Top 1000 Quotes From The Sopranos

Richie: If there's ever anything you can do for me, let me know.

- These people you run into wanna be boss, huh? They should know.
- I told you.
- You don't listen, you nut.
- You want a coffee?
- I don't know...
- FBI, get down!
- FBI, down!

Salvatore: [instructing his son how to hit baseballs] Elbow up Matt, keep it straight
Matt: [referring to his coach] He'll just have me "pull" more
Salvatore: Fuck him, my son don't hit sacrifice flies
Salvatore: [to AJ] you're up next
A.J. Soprano: Nah, I just want to watch
Salvatore: You gotta snap out of this Anthony
Matt: Come on AJ, it's fun
A.J. Soprano: Yeah, I just don't feel like it
Salvatore: Sometimes you gotta do things you don't want to
A.J. Soprano: Why?
Salvatore: Because your parents said so and it's part of your tradition
A.J. Soprano: baseball's not part of my tradition
Salvatore: no, it ain't, your dad in high school was almost all county left field, but I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about your confirmation
A.J. Soprano: I don't want to get confirmed
Matt: [while exiting the batting cage] Why not?
Salvatore: It don't matter why not. If you're looking for a purpose in life, doing what's right is a purpose
A.J. Soprano: yeah, that's not what Nitch says
Salvatore: who?
Matt: [correcting AJ's pronunciation of the surname of the German philosopher] Nietzsche. Let me tell you something: Nietzsche wound up talking to his horse and I know what you're going to tell me, Chaucer right? Well, Chaucer was a fuckin fraud. He copied off Husserl and Heidegger. Hey, you should start at the beginning: take a look at Kierkegaard

- Anything with Emma Thompson.
- I didn't know you looked.
- What?
- To take in through the eyes a beautiful woman...
- Is that different than a sunset?
- A Douglas fir?
- Or any of god's handiwork?

- Vicarious thrill.
- It wasn't exactly vicarious.
- I had to go into hiding, remember?
- And wasn't that thrilling?
- Fuck you!
- You think this is funny.
- You smug cocksucker! Fuck you!

Jackie Aprile Jr.: [to a trio of latinos] Go find a fuckin' Taco Bell, before I pop a cap in your asses!

Carmela: How are you? Everything ok?
Tony: [Showing her his school assignment] AJ left this in his room. I thought he might need it to turn in
Carmela: [after reading the name on the paper] did you even look at this? Who the hell is Anne Dunmn?
Tony: How should I know?
Carmela: Well, she's obviously some girl who was an expert on Lord of the Flies three years ago. This is an A+ paper
Tony: Since when do you eat duck?
Carmela: I can't believe he would do this
Tony: Neither could I, considering how tight he is with money
Carmela: That's not what I meant. What? You think he bought this? God damn it
Carmela: [after answering the phone] hello?
Robert: I was just laying here thinking about you. What're you wearing?
Carmela: [Trying to hide her affair with AJ's teacher from Tony by talking casually] yes hello Mr. Wegler, I'm afraid now's not a good time
Robert: I'm serious, I want to know
Carmela: [Attempting to end the conversation] Well yes thank you very much. I will make sure he brings it in, ok goodbye Mr. Wegler
Robert: I made reservation at that crab place down by the shore: dinner and a little night swimming
Carmela: [Before hanging up] Right, ok thank you
Tony: What'd that fag want?
Carmela: Jesus Christ Tony, everybody's a fag to you. Maybe your a fag? You ever think about that?
Tony: Could I help it if I know one when I see one?
Carmela: Oh really? What're the signs? Education? Culture?
Tony: Suckin a guy's cock usually tips me off
Carmela: How do you know who sucks whose cock? What? You got a little secret? And what'd you care if somebody's gay? Must be some big fear of yours or you wouldn't talk about it so much

Tony: [referring to his outburst during dinner] Fucking Phil, some display, huh?
Christopher: I paid a visit to Vito's comare, Jill, she hasn't heard from Vito
Christopher: [to Carlo after he walks up to them] We were just discussing La Cage Aux Fat
Carlo: [to Tony, after laughing at Christopher's joke] I was gonna get my cousin Tommy to call his detective friend. I've been hamstrung with that work stop at the office
Tony: [before shrugging] Vito shows up, he shows up, then we deal with him. If not...
Carlo: It's just a phone call, and seriously, Tommy says the guy can track somebody from the corner of shit
Tony: [jokingly] Yeah, I saw them do that on CSI
Christopher: [after Carlo leaves] Hey, I was glad to hear you say that on the search because I gotta take a little time off for some business in Cali: Little Carmine's lined up a meet for us
Tony: So, what is it? Business or time off?
Christopher: [referring to working for Tony] Time off from here but definitely business with Ben Kingsley

- She never knew my feelings, what could I do?
- For years, I suffered in silence.
- Mario. Did you bring your guitar?
- Not to this.
- Angie, come on, sing us a song.
- You sing, junior.
- Nobody wants to hear me.
- Mario, remember?

Christopher: Fear knocked on the door. Faith answered. There was no one there.

Tony: [giving a toast for his cousin Tony B during a welcome dinner] I'll make this fast because I know your all hungry. I remember growing up, I was always asking why I just used to have sisters? I said to my mother "Can't you save up something and get me a baby brother?" And my mother said "What's wrong with your cousin Tony?" She was right because we were brothers except, we had the same name. There were like fifty Tony's in the family. Some of you remember this: my dad's name was "Johnny" and his dad's name was "Alfred", so whenever we were out running around, you'd hear "Tony uncle Johnny", that was for me, and "Tony uncle Al", that was for him and there was "Tony uncle Philly" but he passed away. So with Tony B being away, it's been hard but his back now... for good, so welcome home

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [repeated line when accused of favoritism] I'm not running a popularity contest.

Tony: You know, you got a reputation for immaturity, and its not gonna be improved by not paying the tributes the acting boss demands of you.
Brendan: Acting boss my ass Tone. Come on, everybody knows you really run things since Jackie became the "Kemo Sabe."

- Why don't we get together and cook dogs for the boys?
- Tony, I don't even know if these guys are close anymore.
- Did Anthony say anything?
- I'll have carmela call joanie.
- Linda. -linda.
- That's great. Tony, that's great.
- I'll see you around.

[at Christopher's intervention]
Dominic: Paul, you wanna read your statement?
Paulie: I don't write nothin' down, so I'll keep this short and sweet. You're weak. You're outta control. And you've become an embarrassment to yourself and everybody else.

- Where's our belly?
- As you can tell by this outfit, folks,
- I've picked out something with a little nonnegian flavor.
- I'd like to play for you the "Johnny Oslo shadish."
- It's a typical nonnegian dance, and who could do it better than Bobby and cissy?

- You okay?
- Could turn the air on.
- I'm good.
- Just I should have taken a leak before we left.

- You were saying she had a nice ass.
- I was trying to say something positive because she's your friend.
- Come here.
- What have I been telling you about this pucchiacca, huh?
- She's trying to fuck us up, Adriana.
- And what we have is stronger than any of that shit.

Tony: [answering Carmela about donating money to Meadow's college] I won't pay. I don't do much about extortion

- Either you tell me right now...
- That you can take it into your heart that I did not do this shit...
- Or this is as far as we go.

- Vic?
- Carmela, hi.
- Imagine running into you here.
- How are you?
- Good. I'm fine. And how are you?
- Good.
- Yeah.
- Just shopping for a roller.

- I did summer school once.
- You can still have fun.
- At casa carmela? He's looking at maximum-security summer.
- Excuse me a minute.
- Why don't you cut your mother a break.
- For the record...
- She's holding this family together under this current situation and all.
- Can we get the check, please?
- The young man took care of it.

- Jimmy, how you doing, kid?
- How many of these things we gotta go to?
- Filone's mom at the kid's funeral, the way she carried on.
- Fucking manners.
- I want you to know I always thought you had that right too. You know?
- Jimmy, let me tell you something.
- Don't wony about what I know.

[Tony, Junior, Silvio and Mikey are playing golf]
Tony: Uncle Jun's into muff.
Corrado: What?
Tony: Oh, did I say "muff"? I meant "rough".
[sniffs]
Tony: What's that smell? Did you guys go to a sushi bar?
Corrado: [to Mikey] The fuck's he talkin' about?
Tony: I thought you were a baccalà man, Uncle Jun. What are you doin' eatin' sushi?
Corrado: You fuckin' run off at the mouth, you know that?
Tony: [sings] South of the border, down Mexico Way.
Corrado: Hey listen, my friend. At least I can deal with my own problems. Unlike some I know.
Tony: What's that supposed to mean?
Corrado: Take it however you want. Don't bullshit with me.
Silvio: Hey guys, guys. We're here to play golf or what? C'mon.
Tony: [sings] South of the border where the tuna fish play.

- I think they're gonna fire me over at globe.
- Fucking Arnie mills sexually harasses me and then dares me to sue.
- Anyway.
- Fuck them.
- You like this song?
- It's okay.
- I love this song.
- Yeah?

Svetlana: [Referring to Irina] she's not there, she probably is hiding in Brighton Beach. She blames you for Ronnie Zellman: you beat him with a belt, he felt weak in front of her, and couldn't perform. They broke up not so long after
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Oh, fuck that. Who told her about us? Not you please, it was the one who fuckin walked in on us
Svetlana: Branka we had bad fight over FICA and Federal withholding I took from her paycheck
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Jesus fuckin Christ, FICA and Federal with holding? I've got to go home tomorrow and tell my kids we're separated. It's going to rip them up
Svetlana: Divorce is very hard for kids after this they don't trust you. I'm a child of a divorce
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: She shouldn't have been drinking in the afternoon. How about a little sympathy? What'd you got ice in your veins?
Svetlana: I had ice in my veins on your uncle's couch
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: The most expensive piece of ass I ever had
Svetlana: Right, I know what your thinking too

- So maybe for security reasons, or so it don't fall into disrepair, you could stay there.
- I been thinking the same thing.
- I just don't wanna push Svetlana out.
- Yeah, well, I talked to her. She's moving out tomorrow, maybe the next day.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Great.
- I better go pack.

- It's just been sticking in my craw.
- So this kid gonna be okay?
- I don't know. He's still unconscious.
- My fucking temper.
- Is he married, children, anything?
- Lives with his mother.
- I'll send her something nice.

Dr. John Kennedy: [Chuckles, accepting Tony's gift] well I guess I could use some extra distance
Tony: Who couldn't?
Tony: [Starts walking closer to him with Furio to intimidate him] you know my uncle, his not doing so well. His got a bad reaction to that Chemo
Dr. John Kennedy: That happens all the time, there's nothing I can really do
Furio: You know there are worst things that can happen to a person than cancer
Tony: [Continues walking closer to him until Kennedy's right foot steps into the pond] my uncle thinks his going to die. His convinced of it. You know how old people are with their superstitions. He thinks it's because he went against you
Dr. John Kennedy: I'm just a surgeon that's all
Tony: Show that man the respect he deserves: answer his phone calls
Dr. John Kennedy: [Takes out a digital recorder to record a message for his secretary, before Tony slaps the recorder out of his hand and into the pond] "Cheryl, make sure Mr. Soprano is scheduled for..."
Tony: [Before driving off in a golf cart] just remember it

- You make life and death decisions because of a man's name?
- It's only Sloan-fucking-kettering, best cancer hospital in the world.
- Excuse me.
- Let me ask you something about this jfk worship of yours.
- What about hoffa and the teamsters?
- That was the brother.

Johnny: [Referring to if the prosecution agreed to their terms of the plea bargain] moment of truth?
Ron: It's still up to the judge. But they're going to recommend fifteen years, $4.1 million, you keep the home, the 45k from the girls variable life insurance, and Ginny's IRA which is worth about a hundred and ten grand
Johnny: And?
Ron: That it, or go to trial
Johnny: Fifteen fuckin years
Ron: Your a young man. In fifteen years, you'll be sixty-seven, the golden years: grand kids
Johnny: [Hesitantly] Do I have to do the allocution?
Ron: You know the allocution is part of it. Practically the whole point
Johnny: I'll take it. that IRA of Ginny's, she worked the tie counter at Wanamaker's, that's where we met

- Is this the new Porsche?
- Cayenne turbo.
- I got the 4.5-liter v-8.
- Wasn't sure about the color, so I took a shot.
- Tony, I love it. It's gorgeous!
- I still wish you'd talked to that guy at the building department, but oh my god! What a car!

- What should I get Hugh deangelis for his birthday?
- I was thinkin' cigars but then I figured you were probably gonna bring some.
- Well, actually
- I decided not to go.
- In light of the situation,
- I went, I saw carm,
- I told her I thought it'd be best if I sit it out.

Ralph: [meeting privately in Tony's car] Economic downturn, that's all you hear about but not you boy. You got three hundred g's at the Esplanade
Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: Yeah, good job
Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: [as Ralphie takes off his seatbelt] Jackie Jr. call you?
Ralph: no, why?
Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: He called me
Ralph: oh, I'm sorry
Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: No, don't apologize. Anyway, I told him to take it up with you
Ralph: what'd you want me to do? You're the boss of the family...
Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: [interrupts him] whoa, whoa, we talked about this: you were gonna give him a "pass"? But he should know, you don't want to create confusion, insubordination, but more importantly, your decision should happen in a "timely fashion"
Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: [after Ralph sighs and nods] But fuck it, why am I telling you? You know all this: you're a captain: chain of command is very important in our "thing"
Ralph: I'm sorry he called your house
Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: [sternly] Don't apologize

- won't give me my deposit back.
- Seven grand!
- My dad's, like, super pissed!
- Anyway, I was thinking maybe you could talk to your dad who could send someone to lean on this prick a little and get him to give me my money back.
- Soprano's the man!

Meadow: [repeated line to several people, referring to her grandmother's unexpected passing, after someone expresses their condolences] At least she didn't suffer.

- I will be true, carm, from now...
- No, Tony, please.
- Well, if you're not gonna believe me, then fine.
- But what can I do?
- I don't know.
- No.
- What can I do?

Tony: [Seeing AJ jogging on the road on the side of a small mountain while driving his SUV] Get in, that's good activity, you can already see a difference
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: Yeah
Tony: I'm going to get back at it myself
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: I'm going to join the army
Tony: What? Did you sign any shit?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: No, but this week I will I've got to deal with Rhiannon first
Tony: Rhiannon? What about your mother?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: Her too
Tony: Are you nuts? You want to get sent to Iraq?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: Afghanistan, the army's probably good for my career
Tony: You don't have a career
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: Right, my ultimate goal is to qualify for helicopter pilot training afterwards work for Trump or somebody, be their personal pilot
Tony: I'm not even going to tell your mother about this, and don't you do nothing until we've another chance to talk you hear me?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: Yes

- It's getting so
- I don't want to be with him.
- Use a belt if you gotta.
- He's bombing in school.
- He got a c, 3 d's and an f.
- Madonna, look at him.
- Anthony, how you making out in school?
- I got a c, 3 d's and an f.

- Fuck you! You're not leaving me.
- Don't trust me?
- It's pitch dark.
- What's your plan?
- Eat ketchup packs?
- We should have gone to Roy Rogers!
- I should have fucked Dale Evans!
- What are you doing?
- Calling Tony.
- You're gonna piss him off.
- Fuck him. We'll die out here!

- You don't drink no more?
- Clean and sober 14 months.
- Yeah, your mother has that problem.
- Good for you.

- He never reached the heights like me.
- In a lot of ways he had it better.
- He had his people, they had their standards, they had pride.
- Today, what do we got?
- Did you have these feelings of loss more acutely before you collapsed?
- I don't know.

- What do you hope to achieve with me?
- No, that's a facile analogy.
- I'm living in a moral never never land with this patient.
- Not wanting to judge but to treat.
- But now I've judged.
- I took a position, goddamn it, and I'm scared.
- I feel for you.

Tony: [in their safe house] How many fucking times I've told you it's an SUV watch where you park off road the Cadillac converter and the dry vegetation
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: I didn't see the leaves
Tony: [shouting at AJ] You can grill fucking steaks on that converter, I told you!
Carmela: If there was children playing in those leaves, you'd run them over?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: [confused] I guess?
Tony: You're going to get cute now?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: I was just answering her question
Meadow: [trying to defend AJ] Dad, he wasn't being funny
Tony: You mind your own God damn business, unless you want some of this too
Meadow: [Meadow leaves the room] Mr. Fat mouth
Tony: [shouting to Meadow] What'd you say?
Carmela: What was going through your mind?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: What do you want from me? I am depressed, I'm supposed to be looking for piles of leaves?
Tony: You want to get depressed? Thirty thousand dollars for that car
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: Isn't that what we have insurance for?
Carmela: Excuse me? You're not getting another one
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: Actually that's good it'll force me to take the bus
Carmela: What?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: We have to break our dependence on foreign oil

- Well, apparently they go down real easy.
- Right, Ben?
- We're gonna look at the menu.
- Good enough.
- You order for me.
- Fine. The monkfish.
- There's such a strange consistency.

- Jesus Christ, carmine.
- What the fuck?
- Why would you possibly bring that up?
- He's holdin' the board, looking the other way.
- So the nail gun goes off, bam!
- Right through the dude's cheek.
- Oh, fuck.

- Yeah, I went to see
- Christopher at the hospital.
- Wherever you were, it's more important to let your son know you care!
- No, only you care. Fuck you.
- No, fuck you!
- Fuck you! You fucking...!
- What's wrong with you?

- No offense, but you ever had yourself checked for tourette's?
- What?
- Tourette syndrome.
- Seriously.
- Like you got a tick or something.
- I don't know.
- It's like some people grind their teeth.
- When I'm nervous, tense or something.

- Your accountant didn't reach you?
- A.J. Said he talked to you hours ago.
- Well, Ginsberg didn't call me.
- I'm gonna fuck her face up before I kill her.
- Look, I said I'll talk to him, so I'll talk to him.
- Cousin Brian is dropping the estate papers by tomorrow.
- Good, I'm anxious to look them over.

- I told you you didn't have to come.
- Yeah, let you drive yourself when you look this bad?
- Yeah?
- He's out.
- He looks good.
- Well, talk to him. Get a sense.
- Okay.

Tony: [during lunch, after noticing Patsy isn't eating] not hungry? Have some bragiole
Patsy: no, thanks, I got no appetite: today would've "our" birthday
Tony: [eventually realize who Patsy is referring to] "our" birthday? Oh, yeah..."Spoons"
Gigi: [to Patsy] hey, happy birthday: how old are you?
Patsy: fifty-one
Christopher: who was born first? You or "Spoons?"
Patsy: Philip was my kid brother... by eleven minutes
Tony: hey, it was a fuckin tragedy. What're you gonna do?
Gigi: it's the life we chose, am I right Pat?
Patsy: my brother was never a "heavy" guy with anybody. I mean he was a sweet gentle man
Furio: [before Patsy nods] your brother was your twin brother?
Tony: Philly, "friends" like us, called him "Spoons." Somebody "whacked" the kid couple months before you came home
Furio: so, your identical twins... or the other "kind?"
Patsy: identical
Tony: [before passing salad to him] have something to eat
Patsy: there's a twin "bond", unless you "experienced it", you can't "understand it"
Tony: [to Patsy] you're ok with onions, right?
Patsy: it might sound fuckin crazy to you?
Christopher: hey, nothing sounds "crazy" anymore the older I get
Gigi: well, it's over, right?
Christopher: don't it happen, that identical twins a lot of times, they'll die within a couple days of each other?
Patsy: [before everybody chastises him for talking about not wanting to live] that would've been ok with me, believe me... I miss him so much
Tony: [before everybody raises their drinks to toast his birthday] yeah, well that's natural but you're with us now so why don't you leave the morbid shit back to Junior's crew and have a happy birthday?

- Well, look, I gotta go.
- Somebody's waiting for me.
- I am devastated.
- I wish I could reach her.
- Is there a number?
- Not that I know of.
- Chris, listen.
- There's other fish in the sea.
- I know. Thanks.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Sad day.
Junior: Mm hmm. Kid was always a dumb fuck though, wasn't he? Didn't he almost drown in three inches of water?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: The penguin exhibit. Jack always tried to lay off all Jackie's problems on a learning disorder, but...
[thinks for a moment]
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Well, stupidity would be a learning disorder, wouldn't it?

Tony: How's the new stock doing?
Gigi: Up three at the close of The Dow yesterday. Another two so far today
Tony: Beautiful
Gigi: Listen I think we may have a problem
Tony: Log off, that cookies shit makes me nervous
Gigi: I think we have a problem with our "friend" the twin
Tony: Yeah so?
Gigi: My Goomba Joey Flies, he hangs out at The Nest in Bloomfield. So our "friend's a fixture down there and Joey says lately his been into the booze "very heavy", his all fucked up. A couple times they had to help pick him off the floor. Patsy launches into this single malt diatribe about how people can still smile in your face and still be a villain. And that he knows how his brother died and whose responsible and all that there
Tony: He mention me by name?
Gigi: No, me neither
Tony: [to Paulie] you hearing this?
Paulie: How the fuck would know Patsy we clipped Spoons?
Tony: What? That "twin telepathy"?
Paulie: Somebody's putting ideas in this kid's head
Tony: [Sarcastically to Silvio] don't let us interfere with your golf game
Silvio: Maybe a cop trying to flip him, maybe getting him worked up over theories
Tony: He was talking weird the other day
Gigi: What should we do?
Tony: We brought him over from Junior's crew to keep an eye on him so that's we'll keep doing
Gigi: I mean make no mistake this guy must love you but it's got to be hard coming into work every day looking right into the eyes of the guy who ordered your brother whacked and even with a smile
Paulie: [Implying to kill him] we always have the option

[during a VIP poker game]
Alan: Great tax loophole, those SUVs. Told all my clients, write it off on your business.
David: I used to be able to write off condoms.

- What did you say?
- I'm here.
- And I try to care very much.
- Now, get to sleep.
- You gonna punch me?
- Jan? Can I talk to you?
- Sophia, go to sleep.

Tony: [Tony strangles "Fred Peters" with a wire from behind] Good morning rat!
Fred: [struggling] Who are you? What is this?
Tony: Don't make me laugh! You pimp! You fuck!
Fred: Teddy, there must be something we can...
Tony: Tony! It's Tony, you fuck! You know how much trouble you're in now? You took an oath, and you BROKE it!
Fred: I could have killed you last night outside the motel. Your daughter was drunk, remember? I was out at the parking lot, I had a gun, but I didn't do it. Because then I told myself
[crying for his life]
Fred: "It's just a coincidence! He's taking his little girl to college!"
Tony: Well you know about us wiseguys? The hustle never ends. If you shot me at that motel, your life would have been flushed out on the pisciadood!
Tony: Jimmy says "Hello" from hell, you fuck!
[Tony strangles Fred Peters to death]

- She would sit inside the cave inhaling gases."
- I think I dated this broad.
- "Possibly volcanic though no longer active,
- "and would speak in a voice not her own, delivering unto them their fates."
- Let's go into the cave.

- What's going on here?
- Come on, stand up, on your feet, let's go.
- Man!
- I don't feel so good.
- I don't want any excuses.
- Mr. Meskimmin, I gotta go to the bathroom.
- Is that alcohol on your breath?

- Big guy, New York sounding?
- Is there a problem?
- No. Dipshit hit me with his boat while I was tubing on caribou lake.
- Claims it was my fault.
- If he shows up, do you want me to call?
- Yeah, I wouldn't mind.
- Do that, thanks.

- An almost mystical ability to wreak havoc.
- Let me tell you. You definitely don't want to get her started.
- There are some people who are not ideal candidates for parenthood.
- Come on. She's an old sweetie-pie.
- What were some of the good experiences you remember as a child?
- The loving warm ones?

- It dilutes the drinks, especially scotch.
- Jesus Christ.
- Here, throw it all away now.
- Waste it all, fucking John d. Rockefeller!
- Waste it all! Motherfuck, huh!
- Conserve!

- When you used to pick me up and throw me over your shoulder...
- Oh, my god, Tony.
- You used to get me so hot down there.
- I can feel it right now just thinking about it.
- You are going to be okay, Tony.
- Your friends, your kids all love you.

