Top 300 Quotes From Rider Strong

Shawn: [to Jack] Okay, look, first of all, Angela's my girlfriend, okay? And I love her. Second of all, you're my brother, so I'm forced to like you.

George: [after ejecting the "Stumpy's Revenge" videotape, destroying it in the process] This is rated "R."
Shawn: Yeah, "R" for wrecked!

Shawn: Maybe what we did wasn't smart, but at least we stood up for our principles.
Alan: And what were your principles?
Shawn: I remember something about macaroni.

Shawn: Hi, Josh. I'm Shawn. Well, this is the second time I've been in a hospital this year, and I don't really like the way the first one turned out, so I want you to listen to me. I've been out of town. See, I was in a real bad way and looking to see what's important in my life. I met a lot of people out of town looking for the same thing. And now you're in a real bad way. And I came back here 'cause I wanna tell you something: Don't go out of town. Don't go anywhere. Life is right here with these people. With your family. And my family. We got the greatest family there is, Josh. I want you to be with us so we can watch you grow and see you change and make great memories together.

Topanga: Would you rather I be like the old strange Topanga?
Cory: [Topanga makes the dance moves] No, it's not like I don't like... the new strange Topanga... I mean, it's important for us to grow, but I just... I don't wanna lose what's so special about you.
Topanga: You never will.
[puts lipgloss all over her face, shaped like a heart]
Topanga: Because, I've made you memories. And they will always be here to remind me.
Shawn: Use a mirror, babe.

Cory: What are you looking for?
Eric: Well, I'm supposed to shoot hoops and I can't find them anywhere.
Cory: Can't find what?
Eric: My tube socks! My lucky tube socks! Have you seen them anywhere?
Cory: Oh, uh, you're gonna find this kind of hard to believe Eric but, uh, last night for no logical reason that you could possibly think of, I did the wash instead of Mom and well... This is so funny.
Eric: Where are my lucky tube socks?
Cory: [Producing a tiny pair of tube socks] Well, I don't think they're so lucky anymore.
Will: ["Eric" breaks character now revealing that he is, in fact, Will Friedle] That's not the line!
Ben: What?
Will: The line was, "Honey, I shrunk the tube socks".
Ben: Oh, uh, I know. I'm sorry, Will. I was trying something new.
Will: Ohhhh! You were just trying something new? Here why don't you try this?
[he begins throwing laundry at Ben Savage]
Will: Is this new?
[He continues throwing things, breaking dishes and screaming]
Will: Is this new to you? New! YAAAAH! I quit! I'm outta here!
[He storms off the set. Shawn enters]
Shawn: Cory, Eric. Guess what? I blew up another mailbox.
[He looks around at the trashed set and breaks character]
Rider: What? Did Will flip out again?
Ben: Yeah, yeah he did. What are we gonna do? I mean, he's gonna be hard to replace.
Rider: Yeah, you're right.
[They look around]
Rider: Hey banana boy! Wanna be a star?
Ben: Huh?

Cory: I've got a radio voice.
Shawn: And I've got a radio face.

Shawn: Look, Cory, Valentine's Day is not really a big deal for me, so I'd rather not talk about it, okay?
Cory: Because you miss Angela?
Shawn: Because I'm at a pay phone and there are cowboys around.

Topanga: [realizes Shawn is looking at her behind] What are you staring at?
Shawn: Uhmm... nothing. New blouse?
Topanga: Yeah, I got it over the summer.
Shawn: [checking out Topanga] Summer was... very good to you.
Topanga: Yeah, well at least what I grew is real.
[rips off Shawn's fake sideburns]

Mr. George Feeny: You can't tell Cory and Topanga what to do. I've been trying to do that since the first grade. I remember when I tried to separate their desks. She kicked me. He bit me. And some little punk kept saying "Leave 'em alone. They should get married."
Shawn: I was cute then, huh?
Mr. George Feeny: Precious.

Cory: Where're you spending your next recess? Playground, shooting hoops, playing ball?
Shawn: So?
Cory: So let me tell you want I'm doing, I'm searching for Bobby Fischer!
Shawn: What're you talking about?
Cory: Geniuses go to a special school, did you know that? You've killed me. I'm going to be in a class full of Minkuses. Wait, what am I talking about? These kids make Minkus look like Fabio.

Shawn: [Cory comes out dressed as a girl] Okay, bad.
Cory: How bad?
Shawn: Bad bad.
Cory: I knew it. I look...
[sigh]
Cory: I look fat.
Shawn: That is the least of your problems, baby.

Topanga: [interviewing] How do you know if you're in love?
Shawn: Well, love is the most amazing, rare and precious thing in the whole world.
Topanga: Have you ever fallen in love?
Shawn: Five times a day.

Stuart: Cory Matthews wakes up one morning. He kisses his lovely wife. He leaves his nice suburban home and then he gets hit by a bus.
Shawn: I'll miss you buddy!
Cory: No, I don't get hit by a bus.
Stuart: Why not?
Cory: Because I use the crosswalks, memorize the bus schedule and, if I got a wife like Topanga, I ain't leaving the house!
Stuart: Bus hits you anyway. Now, what's that called?
Angela: It's fate. Doesn't matter if you stay in or go out, your life is pre-destined and there's nothing you can do about it.
Cory: So you mean that bus is going to drive right through my house to get to me?
Angela: Yes, it is.
Shawn: I'll miss you buddy!

Cory: Mr. Feeny, about this final schedule, there's gotta be a mistake or a joke.
Shawn: And let's face it, you're not really funny.

Shawnzie: If I was the type of guy that said thank you, I would.
Cory: You're welcome.
Shawnzie: But I'm not that type of guy.

Topanga: Cory, this is bad. There isn't anyone who can make it better.
Shawn: [Shawn walks through the elevator doors of the hospital] Cory!
Cory: Shawnie!
[they hug each other]
Shawn: Look, everything's going to be all right.
Cory: You think?
Shawn: I know.

Shawn: I'm no rocket scientologist.

Shawn: [Cory and Shawn are discussing Cory and Topanga's recent breakup] Cory, Topanga went out with another guy last night. I'm really sorry, man.
Cory: So we're the only two people in the world who still have hope for Topanga and me, and you're throwing in the towel?
Shawn: [nods] Sorry, Cory.
Cory: All right.
[turns away]
Shawn: You okay?
Cory: Yeah, sure. It's a strange feeling, though.
Shawn: What, knowing that it's finally over between you and Topanga?
Cory: [turns back to face Shawn] No, being the only one who knows it's not.

Topanga: I don't sweat, I glisten.
Shawn: [hands her a towel] Well, you're glistening like a pig.

Shawn: I don't know why Topanga has a problem with this. I mean, nobody else does.
Jonathan: Hunter, I've got a problem with your pig.

George: Class, as we continue our study of feudalism, I would like to focus today on the life of the serf.
[Shawn raises his hand]
George: Mr. Hunter?
Shawn: I don't wanna.
George: You don't want to what?
Shawn: Boring. It's boring! That's why the whole feudalism thing didn't work out. They got bored out of their freaking minds!
[Cory gets up to stop him]
Shawn: What?
Cory: It's too far.
Shawn: No, you know, just once, I would like to learn something somewhat relevant to our lives.
Angela: Shawn, shut up. I say this with love.
Topanga: [to Shawn] What's the matter with you?
Shawn: Nothing. Now, why don't you stop being so crazy and sit on Cory's lap?
George: Mr. Hunter, we will discuss your outburst at the end of the class.
Shawn: Cool. So let the boredom begin.
[imitates the "Charge" fanfare]
George: Mr. Hunter, please leave.
Shawn: Okay. But only because you asked me so nicely.
[leaves the classroom]

Topanga: *As Cory and Shawn stare lack-jawed at her* Well, isn't somebody gonna say something?
Shawn: *To himself, trying to convince* She's my best friend's girl... She's my best friend's girl... *Giving in* *To Topanga* Oh, the heck with that, marry me! I live in a trailer park and I have no education, but my hair does this... *Waves his hands through his hair*
Shawn: Shawn!
Shawn: *Not caring, still gawking at Topanga* Shut up, man, I'm going for it! *Cory sprays Shawn with a nearby spray bottle* Thanks, thanks. I'm back.
Cory: Good. Alright, Topanga. *Puts down the bottle* *Shawn mimes the "call me" gesture to Topanga behind Cory's back* I want... *Looks suspiciously at Shawn, who stops* the name of the guy who did this to you.
Topanga: You don't like it?
Cory: No, no, it's not that I don't like it, it's just that I'm in love with this girl who was never interested in what she looked like before. *Shawn begins staring at Topanga's feet* And now I see makeup on your face and polish on you nails and toes and... *To Shawn* Stop looking at her toes.
Shawn: *Entranced* But they sparkle!
Cory: *To Topanga* I want the name of the guy who did this to you!
Topanga: My stylist's name is Mr. Cellini. Cory, it's just a haircut, it's just some makeup. It's not gonna change me. *Checks watch* Gotta go. *Begins walking away*
Cory: Well, where are you going?
Topanga: This outfit with this hair? Hello? Buh-bye, I am *so* at the mall.

Frankie: So who dies first?
Cory: Whoa, whoa, Frankie. You know, what I'm getting here, pal, is that friendship is very important to you. So how about this? You let us live, you got two new friends.
Shawn: Who?
Cory: Us. Think about it. We could, you know, hang out, go to movies, ball games, whatever.
Frankie: Poetry readings?
Cory: Poetry readings, we're there.
Shawn: I hate poetry.
Cory: Shawn, if our friend who's gonna let us live likes poetry, then we like poetry.
Shawn: Oh, poetry! I thought you said... "liver."

Jonathan: [Jonathan's doorbell is ringing. He moves toward the door] I'm coming, I'm coming!
Cory: [Through the door] Mr. Turner, we're here.
Jonathan: Oh, great.
[He opens the door. Cory and Shawn are there with their book reports]
Cory: 4:58. We made it.
Shawn: Sprinted six blocks, ran up four flights of stairs.
Cory: But we made it.
Jonathan: I admire your dedication. Especially since the deadline is 5:00 *tomorrow*.
Shawn: OK, we'll wait, then.
Jonathan: Give me.
[He takes their papers and reads from one of them]
Jonathan: "Of Mice And Men- a poignant tale of two unlikely friends, set against the backdrop of the Great Depression. Exceptional cast, powerfully acted."
Shawn: Two thumbs up.

Cory: You know, I thought you said you were staying home this summer?
Shawn: Well, I am. I mean, that's the beauty of a mobile home - wherever you go, you're home.

Topanga: [as Cory and Shawn stare lack-jawed at her] Well, isn't somebody gonna say something?
Shawn: [to himself, trying to convince] She's my best friend's girl... She's my best friend's girl...
[Giving in]
Shawn: [to Topanga] Oh, the heck with that, marry me! I live in a trailer park and I have no education, but my hair does this...
[Waves his hands through his hair]
Shawn: Shawn!
Shawn: [Not caring, still gawking at Topanga] Shut up, man, I'm going for it!
[Cory sprays Shawn with a nearby spray bottle]
Shawn: Thanks, thanks. I'm back.
Cory: Good. Alright, Topanga.
[Puts down the bottle]
Cory: [Shawn mimes the "call me" gesture to Topanga behind Cory's back] I want...
[Looks suspiciously at Shawn, who stops]
Cory: the name of the guy who did this to you.
Topanga: You don't like it?
Cory: No, no, it's not that I don't like it, it's just that I'm in love with this girl who was never interested in what she looked like before.
[Shawn begins staring at Topanga's feet]
Cory: And now I see makeup on your face and polish on you nails and toes and...
[to Shawn]
Cory: Stop looking at her toes.
Shawn: [Entranced] But they sparkle!
Cory: [to Topanga] I want the name of the guy who did this to you!
Topanga: My stylist's name is Mr. Cellini. Cory, it's just a haircut, it's just some makeup. It's not gonna change me.
[Checks watch]
Topanga: Gotta go.
[Begins walking away]
Cory: Well, where are you going?
Topanga: This outfit with this hair? Hello? Buh-bye, I am *so* at the mall.

Schneider: Look, Rory. All you have to do is get the keys to your father's car and his credit card.
Ben: I don't know Shane. I got a real bad feeling about this one, you know. I've never done anything like this bef-Oh man! We're doing this story again? How many times have we done this, Matt? A hundred thousand?
Schneider: He's yelling again. Stop the yelling.
Ben: You know, how can I learn so much every week and still be so stupid?
Schneider: Oh! Make him stop! Make him stop!

Cory: Shawn and I have another project we're working on.
Topanga: Really? What is it?
Shawn: Well, you know how those dolphins get caught in the tuna nets?
Topanga: Yeah?
Shawn: It's got nothin' to do with that.

Topanga: [after Cory and Shawn go too far with the prank war by posting a giant, personal picture of Rachel in the student union] Rachel, I am so sorry. I had nothing to do with this.
[to Cory and Shawn]
Topanga: Why did I have nothing to do with this?
Cory: Uh-oh.
Topanga: I am on your team, remember?
Cory: Uh-oh.
Topanga: We make decisions together! Remember?
Cory: It was Shawn's idea. Uh-oh!
Topanga: But of course. Whenever there's trouble, Shawn can't be too far behind. It was a nice toast at the wedding, Shawn. "It's Cory and Topanga now. Cory and Topanga are best friends, not Cory and Shawn." I thought we were a team.
Shawn: Hey, look, we're all in this together.
Topanga: Yeah, for once, I thought we were! For once, I thought it could be the three of us! That's why I wanted to be on your guys' team. To be part of the legendary team, but I guess I'm not.

Shawn: I Cory'd this up, didn't I?

Cory: [about Topanga] She goes away for the summer and comes back a woman.
Shawn: Yeah. Kinda like Coach Franklin.

Cory: Who are you, and what are you doing in my seat?
Shawn: His name is Andy.
Cory: Who's Andy?
Shawn: He's my new...
Cory: [anxiously] Best friend?
Shawn: [reluctantly] Friend. Cory, we agreed that were gonna go out and meet new people.
Cory: [on the verge of crying] Am I not making you happy?
Shawn: [heartfelt] No, Cory, it's... it's not you. Okay? It's me. And right now, I just need my space.
Cory: [panicking] But we're still friends?
Shawn: [gravely] Right now, I don't know what we are. Give me my space.

Shawn: Mr. Feeny, you've got no right trespassing on your own property!

Cory: That girl. She wrote seven numbers on my hand. What could that possibly mean?
Shawn: It means call her.
Cory: Shawn, how can I call her when I don't even ever...
[realizing]
Cory: Oo-oh!

Shawn: Eric, butt out!
Eric: I can't butt out. I'm the peacemaker. That's why I was on both sides. Remember? Shh.
Shawn: You weren't on anybody's side.
Eric: What are you talking about? Everybody wanted me!
Jack: No, nobody wanted you!
Eric: What?
Jack: Nobody wanted you on their team!
[Eric sadly walks away and leaves the room]
Shawn: [to Jack] What did you do that for?
Jack: Don't tell me what to do, moron!
[Shawn picks up his food and leaves the room too, leaving Jack sitting at the kitchen table alone]

Ellis: Chill.
Stuart: I don't understand what that means.
Shawn: It means that 1 out of every 4 people is a nerd. So, when you look around this room and you don't see one, you're it.
Cory: But, we can help you change.
Stuart: Maybe I like how I am.
Ellis: You like everyone always makin' fun of you?
Stuart: No.
Cory: You like always being the last one picked for teams?
Stuart: No.
Shawn: You like everyone pulling your underwear up your butt all the time?
Stuart: [he thinks it over] It's not so bad.

Cory: If there's no bowling league why is my mom going out with this big, heavy-
[Cory picks up Amy's bowling bag and stops when it registers that it lacks a bowling ball]
Cory: Eric, something's wrong. This doesn't weigh anything.
Eric: Maybe Mom forgot her ball.
[They open the bag and pull out two red heels]
Shawn: And if those are bowling shoes there should be a number on the back just above the spike heel.
Cory: Eric, what does this mean?
Eric: [Eric pulls out a slinky, short, black dress] It means Mom's going to be flashing some leg when she picks up that 7-10 split.
Cory: [Cory takes out a matchbook and reads it] "La Buggy-a."
Eric: La Bugia? That's that fancy dinner place seniors always take their prom dates.
Cory: Why would Mom be going there?
Eric: Maybe Mom's dating a senior. I mean, everybody else is.

