1000 Best Boy Meets World Quotes

Alan: Cory, I'm not coming around. I can't help you the way you want me to and I'm not going to.
Cory: Hey, we're drowning here!
Alan: You are not drowning.
Cory: Well, what do you call living in an awful dorm with no money and the washing machine's broken in the laundry room and there's some kind of soup coming out of the faucet?
Alan: Marriage. I call it marriage
Cory: Okay, well, it's hard! It's just hard, Dad.
Alan: And you want me to make it not so hard.
Cory: You're supposed to do that!
Alan: I can't!
Cory: Well, then what good are you?
[turns and walks away from Alan]
Alan: Hey! You made a choice! You decided that you were old enough to get married. You decided to take on the responsibility of a new life because you believed you could handle it! And this family supported that decision after we told you that it was going to be very difficult. What, did you think we were kidding? Did you go into this marriage thinking you were just going to play house and we were gonna bail you out of trouble? Cory, this is your life. Deal with your life.
Cory: All you had to say was "no."

Cory: Who are you, and what are you doing in my seat?
Shawn: His name is Andy.
Cory: Who's Andy?
Shawn: He's my new...
Cory: [anxiously] Best friend?
Shawn: [reluctantly] Friend. Cory, we agreed that were gonna go out and meet new people.
Cory: [on the verge of crying] Am I not making you happy?
Shawn: [heartfelt] No, Cory, it's... it's not you. Okay? It's me. And right now, I just need my space.
Cory: [panicking] But we're still friends?
Shawn: [gravely] Right now, I don't know what we are. Give me my space.

George: Mr. Matthews, I have no idea what you're talking about and that's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it.

[Eric and Topanga have gone on a diet together, but are keeping it a secret; Cory thinks the reason Topanga is acting differently is that she's pregnant]
Eric: [to Topanga] Look, in a few months, everything's gonna be back to normal, okay?
Cory: All right, Eric. What's going on?
Eric: Hey, Cor. You smell like chicken.
Cory: Don't change the subject. I know Topanga confided in you. What did she tell you?
Eric: She told me that she's in trouble and it's all your fault. Your waffles and butter did this to her.
Cory: Why would Topanga confide in you instead of her own husband?
Eric: Because she knew how you'd react.
Cory: You mean like this?
[screams]
Cory: My life is over!
[back to normal voice]
Cory: Like that?
Eric: That's why she came to me, okay? People like us have similar appetites, that's how we get into situations like this.
Cory: You've been in this situation before?
Eric: Yeah, on and off since high school.
Cory: Do Mom and Dad know?
Eric: Yeah, Mom and Dad know. Dad actually thinks it's kinda funny.
[laughs]
Cory: Oh, no, Eric. There is nothing funny about this. Every day she gets bigger, my life gets a little more complicated.
Eric: Your life? Is that all you can think about? What about Topanga, huh? What is she supposed to do? Her body's out of control and she has nowhere to turn! Look, if you can't be supportive then the best possible thing for you to do is just stay away from her. Just stay away from her!
Cory: [hysterical] I don't know what I should do!
[both run away, in opposite directions]

Shawn: Cor, what I'm about to tell you is going to make you want to kill me.
Cory: I'm not going to kill you, Shawn. It takes too much time to break in a new best friend.
Shawn: Topanga went out with another guy last night. I'm sorry.
Cory: You know we're the only two guys in the world who still think there's hope for me and Topanga. You're throwing in the towel?
Shawn: Yeah, I am.
Cory: Okay. Thank you.
Shawn: You okay?
Shawn: Yeah, sure. It's an interesting feeling though.
Shawn: What, to know it's over?
Cory: To be the only guy in the world who knows it's not.

Mr. George Feeny: And so, my precious little jackals, here's the bottom line. No one leaves this room until you have healed every relationship in this group, no matter how long it takes.
Eric: No matter how long!
Mr. George Feeny: [to Eric] Shut up.
Eric: Shut up. Jackals!

Eric: [to Rachel] Hey, I bought you this bird. It reminded me of you because it has bright red feathers and it eats like a bird.

Jason: You hold in your hands a subliminal learn to skate in your sleep tape.
Eric: But I don't want to skate in my sleep.
Jason: Oh, you're lucky you got that smile!

George: You don't have to be blood to be family.

Shawn: I can't believe Bud was fired because of our report.
Cory: No, Shawn. We have nothing to feel bad about, OK? We told the truth. If anyone should feel bad, Bud should. I mean, he was the one goofing off.
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: Goofing off, huh? You trying to tell me that leaving early for no apparent reason is goofing off?
Cory: Yeah.
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: Maybe you didn't get the whole story, Mr. "Didn't get the whole story. " Did you bother to find out where our saintly Janitor B was going every day at 2:55?
Shawn: No.
Cory: Uh-oh.
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: So before you go pontificating from your tokus, let me set you straight. Every day, that sweet Bud of a man takes a few dollars that he has left, and he visits a place where there are others even less fortunate than him.
Cory: Oh. Oh, my stomach is bubbling.
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: Good. Your stomach should bubble. Because that lovely man that you got canned, he's a giver. And do you know where he gives, Matthews?
Cory: Oh, I don't want to know.
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: The track, Matthews. Playing the ponies. The joy of gambling was all he had left. So next time you go sticking your nose someplace where it don't belong, you remember this. You suck.

Mr. George Feeny: The point is, your advice came from a good place, but Cory and Topanga aren't in the first grade anymore. They made their own decision and I think they'll be fine because they've been well brought up.
Alan: And well taught.
Shawn: Well, I've done the best I can.

Eric: [singing, twirling Cory around] For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow.
Cory: [the candles are knocked over, which light the curtains on fire] Oh my God! Oh my God! Look! It's happening. Eric, look! Look what you did. ERIC!
Eric: [singing] The curtain's on fire, the curtain's on fire!
[Firefighters start chopping down the door]
Eric: [continues to sing] They're chopping down the dorm room, they're chopping down the dorm room.
Cory: My brother is a moron!
Eric: Which nobody can deny!

Mr. George Feeny: [passing by] Good morning, Miss Lawrence, Mr Matthews, Mr Hunter.
[stops, then turns to Shawn]
Mr. George Feeny: If there's anything you need to talk about, my door is always open. I'm not here to judge.

Cory: Hey, Dr. Sorrell! He-ey! Listen, I'm glad I ran into you. I have an doctor's appointment tomorrow. Here's a note from my mom.
Dr. Sorrell: Tell someone who cares.
[leaves him]
Cory: It's good to be me.

Cory: Say you could pick any superhero to be your dad. Who would you choose?
Ellis: Batman, no question. Live in a cool cave, borrow the Batmobile.
Shawn: He lets Robin hang out with him and play with all his stuff. And Robin's not even his real kid. He's his ward.
Ellis: How do you get to be a ward?
Cory: Batman? Is he faster than a speeding bullet? I don't think so. Is he more powerful than a locomotive?
[wiggles his finger]
Cory: Uh-uh. I'd want Superman.
Shawn: Sees through walls. You'd never get away with anything.
Ellis: Because I'd make somebody a very cool ward.
Cory: I'd like to have Superman for a dad.

Cory: Hold it! Remember me, Cory? Don't I get to do anything? No, no, no! I don't get to propose, I don't get to put the ring on her hand, I don't get to do nothing!
Alan: Welcome to marriage.

George: Mr. Turner all I've heard from your little election are ridiculous promises and character assasinations.
Jonathan: Too much like the real thing George?

Shawn: [studying with Cory for a Geography test] OK. Ahhhm. What is the capital of North Dakota?
Cory: Banff.
Shawn: [defeated] We're toast.
Cory: Let's just say we're sick and stay home tomorrow.
Shawn: I can't, Cor. I've already used all my bogus medical excuses. Feeny says if my grandma dies one more time, he wants to see the body.

Alan: [to Cory] Why don't we let them talk?
Cory: Because I'm afraid she's gonna kill Topanga and bury her in the sandbox!

Mr. George Feeny: Mr. Hunter, perhaps you could tell us what SCUBA means?
Shawn: Something... Creepy... Under... Boat... Andy

Eric: Hey Mr. Feeny, I took your advice. I'm not going to let this Boris fiasco faze me. For every rejection they sent me I'm gonna send out five more applications. I mean, somebody's gotta cave. Or make a clerical error!

Morgan: Cory and Topanga sitting in a tree. A-B-C-D-E-F-G

George: Hello, Eric.
Eric: I was wondering if you could help me out with a problem I've got.
George: Always happy to assist a former student.
Eric: See, our babysitter canceled, so...
George: Judy Horn?
Eric: Yeah, some kind of a skin crisis.
George: I don't even want to think about what a crisis for her would be. Her whole head would have to pop.

Cory: Shawn! Come on, positioning. How do you expect to be asked out with your head in your locker?
Becky: [while Shawn's head is still in the locker] Shawn, would you go to the Turnaround dance with me?

Jonathan: Hunter, who's your best friend?
Shawn: You are, sir!
Jonathan: Matthews, who's your best friend?
Cory: Shawn is.
Jonathan: And what do we do to people who mess with our best friends?
Cory: Kill 'em.

Cory: [Cory hands Morgan a picture of a woman he and Shawn created by cutting up fashion magazines] All right, Morgan, go bring this upstairs to Ingrid and Becky.
Morgan: She's scary looking.
Cory: Boys like that.
Amy: Boys shouldn't like that. Look at these women, they're starved. They've had lifts and implants. All just to make them look like some idiotic male fantasy image of women. Where did you find pictures like these?
Cory: In the magazines on your nightstand.
Amy: Oh, you didn't open the drawer, did you?

Cory: Aight, Shawn, not to put a damper on our plans or anything, but it occurred to me in a moment of clarity that WE DON'T SKI!
Shawn: Hey, we don't learn, but we go to school, don't we?

Cory: [to Shawn] Did you know there are 4 generations living in one house? The men don't say much...

Topanga: You invited Shawn?
Cory: Wait a minute. Why?
Topanga: I invited Angela.
Cory: You invited Angela? Who said you could invite Angela? She's gonna kill me!
Topanga: Oh my God. Shawn's gonna blame me for this. Hey. Why would Angela kill you?
Cory: Hey. Why would Shawn blame you?
Topanga: You know something about Angela.
Cory: You know something about Shawn!
Topanga: Alright. On the count of three.
Topanga: One, two, three!
Cory: Angela's still in love with Shawn!
[realizes he's been set up]
Cory: I hate that!

Shawn: You know what I think Jen? I think you're conceited! Yeah, that's right conceited and stuck up and something about your nose.
Jennifer: What about my nose?
Shawn: Um.
Jennifer: Who said something about my nose?
Shawn: Um.
Cory: [Shawn looks at Cory with a "help me" look] Um.
Jennifer: So it was your best friend Cory who made you say these bad, bad things hmm?
Shawn: Like I'd ever tell you.
[she kisses him]
Shawn: Cory Matthews. Son of Amy and Alan. Grandson of Nana and Sam.
Cory: How could you sell out my Nana?

Cory: Look at me. Tell me what you see.
Topanga: I see you.
Cory: No you don't. You see hair and teeth and the beast within me.
Topanga: No! I see Cory. The same Cory I've known since I was three.
Cory: I'm not a wolf? I'm not a wolf! I'm not a wolf!
[they kiss deeply]
Topanga: Yes, you are.
Cory: AAAAH-OOOOH!

Denny: What's Feeny ever done for you?
Shawn: You see those bolt-cutters in your hands?
Denny: Yeah, so?
Shawn: You see I don't have any in mine?
Denny: Yeah?
Shawn: *That's* what he's done for me.

Monique: I just have to know, do you remember any of your dreams?
Eric: Mmm No.
Monique: Do you remember any of your dreams from the past few months? Years, even?
Eric: How am I supposed to remember 'em? I was asleep.
Monique: It's the oddest thing.
Eric: What is?
Monique: Well, while you were asleep, you had this serene look on your face. Almost goofy.
Eric: Thank you.
Monique: But you registered absolutely no brain activity. It's remarkable.
Eric: Well, I've been sleeping since I was five.
Monique: If you don't mind, I'd love to run additional tests on you.
Eric: Whoa, whoa, hold on there. Not so fast. You want Mr. Remarkable, it's gonna cost you. What you're paying me today?
Monique: Mm-hm?
Eric: I want half. And then double it.
Monique: You got it.

Cory: Someday, Topanga's going to be a mother, and I'm going to be the father. Or, the uncle. Or, the way I'm going, the guy down the street with the binoculars.

Mr. George Feeny: Mr Matthews, what was I just talking aboout?
Cory: [stutters] Uhhh...
Mr. George Feeny: Ok, Mr. Hunter, what was I just talking about?
Shawn: President Roosevelt and the New Deal.
Mr. George Feeny: [clutches heart] O dear lord he's right.
Shawn: Hey Mr. Feeny, it's been my answer for two years. It had to pay off sometime!

Shawn: There's no way you were bitten by a wolf.
Cory: Shawn, what else could it have been? I mean, look at the bite.
Shawn: I don't see anything.
Cory: Of course you don't. Everybody knows werewolf bites heal overnight.
Cory: Wow. Then you're covered with 'em.

Alan: [about Eric having a date] I guess those long, hard years of dating finally paid off, huh?
Cory: Well, not for her.

George: I'm sorry. I don't know what's come over me. I woke up smiling, laughing, humming little tunes.
[starts humming]
George: It's very disconcerting.
Eric: Okay, dude, fix him.

Amy: [about Eric and Mr. Feeny] Those two are great together.

Jonathan: [to Feeny] Come on, George. Why don't you just let them burn out? You don't wanna break their spirit.
George: Please. I have been an educator for 35 years. I think I know how to relate to my students.
[speaks into the megaphone]
George: All right, this is your warden speaking. So, you wanna play rough with George Feeny? Fine. We'll take off the gloves.
Shawn: Uh-oh.
George: The 7th-grade dance is hereby canceled.
Cory: You can't do that.
George: I can do whatever I want. I have the megaphone. The entire football season...
Shawn: Oh, no.
George: Canceled!
Shawn: But that means...
George: Yes, Mr. Hunter. No cheerleaders.
Shawn: [dramatically drops to the ground and weeps] No!
Cory: Shawn, it's a strike. We have to make sacrifices.
Shawn: But he's taking my girls. Why can't we just sacrifice you?

Alan: Hey, son! How was your day?
Cory: Fine.
Alan: What'd you do in school?
Cory: Nothing
Alan: Hey, *hold on*! Wait there!
Alan: You know, everyday I ask you, "What did you do?" and everyday you tell me "Nothing." Well, I'm tired of nothing. I mean we both know something happened in school today and I want to know what it is!
Cory: I decided to be a girl.
Alan: Well, you taught me a very valuable lesson there, son.
Shawn: You know the book, "Black Like Me"?
Amy: Sure, is that what you guys are reading in school?
Alan: Don't ask questions, honey!

Cory: Eric, come on. Why are you being such a jerk?
Woman: [to Cory] Excuse me, honey. How much is this frame?
Cory: Just one second. Look, Eric, I've apologized. What do you want me to do?
Eric: Nothing.
Woman: It couldn't be very much 'cause there's a scratch on it.
Cory: Lady, just one second, okay?
Woman: I can't wait here forever.
Cory: Lady, please. Eric, I'm not a mind reader, okay? What do you want me to do?
Woman: You're not gonna sell anything if you ignore the customers.
Cory: Could you be any more annoying?
Man: Hey, buddy, watch your mouth. That's my wife.
Cory: Could she be any more annoying?
[the man punches Cory in the face]

Amy: [during her toast at Cory and Topanga's wedding reception] I have watched these two grow up. Boy, have I. And here they are now, adults, just fresh out of high school. Don't know anything about the world at all. I'm sorry. I can't do this. This is a mistake and I do not support it.
[to Topanga]
Amy: Why couldn't you have just gone to Yale?
Eric: [raises his glass happily] Here, here!

Morgan: I'm sorry, Daddy. I grew up. I won't do it again!

Cory: Eric, look, I'm really trying here, okay? I just want everything to be all right with us.
Eric: Big brother, little brother. I got your back. You got mine. It's fine. Don't worry about it.
Cory: Damn it, Eric. Is this all because I didn't let you clean out the stupid garage? All right, I'm sorry, okay? Now what do you want from me? What?
Eric: Look, it's not about the garage, okay? It's about the fact that you shut me out of your life a long time ago.
Cory: That's not true.
Eric: It's... oh, well. Let's look at it this way. We used to do stuff together and now we don't.
Cory: Yeah, we do.
Eric: When?
Cory: We just spent the whole day together.
Eric: Today? Oh, yeah, you're right. I forgot. You know something? I take it back. It is about cleaning out the stupid garage. Dad wanted us to do that together and you chose to leave me out. Those are our memories! You have any idea how it felt to go down there and see Shawn and Topanga there instead of me?
Cory: Look, Eric. We're brothers, okay?
Eric: You know what? You're right. You're right. No, we're brothers. We're not friends. No, it means you don't have to like me and you don't.

Cory: [to Eric] Little league!
Morgan: [to Eric] Frozen yogurt!
Eric: I'll drive off a bridge, I swear I will.
Alan: Take your mother's car.

Topanga: Cory, I'm beginning to think you'd be okay if we spent our honeymoon in any old hotel!
Cory: Or in the road!

Shawn: Man gets a call, hey, lots of calls, from what sounds to be a very attractive lady. Man doesn't speak a word of it to his little buddy, Shawn. Hm. Interesting.
Jonathan: Shawn, there's nothing to tell or I would've told you.
Shawn: Man gets all squirrelly every time this girl calls. Makes a guy think man's keeping secrets from him.
Jonathan: OK, Shawn, do you wanna stop with the whole "man" thing?
Shawn: Man seems a little irritated lately.
Jonathan: It's no big deal. It's a girl I dated a long time ago and it's over. And don't you dare start the next sentence with "man".
Shawn: Dude's got a problem with the word "man".

George: How did you know what dormitory Topanga was in?
Stuart: She told me. She told me she lived in the McCay Dorms. She offered it to me un-prompted. Isn't that right, Topanga?
Topanga: Yes, that's true but that wasn...
Stuart: Thank you.
George: Did you really think it was proper? I mean, I'm talking about simple, human propriety. To be in a young female student's bedroom?
Stuart: A dorm room. Also serves as a living room, or a TV room or a study. It was not a bedroom when I was in there.
George: Stuart! Do you believe as college professor that it's okay to be alone in a dorm room with a young, female student?
Stuart: The door was open. I even asked her roommate to stay. In fact it was Topanga who shooed Angela away. Isn't that right, Topanga?
Topanga: She was on her way to the student union. I didn't feel the ne...
Stuart: Thank you. Anymore questions, George?
George: Just one. Is it okay if I rip off your head and roll it down the hallway?

Amy: Topanga, your parents don't know you're here, do they?
Eric: No. No, they don't.
Alan: Topanga, your parents are gonna be very worried about you.
Topanga: Why would they be worried about me now? They weren't worried about me when they decided to move. I told them how much Cory meant to me and how I couldn't be away from him. I guess I was too young to say things like that, that I didn't know.
Alan: So you ran away from them?
Topanga: I ran away to Cory.
Alan: Okay... It just got serious now.
Amy: Topanga, I'm gonna have to call them.
Cory: No, Mom! Didn't you hear what she just said? Her parents don't understand her. Just like you two don't understand me. We want to be together, okay? That's what we want!
Amy: Topanga, I know you miss Cory. But to come here, without your parent's permission, that's just wrong!
Cory: How could it be wrong, Mom, if she loves me enough to do that? I mean, I'm sorry I didn't do it myself.

Jack: [Jack finds Eric and Jennifer dead] Eric! Feffy! Eric! He was my friend, my roommate! I didn't really know her.

Cory: A Cal Ripken card? How did you get this?
Bernice: I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. Then I pulled it out of his cold, lifeless hands.
[pause]
Bernice: Or I got it at a swap meet for seven bucks. You pick.

Lauren: You're worried about something, aren't you?
Cory: Yeah.
Lauren: Aren't you having fun with me?
Cory: That's what I'm worried about.

Jonathan: The first one up is Shawn Hunter. His poem is called "Welfare". Okay. You want me to read this out loud or just forward it to the guidance counseler?
Shawn: Read it. It's some of my best work.
Jonathan: Okay everybody. Buckle up. "My uncle Ralph he does not care. Cause twice a month he gets welfare. My uncle Chuck has nylon hair, he bought the rug with his welfare. Old Corvair. Long nose hair. Electric chair." That's a very colorful family you got there Shawn.
Shawn: I didn't use their real names, that's okay right?
Shawn: Oh yeah. The less I know the better.

Shawn: It's a very cool dog. You see it, down by the corner. No leash, no caller. Just having a great time barking at the moon.
Cory: No, I know that dog. It's a stray. It's probably barking 'cause he doesn't have a home.
Shawn: He doesn't need a home.
Cory: Well, that's what he's saying. I need a hoooo-ooooome.
Shawn: Nah, you didn't hear him right. He's happy out there. Because he's free. No one's rubbing his nose in a carpet, saying: "Don't do that!"
Cory: You know, he looks lonely to me. And cold. And he looks like he doesn't have a friend in the world.

Topanga: Would you rather I be like the old strange Topanga?
Cory: [Topanga makes the dance moves] No, it's not like I don't like... the new strange Topanga... I mean, it's important for us to grow, but I just... I don't wanna lose what's so special about you.
Topanga: You never will.
[puts lipgloss all over her face, shaped like a heart]
Topanga: Because, I've made you memories. And they will always be here to remind me.
Shawn: Use a mirror, babe.

Jack: Come on, Eric, you've had three weeks to write this paper.
Eric: You don't make fun of my learning disability!
Jack: You have a learning disability?
Eric: I would think so!

Topanga: [When Cory and Topanga decide to elope] Cory, are you positive you want to do this?
Cory: We're in the car, aren't we?
Topanga: Yeah, I know, but you're not just doing this because your parents are against it?
Cory: Topanga, I told you, it's my life. I decide what I want to do with it.
Topanga: What happens when you get to college and you see everybody meeting each other and dating and having fun? Are you going to wish you could be doing the same thing?
Cory: Well, it didn't faze me in high school, why should it faze me now?
Topanga: Cory, you had your heart set on this big, romantic wedding.
Cory: Listen, Topanga, I can't think of anything more romantic than sneaking off to a quiet little wedding chapel in the country. I want to marry you. That's what I have my heart set on. I do.
Topanga: Then why did you pass the exit?
Cory: Stop hounding me.

[Cory and Shawn are in the school library]
Cory: Shawn!
Shawn: Cory? Is that you?
Cory: No, it's the audiobook section you moron!

Angela: [to Topanga] Okay, what's with you? Feeny asked twenty questions, and you only answered twelve.

Cory: Topanga, I warned you not to...
[He notices her costume]
Cory: ... Oh, boy, why'd you have to wear that?
Topanga: Because I'm a damsel. But not the distressed kind. One who is very together and in complete control of her own destiny.

George: I'm going to try and put this as kindly as possible: the show has turned into a circus, and you 3 are driving the tiny car.

Mr. Turner: Hunter, Matthews, stand up!
Shawn: I didn't do it.
Mr. Turner: Uh huh. Anyway, Hunter, who's your best friend?
Shawn: Um... you are, sir!
Mr. Turner: Good answer. Matthews, who's your best friend?
Cory: Shawn is.
Mr. Turner: And what would you do to someone who messes with your best friend?
Cory: I'd kill him.
Mr. Turner: And on that note, I'd like to introduce you to your new teacher and my friend Mr. Williams. So if any of you mess with him, I'll kill you.

Eli: Matthews, just the man we want to see.
Cory: Don't you guys get enough of me at school?
Jonathan: Yeah, more than. How would you like to help a couple teachers hand out some fliers?
Cory: I wouldn't.
Eli: Alright. Thanks a lot.
[They both hand him their stacks of fliers and walk off]

Shawn: They're putting you in another school?
Cory: Yes! The lady's going to be here in half an hour, and they're going to give me another genius test, and then they're going to take me away. So I just called you over to say goodbye, or as geniuses say, goodbye in Latin.
Shawn: Hey, idiot.
Cory: What?
Shawn: Are you a genius?
Cory: No.
Shawn: Do you have the answers to this test?
Cory: No.
Shawn: You kind of see where I'm going with this?
Cory: You want me to throw the test?
Shawn: Oh no no, I want you to take the test, and to the best of your ability, and no guessing, I wouldn't want you to stumble onto a right answer.

Cory: [writing in a journal] 8:35. I'm drooling more than usual. The change into wolfdom is upon me.

Cory: So, Amber, you're separated from your mate, huh? I know how you feel. Not that Topanga's my mate or anything, I just believe she is. It's funny, though, you know, when people tell you to get on with your life, go date, there's plenty of other fish in the sea... Like I need to tell you. But, you see, we know that once you've met that special person, it's hard to live, knowing they're out there, and they're the only one you care about. All those things I did, I wasn't just trying to impress her. I just didn't know how to express my feelings. Well, at least I tried, you know? And now, I'm talking to a fish.
[Amber squeaks, and Cory gives her food, which she eats after days of not eating]
Cory: See you, Amber.

Cory: What are you looking at me for?
Topanga: Cory Matthews, what is your problem?
Cory: You.
Topanga: What did I do?
Cory: Topanga, you only went out with my best friend!
Topanga: Well, you didn't ask me. And besides, you came to the make out movies with my best friend too.
Cory: Yeah, but only to... make you think... I mean, I was just...
[gives up and walks towards the door]
Topanga: Cory, would you just talk to me?
Cory: [turns around again] I can't! Don't you think I want to? I mean, in my head, this is so easy! I said it all summer long, a million times.
Topanga: Say what?
Cory: I can't say it now! Here. With all these...
[looks around, realizing]
Cory: ... empty chairs around.
Topanga: Cory, it's just you and me. We've known each other our whole lives. We've always been able to talk.
Cory: That's what's making this so hard now.
Topanga: It doesn't have to be.
Cory: Look, Topanga... If I had to dream up the perfect woman... she wouldn't even come close to you.
[slight pause, where Topanga smiles, knowing where this is going]
Cory: Would you be my girlfriend?
[she leans in and they kiss]
Cory: Yes or no?
[she smiles and kisses him again]

Cory: You know, I thought you said you were staying home this summer?
Shawn: Well, I am. I mean, that's the beauty of a mobile home - wherever you go, you're home.

Savage: Here's your jacket.
Cory: Ooh. Look, Shawn. My jacket.
Savage: Here's your uniform.
Cory: My uniform. This is like Christmas!
Savage: Here's your Candy.
Cory: Can... dy?
[Candy comes over to him and lays her arm around him]
Candy: Hi, I'm Candy.
Cory: Sweet!

Eric: Mr. Feeny? If I'm really, really quiet, will you stay?

Cory: Any special flavors?
Frank: Yeah, we got Bucket of Blood. That's like strawberry. We got Bucket of Guts. That's more or less chocolate. And we got Smashed and Severed Intestines. I don't recommend that
Cory: Can you mix blood and guts?
Frank: All the time.
[He walks off to get Cory's yogurt]
Radio: The search for the missing wolf continues and, with today being Halloween, police report a number of prank calls from people claiming to have seen wolves and even
[chuckles]
Radio: werewolves.
Cory: Werewolves. Isn't that silly?
[Frank stares at Cory solemnly]
Cory: Isn't it?
Frank: There are things and there are *things*
Cory: You mean there are things such as werewolves?
Frank: There are places where such things are revealed. For five dollars complete.
[Cory gives Frank a wad of bills who lifts up the counter]
Frank: Come with me werewolf boy.

Cory: OK, Mom...
Eric: ...about your new car.
Eric: Now, we know you gotta be practical...
Cory: ...so we think the family car for you is...
Eric: ...the turbo-charged Ferrari Testarossa.
Amy: How many seats?
Cory: Two, which is one more than the Harley we were thinking about.
Amy: And where shall I put my family?
Eric: See, Cory and I are gonna hang on to the back bumper there. And we're gonna sit Morgan up in the back window. She's just gonna kinda
[he imitates a panting dog]
Alan: Guys, this is your mother's car, it is your mother's decision, and she will make her choice in her own good time. Hopefully while there's still fossil fuel on the planet. Somebody look. Is she smiling?

Jonathan: [presenting the school fashion show] If you see anything you like for your kids, there's order forms on the table. If you have any questions, don't ask me 'cause this is the nicest thing I own.
[points at his tie]

Shawn: [to himself] I hate you.

Cory: Wait a minute. It's 1957! There is no micro wave!
Wise: Oopsie.
Cory: What kind of wise man says "oopsie"?
Wise: What do you want me to say? "Wax on, wax off"?

Eric: I'm gonna kill you.
Cory: I have you.
Eric: I'm gonna kill you, I'm gonna bring you back to life, and I'm gonna kill you again.
Cory: I have you.
Eric: What? What do you have? You have what I have... nothing!
Cory: You, my boy, were in Mom and Dad's bed. Oh, ho-ho-ho. What was that, the sound of power suddenly shifting?
Eric: Nothing happened.
Cory: Yeah, and it didn't happen in Mom and Dad's bed. I have you. I have you by your ovaries.

Jonathan: Hey, Keiner. You got a minute?
Harley: Nah. Sorry, fresh out.
Jonathan: Find one.
Harley: Oh! There's one now.
Jonathan: I notice Shawn Hunter's been hanging out with you and your boys.
Harley: Sorry, Mr. Turner. We're full up. We'll be happy to put you on the waiting list though.
Jonathan: Look, Keiner, cut the kid a break, will ya?
Harley: Yeah, I think I did by letting him hang out with me.
Jonathan: Yeah. What a guy you are.
Harley: Well, you know.
Jonathan: But somehow I don't think that's what the kid needs right now.
Harley: Oh, am I getting a speech?
Jonathan: You get more than that if Hunter's not back in my class.
[He leaves]
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: What's the matter? You just stood there and took that from a teacher?
Frankie: How come you didn't say nothing?
Harley: Because actions speak louder than words, gentlemen.

[Topanga is choking him]
Shawn: [looks upward] Dad! I'm comin', dad!

