Top 100 Quotes From The Martian
Mark: I admit it's fatally dangerous, but I'd get to fly around like Iron Man.
- The tail is giving good data.
- She's rock solid at this point, Flight.
- TVCs look good.
Annie: But if something goes wrong?
Vincent: Then we lose the crew.
Bruce: So what, we either have a high chance of killing one person, or a low chance of killing six people. How do we make that decision?
Vincent: We don't.
[pointing to Teddy]
Vincent: He does.
Mitch: Yeah, bullshit. It should be Commander Lewis' call.
Teddy: We still have a chance to bring five astronauts home safe and sound. I'm not risking their lives.
Mitch: Let them make that decision.
Teddy: Mitch, we are going with option one.
Mitch: You god damn coward.
Mark: Who am I to talk about loneliness?
Melissa: Houston... six crews... safely aboard.
- ...just how long
- Mark has been completely alone on Mars.
- We're talking to a psychology expert later to discuss...
- Anyone gets lost, hone in on my suit's telemetry.
- You ready?
- Ready.
- Commander, are you okay?
- I'm okay.
- roughly 50 days to complete.
- So I gotta live for 50 days... inside a Rover with marginal life support the size of a small van.
- So, in the face of overwhelming odds,
- I'm left with only one option.
- I'm gonna have to science the shit out of this.
- Guys,
- I'm running the numbers, and even with optimal VAL blow... we're gonna be off on our angle.
- What's the intercept distance? Johanssen?
- 260 meters, approximate.
- That's too far.
Mark: All right, let me get a few things out of the way, right off the bat. Yes, I did in fact survive on a deserted planet by farming in my own shit. Yes, it's actually worse than it sounds. So, let's not talk about that ever again.
Tim: Okay he says "They don't know I'm alive? What the F word, F word in gerund form, F word again is wrong with you?"
Mark: Surprise!
- 5.2 meters per second.
- Copy. Adjusting course.
- 3.1 meters per second.
- Distance to target, 24 meters.
- 11 meters to target.
- Six meters.
- Rich, what the hell are you doing?
- I need you to get me some supercomputer time.
- When did you last sleep?
- It's important, Mike.
- All right,
- I'll do it.
- Good.
- I just thought we'd all rather look at a black screen... instead of a vibrant red planet.
- Excuse me?
- Tim's our finest comm tech.
- We all appreciate his acerbic wit.
- I will kill you.
- Holy shit, he's alive.
- I left him behind.
- No.
- No.
- We all left together.
- You were following orders.
- I left him behind.
- on my next transmission.
- I'm trying to figure out whether
- I should go with
- "High School Senior"... or "coquettish ingénue."
- But I'm not really sure how that's gonna look with my spacesuit on.
- Well, technically, Mars would be under maritime...
- Yeah, I know.
- He explained it to us.
- Where is he?
- There.
- Okay.
- Here.
- Okay.
- Who also had copies of Zork II... and Leather Goddesses of
- Phobos on her personal laptop.
- Seriously, Johanssen... it's like the Smithsonian of loneliness on there.
- Not that I'm complaining.
- Yes!
- Who am I to talk about loneliness?
Mark: Hi, I'm Mark Watney and I'm still alive... obviously.
Mitch: The truth is that Mark's right. The longer we wait, the worse it's going to get. We need to tell the crew.
Teddy: You're saying this now while Vincent is in Pasadena, so he can't argue the other side.
Mitch: I shouldn't have to answer to Vincent or anyone else. It's time, Teddy.
[first lines]
Melissa: All right team, stay in sight of each other. Let's make NASA proud today.
Rick: How's it looking over there, Watney?
Mark: Well, you will be happy to hear that in Grid Section 14-28, the particles were predominately coarse but in 29, they're much finer and they should be ideal for chem analysis.
Rick: Oh, wow. Did everybody hear that? Mark just discovered dirt.
[laughs]
Rick: Should we alert the media?
- Let's wait it out.
- Let's wait it out.
- Commander?
- Prep emergency departure.
- Commander?
- We're scrubbed.
- That's an order.
- You're in a hurry.
- Yeah.
- My son turned three yesterday.
- Should be pictures of the party.
- Just in case things don't break my way.
- Actually, you could teach all this in a class someday.
- You know, the good stuff, like how to make a bathtub... using NASA tubing and an old RTG.
- How to cook a potato about 6,000 different ways.
- The Mark Watney syllabus.
- Main engine start.