Angela: But that would mean...
Eric: Dun, Dun, Dun.
Cory: The killer is one of us.
Shawn: Like in 'The Killer is One of Us.'
Eric: Dun, Dun, Dun.
Topanga: Enough already!
Shawn: Why? Do we upset you?
Topanga: Yes.
Cory: Upset you enough... to kill?
Eric: Dun, dun, dun. I'm done.

Shawn: I attended John Adams High School sporadically during the last four years. I barely have a C average, that's why I'm here. Mr. Feeny asked us to write about what we were feeling this week and, of course, I was feeling like I always do, I couldn't wait to get out of here. But now, high school is over. And just when I'm finally free, I find myself sneaking back into this place and sitting in the hall, thinking about my friends and all the time we spent here. And you, Mr. Feeny. I started thinking about you. And how you've always told us what to do without ever telling us what to do. You taught us about life. I was thinking about how much this place has been my home. And how many times I screwed up when I was here. How I could've done better. I could've done better. That's, um... That's what I wrote. That's how I feel. I'm sorry. I could've done better. Congratulations to those who did.

Bobby: What happened?
Vance: I didn't give you enough sedative, that's what happened.
Bobby: What are you doing to me?
Vance: It's what I'm doing *for* you. See, you're not going to have to worry about running the company anymore.
Terry: [watching, hidden in an air vent] Magnet.
Vance: That's because I'm going to be in charge again.
Bobby: In that suit?
Vance: No, Bobby. In you.
Bobby: But where will I be?
Vance: Wherever deleted programs go.

Cory: [to Shawn] So, should this stuff be burning?
Shawn: Why, is it burning?
Cory: No, I'm just trying to make conversation because we never really get to talk.
Shawn: How bad's it burning?
Cory: Call your sister. Ask her if my ears should feel like throbbing jalapenos.
Shawn: [on the phone] Hi, Stacey. It's me. Listen, Cory wants to know if that stuff you sent over should be burning. Uh-huh. Really?
Cory: Hurting! Hurting now!
Shawn: Stacey wants to know how long it's been burning?
Cory: Forty, forty-five minutes.
Shawn: Forty-five minutes.
Cory: Shawn, I'm going to rip my head off!
Shawn: Stacey says you should've washed it out 45 minutes ago.
Cory: Aah!
[runs into the bathroom]
Shawn: Stacey says you shouldn't have left it in so long. Stacey says, "Why didn't you two idiots read the label?" Oh, thanks, Stace.
[Cory runs out of the bathroom screaming]

Jonathan: Look, the only way you guys get back on the air is if I talk to Feeny.
Cory: Yeah, like you can talk to Feeny. He doesn't think straight, Mr. Turner. He doesn't even believe in the Constitution.
Shawn: Yeah. He totally ignores the first commandment.

Shawn: Oh don't try to butter me up, Yoko.

Cory: Shawn, you cannot leave me here with this tape.
Shawn: Heh, see how little you know me?
[leaves the house]

Jack: How's he doing?
Shawn: He looks so helpless.
Jack: Yeah, well, his nurse didn't seem to think he was so helpless. I offered her a job taking care of him when he gets home. I think you can still hear laughing.
Shawn: He doesn't need a nurse. I can take care of him.
Jack: Look, uh, he needs professional care, Shawn, you know? I just, you know, arranged for it to happen. It's okay.
Shawn: Wow. You've got this whole situation figured out, don't you?
Jack: I'm just trying to take care of things, man.
Shawn: Yeah, yeah. Well, I guess it's easy to be efficient when you're not feeling what I am.
Jack: Don't tell me how I'm feeling, okay? I'm his son, too.
Shawn: Are you? When you were a little kid, did you sit next to him while he watched TV all night long, hoping that he'd say something to you? Did you ever once clean up after him when he came home drunk? And when he didn't come home at all, did you lay in bed thinking it was something you did that drove him away? And when he was gone, did you walk around and make believe that everything was okay, when inside it was tearing you apart? Did you?
Jack: No. No, I didn't get to do any of those things. You see, I knew I had a father, and he was gone from me my whole life.
Shawn: But you turned out okay, Jack. Look at you. You know who you are. You deal with things. Me, I'm just another version of him.
Chet: Shawn.
Shawn: Oh, God, Dad, you're up.
Chet: I'm sorry I didn't do right by you, Son. I'm a lousy father.
Shawn: You heard what I said?
Chet: Yeah. You been saying it your whole life. I just never listened. I'm listening now.
Shawn: [crying] I've really screwed up, Dad. It's like I'm watching myself do these things that I hate, and I can't stop them. Why couldn't you just stick around? Wasn't I good enough for you?
Chet: [also crying] No, Shawn. I wasn't good enough for you.
Shawn: I need you, Dad.
Chet: I need you, too, Son. And this time, boys, I'm staying. I'm not going anywhere. Not this time.
Shawn: You mean it? 'Cause I feel like I feel like you're the only one who can help me.
Chet: We're a family. It's about damn time we started acting like one.

Cory: [to Rachel] There's a car in your room, lady!

George: I'm sure you're all familiar with the conflict in Burundi, which is now spilling over to Rwanda and Uganda.
Cory: He's making these names up.
Shawn: He's running out of stuff to teach.

Jack: Look, Shawn. I think we need to talk, okay?
Shawn: You turned your back on your father! And on me! There we talked.

Eric: All right, listen. The chances that Cory could find a woman like Topanga are, like, one in a million.
Shawn: There's nobody better.
Shawn: Well, it's true.
Amy: Oh, we all love Topanga. That's not the issue.
Eric: Yes, but, see, in a few years, she's going to dry up. She's going to get all wrinkly. Might as well just grab her while she's still smooth. Am I right there, Dad?
Alan: You're an imbecile.

Cory: You know what I can't figure out, Shawn? How do these other kids get their work in on time and get such good grades?
Shawn: Well, I got a theory, Cor. See, it runs in the family. Our ancestors were all slackers and goof-offs and now we're paying the price.
Cory: That's a good theory.

Alan: What are you doing back from Baltimore so early?
Cory: I didn't go to Baltimore.
Alan: Why not?
Cory: 'Cause I stayed here all day 'cause Grandma dumped me while my best friend was out stealing my dad.
Shawn: Oh, grow up. I wasn't stealing your father.
Alan: Good night, Shawn.
Shawn: Night, Dad.

Shawn: You didn't tell them you were a genius, Feeny did.
Cory: And I didn't tell Feeny I was a genius.
Shawn: The test did! And you didn't ask to take the test.
Cory: They gave it to me!
Shawn: And you wouldn't even have seen the answers.
Cory: If they didn't give us...
Shawn: Detention!
Cory: We're innocent victims.
Shawn: Nothing we do is actually our fault.
Cory: It's good to be kids.

George: Shawnzie Hunterelli, I warned you that your next shenanigan would be your last.
Cory: Uh, it wasn't him. It was me.
George: Ah, a new student trying to make a name for himself eh? And that name is?
Shawnzie: He doesn't know you. Be smart. Make one up.
Cory: My name is, uh, Brad Pitt, sir.
George: Well, Mr. Pittsir. If you want to keep your nose clean around here, I suggest you that steer clear of bad apples like this Johnny Rottenseed.

Chet: I'm always here for you, boys.
Jack: Man, he'd be so proud of you. Going on this adventure in New York City. Nothing but the clothes on your back.
Shawn: Yeah, well you know it's like Dad always said,
[imitates Chet]
Shawn: Money don't make you rich. Life makes you rich!
Chet: I don't talk nothing like that!
Jack: You know, you never even had a nickel in your pocket and that wasn't important to you. I admire that, man. I admire you. I admire you more than I do me.
Shawn: Uh-oh.
Chet: Uh-oh what?
Jack: Rachel.
Rachel: Yeah?
Jack: Save me a seat on that boat next to you. Wow, I can't believe I just did that.
Chet: What'd you do? What'd he do?
Rachel: You're giving up your stepfather's money.
Chet: What? What money? What the Sam Hell is she talking about boy?
Jack: Yeah, money doesn't make you rich. Life makes you rich. Our father taught us that.
Chet: Did not! That's stupid! Money makes you rich. You ask anybody! What makes you rich? Money! I got two stupid boys. You all embarrass me in front of my dead friends!

Angela: Shawn, it's okay. Look, we can talk about anything. If there's a problem, we can figure out what to do.
Shawn: Nobody's listening to me. Okay. I drink this stuff because I like it. It makes me feel good. Hello! Hello! Is this thing on? I have no problem.
Angela: Okay. Maybe we don't have to talk about this in front of everybody. Let's just go out into the hall...
Shawn: Don't!
[pushes Angela against the door]
Angela: I don't like that you drink. Call me when you don't.
[leaves Shawn and Jack's apartment and Topanga follows after her]
Shawn: How did that just happen?

Shawn: He says one thing, and does another. He's a hypochondriac.

Cory: [imitating Topanga] I'm your wife, nimrod! Do you know what it's like to have that voice inside your head all day long?
[referring to Shawn]
Cory: It's no wonder I turn to him.
Eric: Come on, guys. Rachel's leaving here. Just write down how we feel about each other.
Topanga: Oh, fine. Look at him side with Shawn, his lover!
Cory: Oh, very tasteful, honey. Did you hear that, Shawn?
Topanga: Shawn, his lover!
Shawn: Shut up, Yoko!

Topanga: Look, Shawn, I'm not trying to be mean. I just don't think it's fair for him to be living in your apartment. He's a farm animal.
Shawn: Yeah, well, according to my new book, "Farm Animals Make Great Pets"... Farm animals make great pets.

Shawn: Why did we have to leave the old school? I was so cool in the old school. They had no right to pass me. I am an idiot.

Cory: So you think I'm a geek?
Shawn: Of course not.
Cory: So you think I'm cool?
Shawn: Of course not.
Cory: Then what am I?
Shawn: You're Cory, I'm Shawn, just like it's always been. What else do you need to know?

Topanga: [to Shawn about Cory] Will you please talk to him? I can't get through to him right now. You're his best friend. He'll listen to you.
Shawn: Okay, let me handle this. Man, are we going to have fun with this kid.
Cory: The kid's going to be our slave.
Shawn: Oh, I'm going to teach him everything I know.
Cory: Then I'll bail him out of jail.

Mr. George Feeny: The point is, your advice came from a good place, but Cory and Topanga aren't in the first grade anymore. They made their own decision and I think they'll be fine because they've been well brought up.
Alan: And well taught.
Shawn: Well, I've done the best I can.

Shawn: Wow! and to think, you were my only rich friend.
Cory: Comfortable, never rich.
Shawn: Indoor plumbing? Rich.
Cory: Well, whatever we were, Shawn, we're not anymore.
Shawn: You had it easy, all right. You, with your breakfasts in the morning, your lunches in the afternoon, your dinners at night. Eaters! You're eaters!
Cory: Shawn, they put the food in front of me.
Shawn: That's okay, Cor. You're my friend, and I'm going to teach you how to be poor.
Cory: Would you?
Shawn: Well, it's not going to be easy. You come from a world of many pants.
Cory: They put the pants in front of me.

Topanga: I wasn't sure this day would ever come, but you were. I wasn't sure love could survive everything we put it through, but you were. You were always strong and always sure. And now I know I want you to stand beside me for the rest of my life. That's what I'm sure of.
Cory: I have to talk to her now, ok.
[to Shawn]
Shawn: Go ahead.
Cory: Ever since I was young I never understood anything about the world, and I never understood anything that happened in my life. The only thing that ever made sense to me was you, and how I felt about you. That's all I've ever known and that's enough, that's enough for me, for the rest of my life. Topanga, we gonna get married?
Topanga: Yea, we are.
Cory: Good, cause, umm I have these rings... I love you Topanga.
Topanga: I love you too, Cory.

Cory: It's up to us to hold this thing together.
Shawn: Lose the purse, and I'll take you seriously.
Cory: But it goes with my shoes!

Ethan: My allegiance is to God - to Allah.

Cory: Shawn, needless to say, I'm a little upset.
Shawn: You're always upset.
Cory: Well, more than usual.

George: [to Shawn] An apple? Are you kidding me?
Shawn: What I did in class yesterday was so out of line. If you won't accept my apology, then I want you to have this $12.
George: The only thing of value for me, Mr. Hunter would be to know that you're all right. Are you all right?
Shawn: Yeah. Yeah, I'm all right. My brother and I decided to talk to this guy who's gonna help us understand how to deal with this.
George: Good for you, Shawn. That's the right thing to do.

Cory: Shawn, I've been waiting for this my whole life. Eric has gone to college and the room is mine. All mine.
Shawn: What's with all the candles?
Cory: Oh, those are for Topanga. They set the mood.
Shawn: Hmm. Kinda looks like a church in here.
Cory: You're ruining the mood. Finally, you know? I'm no longer a guest in this room. It's mine. Do you see that picture? Mine. You see that wallpaper? Mine!
Delivery: [comes in carrying a mattress] Whose queen size bed is this?
Cory: Mine!
Delivery: First room to yourself, huh?
Cory: Maybe.
Delivery: This comes with the industry standard twenty year warranty. And remember. No means no.

Shawn: [plays foosball] Nice block.
Gary: You liked that? Let me show you how I did it.
[moves to stand behind Shawn, running his hands along Shawn's arm down to his hands]
Gary: Now what you need to have...
[places his hands on Shawn's waist]
Gary: ... is a real light touch.
Shawn: Hey, hey!
[moves to face Gary]
Shawn: What is wrong with you?
Gary: I'm just showing you how to play the game!
Shawn: I know how to play the game.
Gary: Yeah, I can tell by the way you're dressed.
Shawn: I just wanted to look nice.
Gary: [puts his hands on Shawn/Veronica's shoulders] Well, you do.
Shawn: I said, don't touch me.
Gary: Okay, don't like to be touched.
Shawn: Did it ever occur to you that I might be a nice girl?
Gary: No, what I thought was that you'd be into guys! Well I guess you're not, I guess you prefer girls.
Shawn: As a matter of fact, I do.
Gary: ...what?
Shawn: I said, as a matter of fact...
[punches Gary in the face, making him fall to the ground]
Shawn: ... I do!
Gary: What was that for?
Shawn: For every girl I've ever known!
Cory: [to Gary] Uh, please pay at the register, honey. And tipping is not a city in China!
[drops check on Gary, then turns to Shawn, offering his arm]
Cory: Come on honey, we're out of here.

Jedediah: I'm a luthier.
Shawn: And I'm a presbyterian, but to each his own I say.
Jedediah: A luthier is someone who make musical instruments.
Shawn: No offense, sir, but that's gotta be the nuttiest religion I ever heard.
[Jedediah looks at Mr. Turner]
Jonathan: Heh. Don't worry it's not you.

Rachel: They went through my underwear drawer!
Cory: Oh Rachel, that's just ludicrous now!
Topanga: Did you?
Cory: [pointing at Shawn] He made me!
Shawn: My name is Shawn and I have a problem.

Cory: Apparently it's not a good time to be a grandmother. Her grandmother is coughing up phlegm. Her grandmother is hacking blood. And her...
Shawn: Whoa. I happen to know she *has* no grandmother.
Cory: Yes and somehow she blames me for her death.

Cory: Okay, so after the prom, romance in the air, you and Angela, you're gonna look in each other's eyes, and...
Shawn: Me and Angela? I don't know. Maybe. What do you think, we sat down and discussed it? How dorky do you think we are? What about you and Topanga?
Cory: We sat down and discussed it.

[repeated line]
Shawn: Trap.

Shawn: [in the school lunchroom] That was the worst macaroni and cheese I've ever tasted. You gonna finish yours?

