon, Edwin has been arrested.
Miss: Edwin?
Hercule: Yes, M-Monsieur Graves.
Miss: Good. It's about time!
Hercule: Miss Lemon...
Miss: Do you know what he was going to do?
Hercule: Non.
Miss: He was going to have to move out of Count Foscatini's flat, so he was going to have the Count's cat destroyed. Couldn't be bothered to find a home for it.
[the cat enters, meowing loudly at Poirot]

Lieutenant: [referring to John Cavendish's mother and her marriage to an outsider twenty years her junior] It must be a difficult situation for you all.
John: Difficult? It's damnable.

Hercule: Miss Lemon, Captain Hastings and I will be away until tomorrow. Hold the castle.

Hercule: I am an imbecile. I see only half of the picture.
Miss: I don't even see that.

Chief: Cheer up, Poirot. We can't have a nice juicy murder every time.

Captain: Makes you proud to be an Englishman, though... Oh, I'm sorry.
Hercule: Do not be sorry, Hastings. It is not tragedy for me that I was born on the wrong side of the channel.

Captain: I can assure you, Poirot, you wouldn't be seasick on the Queen Mary. Steady as a rock.
Hercule: Hastings, it is twenty years ago that I came to this country in a boat across the channel. And still I am not recovered.

Police: You crazy English! If you do not stop trying to kill each other, I shall put you all under arrest!

Chief: But, what if Mrs. Daniels doesn't leave?
Hercule: Oh, she will have left already, chief inspector, or I am the Dutchman.

Hercule: Mr. Blunt, you talk of the continued peace of this nation, hein. Oh, yes, that is right, but Poirot is not concerned with nations. Poirot is concerned with private individuals, who have the right not to have taken from them their lives.

Hercule: May I be impertinent, Madame?
Frederica: Is there such a thing these days?
Hercule: [he smiles] You care for Monsieur Lazarus?
Frederica: He's rich.
Hercule: Oo-la-la! That is an ugly thing to say.
Frederica: [smiling] Better to say it myself than have you say it for me.
Hercule: You are very intelligent, madame.
Frederica: You'll be giving me a diploma next!

Hercule: Belief, monsieur le doctor, is good, but it is not good enough.

Chief: [to his men] D'you hear that? If there wasn't a lady present, your ears would be burning so much they'd boil what's left of your brains.

Captain: [at Eliso Freccia showroom] What do you think, Poirot?
Hercule: I think it looks very untidy, Hastings.
Captain: Well, it's not meant to be tidy. Tidy's got nothing to do with it. It's compact, though. You have to admit that. They're using twin overhead camshafts, you see, with a desmodromic valve gear and a hemispherical combustion chamber.
Hercule: I see.
Captain: Ah, Mr Vizzini!
Bruno: How are you today?
Captain: Oh, pretty well, you know. This is Monsieur Hercule Poirot.
Bruno: Oh, the great detective. I must watch my step, eh? Hahaha, so pleasure to meet you, Signor Poirot.
Hercule: Delighted, Monsieur Vizzini.
Bruno: Well, Signor Hastings, you, ah, you place the order today?
Captain: Well...
Bruno: Oh, Signor Hastings.
Captain: It's a big decision.
Bruno: Seven weeks, Signor Hastings! At the factory of Eliso Freccia in Milano they stand and wait: Will the order of Capitano Hastings come today?
Captain: Well, I've been thinking...
Margherita: Mr Vizzini, excuse me, you'll be late for your lunch with Mr Andreotti.
Bruno: Ah, thank you, Margherita. Gentlemen, I will leave you in the capable hands of Signorina Fabbri. Mi scusi.
Captain: I was just going to say to Mr Vizzini, with this new trailing link front suspension, I wonder if you don't need some sort of stabilizer? You see..
Margherita: No.
Captain: No. No?
Margherita: The radius roll trailing from the crossmember locates each hub fore and aft.
Captain: Yes, I'd appreciate that...
Margherita: And each unit is damped by inclined telescopic struts.
Captain: Right. Yes.
[Poirot is smiling]

[last lines]
Parrot: Hello.
Hercule: Ah well, at least it was worth a try.
Parrot: Worth a try. Worth a try.

Hercule: Really, Hastings, you must try to keep up with the newer idioms.