- 7... 6... 5... 4... three... two... one.
- And liftoff.
- As the crew of the Ares 5... begin the next chapter of American space exploration.
- Pressures look good.
Mark: In the face of overwhelming odds, I'm left with only one option. I'm gonna have to science the shit out of this.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- "Glad to hear it. Really looking forward to not dying."
- "How's the crew?"
- "What did they say when they found out I was alive?"
Mark: [after trying to make water by burning hydrogen] So, yeah, I blew myself up. Best guess, I forgot to account for the excess oxygen that I've been exhaling when I did my calculations because I'm stupid. I'm gonna get back to work here just as soon as my ears stop ringing.
Beth: [kisses the visor of Beck's helm] Don't tell anyone I did that.
- Commander Lewis?
- Go ahead.
- Data dump is almost complete.
- Copy that. On my way.
- Okay. Mmm-hmm.
- Where's Watney?
- Uh...
- There.
- Okay.
- Okay. I know where he's going.
- I need to get on an airplane.
- While his loss will be deeply felt... the men and women of NASA will soldier forth... onward and upward in the mission of their agency.
- By doing so, they honor the legacy
- Mark's leaving behind... and they ensure his sacrifice will not be in vain.
- first guy to be there.
- Climb that hill, first guy to do that.
- Four and a half billion years... nobody here.
- And now, me.
- I'm the first person to be alone on an entire planet.
- Me?
- Yeah, you.
- Give me a sec.
- Just tell him.
- "We haven't told the crew you are alive yet.
- "We need them to concentrate on their mission."
- We're at 11.5 and holding.
- Ready to go on your command.
- Ready to launch.
- Commander.
- I need you to verbally tell me whether or not to.
- Launch.
- Oh!
- I can't get to you, Mark.
- You're too far.
- I'm not gonna make it.
- I know.
- Beck, unhook me.
- I'm going after him.
- Commander, I got this.
- Hey, there.
- Morning, sir.
- It's an honor, sir.
- Sir.
- Sir.
- Sir.
- Morning, sir.
Vincent: How's he doing?
Mindy: Uh... He asked us to call him Captain Blondebeard.
Mark: Welcome to the Astronaut Candidate Program. Now pay attention, because this could save your life. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.
Mark: [after hearing he has to take the top off of the Mars Ascent Vehicle] I know what they're doing. I know exactly what they're doing. They just keep repeating "go faster than any man in the history of space travel", like that's a good thing. Like it'll distract me from how insane their plan is. Yeah, I get to go faster than any man in the history of space travel, because you're launching me in a convertible. Actually it's worse than that, because I won't even be able to control the thing. And by the way, physicists, when describing things like acceleration do not use the word "fast". So they're only doing that in the hopes that I won't raise any objections to this lunacy, because I like the way "fastest man in the history of space travel" sounds. I do like the way it sounds... I mean, I like it a lot.
[pauses]
Mark: I'm not gonna tell them that.
- whenever they question one of his decisions.
- Get him in line, Vincent.
- We can't afford any miscommunication.
- I hate this margin.
- 912 Sols worth of food.
- We get there on 868.
- And that's assuming nothing goes wrong.
- There's a starman waiting in the sky
- He's told us not to blow it
- 'Cause he knows it's all worthwhile
- He told me
- Let the children lose it
- Let the children use it
- Let all the children boogie
Mark: I don't want to come off as arrogant here, but I'm the greatest botanist on this planet.
Teddy: [From Extended Version] I just had to explain to the President of the United States what a beaurocratic felcher is.
Mitch: I made the mistake of typing it into Google. Don't.
Mitch: He's not even got to the bad parts yet.
Vincent: Well, let's get to the bad parts.
Bruce: We need to remove the nose LR, the windows, and the whole of panel 19.
Vincent: You want to take the front of the ship off?
Bruce: Sure. The nose alone is four hundred kilograms.
Vincent: You want to send a man into space without the front of his ship?
Bruce: Well, no. We are going to have him cover it with HAB canvas. The hull is mostly there to keep air in. Mars' atmosphere is so thin, you do not need a lot of streamlining. By the time the ship is going fast enough for air resistance to matter, it'll be high enough that there will be practically no air.
Vincent: You want to send him into space under a tarp?
Bruce: Yes. Can I go on?
Vincent: [exasperated] NO!
Bruce: Mars' atmosphere is so thin, by the time the ship's going fast enough for air resistance to matter, it'll be high enough that there's practically no air.
