Top 1000 Quotes From The Sopranos

Supervisor: Is that your garage?
Feech: Nah. It's where I make my weapons of mass destruction.

- What happened?
- They think it was a heart attack.
- Uncle zio found her on the couch after meet the press.
- We hereby commend concetta to the lord...
- Embraced in his divine goodness.
- Let us go in peace. Amen.
- Amen.
- Amen.

Tony: You alright?
Paulie: [referring to Christopher] I know I had my differences with that kid, but maybe I didn't do right by him, neither. If you were his dad, I was his Dutch uncle. And what the fuck did I do but get pissed off? Fight with him over cocksuckin', fuckin' money? And break his balls when he tried not to have a drink or a little taste of snow.
Tony: it's over Paulie

Protester: We want to talk to your foreman.
Christopher: You want to talk to the foreskin?
Protester: You're a wise- ass motherfucker.
Christopher: Well keep your mother off the streets then I won't fuck her.

- I swear to god,
- I didn't touch your place, Artie.
- My mother was confused.
- Look me in the eye.
- Tell me you didn't lay a finger on my place!
- I didn't burn down your restaurant.
- I swear on my mother.

Carmela: [referring to seeing, Patsy, Benny meeting with Angie in her office] They were doing "something" behind closed doors
Rosalie: Angie's putting money "on the street"
Carmela: How do you know?
Rosalie: Angie told me
Carmela: She didn't tell me
Rosalie: Oh, probably because of Tony, maybe he didn't want you to know something like that: Me and my big mouth
Carmela: She's got enough money to do that, huh?
Carmela: [after Roe nods] Well, she's pretty successful with that body shop: our grandmother's did it, those were harder times but God bless, right?
Rosalie: She was one of "us", now it's like she's like one of "them"

- His heart stopped.
- They're working their asses off on him.
- All right.
- Well, we gotta stay positive, right?
- We gotta give him that.
- Positive vibes only.

- Come on, let's go.
- Silvio manfred Dante?
- At a funeral?
- Detective filemon Francis.
- You're under arrest for violating new
- Jersey penal code, promoting gambling.
- Every fucking super bowl, the da. Grabs a few headlines.
- Go ahead. Last year I made bail so fast my soup was still warm.
- All right, come on. Keep moving.

Carmela: [during family dinner, to Tony] while you were sleeping, we found out Hunter Scangarelo got into Reed College
Meadow: [to her mother, irritated] can't you be happy for Hunter? Reed was her first choice: she'd die if she didn't get in. Why do you always think everything has something to do with me?
A.J. Soprano: because you didn't get in anywhere
Carmela: [after chastising AJ for insulting his sister] nobody has heard anything for months: Hunter took early acceptance so she found out early, what that means is she could only apply to that one college. Your sister, on the other hand, gave herself a lot of options such as Bowdoin, Holy Cross, Georgetown...
Meadow: you know Georgetown is a total reach for me
Carmela: oh, please they'd be crazy not to want you
Meadow: if I can in there, I can probably get into Berkeley?
Tony: over my dead body
Meadow: there are more Nobel Prize winners in the San Francisco Bay area than any other area on the planet
Tony: Nobel Prize for what? Packing Fudge? Look, you know you can go anywhere you want to go to college but I'll tell you where I'm not gonna pay for, and that's Berkeley
A.J. Soprano: I want to go to Harvard or West Point
Tony: well, you might get to see them on television but that's about it: you wanna go to college like those, you gotta crack the books

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You never went through it?
Tony: You think my mother and father will stand for that shit?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: How is your mother?
Tony: She's dead to me
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: And how's Anthony Jr. been taking it?
Tony: What? About the family?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: About his non-relationship with his grandmother, how is he suppose to understand that? And in general the whole strain of the current atmosphere in your household? But that don't give him the right to mouth off
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It sounds to me like Anthony Jr. may have stumbled onto existentialism.
Tony: Fuckin Internet.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: No, no, no it's a European philosophy after World War two people were disillusioned by the sheer weight of the horrors and that's when the whole idea took route that there were no "absolute truths"
Tony: You believe that?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: In your family? Even motherhood is up for debate
Tony: No its not I teach him to love, respect and appreciate his mother
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: But what about your mother? Anthony I think it's important to talk about your mother and what she tried to do to you
Tony: Don't need to, she showed her "true colors", that's all
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Has Anthony Jr. heard you say "she's dead to me"?
Tony: I don't know
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Well, don't you think that kind of talk can lead a kid to embrace these ideas?
Tony: Oh, so now this is my fault?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: No, when some people first realize that their solely responsible for their decisions, actions and beliefs and that death lies at the end of every road they can be overcome with "intense dread"
Tony: "Intense dread"?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: A dull aching anger that leads them to conclude that the only "absolute truth" is death
Tony: I think the kid's onto something

- I'm only here out of respect to you.
- But I'm sorry.
- And I appreciate you looking out for me.
- Oh, yeah?
- You two were close, I know...
- No, you don't know.
- Anyway, what I said, about not loving you...
- That's not how it is.

- Between native American demonstrators and members...
- Of a coalition of 18 various
- Italian-American pride organizations.
- Get out of here! This is our day!
- You hear that?
- He fed our people to his dogs!
- My god, this is tragic.
- Could be scored with albinoni's "adagio."

- Wants to see me dead.
- Without invalidating your feelings...
- Is it possible that on some level...
- You're reading into all this?
- I've been coming here for years.
- I know too much about the subconscious now.

Tony: You're a Smurf for 10 to 15 years, then you die, shitting in your pajamas.

Salvatore: [after Tony discovers the affront Coco made to Meadow he walks towards him who is talking to a waiter, with a gun] Some peppers and cheese, gorgonzola. Alright? Don't Forget
Butch: [Tony starts to beat Coco to a pulp] WHOA! WHOA!
Tony: [training his gun at Butch] Sit down! SIT DOWN!
Butch: [sits down] Easy, easy!
Tony: You motherfucker! My fuckin' daughter
[beating Coco]
Tony: My fuckin' daughter. MOTHERFUCKER! MY FUCKIN' DAUGHTER!
[puts his gun in Coco's mouth]
Tony: You want some Sambuca with this?
Butch: Tony! You're makin' a big fuckin' mistake here!
Tony: [aiming at Butch again] How about I put a bullet in your fuckin' head huh?
[pulls Coco and puts his mouth on the fireplace]
Salvatore: Don't do it!
[Tony curb stomps Coco, making him lose some teeth as Butch looks away]
Tony: [threatening Butch] Want some?

- I'll be back in a little while.
- Stay, wait.
- I'm gonna get cigarettes. Be right back.
- Smoke mine.
- Don't smoke. You'll want a vodka.
- What?
- Come on.
- I love you, baby.
- I love you.

- I love you.
- I love you too.
- Where's my paper?
- I forgot.
- She forgot.
- Miss soprano. Come on in.
- Shall we talk about your future?

- Oh, my god!
- Tony! Tony!
- Oh, my god,
- Tony, are you all right?
- Uncle Ben.
- What happened?

Paulie: All the shit we been through, you think I'd really kill ya?
Christopher: Yeah, I do.

Tony: [Tony gets into Christopher's car and punches his head in anger] What the fuck is wrong with you?
Christopher: Didn't Paulie tell you I haven't been feeling good?
Tony: I wipe my ass with your feelings.
Christopher: Thanks, thanks a lot
Tony: Drive the fucking car, we're under the microscope and I heard you shot some civilian in the foot because he made you wait for buns?
Christopher: Fucking Paulie
Tony: Don't blame fucking paulie, Makazian comes to me and tells me Nutley PD has got a description make and of the car, why don't you leave a fucking urine sample next time?
Christopher: If I could've...
Tony: [shouting] SHUT UP and Georgie comes into the club his got vomit all over his shirt I ask him what the fuck, he says your digging up somebody you clipped three months ago
Christopher: I was...
Tony: [shouting] SHUT UP, people that shit they want to get caught
Christopher: I want to get caught?
Tony: Yeah you want to get aught I've seen that before that's cowboy-itis you want to be a big bad guy Christopher?
Christopher: I was worried I didn't...
Tony: [shouting] SHUT UP
Christopher: Can I try and explain here? I don't know it's just the regularness of life it's just too hard for me or something I don't know
Tony: [Patting and rubbing Christopher's head] Look at you. I bet you're sleeping all the time right?
Christopher: It's the only thing I still enjoy. You know what I think? Maybe I have cancer, remember how Jackie got it?
Tony: Cancer?
Christopher: Something horrible is going on inside my body, there's a physical change or something
Tony: does this word cancer pop into your head a lot, or a little bit or what?
Christopher: [Confused] What?
Tony: I'm thinking maybe your depressed.
Christopher: Me? I'm no fucking "mental midget"
Tony: Right.

Tony: Christopher!
- Yo. Yeah.
- Let's go.
- What's up, t?

Tony: [while walking down the stairs to greet Tony] look whose here, the guinea welcome wagon
Tony: [Visiting Johnny in his new house in New Jersey, jokingly] this is for you, you piece of shit. Carmella's bringing something nice for the house warming for Ginny
Johnny: [Showing Tony around his home] they call this the great room. I don't know what's so "great" about it. It's mediocre if you ask me. We got a fuckin living room right over there
Tony: I didn't know you were moving to New Jersey
Johnny: Ginny wanted to be close to her sisters and schools out here
Tony: We were sitting with Carmine all night long, you never once mentioned you bought a place in Jersey
Johnny: It's not Carmine's favorite subject me living in Jersey, it's what? Half an hour over the bridge?
Tony: Well, why didn't you tell me you were moving here?
Johnny: Why?
Tony: I've got to find out second hand?
Johnny: What'd you care? Are you working in the toll booth now? Besides I already got the condo in Point Pleasant
Tony: You should have fuckin told me
Johnny: I'm telling you now, this is strictly a place to live. I've got no intention to "stick my beak in." I mean there's our "family" then there's the Soprano "thing."

Tony: [while inside David Scatino's sporting goods store after business hours, referring to the police investigating the murder of Matt Bevilaqua] if they do have something, why aren't they talking to you?
Salvatore: Give them time, they will
Tony: [Referring to the charges they'll face] murder, aiding, and racketeering
Salvatore: [On the possible sentence they'll receive] Twenty to life
Tony: [while Paulie and Furio enter the store, jokingly] there they are: the Flaying Gavone Brothers
Paulie: [to Tony] not good, not good
Tony: [Suddenly stands up and forcefully grabs Paulie by his shirt] on my fuckin kids I will cut you, just tell me
Paulie: Take it easy Tone. It's fixable. First off it's not a rat
Salvatore: Thank God
Paulie: [to Pussy] don't thank Him yet. There's an eyeball witness
Tony: What're you talking about?
Tony: [after kicking a table, to Pussy] Jesus Christ! Shit! Did you see anybody? Did you see another living fuckin soul?
Salvatore: Fuck no
Paulie: Don't worry, it's only a mere bump in the road
Tony: Oh, you're beautiful
Salvatore: Do we know him?
Paulie: My friend at the station only knows is that his a civilian. A flag saluting mother fucker
Furio: [to Tony, unintentionally incorrectly using the Idiom "go on the lamb"] Maybe you should lamb chop it for a while?
Salvatore: I keep a suitcase in my trunk
Paulie: Yeah, tell us about it
Salvatore: Hey, fuck all of you, bygones are never fuckin bygones
Tony: This is a fuckin nightmare. I've got to move some cash around, if I going to lamb it I'm going away with a fuckin "package." I'm not going to be like Mickey Mcsuko. That poor prick had five fuckin minutes to run. He ended up in some rat infested motel down in Elvis country
Furio: [to Paulie] where is that?
Paulie: Anywhere there are no Jews or Italians
Furio: I don't get it
David: [after coming out of his office] it's starting. It's fuckin starting
Salvatore: Get back in your office David
David: I'm opening my mail and it's a lawsuit, there's a fuckin lean on the building they're going to close me down
Tony: Davey, not fuckin now ok?
David: They're going to know after this it's fraud. I'm going to go to jail for this
Tony: [Angrily stomps towards David while shouting] get the fuck back in your fuckin hole now!
Tony: [after calming down, realizing they still David to continue their bust out scheme] Davey, you're doing a good job
Paulie: Don't worry about this witness T
Furio: [In Italian] that's true. We'll find him
Salvatore: Exactly
Paulie: You don't even know what he said
Salvatore: Fuck you. I did too
Paulie: What then?
Salvatore: I understood
Paulie: What does it mean?

- He what?
- And the driver, you know...
- No, I don't know.
- He caught some friendly fire or something and he's gone.
- Oh, fuck.
- What do we do, t?
- Brendan didn't fence the load.
- He's thinking it was Mario who dimed us to junior last time.

- To the people I love.
- Nothing else matters.
- Hear, hear.
- Whoa, slow down, slow down.
- Supposed to savor it.
- It's important in life.

- and old man satriale put a bullet in his own head, there was a lot of sadness on the block.
- Nothing a Christmas ham couldn't fix.
- Come on, t.
- Fuckin' stop, alright?
- Find somebody else to do it.

Rosalie: I'd like to make a toast: the blossoming friendship between our two children. I'm very happy to see my son spending time with someone like Meadow: she'll be a wonderful influence on him. You did a great job
Carmela: Thank you, solute
Rosalie: It's nice to see our families unite, isn't it? Like with Ralphie, he goes and on about Tony and the promotion, his really happy getting close to him
Carmela: Ralph is a "real find", you hang onto him
Rosalie: It was tough at first, I was afraid everyone was gonna thought I rushed it, that I didn't mourn Jack enough
Carmela: [after Artie walks by their table, not paying attention to them] I think his under a lot of pressure, I heard Charmaine hired a lawyer
Rosalie: Divorce? You know it's funny but you'd think the men in our lives have been... you know and we stay together and here's Artie a regular guy, hardworking and his marriage is in the toilet
Carmela: You can only push a man so far
Rosalie: True, very true

- Tell me to crap on the queen Mary...
- An hour later, they're hosing it down. I owe you everything.
- How do I know what nodal involvement is?
- Didn't you listen? A whole issue of us. News on seniors and health.
- "Take somebody to the doctor's," it said. Somebody to ask questions.
- You ask one dumb fucking question about my diet.

- nobody lives it no more.
- Not Tony, not nobody.
- They let you down.
- Whatever... here I am.
- Using.
- Using.
- Are you breaking up with me?
- No.

Tony: [referring to AJ] the kid spends every fuckin night in some club in New York, sleeps until noon, puts in a couple hours at Blockbuster and that's it. Since my injury like I told you I've been "perceptive". Be grateful for what you've got, but maybe that's wrong, maybe I should be on the kid. My dad would've kicked my lazy ass out of the house.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Really?
Tony: [Referring to Tony's father committing that act when someone couldn't pay the debt back the debt to Tony's father] it's the chopping off of the guy's finger right? I never should've told you that because that's all you fixate on with him.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Can you emphasize with AJ at that age?
Tony: Yeah I had some problems at school but I didn't vegetate
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: These are different times, young people are bombarded with so much information and so much input of every kind, consequently true adulthood is delayed. Sociologists say the new 26 is in fact the new 21
Tony: And the new 26 is what? I'm 46 so that means I'm 35?

- You seeing this?
- Looks like bikers.
- Wooden crates.
- It's good wine.

- Ralph cifaretto drove down to Philadelphia last Thursday.
- Had a couple of guys with him.
- You know who was in the car?
- No.
- You ever heard the name
- "cogo, Giovanni"?
- Giovanni?
- No.

- Man on recording: We may know that there are five essentials for victory.
- One. He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight.
- Two. He will win who knows how...

- Not in the car! Please!
- Not in the car!
- Shut up! Shut up!
- Shut up and get in the fucking car!

- Hello?
- Hello?
- Hello?
- Whoever you are,
- I'd like you to stop this.

- Deb?
- Debbie?

Adriana: Is Tony still actin' all mean?
Christopher: Fuckin' asshole. Ever since I questioned his judgment on some Ralphie/Jackie Jr. problem. Like he's fuckin' infallible, pope Tony the 23rd or some shit.

- No.
- I mean, just watching it go, that huge fireball...
- You have no idea. The heat...
- My seat melted.
- I had been in it just a few seconds before.
- Carlo.
- Carlo.

Corrado: You heard about the Chinese Godfather? He made them an offer they couldn't understand.

- Sorry. Right.
- Philly, yeah.
- Thought you were your brother.
- I just bought a sable off him.
- I'm sorry I had to do that.
- Fuck this.
- They're never coming.

Paulie: [after hearing Tony pounding on his front door] Who is it?
Tony: Open this door!
Tony: I want to talk to you. I hear you got some beefs. You want to phone everybody?
Tony: [while walking into Paulie's living room and seeing his painting of him and his racing horse he originally wanted to have discarded] what the fuck?
Paulie: I know you said you wanted the picture burnt T, but the picture moved me
Tony: That's because you knew it cost me a fuckin arm and a leg
Paulie: If it was in-quality work I'll admit that but I told the guys it was a chance of hanging a picture of you on my wall so I rescued it from the flames
Tony: What's with the hat and shit?
Paulie: Huh?
Tony: Don't give me "huh."You know what it does to me? To be reminded of that fuckin horse?
Paulie: I'm sorry T, but you don't come here no more, I didn't figure it'd be a problem
Tony: [Referring to the FBI] I don't come here no more because they're watching all our houses. It's no good for us to visit
Paulie: I know
Tony: What do you and your whores get a big laugh out of that?
Paulie: That's no joke T
Tony: Then what the fuck is it?
Paulie: That's no joke, it cost me a lot of money to get the re-touching done
Tony: Then what the fuck you do it for? Don't bullshit me Paulie
Paulie: Part of it was to fix some fire damage on the guy's feet but while I was at it, I also thought I don't have a modern look in here, so I'm going with something more traditional. Something that captures what your really all about
Tony: A God damn lawn jockey?
Paulie: That's not a lawn jockey, that's a general
Tony: What general? Who?
Paulie: That's not a real general from history

- of already-married man
- Christopher moltisanti.
- And like I always say, a man is not complete till he's married.
- Then he's finished.
- Chrissy.
- Congratulations. T.
- Thanks.

- Here we are.
- Come on.

Meadow: Dad, give it up. We're not gonna make it to aunt patty's. Dad, hello. We're not gonna make it to aunt patty's.
Tony: Why did i buy a goddamn off road vehicle?
A.J. Soprano: To waste petrochemical resources?

Carmela: [after meeting with AJ's principle and football coach to discuss his punishment for vandalizing the swimming pool] you completely sold us out in there
Tony: what'd I do?
Carmela: they're not punishing him at all and you went right along with it
Tony: I suggested detention
Carmela: that whole "thing" was a disgusting charade so the freshman football team can win the big game
Tony: we've been waiting for years for him to get off the couch, this is good for him
Carmela: oh, please
Tony: we should keep this in the family: punish him at home, he ain't getting off that easy

- I got cash-flow problems of my own.
- A one-time hit, 50, 75 grand to cover the audibility expert.
- I got two kids in private schools.
- Goddamn it!
- Get your shy running right.
- That's what you should be focused on.

- So, Meadow, what business is your father in?
- Actually, um, he's in waste management.
- Ah, toxic chemicals, medical waste, that sort of thing?
- Yeah, sort of, environmental cleanup.
- Let's give a big bada bing welcome to tracee.

- Who, Gerard?
- Wanna put traps on all my lines.
- Adriana.
- Oh, Jesus. What?
- We need to talk.
- I was buying medicine.
- This way, please.
- Let's go.
- But my car...

- That was wonderful, reverend.
- You call us if you need anything.
- Thank you.
- Good night.

Tony: [Referring to how his children socialize with their friends] My girl did the same thing, at his age, always in a group, what's that about?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What's it about for you?
Tony: In my day a boy and a girl went on a date and your father hoped you wouldn't get too far or else you'd get the girl knocked up and her parents would come over and break your legs
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I don't think it's about him going to the mall with a group that bothered you, it was that he wanted to go to mall instead of the movies with you
Tony: Well, his getting to that age where his got a life of his own
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: One that doesn't include you
Tony: It was always "we'll do this", "we're going to do that..."
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Not so fast I've heard you many times about being with your son
Tony: Yeah well that's over now... gone... done
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Its bitter sweet this period, you're glad they're growing up but you're sad to lose them
Tony: [Intentionally changing the subject] I could be going away, for a very long time for something I didn't do
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [Remains silent]
Tony: [Offended by her not showing any emotions, sarcastically] how about "gee that's too bad Anthony" or "what a shame Tony"
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: We can't go into specifics on this
Tony: Well, here's something "specific", I didn't do anything wrong, we're not suppose to talk about it. I could be going to the can for the rest of my life and I'm not supposed to discuss it with my psychiatrist? What the fuck are you for anyway?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: How does that make you feel? The idea that you might be sent to prison
Tony: I've just got to stay around a little while for the kids, especially my boy. Once his out of the house the government can do whatever the fuck they want to do, give me life, give me the chair, whatever they want
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I've never seen you like this
Tony: Like what?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Scared
Tony: [Amused] you know I wouldn't use that word but sometimes I feel, I don't know, you mother fuckers, you know I don't fuckin deserve this
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [Intentionally changing the subject] how's your medication?
Tony: [Shifting in his seat]
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [Sensing he feels uncomfortable] Maybe we should stop

- But, Tony, come on.
- You're a nice guy, but I got my own problems.
- I don't want all the time prop you up.
- What, are you fucking kidding me?
- What you doing?
- I didn't expect you so soon.
- Tell my uncle I'll talk to him later.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after a near-death experience] Every day's a gift.
[pause]
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks?

- If you wait inside for me,
- I'll be in there in a second. Okay?
- Hello.
- Who's the douche bag?
- He buys a new 600 for me every year.
- This was last year.
- Nice.
- You been shopping?
- It's for you.

- _hey!
- Whoa!
- Don't look like you're gonna cry.
- You made your bed.
- I need $15.
- Excuse me?
- A Cole Porter cd. It's for madrigals.
- We're doing three of his songs.
- You took my card, remember?

- What happened to
- "it's a piece-of-shit case"?
- It is. Unwinnable.
- But fold it into a rico, it adds a predicate.
- Good news is if they had what they needed we'd be having this conversation through glass.
- I gotta go.

- Do you think we have you here...
- Because we don't know what's in that garbage bag?
- He was stabbed in the club.
- You tried to dispose of the evidence.
- I didn't do nothing.
- Miss la cerva, I suggest in the strongest possible terms...
- That you start telling us what you know.

Rosalie: [while in the hospital cafeteria] I'll be glad to sit with Tony
Carmela: Hospital rules: it's only family for now but thank you. Angie phoned, I guess she's very busy over there with her body shop?
Rosalie: [after AJ walks up to their table, jokingly, implying AJ resembles the Italian-American fashion model] Oh, look who's here, Fabio, I'm available
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: [to his mother] So, what, now there's actual roaster of who and when stays with dad and I'm not on it?
Carmela: Frankly, I don't think you'd be interested
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: I was sick and I've been trying to study, which is what everyone is usually hassling me about twenty-four, seven. I guess there always has to be something right?
Carmela: Come here and sit down, ok?
Carmela: [when AJ ignores his mother and walks away] Studying? He goes clubbing in New York
Rosalie: You cut him too much slack: you still protect him
Carmela: I know he avoids Tony because he can't face seeing him like that, it frightens him
Rosalie: [adamantly] It frightens everybody, he should get a pass? Kids his age are getting blown up in Iraq
Carmela: you know what's interesting? Janice noticed when AJ talks about Tony possibly not coming out of this, he can't even use the word Dad, he says Anthony Soprano is not going to die.
Rosalie: [sarcastically] Well, that's a fascinating psychological nugget but it don't change the fact if that kid don't pull his end in this, his never gonna forgive himself and nobody else should either
Carmela: It's just that Tony has always loomed so large for AJ
Rosalie: Well, maybe AJ is just a selfish kid that don't give a shit?
Carmela: I'm sorry your son is no longer with us but don't use mine as a guinea pig for your ideas on parenting. I never saw you take a hard line
Rosalie: Why do you think I'm talking to you like this?
Carmela: The thing is Tony has an open incision. If you are there when they change the dressing, it's very hard to take, I don't know if AJ should see that?

Tony: I got a phone call from some young kid Drew, he wanted to know when you were coming home?
Janice: How'd he sound?
Tony: He sounded like he was about fifteen years old... wait, is that your so called fiancée?
Janice: His nineteen actually and he can go all night
Tony: [not wanting to talk about her sex life] So, when you are you going back to Seattle?
Janice: It depends how long it takes to settle ma's estate
Tony: you know how much we love you and you know how much we love having you around, but there's a whole big house over there and I know you want maximum value. So maybe for security reasons so it don't fall into disrepair, you could stay there?
Janice: I've been thinking the same thing, I just don't want to push Svetlana out
Tony: Yeah, well, I talked to her, she's gonna be moving out tomorrow maybe the next day
Janice: Really?
Tony: Yeah
Janice: Great, I better go pack

- And patient soprano?
- How's all that?
- He offered to escort me to my car.
- I almost fell in his arms crying.
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
- Chris.
- Paulie.
- Ralphie.

- It's about love.
- See it that way.
- What does that mean?
- It means...
- Hopefully someday we will learn to tolerate...
- Accept and forgive those that are different.
- Change through love.

- You're robbing a benefit concert.
- Is that all there is?
- I'll fucking blow your head off!
- Most people used student cards.
- Hey! What's going on, you?
- Say one word on that fucking thing and you're dead!
- Hit it!

- He was. I loved him like a brother-in-law.
- But god moves in strange ways.
- Our tailor, he's going blind,
- 47 years old.
- Walk in those shoes.
- And I gotta think, Marie, vito on some level...
- Maybe it's better for the kids not to have that role model.

- That scares him into following orders!
- He thinks the world owes him a living!
- What could have given him that idea?
- We tried it your way for 15 years.
- Validating his feelings.
- That school did the same! He thinks the world runs on his feelings!
- He's gonna go learn to be a man!
- I will not send him to that place!
- Oh, no, fuck that! Allow me!

- I'm not hungry.
- You mind if I eat in here?

Junior: [referring to the low number of people attending Jackie Jr.'s wake at Nuovo Vesuvio] Look at this crappy turnout, you know if Jackie Sr. was still Acting Boss, with a child passed away, this place would be filled to the rafters: flowered cars up and down the block, no matter what the boy had done
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Bobby says you're out from under the house arrest, congratulations
Junior: My fuckin lawyer was finally able to demonstrate I'm not a "flight risk". Flight risk? I've been farting into the same sofa cushion for the last eighteen months, my RICO trial is coming up
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: At least you're out and can eat regular food again
Junior: Fuckin illness changed my whole view point. I'm gonna "stop and smell the roses"
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: We all should, I mean what the fuck?

- Fucking stunad, this guy.
- Did you like the bread?
- What?
- The datenut bread.
- I have recipes...
- Hey, sweetheart, not now, alright?

- It was Christopher who held me.
- You know the baby's car seat?
- A giant tree branch came through the window...
- And demolished it.
- She would have been dead, Caitlin...
- Mangled beyond recognition.

- Hey, no speeding.
- This is a party zone!
- Come on! We can do it!
- Hey, Janet Jackson.
- Hi, Mr. Soprano!
- Where's Meadow?
- I give up. In the house?

- Am I so horrible?
- You are not horrible.
- Get over yourself.
- Over myself?
- What is that supposed to mean?
- Just go. Do me a big favor.
- If you're gonna be a martyr,
- I'll sit here.
- Nope, go. Put your plate in the sink.

Julianna: [while sharing her experiences during an AA meeting] I mean, I was "up" for "anything." Sign the escrow papers, and I'm not sure what "happened", but when he left, it was so fuckin humiliating, I was so "worked up", I just... needed to "smooth it out", so there's the Cristal. I mean, it could've been worse? It could've been my "history"? It could've been "junk"?

- Today I'll wait in the car, I think.
- Why, don't you want some coffee?
- The motor is acting funny.
- I need to keep my foot on the gas pedal.
- Well, okay. I was looking forward to seeing those pictures, though.
- Okay, I'll let Tony know you're here.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It wasn't like it was friggin' Cobain! It was just a little suicidal gesture, that's all.

- Phil, please.
- Philly, Philly, you know me.
- Philly.
- You couldn't fucking retire?
- Philly, for god's sake, you know me!
- Look at this shit.
- You know the work I just had?
- Give me the fucking keys.

- Oh, fuck.
- Get out! Get out!
- My back, my back.
- I'll kill you, you crazy bitch.
- I'll kill you, you bitch.
- You crazy cunt!
- Get out!

Carmela: Oh thank God his alive. It's my fault Tony, my pathetic need to compete with you clouding my judgment or I would never let him stay over in New York. I knew he wasn't ready. I went against all my instincts
Tony: His eyebrows will grow back, nothing really happened
Carmela: No, you know what happened? I said "fuck it" and you know why? To get him to love me as much as he loves you
Tony: He loves you. It's just that you're his mother it's different
Carmela: I can't be the villain anymore. I mean it and I can't say "fuck it." Take him: let him live with you

Christopher: [SPOILER, his last words, to Tony] , call me a taxi, I'll never pass a drug test.

Skip: [Meeting privately] what'd you got for me?
Salvatore: [Hands him a piece of paper of Tony's pump and dump stock market scheme] partial list of the major investors of Webistics, other than that I haven't seen Tony in a while
Skip: You mean besides the night Tony "capped" the Bevilaqua kid?
Salvatore: What are you talking about?
Skip: [Suddenly raising his voice in anger] did you fuck me? DID YOU FUCK ME?
Salvatore: Take it easy
Skip: Take it easy? How about I put a bullet into that stupid bald head of yours? He was spotted Sal, so don't go pulling my "taffy" because of this fuckin second if you lie to me, you will never see the streets where you live for fifty fuckin years! Did you know about this?
Salvatore: No
Skip: If you knew Soprano was planning something, didn't tell me, and didn't wear a wire...
Salvatore: [Interrupts him] I told you no
Skip: Well, there was someone else the night he shot the kid up, a "husky" accomplice
Salvatore: Yeah?
Skip: Yeah, but the witness couldn't ID him
Salvatore: Oh
Skip: Salvatore, were you the perp the witness couldn't make?
Salvatore: What the fuck are you talking about? Are you crazy?
Skip: What'd I fuckin tell you huh? No fuckin violence. I ought to burn you right now and let the judge throw away the fuckin key. I'm willing to decide to believe you ok? But here's what your going to do for me: I want to hear Tony's voice on tape saying "I killed Matthew Bevilaqua", no distortions no faulty recording, and no fuckin nose blowing
Salvatore: Ok I get it but let me asking you something: if I did ride with Tony on something like that, don't you think that would get me tighter with him? Raise my "coinage" with him? Make Tony forget all his suspicions?
Skip: You're a cute prick, Puss, I'll give you that. Get me Tony on tape, talking about this murder
Salvatore: So who's the witness?
Skip: No joke Sal, you don't want to see my darker side

- Ah, ah...
- Come on.
- Thanks.
- Thanks, Tony.
- I might not be able to wipe my own ass, you know that?
- Your nose is as far as I'm willing to go.

- All right.
- Hacklebarney state park.
- Where the "George Washington slept here" house is.
- Up that road, there's a gray house.
- Bevilaqua's there?
- Twenty bucks, baby.

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: do you feel depressed?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [when he doesn't respond] do you feel depressed?
Tony: since the ducks left, I guess?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [before abruptly leaves] the ducks that preceded you losing consciousness: let's talk about them

- in that situation, god forbid.
- My ma... who the fuck would take care of her something happens?
- Except sh and you guys.
- Colombians knock off at noon.
- Then it's empty.
- Manager's unit's down a flight.

- My shitty-ass pizza job.
- If it's so horrible, take a day off.
- My fiancée left me.
- That job is all I have in my life.
- It's better to have loved and lost, a.J.
- What?
- It is.

- Come on.
- Let's go.
- Yeah, give me five dimes apiece on St. Louis...
- Minnesota and Baltimore.

Carmela: Do you remember Angie Bonpensiero?
Janice: Angie Belfiore, married Sal Bonpensiero.
Carmela: Right, she's thinking of divorcing him.
Janice: Halle-fucking-lujah.
Carmela: Do you know them?
Janice: No, I don't know them, but to be married to a man like that...
Carmela: A man like what?
Janice: The 'tude, and the fucking medieval outlook.
Carmela: He is such an adoring father, though. Three beautiful kids they raised, who are now from a broken home.
Janice: No sons, I hope. Three more of his ilk, we don't need.
Carmela: He is very macho.
Janice: Macho? No. Try swaggering mama's boy, fucking hypocrites, shall we?
Carmela: Is that how you see how your brother?
Janice: I thought we were talking about Angie.
[pregnant pause]
Janice: I mean these OC pricks, especially with their goomahs, and their prostitues. Emotional cripples, and they expect their wives to live like the fucking nuns at Mt. Carmel College.
Carmela: It's not that simple.
Janice: Of course not. Madonna/whore is a full equation, I believe. Clothes, appliances, houses...
Carmela: [taken aback] You are talking about me. About us.
Janice: Carmela, no. I don't know. It's just, a woman of your intelligence, is content to ask so little from life, and from herself.
Carmela: Marriage is a holy sacrament.
Janice: [realizing she went too far] Okay.
Carmela: Family is a sacred institution.
Janice: Roger.
Carmela: And you? Trying to fan the flames with Richie Aprile, of all people? Talk about old school.
Janice: Richie, because of his life experience in prison, has a sensitivity to the plight of women.
Carmela: [amused] Oh, my God! I am not even gonna touch that one, but you had me going there for a while. You really did. Oh Janice, honey, I gotta love ya. Really.
[walks off laughing]

- Paulie, please.
- You're on your own.
- I never wanna see you again.

- He was my best buddy inside.
- So you gonna give him a party?
- Take him home, get him laid.
- What's the matter? Carmine?
- Carmine.
- Jesus Christ, carmine!
- Call an ambulance.
- Is he breathing?
- Get that egg salad out.
- Hurry up!

- He's always like this at weddings.
- You make me sound rude. Crab cakes.
- I told you I don't feel good.
- They don't keep in this heat.
- Vito, let's go.
- Francesca, come on.
- Good night.

Tony: [Referring to his daughter Meadow] the kid was suppose to get a job this summer: an internship, then it wasn't right for what she was studying, ok that's one down then she was going to be a hostess at Artie Bucco's restaurant. I got her that and there was a problem that she couldn't work Tuesdays and Thursdays because of her babysitting commitments and Artie didn't try to understand so she left. Then the babysitting family disappeared to Nantucket, then something else fell through
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: So, she's regressing
Tony: She keeps it up she'll be back "in the womb"
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Over the course of a child's life there's a constant moving away and coming back, security versus freedom but what I find interesting and if I'm hear you right, is that at the age of nineteen she actually wants to stay close to home
Tony: Well, see that's what I was going to say, she did have someone close: die
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Jackie
Tony: But she brings that up whenever you ask her to clean up or whatever, she's "traumatized"
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: He was shot to death
Tony: Yeah it's tragic that kid
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It was some kind of drug deal you said?
Tony: Yeah exactly all the "earmarks", no its got to be tough but they've broken up and he wasn't very nice to her
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Maybe it's a manipulation in part
Tony: She's got a hard on about Columbia: "it's so competitive"
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: But it doesn't mean her pain over Jackie's death isn't real. Has she said to you or Carmella she's depressed?
Tony: Oh, come on with that shit, she's going to be alright
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Maybe she should be on medication? And her anger is focused on Carmella? Not on you?
Tony: I catch some shit, we were always close even in that "fifteen year old" period where she can hardly stomach Carmella
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Well, you are the dad. The template for all future lovers
Tony: She loves me, I know that, since she was a tiny baby
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It might be helpful if she saw someone. Dr. Wendi Kobler, she's adolescent psychologist and an educational consultant
Tony: What'd you mean? Talk about private family stuff like I do here with you?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Yes
Tony: Like you said she's going back to school, be with her college pals, back to the "grindstone", that's all good shit

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [on Janice's calm discipline after Anger Management classes] Mahatma Gandhi over here. Nice.

Christopher: [Referring to throwing little Paulie out a window] I did a stupid thing Tone, I won't deny it
Tony: Stupid? I just hung up with Paulie, his nephew's got six broken vertebrates
Christopher: I know that and I'm sorry but this is the second fuckin time Paulie flouted his authority to my face. This shit with the tools, I know he set up the deal with the Cubans but this my father-in-law we're talking about: my family
Tony: In any case this bullshit could've been handled with a conversation
Christopher: I came to the Bing remember? I tried to talk to you about it
Tony: And I told you to wait and you left to go God knows where. I've got to be honest because this goes directly to what we've talked about more than once. If you were around more you'd have your finger on pulse problems like these would've squashed in the womb
Christopher: Whether I'm around has nothing to do with it. He needed the tools? He could've left me a message
Tony: [Sarcastically] we're supposed to leave phone messages about interstate hijackings now? How about faxes? Emails? Make it even easier for the cops. This is a face to face business, Christopher and yeah I'm going to talk to Paulie because believe me there's a few things he needs to hear. But in the mean time you figure out how much he owes for the tools and we'll deduct that against with what your going to owe for little Little Paulie's hospital bills

- Are you high?
- You gotta start with that now?
- I just wanna be sure it's real.
- It is real.
- I love you.
- When can we get married?
- I was thinking maybe our anniversary we could go to Vegas.

[In the nursing home, where his mother lives]
Paulie: I don't understand. All the money I put in this place, and my mother is getting picked on by the others. I want it stopped.
Nursing: You'll have to excuse these girls. Sometimes they think it's a high school with wheelchairs.

- That scene where pesci sticks the guy's head in a vise...
- And then pops his eye out.
- I thought I was gonna die!
- I'll be right back, okay?
- Excuse me.
- It's this way?
- Yes.
- Thank you.

- I'm the motherfucking fucking one who calls the shots.
- You pay me the respect I gave your brother or we're gonna have a problem.
- A bad one.
- Now get the fuck out of here.
- All right, Tony.
- Yeah. All right.

Tony: so, Finn, where are you from?
Finn: my dad was in the navy, I was born in Japan, I spent my first ten years on a base near the Azores
Tony: so, your dad was a sailor, huh?
Finn: surgeon, actually
Carmela: so, you've been all over the world?
Finn: yeah, pretty much
Colin: I gotta tell you Mrs. Soprano, your daughter absolutely keeps us alive with her cooking
Alessandra: [to Colin] didn't you make macaroni and cheese one night?
Colin: [jokingly] I didn't wanna brag

- It's a big move.
- So, Buddha...
- When he stuck you with the tab for vito Jr...
- I said let it go.
- Obviously, truth is, a fuck like Phil, appeasement don't work.
- Oh, yeah.

- She's dead.
- What?
- Yeah.
- She... she drowned on a picnic.
- Well, I thought I picked up on something between her and me.
- I'm not trying to be conceited.
- Tony!

- Kir royale on the outside.
- Come on, baby!
- Swelligant and Meadow gold.
- Swelligant and Meadow gold...
- Fucking go!
- And it's swelligant by a nose.
- Meadow gold to place, kir royale rounding out the top.
[Voice slows ] Mestizo, smoosh baby in the five spot.

Salvatore: [Before picking up a long dart] it means "sit on this cocksucker."
Tony: [Amused, while they all laugh] five minutes from the can for the rest of my fuckin life and I'm laughing
Paulie: You got it skip

- All right, I gotta go.
- I thought we were gonna do a little hunting.
- You hear the turkeys this morning?
- No, I gotta take off.
- Uncle pat, take care of yourself.
- Be careful of the alligators down there.
- All right, tough guy.

Anthony: I was watching CNN. This story about these kids in some Iraqi hospital. How the burn unit doesn't have the right medicine or something. And then they show this story about some mall in Minnesota and these gigantic, fat people buying stuff and eating all this shit. You know, it's like my parents. You should see our house, this stupid coffee maker they got, media room. You know, then there's Blanca. Her kid hardly talks. She can't afford to send him to a decent school.
Dr. Richard Vogel: You think your feelings about Blanca in any way relate to this African boy?
Anthony: She's not black!... I mean... she's pretty tan.

- He's got homework to finish before the trip. Go ahead, Anthony.
- That's a nice example he sets.
- Ma.
- The man's got two speeds, moping or yelling, when he's here.
- He's got an uncle sick with cancer.
- They didn't speak for a year.
- Actually, if you must know,
- Tony has been better.
- We've been seeing his therapist together.

Maurice: [after receiving their share of the profits from the HUD scam from Silvio, referring to their financial disagreement] Listen, I've been wanting to say this: no hard feelings, huh?
Assemblyman Zellman: No, of course not
Maurice: You sure you're alright?
Assemblyman Zellman: I'm fine
Maurice: You're just being... awfully quiet
Assemblyman Zellman: I don't know, tired
Assemblyman Zellman: [while they leave The Bada Bing strip club] You ever feel bad about any of this?
Maurice: What'd you mean?
Assemblyman Zellman: When I think about when we started out...
Maurice: [amused, interrupts him] You know I used to think what I did made a difference: the anti-drug programs, the voter drives, but over the years, it's like "shoving shit against the tide", you know that?
Assemblyman Zellman: I guess
Maurice: Yeah, you cut corners but you help out: do the best you can. Hey, if it ain't us, it's gonna be somebody else. Really, I mean, what're we supposed to be? The only "honest men?"
Assemblyman Zellman: We were gonna lead a "revolution"
Maurice: [amused] Revolution? The revolution got sold

- Hey.
- How you doing?
- Fine.
- You?
- Good.
- Yeah?

- Been trying to reach you.
- Angelo got it.
- Last night. Probably Phil.

Patsy: [shaking hands] Welcome to the neighborhood, we're from the Northward Merchants Protective Cooperative
Coffeehouse: I'm kind of busy, you guys looking for a donation?
Burt: [referring to Patsy] Let him finish
Patsy: You may have noticed, not to denigrate anyone but this is a transitional neighborhood. I mean, demographically speaking you still have a lot of marginal types
Burt: And we merchants have found, you really should have some round the clock security
Coffeehouse: Isn't that what the police are for?
Patsy: they do their best but they got their hands full: your weekly dues to us will give you all the supplemental safety net, you'll ever need
Coffeehouse: I can't authorize anything like that: it'll have to go through corporate in Seattle
Patsy: We merchants prefer to deal on a personal, one on one basis
Coffeehouse: I don't have any discretionary fund: it's gotta go through corporate
Burt: How do you think corporate would feel, for the sake of argument, someone threw a brick through your window?
Coffeehouse: They've got like ten thousand stores in North America, I don't they'd feel anything
Patsy: What if, God forbid, it wasn't just vandalism? What if an employee, the manager, let's say, was assaulted?
Coffeehouse: Look, every last fuckin coffee bean is in the computer, it has to be accounted for, if the numbers don't add up, I'd be gone and someone else will be here

Dr. Harrison Wong: [to Tony, referring to Junior and the mental state exam] He was disoriented when he came in and scored low on his Folstein but that's consistent with concussion
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [yells] We're gonna sue the God damn Justice Department
Dr. Harrison Wong: CAT scan's negative, so far, so good
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: He didn't seem like himself
Dr. Harrison Wong: Man his age could've been working on dementia for quite a while and the blow to the head tipped him over
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You mean like Alzheimer's?
Dr. Harrison Wong: That's one form of it: that's why we want to keep him here to keep an eye on him. There's a good chance this can go away

- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

- You want some water?
- Yeah.
- How's Tony been lately?
- I have no fucking idea, I told you.
- Been over to the house?
- I don't go over there.
- Hardly ever.
- Well, that should be your area of focus, if possible.
- I don't feel so good.