Harrington: Fellow asked me the other day, a Bolshie, you know, asked me had I ever actually made anything during my worthless life. "Certainly," I said. "I've made a lot of friends, I've made a lot of enemies, and I've made a lot of money."

Usher: It's an ABC.

Hercule: Why did you wish to know where Monsieur Lavington lives, Hastings?
Captain: I don't know. He was so beastly, the way he talked about Lady Millicent, I wanted to kick him down the stairs, huh.
Hercule: You wanted to do it in the comfort of his own home, yes?

Hercule: Ah, you are too kind, Chief Inspector Japp. Your great heart will be your downfall.
Chief: True. True.

Captain: So why did you go back into the house?
Mr: The call of nature, if you must know.
Captain: Were there any witnesses?

Captain: Why don't you get yourself some turned-down collars, Poirot? They're much more the thing, you know.
Hercule: The thing, Hastings? You think Poirot concerns himself with mere thingness?
Captain: Aah, no.
Hercule: Hmm.
Captain: No, I, I, I see that, Poirot.
Hercule: The turned-down collar is the first symptom of decay of the grey cells!

Evelyn: May I ask what's going on?
Inspector: You may ask, Madam. If you get any reply you might let me know.

Hercule: One must always seek the truth from within.

Hercule: Many odious women have devoted husbands. It is an enigma of nature.

[first lines]
Newsreader: [voiceover] The pyramids of Egypt, the last surviving of the seven wonders of the world. The latest expedition by famous archaeologist Sir John Willard may soon reveal more of this ancient world's mysteries with the discovery of the tomb of Egyptian king Men-Her-Ra. No doubt there will be rivalry between Doctor Fosswell of the British Museum and Doctor Schneider of the Metropolitan Museum of New York, but keep it friendly, eh, chaps. The local workers' fear of a death curse laid down on the tomb about three thousand years ago hasn't scared off expedition financier Felix Bleibner. He's been joined for the opening by his nephew Rupert and secretary Nigel Harper, photographing the occasion. Smile, Men-Her-Ra!

Hercule: This Gervase Chevenix, it does not occur to him that Poirot is also a man of importance, a man of affairs? And yet he summons me like a mere nobody, an obedient dog!
Captain: I take it you'll refuse?
Hercule: To refuse, yes, it is my first instinct. But, you know, Hastings, a man with so much arrogance as this, even he may be vulnerable in ways he cannot see.
Captain: And he did offer you that mirror.
Hercule: That too.
Captain: I'll get the tickets tomorrow.

Sir: Froggy thinks she didn't do it.
Hercule: [entering] Froggy *knows* she didn't do it.

Sir: [observing a test flight] How does it compare with the Messerschmitt 109?
Tommy: More manoeuvrable, with a turning circle of 800 feet visibility is better too.
Sir: Fuel injection?
Tommy: No.
Sir: Pity, PM is very keen on fuel injection.
Tommy: Yes, he is right, but we just haven't got a reliable system yet!

Chief: Charles Lester? We tried him twice this morning. He was out.
Hercule: Well, it may be of no worth...
Chief: Look, be my guest. For the moment, I've got more important fish to fry.
Hercule: Well, Hastings, while the Chief Inspector is frying his important fish, let us see what we can catch, eh?

Claude: But I haven't heard anything about a murder.
Hercule: No, you would not have heard of it. Because, as yet, it has not taken place. You see, if one can investigate a murder before it happens, then one might even, well, the little idea... prevent it?

