50 Best NCIS: Los Angeles Quotes

Eric: There's no "I" in team, but there is in Eric.

Sam: Wake up!
[Hand slams down on table]
Sam: Come on man this is important. What's your operating budget?
DEA: Uh, I'm not sure exactly.
Sam: $2.8 billion dollars last year. What's the ATF's? No? $1.2 billion. Oh don't feel bad. The FBI gets $9.5. You know what my agency gets? Take a guess.
DEA: $1, $2 bil.
Sam: $780 million. Yeah that's with an 'M'. To operate around the globe.
DEA: Seriously, man don't you need to sleep?
Sam: Come on, Sanchez, stay with me. This is where it gets interesting. I'm here with you, right? LAPD has my boss and one of my coworkers. Now think. who has more money than all our federal agencies combined? The CIA. They have a budget of $52.6 billion dollars. That we know of. Who else has the power to manipulate both your Department of Justice and my Department of Defense? You see it? We're being played. You need some more coffee. And I need to speak to your Special Agent in Charge.

Hetty: I like to look at something familiar from a new perspective. The view from my office is different than the view from your office.
G. Callen: You wanted me to see her that way.
Hetty: I wanted you to see the whole picture. It wasn't strictly personal. Did you ask her about Sabatino?
G. Callen: You know I did, but that's not the point.
Hetty: Facing one's pain... head-on and cauterizing the wounds, it's true bravery. Ignoring, denying, deluding ourselves just, um, leads to more heartbreak.
G. Callen: I wonder if that really is her family.
Hetty: Does it matter, Mr. Callen? Lately, I see sunshine coming from the cracks in that wall you've been rebuilding and rebuilding around yourself.
G. Callen: Yeah, I'm gonna have that looked at.
Hetty: Mmm. I hated her just as much as you did for hurting you.

Anna: I'm like Gollum?
G. Callen: Get in the car, Precious.

Hollace: But you know, you worked really well with them, and I truly think that they could benefit from spending more time with someone with your experience, and I don't mind staying in Washington for a bit. I thought maybe we could work out some sort of an exchange?
Alden: Yeah, I'm gonna have to take a pass on that. Besides, I think this place is growing on you.
Hollace: Why do you hurt me?

Kensi: You are such an idiot.
Marty: Yeah, but I'm your idiot.

Corbin: [entering Ops] What are you all still doing here?
Owen: Just the usual cleanup before we hand things over.
Corbin: Is it usual for four of your team members to still be missing in Syria?
Owen: NCIS agents are active in 40 different countries around the globe on any given day. Somebody should have told you that.
Corbin: Save the show for the kids, Granger. You don't impress me.
Owen: That really hurts my feelings.
Corbin: I'm still waiting for your briefs.
Owen: Y'know, I'm more of a boxers guy - and I don't like to share. It's a personal quirk.

G. Callen: What do you think?
Sam: What do I think? I think you're embarrassing.
G. Callen: If I'm gonna pay a quarter of a million dollars for a carpet, the damn thing better fly.
Sam: [laughing] Ok, Aladdin!

Marty: I'm saying, start small. Hetty steps. You know, just get a tiny tree.
G. Callen: Why don't you just burn my house down and save me the hassle?
Marty: Nell, can you please tell Callen to let joy into his life?
Nell: Actually, Christmas trees start over 200 house fires every year.
G. Callen: [fist bumps Nell] Mmm-hmm.
Marty: [sarcastically] Who hurt you?
Nell: [chuckles]

Hetty: [a Mini Cooper crashes through a wall and takes out the bad guy. After the car stops, Hetty steps out] I can't leave you damn kids alone for a minute?

Marty: Kensi Marie Blye...
Kensi: No, no, no. Don't do this right now.
Marty: Why?
Kensi: Not like this.
Marty: You don't like it?
Kensi: I love it, it's beautiful... it's really beautiful.
Marty: I envisioned it differently in my head. At some point I thought I was gonna ride in on a big white horse and that I would be shirtless, because that's awesome, and then just a road full of rose petals. Listen, the details are inconsequential. What's important is I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Kensi: I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it like this. It's not fair, I'm not doin' it.
Marty: Like what?
Kensi: Like this, Deeks. Like this, with this thing and this stupid...
Marty: Stop, stop, stop! You're not gonna be in a wheelchair, you understand? And if you were, it wouldn't matter to me 'cause I wanna spend the rest of my- stop- I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. It doesn't matter. I love you.
Kensi: It matters to me. I am not doing this to you. It is not fair.

