Top 100 Quotes From The Martian

Mark: I admit it's fatally dangerous, but I'd get to fly around like Iron Man.

- I got him.
- Way to go, Iron Man.
- Beck, pull us in.
- It's good to see you.
- You... have terrible taste in music.

- I will burn through half my battery every day.
- If I do not use my heater,
- I will be... slowly killed by the laws of thermodynamics.
- I would love to solve this problem right now but unfortunately... my balls are frozen.
- I can't. I'm calling it.
- I'm calling it.

Melissa: Houston... six crews... safely aboard.

- Johanssen?
- Yeah.
- I know it's your private time.
- Can I bother you for a second?
- Yeah, go ahead.
- Where are you?
- The gym.

Mark: All right, let me get a few things out of the way, right off the bat. Yes, I did in fact survive on a deserted planet by farming in my own shit. Yes, it's actually worse than it sounds. So, let's not talk about that ever again.

- Holy shit, he's alive.
- I left him behind.
- No.
- No.
- We all left together.
- You were following orders.
- I left him behind.

Beth: [kisses the visor of Beck's helm] Don't tell anyone I did that.

Mark: I don't want to come off as arrogant here, but I'm the greatest botanist on this planet.

Annie: I mean, what are we gonna say, "Dear America, remember that astronaut we killed and had a really nice funeral for? Turns out he's alive and we left him on Mars. Our bad. Sincerely, NASA". I mean, do you realize the shit storm that is about to hit us?

- So I got to figure out a way to grow three years' worth of food here.
- On a planet where nothing grows.
- Luckily...
- I'm a botanist.
- Mars will come to fear my botany powers.

- Well, technically, Mars would be under maritime...
- Yeah, I know.
- He explained it to us.
- Where is he?
- There.
- Okay.
- Here.
- Okay.

- Hey, there.
- Morning, sir.
- It's an honor, sir.
- Sir.
- Sir.
- Sir.
- Morning, sir.

- Rich, what the hell are you doing?
- I need you to get me some supercomputer time.
- When did you last sleep?
- It's important, Mike.
- All right,
- I'll do it.
- Good.

- 5.2 meters per second.
- Copy. Adjusting course.
- 3.1 meters per second.
- Distance to target, 24 meters.
- 11 meters to target.
- Six meters.

Mark: They say once you grow crops somewhere, you have officially colonized it. So, technically, I colonized Mars. In your face, Neil Armstrong!

- The tail is giving good data.
- She's rock solid at this point, Flight.
- TVCs look good.

- so that it can talk to Pathfinder.
- If I hack a tiny bit of code. just 20 instructions in the
- Rover's operating system...
- NASA can link the Rover to Pathfinder's broadcasting frequency... and we're in business.

Mitch: Do you believe in God, Vincent?
Vincent: Yeah. Yeah, my father was a Hindu, my mother's a Baptist, so, yeah, I believe in several.
Mitch: We'll take all the help we can get.

Mitch: He's not even got to the bad parts yet.
Vincent: Well, let's get to the bad parts.
Bruce: We need to remove the nose LR, the windows, and the whole of panel 19.
Vincent: You want to take the front of the ship off?
Bruce: Sure. The nose alone is four hundred kilograms.
Vincent: You want to send a man into space without the front of his ship?
Bruce: Well, no. We are going to have him cover it with HAB canvas. The hull is mostly there to keep air in. Mars' atmosphere is so thin, you do not need a lot of streamlining. By the time the ship is going fast enough for air resistance to matter, it'll be high enough that there will be practically no air.
Vincent: You want to send him into space under a tarp?
Bruce: Yes. Can I go on?
Vincent: [exasperated] NO!

- Anyone gets lost, hone in on my suit's telemetry.
- You ready?
- Ready.
- Commander, are you okay?
- I'm okay.

- whenever they question one of his decisions.
- Get him in line, Vincent.
- We can't afford any miscommunication.
- I hate this margin.
- 912 Sols worth of food.
- We get there on 868.
- And that's assuming nothing goes wrong.

- You're firing the OMS?
- That's right.
- Commander!
- On my way.
- Johanssen, let's go.
- Mark!

- Couldn't escape if I wanted to
- And you killed him.
- Try it again.
- Ooh, Waterloo
- Finally facing my Waterloo
- Oh, oh, oh, oh, Waterloo

- Okay.
- Okay.
- "Glad to hear it. Really looking forward to not dying."
- "How's the crew?"
- "What did they say when they found out I was alive?"