Hercule: Monsieurs, Madames. What I am about to do might surprise you a little. You'll probably think of me as eccentric-perhaps mad. You might say, "the little Belgian is taking leave from his rocker", huh? But I must assure you, that behind my madness is, what you English say... method.
[Poirot lifts the cover of the hidden object on the table; revealing a small, simple, leather suitcase]
Hercule: [sotto voce] Voila! A suitcase!
[slightly sarcastic]
Hercule: How interesting!
[normal]
Hercule: Of course, nothing's interesting about suitcases.
[chuckles]
Hercule: But you may know that suitcases... have contents.
[Poirot opens the suitcase very slowly but full of anticipation; the audience of the passengers watch in expectation. Poirot opens the lid, gasps slightly and slowly lifts up the object in the suitcase... which is revealed to be a cute, porcelain doll]
Mrs: [smiling; recognizing] Why... It's a doll!
Hercule: Ah! Yes, a doll. Now, this doll... is an important witness to the truth of the death of Madame Clapperton.
[pause]
Hercule: But how does it know? It is a doll. But THIS is a doll...
[sotto voce]
Hercule: ...That can speak!
[Poirot makes the doll turn towards him, so that their faces are parallel from one another and their noses are two inches apart; the passengers look at him as if he had lost his mind, slightly disturbed]
Hercule: [he senses the passengers disbelief and quickly turns to them; rapid fire speech] You never seen dolls that could speak?
[normal voice]
Hercule: Of course, you have!
Hercule: [as he slowly and gently puts the doll back in the suitcase] All we need to do is to put the doll back into the suitcase, where she cannot be seen... She doesn't want to be seen; this little lady.
[to the concealed doll in the suitcase]
Hercule: Can you hear me, mon poupée?
Ismene: [as the doll's voice] Aye!
Hercule: [speaking loudly yet slowly] Now, Can you tell us... about the death... of Madame Clapperton?
Ismene: [imitating Madame Clapperton] What is it, John? The Door's locked... I don't want to be disturbed by the stewards.
Colonel: [he begins to twitch his eyes and hyperventilate; he glares at Poirot, who glares at him back sternly; revealing the Col. Clapperton is the murderer] You!
[He bolts forward]
Captain: [as he and Bates stop the enraged Col. Clapperton from reaching Poirot] Stop him!
Colonel: [after being restrained; he glares at the stern Poirot; finally caught; snarling with hatred] YES.

Captain: If you ask me, it just shows the danger of meeting anonymous women at the zoo.

Chief: How many men have ya got?
Sergeant: Men, sir? Heh, just the one, sir, him.
Chief: Well, you'll have to make optimum use of your resources, won't you?

[getting into Hastings' car]
Hercule: Not too fast, mind.
Captain: Don't worry, I won't go over 80.
Hercule: Kilometers?
Captain: Miles.

Hercule: I cannot eat these eggs. They are of totally different sizes.

[last lines]
Hercule: You know, Hastings, the worst kind of fanatic is the quiet, unobtrusive fanatic.
Fingler: And the worst kind of customer is the customer who can't keep still.
Hercule: Monsieur Fingler, this jacket, it is too tight.
Fingler: Oh, it is too tight, is it?
Hercule: Yes, I shall scarcely be able to button it up.
Fingler: Do you know why it is too tight?
Hercule: Because you made it too small.
Fingler: No, no, no, no. Because you have grown too big. This jacket has been made by last year's measurements. Now are we having a fitting or what?
Hercule: A fitting by all means, Monsieur Fingler.

Jesmond: I must apologize for the prince, Monsieur Poirot. He is, uh...
Hercule: Young? One is never too young to learn the manners!
Jesmond: Indeed, indeed. Unfortunately, the prince has never seen any reason to do so.

[Kitty Mooney is lying prostrate on her bed, crying. Pamela is trying to comfort her friend, but to now avail]
Pamela: [patting Kitty's shoulder soothingly] It's all right, Kitty.
[a knock on the door]
Pamela: Who is it?
Hercule: It is I, Hercule Poirot
[Kitty makes a small burst of crying]
Pamela: It's all right, Kitty...
[Pamela walks toward the door and opens it]
Hercule: Hello, Mademoiselle Cregan. May I come in, please? I have a question to ask you.
Pamela: Oh yes, do come in but... you see...
Hercule: I just have one question.
Pamela: I know, but... it's just that Kitty is making such a blessed racket.
Hercule: Oh dear, dear...
Pamela: [as Kitty sniffles and cries softy in the background] Well, she blames herself, you see... and me?
Hercule: [genuinely surprised] But how could she blame herself?
Pamela: Well, we did say terrible things about her.
Hercule: Ah, my dear Mademoiselle Cregan, if everyone on board who had said such unpleasant things about Madame Clapperton were to make as much noise as your friend, this boat would be a danger to shipping.
Pamela: [smiles; pats Kitty genty] There... It's all right, Kitty. see?
[Kitty lets out a prolonged sob]
Hercule: [genuinely compassionate] Oh...