Vincent: You want to send him into space under a tarp?
Bruce: Yes... Can I go on?
Vincent: [frustrated look] NO.
Teddy: If we are going to have a secret project called "Elrond", then I want my code name to be "Glorfindel".
- I know I'll stay alive
- I've got all my life to live
- And I've got all my love to give
- And I'll survive
- I will survive
- Hey, hey
- Vincent.
- Vincent, wake up.
Mitch: Do you believe in God, Vincent?
Vincent: Yeah. Yeah, my father was a Hindu, my mother's a Baptist, so, yeah, I believe in several.
Mitch: We'll take all the help we can get.
- 32...
- 33...
- 34...
- 35, 36.
- Sweet and sour chicken.
Rich: I'm gonna need more coffee
[trips over trash basket]
- Mark, report.
- On my way, Commander.
- Damn it.
- This time, of course, we hope to bring all the astronauts back at the same time.
- Flight,
- Guidance check complete.
- Copy, Guidance.
- This is Flight.
- We are go for launch, on schedule.
- Fuck you, Mars.
- Johanssen, Jesus.
- that was here in '97.
- They're already here. Guys.
- I'd like to introduce
- Vincent Kapoor.
- Director of Mars Missions for NASA.
- This is our current team... and our original project members.
- We'll open the outer door.
- I need you to place the charge on the inner door.
- Climb back to Airlock 2 along the hull.
- Copy. I'm on my way.
- I'm in, Commander.
- Copy that.
- It should be
- Commander Lewis' call.
- We still have a chance to bring five astronauts home safe and sound.
- I'm not risking their lives.
- Let them make that decision.
- Mitch, we're going with option one.
- You goddamn coward.
- The smaller ones I'll reseed, the larger ones are my food supply.
- All natural, organic,
- Martian-grown potatoes.
- You don't hear that every day, do you?
- And by the way, none of this matters at all... if I can't figure out a way to make contact with NASA.
Mark: I figured one of you guys kept an ASCII table lying around. And I was right. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you super-nerd Beth Johanssen, who also had copies of "Zork II" and "Leather Goddesses of Phobos" on her personal laptop. Seriously, Johanssen... it's like the Smithsonian of loneliness on there.
- I almost went down.
- Man.
- I got him.
- Way to go, Iron Man.
- Beck, pull us in.
- It's good to see you.
- You... have terrible taste in music.
- astronaut Mark Watney was struck by debris and killed.
- Commander Lewis and the rest of her team... were able to intercept safely with the Hermes and are now heading home.
- But Mark Watney is dead.
- Director Sanders!
- You got it?
- Mmm.
- Make sure you're not in here when this thing goes off.
- Hey.
- Be careful out there.
- In space.
- Don't tell anyone
- I did that.
- Vogel, you're Beck's backup.
- Everything goes well, you pull them on board with the tether.
- If anything goes wrong, you go out after him.
- Yep.
- Okay.
- Let's go get our boy.
Mark: It's a strange feeling. Everywhere I go, I'm the first. Step outside the rover? First guy ever to be there! Climb a hill? First guy to climb that hill! Kick a rock? That rock hadn't moved in a million years! I'm the first guy to drive long-distance on Mars. The first guy to spend more than thirty-one sols on Mars. The first guy to grow crops on Mars. First, first, first!
- Couldn't escape if I wanted to
- And you killed him.
- Try it again.
- Ooh, Waterloo
- Finally facing my Waterloo
- Oh, oh, oh, oh, Waterloo
Mark: The other question I get most frequently is. When I was up there stranded by myself, did I think I was gonna die? Yes, absolutely. And that's one you need to know, going in, because it's gonna happen to you. This is space. It does not cooperate.
Mark: [mouthed, when he's told the crew doesn't know he's still alive] What the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK?
- F-word in gerund form.
- F-word, again,
- "is wrong with you?"
- "Mark, please watch your language.
- "Everything you type
- "is being broadcast live all over the world."
- Yeah?
- L.O.S. here, too.
- U. S. Destroyer Stockton reporting debris falling from the sky.
- Everyone in the LCC, maintain your positions at your consoles.
- GC, lock the doors.
- Is this the replica?
- This is her.
- Okay. Let's see it.
- Pathfinder.
- Pathfinder.
- "Broadcasting status.
- "Listening for telemetry signal."
- Uh-huh.
- Okay. Signal acquired.
- All right.
