The Best Bill Quotes

Bill: Sweetheart, you can't buy the necessities of life with cookies.

Bill: OK, everybody. Grab your plates. Soup's on.
Edward: [with mouth full] I thought this was shish-ka-bob.
Bill: What?
Edward: [a little clearer] I thought this was shish-ka-bob.
Bill: Yeah, it is shish-ka-bob. It's a figure of speech, Ed.

Bill: So Edward, did you have a productive day?
Edward: Mrs Monroe showed me where the salon's going to be.
[turns to Peg]
Edward: You could have a cosmetics counter.
Peg: Oh, wouldn't that be great!
Bill: Great.
Edward: And then she showed me the back room where she took all of her clothes off.
[everyone stares, Kevin snickers]

Jim: [after seeing Edward accidentally cut Kim] Hey! Now you've done it!
Kim: It was just a scratch Jim, really!
Peg: What's going on?
Jim: Call a doctor, he skewered Kim!
Kim: He didn't skewer me!
Jim: [now bullying and shoving Edward] You can't touch anything without destroying it! Who the hell do you think you are hanging around here, huh? Get the hell outta here! Go you freak!
Jim: [to Kim] He tried to hurt you.
Kim: No he did not and you know it!
Jim: Are you nuts? I just saw him!
Kim: Jim, I don't love you anymore I just want you to go, ok? Just go!
Jim: Are you serious? Losing me to a loser like that? He isn't even human!
Kim: Just get out of here ok, just go!
Kim: [after Jim has left] Dad, did you see where Edward went?
Bill: No, he just waltzed down the street.

Bill: Well, this must be quite a change for you, right, Ed?
Peg: Edward, dear. I think he prefers Edward.
Bill: Oh, sure.

- Dear, stealing's not the way to get it.
- Stealing's not the way to get anything.
Bill: Except trouble, and you're in a serious heap of that.
- Oh, Edward, why ever did you do this?
- Damn those TV programs.
- Damn them all to hell.
- Or did somebody put you up to this?

Bill: Soup's on!
Edward: I thought this was shish kabob.