Hercule: Chief Inspector Japp, I must ask you to trust me as you have never trusted me before.
Chief: Here we go.

Hercule: [after Japp suggests tea in his home] Do you have, perhaps, a tisane?
Chief: Oh, come off of it, Poirot. This is...

Hercule: I am the dog who stays on a scent, Commander, and does not leave it.

Alexander: I just had to come and say "Thank you," Mr. Poirot. You are a very great man.
Chief: Oh, he knows that.

Patricia: [singing] Life is just a bowl of cherries/ Life is too mysterious/ you work, you play, you worry so/ But you can't get your dough when you glow, glow, glow, glow...

Simeon: You don't look very tough.
Hercule: Hercule Poirot is a detective not a bodyguard, monsieur.

[last lines]
Chief: Must be depressing for you when that sort of thing happens, eh, Poirot.
Hercule: What sort of thing?
Chief: Why, everything working out for the best: some married couple ready for a second honeymoon, orphan children reunited with their parents.
Hercule: Yes, it is hard, hm. But we must put on it the brave face, huh. And not allow cheerfulness to keep breaking through.
Hercule: [laughing] Drive on, Hastings.

Hercule: I am a student of the psychology, and throughout this case I have been looking not for a man or a woman who has the bad temper, because the bad temper is in itself a safety valve. No, I have been looking for someone who has the patience, the temperament to play the part of the underdog.

Jane: It was justice, and you call it murder?
Hercule: Because it IS murder! The man you wished to entrap is already in prison! Do you wish to destroy him as well? Do you wish to do as he did, to take the life of another human being?
[pause]
Jane: No. I wish that, but I can't.

Simeon: [Telephone rings] Hercule Poirot?
Hercule: Yes, it is I Hercule Poirot who speaks.

Captain: The Queen Mary? Poirot, you're going too far.
Hercule: No, Hasting, I'm going nowhere. Even to contemplate such a matter gives me the mal de mare.

Judge: John Cavendish, you are charged with the murder of your mother, Mrs. Emily Rose Inglethorp on Tuesday nineteenth day of June, 1917. How do you plead?
John: Not guilty.

Hercule: [to Marjorie Gold] Leave this island if you value your life.

Hercule: Hastings, would you please stop tapping your nose in that theatrical manner and tell me all you know?

Margaret: I bet you'd guessed who'd stolen the pearls by the second interval, Monsieur Poirot.
Hercule: Not at all, Madame, it was a question that ceased to occupy my mind long before the first.

Bonnington: To my good friend, Hercule Poirot.
Hercule: Bon.
Bonnington: For whom life without mystery would be like... roast beef without the mustard.
Hercule: C'est la vérité, mon ami.

Captain: I've never known you place much faith in intuition.
Hercule: Intuition, Hastings, often describes some fact that is so deeply buried in the subconscious that the subject is not aware of its existence.

Marcus: [seeing Poirot is leaving] But you haven't found my son yet!
Hercule: I will give you the address of where he is being held.
[hands Mr Waverly a piece of paper]
Marcus: [looks at the paper] It's blank!
[Poirot turns and looks at Mr Waverly]
Hercule: That is because I am waiting for you to write the address on it. You will take Captain Hastings and me to the boy, now. If you do not, Madame Waverly will be informed of the series of events that made up this dastardly crime.

Captain: [Looking over a rock ledge at a valley spread out in the distance] Wonderful position here, Poirot.
Hercule: If you are a rock it is wonderful.

Hercule: Hastings, Miss Lemon has an admirer.
Captain: No!

Hercule: No no no, Hastings! It is no use! Not to take this case is for Poirot more hard work than to take it!
[Poirot unable to resist a mystery]

[last lines]
James: I'm honoured that you took up my invitation. I'm sure it was a most enlightening experience for our listeners.
Hercule: Thank you.
Receptionist: Mr Ackerley! They've been trying to find you. The switchboard's been flooded with callers.
Hercule: Ah...
Receptionist: Complaining about the dreadful accent. Lowering the standard of spoken English. All that sort of thing.
James: Oh.
Receptionist: Sir John Reith's waiting to see you in his office.
James: So sorry. Messieurs.
Chief: Don't take it too hard, Poirot.
Hercule: Indeed no. I am not at all surprised.
Captain: You're not?
Hercule: No. Chief Inspector, you really ought to look to your elocution.
Chief: So help me, there's nothing wrong with my lingo!
Hercule: You see, that is exactly the kind of expression like "'alf a mo" that brings the language into disrepute. Come, Hastings. I shall lend to the Chief Inspector my personal copy of 'The English as She Should be Spoken'.
[exits the building]
Hercule: Taxi!

