The Best Rachel McGuire Quotes

Rachel: So what am I?
Shawn: What are you?
Rachel: Yeah, I mean, you've made it really clear who everybody else is. Brothers, brothers, boyfriend and girlfriend, husband and wife. You all have this really strong bond between you. I mean, what's the strong bond between us?
Topanga: You think husband and wife is a strong bond? I wasn't even a part of their stupid team.
Cory: Topanga, will you pipe down with that, please?
Topanga: Aw, tell it to your boyfriend.
Shawn: [to Cory] Remember what I told you. Stand up to her.
Topanga: Unbelievable. Everybody is coming apart and they get closer?
[to Cory]
Topanga: I am your wife, nimrod!

Angela: [Shawn and Sergeant Moore are standing in Angela's doorway, dressed in their army uniforms] Will you stop bothering my father?
Sergeant: I asked him to come here, Angela.
Angela: Why?
Sergeant: Because I'm leaving and I wanted to say goodbye and I wanted to know that you are all right.
Angela: Yeah, well I'm better than all right. I'm in my new apartment with my friends, looking forward to the next part of *my* life.
Topanga: That's right, Sergeant Moore.
Rachel: Three women together.
Sergeant: Dismissed!
Topanga: Yes, sir.
Rachel: Gone sir!

Rachel: I wasn't talking about them, Topanga and I wasn't talking about you, either. For once, in all the time that we've known each other, I was talking about me. I was talking about how I feel.
Mr. George Feeny: How do you feel, Rachel?
Rachel: I feel like I don't fit in with these people and I don't think I ever have.

Jack: This isn't about any of that.
Mr. George Feeny: What is it about?
Angela: It's about they're jerks.
Jack: It's about that these friendships aren't what we thought they were.
Cory: Okay, well, boo-hoo to the both of you.
Topanga: Cory!
Cory: No, this is crazy. I mean, we pull a couple of pranks and suddenly we're not friends anymore?
Shawn: What kind of friends were we?
Rachel: Not. Not friends.
Cory: Okay, fine. We're not friends today. I'll see ya tomorrow.

Rachel: They went through my underwear drawer!
Cory: Oh Rachel, that's just ludicrous now!
Topanga: Did you?
Cory: [pointing at Shawn] He made me!
Shawn: My name is Shawn and I have a problem.

Rachel: We were going to watch a movie.
Cory: Movie?
Shawn: Dark.
Cory: Good. Movie good.
[Cory picks up a stack of videos on the coffee table]
Cory: All right. Let's see what you got. "Estrogen on Parade", "Put Down The Seat" and "These Shoes or These Shoes". Well, these are very lovely. However, no.
Shawn: Perhaps the girls are unaware of Jennifer Lopez vs. Carmen Electra on Celebrity Deathmatch. In pudding. On ponies.

Manager: Santa? Mrs C? Elf-boy? Yeah, I just got word that, uh, a busload of children from St. Mary's just arrived. Now, these are children without parents and no money at all so you know that that means.
Rachel: [sad] Yeah.
Manager: That they're not gonna buy anything so get rid of 'em as fast as you can. Ugh. Here comes the little darlings now.
[puts on a smile and excitedly walks towards the kids]
Manager: Hello you little darlings!
Eric: Wow.
Rachel: No parents.
Jack: That's really tough.
Eric: You know what? We should give them a little attention.

Rachel: So you take your middle name and you put it with the street that you live on.
Jack: And that's your soap opera name?
Eric: Yeah. Like mine is Kimberly Beaumont.
Eric: Jonathan Cumberland.
Jack: Eric, your middle name is Randall.
Eric: Tony Randall. The Odd Couple!
Jack: Don't you listen to the rules?
Eric: Who is Tony Randall?
Jack: Right. You win.
Eric: I always win

Rachel: [after Eric carries Rachel back into the classroom, puts her on the floor and sits on top of her] Eric, what are you doing? Eric!
Eric: Look, if there's bad feelings here, then we have to work them out because that's what friends should do! Now, look, I wrote something, Rachel. Please just read it before you go anywhere.
Rachel: [reads what Eric wrote] Lose one friend, lose all friends, lose yourself.
Cory: We're not gonna lose our friends. Are we?
Eric: We might. What if Mr. Feeny's right? What if we don't fix this? What if this is the last time that we're all together? Is that a chance you're all willing to take?

Rachel: [to Mr. Feeny about Cory and Shawn putting her car in her dorm room] You're not going to teach them a lesson?
George: No, and you can't make me.