Shawn: You know what I think Jen? I think you're conceited! Yeah, that's right conceited and stuck up and something about your nose.
Jennifer: What about my nose?
Shawn: Um.
Jennifer: Who said something about my nose?
Shawn: Um.
Cory: [Shawn looks at Cory with a "help me" look] Um.
Jennifer: So it was your best friend Cory who made you say these bad, bad things hmm?
Shawn: Like I'd ever tell you.
[she kisses him]
Shawn: Cory Matthews. Son of Amy and Alan. Grandson of Nana and Sam.
Cory: How could you sell out my Nana?

Cory: You have to be leaving because of us.
George: Well, I am... But not because of what you've done to me--because of what you've done for me.
Shawn: We haven't done anything for you.
George: You three have given me more gratification in the past four years than I ever dreamed possible. You must know that.
Cory: But you always complained about how difficult we are.
George: Well, you are... But sometimes the things you complain most about are the things that you care most about. Unfortunately, we don't always know that until it's too late.

Shawn: Word is there's a very hot French girl here who comes from somewhere in Europe.
Cory: Possibly France?
Shawn: Yeah, France! The gateway to St. Louis!

Cory: Shawn, look who they got to play at the dance.
Shawn: The Exits. They're great.
Cory: They're us.
Shawn: Ooh. They're not so good.

[John Turner is in a coma]
Shawn: John, how could you be in here? How could you screw up on your bike? I have never seen you screw up on anything. I'm the screw-up, remember? C'mon you remember... Don't do this to me, John. I don't do alone real good... I know you're in there but it's like you're not really here. You're not talking but I know you're here. So I'm just gonna talk, you can listen.
[pause]
Shawn: John, even when I was at the Centre, it was all the things you taught me that made me wonder if it was the right place for me or not. But you didn't teach me enough. You, and Cory, and my parents, and the Matthews and the handful of people who really care about me, so don't blow me off, John.
[Looks up]
Shawn: Don't blow me off, God. I never asked you for anything before and I never wanted to come to you like this, but don't take Turner away from me; he's not done yelling at me yet. God, you're not talking but I know you're here, so I'm gonna talk, and you can listen.
[pause]
Shawn: God, I don't wanna be empty inside any more.

Topanga: I wasn't sure this day would ever come, but you were. I wasn't sure love could survive everything we put it through, but you were. You were always strong and always sure. And now I know I want you to stand beside me for the rest of my life. That's what I'm sure of.
Cory: I have to talk to her now, OK.
[to Shawn]
Shawn: Go ahead.
Cory: Ever since I was young I never understood anything about the world, and I never understood anything that happened in my life. The only thing that ever made sense to me was you, and how I felt about you. That's all I've ever known and that's enough, that's enough for me, for the rest of my life. Topanga, we gonna get married?
Topanga: Yea, we are.
Cory: Good, cause, umm I have these rings... I love you, Topanga.
Topanga: I love you too, Cory.

Cory: [loading stuff into a blender in the kitchen] Ya got yer milk.
Shawn: You got yer peanut butter.
Cory: How 'bout a banana?
Shawn: What about a raw egg?
Cory: Ewww, why does it have to be raw? Why can't we scramble it and put it in?
Shawn: Stallone drinks raw eggs.
Cory: Stallone is like five-foot-two.
Shawn: And you're like two-foot-five.
Cory: Go with the egg, baby.
[Shawn cracks the egg into the blender, then tosses the shell in the air]
Cory: Hey, we're not gonna make a mess. Just because we're kids with a blender doesn't mean we have to make a mess
Shawn: [Cory puts the lid on the blender, then Shawn takes it off again] Boy, are you Mommy-whipped.
Shawn: [he turns on the topless blender, with predictable results]
Cory: Aaaaahhh!
Shawn: Now, that I could never do at my house.

Eric: [about cleaning out the garage] You know, Cory, this would have been fun to do together.
Cory: Oh, Eric, come on. It's not a big deal. Besides, I didn't want you to waste a Saturday.
Eric: Oh, but you didn't mind asking Shawn to waste a Saturday?
Cory: No, Shawn... Shawn loves this stuff. Remember where he's from.
Shawn: I do love trash.

Shawn: A twelve? How do you get a twelve?
Mr. George Feeny: I don't know. You ever open a book?
Shawn: What?
Mr. George Feeny: A book! Do you ever open a book?
Shawn: What?
Cory: Don't ask me, I got a sixteen.
Mr. George Feeny: Gentlemen, do you ever go home and open a book?
Shawn: What?
Mr. George Feeny: I want you to go home this afternoon and open a book! I don't care what you had otherwise planned, I order you, nay, I command you. Go home and open a book.
Jonathan: George.
Mr. George Feeny: What?
Jonathan: Watch this. Hi boys. Nice boys. Nice boys. Now listen did you hear anything Mr. Feeney just said?
Shawn: No.
Cory: [Whispering to Jonathan] He's real mad.
Jonathan: Do you have any idea why?
Shawn: No. He just started yelling like a crazy man.

Cory: After the other night, Shawn, I feel like I can never drink again.
Topanga: You were drinking?
Shawn: Yeah. What do you figure that was about? I wonder!
Cory: You know what, Shawn? Shut up. Okay? We agreed to stop drinking. I have. You obviously haven't.

Shawn: To Jack, Eric, Cory and Topanga: Okay, I've gathered you all here today to ask one question. By a show of hands how many of us are sick over the Cory and Topanga issue? Eric you're the only one not raising your hand.
Eric: That's right.
Shawn: Why is that Eric?
Eric: Because I'm the extension.
Jack: You mean exception? Was today's word exception?
Eric: No today's word was pertinent but I didn't think that was... having anything to do with this situation.
Jack: Alright, by a show of hands how many people are tired of Eric?
Eric: Cool. It's ubiquitous.

Cory: You are a sick and twisted individual.
Shawn: To you. To me, I'm a visionary.
Cory: It can't work.
Shawn: It's bulletproof. I start dating one of the girls while you go out with the other one. That way she's off the market until I'm ready to date her.
Cory: What, you want me to keep her fresh until you're ready for her? What am I Tupperware?
Shawn: What else do you have to do?
Cory: What do I have to do? I'll have you know my calendar is chock-full.
[He pulls out a pocket calendar]
Shawn: Of what?
Cory: Well, look, right here. I mean, I got Lincoln's birthday, and after that I got "Lincoln's birthday, traditional," and then there's, uh, "vernal equinox" and, uh, "Cinco de Mayo" and "reorder calendar pages. " See, I'm so busy I can't even talk to you now.
Shawn: So you're gonna do this for me?
Cory: Oh, obviously!

Shawn: [Shawn and Jack begin wrestling on the bed] You come in here! You criticize my room! You spook my pig, and you turn out my light!
Jack: So?
Shawn: So, maybe I like the way I live! Maybe I wasn't born with my life on a silver spoon! Yeah. I like the way I was brought up! I like the way I was brought up. The only thing I didn't like is I didn't get to know my brother.
Jack: [Overpowers Shawn] Now say, "uncle".
Shawn: I don't know who my uncle is! I would've liked to know him, too.
[Gets on top of Jack]
Jack: His name's Dave! His name's Dave. He's in the corrugated box business. I can't breathe.
Shawn: [Gets off of Jack. Both sit up] We weren't fighting about the messy room, were we?
Jack: Just think, all those years we didn't know each other, we could've been beating the crap outta each other.
Shawn: I've waited 17 years to do this.
Jack: Oh, yeah? Well, back at you.
[Both start wrestling. Jack gets on top of Shawn]
Jack: Now say, "uncle'.
Shawn: Uncle!
Jack: Say "uncle" to your big brother!
Shawn: Uncle! Uncle Dave in the box business!

Amy: You staying for dinner, Shawn?
Shawn: No, not tonight. Cor, why don't you come over to my place. My dad's broiling fish.
Cory: On the engine of his pickup?
Shawn: I thought you liked it last time.
Cory: Well, I did. It was just a little... oily and anti-freezy.

Cory: [after Cory brings Shawn back to his apartment after he gets kicked out of school and Shawn takes a can of beer out of the fridge] Are you kidding me?
Shawn: I'm sorry. Did you want one?
Cory: You get kicked out of class, you fight me all the way home, you puke on my shoes and you still want another beer?
Shawn: Why don't you go home, Cory the monitor?
Cory: You know what, I... I could've sworn we agreed to stop drinking.
Shawn: Yeah, well, I've been drinking all week and you haven't noticed a thing.
Cory: You've been drinking all week?
Shawn: Yeah. See, I'm doing this for you. You're worried about me, you stop thinking about Topanga. By the way, you know, she's getting out of school right about now. Why don't you go across the street from her and cry?

Rory: We was all relaxed and happy until she came along. You're a very good looking man, by the way.
Cory: Topanga was a very good person.
Ella: Yeah, well now she's good and dead.
Receptionist: She ain't gonna bother us no more!
Isaac: She was a stress case, man.
Gumshoe: So somebody killed her. Now it's my job to find out whodunit.
[Everyone whistles non-chalantly and heads for the door]
Gumshoe: Hey, hey, hey! Nobody move! You're all suspects.
[They continue]
Gumshoe: Alright, you know, don't leave town.
Cory: Hold on!
[Everyone turns]
Cory: Okay, you know maybe Topanga was a little annoying. And maybe sometimes she made me a little exasperated. But I never once thought of doing this! Alright, maybe a little. But I never did it! Which is the difference between me
[turns to face Rory]
Cory: and you. Now, tell me. Why did you do it?
Rory: I did it because she was ruining my good time. She was ruining our entire way of life.
Isaac: Yeah, she was.
Receptionist: Yeah!
Cory: Why is that? Because in your hearts you knew she was right? Because you knew that even though she'd change you, it'd be for the better? That's why I need her in my life. And you know why she needs me? Get up, Topanga.
Topanga: I can't. I'm dead.
Cory: No, you're not. This isn't real.
Gumshoe: I knew that.
Cory: This whole thing's a cartoon. It's pretend. But I think it's what you needed.

Shawn: [to Cory about Topanga proposing to him] Hey, I don't blame you. You know, if Angela asked me that in the middle of my graduation, I'd wet my gown, too.

Shawn: [about the 'weirdo' table] It's like the cast of The Addams Family.

Shawn: You're in this class?
Harvey: I'm in the movie.

Shawn: [to Angela] Hi.
Angela: Hi.
Shawn: I don't like me when I drink, either.
Angela: Good. Because I sure like you when you don't.

Cory: Look for the union label. Is anyone behind you, my Shawn?
Shawn: I've gotta tell you. There's no one with us. We're all alone here. I'm gonna bail.
Cory: You better not.
Shawn: Oh, yes, I am.
Cory: Oh, no, no, no.
Shawn: Oh, yes, yes, yes!

Jennifer: So it was your best friend Cory who made you say these bad, bad things, hm?
Shawn: Like I'd ever tell you.
[Jennifer kisses Shawn]
Shawn: Cory Matthews, son of Alan and Amy, grandson of Nana and Sam.
Cory: How could you sell out my Nana!

Shawn: Man gets a call, hey, lots of calls, from what sounds to be a very attractive lady. Man doesn't speak a word of it to his little buddy, Shawn. Hm. Interesting.
Jonathan: Shawn, there's nothing to tell or I would've told you.
Shawn: Man gets all squirrelly every time this girl calls. Makes a guy think man's keeping secrets from him.
Jonathan: OK, Shawn, do you wanna stop with the whole "man" thing?
Shawn: Man seems a little irritated lately.
Jonathan: It's no big deal. It's a girl I dated a long time ago and it's over. And don't you dare start the next sentence with "man".
Shawn: Dude's got a problem with the word "man".

Shawn: It's a very cool dog. You see it, down by the corner. No leash, no caller. Just having a great time barking at the moon.
Cory: No, I know that dog. It's a stray. It's probably barking 'cause he doesn't have a home.
Shawn: He doesn't need a home.
Cory: Well, that's what he's saying. I need a hoooo-ooooome.
Shawn: Nah, you didn't hear him right. He's happy out there. Because he's free. No one's rubbing his nose in a carpet, saying: "Don't do that!"
Cory: You know, he looks lonely to me. And cold. And he looks like he doesn't have a friend in the world.

Shawn: Can you believe this? Feeny locked us in!
Cory: He can't do that! It's against the Geneva Detention Convention.

Schneider: Sometimes I get shy. People who aren't shy make me nervous.
Wounded: Hi!
Schneider: Oh, no. It's her.
Wounded: Oh! Are you the new guy?
Eric: Yeah.
Wounded: Have you met Schneider? Schneider is very shy.
[she hugs Schneider]
Schneider: Too close! Too close! Too close!
Wounded: Deep down I'm shy too. I'm a wounded bird. Schneider and me are wounded birds!
Schneider: [whispering to Eric] Help me!

Shawn: Look, Cory, I'm not angry...
Cory: Oh, you're not angry? Well, I'm not apologizing! Now I know I did the right thing. I've been doing a lot of reading, and I can no longer be responsible for your actions.
Shawn: I got it. So I guess I missed the biology test this morning, huh?
Cory: Oh, don't worry. I took it for ya.

Bobby: I've gotta run the company now, but I'm not sure I can.
Vance: Not sure? I was no older than you are now when I started the company.
Bobby: I know, but you and I are two different people, and...
Vance: Now, that's enough. Put me online.
Bobby: But aren't you gonna help me? That's what you're for.
Vance: That was just a pose, Bobby, so people would leave me alone. I needed to buy some time.
Bobby: For what?
Vance: Put me online and you'll see.
Bobby: I don't know if...
Vance: Do it! Please, Bobby. I've been cooped up in here a long time. I wanna find out what's been going on in the world, that's all.

[talking about a biography project]
Cory: So it can be about anyone?
Jonathan: Anyone real.
Cory: I pick Shawn!
Shawn: I pick Cory!
Topanga: You know you walked right into that.
Jonathan: I did, didn't I?

Shawn: What did he say?
Eric: He siad Cory broke the train!

Stuart: May I sit down?
Cory: No.
Stuart: Well, since you're ambivalent.
[He sits]
Stuart: Ah, Christmas. Season of togetherness. Season of brotherhood.
Cory: Season of wool. Nine out ten Christmas gifts? Wool. It doesn't matter if it's shaped like socks or a sweater, it's wool and it's itchy.
Stuart: The gift isn't as important as the thought behind it.
Cory: What's the thought behind wool? This kid doesn't scratch enough?

Cory: Finally something good happens for Cory. The world is my friend.
Shawn: [to Jack] What are *you* doing here?
Cory: No, don't ruin this for me. Shawn, listen, whoever this guy is. Whatever minor personal infraction happened between the two of you, let it go. Because the world knows that this one is gonna be Eric's roommate and the world is *my* friend.
Topanga: How do you two know each other?
Shawn: He's my brother.
Cory: Of course he is! He is *not* your brother!

Cory: Uh, Mr. Feeny? I got a message you wanted to see me? You have two extra tickets to Sunday's Eagles game.
Shawn: Hey, Mr. Feeny. I heard you had an academic achievement award for me?
[Cory and Shawn notice they are in the same room]
Cory: You!
[They turn to Feeny]
Cory: Sting!
George: Oh, sit down!

George: Ms. Lawrence, Mr. Matthews, Mr. Hunter. You're early for my class. Why are you early for my class?
[Shawn raises his hand]
George: Mr. Hunter?
Shawn: Johann Gutenberg. Gutenberg invented the printing press in 1450.
George: Yes, I believe I taught you that.
[Cory raises his hand]
George: Mr. Matthews?
Cory: Can you teach us something else?

Shawn: Use a mirror, babe.

Cory: Shawn, there's been a miracle!
Shawn: Yeah, whatever. Come on, let's go. We're gonna be late for class.
Cory: Class? We don't need no stinkin' class. Our futures are set. We are high-school gods. Come, let us repair to the gym and rejoice in our invitations.
Shawn: It's gonna be kinda hard, since I didn't get one.
Cory: What?
Shawn: I didn't get an invite. No biggie.
Cory: There's gotta be a mistake. You're the coolest guy in class. You've gotta be invited.
Shawn: Yeah, well, looks like I'm not.
Cory: I'm gonna find out what happened.
Shawn: Let it go, OK? Just let it go.
Cory: You want me to ask her?
Shawn: Yeah, would you?