[repeated line]
1st: [in a thick Arabian accent] Miss? Miss? Miss?

Hercule: The Americans always put the month before the day, Hastings.
Captain: Ah!
Hercule: Yes, they're very backward people.

[Poirot and Hastings have arrived at the archeological dig in Egypt. Poirot is slapping and brushing away sand off his clothes, muttering and coughing in frusteration. Dr. Fosswell sees him]
Dr. Fosswell: Are you Mr. Poirot?
Hercule: [tersely] What is left of him, yes!

Hercule: I am sure you will find a way to explain this whole affair. Otherwise, I would not be so willing to give you a second chance.
Marcus: Yes. I'll do anything to avoid a scandal.
Hercule: Precisely. Honor is everything, eh?

[first lines]
Valerie: I'm not sure we should expect to see each other again.
Young: I couldn't bear that. I have to see you again.
Valerie: Please.
Young: God! You're so beautiful.
Valerie: Ahmed... I'm married.
Henry: No! No! No!
Bunny: Alright, everybody, cut! Cut!

Chief: [Poirot has a slight cold] How's the cold, Poirot?
Hercule: It is *not* a cold! It is a deadly fever!

John: [seeing Poirot] Well, I'll be jiggered!
Molly: What is it?
John: I'd know that egghead anywhere.

Chief: That's something in your line, Poirot. You like chasing about after the kind of triviality that leads nowhere.

[last lines]
Hercule: That is enough! The office of Poirot is closed for business. Miss Lemon, cover up your typewriter. Good day to you, Chief Inspector Japp.
[Hastings sneezes]
Hercule: And, Hastings. will you please go home and nurse your unfortunate affliction.

Chief: If there was to be any rough stuff, I don't know as Mr. Poirot'd be the first person I'd think of. Brainwork, yes. Rough stuff, dubious.

Julia: I've never heard of a dentist committing suicide before. Wouldn't happen in the States, you can be sure of that; they're too damn rich to kill themselves!

[Hastings' car has broke down in the middle of the countryside; Hastings is on his hands and knees, trying to fix the car and figure out what was going on; all the while, Poirot is getting impatient and frustrated]
Hercule: This is not what I want to hear, Hastings.
Captain: Eh?
Hercule: [curtly] I want to hear *WHAT is WAS*, NOT what is was NOT!
[pause; Poirot glares at Hastings]
Hercule: [indignant] And Better Still, I Want To Hear The MOTOR!

Hercule: [to Japp, referring to Hastings' new camera] The new toy. I give it two, perhaps three weeks.

[first lines]
Nicholai: Spasibo.

[last lines]
Captain: [to Mr. Cust] Just down below the rapids was a native canoe, obviously in some kind of trouble. And I suddenly realised that they were being pursued by something rather horrid.

Hercule: [reading a brochure for a fitness program] 'Use your vigour to keep your figure.' Absurd! There is nothing wrong with the body of Poirot. He is in the peak of condition!

General: You should get a bit of exercise, Miss Henderson. Does you no good sitting around thinking, you know.
Ellie: No, I know. Unfortunately, my religion forbids it at this time of year.
General: Oh... Oh!

[Hercule Poirot is getting ready for the theater; he puts on his overcoat, his muffler and his hat. He anticipates a sneeze, reaching for his handkerchief, only to find the sneeze anticipation has gone away. He heaves a sigh of relief. He walks toward the door offscreen, when...]
Hercule: [sneezing] AA-CHOO!
[he clicks off the lights]

Tom: But what about the search, Mr Poirot. Your Mr McNeil was pretty insistent.
Hercule: I assure you, officer, Mr McNeil does not belong to me.

[first lines]
Archie: Billy-old morning, Uncle Harry.
Harrington: They'll sort you out a loader.

James: That's the joy of radio. The visual appearance is all in the mind. It's amazing what we get away with sometimes.

Chief: Never mind about jumping to conclusions, Poirot. This is a murder we're dealing with.