Johnny: [after Tony witnessed his father cutting someone's thumb with a cleaver] What you seen today Anthony, a very sad thing.
[stern]
Johnny: You disobeyed your old man, and I oughta give you the belt. But I gotta say... a lot of boys your age would have run like a little girl.
[glad]
Johnny: But you stayed. I know you like Mr. Satriale, we all do, he's a lovely man, the man is a gambler. He got over in his debt, he owed me money and he refused to pay. He avoided me. That's why you... should never gamble Anthony. What was I supposed to do? That's my livelihood, that's how I put food on the table. You should never gamble Anthony!
Young: [from the kitchen] Johnny, dinner's ready! Anthony! Janice turn that off!
Johnny: Let this be a lesson to you. A man, honors his debts!

- you can't expect...
- Living in what?!
- Jesus Christ.
- You should talk to your mother about this shit!
- Did you go see that guy at the building department yet?
- I was going to go on Friday when the schedules are looser.
- Well, don't.

- I saw him getting arrested.
- What did he do?
- He didn't do anything!
- They just pick on Italians.
- Still, in my heart, I knew my father was no freedom fighter.
- So he went to jail?
- He came home in a couple hours.
- We were watching ed Sullivan.

- That Tommy mottola, he's one slow motherfucker.
- What's it been, about a year?
- Actually, we're not going with Sony.
- We're considering a smaller independent label.
- Oh, naturally. Got any coffee?
- I may only have soy milk.
- What?

- My responsibility.
- You waited a long time for the stripes.
- This is one of the perks.

- The county does not cover medical procedures deemed caused...
- By criminal sexual activity.
- Section four, paragraph 15.
- We'll need an insurance number.
- Oh, Madonna.
- I have bluecross blueshield, is that all right?
- Ma'am, could you hold on for one second?
- I have the hospital on the other line.

- How many times do I gotta say this?
- When guys are on the mattresses, they're not out earning.
- So? What?
- All Phil cares about is fucking money.
- He's got that wire room in sheepshead bay, right?
- Our guys have seen it.
- Yeah.

- Presenters get about $30,000 worth of merchandise in those baskets.
- That's a year's salary for some people.
- Go figure.
- Hopefully we can spread some of that lolly around.
- We'll get you that script.

- I'll go get some ice.
- What the fuck were you thinking?
- You're my wife. He insulted you.
- I'm a big girl.
- I can take care of myself.
- Oh, god, he is head of the family.
- Do you think he's just gonna wake up tomorrow and forget about this?

- It's heavy. Is it loaded?
- Nothing more useless than an unloaded gun.
- There you go.
- Mr. Waste management.
- Come here.

- You're listening to the stations of member-supported
- New Hampshire public radio.
- We're webo, Concord 89.1; webj, Jackson 99.5 fm.
- This is New Hampshire public radio, news and information for the granite state.

- I'm gonna have to search your bag.
- Cigarettes are okay, right?
- Cigarettes are fine.
- They're encouraged for patients who smoke.
- But, Chris, no chocolate allowed.
- No caffeine or substances containing caffeine.
- All set?

- You know, the truth is,
- I got myself where I am.
- But your open indiscretion, your total disregard...
- Well, you're right, it was...
- It was horrible.
- To have a knot in your stomach every time the phone rings.
- Like you were saying, theoretically, though, if we do reconcile...
- That stuff will never happen again.

Tony: What do you get when you cross an accountant with a giant jet airplane? -- A Boring 747.

- How my what?
- How your daughter made out at bowdoin.
- Would you like anything else?
- No.
- Tony, did I do something to insult you?
- Two days.

- But, Tony, come on.
- You're a nice guy, but I got my own problems.
- I don't want all the time prop you up.
- What, are you fucking kidding me?
- What you doing?
- I didn't expect you so soon.
- Tell my uncle I'll talk to him later.

- Piacere.
- Piacere, Tony.
- Psst.
- George-a Washington-a, bridge-a.
- Right, very good,
- George Washington bridge.
- Let's talk about something else, and later we'll talk about the streets.

[while playing hearts]
Salvatore: I've eaten more queens than Lancelot.

- Dollars to donuts, you're being exposed to an irritant in the air.
- I sit in an office.
- I'll write you a scrip for cortisone cream.
- Dr. Cusamano tells me you've been seeing a psychotherapist.
- So?
- I suggest you talk about stress management with him.

Meadow: They almost killed you for a stupid car.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I guess nobody told them about the kind of gas mileage that thing gets, huh mead?

Angelo: Well I'm an old fucking man. I don't see so good in the dark!

Silvio: the fuck you doin? Lunch is ready
Paulie: I'm gonna watch my hands
Silvio: you just watched your hands
Paulie: and then I tied my shoes
Silvio: so what?
Paulie: I can't stand touching fuckin shoelaces: you ever go and tie your shoes, and notice the end of your laces are wet? For what? Why would they be wet?
Silvio: I got no fuckin idea
Hesh: you ever go to public bathrooms? And stand at the urials...
Hesh: [interrupts him, irritated, not wanting to hear and talk about un-sanitized bathrooms while they eat] oh come on, will ya?
Paulie: [to Hesh, referring to Silvio] his asking, I'm telling him and frankly, it's important. Even if the laces are dry and even if you don't touch the body of the shoe, bacteria and viruses migrate from the sole up
Christopher: you see this on TV?
Paulie: I gotta watch TV to figure out the world? Your average shithouse is a sewer. You look at lady's johns', you can eat maple walnut ice cream from the toilets: there's exceptions, but in men's? Piss all over the fuckin floor, urials jammed with cigarettes and mothball cakes, it does nothin to kill germs: even if you keep your shoes tied and you're not dragging your laces through urine...
Silvio: [interrupts him, annoyed] shut the fuck up

- I want to share it with you.
- By Jacques prevert...
- "Our father which art in heaven, stay there, and we shall stay on earth, which is sometimes so pretty."

- You know, it's always something with her.
- You should see the veterinarian bills.
- Fucking racket.
- Know what we should do, if you don't mind my saying?
- I think we should switch her shoes to those titanium ones.
- They don't weigh anything...
- So they're good for a tender hoof.
- Sure. Why not?

- and good things.
- We can have it all, Phil...
- Plenty for everybody.
- Stop cryin' now.
- We should let him sleep.
- We gotta stop meeting like this, huh?

Tony: [while getting dressed] what time is it?
Christopher: Don't worry we'll take the tunnel
Tony: Alright, this meeting we're trying to nail down this new contract now with Masserone gone
Christopher: That office park by Troy Hills?
Tony: Now, listen this is very important if any of this shit about Little Carmine and Johnny you clam up
Christopher: You got it Tone

- I'm no good at speeches.
- Owe him a dime, you'll hear some great speeches.
- Shit. Shut up, let me talk.
- Go ahead. I was only kidding.
- I'd like everybody to raise their glasses.

Jim: [on the phone] Hello?
Vito: Hi!
Jim: Fuck you!
Vito: I know, look...
Jim: Not a word. Not a note. What kind of person are you?
Vito: You're right, I'm sorry.
Jim: You need help. You're seriously fucked up!
Vito: I got kids, I couldn't live without them.
Jim: Bullshit! It was the fucking life that you couldn't live without. The gambling, the money, who knows what else!
Vito: You're right. I didn't want to drag you into this pit I'm in.
Jim: Hey, fuck that! Everybody else is stupid to you, aren't they?
Vito: No!
Jim: You can live and throw it down in fucking Jersey. Everybody kisses your ass!
Vito: I miss you.
Jim: I don't wanna know you! I don't want to hear your voice. Don't ever call me again!
[hangs up]

- If that's the way it is, that's the way it is. I'll see you.
- Aren't you forgetting something?
- What?
- I'm looking out for you here.
- I gotta eat too, right?
- Yeah, sure. I'll take care of you.
- I'll be by every Sunday.
- Cool.

- What the fuck did you do?
- Hel... help!
- All right, I got you.
- Stop fighting me.
- All right.
- Don't...
- All right, turn around.
- Grab the side.
- Grab the side right there.
- All right.

- John wants things to point away from the family.
- You know what? Tell him no.
- Time and again
- I've done his bidding.
- It's time to set some limits.
- Really?
- Yeah, really.
- Be well.

Carmela: Now, you liked Jackie, so you don't want to believe that he did this to himself. So, like a lot of other people, you go around looking for bogeymen to blame - bogeymen with Italian names.

- Dad. This is Judy.
- She's my friend.
- Scene.
- UN-freaking-believable!
- God, you were really good.
- Great job, Chris.
- How'd you cry like that?

Manny: [during their news broadcast] Inevitably, "what goes in must come out"
Reporter: And these people now being released from prison are from the ones who were jailed in the big mafia crackdown from the 1980's?
Manny: It seems like yesterday, doesn't it? For years, we've heard how law enforcement broke the "back" of the mob. Well, they've served their time, it's the old never-ending battle against crime and corruption to quote Superman
Reporter: So, what'd you think is going to happen with this "infusion" of "new blood"?
Manny: We could be looking at a period of "potentially" violent power struggle
Reporter: Any familiar names?
Manny: In New York, the only "old style" boss still in place is Carmine Lupertazzi, he'll soon by rejoined by Angelo Garepe his former Consigliere, also Philip Leotardo: long time Lupertazzi captain. New Jersey's a better case in point: you've got Michele "Feech" La Manna released just this week, a man greatly feared and respected in the 70's. Similar situation with Anthony Blundetto in the same crime family: the Sopranos, twenty-eight years old when he went away, a rising star, thought to be the central suspect in the car bomb killing of Thomas Jilardi and his driver
Reporter: So, would you say that this is an "interesting point" in the history of the mafia?
Manny: I'd say we're looking at a great year for crime reporting

- I just wanna see you sometimes.
- Couple nights a week.
- I'm not gonna say I love you. I say that too soon and I'm trying to work on that.
- But I really like you.
- I like you too, honey...
- But it's not gonna happen.
- Why? Why not?
- For one thing, I already took his horse.

- That scene where pesci sticks the guy's head in a vise...
- And then pops his eye out.
- I thought I was gonna die!
- I'll be right back, okay?
- Excuse me.
- It's this way?
- Yes.
- Thank you.

- Anthony?
- You don't understand.
- Make me understand.
- We can't send him to that place.
- Yes?
- How we gonna save this kid?

Gabriella: [to Carmela] Really, though, how dare he? After all you've done for this parish!
Carmela: [resigned] What are you gonna do?
Gabriella: [after a long pause] Well, I'm gonna cut him a new one.

- Who was that?
- Silvio.
- Listen to this.
- Furio called. The stupid fucking zip moved back to Italy.
- Asshole left a message on the answering machine at the bing at 4:30 am.
- Here, carry this.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [has invited Dr. Melfi to go to Bermuda with him] Come on, Doc. I'm breaking out the big guns here. You're turning me into half a stalker.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Listen, Anthony. I'm not going to go out with you, and it's not because you're unattractive or I don't think I would have a good time. It's just something I'm not going to do. I would like you to respect my decision, and just try to feel that I know what's right for me. Okay?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's not just the doctor-patient ethics thing, is it?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I want to preserve the option for you that you could always come back to our work, if you wish, and that we could pick up where we've left off.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [frustrated] I don't think you get this. I want you!
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: That's very flattering to me.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I'm not interested in flattering you.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I know you're not.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Alright, then what is it? Just help me understand it.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You know, Anthony, during our work I never judged you, or your behavior. It's not the place of a therapist to do so.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Alright, I get all this. Go, go.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: In a personal relationship, I don't think I could sit silent.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [amused] About what?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Our values are... just very different.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You don't like my values.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Honestly?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: No.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [admiring her bluntness] OK. Like what?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It's getting late.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No, no. Come on. It's okay.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Well... you're not a truthful person. You're not respectful of women. You're not really respectful of people.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I don't love people?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Maybe you love them, I don't know. You take what you want from them by force, or the threat of force. I couldn't live like that. I couldn't bear witness to violence...
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: FUCK YOU!
[storms out]
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You fucking cunt!

- Nobel prize for what? Packing fudge?
- You know that you can go anywhere you want to go to college.
- But I'm not gonna pay for Berkeley.
- I want to go to Harvard or west point.
- You may get to see them on TV, but that's about it.
- To go there you gotta crack the books.

- What's going on, Mary?
- Domenica paolini and Sasha caputo.
- They were on their way to school this morning, and they hit a tree.
- Nikka's dead. Sasha's in a coma.
- What's that?
- It was here when I got here.

- Fucker's got a 9!
- Yeah.
- All right.
- Don't come around here no more.

- My name is orange j.
- I'm down with massive genius.
- That's who it was.
- The gangsta rapper.
- I told you to shut up!
- We're having a party at g's crib.
- Englewood cliffs. You interested?
- And I get served with black-eyed peas tomorrow? Yo, I know what time it is.
- Massive's heard of the crew you with.
- There's business to be done.

Tony: [sees Chris barbecuing] Oh, look at that wrist action! All those years yankin' it are finally startin' to pay off.

Tony: This psychiatry shit. Apparently what you're feelin' is not what you're feelin' and what you're not feelin' is your real agenda.

- Yeah.
- Work...
- Socialize...
- But still having a mastery.
- Not easy.
- But interesting as shit.

Tony: [while going through their refrigerator, referring to Janice] can she put anymore gook food in here?
Carmela: It's not that much
Tony: Soy milk this, tofu that: I hate all that shit
A.J. Soprano: Yeah me too
Meadow: [to AJ] shut up you said you liked the soy milk
A.J. Soprano: I lied, she was taking me to the video store
Meadow: I'm happy aunt Parvati is gonna stay
Tony: Oh, you mean the aunt that doesn't think you get punished enough?
Meadow: [raises her voice] that party wasn't my fault, how many fucking times do I have to say it?
Tony: [surprised by her outburst] Whoa!
Carmela: [chastising her for cursing] hey!
Carmela: [to Meadow] don't look like your gonna cry, you made your bed
Meadow: I need fifteen dollars
Carmela: Excuse me?
Meadow: The Cole Porter CD: it's for Magicals, we're doing three of their songs. You took my card remember?
Tony: [When she doesn't say anything after he gives her the money] what's your problem?
Meadow: [before leaving] nothing

Christopher: [At the Cleaver movie premiere after party, walking up to him] what?
Tony: [Hugs him, referring to the resemblance of a character in the movie] what? I'll give you a "what", fuckin boss down in the cellar, wearing a white bathrobe, where'd you get that?
Christopher: I don't know. "Artistic choice"
Tony: Seriously though, I'm very proud, whatever else happened, you made a movie Christopher. Nobody can take that away. A hundred years from now when we're dead and gone, people are going to be watching this fuckin thing
Christopher: You know how much Imperial vodka I scored just this party alone? I had a couple cases put down in your car

- Is that a Porsche?
- Had my eye on it for months.
- It's a gift from Tony.
- I thought about a Boxster, but I don't know.
- The 'vette felt more like me.
- You bought that yourself?
- The accountant says I'm better off owning it outright.

- It would be for you.
- Well, I want you. And not just for the smart things you say.
- I want... I want your skin.
- I want your mouth. I want your eyes.
- You project all these qualities onto me.
- You don't know me.
- This is what happens between doctor and patient.

- Gentlemen, can I get you anything?
- Orange county firefighters have called in extra help from the California department of forestry aircraft...

- Are you still taking your medication?
- Off and on.
- You should either take it or don't take it. Okay?

- Hit him! Hit that prick!
- No, Carlo!
- Carlo!
- Get him off me!
- How's that, you fuck?
- Olé!

Christopher: [to Adriana] Hey, you got change? I'm fucking sliding this stupid bill in and out of the cigarette machine for like an hour.
Tina: [suggestively] An hour? I bet you can go longer than that!
Christopher: Listen to you! Why do you always talk like a whore?
Tina: 'Cause men like it!
Christopher: Yeah?
[pauses, looks her over]
Christopher: Think you're right about that.

- and I will be judged for it.
- You're a good father.
- You care about your friends.
- Yes, it's been rough between us.
- I don't know, our hearts get so hardened against each other.
- I don't know why.

- You look good.
- Feelgood.
- So how we doing?
- Took care of mine last night.
- The Johnson brothers, we'll get tonight.
- Uncle pat was like Johnny mnemonic.
- Right, uncle pat?
- We're playing pinochle. Take a hand.

Agent: [Over a cell phone in a motel room] Multiple calls traced to a pay phone in Oyster Bay Long Island
Tony: [over a cell phone, standing next to his van] What? Where's the pay phone exactly?
Agent: Gas station most likely
Tony: Gas station?
Tony: His lamed out he might not be able to put his hands on a clean phone
Tony: Alright, listen, thanks

- Finn invited me to go skiing in Canada next week.
- You want me to make anything?
- Nothing.
- I'm doing everything myself.
- Maybe wine.
- We only drink good wine when parents come.
- Anyway, I gotta go.
- Okay, bye.

- Well...
- Enjoy the manicotti.
- Thank you, I will.
- You're awful.
- Neighbor lady, she went to school with my older brother.
- I'll see ya tomorrow.

- Heading to the winner's circle is pie-o-my.
- Pie-o-my is owned by Inez munoz and trained by Lois pettit.

- Trouble is I lost my wallet, so how the hell am I going to check in there without a credit card?
- You'd face the same problem here.
- Yeah, but I stayed here as a guest just last night.
- You couldn't sign on that bill, you've already closed it out.
- Thanks for being so helpful.

Artie: [referring to Elodi, after seeing Charmaine ask her to remove empty plates from a table] she's a hostess: not a busboy
Charmaine: [impersonating Elodi clapping] what was that all about, huh?
Artie: it's just a venture capital "thing" with Jean-Philippe, I'm sure it wouldn't pass your incredibly high Wharton School of Business standards
Charmaine: you want to make some "meaningful" money, why don't you get your friend Anthony Soprano to pay his tab? It's close to six thousand dollars
Artie: [before he flicks his chin] I could have an "empire" like Bobby Flay, and it still wouldn't be good enough for you
Charmaine: ok, I'll make you a deal, we'll start working on your "empire" right after we pay the ten thousand dollars of orthodonture our children will need this year

[Tony disapproves of Meadow's new boyfriend because he is black]
Carmela: If you want her to be with him, just keep playing the race card. You're gonna drive her right into his arms.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Not if I cut off those fuckin' arms.

- Playing bingo, Livia?
- Oh, not tonight, honey.
- You know, she's a degenerate gambler.
- Milly. Milly?
- My son.
- Handsome.

- You flip your Maserati, hit your head?
- You two-faced fuck!
- Take it easy.
- You wanna yell at somebody, the man you should talk to is right over there.
- That fucking cocksucker.
- I should fucking kill him and his fucking wife and your cousin next.
- All right, come on.
- Let's take a walk, calm down. Come on.

- I'll get back to the writing someday...
- But from a position of great wealth.
- Far as male modeling,
- I'd probably be a success...
- But I wouldn't want to be around those fucking people.
- I'm a soldier, Adriana.
- When you gonna understand that?

- That's the way certain people want it, and we trust there will be no ill will.
- This is fucking great. I mean,
- I know I'm just the acting, but still...
- It's a big responsibility, Chrissy.
- Hey, I got it covered.
- First thing I'm doing is getting wings in my hair.
- You know, like Paulie.
- I'll talk to you later.

- Not long before your father.
- Past is the past.
- This is the present.
- Let's talk about this game.
- What's my end?
- I don't know. Ten percent.
- Twenty.
- Fifteen.
- Call your friends.
- Let them know the game's happening.

- Commanders, good morning.
- Who are you?
- I'm from america.
- Are you with NATO?
- You cut our ski-lift cable.

- for Jackie and Jackie Jr., right?
- You know, we never really talked about that.
- About what?
- About Jackie Jr.
- What's there to talk about?
- Madame.
- Oof, madonn'.
- Pour madame...

Artie: [referring to their daughter's soccer coach after they win a game] What did I tell you? He's a beautiful, brilliant genius
Tony: [jokingly] What're you in love with him or what?
Artie: [jokingly] Frankly yes, if he steers Chiara through the college scholarships, I'll blow the guy in midfield
Tony: Oh, you will? How's chef with the dimples?
Artie: You gotta come sample the salad bar: we got a special chemical brightener, it keeps the lettuce crisp
Tony: Oh, nice
Artie: Oh, yeah, it's beautiful
Tony: [changing the subject] The offer's still there, you wanna make a little money, you put some out on the street, at two points, we split the interest?

Christopher: [after rushing into the Bada Bing strip club to tell everyone about Vito] You are not going to fuckin' believe this...
James: [Interrupts him, to everyone] Vito Spatafore is an "ass muncher".
Tony: [to Murmur] What'd you just say?
James: I'm sorry, it's true.
Christopher: We ran into this kid, Vito was spotted in a fag bar in New York.
Tony: By who?
Christopher: The kid's cousin... Allegedly.
James: Probably bullshit.
Patsy: He's a married man.
Paulie: With a goomah!
Tony: All right, back up a second. What did the kid say exactly?
Christopher: The kid's cousin, Sally Cuzo...
Carlo: From Yonkers, I know him.
Christopher: Sal was at this place in the city supposedly on business, and he saw Vito holding hands with a guy with nipple rings.
James: You're leaving out the best part.
Christopher: He was wearing a motorcycle outfit like the guy in the Village People with the hat and leather vest.
James: Chaps too.
Paulie: I don't know... Fuckin' slander if you ask me.
Tony: [suggesting to everyone to talk privately in the office] All right, let's take this in the back.
James: [Making a joke] Yeah, that's what Vito did!
Tony: [Irritated, not amused by his joke] You can go.

Tony: [while talking privately in Junior's doctor's clinic] so you ok with this?
Corrado: Do I got a "choice"?
Tony: [jokingly] Yeah, you got a "choice", you can continue running the game
Corrado: You know I'm under fuckin house arrest you "cute" fuck
Tony: Well, then take the "bite" I give you and be happy: either way, I'm having the Executive Game
Corrado: You know, your father and me started that game over thirty years ago, we were talking one day on how credit card companies you know, how they worked their "angle?" They didn't care what the fuck you bought: as long as you didn't pay all at once. They'd "juice" your debt and you'd thank them for letting you have one of their cards. There's a certain kind of player: that's why we call it the "Executive Game", my brother Johnny was one keen motherfucker
Tony: [Sarcastically] oh yeah, that's why he left us with Chee Chee Beans
Corrado: [Amused] you don't know what you're talking about. Your father left Livia with a "package" that could choke a fuckin elephant. I gotta tell you? She's like a woman with a Virginia ham under her arm and crying the blues because she has no bread. Please, they don't make them like Johnny

Carmela: [after Tony arrives home] Oh, thank God, where is the number of the therapist Melfi gave you?
Tony: Why? What happened?
Carmela: Your daughter, she's going to Europe: dropping out of school and going all over the place on a Euro pass
Tony: What, is she fucking kidding?
Carmela: Apparently not, her passport from the Christmas in the Bahamas is still valid
Tony: Where is she?
Carmela: I don't know, down the shore
Tony: Oh, I suppose all these parties she goes to are all memorials for Jackie Jr., right?
Carmela: Please with the yelling
Tony: So, what the fuck is in Europe?
Carmela: Experience, "real life", art
Tony: You know I knew when this constant "harping" on art was gonna cause trouble
Carmela: She's going to work in publicity with some friend of Misty's and going to make a movie in Denmark. I think we should call that therapist
Tony: She's going back to school: they got counselors there, better ones, Ivy league ones. No fucking way she's going to Europe
Carmela: Fine

- Ai, this is a big fucking mix-up.
- I thought Paulie called you.
- The guy's waiting.
- So you break in?
- I got a silent alarm goes right to my house.
- He'll take care of you. Don't worry.
- Let me talk to my son-in-law.
- Chris?
- Fine by me, but if I were you, I wouldn't make a problem where there ain't one.