- I gotta tell you, frank.
- I'd forget about any deli trays coming your way in the future.

Christopher: What about the dead guy?
Tony: You keep prodding him with a stick. You light a candle to St. Anthony. But I think you're fucked.

- Let's get the fuck outta here.
- Where to?
- Who gives a shit?
- A new joint just opened on 46th,
- I been meaning to check out the competition.
- Come on.

- Are you sure this is it?
- Brook Avenue and 161st street.
- Columbia? This looks like Harlem.
- South Bronx.
- Don't leave, okay?

- Oh, fuck!
- Fuck me!
- How are we gonna tell him?
- Amy, don't do this now.
- We'll figure something out.
- I'm not a bad person.
- Amy, get back here!

Janice: [referring to Bobby] he just lost his wife and he had so much sadness: so much love for her, such complete and pure emotion. I felt unworthy to be in his presence, I was so moved by him and then I look at Ralphie
Dr. Sandy Shaw: you saw in this man the "things" that you want in your life: truth, love
Janice: yes. "Somehow", I have to find a way to move from the "darkness" and towards the "light"
Dr. Sandy Shaw: what does this man do?
Janice: he works with my brother but his not like the others
Dr. Sandy Shaw: Janice...
Janice: his different, believe me
Dr. Sandy Shaw: ok... but back to Ralph, you've got to sit him down and "level" with him, speak the "truth" but with the compassion and respect that your famous for and say good bye for his sake as well as yours
Janice: [before crying] your right... it's not his fault

[Chrissy catches Paulie sniffing Adriana's panties]
Christopher: [angry] Motherfucker!
Adriana: What?
Christopher: Nothing.

- Let's talk about my daughter.
- Principal says girls in sports do better.
- They don't take drugs or get knocked up.
- But now this shit.
- If my daughter ever tried to kill herself...
- Oh, god!

Tony: My estimate, historically? Eighty percent of the time it ends up in the can like Johnny Sack. Or on the embalming table at Cozzarelli's.
Bobby: Don't even say it.
Tony: No risk, no reward.
Bobby: I mean, our line of work, it's always out there. You probably don't even hear it when it happens, right?
Tony: Ask your friend there on the wall.
Bobby: [laughs] Listen to us. Morbid fucks.
Tony: You know, come to think of it, you never popped your cherry in that regard, right?
Bobby: Nah.
Tony: Your old man was the fuckin' Terminator.
Bobby: I come close. I done other shit but... no.
Tony: A salut. A big fat pain in the balls.
Bobby: Especially now with DNA evidence. My pop never wanted it for me. Said there were times, with all the worry, that he wished he coulda just stayed in the shop full-time, just cut hair.
Tony: To be honest, I'd rather he fuckin' shot me than cut my hair.
Bobby: [laughs]

[Tony, Junior, Silvio and Mikey are playing golf]
Tony: Uncle Jun's into muff.
Corrado: What?
Tony: Oh, did I say "muff"? I meant "rough".
[sniffs]
Tony: What's that smell? Did you guys go to a sushi bar?
Corrado: [to Mikey] The fuck's he talkin' about?
Tony: I thought you were a baccalà man, Uncle Jun. What are you doin' eatin' sushi?
Corrado: You fuckin' run off at the mouth, you know that?
Tony: [sings] South of the border, down Mexico Way.
Corrado: Hey listen, my friend. At least I can deal with my own problems. Unlike some I know.
Tony: What's that supposed to mean?
Corrado: Take it however you want. Don't bullshit with me.
Silvio: Hey guys, guys. We're here to play golf or what? C'mon.
Tony: [sings] South of the border where the tuna fish play.

- Hurry up, for Christ's sake.
- All right, aspetta.
- I'll be working away from the office,
- I should have this stuff.
- You wanna make yourself useful?
- Get the girls' pay slips over there.
- Put them in a bag.
- Or give them to me.
- Come on.
- All right.

- What does it take to get something to eat?
- When my time comes, tell me...
- Will I stand up?

- Well if an old man carries the respect of troops, you keep him around.
- I did something like that myself.
- We're cousins.
- You hungry?
- I could eat.

Corrado: Federal marshals are so far up my ass I can taste Brylcreem.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [having Sunday dinner, Tony is upset by a remark by Uncle Junior] Get your coat! We're leaving!
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano Jr.: I don't have a coat.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Well, then get moving, goddamn it!

Loan: In order to claim marital privilege three conditions must be met: first, the communication must have been made during the course of the marriage, anything said before that is "fair game". Two, the communication must only include the spouses, the presence of any third party destroys the privilege and three, the communication can't be made reference to a crime
Adriana: [irritated, confused] my God, it's simple question: can they make me testify or not?
Loan: short answer? Probably, in organized crime, RICO, the feds will spend a fortune on their case. Believe me, if they want you to testify, their gonna find a way

- My uncle has memory loss.
- Maybe it's hereditary.
- Someone's probably studying that.
- Is it possible that I am Kevin finnerty?
- All right, I'll stop.

- to get rid of vito. Phil alone...
- Fuck Phil!
- You know what that's about? He's gotta
- Polish his rep as a tough prick so he can make boss.
- Vito in Atlantic city...
- He's out there.
- He's not part of us.
- And we get, you know, a trickle of cash coming in each month.

- And now we're here.
- See you later.
- Who was that?
- My hard-on.
- Between the buddhism and talk about the family, poor you.
- Let me see if it's really gone.
- You lie.

Tony: I'm depressed.
Carmela: I'm telling you. Don't you start now.
Tony: What does that mean?
Carmela: It means what it means. I have enough on my plate, I don't need you adding to it with your bullshit.
Tony: Bullshit? It's an illness and it's fuckin' hereditary.
Carmela: Thank you, I know. I am intimately acquainted with the Soprano curse. Your father, your uncle, your great-grandfather who drove the donkey cart off the road in Avellino, all of it.
Tony: Oh, you think it's a joke?
Carmela: Am I laughing?
Tony: Well, then what are you sayin'?
Carmela: He didn't get it from my family. That's all I'm gonna say.
Tony: Your family don't even talk. Your father's so bottled up it's a wonder he's even got a stomach left.
Carmela: Yeah, as opposed to yours.
Tony: At least my father was out front about what was botherin' him.
Carmela: Right, with a bullet through your mother's beehive hairdo.

- In fact, if you take a look at my book, in chapter 14...
- This santoro thing,
- I called it a year ago.
- Hey.
- Thank you for coming, Anthony.
- I know it's a long trip.
- What, and miss a chance to see Missouri?

- Don't go!
- I'll call your wife!
- What did you say?
- I'll go to Columbia.
- I'll tell your daughter.
- Come on!
- Come here.

- Rides nice.
- Let's go down below, check out the mahogany.
- Come on.

- You may not realize it but you're making contacts.
- It's an entry-level job. So buck up.
- Right, focus on the good times.
- Don't be sarcastic.
- Isn't that what you said one time? "Try to remember the times that were good"?
- I did?
- Yeah.
- Well, it's true, I guess.

Georgie: [repeated line to strippers at the Bada Bing telling them what he wants if he wants to let them into the VIP lounge] it's fifty bucks to me and a blowjob later on.

- And believe me, I know that's a lot fucking better than Ralph would do.
- I insist.
- Look, here's, like, $3000.
- Ton.
- Somebody's gonna come by, give you the rest.
- You a great guy, ton.
- Come here.

Jackie Aprile Jr.: [shows him a pornographic magazine] well, right arm's still good, no?
Matush: [while in the hospital with his left arm broken] you think that's funny?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: sorry, tell me what happened?
Matush: I did like you said, I stayed outside
Jackie Aprile Jr.: you must've disrespected them or something?
Matush: I didn't do shit
Jackie Aprile Jr.: did you mention my name? That I sat down with Chris?
Matush: they didn't give a shit, I don't think they like you. I gotta pee
Matush: [referring to the bedpan] can you give me the thing?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: [disgusted] you should get the nurse to help you, it's what they get paid to do, maybe it'll give you a cheap thrill?

- You should see yourself now.
- In the shadows there...
- With the smoke all around you.
- You're beautiful.
- You remind me of that movie star...
- Irina is beautiful.
- Greta garbo.

Tony: [after stapling Mikey's chest] What are you screaming about? Free alterations!

- The lord bless and keep him.
- The lord make his face to shine upon him and be gracious.
- The lord lift up his countenance upon him and give him peace."
- Someone should go down to Artie's.
- Stop thinking, ro.
- Let's get you to bed.
- He opened up the restaurant for us.
- All those people...

- Oh, right.
- Wow, cool.
- So I guess I'll see you.
- Or maybe next week, here.
- Wait. You wanna go for coffee?
- Well... okay.
- Wanna follow me to that dive on sip and jfk?

- For some of us it is.
- Don't get cunty.
- I'm breaking your balls.
- What do you say we take a ride?
- Little prime rib? On me.
- Maybe next time.
- You watching your cholesterol now too?
- Yeah, you're fucking hilarious.

- John wants things to point away from the family.
- You know what? Tell him no.
- Time and again
- I've done his bidding.
- It's time to set some limits.
- Really?
- Yeah, really.
- Be well.

- Oh, my god, my sweet children, to be a part of it.
- Because I wanted things for them.
- Wanted a better life. Good schools.
- I wanted this house.
- I wanted money in my hands, money to buy anything I ever wanted.
- I'm so ashamed.

- What are you doing here?
- You're here.
- What?
- I was at a bachelor party.
- I got dragged here.
- This is what we talked about.
- Get your money and get out.
- Sorry.
- I don't wanna see you here again.
- You won't.
- Smarten up.

- Give me another one.
- That should've been my card.
- I could've had 21.
- I was hoping for a three.
- I'm not sure you understand the fine points.
- Maybe you ought to play roulette.
- It's right over there.
- Round and round she goes, where she stops, nobody knows. Place your...

David: Listen, I heard through the grapevine that you're taking over your uncle's game, you know the big one?
Tony: [Referring to the song by Creedence Clearwater Revival] grapevine? You know if you listen closely to that song, it says believe none of what you hear, and half of what you see
David: No, you know me, it's just... I like to play a little
Tony: [confused] a little?
Tony: [realizing he wants to get in on the game] forget it: this game's not for you
David: I was thinkin I could get a kick?
Tony: You're a nice guy I like you, ok? But trust me, this game's not for you. I don't want to see you get hurt: these guys, they play deep
David: [referring to from his sporting goods store] You know how many jockstraps I sold last week?
Tony: Not enough for this game, ok? Forget it

[Meadow reproves her cousin for making careless accusatory comments about how Jackie Jr. died]
Meadow: Our dads are in the garbage business, and it's always good for a laugh. And, yeah, they brush up against organised crime. But, do you think they control every slime ball and illegal gun in like a hundred communities? The fact that you would even say this in front of an outsider is amazing to me! Jesus Christ, some loyalty?

Christopher: [Referring to the gambling debt JT incurred while playing in the high stakes poker] what're you fuckin crazy?
J.T. Dolan: Define crazy. I'm good for it. I'm up for this Dick Wolf thing if I get on staff its like month's salary
Christopher: Well, how about this fuckin month?
J.T. Dolan: You think you could spot me for a while? I got some child support too
Christopher: I'll cover this and give you three grand for incidentals. That's sixty thousand all together
J.T. Dolan: I've been up only for two days, I still can add
Christopher: Good, then add two points every week until I'm paid in fuckin full
J.T. Dolan: [Referring to the interest Christopher is including in the loan] your charging me vig?
Christopher: On top of the principle is compounded if your late. That's twelve hundred one week from today. Don't give me that look. This is your problem. I will not fuckin enable you

Christopher: Good dinner baby
Adriana: Let's get married
Christopher: [Amused] Whoa, where'd this come from?
Adriana: I don't know, it's going to be two years we're engaged. Let's just go down to City Hall
Christopher: City Hall? What're we? Schnooks? You said you wanted a big wedding anyway
Adriana: I don't care about that shit. I just want you. It'll be cheaper anyway, we could buy a house. Plus, a wife can't testify against her husband
Christopher: Can't have a club, stay out all night getting high when you have a kid
Adriana: What if we didn't have kids?
Christopher: Fuck that, what's the point of being married?
Adriana: I mean what if we can't? If "I" can't? Would you still love me?
Christopher: Of course I'd still love you, why?
Adriana: There's something you should know: a long time ago, years ago, I had a medical procedure, it was before we met. My uterus got pierced
Christopher: Both of them?
Adriana: There's only one, that's ovaries
Christopher: So, what does that mean? You can't get pregnant?
Adriana: My doctor said it might be hard, a friend of mine gave me the name of a specialist in Manhattan
Christopher: [Suddenly furious, raising his voice] you knew you were damaged goods and never fuckin told me?
Adriana: How could you call me that?
Christopher: Jesus fuckin Christ, how could you lie to me like that?
Adriana: I tried to tell you once. I wanted to. I was afraid you wouldn't propose
Christopher: You don't get it Adriana. I don't have a son, the Moltisanti name ends: that's it
Adriana: We could adopt
Christopher: Yeah that's great, some kid with "chinky" eyes called "Moltisanti", he'd get his ass kicked everyday
Adriana: You said you'd still love me
Christopher: That doesn't mean I'd fuckin marry you

- Motherfucker!
- Fuck!

- Maybe doing it at our house.
- We've only got the one leaf for 16 people.
[Woman 2] Could you do a buffet?
- Maybe set a card table up for the kids?
[Woman 1] It's our first holiday.
- Ronnie wants us all together.

- Okay, well...
- Good bye.

- Don't worry about those distractions, you keep your eye on the ball.
- I know what you're thinking.
- You have no idea.
- The cops aren't gonna help you because you can't give them anything!
- Don't be stupid!
- Even in the short term.
- Get the fuck out of town.
- You've been a good doctor to me.
- Thank you.

- It's frozen.
- Come on.
- And there's Artie with three kids.
- Think he's banging that French broad?
- He fucking wishes.
- Can you hot-wire this thing?

Eugene: [referring to Eugene asking Tony if he can retire] He said his thinking about it, what'd you want me to tell you?
Deanne: How many years have we dreamt about this, to get out of this shit? I mean, every time someone we know gets arrested...
Eugene: [interrupts her] I know, will you stop?
Deanne: [preferring to the home they want to buy] I'm worried: we've already made the offer
Eugene: [sternly] I'm doing everything I can
Ally: [overhearing them, walking into their room] Why are you fighting?
Deanne: We're not fighting sweetie, we're talking
Eugene: [picks her up and hugs her] How come your not in bed, huh?
Ally: I don't know
Deanne: All I'm saying is he has to see this is a huge "opportunity" for us
Eugene: Give the man time to process

- Without that, we crumble.
- Tell that to Paul castallano.
- I'm old school, Janice.
- All I mean is, my brother needs help.
- Teaching him manners is one thing.
- My uncle junior still has friends...
- And he thinks the world of you.

- let's face it, somebody's gonna have to step into the breach.
- I'm a young man.
- Now without the weight,
- I'm a healthy man with longevity.

- No, no, no.
- We think he might have wandered off.
- You know, I didn't wanna call you, but it's been a couple hours now.
- Fuck him.
- He said he was going to see Johnny.
- Think he might have meant your dad?
- What?
- He's wandering, ton.
- He can wander off the palisades for all I care, he's fucking dead to me.

Christopher: So, you won't talk about this to anybody?
Credenso: I got the mouth of a statue, nigga.

- Tony! Over here!
- Over here!
- Paulie! Christopher! Where are you?
- Over here, Tony!

Tony: [Referring to AJ's suicide attempt] Why me huh?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Why not you?
Tony: Because I'm a good guy basically, I love my family. There's a balance: there's a Ying, there's a Yang. You think you know, you think you learn something, like when I got shot
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Know what?
Tony: Alright when I was Las Vegas I took peyote, I was curious I don't know
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You were searching for something?
Tony: I saw some "things", not "things", per se hallucinations Roger Corman shit. It was kind of disappointing, it wasn't any of that
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What was there?
Tony: It's kind of hard to describe, I mean you've done that right? Acid?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: No
Tony: [after sighing] all I can say is I saw for pretty certain that everything we see and experience, is not all there is
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What else is there?
Tony: Something else. That's as far I can go with it. I don't fuckin know
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Alternate universes?
Tony: You're going to be a comedian now?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I'm not
Tony: Maybe this is going to sound stupid but at one point that our mothers are bus drivers, no they are the bus, see? They're the vehicle that gets us here. They drop us off and go on their way. They continue on their journey and the problem is we keep trying to get back onto the bus. Instead of just letting it go
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: That's very insightful
Tony: Jesus don't act so surprised

- I haven't seen him since the schvitz.
- The last thing he said to me was,
- "go fuck yourself!"
- Did he at least take the schvitz?
- He refused to take his clothes off.
- It's fucking Jimmy!
- Fuck it! Let's all have a drink!

- What the hell is wrong with you?
- When you ignore me, Tony...
- When you trivialize things important to me, like our financial security...
- It makes me feel unloved.
- That's your problem there, because you equate love with money!
- No, you equate love with money!

Agent: [Eugene meets with Agents Gosling and Sanseverino] So, where you been, buddy? Haven't heard from you lately.
Eugene: Busy, you know? My kid has some problems.
Agent: That's rough. Thing is, Gene-O, you gotta keep in touch with me. You're gonna have a chance to help out in even more important ways.
Eugene: What do you mean?
Agent: We lost a major asset this month.
Agent: Point is...
Eugene: Was Ray Curto a cooperator?
Agent: The way things are shaping up, you're a designated hitter.
Eugene: Look, Ron, we talked about Florida, okay?
Agent: Gene, that's not gonna happen.
Agent: Here among your friends is where you're useful.
Eugene: I told you, you tell your bosses, I'd come back for any trial!
Agent: Florida's just one of those things you gotta let go.
Eugene: [silent for a moment, perturbed, but finally gives in] Okay.
Agent: So, the feast at St. Joe's - Tony gave some rulings on the unions. Were any made guys from New York there?
[Eugene sighs]

Paulie: [repeated line, when greeting someone or several people] What'd ya hear? What'd ya say?

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

- In the coffee shop, you mentioned a panic attack...
- That led to an auto accident.
- That seems like years ago.
- You mean, you're so busy?
- Or you mean you're angry with me for not agreeing to treat you?

- I could have an empire like Bobby flay.
- And it still wouldn't be good enough for you.
- Okay, I'll make you a deal, Artie.
- We'll start working on your empire...
- Right after we pay the $10,000...
- Of orthodonture
- Melissa's gonna need this year.

- Leave a message and leave your phone number.
- With my schedule, I cannot look up phone numbers.
- Answering machine again.
- You're up, t.
- How you doing? Feeling all right?
- Me? Yeah. Great.

- What?
- John, what's wrong?
- I can't listen to this bullshit.
- I'm trying to explain.
- Fuck you!
- John, please...
- Don't fucking "John" me!
- Hey, hey, we're trying to settle this.
- It's not about that.
- I'm sorry, carmine. I can't be in the same room with this man.

Tony: My son, has panic attacks, now obviously we can't send him to military school, pediatrician said, his got that putrid rotten fuckin Soprano gene
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It's a slight tick in his Fight-or-flight response, it doesn't "brand" him as anything
Tony: You know it comes down through the ages because I remember hearing about my great, great, great grandfather, drove a mule cart over a mountain road. He was transporting these valuable jugs of olive oil, and has a panic attack
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: When you blame your genes, your really blaming yourself and that's what we should be talking about
Tony: Fuckin Verbum Dei School, it turns out it happened before but they didn't tell us, idiot nurse she diagnosed it as dehydration from football practice. Can you believe they did not inform the parents? I prefer to resolve things directly but this time I'm going to sue
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Well, that's your right
Tony: [Tearfully sighs]
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Anthony?
Tony: [as she moves the tissue box closer to him, before shaking his head] you don't understand
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Make me understand
Tony: We can't send him to that place
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Yes?
Tony: How are we going to save this kid?

- I wanted to thank you for taking components out of the home theater.
- Hey, I bought that for us to watch movies as a family, okay?
- Not to entertain your girlfriends.
- I talked to my lawyer about filing a separation agreement.
- I'm not paying a lawyer! We should be able to settle this thing like adults!
- Then stop taking shit out of the house!

- A little gabagoo, provolone and vinegar peppers.
- You got it.

- But I don't know if I'm ready.
- Don't over-think it.
- Eitherjump in with both feet or don't.
- Leave a message and make sure you leave your phone number.
- With my schedule, I cannot look up phone numbers.
- I'll tell you one thing. You can't be high on scag and have children.

- Ralph cifaretto's here.
- What'd we say?

Phil: [to Vito Jr] What the hell's wrong with you? You look like a Puerto Rican whore. You make me sick.

- This is our chance to get out, Tony.
- We could start a whole new life.
- Have some mormons over to dinner.
- Eat some tomatoes with no taste.
- I want those kids to have a father.
- They got one. This one.
- Me. Tony soprano.
- And all that comes with it.
- Oh, you prick!

- Who's that speaking?
- Is somebody speaking?
- Listen, Richie.
- Let me think about this. But we can't be too fucked up by this setback.
- We gotta screw our courage to the post.
- You're a good boy, Richie.
- It's gonna be good.
- Go on home. We'll talk.

- You heard me.
- Oh, so it's all me, huh?
- Our Sonny boy?
- You had nothing to do with it?
- It wears you down, Tony.
- That's all I'm saying.
- Do you have any idea what it's like to spend day after day...
- With somebody who is constantly complaining?
- Fuck you.

- You know, in some ways, the whole prison thing is not that different from bein' an immigrant.
- Word to the wise, remember Pearl harbor.
- We really were the last people in there.
- At least they were subtle about it.
- Was it stacking of chairs or the running the vacuum?

- And this is the thanks I get?
- I'm sorry if I offended you.
- You gotta remember,
- I still think of you as a kid.
- I'll learn.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- You did?
- What the fuck?
- What do you care what we did with him?
- Why do you want to know?
- But I loved him so much!
- You're gonna miss your bus.
- I'm sorry, Tony. I am so sorry.
- All right. All right. Go ahead.

- There was a couple of times I had her with me picking up collections.
- Esplanade.
- The cigarettes, she was always nosing around.
- Did you ever say anything about Ralph?
- Or the bevilaqua kid?
- No.
- Would you remember?
- I swear on my life.

Silvio: [after she walks up to him] what's the matter Hun?
Tracee: nothing
Tracee: [getting his attention] Tony?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: how you doing sweetie?
Tracee: good, I took Danny to the doctor: like you said
Tracee: [when she notices he doesn't recall] my son?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: oh yeah, yeah, right, right. How's he doing?
Tracee: you were right, just a chest pull, not pneumonia, thank God
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: good to hear it
Tracee: [hands him the plate] I made you some bread, you know, as a "thank you"?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: you didn't have to do that
Tracee: no, really, I wanted to: it's Date Nut for breakfast
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: listen... Tracee, right?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after she nods] the bread's very sweet: you're a great girl. Don't take this the wrong way but you can't be doing stuff like this
Silvio: [to Tracee] no good
Tracee: but I just wanted to say "thanks"
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I know but I already got a family, you know, they give me gifts. What we have is an employee, employer, "thing"
Tracee: can't we be friends?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to their romantically involved] yeah, well, I'm not so sure that's a good idea either because you and Ralphie...
Tracee: Yeah, Ralphie
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I'm glad your kid's ok
Silvio: [points to his watch, referring to the fictional character and brand name, telling her to go back to work] let's go betty Crocker

- Perhaps they should examine their own needs to have you stay in school.
- Blow off their self-esteem issues.
- So you book on Columbia, you can come back when you're ready.
- Or I could write you a letter to the university of Barcelona.
- It's a hot school.
- I'm on a consultancy there.

- "Did you warble, my little wren?"
- What do you think his commission will be?
- Two, three grand. Ten to junior.
- We're lucky we net 500 bucks from the whole thing.

- Tony.
- Ronnie, hey.
- I think Justin recognized me a few minutes ago.
- Thank you.

Phil: Leonardo was a great Italian and that was our name originally, Leonardo. But many years ago, when my grandpa came over from Sicily, they changed it at Ellis Island from Leonardo to Leotardo.
Boy: Why'd they do that for?
Phil: Because they're stupid, that's why. And jealous. They disrespected a proud Italian heritage, and named us after a ballet costume.
[girl raises her hand]
Phil: Marissa.
Girl: That's for modern. In ballet, you wear tutus.
Boy: It doesn't make a difference.
Phil: That's right, it doesn't.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You know, I was thinking about you.
Svetlana: So you're drunk already.

- Before this is over, they'll pin that
- Egypt air thing on me and you know it!
- We got predicates up the ass.
- The fucking rico case.
- Thirty to life.
- Don't think about that now, Anthony.
- You'll make bail.
- There's no capital crimes.
- Get on with life.

Carmela: The funny thing is, I was sure he was gay. He sort of reminded me of you.

Christopher: Gimme one good reason I should not jack this truck.
Brendan: Hey, don't feel bad. It's Junior's own fault. He gives us no choice except to do it again.
Christopher: Taking that outrageous fuckin' tribute?
Brendan: It's like, not only does he shit on our heads, we're supposed to say "Thanks for the hat".
Christopher: It's not like I'm getting somewheres playing by the rules. Fuck Tony.

- I'd like to see you go to a therapist.
- And I'm not the only one.
- Oh, really?
- Well, you can tell them all that I can't afford it.
- Well, it's not really your business anymore, whether I go or what!

- Fuck! It's that zip furio and somebody.
- Fuck, let him in before he kicks the door down.

Christopher: [grabs hold of Ralph's hair and it comes clean off - it's a wig he's been wearing all along to hide his baldness] Aahh! Holy shit! I had no idea. Did you?
Tony: Course I did. You're so high on scag, you wouldn't know if he had your mother's muff on his head.

- At this point?
- She thinks we're her friends.
- Well, you have to set limits.
- The girl was ruining our lives.
- Think about it, we couldn't do anything without her horning in.
- We certainly couldn't take her to see this.

- They may be harmless pistachio salesmen.
- Don't get so bent out of shape.
- You're a big boy, Tony.
- You know, world war ii, your outfit protected...
- The Brooklyn Navy yard.
- You think Roosevelt told vito genovese...
- Where Hitler was holed up?
- Go fuck yourself.

- They're back!
- Great fucking timing.

- Holy Jesus!
- What the fuck you looking at?
- Cal! 9-1-1.
- I don't feel a pulse.
- I'm sorry.
- Thank you, Tony.
- He was a good man. Never said a bad word about anybody.
- Thank you, Tony.

Ralph: [over the phone, referring to the cost for fixing her car] how could it be thirty-two hundred dollars?
Rosalie: [referring to her mechanic] He said the transmission was completely "compromised"
Ralph: I've never even heard of that, I want my guy to take a look at it
Rosalie: I already told this guy to go ahead
Ralph: Well, then call him back, tell him not to, tell him we're picking up the car
Ralph: [after Vito gives Ralph a nod, implying he successfully killed Jackie Jr] Forget it, I don't care: let him do it
Rosalie: Are you sure honey?
Ralph: [before Roe hangs up] What the fuck did I say? Look, I'm coming home late, I got some shit I gotta do

- And Tony's stay-in-school shit. He could have reached out to rutgers.
- He should break the Dean's legs because you won't read.
- Now go ahead.
- I gotta make some calls.
- You did good.
- Keep coming by.
- Go. Go.

Sungyon: So, Blondino. Why you fuck me like this?
Tony: Fuck you talking about? I got a whole leg coated with neosporin, I just spent an hour with the cops, explaining how it went down.
Sungyon: I don't forget you professional criminal.
Tony: Lemme ask you something. If I really wanted to rob you, you think I'd have to put up with *this* bullshit?
Sungyon: Well just so you know.
[opens desk drawer revealing a gun]
Tony: I didn't take your truck. I lost my study guide, my fucking flash cards. I'm sick of this fucking prejudice against ex-cons.
Sungyon: I never hire you if I no need Tony Soprano for union! Not for him, I show you the fucking window!

- Rigatoni a la Paulie.
- But since you're eating it, maybe it should be rigatoni a la Tony.

- He sold three ounces of coke at an arcade down there.
- It's all right,
- I talked to Richie.
- This was last night.
- Guess we'll have to torch a truck or something.
- Oh, but you don't want to hear that.
- And I sure as shit didn't say it.

- So maybe for security reasons, or so it don't fall into disrepair, you could stay there.
- I been thinking the same thing.
- I just don't wanna push Svetlana out.
- Yeah, well, I talked to her. She's moving out tomorrow, maybe the next day.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Great.
- I better go pack.

- When you say that, you make me feel less than.
- Next week, everyone.

- He was a captain, t.
- He was the biggest earner.
- You gonna lecture me now?
- You fucking drug addict.
- Not me.
- But other people are gonna wonder.

- Designer?
- You fucking avoiding me, motherfucker?
- Where's my money?
- Oh, what, are you gonna cry now?
- Stand up, you frog-eating faccia di cazzo.
- I will fuck you up, man.

- Are you okay?
- Yeah. They're gonna let me go.
- I wanna go too.
- Chrissy's coming home today.
- We should probably talk about that.
- Yeah. Right.

Carmela: [after hanging up the phone with AJ] Tony seemed to "hit the hooch" a little at lunch today, I think his feeling his age?
Janice: What'd you think it's like for me? When we were kids, he did whatever I said. My therapist, Sandy said our mom was a "splitter". She "pit" the three of us against each other, to toughen us up, I guess? I couldn't help overhearing you with AJ, God, you gotta "walk on eggshells" with these kids today, huh?
Carmela: We're "almost" through that "phase", thank God
Janice: Your good with them
Carmela: really? I wish he'd go back to college: sleeps most nights at Blanca's
Janice: Speaking of kids and ma, Sandy said something "interesting", that when we were babies, everything was "fine" but ma couldn't stand as babies get older, they "separated" from her. When they started to talk and express ideas, that's when the trouble started, it wasn't that she didn't love us

- Walking alone again.
- What, I'm gonna wait for vito?
- Hour and a half to take a dump, that guy.
- Could build a jetty with what comes out.

- Okay, let's move on. Who's the president of the United States?
- I'm tired. I wanna go to the bathroom.
- We're almost done.
- Who is the president of the us?
- George Bush.
- And who was the president before George Bush?
- John Kennedy. You know where
- I was when he was shot?
- I was getting a haircut.

- Ma-jor-digan expressa-way.
- Right, major Deegan expressway.
- I'm sorry if he's hassle you.
- You spend a lot of time in the states?
- Papa went, I never been,
- English from school, e filmsa.

- Janice! Janice! Janice!
- Janice? Janice!
[ In Russian ] Fucking whore.
- May she burn alive.

- Honey.
- Go back to sleep.
- I'm gonna take a shower.

- She didn't flatter me.
- She believed that wildflowers blossom best...
- Among the rocks, with little water.
- She was tough.
- But she was right.
- She's the reason I make videos today.

Richie: [Referring to David Scatino, while they walk outside the motel to talk privately] I shut him the fuck down, he comes here and sticks it up my ass?
Tony: What's that got to do with you disrespecting my game?
Richie: Like you wouldn't do anything different
Tony: Your fuckin right
Richie: You know I'm getting sick of this "holier than now" act and I'm not the only one
Tony: Oh really? Well, if anybody wants to make a move
Richie: don't get so fuckin dramatic all, I'm saying is sometimes you act like your in a different business, now send that little prick out so I can talk to him
Tony: No
Richie: [Referring to the amount of money David owes Richie] you realize this mother-less fuck is into me for over eight large? His got money to play here? Let him me pay me my money. Send him out
Tony: You go home Richie, this isn't going to happen to one of my players

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Just take your medicine, Uncle Jun'. Make you feel better. Help with your memory.
Corrado: Believe me, there's plenty I'd like to forget.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah, you and me both.

- Well, we don't do traditional therapy, perse.
- Kids in crisis mostly need an environment of calm...
- No stresses.
- Do you want this?
- Or I can pop it in the mail.
- Just one more week of this.
- Twenty-two hundred a fucking day.

- Catch you later.
- Take it easy, ton.

- for Jackie and Jackie Jr., right?
- You know, we never really talked about that.
- About what?
- About Jackie Jr.
- What's there to talk about?
- Madame.
- Oof, madonn'.
- Pour madame...

- Do you feel better about coming here?
- What?
- Is it permissible now?
- Is it enough of a sad tragedy that you can join the rest of the douche bags?
- I was talking to him a couple days ago.
- Yes, he was a wonderful man.
- We're here for you, Barbara.

- I find you immensely attractive.
- Thought I repulsed you.
- You make an effort to repulse me.
- But you like that.
- You just said you find me attractive.
- You're the one that's fucked up.
- Anthony, Anthony.
- What are we gonna do with you?

- Ladies.
- Hey, Kenny Portugal said to say hello.
- Oh, yeah. Kenny.
- The fuck is with this cocksucker?
- Back up! Mr. Scorsese, good evening.
- Marty!

Tony: here we all are
Angelo: right, I called you boys because Lorraine calls me and she said there's a "situation" in our family that's gotten out of hand with John and little Carmine
Lorraine: fuckin Johnny: he wouldn't even let the maggots get on Carmine before his telling me to "kick up" direct to him
Tony: the problem is Carmine never named his successor and we all assumed it'd be Johnny because his son's down in Miami with the discos and what not
Angelo: [to Tony] his grabbing with both hands: John, "this" could get ugly there's a lot of "potential" for bloodshed
Jason: [interrupting them] "potential?" They almost killed us
Lorraine: Jason, men are talking here
Angelo: [to Tony] now your close to John, do you have any ideas?
Junior: [answering for Tony] What are you asking him for? He never even had the makings of a varsity athlete
Angelo: Your point being what, Junior?
Tony: [answering for Junior] no, forget it, he's just breakin balls. One thought I had, in the interest of harmony, maybe there could be a power sharing "situation"?
Lorraine: the Sopranos have two bosses
Junior: that's not all it's cracked up to be: believe you, me
Tony: [to Junior] let's not get into "that" right now
Tony: [to Angelo] What I was think was three bosses, like a "tri-umber thing", like Caesar: Little Carmine, Johnny, and you
Angelo: I'm retired
Tony: you were Carmine's consigliere for over thirty years, if it wasn't for that little construction beef down in Yonkers, it'd be you running that family today
Angelo: things happen how they happen
Tony: think about it: it doesn't have to be 9-5, you can still take your grandson to the park. Things get "heavy", your just another voice to "weigh in" and John still does better financially than he ever did under Carmine

Phil: Let me tell you a couple of three things.

Carmela: Two weeks ago? Why didn't you say anything? Did you report it at least?
Meadow: Who? The rent-a-cops? Campus security is a joke
Carmela: Don't you think they should know they have a thief "preying" on the school?
Tony: [after entering the kitchen] Who? What're you talking about?
Meadow: [avoiding to involve him in their conversation] Nothing
Carmela: Her bike was stolen outside the library two weeks ago
Tony: The ten-speed? Did you lock it up?
Meadow: They used bolt cutters
Carmela: Some black guy from the neighborhood: one of the other kids saw him
Meadow: [irritated, noticing Tony smiling] What?
Tony: Did I say anything?
Tony: [while pouring himself a cup of orange juice, sarcastically] A black guy, imagine that
Carmela: [implying to him not to start an argument with Meadow after the incident between Tony and Meadow's African American boyfriend] Tony...
Tony: [sarcastically] You know, I can't believe it
Meadow: I'm not listening to this shit
Tony: Why don't you just admit it? You're thinking exactly what I'm thinking
Carmela: Tony, what did I say?
Tony: What is it my fault, you're twice as likely to get robbed by a black?
Meadow: [angrily] That is so fucking racist
Tony: It happens to be a fact
Meadow: [referring to the former Grand Wizard of the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan] Or who? David Duke?
Tony: No, try the FBI, I saw it on TV
Meadow: Oh, so now you're quoting the FBI?
Tony: I'm just telling you what I heard
Carmela: Tony, stop, now
Tony: Why?
Meadow: For your information, crime is an economic issue: not a racial one. White or African American, you're more likely to steal if you're in a lower income bracket which most African Americans are
Tony: Good, then next time, you'll feel better when the next one takes your car stereo
Meadow: [raises her voice] You are such a hypocrite
Tony: [raises his voice] This is what I've been trying to tell you all along: stay with your own people

- And then he could smell the tar on franky's shoes...
- And then he knows that his son's the killer.
- Holy fuck! That's fucking great!
- Then he's gotta put one in his old man's head!
- Blam! Then another one! Blam!
- Fucking brilliant.

- I can't stay asleep either. I'm all...
- I mean, I can laugh and cry, and I could always get the part.
- First time?
- First time. Never could keep it.
- They got onto me after a while.
- I'd lose my voice, fall down, get red in the face...
- Talk too fast and couldn't act.

Agent: [after seeing Adriana with many cuts and bruises on her face] Jesus Christ
Adriana: Don't get all excited, most of it was from the accident
Agent: You ok?
Adriana: What'd you fuckin think? Kicked out of my house, have Ulcerative colitis, and you call me up
Agent: We'd like your permission to put a listening device in your business. This relationship with Tony could net us a lot of chatter, don't forget it's him we're after
Adriana: There is no relationship
Agent: The faster we can put Tony away, the sooner you can get on with your life. We can get a court order to install the device but this way it will be a lot simpler
Adriana: Fuck you. I do enough for you people. You're not bugging my club
Agent: [Referring to Christopher] Adriana, it's a syndrome: protecting abusers
Adriana: If it had been Christopher alone in the car with a woman, I would have killed him

- A sterling effort for sure, but you really can't...
- So, what, we're not speaking now?
- Listen, come here.
- What?
- Sit down.
- Come on.

- My nephew, Christopher, was handling the garbage contract problem.
- But on this I will also not go into detail.

- A couple months before, these two ducks landed in my pool.
- It was amazing. They're from Canada, and it was mating season.
- They had some ducklings.

Kelli: My brother's whole stupid, pathetic dream was to follow in our father's footsteps. I gotta paint a picture? He was killed by some fat fuck in see-through socks.

Bob: [while visiting Tony with Aaron] you're having surgery tomorrow, you know they've done clinical studies on the power of prayer? Praying for patients have an eleven percent fewer complications
Carmela: I have read that: it does help to pray, even if it just helps take your mind off of it
Bob: [leading them in a prayer] Dear Jesus, hear these words, bestow your healing, loving grace, upon our injured friend, Lord help heal his wounds, and help him with your cleansing love, pursue the bounds, grace his bounds even more... Amen
Tony: [crosses himself] Amen
Carmela: [crosses herself] Amen
Aaron: [crosses himself] Amen
Tony: So, reverend, Lemme ask you about this guy not selling birth control?
Bob: He should be free to exercise his moral convictions without... suffering loss of livelihood
Tony: [confused] Here's what I'm getting at, I'm worried about Viagra: the way I see it, I'm gonna need plenty of that, considering my condition, and... what if somebody decides that Viagra is wrong? God don't like it
Bob: Well, God loves procreation: no one's saying anything against Viagra. Birth control and the morning-after pill is a sin because it strikes at life: at the unborn
Tony: Yeah, but what if somebody goes after Viagra? I'm not talking about procreation
Tony: [points to Carmela] listen up because this concerns you too
Bob: Something like Viagra will never be an issue
Tony: Excuse me but at one time, they were going after booze and as a proprietor of a drinking and eating establishment, I take this stuff very seriously
Bob: Strip club, I believe it is
Tony: Oh, you've been to The Bing?
Bob: [shakes his head] No
Carmela: [referring to Tony] He should rest, thank you so much for coming and Aaron thank you so much for your prayer

- Teddy, right?
- Yeah. [Chuckles ] Hey!

Paulie: [when it becomes clear that Don Vittoria, boss of the Naples family, is senile] Ton', you give this guy a golf club, he'll probably try to fuck it.

- See you.
- Jackie, come on, vassar. That band.
- Come on, double or nothing.
- Yeah, rack them.
- You said you were gonna take me.
- Go sit down.
- Ha, ha, ha.
- Fucking brat. Meadow!
- Goddamn it!

Psychologist: Repeat the following sentence: No ifs, ands or buts.
Corrado: I'll do it if I fuckin' feel like it. Take your ultimatums and stick it in your ass!

- This is so beautiful, Jackie, thank you.
- There's something on the back.
- "To Ms. From j.A.
- I will always be true."
- Oh, Jackie.

- The Bella vista room is smaller with no windows.
- A week before the wedding, Mikey saw the Bella vista room and flipped out.
- He almost killed the events manager.
- So Mikey and Jo-Jo got the Fontainebleau...
- And Kenny and me wound up with the Bella vista room.
- At 3:00.

Phil: [meeting privately, referring to killing Vito, and the derogatory term for homosexuals] you were going to "take care" of that fuckin Finook
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [irritated] oh, for Christ's sake, Vito, again? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Phil: his in town, isn't he? I was over at Marie's the other night, she played the "innocent" but I could tell she's seen him
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to the character played by Johnny Carson as host of The Tonight Show] your fuckin Carnac the Great" now too, huh?
Phil: I gotta tell you, if Vito was here, and you knew about it...
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [ignores him and leaves] fuck this

Bobby: Ya, fuckin' greaseball, ya. C'mon, c'mon. Any more smart remarks?
Petey: No Mr. Bacala! Please, please! No more!
Bobby: [shoots Petey]

- but if you're not at that site tomorrow morning,
- I'm gonna take away your car.
- And then I'm gonna take away your clothes.
- And then I'm gonna take away your room and then I'm gonna take away your mother's cooking.
- And pretty soon you're gonna be out in the fucking street.

- Carmela, stay, what are you doing?
- What kind of mother am I?
- I mean look at us.
- Do you realize under the laws of the church I'm still married?
- The church?
- I can't do this tonight.
- I'm sorry.
- Jesus, carmela, come on.

- You got a top guy here.
- Him?
- I'd see him if I needed to.
- Son of a bitch.
- Stay strong and keep fighting.
- That's my home number.
- You start to feel punk, you call.
- Thanks.
- I'll check on you Wednesday.
- Take care of this young fellow.

- What? You catch some shrapnel?
- Intro to social theory is...
- Sorry, it's closed out.
- You're cutting it a little close for most of the popular classes.
- What about this one?
- 09531?
- It's your lucky day.

- In your grandmother's house.
- Now he's repeating himself.
- Just lucky I knew that cop.
- So he cut me a favor.
- Let me guess, he owes you money?