G. Callen: Jenkins bus just got off the freeway. He should be here any minute.
Marty: You know, I think you might be on to something there.
G. Callen: About Jenkins?
Marty: Not Jenkins! About Kensi and me. About maybe our thing, maybe our tradition should be we do new things.
G. Callen: Well, you don't have kids, no responsibilities. No reason not to go to Fiji in December.
Marty: Ooh, the waves are firing this time of year.
G. Callen: It's also, uh, summertime in Argentina right now.
Marty: Oh, my God. Kensi doing the salsa?
G. Callen: [excitedly] Did you see that?
Marty: What?
G. Callen: I just saved Christmas!
[Deeks chuckles]
G. Callen: I did!
Marty: Fair enough, Rick Steves. What about you? You got nothing tying you down.
G. Callen: Ah, I hate airport lines.
Marty: But you have a car.
G. Callen: I grew up in and out of other peoples houses. I appreciate the chance to stay put in my own.
Marty: Yeah, but your place doesn't even have a Tiki bar. In fact, your place doesn't even have chairs.
G. Callen: Not true. I have a dining room set.
Marty: I'll be sure to alert Architectural Digest.
G. Callen: [chuckles]

Jane: Seriously, how do you guys work here?
Sam: What do you mean?
Jane: Oh. You're like the two crazy old cat ladies who don't even realize their own house smells.
Sam: [laughs] Something like that.

G. Callen: Hold on a second- why is NCIS getting involved?

Marty: I mean, is it bad I feel bad for the bad guys?

Marty: What does he need sniper rifle for?
Nina: Didn't you just say there are highly skilled operatives trying to kill him? Hello! Aren't you supposed to be a detective?
Marty: Was a detective. Now I'm an investigator.
Nick: Wait? You're not a special agent? Huh.
Nina: This is awkward.

G. Callen: Deeks, take Hetty in the Audi.
Marty: All right.
Hetty: We'll take my car.
Marty: Uh, Miss Daisy isn't supposed to drive.
Hetty: [shrugs] Come on.
Marty: All right.
[Cuts to them in a car, tires screeching as it stops, Deeks screams]
Marty: Fraggle Rock! Oh...
[inhales sharply]
Hetty: We must have beat Callen and Sam.
Marty: Yeah I think we also beat the sound barrier. Yay. You, by chance, weren't the one that taught Nell how to drive, were you?
Hetty: No, I-I gave her a few defensive driving lessons.
Marty: Yeah, i can see that.
Hetty: You should probably get a haircut.
Marty: Oh, don't worry. Next time, I'll wear a helmet. Possibly a parachute. Definitely a diaper.
G. Callen: [Callen and Hanna pull up and get out of the car] Told you she was fast.
Sam: How'd you beat us here?
Hetty: I took a shortcut.
Marty: It was a sidewalk. You took a sidewalk.

Sam: Nicole Ross.
Nicole: Look, if you don't want people to know about your Vegas orgies, don't have Vegas orgies.
Sam: Wrong agency. We're NCIS.
Nicole: Sorry about that, Captain.
[Then looks to Kolcheck]
Nicole: Tenille.
Anna: We're here about Gregory Jenkins.

Kensi: O-Oh... I want ALL of it!
Sam: This is... impressive.

G. Callen: Memories. Well, maybe not in your case.
Joelle: You're expecting an apology.
G. Callen: Is there a reason why we're not having this conversation at the Lompoc Women's Prison?
Joelle: I was doing my job. W-We've gone over this multiple times. It's almost like you're the one who got hit in the head.
G. Callen: Mm-hmm. And, uh, Mr. GQ, I take it that's your next mark?
Joelle: It's my husband. You could have really ruined things for me. Showing up like that.
G. Callen: That's your real family? How old is your kid?
Joelle: 6
G. Callen: So when we were... together... you had a three year old son at home?
Joelle: Anything else I can help you with, Callen?
G. Callen: No. No, I'm good.

Marty: I think, I should just stop believing in fairtales. And that breaks my heart a little bit.