Eric: See, duckies are good, cuz not only do they give you that non-threatening sense of security, but you can feed 'em crackers and you can ride 'em. See, duckies are the horsies of the ocean. No, I mean they are.
Cory: Okay, someone explain to me about duckies before I hit him with a spoon.
Amy: It's wallpaper.
Topanga: It's adorable.
Alan: It's for you room.
Eric: DUCKIES RULE.

Topanga: You know what I want Cory? I want my good name back.
Cory: Well, some people would argue that Topanga's not the best name to begin with.

George: Care to join me for a drink?
Cory: [confused] Uh, sure.
George: Help yourself.
Cory: [takes a sip] Hey! This is apple juice!
George: Oh, gee. I must have left it in there too long

Jonathan: Hi, I'm Jonathan Turner, Cory's English teacher.
Amy: [sees his motorcycle helmet] You wear a helmet?
Jonathan: I fall off the desk a lot.

Cory: [to Topanga] Hey, hey, hey, hey! Where do you think you're going with that?
Topanga: I am taking this garbage bag full of garbage to the garbage.
Cory: You are so cute when you try and intimidate me.

Rhiannon: Topanga, haven't you ever wondered why we let you stay here when we moved to Pittsburgh?
Cory: Because of me.
Topanga: Because you didn't want to take me away from my last year of high school.
Cory: And Cory.
Topanga: Because you didn't want to rip me away from my friends.
Cory: Me.
Rhiannon: Daddy and I thought we could work things out better if we took some time by ourselves.
Topanga: Work what out? There's nobody like you two. You two are so in love.
Rhiannon: Topanga, people change.
Topanga: Daddy, why is Mom talking like this?
Jedediah: We didn't want to dump this on you. We wanted to wait until after the wedding.
Topanga: [starting to cry] No.
Jedediah: Honey, look, we tried. We tried as hard as we...
Topanga: You guys will get through this.
Rhiannon: Marriage is not something to get through, Topanga! That's not why I got married.
Topanga: [crying] Oh, God. No, God. Oh, God.
Rhiannon: Oh, sweetheart, I'm... Your daddy and I...
[Topanga leaves the room in tears]
Jedediah: Maybe we just got married too young.
Rhiannon: Jed!
[to Cory]
Rhiannon: Not you. This has nothing to do with you.

Shawn: I Cory'd this up, didn't I?

Cory: Mom, Listen, I haven't been together with Topanga for twenty-two years, but we *have* been together for sixteen. 'Kay, that's a lot longer than most couples have been together. I mean, when we were born, you told me that we used to take walks in our strollers together in the park. When we were two, we were best friends, I mean, I, I knew everything about this girl. I knew her favorite color. I knew her favorite food. Then we became six, you know, and Eric made fun of me because it wasn't cool to have a best friend that was a girl or even know a girl, so for the next seven years I threw dirt at her. I like to call those "the lost years". Then when I was thirteen, Mom, she put me up against my locker and she kissed me. I mean, she gave me my first kiss. She taught me how to dance. She was always talking about these crazy things and I never understood a word she said. All I understood was that she was the girl I sat up every night thinking about, and when I'm with her I feel happy to be alive. Like I can do anything. Even talk to you like this. So that's, that's what I feel is love, Mom... When I'm better because she's here... and now she won't be. So we're finished.

Victor: Is this really your pig?
Jonathan: No, no. My ark is outside, and I'm one pig short.
Victor: All right, that's it. Hands over your head, we're going downtown.
Jonathan: You kidding me?
Victor: Yes, I am. You know, two can play this sarcasm game.

Cory: [imitating Topanga] I'm your wife, nimrod! Do you know what it's like to have that voice inside your head all day long?
[referring to Shawn]
Cory: It's no wonder I turn to him.
Eric: Come on, guys. Rachel's leaving here. Just write down how we feel about each other.
Topanga: Oh, fine. Look at him side with Shawn, his lover!
Cory: Oh, very tasteful, honey. Did you hear that, Shawn?
Topanga: Shawn, his lover!
Shawn: Shut up, Yoko!

Shawn: You know, there was one point there where I thought we really had them. They were screaming: "Exits. Exits."
Cory: Shawn, they were looking for a way out.

Angela: You're not pregnant.
Topanga: I'll get pregnant; get out of my way!

Cory: So how long am I suspended for?
George: You're not. Detention for five days. One for each letter in Weeny. Which in this instance, should properly be spelled W-E-E-N-I-E, shouldn't it, Mr. Hunter?
Shawn: [to Cory] You told him?
Cory: What do you think?
Shawn: I think you wouldn't. I'm an idiot.
George: He refused to rat you out, Mr. Hunter, and he now faces a week of detention in your honor, but the punishment for not being caught, Mr. Hunter, is far, far worse
Shawn: I did it, Mr. Feeny. I confess.
George: I will be watching you every day of your high school career, which in your case could be decades.
Shawn: But I just confessed!
George: Too late, Mr. Hunter! You are my new special friend
[Mr. Feeny leaves and Shawn turns to Cory]
Shawn: Why didn't you turn me in?

Eric: [while punching the man that punched Cory] That's my brother! Nobody hits my brother!

Cory: Mr. Turner. Were we as bad as we think?
Jonathan: You guys don't show up for class on Monday, I'll understand.

Shawn: [to Angela] Hi.
Angela: Hi.
Shawn: I don't like me when I drink, either.
Angela: Good. Because I sure like you when you don't.

Victor: You know, that offer for the twenty foot boa? It's still good.
Shawn: I'll think about it. You got a card?
Victor: Yeah, right. I don't even have a badge.

Morgan: Oh, daddy dearest.
Mr. B: Yes, snowflake?
Morgan: There's something you gotta see!
[She shows Mr. B a newspaper. On the front page is a picture of Cory and headline that says, "Curly-headed Spy On The Lam". Everyone stares at Cory]
Cory: It's not true!
Mr. B: Of course it's not!
[He picks up the phone]
Mr. B: FBI? J. Edgar Hoover please. J. Edgar! Tom. Yeah, I'm here with Anson Williams and the russian spy. Uh, ixnay on the otsie pay.
Morgan: You're going to jail, spy!
Mr. B: Now, now Morgan. He may be a russian spy but until they come and haul him off, he's still our guest.

Cory: [Mr Feeny's assignment is to come to class as what each student expects to be in 20 years] How 'bout you, Larry?
Larry: I got an angle.
Cory: Let's hear it.
Larry: I'm gonna to be a sixth-grade teacher. Better yet, I'm gonna be Feeny.
Cory: Why?
Larry: Because imitation is the sincerest form of butt-kissing.

Topanga: I'm sorry, Cory.
Cory: Wow!
Topanga: I don't know what to say.
Cory: Do! You know, "do"? It's the first half of your favorite word, "don't."
Topanga: I don't like your tone.
Cory: You don't like... I drive 1,000 miles to marry her and she don't like my tone. That is really rich.
Topanga: I want my family to be at my wedding. I want your family to be there. Cory. I want to wear a wedding dress. A white, lacy wedding dress.
Cory: Of course, white. The way we're going, bright white. Snow white. Whiter than the white-hot light of a thousand burning suns!
Topanga: How long are you gonna be mad at me?
Cory: Ten minutes.

Chet: Oh, this parenting thing. It isn't easy, is it Chet?
Chet: Nope. But I'm learning.

Cory: [from behind a book case in the library] Shawn!
Shawn: Cory? Is that you?
Cory: No, it's the audio book section, you moron.

Eric: So how does it feel to be dating a winner?
Bianca: I'll let you know as soon as I find one.

Chet: I'm telling ya man I got business here.
George: Listen, I'm not going to tell you this again. If you're not faculty or staff you have no business on this campus!
Chet: Hey, leave me alone pal. I'm George Feeny and I'm the principal of this here high school.
George: And you're not George Feeny!
Chet: I'm parked in his spot ain't I?

Alan: Eric, Eric, you are in so deep.
Eric: Dad, I'm sorry. I mean, I'm really, really s...
Alan: [He covers Eric's mouth with his hand, shutting him up] You know, for thousands of years, fathers have said to their sons, "Don't rush into sex," and the sons have always said, "Yeah, sure. OK." I didn't understand my father till this very moment, and you won't understand me till you're a father, which won't be for a very long time!
Cory: Dad?
Alan: Learn her name!
Cory: Yes, sir.
Alan: As for you...
Eric: Rebecca. Her name was Rebecca.

Cory: [after watching an educational film about puberty] I've seeen hormones turn a normal guy's face into craters 'R us.
George: Yes, there will be side-effects, but those, thank goodness, will be the province of your seventh-grade teacher.
Cory: *If* it happens.
George: Oh, it will happen.
Cory: Maybe, maybe not. I mean, I'm young and I'm fast. I can dodge hormones for days, years if I have to. I'm gonna stay twelve 'til I'm forty-two.

George: I would simply suggest that this being your senior year, and NYU having a wonderful film program, that this student film could be your foot in the door to a fine university!
Cory: [waving the film tape in Topanga's face] This film could be my foot!

George: [to Shawn] An apple? Are you kidding me?
Shawn: What I did in class yesterday was so out of line. If you won't accept my apology, then I want you to have this $12.
George: The only thing of value for me, Mr. Hunter would be to know that you're all right. Are you all right?
Shawn: Yeah. Yeah, I'm all right. My brother and I decided to talk to this guy who's gonna help us understand how to deal with this.
George: Good for you, Shawn. That's the right thing to do.

Amy: What did Mr. Feeny put up against your bike. His garden weasel?
Cory: One fifth of his weekly paycheck because I'm teaching one of his five classes, so come, Friday I'm rich.

Morgan: I've been up since 6:00.
Amy: [looking at Morgan's cereal] What is this? Sugar-coated... sugar?
Morgan: I'm feeling very perky!
Amy: Come on, Morgan, let's get you into bed.
Morgan: How come? How come? How come, how come, how come?
Amy: Because if we hurry, we might just make it before the coma.
Morgan: Coma? Coma? Coma, coma, coma?
[Amy takes her upstairs]
Alan: Don't waste this, honey. Have her paint the house.

Topanga: You can't take this pig.
Victor: Topanga Lawrence? Been going out with Cory Matthews for two months? I'm way overqualified for this job.
Topanga: After I spoke to you, I saw this ad in the paper for a lost pig. So I called its owners. Now you don't have to take him away. Isn't that great, Shawn?
Cory: Why is it great?
Shawn: Yeah, I still lose Little Cory. Doesn't matter who the owner is. It's not me.
Topanga: Here's the owner.
[Mr. Turner enters]
Jonathan: Hi. Name's Turner. I got a place outside the city, and this little guy ran off. Belongs to my boy, Zed.
Shawn: [incredulously] Zed?

Shawn: Oh, Cory, I think you have a problem.
Cory: Yeah, I think so too.
Shawn: But you, my friend, are in luck. 'Cause come on, what am I the world's biggest expert on?
Cory: Really not anything, but...

Alan: [to the baby] Come on, kid. Let's get better and get out of here. I've got a much better place for you at home. Come on, kid.
Amy: Joshua.
Alan: What?
Amy: I decided on Joshua.
Alan: Then Joshua is his name.
Amy: Joshua Gabriel Matthews. Gabriel means "he who God protects."
Alan: Well, how's Joshua doing today?
Amy: The doctor says we should talk to him. He said we should tell him who we are.

Mr. George Feeny: Morning, boys.
Eric: Salutations, my didactic friend.
Mr. George Feeny: [shocked] ... Excuse me?
Jack: Hi. He said hi.
Mr. George Feeny: I know what he said. Does he know what he said?
Eric: [laughs] Oh, Mr. Feeny, I appreciate your sardonic jocularity.
Jack: It's his word-a-day calendar. It took him some time, but he's finally got it down.
Mr. George Feeny: Oh, well, Eric, I salute you. A good vocabulary is an important asset in life.
Eric: Well, thank you, Mr. Feeny.I'm certain my erudite loquaciousness will be most advantageous, particularly as regards to my intellectual discourse.
Mr. George Feeny: I can see where this is going to get old quick.
Jack: Can you? Snap him out of it.
Mr. George Feeny: So, Eric, have you perused the tastefully lascivious Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue?
Eric: Tushies for sale! Cool!
Jack: You're a good teacher, Mr. Feeny.
Mr. George Feeny: Yeah, well, when you live next door to a house full of psychos.

Jack: Hey, how'd it go at the bank?
Eric: So good.
Jack: Great. Give me the deposit slip.
Eric: Don't actually have one.
Jack: Why?
Eric: Because I didn't deposit the money.
Jack: Why?
Eric: Because I did something better with it.
Jack: Why?
Eric: Because I gave it to a monkey.
Jack: You gave it to a monkey?
Eric: I didn't actually give it to a monkey. I gave it to the organ grinder so he can send for the monkey's girlfriend. Hi! Little apology maybe?

Schneider: Look, Rory. All you have to do is get the keys to your father's car and his credit card.
Ben: I don't know Shane. I got a real bad feeling about this one, you know. I've never done anything like this bef-Oh man! We're doing this story again? How many times have we done this, Matt? A hundred thousand?
Schneider: He's yelling again. Stop the yelling.
Ben: You know, how can I learn so much every week and still be so stupid?
Schneider: Oh! Make him stop! Make him stop!

Topanga: Okay guys yearbook time. As you look back on your first year at John Adams what do you consider your greatest accomplishment and why?
Cory: Let's see. I mean there's so many.
Shawn: It's hard to pick just one.
Cory: There was the time we...
Shawn: No. No, that wasn't us.
Cory: What about the time we...
Shawn: Also not us.
Topanga: You guys are the two most pathetic students in this school.
Shawn: That's an accomplishment.

George: So, what's with the bitchin' board, bro?

Cory: Hey, guys.
Alan: Hi, son. How was your day?
Cory: Fine.
Alan: What'd you do in school?
Cory: Nothing.
Alan: Hey, hold on. Wait there. You know, every day, I ask you what did you do, and every day, you tell me nothing. Well, I'm tired of nothing. I mean, we both know something happened today, and I want to know what it is.
Cory: I decided to be a girl.

Amy: Alan, the doctor says that the only reason you can't move is because you won't try. Now, I am your wife and I have all the sympathy in the world for you, but if you don't get your off that couch, I am gonna leave you for the first thing that moves!
Alan: Before you go, could you hand me that remote?

Amy: [sees Cory reading a book on fatherhood] Oh boy, suddenly I have no legs.
[falls on the couch beside him]

Eric: My life sucks, Shawnie. I lost my apartment. My apartment! I lost Rachel. Rachel! I lost my best friend, Jack. Rachel! And now I'm about to lose Feeny to that mean old lady. Jack!
Shawn: Well, Eric, I lost something that means more to me than any of that and I managed to survive.
Eric: You mean your dead dad, Shawn?
Shawn: You're a sensitive guy.

George: Mr. Matthews, just the man I wanted to see.
Eric: Mr. Feeny?
George: Let me ask you - if one were entertaining a young woman, a young girl your age, um, how would he go about it?
Eric: Mr. Feeny, you dating a teenage girl?
George: Not since the Eisenhower administration. No, my niece is visiting for a few days. She's your age. She'll need to be entertained and I thought that maybe you could help me out.
Eric: Look, I'd love to meet your niece, Mr. Feeny. But, see, I got this really bad case of strep throat.
[begins to speak hoarsely as he backs out away]
Eric: It's spreading down my lungs and into my pancreas, so as you can see, I'm - I'm completely strep.
George: Relax. I'm merely curious as to how a contemporary teenage girl entertains herself.
Eric: [drops the act] Oh, OK. Well, it's my experience that if they can't find a senior with a car they'll settle for some gullible sophomore who's willing to empty his pockets on a dinner he can't really afford, a movie he doesn't want to see, and a door slammed in his face.
George: Somewhere in that brimming cup of bile I heard dinner and a movie?
Eric: Yeah, see, dinner and a movie is the premier form of dating entertainment. Dinner, movie. Movie, dinner. Dinner, dinner, movie, movie.
George: A wonderfully rich tapestry of human experience.
Eric: Don't mock what I am, Mr. Feeny.

Amy: [to Cory] You smuggled a violent "R"-rated movie into this house?
Alan: Oh, no, no, honey. Calm down. This may look like a violent film, but at its heart, it's really a morality tale about an 11-year-old boy who's in terrible, terrible, terrible trouble.

Eric: Everybody hold your tests up like this.
[Everyone does as he says]
Eric: Now, do this.
[He rips it in half. Everyone uncomfortably follows suit]
Eric: There will be no test today! Throw away the textbooks, throw away the tests, throw awwwaaaaaayy the textbooks. You're my class now and for the first time in my life I'm the smartest guy in the room. Can we all just take a second and let that sink in?
Raju: In my country, I was a nuclear physicist.
Eric: Yeah, but see everybody here starts with a clean slate and as your proctologist, I'm gonna show you something.
Raju: [terrified] Please don't pick me.

[Eric is anxious preparing for the SAT test]
Jason: Your brain needs a rest.
Eric: No, no. Brain needs oxygen. There's just not enough oxygen in here. But I bet there's some outside, though!
[runs out]
Eric: Ahh... oxygen! Good old H2O. I feel smarter already. Do I look smarter?
Jason: Has your house been tested for radon?
Eric: Not another test!

Eric: Okay, Corrina, I don't know how to say this, so I'm going to choose my words very carefully. I think you're a psycho. I want to get as far away from you as I possibly can.
Corinna: What?
Eric: I'm just not the guy for you. You need a guy who's happy, and perky all the time. Maybe a guy whose had part of his brain removed and he thinks he's a bunny, and you can go off and be bunnies together.
Corinna: You don't wanna see me anymore, do you?
Eric: Oh, see it's not just that. I wanna put you on a rocket ship and send you to planet Fla-Flu-Ga!

Eric: Well, I guess it's time for Feeny's favorite student to make a speech, huh? For 40 years, I have watched you educate young men and women. Boy, have I. I'm sorry. I can't do this. This is a mistake and I do not support it!
[points at Topanga]
Eric: Why couldn't you have just gone to Yale?

[the rest of the class is laughing at him for his hair]
Cory: [to Topanga] Go ahead, laugh.
Topanga: [very seriously] Your hair looks different. Why would I laugh?

Gary: This has been a terrific evening, and you are just great. And so, I'm wondering, how is it that someone like you doesn't have a boyfriend?
Shawn: Well, I haven't really been looking for a boyfriend, 'cause I've just been... going through a lot of changes.
Gary: Listen, anytime you wanna talk, I'm here to listen.
Shawn: [surprised] Thanks, that's... that's nice, Gary. I gotta have some food.
Gary: Hey, you got it. Waitress!
Cory: [Cory enters dressed as a woman] How you doin', honey?
Shawn: ...Cory?
Cory: I'm Cora, I'll be your waitress this evening.
Gary: You know, I come here a lot and I've never seen you before.
Cory: Quit hitting on me!
[laughs]
Cory: I'm just kidding! It's my first night. Besides, it looks like you're already taken, cutie!
[winks]
Shawn: [shakes his head] You're insane...
Cory: May I take your order, baby?
Gary: My usual. A double chili burger and one chocolate milkshake, with two straws.
Shawn: I'll have the same... and a steak.
[Cory and Gary looks at him]
Shawn: What?
Cory: [pinches Shawn's cheek] Well, aren't you the veracious little eater!
Gary: Gary:
[puts his arm around Shawn/Veronica]
Gary: So... are you having a good time?
Shawn: ...A little trouble breathing... you're crowding me a bit.
Gary: Oh, maybe you're just tense? How about I rub your shoulders?
[starts doing so]
Shawn: You know, I didn't ask you to do that.
Gary: Yeah, but doesn't it feel good?
Shawn: [shoves Gary away] You're not listening to me.
Gary: Whoa, you're a strong one!
Shawn: Yeah, I play a little field hockey...
Gary: I knew that, because the first thing I noticed was your legs...
[touches Shawn's leg, which makes Shawn yell and stand up]
Gary: What's the matter?
Shawn: You just don't listen! You're too busy planning your next move to hear us say no!

Shawn: Who are we?
Cory: We are lowly seventh-grade sewer scum who name rats after ourselves to feel important
Shawn: And how do we feel about that?
Cory: Better than the guys with no rats.

George: [after ejecting the "Stumpy's Revenge" videotape, destroying it in the process] This is rated "R."
Shawn: Yeah, "R" for wrecked!

Cory: [writing a letter] So I hope that you will all forgive me, so that I now can escape my destiny. Fondly, Cory A.O. Matthews.
Shawn: What does A.O. stand for?
Cory: Ah-ooh.

Schneider: Sometimes I get shy. People who aren't shy make me nervous.
Wounded: Hi!
Schneider: Oh, no. It's her.
Wounded: Oh! Are you the new guy?
Eric: Yeah.
Wounded: Have you met Schneider? Schneider is very shy.
[she hugs Schneider]
Schneider: Too close! Too close! Too close!
Wounded: Deep down I'm shy too. I'm a wounded bird. Schneider and me are wounded birds!
Schneider: [whispering to Eric] Help me!

Shawn: Oh don't try to butter me up, Yoko.

Ranger: I gotta go. I'm watching a video with my buddy, Moose.
Cory: Oh is that a ranger friend of yours?
Ranger: A moose can't be a ranger!

Cory: She kissed me!
Topanga: And you moved away? What did you do to stop it?
Cory: You're right. I said, "Kiss me, baby-sweetie, kill the relationship with the person I care about more than anyone in the world, and make me miserable for the rest of my horrible life." That's what I said.

Eric: You see, I knew this would all work out. It worked out for you, and it worked out for me. Guys, I want you to meet the woman I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with.
Amy: We've met. Meet your cousin, Wanda.
Eric: Ohh! Ugh!

Desiree: [after asking Eric to do something] Say "Yes, puddin'."
Eric: [smiles] Yes.
[Desiree stares expectantly]
Jason: I believe the woman wants "puddin'."
Eric: Puddin'.

Jonathan: Hello, you're on the air.
George: Yes, I'm a first time caller. Love the show.
Jonathan: You have a question?
George: More of a comment, really. I thought you did a commendable job handling a rather difficult situation.
Jonathan: Thank you, caller.
George: And I do have a question. I'm curious as to what you think the appropriate punishment would be for your two guests.
Jonathan: I'm thinking a week's detention.
George: Couldn't quite hear that. There seems to be some static on the line.
Jonathan: A month's detention.
George: Loud and clear.
Cory: Well, you know, that's one man's opinion. Let's hear from some other listeners.
[He pushes a button]
Eric: I say lock 'em up and throw away the key!
Cory: Get off the phone, Eric!

Shawn: To Jack, Eric, Cory and Topanga: Okay, I've gathered you all here today to ask one question. By a show of hands how many of us are sick over the Cory and Topanga issue? Eric you're the only one not raising your hand.
Eric: That's right.
Shawn: Why is that Eric?
Eric: Because I'm the extension.
Jack: You mean exception? Was today's word exception?
Eric: No today's word was pertinent but I didn't think that was... having anything to do with this situation.
Jack: Alright, by a show of hands how many people are tired of Eric?
Eric: Cool. It's ubiquitous.

George: You call this a classroom? There are only nine desks. Are we supposed to believe there are only nine students in the whole class?
Matt: Actually, camera angles will make it appear to be more.
George: That's diabolical.

[Mr. Turner sees a comic book on Cory's desk]
Jonathan: What is that, X-Men?
Cory: No, it's... ..
Jonathan: [interrupts Cory as he pulls the comic book from his desk] What, I don't know X-Men when I see it? It's a great issue, wasn't it?
Cory: [shocked] You read X-Men?
Jonathan: Do I read X-Men? Fantasy worlds, epic heroism. Yeah, I read X-Men. In fact, let's all read X-Men. Your assignment is to read The Odyssey and this issue of X-Men.
Cory: Finally! A cool teacher.
Jonathan: My friend, Mr. Matthews, will lead the discussion on the similarities and the differences.
Cory: [to Shawn] Feeny with an earring.

Shawn: Hey, Cory, brought you a great article on Barry Bonds.
Cory: Ah, the 43 million dollar man.
Stuart: Why do they call him that?
Shawn: Because that's what he's getting paid to play baseball for six years.
Stuart: [astonished] Seven-point-one-six million a year?
Shawn: [cautiously] If that's what it comes out to, yeah.
Cory: He happens to be one of the top guys in baseball.
Stuart: Well, I happen to think Mr Feeny is one of the top guys in teaching, and he makes about forty thousand a year.
Shawn: That stinks!
Stuart: Finally, something we agree on.
Cory: Yeah.
Shawn: Feeny ain't worth that kind of money.

George: As some of you are aware, there have been rumors regarding whether our star player would actually be playing today. And I'm afraid I have some bad news.
Jack: Aww, bad news. YES!
George: Bad news... for the Amish! I give you our starting tailback, Jerry Mungo!

Mr. George Feeny: Even though this isn't a classroom at the moment, would you mind if I taught you a lesson anyway?
Topanga: Please.
Mr. George Feeny: Believe it or not, there was a time in my life when I cared for someone as deeply as you two care for each other now.
Cory: You believe we love each other?
Mr. George Feeny: And for no reason I understood, my wife was taken from me, and I haven't been so deeply in love since.
Cory: [to Topanga] Feeny believes we love each other!
Mr. George Feeny: I believe that when you find love, you hold on to it, and cherish it! Because there is nothing finer, and may never come again. And that, my dears, is the most important thing I could teach you.

Shawn: [in the school lunchroom] That was the worst macaroni and cheese I've ever tasted. You gonna finish yours?

Eric: You know what, Jack, I'm having trouble opening this jar.
Jack: That's because it's a can.

Cory: Shawn, what was your mother's maiden name?
Shawn: Cordini.
Cory: Cordini, so that would make you a WOP, right?
Shawn: [all the kids turn and look] What did you call me?
Cory: You heard what I called you.
Shawn: [to Feeny] Did you hear what he called me?
George: I heard what he called you.
Shawn: What're you going to do about it?
George: He's the teacher, what are you going to do about it?
Shawn: I'm gonna knock his head off!
Cory: What if you couldn't? What if you couldn't do anything about it?
Shawn: What?
Cory: What if you lived in a country where I could kill you just because of your mom's last name.
Shawn: Cory, what're you talking about?
Cory: A 15 year old girl is dead! Doesn't anybody care? She was really smart and totally cool. Her name was Anne Frank. She wrote this book. They say she died of 'typhus', but, *they* killed her, because her name was Anne Frank. Anne Frank was a victim of anti-semi-tism.
George: Antisemitism.
Cory: Thank you, Mr. Feeny. You have to read this book, and you have to pass this test. Not because of me, but because when somebody calls someone else a bad name, it's not right that just that one person stand up. We *all* have to stand up.

Shawnzie: If I was the type of guy that said thank you, I would.
Cory: You're welcome.
Shawnzie: But I'm not that type of guy.

Jack: [to Shawn after catching him drinking] What are you doing?
Shawn: It's a beer! What's the big deal here?
Cory: We got drunk at a party the other night. I think he might've liked it a little too much.
Jack: Yeah, well, a beer's a big deal for us.
Shawn: Oh, goody, goody. Now I get the lecture from the big brother who I've known all of six months.
Jack: You don't have a clue, do you?
Shawn: About what?
Jack: About Dad!
Shawn: Yeah, Dad used to drink and then he stopped. Next?
Jack: You know why he stopped drinking?
Shawn: Because he ran out of money?
Jack: You know why my mom left him?
Shawn: 'Cause she went for a guy with more money?
Jack: She left him because he was an abusive, ugly drunk.
Shawn: Don't you ever talk about my dad!
[he and Jack start fighting with each other]

Shawn: [There is a massive handpainted sign advertising an illegal rave. As Mr. Feeny walks by, he tears it down. The students in the hall groan] You know, Mr. Feeny, just between you and me, it's stuff like this that really makes you unpopular.
George: Sure. And it's lonely at the top. But I save a lot of money on call waiting.
Shawn: What do you have against throwing an illegal rave?
Cory: Hey, what is a rave, anyway?
George: A rowdy underground party. Get hip, Mr. Matthews.

Cory: Let's start with a roll call. Uh... Lawrence, Topanga.
Topanga: [sits in yoga position on the floor] I'm channeling. I will only answer to the name...
[Topanga makes a weird inhale sound with her voice and closes her eyes, her hands outstretched graciously. Cory looks at her, completely gobsmacked]
Cory: Okay, present, but not all here.

Cory: You wearing a wet suit, too, Mother Nature?
Topanga: No.
[takes off robe to reveal a bathing suit as Cory and Shawn stare]
Topanga: What's the matter? No funny remarks?
Cory: [to Shawn] Uh, you got anything?
Shawn: I got nothing.
Cory: [to Shawn again] Uh, you got anything?
Shawn: Snap out of it, she's just a girl in a bathing suit!

Cory: Topanga, listen. I want to be with you more than anything in the world, okay? But I cannot let you give up Yale for me.
Topanga: Do you honestly want me to go to Yale?
Cory: No.
Topanga: Then shut up about it.

Cory: Last night T.K. and me talked on the phone for two hours. That beats my previous time spent on the phone with a girl by like... two hours.

Cory: [Kenny is found dead, stabbed in the head with a pencil; his body slides down the wall. Cory points to a spot of blood on the wall] We'll always remember he was that tall.

Jonathan: Alright, George. What gives all the beautiful women outside your office?
George: Oh, the secretarial prospects. Yes, I'm interviewing today.
Jonathan: What happened to Mrs. Willy?
George: She's moving to Florida to be closer to her grandchildren. The little one, Monty, turns 50 this month.

Cory: Now, where were we?
[He and Topanga kiss]
Topanga: You little badger.