Tony: [Referring to Christopher and Carmella] He was high a fuckin kite, I didn't tell her that
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: In retrospect, maybe not the best approach
Tony: Right, I'm the asshole, again
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [after noticing Tony pause for a second] what? No go ahead
Tony: It's amazing how some things work, his mother, my cousin Joanne: a lush, totally abandoned him as a parent and now she's reaping all the sympathy and tears .
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: How are you doing Anthony?
Tony: There's been some hard moments, a weak fuckin lying drug addict who fantasized about my downfall even showed people his filthy thoughts on a movie screen. I've seen friends died before, accidents even murder. My cousin Tony, they shot his face away. I was prostate with grief but this?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I see
Tony: And it occurs to me I hand carried this kid through the worst crisis he ever had. I can't go into particulars but wives, girlfriends they can complicate life in major ways I don't have to tell you that. It was a huge problem of his own making and he cried, he couldn't deal with it. So, I took up the slack. I handled it, I felt sorry for him and he talked gratitude but guess what pity produces in the recipient? They shit on your pity and that's what broke the camel's back.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: How are you dealing with this?
Tony: The worst part? Truthfully? Because I've got to sit there with people who are hurt bad and I've got to have the long face and the sighing, the platitudes but I don't feel it and that makes feel like a hypocrite

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It was a downpour. He couldn't see anything, it was impossible.
Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: Where are you in the dream?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I'm there. I could observe everything. He's driving. He starts to hyperventilate. He grabs for a bottle of Prozac, but it's empty. And all the while this is happening that song from "The Wizard of Oz" is playing. He goes into a full-blown panic attack and he passes out. He crashes into this huge truck. The fact that he can't see the road ahead suggests my abandoning him.
Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: Who in Wizard would your patient be?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Given the fact that he's a powerful, dominating male, Oz himself.
[Elliot arches his eyebrows]
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What, with the eyebrows already?
Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: The Wizard of Oz, what memories does it conjure up?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: My parents' house, watching it on TV. Hiding under the blanket with my sister.
Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: Why do we love roller coasters, Jennifer? Scary movies?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [annoyed] To experience the thrill of being terrified, without the consequences. That's very good, Elliot.
Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: Great film, but some terrifying moments.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: That's very perceptive.
Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: I'm concerned that treating a mobster provides you some vicarious thrill.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It wasn't exactly vicarious. I had to go into hiding, remember?
Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: And wasn't that thrilling?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Fuck you! You think this is funny, you smug cocksucker! Fuck you!
[walks out]

- I'm looking at half a rock.
- What's it all for, though, Tony, huh?
- What we put in, the grind.
- Isn't that for things like this?
- Yeah.
- So I heard Phil came to see you.
- Let's go say hello to your dad.

Paulie: [Referring to Beansie] Richie broke a chair over his head.
Tony: Are you shitting me?
Paulie: Then he smacked Beansie's head with the coffee pot and broke his cheekbone.
Tony: Prick, I talked to him yesterday, he's all "sweetness and lights." This "big brother" shit is getting old.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Hey, how you've been?
Tony: Can't complain. You look good.
Paulie: Where are your friends going?
Johnny: Yeah, tell them to come back and join us.
Tony: No, they're leaving.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It's my first time here, the veal is excellent.
Tony: What are we making? Small talk now?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Nice to see you.
Tony: Yeah, you too.
Silvio: Not a bad ass.
Salvatore: [to Tony, referring to Dr. Melfi's breasts] She had nice "pipes" for the lips, no disrespect.
Tony: What do I give a fuck? I hardly know her.
Silvio: [to Pussy] You would take the tits over the lips?
Salvatore: Trust me, my boy, there's two things I'm good at: pulling dents and spotting good blowjobs, and that sweetie has world class blowjob lips, am I right skipper? You ought to know.
Tony: What the fuck do I know? It was a long time ago. Alright, she was good.
Paulie: Good? Or great?
Tony: Why the fuck are you busting my balls? It was a long time ago.
Paulie: [to Tony] Hey, I remember every blowjob I ever got.
Paulie: [to Sil] How about you? You remember your first blowjob?
Silvio: Yeah, of course.
Paulie: [Jokingly] How long did it take for the guy to cum?

- We've been over this.
- Your life was in danger.
- Not anymore.
- Do you realize what I did last week?
- I stormed out of here like a child.
- Cursing, threatening, acting out.
- That's exactly what he does to me.
- I'm feeling so...

FBI: We've had every one of Tony Soprano's phones bugged for four years, but the guy says less than Harpo Marx.

- What do you got to say now?
- Chrissy, he's fucked up.
- Don't have medicine they're supposed to take, these assholes?
- I don't know.
- He'll say we hit him with a brick.
- Still going, this asshole.
- That's my money, Paulie.

- Think somebody made us?
- I don't know.
- But we're finished for today, ladies and gentlemen.
- Ten years. Ten fucking years he said this thing would last! Motherfuck!
- You said that. What are you doing?
- I told you not to put this shit here!
- Fuck!
- Fuck!
- Never mind that. Save the pictures.

Tony: [while in the elevator after meeting with Phil] you got your head up your ass today, what's going on?
Paulie: My aunt Dottie's been sick, the call I got: she just died
Tony: Oh sorry, your mom's sister or your dad's?
Paulie: Mom's
Tony: She must be broken up?
Paulie: [after they arrive on their hospital floor] here we are
Tony: I guess your brother and sister are coming in?
Paulie: Yeah
Tony: Your aunt, the nun?
Paulie: Yeah
Tony: [Referring to the coif that is worn by nuns] I always wondered, they got hair under there?
Paulie: Yeah, short
Tony: Maybe you don't want to talk about it
Paulie: Yeah

- Hold it like this.
- Ready?
- Haa!
- That was fast.
- I took a shortcut.

Paulie: [while in his car, after seeing Christopher leave a motel room with a prostitute] your not even married yet, your "dipping" into whores already
Christopher: It didn't cost me a quarter. I didn't pay for it, how'd you find me?
Paulie: You better be careful. If I can do it, so can your bride to be
Christopher: So, what is this? Some new rule on who I fuck? You want more shoes? What?
Paulie: No, funny thing is they don't even fit her. I don't know why I thought she was a size ten
Christopher: I don't know either
Paulie: I'm here to tell you one thing: you ever go whining to the big man again about shit between you and me, then we'll have a problem my friend

- Eighty to you.
- Your back still bothering you?
- FBI! Nobody move!
- You believe this shit?
- Come on, it's a friendly card game.
- Relax, Jimmy.
- If I wanted to bust up card games,
- I'd have a doughnut in my mouth.

- Look, Dr. Kim,
- I spent 10 years as a litigator.
- Buy this property, I'll make your life a misery. I'll tort you into the poorhouse.
- I've got an overseas call.
- Well, think it over.
- You have Virginia's number.
- We'll see.
- I wouldn't wanna be the patient...
- He's gonna operate on.
- Let's hold a good thought?

- So your mother did teach you something.
- If I asked you about your life, who you talk to, who you trust...?
- I'd have to take the fifth.
- That's cute.
- I'm sorry, I wasn't aware of what I was saying.
- I'm sorry.

Silvio: What's goin on Tone?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I think I know what happened to Ralph and if I'm right, he ain't coming back: it was New York
Vito: Johnny Sack?
Carlo: What was it? The fat joke?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I'm sure that didn't help
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Carmine, this HUD thing we're into. they wanted a "piece" of it. I think they confronted Ralph, and things went sour
Albert: What'd he say John?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It wasn't what he said so much it was what he "didn't" say
Paulie: We're talking about New York here
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Before we do anything in terms of payback, you go to your people, and I want a full investigation. Nobody makes a move until we know what happened, understand?

Artie: Benny, can I get you a Martina?
[Benny gives him a strange look]
Benny: Excuse me?
Artie: A Martina. It's like a martini, but it's from Albania.
Jen: I've never heard of it.
Artie: Well, apparently they go down real easy.

Johnny: [while having lunch at a golf club] I'm thinking of going for the acupuncture
Tony: Your shoulder again?
Johnny: It's those long drives: it's already tender
Tony: Next time we'll get you out there Angelo
Angelo: After eighteen years in the can, I'm just happy to be outside
Tony: What, they don't have any golf clubs at Leavenworth?
Angelo: [to Johnny, referring to Tony] his still a smart ass, this one
Johnny: Carmine, you alright? You barely touched your egg salad
Carmine: You smell that?
Johnny: What?
Carmine: burning hair
Johnny: I smell cut grass
Johnny: [to Tony] any word on your cousin getting out?
Angelo: [to Tony] Who's your cousin again?
Tony: Tony Blundetto
Angelo: oh, yeah, good guy, right, right. He was my best buddy inside
Johnny: [to Tony] You gonna give him a party?
Tony: Yeah, you know, get him laid

[Christopher just got out of drug rehab]
Tony: So, what step are you at now?
Christopher: I did all the steps, except for the one where I'm supposed to go around and apologize to all the people I fucked over when I was using.
Tony: ...I think maybe you shouldn't do that one. You know, let sleeping dogs lie.
Christopher: Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

- All anybody talks about is prosciutto, cheese and beans!
- I'm drowning here!
- Christ, take it easy!
- We're not even engaged!
- When you're married you'll understand the importance!
- Fuck the importance.
- Oh!

Devin: I "pictured" your house different, I figured it'd be like Don Corleone's compound with gates and walls with a big old Cadillac, isn't that stupid?
A.J. Soprano: [referring to the sequel of The Godfather, jokingly] our place in Tahoe looks like Michael's in 2
Devin: [impressed] wow, really?
A.J. Soprano: [smiles] no, we don't have a place in Tahoe: we have a boat though
Devin: I'm like a gangster dude's girlfriend

- Dollars to donuts, you're being exposed to an irritant in the air.
- I sit in an office.
- I'll write you a scrip for cortisone cream.
- Dr. Cusamano tells me you've been seeing a psychotherapist.
- So?
- I suggest you talk about stress management with him.

- I knew you'd chicken out.
- He chickened out, he's scared.
- He's real scared of you.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- You won, man!
- Yeah, tonio, you won!
- I'm leaving.

Adriana: [having dinner at a restaurant] I spent all day with my best friend Anna picking out bride's maid dresses
Carmela: I still haven't found any flowers for Anthony's confirmation
Adriana: With all the flowers coming into bloom, I would love to be a June bride
Tony: [while seeing Christopher arriving] There's your June groom
Christopher: [after sitting down] Sorry I'm late
Adriana: Babe, I ordered you some pasta fazool to start and we're gonna get a plate of antipasto to share: they got some rare imported salami
Adriana: [while touching his forehead] You feel ok Christopher?
Christopher: I'm fine
Adriana: We were just discussing Anna's wedding
Carmela: What about you guys?
Christopher: What about who guys?
Tony: You should make it a double wedding
Adriana: [referring to Christopher] First, someone has to propose
Carmela: Has Anna chosen her caterer yet?
Adriana: She booked Bill Roma
Carmela: If you ask me, Carnevalzio's slipping
Adriana: I heard they fired the produce guy
Christopher: [interrupts them] Enough! I am so sick and tired of you people talk about food, food, food: that's all anybody talks about is Braciole, cheese and fuckin fava beans. I'm drowning here
Tony: Jesus Christ: take it easy
Christopher: We're not even engaged yet
Tony: Well, when you're married, you'll understand the "importance" of fresh produce
Christopher: [before pouring his glass of wine into his bowl of soup and leaving] Fuck the importance
Carmela: He didn't mean that
Adriana: [becoming upset] Oh, fuck him. I tried so hard to be supportive with his art and getting his screenplay made
Tony: [surprised] His screenplay?

- It's three o-fucking clock.
- Is Tony all right?
- That's why I'm calling you.
- Checking in.
- Last I saw, he was having dessert.
- All right, then.
- Everything else okay?
- Yeah.
- Call me on my cell, you need anything.

- Churchill.
- Fucking niggers.
- Barry!
- Who else, huh?
- Who else?!
[ Female ] West essex orthopedic group.

- Billy Joel, maybe you shouldn't count on us.
- You mean, you might not be able to come?
- Well, there's been all these problems at the crazy horse and...
- I don't know.
- What a shame, that's awful.
- What am I gonna do with those tickets?

- She a doll or what? Blanca.
- Hi. I'm Anthony.
- Yeah. I just did your papennork.
- You live in Jersey?
- Hello.
- My urologist. I gotta take this.
- Soprano!

- I'll see you later, skip.
- All right.
- We should have dinner...
- You know, carm,
- Donna, maybe the kids.
- Yeah.
- I hear wedding bells are in the air.
- You want anything?
- No, I'm good.

- But I just did that thing.
- That's not my department.
- Well, can I talk to Tony at least?
- I wouldn't bother him.
- He's out on the new boat.
- Does he think
- I'm gonna talk about shit up here, with what I've done, what I just did?

- So he gets this fucking acid.
- Burns everything.
- He pours it on her arms, on her face, everywhere.
- Her prick.
- That's one bad motherfucker.
- That's how good this broad looked.
- Had my friend totally fooled.
- She had to get a glass eye.

- How many times do I gotta say this?
- When guys are on the mattresses, they're not out earning.
- So? What?
- All Phil cares about is fucking money.
- He's got that wire room in sheepshead bay, right?
- Our guys have seen it.
- Yeah.

[Dr. Melfi gets out her prescription pad]
Tony: Here we go. Here comes the Prozac!

Christopher: [while lying in a hospital bed and telling Tony and Paulie what he saw during his near-death experience] Mikey Palmice and Brendan Filone were there too: they were friends
Paulie: Those two guys hated each other
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Christopher, you gotta relax, ok? You just need some rest
Christopher: Their friends now, they were playing dice with two Roman soldiers and a bunch of the Irish guys
Paulie: It doesn't make sense
Christopher: and the Irish, they were winning every roll and then Mikey gave me a message for both of you:
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: A message?
Christopher: Yeah, he said tell Tony and Paulie three o'clock
Paulie: [confused] Three o'clock?
Christopher: [while pressing the button for the morphine dispenser] This fuckin morphine drip, I don't think it's working, I don't feel a fuckin thing
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You gotta be careful with that
Paulie: That was all he said?
Christopher: Who?
Paulie: Mikey, three o'clock?
Christopher: Yeah
Paulie: What was he wearing?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Paulie, referring to Christopher] Come on let's go, he needs his rest
Christopher: He had on a gangster suit: pinstripe, old fashion style
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Christopher, eventually kissing him on the forehead] That was a dream... forget about it, ok? We're gonna take you home soon

Assemblyman Zellman: Restaurants, stores, slips for luxury yachts
Tony: [to Johnny] We'll call my plumber at the electrical unions: the steel, the brickwork, it's all yours
Johnny: We need to have a conversation about Local 187
Assemblyman Zellman: [to Johnny] You gotta come by the office, see the scale model, the guy even makes little people walking on the street
Johnny: [jokingly] Fuckin Newark, they got little hookers giving little blowjobs?
Johnny: [stands up] I gotta go take a leak
Assemblyman Zellman: So, I got a call from Eddie Volar at the PBA: your "friend", the cop? His bitching about losing his overtime. His got some black officer squad looking into his case
Tony: oh, yeah?
Assemblyman Zellman: If you want, I can get it "squashed", get him reassigned
Tony: [after thinking it over] You know what? Fuck him, cocksucker got what he deserved

- for richer and for poorer...
- In sickness and in health, forsaking all others, so long as we both shahhve.
- In sickness and in health, forsaking all others, so long as we both shall live.

- Who?
- Who?
- You don't know him.
- He died, that's all.
- Work-related death.
- It's sad when they go so young.

Rusty: You can't stayed holed up in here, it's not healthy Carmine.
Carmine Lupertazzi Jr.: How'd it get to this? Retaliation, counter attacks.
Rusty: We back down, broke it down, what kind of a message does that send?
Eddie: Not just to Johnny's people either.
Carmine Lupertazzi Jr.: Billy Leotardo what the hell was that?
Eddie: This Blundetto asshole went "off the reservation."
Rusty: With all due respect Carmine that's why you need to get out there. Put your ear to the street, let the guys see you take the reigns.
Carmine Lupertazzi Jr.: That's not how I want to handle it.

Carmela: You piece of shit!
Irina: Yes, I'm a piece of shit. I'm a piece of shit which the world, every morning, strains and pushes out of its butt! If you can, imagine where you are on the pecking order.

- You know...
- You have these thoughts, and you almost grab it.
- And then:

Tony: [while counting money] So, this estate planning shit, Carmela wants it and I got nothing against getting her well set up
Alan: The blue chip portfolio like your cousin suggested, to keep pace with inflation, if it makes your wife happy, Go with God
Tony: I'm supposed to make the money, she takes care of the house: that's the way it should be
Alan: This other thing your cousin advised, life insurance trust: big red flag
Tony: What? The kid said there's tremendous tax advantages
Alan: To Carmela, when you die, but present day if something unforeseen should arise, a divorce? That type of trust is irrevocable: that means it can't be changed. You have to petition the court, even then. Don't get me wrong, a trust per se is a good thing, avoids probate, prying eyes but there's other ways to go, such as an Inter-Vivos, a living trust

- Tony?
- Anthony.
- Which you wanna see?
- This...
- Or this?

Mikey: [points a gun at Brendan's head] Hijack. Bye, Jack.
[shoots him in the eye]

- There's a million ways, but this'll work.
- It was gigi's idea,
- I'm not cutting his balls off.
- Sally's Mia. Two days ago he reaches out to bacala for help.
- Old man bacala's his godfather, he can get close without arousing suspicion.
- Doesn't sit right.
- He's done it before.
- He's a sick man!
- It's something to live for.

- I thought this could wait till after dinner, but your father and I have talked.
- You are not to play Mario cart or go skateboarding for three weeks.
- You won't sit on that Internet.
- And every day, you'll ride your bike to go visit grandma.
- Oh, that'll be nice.
- It's not fair!

- Traced back to a payphone in oyster bay, long island.
- What?
- Where's the phone at exactly?
- Gas station, most likely.
- Gas station?
- He's lammed out.
- He may not be able to put his hands on a clean cell phone.
- All right, listen, thanks. Really.
- All right.

- Uncle jun, you're freezing.
- We found him on the Clay street bridge.
- Newark?
- Where's your car?
- They stole it.
- Who stoled it?
- You know who.

- Oh, so he comes again.
- Brought some pastries.
- Is he taking a nap?
- Yeah.
- Is he driving you to drink?
- I can drive myself.

- A self-perpetuating revenue base.
- The $100 million Newark museum of science and trucking...
- Will serve to make this the attraction of the area and beyond.
- This fucking busted valise, he's worth every cent of his cut.
- Fucking dry wall contracts alone.
- Thank you very much.

Annalisa: You don't want to fuck me?
Tony: Yeah, I do. But I don't shit where I eat.
Annalisa: Que cosa?
Tony: [in broken Italian] Non fare la merdo dove... It's bad business. We're in business.

Tony: [after Carmella suggested to Tony, he not visit Meadow at college following the incident he had with Noah Tannenbaum, an African American friend of Meadow's] this is about sambo right? I'm paying for that God damn college
Carmela: I don't know what's going on over there but if you want to make a big scene at your daughter's new college, then comb your hair, and come right along: embarrass her, alienate her. Or better yet, cut her off, let her drop out of there and go to a state school, or maybe move back in here
Tony: I was just trying to protect her from "herself" and I'll do that until the day I fuckin die
Carmela: I'm not gonna tell you not to come: she's your daughter
Tony: I'll probably watch the game

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [meeting privately] Talk to me
Jack: [referring to slang for African Americans] These fuckin ditsoon activists. Their killing me: their picketing at my place twenty four seven. Three days I'm down already
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Who?
Jack: This hard on, Reverend Herman James Jr. His an old song, not enough minorities doing the joint fitting
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You were told the joint fitters are my uncle's jurisdiction
Jack: I know but if you could pave the way and talk to your uncle? See if maybe send some guys down there and you know, make it uncomfortable for these people? Like you did with your unions before
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's gonna cost you
Jack: Besides what you're already raping me for those no show electrician jobs?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You're not such a fuckin citizen when you want the construction to go your way, are ya?
Jack: Ok, ok, take it easy
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to calling the police] alright, I'll see what I can do. In the meantime, call Animal Control

- Hmm, I know.
- I wish someone could convince aj of that.
- I keep thinking he could start over in college but who knows if he's even gonna get the chance.
- He will.
- All our students matriculate.

Finn: [Working at the EsplanadeI no-work job site] I should get back, Ramos'll be on my ass.
Vito: Would you forget about Ramos, for Christ's sakes? I talked to him. Have a seat. We got the good doughnuts today!

Phil: Take your fuckin' sorrys and stick 'em in your ass.

- Where's blundetto?
- I don't know!
- It's a start.
- Hey, ton.
- Hey, ton.

A.J. Soprano: [Referring to damaging Carmella's station wagon] it wasn't my fault
Carmela: You stole my car, where is the trust in this house?
A.J. Soprano: When I get confirmed, I'm going to be a man so how come I can't drive?
Tony: You really want to get into this huh? Who was that "man" we had to pick at camp last year for bed wetting?
A.J. Soprano: That was the year before last
Carmela: You could've killed those girls
A.J. Soprano: That would've been interesting
Carmela: What? What'd you just say?
A.J. Soprano: Death just shows you the ultimate absurdity of life
Tony: What is this? Are you trying to get me to lose my temper? Because I'm about to put you through that God damn window
A.J. Soprano: See? That's what I mean: life is absurd
Carmela: Don't say that God forgive you
A.J. Soprano: There is no God
Carmela: Where is this coming from?
Tony: What'd they teach you this crap at school?
Carmela: Is this the new English teacher Mr. Clark..?Where is he from?
Meadow: [after AJ remains silent, while walking into the kitchen] Oberland. You want him to read something other than Hustler? Hello? He got assigned a stranger. You want him to be an educated person? What'd you think education is? You just make more money? This is education
A.J. Soprano: Do you ever think like why were we born?
Meadow: Madame de Staël said "In life, one must choose between boredom and suffering."
Tony: [to Meadow] Go to your room
A.J. Soprano: No, I'm serious why were we born?
Carmela: We were born because of Adam and Eve, that's why. Now go upstairs and do your math
Meadow: Algebra? That's the most boring
Tony: Well, your other choice is suffering, you want to start now? Move your ass!

Janice: [as she's talking with Tony while sucking marrow out of a soup bone] God, I love marrow, just like Ma. Remember Ma with a bone? It sounded like half-price day at a liposuction clinic.

- You talk to vito?
- Huh? I called him two times.
- He never called me back.
- You try the house?
- 'Cause he called me just the other night.
- Hungry, t.? You want, I'll have bissell fix you a sandwich.
- No, no, I'm good. I'm good.

- Hey, don't start with that. Okay?
- I'm not insane and I'm not overreacting. You don't know...
- This little pucchiac...
- All right!
- This is getting you no place.
- Go outside...
- Join the party, be with friends, have some pleasure. Go ahead.
- Fucking bitch!
- Tony! Go ahead. Go have a beer.

Carmela: Tony, can you come down here please?
Tony: What? What's the matter?
Tony: [after seeing Ariana with a black eye] what happened?
Carmela: Your nephew
Tony: Christopher did this? He hit you? What for?
Carmela: What's the difference Tony?
Adriana: He was high
Tony: Little prick, I'm going to ring his fuckin neck. Where is he?
Carmela: His been using drugs: heroin
Adriana: His car was stolen by some Puerto Ricans, they stole his cell phone too. I don't know what to do. I already packed a suitcase for my aunt's in Daytona
Tony: Take it easy, don't do something your going to regret
Carmela: Three weeks before their wedding
Adriana: Maybe he needs to be in rehab?
Carmela: You can hire someone to do an intervention apparently
Tony: [Eventually implies since their a crime family they have to handle these issues by themselves] girls, come on we're a family here. I've got to spell it out for you? Take it easy let me figure out how to handle this
Adriana: Please don't hurt him

- Dhl express for Mr. Philip.
- For sign.
- For sign.
- What are you doing?!
- Dad, dad!
- They have shot me, daddy.

Assemblyman Zellman: [while in the sauna room] summer of sixty-seven we're both home on break. I was interning at the state legislature, what were you doing?
Maurice: East Newark Co-op
Assemblyman Zellman: Right but come July
Tony: The Newark riots
Ralph: What a fuckin summer that was
Assemblyman Zellman: Later that year Maurice and I have to organize one of the first all black voting drives
Tony: Maurice, were you around for Anthony Imperiale? The "white knight"?
Maurice: Around? Who do you think he was fighting against?
Assemblyman Zellman: Italian pride "keep Newark white"
Maurice: Spying Klansman: some of those boys
Ralph: So, this group you got now, the Urban Housing League, what's the story there?
Maurice: Like many non-profits, we've fallen on hard times. Republican administration plus proliferation of new charities post 9/11
Tony: Sounds like you three got a lot to talk about. I'm going to hit the showers. Maurice: nice meeting ya
Maurice: Same here
Assemblyman Zellman: I took the liberty of filling in Maurice on the broad strokes
Ralph: Ok we got a guy Dr. Fried, his an Urologist. We're going to give him half a million of our money, have him grab these four houses on Garside Street for a hundred and twenty-five a piece
Maurice: The old first ward
Ralph: Once we own the houses we got an appraiser who'll "play ball" and his going to appraise them in the three hundred thousand dollar range. What you do Maurice is you take the phony appraisals to HUD tell them the Urban Housing League will buy these shit holes and convert them into low cost housing for working families
Ralph: Once HUD guarantees the mortgage app you take it to the bank, they cut a check and we work it up nice
Maurice: At which I assume my organization fails to make the mortgage payments
Assemblyman Zellman: Unforeseen construction delays and repeated vandalism forced the project into disillusion. We all walk away from the houses
Ralph: Your cut will be in the ten percent of the profit range
Assemblyman Zellman: My office will write a letter in strong support of your application
Maurice: Sounds about right

- Penn. And I didn't fuck him,
- I gave him head.
- Which one is he?
- The big one.
- They were playing ac and they're funny.
- He followed me into the ladies' room...
- You lowlife cunt whore!
- Get out of my sight!
- You fucking shitbag motherfucker!
- In the fucking bathroom?

- Your honor, please.
- Since his injury, I have not had a single conversation with Mr. Soprano...
- In which we've related on any meaningful level.
- Feel free to take that up on appeal.
- Fuck!
- We'll get to a juror.
- We're working very hard.

- Grandma?
- I can't believe it.
- What're you gonna do?
- I'll call Janice.
- Meet you at cozzerelli's around noon.
- I already called.
- Ma didn't want any kind of service.
- So we'll pick out a simple urn or whatever.
- I'll see you there.

Tony: [while watching a boxing match together in the hospital, referring to the boxer Da Lux bet on] your boy's getting tired
Da: The fool's costing me fifty G's
Tony: Who'd you play the action with?
Da: Pinnacle
Tony: Online? What price did they give you on Alverez?
Da: Three fifty
Tony: My friend here give you three seventy-five, right Paulie?
Tony: [after Paulie remains silent, referring to the boxer during the break] I wonder what kind of health insurance his getting?
Paulie: It's a life of abuse
John: Well, he is a boxer
Paulie: It's the same for everybody. Look at you T, you do your uncle a kindness: get shot for your efforts. You think you got family? In the end, they fuck you too
Tony: [to everyone in the room] His grieving, his aunt just died
Paulie: [Referring to the boxer] I'll tell ya each and every one of us are alone in the ring, fighting for our lives, just like that poor prick
John: Well, that's one way to look at it
Paulie: You got another one?
John: Don't get me started, it's complicated
Paulie: You think I'm stupid?
John: It's actually an illusion those two boxers as separate entities
Paulie: What the fuck?
John: The separate entities is simply the way we chose to perceive them
Tony: I didn't choose nothing
John: It's physics. Schrodinger's Equation: the boxers, you, me are all part of the same quantum field
Blinged: You ever substitute teach at Carter Middle School?
Tony: His a rocket scientist for Christ's sake, Bell labs
Tony: [to Schwinn] you were saying?
John: Well, think of those two boxers as ocean waves or two currents of air, two tornadoes, they appear to be two things right? Two separate things but they're not. The tornadoes are just wind stirred up in different directions. The fact is nothing is separate, everything is connected
Da: Everything is everything, I'm down with that

- I think it's important that we talk about this.
- Do you think you could come back later this afternoon?
- Till Tuesday.
- Okay?
- Yeah, all right.
- See you Tuesday.

Ralph: [meeting privately in Tony's car] Economic downturn, that's all you hear about but not you boy. You got three hundred g's at the Esplanade
Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: Yeah, good job
Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: [as Ralphie takes off his seatbelt] Jackie Jr. call you?
Ralph: no, why?
Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: He called me
Ralph: oh, I'm sorry
Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: No, don't apologize. Anyway, I told him to take it up with you
Ralph: what'd you want me to do? You're the boss of the family...
Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: [interrupts him] whoa, whoa, we talked about this: you were gonna give him a "pass"? But he should know, you don't want to create confusion, insubordination, but more importantly, your decision should happen in a "timely fashion"
Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: [after Ralph sighs and nods] But fuck it, why am I telling you? You know all this: you're a captain: chain of command is very important in our "thing"
Ralph: I'm sorry he called your house
Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: [sternly] Don't apologize

- I like the way she played basketball yesterday.
- Almost got my first hard-on in, like, a month.
- Jesus, what's the meaning of quiet time around here?

- It's okay. Go see if Meadow wants to go to a movie or something.
- Sure, ma.
- Good dinner.
- I'll tell you a trick.
- Break off a piece of a match...
- In the screw hole so the threads grab.
- I used Elmer's and it still fell out.
- Forget about it.

- I mean, Jesus Christ, even my mother quit.
- I offered to stop. I mean...
- And he didn't want me to.
- He was fine with it, really.
- All right, whatever. Finish your story.
- It was dumb.
- Your dad got the guy to give us some champagne.

- How's your medication?
- Maybe we should stop.

Vito: [to Tony] First off, I'd pay my way back in. I got two hundred grand that goes directly to you personally, no one needs to know. Long term: I know construction is out, I got contacts in Atlantic City, with your support I can set myself up there I'd be close, but not too close.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Ignores him and gets up to leave]

- You can drop them where you do it.
- Where'd you learn to speak Italian?
- I came over with my parents when I was two.
- You were born in Italy?
- Where?

- Oh, my god.
- I can't believe it.
- You'll make this place the biggest
- Jersey club since the stoned pony.
- Thank you, Christopher.
- I'm so excited.
- Can we change the name?
- Whatever you want, baby.
- This is Rocco. He works for you.

Tony: What'd I mean? What'd you mean? All these innuendos. You referring to me that I didn't do everything I could to keep that kid from fuckin himself up? And yeah knowing him and his family that I didn't try to be a better dad than his own dad? God rest his soul. That I didn't try to protect Jackie Jr.? That I didn't smack him around because I was so frustrated? Is that what you're trying to tell me?
Meadow: I'm through telling people you help with environmental clean up
Tony: That's not what I asked you
Meadow: Like you can talk honestly for three fucking seconds
Tony: You try me!
Meadow: I made my plans and I'm going to Europe and getting the fuck out of here

- Could be.
- I'm making ziti for dinner. Go start your assignments, I will call you.
- Could I watch TV first?
- Promise me you're gonna work later.
- Mm, but you gotta help me.
- I will.

- You have to go where you have like a two-by-four...
- Hello?
- Blundetto.
- How can I help you?
- I'm in.
- You asleep?

- Irregardless, I said my piece.
- What're you getting at, Paulie?
- Nothing.
- Look, he's gonna be the new boss now.
- In name, in everything.
- Wish him buona fortuna.
- You guys got any peanut butter back here?

Janice: [Tony has just stormed out on a Sunday dinner] Uncle Jun, was that really necessary?
Junior: He's a goddammned hothouse flower, that's his problem.

- It's just a habit.
- Well, stop it, alright?
- You're gonna be bald.
- It's obsessive compulsive.
- I'm gonna head upstairs.
- Don't go on account of me.
- I have that poly-sci paper anyway.

- Oh, my god.
- After you make bail you can explain to Tony soprano...
- Why you brought an undercover federal agent into his home.
- My god.
- We'll never hear about it, though.
- Chances are you and Christopher will just disappear.
- Get the waste basket.

- I want satisfaction.
- Will you accept an apology?
- That ship has sailed.
- You're being unreasonable, John.
- Ralph's the only one who can handle the esplanade?
- Put pontecorvo in there.
- There are millions at stake.
- Again with the money?
- Yeah, again with the money.
- It's settled, John. So either name a price or get the fuck over it.

Tony: [to Carmela, referring to AJ] I laid it out for him: if he wants to move back here, it's gotta be with your full approval
Carmela: [to AJ] this was your idea?
A.J. Soprano: it was mutual
Tony: His upset because he don't get the kind of cereal he likes
A.J. Soprano: He threw it in the sink, how am I supposed to focus at school with no breakfast? I got dizzy
Carmela: I'm sorry, I don't see why the two of you can't work this out between yourselves
A.J. Soprano: Maybe I don't want to live in a place where people use violence against children?
Tony: Violence? You're lucky I didn't put my shoe up your ass
A.J. Soprano: [to his mother] You, see? That's abuse, I know what my rights are, I can call Social Services and they'll send a case worker
Tony: go ahead, you'll get the other shoe! This is demoralizing
Carmela: [to Tony] Now you see...
Tony: [interrupts her] That a son of mine would even consider calling in the authorities
Tony: [irritated, to AJ] Go ahead, live with your mother
Meadow: [walking past them, jokingly] Family meeting? Try and stay awake AJ
Tony: Keep walking
A.J. Soprano: [to his mother] I just want my old room back
Carmela: You wanted to live with your father: live with your decision
A.J. Soprano: I don't like it there
Carmela: That's funny, I thought I was the problem? I make you miserable, remember?
A.J. Soprano: I never said that
Carmela: You did
Tony: absolutely
Carmela: [after thinking it over] For me to even consider having you back, we're going to establish some non-negotiable ground rules
A.J. Soprano: What kind?
Tony: Let your mother talk
Carmela: First and foremost, school comes first: that means putting the brakes on your social life. Parties, phone calls, Devin, you are at a crisis point grade-wise. So, you will make sure your schoolwork is done on time and correctly
A.J. Soprano: Alright
Carmela: I will not tolerate cursing
A.J. Soprano: after sixteen years of potty mouth from you people, I get slammed?
Carmela: This is my house: you will treat me with respect
A.J. Soprano: Is that it?
Carmela: I want you to involve me in your life a little
A.J. Soprano: [after thinking it over] Fine
Tony: Alright, go get your stuff in the car

Tony: Okay. I need to tell you something and I want you to hear it from me, not from some asshole on the street. About four, five months ago I started seeing a psychiatrist. I was passing out, and they couldn't find nothing. She's been helping me with that... Okay, c'mon, give it to me. Give it to my face. C'mon.
Silvio: Well, I'm sure you did it with complete discretion. And speaking for Pussy, if he's still alive, I'm sure he would agree.
Tony: Business was not discussed, no names were mentioned. Junior knows. He's decided to use it against me. Ask now. 'Cause we're not discussing this again.
Paulie: It's not the worst thing I ever heard. I was seeing a therapist myself about a year ago. I had some issues. Enough said. I learned some coping skills.
Silvio: Look, this thing of ours, the way it's going, it'd be better if we could admit to each other these painful, stressful times. But it'll never fucking happen.
Tony: What about you? You got a problem with this?
Christopher: It's like marriage counseling?
Tony: Yeah. Like that. Sort of, yeah.

- By crying to a chunk of marble?
- I can pay my respects from the after-party.
- After-party?
- It's those uptake inhibitors.
- We were skeptical at first.
- Then his mood really improved.
- His memory too.

Tony: This psychiatry shit. Apparently what you're feelin' is not what you're feelin' and what you're not feelin' is your real agenda.

- This new fucking girl told him.
- I know.
- About 15k between the five of them.
- I know.
- Righty-o.
- Good news, gentlemen.

- Oh, honey, what?
- We worry so much.
- Sometimes it feels like that's all we do, but in the end it just gets washed away.
- All of it just...
- Just gets washed away.
- Come here. Oh.

- And worse, he roughed up my appraiser.
- If the proper response is not forthcoming in a businesslike time frame...
- My next move will not be further conversation.
- I get it.
- You should know my next call will be to Johnny sack.
- To let him know that we talked.
- He shouldn't feel blindsided.

- I think...
- Think the hat goes on the crook of your arm here. Like that.
- You look good.

- It's not Hector or the meat or these assholes that are always looking for the next hot thing. It's me.
- Limit it to a quick visit at coffee.
- People wanna talk to each other, not you.
- Really? You know better than New Jersey zagat...
- "Arthur bucco, warm and convivial host"?

Carmela: [while in the hospital cafeteria] I hear Sil is at Barnabas? My God, what is happening to us around here?
Vito: Sil's gonna be fine: you have enough worries. Listen, sweetheart, I know your expecting "something" and I can't get into specifics, Tony wouldn't want me to but there are certain people looking over our shoulder right now
Carmela: It's ok, I'm not expecting anything", money's not an issue. Like you said, I've got bigger worries, like this son of mine
Vito: You gotta trust me on this Hun, "suspicions" get raised, if I were to "move it" to you at this moment
Vito: [referring to paying for her breakfast] I got this

- Come on! Fuck!
- Tony, no!
- Tony!
- Tony!
- All the girls in New Jersey, you had to fuck this one?
- Go ahead, cry like a bitch.

- Well, no, it's just a test-drive for a couple of weeks.
- You know, my family gave me some sunglasses for Christmas so why don't you have these?
- I bet they'll look great on you, Chris.
- I don't know. You think?
- Sir Ben, can we get a shot?

- Thank you.
- But I don't know what it's for.
- We”, like I said, I was sorry
- I had to go out to Vegas when I did.
- Once you explained you had to take care of Christopher's business interests...
- God knows Kelli'll need the money.
- The baby.

Johnny: I want you to sanction a hit on Ralph Cifaretto.
Carmine: What, are you fucking kidding me?
Johnny: He violated my wife's honor.
Carmine: Ralph slept with Ginny?
Johnny: He insulted her. He made a very insensitive joke about her body to some friends of ours.
Carmine: What did he say?
Johnny: [indignant] I have to repeat it? My word's not good enough?
Carmine: Not if you want him clipped over it.

- It's our own narcissism that makes us think they even care.
- It does get better with time.
- Did you get anything to eat at least?
- Can I fix you something?
- No, it's too much trouble.
- No, it's not.
- I'm starving too.
- There's probably something in here.

- My fucking daughter!
- Hey, want some Sambuca with this?
- Tony, you're making a big fucking mistake here.
- How about I put a bullet in your fucking head, huh?
- Don't do it!
- You want some?

- It's getting so
- I don't want to be with him.
- Use a belt if you gotta.
- He's bombing in school.
- He got a c, 3 d's and an f.
- Madonna, look at him.
- Anthony, how you making out in school?
- I got a c, 3 d's and an f.

- Doctor says, "I see the problem."
- Chinaman says, "what?"
- Doctor says, "you have a cataract."
- The chinaman says,
- "no, I have a rincoln continental."
- You don't get it?
- I get it. He drives a Lincoln.
- What?

Feech: In my day...
Tony: [gradually raising his voice] That's another thing. I don't want to hear anymore how it was in your day. From now on, keep your antidotes to local color, like Dinoflow or Maguire sisters. Otherwise, SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Feech: [feeling guilty, remains silent]
Tony: Jesus Christ, I'm trying to ease your transition and this is the thanks I get?
Feech: I'm sorry I'm offended you. I'll learn
Tony: yeah?
Feech: yeah

Paulie: [while watching the FBI excavate the basement of the location where Tony carried out his first hit] Danny says he hears its Larry Barese's been talking. A lot of work for a dead fuckin bookie. You made "your bones" with that kid huh?
Tony: Yeah
Paulie: Old Zeepa Pean's house: you were shaky a little but you did good. I remember telling you your old man. Twenty-five years T, its possible there's nothing left
Tony: There'd be bones, teeth
Paulie: What're we going to do?
Tony: [Implying they're going to leave town until the attention and heat passes] we're going to pack our toothbrushes

- We're drawing no conclusions.
- But what do you got?
- If I had coffee...
- Cut the quips.
- Tell me about the merger!
- What's to say? Philadelphia's put pressure on the shy business?
- That's been going on since Moses wore short pants.
- Tony's still resisting the Philly overtures?

Christopher: [to J.T. Dolan referring to the movie Cleaver they wrote that has similarities to aspects of Tony's life] It was an idea, I don't know, who knows where they fuckin' come from? Isaac Newton invented gravity 'cause some asshole hit him with an apple!

- Stasiu wosilius.
- I'll run that by anti-terrorism.
- Carmela's gone on Tuesday. Tennis.
- We need somebody on her and everybody that's got a key to the house.
- Daughter's at Columbia.
- Why risk it? She's 45 minutes away.
- Put somebody on her.
- Anyone breaks for home, we need to warn the team to get the hell out.

[Christopher calls Tony from a phone booth, while it's raining]
Tony: What do you got?
Christopher: Wet shoes.
Tony: You chose this life. You don't want to work in the rain, try for the fucking Yankees.

- Listen, it's after-hours. It's dark.
- You want me to walk you to your car?
- No, thank you.
- I have some work
- I have to catch up on here.

- I was worried! You usually call me when you're this late.
- I bought us some barbecued chicken, salad and lemon meringue pie.
- But I got hungry and ate.
- Did I tell you to keep your mouth shut?!
- Did I tell you to keep your goddamn mouth shut?!
- Don't hit me!

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Introducing Paulie to Brian at Paulie's welcome back from prison party at the Bada Bing strip club] say hello to Brian Cammarata, Carm's cousin, the financial guy
Paulie: How you doing kid?
Brian: [Jokingly] so, just back from "college" huh?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Let me talk to Paulie for a sec ok?
Brian: Nice meeting you
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: So, how you doing? You ok?
Paulie: Just thank God that piece of shit from Youngstown "copped" to that gun. I could've been wearing an orange jumpsuit until I'm ninety
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Handing him an envelope full of money] well, your back home now. That's the important thing. Here, to get back on your feet
Paulie: Thanks T, not that I don't appreciate it but I could've used a boost while I was gone too. Fuckin bills. Then there's ma with the private home care. You know she almost lost her spot at Green Grove? An extra 5g's to hold her place
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Paulie, you've been back thirty seconds and you already got a fist full of cash, and not to mention the no-show jobs I got for you
Paulie: Your right Tone. I know
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Enjoy the party
Paulie: I will

Tony: [Meeting outside the hospital] not even a courtesy call and you approach my company?
Phil: No disrespect Tony, you've been in a coma
Tony: So that gives you Carte blanche?
Paulie: It's that fuckin John, his sitting in the can, the Feds are trying to take everything his got. His in a panic state
Tony: Alright I'm sensitive to that but whatever happens to Barone Sanitation, I've got to be kept on. I need that W-2 and now you can see I'm facing a long convalescence and Barone is my secondary insurance carrier. I need it
Phil: John's going to take care of you, you know that. What your asking: twenty-five percent of the sales price, a year's salary until retirement, plus skim? Come on
Tony: [Eventually turns to Paulie and asks him] look, I don't want to argue. I'm not well so I'll give John a break on the skim. I'm getting two G's a week now
Tony: [to Paulie] how many stops we based that on?
Paulie: [after Tony asks him a second time catching him off guard] eleven
Tony: The fuck you talking about? It's at least twenty-five
Paulie: [to Phil before his cell phone rings] twenty-five
Tony: Alright I'll take the skim on twenty, fifteen hundred a week but I stay on the payroll as is
Phil: All I can do is deliver the message Anthony

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Genetic predispositions are only that: predispositions. It's not a destiny written in stone. People have choices.
Tony: She finally offers an opinion!
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You think that everything that happens is preordained? You don't think that human beings possess free will?
Tony: How come I'm not making freakin' pots in Peru? You're born to this shit. You are what you are.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Within that, there is a range of choices. This is America!
Tony: Right... America.