Shawn: You know what? I shouldn't have even come. Have a wonderful life, jerk.
Cory: You too, trailer trash!
Eric: Oh! Shawn's poor! Ha ha ha!

Jonathan: Now, see, why can't you be this sharp in class?
Shawn: Math's not my best subject.
Jonathan: ...I'm your English teacher.
Shawn: Then why you teachin' math?
Jonathan: Are you kidding me?

Shawn: You know, Jack, Eric said something interesting before that got me thinking.
Jack: Wait a minute. Eric got you thinking?
Shawn: He seemed well-rested.

[Cory and Shawn have snuck into the chem lab to turn in their papers, but have accidentally set something there on fire]
Cory: Shawn, we have to go back. Chemicals explode!
Shawn: [shocked] Oh, no!
Cory: Yeah, come on!
Shawn: No, I ended my paper: "In conclusion, chemicals don't explode!"
Cory: I'm going back up there.
Shawn: Well, while you're up there, could you change the ending of my paper?

Cory: Listen, Shawn, why are you taking the rap for me?
Shawn: Because your dad's right, Cory. All my life, you've had my back. Just let me take the heat this time.
Cory: But I'm the one who got us into trouble.
Shawn: I'm not in any trouble. You are. People expect this from me. I'm the screw-up. You're Mr. Teenage America especially in the eyes of your parents. They've got you on this pedestal. I'm not going to let you fall off.

Cory: A brother? You have a brother?
Shawn: A half-brother.
Cory: Sh-Shawn, what else have you been hiding? A wife? You got kids?

Mr. George Feeny: Mr. Hunter, perhaps you could tell us what SCUBA means?
Shawn: Something... Creepy... Under... Boat... Andy

Jack: This isn't about any of that.
Mr. George Feeny: What is it about?
Angela: It's about they're jerks.
Jack: It's about that these friendships aren't what we thought they were.
Cory: Okay, well, boo-hoo to the both of you.
Topanga: Cory!
Cory: No, this is crazy. I mean, we pull a couple of pranks and suddenly we're not friends anymore?
Shawn: What kind of friends were we?
Rachel: Not. Not friends.
Cory: Okay, fine. We're not friends today. I'll see ya tomorrow.

Rachel: So what am I?
Shawn: What are you?
Rachel: Yeah, I mean, you've made it really clear who everybody else is. Brothers, brothers, boyfriend and girlfriend, husband and wife. You all have this really strong bond between you. I mean, what's the strong bond between us?
Topanga: You think husband and wife is a strong bond? I wasn't even a part of their stupid team.
Cory: Topanga, will you pipe down with that, please?
Topanga: Aw, tell it to your boyfriend.
Shawn: [to Cory] Remember what I told you. Stand up to her.
Topanga: Unbelievable. Everybody is coming apart and they get closer?
[to Cory]
Topanga: I am your wife, nimrod!

Old: Cory? Is that you?
Old: Shawn, who else would it be? You know I come here every day, 4:30 for the early bird special. And every day you ask, "Cory, is that you?"
Old: My mind's not as sharp as it used to be.
Old: I got news, Shawn, it never was.

Eric: [to Alan and Amy] What are you guys doing up? The only people up now are creeps and weirdoes.
Shawn: [walks into the house] How you doing?

Cory: From what I gather, in the last three seconds, everything in the world has changed.
Shawn: What do you mean?
Cory: I'm not sure. I mean, Shawn, you're much cooler than I am. At least I *thought* you were.
Shawn: Trust me, I am.

Topanga: So Shawn, how does it feel to wear panty-hose?
Shawn: Not Shawn.
Cory: No, you're right.
Topanga: Yeah, he needs a girl's name.
Cory: Okay this is easy. How about... Janet.
Shawn: No no no no. Not Janet.
Cory: What possible difference could it make?
Topanga: Cory!
[turns to Shawn]
Topanga: You've thought about this before, haven't you?
Shawn: A little.
Topanga: And what name have you thought about?
Shawn: Well... Veronica.

Cory: [Minkus is devastated after he gives a wrong answer in class] So what. So you're not a genius any more.
Stuart: Right. Now I'm just a brainless, pathetic moron without a clue.
Shawn: Trust me. It's not so bad.
Stuart: [they go over the problem again, but Minkus is inconsolable] Look at me. What have I become?
Shawn: A brainless, pathetic moron. We just went over this material.
Stuart: They say the short-term memory is the first thing to go.
Cory: Who says that?
Stuart: I forgot!

Shawn: Who are we?
Cory: We are lowly seventh-grade sewer scum who name rats after ourselves to feel important
Shawn: And how do we feel about that?
Cory: Better than the guys with no rats.

Cory: Shawn, I've been looking all over for you. Where you been?
Shawn: Nowhere man.
Cory: Come on, Shawn.
Shawn: Listen, man. I've been thinking. It's time we just face the facts.
Cory: What facts?
Shawn: Cory, you and I are different and sooner or later we're gonna end up in different places.
Cory: Says who?
Shawn: Why don't we both just do us a favor and call it quits right now, okay?
Cory: What has gotten into you?
Shawn: You just don't get it, do you?
Cory: Get what?
Shawn: Look at your house, Cory. Look at where you live. Look at where I live. Look at your parents. Look at my parents. I know where I'm going to end up! Just let me get there now!
Cory: Shawn!
Shawn: Just let me get there now!

George: Miss Nechita, I'm a great admirer of yours. I'd be very interested in hearing your thoughts about classic versus modern technique and the impact of the renaissance on the modern palette.
Shawn: Feeny. You're drooling, man!
George: I'm sorry, Mr. Hunter, but I get carried away when I see a young person with such extraordinary gifts.
Cory: Are you saying we don't have extraordinary gifts?
George: No, of course not, Mr. Matthews. You also have extraordinary gifts.
Cory: Like what?
George: [searches for a moment for the right answer] You have your health. Good for you.

Jack: [to Shawn after catching him drinking] What are you doing?
Shawn: It's a beer! What's the big deal here?
Cory: We got drunk at a party the other night. I think he might've liked it a little too much.
Jack: Yeah, well, a beer's a big deal for us.
Shawn: Oh, goody, goody. Now I get the lecture from the big brother who I've known all of six months.
Jack: You don't have a clue, do you?
Shawn: About what?
Jack: About Dad!
Shawn: Yeah, Dad used to drink and then he stopped. Next?
Jack: You know why he stopped drinking?
Shawn: Because he ran out of money?
Jack: You know why my mom left him?
Shawn: 'Cause she went for a guy with more money?
Jack: She left him because he was an abusive, ugly drunk.
Shawn: Don't you ever talk about my dad!
[he and Jack start fighting with each other]

Cory: No more macaroni!
Kids: No more macaroni!
Cory: We want steak!
Kids: We want steak!
Cory: And what do we want with our steak?
Shawn: Macaroni!
Cory: No, we don't like macaroni.
Shawn: Oh!

Alan: [after Alan brings home Cory and Shawn after they were arrested by the police for drinking] So, how's it feel to put one over on your parents? You feel good?
Cory: No.
Alan: I cannot believe that my kid stole liquor from my cabinet, like... well, like somebody else's kid!
Amy: Have they been charged with anything? Are they gonna have a record?
Alan: No, the charges were dropped because they are juveniles and there was no prior arrest.
Amy: Cory, this isn't you.
Alan: No, of course it isn't!
Alan: [eyes at Shawn]
Alan: Somebody influenced him, didn't someone?
Amy: Alan.
Cory: No, Dad, okay? You're completely wrong. I did this completely on my own.
Alan: Come on. You're covering up for Shawn, like you always do.
Cory: No. I'm not. In fact, I'm the one who got him to drink.
Shawn: No. No, no, no. Stop protecting me, Cory. Yeah, you know how lousy he's been feeling. Well, he wanted to feel good and I showed him how.
Cory: Shawn, what are you doing?
Alan: I am sick and tired of overlooking the influence you have on my kid.
Amy: Alan, that's enough. Come into the other room. I want to talk to you.
Alan: That's probably a good idea.
[he and Amy leave the kitchen]

Cory: [after Shawn's date with Gary is settled] Shawnie! Way to go!
Topanga: You got the date!
[Shawn is silent and looks worried]
Cory: What?
Shawn: I've got nothing to wear!

[Shawn and Cory are sleeping in Turner's class, Shawn is snoring and Cory is making a yipping noise.]
Mr. George Feeny: Interesting. In my class, Mr. Hunter handles the yipping.
Cory: [wakes up] Shawn! It's both of 'em!
Shawn: [wakes up and looks around, nervous] Oh no...now I don't know which class I slept through.

Cory: Pregnant? How can she be pregnant?
Shawn: Okay, Cory, let me explain this to you. When a man loves a woman...
Cory: I know about that, okay? We were very careful.
Shawn: Did you use a...
Cory: Yes!
Shawn: Was she on the...
Cory: Uh-huh!
Shawn: Well, did you try the...
Cory: Everything! I'm not even sure we had sex!

Chet: Adam, I consider you a friend.
Alan: Alan.
Chet: I respect you. Yes sir, you're the heartbeat of America. People can count on you. Ya got roots! I like that.
Alan: Where's this heading?
Chet: I need a favor. My wife Verna, she's... She's out there. My heart's out there with her. Not to mention my wallet and major credit cards. But she is my wife and go after her I must.
Amy: And the favor?
Chet: Take care of my boy. Now, you don't have to answer right now. Well, yes you do.
Cory: Stay here? That'd be great?
Shawn: Dad, why can't I just come with you.
Chet: Oh, come on. The road's no place for a boy. Especially with your momma out there drivin' on it. Your place is here. In school. With Teach over there. In this house. In the company of these fine people.
[smiles at Amy and Alan]
Chet: No pressure.

Shawn: Look, Mr. Feeny, let's not waste anyone's time. Cory and I broke up.
Cory: It should've happened sooner!
Shawn: But we stayed together for the kids.
[Mr. Feeny gives them both an incredulous look]
Cory: In the class.

Shawn: [walking down the hallway at school] Why is everybody staring? What are they looking at?
Cory: Well, Shawn, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but... you're kind of a babe!
Shawn: Really?
Cory: Yeah! Do you want me to, like... carry your books for you?

Shawn: [Every horror cliche he has predicted has come true] Why won't you believe me? It's all so predictable.
Jack: Oh, yeah? Then what's going to happen next?
Shawn: First, there'll be some strange, shrouded figure that none of us will see.
[They all turn around and don't see anybody; the killer creeps across them in front]
Shawn: Then the lights will flicker and Feeny will pop up and reveal his master plan to us.
P.A. Announcer: [the lights flicker] Here's a knife. Here's a gun. There'll be fun for everyone. Death is on the menu tonight!
[Feeny appears in the hallway; the others laugh]
Cory: Mr. Feeny, I have got to hand it to you. You have really outdone yourself this time. I mean, killing Kenny, obvious choice. But the pencil! George! I mean, that was genius!
Shawn: I knew it was you all along. What's the big lesson? What were you trying to teach us?
[He pats Feeny on the back; Feeny falls to his knees, then on his face, a pair of scissors sticking out of his back. Topanga falls to her knees]
Eric: Oh my gosh! They killed Feeny!
[Everybody runs away]
Shawn: I was wrong!

Jack: She got sick and said that chicken soup would help her feel better. I told her it probably would. Then I went bowling.
Eric: Guys, I've come to a conclusion: Men are idiots.
Eric,49581: What?
Eric: Wait! There's more! Men are big idiots.
Eric,49581: Hmm... yeah.

Eric: My life sucks, Shawnie. I lost my apartment. My apartment! I lost Rachel. Rachel! I lost my best friend, Jack. Rachel! And now I'm about to lose Feeny to that mean old lady. Jack!
Shawn: Well, Eric, I lost something that means more to me than any of that and I managed to survive.
Eric: You mean your dead dad, Shawn?
Shawn: You're a sensitive guy.

Shawn: Wow. Feeny must really hate your guts.
Cory: Could be worse. At least he didn't give me Minkus.
Shawn: Hey, Minkus doesn't like me, he doesn't trust me, and he doesn't respect me. So he's doing the whole assignment by himself. In my book, Stuart Minkus is a god.

Jonathan: So Shawn, what is this "Centre" you're hanging out at?
Shawn: No.
Jonathan: Why not?
Shawn: Because I am not gonna talk to you about something that you're never gonna understand.
Jonathan: Oh, you can understand it but somehow it's beyond me?
Shawn: You're as judgmental as everybody else in my life.
Jonathan: Well, first of all, you judge me, remember? You said I couldn't understand it.
Shawn: I'm centered, you're not. End of story.
Jonathan: Boy, this sounds like a real enlightened, open-minded group.
Shawn: Judging.
Jonathan: Okay, why do you feel you need to be a part of this place, Shawn?
Shawn: Okay. All my life, I've felt like there's some part of me missing. And I felt like everybody could tell. Y'know, like there was some hole in me and everyone could see through it. Like I wasn't finished or something.
Jonathan: I never saw that, Shawn. I mean, if you would've just told me I could've done something about it.
Shawn: Let's not dwell on what people did or did not do for...
Jonathan: Yeah, Shawn, let's dwell on that! That's what makes you a person, how you relate to the people who really care about you.
Shawn: The Centre is filled with people who care about me and who make me feel like a person.
[Shawn goes to hug him, but Turner stops him with an authoritative look]
Jonathan: The Centre is filled with lost souls who have no belief system. Who are targets for some guy to bring over to his way of thinking. The Shawn Hunter that I know is one of the most unique individuals I've ever met. And if you let this place take away who you really are, Shawn, then you've made the worst judgment you can make. You made the judgment.

Shawn: They're putting you in another school?
Cory: Yes! The lady's going to be here in half an hour, and they're going to give me another genius test, and then they're going to take me away. So I just called you over to say goodbye, or as geniuses say, goodbye in Latin.
Shawn: Hey, idiot.
Cory: What?
Shawn: Are you a genius?
Cory: No.
Shawn: Do you have the answers to this test?
Cory: No.
Shawn: You kind of see where I'm going with this?
Cory: You want me to throw the test?
Shawn: Oh no no, I want you to take the test, and to the best of your ability, and no guessing, I wouldn't want you to stumble onto a right answer.

Shawn: Tell me something. How do you ask a girl out?
Cory: Simple. You open the door and say, 'Get out, you're bothering me.'
Shawn: No, I mean, like, on a date.
Cory: Well, Eric uses the shotgun approach. He just keeps dialing random numbers 'til he hears the word 'Yes'.
Shawn: Sounds like a lotta work.
Cory: Yeah, and after all that, whaddaya got? A girl. What's the point.

Shawn: If I was only going to be alive for one more minute, I'd spend it looking in your eyes.
Angela: And if you were only going to be alive for one more minute, I'd tell you to stop lookin'... and start kissin'.

Cory: I didn't want to say this when you were going out with her but if you ask me Shawn, Jennifer Bassett is one stuck up conceited girl.
Shawn: You think so?
Cory: Oh yeah. Nose way up in the air and frankly Shawn I'm not even sure it's her real nose.
Shawn: What do you mean?
Cory: Plastic. Just like her personality.

Cory: What do you think of my hair?
Shawn: Guys don't ask guys that question.

Ben: Hey, Schneider. Listen, maybe you can give me a little something to play off today, okay? Huh? You dead person. You silent freak. You know, I am so sick and tired of carrying this show.
Schneider: I'm sorry, Mr. Sandwich, please don't be upset with me. I need this job so I can pay for college and get an education.
Ben: [laughs] An education? Son, listen. This show goes four years, they'll give you an honorary degree. You'll be Doctor Creepy Weirdo.

Topanga: Give me your hand.
Cory: Why?
Topanga: I want to see if our energies converge.
[Cory reluctantly reaches out his hand. Topanga takes it and looks at it for a few seconds]
Shawn: [sarcastically] Ooh-ooh!
[Topanga lets go of Cory's hand and turns to Mr. Feeny]
Topanga: He's vibrationally acceptable.