Shawn: Eric, butt out!
Eric: I can't butt out. I'm the peacemaker. That's why I was on both sides. Remember? Shh.
Shawn: You weren't on anybody's side.
Eric: What are you talking about? Everybody wanted me!
Jack: No, nobody wanted you!
Eric: What?
Jack: Nobody wanted you on their team!
[Eric sadly walks away and leaves the room]
Shawn: [to Jack] What did you do that for?
Jack: Don't tell me what to do, moron!
[Shawn picks up his food and leaves the room too, leaving Jack sitting at the kitchen table alone]

Amy: Okay Cory, you educate me. You tell me what love means to you.
Cory: Mom listen, I haven't been with Topanga for 22 years but we have been together for 16. Ok, that's a lot longer than most couples have been together. I mean, when we were born you told me that we used to take walks in our strollers together around the block. When we were 2 we were best friends. I mean I, I knew everything about this girl. I knew her favorite color, I knew her favorite food. Then we got to be 6 and Eric made fun of me because it wasn't cool to have a best friend that's a girl, or even know a girl.
Eric: Yeah, and you listened to me. Idiot.
Cory: So for the next 7 years I threw dirt at her. I like to call those years the lost years.
Topanga: You were the one who made him throw dirt me?
Eric: You were a girl, noogie head.
Cory: Then when I was 13 Mom, she put me up against my locker, she kissed me. I mean she, she gave me my first kiss. She taught me how to dance, she always was talking about these crazy things and I never understood a word she said, all I understood was that she was the girl I sat up every night thinking about. And when I'm with her I feel happy to be alive. Like I can do anything. Even talk to you like this. So that's, that's what I think is love Mom. When I'm better because she's here. And now she won't be. So I'm finished.
Topanga: I think it's a good thing that Cory is the only boy I've ever loved. And I was looking forward to doing all of the things that people do who are in love. With Cory. And not just with some guy in Pittsburgh because I'm there.

[last lines]
Cory: You coming with us, Mr. Feeny? You gonna sneak up on us in Central Park or something?
George: No. I shall remain here.
Cory: No. You'll always be with us. As long as we live okay?
[leaves the room]
George: I love you all. Class dismissed.

George: [reading a note that Cory tried to pass during class] Mr. Matthews wants to know, "is this going to be a make-up party"
Melissa: Sure Cory. You can borrow my lip gloss.
Cory: Out not up! A make-out party!
George: Ah, so it is. Mr. Matthews wants to know if this is going to be a make-out party
Shawn: Not for him.

Ben: You know what this script is? It's poopy!
Little: It's not poopy. You're poopy!

Jonathan: Ok, man, you guys set? I'm ready to intro you.
Shawn: We're not going on, man.
Jonathan: What are you talking about?
Cory: I'll tell you what he's talking about. He's talking about the lack of respect for artists. You see this turkey? This turkey is pressed. We were very specific that the band only eats fresh, hand-carved turkey. No fresh turkey, no music.
Jonathan: You got it, guys.
[Mr. Turner goes onstage]
Jonathan: John Adams High, it is with great pleasure I give you... The Exits!
[the curtains open to reveal Cory and Shawn, dumbfounded with turkey hanging from their lips]
Jonathan: Oops, my mistake.

Cory: It was raining... you had an umbrella... I grabbed it, stuffed it down your throat, and then I opened it. Shawn, I Mary Poppinsed ya.

Eric: Come on, guys. We can do this. We're all adults here.
Cory: [points to Rachel] She started it!
Rachel: He parked in my spot!
Shawn: She overreacted!
Rachel: They took apart my car!
Cory: She glued my pants!

Shawn: Cory, I'm no rocket Scientologist but... I'm sensing there's something wrong.

Alan: [about the baby] Uh... I only got to hold him for a second. Uh... he's not breathing on his own. They've got him on a respirator. And, uh... they, uh... they don't know if... he's just so small, so helpless. Uh, I don't know how I'm going to tell your mother.

George: [trying to persuade Amy and Alan to name their new baby George] It's of nice Germanic background, meaning 'Look out, the sheep are coming'.
Amy: Look Out, the Sheep are Coming Matthews, we'll consider that.

Angela: And I guess it's no accident the way the teams are picked around here.
Jack: Yeah, what a coincidence, huh? Lifelongers versus... I guess I really don't know what we are.

Amy: Honey, I'm scared for you. You have got to get out of this house.
Eric: To do what? I mean Mom let's say I do find one of these so called "jobs". I mean, with nothing better than a high school diploma the best I can ask for is minimum wage and what they take out for taxes? I honestly think I could do better solving crimes. When a crime breaks out...
Amy: Stop it. Sweetheart, you cannot just mope around the house. Why don't you go out on a date? You used to date all the time.
Eric: I know but all the girls I used to date have gone off to college.
Amy: Oh, I'm sure there is plenty of nice girls right here in town.
Eric: Townies? You want me to date a townie? Oh, that is great Mom I can see them right now. Sitting on their couch in their ratty bathrobe, watching daytime TV and eating Bonbons!
[Amy stares at Eric]
Eric: These are Cocoa Puffs and I'm a detective!

Jonathan: This is not what I had in mind.
Mr. George Feeny: Come here. So, Mr. Turner, your little project seems to have spiraled totally out of control. Who could have possibly foreseen that?
Jonathan: George, I think we both know what happened here.
Mr. George Feeny: Yes. You have proven that our attitudes about sex have not changed for 400 years. And that a rumor can still destroy a young girl's reputation.
Jonathan: Rumors can only exist when things aren't out in the open. I was trying to get them to move from rumors and secrets to honest, open discussion.
Mr. George Feeny: You gave them an assignment about sex and then you left them unsupervised.
Jonathan: Yes, because I trust them.
Mr. George Feeny: And was your trust justified?
Jonathan: The assignment isn't in yet.
Mr. George Feeny: Well, it was a terrible idea and I should have nipped it in the bud.
Janitor: What?
Mr. George Feeny: Not you!

Cory: Sean, it's a new year, a new me. You notice the spring in my step?
[points down to his pants]
Cory: Boxer shorts.

Shawn: Lionel, if you guys ever play basketball make sure there's plenty of water around because Cory tends to dehydrate.
Cory: [calling from the elevator] Lionel!
Shawn: And let him once in awhile. He likes that. And Lionel, *never* eat cake in Paramus. That's ours!

Eric: What's up with the weasel? She locked herself in the bathroom and she's in there singing, "On the first day of Christmas I murdered Santa Claus"

George: Mr. Hunter, the girl in the white turtleneck, is that Ingrid Iverson?
Shawn: That's her.
George: What on earth has she done to herself?
Shawn: Oh, she didn't do it. We did it. Cory and me.
George: "Cory and I," Mr. Hunter.
Shawn: Oh yeah, sure, now everybody wants to take credit.

Eric: She didn't leave cause of me, did she?
Cory: No. She left because "Big Daddy rocks"!

Jonathan: All right, you two. You wanna tell me what the problem is here?
Cory: No problem.
Shawn: Everything's great.
Jonathan: Who're you kidding? I mean, what's with you, Hunter? Why do you want to hang out with these low-lifes?
Shawn: Hey, maybe I'm a low-life too, okay?
Jonathan: Is that what you think?
Shawn: That's what everybody else thinks.
Jonathan: I want to know what YOU think!
Shawn: Hey, I'm out here with a bat, aren't I?
Jonathan: [snatches the bat away] Yeah... but you didn't swing it!
Shawn: That's just 'cause Cory came along.
Jonathan: Oh, you think that was an accident? Huh? That you have a friend who thinks so much of you that he's willing to put his own neck on the line? No, I don't think low-lifes have friends like that, do you?
Shawn: I don't know.
Cory: They don't.
Shawn: I don't know anything! I don't even know who I am!
Cory: Well, Shawn, I know who you are! You're Shawn Hunter. You were raised by wolves. You're my friend. It says so in your biography. I mean, what else do you need to know?
Shawn: I need to know what's going to happen to me and you can't tell me that!
Jonathan: Hey, Hunter, all Matthews can do is be your friend and so far he's been doing a real good job. All I can do is teach you whatever I can and HOPE that you leave my class a little better than when you came in.
Shawn: You mean drag the trailer park trash up to decent society?
Jonathan: Hey, if you don't know that deep down inside you're all right, then I haven't taught you anything at all.
Shawn: You think I'm alright?
Jonathan: I think YOU need to think you're alright.
Shawn: YOU think I'm alright?
Jonathan: I think if you put your mind to it and get back inside that school, and never, NEVER go near this Harley or that Harley, yeah. I think you'll be alright.
[though still unsure of himself, Shawn goes back inside]
Cory: Mr. Turner, do you really think he's gonna be okay?
Jonathan: [smiles] Sure.

Shawn: Can I take a couple practice swings first?
Frankie: You know what I'm thinking?
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: What are you thinking, Frankie?
Frankie: I'm thinking he ain't got the guts, Joey.
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: Yeah, I'm smelling chicken. A big one, extra crispy. I say we take him to the Colonel. He'll pluck ya, fry ya and serve ya in a bucket with biscuits!
Frankie: Ooh, I just remembered something.
[He leaves]

Eric: I never understood why anybody would want to be a teacher until now.
George: That's because you are seeing your students succeed and grow right in front of your eyes.
Eric: It makes you feel so proud to know you made a difference in someone's life, doesn't it Mr. Feeny?
George: Yes, it does my boy. Indeed it does.

Alan: Cory, let's go! You wanna be late for your first day of high school?
Amy: Alan, don't yell at him. He's probably a nervous wreck.
Cory: [Jumping down the stairs] Hey, Mom! Hey, Dad! How ya doing? Hey, Morgan, lookin' short!
Morgan: Go back to camp, loser.
Amy: Cor, you're not...
Cory: A nervous wreck? No, because I know my place. I understand where I am in the high school universe. See, I'm starting off a nothing - a zero.
Morgan: A big booger.
Cory: You know how you tell me, the earlier I do my homework, the better I'll know the stuff?
Amy: You've done homework?
Cory: It's a metaphor. But all summer long, I bugged Eric about what high school's gonna be like. And I took notes.
Alan: Ooh impressive.
Cory: Thank you. So, how do I avoid years and years of abuse and humiliation?
Alan: Don't get married.
[Amy smacks him on the back of the head]
Alan: It's a metaphor.

Alan: What's the matter?
Amy: Nothing's the matter.
Alan: Yeah, you got your, uh... floor-length flannel armor on there.
Amy: This happens to be very comfortable.
Alan: Mm-hmm. Well, you're looking positively Amish.

Eric: It was one of those nights. You know the kind. Like day, but darker.

Topanga: [Cory is trying very hard to run his fingers through his hair to attract girls] Cory, what is it?
Cory: You were just drawn to me, weren't you?
Topanga: No, I thought you had head lice.

Amy: [to Cory] We have paid for your food, for your clothes, for your phone, for your car insurance...
Alan: You think you can handle all that?
Cory: You know what? You two got married when you were my age, right?
Alan: I was a dope.
[Amy glares at him]
Alan: I take that back. What I mean, what I'm trying to say is think of all the things in life you'll be missing out on.
Cory: Dad, Topanga and I...
Alan: No, no, you think you know what you want from your life, huh? You think you've got it all figured out. Well, things don't always turn out the way you plan. So, if you're going to do this, you better prepare to make sacrifices.
Amy: What sacrifices did you make, Alan?

Topanga: I wasn't sure this day would ever come, but you were. I wasn't sure love could survive everything we put it through, but you were. You were always strong and always sure. And now I know I want you to stand beside me for the rest of my life. That's what I'm sure of.
Cory: I have to talk to her now, ok.
[to Shawn]
Shawn: Go ahead.
Cory: Ever since I was young I never understood anything about the world, and I never understood anything that happened in my life. The only thing that ever made sense to me was you, and how I felt about you. That's all I've ever known and that's enough, that's enough for me, for the rest of my life. Topanga, we gonna get married?
Topanga: Yea, we are.
Cory: Good, cause, umm I have these rings... I love you Topanga.
Topanga: I love you too, Cory.

Shawn: Did you finally get up enough guilt about Dad to pay him a little pity call?
Jack: That's not it. I wanted to come here. I have a brother here. I came here to see you too!
Shawn: Yeah, right.

Alan: [to Cory and Shawn] You two might be in college but you still have a lot of growing up to do.

Topanga: [as Cory and Shawn stare lack-jawed at her] Well, isn't somebody gonna say something?
Shawn: [to himself, trying to convince] She's my best friend's girl... She's my best friend's girl...
[Giving in]
Shawn: [to Topanga] Oh, the heck with that, marry me! I live in a trailer park and I have no education, but my hair does this...
[Waves his hands through his hair]
Shawn: Shawn!
Shawn: [Not caring, still gawking at Topanga] Shut up, man, I'm going for it!
[Cory sprays Shawn with a nearby spray bottle]
Shawn: Thanks, thanks. I'm back.
Cory: Good. Alright, Topanga.
[Puts down the bottle]
Cory: [Shawn mimes the "call me" gesture to Topanga behind Cory's back] I want...
[Looks suspiciously at Shawn, who stops]
Cory: the name of the guy who did this to you.
Topanga: You don't like it?
Cory: No, no, it's not that I don't like it, it's just that I'm in love with this girl who was never interested in what she looked like before.
[Shawn begins staring at Topanga's feet]
Cory: And now I see makeup on your face and polish on you nails and toes and...
[to Shawn]
Cory: Stop looking at her toes.
Shawn: [Entranced] But they sparkle!
Cory: [to Topanga] I want the name of the guy who did this to you!
Topanga: My stylist's name is Mr. Cellini. Cory, it's just a haircut, it's just some makeup. It's not gonna change me.
[Checks watch]
Topanga: Gotta go.
[Begins walking away]
Cory: Well, where are you going?
Topanga: This outfit with this hair? Hello? Buh-bye, I am *so* at the mall.

Shawn: Look, Cory, I'm not angry...
Cory: Oh, you're not angry? Well, I'm not apologizing! Now I know I did the right thing. I've been doing a lot of reading, and I can no longer be responsible for your actions.
Shawn: I got it. So I guess I missed the biology test this morning, huh?
Cory: Oh, don't worry. I took it for ya.

Eric: [Cory swallows mouth wash] What, are you crazy? You swallowed that?
Cory: I'm taking no chances tonight. I want this stuff in my stomach on reserve.
Eric: Why?
Cory: Because I'm going to a make-out party. If I burp... minty fresh.
Eric: Okay, I guess if you think about it makes sense. Hey, where's my deodorant?
Cory: In my pants.
Eric: You're sick.
Cory: I'm cool.
Eric: Since when?
Cory: Since Melissa Harrington invited me to her party.
Eric: Who's Melissa Harrington?
Cory: Only the coolest girl in the 7th grade.
Eric: And you got invited?
Cory: I did.
Eric: So that makes you cool too now, right?
Cory: I believe it does.
Eric: Well, how about that? I mean, you live with somebody and you think they're gonna stay a curly-haired little runt the rest of their lives. Then you turn around and one day they're cool. Wait, come here, let me look at you. Whoa. I mean, you didn't say you were this cool, Cor.
Cory: All right, knock it off Eric.
Eric: You are so cool I'm gonna have Mom cut all the feet off your pajamas, 'cause you just may be ready, Mr... Coolio Iglesias. Huh?

Ms. Kelly: All right, the name of the place where the eggs are stored.
Cory: What are the gonads?
Ms. Kelly: No, sorry. I was looking for, what are the ovaries?
Cory: Oh, the o... Yeah, I always mix those two up.
Ms. Kelly: Try not to. Your future will be brighter.

Mr. George Feeny: [on the phone] Yes, yes, they are both fine, Amy. Now, be patient, you'll have your chance with them after I have mine. Take care now.
Cory: Mr. Feeny, I gotta go change, I gotta go shower. If you don't let me go home, I'm gonna be late for school.
Mr. George Feeny: Sit! Now, the two of you spent the night unsupervised on school property.
Cory: Oh, Mr. Feeny, what do you think happ... Oh, my God!
Topanga: Mr. Feeny, nothing happened. How could you think that? We're totally innocent. Tell him, Cory.
Cory: Oh, my God!
Topanga: Mr. Feeny, we were working late on our documentary. I fell asleep, then Cory fell asleep. That was it.
Mr. George Feeny: Serious violations like this call for swift, decisive action. Uh... While I decide what that is, you're both dismissed for the rest of the day.

Cory: This day was important to me. Topanga knew that.
Alan: It was a very important day to your mother, too.
Cory: Yes, but it didn't have to be today. Today was our day, you know? "Sometimes things come up." What came up? Mom will still be pregnant tomorrow. This was our first engaged Valentine's Day.
Alan: Cory, your mother needed this.
Cory: I needed to be with Topanga on Valentine's Day. I needed to make up for last year.
Alan: You're being incredibly selfish.
Cory: I'm being selfish because I wanted to spend the one day you're supposed to spend with your girlfriend with my girlfriend. Yeah, I'm a bad man.
Alan: Cory, you spend every day with her.
Cory: What are you saying?
Alan: I'm saying that, yeah, you can be in love with somebody, but the world still goes on around you. Topanga knows that, you don't.
George: This is a lovely party.

Chet: I'm always here for you, boys.
Jack: Man, he'd be so proud of you. Going on this adventure in New York City. Nothing but the clothes on your back.
Shawn: Yeah, well you know it's like Dad always said,
[imitates Chet]
Shawn: Money don't make you rich. Life makes you rich!
Chet: I don't talk nothing like that!
Jack: You know, you never even had a nickel in your pocket and that wasn't important to you. I admire that, man. I admire you. I admire you more than I do me.
Shawn: Uh-oh.
Chet: Uh-oh what?
Jack: Rachel.
Rachel: Yeah?
Jack: Save me a seat on that boat next to you. Wow, I can't believe I just did that.
Chet: What'd you do? What'd he do?
Rachel: You're giving up your stepfather's money.
Chet: What? What money? What the Sam Hell is she talking about boy?
Jack: Yeah, money doesn't make you rich. Life makes you rich. Our father taught us that.
Chet: Did not! That's stupid! Money makes you rich. You ask anybody! What makes you rich? Money! I got two stupid boys. You all embarrass me in front of my dead friends!

George: Oh, Eric. I just had a phone call. I need to ask you a favor.
Eric: Oh, no problem. Just give me your keys, I'll mow your lawn and water those ugly little plants.
George: You don't think I'd actually let you inside my house? No, no. No, what I'm talking about is a lot more important than watering plants.
Eric: Look, Mr. Feeny, don't get my hopes up that you're actually gonna trust me with something, okay? I'll wash your car. No biggie.
George: My citizenship class is starting a series of practice tests this week. Unfortunately, I have a scheduling conflict. I need you to proctor
Eric: Me? Proctor? Proctor Matthews.
George: You know what "proctor" is?
Eric: Yeah. It's a tushy doctor. Oh, bleh! I'm not gonna do that!
George: Maybe you better just wash the car.

Jack: How's he doing?
Shawn: He looks so helpless.
Jack: Yeah, well, his nurse didn't seem to think he was so helpless. I offered her a job taking care of him when he gets home. I think you can still hear laughing.
Shawn: He doesn't need a nurse. I can take care of him.
Jack: Look, uh, he needs professional care, Shawn, you know? I just, you know, arranged for it to happen. It's okay.
Shawn: Wow. You've got this whole situation figured out, don't you?
Jack: I'm just trying to take care of things, man.
Shawn: Yeah, yeah. Well, I guess it's easy to be efficient when you're not feeling what I am.
Jack: Don't tell me how I'm feeling, okay? I'm his son, too.
Shawn: Are you? When you were a little kid, did you sit next to him while he watched TV all night long, hoping that he'd say something to you? Did you ever once clean up after him when he came home drunk? And when he didn't come home at all, did you lay in bed thinking it was something you did that drove him away? And when he was gone, did you walk around and make believe that everything was okay, when inside it was tearing you apart? Did you?
Jack: No. No, I didn't get to do any of those things. You see, I knew I had a father, and he was gone from me my whole life.
Shawn: But you turned out okay, Jack. Look at you. You know who you are. You deal with things. Me, I'm just another version of him.
Chet: Shawn.
Shawn: Oh, God, Dad, you're up.
Chet: I'm sorry I didn't do right by you, Son. I'm a lousy father.
Shawn: You heard what I said?
Chet: Yeah. You been saying it your whole life. I just never listened. I'm listening now.
Shawn: [crying] I've really screwed up, Dad. It's like I'm watching myself do these things that I hate, and I can't stop them. Why couldn't you just stick around? Wasn't I good enough for you?
Chet: [also crying] No, Shawn. I wasn't good enough for you.
Shawn: I need you, Dad.
Chet: I need you, too, Son. And this time, boys, I'm staying. I'm not going anywhere. Not this time.
Shawn: You mean it? 'Cause I feel like I feel like you're the only one who can help me.
Chet: We're a family. It's about damn time we started acting like one.

Alan: I called your folks, Topanga, and let them know that you were here, and that you're all right.
Amy: And later on...
Cory: Later on what, Mom? She's going back to her house? Fine, I'm going with her. We can do this again there.
Alan: Cory, you live here, Topanga lives in Pittsburgh. I didn't do it. Stop jumping on me!
Cory: No, no, Mom, I'm not jumping on you because of where we live, all right? I'm jumping on you because you seem happy about this. I mean, why don't you want us to be together?
Eric: [comes into the room] I hear yellin'.

Eric: We have to support Cory and Topanga and accept this marriage. We can't push them out of our lives like we pushed them to elope. They love each other, and they belong together, just like me and Rachel.
Alan: Who's Rachel?
Eric: She's my beautiful new roommate angel.

Ben: Hey, Schneider. Listen, maybe you can give me a little something to play off today, okay? Huh? You dead person. You silent freak. You know, I am so sick and tired of carrying this show.
Schneider: I'm sorry, Mr. Sandwich, please don't be upset with me. I need this job so I can pay for college and get an education.
Ben: [laughs] An education? Son, listen. This show goes four years, they'll give you an honorary degree. You'll be Doctor Creepy Weirdo.

George: I realize that all you seventh-graders are delicate adolescent flowers just beginning your high school blooming so I say this with upmost sensitivity. Take this test or die.

Jack: [about Cory, Topanga and Shawn] You know, that's perfect, right? Even when it's supposed to be about all of us, it always comes back to them.
Angela: Mmm-hmm. It's never gonna change.

Cory: We're not gonna decide the rest of my life with jelly beans, Shawn.
Shawn: Then who's gonna decide the rest of your life? You?

Shawn: If I was only going to be alive for one more minute, I'd spend it looking in your eyes.
Angela: And if you were only going to be alive for one more minute, I'd tell you to stop lookin'... and start kissin'.

Alan: You're going through some changes, aren't you?
Cory: Yes, I am.
Alan: You know what those changes are?
Cory: Seriously? No kidding?
Alan: Yeah.
Cory: I'm a werewolf. Ah-ooo.
Alan: Of course you are. And if you misbehave as a werewolf, I'll be happy to shoot you. But on the off chance that you're turning into a man and not a wolf, this could just be the beginning of adulthood.
Cory: Dad, I'm not becoming a man. I'm becoming man's best friend

Jonathan: Why was it so important to get back on the air, that you were willing to shaft me?
Cory: You wouldn't understand.
Jonathan: Well, pretend I'm stupid.
Shawn: [slowly] We... went... on... the radio.
Jonathan: Pretend I'm smarter!

Topanga: I wasn't sure this day would ever come, but you were. I wasn't sure love could survive everything we put it through, but you were. You were always strong and always sure. And now I know I want you to stand beside me for the rest of my life. That's what I'm sure of.
Cory: I have to talk to her now, OK.
[to Shawn]
Shawn: Go ahead.
Cory: Ever since I was young I never understood anything about the world, and I never understood anything that happened in my life. The only thing that ever made sense to me was you, and how I felt about you. That's all I've ever known and that's enough, that's enough for me, for the rest of my life. Topanga, we gonna get married?
Topanga: Yea, we are.
Cory: Good, cause, umm I have these rings... I love you, Topanga.
Topanga: I love you too, Cory.

Shawn: So you're not mad at me?
Cory: No.
Shawn: So you're mad at Eric?
Cory: No, I'm not mad at anybody. See, everybody did what they were supposed to do. I mean, you guys went out with cool girls from New York, and I stayed at home playing Candy Land with my sister. And lost.

Amy: I can't decide between Joshua or Daniel.
[to Alan]
Amy: Where's the baby?

Cory: [to Topanga] And by the way, I happen to have been an adorable drunk. You should have seen me.
Topanga: I did. You weren't and this isn't about us.

Cory: The competition is pretty thin so far. Looks like I'm the coolest guy here.
Melissa: Yeah, rub it in.

Rachel: So you take your middle name and you put it with the street that you live on.
Jack: And that's your soap opera name?
Eric: Yeah. Like mine is Kimberly Beaumont.
Eric: Jonathan Cumberland.
Jack: Eric, your middle name is Randall.
Eric: Tony Randall. The Odd Couple!
Jack: Don't you listen to the rules?
Eric: Who is Tony Randall?
Jack: Right. You win.
Eric: I always win

Eric: Listen to me. You and Topanga spent the last three Friday nights at home, tearing up at chick flicks.
Cory: Excuse me, last Friday night, if you recall, Topanga and I spent a lovely evening at home, watching no TV whatsoever.
Eric: You made jam!
Cory: It was preserves, Eric. It was preserves. It was a nifty little recipe in this Couples magazine, see? I told them I was married to get a subscription discount.
Eric: Are you blind in the eyes, man? Huh? You and Topanga are turning into an old, boring couple.
Cory: Eric, Topanga and I have been going out for five months, all right? And in our circle we are considered young and hip
Topanga: [calling from the living room] Hon, how are the muffins doing?
Cory: I'll stick a fork in 'em, hon.
Eric: Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey! If you go near that oven, I'll stick a fork in you!
Cory: You wouldn't.
Eric: Ohm I'd be doing you a favor.
Cory: Oh, stop being such a weisenheimer. Who said that?
Eric: You did, Pops!

Cory: Uh, Mr. Feeny? I got a message you wanted to see me? You have two extra tickets to Sunday's Eagles game.
Shawn: Hey, Mr. Feeny. I heard you had an academic achievement award for me?
[Cory and Shawn notice they are in the same room]
Cory: You!
[They turn to Feeny]
Cory: Sting!
George: Oh, sit down!

Cory: Mom, I'm your son.
Amy: Cory, you're dog meat.

[Tommy wants Eric to adopt him]
Tommy: Do you know what Scooby did when Shaggy fell in the well?
Eric: This isn't a cartoon, Tommy.
Tommy: He SAVED him. He saved him because he LOVED him.
Eric: Tommy, you know I love you.
Tommy: Then why won't you save me?

Topanga: Cory, it's only two months. The time is gonna fly. And before you know, we will be back together.
[they kiss]
Cory: Back together.
[they kiss again]
Cory: Which in Spanish is: "Back together, muchacha!"
[they kiss another time]

Madame: Come to me, werewolf boy.
Cory: How did you know?
Madame: I know many things. I know you were bitten by a wolf.
Cory: It's true.
Madame: I know you are now becoming a wolf.
Cory: That's amazing!
Madame: I know you are recently divorced.
Cory: What?
Madame: You're not Billy Joel?
Cory: No.
Madame: Well, then you're just a wolf.

Cory: Topanga... do we upset you?
Topanga: Yes!
Cory: Upset you enough... to kill?

Shawn: Oh, principal Feeny!
Cory: No farm animals here!
[Shawn and Cory laugh nervously]
George: Yes, well, the day is young.

Cory: It's up to us to hold this thing together.
Shawn: Lose the purse, and I'll take you seriously.
Cory: But it goes with my shoes!

Cory: I miss Linda already.
Shawn: I miss Stacy. And Linda.
Cory: And Debbie?
Shawn: And Debbie.
Cory: There is no Debbie!
Shawn: Then how come I miss her so much?
Cory: Because you're nuts.

Topanga: [to Cory] So when do you want to do it?
Cory: Do what?
Topanga: Get married, Cory.
Cory: Topanga, I don't know. I haven't even had time to think...
Topanga: How about right away?
Cory: Right away? Right away when?
Topanga: Cory, we've been dating each other since we were two. We've both had a chance to be with other people.
Cory: Yeah, I wonder what she's doing.
[Topanga hits Cory on the arm]
Topanga: Do you think we'll be together for the rest of our lives?
Cory: Yeah, I know we will.
Topanga: So do I. We're not like other people, Cory. We're weird.

George: Mr. Turner, I frown upon faculty becoming involved with faculty.
Jonathan: Then it's not a policy. It's just a facial expression.

Shawn: You doubled with your folks again.
Cory: Only on Friday and Saturday. But Sunday, it was just me and Topanga at the mall. Yep, she bought me slacks.

Sergeant: So, fill me in on this Shawn Hunter will you, Mr. Feeny?
George: Well, I have seen Shawn overcome every obstacle that life has thrown at him and grow up to be one of the finest young men that I know.
Cory: What about me? Tell him-tell him how much you like me.
George: Shawn is a deeply sensitive and caring indivdual, and I've never seen him as happy as when he is in the company of your daughter, and I always thought that Angela felt the same way.
Sergeant: So they were real close?
Cory: Until she ran away and do you know why she ran away?
Sergeant: Yeah, I think I do.
Cory: Topanga! She's poison but don't hate her, sir. She's my problem. I love her so much but poison she is!
[Topanga comes up and glares at Cory who flashes a goofy, innocent smile. Topanga walks past him and over to the front counter. As she leaves we see Eric hiding in the glass display, waiting for his moment to strike, his nose pressed right up against the glass]
George: Under no circumstances, however, let your daughter go anywhere near him.
[Feeny indicates Eric]

Alan: [Shawn is drunk] Shawn, why don't you come in the kitchen with me for a minute.
Shawn: You gonna make me an omelet?
Alan: I want to have a talk with you. Now.
Shawn: You're not my dad.
Alan: Yeah, well, I'm all you have
[he reaches for Shawn who shoves his hand away]
Shawn: Whoa, look! You're not my dad. I don't have a dad. And I don't have a mom. I'm an orphan. I'm an old orphan. My childhood is over and I never had any parents.
[to himself]
Shawn: Oh, God. Stop whining! I-I-I hate you.
Alan: I'll be your father.
Shawn: [laughs] You-You'll be what?
Alan: I want you to be a member of this family.
Amy: Alan?
Alan: We want you to be a member of this family.
Amy: We do. You need a mom? I'm a really good mom. I've got references.
Cory: Yeah, she's good.
Eric: She's the best I've ever had.
Shawn: You wanna adopt me?
Amy: Shawn, you have always been a part of our family.
Alan: How 'bout we make it official?
[Shawn turns and leaves angrily]

Cory: All this guy Hamlet does is talk. He even talks when nobody's there.