- Put my dinner on the table, and keep your mouth shut.
- No, you shut up.
- Since he's a ballroom dancer, you think he's gay.
- What if he was?
- What difference does it make?
- Ow.
- Fuck.

- You have to go with a sales rep.
- Anybody available?
- Dale!
- Yeah.
- I'm going out. 600.
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
- Hm-hmm.

- You're cute when you're a bad boy.
- You're awfully chipper today.
- So what are you doing with the box?
- Give it to him.
- Tell him to hold onto it for a while.
- Oh, Tony, that is so evil!
- Yeah, I know.
- That's why it's so much fun.
- Oh, god.

Paulie: I bet you didn't counter offer
Johnny: If this gets really bad, there could be a "change"
Paulie: Tony?
Johnny: Suffice to say, now or in the future, Carmine won't forget you. As far as us talking like this...
Paulie: [interrupts him] Just because we're old friends and I know I can "blow off" a little "steam" with you
Johnny: Cheaper than a bartender
Paulie: I'm only trying to bring good relations between the families as I always do and always will, no matter what happens or who's in charge

Tony: [Tony enters the room and everybody becomes quiet] alright let's dispense with the five hundred pound elephant in the room, my kid tried to off himself we all fucking know, that's it? Nobody's got nothing to say?
Bobby: How's he doing?
Tony: They got him "under observation" whatever the fuck that means
[to himself]
Tony: stupid fuck, where did I lose this kid?
[to everybody]
Tony: what did I do wrong?
Silvio: Don't blame yourself
Bobby: A lot of pressure on kids today
Tony: It's enough for him to try to kill himself?
Bobby: It happens
Tony: [to Bobby] did it happen to your kids?
[to patsy]
Tony: or yours?
Patsy: They're all different my son Patrick I love him to death but he can be a moody prick sometimes
Silvio: When heather was fifteen she went through a rough patch
Patsy: Jason same thing, his got the hyperactivity to boot
Carlo: My son too, the older one James
Paulie: He tried to kill himself?
Carlo: No, I don't know he gets the blues
Silvio: The important thing is AJ is getting the help he needs, whatever it is I'm sure it's just a chemical imbalance
Paulie: If you ask me it's all these toxins the kids are exposed to, it fucks with their brains, between the Mercury in fish alone, it's a wonder why there's even more kids jumping off bridges

[about DVD players]
Tony: I hear there's not as many titles available as on laser.
Brendan: You know, there's more coming, though.
Paulie: My internist told me the picture's not that different from laser either, Tone.
Brendan: But the sound, way improved.
Tony: Good. 'Cause nothing beats popping up some Orville Redenbacher's and listening to "Men in Black".

- Hang on, gab, call waiting.
- It may be Tony from Italy.
- Hello?
- I didn't sleep a wink last night, my god, isn't this awful?
- Did you tell franny altieri?
- Ooh no, she's gonna shit when she hears this.

Phil: Anybody ever die in your arms, you cocksucker? A family member, somebody you love?
Tony: No.
Phil: Well, give it time. See if I can't make that happen for you.

- I don't understand!
- Get your pencils and your crap and don't be here tomorrow!
- No, corrado. Don't leave.
- I love you!
- I am so sorry!
- No, corrado!

- It's stupid.
- Insane.
- Sorry, Artie.
- Life goes on, no?
- I could always be a plumber, no?
- Only one concept to master: Shit runs downhill.
- Yes, it does. Come in the kitchen.
- I'll buy you a beer.

- But I held myself back!
- You were being prudent.
- Fuckthat
- I lost it.
- Timing couldn't have been worse, but what the fuck?
- So you go to Phil...
- I go with you, hats in hand, bended knees.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's always good news until it ain't.

Salvatore: President Franklin is my best friend.

Agent: [in Dwight's office] You see Metro News?
Agent: No
Agent: Your old beat: Phil Leotardo got popped

- But I went away for a long time.
- Stood up for this family.
- And you, or anybody, can think what they like...
- But I feel I had a little coming to me.
- Hey, absolutely.
- I was telling Benny the other day.
- He was complaining.
- And what I said about Tony before?
- You know I love him like a brother.
- I love him too.

- You sure this is it?
- Pike's hollow.
- A mile in, by the picnic table.
- Where's their car?
- Maybe they left.
- No, they wouldn't leave without calling.
- Let me try him again.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You know, sometimes what happens in here is like taking a shit.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Yes, okay. Although I prefer to think of it more like childbirth.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Trust me. It's like taking a shit.

- Answering machine.
- What are you gonna do?
- These doctors, it's not like on TV.
- Dr. Kennedy, this is Tony soprano, corrado's nephew.
- My cell phone is 917-555-0157.
- Call me back anytime day or night.
- It's important.
- Batter up.

- No more dipping at the job according to fucking alfalfa.
- But the order comes down from Tony.
- Go ahead.
- What?
- Knock off the tile?
- If Tony says no...?
- I got your back.
- Tony will be fine with it.

Tony: [Driving in car] So what's goin' on with you?
A.J. Soprano: Nothin'.
Tony: Nothin. You know, that 'No God' shit. That upsets your mother very much.
A.J. Soprano: It's not 'No God'. It's 'God is dead.'
Tony: Who said that?
A.J. Soprano: [Misspeaks] Nitch. He's a 19th century philosopher from Germany. Anyway, that's why I'm not getting confirmed.
Tony: Enough with that shit, alright? Your confirmation's comin' up this weekend and you ARE gettin' confirmed!
A.J. Soprano: That sucks my nut!
Tony: [Lightly slaps AJ with the back of his hand] Ay! You got a lotta balls, you know that? You go to Catholic school and your mother wants it!
A.J. Soprano: Yeah, what does she know?
Tony: She knows that even if God IS dead, you're still gonna kiss his ass!

- Patrick said to tell you guys some people have bogus cups.
- They brought them with them to get out of paying.
- Hey, man. Let me see your cup.
- It's back in the athletic department.
- We're getting ripped off.
- You think this is like downloading music?
- That beer's ours unless you pay for it.
- Fucking manners!

- What confirmation? Who?
- The witness has no reason to lie.
- No...
- We can't be in denial no more, much as we love him.
- Where do you think he might have gone, honey?
- So we can get him back here, get him to do something about it.

- Congratulations, carm.
- It's not an easy thing to do these days.
- I had a lot of support.
- Brian and Janine must be so happy.
- I hope so.
- Just the two? It's big, right?
- It's a mansion.
- Pass the salad.
- They have a baby on the way.

- Maybe you better call Tony.
- I can't just dump this on Tony.
- I gotta find him.
- I need you to come here in case he comes back.
- Bobby, I just can't...
- I need your help here. Jesus Christ.
- Sometimes I think I love junior more than you do.

Meadow: [surprised to see him at the club Crazy Horse] What're you doing here?
Tony: I got an office here: you come down with Finn?
Meadow: And some people
Tony: Promise me, no drinking and driving
Meadow: Who's your designated driver?
Tony: I'm not the one with all the dents in their car
Tony: [kisses her] Alright, have fun, huh? Need some money?
Tony: [before she goes into the restroom] Have a good time sweetheart, be careful

- Does this have anything to do with what's been on the news lately?
- If you suddenly stop coming to your appointments...
- I will assume that you are on vacation?
- And I should wait to be contacted?
- That would be a good assumption.
- Who is it?
- Paulie. Open the door.

- Okay.
- So, the feast of St. Joe's,
- Tony gave some rulings on the unions.
- Were any made guys from New York there?

Tony: Look, Tony's in hiding, John.
John: You either deliver that prick to my door, or I will rain a shitstorm down on you and your family like you have NEVER fucking seen.
[pause]
John: We're done here.

- Forget it, John.
- It's Allegra's wedding, Tony.
- The way things are,
- I don't know if I'll be around for Catherine's.
- I know you're going through a rough time right now, all right?
- Then do me this favor, Tony.

Albert: [on his disappearance] What's with Ralph? Fuckin Bermuda Triangle?
Silvio: This thing with his kid, his probably down in the bunker
Albert: I'll tell ya, if I didn't know better...
Silvio: [interrupts him] Are we off the record?
Albert: [nervously] Off the record? It's Tony
Albert: [when Silvio and Patsy don't respond] What? Am I wrong?
Silvio: [before leaving to use the bathroom] Honestly, I don't know, take a leak
Albert: This is bad my friend, I mean don't get me wrong, I wouldn't piss on this Ralph if he was fire but to whack a guy over a horse? How fucked up is that?
Patsy: If it happened to him, it could happen to any one of us
Albert: What's next? Get clipped for wearing the wrong shoes?
Patsy: What can you do? Tony's the boss: centuries of tradition here
Albert: Exactly my point, if Tony did do this, whack Ralph over a horse, that guy would be the first fuckin guy in line to pull the plug

- All right, you'll need to step out and remove your shoes, sir.
- Oh, come on!
- It's all right.
- Tony, Tony!
- Daddy!
- A.J., get him a chair!

- Your accountant didn't reach you?
- A.J. Said he talked to you hours ago.
- Well, Ginsberg didn't call me.
- I'm gonna fuck her face up before I kill her.
- Look, I said I'll talk to him, so I'll talk to him.
- Cousin Brian is dropping the estate papers by tomorrow.
- Good, I'm anxious to look them over.

- You get a piece of what he does.
- X is federal territory now.
- I don't want it in my club.
- It would mean a lot to me.
- You've got a lot of balls.
- Did you hear what I said?
- What'd I say?
- No.
- End of chat.
- Okay, thanks.

- How?
- How long since you last confessed?
- I, uh...
- If you'd like, I can do this.
- You mean here? Now?
- The whole world is god's house.
- He hears and sees everything.

- I'm taking you back to your mom's early.
- I should take off.
- Yeah, you know,
- I really gotta run them over there now.
- All right. Yeah.
- I'll see you later.
- All right.
- I'll come over to the hotel.
- Yeah.

- Why do you have that?
- Unfortunately I had to say mass for someone in intensive care.
- Lord, I am not worthy to receive thee.
- But just say the word...
- And I will be healed.

Carmela: [Participating in Tony's therapy session for the first time] how are you feeling, from your accident?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Fine, thank you
Carmela: Honestly, if you told me five years ago I'd be sitting here today
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Anthony's attacks, how do they make you feel?
Carmela: Concerned of course, helpless, a little frustrated
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Maybe with your inability to help him?
Carmela: To tell you the truth I was referring to your inability to help him
Tony: She has helped me, what're you talking about?
Carmela: You've been coming here for three years Tony and you still pass out on a regular basis
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [to Carmela] I understand your frustration. Did Anthony share with you any insights about his last panic attack?
Tony: I told you remember? The gabagool and my mother when I was a little kid
Carmela: Right, yes
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Do you think that there's anything in the present family "dynamic" that could serve as a trigger? Something in your dialog perhaps?
Carmela: Excuse me?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I don't really know you that well, we're trying to get to root causes
Tony: Like maybe you do things that may have some affect on me?
Carmela: Oh, really?
Tony: What? People affect each other in life
Carmela: [to Dr. Melfi] oh I get it, is this how it works? You can't get any answers so you start looking for someone else to point the finger at?
Tony: She's not saying anything, why are you getting so defensive?
Carmela: You know what Tony? Maybe you should "explore" your own behavior, maybe you pass out because you're guilty over something. Maybe because of the fact that you stick your dick into anything with a pulse, you ever "explore" that as a root cause?
Tony: [Sarcastically] very nice, that's very nice
Carmela: Uh-huh
Tony: [to Carmela] I told you months ago I broke it off with that Russian person
Tony: [to Dr. Melfi] right?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [Remains silent]
Carmela: It's incredible, it's like people who smoke their entire lives then they sue the cigarette companies when they get cancer
Tony: [Faces away from her] you know, you agreed to come here, oh forget it, this is fuckin ridiculous
Carmela: Right, just sit there, silence, anger, then you pass out and then you blame the rest of the world
Tony: [Sarcastically] yeah I love you too
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You're both very angry.

- the poor bastard.
- I'm gonna move Bobby up.
- I think it's a good choice.
- I wasn't asking. I'm telling.
- So you know who to talk to.
- Bobby know yet?
- Well, I think we should bring him in here.
- He's gonna be a very happy man.

- Goddamn fucking phone!
- Thanks, ton. Thanks a lot.
- Oh, I should be happy about this?
- No, it's just...
- Sometimes your nephew don't think before he acts. That's all I'll say.
- I thought the guy punched you.
- He did.
- It's just...
- We'll talk later.

- I'll tell you what.
- You give me the 15 k,
- I'll talk to uncle junior...
- And maybe I can get it to around 10.
- One more thing.
- You leave comley trucking and every other item that belongs to jun...
- Including his hemorrhoid doughnut, the fuck alone. Got it?

- What's up, t?
- My future brother-in-law's a serious problem.
- How serious?
- He's dissatisfied with the leadership.
- He wants to have me popped.
- That motherfucker.
- So now I gotta decide what to do about him.

- Yeah, I'm gonna stay.
- We order a pizz'?
- Yeah.
- Get some meatballs and sausage too.
- Couple of salads. No vegetarian pizza.
- And paper plates too.
- We ain't got no things in here.

- It's Meadow.
- I don't know, we think maybe she ran off to Europe.
- Europe?
- Yeah.
- So you got a minute?
- Who's that?
- Nobody, go back to sleep.
- Oh, hey, sil.
- How you doing, hon?

- Four bedrooms, marble baths with kohler fixtures.
- Sub-zero in the stainless steel kitchen.
- We'll take it.
- He's what we call an impulse buyer.
- Shouldn't we see the inside first, sweetie?
- If it has an inside, we're buying it.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [while in a dinner] so you mentally prepared for this promotion?
Bobby: oh, yeah
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: how's that steak?
Bobby: it's ok
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [yells to the waitress] hun?
Waitress: yeah?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: another steak sand over here: rare
Waitress: coming up
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: it's a lot of added responsibility
Bobby: I think it should've happened sooner
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: how's your family doing, you know, since the tragedy with your dad?
Bobby: rough on my mother
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: yeah, well, how old is she now?
Bobby: she's sixty-nine

- Oh, ho, gratzie.
- Vincenzo, turn off that radio!
- Did you hear me?

Furio: You got a bee on-a you hat.

- She was a beautiful, innocent creature.
- What'd she ever do to you?
- You fucking killed her.
- You killed her, you fucking killed her.

Carmela: Now, you liked Jackie, so you don't want to believe that he did this to himself. So, like a lot of other people, you go around looking for bogeymen to blame - bogeymen with Italian names.

- Anyhoo...
- Fucking ragheads!
- I don't think so, Tony.
- Those spices kill microbial agents.
- Very smart.
- That fucking Artie bucco then!
- Meadow's graduation is tomorrow.
- Ah.

- I wanted to make sure you had this before you checked out.
- Whoa, whoa. Not here.
- It's all right.
- Let's go.
- Ton'?
- Let's go.

- Things have changed around here.
- I'm the boss of this fucking family.
- You're crowding me.
- You don't make fun of me, got it?
- Got it.
- And knock off the massage shit.
- It's a place of business, not a Jack lalanne.

Tony: [Talking privately] what's up?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Turns out somebody got a look at the guy who did Joe Peeps. All they got so far is that his got a bad limp.
Tony: Huh. Long John Silver maybe.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Where the fuck do you get the balls? I am bending over backwards trying to stay neutral, paying for fuckin car seats and your out there acting like a fuckin free agent. Don't look at me like I'm a fuckin jerk off. because I'm sick of you leaning on this cousin thing and that bad hijack like you could do whatever the fuck it is you want to do because you went away that night I didn't
Tony: Your the one who keeps bringing that up. I'm fine with it. First of all, for the record: I had nothing to do with this
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Don't fuckin lie to me
Tony: Even if I was would you really want to know? That'd just be another problem with you and Johnny right?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Alright look I know your not earning what your expecting. And you got the twins and Nancy. Your a capable guy. Your mother let it slip one time. you got an IQ of one fifty-eight
Tony: She told you that?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It was the week you got tested, all the fuckin nuns were raving about it
Tony: A lot of good it did me
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I had hopes when you got out
Tony: Yeah?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Guy like you: brains, balls. If you fuckin be straight with me I could use all that
Tony: "Put me in coach"
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Alright we got the casino over on Bloomfield Avenue above the hardware store. Carlo's guy was running it but he just got diagnosed with the Hodgkin
Tony: That's mine?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah, a lot of fuckin money there. I'll see what I can do about you getting "straightened out." Opening up the books for you. Long overdue

- You know, the truth is,
- I got myself where I am.
- But your open indiscretion, your total disregard...
- Well, you're right, it was...
- It was horrible.
- To have a knot in your stomach every time the phone rings.
- Like you were saying, theoretically, though, if we do reconcile...
- That stuff will never happen again.

- It stops today, you got it?
- Don't give me your fucking manson lamps, just fucking stop.
- Another thing, don't tip a truck on a problem customer.
- I fucking hate the way you make me fucking ride you.
- Now, get the fuck out of here.

Artie: [as Tony arrives to visit him in the hospital] oh Jesus
Tony: What happened?
Artie: [Referring to the investment he tried to make with Jean-Philippe] it went to shit. The "Next Vodka."
Tony: [Referring to his suicide attempt] so, this is what you do?
Artie: You don't understand. The money is gone
Tony: Can't you come talk to me? Hey, I'm your friend. Suppose you hadn't been able to reach me and I come over to your house and I find you dead, how am I supposed to feel?
Artie: [Before crying] take the restaurant
Tony: I don't want the fuckin restaurant
Artie: How am I going to pay you back? Fifty thousand dollars, it'd take the rest of my life
Tony: It's fifty-one five, "vig"-wise, and technically you already missed a payment. Alright, look, we'll wipe my tab at the restaurant
Artie: Thank you, Tony, that's what? Six-thousand dollars? What about the rest of the money?
Tony: I'll assume the guy's debt. Collecting fifty G's
Artie: Thank you. The "cobwebs" are now removed"
Tony: The fuck you talking about?
Artie: You saw this whole thing didn't you? You knew exactly what was going to happen. You can see twenty moves down the road. Please, I don't blame you, I envy you. It's like an instinct: like a hawk sees a little mouse moving around in a corn field from a mile up
Tony: You think it's my fault you're fuckin lying in here?
Artie: It's just that somebody mentions fifty grand to bankroll a French thief and your mind goes through all the permutations at like internet speed and realizes "oh worst case scenario, I eat for free"
Tony: You fuckin suicide, you're disgraceful
Artie: I'm sorry
Tony: No fuck that, is there anybody else know that it was me I loaned you the money?
Artie: Like who?
Tony: Like who? I don't give a fuck who: Adriana, Father Intintola, my wife, anybody?
Tony: [after Artie shakes his head] You got mugged outside your house. It was a "street crime", kids, they took the wallet and your watch. Where are they?
Artie: Why?
Tony: Why? You don't care what people think? Well I do. Enough people hate me. You fought back. They ripped your earring out of your ear, you were bleeding, and went inside your house. You took a bunch of pills to kill the pain because you knew you had to wait at the emergency room for a couple hours
Artie: Tone, they pumped my stomach. They saw the Armagnac
Tony: You got fuckin mugged! Do you understand me? I didn't loan you shit!

- Look, Ron, we've talked about Florida, okay?
- Gene, that's not gonna happen.
- Here among your friends is where you're useful.
- I told you, you tell your bosses,
- I'd come back for any trial.
- Florida's just one of those things you gotta let go.

Junior: Ralphie Cifaretto got word to me
Tony: So, what does he want?
Junior: He wants a bump up to captain. The kid's been a top fuckin earner ever since that rat bastard went into the program. You can't deny it. Ralphie whipped Richie's crew into shape over there
Tony: [Referring to Richie Aprile] And three months ago by you the rat bastard was a second fuckin coming why do you do this to me?
Junior: Because I'm the boss of this family you forget
Tony: I forget nothing, don't make me say things to you we'll both regret
Junior: Go ahead I'm fuckin fed up
Tony: I'm on the street, that's the arrangement: stay home, collect your coupons, and be a happy man
Junior: Things are good I'll grant you that but this economy is so robust you get credit for shit you had nothing to do with. Fuckin chinks and housewives are betting foot ball
Tony: You better be finished

- I'll call you tomorrow.
- You wanna work out?
- Sure. Yeah, whatever.
- Four clubs to Joe Hollywood.
- Jack for the car-wash king.
- Ten for Mr. Vito.
- Show Valentina you love her.

- She stood by you, right?
- What, do you wanna end up like my uncle junior?
- Or worse, like Paulie?
- Exactly.
- Thanks. I gotta go think about it.
- All right.

- No offense, but you ever had yourself checked for tourette's?
- What?
- Tourette syndrome.
- Seriously.
- Like you got a tick or something.
- I don't know.
- It's like some people grind their teeth.
- When I'm nervous, tense or something.

- You want another one?
- Yeah, sure.

- Carmela, I gave you 5.
- Maybe I could go another 5.
- Maybe 10, but that's enough.
- Tony, you gotta do something nice for me today.
- And this is what I want.
- You gotta do this.
- All right, I'll go to 10.
- That should be enough for them.
- I already told him 50.

- New York's classic rock, [1104.3.
- Good morning. I'm Jim kerr.
- Coming up a little later on the ""...Q
- "Half an hour," he says.
- It's a fucking hour and a half already.
- He's busy.
- Enjoy the music.

- You can depend on me. Trust me.
- Whatever comes, we'll face it together.
- It's okay, Jim. Stand up.
- I'll stand up with you.
- And I'll try to be as strong as you want me to be.
- Poor baby got nobody. Just nobody.

- I miss the fireflies out west.
- That's why I moved out here.
- A little bit of nature.
- Ever drive by Jimi Hendrix's house in Seattle?

Paulie: [eating frozen condiment packets in the van with Christopher] Not bad! Mix it with the relish!

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You know, when you asked me what Irina's cousin had, that you don't have? Well, I thought about it, 'cause it's a pretty good fucking question. And yes, she's sexy enough even with the one pin gone, but that's not it. I could converse with her 'cause she had something to say.
Carmela: I AM HERE! I have things to say!
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Besides bringing the fuckin' chairs down and sign the fucking trust! She was a grown fuckin' woman who was kicked around. And she's been on her own and she had to fight and struggle!
Carmela: Unlike me? Is that it?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah.
Carmela: [shouting] Who the fuck wanted it like this? Who the fuck pissed and moaned of just the idea of me with a fucking real estate license?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Well, you sit back for 20 fucking years all you did was fiddle with the air conditioning and fucking bitch and complain! And fucking bitch, bitch, bitch to me! TO YOUR PRIEST! FUCK IT!
Carmela: Who knew all this time you wanted Tracy and Hepburn? Well Tony, what about all the thousand other fucking pigs you had your dick in over the years? The strippers, the cocktail waitresses, were they all your best friends all of them too?
[pause]
Carmela: You fucking hypocrite.

- You preach this wise-guy shit...
- Meanwhile we're the only ones who play by the rules.
- I loved you.
- What happens, I decide.
- You don't love me, that hurts, but too bad.
- Because you don't gotta love me.
- But you will respect me.

- Then I'm gonna buy clothes and food and shoes and cds...
- And all the rest of the shit I've been buying since you were born!
- Everything comes from the work I do!
- All right, Tony, that's enough.
- A grown man made a wager. He lost.
- He made another one. He lost again.
- End of story.
- Take that high moral ground and go sleep in the bus station if you want!

- The wall of pride.
- What kind of animals...?
- They didn't steal anything.
- They just did a number on the place.
- They left this.

Nucci: You didn't go to your mothers funeral? It's a sin.
Paulie: Some mother! Even a rat don't abandon its own children.
Nucci: Now you should feel sorry for her. Now she's going to have to face St Peter with the stain on her.
Paulie: I hope she rots in hell!
Nucci: Don't say that!
Paulie: And you, I was your meal ticket. The goose with the golden eggs. Look at this place, who set you up here? Not that fucking brother of mine! Or Rose! They never provided you with shit! Well, your real children can start now. I went without, so you could have. The mink coat, the massage chair from Sharper's Image. The flat screen TV!
Paulie: [moves towards the TV] Two thousand bucks for a woman I don't even know!
[he picks up the TV and throws it out of the window]
Nucci: Paulie! Paulie... please...
Paulie: You're on your own. I never want to see you again.
[leaves]

- Now that's not nice.
- Those are Puerto Ricans, Mrs. Conte.
- I ask 'em nice to turn it down.
- They tell me to go fuck myself.
- I'll see what I can do.
- Thanks.
- Hey, how's junior?
- Tell him I said hello.
- Yeah.

Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: [during her therapy session, referring to her son] Jason's always been a well-adjusted young man
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: So, why now? Three years at Bard and suddenly, now as a senior, this epic drift, no focus, no drive, his actually talked about dropping out and joining the Forestry Service
Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: Well, some people thrive on solitude
Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: [when she doesn't respond] Senior year, there's something about the light at the end of the tunnel can be very frightening
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [referring to his daughter] Saskia's a senior, is she going through any of this?
Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: Saskia has always been highly motivated. Where's Richard in all of this anyway?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Jason barely speaks to him anymore
Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: Since when?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [referring to her own experience] Right after the rape
Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: Jason may be feeling guilty himself: his powerless to avenge you and resents his father for the same shortcomings

- and I will be judged for it.
- You're a good father.
- You care about your friends.
- Yes, it's been rough between us.
- I don't know, our hearts get so hardened against each other.
- I don't know why.

Corrado: Keep thinking you know everything. Some people are so far behind in a race that they actually believe they're leading.

Tony: [regarding Makazian] What did he come here for? Therapy?
Debbie: You could say that.
Tony: Instead of a couch you use a bed? It's not a bad idea.
Debbie: Hey, who wouldn't want to sleep with their shrink?
Tony: ...What does that mean?

- World's still in front of us.
- Balls.
- My estimate historically,
- 80% of the time it ends up in the can like Johnny sack or on the embalming table at cozarelli's.
- Don't even say it.
- No risk, no reward.

- It's amazing. You want me to be honest?
- The favoritism Tony still shows for our fucking cousin...
- After what he's done?
- What does Tony b. Have on this guy?
- I'm supposed to take a bullet for this skive.
- After all your uncle's done for you,
- I need to get into specifics?

- I was stationed in Nova Scotia.
- Well, I told you that.
- Anyway, there was nothing for them to do...
- In Nova Scotia.
- Great seafood, but other than that...

- I got balls. And as long as I do, they will remain intact.
- You don't have faith in me, it's up to you.
- You gotta prove it to yourself first.
- Yourself and god.
- You're only religious when it suits you.
- What is that supposed to mean?
- Come here.

- You went down in the garage?
- I'm gonna go check it out.
- You said you'd get up early, come to church with me...
- And go online and register for your classes.
- I'll miss grandma-and-grandpa dinner too.
- There's a back-to-school party for Hadley.

- Right.
- We gonna throw them an engagement party?
- Well, if we can be civil.
- She's so young.
- Same age we were.
- It wasn't all bad.

- Der bingle's leaving the bing too.
- Hey, watch it!
- This does not look good. Mrs. Bing bearing north on grand view Avenue.
- She's on boxwood road.
- She's heading toward the factory.
- Abort. Repeat, abort!
- S.E. Team, get the hell out of there.
- Abort, Andy. It's not a go.
- Repeat, we are not a go.

Johnny: Yeah?
Ralph: John, it's me
Johnny: And?
Ralph: And I'm calling to tell you how appalled I am. I just got back. I talked to Tony. I love Ginny, I would never say anything like that
Johnny: That's not what I heard
Ralph: From who John?
Johnny: I don't betray confidences, you denying you said it?
Ralph: Fuck yes, I'm denying I said it
Johnny: I don't believe you
Ralph: Just tell me who said this. I'll put a bullet in their fuckin eye
Johnny: You're a real weasel you know that?
Ralph: John please, look, last year when Tony and I had our "thing", that misunderstanding, you were "the voice of reason". You were the one that told me to apologize
Johnny: So, you're apologizing?
Ralph: If that's what it takes
Johnny: Why would you apologize? I thought you didn't say it?
Ralph: I didn't say it
Johnny: [Before hanging up] you know something Ralph? Not only are you a thief, you're a lying fuckin prick. I should've let Tony chop your head off a year ago

- he'll Jack up your share of the sale price to 12%.
- No more skim.
[ Sighs ] Truth be told, there's enough garbage for everybody.
- Does that mean we got a deal?
- Yeah, we got a deal.
- Be well.

- in case he shows or calls.
- You realize I can't even get on a plane without a picture ID?
- Oh, god, that's right.
- Well, tell me about costa mesa.
- Nice place to live?
- Around here? It's dead.

- Conspiracy theories now?
- Why not?
- Create a little dysentery among the ranks?
- First of all, the place is swept once a week.
- Second of all, there's a lot more interesting shit...
- Being talked about in there besides Ginny sack's fat ass.
- Sil, the liquor inspector's here.

- Either it has meaning or no meaning.
- And the vito thing...
- The man harbors a faggot.
- It's true.
- Five fucking families.
- And we got this other pygmy thing over in Jersey.
- There's no scraps in my scrapbook.
- Make it happen.

- I'm sorry for the loss of your cousin.
- Thanks.
- Me too, bro, me too.
- He was a good guy.
- Hey, don't let this linger on your head now.
- You know what I'm talking about.

- When you did the same, you got forgiven.
- Think about it. There's a difference.
- Don't call me.
- Mr. X, can you play chess?
- No.
- I can. My daddy taught me.

- Getting cute with me?
- With my mother dead?
- Raritan township recycling manager,
- Joe Zachary.
- I'm in line for the contract, but he's talking to Albert.
- He's threatening to go to the epa.
- He said that?
- All right, fix it.
- No more fires.

- Presenters get about $30,000 worth of merchandise in those baskets.
- That's a year's salary for some people.
- Go figure.
- Hopefully we can spread some of that lolly around.
- We'll get you that script.

- Until his fever dissipates and his white-cell count comes down, we're a long way from home.
- But he's really fighting.
- Mom, he's really strong.
- That is true.
- Hi, dad.

- They don't got many ideas.
- We should probably start heading back soon.
- Yeah.
- On the way we could stop and eat.
- Yeah, we could definitely stop.
- Like that.
- Oh, yeah, so nice.
- Just like that.
- Yeah, that's so good.

Tony: Fucking weird. My cousin in the old man's seat.
Paulie: It's like "Sun-Tuh-Zoo" says: a good commander is benevolent and unconcerned with fame.
Tony: What?
Paulie: "Sun-Tuh-Zoo". The Chinese Prince Matchabelli. Tony turned me on to him.
Silvio: Tzu, Tzu! Sun Tzu, you fucking ass-kiss!

- Yes, daddy.
- See, with my family now, you know, in separation...
- You gotta make an appointment to see each other.
- I should go see uncle zio.
- Yeah.
- All right.
- Show him the phone.
- Yeah.

Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: You have such a low opinion of people?
Tony: Let me tell you somethin', A.J. I don't care how close you are, in the end your friends are gonna let you down. Family: they're the only ones you can depend on.

- So what the hell's wrong with me?
- My guess is simple gas.
- I always say he's full of hot air.
- Pharmacy's down the hall.
- They will give you some antacid.
- Take care.
- Arrogant prick.
- Nervous Nellie.
- That's what you are.

- Arthur, a lot of people don't like rabbit.
- My grandfather's way.
- Only with provencal elements
- I been thinking about.
- I thought you were taking it to him at the home.
- Okay... out.
- I wanna get outta here tonight.

Carmine: [on the phone] I took John to dinner last night. Ralph's got a big problem, kid.
Tony: I thought you squashed it.
Carmine: I did. Problem is, I don't know if John's hearing me.
Tony: So, what are you gonna do about it?
Carmine: Me? Nothing.
Tony: What does that mean?
Carmine: I didn't say nothing. We share the Esplanade, Tony. I don't want that apple cart upset.
Tony: Yeah, then somebody should do something about it.
Carmine: I appreciate your thoughts.
Tony: [after a long pause] You saying what I think you're saying?
Carmine: I didn't say nothing.
[pause]
Carmine: All right then, I'll talk to you.

- These doctors own so much property.
- You're buying four houses on garside street?
- You've certainly got your work cut out for you.
- One day at a time.
- Keep on keeping on.

- Who do I replace him with?
- Good question.
- Great. What's the fucking answer?
- Who says there is one?
- That's what being a boss is.
- Steer the ship the best you can.
- Sometimes it's smooth, sometimes rocky. In the meantime...
- You find your pleasures where you can.
- How much longer, skip?
- I gotta take a leak.

- This is me asking you.
- Why don't you get out?!
- Come on.
- Get the fuck out, go!
- Let's go!
- Come on, come on!

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Benny Fazio while he lays nonconscious in the hospital after being assaulted by Phil Leotardo] I want you to know this is gonna all be taken care of by the Plumbers Union health plan. I'm gonna see to that. You know what? We were talking here and I think it's time for you to get your own customers: you're getting a little too old to be beating people up

Christopher: [Talking to each at other in the restaurant] my heart's still pounding
Paulie: You're doing real good year with the sports book
Christopher: Yeah it's been good
Paulie: I'm going to give it to you, it's yours
Christopher: I was wondering when it was going to be
Paulie: The only thing is: there's a 6 grand minimum every week. I've got to get something out of this, but 6 grand, that can be a lot or a little, it all depends on you and how much business you bring in
Christopher: I love you Paulie, we're in it together now
Paulie: I love you too kid

Tony: [referring to Phil] His got us by the gats, I'll ya that
Christopher: Unless that guy at the Pensy landfill decides to play ball
Tony: That asshole's gonna shit in his pants if he gets pinched by the EPA
Tony: [irritated by Christopher] What's this make believe ballroom? How many times you gonna change the station?
Christopher: [while inserting the CD into the stereo] The Departed soundtrack: it's fuckin killer, you got it?
Tony: Yeah, it's good

- Shh shh shh.
- Good girl.
- That's a good girl, okay?
- Shh. Okay?
- Trust me.
- Trust me, it's okay.
- Good girl.

Tony: [to Christopher as he walks up to their table in front of Satriale's, referring to their predetermined time to meet] Hey, I said four o'clock.
Christopher: The fuck? I leave before the stock market closes, you yell at me for not watching the phone guys.
Tony: [to Christopher as he gestures to Richie] Meet Richie Aprile.
Christopher: [to Richie] Jesus Christ, how're you doing? Your brother was like a fucking god, great leader! I also heard a lot about you.
Richie: Yeah, and I heard a lot about you. That's why I'm here.
Christopher: What do you mean?
Richie: [referring to Tony] Out of respect for our "friend" here, I'm gonna talk nice. You ever raise your hand to my niece again, next time you won't see my face. You understand?
Christopher: Who told you I put my hand on her?
Richie: [to Tony] is this kid getting jerky with me?
Tony: [Tony Soprano shakes his head]
Richie: Look kid, I shouldn't have to explain myself. I'm from the "old-school". You wanna raise your hand, you give her your last name. Then it's none of my fuckin' business. Until then, keep your hands in your pockets. We understand each other? Now get outta here, I wanna talk to Tony.
Tony: [to Christopher, after Christopher and Richie shake hands] Go ahead.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Carlo was furious: these guys waited by the Hackensack River all fuckin night
Johnny: Fuckin Vespas never got in my hands
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: This is Port Newark, where the fuck was your longshoremen?
Johnny: Tightened security at the ports: Al-Qaeda
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after Johnny gets into his Maserati] Carlo was told it was a go. If it didn't happen, how come nobody called?
Johnny: [before driving off] Lot of things didn't happen that seemed like it they happened. Your cousin didn't whack Joey: the Vespas never got in my hands

Viper: [after realizing Tony and Christopher robbed them of the wine they originally intended to steal] what the fuck?
Biker: Who the fuck are you guys?
Christopher: [Pointing a gun at them] that's who I am you lazy cock sucker
Viper: [Putting their hands up] whoa
Biker: [Putting their hands up] take it easy
Christopher: On the ground or I'll blow your greasy fucking heads off
Viper: You guys cops?
Christopher: [Sarcastically to Tony] how's your incision lieutenant?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Jokingly while continuing to load the wine into his SUV] 10-4
Viper: You're fucking with The Vipers here asshole
Christopher: [Sarcastically] oh, really? What's that? Your Girl Scout troop?
Biker: Look...
Christopher: SHUT UP, fucking douche bag
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after finishing loading the rest of the wine in his SUV and whispers to Christopher] let's go

- Family? I told you.
- They're a glorified crew.
- Whatever they are, carmine, the sopranos bring in a lot of cash.
- I've been close with Tony for a lot of years.
- On reflection, maybe that's the sticking post.
- Tony feels you're friends, not business associates.
- See? What am I always saying?
- I hate this fucking shit!

- So it's 500 for the hour,
- 300 for half.
- And if you wanna keep skiing, that's extra.
- All right, Eden, how's about 400 for 40 and four more lines and then we'll take it from there?
- That'll work.

- Name is finnerty.
- I called and reserved a room.
- Yes, Mr. Finnerty, we have you down for a single room for the night.
- Did you wish to keep that on the visa?
- Uh, yeah.
- I'll need to take an imprint to cover incidentals.
- Sure.

- Well, it's difficult, but not impossible.
- Trust me. Your dad does not want you to get involved.
- You gotta channel that rage elsewheres.
- Golden gloves.
- What?
- Dumbbells or something.
- Fuck your girlfriend more.
- You little hothead here.

Tony: You knock off early, we, uh, go back to your place, christen those new sheets you were telling me about.
Lori: The man with the plan, huh?
Tony: Uh, the man with the erection.

Carmela: [During family dinner] what? Did everybody take a "vow of silence" or something? Nobody's got nothing to report?
A.J. Soprano: I've got to write a report on DNA for biology
Carmela: Isn't that interesting? I just saw on Inside Edition how there will be no more "unknown soldiers" because of DNA now: they will be able to identify every single casualty of combat
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Meadow] pass me some of the macaroni and cheese?
Janice: You know Tony, I know you don't like to talk about her but that woman is impossible: she's a complete narcissist, I mean she's always "me, me, me". Really kudos, you are a saint
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You were right the first time, I don't want to talk about it
Meadow: [to Tony and Janice] you were talking about grandma?
Janice: When she pushes those buttons, she's a big baby you know?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Janice, irritated] this is my house, how many times I do have to say it?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Sarcastically to Meadow after she makes an insulting comment] you got something to say? The little girl's about to get her license might want to drive one of those cars in the driveway in the next hundred years
Janice: It's my fault Meadow, I was "insensitive" to his feelings
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Janice] thank you
Carmela: [to Janice and Tony, referring to them peacefully resolving an argument] you see that? You see how easy that was?
Janice: [Sarcastically to Tony] so Mr. "delegated Power of Attorney", have you given it any thought? Can my girlfriend have the listing? You know? The house?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Referring to their mother's home] as long as it gets sold, I don't give a fuck who lists it
A.J. Soprano: [Making a joke] hey, what did one prick say to the other prick?
Carmela: [to Tony] you see that? See what happens with you cursing at the dinner table?

- A couple of years,
- I'll own a chain of restaurants, clubs.
- You'll never have to work again.
- Look, I love you.
- I love you too.
- So marry me then.
- And we'll have kids.
- I mean, you always say you want
- Hector to have brothers and sisters.
- Okay.

- Excuse me?
- You scared me.
- Sorry. Is the west essex language school around here?
- There.
- Is it coed?
- What?
- You wouldn't happen to be Polish?
- Yes.
- That's... my grandmother is Polish.

- Jas, you let me handle this.
- I don't want to see you get hurt.
- The carting business...
- It's a different corporate culture.
- You're tired, t.
- We'll leave. Come on.
- All right. Bye, Tony.

- Time is the great enemy.
- You've got a very short window.
- It's not good to get too hung up on any one thing.
- On the other hand, something new always comes along.
- I've seen it a million times.
- It's called passages.
- It's a book.
- He's right, irinushka.
- He's very smart man.

Paulie: Hey, Tone. Remember when we all rented that house down the Shore? With the bedbugs? Heh, heh.
Tony: [nods]
Peter: Summer of '78. Carlo, Silvio, Frankie Napoli.
Paulie: Place up the beach. Sonny Spits from the Bronx rented it? That's where that hippie kid "mysteriously" drowned during that party. Heh, heh.
Tony: [glares at Paulie]
Peter: Hey, Tony. You OK?
Tony: Yeah, yeah.
Paulie: You sure, T? You're being kinda quiet.
Tony: Well, it's 'cause, uh, "remember when" is the lowest form of conversation.
Tony: [gets up and leaves]

Tony: Angelo Garepe came to see me, Lorraine Calluzzo reached out
Johnny: Fuckin twat, didn't you fuck her once?
Tony: Yeah a million years ago, is nothing a secret? Obviously you want to maintain stability but having Phil Leotardo smack your shies around, is that the smartest thing?
Johnny: I've got to nip this Little Carmine shit in the bud otherwise I could see a lot of people start fuckin around. Power Vacuum the capos bide their time nobody's sure who to pay, so nobody get paid
Tony: Alright, I hear you
Tony: Nobody likes that cunt anyway. Always "whack this one whack that one", never enough body count for her. Fuck her let her taste her own medicine
Tony: Alright, whatever
Johnny: I'll tell you something else: a large measure I blame you for this shit with Little Carmine
Tony: What the fuck did I do?
Johnny: You legitimized it, man of your stature goes to Florida to see that schmuck
Tony: Come on, we both agreed Little Carmine's an asshole but the fact is his got a following to his old man
Johnny: So?
Tony: So, Angelo had an idea: his just "floating" this to keep the peace. What if there was a power sharing situation?
Johnny: Power sharing?
Tony: You are all in charge equally but no major decisions can be made without the majority of two
Johnny: What the fuck?
Tony: Hey, this way your not a big target for the Feds. Three other families have this kind of arrangement
Johnny: What's this? The UN now?
Tony: Alright, forget it, forget I said it
Johnny: Fuck that!

- It's on again possibly.
- You, maybe people close to you.
- If it was solid, you would've been warned officially...
- But my colleague in Brooklyn, the one with the collaborator...
- Snitch is implying the wheels have been set in motion.
- Implying.

- Mm, do what?
- Sitting in a car, with a man, not really knowing what to do.
- Or if I should at all.
- And feeling like some teenager which was believe it or not...

- He just called.
- Give me a sec. I'll dump the line.
- You got a pen?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead.
- He's at Roy's. It's a business.
- Kinderhook, New York.
- That's upstate.
- Yeah, I know where it is. Thanks.

- What were they doing?
- Walking.
- But then they meet up with this other group and...
- I don't know, it seemed...
- You got a name?
- One was named Ahmad or Jamal or...
- Hold on, hold on.

