The Best Phillip Lukeather Quotes

Frank: Is that the man who barricaded himself in the building ?
Capt. Barney Miller: That's right
Frank: He's just an old man
Leonard K. Hauser: So ? He had a gun
Frank: Probably a veteran.
Phillip: Are you a veteran ?
Phillip: First and Second World War
Frank: For God sakes Miller: Blind people ? Dispossessed veterans ?
Capt. Barney Miller: I'm sorry. We attract an appealing class of criminal around here.
Frank: What are you trying to do ? Put the District Attorney Office out of business ?
Capt. Barney Miller: Look at the bright side Pissano. He had a weapon, that's a felony
Frank: Thanks a lot ! Every jury has at least three members of the National Rifle Association on it ! You probably have some medals, citations ?
Phillip: Purple Heart and a couple of Bronze Stars
Frank: Wonderful

Leonard K. Hauser: Do you have any idea how much money, you have cost me already: 25... 2600 dollars ?
Phillip: Good.
Leonard K. Hauser: Listen, I ought to take you to Civil Court and sue you for everything you got !
Phillip: Help yourself . That's everything I got -- two changes of clothes, my bird books ,and a hot pad
Leonard K. Hauser: If you flushed that nut out when I asked you to, I wouldn't have had to pay the demo crew seven hours overtime !
Det. Phil Fish: Was that middle initial "K" ?
Leonard K. Hauser: I may take the city to court !
Frank: I beg your pardon ?
Leonard K. Hauser: I said I may sue the city !
Frank: You ? I'd love to get you up on the stand baby ! A slumlord !
Leonard K. Hauser: Hey ! no names. I could you sue you, too.
Phillip: The city ought to sue him. Threatening people for rents, no decent plumbing, dangerous stairs
Frank: Immorality ! Human Degradation ! Good. Very Good
Leonard K. Hauser: He doesn't know what he is talking about.
Leonard K. Hauser: Ask him about the rats ?
Frank: The rats ! Beautiful !
Leonard K. Hauser: No rats in my building
Phillip: I've had three running around my apartment so long, I've even given them names
Leonard K. Hauser: I told you -- no pets
Det. Phil Fish: Mr. Hauser, here -- sign
Leonard K. Hauser: Take it easy . Don't rush me. I don't sign anything without reading it first.
Capt. Barney Miller: Is there something wrong, Mr. Hauser ?
Leonard K. Hauser: No, no there is nothing wrong here. I just, uh... want to take it home and read it over with my attorney and if it's all right, I'll sign it. I'll mail it in
Frank: See you in court Mr. Hauser
Leonard K. Hauser: Not necessarily
Frank: What's the matter ? You chicken ?
Leonard K. Hauser: No. No. I just happen to be a compassionate man. I know how to forgive and forget. Right Captain ?
Capt. Barney Miller: Right, Mr. Hauser.
Leonard K. Hauser: Learn how to be a human being, for God sakes

Leonard K. Hauser: Hey Captain, we got him. The old nut was running around with a gun threatening people. But the old cop talked him out
Capt. Barney Miller: See that Mr. Hauser ? I tell you, I'll take talking to tear gas any day.
Phillip: Listen Sergeant, believe me, it isn't the end of you life.
Det. Phil Fish: Yeah, yeah
Phillip: Retirement, isn't so bad. Once you get use to it, you'll find a way to be useful. Believe me.
Det. Phil Fish: I hope your right
Det. Phil Fish: Mr. Lukeather, Captain Miller
Capt. Barney Miller: Mr. Lukeather, your very lucky that it was Sergeant Fish who came to get you and not a Special Weapons Team
Leonard K. Hauser: I want this man charged with obstruction, assault and anything else you got on the books that I can use
Det. Phil Fish: Shut up ! Sit over there ! I'll fill out the complaint form.
Frank: Don't talk to a witness like that. A good defense attorney would have a field day with that sort of thing
Det. Phil Fish: They got to live, too

Capt. Barney Miller: Uh... Hold it. Mr. Lukeather, I wonder if you could do me a favor. Would it be possible to... uh... to help Mr. Roth here downstairs?
Phillip: Sure
Capt. Barney Miller: This is Mr. Lukeather. He just lost his home.
Leon: The guy with the gun. I heard
Phillip: I wouldn't shoot nobody.
Leon: It's okay with me
Capt. Barney Miller: Mr. Roth lives alone
Leon: Yeah ?
Capt. Barney Miller: He's been robbed many times. You can understand it ?
Leon: Sure.
Capt. Barney Miller: Well, listen, you can take him downstairs then, right ?
Phillip: Yeah
Leon: I'm usually very independent, but... this building scares me
Phillip: Everybody needs help sometimes
Det. Phil Fish: Mr Lukeather, here's the receipt for the -- your gun
Leon: Mr. Lukeather, which, uh... way do you go ?
Phillip: Don't make no difference, I got no place
Leon: Listen... uh... you're not one of those people who likes to rearrange the furniture, all the time, are you ?
Phillip: Who me ? No. I got a great respect for tradition
Leon: Good. That's good. Can you cook ?
Phillip: Yeah. You like chili ?
Leon: Chili. Yes, sir
Phillip: With red beans
Leon: I can't tell a red bean from a white bean. I'm blind.
Phillip: Don't worry, I'll handle it.
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana: Nice couple
Det. Phil Fish: Yeah. You got a real knack Barney
Capt. Barney Miller: Well. It was logical. What's more, I bet they make it
Det. Ron Harris: Ah... I bet they won't
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana: Your on
Det. Ron Harris: You lose