Cory: Come on, Shawn! You've lived here for three weeks, and you've been in the bathroom for two and a half of them!

Lauren: I just wanna be in love with someone, and maybe have some kids someday. Do you wanna have kids?
Cory: Yeah, but I have to be home by midnight.

Eric: Ah, good morning! Let me give you a weekend weather update. Whether or not I have a date with Cindy this weekend depends on how partly cool I am in school today. There is a definite Vicky front moving in this Saturday and temperatures are expected to rise.
Amy: Cooling off by ten o'clock, when you're expected to be home.
Eric: Oh, mom, we both know how unpredictable the weather can be.
Amy: Don't mess with Mother Nature.
Eric: [scared] I'll be home by ten.

Topanga: Cory, you and I have the exact same paper due tommorrow. How is that I'm sitting here studying and your sitting there watching that stupid coyote fall into the grand canyon again?
Cory: I wanna make sure he's gonna be alright.
Topanga: He's *always* alright!
Cory: What if this is the one time he dies?

Cory: Okay, so after the prom, romance in the air, you and Angela, you're gonna look in each other's eyes, and...
Shawn: Me and Angela? I don't know. Maybe. What do you think, we sat down and discussed it? How dorky do you think we are? What about you and Topanga?
Cory: We sat down and discussed it.

Shawn: [Cory and Shawn are discussing Cory and Topanga's recent breakup] Cory, Topanga went out with another guy last night. I'm really sorry, man.
Cory: So we're the only two people in the world who still have hope for Topanga and me, and you're throwing in the towel?
Shawn: [nods] Sorry, Cory.
Cory: All right.
[turns away]
Shawn: You okay?
Cory: Yeah, sure. It's a strange feeling, though.
Shawn: What, knowing that it's finally over between you and Topanga?
Cory: [turns back to face Shawn] No, being the only one who knows it's not.

Cory: Shawn, there's been a miracle!
Shawn: Yeah, whatever. Come on, let's go. We're gonna be late for class.
Cory: Class? We don't need no stinkin' class. Our futures are set. We are high-school gods. Come, let us repair to the gym and rejoice in our invitations.
Shawn: It's gonna be kinda hard, since I didn't get one.
Cory: What?
Shawn: I didn't get an invite. No biggie.
Cory: There's gotta be a mistake. You're the coolest guy in class. You've gotta be invited.
Shawn: Yeah, well, looks like I'm not.
Cory: I'm gonna find out what happened.
Shawn: Let it go, OK? Just let it go.
Cory: You want me to ask her?
Shawn: Yeah, would you?

Mr. George Feeny: [clears his throat]
Cory: Five more minutes mom.
Mr. George Feeny: Goood Morning sunshine. Breakfast is on the table. We're having a big bowl of sugar frosted, you've got a lot of explaining to do.

George: [Mr Feeny makes clear, without naming names, his choice to play Hamlet in the school play] Now, this is a tricky part to cast, because Hamlet gets on a lot of people's nerves. He makes one stupid mistake after another, and for five acts, he never shuts up.
Cory: [Cory slowly realizes that everyone is looking at him] What, do I have a booger?

Cory: You can't punish us, we're in college now.
Alan: Oh yeah? How about if I hit you so hard you're both back in high school?

Eric: Have you heard of a college called "Yah-ley"?
George: You mean Yale?

Gumshoe: I'm the local gumshoe. That's gum... on my shoe.

[after an altercation with Cory's grandma]
George: Who is that woman?
Cory: My grandma. Don't you just love her?
George: No. No, I don't.

Eric: Boy, you sure like to get a lot of information before you let somebody take a kid, huh?
Mrs. Gallagher: Well, normally we just pull names out of a hat. But we really like Tommy. This is the background on the other couple interested in him.
Eric: You're allowed to show me that?
Mrs. Gallagher: No, I'm not. But in this case, you being the big brother and wanting what's best for Tommy, I think it'll be okay. Tommy's been here a long time, and we really care about him as much as you do. We wouldn't place him with just anybody.
Eric: I know, but, I mean, come on, why do they have to live in California?
Mrs. Gallagher: They used to live here in Philadelphia. That's when they adopted their first child from us. A little girl three years ago, Sara.
Eric: Well, I mean, they can keep Sara. I don't have a problem with that.
Mrs. Gallagher: We used to get lots of letters from Sara telling us how happy she was. Then we got fewer letters, and then they stopped coming.
Eric: 'Cause she wasn't happy anymore.
Mrs. Gallagher: 'Cause we weren't her family anymore, they are. As much as it hurts, we love it when the letters stop. Here's a note from her mother.
Eric: [reading aloud] "Dear Mrs. Gallagher, here is Sara's third-grade picture. As you can see, she's growing into a beautiful young lady, and we never realized it was possible to love someone so much. The one thing that could make our family more complete would be a brother for Sara and a son for us. We can't stop thinking about Tommy and how happy we would all be together. Thank you so much for considering us."
[to Mrs. Gallagher]
Eric: I love Tommy, too.
Mrs. Gallagher: I know. Now you just have to decide how much.
Tommy: [Eric gets up and goes into another room where Tommy is waiting with his arms full of toys] Look, Dad, I packed all my stuff. I'm all ready to go. Isn't it cool the way I call you Dad?
Eric: Yeah, Tommy. It's way cool.
Tommy: Let's get out of here. Let's go. Come on. What?
Eric: I can't be your dad, Tommy.
Tommy: Why not?
Eric: Come here. These people in California, they sound really nice.
Tommy: But I want to be here with you.
Eric: You're going to have a mom and a dad and a house with a big pool and a big sister and a dog... named Waldo.
Tommy: I don't need a dog. I have you. Eric, I'm never going with anybody except you.
Eric: I'm not going to adopt you, Tommy.
Tommy: Why not?
Eric: Because I'm not.
Tommy: Yes, you are.
Eric: Tommy. I'm not going to adopt you.
Tommy: I don't like you anymore.
Eric: [clearly hurt but holding his composure] I'm sorry to hear that, Tom.
Tommy: And now I'm going to California to be with people who care about me.
Eric: Good for you, Tommy. Good for you, man.
[Eric leaves Tommy in his room and closes the door behind him. He looks at Mrs. Gallagher on the couch]
Mrs. Gallagher: Good for you.

Cory: [while cleaning out the garage] Oh, Shawn, look. Our old clubhouse sign.
Shawn: Yeah.
[reads the sign]
Shawn: "No girls allowed." That lasted long.
Cory: Hey, I was in love.
Topanga: And I threatened to sue.

Chet: Adam, I consider you a friend.
Alan: Alan.
Chet: I respect you. Yes sir, you're the heartbeat of America. People can count on you. Ya got roots! I like that.
Alan: Where's this heading?
Chet: I need a favor. My wife Verna, she's... She's out there. My heart's out there with her. Not to mention my wallet and major credit cards. But she is my wife and go after her I must.
Amy: And the favor?
Chet: Take care of my boy. Now, you don't have to answer right now. Well, yes you do.
Cory: Stay here? That'd be great?
Shawn: Dad, why can't I just come with you.
Chet: Oh, come on. The road's no place for a boy. Especially with your momma out there drivin' on it. Your place is here. In school. With Teach over there. In this house. In the company of these fine people.
[smiles at Amy and Alan]
Chet: No pressure.

Eric: Oh, it's true. It's true.
Monique: What's true?
Eric: I heard there's some science lady looking for students to be part of a research study?
Monique: That's right. I'm doing my thesis on psychoneurology. So you're interested in the field of dream research?
Eric: Heck, no. But I loved your flier. "Earn cash while you sleep. " Hi. Eric Matthews, amateur sleeper, ready to turn pro.
Monique: Monique Larson. Why don't you come in and I'll explain what we're doing?
Eric: Uh, what's to know? Eyes shut, get cash, buy records.

Shawn: [to Cory about Topanga proposing to him] Hey, I don't blame you. You know, if Angela asked me that in the middle of my graduation, I'd wet my gown, too.

Shawn: You know what's cool? We made it through our first dates and we're still best friends.
Cory: And we're gonna stay best friends - through second dates, proms, engagements, marriages.
Shawn: Second marriages.
Cory: Whatever comes along, we're gonna stand here and face it together, shoulder to shoulder.
Hilary: [as she rushes past them towards the hall] Hi, Shawn.
Topanga: [as she rushes past them in the opposite direction] Hi, Cory.
Shawn: Later!

Cory: [to Shawn] So, you're tired of tumbling, tumbleweed?
Shawn: Yeah. There's too much going on here to be someplace else.

Cory: Shawn, needless to say, I'm a little upset.
Shawn: You're always upset.
Cory: Well, more than usual.

Shawn: It's a tie. You like Lauren as much as you like Topanga and you can't live without either of them. Well, this was a bad idea.
Cory: No, no, this was a good idea. Shawn, yeah, I like Lauren. I like spending time with her. But I can live without her. I-I can't live without Topanga.
[he smiles happily while putting the rest of jelly beans bag on Topanga's end of the scales]
Cory: It's no contest.

Cory: [after Shawn's date with Gary is settled] Shawnie! Way to go!
Topanga: You got the date!
[Shawn is silent and looks worried]
Cory: What?
Shawn: I've got nothing to wear!

Jonathan: Okay, guys, break it up now!
[he and Mr. Williams break Cory and Shawn apart, and then realizes it was them]
Jonathan: Hunter? Matthews?
Eli: You guys know you're fighting each other?

Eric: Hi, Mom. This is Rebecca. It's kind of a new relationship, so don't say anything too embarrassing, OK?
Amy: Oh, hi, Rebecca. He wet his bed till he was 12. Oops.

Cory: Madame Ouspenskaya, everything you predicted has come true.
Madame: No kidding! Mind if I use you for a reference?
Cory: Listen, I found out there *is* a girl who cares for me, just like you said.
Madame: Well, have you killed her yet?
Cory: No.
Madame: Well, why not?
Cory: I don't know.

Stuart: Cory Matthews wakes up one morning. He kisses his lovely wife. He leaves his nice suburban home and then he gets hit by a bus.
Shawn: I'll miss you buddy!
Cory: No, I don't get hit by a bus.
Stuart: Why not?
Cory: Because I use the crosswalks, memorize the bus schedule and, if I got a wife like Topanga, I ain't leaving the house!
Stuart: Bus hits you anyway. Now, what's that called?
Angela: It's fate. Doesn't matter if you stay in or go out, your life is pre-destined and there's nothing you can do about it.
Cory: So you mean that bus is going to drive right through my house to get to me?
Angela: Yes, it is.
Shawn: I'll miss you buddy!

Cory: Mr. Feeny, why are you keeping us locked up here?
Mr. George Feeny: Because I care about you.
Eric: He cares about us, okay? And I care about us, too. We've been friends all our lives.
Jack: No. No, we haven't. That's the point.
Angela: Some of us have been friends all their lives.
Rachel: And some of us haven't. It's an exclusive club and we're not in it.
Cory: Rachel, what are you making this such a big deal for?
Angela: Because it is a big deal!
Shawn: Angela, don't blow this up.
Angela: No. It's too late, Shawn. It's blown.

Mr. George Feeny: Well Mr. Matthews, why don't we call this a dress rehersal for the many visits we will endoubtly have this year.
Cory: Huh?
Mr. George Feeny: Get out of my face.
Cory: Sure, my next class is American History with Mr, Um... Feeny... Mr... Fay... ayy
[the bell rings]
Mr. George Feeny: You're late!

Eric: Ooh, who's that sexy babe in the tank top?
Cory: That would be Mom.
Eric: Ahh! Ahh!

Ellis: Chill.
Stuart: I don't understand what that means.
Shawn: It means that 1 out of every 4 people is a nerd. So, when you look around this room and you don't see one, you're it.
Cory: But, we can help you change.
Stuart: Maybe I like how I am.
Ellis: You like everyone always makin' fun of you?
Stuart: No.
Cory: You like always being the last one picked for teams?
Stuart: No.
Shawn: You like everyone pulling your underwear up your butt all the time?
Stuart: [he thinks it over] It's not so bad.

Cory: Nobody told me about this girl thing, Shawn. I mean, no one warned me. I thought they were just there. I didn't know they were interactive.

[trying to straighten Cory's hair]
Cory: Is this stuff supposed to be burning?
Shawn: Why, is it burning?
Cory: No, I was just trying to make conversation, because we don't get enough chances to talk any more.

Cory: Hey, guys. Whatcha doin'?
Ubaldo: We're practicing Spin the Bottle,
Cory: But there are no girls.
Alvin: But there might be later.
Cory: Er, guys, I don't think any girls are coming.
Ubaldo: Oh, well, we don't mind.
Alvin: We're all friends.
Simon: Yeah, we like hanging out together.
Alvin: We're very comfortable with what we are.
Ubaldo: Parties come and parties go, but you always have your friends.
Alvin: *That* is why Ubaldo is so cool.

Topanga: Look, Shawn, I'm not trying to be mean. I just don't think it's fair for him to be living in your apartment. He's a farm animal.
Shawn: Yeah, well, according to my new book, "Farm Animals Make Great Pets"... Farm animals make great pets.

George: Although you can't see it now, your reward is yet to come.
Cory: What are you, a fortune cookie?
Topanga: Who has cookies?
Cory: He's a fortune cookie, Topanga.
George: I resent that! My words are heartfelt and highly original. To be reduced to a whimsical jocularity that's stuffed into a cracker is an affront to the very essence of my character.
[He turns to Topanga who immediately blows a raspberry at him]
Cory: Well put, honey. Well put. Give us something we can use, why don't ya?
George: Persevere, and prosperity shall be yours. All right, I'm a fortune cookie.

Cory: Grandma didn't show up.
Alan: I've been there.
Cory: Wait a minute. She did this to you?
Alan: Hey, pick a category. You like sports? Birthdays? You like rocket ships?
Cory: I'll take rocket ships.
Alan: All right. Um, one day my class was supposed to go on this field trip to the Franklin Museum of Science to see the "Man in Space" exhibit.
Cory: Cool.
Alan: Yeah, it would've been, except Grandma forgot to return the permission slip, so I didn't get to go.
Cory: I been there.
Alan: Yeah, me too and I felt just the way you're feeling now.
Cory: Did you hate her?
Alan: Well, no. It was kind of hard to hate her, Cory, you know 'cause a couple months later, she woke me up in the middle of the night, she bundles me up, she throws me in the Winnebago, we drive for two days and two nights.
Cory: Where'd she take you?
Alan: Cape Canaveral. Mercury 3. First American in space. My classmates are back in Philadelphia looking at a little black-and-white TV. I'm there feeling the heat from the rocket on my face.
Cory: Grandma took you all the way to Cape Canaveral?
Alan: See, Grandma doesn't show love like other people do but she loves you no matter what you think. She just shows love in her own way. And when she's with you, she wants it to be so special that you'll always remember.
Cory: I always do remember.
Alan: Yeah, so do I. When that rocket took off and the smile on my face was a mile wide, and all of America was watching their little TV set, I remember that my mother was watching *me*.
[Grandma's distinctive"La Cucaracha" horn plays outside]
Alan: Guess who.

Jason: Canadians skate. How hard can it be?

George: Ms. Lawrence, I have an assignment for you as well. Butt out of other people's business for a week. Otherwise, you get an F.
Topanga: But I've never failed before!
George: There's a first time for everything.
Cory: That argument doesn't get you anywhere with her.

Eric: [to Alan and Amy] What are you guys doing up? The only people up now are creeps and weirdoes.
Shawn: [walks into the house] How you doing?

Shawn: Can you believe this? Feeny locked us in!
Cory: He can't do that! It's against the Geneva Detention Convention.

Cory: That's just what I want - to be Topanga's boyfriend. And then we can name our children Chewbacca and Plankton.

George: And that, Mr. Hunter, is how babies are made.
Shawn: I still don't believe 'em.

Mr. George Feeny: Believe in yourselves. Dream. Try. Do good
Topanga: Don't you mean "do well"?
Mr. George Feeny: No, I mean "do good".

Cory: [to himself] Listen, Ingrid, you how you think I said I'd go to the dance with you? You're gonna think this is pretty amazing, but see, that wasn't me. See, there's this guy, who looks like and sounds like, but he's not me. Now, I reported him to the police, but they keep arresting me.
Alan: Oh, yeah, that'll work.
Cory: Dad!
Alan: No, it's not me. It's just a guy who looks like me. And the both of us are wondering what the two of you are up to.

Topanga: Just tell me what you see in the painting, Cory.
Cory: [peers at Starry Night] I see an attack.
Topanga: An attack?
Cory: An attack from another world.
Topanga: An attack from another world. All right, let's look again. What about the relationship between God and man?
Cory: Oh, okay. I was about to get there. See, God, unhappy with how some particular humans treat other particular humans who love them, has decided it's the end of the world. And I think he's right.
Topanga: God is protecting the people in this little town! They live their lives and they come out of their houses, and they see this sky and they know God's protection and love. And that everything will be all right.
Cory: Listen, how do you expect me to see good in anything when I feel so bad in here?
[indicates heart]

George: Shawnzie Hunterelli, I warned you that your next shenanigan would be your last.
Cory: Uh, it wasn't him. It was me.
George: Ah, a new student trying to make a name for himself eh? And that name is?
Shawnzie: He doesn't know you. Be smart. Make one up.
Cory: My name is, uh, Brad Pitt, sir.
George: Well, Mr. Pittsir. If you want to keep your nose clean around here, I suggest you that steer clear of bad apples like this Johnny Rottenseed.

Eric: Mom, hold my calls. Tonight I'm gonna be studyin'.
Amy: [sarcastic] Great. Let me get my camera.
Eric: Hey, I'm serious! I mean, I got pencils, I got notebook, I got refreshment. I got everything i need to be a studyin' fool!
Amy: Where are your books?
Eric: [sits quiet]
Amy: Did you leave them in your locker?
Eric: Yeah, either there or on the bus...
Amy: Eric, you don't take the bus.
Eric: Well, then they're safely in my locker!

Cory: Shawn, you know that pain that everyone's talking about?
Shawn: Yeah?
Cory: I think I'm starting to feel it.

Morgan: Here she comes!
Shawn: Wow, she looks just like Becky.
Becky: I am Becky.

Harvey: What's your name, kid?
Cory: Cory Matthews.
Harvey: Nah, that's a poofy name. If you're gonna hang with me, you've got to have a name that inspires fear and respect. Let me look at you. I've got it. From now on, you are JOHNNY BABOON.

Frankie: [Harley has caught Gloria and Frankie on a date] Harley, I know this looks bad but I can explain.
Harvey: I look forward to hearing it.
Frankie: I went behind your back and stole your girl.

Amy: How's your homework coming, honey?
Morgan: Great. I'm acing it.
Alan: Making sandwiches is homework?
Amy: Making their own lunches teaches them to be self-reliant and grown-up.
Morgan: I'm making Wonder Bread, Cheeze Whiz and Lucky Charms.
Alan: Ugh. Honey, let me give you a couple of pointers here...
Amy: She needs to make her own mistakes.
Alan: She's well on her way. I mean, look at this, this is disgusting. Nobody's gonna want to eat this.
[he takes a bite of the sandwich]
Alan: Hey, that's not bad. What the heck have you discovered here?
[Eric comes in]
Eric: What you eating, Dad?
Alan: Lucky Charms and Cheeze Whiz. You want some?
Eric: It's Morgan's, right?
Alan: Uh-huh.
Eric: You tried Froot Loops on pita?
[Alan looks at Morgan expectedly]
Morgan: Tomorrow

Eric: So, first day of college and I got no place to stay. Show up at the dorm I say, "excuse me ding, ding, ding. Front please. Eric Matthews. I go here. Where's my towel? Where's my room?" They tell me I'm not on the list. Like there's a list!
Amy: Eric, I gave you the forms for the housing list three months ago.
Alan: Amy, go easy on him. Our son had a little mix-up in housing. He's home for a visit. Cake?
Eric: Ooh. Cut it for me?
Amy: It's not a visit. He's back.
Eric: Why isn't Mommy happy to see me?
Amy: I am. It's just sometimes you scare me. I mean, how are you supposed to do well in college if you can't even fill out a housing application.
Eric: Oh! It's worse than that. Checked the wrong box on another form and now they think I'm an eskimo.

Cory: If there's no bowling league why is my mom going out with this big, heavy-
[Cory picks up Amy's bowling bag and stops when it registers that it lacks a bowling ball]
Cory: Eric, something's wrong. This doesn't weigh anything.
Eric: Maybe Mom forgot her ball.
[They open the bag and pull out two red heels]
Shawn: And if those are bowling shoes there should be a number on the back just above the spike heel.
Cory: Eric, what does this mean?
Eric: [Eric pulls out a slinky, short, black dress] It means Mom's going to be flashing some leg when she picks up that 7-10 split.
Cory: [Cory takes out a matchbook and reads it] "La Buggy-a."
Eric: La Bugia? That's that fancy dinner place seniors always take their prom dates.
Cory: Why would Mom be going there?
Eric: Maybe Mom's dating a senior. I mean, everybody else is.

Amy: Sex is like voting.
[Alan laughs]
Amy: It's a privilege that you may choose to exercise, when you're old enough.
Alan: Go on.
Amy: And you don't want to vote for somebody you haven't known for a really long time or have strong feelings for. Because you may be stuck with that person for quite a while.
Alan: Yes, sex is like voting. You go behind a curtain, do your thing, and then you get to do it again... in four years.

Dana: That is just so sweet. Isn't it the best to have friends?
Jennifer: Oh, shut up. Valentines Day blows.

Chet: Now, I want the official college tour, starting with that laboratory where they torture the mice.

Cory: [shaking hands with Rebecca-Alexa] Hi. Hi, I'm Cory. I'm Eric's brother. Um, this is... Topanga... She's a girl from school, heh...
Topanga: Cory!
Cory: She's also my girlfriend and I love her very much, so... don't get any ideas!

Gordy: [while carrying a hot tub up the stairs] When you're young, this may be for making out. But, when you are your parents' age, it is for reading.
Alan: Come on, Gordy, you've got more miles than I do.
Gordy: And I'm very well read.

Shawn: Well, Cory and Topanga aren't together anymore.
George: Yes, I know. I, too, read "Teen Beat," Mr. Hunter.

Eric: I wanna make the happiness of the entire world my responsibility. What an idiot. What am I supposed to do? I made all those little kids smile. Took care of everybody that came to see me. No disrespect but why would you send me that little boy? Why doesn't that nice little boy have parents? Why doesn't that nice little boy have parents? Why did you send me that little kid? And why do I only come to you when I need something. I mean you shouldn't have to take care of everything, right? I will take care of this. I can be responsible for the happiness of one little boy.

Ranger: Which one of you is Feeney's grandson?
Cory: [at the same time, pointing at each other] He is.
Cory: Well, I am.
Shawn: We both are.
Cory: We're brothers.
Shawn: We're cousins... brother... cousins.
Ranger: No need to explain, son. I'm from mountain people myself!

George: Your little bully tactics didn't work back then, and they're not gonna work now. Now, put him down.
Frankie Stecchino Sr.: Make me!
George: I'd be glad to... Leslie.
Frankie Stecchino Sr.: You wouldn't,
George: I would.

Eric: Hey Weasel, you wanna move your stuff off the table? We gotta cram for the math test tomorrow.
Morgan: My name's not Weasel, it's Morgan.
Eric: I thought you liked it when I called you Weasel.
Morgan: I've never liked it. You like it so much, it's your name now... Weasel.

Eric: Killer, killer... and I know you're gonna tell me you're not the killer... 'cause you're beautiful and...
Jennifer: I'm not the killer.
Eric: I believe you.
[starts kissing her]

Cory: Thanks for waking me up, Dad.
Alan: Hey, wouldn't be this much fun without you. Uh, don't tell Mom.
Cory: Mom's not in on this?
Alan: No, no, no. This is kind of a guy secret. Well, a father-son bonding.
[Alan looks at his watch]
Alan: Your mother can *never* find out about this.

Cory: Do people turn out a certain way because of where they come from? You know, where they live? Who their parents are?
George: Personally, I believe that a man, no matter where he comes from, chooses his own path.
Cory: So, really no matter who you are, you can make up your own mind about what you wanna do?
George: Absolutely
Amy: [calling from inside] Cory! Dinner!
Cory: I'll come in when I choose to.
Amy: Get your butt in here, now!
Cory: Uh, Mr. Feeny?
George: My theory bites?
Cory: I'm thinking!

Lionel: Cory, why do I have to be here?
Cory: Lionel, it's no secret that Shawn and I went through a pretty brutal breakup. Now, things could get ugly and if a punch gets thrown, well, I need you to take it.
[a beat]
Lionel: I will do that for you.

[Mr. Turner and Mr. Williams break up a fight between Cory and Shawn]
Jonathan: Hunter? Matthews?
Eli: Did you guys know you were fighting each other?

Topanga: Should I go to Yale?
George: If you're asking me if Yale is one of the finest academic institutions in the country, then I would have to say... Duh.

Mr. George Feeny: [Last lines of the series] I love you all.
[pauses]
Mr. George Feeny: Class dismissed.

George: As Principal of this high school, I'm expected to keep order. Unchecked, these pranks undermine my authority and breed disrespect.
Cory: So I guess I get punished for something I didn't do.
George: Name the person who did, and you walk out of here scot-free.
Cory: I'm sorry. I can't do that.

Cory: You are going to learn something from life every day. And make mistakes. And you'll make good friends and Mr. Feeny will probably teach you every grade you're ever in. And maybe someday you'll fall in love with a woman as wonderful as Topanga. How would you like that?
Joshua: Yeah.
Cory: And be lucky enough to make a good friend as Shawn. How'd you like that?
Joshua: Good.
Cory: And when you're not a little boy anymore, when the world has taught you how to be a man... Then you'll still make mistakes. But your family, and all those good friends you've made along the way, will help you. And even though you'll think the world has gone out of it's way to teach you all the tough lessons, you'll realize that it's the same world that's given you your family and those friends, you you'll come to believe that no matter what happens, somehow the world will protect you, too. "Boy Meets World." Now I get it.

Shawn: They broke your camera. Sorry about that.
Cory: They didn't get the tape.
Shawn: You know, Mr. Williams was right. You are a pretty good reporter.
Cory: [pauses] Take it. It's your family.
Shawn: No, no, you take it. Go win that contest.
Cory: What about protecting your family?
Shawn: I just did. Eddie's only blood. You're my family.

[John Turner is in a coma]
Shawn: John, how could you be in here? How could you screw up on your bike? I have never seen you screw up on anything. I'm the screw-up, remember? C'mon you remember... Don't do this to me, John. I don't do alone real good... I know you're in there but it's like you're not really here. You're not talking but I know you're here. So I'm just gonna talk, you can listen.
[pause]
Shawn: John, even when I was at the Centre, it was all the things you taught me that made me wonder if it was the right place for me or not. But you didn't teach me enough. You, and Cory, and my parents, and the Matthews and the handful of people who really care about me, so don't blow me off, John.
[Looks up]
Shawn: Don't blow me off, God. I never asked you for anything before and I never wanted to come to you like this, but don't take Turner away from me; he's not done yelling at me yet. God, you're not talking but I know you're here, so I'm gonna talk, and you can listen.
[pause]
Shawn: God, I don't wanna be empty inside any more.

Cory: The key is to be direct, and vague, yet obvious and subtle.

Amy: [while singing to the baby] Hush little baby, don't say a word. Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird...
Cory: Uh, no she ain't, Ma. Not tonight.

Shawn: Maybe what we did wasn't smart, but at least we stood up for our principles.
Alan: And what were your principles?
Shawn: I remember something about macaroni.

Morgan: [singing] Cory and Topanga sitting in a tree. A-B-C-D-E-F-G

Topanga: Why are all those guys talking to Shawn's girlfriend?
Cory: Well, Shawn and Jennifer broke up this morning. Look at her. She's already on the prowl.
Topanga: Well, how is Shawn taking it?
Cory: Are you kidding? Shawn is Shawn. You can't keep Shawn down.
[Shawn is revealed to be lying on the floor looking pathetic]
Cory: Get up Shawn.
Shawn: She dumped me. She dumped me good. I didn't even see it coming.
Cory: Look what they done to my boy.

Shawn: Cory! Cory, guess what? For New Year's Eve, I got us a limousine.
Cory: A limousine?
Shawn: Yeah, yeah, that's short for limo.

Cory: Topanga, you know those terrible dreams I've been having?
Topanga: Yeah.
Cory: Well, they're, don't get mad, about marriage. They're... don't get mad, anti-marriage dreams. You... don't get mad, you don't come out so well.
Topanga: Why not?
Cory: Well, last night, for example, I had this dream that you and I, we got married and we wound up in the poor house. You know how I know? Big, big sign on the front, "The Poor House." And inside, it sounded like people were being beaten. And there was this execution room called the Topanga Room and the executioner was you! And all the chopped-off heads in the head basket were me!
Topanga: Are we getting married or not?
Cory: Yeah, I'm just talking.

Shawn: So, what are you doing here, Dad? Oh, wait, wait. Let me guess. Passing through on your way to somewhere else.
Chet: No, no. No, you see, that's where you're wrong. I have arrived at the spot where I'm gonna stay put. See, I took a look at my life. I said, "Chet. " And I went, "What?" I said, you know, you got a couple boys you ought to spend some time with.
Shawn: You got fired, didn't you?
Chet: Don't nitpick.

Alan: Your mom told me you're having a little confab about a girl.
Cory: Not any normal girl, a totally weird girl Topanga Lawrence.
Alan: Well, I bet most girls seem a little weird to you at this age.
Cory: Come on, Dad. You don't understand. I'm not talking "I'm a guy and I don't understand girls. " I'm talking really, truly weird. She eats sandwiches made out of brown rice and has a sister named Nebula.
Alan: Well, what seems to be the problem between you and this girl?
Cory: No problem. See, I thought she had a crush on me. She kept hanging around and doing things for me.
Alan: And you liked that.
Cory: No, I hated it but then I found out she really likes Eric.
Alan: And you were relieved.
Cory: No.
Alan: Disappointed?
Cory: No.
Alan: Confused.
Cory: See, Dad? You always know.
Alan: Well, get used to being confused, pal because girls are going to be rattling your cage for the next 60 years.
Cory: Till I'm 71?
Alan: Yeah, but then you get a break.
Cory: You do?
Alan: Yeah. You die.