Tony: [repeated line when someone questions his agenda or refuses his help] what am I? A toxic person?

- Svetlana's waiting for us.
- She's dead?
- I'm sorry, dad.
- That your mom died.
- Me too.
- Your grandmother loved you.
- She loved both you two. Very much.

- Hey, come here, you. Come here.
- Who's coming later, huh?
- Santa!
- Is Santa claus coming, huh?
- Carmela, it's Meadow!
- Tell her I kept my promise.
- I'm wearing your present from Paris.
- Excuse me, my daughter's calling from California.

Tony: [Outside the police station] Jesus Christ AJ, you make me want to cry, it's a movie you've got to grow up, you're not a little kid anymore, you hear me? You've got to grow up.

Carmela: I swear to god, I'm gonna fucking kill you!
A.J. Soprano: What the fuck?
Carmela: You made the fool of yourself and our family on national fucking television!
A.J. Soprano: I didn't say that shit! They totally misquoted me!
Meadow: Holy shit.
Carmela: Well, of course they did. That's what they do! Which is why I and everybody else told you: don't talk to the press!
A.J. Soprano: You're the one who look like a total asshole, dragging me around like I was five years old!
Carmela: You're cross to bear, that's all you are, to your father, to me, to everybody!
A.J. Soprano: Fuck this! All right? Fuck it all!
[leaving his room]
Hugh: [to Carmela] Jesus, Mel! The hell's wrong with you?
Carmela: What's wrong with me? What's wrong with ME?
[she leaves]

Feech: Know what the biggest change is for me? Broads shavin' their bushes. I went over to Silvio's, it's like the Girl Scouts in there.

- You're the one brought it up.
- I should go.
- You didn't take care of that?
- What?
- Check this out.
- Be careful.

- She wasn't from the school?
- My god, she sounded so convincing.
- I'm just trying to be honest.
- Yeah? Why'd you lie?
- I didn't wanna piss you off.
- It's about you?
- What? I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
- No, you didn't wanna piss me off, meaning you'd have to deal with me...
- Which is more about sparing you than my fucking feelings!

- Yeah?
- I was just wondering if you thought about my offer.
- Yeah, I thought, and I need to know who these Atlantic city contacts are.
- Meet me in the mall, 11:00.
- Don't be late.

Tony: I tell you, I'm having a time. Stay out late. Come home drunk. Fuck anyone I want.
Silvio: So what's the difference?
Tony: I don't know. It's a mind-set.

- And listen to that.
- I think it's great.
- I'm going food shopping.
- Maybe I'll get in the bedroom.
- What time you want me to wake you?
- The movie.
- Oh, yeah.
- Good.
- Have fun.

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [That retirement community is] more like a hotel at Cap d'Antibes.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [later repeating it to his mother] It's more like a hotel at Captain Teeb's!
Livia: Who's he?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: The Captain owns luxury hotels or something. I don't know! That's not the point!

- You make me wanna cry.
- It's a movie.
- You gotta grow up.
- You're not a kid anymore.
- Did you hear me?
- You gotta grow up.
- Get in the car.

- You're the only one who can swing a meat cleaver?
- Fuck you.
- Artie.
- I'm kidding!
- Wanna try cooking with one fucking eye?
- That's enough! Go wait outside!
- Now!

- That's my brother.
- Angelo.
- Get out of here, you filthy bitch!
- Go, go, go!
- I told you young people that crack is some bad shit.

- Just for the record, my incarceration was very short-term, so I never had any need for any anal... you know.
- So this fellow who's been outed, what's he saying?
- You think I'm lying, don't you?
- About when I was in jail.
- I've given you no indication
- I think you're lying.

Larry: Oh, Mama Livia. Come sta, darling?
Livia: Listen to him with that 'my darling'. I am nobody's darling.
Larry: [to Tony] This one here, she never disappoints, I tell ya that.
Livia: Are you still seeing your other women, Lorenzo?
Carmela: [pulls her away] Come on, Ma. Let's mingle.
Tony: Sorry. The older she gets the worse she gets.

- But if I was you, I'd dump this job.
- I'd go to Italy.
- This is no way for a caretaker to live.
- Well, a few things have to settle down first.
- My cousin will send me funds to go through Canada.
- Italy, wow. Nice cousin.

- Him and our ass-wipe cousin, that two-faced cocksucker.
- He could get us all killed with New York, and him...
- Tony has to think about what to do with him now, after all this shit.
- Me, he don't need to fucking think.
- Well, maybe I need to think!
- Ever thought of that, you fat fucking scumbag?

- Sent her a bottle of shalimar.
- She never mentioned it.
- You should be happy at least, the stent was a complete success.
- Let's not tempt fate by taxing the heart.
- How many migs you shoot down last week?

Rhiannon: [when they recognize each other, referring to the mental hospital their admitted into] What're you doing here?
A.J. Soprano: You first
Rhiannon: Food "issues", depression
A.J. Soprano: You keeping up with Hernan?
Rhiannon: Fuckin slime ball, I caught him finger banging my cousin in the ski lift
A.J. Soprano: Somebody said you were modeling?
Rhiannon: [nods, referring to the name of the agency] Yeah, I guess, I signed with Elite

- I am sure he will be honored.
- Does your mother know yet?
- You're the first person I've told.
- We'll decorate the whole house with mums.
- And you will not save any money in Vegas.
- My cousin Jackie and her husband,
- Tommy, 60,000 at Blackjack.
- I'm getting married!
- I know!

- Not as much as Caitlin.
- You see her look at me?
- The lid. From Okla-fucking-homa.
- You're in a frat now?
- Rutgers chapter.
- I came up here to see you.
- Got any more x?
- For you, the first hit's free.

- Gets them all riled.
- I could lose my job.
- Fucking stick-up artist.
- I gave you my watch.
- Don't count my money, nigga.
- You're making 500 percent off these motherfuckers.
- You're good till lights out.
- I'll steer people away from the door.

- That much of Dell computer bought in 1989 is worth 5 million today.
- We don't have that kind of money on hand right now.
- Things are tight.
- Don't you read the papers?
- The economy.
- Well, it sounded like a wonderful opportunity.
- What are you gonna do, huh?

Tony: When you were sick in the hospital, we talked. We shared a, uh... an understanding about life.
Phil: This is business, Anthony.
Tony: Yeah, I know. But I'm talkin' to you here on a human level. There's a limit, Phil. C'mon. A point where business bleeds into other shit. Feelings make things financially unfeasible.
Phil: [chuckles] Charles Schwab, over here.
Tony: So that's it. No leeway, no compromise, just stupid fuckin' jokes.
Phil: You want compromise, how's this? Twenty years in the can I wanted manicott', but I compromised. I ate grilled cheese off the radiator instead. I wanted to fuck a woman, but I compromised. I jacked off into a tissue. You see where I'm goin'?

- "I manuged to get the drop on him"?
- Do you mean, "I managed to get the drop on him"?
- Or is he saying "manuge," like mannuggia I'americano?

Tony: [to Carmela regarding the bear] What, you trying to prove your independence? This ain't "Little House on the Fuckin' Prairie!" Those things are dangerous!

- I've been thinking about things, me living out there.
- And I've decided it's probably not a good idea.

- See ya.
- Here he comes.
- God bless you, St. elzear.
- Where's his gold hat?

- Eight dollars for an aspirin.
- You hear about Ralph and Mary ritaldo?
- No, what happened?
- Ralphie's had this
- Brazilian goomar for years.
- A dancer, right?
- She just gave birth to Ralph's baby.
- A c-section.

- Hey.
- I'm on the street. That's the arrangement.
- Stay home, clip coupons.
- Things are good, but the economy's so robust...
- You get credit for everything.
- Chinks and housewives bet football.
- You better be finished.

Lilliana: [quizzing him on the questions for the citizenship test, while having a picnic] What is the most important right guaranteed to United States citizens?
Stasiu: Right to vote
Stasiu: [in Russian after taking them out of the picnic basket] What is this?
Lilliana: Special capers from Italy: Soprano kids don't like them. Who wrote the star-spangled Banner?
Stasiu: [uninterested] Martin Luther King
Lilliana: [chastising him] Stasiu...
Stasiu: I want to eat
Lilliana: [correcting his answer] Francis Scott Key
Stasiu: [in Russian] Fuck his whore of a mother
Lilliana: [after sighing] What holiday was celebrated for the first time by the American Colonies?
Stasiu: [intentionally responding with the incorrect answer] Martin Luther King
Lilliana: [irritated] Stasiu, that is the answer to number forty-nine, "Who was the Civil Rights leader?
Stasiu: What sandwiches did you bring?
Lilliana: I don't care
Lilliana: [in Russian] this hostility of yours, why do we even bother having our picnics together? Are you so bitter about driving a cab you have to ruin a beautiful day?
Stasiu: Back at home, I was an engineer with twenty employees and I run from the state to do atomist research... oh, and this bores you?
Lilliana: Don't take those steak knives out, put them with the capers, I'll take them home
Stasiu: [in Russian] They belong to Mrs. Soprano
Lilliana: [in Russian] They have so much stuff. Tomorrow I'm taking some champagne glasses

- You think about all the people who have lived here, generation after generation, hundreds and hundreds of years, all those lives.
- God, it's so sad.
- I mean, it isn't sad,
- I don't know. It just makes you think, just makes you look at yourself differently.

- Dad!
- Stand back.
- Daddy!
- All clear.
- Clear.
- 200.
- Stand back.
- All clear.
- Clear.
- -[Zaps]

Junior: [while in his lawyer's office, referring to his running out of money] this bill, Jesus. I wish this trial would happen already, I'm hemorrhaging "spondulicks" here
Attorney: the minimalization process could be very good for us: we hire experts to study the wiretap tapes, former Bureau guys, very thorough. If they find "abuses", we take those findings to the judge, and possibly have all the wiretap evidence thrown out?
Junior: that's fuckin great, I know the Feds stay longer on the phone than the twenty seconds to see if the call is relevant. I hear a "click", I could be talking about root beer and sometimes they stay on forty, fifty seconds before they hang up... pricks
Attorney: but it'll cost for them to study
Junior: how much?
Attorney: two hundred plus hours of tapes analyzed, and I want to bring on "specialized counsel" to handle the wiretap litigation, "ballpark" figure?
Junior: [irritated] yeah, Wrigley fuckin Field for Christ's sake
Attorney: four hundred thousand

Carmela: [after seeing a news report showing AJ cursing at reporters, rushes into his room to confront him] I swear I'm going to fucking kill you
A.J. Soprano: [after Carmella pulls his blanket off him] what the fuck?
Carmela: You made a fool of yourself and our family on national fuckin television
Carmela: I didn't even say that shit. They totally misquoted me
Carmela: Of course they did. That's what they do. Which is why I and everybody else told you don't talk to the press
A.J. Soprano: Yeah well, your the one who looks like an asshole: dragging me around like I was five years old
Carmela: [Calling him the religious idiom] Your a "cross to bear", to me, to your father to everybody
A.J. Soprano: [Before storming out, grabbing his shoes and clothes] fuck this! Fuck it all!

- That's crazy. There must be something I can heat up.
- Really, Janice, you do too much already.
- What about this?
- Karen's ziti?
- I'm not ready to eat that yet.
- I understand.

- You're right. My cousin's always had a brain, but what does she use it for?
- With a husband who can't tell you where the money's from.
- What am I back here, Mark fuhrman?
- You're a dick, man!
- Chris, would you chill?
- It's fucking discrimination, already!
- About time. Excuse me.

- Later we make the new one.
- You're born here, and your kids are raised next door.
- That's a nice thing.
- You take good care of your father.
- What are you going do, send him to a ospizio?

- What's that mean, Bonnie?
- Time and Patience change the mulberry leaf to silk.

- Sometimes you know,
- I'd find money.
- Hundreds of dollars, cash, in his pockets at night.
- Probably won it at the racetrack.
- You think so?
- Sure, why not?
- Somebody has to win.

- Your nephews ripped up the house and then haven't been back there.
- I needed them to do work on Janice's mom's house.
- Which, all do respect, is also your boss's mother's house.
- Gentlemen.
- Ton, these guys...
- Won't shut up about this ramp.
- Richie, relax, sit down.
- I'll buy you a cup of coffee.

- How's Tony?
- The girl said he was hurt pretty bad?
- He's keeping his dick up.
- His uncle did this to him?
- I was saying to Muhammad, why the hell...
- Not something we talk about.
- Please, give Tony our best when you talk to him.
- I will.

Robert: [after having sex] What's the matter?
Carmela: I don't know. I just keep thinking about AJ and that girl's paper
Robert: Oh, it's a pretty common thing, really. Honestly, the important thing is you took a stand: a lot of parents take it in stride and condone it
Carmela: It's not just the cheating, you know, it's just not like him. His always done his work, poorly a lot of the time and late but he always did it, he never cheated
Robert: Oh, wait, didn't I read somewhere in his record that he stole a test at Verbum Dei?
Carmela: No, please, no, he was just acting out, he was with the bad crowd. They were to vandalize the science lab but it was locked, so they stole some tests
Robert: I was a late bloomer too, Union College took a chance on me because they saw that I had potential but I wasn't that mature. That's all this is, AJ's just fighting to keep pace with the kids who's seeing further ahead
Carmela: if you ask me, I think he was driven to cheating. Mr. Fiske, he is ridiculous with the pressure. I mean how hopeless would you feel if you worked so hard on something and still got a D?
Robert: I've been there, worrying doesn't help, I promise

- Artie, don't forget to call in that meat order.
- No problem.

- You know what you said.
- I was in the heat of passion.
- I'm doing it like you like.
- "Boss" this, "boss" that...
- "It should be you."
- That's not part of it.
- How can you think of that during sex?
- You're not in the moment.

Ralph: [refusing to loan Artie money after he asked for it] I hate to do it, Artie. But I think I'm going to pass.
Artie: Why not?
Ralph: Cause if you don't pay me back, I ain't gonna be able to hurt ya.

- She's an adolescent psychologist and an educational consultant.
- Well, what do you mean? Talk about private family stuff like I do here?
- With you?
- Yes.
- Look, like you said, she's going back to school.
- She's gonna be with her college pals, back to the grindstone.
- That's all good shit.

- Mommy.
- Come here, baby.
- It's all right. It's all right.
- It's okay, sweetheart.
- I'm putting them to bed.
- And I'm going home to sleep.
- I don't need to keep everyone up.
- Come on. Let's go to sleep.
- Come talk to me.

- Yes?
- The Tony soprano wiretap has been neutralized.
- What do you mean?

Junior: and did my nephew say where I'm "allowed" to move the coke?
Richie: he don't give a shit about nobody but himself: this country is going through "boom times", there's more fuckin garbage than there ever was and he wouldn't let me eat
Junior: you want to cry money problems? I'm facing twenty years, I could die in there
Bobby: your gonna beat it Skip
Junior: [raises his voice to Bobby] you don't fuckin know that
Junior: [to Richie] that coke is my lifeline right now
Richie: break it down: what choice does he leave us?
Junior: [referring to killing Tony] you need allies to do what you're thinking about
Richie: Albert Barese didn't like what he was hearing and by extension, Larry Barese: the biggest fuckin crew in the family
Junior: that doesn't surprise me: Larry has had just as much time as me to think about why his under indictment and some other people "ain't"
Richie: what do you want me to do?
Junior: go talk to Ally boy "feel" him out but his a "slippery" fuck... don't " commit"
Richie: [to Bobby and Junior before leaving] I'll see ya

- God forbid I get in the way of someone earning.
- One and a half on the shy business and 300 on the back tax.
- 250.
- Hold on to your cock when you negotiate with these desert people.
- 250.
- All right.

- What are you gonna do without your speakers? I'll take them.
- They're just borrowing them.
- I'll come back for the amp.
- You can come in here and watch TV with me, but you can't stay here.
- Fuck.
- Here. Go buy her one of those cds she likes and some flowers.
- Tell her you're sorry, that you'll try to be more considerate.

Tony: [drunk] Carmela, I didn't hurt nobody.

- Don't fucking lie to me.
- Did you do it?
- No.
- Did you fucking do it?
- No.
- Did you fucking do it?
- I said no! Now get your fucking hands off of me.
- Come on, Tony.

Tony: Got any blow?
Richie: [Surprised] what?
Tony: Blow, coke, you don't keep it on you? I've got to go to the deli in Nutley?
Richie: Tony...
Tony: [Interrupts him] you don't sell that shit along those routes you understand me?
Richie: I'm working with Junior on this
Tony: I don't give a shit if you're working with Wal-Mart, knock it the fuck off
Richie: I'm trying to earn here, we're saving for a house
Tony: You got enough on your plate just picking up garbage
Richie: Not if you and that cock sucker Borone won't let me "expand"
Tony: Are you stupid? Or what? After five years the cops are finally leaving garbage alone. A drug bust on one of those routes is a different story, you got the FBI, you got the DEA, and all those fuckin pricks are going to breathing down our necks again
Richie: It's a little coke, what is the big deal?
Tony: You and my uncle, you want to deal drugs? That's your business. You do it on association garbage routes it's my business. It stops today, you got it?
Richie: [Remains silent, while staring]
Tony: [Telling him to stop staring] don't give me your fuckin Manson lamps. Just fucking stop. Another thing: don't tip our truck on a problem customer. You know I fuckin hate how you make me fuckin ride you. Now get the fuck out of here

- They're beautiful.
- Aren't they?
- Richie?
- Richie aprile?
- He went to visit her.
- You know he always loved ma.
- All right, I gotta go.
- You better water them.
- I think I hear them crying.

- This way, sweetheart. There's something
- I need to get straight between us.
- Seriously, you look beautiful tonight.

- You made my father's year with that gun.
- He deserves it.
- You look beat, Tony, why don't you take a break?
- Nah, I'm alright.
- Could use a beer, though.
- Well, you got it.

- She's been drinking like crazy.
- Where are you going?
- Oh, my god.
- Honey.
- Oh, my god.
- I'm fine, okay? Just leave me alone.
- No, you're bleeding. Let me drive you.

- Motherfucker.
- Tony, come on.
- Listen to somebody else for a change.
- Fuck him.
- Tony, try it my way.
- Listen to me.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [over the phone] good morning
Assemblyman Zellman: hey, what's up?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: you heard about this protest with the Indians and Columbus Day?
Assemblyman Zellman: yeah, I heard about it
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: well, we need "someone" to make it "go away"
Assemblyman Zellman: oh, boy that's a tough one. A real "hot potato", nobody wants to "touch it"
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: we just want a peaceful parade like we've had for years with no interference, what's wrong with that?
Assemblyman Zellman: well, it's the First Amendment, it's Native Americans, very "sensitive" stuff: my hands are tied on this one... sorry
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: yeah, fine
Assemblyman Zellman: I will be attending the parade as always, you have my support there

- Obviously you need a history lesson, sir.
- I don't think that we, you and I...
- Should let our shared sorrow or biases...
- Enter into this, judge.
- He's wearing a bracelet...
- To avoid any risk of flight.

- Hey, you fucking greaseball, you.
- Any more smart remarks?
- No, Mr. Bacala, please!
- Please, no more!
- Mmm...

Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano Jr.: So that's a crack 'ho.

- Nobel prize for what? Packing fudge?
- You know that you can go anywhere you want to go to college.
- But I'm not gonna pay for Berkeley.
- I want to go to Harvard or west point.
- You may get to see them on TV, but that's about it.
- To go there you gotta crack the books.

- Stugots? Fucking goombah trash.
- This whole shoreline's turning into the Gulf of sorrento.
- Hey, buddy! Turn it down!
- How long I been on?

Fran: I was sorry to hear about your mother.
Tony: Least she didn't suffer.
[pause]
Tony: She made all of us suffer instead.

- You make sure he gets the best.
- Thing is, ton, he's quitting the bing.
- And he told sil, "and I'd appreciate it if Tony don't come visit me."
- He don't wanna see you.
- I told him, watch his mouth.
- These things happen, t.
- That's why I don't like to talk politics.

- Tell patsy he's got to kick up 10 points.
- Seven and a half to me, two and a half to Paulie.
- Got it.
- All right, you and sil, you figure out...
- Who pays the longshore union and how much. I'll back you up whichever.
- What the fuck?
- I'm on it.
- All right.

- Jimmy, how you doing, kid?
- How many of these things we gotta go to?
- Filone's mom at the kid's funeral, the way she carried on.
- Fucking manners.
- I want you to know I always thought you had that right too. You know?
- Jimmy, let me tell you something.
- Don't wony about what I know.

Tony: [sees Chris barbecuing] Oh, look at that wrist action! All those years yankin' it are finally startin' to pay off.

- You get a front man to buy houses in some crummy neighborhood.
- Talking about some real shit-boxes, maybe they're worth 100 grand apiece.
- Next, you tie up with some nonprofit organization who goes to hud...
- Says they intend to buy these houses from your stooge.
- They're gonna convert them to homes for working-class blacks.
- Thing is, though...

Tony: Well, listen, the other day I was driving along, thinking about your little problem. How bout a promotion? Coupon, two for one.
Artie: Two-fers. Wow. You mean like you get a free spaghetti and meatballs if you bring another cheap comare douchebag in here? How 'bout an early bird special? Salad wagon? This is a fine dining establishment. I'll give it back to the bank before I turn into a fucking IHOP!

- So you get some kids, gangbangers, whatever. You throw them some money.
- From a policing standpoint, it's just one group of recidivists beating on another.
- Stop trying to justify it, Ron.
- It's about the 7 grand.
- Let me tell you something else.
- Guys like Tony, you don't fool around with these people.

- Maybe you can recommend somebody.
- I would never...
- Ask another colleague to get involved in this.
- How many more have to die for your personal growth?
- Look at me.
- I swear to Jesus Christ, nobody got killed 'cause of you.
- Get out of my life!

- I know you. If you don't get the place, you'll sulk. And I'll be the wet blanket.
- I'll sulk? I was sleeping.
- Just...
- If you want me to sign off...
- We probably wouldn't lose money.
- But if you don't want to go through with it, believe me, that's fine too.

Artie: [referring to Elodi, after seeing Charmaine ask her to remove empty plates from a table] she's a hostess: not a busboy
Charmaine: [impersonating Elodi clapping] what was that all about, huh?
Artie: it's just a venture capital "thing" with Jean-Philippe, I'm sure it wouldn't pass your incredibly high Wharton School of Business standards
Charmaine: you want to make some "meaningful" money, why don't you get your friend Anthony Soprano to pay his tab? It's close to six thousand dollars
Artie: [before he flicks his chin] I could have an "empire" like Bobby Flay, and it still wouldn't be good enough for you
Charmaine: ok, I'll make you a deal, we'll start working on your "empire" right after we pay the ten thousand dollars of orthodonture our children will need this year

- Hello, missus. Thank you for TV.
- Oh, stasiu, please. Enjoy.
- The poor thing. In Poland he was a mechanical engineer...
- Here, he's driving a cab.
- What's the matter? You all right?
- No, I'm fine. I'm fine.
- I gotta go.

Tony: My wife thinks I need to meet new people.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: So?
Tony: C'mon, you're Italian, you understand. Guys like me we're brought up to think that Merigan are fuckin' bores. The truth is the average white man is no more boring than the millionth conversation over who should have won, Marciano or Ali.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: So am I to understand that you don't consider yourself white?
Tony: I don't mean white like Caucasian. I mean a white man like our friend Cusamano. Now he's Italian, but he's Merigan. It's what my old man would have called a Wonder Bread wop. He eats his Sunday gravy out of a jar.

- This is the body of Christ.
- It was broken for you.
- This is the blood of Christ.
- It was shed for you.

- Anybody home?
- Hello?

- Don't give it to me, okay?
- I know. I'm sorry.
- It's just...
- He doesn't fucking get it.
- I don't even know what he's thinking lately.
- He spends more time at Jeffrey's apartment than with me.

- Motifs from the
- Mexican day of the dead.
- One thing that I'd like to suggest: Everyone gathers and can voice a remembrance or a feeling about mom.
- I don't want any California bullshit.
- People can drink, they can eat.
- If they wanna yak about ma, they can.

- It's just that Tony has always loomed so large for aj.
- Well maybe it's just that aj is a selfish boy who doesn't give a shit.
- I'm sorry your son is no longer with us but don't use mine as a Guinea pig for your ideas on parenting.
- I never saw you take a hard line.
- Why do you think I'm talking to you like this?

- Shit like that could be poisonous, you don't know. Come on.
- What?
- What the fuck is that?
- Looks like a truck.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Ah!
- There's fucking gravel under this snow!
- Back wheels are gone.

- I'll keep my mouth shut.
- Anything I say to you or your father will just fuel this.
- I'm not gonna stop seeing Noah.
- I put your helmet in there and your padded shorts.
- Though I'd rather you not bike in the city.
- If you must know, I'm going to litchfield, Connecticut...
- To the weekend home of Noah's parents' friends, who work at nbc.

- I'm on my way up there now. I'm gonna send si! By to pick you up, okay?
- Jesus Christ.
- You know he's been drinking, so he's probably fighting that heroin urge again.
- Anyway, sil's on his way.
- Okay.
- All right.
- I'll see you up there.

Bobby: One time we went hunting, saw a sign that said, "Bear Left," so we went home.

Corrado: [impressed with the photos on Kennedy's wall] you took these yourself?
Dr. John Kennedy: [points to one of the photos] that's a Samoan village I lived in for a month
Corrado: you could send these in to National Geographic
Dr. John Kennedy: so, I got back your complete surgical pathology and OP reports
Corrado: I feel a hundred percent
Dr. John Kennedy: that's good... it's possible there may be some malignant cells we didn't get. See, when we operate, we have to decide how much healthy tissue to cut around the tumor, the margins weren't wide enough. We took a small sampling of the tumor from the frozen section and when we got back the complete results, it showed Nodal Involvement
Corrado: don't blame yourself, so what do we do next?
Dr. John Kennedy: it's called amended surgery
Corrado: oh, Jesus, cut me again?
Corrado: [after a secretary informed Kennedy his next patient arrived] don't let me keep you
Dr. John Kennedy: I am kind of backed up: let's schedule you for Tuesday at 6am, we can admit you and prep you Monday night, any questions?
Bobby: when can he eat regular food again?
Dr. John Kennedy: I'd guess two weeks? Let's fill out the surgical consent forms, that's one less thing you have to deal with in the hospital, take all the time you need to read them
Corrado: no need, you say sign, I sign. You tell me to take a crap on the deck of the Queen Mary, an hour later their hosing her down with disinfectant

Johnny: So, are you in on the bus station project?
Tony: Massarone is waiting on a number
Johnny: How's he doing?
Tony: Good, we had coffee. He used to bore me Jack, he ain't a bad guy once you get to know him
Johnny: I always liked him
Tony: I was very touched by that funeral the other day: a real heart grabber
Johnny: That fuckin Little Carmine and after what? Five years in Florida fixing wet t-shirt contests

- Cheryl, make sure
- Mr. Soprano is scheduled for...
- Just remember it.

- It's the same principle as the solar system.
- No more bets.
- Twenty-fou r.
- Yes.
- Nice.
- Press it all.

- Did you see?
- How I didn't rise to the bait?
- The mulignan?
- A lot of good it did me.
- Does anybody!
- It's still going on!

- How you doing, Roy?
- Congratulations.
- Hector, large old blue eyes for this gentleman. Soft drinks of choice.
- Look.
- Take away Tony soprano, he's a zero with shoes.
- He's wearing a stripe now.
- My uncle Richie was gonna...
- Yeah, but he never did.

- Hi, you've reached the sopranos.
- Leave a message. Bye!
- Stop picking your nose!
- I'm here. Call me.
- Love you.
- Thanks.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You know where I was yesterday when you called?
Dr: I don't know.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I was outside a whorehouse, while a guy that works for me was inside beating the shit out of a guy that owes me money. Broke his arm. Put a bullet in his kneecap.
Dr: How'd that make you feel?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Wished it was me in there.
Dr: Giving the beating or taking it?

Tony: There was a time, Mead, when the Italian people didn't have a lot of options.
Meadow: You mean like Mario Cuomo?
[Tony stares at her]
Meadow: Sorry.
Tony: You know I put food on the table. My father was in it. My uncle was in it. Maybe I was too lazy to think for myself. To consider myself... A rebel. Maybe being a rebel in my family would have been selling patio furniture on route 22.

- But I feel so much better now.
- About everything.
- It's like this great sadness is beginning to lift.
- Sadness?
- Yeah.
- Well, I'm happy for you.
- Thank you.
- I am.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Excuse me, let me tell you something... When America opened up the floodgates and let all us Italians in, what do you think they were doing it for? 'Cause they were trying to save us from poverty? No, they did it because they needed us. They needed us to build their cities and dig their subways, and to make them richer. The Carnegies and The Rockerfellers: they needed worker bees and there we were. But some of us didn't want to swarm around their hive and lose who we were. We wanted to stay Italian and preserve the things that meant something to us: honor and family and loyalty... and some of us wanted a piece of the action. Now we weren't educated like the Americans, but we had the BALLS to take what we wanted! And those other folks, those other... the, the JP Morgans, they were crooks and killers too, but that was the business right? The American Way.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: That might all be true, but what do poor Itailian immigrants have to do with you and what happens every morning you step out of bed?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What the fuck is this all of a sudden?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I'm just asking a question.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Oh, so YOU'RE taking a stand now, huh? You pick HERE to make a stand? After all this time telling me that nothing's my fault, because of poor parenting. You pick now to act like Betsy "Fuckin'" Ross! When my nephew is in the fuckin' hospital! He might not get out!

Meadow: Are you in the Mafia?
Tony: Am I in the what?
Meadow: Whatever you want to call it. Organized crime.
Tony: That's total crap, who told you that?
Meadow: Dad, I've lived in the house all my life. I've seen the police come with warrants. I've seen you going out at three in the morning.
Tony: So you never seen Doc Cusamano going out at three in the morning on a call?
Meadow: Did the Cusamano kids ever find $50,000 in krugerrandts and a .45 automatic while they were hunting for Easter eggs?
Tony: I'm in the waste management business. Everybody immediately assumes you're mobbed up. It's a stereotype. And it's offensive. And you're the last person I would want to perpetuate it... There is no Mafia.
Meadow: Fine.
Tony: Alright look, Mead, you're a grown woman, almost. Some of my money comes from illegal gambling and whatnot. How does that make you feel?
Meadow: At least you don't keep denying it, like Mom. Kids in school think it's actually kinda neat.
Tony: They seen "The Godfather", right?
Meadow: Not really. "Casino" we like, Sharon Stone, the 70's clothes, pills...
Tony: I'm not asking about those bums. I'm asking about you.
Meadow: Sometimes I wish you were like other dads. But then, like... Mr. Scangarelo for example? An advertising executive for big tobacco. Or lawyers? So many dads are full of shit.
Tony: Oh, and I'm not.
Meadow: You finally told the truth about this.
Tony: Look, Mead, part of my income comes from legitimate businesses, stock market...
Meadow: Look, Dad, please, okay? Don't start mealy-mouthing.

- Oh, hi.
- Carm, hi.
- I'm sorry.
- Am I interrupting something?
- I'm here for the free bodywork certificates for the auction.
- Oh, that's right.
- But if you're busy...
- This'll just take another sec.
- Okay, sure.

- Oh yeah, right, right.
- I will, later.
- Come here.
- No, uh, I'm still not ready for that.
- Last time I thought I tore something from tensing my muscles.
- No, I got something for that scar.
- Oh.

- Look at who he grew up with.
- Look at who his father was.
- Look at everyone we know.
- Let's not get cute.
- When I'm being cute, I'll tell you.
- You liked Jackie, so you won't believe it was his fault.
- So, like others, you look for bogeymen with Italian names to blame.
- So whatever you're thinking, stop, because that is not what happened.

Tony: [Seeing Dr. Melfi's diploma] Melfi. What part of the boot you from, hon?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [objecting to how he addressed her] Dr. Melfi.
[pause]
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: My father's people were from Caserta.
Tony: [referring to himself] Avellino. My mother would have loved it if you and I got together.

Silvio: [hands him an envelope] Claude Rains, about fifteen hundred there, should tie you over
Benny: [in the driver's seat] Hey, Sil
Silvio: Hey, kid
Christopher: [before Sil shakes his head] You want something, fries?
Benny: [to Sil] Fuckin something this situation, huh?
Silvio: right
Christopher: I can't even get down to Milt's, "fence" some jewelry
Benny: Everybody with eyes in the back of their heads. Shit, I was Tony's driver
Christopher: It's amazing, you want me to be honest? The favoritism Tony still shows for our cousin, after what his done and I'm supposed to take a bullet for this skeeve?
Silvio: All your uncle's done for you? I need to get into specifics?

- You ungrateful little fuck!
- Where'd you get the balls to question my leadership?
- I'm just saying how it is!
- I'll rip your fucking head off and finish the job!
- You're the boss!
- That's right...
- I am. And you're lucky a man I loved died today.

- Again, I must move for a mistrial.
- Your honor, the government asks that you give them another Allen charge...
- To go back and try again.
- As much as I'd like to, this jury's been at it a long time.
- I don't see where one or two more days is going to change anything.
- Bring in the jury.

Corrado: How much White Castle did you have?
Bobby: I had none. I swear.
Corrado: I can SMELL it.

- Herman rabkin?
- You two went back.
- Almost to the pyramids.
- I guess what struck me most was...
- She didn't mince words.
- Between brain and mouth, there was no interlocutor.

Tony: [over the phone] Yeah?
Paulie: It's me
Tony: What now?
Paulie: What now? Chrissy's head is bleeding and I'm freezing to death, that's what fuckin now
Tony: Hey, take it easy
Paulie: I'm through taking it easy: we're fuckin starving out here
Tony: What'd you want me to do about it?
Paulie: Come fuckin get us
Tony: You don't even know where the fuck you are
Paulie: Exit twelve
Tony: What?
Paulie: Exit fuckin twelve
Christopher: [giving them the name of the exit from the highway] Pikes Hollow or some shit
Paulie: Pikes Hollow: there's a dirt road at the turnoff. We're parked about a mile in near some picnic tables
Tony: I find the car, then what?
Paulie: I don't know, start yelling. We're in a truck, that dirt road might be the same one we're on
Tony: Put my nephew on the phone
Christopher: Yeah, T?
Tony: Are you alright?
Christopher: I don't know, my head's killing me
Tony: [while having poor cell phone reception] what? I can't hear you
Christopher: My head hurts, I think I got a concussion
Tony: alright, just stay calm
Christopher: Bring some food alright?
Paulie: [yells to the phone] Some fuckin shoes too
Tony: [before hanging up] Alright, hang in there

- that experience made me appreciate life.
- It's short. It could end at any time, and if you've got the chance to do something that might make you happy, you should take it, you know, like when you left binghamton.

- What, with the fucking questions now?
- When they find him like this...
- And somebody will, there'll be a major fucking investigation.
- And we got enough light shining on shit.
- Junior's trial, all that.
- No body, no murder.
- Can't take him out till after dark, so we'll get him ready here.

Stokley: [when asked by Tony to convince and confirm that Tony and Adriana weren't having oral sex at the time of their car accident] to whether somebody was getting "something" in the car, how could I possibly attest to that?
Tony: as the attendee, you can explain how medically, it's not possible.
Stokley: excuse me?
Tony: for instance, if she was wearing a seat belt, there would have been abrasions to the lateral anterior aspect of the right clavicle wouldn't there? Or the right mid-sternum
Stokley: are you a physician?
Tony: no, I'm a pre-board certified massage therapist
Tony: [confused, annoyed] so did she have any kind of those things?
Stokley: Actually yes, on the right clavicle and the sternum just above the Xiphoid process, which would indicate an upright position at the moment of impact
Tony: [to Christopher, referring to Adrianna] so what his saying she was sitting up

Carmela: [in their safe house, to Meadow as she leaves] See you Thursday
Meadow: [kisses and hugs Tony] Hi
Tony: [to Meadow] Where you going I just got here
Meadow: I'm really late meeting Patrick in the city,
Carmela: She smelled that odor too
Tony: your remodeling will fix all that
Carmela: Maybe it's toxic maybe we shouldn't be breathing it
Tony: It's not toxic, the odor is what? 90 years old? Its piss
Carmela: I've got to get home
Tony: I'm working on it
Carmela: I went to see Sil and Gab,oh my God
Tony: Yeah
Carmela: [Watching walk AJ walk Rhiannon to the door] Are you being careful? This kind of bothers me
Tony: What's she going to do? She should use the back door, wouldn't kick her out of bed for purging cookies
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: Real funny, we're just friends
Tony: I know, nice work
Carmela: She's a model
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: She's doing some modeling, she's a junior in high school
Carmela: What?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: She's quitting modeling anyway she's tired of being exploited
Tony: Did you help your mother take the carpets outside? Put them in the sun?
Carmela: He did
Tony: Uncle Bobby's funeral is finally set, Thursday we're going to be there
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: How's that supposed to work? We're all in DEFCON 4, living in separate houses, we're going to stand out in the open at a cemetery?
Carmela: There's always a large FBI presence

- You're right. Guy's got a lot more on his mind than this.
- Like whether or not to have that third sandwich.

- Score some shit and find out what's going on?
- Please!
- Brendan, let's go. Wake up, man.
- The fool leaves his door open.
- I gotta pee.
- Go for it.
- Yo, Einstein, you should have seen me at the hospital. It took three nurses...

- Don't say no more on the phone.
- I'm coming down.
- Shit!
- I gotta go.
- You just got here.
- Yeah, I know, but I gotta go.

- not myself, since I woke up from the coma.
- My thoughts keep running away with me.
- These feelings? They'll pass.
- It's very common in post-surgical patients.
- Maybe you'd like to talk to someone.
- Social worker?

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: There's a psychological condition known as alexithymia, common in certain personalities. The individual craves almost ceaseless action, which enables them to avoid acknowledging the abhorrent things they do.
[Dr Melfi further expounds that their is a high correlation between this condition and anti-social personalities]

- I hear that.
- So I saw my cousin this week.
- It turns out he ran into a friend of yours, the big guy, vito.
- And...
- He was in a fag bar, dancing with a guy.
- Get the fuck out!

- "I'm feeling very sheepish."
- About the other day.
- I had no right to even answer your phone.
- It's all right.
- I'm sorry I lied.
- Gonna open it?
- Yeah.

- So now you can quickly and easily trim and tone the hips and thighs.
- What, are you up?
- Cosette, go to your basket.
- What's the matter with you?
- Because I'm glad to see you.
- I worry about you staying out so late.
- Since when?
- You hungry?
- Want some scrambled eggs?
- Yeah, all right.

- Thank you.
- Look, I'm asking you to pull with me to put a good face on this thing.
- For the sake of the kids and this family.
- I gotta bail you out?
- It's never-ending, your bullshit.

Paulie: [while on the Asbury Park boardwalk] we gonna go see your boat?
Tony: [referring to Big Pussy Bonpensiero] no, I'm just... thinking about our former "friend"
Paulie: who?
Paulie: [surprised, after Tony gestures to the ocean] him? Not me: never
Tony: me and Jackie, met him down in 95, when he got back from Boca
Paulie: oh, yeah, that crazy shit with your uncle. Junior hijacked Jackie's truck, what about it?
Paulie: [referring to Pussy becoming an FBI informant] we should've seen it then: that's all
Tony: don't waste another second on that rat fuck. I'd kill him again if I could. Tommy Angeletti is doing a rebar at the Esplanade
Paulie: yeah?
Paulie: his into me for a hundred large on college basketball. Now Ralphie is holding up the contract for more money: his got the site shutdown on a strike, Angeletti can't work
Tony: [sternly] your fuckin book against millions that are gonna roll in from the Esplanade
Paulie: I figured you'd take a side but Ralphie shouldn't come across a couple no-show and electrician jobs? I shouldn't get something out of this Esplanade?
Tony: [after thinking it over] alright, I'll talk to him

Richie: [to Janice after he punched her] Oh what, you gonna cry now?

Tony: What do you get when you cross an accountant with a giant jet airplane? -- A Boring 747.

- What the fuck did I say?
- If you'd rather,
- I can invite them to her place.
- Janice, what are you doing?
- Very good.
- We can all take a break from eating for five minutes.
- Most of you will probably remember that this was her favorite song.
- It might help us get rolling.

- Have you given it any thought?
- Can my girlfriend have the listing?
- To the house?
- As long as it gets sold...
- I don't give a fuck who lists it.
- What did one prick say to the other?
- You see that?
- You see what happens with you cursing at the dinner table?

- What's going on?
- Come on.

Dr. Plepler: Whoa, I just found Jimmy Hoffa

Counter: You motherfucker! You shot my foot!
Christopher: [walking out] It happens.

Tony: [Referring to her blouse] is that new? Looks good
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Did you bring your log?
Tony: My log?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You remember last week, you were going to keep a record. I asked you to write any feelings of anxiety or memories of past anxiety attacks
Tony: [Remembering what they discussed at their previous session] yeah, my parents, the pork store, it was interesting
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Have you thought at all about that?
Tony: How do people find the time?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: To get well
Tony: My mother's dead, I haven't had a panic attack since
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You've gone months without them before, the conflicts that caused them and your depression are buried deep inside you. Are you happy?
Tony: Am I happy? Look, I'm sorry I didn't bring the list. I'll bring it next week
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [sighs] we ought to think about bringing your wife into this
Tony: In here? Carmela?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You're the one who wanted to take a more proactive approach
Tony: [Disagreeing with her suggestion] that's not in the future
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Let's talk frankly. You've demanded more of me. Fine but you're not trying
Tony: Yeah I know, the past, but shit happens in my daily life that needs attention now. I got some genuine concerns, like my son, he shies away from anything that requires effort and I think that he picks that up from me. I mean his in football now right? But Carmela is guilty about this as I am.

- I told you this guy's no good.
- I need the money for my planning.
- I want a sit-down.
- All right. Answer the fucking phone.
- Hello? Yeah.
- Carmela.
- Sounds like she's crying.

- So, what the fuck do you care?
- Last year, you were pushing me to take him out.
- I'm just saying, with the change of rank and all, maybe he feels...
- Marginalized.
- Marginalized?
- What the fuck does that even mean?

- Very similar to the Holden-holliday dynamic.
- So the whole thing was your idea.
- With apologies to Garson kanin.
- What happened to your head?
- What?
- Cabinet.
- If I see Chrissy,
- I'll tell him you were looking for him.

- He's back from California.
- Tony, this is beautiful.
- What size is this?
- I don't know, small.
- I don't know if this'll fit.
- Try it on.

- You're a liar!
- What was he lying about?
- The old man?
- What's he look like?
- Like an old fucking man.
- He's all coughing and shit.
- Uncle Bobby, thank god.
- Thanks for coming.
- More fucking stairs.

- Bad.
- And I gotta have the long face...
- And the sighing and the platitudes.
- But I don't feel it.
- Then that makes me feel like a hypocrite.
- And that makes me mad at them.

[Bobby Baccalieri and Vito Spatafore are standing next to each other in Bada Bing. Paulie sees them]
Paulie: Look at this! It's like an advert for weight watchers! Before... and way before!