Chet: I'm always here for you, boys.
Jack: Man, he'd be so proud of you. Going on this adventure in New York City. Nothing but the clothes on your back.
Shawn: Yeah, well you know it's like Dad always said,
[imitates Chet]
Shawn: Money don't make you rich. Life makes you rich!
Chet: I don't talk nothing like that!
Jack: You know, you never even had a nickel in your pocket and that wasn't important to you. I admire that, man. I admire you. I admire you more than I do me.
Shawn: Uh-oh.
Chet: Uh-oh what?
Jack: Rachel.
Rachel: Yeah?
Jack: Save me a seat on that boat next to you. Wow, I can't believe I just did that.
Chet: What'd you do? What'd he do?
Rachel: You're giving up your stepfather's money.
Chet: What? What money? What the Sam Hell is she talking about boy?
Jack: Yeah, money doesn't make you rich. Life makes you rich. Our father taught us that.
Chet: Did not! That's stupid! Money makes you rich. You ask anybody! What makes you rich? Money! I got two stupid boys. You all embarrass me in front of my dead friends!

Jack: I'm not gonna be an elf. I was depressed enough about not going to the Bajamas, this little green, pointy hat is gonna really push me over the edge.
Rachel: Oh, come on, Jack. Look, we're stuck here in town alone. Look, we'll be working together. It'll be fun.
[She puts the green hat on his head and immediately begins laughing]
Rachel: Oh, look how cute you are!
Eric: Yeah, plus you're gonna be making like five bucks an hour.
Jack: Wait a second, you get twelve bucks an hour?
Eric: Hi, I'm Santa. You're just an elf. Read your bible.

Cory: Mr. Feeny, why are you keeping us locked up here?
Mr. George Feeny: Because I care about you.
Eric: He cares about us, okay? And I care about us, too. We've been friends all our lives.
Jack: No. No, we haven't. That's the point.
Angela: Some of us have been friends all their lives.
Rachel: And some of us haven't. It's an exclusive club and we're not in it.
Cory: Rachel, what are you making this such a big deal for?
Angela: Because it is a big deal!
Shawn: Angela, don't blow this up.
Angela: No. It's too late, Shawn. It's blown.

Eric: Come on, guys. We can do this. We're all adults here.
Cory: [points to Rachel] She started it!
Rachel: He parked in my spot!
Shawn: She overreacted!
Rachel: They took apart my car!
Cory: She glued my pants!

Eric: [about Rachel's old tank top] Rachel, did you wear this?
Rachel: I used to.
Eric: I'll give you 50 bucks for them.
Angela: Sold.
Topanga: Why do you want Rachel's old tank top?
Eric: I'm a collector.

Eric: All right, everybody, I think it was clear that my life needed examination and change. I think it was clear that a drastic measure needed to be taken so that Eric Matthews could reach the next plateau in his life In my life. In all of our lives. Would you like to know what he did? What I did? What he all did?
Everyone: No!
Rachel: Okay, Eric, tell us what you did.
Eric: I did a little something called this
[He pulls off a wig to reveal his hair is now shorter than it's ever been]
Rachel: Eric, I don't understand. You said you loved your long hair. You swore you'd never cut it.
Eric: I didn't just cut it. I had, like, a religious experience. I had a deeply meaningful, life-altering metamorphosis. I also got a bikini wax. Check this out.
[He pulls at his jeans before he's stopped]
Rachel: No! Eric, please.
Eric: All right, so, anyway, I'm getting my hair cut, right? I'm sitting on the pony and I'm watching my once-precious locks fall to the floor. That's when I realized that the stuff that was so important to me last week doesn't mean a thing to me today, so this new haircut symbolizes the new Eric, the smarter Eric.
Rachel: Wait a second. What are you going to do when your hair grows back?
Eric: [scoffs] It's not going to grow back. I got my receipt.

Shawn: My soap opera name is Patrick Trailer Park.
Angela: Well, mine is Shawnene Martin Luther King Boulevard.
[Everyone stares]
Angela: Gosh, I gotta get some black friends.
Rachel: So, Topanga what's your middle name?
Topanga: I don't wanna play.
Jack: Why not?
Topanga: I have a weird middle name.
Jack: Your first name's Topanga. What could your middle name be? Shmaboogie?

Topanga: Rachel, I'm sorry.
Cory: Why are you all taking Rachel's side? You've known me and Shawn all your life. You've known Rachel, what, a couple of years?
[Rachel looks hurt by what Cory just said]
Cory: Oh, Rachel, I'm really sorry. That's not how we think of you or anything.
Shawn: No, it's not.
Rachel: How stupid am I? I actually thought that you guys were my friends.
Angela: Of course we are!
Topanga: Rachel, you were in our wedding!
Rachel: I really thought that you guys let me into your special world. I guess the joke really is on me.
[walks away]