Paulie: [while on the Asbury Park boardwalk] we gonna go see your boat?
Tony: [referring to Big Pussy Bonpensiero] no, I'm just... thinking about our former "friend"
Paulie: who?
Paulie: [surprised, after Tony gestures to the ocean] him? Not me: never
Tony: me and Jackie, met him down in 95, when he got back from Boca
Paulie: oh, yeah, that crazy shit with your uncle. Junior hijacked Jackie's truck, what about it?
Paulie: [referring to Pussy becoming an FBI informant] we should've seen it then: that's all
Tony: don't waste another second on that rat fuck. I'd kill him again if I could. Tommy Angeletti is doing a rebar at the Esplanade
Paulie: yeah?
Paulie: his into me for a hundred large on college basketball. Now Ralphie is holding up the contract for more money: his got the site shutdown on a strike, Angeletti can't work
Tony: [sternly] your fuckin book against millions that are gonna roll in from the Esplanade
Paulie: I figured you'd take a side but Ralphie shouldn't come across a couple no-show and electrician jobs? I shouldn't get something out of this Esplanade?
Tony: [after thinking it over] alright, I'll talk to him

- Kick leaves and shit over it.
- Where did you learn how to drive one of those?
- Grandfather's construction site.
- He let me fuck around when I was just 13.
- He was a good guy.

- What the fuck?
- Never you mind about that.
- Aw, she's so sweet.
- I remember my Johnny told me, she let him feel her up behind "the sons of Italy" hall.
- Listen Livia, what you don't know could fill a book.

Finn: It was the other way around. Vito was blowing the security guard.
Paulie: Son of a bitch!

- The hairs on the back of my neck, they fucking stood up.
- I knew the guy.
- They made him look like
- John-fucking-gotti.
- I brought him around here.
- Tony wouldn't have never known him if it wasn't for me.
- I had no idea.

- We thought we were gonna have to talk to each other or read a book.
- The usual, guys?
- Are we boring?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Here's yourjohnnycakes.
- I gotta warn you, they're addictive.
- They look good.

- I'm going to have to insist that you guys leave.
- Getting this breathing tube back in is something you're not gonna want to see.
- What's going on?
- You're just getting back?
- Matt's car wouldn't start.
- Did you eat at least?
- Yeah.
- Dad's not so good right now.
- They made us leave.

- Oh, I could sleep right here.
- It's all right. He'll be okay.

Christopher: The Russians? They're not all bad.
Paulie: How about the Cuban Missile Crisis? Cocksuckers moved nuclear warheads into Cuba, pointed 'em right at us.
Christopher: That was real? I saw that movie, I thought it was bullshit.

- I can put the credit card numbers on actual plastic for an extra five bills.
- We do Internet strictly.

Anthony: You know, people walk around like this is all somethin' and fuckin' laughin' and nobody takes even one second to think about what's really goin' on.
Dr. Richard Vogel: You sound depressed again.
Anthony: I mean, how can anybody not be? You'd have to be fucking nuts not to be. I mean, you'd have to have your head wedged so far up your ass that all you could see is your own stupid face!
Dr. Richard Vogel: What specifically are you talking about?
Anthony: I mean, everything is so fucked up. Why can't we all just get along?
[cries]

Tony: [Meeting privately] Let's walk. I need you to head out to Newark for me
Paulie: Airport?
Tony: Alitalia. Friend of ours is coming in
Paulie: Who? Mauro Zucca's wife?
Tony: No, Furio
Paulie: [jokingly] Furio? Coming here? What? To see what indoor plumbing looks like?
Tony: I'm making some changes
Paulie: [Sarcastically] well, thanks for fuckin telling me. When was this decided? Did I do something wrong?
Tony: Sunday: my house, a box of Mallomars on the counter, fuckin empty... you think I didn't know it was you?
Tony: [When Paulie doesn't respond] I'm kiddin' with you, you fuck. Him coming over is good: you're getting a bump
Paulie: Fuckin Mallomars, I thought you lost your mind?
Tony: Listen, the way things are, I gotta step back, Feds find an excuse and I'll do a dime for jaywalking
Paulie: Not like the old days, huh?
Tony: Furio being here frees you up, frees me up. It's me, then you, and Sil together, that's the new pecking order
Paulie: What about Puss?
Tony: Pussy reports to you guys, directly, same with Furio
Paulie: [after hugging] this means a lot to me

- It's fucking alive! It's alive!
- Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
- Tony, what did you do?
- It's for you.
- Oh, my god!
- Yeah. We're having a good week.
- Ah, ah, ah.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Hands him a wooden box] for you
Brian: What's this?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Jokingly] a music box
Brian: [after opening the box, surprised by the expensive watch as a gift] holy shit a Patek?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah, me and Ralph got lucky in a new real estate investment
Brian: [Surprised] you actually did it?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Nods, smiles]
Brian: Tony, I was only speculating I never meant for you to...
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Interrupts him, reassures him] relax, your name will never come up

- It's on the table.
- All right. Go, go, go.
- Go, go, go.
- Hold it, hold it!
- Open up, it's me.
- Come on, open the fucking door.
- Where's the patient?

- Waste management.
- Do you know any other garbage men who live like this?
- Uncle Jackie.
- Why do we call him "uncle" when he's not related?
- He's in dad's other family.
- Come here.

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It's been a long odyssey with your mother, hasn't it?
Tony: Oh, these last 500 years just seemed to race by.

[repeated line]
Livia: I wish the Lord would take me now.

- It stops today, you got it?
- Don't give me your fucking manson lamps, just fucking stop.
- Another thing, don't tip a truck on a problem customer.
- I fucking hate the way you make me fucking ride you.
- Now, get the fuck out of here.

Carmela: [running into each other in the supermarket] Hi, how are you?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: How are you is more the point
Carmela: I'm running around crazy here: my son was supposed to get coffee but he told the maid to, it's the one thing I have to have. I got your note, it was so thoughtful
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I've been calling the hospital and they say Anthony is stabilized
Carmela: That's what they say
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: If you or anyone needs anything, to talk or to run winterference with the doctors, don't hesitate to call
Carmela: I appreciate that, I have plenty of people around I can talk to
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Of course, good luck

- Yeah?
- Black Cadillac.
- Route 228.
- Mm-hmm.
- This is for you.
- Have a good night.
- Franklin Pierce room.
- Up the stairs, first door to the right.

- Carmela.
- Carm!

[while shopping for a dress for Jackie Aprile Jr.'s funeral, Adriana carelessly divulges several private details to her newfound friend, whom the audience knows is an undercover FBI Agent]
Adriana: Miss? Can you tell me where I can find something more dressy? Not evening, but muted?
Saleswoman: I'll go look.
FBI: [approches Adriana] They have this great, little black cocktail I saw over there.
Adriana: Hmmm. Those I have. Thing is, it's for a funeral.
FBI: Oh. I'm so sorry.
Adriana: Yeah. Guy was, like, 22.
FBI: Car accident?
Adriana: Actually, murder. It was a cousin of mine. Anyway, the last time I went to a funeral, my boyfriend bitched me out over what I wore to his boss's mother's wake. I said, 'Come on! You think Tony even noticed for, like, one minute what I had on?' But he keeps on about everything!

- It's not your fault.
- Look, I'm sorry about your leg.
- I'll reach Janice.
- Janice put any food in there?
- No, but I have orangejuice.
- Plus there are two Miller genuines.
- And your mother's meat delivery still is coming every week.

- And listen to that.
- I think it's great.
- I'm going food shopping.
- Maybe I'll get in the bedroom.
- What time you want me to wake you?
- The movie.
- Oh, yeah.
- Good.
- Have fun.

- Oh, my god.
- I didn't wanna tell you.
- Look, we're doing everything we can.
- We're gonna find him.
- We'll get him help.
- We'll get him to rehab.
- Let's just hope he's not too far gone.

- But I held myself back!
- You were being prudent.
- Fuckthat
- I lost it.
- Timing couldn't have been worse, but what the fuck?
- So you go to Phil...
- I go with you, hats in hand, bended knees.

Supervisor: Is that your garage?
Feech: Nah. It's where I make my weapons of mass destruction.

- Who sent you here?
- Richie aprile.
- Richie aprile?
- We'll be done before beansie's home from the hospital.
- Get out of here.
- I don't want anything to do with that man after what he did.
- She's got problems, but I'm not gonna tell Richie this isn't getting done.

- Fine.
- You were pretty upset when you left...
- And I wanted to call.
- I began to rue what happened, and I was probably a little...
- I'm going back with my husband.
- Oh, well, that's good.
- Well, all the best.

- Shit like that could be poisonous, you don't know. Come on.
- What?
- What the fuck is that?
- Looks like a truck.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Ah!
- There's fucking gravel under this snow!
- Back wheels are gone.

- Got some girl to take care of my mother.
- Yeah, where'd you find her?
- Agency.

Christopher: [to both of them] What's up?
Tony: hey there, cous
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Guess who called me this morning?
Christopher: How'd you find me?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What, you're not gonna guess?
Christopher: Ok, who?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [beginning to talk in code, referring to Uncle Pat Blundetto] Our friend with the orchard
Christopher: No shit, is he ok?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah, sold the place, moving to Florida
Christopher: He should: his getting into his "honor years"
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [implying to the dead body Christopher buried in the area] You still got your can of peaches up there, I just had the car serviced: watch what you say
Christopher: I gotta move that shit, again?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: that development is going up there. Now, obviously, it wouldn't be good for you or our friend if somebody opened the can of fruit
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to Tony Blundetto] so, you and your cousin here are gonna go up there and take care of it
Christopher: [to both of them] I'll do it
Tony: [to Christopher] I'm worried about the old guy
Christopher: [to Tony B] I told you, I'll do it
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: The thing is my old man's got a few jaws up there also, it could make problems for my uncle
Tony: [to Christopher] It's gonna be a lot of work which with Louise around, it could only be done at night
Christopher: That's true
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to digging up the remains and disposing them somewhere else] This thing's gotta be done in two weeks, the latest, bulldozers are coming

- Come on, we have people arriving.
- Let's go.
- Thank you so much. Thank you.
- I'm so sorry.
- Look at her.
- She's becoming a robot, like us.
- I'm so sorry.
- At least she didn't suffer.
- All her innocence is gone.

- Renata?
- What?
- Go to the bedroom and lock the door.
- Hesh, what's going on?
- Do as I ask.

- You're off?
- Yeah.
- I'm goin' downtown.
- Me, too.
- Let's go.
- See ya next week, Joe.

Carmela: The real reason I stopped by to see you was to make sure you've recovered from this Noah thing. I'm worried it'll affect your grades.
Meadow: You call losing a wonderful man because of Dad a thing?
Carmela: Is that really what happened? Because you certainly kept seeing him long after that business with your father.
Meadow: Look, don't drag me into whatever bullshit accommodational pretense you've got worked out with Daddy.
Carmela: What was that, last night's reading assignment?

Christopher: [raises glass] To business.
Paulie: You're goin' to jinx me? Toast with water?
Christopher: Club soda. What's your problem?
Paulie: You got the problem, my friend. You're a real fuckin' drip lately.
Christopher: When I was usin', I was a disgrace; now I'm sober, and I'm a drip. The fuck you want from me?
Paulie: How's about bein' normal? That so fuckin' hard?
Christopher: Actually, yeah, Paulie, for some of us it is.
Paulie: Don't get cunty, I'm breakin' your balls... What do ya say we take a ride? A little prime rib, on me.
Christopher: Maybe next time.
Paulie: What are you watchin' your cholesterol now too?
Christopher: Yeah. Fuckin' hilarious.
[gets up and leaves]

Carmela: I swear to god, I'm gonna fucking kill you!
A.J. Soprano: What the fuck?
Carmela: You made the fool of yourself and our family on national fucking television!
A.J. Soprano: I didn't say that shit! They totally misquoted me!
Meadow: Holy shit.
Carmela: Well, of course they did. That's what they do! Which is why I and everybody else told you: don't talk to the press!
A.J. Soprano: You're the one who look like a total asshole, dragging me around like I was five years old!
Carmela: You're cross to bear, that's all you are, to your father, to me, to everybody!
A.J. Soprano: Fuck this! All right? Fuck it all!
[leaving his room]
Hugh: [to Carmela] Jesus, Mel! The hell's wrong with you?
Carmela: What's wrong with me? What's wrong with ME?
[she leaves]

Tony: [After killing Tony B to prevent him from being tortured by Phil, telling Johnny Sack over the phone where Tony B's body is] He's at 146 Route 9A, Kinderhook

- I only told you I wanted to be a coach because I liked playing ball.
- But I was just shining you on, because that's what I do.
- I told you many times, Anthony, you were special.
- You had smarts, personality, leadership potential.
- All the prerequisites to lead young men onto the field of sport.
- And now look at the stress you live with.

- My friend, Josh, from crossroads high school, I didn't tell you?
- No.
- Sorry, I thought I did.
- Anyway, he's coming in and we're gonna head up and see his brother at Hampshire.
- Try and get some rest, okay?

- Called 911, they're on their way.
- He's all right.
- Oh, my god.
- Oh, my baby.
- Take her upstairs, Andy.
- She should probably take one of those tranquilizers her mother gave her.
- We should go, junior.
- Relax. We just got here.
- Chicken's nice and spicy, huh?

A.J. Soprano: [Talking privately in their garage] What now?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Hands AJ a business card] Tomorrow 7am you go to this address and for a Mr. Gaveralo, I just got off the phone with him
A.J. Soprano: Seven in the morning? For what?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You'll be working construction
A.J. Soprano: What?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Ferrying cement in a wheel barrow
A.J. Soprano: So it's outdoors?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah
A.J. Soprano: But it's winter time
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You got a lot of those hooded sweatshirts like those moulinyans wear you watch on MTV you can double up
A.J. Soprano: Come on this is bullshit
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Tony puts his hand on AJ's shoulder and pulls face closer to his face] Every penny you make you keep, we won't charge you any rent and believe me the pay's good it's a union job, I just want to see you do good your my son and I love you
A.J. Soprano: I'm going to have to leave your friend in a lurch when I go back to school
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's ok he deals with that all the time
A.J. Soprano: I just assume to keep searching online
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I'm sure you would, but if you're not at that site tomorrow morning,
[AJ nods dismissively]
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I'm going to take away your car and then I'm going to take away your clothes I'm going to take away your room and then I'm going to take away your mother's cooking and pretty soon you'll be out in the fucking street,
A.J. Soprano: [Tony uses a football helmet and breaks the wind shield on AJ's SUV] What the hell are you doing?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It might get a little drafty driving down there tomorrow but I will have this fucking thing towed out of here and grounded up, look at it, you don't take care of it
[Tony puts his hand back on AJ's shoulder]
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Don't put me to the test

- You call or go anywhere near him or his family...
- And they'll be scraping your nipples off these leather seats.
- And here's the point to remember.
- My face is the last one you'll see.
- Not Tony's.
- We understand each other?
- It won't be cinematic.

Carmela: [after seeing a news report showing AJ cursing at reporters, rushes into his room to confront him] I swear I'm going to fucking kill you
A.J. Soprano: [after Carmella pulls his blanket off him] what the fuck?
Carmela: You made a fool of yourself and our family on national fuckin television
Carmela: I didn't even say that shit. They totally misquoted me
Carmela: Of course they did. That's what they do. Which is why I and everybody else told you don't talk to the press
A.J. Soprano: Yeah well, your the one who looks like an asshole: dragging me around like I was five years old
Carmela: [Calling him the religious idiom] Your a "cross to bear", to me, to your father to everybody
A.J. Soprano: [Before storming out, grabbing his shoes and clothes] fuck this! Fuck it all!

- How are things on bloomfield?
- The Cuban was at the casino.
- Big John's okay with a 60-40 split because we own the building.
- What the hell?
- What?
- The fuck? Is that pat parisi?
- Oh, shit!
- What should we do?

Carmela: He's a good man. He's a good father.
Dr. Krakower: You tell me he's a depressed criminal, prone to anger, serially unfaithful. Is that your definition of a good man?... You must trust your initial impulse and consider leaving him. You'll never be able to feel good about yourself. You'll never be able to quell the feelings of guilt and shame that you talked about, so long as you're his accomplice.
Carmela: You're wrong about the accomplice part, though.
Dr. Krakower: You sure?
Carmela: All I did was make sure he's got clean clothes in his closet and dinner on his table.
Dr. Krakower: So "enable" would be a more accurate job description for what you do than "accomplice". My apologies... Take only the children - what's left of them - and go.
Carmela: My priest said I should work with him, help him to become a better man.
Dr. Krakower: How's that going?

- That was a.J.
- He's sleeping over.
- I see.
- At a friend's house.
- Oh.
- The pucillos. I don't know if you know them.

- Oh, my eye.
- There's too much chlorine.
- I swallowed some water.
- You girls see me?
- Yeah, you were cheating.
- I'm fucking starving.
- Hey, guys! We got Mr. Goodwin's office open. Check it out.
- Let's go for it.

- It will, mom.
- But he was always so happy.
- He was our happy little boy.
- I mean, god.
- Come here, baby.
- There you go. White walls.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Carlo was furious: these guys waited by the Hackensack River all fuckin night
Johnny: Fuckin Vespas never got in my hands
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: This is Port Newark, where the fuck was your longshoremen?
Johnny: Tightened security at the ports: Al-Qaeda
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after Johnny gets into his Maserati] Carlo was told it was a go. If it didn't happen, how come nobody called?
Johnny: [before driving off] Lot of things didn't happen that seemed like it they happened. Your cousin didn't whack Joey: the Vespas never got in my hands

- Dad, we're eating!
- Hold it, ma. Anthony?
- What does a gentleman do?
- In his own house?
- A young lady's invited Anthony to his first formal.
- Well, then?

- The sleep of death.
- He's talking about his own death...
- Which has yet to come, but will come.
- That's fucked up.
- Gotta go.
- I thought black was death.
- White too.
- I'm coming, I'm coming.

- Good bialy.
- Any time, boss.

- With gate, wall, big old Cadillacs.
- Isn't that stupid?
- Our place in Tahoe looks exactly like Michael's in ii.
- Wow. Really?
- No. We don't have a place in Tahoe.
- We have a boat though.
- I'm like a gangster dude's girlfriend.

- Yeah?
- What?

- Does Christopher know?
- You kidding me? He'd kill him.
- Not really, I mean...
- You know, he'd be angry.
- I'm supposed to meet my mom.
- Go ahead.
- Thank you.

- You fucking believe it?
- We now run the executive game.
- Sil, remember when we used to look through that crack in the door...
- When my old man and junior had it?
- Yeah, I remember.
- Junior would chase us down the street.
- Executive game.

Christopher: [after they watch a rough cut of Christopher's horror film Cleaver, referring to their distain when Kingsley turning down the leading role] Fuck Ben Kingsley, Danny Baldwin took him to fuckin acting school
Carmine: [pats him on his forearm] Very well directed Morgan
Larry: [to Carmine] I think there's potentially more money in this than the porn we've done?
Carlo: [to everybody] So, what'd we think, do we need the extra scene or not?
Christopher: I like it the way it is
Carlo: I don't know Chrissy, these audiences today love blood
Carmine: I'm tending to agree with Carlo, I think one more sexy kill?
Morgan: [to everybody] When Michael follows the guy to the strip club, what if he chopped up one of the women?
Carmine: Who was fate would have it, was at one time Sally Boy's mistress?
Christopher: Two extra shoot days at a minimum
Larry: Yeah, if it buys us a bullshit theatrical release
Christopher: I have to get more money from Tony, I want this fuckin' thing out there

- Karen's ziti.
- It's the last one she made.

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: How are things?
Tony: Good. I had a real good week. Friend of mine's in the hospital. That's never pleasant, but... Otherwise I'm having a good week.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What's he in for?
Tony: First they thought it was an ulcer. You know, then this and that.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You worried about him?
Tony: Jackie? Jackie's so fucking mean, he'll scare that cancer away.

Vito: Sometimes you tell a lie so long... you don't know when to stop. You don't know when it's safe.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Meeting in an Office Max] where's Carmine at?
Johnny: [Referring to the terms of the proposal] No change what so ever
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: where you at?
Johnny: I think a movement from below is not palpable for the other bosses. It's what they do most. A movement from outside is more forgivable and more understandable: given the facts here. I mean you've been reasonable
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: If I do it, what'd you do for me?
Johnny: I take a "say it so" and make it better with the other families as regards to you. It's smart to have reservations but there's differences between this and Castellano. Yes you still got four other families that could raise a stink but Andy's my brother in law. I have their ear
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I'm going to pass
Johnny: The fuck you talking about?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I'm taking all the risk
Johnny: The fuck you were talking about last time? What would it take?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Fuck even one percentage point. All claims to my HUD business are irrigated
Johnny: Alright
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Before hugging] all future construction projects: sixty forty in my favor

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Take me to my uncle's doctor
Christopher: Furio called me, his going to the fuckin track today?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: So, what about it?
Christopher: I don't know, I'm driving you again all of a sudden
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: So what? I gotta explain why I want you with me this week?
Christopher: [sarcastically] God, forbid you explain
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's right and now you're gonna get fresh about it
Christopher: I'm just saying... I mean I'm glad to do it
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [sarcastically] I'm glad your glad. You know, your father was like a mentor me
Christopher: Right
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to Christopher's father was reliable and honorable] Stand up? You ask anybody, your old man was a legend. He single-handedly hunted down that New England crew, brought the war home to them up there

Christopher: [Sarcastically to Adriana] thanks by the way for drinking wine in front of me
Christopher: [Answering his cell phone] Hello?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Referring to the hit on Carmine Lupertazzi] Call it off, the old guy
Christopher: Yeah?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Something don't make sense here
Christopher: You think it's a setup?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Not necessarily but our "friend" up there is very anxious to "pass the ball" to the prick. But nobody could ever know this was considered
Christopher: I'll offer my guys half of what they would've got: that should do it
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I just want you to make sure I told you that

- Something's off with the seat.
- What is it, Phil?
- Feels off kilter.
- Try it, Joey.

Christopher: [while Christopher pounds on his door] I know you're in there. You're casting a shadow over the peep hole
J.T. Dolan: [after letting him in, casually] hey
Christopher: What're you "ducking" me?
J.T. Dolan: No, I thought you this girl. She's a pain in the ass
Christopher: What the fuck? Where you been?
J.T. Dolan: Working, I told you I got those TV pitch meetings. I was going to call you
Christopher: Yeah so why didn't you?
J.T. Dolan: [Referring to Atlantic City] alright you want the truth? I was away. I went to AC
Christopher: Where's my money?
J.T. Dolan: I don't have it yet
Christopher: But you went to AC?
J.T. Dolan: I have a meeting next week with René Bulsay. Dick Wolf's right hand guy. He likes my stuff, he told my agent. I'm going to be on staff
Christopher: I got out of that business because people fuck you over. Jon Favreau fagot cock sucker tried to steal my ideas
J.T. Dolan: Bro listen, I swear on everything holy I'll have your money next week
Christopher: [while leaving JT's apartment] that wasn't the deal. I'll be back tomorrow, don't make me a jerk off

- Half up front.
- So...
- We'll call you then?
- Pop, father's here.
- Would you like some cake?
- Actually, we got a long ride back.

- Are you sure he's ready?
- What does she give a shit?
- She's trying to save a buck.
- Hold on a minute.
- Guy next door... Mr. Schwinn.
- Had surgery this morning, cancer.
- You know anything about it?
- I heard they removed his larynx.

- You gotta put your son in hiding because of your fucking philandering?
- Afraid he'll get caught in the crossfire?
- Your own son?
- Christopher's upset.
- He could come over.
- He could say some things that a kid shouldn't hear.
- Just please leave.
- I don't even wanna look at you.

- Calm down, take it easy.
- He let me stand there like...
- A servant. Scraping. Bowing.
- Didn't even ask me to sit down.
- It's part of the game.
- He's going down.
- Are you fucking stupid?
- I don't give a fuck any more.
- I've given my life to this thing.
- And this is the thanks I get?