- I'm just saying.
- Nothing.
- We had coffee.
- Help!
- Security! Help!
- Oh, shit.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Carmela, who the fuck did you think I was when you married me, huh? You knew my father, you grew up around Dicky Moltisanti and your uncle Eddie. Where do you get off acting so surprised and miffed when there are women on the side? You knew the deal.
Carmela: Deal?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: And your mother can talk about what she wants about whats his name and his chain of drug stores. You and I both know that the other boyfriend you were debating marrying was Gerry Tuffie and his father's snow plow buisness. And we now know that that wouldn't of suited you at all.
Carmela: You really don't hear me, do you? You think for me it's all about things.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No I forced all this shit on you. What you really crave is a Hyundai and a simple gold heart on a chain.
Carmela: You are so fucking hateful.

[Christopher is urinating outside on Paulie's side of the van]
Paulie: Ohhhh! Do that by your own window! I don't want to smell your piss!
Christopher: Fuck you.
Paulie: What did you say?
Christopher: You heard me.
Paulie: Don't make me pull rank on you, kid!
Christopher: Fuck you, Paulie. Captain or no captain, right now, we're just two assholes lost in the woods.

Mr. Teittleman: Do you have a daughter, Mr. Soprano?
Tony: Yes. Call me Tony.
Mr. Teittleman: What would you do if your daughter was abused by her husband?
Tony: I'd talk to him.
Silvio: Yeah, in "Ball Peen Hammer".

Carmela: [Referring to Gloria giving her a ride home from the car dealership] this is very sweet of you
Gloria: Don't believe it. Everybody's a potential sale, so what'd you do?
Carmela: I'm a home maker
Gloria: You must make a very nice home to drive a Benz. So your married?
Carmela: 'Yes
Gloria: Kids?
Carmela: Two, you?
Gloria: No, boys? Girls?
Carmela: One boy one girl, boy is still in high school and my daughter's in college. She's not too far away though. She's in New York City, Columbia actually
Gloria: School of broadcasting?
Carmela: Oh, no the university it's an ivy league. It's one of the top schools
Gloria: I know, I was just kidding
Carmela: [laughs] oh, right
Gloria: These kids today. They got the world by the you know what
Carmela: Tell me about it
Gloria: At least your daughter doesn't need to "latch" onto a man for success
Carmela: Thank God
Gloria: That's a beautiful ring
Carmela: Thank you
Gloria: What's your husband do?
Carmela: Well, his involved in a few businesses
Gloria: Sounds mysterious
Carmela: No, it's not really

- We had to wait till later to get out the mops and stuff.
- After we closed up.
- What if Christopher...?
- Nobody has to know anything.
- But you don't fucking understand.
- It's cool, okay?
- We'll take him out through the basement.
- Dump him in the ocean.

- Arthur's sending something over, with his compliments.
- Thank you.

- There's no need for that talk.
- What?
- My sister.
- Janice. How's she doing?
- Oh, I thought you were baiting me.
- You know...
- "How's your sister?"
- "Fuck your mother."
- No.

[famous 'last words']
Christopher: This is my Goodbye Party with heroin.

Tony: [referring to his father's former mistress] So I talked to her for like an hour, turns out her and my old man had a "thing", right up until he died. He got from her what he couldn't get at home, support, love, a smile when you walk through the fuckin door
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Do you think that justifies his infidelity?
Tony: She drove him into that woman's arms, my mother, to all his women. I'll tell you one thing: all the years he was rotten in that grave, I can't remember once my mother visiting him but this lady Fran...
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [interrupts him] It's possible your mother found it very painful?
Tony: [sarcastically] Oh, poor her

Livia: So what's really on your mind, Corrado?
Corrado: This Christopher Moltisanti.
Livia: Christopher! What about him?
Corrado: Him and his little, uh, friend. They're slappin' me in the face and they're hiding behind Tony.
Livia: Well, Tony always loved Christopher like a son. And so do I, Junior. He put up my storm windows for me one year.
Corrado: [frustrated] Good. But what do I do? I just let him and this Filone kid piss on me in public? And how far do I go before I light a friggin' match under that hot-headed son of yours?
Livia: Maybe Christopher could use a little talking to. You know. The other one? Filone?
[shrugs]
Livia: I don't know.
Corrado: You have a lot of sense for an old gal.
Livia: No, I'm a babbling idiot. That's why my son put me in a nursing home.

Tony: What you lose a little weight?
Agent: Ah...
Vito: You look good. Atkins, right?
Agent: I caught a parasite over there. Doctors don't know what it is.
Christopher: What do they eat, tabooli?
Agent: Actually that's why I'm here. I been dyin' for a Satriale's veal parm hero.
[walks in]
Christopher: Fuck him. I hope that parasite eats his asshole out.
Tony: [shrugs] Kinda feel bad for the guy.

- I'm telling you, my business,
- I'm around a lot of women.
- That one ain't getting laid.

- I'm child of divorce.
- Shouldn't have been drinking in the afternoon.
- How about a little sympathy?
- You got ice in your veins?
- I had ice in my veins on your uncle couch?
- Most expensive piece of ass I ever had.
- Right. I know what you are thinking too.
- Take care, Tony. You're a strong guy.
- You'll be all right.

- But that'll go away as the blood flow to heart increases.
- Just stay in bed, plenty of fluids.
- Get you home tomorrow.
- Lucky fucking me.
- Sandwich or something?
- Did you hear me with my balls, who can fucking eat?

Tony: How was Florida?
Phil: Hot and sticky, like my balls.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Meeting privately] You been waiting long? Sorry I was interviewing divorce lawyers
Johnny: That's what I always ask myself: "Is it worth it financially?"
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You and Ginny are the old married couple
Johnny: Marriage can be very hard work if both aren't pulling their loads. I was wondering, why the delay?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I was going to call you, you're not going to be happy: I'm out. Whacking a boss is bad for business, now that he settled...
Johnny: We can weather it
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's not the internal upheaval. Mr. and Mrs. John Q America by in large they sit still for our shit so people get ripped off. They figure it's not them but it's the O.K. Corral out there, and the Feds take heat
Johnny: This is very disappointing
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I know but his an old man come on, your going to get your chance soon enough
Johnny: Don't go into coaching, it's not your "long suit"
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What I was going to say...
Johnny: [Unintentionally misquoting Shakespeare's Macbeth, implying his job is hard enough working for Carmine Lupertazzi Sr., but will even be more difficult working with Carmine Lupertazzi Jr] Tomorrow I go into work. "Creeps on this petty pace." Do I take orders from him again? You know that disgusting fucking cock sucking idiot son of his?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I shouldn't be hearing that. What I was going to say it's a major step but if you want to do it without me as a partner, you do what you do what you gotta do. I will never ever reveal any conversation we had
Johnny: The thing is we had those conversations. Your mouth was moving along with mine. So we just go back to our business at the Esplanade like it never happened?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah that would be the healthy choice
Johnny: Healthy for who? Why the fuck would I ever trust somebody who would leave me holding my cock like this?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I shouldn't have heard that either
Johnny: Well, there you go. There's the fuckin problem
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I still consider you a dear, dear friend

- I know what you're trying to do.
- You look like a smart guy.
- I can see why your local puts their faith in you to do the right thing.
- I'm just saying, if it was me...
- I got kids that depend on me, like yourself.
- And to waste my votes on somebody like dick Hoffman...
- I might as well put a bullet in my head. Here, here and here.

- Coffee, ton?
- Got any decaf?
- Decaf?
- No, forget it. Regular's fine.
- Well, I can make decaf.
- Yeah, that'd be great. Thanks.

Dr. Ba: [Referring to Tony] I got him back on the ventilator. The bullet didn't tear up the pancreas but it impacted the gall bladder. Sepsis is the big problem: an infection in the blood. I've got him sedated and restrained so he can't pull his breathing tubes out
Carmela: Then what?
Dr. Ba: As we discussed before we're probably not looking at a very good outcome here
Carmela: Should we call Dr. Plepler?
Dr. Ba: I'll let him know and Tashlin too, he'll stop by
Carmela: Does he know that his dying?
Dr. Ba: We don't know

- What do you want?
- To use this sad occasion...
- To put bitterness and sore-headed feelings aside.
- I'll behave how Tony wants.
- I don't want to add to his stress.
- There they are.
- Hi, uncle jun.
- How's that surfboard I gave you?
- Tony's waiting.

- You're not depressed.
- You're sad because you did something stupid, and you got grounded.
- You can't watch TV or play on your computer for a couple weeks.
- It's gonna stay like that.
- It isn't fair.
- You got that right.

Mikey: And if Chuckie calls, you get me on his cellphone. Ho! You hear me?
JoJo: Yeah, I think that I heard you already.
Mikey: Go take a Midol.

- Any updates on wyczchuk?
- I'm on it. Nothing's doing.
- We're wiring you for the confirmation.
- You think I'm wearing a wire in god's house?
- Yes. We don't care about the service but the party after, at Tony's.
- You motherfuck, I'm the kid's sponsor!
- Well, who the fuck is sponsoring you, motherfucker?

- How about faxes? E-mails?
- Make it even easier for the cops.
- This is a face-to-face business,
- Christopher.
- Yeah, I'll talk to Paulie.
- Believe me, there's a few things that he needs to hear.
- You figure out how much he owes for the tools and we're gonna deduct that...
- Against what you're gonna owe for little Paulie's hospital bills.

- Sauce, taralli, ravioli.
- That's great. Congratulations!
- You change your mind, there's room on my staff...
- For a bright, sexy vice president.
- It's a big step. Marriage.
- You sure you're ready?
- Yeah, I'm sure.

- One of us could've got hurt, or even killed, for Christ sake.
- I know.
- You're special to me, you know.
- Always have been.
- You too, Paulie, to me.
- We'll split the tab.
- I'm sorry, Paulie.
- I apologize too, kid.
- I'll talk to you later.

- Ton', you give this guy a golf club, he'll probably try to fuck it.

- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- What, are you having dinner?
- Hey, you. Have you settled on a caterer yet?
- Can I talk to you?

Tony: [to Janice after she and Bobby arrived late] let me ask you something: is your time more valuable than mine?
Junior: Where's the baby?
Bobby: Sorry Tone, the car seat, the other stuff, packing it in there takes forever, you probably remember that?
Tony: No I don't. I didn't do that crap
Janice: How you feeling uncle Jun?
Tony: His late enough, come on
Janice: A hello to your niece maybe?
Tony: [to his niece Nica while she sits in the stroller, then to Bobby] hi sweetie how are ya? Help him get ready will ya?
Janice: [Referring to uncle Jun, after he and Bobby left the room] so, how's he doing?
Tony: His Knucklehead Smiff, that's how his doing. His fuckin paranoid, he doesn't remember if he ate or not
Janice: The man is not competent
Tony: Not again with that come on
Janice: And he has the money for assisted living
Tony: His got legal bills up the ass
Janice: So, he can sell this museum and move to Green Grove
Tony: Fuck assisted living, you remember what they did to ma?
Janice: She was thriving there
Tony: He stays where he is. His our uncle it's the least we could do

- Joe Zachary?
- Yeah.
- Oh, boys. No fires.
- Tony doesn't want any fires.

- Then he lands on an island with savages on it. That took a lot of guts.
- You remember when we went to Florida?
- The heat? And those bugs?
- Like it took guts to murder people.
- He was a victim of his time.
- Who cares? It's what he did.
- He discovered america, is what he did.
- He was a brave Italian explorer.
- And in this house Christopher Columbus is a hero. End of story.

- How does Ginny like the car?
- She loves it.
- But she hasn't drivin' with me yet.
- With her knee, she has a little trouble gettin' into the seat.
- Ho.

- They miss a payment, they start acting like they're doing you a favor...
- If they give you anything.
- And then you gotta spend all your time hounding them.
- You gotta get your arms around this thing.
- Now.
- You know what I'm saying?

- Thought you were at the beauty parlor.
- I'm gonna get the last of the tomatoes.
- -Yeah, they were good last night.
- A little late in the season for ducks, no?
- Well, not necessarily.
- The ones from upper Canada...
- This is the south to them.

Tony: What was your mother like? She ever let you down, do anything to hurt your feelings?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Of course she did. She was controlling, manipulative at times. She also never tried to kill me.
Tony: I pushed her over the edge.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: By placing her in a lovely retirement community.
Tony: It's a nursing home!

- Look, I found cosette.
- Your friend... someone needs to tell her she's dead.
- Your taxi is coming.
- Bonsoir, madame.
- Shit! The Toulouse-lautrec placemats.

- Fuck you!
- Sit the fuck down, you mullethead!
- This isn't the right place for them.
- You suck!
- Without the right help from you...
- Visiting day could end up in the miscellaneous v section.

- Yeah?
- We're sorry to disturb you at this hour, Mr. Petraglia...
- But there's a Mr. Mantovani to see you.
- He says it's urgent.
- Send him up.

- The world don't run on love.
- He was a rat bastard.
- One thing you got to admit, he made a great Santa claus.
- He did.
- In the end, fuck Santa claus.

- I bet it was in Zane's window this morning.
- I bet there's bits of broken glass in it.
- Ma, would you leave us alone?
- Adriana, I hear you sobbing in your bed at night.
- Ma!
- When you get hurt next time, this door is closed to you.

- When your food is grilled to perfection.
- This grill does all the work for you.
- With my exclusive 20-minute digital countdown timer with auto...
- Heroin? You got only one option.
- A dog you love catches rabies, you put her out of its misery, Anthony.
- Salute.

- This is a rare pleasure.
- Or is it medium-well?
- A little restaurant humor.
- So, you know, if you brought along a pair of dirty chef whites...
- My friend here will suck out the stains for you.
- Sit.

- I know who you are.
- And I saw analyze this.
- I don't need the ramifications that could arise from treating someone...
- Like yourself.
- Analyze this?
- It's a comedy.
- I'm not taking new patients.

Tony: [to Bobby] You want more responsibility? Start by controlling your wife.

- It's not so silly when you think about it.
- I'm a top earner now.
- It's not out of the realm of possibility that I could be the boss of this family one day.
- I mean, god forbid
- Tony ever gets...
- Cancer, coronary, something like that.

- Bing.
- Get rid of that fucking picture.
- What, you don't wanna...?
- You hear me? Burn it!
- I never wanna see the fucking thing again!

- What's the matter, Tony?
- Nothin'.
- I tell you we do real good business-wise?
- I got fuckin' double on those cars.
- Here he comes.
- Hey, c'mon!

Junior: [after a knife falls out from under A.J.'s jacket] That's not my knife!

- Yeah. The two of us should sit down with Meadow.
- Talk as a family.
- With him, they'll test him and we'll see what's what.
- Right?
- Good night.
- Good night.

- Fine. Who's your lawyer?
- I don't have an official one.
- Maybe Christopher knows a good lawyer.
- Oh, you fucking piece of shit.
- I'll call the public defender.
- They'll send someone down.
- Might take a while, though.
- This hour of the night.

- Kill me. Kill me, you cocksu...
- You fucking bitch!
- Kill me. Kill me. Kill me.
- Kill me.
- Kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me...
- Kill me.

Phil: Historically, Carmine always said the Sopranos are nothing more than a glorified crew. Plain and simple. We decapitate and we do business with whatever's left.
[to Albie]
Phil: What?
Albie: Nothin'. I agree in spirit but I gotta counsel.
Phil: This thing shoulda been done during John's era.
Butch: They got redundant upper management, bleeds off half the kick. We take 'em out, absorb the whole fuckin' thing.
Albie: Take out an entire fuckin' family?
Phil: Let me tell ya a couple of three things: Forget Coco, forget Fat Dom who goes over to Jersey and never comes back, forget my brother Billy.
Albie: Phil, Phil, that's not what I'm sayin' at all.
Phil: Anthony Soprano has no respect for this thing. He's never been in the can, not really. Here's a guy who stepped over his own uncle to grab the big seat, his father's brother.
Albie: Please, huh?
Phil: I'm embarrassed. I let him come to the hospital last Christmas, and I took his fat, fuckin' hand in friendship.
Albie: Philly, ya had a heart attack.
Phil: Listen to me. They make anybody and everybody over there. And the way that they do it, it's all fucked up. Guys don't get their finger pricked. There's no sword and gun on the table...
Albie: Phil...
Phil: No, Alb, either it has meaning or no meaning. And the Vito thing, the man harbors a faggot.
Albie: It's true.
Phil: Five fuckin' Families and we got this other pygmy thing over in Jersey... There's no scraps in my scrapbook... Make it happen.

Tony: [over the phone] It's a bad connection, so I'm gonna talk fast! The guy you're looking for is an ex-commando! He killed sixteen Chechen rebels single-handed!
Paulie: Get the fuck outta here.
Tony: Yeah. Nice, huh? He was with the Interior Ministry. Guy's some kind of Russian green beret. This guy can not come back to tell this story. You understand?
Paulie: I hear you.
[the telephone connection is lost - Tony swears, and Paulie hangs up]
Paulie: [turning to Christopher] You're not gonna believe this. He killed sixteen Czechoslovakians. The guy was an interior decorator.
Christopher: His house looked like shit.

- You wanted to see me?
- Yeah, Tony.
- About what?
- About what? You know...
- To apologize.
- Oh.
- Sit down?

- The fact that you would say this in front of an outsider is amazing to me.
- Jesus Christ, some loyalty?
- Their names etched in history.
- Their hands around football's most revered trophy. Immortal/zed...
- How are you?
- Good.
- Want a drink?
- I gotta go. Ma's alone.

Christopher: That's guy a gangster? I'm a gangster! I'm an O.G. Original Gangster not him. Fuckin' lawn jockey. He's got the fly Hamptons house, Alec Baldwin comes over, Whitney Houston. What do I got? I sit in a fucking pork store for Christ's sake!

Christopher: [after Benny and Murmur drag JT out of a writing class he was teaching and into their SUV, referring to the money JT owes Christopher] don't give me that fuckin fish eye. I'm giving you a way to wipe away your obligation. It wasn't me that told you to start gambling again
J.T. Dolan: I can't write a feature now. I just landed a staff job
Christopher: People are seeing huge profits with these digital horror movies. Douche bags that never made a film before
Benny: That Saw thing, four hundred grand to make: took in a hundred million worldwide
J.T. Dolan: I'm a hundred percent well, I deliver this script, I owe you nothing?
Christopher: [to Benny and Murmur, telling JT what details to include in the movie] you hear this dude?"A hundred percent well ",his a bad boy huh? With that lingo, real fuckin dark character. My idea is Saw meets The Godfather Two. Proven track records, both genres. Young wise guy, assassin, and gets betrayed by his people. They whack him, leave his body parts in dumpsters all around the city, long story short, his put back by science or is it super natural? And he gets fuckin pay back on everyone who fucked him over including the cunt he was engaged to. She was getting "porked" by his boss the night the hero was killed. Have a meeting tomorrow, we'll hear what you fleshed out before we go to script. Bing two thirty don't make me come looking for you

- Only thing I ever found in the street is my first wife.
- Dealer has 20.
- Son of a bitch.
- I just took a beatin' at craps.
- How you guys doin'?
- Pocahontas here is scalpin'us.

- The exam is in two parts, each part is three hours long...
- There will be a one-hour break.
- As I call your name, please answer "here."
- Martin, Samantha.
- Here.
- Mcclure, Peter.
- Here.
- Moltisanti, Christopher.
- Here!

- Did a hell of a job.
- Falcons! Falcons, heads up!
- Red, 42! 42!
- Push! Ally!
- Come on.
- Come on, al!

Tony: Furio come by?
Carmela: His already forty minutes late
Tony: [referring to his hangover] His probably worse off than me
Carmela: You two go out?
Tony: Can I get a cup of coffee? Where the fuck is he?
Carmela: Was he out with somebody last night?
Tony: He's a single guy: how should I know? Anyway, my memory's a little hazy
Tony: [after smelling the coffee] I'm going back to bed, when he gets here, don't wake me

- 10 minutes, uncle jun'.
- Who's down there?
- Artie Shaw. 10 minutes.
- Don't go anywhere.
- I'm not. I'm right here.

- Would you like a mushroom?
- No, I don't think so.
- Have one, they're good.
- Maybe later.
- I gotta tell you, Mrs. Soprano.
- Your daughter absolutely keeps us alive with her cooking.
- Didn't you make macaroni and cheese once?
- Well, I didn't want to brag.

- See? I knew you could pull it off.
- You look like a model.
- Listen to him now.

Butch: [walking up the street in Little Italy, over the phone] But I know you're disappointed, Phil. I can hear it in everything you're sayin'.
Phil: [on a pay phone] Fuckin' A, I'm disappointed!
Butch: I'm thinking... I dunno... Maybe...
Phil: What? You're talkin' about reachin' out? We can't go back! Are you outta your fuckin' mind?
Butch: No, I know.
Phil: Then what'd you say it for?
Butch: I didn't, Phil, you did.
Phil: Listen, kid. When this is over, we're gonna sit down, me and you.
Butch: I hope so.
Phil: [rolls eyes] I can't hear ya, you're breakin' up.
Butch: I said I hope...
[Phil hangs up]

- You believed a ufo was over Jersey.
- I won't tell you again!
- T, I'm asking you to reconsider.
- You requested a sit-down.
- He heard you out.
- But Christ, I'm leaving
- $38,000 on the table.
- Tony! I had to park the car all the way over there.
- Son of a bitch!

Carmela: [to AJ] So every time I asked you "how was work?" you say "fine", you were having your own private little joke on me.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Tony enters the room] what's going on?
Carmela: I went to Blockbuster to rent Cinderella Man, but guess what?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Is it still a classic?
Carmela: I found out our son, the liar, was fired three weeks ago
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: From Blockbuster? They have the worst managers over there.
Carmela: He was taking promotional items and selling them, stand ups.
A.J. Soprano: Standees, this whole thing is bullshit, most of that stuff gets thrown out anyway.
Carmela: The store's policy was very clear
A.J. Soprano: Yeah, well maybe I care about the environment did that ever occur to you? "'Wallace and Gromit" that weighed like fifty pounds, how many trees gave their lives for that? It just goes to the dump.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Can I come to a peaceful house one God damn night?
A.J. Soprano: You always tell me to think like a business man, yet every time I do there's something wrong, I was making money throwing parties in high school that was no good.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You know what I think, all those days you call in sick, you show up late, you deserve to get canned
Carmela: The worst part is: you don't even give a shit
A.J. Soprano: I should give a shit about Blockbuster? I can't live on what they pay me anyway.
Carmela: Why not? You live at home, we feed you.
A.J. Soprano: You have a social life but I can't, you have any idea what it costs at a descent club in New York? It's five hundred dollars for a bottle of Cristal, and it's a two bottle minimum.
Carmela: You spend a thousand dollars a night on champagne?
A.J. Soprano: [Lying] no, not every night, barely ever

- You think you're alone in this?
- It was a judgment call.
- She sounded okay.
- What's the status on moltisanti?
- Last seen yesterday.
- He was leaving the bing with Tony.
- Should we bring him in?
- That'll get us nothing.
- She really could have fled.
- She could be in China.

Doctor: [giving them an update on Christopher's status after he was shot by Matthew and Sean] Mr. Moltisanti suffered cardiac and respiratory arrest: due to internal bleeding. He was resuscitated, the bleeding was brought under control and his now in stable condition
Hesh: What was the duration of the arrest?
Doctor: about a minute
Hesh: Is he still intubated?
Doctor: Well, their removing the ventilator as we speak
Paulie: What the fuck you two talkin about?
Doctor: [simplifying Christopher's status for them] The worse is over but he was clinically dead for a minute
Adriana: Doctor, can I go in and see him?
Doctor: No, his going to be in post-op for four or five hours and then his asked to speak to Mr. Gualtieri
Paulie: [surprised] me?
Doctor: He asked twice for you and Mr. Soprano

- Tony's second night in the coma, I told him I loved him.
- When was the last time
- I said that?
- Are you afraid you aren't going to feel that way when he wakes up?
- Anthony tells me things have been...
- Better between you.

- Thank you. Don't get into it.
- I don't wanna know.
- It's just weird, you know?
- Being where he's been.
- He hasn't been anywhere.
- Nothing happened.
- I told you that.
- Don't matter.
- He's been there in his mind.
- Ugh. Fine.

- Look, ma, here's your stuff.
- Wow, they made good time.
- You got your own bed and your dresser.
- You know, when my grandmother went to live... elsewhere...
- They weren't allowed personal effects.
- All right, ma, sign right here.

Jimmy: Who is it that made you hate these fuckin Russians?
Christopher: I had these two pricks Junior brought around who would pound on my ass. For a while, I was biter but Tony's comare is Russian: you couldn't ask for a nicer person, these two tonight are friends of hers
Jimmy: I got enough cologne on?
Christopher: You smell like Paco Rabanne crawled up your ass and died
Jimmy: Whoa, easy for you to say, I don't get young ones like before
Christopher: You're gonna be glad I got you out of bed tonight. Russian boo, boo's, you go for some basic foreplay, they'll detail your car
Jimmy: [referring to his clothes] You didn't let me put anything decent on

- Come in the house.
- I got your word, I walk in...
- I'm walking back out.
- I don't see you for all this time.
- No word. Nothing.
- This is how you come back?
- Do I got your word?

- People see only what you allow them to see.
- Yeah, I been thinking the same thing.
- Thanks for the advice.
- Glad to be of service.
- Bring that.
- Come on, come on, come on!
- Where you going?

- You gotta put your son in hiding because of your fucking philandering?
- Afraid he'll get caught in the crossfire?
- Your own son?
- Christopher's upset.
- He could come over.
- He could say some things that a kid shouldn't hear.
- Just please leave.
- I don't even wanna look at you.

- Brushed her teeth with this.
- Every night she'd drink me under the fucking table.
- I'd eat her out while I was down there.
- Hey, puss.
- She even really exist?
- Fucked up.

- Where you going?
- It's not bad enough you wake me,
- I gotta get my balls broken too?
- Go with my nephew. Do what he says.
- I gotta change my shirt.
- I got my limits too, junior.
- Be strong.

- I'm so sorry about your brother.
- You remember my cousin,
- MacKenzie trucillo?
- Oh, my god.
- Sweetheart, let's sit down.
- Come on, sit.
- It's all right.
- Sit down.
- It's okay.

- Dick, I'm trying to work on this office pool.
- Sure, I'll leave you alone.

- Glenlivet, right, ton?
- Yeah.
- Si|?
- Just seltzer, dear.
- Christopher here?
- Is he supposed to be?
- You want me to call him?
- We're gonna sit down there.
- The vip table's better.

- No more bets.
- Twenty.
- Holy fucking shit.
- Here.
- Much appreciated.

- Well, I'm just thinking, maybe you're...
- Depressed.
- Me?
- I'm no fucking mental midget.
- Right.
- Watch the...
- What?
- Filter.
- Oh, fuck!

Mikey: I may be getting bumped up. A notch or two. Tony Soprano's on his way out, and I mean as in forever.
JoJo: Oh my god. He's going to jail?
Mikey: Nah, the other forever.
JoJo: Does Junior know?
Mikey: [chuckles and shakes his head] Oh, jeez.

- You won't find any of that.
- I'm reading, I'm lifting weights.
- I know what you think, ton, but you'll see.
- I'm gonna prove myself to you.
- I only chipped that once, on the day with her.

- Oh, shit.
- Down with legislation!
- What are you doing?
- This is a peaceful demonstration here.
- Hey! Hey! Hey!
- Hey! Everybody, get over here!
- Get him out of here.

- I didn't understand.
- You were young.
- Stubborn.
- You always had my back, though.
- Like that day when I came to the house.
- I gotta talk to you.

- Now, I never told nobody this, but while I was in that coma...
- Somethin' happened to me.
- I went some place...
- I think. But I know I never wanna go back there.
- And maybe you know what I'm talkin' about.

- and she would have more of a don't-ask-don't-tell policy towards my work and my recreational life outside of the home.
- But you tell me there hasn't been much recreating since the shooting.
- No, and that's okay.

- Because they're stupid, that's why, and jealous.
- They disrespected a proud Italian heritage...
- And named us after a ballet costume.
- Marissa.
- That's for modern.
- In ballet, you wear tutus.
- It doesn't make a difference.
- That's right, it doesn't.
- Can we have cake now?

- Up your ass that all you could see is your own stupid face.
- What specifically are you talking about?
- I mean, everything is so fucked up.
- I mean, why can't we all just get along?
- You don't have to chew it.
- You just wash it down like a pill.

- That palace you live in up there on that hill.
- I gave my life to my children on a silver platter.
- I suppose now you're not gonna kiss me.
- What?
- You're cruel, that's what you are.
- Oh, fuck this.
- Oh, don't... no.

- That piece of shit, Phil, he's never gonna pony up.
- And I'll tell you what, I will never, never forget that he didn't come through here.
- Never.
- Let it go, ton.
- This is good of you, ton, helping Marie.
- I'll always remember it.
- All right, let's go.
- I gotta swing by slava's...
- Quuefy some offshore monies.

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Last week we talked about you feeling like the "sad clown"
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Remains silent, takes a deep sigh]
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What's going on now?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Well, I had a dream the other night. I was riding in a Cadillac like my father used to have. Carmella was driving. I was in the back passenger seat. Sitting next to me was Gloria. Sitting in front of me next to Carmella was a business associate of mine. His the one whose son had the accident. I don't know where we were going, no place. We didn't seem to be going anywhere, kind of like this therapy. And it was hot in the car: it was stuffy. There was no air conditioning and that's all of it. Oh and my friend had a caterpillar on his head and turned into a butterfly
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Has your friend recently changed?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Not "friend", business associate, and no
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What'd you think the dream means?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Can't you just fuckin what the fuckin dream means? I mean you obviously know. Why do we have to go through this exercise every time?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I don't obviously know. I didn't have the dream. The meaning is illicit, it's re-verbalization
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Remains silent, waiting for her to explain his dream]
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: OK your wife,your mistress, a business associate, you, all in the same car? Your father's car
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: With my wife driving, which if my father were alive he wouldn't have stood for it for two fuckin seconds
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I hear anger
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No, I'm just saying the old guys were different: men in the front, wives in the back
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You like that arrangement
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Jokingly] actually I think the wife should ride in a little cart behind the car like in the cartoons. Like behind Noah's ark there's a little boat with skunks
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: So, wives are skunks?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Oh Jesus fuckin Christ, it's a fuckin joke, does it have to be fuckin cancer hospital in here?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: But Carmella is in control in the dream
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Why? Because she's driving?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Whatever is going on with the other two, you want to square it with Carmella?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Why?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: That's what we need to find out. Freud said dreams are wishes
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Dreams are wishes? I thought you said dreams represent "repressed urges"
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It depends
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You know I ought to quit this therapy. Maybe it's this, maybe it's that. What about impulse control? I've been sitting in this chair for four fuckin years and still nothing's been done about that, and it leads me to make mistakes in my work. What good did you do about that?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Let's get back to the dream
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Oh fuck the dream, it's just a dream. Jesus Christ the money I've been dropping in here I could've bought a Ferrari. At least I would've got a blow job out of that
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What'd you mean?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Please huh? Don't get me started
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I think your glossing over the significant accomplishments we've made in here
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [sarcastically, recalling her diagnosis] "oh my mother would cum if she looked at a pot roast", oh your second in the birthing order", oh Carmella's driving the car", "oh how fuckin interesting"
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: When you first came here you were clinically depressed. You suffered from panic attacks that put your life in danger. There's been significance relief in both those areas
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah but come on, I've coming here for four years now. I've been a good sport

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Talking privately in a limousine] maybe I'm wrong but you haven't been yourself since the old man died. Lorraine Calluzzo, and you sank this idiot's boat. That's not the Johnny Sack I know
Johnny: I'm waiting for your explanation
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: My cousin could not have been in the city that night because he was with me. We were looking for his daughter because she fuckin disappeared. We were upstate: Monticello. We heard Kelly was living with some crack head up there. As a matter of fact we were going to reach out to you. See if you can get some of your people on it
Johnny: I swear on my mother if I find out your lying...
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Interrupts him] I'm sitting here humbling my friendship out to you

Tony: [after breaking up a fight between Artie and Christopher, referring to Adriana] What the fuck is wrong with you? She's his fuckin fiancée
Artie: I loved her, I fuckin love her now
Tony: [surprised, laughs and pats Artie on his cheeks] Do me a favor: don't ever fuckin say that again to anybody... ever
Artie: oh, what am I? A joke?
Tony: [pats him on his head] Yeah, a stupid fuckin bald one, not to mention married?
Artie: Can I tell you something? She's a cunt... my fuckin wife. A girl like Ade, that's a woman. I still have my hair
Tony: She's a young girl, you're gonna be like Casey Kasem to her: it won't make a difference
Tony: [after kissing his head] Alright look, go in the back, get some coffee, go home and go the fuck to sleep
Artie: [while trying to walk away] I should go and apologize to Christopher
Tony: [holds him back] not right now: Let me talk to Chris... you go home

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [while in Neil's office, referring to his mother and the airline tickets he bought through the Scatino bust out] I knew I was giving her a bad ticket: That "voice"
Neil: It's done: it's over, my advice now is to put it behind you. If this is all there is, these twenty-three tickets, they don't have "butt-kiss" and they know it
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I know it's a small but don't you see? That's the fuckin point, one more minute, if I could've just stood there, saying "Yes ma, ok ma", I hear ya ma", one more fuckin minute I wouldn't be here in this spot. I beat a homicide and I fucked up. I "blew" an "easy one. I "blew" everything
Neil: Tony...
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [interrupts him] No, fuckin "Tony", we got federal charges, we got the FAA, before this is over, their gonna pin the Egypt Air "thing" on me and you fuckin know it
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [sighs, becoming nervous] Predicates up the ass, fuckin RICO case, thirty to life
Neil: Don't think about that now: you'll make bail. There's no "capital crimes", get on with life

- You look good.
- Feelgood.
- So how we doing?
- Took care of mine last night.
- The Johnson brothers, we'll get tonight.
- Uncle pat was like Johnny mnemonic.
- Right, uncle pat?
- We're playing pinochle. Take a hand.

- Fuck were you talking about last time then?
- What would it take?
- Fuck even one percentage point.
- All claims to my hud business are irrigated.
- All right.
- Not yet.
- All future construction projects,
- 60/40 in my favor.

- Goddamn whore bitch.
- You got money for blow, but not us?
- Chris, please. I'm sorry.
- "Business slow." Half the block is out there waiting for blowjobs!
- You drug addict motherfucker!
- This shit's unacceptable!

- Something's off with the seat.
- What is it, Phil?
- Feels off kilter.
- Try it, Joey.

- And I had carmela go and get the cliff notes once. It was okay.
- But this book is much better about strategy.
- I wanted to ask you about the girl that was here today.
- The Mercedes saleslady.
- I'm sorry about the confusion.
- What does she need a shrink for?
- I can't talk about another patient.
- Just... it makes you wonder, that's all.

Rene: [Calculating Johnny Sack's assets with a calculator and applying them to sentencing guidelines] including his wife's IRA and his pension, we'd go for two hundred forty months
Ron: [Shakes his heads] twenty years and ninety percent of his assets? It makes going to trial is a risk worth taking
Rene: Have you seen the discovery evidence?
Ron: You came to us: my client insists the house is off limits. He wants his wife provided for
Rene: So, what'd you have in mind?
Ron: Rene, again the shit that has nothing to do with him, the house, her IRA, the Yukon, the deed on his daughter's condo, and twelve years
Rene: For conspiring to commit murder? Get back to me when your sober

Tony: [to Gigi, referring to his user name on his laptop computer] Log off, that cookies shit makes me nervous.

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Maybe you're feeling guilty
Tony: I don't see that. Why would I?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Because his a friend of yours and you're cuckolding him
Tony: [Remains silent, confused]
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Cuckolding is when a man has an affair with another's wife
Tony: She's not his wife anyway, she's his comare
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: And therefore has no status anyway
Tony: Comare's has status. I mean it's not like in the old days when a man had a wife and then sort of a second wife. It used to be they'd take their wives out Fridays and comares on Saturdays or maybe it's the other way around? Anyway when I came up, it wasn't so formal. A business associate of mine has two full families. One up here, one down in Sea Girt, and the second wife bust his balls just as much as the first.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Sounds like a complicated arrangement. I'm afraid our time's up
Tony: Just give me another minute
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I have a patient waiting
Tony: Then let him wait, you make me wait out there all the time. I just want to ask if it's possible for a man to go out with a woman without really "doing anything" with them?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You'll have to be more specific
Tony: He likes them to hurt him, and that's it and he goes and "take care" of himself. His own needs.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: He sounds like a textbook masochist
Tony: You mean like S&M?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: The M part yes
Tony: I thought that stuff was just a run up to the act?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: That's the case for many people but not for people with paraphilias for them seeing humiliated becomes in of itself the sexual release like many other things it's rooted in childhood

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: That Departures magazine out there. Did you give any thought at all to someone else who might wanna read before you tore out the entire page?
Tony: What?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It's not the first time you've defaced my reading materials.
Tony: You saw that, huh? People tear shit outta your magazines all the time, they're a mess. I try to read 'em.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I don't think I can help you.
Tony: Well, change 'em. Bring in some new shit.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I mean therapeutically.
Tony: What are you talkin' about? I've only missed three appointments since we had that heart-to-heart.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: The new big thing these days is called psychodynamic therapy combined with Anafranil.
Tony: Who?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: A medication. There's a doctor in Bloomfield you could see.
Tony: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, OK? Now what the fuck is this? You're, uh, firin' me 'cause I defaced your Departures magazine.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I'm giving you my considered medical opinion.
Tony: OK, I should've asked you for the steak recipe. And missin' sessions, unfortunately, is part of my condition.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What do you know about your condition? You miss appointments because you don't give a shit. About commitments, about what I do, about the body of work that's gone into building up this science!... Go ahead, tell me again I sound like your wife.
Tony: Well, if the shoe fits.
[Dr. Melfi stands up]
Tony: We're making progress! It's been seven years!
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Do you want some names?
Tony: [stands up] OK, listen, I'm gonna tell you somethin' and you're not gonna like it. But we can say anything in here, right?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Go ahead!
Tony: I'm chalkin' this all up to female menopausal situations.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You're not my gynecologist.
Tony: Well, you don't need a gynecologist to know which way the wind blows.
[Dr. Melfi opens the door]
Tony: So, wait a minute. You tellin' me after all this time, after everything we've shared in here, you're cuttin' me loose just as my son got outta the hospital for tryin' to kill himself?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Since you are in crisis, I don't wanna waste your time.
Tony: You know, I gotta be fuckin' honest. As a doctor, I think what you're doin' is immoral.
[Tony walks out to the waiting room. He exaggeratedly places the page back in the magazine, looks at Dr. Melfi angrily and leaves. She closes the door]

- Holy shit.
- Stop asking.
- Oh, my god!
- Oh, my god.
- I took care of it.
- That_
- That was not a marriage made in heaven.

Carmine: [while standing next to Christopher and Morgan, presenting their film] welcome to the premier of Cleaver, the story of a young man who goes to pieces and manages to find himself again. In all seriousness, however, I'd like to say a few words: much like a child, a film has many "parents", that is to say many individuals who "act" like "parents" or that a version, the film is their "baby." I as an Executive Producer is one of those individuals. Two more examples that are here with me tonight, ladies and gentlemen, my co-VP Christopher Moltisanti and our director Morgan Yam

- That's a good thing, ang'.
- You know some women left alone like that would've given up.
- Tony, before I outlay for these costs, yeah, I need to know...
- Ang', I'm not there, what do I know?
- It's your call.

- How should we handle the other thing?
- The Nieves murder?
- We have the terror possibility.
- Take it over from the long branch p.D.

- Karen's ziti.
- It's the last one she made.

Paulie: [to Bobby Baccalieri] The boss of this family told you you're gonna be Santa Claus, you're Santa Claus. So, shut the fuck up about it!

- Mom says we need helmets to ride the scooters you got us.
- We'll stop at sports authority.
- Come on, do your homework.
- Where?
- I don't know.
- Here, on the floor over there.

Bobbi: Why the big secret?
Corrado: About what?
Bobbi: Oral sex. What's so terrible about pleasing a woman?
Corrado: You always have to talk about everything.
Bobbi: Well, I wanna know why.
Corrado: It's complicated.
Bobbi: Yeah, but why?
Corrado: Why? Because they think if you suck pussy you'll suck anything.
Bobbi: Oh, you're kidding.
Corrado: It's a sign of weakness and possibly a sign that you're a finook.
Bobbi: [chuckles] A fag? That's ridiculous. How would the two even translate?
Corrado: What are ya gonna do? I mean, I don't make the rules.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I work hard all day to pay for this six thousand-square foot house, big-screen TVs, food on the table, video games, all kinds of scooters and bicycles, Columbia University, and for what? To come home to this?
A.J. Soprano: Sucks to be you.
[slaps AJ]
Carmela: [gasps] My God, Tony!
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: There's more where that came from! We're starting a new regime around here!

- Family.
- Nothing is more important.
- That's why you gotta plan ahead.
- There's 200 in here.
- Okay.
- Same drill. To Isle of Man.
- Four days, clean as whistle.
- We drink.

- Good morning. Anthony soprano.
- Yup. See some photo ID, please?

- It's Justin, he's hurt very bad!
- Jusfin, baby.
- I don't know what to do.
- The boy, he comes to the house.
- Shut up! Shut up!
- All right, nobody move.
- Don't touch him, okay?
- I gotta get help.

- He hangs around with Tony soprano and it's "fucking this, fucking that."
- We were there for that fundraiser.
- I didn't see any guns anywhere.
- But that bar with the goombah murano glass.
- I like murano glass.
- Those montecristos.
- What do you say? After dinner?

Christopher: So, where the fuck you been?
Adriana: We need to talk.
Christopher: I asked you a question.
Adriana: I know. There's something I need to tell you.
Christopher: Is it that fuckin' Bobby DeMarco?
Adriana: No, please. I've got to get through this. About a year ago, I was arrested.
Christopher: For what? What're you talking about?
Adriana: For drugs.
Christopher: Where? At the club?
Adriana: You remember my friend Danielle?
Christopher: She set you up?
Adriana: [Nervously] She was an FBI agent, she lied to me. They wanted to arrest you, too. I was just trying to protect you. All they said was they just wanted some information, and they would leave us alone. I didn't tell them nothing. I swear to God, just license plates, some other stupid shit. They wanted me to wear a wire but I wouldn't do it, but now there was a murder at the club and they know about it. Matush and some other guy. I tried to cover it up, but I had no choice. They've been filming us in the parking lot.
Christopher: [shouting, after punching her, while choking her] We're dead you know that? How could you fuckin' do this to us? I fuckin' loved you.

- Hello.
- Hello, it's Svetlana.
- That slut sow stole my leg.
- The fuck is this? You owe me $300!
- I ain't using. Chris, I got mugged...
- That's it! I want my money!
- I want my money!
- Fuck!

- That's the message. Thanks.
- Way to go, anth!
- Hear it in five, four, three, two...
- Yo, check it.

Tony: [to Jackie Jr] I'm going to say a few things: I'm just going to say some bad words and your just going to have to deal with it, I know what you're thinking, you're thinking I clipped your uncle. I didn't. I got some bad news for you your uncle was a rat. I've known you since you were a kid, I'm practically a member of your family and this hurt all of us.