Kensi: Martin Deeks, will you marry me?
Marty: No, come on, baby. You gotta stand up. You can't do this.
Kensi: Deeks, I think I just did.
Marty: No, but you can't, because the guy, the guy has to, the guy has to propose.
Kensi: Really? Because I think it's 2017, and you kinda had your shot.
Marty: Not to be a stickler for detail, but I've proposed to you three times if you count the very romantic time I proposed to you while you were in a coma. Baby, what are you doing?
Kensi: Life is really short, Deeks. I mean, we saw that today, and we see it every day. And I don't know how much time either one of us has left, but I do know this: I want to spend the rest of what I have with you. So what's gonna be?
Marty: I don't know, this is a lot for a girl to process.
Kensi: You are such an idiot.
Marty: I love you.
Kensi: I love you.
Marty: Yes, absolutly, what the hell, yes.
Marty: My god, did that just happen?
Marty: Well, I got to be honnest, I thought that, uh, thought it'd have a little more bling to it.
Kensi: Oh, no. You know me. I'm more bang than bling.
Marty: That's right. Sunshine and gunpowder.

Kensi: [Kensi to Deeks in a phone call] I love you to the end of time and back.

Kensi: [Kensi's letter to Deeks in the box] This was my father's ring. I first remember it from when he'd wash my tiny little hands in his as a little girl. He wore it even after my parents split and only took it off when he went on a mission. He'd leave it with me as a promise that he'd always come back and be there to protect me. And then one day he didn't. His ring was my link to him, and I clung to it desperately. I no longer felt safe, and I knew I would never feel that much love in my life ever again. No one could live up to my dad. But I was wrong. Because you came into my life, and you showed me what it is to be truly loved and feel safe again. There is no one in this world that means what you do to me. This ring was everything. And now it's yours - because I cherish you. Love is endless. I'm yours now and forever. P.S.: Don't you dare lose it.

Hetty: This is a day to celebrate friends and family and the love that binds us all.

Horace: You know, I've known you long enough to know that there are few things in this world that you like more than your work here and ah... and talking incessantly.
[Deeks laughs]
Horace: Now, now that being said, only a fool like me comes in on his day off. You are not me.
Marty: Yeah. It's just this whole process for being a foster parent. They got Kensi and I jumping through all these hoops just to prove that we can provide a loving home. So, every facet of our lives has been probed and prodded and dissected. It's like a white-glove inspection on steroids. And just when you think you've done enough, right, that you're good, and then this social worker came by today and just took a wrecking ball to everything. Whatever.
[sighs heavily]
Horace: I have dedicated my life to the Navy, and I am proud of the career I've had, but I would be remiss if I didn't, uh, acknowledge the other side of that coin. My wife wanted a husband, my son wanted a father, and I was neither. At least my wife knew what she was getting into. My son didn't have a choice. And there is not a day goes by that I don't question whether it was all worth it. Hmph. Oof. If only the process for biological parents were half as stringent as what you and Agent Blye are going through, then perhaps my son could have enjoyed his teenage years instead of spending them in rehab.
Marty: I'm sorry. Is he okay?
Horace: I wouldn't know. It's been ten years since we spoke.
Marty: Well, it's not too late to fix it.
Horace: No, no. Afraid that ship has sailed.
Marty: I guarantee he doesn't hate you half as much as I hated my father. I mean, I shot the guy. In all fairness, he was pointing a gun at my mother and I, and I was eleven years old, but I still shot him. And then I stopped talking to him. And now he's dead.
[chuckles]
Marty: What's crazy about that is that, despite all that, if he would have asked for a second chance, I would have given it to him in a heartbeat. You know, just to see, as hopeless as it may have been, just to see if there was any way to salvage that relationship. My point is, I think you should call him. Like it or not, you're still his father

Marty: So suddenly, he pulls the stick out of the alligator's mouth and at the last possible second steps back right before the powerful jaws slam down. He says "I will give anybody 100 bucks to do this exact same trick." And he looks around. Everybody's shaking their head, like "Hell no, there's no way I'm doing that." Until this one skinny, tattooed arm raises into the sky, right? And its this old toothless hooker. And she says "You know what, I'll give it a go, but I'm not sure that stick's gonna fit in my mouth."

Marty: Kens! What are we doing?
Kensi: I wanna have kids with you.
Marty: What? We're making babies?
Kensi: We can sell the house. We can all live in a sprinter van. And, we can teach the kids how to surf, and we can teach them French, and we can collect berries.
Marty: OK, yeah but baby, baby, I don't speak French and some berries are poisonous and the kids gotta be in school.
Kensi: That's OK because we can home school them in the van, it's totally fine.
Marty: OK, this is a terrible plan.
Kensi: What, homeschooling them in the van, or the rope?
Marty: I mean, both.
Kensi: It's OK now, you know why? Because the great news is, even the worst plan in the world is better than scraping your remains off the ceiling.
Marty: And there it is, there's the touché.