Silvio: [losing at poker as Matt Bevilaqua tries to sweep up the crumbs under his chair] What the fuck are YOU doing?
Tony: Sil, take it easy.
Silvio: I'm losing my balls over heeeere! This fuckin' moron's playing Hazel? Get the fuck outta here!
Matt: I was just trying to sweep the cheese away from...
Silvio: Why? Why NOW? Leave it there!
Matt: I don't know, I was just...
Silvio: What?
[to Tony]
Silvio: Where do you get these fuckin' idiots, huh? Where do you get 'em? He's sweeping the cheese, I'm trying ta...
[to Matt, shouting]
Silvio: Leave the fuckin' cheese there! All right? I love fuckin' cheese at my feet! I stick motherfuckin' provolone in my socks at night, so they smell like your sister's crotch in the morning! All right? So leave the fuckin' cocksuckin' cheese WHERE IT IS!
[Scoops the rest of the food from his plate onto the floor]
Silvio: Here, here, here! Go ahead. Have a good time!
[Sits back down to make a bet]
Silvio: 800.
Dr. Ira Freid: Call.
Silvio: [to Dr. Fried] And why don't you go fix a fuckin' dick or whatever the fuck it is you do.

- Hey.
- What are you doing home?
- Nothing.
- I thought it was aj, home from school.
- Yeah.

Tony: [to Janice after she and Bobby arrived late] let me ask you something: is your time more valuable than mine?
Junior: Where's the baby?
Bobby: Sorry Tone, the car seat, the other stuff, packing it in there takes forever, you probably remember that?
Tony: No I don't. I didn't do that crap
Janice: How you feeling uncle Jun?
Tony: His late enough, come on
Janice: A hello to your niece maybe?
Tony: [to his niece Nica while she sits in the stroller, then to Bobby] hi sweetie how are ya? Help him get ready will ya?
Janice: [Referring to uncle Jun, after he and Bobby left the room] so, how's he doing?
Tony: His Knucklehead Smiff, that's how his doing. His fuckin paranoid, he doesn't remember if he ate or not
Janice: The man is not competent
Tony: Not again with that come on
Janice: And he has the money for assisted living
Tony: His got legal bills up the ass
Janice: So, he can sell this museum and move to Green Grove
Tony: Fuck assisted living, you remember what they did to ma?
Janice: She was thriving there
Tony: He stays where he is. His our uncle it's the least we could do

- Thank you.
- But I don't know what it's for.
- We”, like I said, I was sorry
- I had to go out to Vegas when I did.
- Once you explained you had to take care of Christopher's business interests...
- God knows Kelli'll need the money.
- The baby.

Salvatore: [after Tony discovers the affront Coco made to Meadow he walks towards him who is talking to a waiter, with a gun] Some peppers and cheese, gorgonzola. Alright? Don't Forget
Butch: [Tony starts to beat Coco to a pulp] WHOA! WHOA!
Tony: [training his gun at Butch] Sit down! SIT DOWN!
Butch: [sits down] Easy, easy!
Tony: You motherfucker! My fuckin' daughter
[beating Coco]
Tony: My fuckin' daughter. MOTHERFUCKER! MY FUCKIN' DAUGHTER!
[puts his gun in Coco's mouth]
Tony: You want some Sambuca with this?
Butch: Tony! You're makin' a big fuckin' mistake here!
Tony: [aiming at Butch again] How about I put a bullet in your fuckin' head huh?
[pulls Coco and puts his mouth on the fireplace]
Salvatore: Don't do it!
[Tony curb stomps Coco, making him lose some teeth as Butch looks away]
Tony: [threatening Butch] Want some?

- That sneak from Manhattan.
- Johnny sack? Johnny sack was here?
- With his mohair suits and his shoe lifts.
- Suits, pleurisy?
- More than once he was there?
- Why didn't I know about this?
- Maybe it was you they were talking about, who knows?

- You like creme anglaise?
- You bless it, I'll eat it.
- She's not coming.
- Who?
- Grandma just called.
- She started crying and hung up.
- She needs a purpose.
- She's tougher than you think.
- So, what? No fucking ziti now?

- They'll dance, scavenger hunt and the liquor stores will be closed.
- And we count noses.
- Okay.
- Is that the time? I'm gonna barely get Natalie to tap.
- Chris, need a ride?
- No, my brother's coming.
- Eric took my car to a meet.
- Next week, my house.
- We'll tie up the loose ends.

Silvio: [During Eugene's wake] you got any beefs? I'm the one you come to. Likewise weekly I'll collect for the skip, keep it for him until his back on his feet, take out a portion for Carmella around the house and that shit there. Anybody got any questions? For now not personal questions relating to yourself but the family. Yeah Vito
Vito: [after he raised his hand] the sports book in Roseville, those rights should go to me now because Eugene was with me
Silvio: What'd I just say? Not about yourself
Carlo: What do we do about Junior?
Christopher: His in jail that puts him out of our reach
Vito: Not necessarily
Larry: His a demented old fuck. I say we do nothing, let him rot. Sever all ties, end this embarrassment right now
Vito: [Referring to the murder of Marvin Gaye by his father] he "Marvin Gayed" his own nephew: the boss of this family
Paulie: What happens to Junior is Tony's call
Bobby: That's right
Vito: Bobby, with all due respect, where the fuck were you that night? Why was the skipper babysitting Junior?
Bobby: I had other family obligations, ask my wife. Tony volunteered
Vito: Are we done? I'm going back to the hospital

- Those federal pricks robbed me.
- What?
- They grabbed four dimes from me.
- You shouldn't carry that type of cash!
- Never mind, I need a drink.
- Oh, Madonna! Che puzzo!
- Oh, Jesus!

- Isn't anything that's worthwhile?
- You have no idea.
- Of course not.
- Don't get sarcastic.
- I really think it's law for me.
- I mean, you should hear Patrick talk about the justice system...
- And what it means.
- It's really inspiring.

Meadow: Eugene Pontecorvo? His so sweet
Finn: Sweet? He was like an animal
Meadow: Are you going to eat?
Finn: I'm not hungry, it's too hot anyway
Meadow: I told you I was making dinner tonight
Finn: [after eating a bite] It's really good Chili. You should've seen these guys. They were laughing, it was fuckin sick. I mean is this what you grew up with?
Meadow: What're you talking about?
Finn: These people. Your dad's friends
Meadow: I never saw one bit of violence growing up
Finn: What about your dad's road rage? And didn't you tell me you had a boyfriend shot to death or something?
Meadow: First of all, he was killed by drug dealers. African Americans if it makes you feel any better. You know, you talk about these guys like it's an anthropology class, the truth is they bring certain modes of conflict resolution all the way back from the old country

- Sil, break it down for them.
- What two businesses have been...
- Recession-proof since time immemorial?
- Certain aspects of show business and our thing.
- Now, that's it.
- That's all I gotta say.
- Frankly, I'm depressed and ashamed.

- Here.
- Pussy's on the phone.
- He says it's urgent.

- Your patient, Jennifer, your inability to bring the therapy to a conclusion.
- Elliot, I honestly believe that he's not ready.
- Refer him to another doctor.
- You really think that I'm...
- Obsessed?

Carmela: [referring to having sex with Tony after her father's seventy fifth birthday party] Then he fell asleep right after. He did call me late the next morning: he sent flowers, but other than that, I haven't heard from him all week
Gabriella: What'd he say?
Carmela: That it was "nice", he was very sweet actually
Gabriella: So, you think what happened at the party was an overture that he wants to get back together?
Carmela: I don't know, maybe? His dropping AJ off later, this is the last thing I need to get into right now
Gabriella: Please, he never had it so good
Carmela: [after hearing him pull into their driveway] That's him
Gabriella: You two should talk, let me just pee

- Hi, George.
- Hey.
- They're here.
- They've been patted down too.

- How about this? You could write a letter to Georgetown...
- About discovering it wasn't that person's first choice...
- And that he was using
- Georgetown as a backup.
- I'm not telling you what to write.
- Oh, I left my mother in the car with that foot.
- Thanks for this.

Kelli: My brother's whole stupid, pathetic dream was to follow in our father's footsteps. I gotta paint a picture? He was killed by some fat fuck in see-through socks.

Adriana: I love you Christopher.
Christopher: [while shaving] You better!

Gabriella: [after entering his office] I'm so upset, I don't know what to say
Father: why? What's wrong?
Gabriella: what's wrong? Carmela is one of your biggest supporters and friends, how dare you let her suffer humiliation and embarrassment at the hands of an "outsider"?
Father: I don't know what you mean
Gabriella: oh, you know "exactly" what I mean. Unfortunately, because of her husband's high profile in the "waste" industry, Carmela's the one who bears the brunt of these insults but there are many of us that were equally offended
Father: I am sorry, this is an open forum, you did hear me bring up that new study?
Gabriella: look, if that's your idea of a good luncheon speaker, I suggest you think about who really keeps this parish alive year after year

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I was wondering who's Z24 was sitting in the driveway, what? You get a new car?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: yeah
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You want anything? A coke?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: No, I'm set. I heard about Ralph Cifaretto... that he got passed over
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [surprised] you heard about what? Who?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: I'm just saying Ralph, it's probably a smart move. I mean the more I get to know him, his kind of a cool guy but...
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [interrupts him] it's none of your fuckin concern, you told me you were gonna go to college then I gotta hear Christopher's shit about you?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: [realizes Christopher told Tony that Jackie Jr. drove the getaway car for the robbery on his college campus] oh, you talked to Chris, oh shit
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's right. I promised your dad: don't make this hard on me. I already got him once to bust my balls
Meadow: [after arriving home carrying her laundry bag] hey Jackie, what're you doing here?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: waiting for you
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What? I don't get a hello?
Meadow: I need two hundred dollars for November to put in my student account
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [irritated] You don't talk to me for weeks but my money's still green
Meadow: [sarcastically] I'm looking forward to total independence, believe me. African Americans go to Columbia dad, some of them are my friends
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to Noah Tannenbaum] friend, my ass, under a blanket, on my couch, watching television with his shoes off, with you

- All right.
- Goddamn it.
- Hold that.
- Help me.
- All right, climb!

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I want to know why there's zero growth in this family's receipts. Where's the fucking money? You're supposed to be earners. That's why you've got the top-tiered positions. So I want each one of you to go out to your people on the street, crack some fucking heads, making some fucking earnings out there!

Assemblyman Zellman: you remember that time in Atlantic City? You brought your old girlfriend?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: yeah, the cystic fibrosis fundraiser
Assemblyman Zellman: this is awkward, Irina and I are seeing each other
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: what? Your fuckin kidding me
Assemblyman Zellman: I met her that night at the fundraiser, I gave her my card: she was having some problem with the landlord. She called me months later when you two broke it off and one thing led to another
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: alright, alright, take it easy, it's "ancient history"
Assemblyman Zellman: still, I've been meaning to tell you, I feel like I owe you an explanation
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: what am I? Her father? Your both adults, enjoy yourself
Assemblyman Zellman: it's more than that: I care for her, very deeply, Roz and I are separated. "The heart wants what the heart wants" I guess
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [dismissively] the heart wants what the dick wants

- It's supposed to snow later this week.
- Know the weather in Mexico?
- Chili today, hot tamale?
- You heard it before?
- It's an old joke.
- Egon kosma said he made it up.
- What's the matter, you're not hungry?
- Late lunch.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Tony is at Dr. Melfi's shortly after having a monetary dispute with Hesh] You got a lot of Jews in your business right?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What do you mean?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: This.
[surveys her office]
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: . You gotta hand it to 'em. When it comes to money.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I've found that that's nothing more than an ugly stereotype.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Really? Because I got a friend, you tie a krugerrand to a fishing line, you're gonna land him.
[makes a sound emulating a fishing line being reeled in]
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: . Right up on the dock.

Carmela: [after seeing her during the festival] Hi, I saw you were on the committee: That's so great
Liz: Carmela Soprano, how's your daughter?
Carmela: Fine
Liz: Well, mine is dead
Carmela: Oh my God, when? What happened?
Liz: [implying Christopher killed Adriana] When? That piece of shit, your nephew
Carmela: They broke up: she ran off
Liz: She hasn't called me for almost two years: my birthday? Christmas?
Carmela: You two always did have a very "difficult relationship"
Liz: The FBI came to my home, you'd be "amazed" at the questions they asked me
Carmela: Liz...
Liz: [interrupts her] They admit it, they "think" that he killed her
Carmela: Come on, your drunk
Liz: Drunk? It's called "depression." I haven't had a drink in years

Richie: [while in a mall] thanks for meeting me
Tony: no problem, I went over to Brookstone and got myself a scale, what'd you want to talk to me about?
Richie: fuckin Dick Barone
Tony: as long as the two of you are happy
Richie: I'm in no mood... freakin garbage business, I found out that bow tie wearing mother fucker is charging me twice as much as everybody else to tip my trucks at his place
Tony: so, you repair the tonnage and charge the townships a little extra for the pickups, that's all
Richie: I got the smallest amount of routes than anybody in the association
Tony: you're like the old woman who's got a Virginia ham under her arm and she goes around crying because she's got no bread
Tony: [after Richie looks confused] never mind, the point is your brother Jackie never concentrated on sanitation so what do you want Dick to do?
Richie: [sternly] I want a rate
Tony: alright, I'll see what he says
Richie: yeah, you see since you own part of the company

- People see only what you allow them to see.
- Yeah, I been thinking the same thing.
- Thanks for the advice.
- Glad to be of service.
- Bring that.
- Come on, come on, come on!
- Where you going?

- Only thing I ever found in the street is my first wife.
- Dealer has 20.
- Son of a bitch.
- I just took a beatin' at craps.
- How you guys doin'?
- Pocahontas here is scalpin'us.

- What expenses?
- The band.
- Is that what you've been on the phone about?
- It may interest you to know, people said it was the best party all year.
- There was drinking, I suppose?
- We just let people into Matt's house.
- What they brought was not under our control.
- Do your applications. Now.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: So, Finn, you got any plans for the summer? Going back to Mission Viejo to surf or whatever?
Finn: Actually, I'm hoping to stay here in the city
Meadow: [to AJ] How's summer school going?
A.J. Soprano: Sucks
Finn: I did summer school once: you can still have fun
Meadow: [to Finn] At casa de Carmela, his looking at a maximum security summer
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Meadow, after Finn leaves for the restroom] Why don't you cut your mother a break? For the record, she's the one holding this family through this current situation and all
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to the waiter] Can we get the check, please?
Waiter: [referring to Finn] The young man took care of it
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Finn when he returns] You paid the check?
Finn: I figured since your always so generous, I thought I'd reciprocate
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You're lucky you don't get your head handed to you
Meadow: Dad...
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Let's get something straight: you eat, I pay
Finn: Mr. Soprano...
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No, when you have your own family, you pay
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to AJ After putting money on the table] Let's go
Meadow: [to Finn] Just take the money

- Get some immodium.
- You want to get made, this is no fucking way.
- Tony wants us to hang with nino, work out the dock facilities.
- I hope we get some spare time.
- I'm gonna see that fuckin' volcano.

- What stuff? I go, I talk to the guy for you. Get you back your stops.
- I know him.
- Yeah?
- So you give me a token.
- I don't know, couple percent.
- Thanks, Paulie.
- This one and the next one.

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: do you feel depressed?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [when he doesn't respond] do you feel depressed?
Tony: since the ducks left, I guess?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [before abruptly leaves] the ducks that preceded you losing consciousness: let's talk about them

Tony: [to Silvio] All due respect, you got no fuckin' idea what it's like to be Number One. Every decision you make affects every facet of every other fuckin' thing. It's too much to deal with almost. And in the end you're completely alone with it all.

[Father Jose calmly extorts Paulie over the usage of a statue's solid gold hat]
Father: Given the tenor of this conversation, I sense there's a possible criminal element in this neighborhood that could endanger this precious piece of local history.
Paulie: But for 50 grand... you wouldn't have that sense!
Father: It would demonstrate to me that you take this feast as seriously as the people who began it.
Paulie: Okay Father. Nice meeting you.
[Paulie walks up to the statue and yells at it, as if to hurt its feelings]
Paulie: Fuck the hat!

- I'm on my way up there now. I'm gonna send si! By to pick you up, okay?
- Jesus Christ.
- You know he's been drinking, so he's probably fighting that heroin urge again.
- Anyway, sil's on his way.
- Okay.
- All right.
- I'll see you up there.

Tony: Well, when you're married, you'll understand the importance of fresh produce.

- Hi!
- Hi.
- Hey, you.
- I love those.
- Yeah?
- Oh, my god.
- Where'd you get them?
- Near my house.
- Ay-ay-ay.

- Kill me. Kill me, you cocksu...
- You fucking bitch!
- Kill me. Kill me. Kill me.
- Kill me.
- Kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me...
- Kill me.

Phil: [visiting him in prison, referring to Tony Soprano, intentionally talking in code] so the split with your friend in Jersey, it should be the same as the old business we do over there
Johnny: that's Public Works, this isn't
Phil: I'll hold the "line"
Johnny: don't turn it into World War Three. So, day to day, how you getting along with Tony?
Phil: you asked me to bury the hatchet, I'm doing it out of respect to you, am I still grieving over my brother Bill? That'll never go away
Johnny: I appreciate it, with me in here...
Phil: I hear you
Phil: [when seeing Ginny and Anthony arriving to visit John] your bride: she's a "rock" for you kid
Johnny: her brother's fitting me for contacts. When the trial starts, I don't wanna be reading documents in the courtroom with glasses, looks weak

- that Lou gehrig died of Lou gehrig's disease?
- You gonna make that same stupid joke every time that comes up?
- Sorry.
- Everything's so fucking morbid.
- There's a man lying dead over there.
- I'm gonna go smoke.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [telling a joke, while eating in an Irish pub] A rich man and a poor man got the same wedding anniversary. Every year, they'd meet on Madison Avenue shopping for their wives, so the poor man says to the rich man What'd you buy your wife this year? He says, I got her a huge diamond ring and a brand-new Mercedes, poor man says, What'd you get her both for? Rich man says, If she doesn't like the diamond ring, she can bring back the Mercedes and still be happy. Rich man says to the poor man What'd you get your wife this year? He says, I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo, rich man says, What'd you get her a pair of slippers and a dildo for? Poor man says If she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after Pussy laughs] You remember the first time you brought me here?
Salvatore: Yeah, I remember
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to the first time he killed someone for the mob] I popped my cherry that night
Salvatore: Yeah, seems like old times
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You believe in God?
Salvatore: Yeah, I absolutely do, works in very mysterious ways, it's a wonder how He performs, no doubt. His been good to me

- Fofly?
- I thought little carmine said he was gonna take care of this.
- He did. That's why the concession.
- We were at 40 a week ago.
- What's done already is done.
- You keep that for yourself.
- Forty percent only applies to future deals.
- Let's go.

- when gene, the actuary, completely unloads on me.
- Jerk.
- Like yellin's gonna make me do anything but screw up more.
- You know you have to remember that when you're the boss.
- The boss.
- It's amazing isn't it?

Carmela: [referring to Furio] His mother was coming: he was so excited, we had a "date" to go to Color Tile
Rosalie: [confused] "Date?"
Carmela: To look at tiles for his mother's apartment, no phone call? No note? I know I sound foolish
Rosalie: No, you don't, honey
Carmela: When I ran into Darlene at church, it felt like somebody punched me in the stomach, I almost threw up the sacrament. What am I gonna do?
Rosalie: What's there to do? A couple of months, you'll forget all about him
Carmela: I don't know if I can
Rosalie: You don't think Tony said "something" to him, do you?

Tony: [referring to his mother's friend that she accidently hit with her car] She broke her wrist on the steering column: Minor concession
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What about the other woman?
Tony: [before Melfi winches] Hip, we were down at the hospital until two in the morning, talking to her doctor and the gerontologist, their saying she shouldn't live alone anymore, she can't manage the telephone
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: And you say she's very healthy and alert?
Tony: Like a bull, why?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I'm just thinking and I know there are other doctors who are right there but you know from your own life that depression can cause accidents or performance, or worse
Tony: So, what're you saying, that she "unconsciously" tried to "whack" her best friend?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [sarcastically, irritated] It's "interesting" that you would take that from what I said. Either way, she could need a change in her living situation, be around more people
Tony: Well, we were looking at Green Grove

- So what?
- He hit your niece.
- Jesus, are you crazy?
- That's all I need now for that fuck...
- To think I had a part of this.
- You gotta help me, man.
- I'll help you. I'll fucking help you!
- Hide me, I'm with you now.
- Who told you to do that? Get out of here, you dumb fuck! I'll kill you!

- He's a strong kid, Chrissy.
- He's tough.
- Very resilient.
- Why are you crying?
- He's gonna be fine.

- No one's asking for you, Fred.
- All right, vitus. Thanks.

Christopher: [jokingly, greeting Harris] oh, Sheriff of Nottingham, my kingdom for a mortadella, huh?
Agent: they make a great sandwich here: no getting around it
Christopher: what about that disease you picked up over there in Diarrhea-stan or wherever the fuck you were?
Agent: [points to the sandwich, referring to Tony getting shot by his uncle] this might be the cure. Hey, I was sorry to hear about Tony
Christopher: yeah, well, I got nothing to say about what happened, so...
Agent: [interrupts him] that's not why I asked, how's he doing?
Christopher: his fucked up. You know what I think? I don't think you come here for the sandwiches, I think you come here because you miss us
Christopher: [when Harris doesn't respond] hey, I can't blame you: that job you got now must be depressing. How goes the war on terror anyway?
Agent: working it
Christopher: [jokingly] I heard Fieldcrest reported a truckload of towels missing?
Agent: we actually spend a little more of our time trying to interdict the financial networks that fund the terrorist cells worldwide
Christopher: no shit
Agent: truck hijacking, narcotics. In fact, if you ever hear of "anything, "going down", Middle Easterners, Pakistanis, you'd be helping a lot, if you picked up the phone
Christopher: and called you?
Agent: it's your country too, isn't it?
Christopher: like I would know any one of these suicide jerk-offs, if he bit me on the ass
Agent: you knew Matush Giamona: hung out at your girlfriend's club
Christopher: he was a drug dealer, her "friend." I didn't know shit about his politics until one of your people told me
Agent: something to keep in mind
Christopher: I take that terrorism shit seriously, and Tony? Don't even get him started

- A sin.
- Carlo, let's be honest with ourselves here.
- We all know vito's not the first.
- Well...
- We're gonna do great things.
- Aw, Jesus, thanks again, Anthony.
- Thank you.

- Florida.
- So high on coke I forgot to call him.
- Then I thought I did.
- Well, you cut back on that shit, right?
- I'm a different man.
- My poor baby.
- My little boy.

Silvio: Nothing a Christmas ham couldn't fix.

- Who picked up...
- Our motherfucking, cocksucking vespas?
- In two seconds...
- This is going up your ass.
- It was the guys from New York.
- Phil leotardo and them.

- S-p-a-t-a-f-o-r-e.
- I don't have anything for that listing, sir.
- Look, I'm trying to find my cousin.
- Could you search the whole state?
- Searching.
- I'm sorry, sir.

Adriana: I'm just worried about you, Christopher. I love you so much.
Christopher: So if you love me, stir my eggs, okay?

Christopher: [referring to Danielle"] There's "something" wrong with that broad
Adriana: There's "something" wrong with you
Christopher: [while taking out a jewelry case and giving it to her] Yeah? Here's what's wrong with me
Adriana: [when seeing the diamond bracelet inside the case] Holy shit, oh my God! These diamonds!
Christopher: Harry Winston baby, got more "karats" than Bugs Bunny
Adriana: Christopher...
Christopher: I had a great conversation with Silvio today
Adriana: What? Tell me
Christopher: Let's just say Carmela ain't gonna be "first lady" forever

- The Bella vista room is smaller with no windows.
- A week before the wedding, Mikey saw the Bella vista room and flipped out.
- He almost killed the events manager.
- So Mikey and Jo-Jo got the Fontainebleau...
- And Kenny and me wound up with the Bella vista room.
- At 3:00.

- That's where that hippie kid mysteriously drowned during that party.
- Hey, ton.
- You okay?
- Yeah, yeah.
- You sure, t?
- You're being kind of quiet.
- That's because...
- "Remember when" is the lowest form of conversation.