- Oh, wait till you see the shots of aunt Gemma from the '60s.
- You forget what a beauty she was before the steroids.
- Bobby, you're a wonderful host.
- It was our pleasure.
- Goodbye. When nica wakes up from her nap, give her a belly smooch from us.
- Okay. Bye.

- Me? I'm Mike.
- Paulie.
- Nice to meet you.
- Voice mail.
- Here, give me that.
- Yeah, ai, it's Paulie.
- Listen, we're here with Mike.
- We're gonna take the drills.
- I'll call you later about that other order.
- Let's go.

- Tony turned me on to him.
- "Tzu, tzu."
- "Sun tzu," you fucking ass-kiss.
- Hey.
- Feech.
- You know, I missed you by two weeks at allenwood.

Benny: [Answers the door after Artie rang it several times late at night] Artie, do you know what time it is?
Artie: We need to talk
Benny: Now? My wife is pregnant, she needs to sleep
Artie: Martina told me about your credit card business, step outside Ben
Benny: [to his wife] I'll be outside a minute honey
Benny: Look, your upset alright? But it's not my fault that little "trick" got greedy
Artie: [Eventually pushes him against the wall] oh, so she's a little "trick" huh?
Benny: I was going to cut you in but now your acting stupid

- They're only preliminary drawings.
- I've got scones if anybody wants.
- Meadow! Take a look at the house your mother's gonna build!
- Well, and grandpa, of course.
- Tony, ignatz is responsible for those normandy chateaus up on Tisch drive.
- Wow, look at that entry.
- What is that, like three stories high?

Corky: [meeting privately, giving them the instructions to kill Rusty, in Italian] the address is in the bag, 134 Deweunter Terrace, Brooklyn: that's in New York, there's a map, dump it all after you memorize it. The man your gonna "pop" is very cautious, usually has protection. The guy has a long horse face, and is in good shape. The "fish" have been cleaned, you can drop them where you do it
Salvatore: [in Italian] where'd you learn to speak Italian?
Corky: [in Italian] I came over here with my parents when I was two
Italo: [in Italian] you were born in Italy, where?

- He's a goddamn hothouse flower.
- That's his problem.
- Thank you for getting my TV fixed, Paulie.
- Vitro it's such a sin.
- He fired his Spanish helper.
- Took his boy out of college.
- He couldn't afford it anymore.
- He said it's his last time coming here.

Corrado: I always thought you could make the pros. You could have done it. You had a swing like Joe D.
Tony: You're crazy.
Corrado: What? You think I'm fucking you?
Tony: Yeah, I could barely hit .250.
Corrado: That's because you didn't want it. Too busy chasing skirt. Chasing skirt, your average was .500.

- Don't start with the witness protection again.
- You're young, you love each other.
- You both have your health.
- Yeah, right.
- Living like this is what's costing you your insides.
- I really need a cigarette.
- Okay. Come on.

- I love you."
- Did the baby have a name?
- She was calling it Antonio.
- Anthony, your fantasy...
- That's you, that little baby.
- And Isabella, that she was nursing you.

Tony: Carmela, something I gotta confess.
Tony: [sees Carmela moving her wine glass] What are you doin'?
Carmela: Getting my wine in position to throw in your damn face!
Tony: You're always with the drama, you.
Carmela: Go ahead and confess already, please! Get it over with!
Tony: [covers his face] I'm on Prozac.
Carmela: Oh - Oh my God.
Tony: I've been seeing a therapist.
Carmela: [gasps] Oh my God! I think that's great! I think that's so wonderful! I think that's so gutsy!
Tony: Alright, take it easy.
Carmela: I just think that's very, very wonderful!
Tony: You would think I was Hannibal Lecter before or something.

- Don't fucking drag in our friendship.
- This isn't about that. You work for me.
- Yeah, I want to...
- Just shut your mouth and listen.
- I'll give you a few days...
- But it'll cost you another two g's as a reminder not to fuck it up.
- I make myself clear?
- And don't give me the malocchio.
- I'm not the one with the short bag.

- I go in in two weeks.
- This has to stay between us, Anthony.
- Yeah, of course.
- Look, we'll get you help.
- We'll get you the best there is.
- First Jackie with cancer, then febby.
- Old man bacala had it, but now you'll get me help?
- These things come in threes.

- Are we that late?
- No.
- Glad you came.
- He'll appreciate it.
- Oh, please.

- Come on, let me up.
- Let me up.

- For days.
- Bobby took advantage of him last night when Tony had had too much to drink.
- There is no excuse for the way
- Bobby blindsided him.
- Tony is not a vindictive man.
- What did I say?

Corrado: [Tony walks up to Uncle Junior in the nursing home] Hello
Tony: You don't recognize me?
Corrado: We used to play catch
Tony: You don't remember you shot me? I'm Anthony, Johnny's son
Corrado: The fuck you want? A boot in the rear?
Tony: Uncle Pat came to see me about Janice, about your money
Corrado: People keep asking me, I don't know there's a man from another galaxy that came here
Tony: That's your accountant
Corrado: I'm confused
Tony: Any money should go to Bobby Baccala's kids and Janice might not do that but Bobby was with us, Bobby was a made guy, it wouldn't be right
Corrado: Me? I never had kids
Tony: You remember where your stash is you let uncle Pat know and as head of the family I'll hold onto it as a guardian for Bobby's kids
Tony: You remember Bobby?
Corrado: Sure
Tony: [With teary eyes] You don't know who I am, do you?

- Christopher, say hi to Davey scatino.
- How you doing?
- Give him five boxes of ziti.
- Good luck.
- Okay, fellows, make room.
- New blood coming in.

- I can't even open my mouth.
- Who's picking on you?
- She took your side with everything.
- Please!
- I'm sure you'll have a good laugh about it next time.
- Yeah.
- Oh, motherfucking fuck!
- Jesus Christ.

- Colleagues and neighbors were shocked...
- To hear of charges brought against hauser...
- Coach of the verbum dei high school girls' soccer team.
- Alerted by a friend of the alleged victim...
- Whose name cannot be revealed...
- Police issued a warrant for his arrest.

- Nine thousand nine hundred.
- Interestingly, at $10,000...
- We're required to notify the IRS of the transaction.
- Oh, really?
- I want it in something safe.
- Something old economy, maybe treasuries.

- and the freshman Dean said there was no point in coming back.
- With your father in a coma...
- I didn't tell dad.
- Be positive, everybody said.
- My god.
- I tried really hard in philosophy, but that professor...
- With your father in a coma!
- Go have breakfast.

- What are you doing? Come here!
- Come back here. Come in the house.
- You'll catch cold. Come on.
- I was getting the paper.
- You'll catch cold. Come on.
- I was just getting the newspaper.
- It's your fault. You forgot to get the newspaper this morning.
- I make tea.

- There's only diet.
- It's good.
- You finished?
- Thank you, t.
- That sugarless motherfucker was the last fucking drink you'll have.
- Mommy! Mommy!
- Please, Tony. Please!

- So do we got a problem here?
- No, sir. I'm buying a boat.
- Now you fancy yourself a businessman.
- Would you sell now with all that money pouring into New Orleans?
- John sacrimoni asked me to.
- Well, we're very different people.

- I'll rip your fucking heart out!
- Look. Anthony's going in.
- All right, a.J.!
- Okay, defense, 41 stack.
- A.j.! Stick them, baby!
- Stick them! Do it!
- Fumble!
- Fumble!
- Up! Up! Everybody up! Wait, get up.

- Why are you telling me this?
- Because I felt guilty all these years, like it was my fault you went away.
- Anyway, now we're even.
- So the casino, all that shit you did for me, is because of that?
- You just take care of yourself, all right?
- You too.

- Stop.
- What?
- Just stop.
- Okay.

Carmela: [while in their bedroom early in the morning, referring to the Christmas gifts they bought] Oh good, you're up. I just got the digital video for Meadow: three down, three to go. Plus, the scooter is ready but your gonna have to pick it up
Tony: It's on my list
Carmela: You're not gonna like this next bit of news either: Janice is insisting on cooking Christmas dinner this year
Tony: Christmas eve or Christmas day?
Carmela: I'm cooking Christmas eve. You want to turn her loose on shellfish? She's determined to cook goose on Christmas day
Tony: Why?
Carmela: Well, her impulses are right: she's over here all the time, she volunteered me to make the gravy and the lasagna, so with everything else going on I have to do today, I have to bring half my kitchen over there and she needs you because the fuse box is on the fritz again
Tony: Oh, fuck. Come on, I'm busy
Carmela: So what? And I'm not?

Massive: [to Hesh] So you bought horses with your royalties. And Little Jimmy's royalties, whatever became of those?
Silvio: He bought "horse".

Carmela: [while lying in bed] Did you shut off all the lights?
Tony: Yeah
Carmela: In the kitchen?
Tony: Yeah. I want to spend more time with AJ
Carmela: It's the other one you should spend time with: she's almost out of the house
Tony: Hey, I'm not worried about Meadow, she can take care of herself
Carmela: Why the sudden burst of fatherhood?
Tony: [irritated] Can you say anything without it being sarcastic?
Carmela: Your right, I'm sorry. I think it's a good idea, he adores you: he never gets to spend enough time with you
Tony: Yeah well
Carmela: I was reading in Time the other day this study at Harvard: a father's support is absolutely linked to a boy's later capacity to manage frustrations, to explore new circumstances, and to do well in school
Tony: The kid needs to toughen up
Carmela: I'm not talking about toughening up, I'm talking about opening up
Tony: Somebody needs to teach that kid some street smarts: not to be a sucker, not to be involved with the wrong people. I don't want another Christopher on my hands, look at him, his lucky to be alive and the other poor prick they found dead: the kid was twenty-three or something

Corrado: [after he hands him an envelope, referring to the envelope short of money] It's "light"
Richie: You got your nephew to thank for that
Corrado: What'd you mean?
Richie: I ran into him the other day, at the garbageman's ball, whatever the fuck it is: he says we can't sell coke on the route anymore
Corrado: What?
Richie: It's what he said, I guess nobody should eat but him. You should see him in the golf outfit, he looked like Wallace Beery
Corrado: [angrily] Where does he get the... fuckin balls?
Richie: He's the boss
Corrado: And this shit is ok with you?
Richie: I know you how much you love him, I don't want to say anything disparaging

Tony: [Seeing AJ jogging on the road on the side of a small mountain while driving his SUV] Get in, that's good activity, you can already see a difference
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: Yeah
Tony: I'm going to get back at it myself
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: I'm going to join the army
Tony: What? Did you sign any shit?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: No, but this week I will I've got to deal with Rhiannon first
Tony: Rhiannon? What about your mother?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: Her too
Tony: Are you nuts? You want to get sent to Iraq?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: Afghanistan, the army's probably good for my career
Tony: You don't have a career
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: Right, my ultimate goal is to qualify for helicopter pilot training afterwards work for Trump or somebody, be their personal pilot
Tony: I'm not even going to tell your mother about this, and don't you do nothing until we've another chance to talk you hear me?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: Yes

- You talk the talk, miss art history.
- I've never seen these grades from you.
- Well, you take intro to semiotics.
- If you spent less time in Jackie's car...
- Please.
- That is so over.
- Just like that? What happened?

- He's dropping a.J. Off later.
- This is the last thing
- I need to get into right now.
- Oh, please, he never had it so good.
- Well, that's him.
- You two should talk. Let me just pee.
- Okay.

- Must be a gay book.
- Billy budd's the ship's florist, right?
- Leslie Fiedler has written on gay themes in literature...
- Since the early '60s,
- Billy budd in particular.
- Well, she doesn't know what she's talking about.
- She's a he, mother, and he's lectured at Columbia, as a matter of fact.
- Well, maybe he's gay.
- You ever thought of that?

- You're afraid, you know, all you gotta do is call. Right?
- Two minutes, I'll be over.
- I know. Thank you.
- You've been so great. Both of you.
- Well, Meadow had another mystery date.
- That sounds exciting.

- All right, stop.
- I'm grateful to you.
- I am.
- I gave you five percent on the action that was left to you.
- Kick it up to seven and a half.
- Don't sell drugs on those routes.
- It's short-sighted.

Jack: [while giving him a painting of the Rat Pack] I saw this and I thought of you
Tony: [surprised] Oh, look at that
Jack: A little gift to show my gratitude for all our work together
Tony: [shakes his hand, referring to the images of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Sammy Davis, Jr] Thanks. Look at those guys: they had sometime
Jack: You know we're gonna finally cut the ribbon for the museum on the twenty second? Their gonna ask me to make a speech on the challenges of contemporary urban development
Jack: [after placing his order with the waitress] listen, my buddy in City Planning says they pulled the permit to turn the old bus into a mixed use but the thing is Zellman hasn't given me a number, has he said anything to you about another bid?
Tony: We don't talk much, take your hat off: relax
Jack: yeah, I just started Rogaine, do you think you can ask Ron if this falls under the same arrangement?
Tony: [points to his desert] Kind of soggy if you want to know the truth
Jack: [nervously] This is federal redevelopment
Tony: I'll look into it
Tony: [after the waitress brings Jack's order to the table] So, a speech huh?
Jack: Yeah
Tony: [referring to the name of their construction project] The Museum of Science and Trucking
Jack: I just wish my mother could've seen it
Tony: Well, whenever she is, I'm sure she's proud
Jack: Actually, I do know exactly where she is and it's pretty fuckin hot
Tony: You had one of those too huh?

- You don't wanna what?
- You don't wanna what?
- This fucking guy, huh?
- Fucking Philadelphia lawyer.
- Jesus!
- Don't do it!
- No, don't do it!
- My arm!

- What?
- Jesus Christ, you fucking kidding me?
- Sorry, baby, please.
- No, fuck this shit.
- You were told once. Now, sit down.
- Sit down.

- Still awake?
- I'm just reading.
- Bought you something.
- What's this for?
- No reason.
- I don't know if I believe that.

- you can't expect...
- Living in what?!
- Jesus Christ.
- You should talk to your mother about this shit!
- Did you go see that guy at the building department yet?
- I was going to go on Friday when the schedules are looser.
- Well, don't.

- Speak.
- Hello?
- Hello? Hello.

- Yeah.
- Dad's pretty cool.
- Where's ai? She was supposed to loan me a cig.
- I'll come with.
- Ai?
- Ally!
- If you're smoking, you owe me $5!

- Well, there's nothing to be scared of.
- You can let it go.
- Just come say hello.
- All right.
- Daddy!
- Please don't leave us, daddy. We love you.

- A cappuccino maker. This is great.
- Oh, is that the capresso?
- You are gonna love that, Ade.
- Cappuccino now.
- He used to drink bosco.
- I got it at fortunoff's if you want to exchange it.
- Oh, no, no, no scissors!
- Bad luck.

Tony: [referring to loaning his friend Artie money and knowing ahead of time Artie wouldn't be able to pay him back] so he says I planned it all along, how I could see twenty steps down the road how it was going to go and how he was going to get screwed
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Did you? See it?
Tony: I don't know, according to him its subconscious, second nature
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: But the accusation bothers you
Tony: Is that the kind of person I am? A hawk?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: As I understand it you make a lot of your living through usury so why the pangs of conscience this time? Do you think your reaction would be the same a week after you found out about Gloria?
Tony: I'll tell you one thing: one suicide is bad enough but two? They can both go fuck themselves. I made a donation in her name to the suicide hotline, that's it

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: When's the last time you had a prostate exam?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Hey, I don't even let anyone wag their finger in my FACE.
[Dr. Melfi laughs]

- About being portrayed as rustlers and gunslingers.
- That's absurd!
- See what you started with your gravy, Nana?
- To we, the 20 million.
- Salute!
- Salute!
- Cent'anni.
- Salute.

- Except for that Paulie. Fuck him and the coupe deville he rode in on.
- He's saying you're holding back again?
- Like I'm gonna give that prick a full share? Come here.
- What do you say?
- I love you, baby.
- Oh, you fucking better.
- You better.
- I do.

Agent: [after knocking on the door and entering Cubitoso's office, referring to Adriana and convincing Christopher into cooperating with them] There's no way she'll wear a wire, but she thinks she might be able to get Moltisanti to "flip"
Agent: Why now?
Agent: Problems with Tony: Christopher hates him "apparently"
Agent: That's confirmed by wiretaps and CI-12 mentioned it too. Something to do with... Tony Blundetto, the cousin
Bureau: What would Moltisanti want?
Agent: I'm not sure: his got some "interesting" screenwriting
Bureau: [jokingly] I'll put in a call to Sam Goldwyn
Agent: You "promise" her anything?
Agent: No "guarantees" but depending what his offering, maybe immunity and relocation for the two of them?
Bureau: [after looking at his watch and think it over] She's got to understand that if she won't wear a wire, we can't offer her protection or keep her surveilled
Agent: I explained all that
Bureau: Tell her she's got until 9am Monday to bring him in or we turn her over to Long Branch PD

Service: I was just wondering if we could switch days off
Gloria: [after seeing Tony enter the car dealership] alright just give me a minute
Service: I just thought we could switch days off
Gloria: yeah sure, I just got a customer coming in alright?
Gloria: [Greeting him] Tony
Tony: [Forcefully grabs her arm and pulls her into her office to talk privately] don't you fuckin "Tony" me, are you out of your fuckin mind talking to my wife?
Gloria: Alright I was upset about your ex-girlfriend alright? The "poor confused kid." I thought you should see my version. I'm sorry alright?
Tony: You drove her home, what the fuck? And you look right into my eyes and don't tell me?
Gloria: Alright it's just normal to be curious about someone that you love's significant other
Tony: No, it's not: it's fuckin twisted
Gloria: No, it is not. I don't want to argue, your upset and I understand it's on the margins for someone like you and I'm sorry. It'll never happen again, ever
Tony: No shit, now you can tell your shrink your own dating relationships
Service: [after he leaves her office] what'd you mean?
Tony: [while leaving the dealership] it's fuckin over

- I have to.
- Oh, god, why?
- What did I say now?
- I suppose I should've just kept my mouth shut, like a mute.
- And then everybody would've been happy.

- Anyway, you weren't named in the indictment obviously.
- It's Brooklyn.
- They weren't coming for you.
- So frankly, were I you,
- I might actually consider laughing.
- Or rub a hunchback's hump.
- Or something.
- Yeah.
- Be of good cheer.
- Call you when I hear more.

- That was a.J.
- He's sleeping over.
- I see.
- At a friend's house.
- Oh.
- The pucillos. I don't know if you know them.

Carmine Lupertazzi Jr.: [angrily after learning Phil Leotardo killed Lorraine Calluzzo and her lover Jason] fuckin Phil Leotardo! She told me he warned her about giving us points of her take
Rusty: Phil's a pimp: It's God damn Johnny Sack, it's his message to other captains, that fuckin animal
Angelo: [to Rusty] Take it easy
Rusty: [to Angelo and Carmine] Fuck that! I'm telling you, we go all out and steamroll all over John and I predict guys in the street in Brooklyn and Queens will welcome us as fuckin heroes, it'll be easy

- You heard the Beatles for h&r block?
- Sometimes I feel like I should be punished.
- Come on, let's get something to eat.
- Well, here's something
- I never thought I'd say: To the federal government.
- Depends on which department.

Phil: [visiting him in prison, referring to Tony Soprano, intentionally talking in code] so the split with your friend in Jersey, it should be the same as the old business we do over there
Johnny: that's Public Works, this isn't
Phil: I'll hold the "line"
Johnny: don't turn it into World War Three. So, day to day, how you getting along with Tony?
Phil: you asked me to bury the hatchet, I'm doing it out of respect to you, am I still grieving over my brother Bill? That'll never go away
Johnny: I appreciate it, with me in here...
Phil: I hear you
Phil: [when seeing Ginny and Anthony arriving to visit John] your bride: she's a "rock" for you kid
Johnny: her brother's fitting me for contacts. When the trial starts, I don't wanna be reading documents in the courtroom with glasses, looks weak

Paulie: You're a wormy cocksucker, you know that?

Tony: [Walks into the kitchen from the back yard and sees his family waiting for him] what?
Carmela: Your mother died
Tony: You're kidding
Tony: [Surprised] I mean... Jesus Christ
Carmela: Svetlana just called. She said after dinner your mother went upstairs to get ready for bed, when Svetlana came up she thought your mother was asleep
Carmela: [after Tony sits down at the kitchen table, she walks over and holds his hand] Svetlana's waiting for us over there
Tony: She's dead
Meadow: I'm sorry dad, that your mom died
A.J. Soprano: Me too
Tony: Hey, your grandmother loved you, both of you very much

- You know how tight these feds can keep it.
- Go home, get some sleep.
- You don't want to stop by the bing, get something to eat?
- Tell me, t, what do you want me to do?
- Just let me think. Come on.
- All right.

[about Christopher]
Richie: The attitude on that camel-nose fuck. He ever lays his hand on my niece again I'm gonna tear him apart piece by piece.
Matthew: Camel nose! You can't make that shit up.
Richie: What the fuck are you talking about? I just did. Did you ever notice he's the only motherfucker who can smoke a cigarette in the rain with his hands tied behind his back? That nose is like a natural canopy.

- Oh, yeah!
- What the fuck you doing?
- You're standing too close.

- Flush.
- You motherfucker.
- You slow-rolled me.
- What were you doing to that hand?
- His money's good. He wants to sail, it's his business.
- Fuck you too.
- I should've stayed with my goomar tonight.
- Hey, cheese fuck, get me some food.

- You're listening to the stations of member-supported
- New Hampshire public radio.
- We're webo, Concord 89.1; webj, Jackson 99.5 fm.
- This is New Hampshire public radio, news and information for the granite state.

- Give me my money.
- What?
- Give it to me!
- Don't get stupid in here. I'm serious.
- Fuck off, I got no beef with you.
- You still sell that beat shit, huh?
- Fucking baby powder?
- Look, I don't know what...
- Get him!
Gilbert: I'll kill you motherfuckers! I'll kill you!

- How much you paying for your call?
- I can sell you a thousand hours.
- See this card?
- Sells for twenty dollars.
- I'll give it to you for...
- Seven.

French: [first referring to the medication to treat HIV] you've goy=t a bit of success with "BikTarv", right? Well, at this moment we could also sell to you "Fosamax" medication for Osteoporosis for women in their bones. Now, one month's supply of Fosamax four pills, sells for seventy US dollars from the pharmacy: we sell four pills to you for ten US dollars
Tony: their counterfeit?
French: no, their true, just expired: change the date, nobody knows
Tony: [after looking at the medical booklet they gave him] how many Fosamax can you get?
French: fifty thousand pills every three months
Bobby: is there some way we can get you to lower your price?
French: you're already making a big profit, that's a good deal and we'll give you the first pills in one week: Monday
Tony: [after the French-Canadian men speak to each other in their native language] what?
French: I cannot come the week next because my sister has problems in the court
Tony: you got a good lawyer? It makes all the difference
French: the old husband, they want to take the child they have together to Winnipeg because he's some drummer over there, you believe this?
French: she never sees her son
Bobby: separate a child from his mother? What kind of person does this?
French: I would give anything to be free of this shit: to have him gone from her life
Tony: that's very tough talk
French: I'm very serious
Tony: [after thinking it over] I'll tell you what, you knock your price down to thirty-five grand and we'll see what we can do about making your sister's custody problem "go away" and I'm not talking about a lawyer either
French: who does this, you pay some drug addict?
Tony: no, somebody reliable
Tony: [to Bobby after the French-Canadian men leave to talk privately] you'll take care of this, right?
Bobby: sure
Tony: no bow and arrows now

- Gin?
- Jesus, you scared the shit out of me!
- What are you doing?
- I thought you left.
- I forgot the sweater.
- What are you doing on the floor?
- I was getting the laundry together.

- Who was at the door?
- "Williams-sonoma. From Paulie.
- The Elektra semiautomatic chrome Espresso machine."
- So?
- My god, Tony.
- This is like $2000.
- I mean, what is wrong with that man?
- What's wrong with him? Nothing.
- It's guys like him that allows our whole lifestyle here.

- Is that vintage?
- Bulova, yeah. Flea market.
- Must have been quite expensive.
- Why am I the only caregiver being interrogated here?
- It wouldn't happen to be because of the color of my skin, now would it?
- Thank you for your cooperation.
- You can go.

- What man?
- Oh, a double.
- You tell him, sweetie.
- I like this girl!
- Women, women, women.
- Why was I born handsome instead of rich?

- Ah!
- Oh, my god! Help me, please!
- Ah!

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Isn't it interesting how this memory loss cropped up right after you failed to be killed in the carjacking? You think it was a carjacking?
Tony: Of course not, but I got an idea who was behind it. Enough said. You don't want to go there.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Maybe you don't want to go there.
Tony: What are you talking about?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Well, let's track it. Right around the time of the shooting, you were having hallucinations of that Isabella figure. The protective, loving mother. Your subconscience was shouting something at you. On the day before the shooting, you said to me that she kept going on yet again about news stories of mothers throwing their babies out of windows.
Tony: Why don't we put our fuckin' cards on the table here. What do you think, my mother tried to have me whacked 'cuz I put her in a nursing home?

- So I'm holding his hand, and all of a sudden the machines go bullshit.
- You told us, for Christ's sake.
- Those fucking doctors, it's their fault.
- Skip's gonna make it.
- He's conscious.
- Oh, thank god!

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Do you have any qualms about how you actually make a living?
Tony: Yeah. I find I have to be the sad clown: laughing on the outside, crying on the inside.

Deputy: Mr. Sacramoni, I'm Deputy Featham, US Marshals Service, this is my partner Deputy Mayweather. We're here to escort you to the wedding today
Johnny: [nods] Gentlemen
Deputy: [after entering the holding cell] The order by the court, your release is at our discretion. So, based on your behavior and any mitigating factors, we can elect to bring you back early
Johnny: [while looking at the dress shoe his lawyer brought, to Ron] Patten leather?
Ron: It's tuxedo
Johnny: [to Ron, irritated] Have you read an issue of GQ in the past three or four years?

- Destroyed the bushes, the grass, and every fucking flower she planted.
- Just relax, okay?
- I am fucking relaxed.
- I'm not gonna do nothing.
- Because I love you, because I'm committed to my work...
- I ain't gonna do shit.
- I'm gonna sit tight and hold my tongue, and not cause no problems for you.

- Kierkegaard said, "every duty is essentially duty to god."
- "Nigga, be a leader not a follower."
- What?
- Master p said that.
- You still listen to rap?
- Why?
- It's just all about marketing now.

- Herman, want a drink too?
- That's the point.
- You never saw Carlo or lucky, or Douglas MacArthur...
- Going around punching walls!
- What if I said I saw a shrink?
- I had an inkling.

- When the priests and altar boys needed new whites, who picked up the tab?
- You should've come to me first.
- This wouldn't have happened.
- But don't worry, Paul.
- I'm here. I can help you.
- It's too late.
- You been slacking off on me.
- You left me unprotected.
- I'm cutting you off for good.
- You ain't never gonna see another dime from me.

- Oh. Okay.
- Who is on the boat with you?
- I'll be sure and tell him. All right.
- Your son okay?
- Attendance shit.
- Two weeks, not even a kiss hello?
- Oh, shit, I'm sorry. Yeah.
- How was Morocco?
- Great.

- Creep forward.
- Give us some magnification.
- That baby's gonna blow.
- Tony got about six months left on that lining.
- A shame we can't warn him.
- During his trial we can inform him.
- Except that's at least a year from now.
- By that time, boom!
- Okay, now you see that lamp there?

- Fuckin' stroll in.
- I'm over here bustin' my fuckin' ass!
- You fuckin' crazy?!
- Work in your fuckin' laundry, all fuckin' day!
- Fuckin' scam artist.
- Fuck.

- I don't care.
- I like you.
- Rubber soul in mint condition.
- This has gotta be worth what?
- You should've told me.
- And what would you have done if I did?
- I don't know.
- I mean, if it wasn't such a big deal, why didn't you say something?

- and then we'll be the same as that tree.
- No me, no you.
- Be that as it may, we need heat.
- We need to find someone who will take responsibility.
- Well, I can't do that.
- Then the lawsuit proceeds.

Junior: [During a sit down meeting over the speakerphone] Ralph insulted John's wife?
Johnny: That's correct
Junior: What did he do exactly?
Johnny: He made a very hurtful remark that's not worth repeating
Silvio: Let's point out too it's only been "alleged" on what he said
Johnny: He "allegedly" said what he said to a group of people: "friends of ours"
Junior: If you weren't there how do you know it's true?
Johnny: I'm not at liberty to say
Tony: With all due respect but this is bullshit somebody in my family is talking out of school and you don't have the liberty to who? I should be making the beef here
Junior: My nephew's right
Johnny: I want to average her honor, this is my right to do
Tony: Alright fine you bring in here who ever told you, if he collaborates with what you're saying I'll give you ralph on a platter
Johnny: Is nothing scared? What happened to this thing? If this was years ago would I even have to ask? We bend more rules than the Catholic Church
Tony: Let's just say for the of argument ralph said what he said is clipping him going to un-ring that bell?
Carmine: Nobody's getting clipped
Johnny: I want satisfaction
Silvio: Will you accept an apology?
Johnny: That ship that has sailed
Carmine: Your being unreasonable John
Johnny: Ralph's the only one who can handle the Esplanade? Put the other guy in
Carmine: There's millions of dollars are at stake
Johnny: Again with the money?
Carmine: Yeah, again with the money, it's settled name a price or the fuck over it
[John leaves]

Adriana: [after he takes the blindfold off her and she sees an empty club] What?
Christopher: It's yours
Adriana: What is?
Christopher: This is the Lollipop in Long Branch: this is your club
Christopher: [when she looks confused] I'm a partner here now, me and Furio. We're gonna be silent, you're gonna be the owner and manager, you book the bands, you find the talent, whatever you wanna do, it's yours
Adriana: [hugs him] Oh my God, I can't believe it
Christopher: Your gonna turn this place into the biggest Jersey club since the Stone Pony
Adriana: thank you, I'm so excited, can we change the name?
Christopher: Whatever you want baby
Christopher: [introducing him, after Rocco is escorted in by Furio and Benny] This is Rocco, he works for you

Paulie: [in the dinning area of Nuovo Vesuvio] "In the midst of death, we are in life", huh? Or is it the other way around?
Meadow: I think it's the other way around.
Paulie: Either version, you're halfway up the ass.

Johnny: Ralph Cifaretto came by
Tony: [Jokingly] Yeah, what'd he want? A fully fueled jet and a safe trip to the Pope?
Johnny: His running scared since you canceled Thanksgiving dinner
Tony: [Quoting Sun Tzu] If your opponent is of choleric temper, irritate him
Johnny: He wants to apologize
Tony: Oh really?
Johnny: Would that put this to rest?
Tony: If it's sincere it might relieve me of a very unpleasant decision
Johnny: You know we're about to break ground on the Esplanade, we're talking about millions of dollars here, it wouldn't hurt either of us to have a point man that feels appreciated. I'm just saying it wouldn't hurt to throw him a bone
Tony: Like what?
Johnny: Capo?
Tony: No fuckin way. Never. You heard what he did the poor girl, she just had a twentieth birthday
Johnny: Capo is what he mentioned. I threw cold water on it right away but she was a whore
Tony: You know I don't want to talk about that situation again with anybody, you understand me?
Johnny: It was just a suggestion, keep a happy shop
Tony: Correct me if I'm wrong, didn't you say you weren't going to stick your beak in?
Johnny: Can't two friends talk?

- Mtv awards?
- What?
- Nothing.
- I thought that fight was over.
- You want me to take it back?
- No problem.
- No! Fuck, I want you to have it.

Tony: you know, I was on a good run then boom! I don't know it's like I'm walking down the street and I'm looking up because I feel like a safe is going to land on my head
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: A feeling of a pending doom?
Tony: Let me ask you a question: this "mental stuff" could cause physical problems right?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Are you having any physical problems?
Tony: No I'm fine but I got a "friend", a dear dear "friend" and I'm concerned about him
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What's wrong with him?
Tony: It's his back, see his complaining about his back but I think the doctor thinks it's all in his head
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It's very possible
Tony: What'd you think?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I think we should just keep this about you
Tony: This is about me
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Every time I offer my opinion on any of your friends it seems to interfere with our therapy and you start cursing and screaming
Tony: What kind of mental stuff would cause a back ache?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: For "conversation" sake?
Tony: Absolutely
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: For some people the pain is caused by more responsibility than they can handle
Tony: [Nods] that makes sense, his got a lot of bills, a lot of problems with his kid's "school fund"
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Secrets
Tony: What'd you mean?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Psychologically a secret is a heavy load, it leads to feelings of guilt which further burdens the mind

Christopher: We should have stopped at Roy Rogers.
Paulie: Yeah, and I should have fucked Dale Evans, but I didn't!

- It was a fuckin' blast.
- You sure you don't wanna eat?
- Steak and eggs up by skyway's.
- Ah, I can't.
- Come on! Shut the door.
- I'm gonna mang' then hit the sack for the next 14 hours.

- FBI! Open up!
- FBI!
- Oh, my god!
- I'm the gardener! I'm the...

- It's coming from me.
- I'm not a fucking captain?
- All right, okay?
- How soon?
- Asap.
- Like right away.
- I'll call with the details.
- Get it done.
- I'll put in a good word to t.
- About the Florida thing.

Silvio: [talking in Tony's basement, referring to Big Pussy Bonpensiero possibly wearing a wire underneath the Santa outfit] Ever since we found that suit, I've been dreaming about that fat rat bastard
Tony: What about it?
Silvio: You did the right thing
Tony: You're starting to worry me, you got a problem?
Silvio: 95, I can't believe I didn't see it. You think it went down in Boca though? I mean he was bringing in shit through there?
Tony: No, it wasn't Boca, they didn't "flip" him in Boca. He was down there for twenty fours, to set up the sit down with my uncle and I know for a fact he was with my uncle the whole time

- You and I had relations?
- Son of a bitch in a taxicab run me right over my foot.
- I have a car.
- Want a date?
- I'll give you half and half in the backseat.
- I wanna go home.
- Let me get a ride by the shelter.
- I have to find my car.

- All right, Chrissy.
- All right, nobody's making threats.
- Look, Tony's in hiding, John.
- You either deliver that prick to my door...
- Or I will rain a shit storm down on you and your family...
- Like you have never fucking seen.
- We're done here.

- I'm dying here.
- Just take it easy, okay?
- You're coming to the engagement party at least, right?
- We'll get special permission.
- I'll make some coffee.
- I don't give a shit if you do or you don't.

- What stuff? I go, I talk to the guy for you. Get you back your stops.
- I know him.
- Yeah?
- So you give me a token.
- I don't know, couple percent.
- Thanks, Paulie.
- This one and the next one.

Janice: I'm sorry Tony but the hospital's going to need a decision on this. If you're going to have Power of Attorney, you're going to have to act like one
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Who gives a fuck, DNR or no DNR?
Janice: Yeah ok, great, so what happens when she goes into a coma and they have to keep her alive with tubes and machines because you won't sign the DNR?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [raises his voice] what? When she becomes a vegetable, she's not going to give a fuck about anything
Janice: To deprive her a place to live: to deprive me of my chance to make peace with my mother
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You know what? Take her, you can have her. The two of you in that house, you deserve each other. It'll be worth it just to watch, it'll be like what happened to baby Janice over there. I'll give you your fuckin DNR

- Hello, Anthony.
- You look good.
- Want a drink?
- Another time, Anthony.
- Another time.

- Hi.
- Hey. I wonder if I could use the wc.
- Of course, come on in.
- Yeah, okay.
- Is it cold out?
- Yeah, a little.
- But I got a fleece.

Christopher: [while Christopher pounds on his door] I know you're in there. You're casting a shadow over the peep hole
J.T. Dolan: [after letting him in, casually] hey
Christopher: What're you "ducking" me?
J.T. Dolan: No, I thought you this girl. She's a pain in the ass
Christopher: What the fuck? Where you been?
J.T. Dolan: Working, I told you I got those TV pitch meetings. I was going to call you
Christopher: Yeah so why didn't you?
J.T. Dolan: [Referring to Atlantic City] alright you want the truth? I was away. I went to AC
Christopher: Where's my money?
J.T. Dolan: I don't have it yet
Christopher: But you went to AC?
J.T. Dolan: I have a meeting next week with René Bulsay. Dick Wolf's right hand guy. He likes my stuff, he told my agent. I'm going to be on staff
Christopher: I got out of that business because people fuck you over. Jon Favreau fagot cock sucker tried to steal my ideas
J.T. Dolan: Bro listen, I swear on everything holy I'll have your money next week
Christopher: [while leaving JT's apartment] that wasn't the deal. I'll be back tomorrow, don't make me a jerk off

- Are you ready for what you have to do?
- No sweat. I did my homework.

- It's a good idea.
- Snifter, a nice cigar.
- You'll see what I mean.
- Hey.
- Dinner's almost ready.

- I thought you were sick.
- Go to bed.
- I'll see you later.
- Maybe too much.
- Don't think I want any less.
- Do you love me?
- I think I do.

- but nobody's backing out of the deal.
- Mr. Cinelli, I'm sorry, but the bottom line is I'm not selling the company to you.
- There are other buyers out there.
- Tony was quite clear about that.
- I'll tell you the fuckin' bottom line, iaddy buck.
- The barone routes are now cinelli routes.
- That's that.

- You and me and daddy on the sofa...
- Watching ed Sullivan.
- We never missed a Sunday.
- Oh, my god.
- My children!
- Music has charms, ma.
- Thank god, huh?

- There's been significant relief in both those areas.
- You're right, but...
- I mean, come on.
- I've been coming here four years now.
- I've been a good sport.
- Sophia, your jacket.
- You're just getting over a cold.
- Come on.

- You know the thrill you give?
- Keep it to yourself, okay?
- Yeah. All to myself.

- You being sarcastic?
- You can't put your problems on me.
- This is the most expensive retirement home in New Jersey.
- If you wanted to, you could be happy here.
- You're pissing it all away.
- What beautiful language for your mother.

Christopher: [talking about Jon Favreau] "Swingers"! He can suck my dick! It swings, too!

- Could we not, huh?
- With the tantrums?
- For this I miss the jets game?
- Did they say when your making ceremony might happen, with this delay?
- Stop asking fucking questions.
- If I knew, I couldn't tell you.
- Hit me. Hit me.
- Every little bit helps.
- Anything to get through these events.

- It's just a little thank-you, that's all.
- A.j., what are you doing down there?
- It's me, carm, down here with bri.
- I'm just borrowing some tools.
- All right.
- Thank you for this, really.
- I gotta get dressed.

- What are you talking about, meetings? Who, Livia?
- All of them! Raymond. Larry.
- Three of my capos have their mothers here?
- If this is true, Livia, I mean,
- I'm the boss, for Christ's sake!
- If I don't act, blood or no...
- I have to!

- Every time I look at my kid, that's what I realize.
- And that shit with junior, please.
- It's just that people like Phil...
- They're not on that page.
- Take those roses and stick them up your ass, thorns first.
- This system's got no balls.

Carmela: You know what the church says about divorce...
Angie: Oh, *please*! Let the Pope live with him.

Christopher: You ever think what a coincidence it is that Lou Gehrig died of Lou Gehrig's disease?
[everyone laughs]
Tony: You're gonna make that same stupid joke every time that comes up?

Junior: A mole on her ass? What's the joke? I still don't get it
Tony: It's not a joke per se, it's... you had to be there
Junior: A real lack of standards your generation. In my day John would be right, a man would never be expected to stand for a remark like that
Tony: The fucked up thing is I don't even like Ralph, if he was drowning I'd throw him a cinder block, but not protect one of my own captains? Besides its too late now anyway, Carmine gave me the nod
Junior: [While watching Who Wants to Be a Millionaire] On Johnny? That was a slippery fuck huh? Him and those big fish lips of his? Look at this: The fifth question and the poor prick used all of his life lines
Tony: John goes, Carmine's going to put himself in a position of maximum deniability
Junior: So, you make it easy for everybody, take it out of the neighborhood
Tony: Like an accident?
Junior: [Listing the causes that can kill John] accident, stick up, he can choke on a chicken wing. The important thing: Johnny disappears
Tony: Johnny out, Carmine's going to put his son in there, fuckin brain-less the second, who knows? Maybe there's an upside of Johnny going. He goes to Boston a lot to visit his father. It could happen up there
Junior: You want my advice? You'll call Lou DiMaggio, the Atwell Avenue Boys.
Tony: What? Those sick old fucks in Rhode Island?
Junior: They may be old my little nephew but those dogs can still hunt
Tony: My old man used to talk about them, something to do with drugs
Junior: Heroin back in the fifties it was raining cash with that shit. DiMaggio and his crew never saw a dime. A guy they worked for Lenny Caputo, he didn't believe in it. For fifteen years everyone and their mother was getting rich dealing H. Everyone except these guys. Their eking a living doing hits, running swag, anyway low and behold, one day Lenny get pinched for heroin trafficking. Turns out, the cock sucker was making a fortune working with the mulligan and not only that his been selling out his own guys to the Feds so he can keep his ass out on the street. DiMaggio and another guy on his crew did eight years on a murder rap
Tony: So much for loyalty huh?
Junior: You go to Rhode Island whatever you do, don't mention drugs: coke, heroin not even Tylenol
Tony: So, what happened to this Lenny prick?
Junior: [Smiles] Lou 'DiMaggio, his real name's Galina. They started calling him Lou 'DiMaggio, after the cops found Lenny and his wife's with their heads bashed in by a baseball bat. Anyway that was Lou when he still had his health

- You put your grief behind you?
- Let me hear you say it.
- I put the grief behind me.
- I'm gonna go get a coffee and a bun.
- You got a younger son too?
- You ought to bring him to the house.
- We can get something to eat, they can go in the pool.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Look Carmine, you basically know what's going on with your dad, Johnny, and us over in Jersey
Little: First let me say I understand and I appreciate the respect you've shown by coming down here and reaching out this time
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Always
Little: And I'll also go on record and say I know my old man can be a tough nut to crack
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I don't want to "crack nuts", but I will
Little: I feel the anger
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: When I try for the second time on a separate issue entirely to make an accommodation and he don't even make a counter offer: where's his respect?
Little: I have no way of knowing what kind of advice his getting from Johnny
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Johnny's always usually a voice of moderation: me and him get along good, so with all due respect let's not jump in and blame Johnny
Little: True, John's a pragmatist but his also a greedy mother fucker
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: He lives above his head
Little: Look Tony, all I can promise you is I will look into it
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I understand you've got feel out your old man so we don't give you "armatz" for sticking your nose into it
Little: Tony I haven't been afraid of my father for quite some time
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Fair enough, but Carmine bear in mind he came onto my turf. He tried to recruit my mulignan. And worse, he roughed up my appraiser. If the proper response is not forthcoming in a business like time frame, my next move will not be further conversation
Little: I get it
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Before shaking hands] oh, so you should know my next call will be to call Johnny Sack: to let him know we talked. he shouldn't feel blindsided

- You think I'd let you eat those cannolis by yourself?
- You beached whale.
- Here.
- What?
- Help me.
- Who'll make the coffee, you?
- One, two, three.
- You look good.

- Hey.
- Hey, how you doing?
- One second.
- I got some good news. We're in the motel business. How do you like that?