Shawn: [to Cory about Claire staying over at the Matthews' house] Cory, she likes your place. She said she feels safe there. Can't you just do this?
Cory: You can't just move from place to place because it feels safe. Come here. Did you see what that jerk did to her arm? Now, we gotta get Claire and we gotta go to the police.
Shawn: No. No. Cops just make things worse.
Cory: Oh, you're right, Shawn. You put a cherry bomb in the mailbox, the cops came and made things worse for you. You stole Turner's bike. More cops, more worse.
Shawn: So you see my point then?

Topanga: Yeah, Shawn, you were wrong about Feeny and you're wrong about this.
Shawn: You were wrong to break up with Cory.
Topanga: What does that have to do with anything?
Shawn: Did any of this happen while you two were still together?
Topanga: No.
Shawn: You've killed us. You've killed us all.
Eric: Hey, hey. Now there's only two people horribly dead here, that's an acceptable loss.

Jonathan: Hunter, who's your best friend?
Shawn: You are, sir!
Jonathan: Matthews, who's your best friend?
Cory: Shawn is.
Jonathan: And what do we do to people who mess with our best friends?
Cory: Kill 'em.

Amy: [about Cory and Topanga eloping] Oh, it's all my fault. I came down way too hard on them. I... I made them do it.
Alan: I'm the one that jumped all over them. Cory stood up to me like a man and I just shot him down.
Shawn: No, no. Cory came to me for advice. He wanted me to tell him to wait. I told him to go ahead and get married.
Angela: Well, hey, don't look at me. I said all the right things, but it didn't matter.

Shawn: Nobody wants to be around Cory the downer. Three... two... one...
[Cory bursts into tears, right on cue]
Cory: Including you?
Shawn: I'm getting there.
[Shawn walks out on Cory]
Cory: Shawn, listen, you think I like myself like this, I don't! Okay? I don't blame everyone for not wanting to be around me. I don't wanna around me either. I'm done with me.

Shawn: [to Cory about Topanga's marriage proposal] Marry her.
Cory: What?
Shawn: I think you should marry her.
Cory: Shawn, that's not what you're supposed to say. You're supposed to say that you think we're crazy.
Shawn: Well, you're crazy if you think you haven't been married to her your entire life. You might as well get presents.
Cory: Well, I do need a new toaster.

Shawn: [to Alan and Amy] Can I crash on your guys' couch? I don't want to be up this late with all the creeps and weirdoes.
George: [walks into the house] How you doing?

Cory: These are not good dreams I'm having, Shawn. I kill you in every one of them. I kill you good.
Shawn: Like how?
Cory: Well, I fed you thumbtack soup. I poured hot lava down your pants. I pulled your heart out with salad tongs. I set fire to your tie. I shredded you over pasta with a cheese grater. I dressed you up like a rooster and entered you in a cockfight.
Shawn: Hmmm. How'd I do?
Cory: Well, you won! But the crowd cried "fix," and it got ugly.

Shawn: [standing up] Mr. Feeny. I'm sure if you recall the pain of being stabbed in the back by the girlfriend...
Topanga: [also standing up] I didn't stab him! He stabbed me!
Cory: [standing up as well] Oh, I'd stab myself before stabbing you! Kenny, give me your pencil!
Kenny: I don't have one!

Cory: [while cleaning out the garage] Oh, Shawn, look. Our old clubhouse sign.
Shawn: Yeah.
[reads the sign]
Shawn: "No girls allowed." That lasted long.
Cory: Hey, I was in love.
Topanga: And I threatened to sue.

Shawn: Cory, that's your next story.
Cory: What?
Shawn: To understand what girls are talking about, you experience the world from a girl's point of view, by becoming a girl.
Cory: That's crazy talk.
Shawn: No, no, no. You dress up like a girl and write about it. *Chick Like Me*. That's meaningful. You're writing a real article, not just some silly column.
Cory: It is not a silly column.
Shawn: Yes, it is.
Cory: Ok. Mr. Feeny, what happened to this guy Griffin after he wrote his book?
Mr. George Feeny: He sold five million copies and won immediate world renown. Why do you ask, Mr. Matthews?
Cory: Miss Matthews.

Cory: [sees Topanga kiss another guy after their break-up] Why doesn't Topanga just rip my heart out and stomp on it?
Shawn: She can't. She's busy making out.
Cory: Maybe I'm dreaming. Pinch me!... Not on the butt!
Shawn: Sorry. It was just, right there.

Shawn: So you're not mad at me?
Cory: No.
Shawn: So you're mad at Eric?
Cory: No, I'm not mad at anybody. See, everybody did what they were supposed to do. I mean, you guys went out with cool girls from New York, and I stayed at home playing Candy Land with my sister. And lost.

Old: You know, Shawn, I used to envy you. Since we was young, you've dated thousands of women. And I've been married to Wendy for the past ninety years.
Old: Has it been that long?
Old: Oh, yeah. Did you know the ninetieth anniversary is the potato anniversary?
Old: No, I didn't! How long ya been married?
Old: [looks up, confused] Who?
Old: [Also confused] What?
Old: They *want* you to take the rolls!

Shawn: Cor, what I'm about to tell you is going to make you want to kill me.
Cory: I'm not going to kill you, Shawn. It takes too much time to break in a new best friend.
Shawn: Topanga went out with another guy last night. I'm sorry.
Cory: You know we're the only two guys in the world who still think there's hope for me and Topanga. You're throwing in the towel?
Shawn: Yeah, I am.
Cory: Okay. Thank you.
Shawn: You okay?
Shawn: Yeah, sure. It's an interesting feeling though.
Shawn: What, to know it's over?
Cory: To be the only guy in the world who knows it's not.

Nicholas: How late did *you* stay up last night?
Cory: Monologue
Nicholas: Monologue, first guest.
Shawn: Monologue, first guest, bad sketch.
Cory: Monologue, first guest, bad sketch, funny zoo animal.
Nicholas: Monologue, first guest, bad sketch, funny zoo animal... Steve Lawrence!
Cory: Woah!
Shawn: Steve Lawrence?

Alan: Hey, son! How was your day?
Cory: Fine.
Alan: What'd you do in school?
Cory: Nothing
Alan: Hey, *hold on*! Wait there!
Alan: You know, everyday I ask you, "What did you do?" and everyday you tell me "Nothing." Well, I'm tired of nothing. I mean we both know something happened in school today and I want to know what it is!
Cory: I decided to be a girl.
Alan: Well, you taught me a very valuable lesson there, son.
Shawn: You know the book, "Black Like Me"?
Amy: Sure, is that what you guys are reading in school?
Alan: Don't ask questions, honey!

Topanga: Daddy, forget about all that. Tell them who called last night.
Jedediah: Oh, they don't wanna hear about that, Tippy.
Cory: Tippy?
[Topanga turns to them, literally snarling]
Cory: Tippy's nice.
Shawn: It's my new favorite name.

Shawn: [seeing Cory and Topanga kiss] And it was about time!
Trini: You're lucky this whole thing worked, Hunter. I almost had to kiss him.
Cory: Wait, this whole thing was a setup?
[all of them nod]
Cory: Come here.
[drags Shawn away from the others, then pauses]
Cory: Oh, thank you!
[hugs him tightly]

Cory: I miss Linda already.
Shawn: I miss Stacy. And Linda.
Cory: And Debbie?
Shawn: And Debbie.
Cory: There is no Debbie!
Shawn: Then how come I miss her so much?
Cory: Because you're nuts.

Victor: You know, that offer for the twenty foot boa? It's still good.
Shawn: I'll think about it. You got a card?
Victor: Yeah, right. I don't even have a badge.

Cory: Say you could pick any superhero to be your dad. Who would you choose?
Ellis: Batman, no question. Live in a cool cave, borrow the Batmobile.
Shawn: He lets Robin hang out with him and play with all his stuff. And Robin's not even his real kid. He's his ward.
Ellis: How do you get to be a ward?
Cory: Batman? Is he faster than a speeding bullet? I don't think so. Is he more powerful than a locomotive?
[wiggles his finger]
Cory: Uh-uh. I'd want Superman.
Shawn: Sees through walls. You'd never get away with anything.
Ellis: Because I'd make somebody a very cool ward.
Cory: I'd like to have Superman for a dad.

George: And how do the Joads relate to you?
Cory: I guess they don't.
Shawn: Yeah, we're not really out in the world yet. They had nothing to eat, nowhere to live. All they knew was that they deserved a decent wage.

Cory: I told you this would be great.
Shawn: It's an episode of Cops waiting to happen.

Shawn: [Jon Turner is in a coma] Jon, how could you be in here? How could you screw up on your bike? I have never seen you screw up on anything. I'm the screw-up, remember? C'mon you remember...Don't do this to me, Jon. I don't do alone real good...I know you're in there but it's like you're not really here. You're not talking but I know you're here. So I'm just gonna talk, you can listen. Jon, even when I was at the Centre, it was all the things you taught me that made me wonder if it was the right place for me or not. But you didn't teach me enough. You, and Cory, and my parents, and the Matthews and the handful of people who really care about me, so don't blow me off, Jon! Don't blow me off, God! I never asked you for anything before and I never wanted to come to you like this, but don't take Turner away from me; he's not yelling at me yet. God, you're not talking but I know you're here, so I'm gonna talk, and you can listen. God, I don't wanna be empty inside anymore.

Shawn: You are making way too much out of this.
Cory: It's just stupid little fights that no one's gonna remember after next week.
Mr. George Feeny: That may be, Mr. Matthews, but it's been my experience that stupid little fights have a way of escalating into stupid big fights which can change the course of your future.

Denny: What's Feeny ever done for you?
Shawn: You see those bolt-cutters in your hands?
Denny: Yeah, so?
Shawn: You see I don't have any in mine?
Denny: Yeah?
Shawn: *That's* what he's done for me.

Cory: Shawnzie?
Shawn: [uncomfortable] Yessy?
Cory: You're always there for me aren't ya?
Shawn: [Puts up his thumb] Hey.

Cory: Aight, Shawn, not to put a damper on our plans or anything, but it occurred to me in a moment of clarity that WE DON'T SKI!
Shawn: Hey, we don't learn, but we go to school, don't we?

George: [reading a note that Cory tried to pass during class] Mr. Matthews wants to know, "is this going to be a make-up party"
Melissa: Sure Cory. You can borrow my lip gloss.
Cory: Out not up! A make-out party!
George: Ah, so it is. Mr. Matthews wants to know if this is going to be a make-out party
Shawn: Not for him.

Cory: The problem is no matter how many girls I go out with I still end up thinking about Topanga.
Shawn: So why'd you break up with her in the first place?
Cory: I don't know. I made a mistake. I mean I thought we could be friends like you and I are but, you know when I see Topanga I want to hug her, hold her, kiss her. When I see you I have no interest in any of those things.

Eric: [to Shawn and Jack while holding a book] All right, look. I'm glad you're both here. Listen to me. I've been reading a lot about this guy named Gandhi. Gandhi's an Indian. He's a Cherokee, I think, but it's not really what's important. Gandhi is a master at solving all conflicts peacefully. Now, the first thing we need to do is start a dialogue.
[Shawn and Jack don't respond]
Eric: Okay, see, to have a dialogue, somebody has to talk.
[reads from the book]
Eric: "Somebody has to talk." Yeah. So, who's gonna go first?
Jack: [to Jack] Oh, to hell with you, man.
Eric: Now, see, that's good. Let's build from that.
Shawn: To hell with you, too.

Topanga: You won't listen to me. You won't listen to each other. Maybe you'll listen to Mr. Feeny.
George: Well, it hasn't happened yet, but I'll take a shot at it. Okay, who wants to start?
Cory: I have nothing to say.
Shawn: Me neither.
George: Okay! That was my best shot.
Topanga: What? Mr. Feeny, these people are about to throw away ten years of friendship and you call *that* your best shot? Shame on you! Shame!
George: I show up. I teach. Why isn't that enough? Why?

Shawn: You, my friend, are in luck. 'Cause, c'mon, what am I the world's biggest expert on?
Cory: Really not anything.
Shawn: Okay, okay. But I do know a lot about love.

Shawn: You know, there was one point there where I thought we really had them. They were screaming: "Exits. Exits."
Cory: Shawn, they were looking for a way out.

Shawn: Hey, Cory! Remember that goldfish I used to have?
Cory: The turtle?
Shawn: Yeah!

Sergeant: What are you trying to prove, Hunter? Everybody else quit! One of your buddies is surrendering in the garbage can! You know, you are the one who dropped my daughter! Why are you working so hard to impress me? Why don't you impress your own father!
Shawn: My father's dead, sir!
Sergeant: Well, impress your mother then!
Shawn: My mother's gone too, sir!
Sergeant: Both your parents died, boy?
Shawn: My mother abandoned us, sir!
Sergeant: What?
Shawn: Two times!
Sergeant: Your mother walked out on your family?
Shawn: Yes, sir! She had some issues, sir!
Sergeant: Relax, kid. We're just talking.
Shawn: It really tore my father up. We never really recovered. I-uh-I haven't trusted a relationship since then. Until Angela, sir.
Sergeant: [exasperated] But she doesn't seem to like you, son.

Cory: You know what? You take Stacy, I'll take Linda.
Shawn: No. I want Linda.
Cory: Fine. Then I'll take Stacy.
Shawn: No.
Cory: Shawn, you're being greedy.
Shawn: No, I'm not.
Cory: Fine. I'll go out with Debbie.
Shawn: I want Debbie.
Cory: There *is* no Debbie.
Shawn: Somewhere there's a Debbie.

Rachel: We were going to watch a movie.
Cory: Movie?
Shawn: Dark.
Cory: Good. Movie good.
[Cory picks up a stack of videos on the coffee table]
Cory: All right. Let's see what you got. "Estrogen on Parade", "Put Down The Seat" and "These Shoes or These Shoes". Well, these are very lovely. However, no.
Shawn: Perhaps the girls are unaware of Jennifer Lopez vs. Carmen Electra on Celebrity Deathmatch. In pudding. On ponies.

Cory: You all know exactly what you're good at, right? I have no idea what I am. I'm like standard issue. I come in a plain wrapper.
Shawn: So do dirty magazines, and everybody loves them.

Angela: This doesn't make any sense.
Shawn: It does if you've seen as many horror movies as I have. This is classic. The locked door, the scary janitor, the bloody warning and... our soon to be first victim.
[Everyone looks at Kenny]
Kenny: Me? Why me?
Cory: Well, Kenny, it's certainly not going to be any of us.

Cory: [writing a letter] So I hope that you will all forgive me, so that I now can escape my destiny. Fondly, Cory A.O. Matthews.
Shawn: What does A.O. stand for?
Cory: Ah-ooh.

Cory: I believe in love like I believe in God: you can't touch it, you can't see it, but you can feel its wrath.
Shawn: And its goodness. You can feel love's goodness.
Cory: I wouldn't know

Eric: Christy's gonna expect me to tell her that I love her. Aw man, I gotta do something now.
[to self]
Eric: Think, you gotta think, Eric. Ow.
Shawn: Thinking cramp?
Eric: Yeah.
Shawn: I get those too.

Topanga: Okay guys yearbook time. As you look back on your first year at John Adams what do you consider your greatest accomplishment and why?
Cory: Let's see. I mean there's so many.
Shawn: It's hard to pick just one.
Cory: There was the time we...
Shawn: No. No, that wasn't us.
Cory: What about the time we...
Shawn: Also not us.
Topanga: You guys are the two most pathetic students in this school.
Shawn: That's an accomplishment.

Ranger: Which one of you is Feeney's grandson?
Cory: [at the same time, pointing at each other] He is.
Cory: Well, I am.
Shawn: We both are.
Cory: We're brothers.
Shawn: We're cousins... brother... cousins.
Ranger: No need to explain, son. I'm from mountain people myself!

Cory: We're not gonna decide the rest of my life with jelly beans, Shawn.
Shawn: Then who's gonna decide the rest of your life? You?