Hercule: One can always tell when the summer, it is arrived.
Captain: It's in the air, eh?
Hercule: No, Hastings, it is in the speed of your driving!

[first lines]
Jessie: Come on, you have a go.

Hercule: Madam, how would you describe the politics of your ex-husband?
Mrs: Torpid. He never had a political thought in his life.

[last lines]
Hercule: Now, close your little book and eat your dinner.

Hercule: Merely because a man does not offer you a drink, Hastings, does not mean that he is necessarily guilty of other crimes.

[first lines]
Danvers: [shoots a rook] Damn pests!
[Jonathan knocks the body of the rook out of the tree, then stumbles and falls]
Susan: Jack!
[she runs to him]
Susan: I'm here, darling, I'm here.
Jonathan: It's all right, Susan. I just stumbled, that's all.

Japp: What are you doing here, Poirot?
Hercule: I have come to rescue you, mon ami.

Miss: Anyone who claims to have been stag-hunting in the Bois de Boulogne, Mister Poirot, has been seriously misinformed about life on the Continent!

Tom: But what about the search, Mr. Poirot? You're Mr. McNeil was pretty insistent.
Hercule: I assure you, officer, Monsieur McNeil does not belong to me.

Miss: It's only been three weeks since your last case.
Hercule: Three weeks is an eternity to a brain like mine. Without the constant stimulation, my little grey cells will starve to death. Already you can see I am suffering the effects.
[He has a cold]

Hercule: I have a dinner engagement with my dentist.
Captain: Your dentist? Positively morbid.
Miss: But you're always trying to avoid him.
Hercule: Not at all. Off duty, he's quite charming. Besides, he likes to see the end product at work.

Hercule: Nature gives to the quarry of the viper a chance to identify his attacker. If every killer was as clearly marked, I would be without a job.

Captain: I didn't know you were so keen on opera, Poirot.
Hercule: Generally, mon ami, I am not. But the Rigoletto: The father who is jealous. His daughter, she is dishonored, so he plans the murder parfait, but he has failed to understand the psychology. The result: catastrophe! That is what interests me.
Captain: Well, it does have a couple of good tunes, I suppose.

Captain: Miss Lemon says he makes pies.
Hercule: Makes pies! Hastings, to say that Benedict Farley makes pies is like saying that... Wagner wrote semi-quavers.
Captain: Oh, they're good pies, are they?
Hercule: No, horrible. But there are a great many of them.

Hercule: Things are moving quickly, my friend - perhaps too quickly!

[Hercule Poirot has just discovered a man is in his apartment, searching for something and has chased him out of the building. The man - M. Beaujeu is gasping for breath and is clinging to the side of a car]
Hercule: M. Beaujeu? Are you alright?
Gaston: [as Jean-Louis loosed his tie so he can breathe and Virginie takes off his hat so he can cool off; weakly] My heart, Poirot... Pills... in the coat pocket...
Hercule: [while he finds something suspicious about the bottle; calmly] Don't worry, Monsieur... We'll get you to a hospital.

[last lines]
Jean: I would like you to meet my two sons.
Hercule: Your two son...
Jean: This is Henri.
Hercule: Henri.
Jean: And this brave fellow is Hercule.
Hercule: Hercule! You are indeed fortunate to have such fine sons. Henri, he has a look of someone, yes? No, perhaps I am wrong. Non, I am right; Hercule also, there is a definite resemblance to someone I know.
Jean: My wife, perhaps.
Hercule: Virginie!
Virginie: Hello, Hercule.
Hercule: Bonsoir, Madame Ferraud. I was just saying to Jean-Louis that he was always the most fortunate of men.

Hercule: [after a night at the theater watching a mystery play] And the theater has made my cold even worse!

[Poirot has just pulled up in a cab outside and is waving his hands at the driver]
Mary: What on earth is he doing?
Lieutenant: I think he's giving the driver a lesson.

Captain: What a stunning girl, though.
Hercule: I sometimes think, mon ami, that you are too easily stunned.

Julia: I hope this is a matter of importance, Alistair. That Belgian detective sent a most insolent message to us.

Chief: Well, at least she came quietly. There's a nice, tidy end to the whole business.
Hercule: I do not think so, Chief Inspector. Come, Miss Lemon.
Chief: Oh, no.