Kensi: I've got fresh prints.
Marty: Of Bel-Air?

Marty: You are the reason that I know that hope and kindness are real.
Kensi: Because of you, I believe in happy endings.
Marty: The truth is that you are gunpowder, the kind that ignites those around you to do what's right, the spark that pushes me to be better than I ever thought I could be.
Kensi: You're my best friend, my hope, my reason to keep going, and I vow to be the same for you.
Marty: You are my favorite thing. And this, right now, is my favorite moment.
Kensi: I promise you love, understanding, patience, but above all I promise you my heart... You were right, it turns out it's a love story.

Marty: They've already kidnapped an NCIS agent. They're probably torturing him as we speak!
Nina: Is he always this high strung?
Nick: I just met him.
Nina: Mmmm. I'm sorry for your loss.

Roberta: What are you doing, Marty?
Marty: You, me, dance floor, right now. We're doing this.
Roberta: Everybody's looking.
Marty: Don't worry about them, don't worry about anybody, because the truth is that I will look like a fool ten times over before I ever let you look like a fool in front of anybody. Even if that means I have to accidentally trip and Huck my carcass into the chocolate fountain at my own wedding. Nice and easy, it's not so bad, right?
Roberta: Speak for yourself.
Marty: Hey. It doesn't matter who's watching. It doesn't matter what dress you're wearing. It doesn't matter what we're dancing to. Because the only thing that matters is you did a great job with me, Mama. And I want everybody to know that. More importantly, I want you to know that. You know that, right?
Roberta: Oh, thanks, Boo.
Marty: Do you think you can manage that at the wedding?
Roberta: I love you so much.
Marty: I love you, too. You ready for the big finish?
Roberta: What big finish?
Marty: Trust me. Come here.
Roberta: Oh, wow. We're gonna dance like we're in the '60s, like we're hippies? I was a good hippies.
Marty: I bet you were the best hippie.

[Hetty's phone's ringing]
Owen: You want to answer that?
Hetty: Uh... not really. What about you?
Owen: Hell, no.

Assistant: Have you killed Eric? I suggest you cover it up. I'm not in the mood for that paperwork.
Sam: Nah, I left him at Westside Electric. He needed to upload some new software, and I needed to stop listening to his Mannheim Steamroller playlist.

Nell: Hi. Do you need us for anything else?
[Hetty and Granger are drinking whiskey]
Owen: No.
Hetty: You're welcome to join us.
Eric: It's 6:30 in the morning.
Owen: Well, you can pour it on your Fruit Loops.
Hetty: The hell he can.
Nell: Hmm, I think we'll take a pass.

G. Callen: [Team leaves ops] We're gonna be stuck here for a while, we might as well be productive.
Marty: Does watching surfing on my laptop count as productive?
[Callen chuckles]
Kensi: Deeks and I will grab the weapons from the cars and prep them.
G. Callen: Alright. Sounds good. We'll file the after-action reports.
Sam: We? You got a frog in your pocket?

Nell: Please tell me you have something. I'm getting an awful lot of heat from DARPA and NMOTC
G. Callen: And it's just a matter of time before the rest of the acronyms join in

Hetty: *Martin*!
Marty: [Deeks wakes up] Did I miss the bus?
[Deeks looks at Hetty and yells after he is startled, then Hetty jumps back, startled]
Marty: You're not my mom.
Hetty: Oh *hell* no!

Sam: She is a very good mum!
G. Callen: Because of the ice cream deprivation?
Sam: Refined sugar causes childhood obesity and diabetes...
G. Callen: ...and happiness!
G. Callen: I think there is a place for moderation otherwise the kida are constantly craving the things they can't have.
Sam: Thank you, Dr. Spock!