Mark: In the face of overwhelming odds, I'm left with only one option. I'm gonna have to science the shit out of this.

- L.O.S. here, too.
- U. S. Destroyer Stockton reporting debris falling from the sky.
- Everyone in the LCC, maintain your positions at your consoles.
- GC, lock the doors.

- Nobody explicitly gave me permission to do this... and they can't until I'm on board the Ares 4.
- So that means I'm gonna be taking a craft over... in international waters without permission.
- Which, by definition, makes me a pirate.
- Mark Watney,
- Space Pirate.

- Let's wait it out.
- Let's wait it out.
- Commander?
- Prep emergency departure.
- Commander?
- We're scrubbed.
- That's an order.

Mark: Mars will come to fear my botany powers.

- 5,10...
- 15, 20, 30, 35...
- 40.
- 52.

Mark: Hi, I'm Mark Watney and I'm still alive... obviously.

- About five seconds, Watney.
- Hang on.
- I'll see you in a few,
- Commander. four... three... two... one.

- Is this the replica?
- This is her.
- Okay. Let's see it.
- Pathfinder.
- Pathfinder.

Mark: Who am I to talk about loneliness?

- Vogel, you're Beck's backup.
- Everything goes well, you pull them on board with the tether.
- If anything goes wrong, you go out after him.
- Yep.
- Okay.
- Let's go get our boy.

Vincent: How's he doing?
Mindy: Uh... He asked us to call him Captain Blondebeard.

Mark: [after trying to make water by burning hydrogen] So, yeah, I blew myself up. Best guess, I forgot to account for the excess oxygen that I've been exhaling when I did my calculations because I'm stupid. I'm gonna get back to work here just as soon as my ears stop ringing.

- The smaller ones I'll reseed, the larger ones are my food supply.
- All natural, organic,
- Martian-grown potatoes.
- You don't hear that every day, do you?
- And by the way, none of this matters at all... if I can't figure out a way to make contact with NASA.

Mark: It's a strange feeling. Everywhere I go, I'm the first. Step outside the rover? First guy ever to be there! Climb a hill? First guy to climb that hill! Kick a rock? That rock hadn't moved in a million years! I'm the first guy to drive long-distance on Mars. The first guy to spend more than thirty-one sols on Mars. The first guy to grow crops on Mars. First, first, first!

- I know I'll stay alive
- I've got all my life to live
- And I've got all my love to give
- And I'll survive
- I will survive
- Hey, hey

Mark: [after hearing he has to take the top off of the Mars Ascent Vehicle] I know what they're doing. I know exactly what they're doing. They just keep repeating "go faster than any man in the history of space travel", like that's a good thing. Like it'll distract me from how insane their plan is. Yeah, I get to go faster than any man in the history of space travel, because you're launching me in a convertible. Actually it's worse than that, because I won't even be able to control the thing. And by the way, physicists, when describing things like acceleration do not use the word "fast". So they're only doing that in the hopes that I won't raise any objections to this lunacy, because I like the way "fastest man in the history of space travel" sounds. I do like the way it sounds... I mean, I like it a lot.
[pauses]
Mark: I'm not gonna tell them that.

Vincent: Mark, please watch your language. Everything you type is being broadcast live all over the world.
Mark: Yeah?
[he proceeds to swear even more]
Vincent: Oh my God...!

- Main engine start.
- 7... 6... 5... 4... three... two... one.
- And liftoff.
- As the crew of the Ares 5... begin the next chapter of American space exploration.
- Pressures look good.

- that was here in '97.
- They're already here. Guys.
- I'd like to introduce
- Vincent Kapoor.
- Director of Mars Missions for NASA.
- This is our current team... and our original project members.

- roughly 50 days to complete.
- So I gotta live for 50 days... inside a Rover with marginal life support the size of a small van.
- So, in the face of overwhelming odds,
- I'm left with only one option.
- I'm gonna have to science the shit out of this.

Melissa: Let's go get our boy.

Mark: Fuck you Mars.

Teddy: Every time something goes wrong, the world forgets why we fly.

- so, yes.
- I vote yes.
- Let's go get him.
- Johanssen?
- Yes.
- Yeah!