- Okay.
- Camera.
Mark: [eating a potato] It has been *seven days* since I ran out of ketchup!
- to do that.
- The point is...
- "stretch the rations four more days"... is a real dick-punch.
- I'm gonna dip this potato in some crushed Vicodin.
- And there's nobody who can stop me.
- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
Mark: I'm not gonna die here.
[text message from the Hermes]: Rich Purnell is a steely-eyed missile man!
Mark: Tell Commander Lewis, disco sucks.
- Oxygen level critical.
- Oxygen level critical.
- Oxygen level...
Mark: [recording a video message] If the oxygenator breaks down, I'll suffocate. If the water reclaimer breaks down, I'll die of thirst. If the hab breaches, I'll just kind of implode. If none of those things happen, I'll eventually run out of food and starve to death. So, yeah... Yeah...
- About five seconds, Watney.
- Hang on.
- I'll see you in a few,
- Commander. four... three... two... one.
- Yes!
- All right.
- Thanks to my uncle Tommy in China, we get another chance at this.
- Now, we finished the Iris probe in 62 days.
- We are now gonna attempt to finish it in 28.
Mark: I'm the first person to be alone on an entire planet.
Mark: [after noticing a potato sprout bloomed] Hey, there!
- implode.
- And if by some miracle, none of that happens... eventually I'm gonna run out of food.
- So... yeah.
- Yeah.
- Johanssen?
- Yeah.
- I know it's your private time.
- Can I bother you for a second?
- Yeah, go ahead.
- Where are you?
- The gym.
- and they nearly burned down their dorm.
- And rather than expel them... they banished them to a nearby farm, told them to keep working.
- And now we have a space program.
- Okay.
Teddy: Every time something goes wrong, the world forgets why we fly.
Mark: I've been thinking about laws on Mars. There's an international treaty saying that no country can lay claim to anything that's not on Earth. By another treaty if you're not in any country's territory, maritime law aplies. So Mars is international waters. Now, NASA is an American non-military organization, it owns the Hab. But the second I walk outside I'm in international waters. So Here's the cool part. I'm about to leave for the Schiaparelli Crater where I'm going to commandeer the Ares IV lander. Nobody explicitly gave me permission to do this, and they can't until I'm on board the Ares IV. So I'm going to be taking a craft over in international waters without permission, which by definition... makes me a pirate. Mark Watney: Space Pirate.
- Pressure stable.
- Staple came out.
Annie: What the hell is "Project Elrond?"
Vincent: I had to make something up.
Annie: But "Elrond?"
Mitch: Because it's a secret meeting.
Annie: How do you know that, and why does Elrond mean secret meeting?
Bruce: The Council of Elrond. It's the... it's from The Lord of the Rings. It's the meeting where they decide to destroy the one ring.
Teddy: If we're going to call something Project Elrond, I would like my code name to be "Glorfindel."
Annie: I hate every one of you.
[last lines]
Mark: At some point, everything's gonna go south on you... everything's going to go south and you're going to say, this is it. This is how I end. Now you can either accept that, or you can get to work. That's all it is. You just begin. You do the math. You solve one problem... and you solve the next one... and then the next. And If you solve enough problems, you get to come home. All right, questions?
Mark: I've got to make a lot more water. The good thing is, I know the recipe: You take hydrogen, you add oxygen, and you burn. Now, I have hundreds of liters of unused hydrazine at the MDV. If I run the hydrazine over an iridium catalyst, it'll separate into N2 and H2. And then if I just direct the hydrogen into a small area and burn it. Luckily, in the history of humanity, nothing bad has ever happened from lighting hydrogen on fire.
- So I got to figure out a way to grow three years' worth of food here.
- On a planet where nothing grows.
- Luckily...
- I'm a botanist.
- Mars will come to fear my botany powers.
Mark: They say once you grow crops somewhere, you have officially colonized it. So, technically, I colonized Mars. In your face, Neil Armstrong!
Mark: [talking to himself] I'm sorry, Martinez, but if you didn't want me to go through your stuff, you shouldn't have left me for dead on a desolate planet.
- Wow. Good shot.
- There you have it.
- Five years after the rescue of astronaut Mark Watney... an Ares 5 is on its way to Mars.
- so that it can talk to Pathfinder.
- If I hack a tiny bit of code. just 20 instructions in the
- Rover's operating system...
- NASA can link the Rover to Pathfinder's broadcasting frequency... and we're in business.