- There, the text came back.
- You put it in buffer memory.
- What do you think?
- Of the script?
- Babe, I can't give an opinion every time you add a sentence.
- I gotta have the whole story flow.
- I'm starting with the dialogue.

- Come on.
- Let's go.
- Yeah, give me five dimes apiece on St. Louis...
- Minnesota and Baltimore.

Lilliana: [quizzing him on the questions for the citizenship test, while having a picnic] What is the most important right guaranteed to United States citizens?
Stasiu: Right to vote
Stasiu: [in Russian after taking them out of the picnic basket] What is this?
Lilliana: Special capers from Italy: Soprano kids don't like them. Who wrote the star-spangled Banner?
Stasiu: [uninterested] Martin Luther King
Lilliana: [chastising him] Stasiu...
Stasiu: I want to eat
Lilliana: [correcting his answer] Francis Scott Key
Stasiu: [in Russian] Fuck his whore of a mother
Lilliana: [after sighing] What holiday was celebrated for the first time by the American Colonies?
Stasiu: [intentionally responding with the incorrect answer] Martin Luther King
Lilliana: [irritated] Stasiu, that is the answer to number forty-nine, "Who was the Civil Rights leader?
Stasiu: What sandwiches did you bring?
Lilliana: I don't care
Lilliana: [in Russian] this hostility of yours, why do we even bother having our picnics together? Are you so bitter about driving a cab you have to ruin a beautiful day?
Stasiu: Back at home, I was an engineer with twenty employees and I run from the state to do atomist research... oh, and this bores you?
Lilliana: Don't take those steak knives out, put them with the capers, I'll take them home
Stasiu: [in Russian] They belong to Mrs. Soprano
Lilliana: [in Russian] They have so much stuff. Tomorrow I'm taking some champagne glasses

Catherine: [referring to the hospital policies] It's all about the insurance
Catherine: [while sitting in a wheelchair, gestures to her son standing behind her] You remember my Chuckie?
Corrado: Little Chuckie, he drove the bike for the butcher's?
Catherine: He's a cop now, like his father: a detective
Corrado: [referring to her deceased husband, asking about the cause of death] He was a good egg your Lou, a real straight shooter, had a lot of class, Hodgins, no?
Catherine: It's been almost fifteen years
Corrado: That long?
Catherine: [referring to when her husband passed on] It was the week the shuttle exploded: the pension helps, the grandchildren. You look good, are you healthy?
Corrado: A little heart trouble, nothing much, you broke your ankle?
Catherine: Bunions, are you still in Belville?

Christopher: [while lying in a hospital bed and telling Tony and Paulie what he saw during his near-death experience] Mikey Palmice and Brendan Filone were there too: they were friends
Paulie: Those two guys hated each other
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Christopher, you gotta relax, ok? You just need some rest
Christopher: Their friends now, they were playing dice with two Roman soldiers and a bunch of the Irish guys
Paulie: It doesn't make sense
Christopher: and the Irish, they were winning every roll and then Mikey gave me a message for both of you:
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: A message?
Christopher: Yeah, he said tell Tony and Paulie three o'clock
Paulie: [confused] Three o'clock?
Christopher: [while pressing the button for the morphine dispenser] This fuckin morphine drip, I don't think it's working, I don't feel a fuckin thing
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You gotta be careful with that
Paulie: That was all he said?
Christopher: Who?
Paulie: Mikey, three o'clock?
Christopher: Yeah
Paulie: What was he wearing?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Paulie, referring to Christopher] Come on let's go, he needs his rest
Christopher: He had on a gangster suit: pinstripe, old fashion style
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Christopher, eventually kissing him on the forehead] That was a dream... forget about it, ok? We're gonna take you home soon

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [jokingly, greeting a intoxicated Hunter dancing in the front lawn of his mom's house] Hey Janet Jackson
Hunter: hi. Mr. Soprano
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: where's Meadow?
Hunter: [referring to Meadow's grandmother's home] I give up, in the house?

Tony: [while walking down the stairs to greet Tony] look whose here, the guinea welcome wagon
Tony: [Visiting Johnny in his new house in New Jersey, jokingly] this is for you, you piece of shit. Carmella's bringing something nice for the house warming for Ginny
Johnny: [Showing Tony around his home] they call this the great room. I don't know what's so "great" about it. It's mediocre if you ask me. We got a fuckin living room right over there
Tony: I didn't know you were moving to New Jersey
Johnny: Ginny wanted to be close to her sisters and schools out here
Tony: We were sitting with Carmine all night long, you never once mentioned you bought a place in Jersey
Johnny: It's not Carmine's favorite subject me living in Jersey, it's what? Half an hour over the bridge?
Tony: Well, why didn't you tell me you were moving here?
Johnny: Why?
Tony: I've got to find out second hand?
Johnny: What'd you care? Are you working in the toll booth now? Besides I already got the condo in Point Pleasant
Tony: You should have fuckin told me
Johnny: I'm telling you now, this is strictly a place to live. I've got no intention to "stick my beak in." I mean there's our "family" then there's the Soprano "thing."

- I just got it back from the martinizing.
- They do a nice job over there.
- Say hi to dad for me. I put Allegra's graduation picture in a frame for him.
- Good.
- Love you.
- I love you too.
- Careful driving.

- No more bets.
- Twenty.
- Holy fucking shit.
- Here.
- Much appreciated.

- I just talked to him in person.
- He ain't seeing nobody.
- What's going on, butch?
- I just brokered this thing.
- He came here to make a peace offering.
- A semi-trailer of drills, makitas.
- We don't want your fucking drills.
- Fuck it. Let's go.

- Well, we don't do traditional therapy, perse.
- Kids in crisis mostly need an environment of calm...
- No stresses.
- Do you want this?
- Or I can pop it in the mail.
- Just one more week of this.
- Twenty-two hundred a fucking day.

- You're kidding.
- I mean...
- Jesus Christ.
- Svetlana just called.
- She said that after dinner your mother went upstairs.
- When Svetlana came up, your mother was under the covers.
- Svetlana thought she was asleep.

- Tell me to crap on the queen Mary...
- An hour later, they're hosing it down. I owe you everything.
- How do I know what nodal involvement is?
- Didn't you listen? A whole issue of us. News on seniors and health.
- "Take somebody to the doctor's," it said. Somebody to ask questions.
- You ask one dumb fucking question about my diet.

- at the time of bodily death, is the only reliable guide through the land of the dead.
- Who's gonna live here?
- A family. I'll have it finished by October.
- I'm worried, Ade.
- Everybody's worried.
- No. I am worried all the time.

- The thing with Adriana?
- I told you it never fucking happened.
- Well, apparently, your nephew feels othennise.
- Ro pointed it out to me. If she saw it, that means other people did.
- It's a movie. It's fictional.
- It's a revenge fantasy, Tony...
- Which ends with the boss's head split open by a meat cleaver.

- I talked to my guy, we're calling it off.
- I'm already out here though.
- Like, right there.
- We'll work something out, then.
- Don't worry about it.
- I want half.
- All right, whatever.
- Getting out?
- No.

- Let's give it up for no soap radio.
- Was that a steamroller of a set?
- Pick up one of their new cds for sale, up at the front.
- Come on, Giovanni.
- Jesus Christ, he's pissing his pants.

- Sorry. Right.
- Philly, yeah.
- Thought you were your brother.
- I just bought a sable off him.
- I'm sorry I had to do that.
- Fuck this.
- They're never coming.

A.J. Soprano: [In the hospital] what's up?
Christopher: You were at South Mountain Arena yesterday trying to buy a gun from that asshole that works in the snack stand?
A.J. Soprano: Who told you that?
Christopher: We know how you feel but you can't do this.
A.J. Soprano: I can't believe you know this, who told you this?
Bobby: If my father was laying in there shot I'd be thinking the same thing.
Christopher: But you can't go this.
A.J. Soprano: Yeah, well why the fuck not?
Bobby: Listen to me, I'm your uncle Junior's in federal lock up, no one's getting to him in there.
A.J. Soprano: It's difficult but not impossible.
Christopher: Trust me your dad does not want you to get involved
Bobby: You've got to channel that rage elsewhere, like golden gloves
Christopher: Dumb bells or some shit, fuck your girlfriend more

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [meeting in Johnny Sack's backyard] Phil has to understand that a punishment has been meted out, and what we are here for, in the end, is to provide, for our sons, our families, the future.
John: He doesn't accept that. His family is smaller by one.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Then, my friend, it's up to you to make him accept that.
John: Make him?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Let's talk, John, about the 500-pound elephant in the room, which is that you started this cycle of bloodshed when you whacked that girl Carmine used to fuck.
John: Lorraine Caluzzo was not a girl. And what kind of man bangs his second cousin?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What are you, the friggin' cardinal? Look, you want to shut down our joint construction projects, eat K-rations, fine. You want Phil to put one into one of my guys, well, that's gonna take you a long way from the rich prick you always wanted to be.
John: So, what do you suggest?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Whatever his legitimate sorrow is, his got a price, he wants to provide for his family.
John: And?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: and what?Meet his price, and that's it, I don't want to nothing else
John: Oh, you don't?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I paid enough, John, I paid a lot.
John: Maybe I can sell it. Truth is, we had discussions. I gave him the sports book.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah? Why didn't you say it right off, you cheap fuck?
John: Because I don't like it. He's gonna want a consiglieri, and who knows what...
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [before hugging each other] All right, all right, let's not go backwards now.
John: Those people you run into who want to be the boss. They should know, huh?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I told you, but you don't listen, you nut.
John: It's good, seeing you again
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I'm still looking forward to working with you, John.

- Over the past few months, you've heard from FBI agents...
- Who have documented clandestine meetings at his doctors' offices.
- Tales of bid-rigging, sweetheart deals...
- Secret payoffs and even murder.
- No, corrado soprano is not some harmless old man...
- But a killer who orders up murder like you and I order up coffee.

- You know, in some ways, the whole prison thing is not that different from bein' an immigrant.
- Word to the wise, remember Pearl harbor.
- We really were the last people in there.
- At least they were subtle about it.
- Was it stacking of chairs or the running the vacuum?

Junior: A mole on her ass? What's the joke? I still don't get it
Tony: It's not a joke per se, it's... you had to be there
Junior: A real lack of standards your generation. In my day John would be right, a man would never be expected to stand for a remark like that
Tony: The fucked up thing is I don't even like Ralph, if he was drowning I'd throw him a cinder block, but not protect one of my own captains? Besides its too late now anyway, Carmine gave me the nod
Junior: [While watching Who Wants to Be a Millionaire] On Johnny? That was a slippery fuck huh? Him and those big fish lips of his? Look at this: The fifth question and the poor prick used all of his life lines
Tony: John goes, Carmine's going to put himself in a position of maximum deniability
Junior: So, you make it easy for everybody, take it out of the neighborhood
Tony: Like an accident?
Junior: [Listing the causes that can kill John] accident, stick up, he can choke on a chicken wing. The important thing: Johnny disappears
Tony: Johnny out, Carmine's going to put his son in there, fuckin brain-less the second, who knows? Maybe there's an upside of Johnny going. He goes to Boston a lot to visit his father. It could happen up there
Junior: You want my advice? You'll call Lou DiMaggio, the Atwell Avenue Boys.
Tony: What? Those sick old fucks in Rhode Island?
Junior: They may be old my little nephew but those dogs can still hunt
Tony: My old man used to talk about them, something to do with drugs
Junior: Heroin back in the fifties it was raining cash with that shit. DiMaggio and his crew never saw a dime. A guy they worked for Lenny Caputo, he didn't believe in it. For fifteen years everyone and their mother was getting rich dealing H. Everyone except these guys. Their eking a living doing hits, running swag, anyway low and behold, one day Lenny get pinched for heroin trafficking. Turns out, the cock sucker was making a fortune working with the mulligan and not only that his been selling out his own guys to the Feds so he can keep his ass out on the street. DiMaggio and another guy on his crew did eight years on a murder rap
Tony: So much for loyalty huh?
Junior: You go to Rhode Island whatever you do, don't mention drugs: coke, heroin not even Tylenol
Tony: So, what happened to this Lenny prick?
Junior: [Smiles] Lou 'DiMaggio, his real name's Galina. They started calling him Lou 'DiMaggio, after the cops found Lenny and his wife's with their heads bashed in by a baseball bat. Anyway that was Lou when he still had his health

- What's the matter with you?
- It's this fucking swell.
- I'm sick.
- You don't see me all fucked up.
- Don't yell at me!
- I'll fucking yell at you!
- We got any good Tequila?

Tony: It's Tuesday three o'clock so we've got to talk about something ok? Spin the wheel", here's something that's been bothering me I gave my daughter a car
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Really?
Tony: Yeah a used car, one of those SUV's, a 92 pathfinder. The thing is that it belonged to a friend of hers from school and it came into my possession incurred of a debt by the kid's father and this is the way he elected to make payment
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You gave your daughter her friend's car?
Tony: It was a nice, safe, car to which I had the pink slip
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What's bothering you?
Tony: I must've known that she'd known it was her friend Eric's car and how I got it and she'd freak out
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Then why did you give it to her?
Tony: I don't know, I mean for all these years I've been shielding her and protecting her from certain "truths" so now I want to rub her nose in it.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Any thoughts on that?
Tony: This kid's father, his fuckin degenerate gambler but his also a respected business man in the community and everything that goes along with that
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: One of your "Happy "wanders"
Tony: How do you remember this shit?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [Smiles, remains silent]
Tony: So it becomes my fault he lost his kid's car? I've got to look out for him because his a sick bastard? My friend Artie Bucco got a restaurant right? Now believe me no one's telling him to refuse a plate a fettuccine to a guy that's eating himself to death
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Maybe that's what you were saying to your daughter
Tony: What?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: By giving her the SUV, wanting her to confront some of these "moral ambiguities"
Tony: [Implying that he doesn't understand her terminology] English
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Meadow's going to be going away to college next year
Tony: Yeah that's why she needs the car
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: "Leaving the nest"
Tony: Not those fuckin ducks again
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Maybe you were preparing her for the reality of teaching her to "fly"?
Tony: You know your people are something, I gave my little girl a car to rub her face in shit and you're telling me I did something noble?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: We're getting to something here
Tony: [Realizing she's right] time's up
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Look, we still have time and we're doing good work, what? You feel you're cured?
Tony: Alright, I'll sit here but I got nothin else to say

- Come on, let's go.
- Silvio manfred Dante?
- At a funeral?
- Detective filemon Francis.
- You're under arrest for violating new
- Jersey penal code, promoting gambling.
- Every fucking super bowl, the da. Grabs a few headlines.
- Go ahead. Last year I made bail so fast my soup was still warm.
- All right, come on. Keep moving.

- Are you telling me that since
- I'm the new boss, I should tax hesh?
- Boy, Anthony must've really gotten under your collar. Admit it.
- You want to crack his cog/ioni for putting you in here.
- What are you talking about?
- Yeah.
- And I'm playing shortstop for the mets.
- All right, watch the balls!

- Want a pastry?
- I need to watch my weight.
- I need to snag another husband.
- You're the only one who realized that's a joke.
- You had to grow up in our family.
- That dig you made about me giving guys head under the boardwalk?
- He took it so seriously, Bobby.

Christopher: [after she spent a long time in the bathroom getting ready] the fuck you doing in there? We're going to miss the previews
Christopher: [while she remains silent] what? Tell me your earring went into the fuckin drain again
Kelli: [Nervously] I'm pregnant. I know it's my fault. I know I shouldn't have let you take off the rubber. I thought we were ok. I was due for my period. My cycle's like clockwork...
Christopher: [Interrupts her by putting his hand up] stop
Kelli: I'll call the clinic tomorrow...
Christopher: [Interrupts her again, walks up to her and holds her cheek] stop talking, let's get married
Kelli: [Surprised] What?
Christopher: Drive to AC and make a day out of it
Kelli: Are you serious?
Kelli: [after seeing him teary eyed] Christopher I love you
Christopher: [Touching her abdomen] my baby. My ex, she couldn't have kids and I wanted them so bad
Kelli: The one that ran out on you?
Christopher: I bet she's having some other asshole's baby, that fuckin tramp

- Where are you going? Can I come?
- Your mom wants you to get the screens down to the basement.
- No, I want to go with you guys.
- He said no.
- Janice...
- You both won't be going, you talk to your brother like that.

Annalisa: You don't want to fuck me?
Tony: Yeah, I do. But I don't shit where I eat.
Annalisa: Que cosa?
Tony: [in broken Italian] Non fare la merdo dove... It's bad business. We're in business.

- I'll rip your fucking heart out!
- Look. Anthony's going in.
- All right, a.J.!
- Okay, defense, 41 stack.
- A.j.! Stick them, baby!
- Stick them! Do it!
- Fumble!
- Fumble!
- Up! Up! Everybody up! Wait, get up.

- You told me there were
- 1500 cases of centrums on that truck.
- When your nephew delivered it, there were cartons ripped open, pills all over the floor.
- Anybody got shorted, it was yours truly, but you know what...
- All right, all right, all right, put it back in your pocket.
- But I gotta get some relief on this other situation.

- Didn't you hear it? Twig snapping.
- You said yourself I hit him in the head. Fucking Rasputin, this guy.
- See?
- Come on, he's running.

- Congratulations, carm.
- It's not an easy thing to do these days.
- I had a lot of support.
- Brian and Janine must be so happy.
- I hope so.
- Just the two? It's big, right?
- It's a mansion.
- Pass the salad.
- They have a baby on the way.

- Stopped by to pick up a few things.
- Fine.
- The geeks are really making some progress now.
- Turn that off and come here.
- I got something to say to your mother,
- I might as well tell you.
- It's almost over.
- Now.

- What?
- I don't know.
- You getting called like this and going off all happy. I worry, that's all.
- You've seen too many movies.

- You don't want me to come back anymore.
- It's quite the opposite.
- This is all a by-product of progress.
- Has someone been following me?
- Okay, forget it.
- I'll see you next week.

- And I thought maybe you could help me out.
- Got a meeting in the city later.
- Rahimah, this is my dad.
- How you doing?
- Hello.
- Want a doughnut?
- No, thanks.
- Well, I'll see you later, Meadow?
- Okay, rahimah.

- You'll go to every session, and you'll keep your mouth shut.
- Now, if you need anything, anything at all...
- Patsy's gonna be half a mile away from you in a motel.
- Do you understand what I'm saying to you? Huh?
- Do you understand?
- Tony, I'm sorry.
- How did I fucking get to this?

- I've been thinking about things, me living out there.
- And I've decided it's probably not a good idea.

Christopher: Hey Poppin' Fresh, I'm in no fucking mood today.

Meadow: What stuff?
Carmela: This gay nonsense their teaching. I am sorry but Billy Budd is not a homosexual book
Meadow: Actually, it is mother
Carmela: I saw the movie Meadow with Terence Stamp
Colin: Terence Stamp was in the Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
Carmela: I don't know about that but Billy Budd is a story about an innocent sailor being picked on by an evil boss
Meadow: Who's picking on him out of self loathing caused by homosexual feelings in the military context
Carmela: Oh, please
A.J. Soprano: OK
Alessandra: Actually Mrs. Soprano, there's a passage in the book where Melville compares Billy to a statue of Adam before the fall
A.J. Soprano: Really?
Tony: I thought you read it?

Bobby: I'll tell ya what a gold mine is - those Harry Potter books. That's cause it gives the other kids, the 98-pound weaklings, some hope.
Ralph: Oh. Speaking of 98 pounds, I hear Ginny Sack's gettin' a 95-pound mole taken off her ass.
[all laugh]
Tony: Hey! Some guy's wife! Come on!

- What do you do, Adriana?
- Well, right now
- I'm in the food service industry.
Adriana: Christopher.
- You, get up.
- Who? Me?
- What does he want?
- Hey, bridge-and-tunnel boy, chill out.

- They got him for possession.
- Shit.
- What do you care?
- He mentioned that job over at rutgers.
- A coffeehouse.
- Coffeehouse, shit. We were gonna
- Jack a benefit concert there tonight.
- Jewel and amnesty international.
- You know the details?
- Can you make it work without dino?
- It was my fucking idea.

- Let's go. Let's go.
- Yeah, that's them there.
- Fuck!
- What the fuck?
- Let's get the hell out of here.

- Come in the house.
- I got your word, I walk in...
- I'm walking back out.
- I don't see you for all this time.
- No word. Nothing.
- This is how you come back?
- Do I got your word?

Carmela: [Referring to Meadow's punishment, while lying in bed] There has to be consequences. What kind of parents would we be if we let her get away with this?
Tony: Typical?
Carmela: Plenty of parents still "crack the whip"
Tony: Yeah, that's what they tell you
Carmela: I cannot wait until she goes off the college
Tony: Then you can be fucked up with the "empty nest" syndrome and go on Wellbutrin like your sister?
Carmela: As a parent today, you are "over a barrel" no matter what you do: you take away the car, you become her chauffeur. You ground her, you gotta stay home weekends and be prison guards
Tony: And if you throw her out, the Social Services will bring her back, and we'd be in front of the judge: she's not eighteen yet
Carmela: That's your solution? To throw your daughter out?
Tony: All I'm saying is with the laws today, you can't even restrain your kid physically because she can sue you for child abuse
Carmela: There has to be consequences
Tony: And there will be, I hear you ok? Let's not "overplay" our "hand" because if she finds out we're powerless, we're fucked

- Here, I just ironed it.
- Oh.
- Thanks.
- Ooh, the canali. Very nice.
- Where are you going?
- I've got a... real estate thing.
- Ahem...
- My handsome man.

- And a .45 while hunting for easter eggs?
- In the waste management business, everybody assumes you're mobbed up.
- It's a stereotype, and it's offensive.
- You're the last person I want to perpetuate it.
- Fine.
- There is no mafia.

Tony: Your amigos with the baggy pants, I hope you kept them away from the silver
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: Oh, Jesus, their musicians aright? they saw the ad for the drums
Tony: You're selling your drums?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: I need cash, I don't play them anymore
Carmela: Those drums were a gift from your father
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: Yeah, I don't wanna sell them, if you guys hadn't made me get such a crappy job, I wouldn't have to
Carmela: oh, so this is our fault?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: I'm wasting my time at Blockbuster
Tony: Then get off your ass and get another job
Carmela: What about community college? You said were gonna go back to school
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: [irritated, intentionally speaking slowly to belittle them] Ok, for the hundredth time, I can't register until second semester! I mean, Jesus Christ, I do what you guys want, don't I deserve some kind of life?

- UN-fucking-believable.
- Buffalo! Fucking-a! [Cheers]
- Listen to this fucking guy.
- Probably won $35 down there.
- Final score, buffalo 28, tampa bay 24.
- Skip, another beer?
- No. No, no, I'm gonna go take a snooze.

- Motherfucker!
- What are you doing?
- What if we need the bullets?
- That's no deer hunter.
- Paulie! Christopher!

- Because I got this image of Daniel in the lion's den.
- He says you found his body.
- Oh, my god.
- He's sorry.
- He knows how traumatic that was.
- He couldn't take the pain anymore.
- Gregory, I'm sorry.
- Could you repeat that?

- Ho, get the skip a chair.
- I don't want a chair. I'm fine.
- Ton', how you doing?
- What are you weighing these days?
- Don't ask. 265.
- Let's go.

- Hadn't happened a week or so after you found out about Gloria?
- I'll tell you one thing.
- One suicide is bad enough, but two?
- They can both go fuck themselves.
- I made a donation to the suicide hot line in her name, and...
- That's it.

Tony: [Increasing Scatino's sporting goods store's debt by buying products, selling them, and not paying back the vendors] a lot of fuckin work to move some picnic coolers
Richie: Coolers are scissors, everybody wants one but have nobody has a fuckin idea how much they cost. You have a Nigerian sell these on the streets for two or three bucks a piece, who's not going to say "fuck it, give me one"
Tony: Davey, how we doing with the books of airline tickets?
David: You want to raise a red flag with the travel agency? A sporting goods store that charges airline tickets in bulk?
Tony: You say it's a promotional device" you know "customer of the year", "salesman on the month", that kind of thing, don't worry about it. You put it all on different lines of credit
David: Yeah but all of sudden I'm ordering all this weird shit. Picnic coolers, Ramosa water. When is one of these vendors realizes I'm never going to pay them and call the cops?
Richie: When your fuckin credit runs out "Diamond Jim", until then get on the fuckin horn and order unless your ready to pay the principle you owe us?