Sergeant: Matthews!
Eric: Sir, yes sir!
Sergeant: You are a disgrace to this university, to this country and humanity in general!
Eric: [laughing] Wow!

Topanga: Rachel, I'm sorry.
Cory: Why are you all taking Rachel's side? You've known me and Shawn all your life. You've known Rachel, what, a couple of years?
[Rachel looks hurt by what Cory just said]
Cory: Oh, Rachel, I'm really sorry. That's not how we think of you or anything.
Shawn: No, it's not.
Rachel: How stupid am I? I actually thought that you guys were my friends.
Angela: Of course we are!
Topanga: Rachel, you were in our wedding!
Rachel: I really thought that you guys let me into your special world. I guess the joke really is on me.
[walks away]

Eric: Thanks for coming with me, Mr. Feeny. It would've been so uncool if my parents came.
George: Well, I'm just here to see that you get settled. Now, remember. Keep both your feet on the ground. This town is swimming with sharks.
Eric: Hey! Stop attacking my town. The people here are real down to earth. Real kindly folk.
[Aggressive Actress slams her golf cart into theirs]
Aggressive: Hey! Get out of my space!
Eric: Hey, there's one of them now. Hi, nice person!
Aggressive: What do I have to do? Call my attorney? Get out of my space!
[with one final shove Eric and Feeny's golf cart moves and Aggressive Actress pulls into the space]
Aggressive: Thank you!
George: You're welcome. And who might you be, little girl?
Aggressive: I'm not a little girl. I'm forty-two! I just play little girls on TV!
[She walks by and pinches Eric on the rear]
Aggressive: Hello!

[Shawn and Cory are sleeping in Turner's class, Shawn is snoring and Cory is making a yipping noise.]
Mr. George Feeny: Interesting. In my class, Mr. Hunter handles the yipping.
Cory: [wakes up] Shawn! It's both of 'em!
Shawn: [wakes up and looks around, nervous] Oh no...now I don't know which class I slept through.

Shawn: I don't know why Topanga has a problem with this. I mean, nobody else does.
Jonathan: Hunter, I've got a problem with your pig.

Shawn: [Every horror cliche he has predicted has come true] Why won't you believe me? It's all so predictable.
Jack: Oh, yeah? Then what's going to happen next?
Shawn: First, there'll be some strange, shrouded figure creeping behind us that none of us will see.
[They all turn around and don't see anybody; the killer creeps across them in front]
Shawn: Then the lights will flicker and Feeny will pop up and reveal his master plan to us.
P.A. Announcer: [the lights flicker] Here's a knife. Here's a gun. There'll be fun for everyone. Death is on the menu tonight!
[Feeny appears in the hallway; the others laugh]
Cory: Mr. Feeny, I have got to hand it to you. You have really outdone yourself this time. I mean, killing Kenny, obvious choice. But the pencil! George! I mean, that was genius!
Shawn: I knew it was you all along. What's the big lesson? What were you trying to teach us?
[He pats Feeny on the back; Feeny falls to his knees, then on his face, a pair of scissors sticking out of his back. Topanga falls to her knees]
Eric: Oh my gosh! They killed Feeny!
[Everybody runs away]
Shawn: I was wrong!

George: [Torie helped Eric cheat on his test] Well, this is what I get for selecting a pretty girl to be a teaching assistant.
Torie: Excuse me?
George: Oh, you resent that? Because growing up with a pretty face you had to work twice as hard to be taken seriously? I should think you, more than most, would want to help this young man have his chance at being taken seriously.

Shawn: Hey, Topanga, you wanted to ask me some more questions for the yearbook?
Topanga: [distracted by looking at Cory] Uh, yeah... Where do you think Cory's gonna end up in ten years?
Shawn: You mean me, don't you?
Topanga: That's what I said.
Shawn: No, you said Cory.
Topanga: I did not!
Shawn: [teasingly] You like him!
Topanga: [grabs his shirt] I do not!
Shawn: You like him a lot!

Jack: You know, the whole reason I wanted Shawn to move in here was so I'd get to know him. But he won't let me. I'm shallow, he resents me. I try to be honest with him, he runs out... Maybe this brother thing isn't gonna work, man.
Eric: Maybe you're right. Why don't you just walk away? Then you won't be brothers anymore. Right?
Jack: Yeah, I mean we don't even know each other. What makes us brothers in the first place?
Eric: Okay. When I was 12, Cory and I went to a Phillys game. My father gave me just enough money for two hot dogs, so I bought two hot dogs. 'Course, I realized by the time I got back to Cory, I ate them both. He cried!
[laughs]
Jack: This is very sad.
Eric: That was the happy part. You want sad? I went up and down the aisle, trying to collect money from people. A dime here, a quarter there. And I went and I bought Cory a hot dog. Man, he was so happy. He smiled, and then I smiled, because I felt good. You know, I mean I did the right thing, I was a good older brother. He started giggling... he reached his little hand out for that hot dog, and... took a foul ball right smack dab in the head, POW, knocked him unconcious. Cory doesn't giggle anymore.
Jack: Next to Wendy's unicorn monologue, that is the worst story I've ever heard.
Eric: Yeah, you know, you're right. That is a really bad story. So... why don't you tell me one about your brother?
[Jack says nothing]

Topanga: Cory, I know what I wanna do with my life...
Cory: Shh... Shawn's speaking in public. This will never happen again in our lives.

Topanga: [to Cory] Oh, by the way, my parents are coming into town to discuss the wedding.
Cory: Oh, by the way, my parents are coming into town? "Oh, by the way, captain Titanic, this ship's in two pieces!"

Shawn: [everybody hears the squeaking of the janitor's approaching cart] Don-don't say it, don't!
Cory: The janitor's the killer!
Shawn: And that's the end of the janitor!

Jason: Well, that vocabulary review was exhilarating and revitalizing. And to think I thought the SATs would be my "bette noir".
Eric: Shut up!

Eric: I'm too cute to stay home!

Shawn: Look, Mr. Feeny, let's not waste anyone's time. Cory and I broke up.
Cory: It should've happened sooner!
Shawn: But we stayed together for the kids.
[Mr. Feeny gives them both an incredulous look]
Cory: In the class.

Amy: Cor, it's six o'clock. You're in your pajamas. Is everything okay?
Cory: I don't wanna talk about it.
Morgan: Cory and Shawn had a fight. Shawn dumped him.
Cory: Now, nobody got dumped. We just agreed not to see each other for awhile.
Morgan: You believed that?

Alan: Oh, Dr. Taylor.
Dr. Taylor: Alan, Amy, I want you to meet Charlie Markman. He'll be taking over your child's case.
Amy: Okay.
Alan: Why aren't you...?
Dr. Taylor: Dr. Markman is a neonatal pulmonary specialist. He has far more experience than I do and...
Amy: So you're not going to be our doctor anymore?
Dr. Taylor: Amy, there's really nothing more I can do. I promise you, you're in good hands.

Susan: This is an outrageous star demand. Is this the thanks I get for making you famous?
Cory: Actually, nobody recognizes me without my brain head.

Cory: Topanga I don't know what to do ok, everyone seems to want us apart. Except Dad, Dad listen you really haven't said anything during this whole time. Are you going to let her take her away?
Alan: I don't think I'm going to have to.
Cory: What?
Alan: Well you know you may have known Topanga since you were born but I've known your mother like, forever, ok?
Cory: So?
Alan: So, what I know about your mother, besides her favorite food and color, spaghetti and red, and the thing that I respect in her the most is that she has always put her faith in love. When she sees it, when she recognizes it. Which is why she chose me when her parents told her not to.
Cory: Yeah, but Dad she wants us to have other relationships.
Alan: Love is faith Cory. Do you love your mother?
Cory: Yeah of course I do.
Alan: Then have faith.

Shawn: That Angela was alright. I'm gonna miss her.
Topanga: Look, then why did you break up with her?
Shawn: As they say south of the border: "Dos semanas."
Topanga: Shawn, you guys were really getting along! You know, your two week rule is dumb.
Cory: No, no, his one week rule was dumb. His two week rule shows growth.
Topanga: Shawn, just face it. You're afraid of making commitment.
Shawn: I'm not afraid of making commitm... I've been with Cory for fifteen years!
Cory: Ah, they've been good years.
Shawn: You worked very hard for them.
Cory: Well, it takes two. Do you think...?
Topanga: Stop! You're afraid to get to know someone. You're afraid of letting someone get to know you. And unless you get over this, you're gonna go through life, all alone. Except for Cory, who will bring you magazines and pudding. There, I think I got through to him.
[turns around to find Shawn making out with another girl]
Cory: Sure you did, honey, and now he wants to hear what she has to say.

Alan: [to Dr. Markman] Is our baby going to die?
Amy: No.
Dr. Markman: I don't know.
Alan: You don't know?
Dr. Markman: He has a respiratory infection because the early loss of amniotic fluid compromised his sterile environment.
Amy: So when can we take him home?
Dr. Markman: We're going to administer a course of antibiotics over the next ten days.
Amy: And then we can take him home?
Dr. Markman: And then we'll see where we are.

Shawn: [about the 'weirdo' table] It's like the cast of The Addams Family.

George: You know what I like most about Christmas?
Cory: I go away for a week?
George: Yeah, that's pretty special. But it's the time of year that you can think back and appreciate the real gifts you received.
Cory: I don't get it.
George: Friendship, for example, is a real gift. And it's given with no expectation and no gratitude is necessary. Not between real friends. You think about that.

Cory: You know Mr. Feeny, maybe I wouldn't have bailed on this play if you'd picked something a little cooler. I mean couldn't we do 'Selected Scenes From the Terminator?' Or how about 'A Steven Seagal Soliloquy?'
George: You know Mr. Matthews, you're right. Shakespeare is dry, tedious, and there's no way for a person your age to be affected by it.
[Cory turns to go when Feeny suddenly hits himself with a blue spotlight and picks up a spear]
George: [reciting] "Behold- I am thy Father's spirit, doomed for a certain time to walk the night, and for the day confined to fast in fires, until the foul crimes done in my days of nature are burned and purged away. But that I am forbid to tell the secrets of my prison house I could a tale unfold whose lightest word would harrow up thy soul, freeze thy young blood! But this eternal blazon must not be to ears of flesh and blood. List. List! Oh, list. If thou didst ever thy dear father love..."
Cory: Oh, God...
George: "Revenge his foul and most unnatural murder."
Cory: Murder?
George: Of course, I'm no Steven Seagal.

Cory: You know, he could at least have let me explain!
Eric: What would you have?
Cory: Nothin'. I had nothin'.

Cory: [Two students are making out in the hallway] Mr. Feeny, shouldn't you break them up or hose them down or something?
George: Oh, I wouldn't interrupt their tryst, Mr. Matthews. They're both A-minus students and happily struck by Cupid.
Cory: So, if they were C-minus students, you wouldn't let them kiss?
George: School policy, don't you know.
Cory: So I can't kiss?
George: With your grades, Mr. Matthews, you can't even shake hands.

Topanga: I should go.
Cory: No. Topanga, you're not leaving your own wedding reception.
Topanga: [to Amy] I'm sorry for any pain I've caused.
[leaves the house]
Cory: Topanga, wait.
[to Amy]
Cory: How could you say that to her?
Amy: I'm sorry.
Cory: You're sorry? So for fifteen years, you've been lying to me?
Amy: No.
Cory: No, you've been lying to me about how you feel about us and you've been lying to me about how you feel about her.
Amy: I want what I believe is best for you, Cory and Topanga...
Cory: What's best for us, Mom, is for you to trust us! I love her! All right? I will always love her. And you know something else? We didn't get married because she wanted you to be there!
[leaves the house as well]

Shawn: You're in this class?
Harvey: I'm in the movie.

Shawn: [Jon Turner is in a coma] Jon, how could you be in here? How could you screw up on your bike? I have never seen you screw up on anything. I'm the screw-up, remember? C'mon you remember...Don't do this to me, Jon. I don't do alone real good...I know you're in there but it's like you're not really here. You're not talking but I know you're here. So I'm just gonna talk, you can listen. Jon, even when I was at the Centre, it was all the things you taught me that made me wonder if it was the right place for me or not. But you didn't teach me enough. You, and Cory, and my parents, and the Matthews and the handful of people who really care about me, so don't blow me off, Jon! Don't blow me off, God! I never asked you for anything before and I never wanted to come to you like this, but don't take Turner away from me; he's not yelling at me yet. God, you're not talking but I know you're here, so I'm gonna talk, and you can listen. God, I don't wanna be empty inside anymore.

Eric: There's no more to life than naked ladies except maybe naked ladies that wear really tight shirts and really tight pants.

Mr. Philip Mack: I just want you to know that I forgive you for trying to shut us down.
George: You forgive *me*?
Alan: Easy, George, come on. He's just trying to get a rise out of you.
[to Mr. Mack]
Alan: Look, you're not dealing with gullible little kids here, now, buddy. Now you brought Shawn down, thanks, now why don't you just take a hike back to con-land?
Mr. Philip Mack: Now do you see how judgmental these people are?
Alan: No, no listen!
[He violently shoves Mack against the wall]
Alan: You see! A judgment I made a long time ago is that Shawn Hunter is the best friend that my kid ever had. And I will kill to protect Shawn Hunter from people like you.
[Alan points at him menacingly. Amy touches his arm to calm him down]
Amy: Alan, he would love a lawsuit
Mr. Philip Mack: [Straightens his coat] I think there's a lot of anger here. And I don't feel that this is a healthy environment for Shawn.
George: Well I really don't give a...
Mr. Philip Mack: Look, I know you don't respect my philosophies, but for kids who feel lost and have an emptiness in their lives, I'm here to give them a sense of belonging.
George: You can't have Shawn!
Mr. Philip Mack: That's up to Shawn. And, in any event, there are many more just like him.

Cory: Love doesn't require you to be perfect, but it does require you to forgive.

Cory: I think Jennifer, or should I say Zathrak the Undead, is a stuck up, manipulative, cold-blooded... Oh she's right behind me anticipating my head meat isn't she?
Jennifer: Hello Cory.
Cory: All hail Zathrak.

Eric: [looking at the cover of the video] "Barney Does The ABC's." I don't wanna give the ending away, Cor, but... "Z."

Cory: Well, as you all know, I just came from the doctor.
Topanga: You have something?
Cory: Yes. I have something. You all made fun of me, but I have something, alright.
[Holds up a piece of paper]
Cory: It's all right here. Right here...
[to Topanga]
Cory: You're my wife. 'kay? You have the right to know first.
[He hands Topanga the paper then goes to the window and broods]
Shawn: What's it say?
Topanga: He has hypochondria. Chronic and severe hypocohondria.
Cory: That's right.
[He turns to face everyone, near tears]
Cory: I'm a hypochondriac.
Topanga: Cory, it means that there's nothing wrong with you! It means you create stuff in your head!
Cory: Yes, well.
[He holds up a prescription bottle]
Cory: He gave me these placebos.
Shawn: Placebos are what they give to crazy people like you to make them think they're being cured of something they don't have!
Cory: Hey!
[screams]
Cory: I have to be on these for the rest of my life!

Rachel: They went through my underwear drawer!
Cory: Oh Rachel, that's just ludicrous now!
Topanga: Did you?
Cory: [pointing at Shawn] He made me!
Shawn: My name is Shawn and I have a problem.

Cory: Friday, I love Friday. Soon, I'm gonna be home for the whole weekend.
Amy: Friday, I hate Friday. Soon, you're gonna be home for the whole weekend.
Cory: Oh, you love me.
Amy: Oh, you wish.

Cory: I've got a radio voice.
Shawn: And I've got a radio face.

Cory: I've sunk so low that even teachers feel sorry for me.

Alan: [about spending Thanksgiving with the Hunters] Nah, I don't want that.
Cory: Oh, come on, it's Thanksgiving! A time of thanks, and giving!

Shawn: [to Cory] Topanga's handling this breakup with dignity while you, Norton, are a train wreck.
Cory: I'm dignified.
Shawn: You burst into tears every three, two, one...
Cory: [getting tearful] Stop exaggerating!
Shawn: [while holding up a hankerchief] Cory! Who carries these things around? What did you do? Dig up your grandfather and pick his pocket?
Cory: It's Grandpa Poppy. He always had seeds in his teeth and that's why we called him Poppy.

Cory: So listen, Eric, me and Shawn are going to a movie. You guys wanna come?
Eric: Oh, definitely! Wanna come?
Kelly: I better get Ryan to bed. But you guys go ahead.
Cory: Eric, listen, you do not wanna miss this one, okay? It's Jim Carrey and Steven Seagal, starring in "What Are You Doing in My Movie?"

Eric: [Jack has saved Rachel's life and she has offered him anything in return] What are you gonna ask her for?
Jack: Leave me alone.
Eric: What are you gonna ask her for?
Jack: Will you stop?
Eric: What are you gonna ask her for?
Jack: All right, you want the truth?
Eric: I can't handle the truth!

Cory: Uh, just out of curiosity, Kelly, the bed where your baby doesn't sleep all night, that's not located behind these paper-thin walls, is it? Because the only crying I want to hear is my own.

Cory: That was such a great movie. How was the one you saw?
Melissa: Nice, but we missed you.
Cory: Well, I was only one theater over. That's the beauty of multiplexes. I mean, it wasn't actually like we were gonna do a lot of talking anyway, right?
[Shawn and Katie have started kissing on the other side of the table]
Melissa: Well, there were other things we could have done.
Cory: Could have, should have, let's not live in the past.

Svetlana: You know, Mr. Feeny, all of us from different backgrounds are like cards in deck.
Raju: Some cards are red. Some cards are black. Some are kings and queen and some are sixes and sevens.
Minh: But without even one of them, the deck of cards doesn't work. And that's what Mr. Matthews says is America.

Cory: From what I gather, in the last three seconds, everything in the world has changed.
Shawn: What do you mean?
Cory: I'm not sure. I mean, Shawn, you're much cooler than I am. At least I *thought* you were.
Shawn: Trust me, I am.

Cory: Hey, Mr. Feeny, I think you're going to have another Matthews to teach.
Shawn: Maybe he'll have a kid like me to sit next to.
Cory: He won't have to.
Shawn: Why not?
Cory: You'll still be there.
[he and Shawn laugh]

George: Mr. Matthews, I wouldn't be taking out that garbage if I were you.
Cory: I had to. It was starting to move.
George: Haven't you heard?
Cory: I haven't heard anything. I live upstairs.
George: Well, it seems that a wolf escaped from the Philadelphia Zoo. Authorities believe that it may well be somewhere in our area.
Cory: A wolf? Out here in the 'burbs?
George: Yes. Probably looking for better schools.
Cory: So, how come you're taking your garbage back inside the house?
George: Wolves have a keen sense of smell. The garbage would only attract them.
Cory: So, your plan is to lure them into your living room?
George: Scoff if you will, but as acting head of the neighborhood watch I have duly warned you.

Topanga: [interviewing] How do you know if you're in love?
Shawn: Well, love is the most amazing, rare and precious thing in the whole world.
Topanga: Have you ever fallen in love?
Shawn: Five times a day.

Shawn: [to Alan and Amy] Can I crash on your guys' couch? I don't want to be up this late with all the creeps and weirdoes.
George: [walks into the house] How you doing?

Cory: Well, I got Topanga to go to New York.
George: Good for you.
Cory: She's not even scared any more.
George: Nor should she be.
Cory: I am.
George: Well you have a right to be.

Old: Cory? Is that you?
Old: Shawn, who else would it be? You know I come here every day, 4:30 for the early bird special. And every day you ask, "Cory, is that you?"
Old: My mind's not as sharp as it used to be.
Old: I got news, Shawn, it never was.

[last lines]
Topanga: What's wrong?
Cory: My hosiery is still bunching!

Jack: [Chet just had a heart attack and is resting in a room at a hospital] Uh... I thought it'd be nice if he had his own room.
Shawn: Yeah, well, whatever this nice room costs, I'm paying half.
Jack: Aw, look, don't worry about it, man. My, my stepfather's willing to help out. You know, it's...
Shawn: My dad and I do not need charity from your family.
Jack: Shawn, you know...
Shawn: No, no - -how much does this room cost?
[Jack sighs]
Shawn: How much does the room cost?
Jack: $2,000...
Shawn: Oh. Okay.
Jack: ...a day.
Shawn: What? Are they out of their freaking minds?

Sergeant: [about Shawn] I like this boy. But I like my country more. And I don't want this boy anywhere *near* the army!

Cory: Hey, hey. I was gonna put flowers in that and present to Armanga as a token of my steam.
Shawn: Wait a minute, Cory.
Cory: What?
Shawn: You just called her Armanga.
Cory: No, not our Manga. My Manga.

Cory: That girl. She wrote seven numbers on my hand. What could that possibly mean?
Shawn: It means call her.
Cory: Shawn, how can I call her when I don't even ever...
[realizing]
Cory: Oo-oh!

Claire: [to Cory] I like your house. It reminds me of my aunt's place in Vermont. I spent a summer there once. She had flowers everywhere.
Cory: Sounds like a great place.
Claire: You'd wake up in the morning and even before you opened your eyes, you could smell these flowers. You just knew that everything was all right.

Cory: I didn't think seniors still got detention.
George: They do when they act like two-year-olds.
Cory: [mockingly] They do when they act like two-year-olds.
George: Mr. Matthews when one mocks someone one should wait until they're not looking right at them.
Cory: I'm not in my regular seat.

Cory: It's hard to imagine you as a boy. Did your parents call you Mr. Feeny?

Jason: [to Eric] I am so proud to be the best friend of the first guy in history to fail his driver's test before it started!
Eric: The D.M.V. guy waved me forward. I pulled up, like, two inches.
Jason: That was not the D.M.V. guy. That was the father of the kid ahead of you.
Eric: How am I supposed to know that? I'm at the D.M.V., I assume the guy waving me forward is the D.M.V. guy.
Jason: Eric, D.M.V. guys are cops, ok? They don't usually wave you forward with a can of beer.

[first lines]
George: Good morning class. I would like you all to let out your most agonized groan.
[the class groans]
George: Good. Now, let's start planning our springtime class play.
[the class groans louder]
George: Been there, heard that.

Topanga: So Shawn, how does it feel to wear panty-hose?
Shawn: Not Shawn.
Cory: No, you're right.
Topanga: Yeah, he needs a girl's name.
Cory: Okay this is easy. How about... Janet.
Shawn: No no no no. Not Janet.
Cory: What possible difference could it make?
Topanga: Cory!
[turns to Shawn]
Topanga: You've thought about this before, haven't you?
Shawn: A little.
Topanga: And what name have you thought about?
Shawn: Well... Veronica.

Cory: You're right, Topanga. Everything's terrific. It's just fabulous. I hate my parents and we live in a crack house!

[last lines]
Alan: Hey, Morgan, we have a pretty good relationship. Right?
Morgan: I guess so.
Alan: We talk. Right?
Morgan: Yeah.
Alan: And we have fun. Right?
Morgan: Yeah?
Alan: I should've had all girls.
[he high fives Morgan and takes her into a hug]

Amy: Cory.
Cory: Alright. I'm a hairy mess. Get out your Epilady and just do me.
Amy: No, sweetheart, I was just gonna say don't forget your lunch.
Cory: It's okay, I'll kill something at school.
Alan: I sense there's something on your mind.
Cory: Well, it's just this uh math problem I've been working on.
[opens his textbook]
Cory: If a werewolf leaves a train station going forty miles an hour and another werewolf leaves at sixty miles an hour, do werewolves exist?
Alan: Is this about the wolf that escaped from the zoo?
Cory: Could be.
Alan: Cory, werewolves don't exist. Relax. It's just a myth. You know as you get older, you'll learn to seperate myth from reality.
[Alan picks up a soda can, shakes it, listening. He sets it down and then he does the same thing with two more cans]
Cory: What are you doing?
Alan: Uh, one of our soda distributors heard about this guy who robbed a jewelry store and made off with five diamond rings.
Amy: And he hid those diamond rings in five cans of soda, thus your father and other grown-ups who can separate myth from reality have been boosting soda sales.
Alan: It's a three karat diamond, babe.
[Amy picks up a can and shakes it]
Amy: I'm so thirsty.

Eric: I'm going to travel. Spend two months in my car and see all fifty states.
Mr. George Feeny: How do you intend to drive to Hawaii?
Eric: I'm gonna drive 'til they start speaking Chinese, then hang a U-ie.

Mr. George Feeny: There is no gravity in space, Mr. Matthews, therefore astronauts suck UP. Learn from them.

Topanga: Cory, I got Jedediah to drive me to your house after school.
Cory: Who's Jedediah?
Topanga: My father.
Cory: Wait. You call your father Jedediah?
Topanga: That's his name. What do you call your father?
Cory: Well, like a lot of normal people, I refer to him as Dad.
Topanga: Well, then how do you tell him apart from all the other dads?

Morgan: You're only making me go to bed early because I'm your sister.
Cory: No, I'm making you go to bed because I'm your brother.

Shawn: Cory, we agreed we were going to make new friends.
Cory: No, you agreed. I was perfectly happy with the way things were.
Shawn: [indicates Lionel] Then explain him!
Cory: His name is Lionel. We met today and we are getting along just famously. Because I'm young, Hunter. I'm vital and I have a lot to offer.
Shawn: Yeah, well so do I!
Cory: The difference is I have the dignity to keep my friendships personal and private. Not parade them around in public for your twisted amusement!
Shawn: You little punk!
Cory: You dirty man!
Chubbie: Catfight!

George: [after telling Eric that the college accepting him does not exist] But seriously... Boris College?
Eric: Mr. Feeny, you think that's bad? You see that girl over there? She thinks she's going to some school called Duke!
[giggles]
Eric: Are you gonna tell her or should I?

Cory: [about his experience at the makeout party] It was worse than bad! It was... agoobwa.
[Everyone stares at him]
Cory: It was so horrible, I had to make up a word to describe it!

Topanga: Eric, do you think I'm fat?
Eric: Yeah.

Jonathan: First of all, I would like to say thank you to the parents for being here. After they speak, you guys should have a better idea of what kind vocations interest you.
[Shawn raises his hand]
Jonathan: Let me guess, Hunter. Summer vocation? Find some new material will ya?

Topanga: Why do you care so much what other people think? When people laugh at you, they're depleting their own karmic reservoir.
Cory: [pauses] You're gonna be one of those girls who doesn't shave her legs, aren't you?

Eric: Oh my Gosh! They killed Kenny!

Aunt: [steps forward] Prudence Curtis, I'm Topanga's aunt.
Mr. George Feeny: [steps forward as well] George Feeny, I'm Topanga's teacher.
Aunt: Well, I don't know that I appreciate what you are teaching these children, sir. To plant wild ideas about true love in young undeveloped minds is as irresponsible as my sister and brother-in-law ripping her from the only environment she's ever known. At this... delicate time.
Mr. George Feeny: Madam, if you choose to question my opinions, then you disregard 38 years in the public school system, where I have born the responsibility of those opinions for 30,000 students. None held in higher regard than Mr. Matthews and Ms. Lawrence.
Cory: [sits up excitedly] You like me?
Mr. George Feeny: Stay out of this.
Aunt: The only thing I presume, sir, is that you are as verbose as you are snappy.
Mr. George Feeny: Well, then. There we are.

Topanga: [to Cory] How does holding your hand make everything okay?
Cory: I just want us to be the way we used to be. You know, Valentine's Day used to be such a big deal to you.
Topanga: What does Valentine's Day have to do with this?
Cory: And I was the one who didn't want to hold hands, but you were the one who said that holding hands is like touching souls.
Topanga: How do you remember that? I said that years ago when I was a child.
Cory: I remember everything you said because it was important to me. Why don't you say stuff like that anymore?
Topanga: Cory, look around you. Do you recognize where you are?
Cory: Take my hand.
Topanga: We're in the hospital. This is real. The reality is that your little brother is back there fighting for his life.
Cory: No. Reality is this hand.
Topanga: I don't like it when you use us to hide from the rest of life, Cory.
Cory: I don't like it that you're not Topanga anymore.

Jessica: [Eric has been using Morgan to meet girls and Jessica is the latest girl] Is this your little sister?
Eric: That she is.
Morgan: I love Eric.
George: Oh, please, Jessica you couldn't possibly fall for this line of...
Jessica: She is so cute.
George: And so well-rehearsed!
Morgan: Eric's taking me to the carnival today.
Eric: When did I say that?
George: [chuckling] Looks like your parrot has learned a few new words.
Morgan: Do you want to come with us?
Eric: Oh, with us. To the carnival with us, yes. Please come with us?
Jessica: Well, if that's okay with you, Uncle George.
George: Well, I think the polite thing would be to extend an invitation for me to join you.
Eric: [through his teeth, while smiling] Mr. Feeny, would you like to come to the carnival with us?
George: Oh, thank you so very much for asking but no. I'd rather have gum surgery.

Morgan: Mommy, if my dolly's cold, can I put her in the toaster oven?
Amy: No, honey. That would be a mistake.
Morgan: Mommy?
Amy: Yes?
Morgan: I made a mistake.
Amy: [runs over to toaster oven and pulls out doll] Cory, didn't you smell that?
Cory: Yeah, I just thought we were having plastic for dinner.

George: I'm sure you're all familiar with the conflict in Burundi, which is now spilling over to Rwanda and Uganda.
Cory: He's making these names up.
Shawn: He's running out of stuff to teach.

Jonathan: I am never gonna look at you the same again. That took guts! If you want the Ski Club you've got the Ski Club.
George: Don't want Ski Club!
Jonathan: You want the Chess Club?
George: Don't want Chess Club!
Jonathan: What do you want?
George: I want you to help get the kid off my back.

Shawn: [after finding out they have to take a test] I even read the book!
[everybody gasps]
Shawn: That's right, my head still hurts!

Cory: What do you think of my hair?
Shawn: Guys don't ask guys that question.