Jessica: Who's Graziella Terziana?
Eric: What?
Jessica: Her name, it's written on your arm.
Eric: Uh, that - I can't stop every girl who wants to sign my body.
Jessica: Oh, Mr. Charming.
Eric: I could loan you a pen.
Jessica: And smart too. Using his little sister as date bait like that.
Eric: That obvious, huh?
Jessica: Oh, yeah.
Eric: Big mistake?
Jessica: Did I say that?
Eric: So I didn't have to work so hard.
Jessica: Who said you had to work at all?
[They kiss. Cory, who has been up in his tree house, is shocked. Alan and Shawn come strolling into the backyard and Jessica and Eric break off their kiss]
Alan: Nice night, huh?
Eric: Yeah.
Alan: Well, we're just, uh, passing through.
Eric: Good. Pass.
[Alan walks away and Shawn nudges Eric]
Shawn: Eric, the lipmaster!
[He walks away]
Eric: Yeah. Sure. Look, anybody else, or are we all done here?
Cory: [still in his tree house] Everyone have a great day without me?
Eric: How long have you been up there?
Cory: Long enough to watch you swap spit with a Feeny!

Cory: Shawn, the dorms are closing. Your father is missing again. Why wouldn't you come to my house for Christmas?
Shawn: Because I hate being the third wheel.
Cory: Oh, please. You know, you've been the third wheel with me and Topanga so long I think of us as a tricycle. You know, without our third wheel, what would we be?
Shawn: A bicycle?

Jonathan: You got this innocent young girl and somebody says that she slept with this other guy, right? And her reputation is shot and we think she's killed herself. Now where are you going to find this kind of stuff?
Topanga: Melrose Place?
Shawn: NYPD Blue?
Cory: Barney?
[Everyone stares at him]
Cory: My sister says he's gotten edgier.

Shawn: [to Amy and Alan] I appreciate the lecture and thanks for coming to the station to pick me up, but you're not my parents. And, yeah, I'll just stay away from Cory if that's what's gonna put everything back to normal.
Cory: Normal. You know I just broke up with someone that I've spent my entire life with. I don't have a heart anymore. I've lost my life. So I went up to your liquor cabinet and I took a bottle of whiskey, and I made Shawn drink because I didn't want to be alone.

Shawn: This is hard for me to say.
Frankie: This is hard for me today.
Shawn: Because I've watched you for so long and I've always dreamed of telling you how I feel about you.
Frankie: Because I've watched you. So long. And I've always dreamed of something

Shawn: Hi, Mr. Turner. Sorry for bugging you. I, um, I had a question. Am I interrupting anything? Hey! Look, it's Miss Tompkins!
Jonathan: Yeah, I know.
Shawn: Boy, you teachers sure work la-ohhh!

Cory: Hey, how about we go to game Friday night?
Nicholas: I thought the game was sold out.
Cory: It is. So we go down early. There's always guys with extra tickets.
Shawn: Don't you have detention Friday?
Cory: Don't worry about detention. I can handle Feeny. Feeny loves me.
Shawn: Feeny hates you.
Cory: Well, it's one of the two.

Shawn: [crying] You, uh, you never give up on me. Never once. I'm not going to forget you. You're the best person I know

Cory: I always thought that Topanga was the one person I could never live without. But she's gone, and, and you're here, and I'm alive, so it must be you!
Shawn: I'd take a bullet for you.
Cory: Shawnie, I love you!
[hugs him]
Shawn: Yeah, I love you too Cory, and I'm not ashamed.
[homeless man stares at them]
Shawn: Now I'm ashamed.

Shawn: [after finding out they have to take a test] I even read the book!
[everybody gasps]
Shawn: That's right, my head still hurts!

Chet: How was your day, boy?
Shawn: Just another day.
Chet: Anything out of the ordinary?
Shawn: Just another day.
Chet: I like this talking we're doing. It's good.

Shawn: [to himself] I hate you.

Shawn: [Every horror cliche he has predicted has come true] Why won't you believe me? It's all so predictable.
Jack: Oh, yeah? Then what's going to happen next?
Shawn: First, there'll be some strange, shrouded figure creeping behind us that none of us will see.
[They all turn around and don't see anybody; the killer creeps across them in front]
Shawn: Then the lights will flicker and Feeny will pop up and reveal his master plan to us.
P.A. Announcer: [the lights flicker] Here's a knife. Here's a gun. There'll be fun for everyone. Death is on the menu tonight!
[Feeny appears in the hallway; the others laugh]
Cory: Mr. Feeny, I have got to hand it to you. You have really outdone yourself this time. I mean, killing Kenny, obvious choice. But the pencil! George! I mean, that was genius!
Shawn: I knew it was you all along. What's the big lesson? What were you trying to teach us?
[He pats Feeny on the back; Feeny falls to his knees, then on his face, a pair of scissors sticking out of his back. Topanga falls to her knees]
Eric: Oh my gosh! They killed Feeny!
[Everybody runs away]
Shawn: I was wrong!

Shawn: [to Cory] Topanga's handling this breakup with dignity while you, Norton, are a train wreck.
Cory: I'm dignified.
Shawn: You burst into tears every three, two, one...
Cory: [getting tearful] Stop exaggerating!
Shawn: [while holding up a hankerchief] Cory! Who carries these things around? What did you do? Dig up your grandfather and pick his pocket?
Cory: It's Grandpa Poppy. He always had seeds in his teeth and that's why we called him Poppy.

Jonathan: Why was it so important to get back on the air, that you were willing to shaft me?
Cory: You wouldn't understand.
Jonathan: Well, pretend I'm stupid.
Shawn: [slowly] We... went... on... the radio.
Jonathan: Pretend I'm smarter!

Cory: [in the video] Hi. Look, I didn't want to be in this documentary, because I didn't have that much to say about sex and all.
Topanga: [turns to Cory in the classroom] What's this?
Cory: The special director's cut.
Cory: [in the video] And the reason that I don't have that much to say about sex, is because I don't have a lot of experience in that area. Some people think I do, but I don't. And if let some people think that I have some experience with someone, well... you know, it really isn't fair to that person I didn't have that experience with.
Mr. George Feeny: [in the classroom, to Mr. Turner] Well, perhaps this project is gonna serve some purpose after all. I'm shocked.
Jonathan: Me too.
Cory: [in the video] So I'd like to say I'm sorry to that person. And I should've acted more mature. You know, maybe we haven't come as far as we think in the last 400 years. Okay, cut it, Shawn. Stop the camera, Shawn.
Shawn: Okay, now, tell her how much you love her.
Cory: Shut up, I do not.
Shawn: Then why would you do this for her, if you don't love her?
Cory: Because she's my friend.
[Shawn makes sarcastic kissing noises against his hand]
Cory: Stop the camera, Shawn! Shawn!
[Topanga turns to Cory in the classroom]
Cory: Friend?
Topanga: Friend.
[they shake hands]

Alan: Where are you guys going, looking so "cool"?
Shawn: Our first gig.
Alan: Your first gig? What, you just started playing two days ago.
Norm: Kids learn fast today, Alan.
Alan: Not mine.
Cory: We gotta go, bye.
Gordy: Break a leg.
Shawn: Yeah, that's our backup plan.

Cory: Topanga! Hi, I'm glad you're here. Sit, sit. I want to tell you everything that happened. Okay, I went out with Lauren, and I'm not gonna lie to you. We had a great time.
Topanga: Well, Lauren's a nice girl, Cory. I knew you'd have fun.
Cory: Yeah, but I-I didn't know I was allowed to. See, when I first met Lauren, she was the first girl besides you that I ever thought I could like. And that made me feel bad because I thought if I liked another girl, that it somehow meant that I liked you less.
Topanga: I'm sorry you felt bad.
Cory: No, no, no. I-it was good that I went through this. Because it taught me that liking someone else could never, ever take away from loving you, and I don't have to be afraid of what I feel for anybody else because I know that it could never take away from loving you and I always will, and I know that completely now.
Topanga: You know that now?
Cory: Yeah.
Topanga: Is there anything else you have to tell me?
Cory: [mumbles to himself] Love you completely, know that now...
[to Topanga]
Cory: No, that's it. So, uh, listen can you put me in your jacket 'cause I only want to be in your jacket.
Topanga: Cory, I can't see you anymore.
Cory: What?
Topanga: Do you have any idea how many guys hit on me?
Cory: What are you talking about?
Topanga: I never needed to test my feelings for you. I moved away from my parents in Pittsburgh to be close to you. Ever since we were little kids, I felt like I belonged with you and I would have given you everything, Cory.
Cory: Topanga, I'm-I'm so sorry.
Topanga: I forgive you. I forgive you for lying at the lodge. I forgive you for kissing her. And I forgive you for the letter, which I read. I know how intimately she felt about you. But that you needed to see her, to test how you felt about me.
Cory: No.
Topanga: I don't forgive you for that, Cory.
Cory: [He stands up] No! You told me to see her, Topanga! You told me to see how I felt!
[Topanga stands up and hugs Cory]
Topanga: And you listened.
[She walks away and passes Shawn on the stairs]
Shawn: Topanga, what's wr-
[She ignores him and continues up the stairs. He walks over to Cory, who is in a state of shock]
Shawn: It's gonna be okay.
Cory: No. No, it won't.

Shawn: Lionel, if you guys ever play basketball make sure there's plenty of water around because Cory tends to dehydrate.
Cory: [calling from the elevator] Lionel!
Shawn: And let him once in awhile. He likes that. And Lionel, *never* eat cake in Paramus. That's ours!

Shawn: So, what are you doing here, Dad? Oh, wait, wait. Let me guess. Passing through on your way to somewhere else.
Chet: No, no. No, you see, that's where you're wrong. I have arrived at the spot where I'm gonna stay put. See, I took a look at my life. I said, "Chet. " And I went, "What?" I said, you know, you got a couple boys you ought to spend some time with.
Shawn: You got fired, didn't you?
Chet: Don't nitpick.

George: And that, Mr. Hunter, is how babies are made.
Shawn: I still don't believe 'em.

Shawn: I can't believe Bud was fired because of our report.
Cory: No, Shawn. We have nothing to feel bad about, OK? We told the truth. If anyone should feel bad, Bud should. I mean, he was the one goofing off.
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: Goofing off, huh? You trying to tell me that leaving early for no apparent reason is goofing off?
Cory: Yeah.
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: Maybe you didn't get the whole story, Mr. "Didn't get the whole story. " Did you bother to find out where our saintly Janitor B was going every day at 2:55?
Shawn: No.
Cory: Uh-oh.
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: So before you go pontificating from your tokus, let me set you straight. Every day, that sweet Bud of a man takes a few dollars that he has left, and he visits a place where there are others even less fortunate than him.
Cory: Oh. Oh, my stomach is bubbling.
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: Good. Your stomach should bubble. Because that lovely man that you got canned, he's a giver. And do you know where he gives, Matthews?
Cory: Oh, I don't want to know.
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: The track, Matthews. Playing the ponies. The joy of gambling was all he had left. So next time you go sticking your nose someplace where it don't belong, you remember this. You suck.

Shawn: Well, that was the worst two hours of my life. I can't believe the ski lodge was closed.
Cory: Yeah, you'd think Ranger Mark might have mentioned the little fact that there's no one else on the mountain!
Shawn: There wasn't even any snow.
Cory: Yeah, what about that, Shawn? You told me the weather report said snow in the mountains.
Shawn: They did. They said the Rocky Mountains were blanketed with fresh powder.
Cory: The Rockies? Shawn, we're in the Poconos! Two-thousand miles away from the Rocky Mountains!
Shawn: Oh, you mean that's a name? I thought it was a description. You know, like, "chewy nougat".

Shawn: There's no way you were bitten by a wolf.
Cory: Shawn, what else could it have been? I mean, look at the bite.
Shawn: I don't see anything.
Cory: Of course you don't. Everybody knows werewolf bites heal overnight.
Cory: Wow. Then you're covered with 'em.

George: Something bad happened, Mr. Hunter, and for the first time, you're not responsible for it.
Shawn: Then how come I feel so bad?
George: Well, because you're a troubled young man. I recognize that from the movie "The Troubled Young Man."

Shawn: Can I take a couple practice swings first?
Frankie: You know what I'm thinking?
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: What are you thinking, Frankie?
Frankie: I'm thinking he ain't got the guts, Joey.
Joseph 'Joey the Rat' Epstein: Yeah, I'm smelling chicken. A big one, extra crispy. I say we take him to the Colonel. He'll pluck ya, fry ya and serve ya in a bucket with biscuits!
Frankie: Ooh, I just remembered something.
[He leaves]

Jonathan: [to Feeny] Come on, George. Why don't you just let them burn out? You don't wanna break their spirit.
George: Please. I have been an educator for 35 years. I think I know how to relate to my students.
[speaks into the megaphone]
George: All right, this is your warden speaking. So, you wanna play rough with George Feeny? Fine. We'll take off the gloves.
Shawn: Uh-oh.
George: The 7th-grade dance is hereby canceled.
Cory: You can't do that.
George: I can do whatever I want. I have the megaphone. The entire football season...
Shawn: Oh, no.
George: Canceled!
Shawn: But that means...
George: Yes, Mr. Hunter. No cheerleaders.
Shawn: [dramatically drops to the ground and weeps] No!
Cory: Shawn, it's a strike. We have to make sacrifices.
Shawn: But he's taking my girls. Why can't we just sacrifice you?

George: What?
Cory: We're leaving.
George: I know
Topanga: We wanted to know if you had anything left to teach us.
George: No. My work with you is done.
Shawn: I don't know. That's pretty scary. Going into a whole new world.
George: And you are ready to go into that world.
Eric: Even me?
George: Even you. Believe in yourselves. Dream. Try. Do good.
Topanga: Don't you mean do well?
George: No I mean do good.
Eric: Well, I guess there's just one thing left then. Tell us you love us.
George: Now look. If there is one thing I've taught you it is that there is a line between teacher and student that must never be crossed
Eric: Tell us you love us.
George: I regard all my students equally.
Shawn: Oh, you know we're your favorites.
Cory: Come on Feeny. You haven't even talked to another student for seven years. I mean that...
Eric: Tell us you love us!
George: I surely will not.
Eric: Okay for you then.
Topanga: [She stands up in tears and hugs Mr. Feeny] I will never forget you. You were more of a father to me then my own dad.
[Topanga leaves]
Shawn: [Also crying] You, uh, you never give up on me. Never once. I'm not going to forget you. You're the best person I know.
[He hugs Mr. Feeny and leaves]
Eric: I don't know what's going to happen to me. But I do know that I'm going to be a good person who cares about people. And I blame *you* for that.

Shawn: Cory! Cory, guess what? For New Year's Eve, I got us a limousine.
Cory: A limousine?
Shawn: Yeah, yeah, that's short for limo.

Cory: [from behind a book case in the library] Shawn!
Shawn: Cory? Is that you?
Cory: No, it's the audio book section, you moron.

Cory: He made a move on Topanga. On my fiance. He used his power and authority to take advantage of her and he told me that there was nothing I could do and he was never going to stop. So, I did something. I mean I-I-I realize Dean that this wasn't the smartest thing in the world to do but it was all I could come up with at the time.
Dean: Striking a member of this faculty is inexcusable. No matter what the provocation.
Shawn: Can I just say something real quick?
Dean: Yes?
Shawn: Cory, it's okay with me that you hit him.
Cory: Thanks, Shawn.
[to Dean Bolander]
Cory: It's okay with Shawn.
Dean: Well, it's not okay with me. According to the bylaws of this university I am bound to expel or suspend any student for striking an educator for any reason whatsoever.
George: Dean, I beg you to reconsider this.
Dean: George. Sit down. You can't protect them anymore. Cory Matthews, I hereby suspend you from this university for a period of one day.
Stuart: One day?
Dean: You are, however, under probation for the remainder of this term and I will not take kindly to your solving any more problems with anything but words.
Cory: No, you don't have to worry about it Dean. Thank you.
Stuart: Dean, he hit a teacher!
Dean: A teacher must be someone a student can trust. The second a teacher uses pressure on a student for any reason whatsoever, other than academic... that trust is destroyed.
Stuart: Well, there must be some misunderstanding because as a teacher I...
Dean: Stuart!
[points at Mr. Feeny]
Dean: *This* is a teacher Stuart. I'm not sure what you are but you can be certain I'm going to find out.