- What the fuck did I say?
- If you'd rather,
- I can invite them to her place.
- Janice, what are you doing?
- Very good.
- We can all take a break from eating for five minutes.
- Most of you will probably remember that this was her favorite song.
- It might help us get rolling.

- and she would have more of a don't-ask-don't-tell policy towards my work and my recreational life outside of the home.
- But you tell me there hasn't been much recreating since the shooting.
- No, and that's okay.

- How's you doing, Tony?
- Pick six today?
- No, just an orange juice and a racing form today.
- This wind, huh?
- Yeah.

- Did a hell of a job.
- Falcons! Falcons, heads up!
- Red, 42! 42!
- Push! Ally!
- Come on.
- Come on, al!

- Don't worry about those distractions, you keep your eye on the ball.
- I know what you're thinking.
- You have no idea.
- The cops aren't gonna help you because you can't give them anything!
- Don't be stupid!
- Even in the short term.
- Get the fuck out of town.
- You've been a good doctor to me.
- Thank you.

- Hang on, gab, call waiting.
- It may be Tony from Italy.
- Hello?
- I didn't sleep a wink last night, my god, isn't this awful?
- Did you tell franny altieri?
- Ooh no, she's gonna shit when she hears this.

- He built the sacrimoni house.
- He did decent workmanship.
- Ginny says he works for a price.
- So?
- Well, your sister loves that house.
- She said it reminded her of a "villa in Italy."
- What, is he coming here now?
- I picked up a couple of sandwiches from italianissimo.

Tony: [to Christopher and Eugene] Once you're into this family, there's no getting out.

- Well, no, it's just a test-drive for a couple of weeks.
- You know, my family gave me some sunglasses for Christmas so why don't you have these?
- I bet they'll look great on you, Chris.
- I don't know. You think?
- Sir Ben, can we get a shot?

Christopher: My friends have abandoned me. I've been totally fuckin' ostra-fied.

U.S. Attorney: You prefer Corrado or Junior?
Corrado: I prefer Mr. Soprano.
U.S. Attorney: Your tenure as boss was a short one. Actually, it was unusual in several ways. Let me put this to you as simply as I can. You can avoid sentencing on these charges if you will testify that in fact, you were not the boss of North Jersey, that in fact, your nephew Anthony Soprano was and is. That he de facto controlled your capos with the backing of two of the New York families communicating through their emissary, John Sacrimoni. We want Johnny Sack. But more than him, we want Mangano and Teresi.
Corrado: I want to fuck Angie Dickinson, let's see who gets lucky first.

Meadow: [Jokingly, after answering the phone while studying in her dorm] Taco Bell
A.J. Soprano: Hi
Meadow: Hey
A.J. Soprano: There's something I've got to tell you
Meadow: I heard
A.J. Soprano: How?
Meadow: Like mom's not totally going to tell me you got expelled?
A.J. Soprano: Not that
Meadow: I heard you "cracked" to the cop everything
A.J. Soprano: They had my DNA
Meadow: Moron, it takes like six weeks to get DNA tests
A.J. Soprano: Shit
Meadow: I've got to go
A.J. Soprano: No, I didn't tell you yet
Meadow: What?
A.J. Soprano: Jackie was doing a drug deal with some black dudes and they shot him, his like dead

Richard: [while they prepare dinner, jokingly, referring to Tony] Didn't you see my favorite patient today?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Tomorrow
Richard: How's that going?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [not wanting to talk about Tony] Let's not
Richard: [referring to stopping Tony's treatment then continuing his therapy sessions] I still wished to Christ you hadn't taken him back
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [referring to their divorce and reconciling] I took you back
Richard: You think the synergy escapes me? You start treating him, we start seeing each other again. No, seriously...
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [interrupts him] If you really wanna know, he had a real breakthrough last week
Richard: [amused] Breakthrough what? Somebody's jaw?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [sarcastically] Your right, I'm wasting my time: better I should boycott with the National Italian American Foundation and save the world from... oh what is it this week?
Richard: The very idea ABC would even think of producing that stereotypical goombah fest
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: We're the advertisement for the American experiment. We did great
Richard: I'm so fed up with people assuming I'm a thug because my name ends in a vowel: undershirts, yelling, Hollywood tries to give these sociopaths a tragic grandeur of Al Pacino
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Condescend to me, it gets me so hot
Richard: Tell me a little more about this breakthrough then. You yourself said this guy's an alexithymic: he said Nothing's gonna get through, not if it threatens that straw house his built inside his head to shelter his base criminality. It really concerns me you don't see this, I mean pink slip this guy: his dangerous
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I'm gonna pink slip you if you don't get that chicken in the oven

- You got some set of balls, you know that? Absolutely not.
- I show you my hand, and you slap it away.
- What's the matter with you?
- Why can't we talk like adults anymore, huh?
- Next time you come in, you come heavy or not at all.
- You don't mean that.

Meadow: [after Tony interrupts Eric and Meadow practicing music] do you mind? God
Tony: [Angrily] I'm trying to get some sleep, I've been working all night
Tony: How you doing Eric?
Eric: Pretty good
Tony: [Referring to his guitar skills] sounds good
Eric: Thanks
Meadow: Are you awake now?
Tony: Yeah
Meadow: Good, close the door
Tony: [Irritated by her attitude] hey! Where's your mother?
Meadow: The store. Oh, aunt Barb called, uncle Tom's father died
Tony: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Tom Sr.? When?
Meadow: I don't know
Tony: What the hell happened?
Meadow: I don't know
Tony: The guy's here almost every Christmas eve, you don't ask? Somebody says "Joe blow" died, nobody asks "how" or "what happened?"
Tony: [while closing her door referring to her lack of respect] Jesus

Tony: [Beating and strangling Ralph over Pie-O-My's death] She was a beautiful innocent creature, what'd she ever do to you? You fuckin' killed her! You killed her, you fuckin' killed her!

Tony: [referring to his father's former mistress] So I talked to her for like an hour, turns out her and my old man had a "thing", right up until he died. He got from her what he couldn't get at home, support, love, a smile when you walk through the fuckin door
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Do you think that justifies his infidelity?
Tony: She drove him into that woman's arms, my mother, to all his women. I'll tell you one thing: all the years he was rotten in that grave, I can't remember once my mother visiting him but this lady Fran...
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [interrupts him] It's possible your mother found it very painful?
Tony: [sarcastically] Oh, poor her

- Please don't hurt him!
- The kid only got firecrackers on him.
- I want to work with you guys!
- Who told you this was the way to go about it?
- Don't worry.
- This is Naples university.

- Don't get in bed with him again.
- You dislodged his drains.
- That was my daughter.
- And I can't help but think that physical affection means something.

- Better be careful. If I can do it, so can your bride-to-be.
- What is this? Some new rule about who I fuck? You want more shoes?
- No. They don't fit her. I don't know why I thought she was a size 10.
- I don't know either.
- I'm here to tell you one thing.
- You go whining to the big man again about shit between us...
- We'll have a problem, my friend.

- I got like a 450 on my math sat.
- Fuck that shit, bro.
- I could hook you up in like 10 minutes.
- Can I dance for you, baby?
- I guess.
- Yeah, dude. Yeah.
- Yeah.

Richie: [to Paulie and Silvio when they arrive to see him] Sit down for Christ's sake
Paulie: I wanna talk to you about Beansie Gaeta
Silvio: You know he may never walk again
Paulie: [to Silvio] Never say never
Richie: [to both of them] No, say never. He's a shopping cart from here on out
Paulie: He gets home from rehab soon, poor motherfucker: you should help him out
Richie: [confused] Help him out?
Paulie: You should build him a ramp on his house: for the wheelchair
Silvio: You can make the place Whatchamacallit... handicapped assessable?
Richie: Maybe when I'm over there, I can fuck his wife?
Silvio: Come on Richie, you're a fuckin captain now. So, you assert a little pressure, call that nephew of yours Vito and the other one. They're in the building trades, aren't they?
Richie: Wait, are you fuckin serious?
Paulie: Richie, it's a gesture. The man has a lot of friends
Richie: You're out of your fuckin minds
Silvio: Don't take that attitude Richie
Paulie: [sternly] Hey, your gonna build Beansie a ramp
Richie: I'll build a ramp up to your ass

Phil: There are no scraps in my scrapbook.

- It all checks out.
- Puerto Rico, the clinic.
- All that shit, from what I can tell.

Christopher: Good dinner baby
Adriana: Let's get married
Christopher: [Amused] Whoa, where'd this come from?
Adriana: I don't know, it's going to be two years we're engaged. Let's just go down to City Hall
Christopher: City Hall? What're we? Schnooks? You said you wanted a big wedding anyway
Adriana: I don't care about that shit. I just want you. It'll be cheaper anyway, we could buy a house. Plus, a wife can't testify against her husband
Christopher: Can't have a club, stay out all night getting high when you have a kid
Adriana: What if we didn't have kids?
Christopher: Fuck that, what's the point of being married?
Adriana: I mean what if we can't? If "I" can't? Would you still love me?
Christopher: Of course I'd still love you, why?
Adriana: There's something you should know: a long time ago, years ago, I had a medical procedure, it was before we met. My uterus got pierced
Christopher: Both of them?
Adriana: There's only one, that's ovaries
Christopher: So, what does that mean? You can't get pregnant?
Adriana: My doctor said it might be hard, a friend of mine gave me the name of a specialist in Manhattan
Christopher: [Suddenly furious, raising his voice] you knew you were damaged goods and never fuckin told me?
Adriana: How could you call me that?
Christopher: Jesus fuckin Christ, how could you lie to me like that?
Adriana: I tried to tell you once. I wanted to. I was afraid you wouldn't propose
Christopher: You don't get it Adriana. I don't have a son, the Moltisanti name ends: that's it
Adriana: We could adopt
Christopher: Yeah that's great, some kid with "chinky" eyes called "Moltisanti", he'd get his ass kicked everyday
Adriana: You said you'd still love me
Christopher: That doesn't mean I'd fuckin marry you

Christopher: What're you doing in bed? We got dinner with Tony and Carm
Adriana: I can't come, I'm sick
Christopher: What'd you mean?
Adriana: I don't know, I got chills, I think I'm getting the flu? I shouldn't go up there
Christopher: Come on, get dressed, couple of drinks, it'll kill the germs, you'll forget all about it
Adriana: You better go without me
Christopher: But you have to go, this is the "inner sanctum" here, I'm not just a relative anymore, you think Paulie and his comares get invited to dinner with them?
Adriana: I'm sorry, maybe I should just sleep?
Christopher: [disappointed] Nothing ever goes my way

- You're fired.
- Oh yeah? Oh, who's laughing now?
- What do you think? I can't press charges
- 'cause of my friendship with Tony?!
- Three months you worked here!
- You think that doesn't go on your permanent record?!
- We lead the world in computerized data collection!

- Janice! Janice! Janice!
- Janice? Janice!
[ In Russian ] Fucking whore.
- May she burn alive.

- The old Italians will tell you, you can't even put them around a baby.
- They suck the breath right out.
- Well, you're the only baby here, so we're ahead.
- You wanna wear his fucking pelt on your head?
- I said get rid of him.
- Leave him.
- He's a good guy.

Tony: [Surprised to see Richie answering the door at Tony's mother's house early in the morning] the fuck you doing here? Where's my sister?
Richie: Store, I'm making breakfast, want some eggs?
Tony: Do I want some eggs? Why don't you put your fuckin pants on?
Richie: Let's have some coffee
Tony: So what the fuck? The mattress in the shelter a little too lumpy?
Richie: [Referring to Janice] We're adults, and we got history together
Tony: Yeah: Israel and fuckin Palestine
Richie: People change. I was away a long time, I thought a lot about her
Tony: Ten years, you thought about Janice? There are men in the can better looking than my sister. I hope you're not thinking about moving in here
Richie: It's late, I slept over. We're taking it slow ok? Picking up where we left off
Tony: High school: grabbing blowjobs on my mother's couch
Richie: You crossed the line on me once, I held my tongue, she may be your sister, back the fuck off... all due respect
Tony: [Sternly] respect? What the fuck do you know about respect? I put you back in business you cocksucker

- We shall know forsooth.
- Liz has been to her house.
- She says it's nice.
- Doesn't look that great.
- It's kind of Bo peep-ish.
- Can I help you?
- We're here to see Devin pillsbury.
- Proceed on up. Park in the auto court.

- Bring his car to the salvage crusher.
- Cadillac.
- I'll get something.
- Hello.
- Where are you going? No, Tony!
- Please, don't go.
- I'll be right back.

Junior: [watching 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' starring Larry David, whom he resembles] What am I doing on television?

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: If I were you, I would seriously consider salads!
[Leaves]
Bobby: Why won't you take a look in a mirror, you insensitive fuck!

[ Loud speaker] Ladies and gentlemen, soon we 7! Begin...
- General boarding of flight 129 with nonstop service to Tucson.
- We 'd like to board our first-class passengers...
- And those with young children and those requiring assistance.
- You can't understand a word they say.
- Aw, go on!
- Livia soprano?

- You got the Crescent wrench?
- Nobody puts it back...

- I didn't know that.
- Same chemical family.
- Gotta have some cough suppressant value, right?
- Worst-case scenario, it might help you sleep at least.
- What do you think?
- Valerian tea.
- You have to go to the health food store.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Sil, break it down for 'em. What two businesses have been recession-proof since time immemorial?
Silvio: Certain aspects of show business and our thing.

- I like your pants. Leather?
- Yeah, I got them at bebe.
- Fucking packed tonight.
- Let's celebrate.

Carmela: [over the phone] hi, how are you?
Jeanie: listen, I spoke to my sister about the letter of recommendation for Meadow and she's sorry, she just can't do it... I'm sorry
Carmela: she can't? Why not?
Jeanie: well because she already wrote a letter for someone else: a wonderful Dominican from the housing projects, with a 5.2 average and a crack addict mother with Cerebral palsy
Carmela: so, what does that mean? She can't send two?
Jeanie: did you think about asking one of the priests at the church? A letter from Father Intintola would "probably" mean more I bet? Especially at Georgetown. I gotta go, bye, good luck

- Uncle junior...
- I need to talk to you.
- I came in heavy, like you said, but I don't want to use it.

- Whatever.
- Make that 20.
- Anybody else want to mouth off?
- Good! Come on!
- Let's circle up for keep-away.
- Let's go! Over here.
- Get in a big circle!
- Go! Move it!
- I need some people out here.
- Come on! Let's go!

- They refrigerate this place, huh?
- There you go.

- How you doing?
- Son of a...
- Your suit's wrinkled. Here, let me fix it up for you.
- Why are you screaming?
- Free alterations.
- Missed a spot.
- This is overdue.

- Fine. Who's your lawyer?
- I don't have an official one.
- Maybe Christopher knows a good lawyer.
- Oh, you fucking piece of shit.
- I'll call the public defender.
- They'll send someone down.
- Might take a while, though.
- This hour of the night.

[about DVD players]
Tony: I hear there's not as many titles available as on laser.
Brendan: You know, there's more coming, though.
Paulie: My internist told me the picture's not that different from laser either, Tone.
Brendan: But the sound, way improved.
Tony: Good. 'Cause nothing beats popping up some Orville Redenbacher's and listening to "Men in Black".

- I'll be back every Saturday, partner.
- I don't fucking believe this.
- I'm being shaken down, for what?
- Tell me, what did I do?
- This is not right.
- I'm not gonna fucking lay down.
- I'll step up.

- It should look like a carjack.
- See? That's why you came to us.
- That's some stereotyping shit.
- He goes mall-walking inside king's Plaza.
- 7:00 am, Tuesdays and Thursdays.
- Regular.
- Macy's entrance,
- Avenue u and flatbush.
- You got the down payment?

- Where's blundetto?
- I don't know!
- It's a start.
- Hey, ton.
- Hey, ton.

J.T. Dolan: My new agent, next week he's got me set up to meet Dick Wolf's guy.
Christopher: I seen Dick Wolf at Rao's one night. Guy's got his own limo.
J.T. Dolan: That *Law & Order* money? The guy could have his own battleship.

- How was the dentist?
- God, is there nothing to eat in this house?!

Paulie: [before a sit down requested by Paulie, referring to Ralph not arriving on time] I got here first? Cocksucker
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: sit down, relax, have a coffee, he'll be here
Paulie: I think I got ma situated
Silvio: the Brother Joe home?
Paulie: [referring to the odor] nah, fuck that, we went there, almost gagged. Nah, we're gonna go with Greene Grove, based on your recommendation, Tone
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I never recommended it
Paulie: yeah, you did, when your ma there. By the way, did she have the Silver Bird package?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [uninterested] I don't know
Paulie: you know, Sil, it's the most expensive nursing home in the state
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's a retirement community
Paulie: the level of care they have, ma was crying
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: eight grand a month?
Paulie: who gives a fuck? You see a seeing eye dog over here? Cup full of pencils?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I'm not trying to insult you, I'm just saying
Paulie: It'll be tough but I'll figure it out: worth every fucking penny, I'm the hero now
Paulie: [to Ralph when he arrives] you're late
Ralph: [before Paulie tries to lunge at him for the insult] well, tomorrow I can be on time, but you'll be stupid forever
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Paulie while holding him back] hey, sit down
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Ralph] sit the fuck down and shut up
Silvio: so, who wants to talk first?
Paulie: what's to fucking talk about? I'm owed that fifty g's
Ralph: [raises his voice] fucking alarm code? Fifty g's? Five tops, maybe? As a finder's fee?
Paulie: Freaking heist fell in your lap: you spend your days fucking those fat pigs in the outer office at the carpenters union
Ralph: three mill a year from construction this family sees
Silvio: alright, five is the negotiating platform, take it easy
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to Ralph's crew] It's not five we all know that: these guys did the heavy lifting
Paulie: Little Paulie was good to go, fucking car never came. They left him waiting outside his house like an asshole in fucking eleven-degree weather
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after thinking it over] Ralph, give him 12k
Paulie: I can't believe this
Ralph: why not? Last year you believed that flying saucers were over East Rutherford
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Ralph, irritated from his insults] I'm not gonna tell you again
Paulie: T, I'm asking you to reconsider this
Silvio: [replying for Tony] Paulie, you requested a sit down, he heard you out

- What happens if I don't feel like shutting the engine?
- Dispatch, request backup.
- You gotta be fucking kidding me.
- Tony.
- Five-eight-two, what's your 20?
- Dispatch, cancel backup.
- This the high point of your career?
- Wait in the car.

- Anyway, $4 a pound.
- Who brought this in here?
- Georgie. It's wacky, huh?
- You think it's a playroom back there?
- What?
- Fucking toys. This is a business.
- That's an office.
- They were selling them at rite aid.
- What? What did you say?
- I pay you a fucking salary!

- Hell of a tub here, guys.
- Sea, sun. I'm gonna make it my second home.
- Anybody else hungry? Huh?
- We'll get lunch started.
- Artie, another Margarita?
- I could say no, but I won't.

Ralph: Look kid I'm trying real hard here and I know I'm the guy who's dating your mom,
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Dating?
Ralph: Don't get fuckin' filthy about it.

- Twenty-nine.
- Here you go, big guy.

- That party was the only time
- I ever mentioned shamu's fat ass.
- Hello. Verona, green grove retirement home something...
- Just connect me.
- The fuck you doing?
- Yeah, hello?
- I'd like to talk to a Mrs. Gualtieri, she's a resident there.
- One moment, please.

Tony: [Referring to how his children socialize with their friends] My girl did the same thing, at his age, always in a group, what's that about?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What's it about for you?
Tony: In my day a boy and a girl went on a date and your father hoped you wouldn't get too far or else you'd get the girl knocked up and her parents would come over and break your legs
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I don't think it's about him going to the mall with a group that bothered you, it was that he wanted to go to mall instead of the movies with you
Tony: Well, his getting to that age where his got a life of his own
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: One that doesn't include you
Tony: It was always "we'll do this", "we're going to do that..."
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Not so fast I've heard you many times about being with your son
Tony: Yeah well that's over now... gone... done
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Its bitter sweet this period, you're glad they're growing up but you're sad to lose them
Tony: [Intentionally changing the subject] I could be going away, for a very long time for something I didn't do
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [Remains silent]
Tony: [Offended by her not showing any emotions, sarcastically] how about "gee that's too bad Anthony" or "what a shame Tony"
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: We can't go into specifics on this
Tony: Well, here's something "specific", I didn't do anything wrong, we're not suppose to talk about it. I could be going to the can for the rest of my life and I'm not supposed to discuss it with my psychiatrist? What the fuck are you for anyway?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: How does that make you feel? The idea that you might be sent to prison
Tony: I've just got to stay around a little while for the kids, especially my boy. Once his out of the house the government can do whatever the fuck they want to do, give me life, give me the chair, whatever they want
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I've never seen you like this
Tony: Like what?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Scared
Tony: [Amused] you know I wouldn't use that word but sometimes I feel, I don't know, you mother fuckers, you know I don't fuckin deserve this
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [Intentionally changing the subject] how's your medication?
Tony: [Shifting in his seat]
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [Sensing he feels uncomfortable] Maybe we should stop

Vito: [helping him study for his massage license using flashcards] which muscles are attached to the Coracoid process?
Tony: I fuckin know this, it's on the tip of my tongue
Christopher: [entering the room with Paulie, jokingly] oh, study hall again
Tony: pectoralis minor and the coracobrachialis, and... .
Vito: and? Come on, even I know this
Tony: fine, what is it?
Vito: biceps!
Tony: [after checking his flashcards, then throws them on the table] fuck, I knew that: my mind's all over the place
Christopher: fear knocked on the door, faith answered, there was no one there
Paulie: [to Tony B] why do you wanna do this shit, so you can touch a bunch of strangers?
Vito: [to Paulie] you really "skeeve" the human body, don't you?
Paulie: [to Vito] you like it so much? Let me ask you a question, why do pissin, shitin, and fuckin all happen within a two-inch radius?
Christopher: everybody asks that, Paulie, there's no answer for it
Vito: their all "sources of pleasure" though
Paulie: get the fuck outta here!
Tony: I know this shit and the next minute, it's gone
Christopher: I don't know how you do it working full time, if your parole officer is a "problem", give our guy Jimmy Curran a call: he's a supervisor
Tony: it's not that, it's just all this pressure now that I got this "opportunity"
Tony: [to Christopher after he looks confused] Sungyon Kim, my boss, his gonna back me on a whole storefront operation
Christopher: [before Tony B nods] Korean?
Paulie: if your lookin for money, why not come to me?
Tony: this is "different", this "self-owned business" shit is like a religion to these people. Plus, the guy sees "something" in me. You know in some ways, the whole prison "thing" is not that different than being an immigrant
Paulie: [adamantly] word to the wise: remember Pearl Harbor!

- If you pray.
- Will you pray?
- Okay, you just have to follow me.
- In the name of the father...
- The son...
- And the holy spirit.

- Just got the call.
- They put him on a corrections bus this morning.
- This was the better move than taking him out.
- Man was a legend.
- Christopher agrees, by the way.
- Well, that's nice that he agrees.
- But I'm not running a fucking popularity contest.

- What's the matter?
- I'm... I'm not what you think.
- I don't know what to do.
- I need... I want to tell you all something.
- It's driving me crazy.
- Well, you know you can tell us anything.

- No, I liked the Maserati.
- Try the versace, you won't be sorry.
- All right, give me four.
- What's up?!
- Come on. Let's go. Out.
- I got friends here, man!
- Let me call my man Carlo!
- I see you here again,
- I'm gonna crack your head.
- Call Carlo!

- We all do.
- What?
- I shouldn't be sarcastic.
- Just look at her.
- The little baby's hand against her cheek.
- She's so at peace.
- A beautiful, innocent, gorgeous little baby.