George: What?
Cory: We're leaving.
George: I know
Topanga: We wanted to know if you had anything left to teach us.
George: No. My work with you is done.
Shawn: I don't know. That's pretty scary. Going into a whole new world.
George: And you are ready to go into that world.
Eric: Even me?
George: Even you. Believe in yourselves. Dream. Try. Do good.
Topanga: Don't you mean do well?
George: No I mean do good.
Eric: Well, I guess there's just one thing left then. Tell us you love us.
George: Now look. If there is one thing I've taught you it is that there is a line between teacher and student that must never be crossed
Eric: Tell us you love us.
George: I regard all my students equally.
Shawn: Oh, you know we're your favorites.
Cory: Come on Feeny. You haven't even talked to another student for seven years. I mean that...
Eric: Tell us you love us!
George: I surely will not.
Eric: Okay for you then.
Topanga: [She stands up in tears and hugs Mr. Feeny] I will never forget you. You were more of a father to me then my own dad.
[Topanga leaves]
Shawn: [Also crying] You, uh, you never give up on me. Never once. I'm not going to forget you. You're the best person I know.
[He hugs Mr. Feeny and leaves]
Eric: I don't know what's going to happen to me. But I do know that I'm going to be a good person who cares about people. And I blame *you* for that.

Topanga: Cory, this is bad. There isn't anyone who can make it better.
Shawn: [Shawn walks through the elevator doors of the hospital] Cory!
Cory: Shawnie!
[they hug each other]
Shawn: Look, everything's going to be all right.
Cory: You think?
Shawn: I know.

Shawn: [crying] You, uh, you never give up on me. Never once. I'm not going to forget you. You're the best person I know

Cory: Apparently it's not a good time to be a grandmother. Her grandmother is coughing up phlegm. Her grandmother is hacking blood. And her...
Shawn: Whoa. I happen to know she *has* no grandmother.
Cory: Yes and somehow she blames me for her death.

George: Well, Mr. Turner, your little experiment in democracy has left the eighth grade leaderless for next year.
Jonathan: Too bad. I was looking forward to Matthews' five day weekend.

Cory: So you think I'm a geek?
Shawn: Of course not.
Cory: So you think I'm cool?
Shawn: Of course not.
Cory: Then what am I?
Shawn: You're Cory, I'm Shawn, just like it's always been. What else do you need to know?

Topanga: Daddy, forget about all that. Tell them who called last night.
Jedediah: Oh, they don't wanna hear about that, Tippy.
Cory: Tippy?
[Topanga turns to them, literally snarling]
Cory: Tippy's nice.
Shawn: It's my new favorite name.

Cory: Finally something good happens for Cory. The world is my friend.
Shawn: [to Jack] What are *you* doing here?
Cory: No, don't ruin this for me. Shawn, listen, whoever this guy is. Whatever minor personal infraction happened between the two of you, let it go. Because the world knows that this one is gonna be Eric's roommate and the world is *my* friend.
Topanga: How do you two know each other?
Shawn: He's my brother.
Cory: Of course he is! He is *not* your brother!

Cory: Hey, how about we go to game Friday night?
Nicholas: I thought the game was sold out.
Cory: It is. So we go down early. There's always guys with extra tickets.
Shawn: Don't you have detention Friday?
Cory: Don't worry about detention. I can handle Feeny. Feeny loves me.
Shawn: Feeny hates you.
Cory: Well, it's one of the two.

George: Miss Wilder wants to know what Miss Harrington thinks she should wear to her party. Miss Harrington wants to know what makes Miss Wilder think she's even invited. Oh!

Cory: Eric, listen to me. We have to go home and here's why. I'm completely out of clean underwear.
Eric: Yeah big deal. I ran out a week ago. I'm sitting free.
Cory: Yes but you see I don't know if you noticed but I've also out of pants.
Eric: [looks down] Ahhh!
Cory: I wanna go home!
Eric: I want you in pants!

Mr. George Feeny: On the other hand, you sicken me too. And I have serious misgivings about being a part of your little...
[Shawn comes in]
Mr. George Feeny: ... big horn.

Angela: Shawn, it's okay. Look, we can talk about anything. If there's a problem, we can figure out what to do.
Shawn: Nobody's listening to me. Okay. I drink this stuff because I like it. It makes me feel good. Hello! Hello! Is this thing on? I have no problem.
Angela: Okay. Maybe we don't have to talk about this in front of everybody. Let's just go out into the hall...
Shawn: Don't!
[pushes Angela against the door]
Angela: I don't like that you drink. Call me when you don't.
[leaves Shawn and Jack's apartment and Topanga follows after her]
Shawn: How did that just happen?

Eric: Jason, I'm going nuts, The more I try to study, the more I think about girls. Look at this. History, perfect example. Look at this.
[He shows Jason his textbook]
Eric: Queen Victoria, Catherine the Great, Madame Curie. Are they yummy or what?
Jason: Yummy!
Eric: Oh, and who is this raven-haired beauty?
Jason: That's Leonardo da Vinci. Stop that, you're scaring me.

Alan: Wendy, uh don't you think think, that, um, raising three children on Cory's $5.00 a week allowance might be a little stressful during the holidays?
[laughs]
Wendy: Mr. Matthews, we're not gonna get married anytime soon. We both have a lot of growing up to do.
Alan: Oh, well, I'm glad to hear that.
Cory: Mm. Let her finish.
Wendy: We're just grow up together!
Cory: [to Alan] You wanna go outside again?
Morgan: When you and Cory get married, will you be my sister?
Wendy: That's right!
Alan: Ooh, she's got Morgan...
Amy: That is just, so completely sweet!
Alan: Oh, she's got all the women!
Morgan: Wanna see my doll, sis?
Wendy: I'd like that. Would you excuse me for a moment?
Amy: Of course dear, make yourself at home.
Cory: Yeah, move in.
Alan: Okay, okay, family meeting. What the heck did you bring home?
Cory: [pointing at Amy] *SHE* let her in!
Amy: Come on! She's just a little girl playing house.
Alan: Amy, sweetheart, she's a little blond loon!
Amy: Nonsense! Look, if I thought there was anything to be concerned about, I would be the first one to sound the alarm.
Wendy: [coming down the stairs] Mrs. Matthews, I found this picture of you in your wedding dress. Maybe someday I'll get to try it on.
Amy: Beep, beep, beep, beep!

Cory: I have seen the promised land!
Topanga: I showed him my butt.

Jonathan: The school's got video equipment, so let's wear it out, okay? We'll split into teams of two. I want a video report. Interview your friends, your families and each other. Let's just see who's got the most mature attitudes - Shakespeare or us.
Cory: Us.
Jonathan: Really? Okay, my... mature... young friends. Pick partners.
[Cory turns to Shawn]
Jonathan: Uh! Boy-girl pairs.
[Topanga turns to Cory, who smiles innocently, knowing he has no choice]

Topanga: Cory? Thanks for coming.
Cory: I'd never not be there for you.

[repeated line]
Shawn: Trap.

Alan: [after Cory chooses Shawn over Eric as his best man] You chose Shawn as your best man over your own flesh and blood? You're dead to me!
Amy: [entering from the staircase] What did I just hear?
Cory: "You're dead to me." Your husband just said that your own son.
Amy: Alan?
Cory: Do you have any idea how scarring that is?
Amy: Alan!
Alan: He chose Shawn as his best man.
Amy: [to Cory] You scum!

Cory: So you're writing a play?
Eric: Yep.
Cory: About you?
Eric: Yeah. You know let me bounce the opening off you.
Cory: Let me bounce this off you. Nobody cares.
Eric: Oh they'll care. They'll care because I have a human life and when you look at my human life there is all these amazing moments that just pop out. Landmark moments that, when you put them down on paper, they just explode right off the page. Wake up damn you.

Eric: [on the phone] You will? Ok great. Yeah, me too. Alrighty. Okay, bye.
[Eric hangs up the phone and then excitedly]
Eric: Yes!
Cory: [Entering the room] Yes! The Phillies won 8-3!
Eric: I'm going out with Heather Ralston!
Cory: Do you know what that means?
Eric: It means every guy in the tenth grade wants to be me.
Cory: It means if they win Friday night they're in the playoffs!
Eric: Oh, look Cory we gotta talk about something.
Cory: That makes the game we're going to the most important game of the year!
Eric: Cory, my date with Heather's Friday.
Cory: Now, look, I got a slight case of detention from Feeny but I'll just meet you at the bus. What?
Eric: It's the only night she was available.
Cory: You're not going to the game? That's terrible!
Eric: Actually Cory it uh, it gets worse.
Cory: She's going to the game with us?
Eric: You're really close.
Cory: She and I are going to the game?
Eric: Ugh. Come on Cory it's my first date with her. It's really important to me.
Cory: But Eric, going to The Phillies game is like our special thing.
Eric: Cory. I'm trying to get a special thing goin' with Heather. Now look, you can be happy for me and accept this like a mature guy or you can...
Cory: [yells running out the door] Dad!
Eric: Overreact.

Cory: [after Cory and Eric end up in the emergency room after the fight at the garage sale] Eric, uh, I really appreciate the way you had my back today. You know, and thanks for waiting with me here, too.
Eric: It's okay.
Cory: No, it's not okay, you know? I mean, because you're my brother and today, you reminded me how important it is to have a big brother to look out for you and I'd like to think that I'd be there for you, too.
Eric: I'm sure you would.
Cory: Because that's what being brothers is all about, right? Being there for each other when one of us is in trouble.
Eric: Yeah, as long as we don't have to see each other in between, right?
Cory: What?
Eric: Well, what about when we're not in trouble, Cor?
Cory: Well, we can do stuff.
Eric: I don't know. Today was a pretty big day, you know? A garage sale, a fist fight, ended up here at the emergency room. I'm not sure we can count on this kind of thing happening all the time.

Katherine: This Jonathan Turner guy, what's the deal with him?
George: It's really not my place to comment, from one teacher to another.
Katherine: Oh, come on. He asked me out! I just wanna know if he's an axe murderer.
George: It wasn't on his resumé.

Wendy: I hope our kids turn out as sensitive as you.
Cory: Me too... our what?

Cory: You and Jack are so perfect for each other, you should be married.
Eric: I'm not ready.

Topanga: So tell me about "The Great Gatsby."
Cory: The best hockey player of all time. Next!

Alan: [to the baby] Hey, Joshua. I'm your father and I love you. And I want you to get better and get out of here.

Harvey: Joey tells me you're shooting a documentary in my hallway. Did I say you could shoot a documentary in my hallway?
Cory: It's OK. It's for school.
Harvey: Yeah, yeah... school. But nevertheless, here I see you shooting without the proper permits.
Cory: Permits?
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: Yeah, I think what Harley's gonna need here is a location plus new equipment rental fee.
Cory: How much is that?
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: How much you got?
Cory: Three bucks.
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: Three bucks. But if you let Harley pound your face, maybe we could work out a discount.
Cory: Harley, you know, maybe we can avoid all this money and face-pounding if you felt personally involved in the project.
Harvey: What are you saying?
Cory: I'm saying I'd put you in the film. Picture it. Sex, starring Harley Keiner.
Harvey: Okay, Baboon. Make me a star.

Ms. Kelly: Good afternoon, class. I'm Ms. Kelly, and I'll be filling in for Mr. Dubin for the next few days.
Shawn: On behalf of the entire class, I'd like to say... stay as long as you like.
Ms. Kelly: Now, right now, you seem to be covering...
Shawn: CPR, and I'm today's dummy.
Ms. Kelly: No, actually, we seem to be up to human reproduction, which I hope we can discuss in a mature fashion.
[Some students in the class giggle]
Shawn: Oh, stop being so young. You know, I'm not as young as they are. I've stayed back, like, 50 times.
Ms. Kelly: Really? How old are you?
Shawn: 24?
Ms. Kelly: Really? What are you doing in a seventh-grade classroom?
Shawn: I'm a cop.
Ms. Kelly: Sit down.
Ms. Kelly: All right, but I'm watching you.

Eric: What job could I possibly get in a bathrobe?
[opens the front door]
Eric: At night.
[walks out the door]

Cory: Where are you going?
Shawn: He touched me!
Cory: Where?
Shawn: On my knee! It's MY knee, what makes him think it's HIS knee?
Topanga: Maybe you sent him a signal?
Shawn: The only signal I sent him was stop!
Topanga: Sounds like he didn't listen.
Shawn: I'm not like that. I'm not! I never will be again.
Cory: Okay well here he comes.
Shawn: No, no no! I quit!
Cory: You can't, we have an article to finish!
Shawn: I should have worn a pants suit!
Gary: Look, uh, sorry I got a little... agressive. You know, nobody respects women more than me! You forgive me?
Cory: [speaking as the waitress he pretends to be] Ofcourse she forgives you! You two are just adorable together! Isn't he just delish?
Gary: [to Shawn/Veronica] Tell you what? How about I teach you how to play foosball?
Shawn: How about I teach you?
[goes ahead]
Gary: [laughs] Yeah right.
Cory: My hosery is bunching!

Shawn: What did he say?
Eric: He siad Cory broke the train!

Cory: What's more important, love or... you know... the other thing?
Jonathan: Love, Love is the most important thing in the world, Matthews. And love is the only thing that makes sex worth having.
Cory: Have you ever been in love?
Jonathan: Not yet, but it's something I'm hoping for and I know it'll happen.
Cory: So... Have you ever had... you know... the other thing?
Jonathan: What?
Cory: Have you ever had... you know? Because you said you've never been in love. And if you had... you know... when you weren't in love then "you know" must not have been any good.
Jonathan: Who are you, Mike Wallace?

Eric: On behalf of the film society and their friends thank you all for responding to the underground invitations stuffed in your lockers. And now, here to introduce Leon's Revenge, the man you've all been waiting for. He played Leon The Gutsucker in parts one, three and four. Here he is direct from the pits of hell. Your worst nightmare! Come on here he is!
[the curtain opens to reveal Feeny]
George: Boo.

Cory: [Minkus is devastated after he gives a wrong answer in class] So what. So you're not a genius any more.
Stuart: Right. Now I'm just a brainless, pathetic moron without a clue.
Shawn: Trust me. It's not so bad.
Stuart: [they go over the problem again, but Minkus is inconsolable] Look at me. What have I become?
Shawn: A brainless, pathetic moron. We just went over this material.
Stuart: They say the short-term memory is the first thing to go.
Cory: Who says that?
Stuart: I forgot!

Cory: [about Topanga] She goes away for the summer and comes back a woman.
Shawn: Yeah. Kinda like Coach Franklin.

Cory: Forty years from now, I can say with total confidence, a man will walk on the moon, pizza will have cheese baked right into the crust and men and women will be equal partners in the workplace and in their relationships.
Jonathan: [laughs] What an imagination. Tell us more about that pizza.

Angela: There's blood on the black board! I don't think it's because he ran out of chalk Shawn!

[flashback scene, at the zoo where Cory and Shawn first met. Cory and Topanga, then age 8, with others comes running and pass Shawn on their way]
Young: [to Cory] Hey! Wanna have lunch with me?
Young: I don't think I should. Those guys says you live in the trailer park and I shouldn't like you.
Young: Oh, well, if you wanna have lunch with me, I'll be right here.
Young: [climbs up on a fence] Hey, Topanga, look, I'm a llama! I'm a lla-aah!
[falls over to the llama side of the fence]
Young: Cory, I told you not to play with the llamas!
Young: [off screen] Help! Help!
Young: Somebody, help! Help! Help!
[everyone else runs away. Shawn comes running around the corner, climbs into the llama side, helps Cory up and they climb over again]
Young: Hey, thanks for pulling me over the llama fence. You're fun. My name is Cory.
Young: I'm Shawn.
[they shake hands]
Young: Hi, I'm Topanga.
Young: The wife. I'm sorry I didn't have lunch with you. My friends were wrong. They're not even my friends.
Young: I'll be your friend.
Young: Really?
Young: Just promise me, when we grow up you won't go to college and leave me.
Young: Okay. Friends forever?
Young: Forever.
[they move in for a hug]
Young: [from behind them] Stop it. You're boys!
[flashback ends, and back in Mr. Feeny's office in present time, Cory and Shawn are also hugging, with Topanga standing behind them, just like in the flashback]
Topanga: Stop it. You're boys!

George: Your young protégés overstepped the boundaries of good taste.
Jonathan: Well, who decides what's good taste?
George: You're looking at him, baby.
Jonathan: Look, Hunter and Matthews don't get stoked about much around here, but they really got into their radio show, and I think they deserve a second chance. With a little more adult supervision.
George: Who would be the adult?
Jonathan: You're looking at him, baby.

Shawn: [to Cory] Okay, who are you and what have you done with Cory the mope?

Jonathan: [When Mr. Turner's class walks out of the classroom] Oh, yeah, I can learn a lot from you, George.
George: Shut up.

Leonard: You may be wondering how I sprained my elbow.
Cory: Lenny, we know you got hurt at the softball game.
Leonard: What game? You're not supposed to know about the game. I hurt myself getting out of a turtleneck that shrunk.
Eric: We know about the game, Lenny.
Cory: Just don't let Dad know we know about the game.
Eric: Yeah.
Leonard: Oh, boy. Ok, let's recap. Your father says there was no game but knows there was one. You know there was a game but you don't want your father to know you know. Well let me ask you this - don't you think he knows you know he knows you know you know he knows, you know?
[They stare at him]
Leonard: You got to excuse me, I'm on painkllers.

Topanga: Give me your hand.
Cory: Why?
Topanga: I want to see if our energies converge.
[Cory reluctantly reaches out his hand. Topanga takes it and looks at it for a few seconds]
Shawn: [sarcastically] Ooh-ooh!
[Topanga lets go of Cory's hand and turns to Mr. Feeny]
Topanga: He's vibrationally acceptable.

Shawn: Why did we have to leave the old school? I was so cool in the old school. They had no right to pass me. I am an idiot.

Cory: [loading stuff into a blender in the kitchen] Ya got yer milk.
Shawn: You got yer peanut butter.
Cory: How 'bout a banana?
Shawn: What about a raw egg?
Cory: Ewww, why does it have to be raw? Why can't we scramble it and put it in?
Shawn: Stallone drinks raw eggs.
Cory: Stallone is like five-foot-two.
Shawn: And you're like two-foot-five.
Cory: Go with the egg, baby.
[Shawn cracks the egg into the blender, then tosses the shell in the air]
Cory: Hey, we're not gonna make a mess. Just because we're kids with a blender doesn't mean we have to make a mess
Shawn: [Cory puts the lid on the blender, then Shawn takes it off again] Boy, are you Mommy-whipped.
Shawn: [he turns on the topless blender, with predictable results]
Cory: Aaaaahhh!
Shawn: Now, that I could never do at my house.

Alan: [to Cory] I'm really proud of you, Cory. You stood up for what you believed in and you made your own decision.
Cory: Yeah, but, I mean, Topanga was right. It would have been wrong to get married just because you said we shouldn't.
Alan: I raised a good man.
Cory: You calling me a man?
Alan: Yeah. You want to get off that swing and do something about it?
Cory: Yeah, I do.
[he and Alan hug each other]

Eric: Why won't you make your move?
George: Eric, in a world that is not run by savages, there is such a thing as decorum. Now, decorum would suggest that a gentleman allow a lady to resolve an old relationship before he engages her in a new one.
Eric: Yes, but, see, you're already in a new relationship! You're in a triangle, Feeny.
[he makes the shape of a rectangle with his hands]
Eric: And take it from somebody who's been in a triangle before, he who hesitates is lost.
[screams]
Eric: Rachel! I'm okay, I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm just like you.
George: Oh, dear, I don't want to be like you.

Eric: [Eric has failed his driver's test and the boys have dates for that evening] We cannot pick them up until I take the driving test again in two weeks.
Jason: OK, that's just logic. That's getting in our way.

Cory: [shouting] I'm a geek!
[everybody turns around]
Cory: Oh, like you didn't know.

Cory: I am never throwing a baby shower for those broads again!
George: A baby shower? That's wonderful.
Alan: It didn't go well?
Cory: No! They don't appreciate anything. I go to all this trouble of trying to find this great-looking guy to strip for Mommy and they're angry at me. Can you believe that?
[everyone looks at him; Alan makes a face]
Cory: There's a face.

Angela: So, you like this guy, huh?
Topanga: I'm in love with him. I knew it the minute I kissed him.
Angela: Topanga, you're coming off a long relationship and you're vulnerable right now. And you shouldn't rush into something because of one kiss from some gorgeous, perfect guy. It was just a kiss, wasn't it?
Topanga: That's all it took. Do you know what I felt when he kissed me?
Angela: Yeah, I probably do.
Topanga: Nothing.
Angela: What?
Topanga: I called him today to let him know I can't ever see him again.
Angela: You did?
Topanga: Because I'm in love, Angela. I don't mean high school "I love you, I love you, too. " I mean I am in love with Cory Matthews. And I want to be. There's nobody else in the world for me, and there never will be. I'm taken.

Shawn: I'm no rocket scientologist.

Shawn: Wow! and to think, you were my only rich friend.
Cory: Comfortable, never rich.
Shawn: Indoor plumbing? Rich.
Cory: Well, whatever we were, Shawn, we're not anymore.
Shawn: You had it easy, all right. You, with your breakfasts in the morning, your lunches in the afternoon, your dinners at night. Eaters! You're eaters!
Cory: Shawn, they put the food in front of me.
Shawn: That's okay, Cor. You're my friend, and I'm going to teach you how to be poor.
Cory: Would you?
Shawn: Well, it's not going to be easy. You come from a world of many pants.
Cory: They put the pants in front of me.

Eric: So I said to myself, Kyle...
Alan: Kyle?
Eric: That's what I call myself.

Eric: Christy's gonna expect me to tell her that I love her. Aw man, I gotta do something now.
[to self]
Eric: Think, you gotta think, Eric. Ow.
Shawn: Thinking cramp?
Eric: Yeah.
Shawn: I get those too.

Amy: Maybe when you get a little older, you'll realize that stunts and gimmicks are not what make you special.
[Eric comes in]
Eric: I'm dating a senior! I'm special! I am fabulous. I have a tremendous new found sense of self worth. Nothing bad can happen right?
Amy: No. No.

Cory: You know what? You take Stacy, I'll take Linda.
Shawn: No. I want Linda.
Cory: Fine. Then I'll take Stacy.
Shawn: No.
Cory: Shawn, you're being greedy.
Shawn: No, I'm not.
Cory: Fine. I'll go out with Debbie.
Shawn: I want Debbie.
Cory: There *is* no Debbie.
Shawn: Somewhere there's a Debbie.

Jonathan: Y'know, you're a junior in high school, now, Shawn. You have no goals as far as I can see. Have you even thought about college?
Shawn: I'm going to college.
Jonathan: Oh, you are? Where?
Shawn: Hawaii. I figure I have a better shot outside the country.
Jonathan: You know, Shawn, the people who care about you in this life you can count on one hand. So don't blow me off, okay?
Shawn: John, I got people who care about me.
Cory: You know, Shawn, I think Mr. Turner's right. Okay, I mean you got one more year of high school and the humidity in Hawaii is gonna make my hair go "Whoo!"
Topanga: Well, I wanna go to Penn State.
Cory: And I wanna go where she goes. Anyone surprised by that?
Jonathan: Whoa, whoa, okay?
[to Shawn]
Jonathan: Tick tock. The clock is moving and you are running out of time to figure out your life.
Shawn: Hey, John, you're not my guardian anymore, I'm back with my parents, I'll be fine.
Jonathan: Yeah, Shawn, but I'm one of the handful of people that cares about you, you know? Now your parents are busy trying to work our their marriage...
[gestures to Cory & Topanga]
Jonathan: So are they...
Topanga: [to Cory, all cutesie] Study hall?
Cory: Make out?
Topanga: Cory!
Cory: Topanga!
[they leave, grinning and holding hands]
Jonathan: And y'know, you have four years of security in these halls, but they throw you out next year, Shawn. What're you gonna do, then, huh? Who're you gonna be?

Jonathan: [to Cory and Shawn] You're just kids. You're in school. Your parents make you lunch. You're not a migrant farm worker picking grapes. You're just kids. You sleep on sheets with little dinosaurs.
Cory: Rocket ships.

Shawn: [walking down the hallway at school] Why is everybody staring? What are they looking at?
Cory: Well, Shawn, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but... you're kind of a babe!
Shawn: Really?
Cory: Yeah! Do you want me to, like... carry your books for you?

Cory: My puddin trunk!

Eric: [to Mr. Feeny] I don't know what's going to happen to me. But I do know that I'm going to be a good person who cares about people. And I blame *you* for that.

Eric: [he's trying to help Cory fix his reputation by talking him into going to a party that night] Take someone with you.
Cory: [skeptically] Who am I gonna take? The only people in the school who are talking to me are Shawn and Topanga.
Cory: Then take Shawn.
Cory: [looks at him, appalled] I'm taking *Topanga*!
Eric: [smirking] You animal!

Morgan: I was very selfish and inconsiderate yesterday. This is your wedding so I'm going to tell you the truth.
[Morgan turns to Shawn - smiles then turns back to Topanga]
Morgan: YOUR FRIENDS ARE STINKING LIARS! SHAWN PAID THEM 50 BUCKS EACH! AND I WOULDN'T USE THIS DRESS TO WIPE MY A...
[Alan puts his hand over Morgan's mouth, and drags her away]

Shawn: [to Alan] Hi. I... um... I just wanted to let you know that you don't have to worry about me having a drink anymore, but if you want me to stay away from Cory because of all the other idiot stuff I do, I understand.
Alan: Come on in.
[lets Shawn inside the house]
Alan: You know, I wouldn't want two friends to be kept apart. When I said that, I was under the influence of alcohol.
Shawn: You were drunk, too?
Alan: No, you were. And so was Cory, and I didn't like seeing you that way.
Shawn: Yeah. That seems to be the general consensus. So, when can Cory come out and play?
Cory: [as he comes down the stairs] Can I, Dad? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Alan: What month is it?
Cory: It's still March.
Alan: Sorry, Shawn. Maybe next time, you won't be so easily influenced by your rotten friends!
Shawn: Yeah, well, he's the only one I got.

Gumshoe: Hey, Dollface.
Trixie: Hey.
Gumshoe: I was talking to Fez-head.

[In order to exact his revenge on Topanga, Eric is hiding in a print of "American Gothic" and is dressed as The Farmer. Jack stares at him and then at the floor and back at Eric]
Jack: I beg you. I beg you to seek help.
Eric: Oh, this is gonna be *so* sweet. Bye-bye Topanga.
Jack: Alright, you know what? Topanga is too smart for you. Anyone is!
Eric: Stay out of this, Jack. This is a one man mission. Will you help me?
Jack: [as he walks away] No.
Eric: Fine. I'll do this myself.
[He turns toward The Wife in the painting]
Eric: You have a very large head. I don't know why I married you.
[He reacts to being pinched on his behind]
Eric: Hey!

Eric: Mr. Feeny. Imagine finding you here.
George: I live here.
Eric: You stop that. Anyway, you know, I was thinking about what you said, about how you had friends at Yale, and I was wondering what it would take for a man like George Feeny to...
[He not-so-subtly pulls an envelope out of his pocket and drops it on the ground]
Eric: Oh, look what Eric dropped. Aren't you gonna pick that up?
George: Why? Eric dropped it.

Matt: [pointing at his forehead] It's all bone up here. You can't damage anything.

Cory: Well, uh, Uncle Mike, why don't you call everyone together and we can get started.
Uncle: Ok. ALL HUNTERS OUT, NOW!
The: [from within their trailers] We didn't do it!
Uncle: That's our family motto.

Kid: [to Cory and Topanga] I see dead people.
Cory: That's nice.

Alan: People love my impressions.
Amy: Oh, please. No one even knows when you're doing one.

Cory: 8:35. I'm drooling more than usual. The change into wolfdom is upon me.

Cory: So? So? Schedule changed?
Jonathan: He's ready to listen to one of you, so point a leader.
[nobody moves, until...]
Cory: Look, a quarter!
[picks up a coin from the ground, while all the other students step back]
Students: [applauds] Yeah!
Shawn: All right, Cory, you're our leader!
Cory: Well, you guys have to be the cheapest gang I've ever seen.

Cory: I never should've tried to scam them. Crime doesn't pay. Violence is bad. They're gonna kill me.
Eric: Cor, just be happy it was a baby scam. Mine, on the other hand, was a mega scam, a hyper scam, the mother of all scams. I am truly a dead man. These could be our last few precious moments together. Is there anything you want to say to me?
Cory: Yeah. Here's a lovely parting gift.
[hits Eric with a pillow, causing him to fall down]

Harvey: So, Johnny, I just wanted to thank you for the chance of meeting our new school principal and getting detention all week with my good friend, Marion.
Cory: I'm very, very sorry.
Harvey: Oh, think nothing of it. By the way, Johnny B., do you think you could meet me in the senior bathroom, say around 3:00?
Cory: Sure. What for, gang pictures?
Harvey: No, when I get through killing you, you won't be so photogenic.
Cory: You're gonna kill me?
Harvey: Oh, yeah oh, yeah. I really, really, really am. But not until 3:00. Enjoy your lunch.

Shawn: Oh you can afford one stinking F in your life.
Topanga: No I can't. I have worked very hard to be perfect up until now.
Shawn: I am throwing up. I am throwing up all over you.

Rory: We was all relaxed and happy until she came along. You're a very good looking man, by the way.
Cory: Topanga was a very good person.
Ella: Yeah, well now she's good and dead.
Receptionist: She ain't gonna bother us no more!
Isaac: She was a stress case, man.
Gumshoe: So somebody killed her. Now it's my job to find out whodunit.
[Everyone whistles non-chalantly and heads for the door]
Gumshoe: Hey, hey, hey! Nobody move! You're all suspects.
[They continue]
Gumshoe: Alright, you know, don't leave town.
Cory: Hold on!
[Everyone turns]
Cory: Okay, you know maybe Topanga was a little annoying. And maybe sometimes she made me a little exasperated. But I never once thought of doing this! Alright, maybe a little. But I never did it! Which is the difference between me
[turns to face Rory]
Cory: and you. Now, tell me. Why did you do it?
Rory: I did it because she was ruining my good time. She was ruining our entire way of life.
Isaac: Yeah, she was.
Receptionist: Yeah!
Cory: Why is that? Because in your hearts you knew she was right? Because you knew that even though she'd change you, it'd be for the better? That's why I need her in my life. And you know why she needs me? Get up, Topanga.
Topanga: I can't. I'm dead.
Cory: No, you're not. This isn't real.
Gumshoe: I knew that.
Cory: This whole thing's a cartoon. It's pretend. But I think it's what you needed.