Shawn: [everybody hears the squeaking of the janitor's approaching cart] Don-don't say it, don't!
Cory: The janitor's the killer!
Shawn: And that's the end of the janitor!

Morgan: Here she comes!
Shawn: Wow, she looks just like Becky.
Becky: I am Becky.

Shawn: Oh you can afford one stinking F in your life.
Topanga: No I can't. I have worked very hard to be perfect up until now.
Shawn: I am throwing up. I am throwing up all over you.

Shawn: Cory.
Cory: Huh?
Shawn: What's the score?
Cory: Bottom of the third. Two outs. Dykstra's on second. Kruk's on first. three and two to Daulton.
Mr. George Feeny: [Mr Feeny appears and moves Cory's hand out of the way to reveal his earbud. Feeny then pulls it all the way out] What's this Mr. Matthews?
Cory: Huh? What'd you say, Mr. Feeny? You took my hearing aid.
Mr. George Feeny: [He puts the earbud in his ear] Smoltz delivers. Daulton swings Oh, he got a piece of that one. It's a long drive deep to center. Otis Nixon back, back to the warning track. Climbs up the wall and...
Mr. George Feeny: [Mr. Feeny pulls the earbud out before hearing the outcome and turns off the radio] Mr. Matthews, "Romeo and Juliet" is Shakespeare's ultimate test of love between a man and a woman.

Shawn: Cory, I'm no rocket Scientologist but... I'm sensing there's something wrong.

Shawn: You know what's cool? We made it through our first dates and we're still best friends.
Cory: And we're gonna stay best friends - through second dates, proms, engagements, marriages.
Shawn: Second marriages.
Cory: Whatever comes along, we're gonna stand here and face it together, shoulder to shoulder.
Hilary: [as she rushes past them towards the hall] Hi, Shawn.
Topanga: [as she rushes past them in the opposite direction] Hi, Cory.
Shawn: Later!

Eric: Come on, guys. We can do this. We're all adults here.
Cory: [points to Rachel] She started it!
Rachel: He parked in my spot!
Shawn: She overreacted!
Rachel: They took apart my car!
Cory: She glued my pants!

Topanga: You can't take this pig.
Victor: Topanga Lawrence? Been going out with Cory Matthews for two months? I'm way overqualified for this job.
Topanga: After I spoke to you, I saw this ad in the paper for a lost pig. So I called its owners. Now you don't have to take him away. Isn't that great, Shawn?
Cory: Why is it great?
Shawn: Yeah, I still lose Little Cory. Doesn't matter who the owner is. It's not me.
Topanga: Here's the owner.
[Mr. Turner enters]
Jonathan: Hi. Name's Turner. I got a place outside the city, and this little guy ran off. Belongs to my boy, Zed.
Shawn: [incredulously] Zed?

Jonathan: The atomic bomb falls. We see a brilliant flash. Now, what do we do?
Students: We duck and cover.
Jonathan: Correct. Here we go. Flash!
[Everyone but Cory ducks underneath your desk]
Jonathan: You're dead, Brad.
Cory: Mr Turner, you're telling me that if the atomic bomb falls I'll be safe if I go like this?
[Covers his head with his arms]
Jonathan: No, no, no.
[Shows what he's saying]
Jonathan: You gotta drop to the ground, duck under desk, curl up, cover neck.
Cory: And kiss your butt goodbye.
[the students laugh and Mr. Turner stands up angrily]
Jonathan: Alright. Who said that? Who said... utt-bay?
Shawnzie: I did, Mr. Turner. I said "butt"!

Ethan: [to Goren and Eames] Nine-eleven was a terrible lesson that no one learned.

Bobby: Who's there?
[seeing the Batman suit emerge from the shadows]
Bobby: Batman?
Vance: Not exactly.
[raising a tranquilizer gun]
Vance: Don't you recognize your old granddad?

Topanga: Cory and I are getting married.
Alan: Are you out of your minds?
Amy: Why?
Shawn: 'Cause they love each other.
Angela: No, that's not a reason. They are too young.
Alan: [to Cory] You can't even clean up your room.
Cory: I'm going to get to it.

Cory: So how long am I suspended for?
George: You're not. Detention for five days. One for each letter in Weeny. Which in this instance, should properly be spelled W-E-E-N-I-E, shouldn't it, Mr. Hunter?
Shawn: [to Cory] You told him?
Cory: What do you think?
Shawn: I think you wouldn't. I'm an idiot.
George: He refused to rat you out, Mr. Hunter, and he now faces a week of detention in your honor, but the punishment for not being caught, Mr. Hunter, is far, far worse
Shawn: I did it, Mr. Feeny. I confess.
George: I will be watching you every day of your high school career, which in your case could be decades.
Shawn: But I just confessed!
George: Too late, Mr. Hunter! You are my new special friend
[Mr. Feeny leaves and Shawn turns to Cory]
Shawn: Why didn't you turn me in?

Jonathan: All right, you two. You wanna tell me what the problem is here?
Cory: No problem.
Shawn: Everything's great.
Jonathan: Who're you kidding? I mean, what's with you, Hunter? Why do you want to hang out with these low-lifes?
Shawn: Hey, maybe I'm a low-life too, okay?
Jonathan: Is that what you think?
Shawn: That's what everybody else thinks.
Jonathan: I want to know what YOU think!
Shawn: Hey, I'm out here with a bat, aren't I?
Jonathan: [snatches the bat away] Yeah... but you didn't swing it!
Shawn: That's just 'cause Cory came along.
Jonathan: Oh, you think that was an accident? Huh? That you have a friend who thinks so much of you that he's willing to put his own neck on the line? No, I don't think low-lifes have friends like that, do you?
Shawn: I don't know.
Cory: They don't.
Shawn: I don't know anything! I don't even know who I am!
Cory: Well, Shawn, I know who you are! You're Shawn Hunter. You were raised by wolves. You're my friend. It says so in your biography. I mean, what else do you need to know?
Shawn: I need to know what's going to happen to me and you can't tell me that!
Jonathan: Hey, Hunter, all Matthews can do is be your friend and so far he's been doing a real good job. All I can do is teach you whatever I can and HOPE that you leave my class a little better than when you came in.
Shawn: You mean drag the trailer park trash up to decent society?
Jonathan: Hey, if you don't know that deep down inside you're all right, then I haven't taught you anything at all.
Shawn: You think I'm alright?
Jonathan: I think YOU need to think you're alright.
Shawn: YOU think I'm alright?
Jonathan: I think if you put your mind to it and get back inside that school, and never, NEVER go near this Harley or that Harley, yeah. I think you'll be alright.
[though still unsure of himself, Shawn goes back inside]
Cory: Mr. Turner, do you really think he's gonna be okay?
Jonathan: [smiles] Sure.

Denny: Man, I wish I could've seen his face when he saw his house.
Cory: I did.
Jake: So, Matthews, d'you kiss up? What'd you tell him?
Shawn: [breaks in] Woah, woah, woah, easy. Easy. Look, Cory's cool, okay? He wouldn't have squealed.
Cory: [laughs sarcastically] Does that make me cool, Shawn? Is that what makes you so cool?
Shawn: Woah, woah, woah, Cory. Cory! Why are you mad? Okay, you're the one who said we should stand up to Feeny.
Cory: Yeah, but, Shawn, I didn't say: "Vandalize his home!"
Shawn: Hey, I wasn't there, okay? I didn't do anything.
Cory: Yeah, but you knew about it!
Shawn: Yeah, but what was I supposed to do? Stand up and say: "Stay away from Feeny's house!"?
Cory: Yeah, but you didn't stop them, Shawn. And I think that makes you responsible.
Shawn: Me? You're the one that started the whole thing!
Cory: Then I think that makes me responsible too.

Cory: Shawn, you know that pain that everyone's talking about?
Shawn: Yeah?
Cory: I think I'm starting to feel it.

Shawn: [There is a massive handpainted sign advertising an illegal rave. As Mr. Feeny walks by, he tears it down. The students in the hall groan] You know, Mr. Feeny, just between you and me, it's stuff like this that really makes you unpopular.
George: Sure. And it's lonely at the top. But I save a lot of money on call waiting.
Shawn: What do you have against throwing an illegal rave?
Cory: Hey, what is a rave, anyway?
George: A rowdy underground party. Get hip, Mr. Matthews.

Cory: You wearing a wet suit, too, Mother Nature?
Topanga: No.
[takes off robe to reveal a bathing suit as Cory and Shawn stare]
Topanga: What's the matter? No funny remarks?
Cory: [to Shawn] Uh, you got anything?
Shawn: I got nothing.
Cory: [to Shawn again] Uh, you got anything?
Shawn: Snap out of it, she's just a girl in a bathing suit!

Gary: [to Shawn/Veronica] Hi there. I'm Gary.
Cory: Gary, this is Veronica. Veronica... Wasboyski.
Shawn: Hi!
Gary: You know, I've never seen you before. You're new in school?
Shawn: Yup, I'm just a whole new person!
Gary: Listen...
[stands beside Shawn/Veronica]
Gary: If you want, I'd be happy to, you know, take you to Chubby's and tell you what teachers to avoid, that kind of stuff... You know, unless your boyfriend already did that.
Cory: Oh no, Gary! This one is definately avaliable!

Cory: Where are you going?
Shawn: He touched me!
Cory: Where?
Shawn: On my knee! It's MY knee, what makes him think it's HIS knee?
Topanga: Maybe you sent him a signal?
Shawn: The only signal I sent him was stop!
Topanga: Sounds like he didn't listen.
Shawn: I'm not like that. I'm not! I never will be again.
Cory: Okay well here he comes.
Shawn: No, no no! I quit!
Cory: You can't, we have an article to finish!
Shawn: I should have worn a pants suit!
Gary: Look, uh, sorry I got a little... agressive. You know, nobody respects women more than me! You forgive me?
Cory: [speaking as the waitress he pretends to be] Ofcourse she forgives you! You two are just adorable together! Isn't he just delish?
Gary: [to Shawn/Veronica] Tell you what? How about I teach you how to play foosball?
Shawn: How about I teach you?
[goes ahead]
Gary: [laughs] Yeah right.
Cory: My hosery is bunching!

George: Mr. Hunter, the girl in the white turtleneck, is that Ingrid Iverson?
Shawn: That's her.
George: What on earth has she done to herself?
Shawn: Oh, she didn't do it. We did it. Cory and me.
George: "Cory and I," Mr. Hunter.
Shawn: Oh yeah, sure, now everybody wants to take credit.

Jonathan: All right you guys. Remember the papers I had you write for the Environmental Essay Awards at the beginning of the year?
Shawn: [Hands Jonathan a paper] Oh yeah. Finished mine last night Mr. Turner. Enter this puppy
Jonathan: [He throws Shawn's paper to the side] And here are the winners.

[after trying to convince Shawn to go to Pennbrook]
Shawn: Cool.
Cory: What?
Shawn: My picture... it looks really good.
Cory: You haven't listened to a word I've been saying.
[Leaves angrily]
Cory: [hangs up a picture of Cory]

Cory: [to Shawn] So, you're tired of tumbling, tumbleweed?
Shawn: Yeah. There's too much going on here to be someplace else.

Angela: Well, is anyone of us safe?
Shawn: Yeah, Virgins! Virgins never die!
Cory: [Turns to Topanga] All right! Thanks for saving me.
Eric: [proud of himself] I'm dead.
Jack: I'm dead.
Shawn: I'll get as sick as you can get without actually dying.
Angela: Feeny, he's dead.
Shawn: [sing-songy] Go, Feeny! Go, Feeny! Go, Feeny!

Cory: Why doesn't Topanga just rip my heart out and stamp on it?
Shawn: She can, but she's busy making out.

Shawn: It's a tie. You like Lauren as much as you like Topanga and you can't live without either of them. Well, this was a bad idea.
Cory: No, no, this was a good idea. Shawn, yeah, I like Lauren. I like spending time with her. But I can live without her. I-I can't live without Topanga.
[he smiles happily while putting the rest of jelly beans bag on Topanga's end of the scales]
Cory: It's no contest.

Alan: [Shawn is drunk] Shawn, why don't you come in the kitchen with me for a minute.
Shawn: You gonna make me an omelet?
Alan: I want to have a talk with you. Now.
Shawn: You're not my dad.
Alan: Yeah, well, I'm all you have
[he reaches for Shawn who shoves his hand away]
Shawn: Whoa, look! You're not my dad. I don't have a dad. And I don't have a mom. I'm an orphan. I'm an old orphan. My childhood is over and I never had any parents.
[to himself]
Shawn: Oh, God. Stop whining! I-I-I hate you.
Alan: I'll be your father.
Shawn: [laughs] You-You'll be what?
Alan: I want you to be a member of this family.
Amy: Alan?
Alan: We want you to be a member of this family.
Amy: We do. You need a mom? I'm a really good mom. I've got references.
Cory: Yeah, she's good.
Eric: She's the best I've ever had.
Shawn: You wanna adopt me?
Amy: Shawn, you have always been a part of our family.
Alan: How 'bout we make it official?
[Shawn turns and leaves angrily]

Shawn: [learning that Topanga didn't say "I Love You" to Cory] This is great! You left out the most important piece of the puzzle!
Cory: So you can help me?
Shawn: Are you kidding? It's over.

Jonathan: All right, class. In "The Grapes of Wrath," we see that the struggle to organize, to get justice for the migrant farm workers, was long and difficult. Heads were broken. People were killed. A lot of blood.
Shawn: Sounds like bingo night in my trailer park.

Shawn: [to Cory] Okay, who are you and what have you done with Cory the mope?

Cory: Fish and sticks. Two things nature wouldn't have put together. What'd you get?
Shawn: Peanut butter and jelly. Two things nature couldn't keep apart.
Cory: Since when does your mom pack you lunch? I thought you liked fish sticks.
Shawn: I do, but I think it's cruel how the little fish scream when they rip their sticks off.

Cory: I was hoping you'd come alone.
Shawn: Yeah, I tried but you-know-who wouldn't hear of it. I think she suspects.
Cory: Hey, I understand that she's important to you.
Shawn: We both know that this would happen eventually.
Cory: Getting older.
Shawn: Meeting girls.
Cory: Having relationships with those girls.
Shawn: Which means there is less time for...
Cory: Best friends...
Cory: To spend time together.
Shawn: It's only natural.
Cory: Sure, natural.

Shawn: That Angela was alright. I'm gonna miss her.
Topanga: Look, then why did you break up with her?
Shawn: As they say south of the border: "Dos semanas."
Topanga: Shawn, you guys were really getting along! You know, your two week rule is dumb.
Cory: No, no, his one week rule was dumb. His two week rule shows growth.
Topanga: Shawn, just face it. You're afraid of making commitment.
Shawn: I'm not afraid of making commitm... I've been with Cory for fifteen years!
Cory: Ah, they've been good years.
Shawn: You worked very hard for them.
Cory: Well, it takes two. Do you think...?
Topanga: Stop! You're afraid to get to know someone. You're afraid of letting someone get to know you. And unless you get over this, you're gonna go through life, all alone. Except for Cory, who will bring you magazines and pudding. There, I think I got through to him.
[turns around to find Shawn making out with another girl]
Cory: Sure you did, honey, and now he wants to hear what she has to say.