[last lines]
Hercule: You know, mon ami, about this game you were right all the time. It is the skill that counts in the end.

Hercule: Madam, you are the most remarkable, the most unique woman that I have ever met. But also...
Countess: Opposites.
Hercule: C'est ca. You must continue your work and I must continue mine. But not in the same country.

Hercule: Ah, chief inspector. You have been thinking again. I have warned you of this before.
Japp: Oh, well.

Captain: [referring to Poirot] You know what he's like when he hasn't had a case for a few weeks. I thought a nice afternoon at a garden fête might cheer him up a bit.
Hercule: Taxi!
Chief: Hmmm, about the only thing that's going to cheer him up today is the discovery of a body in the Lucky Dip.
[Hastings and Japp laugh]

Jack: [to Harrington Pace] Damn you! I sometimes wonder which of us was born a bastard.

Chief: We're doing our own little test right now. Down at the mortuary. Perhaps you'd rather wait in the taxi, Miss Lemon.
Miss: No, thank you. I did help in the hospital morgue during the war.
Hercule: More filing, Miss Lemon?
Miss: Mister Poirot!

Hercule: Hastings, what a cracksman was lost when Hercule Poirot decided to become the world's greatest detective.

Nigel: [to the two Egyptian natives who are carrying the throne of Men-her-rah] Now, mind the legs.
[Scraping sound is heard]
Nigel: [tersely and quickly] MIND-THE-LEGS!

Captain: [about Poirot] Well, he's always been middle-aged. Have you seen that photograph of him at his christening?
Miss: [chuckling] I know!
Captain: He looks as though he's about to address a board meeting!
Hercule: [appears] Who looks as if he's about to address a board meeting?

[Hercule Poirot is breathing his Friars Balsam inhalant for his cold; his face covered with a towel. After sneezing three times, he takes the towel off, looking very under the weather, sweaty and exhausted]
Hercule: [sotto voce] Ah, Mon Deu! Ah, suffit!
Miss: [walking into the room; matter-of-fact] Nah, ah! Mr. Poirot, you only done seven minutes. You'll never cure your cold if you do not follow the instructions.
Hercule: [congested] I can't imagine a method so undignified can cure anything, Miss Lemon. And so now I've got the back ache too... Anything in the mail, Miss Lemon?
Miss: [setting his tea down on the table] Yes, and there's nothing for you. it's been only three weeks since your last case.
Hercule: Three weeks? Three weeks is an eternity for a brain like mine!
[very distressed and melodramatic]
Hercule: Without the constant stimulation, my little gray cells will starve and die! Already, you see, I am suffering the effects!
[Poirot begins dabbing his forehead with a handkerchief as he whimpers softly]

Hercule: Countess, please allow me to introduce two colleagues of mine. Monsieurs Redfern and Blake.
Blake: Good evening, ma'am.
Hercule: They are, like myself, private detectives.
Countess: Do you really think I need an escort?
Hercule: No, no, no. They are for your protection. During your short visit in England, there have been four very clever robberies. I would not wish you to be involved in a fifth.
Countess: Of course.

Captain: I don't think you've got any imagination at all, Poirot.
Hercule: That is true, mon ami. But fortunately, you have enough for both of us. It is extremely valuable to me.

Mrs. Hubbard: I know it's a wicked thing to say, but I think she might have been a secret drinker.
Chief: After all the bottles we found in her room, there's no secret about it.

Giraud: Monsieur Poirot.
Hercule: Monsieur Giraud.
Giraud: [hands over his pipe for losing to Poirot] This is yours, I think.
Hercule: No, monsieur. You may keep your pipe. But from this moment, each time you light, it you'll think of Hercule Poirot.
Giraud: Yes, I will.

[first lines]
Captain: Looks just like a patchwork quilt, doesn't it?
Hercule: [eyes closed tight, clutching armrest] No!
Captain: Well, it does to me. Does to everybody else.
Hercule: Not to Poirot!
Captain: Oh, I suppose you don't think that looks like a great mass of cotton wool.
Hercule: No!
Captain: I don't think you've got *any* imagination at all, Poirot.
Hercule: [opens his eyes] That is true, mon ami. But fortunately you have enough for both of us; it is extremely valuable to me.