Alan: Cory, you won't realize this till you grow up, but being right is not necessarily enough to change how people feel.

George: Look at that!
Alan: What are you talking about George? The play's over.
George: I'm talking about the boy in the crowd. Look at the one holding up the sign.
Alan: Which one?
Cory: The one that says, "Hey Feeny. Nothing is impossible."

Cory: Mr. Feeny, this war must be stopped!
George: Your passion for the material is admirable, Mr. Matthews, but not to worry. The Civil War was fought over a hundred years ago.
Cory: Oh, no one cares about that crap. I'm talking about now!

Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: You couldn't hit the broadside of the barn if it came up to you and said, "Hey! I'm the broadside of a barn! Hit me!"

Cory: [Trying to convince his mother to buy him an expensive water gun] Say the living room bursts into flames.
Morgan: Why?
Cory: I don't know. Maybe lightning hit it.
Morgan: Why?
Cory: Because it was attracted by the metal plate in your head.
Cory: [to Amy] and you can't get out because your legs are broken. What will you do?
Morgan: Why are her legs broken?
Cory: Because she tripped over your dead body.

Shawn: [to Amy and Alan] I appreciate the lecture and thanks for coming to the station to pick me up, but you're not my parents. And, yeah, I'll just stay away from Cory if that's what's gonna put everything back to normal.
Cory: Normal. You know I just broke up with someone that I've spent my entire life with. I don't have a heart anymore. I've lost my life. So I went up to your liquor cabinet and I took a bottle of whiskey, and I made Shawn drink because I didn't want to be alone.

Cory: Boy, where's his Christmas spirit? Where's his gratitude? I can name one sixth grader who wasn't paying attention to "A Christmas Carol."
George: I can name one, too, Mr. Matthews.
Cory: Yeah, Shawn!
George: Cory.
Cory: Ha ha! No, I'm Cory. You've been calling me Mr. Matthews for so long you must have forgot.
George: Believe me, I know who you are. I also know that a true gift is given with no expectation.
Cory: What's that mean?
George: It means you gave the gift to get the thanks.

Cory: Listen up, family. Because I admit I didn't know what I was doing when I put this stuff on my head and I admit I didn't know what it was going to do to me, but here's the thing I do know. I am under no circumstances going to school tomorrow. Is that clear? No school for Cory. School. Cory. No.
[scene cuts to Cory in school the next day]

Amy: [to Topanga] It's very hard for a mother to think that another woman is going to take her place with her little boy.
Topanga: I could never take your place. I just love your little boy, Mrs. Matthews.
Amy: Amy. Use my name.
Topanga: Amy.
Amy: And if there is going to be another person to take my place, I want it to be you.
Topanga: Thank you.

Cory: Yes, it worked! It worked! Um, what am I forgetting?
Maid: [passing by] The girl.

Cory: My homework is going to be unbelievably late this week.
George: Yeah, what else is new.

Shawn: Hey, are you okay?
Cory: Yes, Pat, but I would like to solve the puzzle.

Jonathan: 5:30, huh? God, my watch must be slow.

Amy: [about Cory and Topanga] They're too young to even think about marriage.
Alan: I understand that you don't want our little boy to make a mistake, but he is not a little boy anymore.
Amy: Please. I still lay out his clothes and what she wants to do...
Alan: Topanga.
Amy: Right. What she wants to do...
Alan: Topanga. Use her name.
Amy: Right. What Topanga wants to do is...
Alan: Lay his clothes out for him.
Amy: What?
Alan: Take care of him. Be there for him. Amy, do you think that this would bother you as much if this was some girl who couldn't take care of him as well as you have? Do you really think that Topanga isn't right for him?
Amy: It isn't about that. They are too young. He's not ready. I'm not ready.
[brushes away her tears]
Amy: Yes, she's right for Cory. She loves him. And yes, she... she'll take care of him and he'll be happy. Oh, God. I'm jealous of her.

Alan: [to Cory] How does a night of bonding with your dear old dad sound? Pretty good, huh?
Cory: Great, yeah. It sounds great. So I'll meet you halfway. You go with Mom and I'll miss the heck out of you.

Cory: Minkus... Stuart, I need your help, maybe if you paid attention the rest of the class would too.
Stuart: Why should I help you? You made fun of Mr. Feeny and said he gets paid too much.

Rachel: [after Eric carries Rachel back into the classroom, puts her on the floor and sits on top of her] Eric, what are you doing? Eric!
Eric: Look, if there's bad feelings here, then we have to work them out because that's what friends should do! Now, look, I wrote something, Rachel. Please just read it before you go anywhere.
Rachel: [reads what Eric wrote] Lose one friend, lose all friends, lose yourself.
Cory: We're not gonna lose our friends. Are we?
Eric: We might. What if Mr. Feeny's right? What if we don't fix this? What if this is the last time that we're all together? Is that a chance you're all willing to take?

Eric: [Eric steps in front of a news camera] This just in! Eric Matthews is a huge loser.
Pat: Why is he a loser?
Eric: Oh. Sorry, I didn't know anybody else was here. I'll get out of your way and let you clean.
Pat: I got plenty of time to clean.
Eric: Oh, here.
[He hands Pat a trash can]
Pat: Were you here for the internship?
Eric: Yep. And I blew it.
Pat: Aw. How do you know?
Eric: 'Cause I wasn't myself. Oh, man, I really wanted this job.
Pat: Why?
Eric: Wh... 'Cause what could be more exciting than working in TV? I mean, all those straight-A guys want is something to put on their résumé. You know, they don't get it here, they'll get it someplace else, but this is everything to me. You know, Miss Cannon doesn't know this, but I'd do that job so much better than any of them 'cause I need it more.
Pat: Did you tell her that?
Eric: No, I was too busy choking. I just choked in front of the most important person at the station.
Pat: No, you didn't.
Eric: Oh, yeah, I did. I mean, I was sweating so much in there my shoes started to squish.
Pat: [chuckling] No. No, I meant she's not the most important person at the station. I am.
Eric: Hey, pal, I know coffee's really important and everything, but...
Pat: Pat Darby, station manager.
Eric: Where?
Pat: Right here. Shaking the hand of our new intern. See you Monday. Be yourself or I'll fire you.
Eric: Oh, oh. Oh, yes, sir. Thank you so much, sir. Thank you so much. I'll be here.
[He starts to leave but then turns back]
Eric: One thing, real quick, one thing. Before I go home and tell my parents, do you have, like, a business card and a photo ID?

Eric: Make this quick.
Cory: Help!
Eric: How could you possibly get into this much trouble on the first day?
Eric: It didn't take me the whole day!

Shawn: [to Cory about Claire staying over at the Matthews' house] Cory, she likes your place. She said she feels safe there. Can't you just do this?
Cory: You can't just move from place to place because it feels safe. Come here. Did you see what that jerk did to her arm? Now, we gotta get Claire and we gotta go to the police.
Shawn: No. No. Cops just make things worse.
Cory: Oh, you're right, Shawn. You put a cherry bomb in the mailbox, the cops came and made things worse for you. You stole Turner's bike. More cops, more worse.
Shawn: So you see my point then?

Mr. George Feeny: I believe that when you find love, you hold on to it and cherish it because there is nothing finer, and it may never come again.

Jack: I'm out of a job.
Eric: [sucking Bridget's toe] And I'm in a new healthy relationship!

Cory: [to Kimberly] You know who you look like, don't you? Bridget Fonda.
Kimberly: Get out.
Cory: No, I'm serious. I mean, your old nose, it was fine, but now it's La Femme Nikita, baby.

Cory: Okay Mr. Turner. Now we go to school all year and I'll be honest we don't like it. Now it's the end of the year and we gotta take all these finals about stuff we already learned and naturally have forgotten about. I mean why does Feeny like torturing us?
Jonathan: You got a point Matthews?
Cory: Well yeah. We're very upset.
Students: Yeah.
Jonathan: So it's a tough schedule. That's what school's all about.
Cory: Yeah but not this tough. I mean people are starting to crack.
Topanga: [walking by carrying a textbook] Hydrogen, Helium, Lithium, Beryllium, Boron, Carbon, Nitrogen, Oxygen, Flourine...
Cory: She's not even in chemistry.

Jedediah: I'm a luthier.
Shawn: And I'm a presbyterian, but to each his own I say.
Jedediah: A luthier is someone who make musical instruments.
Shawn: No offense, sir, but that's gotta be the nuttiest religion I ever heard.
[Jedediah looks at Mr. Turner]
Jonathan: Heh. Don't worry it's not you.

George: [Cory, Griff, Joey, and Frankie are sitting in Mr. Feeny's room in detention] Well, that was quite a stunt you pulled, Mr. Hawkins, but am I mad? No. Actually, I'm downright giddy.
[Feeny and Griff chuckle]
George: Because when the bell rings at the end of the day, I know you'll be on your merry way to my classroom, for detention, every day... for the next four years.
[Feeny turns around and heads for the door]
Cory: Mr. Feeny, you can't leave me in here alone with these guys. I'm not one of them. The walls, they're closing in.
George: Pity.
[he exits the room]

[Graduation week, Topanga walks up to Cory and Shawn in the hallway]
Topanga: I finished my valedictorian speech. You guys wanna hear it?
Stuart: Oh? What makes you so sure you're valedictorian, little missy?
Topanga: Cause I'm Topanga.
Stuart: Well, I'm Minkus, and last time I checked, I had 699 As, which by my count, is that same number as you.
Cory: You counted As? What kind of sick person would count As?
[Topanga looks at him]
Cory: Oh.
Topanga: I'll tell you what to do, Stuart. You can go get Feeny's gradebook and count them AGAIN.
Stuart: You did something, didn't you?
[to Cory]
Stuart: She did something, didn't she?
Cory: Take it easy, Minkus. You never had a chance.
Stuart: Oh, she's an evil little girl, Cory. She's an evil little girl.
Cory: Yeah, but every time I kiss her, it don't care.

The: Excuse me. I'd just like to tell you that I really liked what I heard.
Gordy: Oh. Nah, it was nothing. We were just messing around.
The: No, no, no. You guys really got something. I mean, believe me. I know what I'm talking about. I used to manage a band. Well, a few years ago. It's a family group. Still got the bus we toured in!
[He hands Jedediah a business card]
Jedediah: The name sounds familiar.
The: It sure would be nice to be able to be able to handle an act without a mother in it. Well, so, call me. You know, you guys could be bigger than the Beatles.
[He leaves]
Gordy,104065: Bigger than the Beatles. Hm.
[They mull it over]
Gordy,104065: Nah!

Cory: Cleaning is not relaxation.
Topanga: Well, it's better than watching a duck with a speech impediment.
Cory: [angry and defensive] Daffy is doing the best he can with what he has, alright?

Eric: You didn't go to college. Why do I have to go?
Alan: Because someday your son is going to have a career day. And if you don't go to college, your son's teacher is going to stand up there in front of all the cool parents and say, "Here's the grocer!" Go to college!
Eric: I don't think I can. Oh, why try? What's the point? We're all just gonna die anyway.
Jason: Well, aren't we nihilistic. Or should I say vacuitous.
Eric: Hey, if you're so smart, how come you don't understand shut up?

Gumshoe: [narrating] Fez-head and Costello. They're always together. People talk.
Costello: Move away from me, Fez-head! People are talking.
Fez: Don't flatter yourself, Gertrude.

Eric: I really wanted to go to Europe this summer and, I guess I saw my whole trip slipping away.
George: That's superficial, Mr. Matthews. Perhaps it's something a little deeper?
Eric: There is no 'deeper' with me, Mr. Feeny. I'm not a good student, I'm just an average guy who can get by on a nice smile. I'm never going to get an A, never going to make the honor roll, that's who I am. Might as well just accept it. I have.
George: The only thing that limits you, Mr. Matthews is your laziness. You're just looking for an excuse to never get the grades I know you're capable of getting.
Eric: I'm not capable, and they're just grades.
George: 'Just grades'? Oh well, it's just Europe, they're just girls, it's just a beach, unless you happen to know that on that beach in June 1944, 150,000 troops landed and began the liberation of Europe, so that 50 years later those girls could run around on that beach in freedom!

Cory: All right, first you pick a girl, any girl.
Amy: Just any-ol-body.
Cory: Yeah. Then you pretend you're interested in her. Now you don't really have to be interested in her. I thought you did, but Eric said it wasn't necessary.
Eric: Ring!
Amy: That's what you told him?
Eric: What? Does it matter what I told him? I'm dead.
Amy: You had the big sex talk with him two years ago. What did you tell him?
Alan: Not that! How can you think I'd tell him that?
Amy: Alan, I'm not accusing you.
Alan: Yes, you are. You're accusing me of this, and yet you refuse to accuse me of having an affair. That hurts.
Amy: Cory, I know you look up to your brother, but I want you to go to your father for advice on this subject. Eric has some explaining to do about his own behavior with girls lately.
Cory: I know.
Amy: What do you know?
Cory: Pretty much everything. I kind of walked in on them.
Eric: [singing] Amazing grace...

Lionel: Hi.
Cory: [creepy] Hi.
Lionel: I-I'm Lionel.
Cory: I know who ya are.

Shawn: Cory, that's your next story.
Cory: What?
Shawn: To understand what girls are talking about, you experience the world from a girl's point of view, by becoming a girl.
Cory: That's crazy talk.
Shawn: No, no, no. You dress up like a girl and write about it. *Chick Like Me*. That's meaningful. You're writing a real article, not just some silly column.
Cory: It is not a silly column.
Shawn: Yes, it is.
Cory: Ok. Mr. Feeny, what happened to this guy Griffin after he wrote his book?
Mr. George Feeny: He sold five million copies and won immediate world renown. Why do you ask, Mr. Matthews?
Cory: Miss Matthews.

Shawn: Stop obsessing, man. You're gonna pop a lobe.
Cory: You're right. I should relax, 'cause this coupling thing, it's just a phase. I mean, how long can it last... a few weeks?
Jonathan: [Enters walking with Ms. Kelly] The cafeteria's right this way. They know me there. I'll get us a good table.
Ms. Kelly: You would do that for me?
Jonathan: Oh, yeah. I'm very tight with Bertha, the lunchroom lady. Yeah, I once rescued a dolphin from her hair net.
Cory: OK, maybe it'll last a few years.
George: [Enters walking with an older, female teacher] Yes, I'm acting principal now, and the pressures would be daunting for a man half my age. Fortunately I have a vitality that belies my years.
Cory: I'm the only one who doesn't know how it's done.

Alan: Hey, Cory. Cory. Phillies are playing on the west coast and Schilling's going into the seventh inning with a no-hitter against the Dodgers. You too tired to come down and watch the rest of the game with me?
Cory: What, are you new here?
Alan: [to Eric] The Phillies got a no-hitter going. Want to come down and watch the game with me and Cory?
Eric: [half asleep] I can't. I'm... I'm naked and I'm taking a math test.

Cory: Call her.
Eric: Who?
Cory: Who? Heather, my nemesis!

Jack: [to Shawn] I admire you. I admire you more than I do me.

Shawn: It's the New York Times.
Cory: The New York Times Trailer Park edition.
Shawn: It's the same thing, except you can eat it!

Eric: Jack, Jack, Jackie, Jack, Jack. Live a healthy life, eat all your vegetables, honor your father and your mother, and heaven will reward you with a hot-hot-hottie-hot hottie-hottie-hot-hot for a roommate.

Cory: Hey, Eric, I've been looking for you.
Eric: Well, you found me.
Cory: Uh, listen, I just want to apologize about before. You know, the reason I didn't call you was not because I didn't want you to be there.
Eric: I'm listening.
Cory: Because that's... that's not what I was thinking about.
Eric: Okay, so what were you thinking?
Cory: Well, I wasn't really thinking anything. You know, it's not that big a deal. I mean, maybe we'll do it again sometime.
Eric: Really looking forward to that.
Cory: Okay.
Eric: So then why are you apologizing?
Cory: Uh, well, I'm apologizing because you seemed hurt.
Eric: That's very considerate.
Cory: No problem.
Eric: Are you really sorry or are you just sorry you got caught?
Jack: [to Shawn] You know, you're right. He does seem well-rested.

Cory: Look for the union label. Is anyone behind you, my Shawn?
Shawn: I've gotta tell you. There's no one with us. We're all alone here. I'm gonna bail.
Cory: You better not.
Shawn: Oh, yes, I am.
Cory: Oh, no, no, no.
Shawn: Oh, yes, yes, yes!

Cory: What are you looking for?
Eric: Well, I'm supposed to shoot hoops and I can't find them anywhere.
Cory: Can't find what?
Eric: My tube socks! My lucky tube socks! Have you seen them anywhere?
Cory: Oh, uh, you're gonna find this kind of hard to believe Eric but, uh, last night for no logical reason that you could possibly think of, I did the wash instead of Mom and well... This is so funny.
Eric: Where are my lucky tube socks?
Cory: [Producing a tiny pair of tube socks] Well, I don't think they're so lucky anymore.
Will: ["Eric" breaks character now revealing that he is, in fact, Will Friedle] That's not the line!
Ben: What?
Will: The line was, "Honey, I shrunk the tube socks".
Ben: Oh, uh, I know. I'm sorry, Will. I was trying something new.
Will: Ohhhh! You were just trying something new? Here why don't you try this?
[he begins throwing laundry at Ben Savage]
Will: Is this new?
[He continues throwing things, breaking dishes and screaming]
Will: Is this new to you? New! YAAAAH! I quit! I'm outta here!
[He storms off the set. Shawn enters]
Shawn: Cory, Eric. Guess what? I blew up another mailbox.
[He looks around at the trashed set and breaks character]
Rider: What? Did Will flip out again?
Ben: Yeah, yeah he did. What are we gonna do? I mean, he's gonna be hard to replace.
Rider: Yeah, you're right.
[They look around]
Rider: Hey banana boy! Wanna be a star?
Ben: Huh?

Shawn: Okay, everyone have a peaceful night. I'm going back to The Centre.
Alan: Oh, no. Whoa, whoa. No, you're not. While your parents are out of town you are our responsibility.
Amy: That means you're staying here in this house.
Shawn: Yeah. Mr. Mack told me that people like you would try to talk me out of my beliefs.
Amy: Shawn, we love you.
Shawn: He said you'd say that.
Alan: All right, fine. That's enough. Get him in the house and tie him up.
George: Shawn, these aren't beliefs. This is just a way to escape a life that doesn't have beliefs.
Shawn: That's a judgment.
George: You're damn right it is.

Trixie: I know this may sound crazy but, I don't seem to know who I am or why I'm here. I seem to have lost track of my identity.
Gumshoe: The case of the missing identity. I'm gonna need some ID

Angela: No offense, Cory, but your project looks like its ripped off by that show on MTV, "The Real World"?
Cory: I have no knowledge of this real world of which your speak. My real world is the real, real world.

Theresa 'T.K.' Keiner: Mr. Matthews, Mrs. Matthews. Thank you, oh so very much for having me for dinner in your lovely home.
Alan: Oh, well thank *you* for the lobsters.
Theresa 'T.K.' Keiner: You're welcome, I'm sure.
[to Cory]
Theresa 'T.K.' Keiner: How's the new me coming across, fuzzy?
Cory: You're doing great.
Eric: [Picks up a lobster] Uh-oh, this guy's missing a claw.
Theresa 'T.K.' Keiner: [Stands up, very angry] That is it! I told them these are important people. This is a very big dinner for me! What do they do? They send me damaged goods!
[she throws the one-clawed lobster across the room and sits back down. She notices everyone staring at her]
Theresa 'T.K.' Keiner: Mr. Matthews, Mrs. Matthews. Thank you, oh so very much for having me for dinner in your lovely home.

Topanga: It's good to be queen.

Cory: I didn't even say goodbye, Eric.
Eric: That's alright. You'll say goodbye the next time you say hello.

Cory: [to Topanga] We ran off together and you know what we did? Nothing. Our big dramatic moment, and you know what we did? Nothing.
Topanga: I don't care about a big dramatic moment, Cory! It's not right to run off together because we think we have something to prove. When we get married, I want to have a big cake. I want doves.
Cory: No doves. You were right. You did the right thing. Our marriage should be a celebration, not a secret.
Topanga: Thank you.
Cory: You owe me the rest of your life, you know
Topanga: It's yours.

Cory: [after learning Shawn pulled his up average on the test by a whole grade] Shawn got a B? At least one guy learned something out of all this.
George: On the contrary, two did.
Cory: Two? Who else?
George: You, Mr. Matthews.
Cory: How do you know? I didn't take the test.
George: You didn't need to, do you really think I could have gotten you to read "The Diary of Anne Frank"?
Cory: Even if you had, Mr. Feeny, I wouldn't have understood it.

George: Cory may not take the make up test. The F stands.
Alan: I thought you said you understand.
George: I do understand. But understanding and condoning are two entirely separate concepts.
Alan: So you're going to fail a boy for spending time with his father?
George: In my 35 years of teaching, I've heard every excuse imaginable for why somebody fails a test. What's my excuse? If somewhere down the line, a child fails at something because I once abrogated my responsibility to impart knowledge.
[Alan looks at Cory]
Cory: I've gotta listen to this everyday.

Cory: After the other night, Shawn, I feel like I can never drink again.
Topanga: You were drinking?
Shawn: Yeah. What do you figure that was about? I wonder!
Cory: You know what, Shawn? Shut up. Okay? We agreed to stop drinking. I have. You obviously haven't.

Topanga: Why are all those guys talking to Shawn's girlfriend?
Cory: Well, Shawn and Jennifer broke up this morning. Look at her, she's already on the prowl!
Topanga: Well, how's Shawn taking it?
Cory: Are you kidding? Shawn is Shawn. You can't keep Shawn down. Get up, Shawn.
[the camera pans out to reveal Shawn laying down against his locker]

Janitor: [Janitor Bud brings Mr. Feeny into a school closet where Cory and Topanga are sleeping] I tried poking them with my mop. Nothing.
Mr. George Feeny: Ahem.
[Cory and Topanga slowly start to wake up]
Cory: Five more minutes, Mom...
[Suddenly aware of where he is, he opens his eyes wide and looks at Mr. Feeny]
Mr. George Feeny: Good morning, sunshine. Breakfast is on the table. Today we're having a big bowl of sugar frosted you've-got-a-lot-of-explaining-to-do.

Topanga: Told you he'd be here.
Cory: No, you didn't. You were waving a dollar and yawning at me.
Topanga: Bill... board! How much simpler can it be!

Cory: Shawn and I have another project we're working on.
Topanga: Really? What is it?
Shawn: Well, you know how those dolphins get caught in the tuna nets?
Topanga: Yeah?
Shawn: It's got nothin' to do with that.

Cory: Listen Keiner this is between me and Shawn. So take your greasy head and your rat-faced thug and get away from my friend.

Angela: But that would mean...
Eric: Dun, Dun, Dun.
Cory: The killer is one of us.
Shawn: Like in 'The Killer is One of Us.'
Eric: Dun, Dun, Dun.
Topanga: Enough already!
Shawn: Why? Do we upset you?
Topanga: Yes.
Cory: Upset you enough... to kill?
Eric: Dun, dun, dun. I'm done.

Topanga: You know, I remember this one time, I was trying to help Cory with this poem we had for school, not just the words of it, but the essence behind it. I went over to his house. He read the poem, and I danced all around his kitchen and I put lipstick all over my face.
Angela: And why do we remember that story so well?
Topanga: Because I always thought that was the moment he fell in love with me. Boy, you know, he always used to be the one bringing me back to reality. I don't know what happened to him.
Angela: Oh, honey, you did. You're the greatest influence in his life, Topanga. He needs you to take his hand, dance around him, help him through what's going on right now. Baby, without you, all he has is reality.

Amy: [Amy and Alan are standing at the kitchen sink. Amy holds the hose attachment. The water is coming out of it very slowly] See? I'm not getting any kind of pressure here.
Alan: You had to have a house.
[He walks towards the drawer to get his wrench]
Alan: Remember the apartment? Remember before the children? Before we were married? Before we knew each other?
[He smiles at Amy]
Alan: Remember how happy we were?
[Alan goes under the sink and after a moment Amy kicks him and exits the room]
Alan: Ooh! Ow! You remember when you knew when I was kidding?

Shawn: You are making way too much out of this.
Cory: It's just stupid little fights that no one's gonna remember after next week.
Mr. George Feeny: That may be, Mr. Matthews, but it's been my experience that stupid little fights have a way of escalating into stupid big fights which can change the course of your future.

Jonathan: [Miss Tompkins enters the cafeteria] George, George, George!
George: What?
Jonathan: Who dat? Don't look, don't look! Now look.
George: Mr. Turner, we are not in high school! Well, yes, we are but... we are teachers, you fool.
Jonathan: Teach me about her.

Cory: Here comes Feeny. I can just hear him now. "Messieurs Hunter, Matthews, although right now you feel beaten and humiliated, you've learned a valuable lesson... that you should never try to be someone you're blah... blah blah blah. Blah. Blah."
George: Messieurs Hunter, Matthews...
[Feeny begins snickering and laughing heartily as he walks away]

George: You better stay too you little control freak!
Topanga: [shocked] You just yelled at me! But I'm Topanga.

Topanga: [to Cory] Why do you care so much what other people think? When people laugh at you, they're depleting their own karmic reservoir.
Cory: You're going to be one of those girls who doesn't shave her legs, aren't you?

Eric: What's your name?
Jennifer: Jennifer Love Fefferman.
Eric: May I call you Feffie?
Jennifer: Everyone does.

Amy: [Morgan's dressed as a zombie] There were no Cinderella costumes?
Eric: Hundreds of them.
Amy: And you had to choose axe in the head here?
Alan: It's the last one.
Alan: Ooh! Nice hanging eyeball!
Amy: I wanted Morgan to choose her own costume.
Eric: She did choose it, Mom, she wanted to be a zombie.
Alan: Eric, 24 hours ago she didn't even know what a zombie was.
Morgan: The undead are cool!

Topanga: Cory, you transparent moron, if you sigh one more time, I'm going to give you something to sigh about.
Cory: Not for one minute on this nationally recognized day of love did I not think about you and want to be with you.
Topanga: Cory, we are here for a very important reason. Believe it or not, but there are other things in this world more important than us.
Cory: I don't believe it because that's why we're getting married, because there is nothing more important than us.

Ludwig: Hello. It's Lunchtime With Ludwig. You may call in with your requests. I don't take them.

Cory: [about the rats that he and Shawn named after themselves] Shawn's the one chewing on the lock. I'm the one with the skin disease.

Topanga: [to Mr. Feeny] How can you possibly keep us here against our will?
Mr. George Feeny: A-minus.
Topanga: Well played, old man.

Eric: All right, listen. The chances that Cory could find a woman like Topanga are, like, one in a million.
Shawn: There's nobody better.
Shawn: Well, it's true.
Amy: Oh, we all love Topanga. That's not the issue.
Eric: Yes, but, see, in a few years, she's going to dry up. She's going to get all wrinkly. Might as well just grab her while she's still smooth. Am I right there, Dad?
Alan: You're an imbecile.

Rachel: So what am I?
Shawn: What are you?
Rachel: Yeah, I mean, you've made it really clear who everybody else is. Brothers, brothers, boyfriend and girlfriend, husband and wife. You all have this really strong bond between you. I mean, what's the strong bond between us?
Topanga: You think husband and wife is a strong bond? I wasn't even a part of their stupid team.
Cory: Topanga, will you pipe down with that, please?
Topanga: Aw, tell it to your boyfriend.
Shawn: [to Cory] Remember what I told you. Stand up to her.
Topanga: Unbelievable. Everybody is coming apart and they get closer?
[to Cory]
Topanga: I am your wife, nimrod!

Cory: Where're you spending your next recess? Playground, shooting hoops, playing ball?
Shawn: So?
Cory: So let me tell you want I'm doing, I'm searching for Bobby Fischer!
Shawn: What're you talking about?
Cory: Geniuses go to a special school, did you know that? You've killed me. I'm going to be in a class full of Minkuses. Wait, what am I talking about? These kids make Minkus look like Fabio.

Cory: Dad!
Anson: No. Anson Williams.
Cory: Wait a minute. You're...
Anson: [angry] No! Anson Williams. Like I said I was. Anson Williams? Not who you think I was. Let's just drop it, alright?

Shawn: [plays foosball] Nice block.
Gary: You liked that? Let me show you how I did it.
[moves to stand behind Shawn, running his hands along Shawn's arm down to his hands]
Gary: Now what you need to have...
[places his hands on Shawn's waist]
Gary: ... is a real light touch.
Shawn: Hey, hey!
[moves to face Gary]
Shawn: What is wrong with you?
Gary: I'm just showing you how to play the game!
Shawn: I know how to play the game.
Gary: Yeah, I can tell by the way you're dressed.
Shawn: I just wanted to look nice.
Gary: [puts his hands on Shawn/Veronica's shoulders] Well, you do.
Shawn: I said, don't touch me.
Gary: Okay, don't like to be touched.
Shawn: Did it ever occur to you that I might be a nice girl?
Gary: No, what I thought was that you'd be into guys! Well I guess you're not, I guess you prefer girls.
Shawn: As a matter of fact, I do.
Gary: ...what?
Shawn: I said, as a matter of fact...
[punches Gary in the face, making him fall to the ground]
Shawn: ... I do!
Gary: What was that for?
Shawn: For every girl I've ever known!
Cory: [to Gary] Uh, please pay at the register, honey. And tipping is not a city in China!
[drops check on Gary, then turns to Shawn, offering his arm]
Cory: Come on honey, we're out of here.

Rachel: We were going to watch a movie.
Cory: Movie?
Shawn: Dark.
Cory: Good. Movie good.
[Cory picks up a stack of videos on the coffee table]
Cory: All right. Let's see what you got. "Estrogen on Parade", "Put Down The Seat" and "These Shoes or These Shoes". Well, these are very lovely. However, no.
Shawn: Perhaps the girls are unaware of Jennifer Lopez vs. Carmen Electra on Celebrity Deathmatch. In pudding. On ponies.