[after setting explosives inside the crater where Callen is held, Katya and Vavara sit in a car some distance away, waiting to hear the explosion as soon as someone attempts to break into the crater]
Vavara: How does it feel to finally kill him?
Katya: [shakes her head] I thought it would feel good. But... it just brings me as much emotion as drinking a glass of water.
[Vavara nods]
Katya: Ironically, Callen is one of the only people who really knew how dead I am inside.
[pause]
Vavara: We should go.
[pause]
Vavara: [looks at Katya] You won. It's over.
Katya: No. I have to hear the explosion.
[Anna finds the crater and attempts to break in, unaware of the trap Katya and her henchmen set]

Marty: Kensi we got four minutes! Please stop. I need to tell you something. Baby sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I can't breath.
Kensi: What?
Marty: I wake up and the world is narrow, and claustrophobic, and I feel like my, my chest is caving in and I feel like I'm gonna die.
Kensi: What? What?
Marty: But then, I look at you - granted you're usually drooling on yourself and snoring like a chubby dachsund - but just knowing that you're there, and that somehow in all of this madness that you chose me... It makes my whole body relax, and I have this thing that I can only describe as peace. Baby I look at you, and I see us, and I can fall back to sleep.
Kensi: This can't be the end. Not like this.
Marty: It's OK. Hey, look at me. You're the best thing that ever happened to me and I love you.
Kensi: I love you.

Assistant: [Talking to the agents after an epic TV cop shootout about something TV cops never do] That was a major shooting incident. I'm sure you have lots of paperwork to handle.

Katya: The future bends to the will of the strongest.

Special: There's something you need to see.
[pulls up a postcard from David Kessler]
Special: This came in at NCIS headquarters in Quantico.
Kensi: Kessler.
G. Callen: That's definitely the Santa Monica pier.
Kensi: "Dear Agent Blye. How right you were. Life is too short. Wish you were here. David".
Sam: The good news: He doesn't know where you work when he sent this to you.
G. Callen: Let's do a forensic analyst. See if it's authentic. We don't know if he's here in LA.
Sam: If it's authentic, let's do a deep dive too see if there's a composite to when it was taken, then check the security footage.
Marty: Maybe we can use that to track him down.
G. Callen: Hold on. The trouble is he was pardoned by our former President. So far he's a free man who's done nothing illegal.
Marty: Come on, life's too short. That's an obvious threat to a federal officer.
Kensi: It's a minimal threat, Deeks. It'll never get a confession.
Sam: Let's just find him before he finds Kensi.

Kensi: You are a good man, Martin Deeks. And very good one.

Kensi: Are you happy? You finally got me in the kitchen.

Owen: Listen, everybody in the world's dealing with something.
Jennifer: Are you gonna get in trouble for doing your own thing today?
Owen: No. I'm the Assistant Director; I get to do what I want.
Jennifer: Granger.
Owen: What's up?
Jennifer: I want out.
Owen: Okay.
Jennifer: I'll tell you everything I know, but I'll need...
Owen: I'll protect you.

Nick: You haven't arrested her because?
Marty: That's a good question. She's retired. She's been helpful on other cases, but most importantly, she has shared history with Admiral Kilbride.
Nick: Shared history? What kind of history? Professional? Sexual?
Marty: What?
Nick: Yeah? No?
Marty: I don't know. Oh, now I've got that in my head.

Marty: No. No, no, no. Look at that. The-the angles are shoddy, the lines are drooping.
G. Callen: Looks fine to me.
Marty: Uh, no offense, this is kind of my area of expertise.
G. Callen: Oh yeah? You and Kens gonna light up the neighbourhood Griswold style?
Marty: Yeah I wanted to, but she wasn't really down this year.
G. Callen: Yeah, she's been through a lot. You'll always have next year.
Marty: I was really looking forward to decking the crap out of those halls.
G. Callen: I never really got it, I mean all that work for so little time.
Marty: Buddy, it's about the tradition.
G. Callen: Why not just do something different every year? Make that your tradition.
Marty: No, not the same thing. You know what, when I was growing up, no matter how crazy things got around the house, my mom made sure that the holidays were the one constant in our life.
G. Callen: I can see it now, Little Deeks out on the farm with a hot chocolate, looking for the perfect tree.
Marty: Yeah, kind of, except for the farm was the back of an am/pm, and instead of hot chocolate, my mom was cranking menthols.
G. Callen: Right out of a Norman Rockwell painting.

Nick: Oh, yeah, that's right. They warned me. You're the sensitive one.
Marty: Who? Who warned you? That I was - *I'm* not the sensitive one. No, that's definitely Sam. Yeah, that's definitely Sam. You know, big and tough on the outside, soft and gooey on the inside. He's like a - like a human Hot Pocket.
Nick: Like a Hot Pocket.
Marty: Yeah.
Nick: I like that.
Marty: No, I'm more of a street dog, a lone wolf.
Nick: Oh, sure. Of course.
[chuckles]
Nick: Yeah, that explains the lack of grooming.