Little: [when Tony and Carmine show up at Phil's home] Butch, how are ya?
Butch: Phil's not accepting any visitors right now
Little: I just talked to him on the phone
Butch: I just talked to him in person: he ain't seeing nobody
Little: [before gesturing to Tony] what's going on Butch? I just "brokered" this "thing." He came here making a peace offering: a semi trail of drills: Makitas
Butch: we don't want your fuckin drills
Tony: [pats Carmine on his shoulder] fuck it, let's go

- What?
- I have told you repeatedly...
- I do not wanna hear this shit.
- I let you be part of my movie.
- You let me?
- I'm pouring my heart out, man.
- And I'm very sorry.
- But we met in aa.
- Chris, you're in the mafia.
- Fine.

- Believe me, me and ralphie are working on a few things.
- This battle's gonna be won on the PR. Level.
- Hearts and minds.
- They manipulate your image,
- Columbus...
- You manipulate theirs.
- All right.

- Woman: That loggia was my daughter's idea.
- Nice, huh?
Adriana: Danielle, come check this out.
- Wait, ralphie.
- Oh, come on.
- What?
- What are you doing to me here?

- You should come hang out. New day.
- Vegas, huh?
- All right, Davey.
- Take care of yourself. Drive safe.
- I'm so proud of you. My little baby.
- Sal knew it was today. I told him.
- He's so self-centered.

- It's right over there.
- Ariani El pino?
- Your shitting me!
- That's where my grandfather's from!
- It's right over there.
- We come from the same town.
- Our families probably knew each other.

- What?
- Nothing. I just...
- It's just sad is all.
- What?
- Aj didn't have the flu.
- He didn't go because Tony wouldn't let him.
- He doesn't want you around his kids.
- What happened? What was that?

- I'm ditching Spanish.
- Meet me by the trophy case.
- How could we possibly get busted?
- The boys' room by the stage?
- They never check it.

- Are you gonna operate on me?
- I'm gonna take care of everything.
- The doctor bills, a wig, whatever.
- Don't worry about nothing.
- Okay? Okay.
- Okay.
- I gotta go.

- Chrissy, we're down here waiting for the tvs.
- Let me ask you something.
- The other day, t with that picture.
- He looked like he was gonna cry.
- And still no word from Ralph.
- Where the fuck is this kid?

[the cat jumps on the table in main room in Satriale's]
Walden: He was at the safe house. We brought him over.
Paulie: Get him the fuck out. These are snakes with fur. The old Italians'll tell ya, you can't even put 'em around a baby. They suck the breath right out.
Benny: Well, you're the only baby here, so we're ahead of the game.
Paulie: Ya wanna be wearin' his fuckin' pelt on ya head?

- It's dot, who's this?
- It's Tony, looking for ton.
- Oh, he's not here.
- He didn't come in tonight at all.
- He might be in later, though.
- You wanna try his portable phone?
- I did.
- You see him, you have him call me immediately.
- Okay, will do.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Meeting privately] You been waiting long? Sorry I was interviewing divorce lawyers
Johnny: That's what I always ask myself: "Is it worth it financially?"
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You and Ginny are the old married couple
Johnny: Marriage can be very hard work if both aren't pulling their loads. I was wondering, why the delay?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I was going to call you, you're not going to be happy: I'm out. Whacking a boss is bad for business, now that he settled...
Johnny: We can weather it
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's not the internal upheaval. Mr. and Mrs. John Q America by in large they sit still for our shit so people get ripped off. They figure it's not them but it's the O.K. Corral out there, and the Feds take heat
Johnny: This is very disappointing
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I know but his an old man come on, your going to get your chance soon enough
Johnny: Don't go into coaching, it's not your "long suit"
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What I was going to say...
Johnny: [Unintentionally misquoting Shakespeare's Macbeth, implying his job is hard enough working for Carmine Lupertazzi Sr., but will even be more difficult working with Carmine Lupertazzi Jr] Tomorrow I go into work. "Creeps on this petty pace." Do I take orders from him again? You know that disgusting fucking cock sucking idiot son of his?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I shouldn't be hearing that. What I was going to say it's a major step but if you want to do it without me as a partner, you do what you do what you gotta do. I will never ever reveal any conversation we had
Johnny: The thing is we had those conversations. Your mouth was moving along with mine. So we just go back to our business at the Esplanade like it never happened?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah that would be the healthy choice
Johnny: Healthy for who? Why the fuck would I ever trust somebody who would leave me holding my cock like this?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I shouldn't have heard that either
Johnny: Well, there you go. There's the fuckin problem
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I still consider you a dear, dear friend

- Gets them all riled.
- I could lose my job.
- Fucking stick-up artist.
- I gave you my watch.
- Don't count my money, nigga.
- You're making 500 percent off these motherfuckers.
- You're good till lights out.
- I'll steer people away from the door.

- Terri, they're not even sure she's gonna be able to have children of her own.
- Sal began to cry when he heard that.
- Oh, honey.
- In the end, I know you're not gonna leave him.
- I know you won't do that.

- Deb?
- Debbie?

- I wouldn't say no.
- Get me motivated to clean the house before Christopher gets back.
- Except I'm all out.
- It's 2:00. Cross-eyed Billy probably left the bing already.
- I know a guy, Andre. He's always up.
- Well, cancel the car. I'll give you a ride.

Tony: [referring to attacking Phil's crime family] We gotta hit first
Tony: [referring to agent Harris giving him information on Phil Leotardo] This hooked up tells me all the information I got that this cocksucker already has a target on my back
Silvio: It's a big move
Tony: [asking Bobby for his opinion] So?
Bobby: When he stuck you with the tab on Vito Jr., I said let it go. Obviously, truth is, a fuck like Phil, appeasement don't work

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after entering their mother's home] When'd you change the locks?
Janice: [referring to Svetlana] The minute the Ukrainian dye job was out the door
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Don't mess with the Russians: it's all I'm gonna say
Janice: She can have her leg back when she returns ma's record collection and don't say you wouldn't have done the same thing
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [irritated] I'm getting calls at my house from her cousin, I can't have it, don't fuck with me on this: give back the leg
Janice: Those records are yours too. It's sad you don't care: those records, their a window into ma's soul. In fact, I'm making a documentary The World War Two generation and their music exemplified by ma
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Who the fuck are you kidding? Your gonna sell them on the internet
Janice: I have work to do
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [while making the hand gesture for male masturbation, implying he doesn't believe her] yeah right, cleaning up the cellar. Good luck finding the lost dutchman goldmine, you'd make more money working a real job
Janice: Right, like the minute I'm out of here, you're not gonna have contractors downstairs tearing apart the walls

- It used to be you, didn't it?
- Stop making meatballs, Paulie.
- I'm just saying.
- Now you know what I went through.
- Okay, it's the same Gina had at her wedding.
- We should see how it looks on your face.
- Chrissy.

- I find you immensely attractive.
- Thought I repulsed you.
- You make an effort to repulse me.
- But you like that.
- You just said you find me attractive.
- You're the one that's fucked up.
- Anthony, Anthony.
- What are we gonna do with you?

- But you are not going to hell.
- You're coming back here.
- I love you.

- You get a piece of what he does.
- X is federal territory now.
- I don't want it in my club.
- It would mean a lot to me.
- You've got a lot of balls.
- Did you hear what I said?
- What'd I say?
- No.
- End of chat.
- Okay, thanks.

Massive: [to Chris] You people are alright. "Godfather", I seen that movie two hundred times. "Godfather II" was definitely the shit. The third one... A lot of people didn't like it. But I think it was just misunderstood.

Ginny: [after she visits John in a prison hospital] How's he doing?
Warren: [after shaking her head] Listen, I've been meaning to talk to you about the smoking: John shared with me how upset you were. Psychologically, when a person is told their dying, it's... the ultimate loss of control
Ginny: To hear him breathe like that
Warren: I know, it doesn't make any sense, I do know he is a leader. I suspect his smoking, on some level... is an attempt to die as he lived: in total control
Ginny: Years ago, I asked him to stop for me and the kids, I lost twenty-seven pounds, he couldn't quit smoking?

- Live with your decision.
- I don't like it there.
- Now that's funny,
- I thought I was the problem.
- I make you miserable, remember?
- Well, I never said that.
- You did.
- Absolutely.

Ralphie: What are you being like this for?
Tracee: Fuck you. Three days you don't call, not even to see how I am.
Ralphie: Baby, I'm busy. I gotta work! How else am I gonna take care of you when you're nine months pregnant?
Tracee: Serious?
Ralphie: Of course I'm serious!
Tracee: Ralphie, I love you.
Ralphie: I love you too, baby. Hey, if it's a boy, we'll name him after me. If it's a girl, we'll name it Tracee after you... that way she could grow up to be a cocksuckin' slob just like her mother. Are you out of your fucking mind?
Tracee: Guinea motherfuckin' piece of shit!
Ralphie: Yeah, that's right. Get it out! Get it out you little whore!

Furio: [while entering the kitchen] what's the smell is in this house? It's like the smell of heaven
Carmela: Homemade scones, my son loves them. Here try one, they're just out of the oven
Furio: No, thank you
A.J. Soprano: Well, that's all there is for breakfast? Just fat and carbs?
Carmela: Excuse me, we have guest you think you might say hello?
A.J. Soprano: [ignores her, continues to read from his paper about the novel Billy Budd by Herman Melville to his mother] anyway, "when Mr. Claggart gets mad at Billy, it is a surprise because his always saying how handsome Billy is, this does not seem realistic because why would an officer care if a sailor was handsome or not?"
Carmela: [after Tony walks downs the stars and takes a bite from a scone] AJ, your father's living I'll come up in a minute, go over it
Carmela: [Reads from the envelop Tony hands her] what is this? Ocean Club at Paradise Island
Tony: We leave tomorrow for three beautiful days
Carmela: Tomorrow?
Tony: I know its short notice but the deal came through, got a view suite, first class plane tickets, a guy owes me a favor
Tony: [Seeing her worried] what?
Carmela: I don't know, AJ? School?
Tony: His old enough to spoil himself now. I saw how jealous you were when I left for Florida
Carmela: [Giving him reasons why it's not a practical time for them to go on a vacation] my mother with the skin condition, just the time it's going to take to pack
Tony: To pack?
Furio: [Sensing they want to talk privately] I'll wait outside
Tony: All the shit's that's been going on, the horse and all. I know you need a break: deep down it's probably why you got your hair cut

Tony: [Tony chastises his assembled captains who aren't making enough money for the crime family] This thing is a "pyramid" since time immemorial, shit goes downhill, money goes up: it's that simple. I should not have to be coming here "hat in my hand", reminding you of your duty to that man.
Tony: [pointing at Raymond] and I don't want to hear about the fuckin economy either! I don't want to hear it. Sil, break it down for them. What two businesses have traditionally been recession proof since time immemorial?
Silvio: Certain aspects of show business... and our thing.
Tony: Now that's it. That's all I've gotta say. Frankly, I'm depressed and ashamed.

- Are you all right?
- Yeah!
- Keep going!

Corrado: [after he hands him an envelope, referring to the envelope short of money] It's "light"
Richie: You got your nephew to thank for that
Corrado: What'd you mean?
Richie: I ran into him the other day, at the garbageman's ball, whatever the fuck it is: he says we can't sell coke on the route anymore
Corrado: What?
Richie: It's what he said, I guess nobody should eat but him. You should see him in the golf outfit, he looked like Wallace Beery
Corrado: [angrily] Where does he get the... fuckin balls?
Richie: He's the boss
Corrado: And this shit is ok with you?
Richie: I know you how much you love him, I don't want to say anything disparaging

- They should know.
- I told you.
- You don't listen, you nut.
- It's good seeing you again.
- Still look forward to working with you, John. I mean that.
- You want a coffee?
- Oh, I don't know...
- Oh, my fucking Christ.

- Your nephews ripped up the house and then haven't been back there.
- I needed them to do work on Janice's mom's house.
- Which, all do respect, is also your boss's mother's house.
- Gentlemen.
- Ton, these guys...
- Won't shut up about this ramp.
- Richie, relax, sit down.
- I'll buy you a cup of coffee.

Christopher: Hey, whose fuckin' welfare check you gotta cash to get a burger around here?

Phil: Let me tell you a couple of three things.

- You don't wake up till lunch, mom.
- Tomorrow I'll get up early.
- How about the peppers and eggs and bread?
- That sounds great, ma.
- Okay.
- Do you need more time alone, Jo?
- No. I'm ready.
- Okay, Chris.
- Bye, ma.

Silvio: Chrissie, I hear you're doing good with the gambling.
Christopher: You kidding me? With the money I made, I could go work at Denny's for the rest of my life.
Silvio: Yeah, like they would ever hire you.

Tracee: I'm pregnant. It's Ralphie's.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Congratulations.
Tracee: What should I do? He acts like he doesn't give a shit.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You ever think he's not acting?

- Little carmine knew how fond I was of this kid, Tony.
- I picked him out of the chorus.
- Schooled him those years he was my driver.
- Anything from your cop?
- Some homeless fuck saw a guy limping away.
- And then he wasn't sure.

- Nice talking to you.
- Yeah, you too.
- Enjoy Miami.
- What the fuck is wrong with you?
- What?
- You tell some fucking goober your life story?
- We're supposed to be laying low.
- I'm gonna grab some Danish for the road.

Brendan: So my boy at Comley... said there's a truckload of Italian suits.
Christopher: Those unload fast. Mario'll take the whole load.
Brendan: He said shipment moves Thursday, six a.m.
Christopher: Give me one good reason I should not jack this truck!
Brendan: Hey, don't feel bad, its Junior's own fault. He gives us no choice except to do it again.
Christopher: Takin' that outrageous fuckin' tribute?
Brendan: It's like not only does he shit on our heads, we're supposed to say thanks for the hat.
Christopher: It's not like I'm gettin' somewhere's playin' by the rules! Fuck Tony!
Brendan: The books are closed... blow me.
Christopher: No, that's some true shit.
Brendan: Come on, they're not confirmin' any new made guys, how come?
Christopher: Fuckin' chaos! Nobody knows whose runnin' things anymore. Guys, they don't even know who to make payments up the ladder to in some cases. I'm talkin' about the year two thousand. The millenium. Where do we go from here?

- Honey, who is it?
- Evening, ma'am.
- He has our dog.
- Where is petey?
- He was locked in.
- Come get him.
- I wouldn't want petey to get hit by a car.

Ralphie: Oh what, not even a hello?
Tracee: Fuck you, asshole.
Ralphie: Oh that's very nice. That's how you talk to a man in front of his friends?
Tracee: Yeah, right. What man?
Christopher: Oh, a double!
Bobby: You tell him, sweety!
Gigi: [clapping] I like this girl!
Ralphie: Women, women, women . Why wasn't I born handsome instead of rich?

- Oh, ho, gratzie.
- Vincenzo, turn off that radio!
- Did you hear me?

- You're not going anywhere.
- Let go! Your son'll be home.
- You want him to see his father like this?
- You'd love that.
- I'm not leaving here, carmela.
- I don't love you anymore!
- I don't want you! You are not sleeping in my bed, Tony!
- The thought of it now makes me sick!
- Jesus Christ almighty,
- I'm going fucking crazy!

- So he gets this fucking acid.
- Burns everything.
- He pours it on her arms, on her face, everywhere.
- Her prick.
- That's one bad motherfucker.
- That's how good this broad looked.
- Had my friend totally fooled.
- She had to get a glass eye.

Christopher: [over the phone] Hey, T
Tony: Yeah, I'm here with some people and the Arabs from The Bing, what were their names?
Christopher: [confused] Some people?
Tony: exactly
Christopher: [realizing who Tony's referring to] Oh fuck, yeah. Ahmed and Muhammad, what'd they do?
Tony: [repeats the names to Harris and Goddard who are sitting nearby] Ahmed and Muhammad
Christopher: You know, actually I got a cell phone number. I called him recently but he don't answer no more
Christopher: [after looking at his cell phone for their numbers] 973-555-0146, tell me they're not gonna blow up the chemical plant or some shit
Tony: I don't know, I'll call you later

- What?
- Ho!
- Where the fuck...
- What are you doing?!
- Motherfucker!
- Fucking finook.
- Lying piece of shit.
- Better not come around here no more.

- Then it's not my business.
- Until then, keep your hands in your pockets.
- We understand each other?
- Now get out of here.
- I want to talk to Tony.
- Go ahead.

- I didn't know it was you, Lorraine.
- Here you go. That's most of it.
- Let me ask you a question, Dan.
- Say I'm some big nigger standing here instead of a woman.
- You still gonna tell me you got most of it?
- Let's go, chop-chop, pay the woman.

- And I don't know what it to do.
- All right, wait.
- Hold on.
- Your horse is sick, and the vet won't help until he gets paid.
- These guys, no compassion for the fucking animals whatsoever.
- Maybe you better go down there.
- Tell her to call 555-0157.

- So we are gonna deal with this as a family, together...
- No matter how it affects anybody personal safety-wise...
- Financially-wise, whatever.
- I see that my nephew isn't here and it's important he I am it now.
- It's my desire that you circle the wagons, you support him.
- Until and as such.

- And I disrespected the bing.
- And the girl.
- That shouldn't have happened.
- Like I said, I was doing a lot of coke.
- I gave that up.
- And end of story.
- And I'm sorry, Tony. Okay?

Georgie: [repeated line to strippers at the Bada Bing telling them what he wants if he wants to let them into the VIP lounge] it's fifty bucks to me and a blowjob later on.

- Hey, don't start with that. Okay?
- I'm not insane and I'm not overreacting. You don't know...
- This little pucchiac...
- All right!
- This is getting you no place.
- Go outside...
- Join the party, be with friends, have some pleasure. Go ahead.
- Fucking bitch!
- Tony! Go ahead. Go have a beer.

- Tony...
- This is nice, no?
- Tony...
- Doesn't feel nice?
- I didn't say that.

Anika: How do you know Peter?
Tony: Who Peter? Beansie? An old friend from the neighborhood.
Anika: So the other guy, the one with the white hair thingies, what's his name again?
Tony: Paulie.
[grimaces]
Anika: Right. What is he, like, your best friend?
Tony: He say that?
Anika: I just figured the way he was talking. Honestly, I thought he was your dad at first.
Tony: There was a time when I wished he was. He used to work for my dad.
Anika: I know he told me.
Tony: [looks angry]

- Did you talk to her?
- She's sure you said something.
- He won't discuss it. He clams up.
- Beautiful sendoff, t.
- Thank you.

- This downturn started long before pussy bompensiero disappeared.
- If you want me, I will be at the paramus mall...
- Getting your son a suit to wear to his first formal.
- Carmela, come on!
- Sunlight is good for people.
- In Alaska, they wear little light hats so they don't get depressed.

Sophia: [referring to Janice fighting with another soccer mom during Sophia's game] I'm so embarrassed, I don't wanna see any of my friends again
Janice: well, when you're a parent, you'll see, you'll defend your children like a lion with her cubs
Sophia: you're not my 'parent'
Janice: what did you say? I'm here and I try to care very much. Now get to sleep
Sophia: your gonna punch me?

- Meadow, are you sleeping?
- Yes.
- I want to talk to you.
- God, am I so not going to miss this.

Montel: [during his talk show] welcome back, we're here with our guest Dr. Del Redclay, professor of anthropology at Rutgers university and spokesman for the anti-Columbus protest. Also, Mr. Phillip Di Notti who is the president of the Coalition of Italian American Anti-Defamation organization
Professor: let's start with the "idea" of a parade for a genocidal colonial general, a national holiday no less, such festivities are deeply offensive to us
Phillip: these are pretty "broad" charges, all I know is Italian Americans are extremely proud of Christopher Columbus: admiral of the ocean seas and a great Italian
Professor: you know very well the compromised position we put forth. Now, if your people want to make it an "Italian pride" parade, we have no problem with that
Montel: western history does say Columbus discovered America
Professor: the same "America" that put "your people" in bondage for three centuries
Montel: but every culture has had to bear the pain in the making of what I think we can all agree is a starkly "economic miracle"
Phillip: he cured polio
Montel: I have to agree with Phill, the right to vote
Phillip: exactly. Take my grandparents: two simple people from Sicily, who braved the peril-less middle passage
Montel: [surprised] "middle passage"? That's the term for the slave trade

- You had to hurry me out of that restaurant.
- We're miles from the louvre.
- Fuck, damn it. I already lost a glove.
- Oh my god.
- Holy shit.
- Look at those clouds.
- Paris skies...
- Who could have built this?

- Your friend the cop is bitching about his overtime.
- He's got some black officer's squad looking into his case.
- Oh, yeah?
- If you want, I can get it squashed.
- Get him reassigned.
- You know what? Fuck him.
- Cocksucker got what he deserved.

Adriana: [at Christopher's intervention] But when you killed Cosette, that was the last straw.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Killed the dog? What'd you do that for?
Christopher: It was an accident!
Paulie: What, was it barking?

- Providing Anthony feels he can focus.
- He's had trouble with that before.
- Remember, carm, when they thought he had add?
- You didn't tell me that.
- Anthony, head on back to class.
- Let us talk.
- But if I'm learning-disabled...
- I get unlimited time on my sats.
- Is that true?
- Let's talk about that later.

Carmela: [over the phone] Hi, how are you?
Victor: [referring to them privately kissing] I'm good, I'm fine... I was just thinking about you... and what happened this morning, I just wanted to say again that...
Carmela: [interrupts him] Oh please, please, it was a crazy thing
Victor: But if it's a problem for me to come back, I've got another job in Wyckoff and yours is far enough along that Ramone can finish up so there's no charge to you except for material
Carmela: Oh, no, I wouldn't think of it
Victor: [referring to his deceased wife] It's just since Jill, there's nobody I can really talk to you know?
Carmela: Oh, I know. In fact, I was thinking maybe tomorrow you could send Ramone to the other job that way and I would have a chance to talk you know on your lunch break or something?
Victor: That would be so great

- for richer and for poorer...
- In sickness and in health, forsaking all others, so long as we both shahhve.
- In sickness and in health, forsaking all others, so long as we both shall live.

- Then comb your hair and come right along. Embarrass her.
- Alienate her. Or better yet, cut her off.
- Let her drop out and go to a state school. Or maybe move back in here.
- I was just trying to protect her from herself. And I'll do that till the day I die.
- I'm not gonna tell you you can't come.
- She's your daughter.
- I'll probably watch the game.

- I don't care about that shit.
- I just want you.
- It'll be cheaper anyway.
- We could buy a house.
- Plus...
- A wife can't testify against her husband.
- You can't have a club, stay out all night getting high when you have a kid.

- I'm sorry.
- What the fuck happened over there, you think?
- Tragic.
- What the fuck?!
- It's the bowling ball.
- Cellar stairs.
- Go get it. Help weigh him down.

- You knew matoush zhia.
- Hung out at your girlfriend's club.
- He was a drug dealer, her friend.
- I didn't know shit about his politics till one of your people told me.
- Something to keep in mind.
- I take that terrorism shit seriously.
- And Tony, don't even get him started.

- He's gonna get the best care there is.
- So, Ralph, there's...
- There's something...
- Look, I don't want you to hear it through the grapevine. Especially now.
- I'm seeing that girl you used to date. That...
- Valentina.

[about Christopher]
Richie: The attitude on that camel-nose fuck. He ever lays his hand on my niece again I'm gonna tear him apart piece by piece.
Matthew: Camel nose! You can't make that shit up.
Richie: What the fuck are you talking about? I just did. Did you ever notice he's the only motherfucker who can smoke a cigarette in the rain with his hands tied behind his back? That nose is like a natural canopy.

- She wasn't from the school?
- My god, she sounded so convincing.
- I'm just trying to be honest.
- Yeah? Why'd you lie?
- I didn't wanna piss you off.
- It's about you?
- What? I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
- No, you didn't wanna piss me off, meaning you'd have to deal with me...
- Which is more about sparing you than my fucking feelings!