- Because soprano is very high up.
- If he was some button man you wouldn't treat him?
- Please, with the terminology.
- You know psychotherapy is limited in the treatment of anxiety disorder.
- You've medicated soprano and helped him gain what insight he's able to absorb.
- It's time to send him on to a behaviorist.

- Yeah, that would be the healthy choice.
- Healthy for who?
- Why would I trust somebody who would leave me holding my cock like this?
- I shouldn't have heard that either.
- Well, there you go.
- There's the fucking problem.
- John.
- I still consider you a dear, dear friend.

- You fucking believe it?
- We now run the executive game.
- Sil, remember when we used to look through that crack in the door...
- When my old man and junior had it?
- Yeah, I remember.
- Junior would chase us down the street.
- Executive game.

- He takes these unexplained powders.
- He's got a goomar.
- I know all about it.
- It's nothing. Forget about it.
- You hear from him, tell him I brought him some blood, sweat and tears tickets.
- Backstage passes too.

- That's the way certain people want it, and we trust there will be no ill will.
- This is fucking great. I mean,
- I know I'm just the acting, but still...
- It's a big responsibility, Chrissy.
- Hey, I got it covered.
- First thing I'm doing is getting wings in my hair.
- You know, like Paulie.
- I'll talk to you later.

- I appreciate your thoughts.
- You saying what I think you're saying?
- I didn't say nothing.
- All right, then. I'll talk to you.
- Twenty years I been friends with John.
- Now he's gotta go.
- All over a stupid joke.

- Puritan salvage.
- The big guy's looking for a consignment from a wedding in ringwood last night.
- Nothing came in here.
- This benz sl55. He wants it pulled.
- I'll make some calls.

- Who knows what the fuck he's got planned.
- You get word to everybody, eyes in the back of your head...
- Break routines, collections, all that shit.
- You tell everybody.
- Got it.
- In the meantime, we keep trying.
- Get a 20 on Phil.

- Oh, my god.
- Oh, my god.
- I called the hospital.
- They wouldn't give no info on sil.
- Gab's brother finally phoned back.
- Doctors don't think he'll recover consciousness.

- Meadow. Meadow, wake up.
- I'm so sleepy.
- You drank too much fucking Tequila.
- Come on, I can't stop now.

- I'm not a fucking parking spot.
- Ow.

- Gismonte, with a g.
- The kid who died, right?
- What, you never heard of him?
- No.
- Him and his friend, bevilaqua, ran with moltisanti.
- You never saw him hanging out with Christopher?
- You don't want to help your friend?

- Ralph cifaretto's crew.
- Anyway, I go over to her house one night...
- She's dressed like a fucking cat, like from that show.
- Eye makeup, claws, the whole bit.
- You okay?
- Pardon me a minute, huh?

- Forget that.
- I was listening to that guy on TV.
- Dr. Phil?
- And he was talking about a similar situation.
- And he said that you could if you wanted to.
- There's no set rules.
- It's basically about malpractice...
- And you probably couldn't get sued.
- That's not the point.

Phil: Come on, you gonna go or what?
- I'm coming, I was finishing my drink.
- Fuck!

- Actually, I think I know exactly where she is, and it's pretty fucking hot.
- You had one of those too, huh?
- Gentlemen.
- Is everything okay here?
- Yeah, sure. Just talking.
- Okay, then. Have a good night.

Tony: [referring to Hugh's accident] How's your father?
Carmela: much better: He'll be fine for the party, thank God
Tony: That's good, what party?
Carmela: Seventy fifth birthday, the surprise party we talked about last summer?
Tony: Oh, yeah, that's coming up?
Carmela: Yeah, next Saturday but actually, that's why I wanted to come by, I think it maybe it would be best... easier anyway for both of us if I went at it alone and not have you there?
Tony: Oh, yeah
Carmela: You know my father would love to have you there, you know? His crazy about your sausages and all the rest of it but I thought that's why it would put "us" and people in a "uncomfortable" situation?
Tony: I decided when I woke up that I wasn't coming
Carmela: Really? I'm so glad you understand: it was hard for me to come to this decision let alone tell you
Tony: [while taking money out] I'd like to contribute anyway
Carmela: No, mom and I are taking care of it
Tony: For Hugh's seventy fifth? I insist
Carmela: You know, I'd rather see you go back to your therapist
Tony: [angrily] I'd like to see you go see a therapist and I'm not the only one
Carmela: Oh, really? Well, you can tell them all that I can't afford it
Tony: Well, it's really not your "business" anymore whether I go or what

- I'm fucking exhausted,
- I hardly slept at all last night.
- So take a nap.
- What are you worried about?

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Tony storms into Janice and Bobby's home after he saw a news report that showed Janice was arrested for fighting with a parent during a children's soccer game] Where is she?
Janice: It wasn't my fault.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: My name was all over the TV because of your bullshit!
Bobby: It's not simple, apparently that woman's kid was picking on Sophia.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Bobby and Janice] Why didn't they collar her then?
Janice: I am suing the township for "wrongful arrest."
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No you're not! What you're going to do is, you're going to call my lawyer, plea it down, pay the fine and not turn this into one of your cause célèbres.
Janice: You'd take anybody's side but mine, that bitch is lucky I didn't kill her.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: we know that
Bobby: [Confused] What?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [To Janice] You and your temper
Janice: [to Tony] Get out!
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Bobby] This is the end of it.
Janice: [yelling louder] Get out!
Bobby: [Tony goes outside and Bobby follows him] I know this looks bad, but on the other hand, she called Sophia her daughter.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I don't give a fuck., OK I do give a fuck. How many times do I have to tell you? Get control of your wife!

- Hell of a tub here, guys.
- Sea, sun. I'm gonna make it my second home.
- Anybody else hungry? Huh?
- We'll get lunch started.
- Artie, another Margarita?
- I could say no, but I won't.

- Come on, dad, let's go!
- I'm coming, I'm coming.
- Keep your sticky fingers off the car.
- I just waxed the damn thing.
- Can I steer?
- Maybe on the way home, honey.

- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
- Go be with your family and open your presents.
- Love you.

- No, I know.
- Then what did you say it for?
- I didn't, Phil. You did.
- Listen, kid, when this is over we're gonna sit down...
- Me and you.
- I hope so.
- I can't hear you.
- You're breaking up.
- I said I hope...

- Speak.
- He's at 146 route 9a, kinderhook.

Silvio: [losing at poker as Matt Bevilaqua tries to sweep up the crumbs under his chair] What the fuck are YOU doing?
Tony: Sil, take it easy.
Silvio: I'm losing my balls over heeeere! This fuckin' moron's playing Hazel? Get the fuck outta here!
Matt: I was just trying to sweep the cheese away from...
Silvio: Why? Why NOW? Leave it there!
Matt: I don't know, I was just...
Silvio: What?
[to Tony]
Silvio: Where do you get these fuckin' idiots, huh? Where do you get 'em? He's sweeping the cheese, I'm trying ta...
[to Matt, shouting]
Silvio: Leave the fuckin' cheese there! All right? I love fuckin' cheese at my feet! I stick motherfuckin' provolone in my socks at night, so they smell like your sister's crotch in the morning! All right? So leave the fuckin' cocksuckin' cheese WHERE IT IS!
[Scoops the rest of the food from his plate onto the floor]
Silvio: Here, here, here! Go ahead. Have a good time!
[Sits back down to make a bet]
Silvio: 800.
Dr. Ira Freid: Call.
Silvio: [to Dr. Fried] And why don't you go fix a fuckin' dick or whatever the fuck it is you do.

- You got something a little more current?
- Like those.
- Armanis.
- Flexible acetate frames, rimless lenses.
- You know what?
- I left my wallet in the car.
- I'll catch you next time.

- I don't want to know.
- In his bathrobe at 7 pm.
- Some bargain.
- That's all anyone should pay.
- My cousin, cakey, after his lobotomy, looked exactly like my son.
- Livia.
- Empty. A shell.
- Better cakey die than live like that.
- That's what his mother used to say.
- Don't talk about it anymore.
- Don't talk about Tony. It's done.

- What time did you start drinkin' today?
- Probably right after you got up.
- Ho, cuz!
- Tony, can you bring the camera over here and get a shot of this?
- Sure, I got nothin' better to do.

- Dr. Melfi, there's nothing there, you know.
- You don't have to explain nothing, Tony.
- In psychiatry, apparently what you're feeling is not what you're feeling.
- And what you're not feeling is your real agenda.

Christopher: [Explaining to Tony and Silvio why he's late] The highway was jammed with broken heroes on a last chance power drive!

Tony: You bitch and you moan, and you blame everybody else for your problems. Instead of maybe not letting the Mexicans do all the cooking for you, or maybe changing the menu, or changing the decorum.
Artie: I guess because you know how to eat, you know how to run a restaurant.
Tony: On one of the bleakest nights of my life, after the shit with my mother, and that fucking storm outside, I came here. To this place. I sat out there with Carm and my two kids and we ate and we drank and we were so happy to be here. More than any other place in the world. And you know I'm gonna eat here til I fall off the chair. But in business sometimes shit happens, the playing field changes, whatever. And you gotta do whatever you gotta do to keep your dick up.
Artie: If you hate it here so much, why don't you go Don Giovanni. See if he'll cook you that bland shit for your shattered pancreas.
Tony: [pauses] Alright, I'll tell you one thing. And this is very hard. Nobody wants to hear you talk. They're trying to eat out there, and you come along, with your corny jokes, and your stupid stories. Just stay in the kitchen. That'd be a start.

- Jesus, how could you eat shit from him for all those years?
- Fresh pepper?
- Just a little.
- About you and carmela...
- I'm sorry.
- This is not al dente.

- I'm sorry.
- What the fuck happened over there, you think?
- Tragic.
- What the fuck?!
- It's the bowling ball.
- Cellar stairs.
- Go get it. Help weigh him down.

- Thank you. That's for you.
- Say hello to Freddy, all right?

Tony: [Meeting privately] There he is. The King of New York!
Tony: Congratulations.
Johnny: Thanks Tony.
Tony: You deserve it.
Johnny: This is the last time we'll meet like this; It's undignified.
Tony: Ok.
Johnny: So, what's the word on your cousin?
Tony: I think I know where he's holed up.
Johnny: And?
Tony: I know this has to be done, but I'm asking you now as a friend, let me handle this myself.
Johnny: I can't do that.
Tony: You can whatever the fuck you want; you're the fuckin' boss.
Johnny: I chose not to then.
Tony: I want your promise that it'll be quick.
Johnny: I'm not going to lie to you. I don't have to. Phil's going to do it. And he'll do it his way.
Tony: This is me now, come on.
Johnny: Anything else?
Tony: No.
Tony: You know what? I'll give you "undignified." Go fuck yourself, you, Phil, and whoever. He's my fuckin' cousin.

- That make you feel good?
- You feel like a man?

- What happens if I don't feel like shutting the engine?
- Dispatch, request backup.
- You gotta be fucking kidding me.
- Tony.
- Five-eight-two, what's your 20?
- Dispatch, cancel backup.
- This the high point of your career?
- Wait in the car.

- Salute.
- I needed that.
- What's the matter?
- Spent a long time in the hospital last night.
- The shit that goes on down there.
- I wasn't expecting no visitors.

- What was that bullshit yesterday?
- You don't even recognize your granddaughter?
- I've been forgetting things lately.
- You'll find that it'll happen to you soon too.
- Terrific timing, after the move on your son is in the toilet!
- I don't know what you're talking about!

Richie: [while in a mall] thanks for meeting me
Tony: no problem, I went over to Brookstone and got myself a scale, what'd you want to talk to me about?
Richie: fuckin Dick Barone
Tony: as long as the two of you are happy
Richie: I'm in no mood... freakin garbage business, I found out that bow tie wearing mother fucker is charging me twice as much as everybody else to tip my trucks at his place
Tony: so, you repair the tonnage and charge the townships a little extra for the pickups, that's all
Richie: I got the smallest amount of routes than anybody in the association
Tony: you're like the old woman who's got a Virginia ham under her arm and she goes around crying because she's got no bread
Tony: [after Richie looks confused] never mind, the point is your brother Jackie never concentrated on sanitation so what do you want Dick to do?
Richie: [sternly] I want a rate
Tony: alright, I'll see what he says
Richie: yeah, you see since you own part of the company

- Can I tell you something?
- She's a cunt, my fucking wife.
- A girl like Ade, that's a woman.
- If I still had my hair...
- She's a young girl. You could have hair like fucking Casey kasem.
- It won't make a difference.
- Yeah.

- So, ira, who's the lucky guy?
- Jeremy silverman. Puppeteer.
- Children's television workshop.
- Father's Asa silverman. Head of commercial paper at Goldman sachs.
- Upper East Side.
- I didn't get my invitation.
- Fuck you.

Vito: Sometimes you tell a lie so long... you don't know when to stop. You don't know when it's safe.

- Phil and joanne.
- Scene two, barefoot in the park.
- Chris, Mitch and Cynthia.
- Scenes six and seven...
- The glass menagerie.
- You are the gentleman caller.
- Bob and Amy...

Silvio: [During Eugene's wake] you got any beefs? I'm the one you come to. Likewise weekly I'll collect for the skip, keep it for him until his back on his feet, take out a portion for Carmella around the house and that shit there. Anybody got any questions? For now not personal questions relating to yourself but the family. Yeah Vito
Vito: [after he raised his hand] the sports book in Roseville, those rights should go to me now because Eugene was with me
Silvio: What'd I just say? Not about yourself
Carlo: What do we do about Junior?
Christopher: His in jail that puts him out of our reach
Vito: Not necessarily
Larry: His a demented old fuck. I say we do nothing, let him rot. Sever all ties, end this embarrassment right now
Vito: [Referring to the murder of Marvin Gaye by his father] he "Marvin Gayed" his own nephew: the boss of this family
Paulie: What happens to Junior is Tony's call
Bobby: That's right
Vito: Bobby, with all due respect, where the fuck were you that night? Why was the skipper babysitting Junior?
Bobby: I had other family obligations, ask my wife. Tony volunteered
Vito: Are we done? I'm going back to the hospital

- That's very touching.
- Let me get Bobby.
- I just wanna know if he's gonna pick me up for court tomorrow.
- Maybe you should let Bobby be. Think about his needs instead of your own.
- It's not me.
- Please, don't villainize me here.
- Murf goes to bed early, so I wanted to call him now if I need him to drive me.
- I don't wanna disturb him when he's asleep. He's an old man, for god's sakes.

Little: So, Patsy, with the necklace, how'd it go with the comare?
Patsy: Beautiful with the little emeralds: she fuckin loved it
Eugene: First, he gave her the emeralds, then he gave her the "pearls"
Little: I got Ebel Watches too, earrings, whatever you need
Benny: My girl's birthday is coming up
Patsy: Some rack on that girl
Little: [jokingly] Yeah, if you can get past the sideburns
Eugene: [after everyone chuckles, to Little Paulie] You should talk: that skank I saw you with, this girl's fuckin mustache, it must've been like kissing a fireman
Little: [while speaking in the stereotypical homosexual male lisp] Well, you ought to know sweety
Eugene: [irritated] What'd you say?
Little: nothing, what? We're just breaking balls

- Not as many as you think.
- Call Rosalie and cancel with them.
- Thanksgiving? Why?
- Just do it.
- Enough of this shit.
- I just talked to her. What do I say?
- Fine, I'll call. But my excuse won't be nearly as nice as yours.
- Goddamn it, Tony.
- What, your stomach still?

- He deals only with the dead.
- You eat steak?
- The fuck you saying?
- In India, you'd go to hell for that.
- I'm not in India.
- What do I give a fuck?
- That's what I'm saying. None of this shit means a goddamn thing.

- Three hearts and a seven. Queen bets.
- Here.
- Make it a dime.

Tony: So, what happened in school today?
Vito: I get blamed for everything
Tony: The girl was developed mentally disabled
Vito: [Remains silent]
Tony: Uncle Phil said he talked to you. Is he just wasting his breath? Is that what your telling us?
Vito: [Continues to remain silent]
Tony: This trouble you're causing, I'm very disappointed because you were always a good kid
Vito: You don't even know me
Tony: What's that suppose to mean?
Vito: Sometimes you call me "Carlo Jr."
Tony: All I know is that I couldn't shut your dad up about how a good kid you were. We were friends you know
Vito: Butt buddies?
Tony: Your being funny? That's good because I'm sure you miss him: a lot. Whatever he was and now I'm going to say some things and your going to look at me
Vito: [Looks away, before suddenly raising his voice] I'm not moving to fuckin Maine!
Tony: You think anybody wants that? Do you know how much that's going to cost? Your mother?
Vito: Whatever
Tony: [Grabs his face in anger] listen I'm not some social worker, you knock this weird shit off or I'm going to introduce you to a plate glass window
Vito: Somebody should've told my dad to knock off the weird shit off
Tony: You go about and pity yourself. What about your mother? What she's been through?
Vito: What am I suppose to do about it?
Tony: Look, your dad's gone. You're the man of the house now. Start fuckin acting like it

- My little boy without his mother.
- Every day is worse than the last.
- Bobby, my uncle loves you.
- He needs you.
- So you're gonna get up tomorrow morning, and you're gonna get dressed...
- And you're gonna get in that car and you're gonna do what needs to be done.
- Aren't you?

- Yeah, all right.
- You're sick, people treat you like a nonentity. I'm serious.
- You can't talk about this with anybody.
- Yeah. Yeah, of course.
- Of course.
- Hello?
- Uncle jun's got cancer.

Agent: [standing next to Ron Goddard] I've told you, my partner and I are with the Joint Terror Task Force now
Agent: Your around Port Newark often enough: we're concerned about what could come through there from the Middle East
Tony: Yeah, and?
Agent: Let's talk terror funding: most of it comes about through illegal enterprise. Our pitch is this and it's the same we gave to Christopher Moltisanti, maybe he never mentioned it. If you or any of your people heard of anything going down, Middle Easterners, Pakistanis, you'd be helping us a lot if you let us know
Tony: [sarcastically] I think there's a word for that
Agent: Your daughter takes pre-med classes in New York, she uses the tunnels
Agent: [as Tony leaves without saying a word] Something to keep in mind

Brendan: Yo, money, we said we'd meet out front. You're not even dressed.
Christopher: I'm taking a pass.
Brendan: What? It's Italian suits, Christopher!
Christopher: There was a time in my life when being with the Tony Soprano crew was all I ever dreamed of. So what am I doing?
Brendan: Come on, it's five fifteen.
Christopher: Maybe one reason things are so fucked up in the organization these days is guys running off, not listening to middle management.
Brendan: Fuck Tony. That's a quote.
Christopher: We have to stick together, why be in a crew? Why be a gangster?
Brendan: Hey coach? Suck my dick.

Agent: [meeting privately, reading from her notes] how about Carmine Lupertazzi? Christopher ever talk about having dinner with him last July?
Adriana: no
Agent: what's the matter? You and Christopher arguing? This is a stressful time for a wedding: a lot of guys get cold feet...
Adriana: [interrupts her, irritated] his fuckin stoned on H all the time, ok?
Adriana: [when she doesn't respond] there! You happy?
Agent: we put you guys on the mailing list for Hazelden
Adriana: that rehab shit? That's where all those brochures are coming from? From you?
Agent: convince him, he needs help, he needs to be in rehab

- Yeah, it pissed me off.
- I thought it was a fucking joke.
- But I don't think it was.
- He loves you, ton.
- You're all he's got.
- You, the guys and his image.
- I love him too.
- You always did.

Tony: We're old school; we wash our own dirty laundry.

- You'll give me that? Huh?
- Keep my eyes?
- You were like a brother to me.
- To all of us.
- Yeah.
- I'm starting to feel it now too.
- My inner ear balance is off.

- Corrado, how you doing today?
- I'm dying a slow death, that's how I'm doing.
- Just take your meds, yo.
- Real fucking Nazi now, huh?
- Stop fucking pushing!
- I wasn't!
- Yo, stop bumping dickheads out there.

- Been sliding this stupid bill in and out of the cigarette machine for like an hour.
- An hour? I bet you can go longer than that.
- Listen to you. Why do you always talk like a whore?
- Because men like it.
- Yeah?
- I think you're right about that.

- Right, the coke.
- The real kind, not the diet shit.
- Ice-cold, five buttons.
- Plus, we got snickers, kit kats and sprees, also five.
- I'll take some sprees.
- Okay, ante up.

- We're going to my sister's, and you promised to...
- Nonstop!
- Don't you get sick of yourself?
- Dad, could you and uncle jun give me a ride to school?
- Not now, Tony.
- You be good, though.
- Pay attention to what those teachers tell you.
- See you, ma.
- Okay. Be good.

- So I pray a little, and I meditate in the morning.
- It clears my mind and my heart for the day.
- A Buddhist selling $150,000 cars.
- The first noble truth is: Life is suffering.
- But the Buddha preached participation in the sorrows of the world.
- You make a sale, you don't make a sale, it's a tiny little thing.

- What the fuck are you doing?
- You beat me fair and square.
- Come on, let's just...

- I'm back on track, Adriana.
- I'm rededicating myself right down the line.
- I don't know why we always fight.
- My fault. I don't express my needs.
- We waste so much time.
- You're right.
- Let's not...
- I love you so much.
- I love you too.

- So who's this fiancé you were telling me about?
- Jesus, what the fuck do you want here?
- Just move on, huh?
- I was confused, okay?
- I'm not now.
- What a coincidence,
- 'cause that's exactly how I feel.
- Take all the time you need.
- Just stick it in the lock box.

- That includes transportation, sir.
- You fucking kidding me?
- I tried, John. They won't budge.
- Can he have some cake at least?
- You can pack some to take with you, if you'd like.
- Heartless pricks.
- Out front in 20.

- And get her the fuck out of here.
- You got a rug, a piece of carpet?
- Cocksucker was way out of line.
- 20 years old, this girl.
- That too.
- Let's go.

- Dad, hello! We're not gonna make it to aunt Patty's.
- Why did I buy a goddamn off-road vehicle?
- To waste petrochemical resources?
- She's right, we can't keep driving.
- I can hardly see in front of us.
- What street are we on?
- I think it's walnut parkway.
- I've got an idea.

- I told him to go ahead.
- Call him back, tell him not to.
- Tell him we're picking up the car.
- Forget it, let him do it.
- You're sure?
- What the fuck did I say?
- Look, ro.
- I'm coming home late.
- I got some shit I gotta do.

Christopher: [after showing them the van full of cigarettes] I hit the fuckin motherload! Twenty G's a product a week: Little Paulie's behind me with the other half
Corky: Fuck me
Christopher: Now, twenty percent of this load, they can stamp the packs for the vending machines, the rest, the cartons can go to the bodegas, let him worry about the stamps. I'm beat, I'm gonna hit the fuckin rack: have Ade cook me up a nice Carbonara
Christopher: [after noticing Dante Greco and Corky DiGioia nervously look at each other] What's the matter?
Dante: I don't know how to tell you but Adriana's in the hospital, she was in an accident
Christopher: [shocked] What, when?
Corky: Last night around two o'clock
Christopher: Jesus Christ, what happened? Is she alright?
Corky: she got banged up but she's gonna be ok
Christopher: The drinking and driving, I told her, where is she?
Dante: Mount Mercy, in Dover
Christopher: Dover?
Corky: Apparently, they swerved to avoid hitting a deer in the road
Christopher: They?
Dante: her and Tony
Christopher: Tony? Soprano?
Corky: Uh huh
Christopher: Is he alright?
Dante: Not a scratch, the fucking luck on this guy
Christopher: [after thinking it over] Oh, yeah Dover, right, she's got an aunt she's close to out there whose been sick, she's close to Tony's aunt

- So I called another accountant.
- And?
- Frankly, when he heard your husband was the defendant...
- He demurred as well.
- So, what does this mean, you don't want the case?
- Well, as my partners reminded me,
- I do have a full caseload already.
- I probably should've mentioned...

- Ladies.
- Hey.
- Am I right?
- How you doing?
- Should we get some more wine?
- This fucking waiter on sabbatical?
- What's the name of that sangiovese we had at quattro gatti?
- The night your...

- Your patient, Jennifer, your inability to bring the therapy to a conclusion.
- Elliot, I honestly believe that he's not ready.
- Refer him to another doctor.
- You really think that I'm...
- Obsessed?

- Sorry.
- My mom says I should count 10, but I never remember.

Tony: I'm havin' second thoughts.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: About?
Tony: This whole thing. This whole arrangement. Security. I mean I come here, I tell you things, I don't know how safe it is.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I understand your concerns. But I told you what the ground rules are. As long as I don't hear anything incriminating...
Tony: You don't fuckin' get it. Bein' here incriminates me. Somebody sees me, they tell somebody else. All of a sudden, I'm a celebrity.

George: [FBI wiretap recording from an undercover FBI van] Cafe Napoli
Tony: George, its Anthony
George: Your fucking ears must be ringing I just left your friend, the son crying the blues over the situation between you and that outfit over there
Tony: That's why I'm calling I need you to reach out to the "little guy"
George: His not happy with Phil neither
Tony: I know, you're not a part of that family, your basically retired, everybody trusts you, what I'm thinking you supply a location, guarantee everybody's safety
George: I could do that
George: [At a secret sit down meeting in closed construction warehouse]
George: Anybody want a water? The guys are already here, they've been patted down too
Butch: We started it? We got a dead comare in Queens and her old Ukrainian father
Tony: I'm not even going to blame Phil, John Sacrimoni my friend I'm sorry to say was an insecure guy, he created a constant tension within his family which spilled over, go ahead Carmine George was good enough to broker this meeting for us? You just going to sit there?
Carmine Lupertazzi Jr.: It didn't have to be this way
Butch: We agree it's got too far, Phil's changed, you got my word we'll back off
Tony: My price is you help us get a location on Phil
Butch: I can't go there, but you do what you gotta do
Tony: One more thing, you hit my brother in law
Butch: So?
Tony: This is my sister we're talking about, she's got to see something out of this
Butch: We'll come up with a number?
[They all shake hands and leave]

Christopher: [over the phone] Hey, T
Tony: Yeah, I'm here with some people and the Arabs from The Bing, what were their names?
Christopher: [confused] Some people?
Tony: exactly
Christopher: [realizing who Tony's referring to] Oh fuck, yeah. Ahmed and Muhammad, what'd they do?
Tony: [repeats the names to Harris and Goddard who are sitting nearby] Ahmed and Muhammad
Christopher: You know, actually I got a cell phone number. I called him recently but he don't answer no more
Christopher: [after looking at his cell phone for their numbers] 973-555-0146, tell me they're not gonna blow up the chemical plant or some shit
Tony: I don't know, I'll call you later

Tony: So, what's up?
Feech: [referring to the executive card game] I came here to ask for my game back
Tony: It's my uncle's game now
Feech: Yeah, right, your uncle's. You also keep a lion share of the "rake" and I'm just asking If I can run it for you?
Tony: Why would I need that?
Feech: Eleven years I ran it, no fights: no raids. Not to mention I got it coming? Considering how it would've gone after you took the game down, and if I hadn't been such a prick about it?
Silvio: [referring to Tony] Or if his old man didn't have so many friends
Tony: [after thinking it over] I'll give you twenty percent but you gotta rent the house from me. I can throw some high rollers your way: friends of mine
Feech: [agrees and thanks him] Let me get outta here before I keep talking and fuck this up

[Mme] Where are you going?
- I don't know.
- What are you looking for?
- Somebody's looking for me.
- Who?
- I don't know.
- "Our true enemy has yet to reveal himself."

- I only do it once in a while.
- Somebody gave me some when they didn't have any money.
- I'm sorry.
- You got your whole life in front of you.
- Wanna throw it away on drugs?
- Okay.
- One, two, three.

Christopher: [after she spent a long time in the bathroom getting ready] the fuck you doing in there? We're going to miss the previews
Christopher: [while she remains silent] what? Tell me your earring went into the fuckin drain again
Kelli: [Nervously] I'm pregnant. I know it's my fault. I know I shouldn't have let you take off the rubber. I thought we were ok. I was due for my period. My cycle's like clockwork...
Christopher: [Interrupts her by putting his hand up] stop
Kelli: I'll call the clinic tomorrow...
Christopher: [Interrupts her again, walks up to her and holds her cheek] stop talking, let's get married
Kelli: [Surprised] What?
Christopher: Drive to AC and make a day out of it
Kelli: Are you serious?
Kelli: [after seeing him teary eyed] Christopher I love you
Christopher: [Touching her abdomen] my baby. My ex, she couldn't have kids and I wanted them so bad
Kelli: The one that ran out on you?
Christopher: I bet she's having some other asshole's baby, that fuckin tramp

Tony: How's the new stock doing?
Gigi: Up three at the close of The Dow yesterday. Another two so far today
Tony: Beautiful
Gigi: Listen I think we may have a problem
Tony: Log off, that cookies shit makes me nervous
Gigi: I think we have a problem with our "friend" the twin
Tony: Yeah so?
Gigi: My Goomba Joey Flies, he hangs out at The Nest in Bloomfield. So our "friend's a fixture down there and Joey says lately his been into the booze "very heavy", his all fucked up. A couple times they had to help pick him off the floor. Patsy launches into this single malt diatribe about how people can still smile in your face and still be a villain. And that he knows how his brother died and whose responsible and all that there
Tony: He mention me by name?
Gigi: No, me neither
Tony: [to Paulie] you hearing this?
Paulie: How the fuck would know Patsy we clipped Spoons?
Tony: What? That "twin telepathy"?
Paulie: Somebody's putting ideas in this kid's head
Tony: [Sarcastically to Silvio] don't let us interfere with your golf game
Silvio: Maybe a cop trying to flip him, maybe getting him worked up over theories
Tony: He was talking weird the other day
Gigi: What should we do?
Tony: We brought him over from Junior's crew to keep an eye on him so that's we'll keep doing
Gigi: I mean make no mistake this guy must love you but it's got to be hard coming into work every day looking right into the eyes of the guy who ordered your brother whacked and even with a smile
Paulie: [Implying to kill him] we always have the option

Ralph: [Referring to Tony canceling the holiday dinner] you hear what he did with Thanksgiving?
Johnny: It's not good Ralph
Ralph: Will you please tell me what I did to this guy? Turn down a drink? I wasn't thirsty
Johnny: Ralph
Ralph: Ever since I'm back from Miami, his up my ass. I'm running with three hands here and it's still not good enough to satisfy this cocksucker and then he fuckin hits me? I'm telling you his not leaving me a lot of options here
Johnny: Don't talk crazy, you want to commit suicide? Pills are a lot easier
Ralph: What'd you think Carmine would say if I want to switch families? Come with you guys
Johnny: Carmine doesn't know who you are
Ralph: You could tell him
Johnny: Ralph. Listen to me, as a friend I know Tony can be difficult, his father was the same, and his uncle. They always need someone to demonize but New York and Sopranos have long standing ties and that's not going to change, not for you or anybody else. You want me to be frank? You brought this on yourself with that girl
Ralph: A. she was a whore, B she hit me, and C that wasn't my kid she was carrying. It was the fuckin coke I should've never started with that shit. Fuckin Miami: it's all over the place
Johnny: Just tell Anthony you're sorry
Ralph: I was high, I admit it and I swear to Christ I'm not doing it anymore
Johnny: [Reiterating to him that he should apologize] "Tony, I'm sorry"
Ralph: Fuck that, what good would that do?
Johnny: It might save your life
Ralph: [Speaking each word slowly to emphasize his point] "he hit me"
Johnny: He was wrong believe me he knows
Ralph: You don't think I know people are laughing behind my back?
Johnny: Talk to Tony. I'm sure he'll make it right
Ralph: At this point? How?
Johnny: I don't know. Would you take capo over your crew?
Ralph: No I wouldn't, no fuckin way

Herman 'Hesh' Rabkin: [to Massive Genius] You're talking to the wrong white man, my friend. My people were the white man's nigger when yours were still painting their faces and chasing zebras.

- Or he pays hesh the 250 grand he owes him...
- Which we know he cannot do.
- Or it's a rainy night in lyndhurst.
- Very smart. Could be major.
- Could be as good as garbage.
- Garbage is our bread and butter.
- Was.

- My god, you scared the shit out of me.
- No. Shut them off.
- Why are you sitting in the dark?
- I don't know.
- I like the dark.
- Sit.
- I gotta go online.
- Oh, come on. Sit for a minute.
- Come on.

- You bring Harpo down here.
- It's a big place.
- Harpo changed his name.
- He's hal now.
[Sighs] Janice...
- Well, you need anything, you know I'm minutes away.

- Frankly, I don't know. You're going a little squirrelly in this house.
- Tell Phil.
- Tell Phil what?
- Where you going?
- You wanted to confer with me?
- It's not important.
- Make sure you eat a lunch today.

- Yeah, are you ready to go on the ride with mama?
- Are you ready? Get ready.
- Yeah, we're gonna go soon.
- Oh, here we go!
- All around the floor.
- Wipe that puss off your face.

- Do you feel depressed?
- Do you feel depressed?
- Since the ducks left...
- I guess.
- The ducks that preceded your losing consciousness.
- Let's talk about them.

- Look, I'm fucking depressed, okay?
- You broke up.
- How long you wanna cry about it?
- She was my life.
- You're 20 years old. You barely have a life, and you're better off anyway.
- She was cute, okay, but come on.
- With another guy's kid to boot.
- She was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Will I see you next week?
Tony: Unless you know something I don't
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Just so that you understand I have to charge you for the missed session
Tony: What'd you talking about?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: We agreed on that on our very first meeting
Tony: I know that but I just explained to you my situation
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I understand but it's important we respect the agreement
Tony: What if I got hit by a car?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: But you weren't
Tony: I know but what if?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: But you weren't
Tony: I know that but what if?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You weren't
Tony: Why don't you answer my fuckin question?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I will not
Tony: [Agitated, stands up removes a roll of cash and start tossing it on her coffee table] alright because this is what it's all about right? Mother fuckin cock suckin money here!
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I don't understand that comment and I don't appreciate being made to feel afraid
Tony: I don't appreciate feeling like I pour my heart out to a fuckin call girl
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Is that how you see me?
Tony: Not until now but it's obvious you don't give a SHIT about my situation or what's happening with me or you wouldn't be shaking me down
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It'll be shown as paid on next month's bill
Tony: Fine. Stick it up your ass

- It'll be all right, Sarah.
- Come on, guys, go go go!
- Hurry up! Come on.
- Look, look!
- That window!
- I got him!
- Oh... oh god!
- I got her kid.
- All right, whoo!

Phil: [while entering the room] Anthony
Tony: [Gestures to him to close the door]
Phil: John doesn't want another unfortunate incident. His willing to let you keep your paycheck and your W-2 for ten years. To replace your skim, he'll jack up the sales price to twelve percent
Tony: No more skim? Truth be told, there's enough garbage for everybody
Phil: Does that mean we got a deal?
Tony: [Before shaking hands] yeah we got a deal

- These are from morn for everybody.
- This is for you.
- Wow, thank you.
- Let me get your present.
- No, you can open yours first if you want.
- Okay.

Junior: Where's your father?
Bobby: He called, stopped by the bakery to pick up a short cake
Junior: He never comes empty handed
Bobby: Did you talk to Tony?
Junior: [Referring to his request to Junior to have someone else kill Mustang Sally because of his father's health and old age] no, I decided against it. I didn't even call him. You choose this life it comes with responsibility, no one knows that better than your old man
Bobby: I was asking for me
Junior: Teddy Roosevelt once gave an entire speech with a bullet lodged in his chest. Some things are a matter of duty
Junior: [while Bobby Sr. enters the kitchen coughing] are you alright?
Bobby 'Bacala' Sr.: I'm fine, fuckin steps
Junior: Here, sit down
Junior: [after seeing blood Bobby Sr. coughed into his handkerchief] fuck, is that blood? Jesus Christ, call a fuckin doctor
Bobby: It's the nodules in his lungs, it happens when his out of breath
Junior: Is this what it comes down to?
Junior: [to Bobby Jr] Get him some water for Christ's Sake. These doctors what're doing for him?
Bobby: I don't know, whatever they do
Junior: [to Bobby Sr] I want you to call John Kennedy, his the head of Oncology at St. Barnabas
Bobby 'Bacala' Sr.: I'm happy with my guy
Junior: What the fuck is he doing? Are you taking the chemo? Is he giving you oxygen therapy?
Bobby 'Bacala' Sr.: The cure is worse than the fuckin illness
Junior: [Referring to Tony giving the order to kill Mustang Sally] Cocksucker! This is an outrage! He can't have you clip someone in this condition
Bobby 'Bacala' Sr.: I want to do it. Eight years sitting on my ass, it'll feel good being useful for a change
Junior: This Sally's a tough kid, what if things don't go your way?
Bobby 'Bacala' Sr.: They don't? They don't, what the fuck? I'm dead anyway

- Johnny, dinner's ready! Anthony!
- Janice, turn that off.
- Let this be a lesson to you.
- A man honors his debts.
- Beautiful out he sent.
- You like it standing with the bone in, Lee?
- Look at those juices.

- It would be for you.
- Well, I want you. And not just for the smart things you say.
- I want... I want your skin.
- I want your mouth. I want your eyes.
- You project all these qualities onto me.
- You don't know me.
- This is what happens between doctor and patient.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Is he driving you to drink?
Svetlana: I can drive myself.

- It's too much to deal with almost.
- And in the end, you're completely alone with it all.
- I'm sorry you feel that way.
- This is the course I've chosen.
- And those of you that are not with me on it...
- Well, that makes me sad and it'll be dealt with in time.

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Your thoughts have sort-of an Eastern flavor to them.
Tony: Well, I've lived in Jersey all my life.

- Where's my rolls?
- I don't know, ma.
- Waiter.
- These Parker house rolls, they belong to my ma.
- They do not.
- They were for the table.
- Wrap these up, will you? Cellophane.
- Come on, ma.

- Couldn't be helped apparently.
- You ever see Phil with the goomar?
- Once maybe. Why?
- Could he talk to her in Ukrainian?
- Ukrainian? The fuck do I know?
- I gotta go.
- Paulie, it's done.

Richie: [to Paulie and Silvio when they arrive to see him] Sit down for Christ's sake
Paulie: I wanna talk to you about Beansie Gaeta
Silvio: You know he may never walk again
Paulie: [to Silvio] Never say never
Richie: [to both of them] No, say never. He's a shopping cart from here on out
Paulie: He gets home from rehab soon, poor motherfucker: you should help him out
Richie: [confused] Help him out?
Paulie: You should build him a ramp on his house: for the wheelchair
Silvio: You can make the place Whatchamacallit... handicapped assessable?
Richie: Maybe when I'm over there, I can fuck his wife?
Silvio: Come on Richie, you're a fuckin captain now. So, you assert a little pressure, call that nephew of yours Vito and the other one. They're in the building trades, aren't they?
Richie: Wait, are you fuckin serious?
Paulie: Richie, it's a gesture. The man has a lot of friends
Richie: You're out of your fuckin minds
Silvio: Don't take that attitude Richie
Paulie: [sternly] Hey, your gonna build Beansie a ramp
Richie: I'll build a ramp up to your ass

- Oh, god, that's terrible.
- Yeah. Okay.
- What happened?
- Karen had an accident on pompton Avenue.
- She's dead.
- Oh, carm.

- Nah. Have a seat.
- So how's your brother-in-law?
- John's fuckin' made of steel.
- I was told "your ears only."
- Oh, that's why he didn't get a pen?
- No, I...
- He's fuckin' with you, Anthony.

- Where are you going? Can I come?
- Your mom wants you to get the screens down to the basement.
- No, I want to go with you guys.
- He said no.
- Janice...
- You both won't be going, you talk to your brother like that.

- Well, what do you say, ton?
- Maybe we should take off soon.
- What's your hurry? Hang on a while.
- Stay, I'll get you home.
- No, we should go.
- All right, you two wanna go?
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- Come on, I'll walk you out.
- Perfect.
- Got my drink, a little dancing.

- Listen to this prick giving orders.
- You got some balls, my friend.
- Oops.
- Paulie.
- What? It was an accident.
- You want to fuck here, cocksucker?
- You come to my house...
- What did you call me?

Corrado: What else did Comley say?
Mikey: Nothing much, there was some stuff missing from the truck but he didn't give a fuck as long as it brings back, you know? Oh, then he said to tell Tony Thank you and if there's anything Tony needs, we should give him a call
Corrado: [surprised, referring to Christopher and Brendan] Tony? Those fuckin junkie fucks, they work for Tony, they hijack Comley's truck, I get it back and Comley's thanking Tony?
Mikey: I think you should've taken care of this Christopher Moltisanti thing the minute it first happened. You should've sent a clear cut signal so they know you fuck with Junior Soprano...
Corrado: [interrupts him] Take it easy! We're not making a western here
Corrado: Fuckin family, I bought his kid a four hundred dollar surfboard for his birthday

Paulie: [referring to Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero] There isn't even anything wrong with his back
Tony: What'd you mean?
Paulie: Remember that guy hit me in the head with that pool cue and I fucked my neck up?
Tony: Yeah, down at the shore
Paulie: Right, I went to this doctor, this guy works on the Jets frontline when they get hurt. "He's like the fuckin "Jonas Salk" of backs. Anyway, I sent Pussy to this doctor, the guy gives him the "works", MRI's, CAT scans, dog scans, you name it and he says not a fuckin thing wrong with his back
Paulie: [when Tony doesn't respond] Then again, he says "When it comes to backs, nobody knows anything really".

- Don't get in bed with him again.
- You dislodged his drains.
- That was my daughter.
- And I can't help but think that physical affection means something.

- The fuck?
- Oh.
- Aah, shit!

Tony: You know we're the only country in the world where the pursuit of happiness is guaranteed in writing? You believe that? Bunch of fucking spoiled brats. Where's my happiness then?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It's the pursuit that's guaranteed.
Tony: Yeah. Always a fucking loophole, right?

- What?
- How much longer am I gonna have to keep doing this?
- Major rico against Tony soprano?
- Those things take years to build.
- This recent case against
- Joe massino in New York?
- Seven years before indictments were handed down.

Bobby: I brought you some Danish and coffee
Junior: [referring to his cancer treatment] fuckin medication, I can't think, I can't stay awake
Bobby: it don't have that side effect, it'd help your outlook if you take it consistently like you're supposed to. You know who I saw at the bakery?
Junior: how the fuck could I know?
Bobby: Rosalie Aprile, she says their having a surprise party for Carmela's father next week: his gonna be seventy-five, you get an invite?
Junior: no but we go way back to when Moses wore short pants, I better call Hugh, tell him not to expect me
Bobby: [reminding him] it's a surprise party
Junior: [irritated] what are we, children?

- They drop us off and go on their way.
- They continue on theirjourney.
- And the problem is that we keep trying to get back on the bus...
- Instead of just letting it go.
- That's very insightful.
- Well, Jesus, don't act so surprised.

- So what?
- He hit your niece.
- Jesus, are you crazy?
- That's all I need now for that fuck...
- To think I had a part of this.
- You gotta help me, man.
- I'll help you. I'll fucking help you!
- Hide me, I'm with you now.
- Who told you to do that? Get out of here, you dumb fuck! I'll kill you!

- How's he doing?
- I love him so much, and I can't do shit.
- We're all praying for him.
- You know, you were another son to him.

Christopher: Whatever you do, do not engage Silvio in conversation.