Annie: But if something goes wrong?
Vincent: Then we lose the crew.
Bruce: So what, we either have a high chance of killing one person, or a low chance of killing six people. How do we make that decision?
Vincent: We don't.
[pointing to Teddy]
Vincent: He does.
Mitch: Yeah, bullshit. It should be Commander Lewis' call.
Teddy: We still have a chance to bring five astronauts home safe and sound. I'm not risking their lives.
Mitch: Let them make that decision.
Teddy: Mitch, we are going with option one.
Mitch: You god damn coward.

- Ares 6 could bring his body home.
- Now, we don't say that's the purpose of the mission... but we make it clear that that would be a part of it.
- We frame it that way.
- More support from Congress.
- But not if we wait a year.
- We wait a year, nobody gives a shit.

- There's a starman waiting in the sky
- He's told us not to blow it
- 'Cause he knows it's all worthwhile
- He told me
- Let the children lose it
- Let the children use it
- Let all the children boogie

Mark: Welcome to the Astronaut Candidate Program. Now pay attention, because this could save your life. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.

- Commander Lewis?
- Go ahead.
- Data dump is almost complete.
- Copy that. On my way.

- While his loss will be deeply felt... the men and women of NASA will soldier forth... onward and upward in the mission of their agency.
- By doing so, they honor the legacy
- Mark's leaving behind... and they ensure his sacrifice will not be in vain.

Mark: I'm not gonna die here.

Mark: Tell Commander Lewis, disco sucks.

Rich: I'm gonna need more coffee
[trips over trash basket]

- Wow. Good shot.
- There you have it.
- Five years after the rescue of astronaut Mark Watney... an Ares 5 is on its way to Mars.

- Pressure stable.
- Staple came out.

- Oh!
- I can't get to you, Mark.
- You're too far.
- I'm not gonna make it.
- I know.
- Beck, unhook me.
- I'm going after him.
- Commander, I got this.

- We're at 11.5 and holding.
- Ready to go on your command.
- Ready to launch.
- Commander.
- I need you to verbally tell me whether or not to.
- Launch.

- implode.
- And if by some miracle, none of that happens... eventually I'm gonna run out of food.
- So... yeah.
- Yeah.

- on my next transmission.
- I'm trying to figure out whether
- I should go with
- "High School Senior"... or "coquettish ingénue."
- But I'm not really sure how that's gonna look with my spacesuit on.

- Me?
- Yeah, you.
- Give me a sec.
- Just tell him.
- "We haven't told the crew you are alive yet.
- "We need them to concentrate on their mission."

- you shouldn't have left me for dead on a desolate planet.
- By the way, I'm figuring you're gonna be fine with this, given my present situation.
- What's everybody doing?
- Taking a holiday from being cool?
- Counting on you.

Mark: Surprise!

- Suit breach detected.
- Oxygen level critical.
- Oxygen level, 10%.
- Oxygen level, 5%.
- Suit pressure, stable.

- Almost easier to what?
- I need more coffee.
- Ahh!
- Are you all right?
- It's fine.
- Almost easier to what?

- 4... 3...
- 2...
- 1.
- Liftoff.
- Good thrust.
- Performance is nominal.

- "Broadcasting status.
- "Listening for telemetry signal."
- Uh-huh.
- Okay. Signal acquired.
- All right.
- Okay.
- Camera.

- Who also had copies of Zork II... and Leather Goddesses of
- Phobos on her personal laptop.
- Seriously, Johanssen... it's like the Smithsonian of loneliness on there.
- Not that I'm complaining.
- Yes!
- Who am I to talk about loneliness?

Tim: Okay he says "They don't know I'm alive? What the F word, F word in gerund form, F word again is wrong with you?"

- "We've been watching you since Sol 54.
- "The whole world is rooting for you.
- "Amazing job getting Pathfinder.
- "We're working on rescue plans.
- "Meantime, we're putting together a supply mission...
- "to keep you fed until Ares 4 arrives."

- Okay. Mmm-hmm.
- Where's Watney?
- Uh...
- There.
- Okay.
- Okay. I know where he's going.
- I need to get on an airplane.

Bruce: Mars' atmosphere is so thin, by the time the ship's going fast enough for air resistance to matter, it'll be high enough that there's practically no air.
Vincent: You want to send him into space under a tarp?
Bruce: Yes... Can I go on?
Vincent: [frustrated look] NO.

- first guy to be there.
- Climb that hill, first guy to do that.
- Four and a half billion years... nobody here.
- And now, me.
- I'm the first person to be alone on an entire planet.