Eric: It's all about letters, isn't it, Mr. Feeny? I got the wrong letters on my report card, and I'm getting the wrong letters now.
George: I must say, I'm very pleased that you take the idea of college so seriously. It's that determination that just might get you there.

Topanga: [on phone] Hi, Mom? I'm at Cory's. Yeah we're gonna finish the project over here. They'll give me a ride home as soon as we've finished working. Okay bye.
Topanga: [she hangs up and then to Cory]
Topanga: This way she won't make me come home for dinner and we can get some more work done.
Cory: Not bad. Now watch the king.
Cory: [on phone] Hi, mom? I'm at Cory's. D'oh!

Topanga: Well, they're taking it better than I thought.
Cory: Well, it isn't for them to decide. Okay, this is our lives, Topanga. Nobody is going to tell us what to do. Come on. We're getting married.

Cory: UNDERPANTS!

Cory: [to Topanga] Where have you been? I mean, today was the day we were supposed to talk about our plans for Valentine's Day. You knew that.
Topanga: Morgan called me. She needed a ride home from school.
Cory: Morgan, why did you call her? Why didn't you call Mom? You know today's the day before Valentine's Day. You know I am trying to get the focus back on Cory and Topanga.
Morgan: Mom forgot about me again just like she forgot to buy the Valentines for me to hand out at school which is why Bobby Porterfield thinks I don't like him which is why he didn't invite me to his party tomorrow night. I'm very sad about this.
Topanga: Hey.
Cory: No.
Topanga: Why don't we invite Morgan to spend Valentine's Day with us?
Cory: No, no! Do you want to hear what my answer is?
Topanga: No! Cory, this party was very important to your sister. With the new baby coming, she's feeling very excluded.
Cory: You know who else feels excluded? Me!
Topanga: This is your sister.
Cory: That's why I never asked her out on a date.

Alan: They ran a promotion at the store, and guess what you won? Two passes to Sliding Rapids Mountain.
Eric: Excellent!
Alan: Yep, you and your brother should have a blast.
Eric: Ah, no, no, no, no See, when I look at this ticket, I see someone in a skimpy wet bikini.
Alan: Well, that's entirely up to Cory.

Lauren: Those slopes are treacherous.
George: He fell getting off the bus.
Lauren: Those buses are treacherous.

Eric: [about cleaning out the garage] You know, Cory, this would have been fun to do together.
Cory: Oh, Eric, come on. It's not a big deal. Besides, I didn't want you to waste a Saturday.
Eric: Oh, but you didn't mind asking Shawn to waste a Saturday?
Cory: No, Shawn... Shawn loves this stuff. Remember where he's from.
Shawn: I do love trash.

Cory: No tooshie no brushie.

Cory: I believe in love like I believe in God: you can't touch it, you can't see it, but you can feel its wrath.
Shawn: And its goodness. You can feel love's goodness.
Cory: I wouldn't know

Topanga: [When Cory, Topanga and Shawn are glued in their seats, covered in honey] Honey!
Cory: What?
Topanga: No. Honey!
Cory: What?
Topanga: It's honey, idiot!

Cory: Isn't there an antidote or something?
Madame: That's easy. Wear a garlic necklace and get back in your coffin!
Cory: No, I'm not a vampire. I'm a werewolf.
Madame: Tomatoes, tamah-toes. As long as you're not my son.

Wendy: I'm one of three children, and Cory's one of three children, so I thought we'd keep the tradition alive.
Cory: [to Alan] Three kids - what do you think of that, Gramps?

Morgan: Yeah, come on, guys, let's go. Time is money. See you in four years.
[she starts to leave the room]
Cory: I'll miss you, Morgan.
Morgan: That's not fair!
[she runs into a hug with Cory]

Topanga: Howie, wait!
Cory: [whispering] Please no, please no, please no, please no, please no, please no, please no...
Topanga: [through gritted teeth] Cory, I feel bad.
Cory: [also through gritted teeth] Topanga, this is our prom night.
Topanga: This is his prom night too.
Cory: Yes, but I want everything to go exactly perfectly right.
Topanga: If poor Howie is sitting home crying his eyes out because of me, I will not feel exactly perfectly right.
Cory: [in his normal, but exaggerated voice] So, Howie! So, you wanna be our date? Huh-huh-huh.

Harvey: All right. Thirty-three billion. That's a new record. Go carve my initials into that kid's head.
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: That's some score, Harley. That's the best score I ever seen. Nobody's gonna beat that score for, like, a million years. Ain't that right, Frankie?
Frankie: What are you sayin'? Sometimes at night I like to write poetry?
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: No! I'm just sayin' that, you know.
[Frankie walks away and Joey follows him]
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: Actually, I think that's kinda cool. What are they, sonnets?
Harvey: I gotta get me some better-adjusted guys.

Topanga: Cory, about tonight, um... Can we reschedule? Some of the girls are getting together, and if it's all right...
Cory: Oh, don't speak, don't speak. If you need to get together with the girls of your gender, I... I completely understand.
Topanga: Cory, have you been reading Couples Magazine?
Cory: I took the quiz on the back. 95!
Topanga: Ooh!
[she kisses him before she leaves]
Shawn: 95? Is that your score or your age?

Eric: So I said to myself, 'Kyle,'...
Alan: Kyle?
Eric: That's what I call myself.

Alan: I was thinking I'll go have a talk with Mr. Feeny. I'll explain it to him, get him to let Cory take a make up test.
Amy: Oh, I'm so glad. Because until you do, you're grounded.
Cory: Does that really work? Can she ground you?
Alan: ...In certain ways, yes.

Torie: Did he say I gave him the answers?
George: As a matter of fact, Mr. Mathews claimed...
Torie: I can't believe you, Eric! I just tried to help you, how could you do this to me?
Eric: ...I didn't!
George: I think the question, Ms. Hart, is how could you do this to him?
Torie: I didn't think he could pass the tests.
George: Oh? Why not? You see no potential in him as a student?
Torie: I just don't think he's the student type.
George: I see, are you the teacher type? Or the type that just writes people off?
Torie: [to Eric] It doesn't mean I didn't like you.
George: But you certainly don't respect him.

Cory: I must've shown Eric like ten places. He doesn't like anything. Okay, one place has a white fridge. He wants avocado. Then he insists on something with an ocean view so he can relax his nerves.
Topanga: Well, an ocean view sounds nice.
Cory: We live in Philadelphia!
Topanga: Stop snapping. I'm the girlfriend.
Cory: Say kiss.
Topanga: Kiss
[they do]
Cory: Sorry. It's just I don't understand Eric. He's got this great opportunity to be out of the house and instead he returns home to give *me* the business.
Topanga: You know what you need? You need some college guy to walk down those stairs, announce that he's new in town and that he needs roommates.
Cory: If you love me, you could make that happen.
Jack: Excuse me. New guy in town. Going to Pennbrook. Just got a three bedroom apartment and I'm looking for roommates
Topanga: I heard him talking outside but I do love you though.

Alan: What happened?
Amy: Well, Morgan was waiting in line to sit on Santa's lap, and she was kind of nervous, and there was this elf who looked like a hitman, only meaner.
Alan: What? Did Santa scare her?
Amy: No, no. He was just this nice old man with a jolly red face. You know, looking back, his face really was too red. I mean I just thought he was just overheated. Velvet is a fabric that doesn't breathe.
Alan: Amy, what happened?
Amy: Well, OK, so Morgan climbs up on Santa's lap and he asks her what she wants and she says a Suzie Homemaker oven and then he grabbed his chest, yelled "Rudolph," and fell over.
Alan: [chuckling] Are we talking eight reindeer pulling a pine box?
Amy: No, no. I think he's all right. I mean, the hitman elf gave him CPR while Mrs. Claus called the paramedics.
[Alan begins laughing uncontrollably]
Amy: Alan, it isn't funny! Morgan thinks she killed Santa Claus!
[She starts laughing too]

Eric: Favorite movie.
Jack: On three.
Eric: One, two, three. Godfather! Part II!
Eric: [to Alan after Jack leaves] I don't get him.

Eric: What's wrong with Feeny?
Alan: On the way over, he said I look spiffy. You're making me feel weird, George.
George: You look spiff
Alan: Oh, just keep it up.

Shawn: This is hard for me to say.
Frankie: This is hard for me today.
Shawn: Because I've watched you for so long and I've always dreamed of telling you how I feel about you.
Frankie: Because I've watched you. So long. And I've always dreamed of something

Cory: [to Eric] If you say anything, I'll find someone to hurt you when I'm older.

Chet: How was your day, boy?
Shawn: Just another day.
Chet: Anything out of the ordinary?
Shawn: Just another day.
Chet: I like this talking we're doing. It's good.

Morgan: Cory?
Cory: Alright, Morgan, kick me when I'm down.
Morgan: I thought what you did for Topanga was really sweet. I hope someday a boy does that for me.

George: So, Mr. Matthews...
Cory: You think we've known each other long enough for you to call me Cory?
George: I think we've known each other long enough for me to call you Cornelius.
Cory: Shhh, Mr. Feeny! Not even Topanga knows that!

Cory: Hello.
Topanga: Cory, hi! We have all the same classes again!
Cory: Yeah, I-I had a nice summer too, thanks.

George: Ah, Alan, there you are. I was wondering if you'd care to join me for a little workout down at the health club.
Alan: What for, George?
George: For health?

Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: Hey, hey, hey, Matthews. What the heck you doing here?
Cory: Oh, we're making a documentary. It's about what everybody thinks about love and stuff.
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: Hey, that's cool. What's it about?
Cory: I'll show it to you when it's done.
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: Can I be in it?
Cory: You're in it now.
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: You gonna ask me a question?
Cory: Ok. What do you have to say about men and women and... huh... you know?
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: Ok. Sex is very beautiful. Especially within the confines of a loving, monogamous relationship. Preferably marriage.
Cory: That's really nice.
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: Hey, thanks. Hey, is it all right if I say hi to my kids?

Eric: Good morning, and in case I don't see ya, good evening, good afternoon, and good night!

Cory: Would you be my girlfriend?
[Topanga kisses Cory]
Cory: Yes or no?

Eric: If there's one thing I know, it's people. I've lived among them. It's like a fifth sense.
Jack: You mean sixth sense?
Eric: No, man, that's smell. You gotta be lucky to get that one.

Topanga: You don't understand women. You don't know what we are, you don't know how we feel, and you don't know what we think. You see us as dating objects and the faster we are, the more you want us. And until you can grow up and see beyond that, no matter how many girls you go out with, you will always be lonely.

Gumshoe: Rory?
Cory: Reric?

Jonathan: [to Shawn] I'm one of the handful people that cares about you. You know? I mean, your parents are busy, trying to work out their marriage. So are they.
[referring to Cory and Topanga]
Topanga: Study hall?
Cory: Make out?
Topanga: [playfully firm] Cory!
Cory: [imitates Topanga's tone] Topanga!

Raju: I'm lucky enough to have picked an ace!
Eric: Oooh! An ace, okay. Category is pop culture.
Raju: Uh, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. Launched the movie career of funnyman Jim Carrey.
Eric: Very nice!
George: [Comes in] Do nothing! I said all I wanted you to do, was nothing! Just watch them take the test!
Eric: Oh, no tests. We tore 'em up.
George: You what?
Eric: I understand what you were doing. You were testing me to see if I had initiative. You think I should be a teacher.
George: No, I don't! I just wanted you to pass out the test! And what does Ace Ventura got to do with United States citizenship? Eric, for the love of God.
Eric: Mr. Feeny, if you don't mind I'm in the middle of teaching a class. Minh! Your turn. Come on.
[She takes a card]
Minh: I have a king.
George: Let me guess. King Kong. Don King. Donkey Kong King.
Eric: Okay, those were all good answers, weren't they? Except for the Donkey Kong King whatever. Look, Mr. Feeny, you can't play. You're already a citizen okay? Alright, Minh! You're holding a king. Category is, uh, civil rights.
Minh: I have a dream. That my four little children will live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. Dr. Martin Luther King!

Cory: Shawn, you think if I stayed in the ring I would've had a shot?
Shawn: Yeah, and you also had a shot at dating Yasmine Bleeth.
Cory: Really? Did she say something?
Shawn: You break my heart sometimes, Cor.
Savage: Heard you wanted to see me, Matthews.
Cory: Yeah, I don't really need this anymore. Thanks for the shot.
Savage: You're OK, Matthews.
Shawn: He always was.

Cory: Topanga! Hi, I'm glad you're here. Sit, sit. I want to tell you everything that happened. Okay, I went out with Lauren, and I'm not gonna lie to you. We had a great time.
Topanga: Well, Lauren's a nice girl, Cory. I knew you'd have fun.
Cory: Yeah, but I-I didn't know I was allowed to. See, when I first met Lauren, she was the first girl besides you that I ever thought I could like. And that made me feel bad because I thought if I liked another girl, that it somehow meant that I liked you less.
Topanga: I'm sorry you felt bad.
Cory: No, no, no. I-it was good that I went through this. Because it taught me that liking someone else could never, ever take away from loving you, and I don't have to be afraid of what I feel for anybody else because I know that it could never take away from loving you and I always will, and I know that completely now.
Topanga: You know that now?
Cory: Yeah.
Topanga: Is there anything else you have to tell me?
Cory: [mumbles to himself] Love you completely, know that now...
[to Topanga]
Cory: No, that's it. So, uh, listen can you put me in your jacket 'cause I only want to be in your jacket.
Topanga: Cory, I can't see you anymore.
Cory: What?
Topanga: Do you have any idea how many guys hit on me?
Cory: What are you talking about?
Topanga: I never needed to test my feelings for you. I moved away from my parents in Pittsburgh to be close to you. Ever since we were little kids, I felt like I belonged with you and I would have given you everything, Cory.
Cory: Topanga, I'm-I'm so sorry.
Topanga: I forgive you. I forgive you for lying at the lodge. I forgive you for kissing her. And I forgive you for the letter, which I read. I know how intimately she felt about you. But that you needed to see her, to test how you felt about me.
Cory: No.
Topanga: I don't forgive you for that, Cory.
Cory: [He stands up] No! You told me to see her, Topanga! You told me to see how I felt!
[Topanga stands up and hugs Cory]
Topanga: And you listened.
[She walks away and passes Shawn on the stairs]
Shawn: Topanga, what's wr-
[She ignores him and continues up the stairs. He walks over to Cory, who is in a state of shock]
Shawn: It's gonna be okay.
Cory: No. No, it won't.

Shawn: Something horrible is about to walk through that door right... NOW!
[Door opens to reveal Jack and Eric]
Eric: Hidey-Ho!

Eric: Mr. F... F... F... Feeny
Mr. George Feeny: I love the Feeny call

Eric: Look, making out is not a spectator's sport!

Jonathan: Hi everybody! Welcome to the second or... third or... whatever annual fashion thing.

[Cory has quit the wrestling team and given his jacket back to Savage. Candy begins walking away, following Savage]
Cory: Candy, where you going?
Candy: I go with the jacket. Didn't you know that?
[scoffs]

George: Topanga Lawrence is one of the best people I know.
Cory: I know. So what's happening to her? You've known her as long as I have.
George: She's growing up, Cory. So are you.
Cory: Why does she have to grow now? At a time like this?

Jack: She got sick and said that chicken soup would help her feel better. I told her it probably would. Then I went bowling.
Eric: Guys, I've come to a conclusion: Men are idiots.
Eric,49581: What?
Eric: Wait! There's more! Men are big idiots.
Eric,49581: Hmm... yeah.

Shawn: [to Cory about Topanga's marriage proposal] Marry her.
Cory: What?
Shawn: I think you should marry her.
Cory: Shawn, that's not what you're supposed to say. You're supposed to say that you think we're crazy.
Shawn: Well, you're crazy if you think you haven't been married to her your entire life. You might as well get presents.
Cory: Well, I do need a new toaster.

Shawn: You didn't tell them you were a genius, Feeny did.
Cory: And I didn't tell Feeny I was a genius.
Shawn: The test did! And you didn't ask to take the test.
Cory: They gave it to me!
Shawn: And you wouldn't even have seen the answers.
Cory: If they didn't give us...
Shawn: Detention!
Cory: We're innocent victims.
Shawn: Nothing we do is actually our fault.
Cory: It's good to be kids.

Cory: Listen, I gotta tell somebody. Shawn, I am one of the undead creatures of the night!
Shawn: Cory, you can't fool your best friend. Something's bothering you isn't it?

Alan: Well, I feel about two inches tall.
Chet: Which is two inches taller than I feel.

Scream: What's your favorite scary movie?
Jack: Oooh! Well, I like the one with the hottie-hot-hot from Party of Five.
Jennifer: Neve Campbell?
Eric: Duh.

Alan: What are you doing back from Baltimore so early?
Cory: I didn't go to Baltimore.
Alan: Why not?
Cory: 'Cause I stayed here all day 'cause Grandma dumped me while my best friend was out stealing my dad.
Shawn: Oh, grow up. I wasn't stealing your father.
Alan: Good night, Shawn.
Shawn: Night, Dad.

Topanga: Eric, do you think I'm fat?
Eric: Yeah.
Eric: [points to pizza] You gonna finish that slice?
Topanga: You know, you've packed on a few pounds too, Eric.
Eric: That's alright, you know its college. You've heard of the freshman 15.
Topanga: You're a senior.
Eric: Wait a minute. 4 years times 15 pounds, that's like
[thinks]
Eric: ... That's 500 EXTRA POUNDS?
Topanga: You're not that overweight, Eric.
Eric: Oh come on, I see the way the girls flock to Jack and his 6% body fat and ignore me and my 70% flab. What am I gonna do? I mean I feel so alone.
Topanga: You're not alone.
Eric: Oh that's right, YOU'RE FAT TOO!
[hugs Topanga]
Topanga: Well Eric, maybe we can help eachother.
Eric: Well how? We're pigs.
Topanga: I'll set up the healthy eating plan and we'll give each other moral support. Like, if I want a candy bar I'll come to you.
Eric: And then, we can share it.
Topanga: Nooo, you'll tell me not to eat it.
Eric: And then, I get the whole thing!
Topanga: No, you'll grab it away from me and you'll throw it in the trashcan. Eric, are you with me or not?
Eric: Alright, alright but you can't tell anybody that we're dieting, alright? It's embarrassing.
Topanga: Absolutely I promise, not a word.
Eric: Not a word.
Topanga: [gets up to leave]
Eric: See ya, fatty.

Eric: Hey, I can get a haircut! As many as I want!

Cory: What are we doing?
Topanga: I don't know. I mean, we did break up for a reason, right?
Cory: Yeah. We did.
Topanga: And... that reason was...?
Cory: So we could get back together.
[they kiss]

Cory: Dad!
Amy: Just the kid I wanted to see.
Cory: Mom we have a major problem.
Amy: You have detention with Mr. Feeny!
Cory: How could you possibly know that?
Amy: He stuck his head over the fence and told me while I was bringing in the groceries.
Cory: I wanna move!
Alan: Why did you get detention?
Cory: You know, you're missing the bigger issue Dad. You bought a house next to my teacher. I wanna move. I wanna move now. Get the guy with the gold jacket. I'll be in the car.

Alan: I don't know a lot of big rock stars, but I do know this. I take pride in what I do. Everybody needs groceries. I like to think we do more than sell lettuce and pickles and potato chips and bugspray. We sell, um, dreams.
Alex: What aisle?

Shawn: You know what? I shouldn't have even come. Have a wonderful life, jerk.
Cory: You too, trailer trash!
Eric: Oh! Shawn's poor! Ha ha ha!

Janitor: There's history between us, Georgie. You and me, we're like brothers.
George: No, we're not. Bud, you were caught on tape.
Janitor: But in two months I retire. Full pension.
George: I'm sorry.
Janitor: OK. I didn't want to use this, Feeny. But what about that time I saved your life?
George: Saved my life?
Janitor: You were walking down the hall when I noticed a patch of waxy buildup on the floor. You were maybe two, three steps away. There was no time to clean. I had no choice but to throw myself onto the wax.
George: I thought you were napping.
Janitor: Well, once I was down there.

George: Is there anything more delightful than Philadelphia in February?
Alan: Nine months is too damn long.

Cory: No one's gonna sign your petition.
Topanga: Why not?
Cory: Because you're weird.
[the others look at him]
Cory: However, I say that respectfully, since I am now one of you.

Cory: You know what I can't figure out, Shawn? How do these other kids get their work in on time and get such good grades?
Shawn: Well, I got a theory, Cor. See, it runs in the family. Our ancestors were all slackers and goof-offs and now we're paying the price.
Cory: That's a good theory.

George: And how do the Joads relate to you?
Cory: I guess they don't.
Shawn: Yeah, we're not really out in the world yet. They had nothing to eat, nowhere to live. All they knew was that they deserved a decent wage.

Alan: [after Alan brings home Cory and Shawn after they were arrested by the police for drinking] So, how's it feel to put one over on your parents? You feel good?
Cory: No.
Alan: I cannot believe that my kid stole liquor from my cabinet, like... well, like somebody else's kid!
Amy: Have they been charged with anything? Are they gonna have a record?
Alan: No, the charges were dropped because they are juveniles and there was no prior arrest.
Amy: Cory, this isn't you.
Alan: No, of course it isn't!
Alan: [eyes at Shawn]
Alan: Somebody influenced him, didn't someone?
Amy: Alan.
Cory: No, Dad, okay? You're completely wrong. I did this completely on my own.
Alan: Come on. You're covering up for Shawn, like you always do.
Cory: No. I'm not. In fact, I'm the one who got him to drink.
Shawn: No. No, no, no. Stop protecting me, Cory. Yeah, you know how lousy he's been feeling. Well, he wanted to feel good and I showed him how.
Cory: Shawn, what are you doing?
Alan: I am sick and tired of overlooking the influence you have on my kid.
Amy: Alan, that's enough. Come into the other room. I want to talk to you.
Alan: That's probably a good idea.
[he and Amy leave the kitchen]

Cory: Topanga! Topanga! Uh, maybe you didn't know, but that was me in that tank.
Topanga: I did know, and I'd like you to stop chasing me, alright? Please.
Cory: What are you talking about? Look at everything I've done for you. I flew here, I dressed in harem pants and a fez, which you know I don't pull off. I swam with the fishes, I...
Topanga: Cory! You could hire the blimp, fly over Florida flashing my name in neon and it wouldn't mean a thing to me.
Cory: Oh, God, please don't look up.

Cory: Mr. Fenny, you're putting your garbage back outside again. What about the wolf?
George: Didn't you hear? He was in the zoo the whole time. They found him in the aviary, dining on a cockatoo.
Cory: So he never really escaped at all?
George: Funny how rumors start, isn't it?
[Mr. Feeny picks up a soda can and shakes it]
George: Drat. Well, good night, Mr. Matthews.
[He walks away]
Cory: Wait a minute. No wolf? Well, then, what was...?
[the bushes rustle]
Cory: Oh, it's you again, isn't it? All right, come here, you creature of the night. Come out, you demon beast. Come out!
[a brown rabbit jumps out of the bush]
Cory: A rabbit.
[Cory picks it up]
Cory: A fuzzy, cuddly rabbit. I got all worked up over you?
[the rabbit growls ferociously]
Cory: That's better.
[Cory puts the rabbit down and runs back inside the house]

Eric: [addressing Cory's class] You've all known each other since kindergarten, but next year there's gonna be maybe 9 or 10 other 6th grade classes from different schools making up your 7th grade class and you're not gonna know all those kids. A lot of them are going to think differently than you.
Stuart: What do you mean?
Eric: Well, do you smoke cigarettes?
Stuart: No.
Eric: Lot of kids in your new school will, lot of them will try and pressure you into it, telling you how cool it is to smoke. You want to be cool, don't you?
Stuart: More than you can ever know.
Eric: Maybe you'll smoke.
Stuart: I don't think so.
Eric: Why not?
Stuart: Because according to the New England journal of medicine, smoking reduces lung capacity, leads to emphysema and causes heart attack and lung cancer.
Eric: What if...
[points at Topanga]
Eric: she thought it was cool, then would you smoke then?
Stuart: In a heartbeat.
Eric: WELCOME to the world of peer pressure.
[to Topanga]
Eric: So, he smokes, you think that's cool?
Topanga: I think anyone who smokes is a disgusting pig!
Stuart: I'm trying to quit!
Eric: It's not that easy, Minkus, there's all kinds of pressures. What about alcohol?
Stuart: Could you use someone else as an example, please?
Eric: [to Cory] What about alcohol?
Cory: What about it?
Eric: [to Shawn] What about drugs?
Cory: Hey, calm down, Eric, we're not into that stuff, what we like is baseball and comic books.
Eric: Yeah, that's what you like NOW, but that's going to change, just like you're changing schools, just like you're gonna start feeling a lot of new stuff inside of you you're not really gonna understand.
Cory: How do you know?
Eric: Because you're growing up.
[to Topanga]
Eric: Some of you have already started.

George: Mr. Matthews. I wouldn't take out that garbage, if I were you.
Cory: I had to. It was starting to move.

[Cory and his mother are compromising]
Amy: Thirty minutes.
Cory: Half an hour.
Amy: Deal.

Alan: Where are you guys going, looking so "cool"?
Shawn: Our first gig.
Alan: Your first gig? What, you just started playing two days ago.
Norm: Kids learn fast today, Alan.
Alan: Not mine.
Cory: We gotta go, bye.
Gordy: Break a leg.
Shawn: Yeah, that's our backup plan.

Cory: Hi, Mom. Wow, dinner smells terrific, and that thing you're wearing is really lovely. What is that, a dress?
Amy: Oh, Cory, what a lovely and sincere compliment, and I know that you wouldn't spoil it by asking me for something.
Eric: Eerie how she always knows, huh?
Cory: What, do all women have antennas hidden somewhere on their bodies?
Eric: I don't know. None of them will let me look.

Eric: Hey Core. You smell like chicken.
Cory: Don't change the subject.

Cory: The problem is no matter how many girls I go out with I still end up thinking about Topanga.
Shawn: So why'd you break up with her in the first place?
Cory: I don't know. I made a mistake. I mean I thought we could be friends like you and I are but, you know when I see Topanga I want to hug her, hold her, kiss her. When I see you I have no interest in any of those things.

Jonathan: George, you live next to Matthews?
George: It's not something I brag about.

Topanga: Hey, Cory. Shawn. What are you guys doing?
Cory: Oh, I... We're just standing, and being here, and...
Topanga: And hoping a girl asks you to the dance?
Cory: [hopeful] Could be.
Topanga: Well, I'm not going.
Cory: [despaired] My only hope...

Topanga: [to her parents] So while you guys are here, we want you to come down and see the hall where we want to get married. It is so beautiful, Mom.
Rhiannon: We will, honey.
Amy: We never actually had a hall. We eloped.
Rhiannon: You did?
Alan: Yeah, her folks didn't think I'd amount to anything, but I guess we showed them, huh, honey?
Amy: I guess. Twenty three years of happiness, brand-new baby, these babies getting married. Yeah, we showed 'em.
[she and Alan kiss each other]
Topanga: [to her parents] What about you guys? Did Grandma and Grandpa think you guys would make it?
Rhiannon: Yeah, they thought we would make it.
[getting tearful]
Rhiannon: They thought we would be together forever.
Jedediah: Don't.
Rhiannon: So did I.
Jedediah: Oh, honey.
Topanga: Mom?
Jedediah: I'm sorry.
[starting to cry]
Jedediah: Look, Rhiannon, not now.
Topanga: Mom, why are you crying like this? You're scaring me.
Rhiannon: I thought I could get through this, but I can't. I'm so sorry.
Amy: No, actually, you know what, it's time to feed the baby. Alan, why don't you come help me feed the baby.
Alan: How can I help you feed the...?
Amy: Alan.
Alan: Oh, yes, of course. I'm sure I can help. Excuse us.
[he and Amy leave the room]

Eric: Here you are, Mr. Feeny. A gift.
George: Two box seats to tomorrow night's opera? Is this a bribe?
Eric: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. This isn't a bribe. This is, uh... This is me doing something nice for you, hoping that someday you'll do something nice for me.
[coughs]
Eric: Yale. Yale.
George: Mr. Matthews, I will do something nice for you. Places like Yale embrace young people with culture.
Eric: I like what I'm hearing, Mr. Feeny.
George: Good. Then I'll pick you up at 7:30.
Eric: Feeny say what?
George: Feeny say 7:30.

Cory: [Morgan Matthews hadn't been seen for eight months and eight days at this point when it originally aired] You know, why can't you guys learn from Morgan? She is a great sister. I mean, she stays in her room, you don't hear from her, you don't see her, and best of all, she stays out of my personal life.
Morgan: [Comes down the stairs] So, the rumor upstairs is you got a date.
Cory: Morgan, long time, no see!
Morgan: Yeah, that was the longest timeout I've ever had!

Jonathan: Listen, I hear the censor yanked two of my DJs off the air.
George: Yes, it's a wonder the censor didn't come after their counter-culture, hippy faculty advisor.
Jonathan: Hippy? George, my aunt Ruthie was a hippy.
George: Yes, and my papa was a rolling stone.

Shawn: [Cory comes out dressed as a girl] Okay, bad.
Cory: How bad?
Shawn: Bad bad.
Cory: I knew it. I look...
[sigh]
Cory: I look fat.
Shawn: That is the least of your problems, baby.

Gumshoe: [narrating] Something told me my services were no longer needed.
Trixie: Your services are no longer needed.
Gumshoe: [narrating] Oh, yeah. It was her.

George: It's nice to see father and son together again, playing a spirited game of hoops hmm?
[He notices the look on Amy's face]
George: You're not happy are you?
Amy: For years now I have watched you give advice to everybody but never me. Why is that? Why?
George: You don't ask.
Amy: Eric was supposed to be in college but at the first little bump in the road he comes running back home and Alan is okay with it!
George: But you're not?
Amy: It was hard enough saying goodbye to Eric. I don't want to do it again.
George: Well, perhaps Alan just misses the...
Amy: Oh, that's not it! This is it! He's Eric's father, he's Eric's best friend. The best friend can't bring himself to say goodbye and kick Eric out of the nest. Thank you, George. Oh, well said!
George: I have problems too, you know?