Angela: There is no relationship! You don't know what you're talking about.
Shawn: Hey, he told me, okay?
Angela: Oh, no. How could you do that?
Shawn: How could *you've* not told me?
Angela: That my mother walked out on me just like your mother walked out on you?
Shawn: Yes! Don't you think I would've understood? Don't you think that that would have brought us closer together?
Angela: Yes! I don't want to be closer together!
Shawn: Why not?
Sergeant: Yeah, why not?
Angela: Because I don't want to hurt you.
Shawn: What are you talking about? You're already killing me. How are you going to hurt me more if you love me?
Angela: I can't love you.
Shawn: Why not?
Angela: [crying] Because.
Shawn: Because why?
Angela: Because I'll leave you!
[She starts moving towards the stairs but Sergeant Moore stops her by grabbing her arms]
Sergeant: No. Nuh-uh, nuh-uh no. Do *not* surrender to this! I did not raise a daughter to surrender!
[He takes her hands in his]
Sergeant: You are not your mother. You're you! The difference between your mother and you, is that she was not in love. And you are.
Angela: Daddy, I'm so sorry.
Sergeant: It's okay. *I'm* okay. But this is about you. I just want you to be happy, but how can you ever be happy if you're afraid to tell the man you love that you love him?
[Angela walks back over to Shawn]
Angela: I love you! I love you so much! I just don't want to hurt you anymore.
Shawn: I love you too. I always have.
Sergeant: You take care of my daughter, young man.
Shawn: Sir, yes sir.

Shawn: They broke your camera. Sorry about that.
Cory: They didn't get the tape.
Shawn: You know, Mr. Williams was right. You are a pretty good reporter.
Cory: [pauses] Take it. It's your family.
Shawn: No, no, you take it. Go win that contest.
Cory: What about protecting your family?
Shawn: I just did. Eddie's only blood. You're my family.

Topanga: Cory, about tonight, um... Can we reschedule? Some of the girls are getting together, and if it's all right...
Cory: Oh, don't speak, don't speak. If you need to get together with the girls of your gender, I... I completely understand.
Topanga: Cory, have you been reading Couples Magazine?
Cory: I took the quiz on the back. 95!
Topanga: Ooh!
[she kisses him before she leaves]
Shawn: 95? Is that your score or your age?

Jonathan: So we find, in Fielding's novel, the character Tom Jones is absolutely irresistible to women. Isn't that right, Matthews?
Cory: Uh, yeah, that's right.
Jonathan: What's right?
Cory: What you just said.
Jonathan: What'd I just say?
Cory: You weren't listening, either?
Jonathan: Matthews, keep your head facing this way. Shawn, tell your buddy what I was saying.
Shawn: Uh, he was saying, "Matthews, you're not listening."
Jonathan: Thank you. Did either of you guys do the reading assignment?
Cory: Some of it.
Jonathan: What did you read?
Cory: I read the page you handed us with the reading assignment on it.
[bell rings]
Jonathan: Yay! Yay!

Shawn: It's the New York Times.
Cory: The New York Times Trailer Park edition.
Shawn: It's the same thing, except you can eat it!

[Cory and Shawn are in the school library]
Cory: Shawn!
Shawn: Cory? Is that you?
Cory: No, it's the audiobook section you moron!

Jack: [Chet just had a heart attack and is resting in a room at a hospital] Uh... I thought it'd be nice if he had his own room.
Shawn: Yeah, well, whatever this nice room costs, I'm paying half.
Jack: Aw, look, don't worry about it, man. My, my stepfather's willing to help out. You know, it's...
Shawn: My dad and I do not need charity from your family.
Jack: Shawn, you know...
Shawn: No, no - -how much does this room cost?
[Jack sighs]
Shawn: How much does the room cost?
Jack: $2,000...
Shawn: Oh. Okay.
Jack: ...a day.
Shawn: What? Are they out of their freaking minds?

Shawn: It's better if you like a girl who likes you more than you like her 'cause then she'll pay for stuff and if she's paying, love is way cool.
Topanga: That's disgusting!
Cory: [smiling] He's my best friend

Shawn: Well, maybe we're just going to have to accept the fact that you and Topanga aren't going to get back together.
Cory: You big stupid idiot!
Shawn: That's great! Let it out!
Cory: You don't understand. We were back together. We just wanted to make you feel like you had something to do with it.
Shawn: What? You mean, you didn't need my help? Really?
Cory: Hey, you'll forgive me If I don't feel bad for you right now.
Shawn: Well, what kind of stupid thing was it for you to care whether I put you back together or not? What are you, humpty-dumpty?
Cory: No, no, no, Shawn. You do not understand. We told Feeny first. Okay? You would have been very very upset?
Shawn: Wait, wait, wait a minute. You told Feeny before you told me?
Cory: Yes.
Shawn: Who cares? The main thing is you're back together.
Cory: But we're not now. You just broke us up again.
Shawn: You're just telling me that so I can put you back together again. I don't like your sick games Cory the mind-bender.
Cory: You know we really should have taken more classes doing our senior year. We have entirely way too much time on our hands.

Cory: Mr. Feeny, why are you keeping us locked up here?
Mr. George Feeny: Because I care about you.
Eric: He cares about us, okay? And I care about us, too. We've been friends all our lives.
Jack: No. No, we haven't. That's the point.
Angela: Some of us have been friends all their lives.
Rachel: And some of us haven't. It's an exclusive club and we're not in it.
Cory: Rachel, what are you making this such a big deal for?
Angela: Because it is a big deal!
Shawn: Angela, don't blow this up.
Angela: No. It's too late, Shawn. It's blown.

Shawn: My soap opera name is Patrick Trailer Park.
Angela: Well, mine is Shawnene Martin Luther King Boulevard.
[Everyone stares]
Angela: Gosh, I gotta get some black friends.
Rachel: So, Topanga what's your middle name?
Topanga: I don't wanna play.
Jack: Why not?
Topanga: I have a weird middle name.
Jack: Your first name's Topanga. What could your middle name be? Shmaboogie?

Ethan: I was sent by God.
Detective: So were we.

Shawn: Okay, everyone have a peaceful night. I'm going back to The Centre.
Alan: Oh, no. Whoa, whoa. No, you're not. While your parents are out of town you are our responsibility.
Amy: That means you're staying here in this house.
Shawn: Yeah. Mr. Mack told me that people like you would try to talk me out of my beliefs.
Amy: Shawn, we love you.
Shawn: He said you'd say that.
Alan: All right, fine. That's enough. Get him in the house and tie him up.
George: Shawn, these aren't beliefs. This is just a way to escape a life that doesn't have beliefs.
Shawn: That's a judgment.
George: You're damn right it is.

Old: Who?
Old: What?
Old: They want you to take the rolls!

Alan: Hey, Shawn, Cory. Um. Guess how many different kinds of rice we have.
Cory: Oh, no.
Alan: Come on, Shawn. Guess.
Shawn: Ten?
Alan: Ten. Puh! Twenty-one. And that's not even counting the short grains. Throw them in, fogedda 'bout it!
Shawn: Cory?
Cory: Yeah?
Shawn: I'm glad I'm not you.

Cory: Shawn, what was your mother's maiden name?
Shawn: Cordini.
Cory: Cordini, so that would make you a WOP, right?
Shawn: [all the kids turn and look] What did you call me?
Cory: You heard what I called you.
Shawn: [to Feeny] Did you hear what he called me?
George: I heard what he called you.
Shawn: What're you going to do about it?
George: He's the teacher, what are you going to do about it?
Shawn: I'm gonna knock his head off!
Cory: What if you couldn't? What if you couldn't do anything about it?
Shawn: What?
Cory: What if you lived in a country where I could kill you just because of your mom's last name.
Shawn: Cory, what're you talking about?
Cory: A 15 year old girl is dead! Doesn't anybody care? She was really smart and totally cool. Her name was Anne Frank. She wrote this book. They say she died of 'typhus', but, *they* killed her, because her name was Anne Frank. Anne Frank was a victim of anti-semi-tism.
George: Antisemitism.
Cory: Thank you, Mr. Feeny. You have to read this book, and you have to pass this test. Not because of me, but because when somebody calls someone else a bad name, it's not right that just that one person stand up. We *all* have to stand up.

Eric: [dressed as a girl] How do I look, babe?
Shawn: Yes on the dress, no on the face.
Eric: What? Too much makeup?
Shawn: Too much ugly.

Cory: What just happened over there, Shawn? I mean, I'm talking with you, fine, but over there with Topanga, I became a... a sea monkey.
Shawn: It's a bad animal, man.

Cory: Hey, Mr. Feeny, I think you're going to have another Matthews to teach.
Shawn: Maybe he'll have a kid like me to sit next to.
Cory: He won't have to.
Shawn: Why not?
Cory: You'll still be there.
[he and Shawn laugh]

[trying to straighten Cory's hair]
Cory: Is this stuff supposed to be burning?
Shawn: Why, is it burning?
Cory: No, I was just trying to make conversation, because we don't get enough chances to talk any more.

Shawn: Hey, Cory, brought you a great article on Barry Bonds.
Cory: Ah, the 43 million dollar man.
Stuart: Why do they call him that?
Shawn: Because that's what he's getting paid to play baseball for six years.
Stuart: [astonished] Seven-point-one-six million a year?
Shawn: [cautiously] If that's what it comes out to, yeah.
Cory: He happens to be one of the top guys in baseball.
Stuart: Well, I happen to think Mr Feeny is one of the top guys in teaching, and he makes about forty thousand a year.
Shawn: That stinks!
Stuart: Finally, something we agree on.
Cory: Yeah.
Shawn: Feeny ain't worth that kind of money.

Mr. George Feeny: Mr Matthews, what was I just talking aboout?
Cory: [stutters] Uhhh...
Mr. George Feeny: Ok, Mr. Hunter, what was I just talking about?
Shawn: President Roosevelt and the New Deal.
Mr. George Feeny: [clutches heart] O dear lord he's right.
Shawn: Hey Mr. Feeny, it's been my answer for two years. It had to pay off sometime!

Vance: Who are you? I don't have your cornea scan.
Bobby: I wasn't born when your file was set up. I'm your grandson Bobby.
Vance: How long have I been in here?
Bobby: Almost 35 years.
Vance: 35 years. I imagine the world's changed quite a bit.
Bobby: Oh, yes. My father, your son, he, uh... he's gone. A heart attack. It just happened.
Vance: Ah. So you're alone now.
Bobby: I'm the last of the family.

Cory: Shawn, what does your father do for a living?
Shawn: Shh, I wanna find out!

Ms. Kelly: Good afternoon, class. I'm Ms. Kelly, and I'll be filling in for Mr. Dubin for the next few days.
Shawn: On behalf of the entire class, I'd like to say... stay as long as you like.
Ms. Kelly: Now, right now, you seem to be covering...
Shawn: CPR, and I'm today's dummy.
Ms. Kelly: No, actually, we seem to be up to human reproduction, which I hope we can discuss in a mature fashion.
[Some students in the class giggle]
Shawn: Oh, stop being so young. You know, I'm not as young as they are. I've stayed back, like, 50 times.
Ms. Kelly: Really? How old are you?
Shawn: 24?
Ms. Kelly: Really? What are you doing in a seventh-grade classroom?
Shawn: I'm a cop.
Ms. Kelly: Sit down.
Ms. Kelly: All right, but I'm watching you.

Shawn: Did you finally get up enough guilt about Dad to pay him a little pity call?
Jack: That's not it. I wanted to come here. I have a brother here. I came here to see you too!
Shawn: Yeah, right.

[Topanga is choking him]
Shawn: [looks upward] Dad! I'm comin', dad!

Shawn: Stop obsessing, man. You're gonna pop a lobe.
Cory: You're right. I should relax, 'cause this coupling thing, it's just a phase. I mean, how long can it last... a few weeks?
Jonathan: [Enters walking with Ms. Kelly] The cafeteria's right this way. They know me there. I'll get us a good table.
Ms. Kelly: You would do that for me?
Jonathan: Oh, yeah. I'm very tight with Bertha, the lunchroom lady. Yeah, I once rescued a dolphin from her hair net.
Cory: OK, maybe it'll last a few years.
George: [Enters walking with an older, female teacher] Yes, I'm acting principal now, and the pressures would be daunting for a man half my age. Fortunately I have a vitality that belies my years.
Cory: I'm the only one who doesn't know how it's done.

Shawn: Cory, we agreed we were going to make new friends.
Cory: No, you agreed. I was perfectly happy with the way things were.
Shawn: [indicates Lionel] Then explain him!
Cory: His name is Lionel. We met today and we are getting along just famously. Because I'm young, Hunter. I'm vital and I have a lot to offer.
Shawn: Yeah, well so do I!
Cory: The difference is I have the dignity to keep my friendships personal and private. Not parade them around in public for your twisted amusement!
Shawn: You little punk!
Cory: You dirty man!
Chubbie: Catfight!

Cory: Well, as you all know, I just came from the doctor.
Topanga: You have something?
Cory: Yes. I have something. You all made fun of me, but I have something, alright.
[Holds up a piece of paper]
Cory: It's all right here. Right here...
[to Topanga]
Cory: You're my wife. 'kay? You have the right to know first.
[He hands Topanga the paper then goes to the window and broods]
Shawn: What's it say?
Topanga: He has hypochondria. Chronic and severe hypocohondria.
Cory: That's right.
[He turns to face everyone, near tears]
Cory: I'm a hypochondriac.
Topanga: Cory, it means that there's nothing wrong with you! It means you create stuff in your head!
Cory: Yes, well.
[He holds up a prescription bottle]
Cory: He gave me these placebos.
Shawn: Placebos are what they give to crazy people like you to make them think they're being cured of something they don't have!
Cory: Hey!
[screams]
Cory: I have to be on these for the rest of my life!

Cory: I wish there was some way to do a book report without reading the book.
Shawn: They can put a man on the moon, but you still gotta read.
Cory: I got it! We rent the movie and copy the junk on the back of the box.
Shawn: You're a genius!
Cory: What, you think that 16 was an accident?

Cory: Listen, I gotta tell somebody. Shawn, I am one of the undead creatures of the night!
Shawn: Cory, you can't fool your best friend. Something's bothering you isn't it?

Shawn: Well, Cory and Topanga aren't together anymore.
George: Yes, I know. I, too, read "Teen Beat," Mr. Hunter.

Gary: This has been a terrific evening, and you are just great. And so, I'm wondering, how is it that someone like you doesn't have a boyfriend?
Shawn: Well, I haven't really been looking for a boyfriend, 'cause I've just been... going through a lot of changes.
Gary: Listen, anytime you wanna talk, I'm here to listen.
Shawn: [surprised] Thanks, that's... that's nice, Gary. I gotta have some food.
Gary: Hey, you got it. Waitress!
Cory: [Cory enters dressed as a woman] How you doin', honey?
Shawn: ...Cory?
Cory: I'm Cora, I'll be your waitress this evening.
Gary: You know, I come here a lot and I've never seen you before.
Cory: Quit hitting on me!
[laughs]
Cory: I'm just kidding! It's my first night. Besides, it looks like you're already taken, cutie!
[winks]
Shawn: [shakes his head] You're insane...
Cory: May I take your order, baby?
Gary: My usual. A double chili burger and one chocolate milkshake, with two straws.
Shawn: I'll have the same... and a steak.
[Cory and Gary looks at him]
Shawn: What?
Cory: [pinches Shawn's cheek] Well, aren't you the veracious little eater!
Gary: Gary:
[puts his arm around Shawn/Veronica]
Gary: So... are you having a good time?
Shawn: ...A little trouble breathing... you're crowding me a bit.
Gary: Oh, maybe you're just tense? How about I rub your shoulders?
[starts doing so]
Shawn: You know, I didn't ask you to do that.
Gary: Yeah, but doesn't it feel good?
Shawn: [shoves Gary away] You're not listening to me.
Gary: Whoa, you're a strong one!
Shawn: Yeah, I play a little field hockey...
Gary: I knew that, because the first thing I noticed was your legs...
[touches Shawn's leg, which makes Shawn yell and stand up]
Gary: What's the matter?
Shawn: You just don't listen! You're too busy planning your next move to hear us say no!

Shawn: [pointing at the whiskey bottle] Is that yours?
Cory: This was given to me when I stole it from my father.

Eric,59218: [gasp] Topanga!

Cory: Okay, so what we got here is a purse losing, lips protective, poetry reading, Van Damme loving gal.
Shawn: Well, I'd give her two weeks.