- Oxygen level critical.
- Oxygen level critical.
- Oxygen level...

- and they nearly burned down their dorm.
- And rather than expel them... they banished them to a nearby farm, told them to keep working.
- And now we have a space program.
- Okay.

Mark: [after finding out the intercept distance is too far] Did you say 312? Yeah, I'll just wave to you guys as I go by.

Mark: [talking to himself] I'm sorry, Martinez, but if you didn't want me to go through your stuff, you shouldn't have left me for dead on a desolate planet.

- I almost went down.
- Man.

- Hey!
- Oh, God.
- I can't believe it.
- There's a little smell going on over there, bud.
- I know. I haven't had a shower in a year and a half.
- Don't make me laugh,
- I have broken ribs.

[first lines]
Melissa: All right team, stay in sight of each other. Let's make NASA proud today.
Rick: How's it looking over there, Watney?
Mark: Well, you will be happy to hear that in Grid Section 14-28, the particles were predominately coarse but in 29, they're much finer and they should be ideal for chem analysis.
Rick: Oh, wow. Did everybody hear that? Mark just discovered dirt.
[laughs]
Rick: Should we alert the media?

Annie: What the hell is "Project Elrond?"
Vincent: I had to make something up.
Annie: But "Elrond?"
Mitch: Because it's a secret meeting.
Annie: How do you know that, and why does Elrond mean secret meeting?
Bruce: The Council of Elrond. It's the... it's from The Lord of the Rings. It's the meeting where they decide to destroy the one ring.
Teddy: If we're going to call something Project Elrond, I would like my code name to be "Glorfindel."
Annie: I hate every one of you.

[text message from the Hermes]: Rich Purnell is a steely-eyed missile man!

Teddy: [From Extended Version] I just had to explain to the President of the United States what a beaurocratic felcher is.
Mitch: I made the mistake of typing it into Google. Don't.

- Just in case things don't break my way.
- Actually, you could teach all this in a class someday.
- You know, the good stuff, like how to make a bathtub... using NASA tubing and an old RTG.
- How to cook a potato about 6,000 different ways.
- The Mark Watney syllabus.

- You're in a hurry.
- Yeah.
- My son turned three yesterday.
- Should be pictures of the party.

Mark: [recording a video message] If the oxygenator breaks down, I'll suffocate. If the water reclaimer breaks down, I'll die of thirst. If the hab breaches, I'll just kind of implode. If none of those things happen, I'll eventually run out of food and starve to death. So, yeah... Yeah...

Mark: The other question I get most frequently is. When I was up there stranded by myself, did I think I was gonna die? Yes, absolutely. And that's one you need to know, going in, because it's gonna happen to you. This is space. It does not cooperate.

- Yes!
- All right.
- Thanks to my uncle Tommy in China, we get another chance at this.
- Now, we finished the Iris probe in 62 days.
- We are now gonna attempt to finish it in 28.

Mark: I've been thinking about laws on Mars. There's an international treaty saying that no country can lay claim to anything that's not on Earth. By another treaty if you're not in any country's territory, maritime law aplies. So Mars is international waters. Now, NASA is an American non-military organization, it owns the Hab. But the second I walk outside I'm in international waters. So Here's the cool part. I'm about to leave for the Schiaparelli Crater where I'm going to commandeer the Ares IV lander. Nobody explicitly gave me permission to do this, and they can't until I'm on board the Ares IV. So I'm going to be taking a craft over in international waters without permission, which by definition... makes me a pirate. Mark Watney: Space Pirate.

- I just thought we'd all rather look at a black screen... instead of a vibrant red planet.
- Excuse me?
- Tim's our finest comm tech.
- We all appreciate his acerbic wit.
- I will kill you.

Mark: [eating a potato] It has been *seven days* since I ran out of ketchup!

- You got it?
- Mmm.
- Make sure you're not in here when this thing goes off.
- Hey.
- Be careful out there.
- In space.
- Don't tell anyone
- I did that.

- Vincent Kapoor?
- 6-2.
- 7-6-2.
- Acidalia Planitia.
- What?

- helping me with this endeavor.
- And so far they've come up with...
- "Hey, why don't you drill holes
- "on the roof of your Rover...
- "and hit it as hard as you can with a rock?"
- We're gonna get there.

- 32...
- 33...
- 34...
- 35, 36.
- Sweet and sour chicken.