Dominic: [briefing them] Are we all here? Good afternoon, for those of you that don't know me, my name's Dominic and I'm alcoholic and an addict
Paulie: [irritated] Don't forget scumbag
Dominic: As some of you don't know, I've also been in recovery going on four years. I joined AA in prison and frankly, it saved my life. Now, we're all here today because we have something in common: not only we share a certain background in culture, we also care about Chris and want to help him with his heroin addiction. Has anyone of you guys been involved in an intervention before?
Silvio: We caught our daughter smoking pot once but...
Gabriella: [interrupts him] Not really, no
Dominic: No problem. An intervention is a non-judge mental confrontation: a care-front-tation, we call it. Now what I need from you guys is make a list of specific times where Christopher's drug use impacted on you directly. For example, Adriana, is it?
Dominic: [after she nods] You would say something like this, Christopher, last Monday, you came from work high, belligerent, and you were physically abusive to me
Adriana: What if his high when we try to talk to him?
Dominic: Then we wait until his sober. During my first intervention, Steven Patrono waited ten hours for me to sober up
Silvio: Your first intervention?
Dominic: In 1997, I suffered a relapse, as heroin addicts, alcoholics suffer a fairly high recidivism rate
Paulie: [sarcastically] Great, so his taking advice from a two-time loser?
Dominic: There are no losers in recovery

Paulie: First place I'm hittin' is Denny's!
Christopher: I know. Get like five of those Grand Slam breakfasts.

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Maybe you're feeling guilty
Tony: I don't see that. Why would I?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Because his a friend of yours and you're cuckolding him
Tony: [Remains silent, confused]
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Cuckolding is when a man has an affair with another's wife
Tony: She's not his wife anyway, she's his comare
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: And therefore has no status anyway
Tony: Comare's has status. I mean it's not like in the old days when a man had a wife and then sort of a second wife. It used to be they'd take their wives out Fridays and comares on Saturdays or maybe it's the other way around? Anyway when I came up, it wasn't so formal. A business associate of mine has two full families. One up here, one down in Sea Girt, and the second wife bust his balls just as much as the first.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Sounds like a complicated arrangement. I'm afraid our time's up
Tony: Just give me another minute
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I have a patient waiting
Tony: Then let him wait, you make me wait out there all the time. I just want to ask if it's possible for a man to go out with a woman without really "doing anything" with them?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You'll have to be more specific
Tony: He likes them to hurt him, and that's it and he goes and "take care" of himself. His own needs.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: He sounds like a textbook masochist
Tony: You mean like S&M?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: The M part yes
Tony: I thought that stuff was just a run up to the act?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: That's the case for many people but not for people with paraphilias for them seeing humiliated becomes in of itself the sexual release like many other things it's rooted in childhood

- Thank you so much.
- No problem. It was nice to meet you.
- You too.
- Nice house.
- Thank you.

Tony: [regarding Father Phil] What you guys do for twelve hours? Play, uh, "Name That Pope"?
Carmela: He gave me communion.
Tony: Oh, I bet he gave you communion.
Carmela: Excuse me?
Tony: Well, Carmela, the guy spends the night here with you and all he does is slip you a wafer?
Carmela: That's verging on sacrilege.
Tony: Oh, I didn't mean to verge.

- Who do we blame our daughter on?
- Straight-a student, national honor society, featured soloist in the choir.
- Yeah, this isn't going anywhere.
- "Like father, like son," right?
- What about "daddy's little girl"?
- My son's got your uncle Lenny in his gene pool. Do I blame you for that?
- If it helps you.

- Hi, Lorraine. I'm Billy.
- The fuck?! Jason!
- No! Jason!
- Jason!
- Oh, no!
- You were warned, Lorraine.
- The money goes up to John.

- I know. Tony's your best friend.
- President Franklin is my best friend, and he's in there.
- Look, some cooperators, when they get their new identity...
- They do pretty fucking good.
- One snitch became garbage commissioner...
- Of a good-sized city in Florida.

Christopher: Frankly, Tone, I'm thinking maybe we should meet Phil's number.
Tony: Why? I think that would set a terrible precedent right now. Just bend over? When he just became boss of the family over there?
Christopher: Yeah, well, that's the flying ointment. Even still, I say let him have it. Life's too short.
Tony: It's also too short to live it as a fuckin' lackey.
Christopher: True, too.

- The kid thing and all.
- I'm not happy that you lied to me...
- But I think I wanna try and deal with it.
- Really?
- I love you, Adriana.
- I want you in my life.
- I love you too, Christopher.

- I ate grilled cheese off the radiator instead.
- I wanted to fuck a woman...
- But I compromised.
- I jacked off in a tissue.
- You see where I'm going?
- Yeah.

- Near the taxi stand.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- You want the old days, let's go there.
- We'll get a room, bucket of ice from the machine...
- Bottle of scotch, order up a couple steaks.
- Now you're fucking talking.

- The Shelby gt 500?
- 450 horsepower.
- Oh baby, and this guy on campus has one?
- And the mustang's not as expensive as the m3
- I used to talk about getting all the time.

- I'll be back in a little while.
- Stay, wait.
- I'm gonna get cigarettes. Be right back.
- Smoke mine.
- Don't smoke. You'll want a vodka.
- What?
- Come on.
- I love you, baby.
- I love you.

- She stood by you, right?
- What, do you wanna end up like my uncle junior?
- Or worse, like Paulie?
- Exactly.
- Thanks. I gotta go think about it.
- All right.

Carmela: You've heard the term "comfort food". Maybe it'll make you feel better.
Anthony: I know this is hard for you to believe, but food may not be the answer to every problem.
Tony: Neither is acting like a whiny little bitch.

Marie: [talking privately] I really appreciate you letting me see you and you've been so descent about everything since Vito's death, I just don't know who else
Tony: [seeing her become emotional] Alright, alright come on, come on. What can I do?
Marie: [referring to her son] It's little V, the social worker said his just acting out
Tony: Social worker?
Marie: Kids' stuff mostly, but so angry. Although, some of what his being accused of it's just persecution. They claim he hung the Patruzo's cat on the garage door but it's totally unfounded
Tony: Well, in a way, it's to be expected with Vito passing and all that entrails
Marie: I think the only solution is to move away: from that house, the kids at school
Marie: [while reaching into her purse to take out a piece of paper with the details written on it] I figured it out, I know it's a lot but four hundred thousand, my friend Cheryl lives in Orono, Maine, by the university and there's this two-story cape with solid schools, you always said if there's anything you can do
Tony: [nods] Sure, have you talked to his uncle?
Marie: Who?
Tony: Phil
Marie: [shakes her head] Phil's not his uncle: him and I are second cousins
Tony: Before we get too drastic here and uproot Little Vito and all of you from your friends and family, I should talk to him
Marie: His impossible to talk to
Tony: It's not easy to substitute for a dad, I know but maybe... I can fill in here?
Marie: [when he stands up] Ok, but you'll think about it?
Tony: Believe me, I'm gonna take care of you and his gonna be ok

- This is so misdirected.
- The whole fucking world's about your self-esteem.
- Or maybe you don't have enough.
- Jennifer, come on.
- Fuck you, Richard.
- Jen!

- Okay.
- So, the feast of St. Joe's,
- Tony gave some rulings on the unions.
- Were any made guys from New York there?

- Imagine riding in that club car sipping on a negroni.
- Eight grand for the whole set, huh?
- There's other people interested.
- I'm gonna go for it.
- Your son will like this too.
- It looks fast.
- He don't care.

Tony: My mother, my fuckin God damn idiot of a mother, you'd think she was never married to Johnny Soprano
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Is there something else bothering you Anthony?
Tony: [referring to his mother] That's not enough? Fuckin demented old bat
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You're so angry with your mother and the airline tickets and I'm not saying it's not serious but a year ago your mother colluded to have you killed yet you never say anything about that even when I try to illicit. If she tried to have you killed a year ago, believe me in your childhood, she's inflicted serious psychic injuries that are still there
Tony: [Jokingly, sobbingly, puts his shoes on her coffee table] poor me
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: And your father: the gangster, tough guy but did he ever protect you kids from this borderline mother? What the hell was going on there?
Tony: What is this? "Little snacks for thought" for me to take home?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I haven't pushed you enough to confront these things, somewhere along the line I became frightened of you
Tony: Frightened?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Maybe I should've seen that clearer in the beginning
Tony: [Eventually sings] maybe baby, "I'll have you..."
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Rage Anthony is a big loud flaming self distraction fraction from feelings that are even more frightening
Tony: What feelings might those be?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Sadness, you go off on a racist rant about Indian food, your demented old bat of a mother. What else has happened?
Tony: Nothing
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: After two years treating you I've learned things and I pick up sorrow coming from you
Tony: [Intentionally changing the topic] I had a dream I fucked your brains out, right on that desk, you loved it
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Well, you threw that me like a rock. Sadness Anthony stay with that. Your mother tried to kill you and you gave her airline tickets
Tony: Fuck you
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Now you're really in trouble,
Tony: [Before getting up to leave] I'm going to beat this shit, you kidding me? And with that

Dr. Harrison Wong: [to Tony, referring to Junior and the mental state exam] He was disoriented when he came in and scored low on his Folstein but that's consistent with concussion
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [yells] We're gonna sue the God damn Justice Department
Dr. Harrison Wong: CAT scan's negative, so far, so good
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: He didn't seem like himself
Dr. Harrison Wong: Man his age could've been working on dementia for quite a while and the blow to the head tipped him over
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You mean like Alzheimer's?
Dr. Harrison Wong: That's one form of it: that's why we want to keep him here to keep an eye on him. There's a good chance this can go away

Junior: Fran Felstein? That was classy
Tony: She had great legs for an old broad
Junior: I was in love with that woman: she was the reason I never married, I wanted to propose, I had the ring all picked out
Tony: So, what, she turned you down?
Junior: I hesitated, how could I bring this life we live on a woman? Anyway, she took it as a sign I wasn't interested and then one night we were all at the 500 club to see Enzo Stuarti, your father shows up, with size four suit with a two-inch lapel, and that was that. She never knew my feelings, what could I do? For years, I suffered in silence

- Ho, pal.
- Move your car. We're late.
- Move El automobile.
- Rusty! Don't forget to call Marissa.
- Hurry up. Let me see.
- Museum...
- Eastern parkway.
- Eastern parkway, not the belt parkway.

- Seriously. I gotta get out of here.
- I give myself up utterly and totally to god.
- If this is the bottom.
- If not...
- You can go now.
- Billing needs to see you.
- Follow the blue line.

- He'll attend the church service...
- Then pay his respects to the family aftennards.
- Thank you, counselor. We appreciate it.
- You're worth every fucking cent.
- They're gonna have Scottish bagpipes at the funeral.
- It should be interesting.

- Am I so horrible?
- You are not horrible.
- Get over yourself.
- Over myself?
- What is that supposed to mean?
- Just go. Do me a big favor.
- If you're gonna be a martyr,
- I'll sit here.
- Nope, go. Put your plate in the sink.

- What do you got for me, Nicky?
- Let met get my wallet.
- Fucking skeeve, this shit.

- World's still in front of us.
- Balls.
- My estimate historically,
- 80% of the time it ends up in the can like Johnny sack or on the embalming table at cozarelli's.
- Don't even say it.
- No risk, no reward.

Junior: [after a knife falls out from under A.J.'s jacket] That's not my knife!

- I didn't understand.
- You were young.
- Stubborn.
- You always had my back, though.
- Like that day when I came to the house.
- I gotta talk to you.

Tony: Did you ever know anybody that ever committed suicide?
Janice: Uhmm, plenty. I used to live in Seattle, Tony.

- What'd you do to your head?
- Did you fall again?
- Banged it on the medicine chest.
- Don't worry about it. It's nothing.
- There's your allowance.
- Well, that actually looks like fruit.
- Yeah. It's so hard.
- What do you do it for?

- I haven't seen him since the schvitz.
- The last thing he said to me was,
- "go fuck yourself!"
- Did he at least take the schvitz?
- He refused to take his clothes off.
- It's fucking Jimmy!
- Fuck it! Let's all have a drink!

J.T. Dolan: [Telling him about his troubles] I met with the Dick Wolf guy. They hired some kid from Yale. Plus now the money I owe you. My ex fuckin wife
Christopher: How many times have you shot up?
J.T. Dolan: [Shrugs] five, six. I thought I had it under control. I lost it
Christopher: [Shakes his head] stupid fuck you were doing so good now you fucked it all up
J.T. Dolan: Where do you get the right?
Christopher: Your going to use, why didn't you call your sponsor?
J.T. Dolan: I couldn't get him
Christopher: Why the fuck didn't you call me?
J.T. Dolan: [Remains silent]

- Look, ma, here's your stuff.
- Wow, they made good time.
- You got your own bed and your dresser.
- You know, when my grandmother went to live... elsewhere...
- They weren't allowed personal effects.
- All right, ma, sign right here.

- What the hell is wrong with you?
- When you ignore me, Tony...
- When you trivialize things important to me, like our financial security...
- It makes me feel unloved.
- That's your problem there, because you equate love with money!
- No, you equate love with money!

- You sure this is it?
- Pike's hollow.
- A mile in, by the picnic table.
- Where's their car?
- Maybe they left.
- No, they wouldn't leave without calling.
- Let me try him again.

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What was it like sitting sitting there with Fran?
Tony: It was a little weird at first. Here I am comforting my father's mistress, my mother's lyin' there dead.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Are you attracted to her?
Tony: Come on, she's old enough to be my mother.
[Dr. Melfi shrugs]
Tony: Oh, Jesus Christ, it's an expression. Don't cream yourself. I did not want to fuck my mother! You should have seen her in her housedress with that hairnet. This conversation would be over in two seconds.

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: When's the last time you had a prostate exam?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Hey, I don't even let anyone wag their finger in my FACE.
[Dr. Melfi laughs]

- Oh, hi.
- Carm, hi.
- I'm sorry.
- Am I interrupting something?
- I'm here for the free bodywork certificates for the auction.
- Oh, that's right.
- But if you're busy...
- This'll just take another sec.
- Okay, sure.

- One of us could've got hurt, or even killed, for Christ sake.
- I know.
- You're special to me, you know.
- Always have been.
- You too, Paulie, to me.
- We'll split the tab.
- I'm sorry, Paulie.
- I apologize too, kid.
- I'll talk to you later.

- Listen, by the way,
- Artie bucco's here to see you.
- I gotta go, guys.
- Take care.
- Artie, you all right?
- I can't.
- What are you talking about?
- We discussed this.
- You gotta leave town.
- I'm sorry.

- What are you looking at?
- You gonna cry now?
- Get out of here.
- I'm in no mood for your...
- Shit.

Paulie: [to Bobby Baccalieri] The boss of this family told you you're gonna be Santa Claus, you're Santa Claus. So, shut the fuck up about it!

David: [while in the bathroom] hey, buddy
Tony: I saw your wife out there alone, I figured you were out at the trotters
David: Not tonight, I had a customer, I couldn't "shake". The guy spends half an hour deciding between a twenty dollar soccer ball and a twenty two dollar soccer ball. So who do you like?
Tony: I don't know, I think that guy from Bowdoin seems to make sense, I guess?
David: No, I meant on the game tonight
Artie: [after entering the bathroom, jokingly] you guys want to be alone?
David: [to Artie] I saw the refreshment table out there, I knew you'd be lurking around here somewhere
Artie: I don't know how I always get "roped" into this shit
Tony: Charmaine's no fool
Tony: [Referring to one of Artie's pastries] she knows one of your Sfogliatella in the right mouth and your daughter can go to any school she wants
Artie: So far the janitor's the only one going near them
Tony: [Jokingly] that's a nice career path for a young lady

Christopher: You know, and I know, they were there to boost that shit.
Paulie: It couldn't wait, OK? I promised a load to Lenny down the Joint Fitter's Union.
Christopher: What do I give a fuck? It ain't my union!
Paulie: Lower your voice, I got neighbors.
Christopher: Fuck your neighbors! When are you gonna pay me?
Paulie: When you suck the money out of my ass! Now get the fuck out!

- We're asleep!
- All right, help me.
- Dude, take it easy.
- I'm sorry, man.
- Fuck.
- Oh, dude.
- Oh, fuck.
- Oh, fuck me.

- Salute.
- I needed that.
- What's the matter?
- Spent a long time in the hospital last night.
- The shit that goes on down there.
- I wasn't expecting no visitors.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after a near-death experience] Every day's a gift.
[pause]
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's just... does it have to be a pair of socks?

- Should we go to a meeting?
- I don't know.
- What do you wanna do?
- I know one that starts in half an hour in Glen Ridge.

- Yes, daddy.
- See, with my family now, you know, in separation...
- You gotta make an appointment to see each other.
- I should go see uncle zio.
- Yeah.
- All right.
- Show him the phone.
- Yeah.

- Supportive or discouraging?
- If anyone objects to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace.
- I say neutral or supportive.
- Even if we discourage it, she'll go through with it.
- Agreed then. They have our blessing.
- To the happy couple.

Christopher: [sitting in an abandoned van in the woods, during the winter, sees Paulie chewing on small white objects in his mouth] what are those? Tic Tacs?
Paulie: I just found them, I didn't know I had them on me.
Christopher: You had Tic Tacs all along? Give me some.
Paulie: There ain't no more, I ate them.
Christopher: [referring to the fact he didn't eat breakfast] selfish prick, I'm dying here.
Paulie: [dismissively] Then fuckin die already.

Agent: [in Dwight's office] You see Metro News?
Agent: No
Agent: Your old beat: Phil Leotardo got popped

Construction: [Tony and Silvio are looking for Vito after he's been outed as a homosexual. Tony calls Vito's cellphone. A construction worker picks the phone up off the side of the road] Hello?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [on phone] Vito?
Silvio: You got him?
Construction: [on phone] Who?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [on phone] Put Vito on the phone, asshole.
Construction: [on phone] Fuck you, motherfucker.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [on phone] What, are you sucking his dick?
Construction: [on phone] Bet I'd kick your ass, you fucking faggot.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [on phone, yelling] Yeah that's right, telephone tough guy! Put Vito on the phone!
Construction: [on phone] There ain't no Vito, man. I found the phone on the side of the road!
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [on phone] What?
Construction: [on phone] Hang on a second!
[the construction worker tosses Vito's phone under a steam roller]
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [on phone] Where'd you find the phone? Hello? Hello? Oh you motherfucker!
Silvio: What happened?

Tony: [while in the casino his cousin Tony put him in charge of running, greeting him] there he is!
Angelo: [hugs each other] hey kid, it's good to see you
Tony: [hugs each other] you finally made the trip out here, huh?
Angelo: [introducing him] this is my oldest Charlie
Charlie: nice to meet you
Tony: [before taking them to his office] walk with me
Angelo: you in that suit
Tony: long way, huh?
Tony: [referring to Angelo's son, jokingly] he "lucked out", got his mother's looks
Angelo: takes after it too: his in "architectural salvage"
Charlie: pole fixtures, windows, toilets
Tony: [jokingly] like Sanford and Son?
Angelo: [to Tony B, referring to his son] did I tell you his quit?
Tony: [giving him a toast] good for you Charlie, solute
Angelo: [while taking out an envelope of money] oh, this is "some more" for the Joey Peeps "thing", not all of it
Angelo: [when Tony B gestures to Charlie, implying if Charlie can be trusted to hear about their business] his ok
Tony: [puts the envelope in his suit pocket] Jesus, I did a "clean" job
Angelo: fuck it, it's embarrassing, but that's the way Little Carmine are doing things over there now. I'm sorry but I think Rusty bangs his wife in "installments"?
Tony: [to Charlie, referring to Angelo] this guy was my old man, my rabbi, and my priest, "rolled" into one and even though I don't miss a fuckin day of it, the parts with this "fireplug" were the best
Angelo: [after Tony B kisses him on the head] get the fuck outta here
Angelo: [while giving a wooden sign inscribed "Because I'm the boss, that's why"] oh, I almost forgot, it spoke to me on the account on your sense of humor and all
Tony: [before hanging it on the wall] I'm putting it in a place of prominence

Tony: [Referring to her blouse] is that new? Looks good
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Did you bring your log?
Tony: My log?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You remember last week, you were going to keep a record. I asked you to write any feelings of anxiety or memories of past anxiety attacks
Tony: [Remembering what they discussed at their previous session] yeah, my parents, the pork store, it was interesting
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Have you thought at all about that?
Tony: How do people find the time?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: To get well
Tony: My mother's dead, I haven't had a panic attack since
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You've gone months without them before, the conflicts that caused them and your depression are buried deep inside you. Are you happy?
Tony: Am I happy? Look, I'm sorry I didn't bring the list. I'll bring it next week
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [sighs] we ought to think about bringing your wife into this
Tony: In here? Carmela?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You're the one who wanted to take a more proactive approach
Tony: [Disagreeing with her suggestion] that's not in the future
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Let's talk frankly. You've demanded more of me. Fine but you're not trying
Tony: Yeah I know, the past, but shit happens in my daily life that needs attention now. I got some genuine concerns, like my son, he shies away from anything that requires effort and I think that he picks that up from me. I mean his in football now right? But Carmela is guilty about this as I am.

Paulie: You know we should hit a Devils game some night
Salvatore: You still get tickets from the Greek?
Paulie: Right on the fuckin ice
Salvatore: I'll bring my sweater
Paulie: [Greeting Furio as he walks up to their table] hey, "chef of the future", have a seat
Salvatore: [to Furio, intentionally mispronouncing his name, mocking him] how you doing?
Furio: [Correcting him, unaware of the insult] Furio
Salvatore: [while Furio pours wine for him, jokingly then laughing] you didn't stomp those grapes yourself, did you?
Johnny: [Noticing them] look at this group
Paulie: [to Johnny] hey, "Mr. New York." What did you do? Swim across that river?
Johnny: [Before hugging him, referring to his promotion] come over here: congratulations
Johnny: [to Pussy, referring to his impoliteness] hey, don't get up
Salvatore: I wasn't gonna
Johnny: [Jokingly] piece of shit
Paulie: [referring to Italy] Say hello to Furio, "friend of ours" from the "other side"
Johnny: Oh, hey, I heard a lot about you
Furio: Nice to meet you
Johnny: Yeah, me too, my pleasure

- Zellman tell you this?
- No, carmine doesn't know anything about this yet, Tony.
- I'm giving you an opportunity to cut a deal and make it right.
- Last time, frelinghuysen Avenue, I cut you in out of friendship, but it's over.
- You got nothing coming to you.
- You or carmine.
- You sure you wanna go down this road, Tony?

- Is it possible he knows where Phil leotardo is?
- I want to try to avoid any more of my guys getting hurt.
- I'm just saying, if you heard anything from your pal...
- I haven't.
- I figured maybe money's sent to the middle east.
- You're overreaching.

- I can't believe it. I mean,
- I knew it would happen, but...
- So now can we get out of here, you know?
- Get a big loft, maybe?
- You're giving notice today.
- You wish.
- The wife of a made guy doesn't hostess.
- I'm so proud of you.
- I love you, Christopher.
- You better.

- It shouldn't look like what it is.
- Home invasion, carjacking, fucking ingrown toenail.
- I know these black guys from irvington.
- Well, that's the right idea.
- It can never get out who whacked the old fuck.
- Are they trustworthy, these guys?
- Yeah.
- Make sure.

- I'm thirsty.
- See if we got something to drink.
- What can I get you?
- You want a fanta?
- Something like that?
- Here.

- Oh, wait till you see the shots of aunt Gemma from the '60s.
- You forget what a beauty she was before the steroids.
- Bobby, you're a wonderful host.
- It was our pleasure.
- Goodbye. When nica wakes up from her nap, give her a belly smooch from us.
- Okay. Bye.

- Yeah?
- We're sorry to disturb you at this hour, Mr. Petraglia...
- But there's a Mr. Mantovani to see you.
- He says it's urgent.
- Send him up.

- Furio's here.
- You doing some work on the house?
- Yeah, you know, sinking some anchors for a wall mirror.

- I thought we were getting along better.
- So you polluted all the decent lawyers in
- New Jersey so they can't represent me?
- You couldn't play fair.
- I'm not the one that wanted it!
- Okay, so let's just pretend...
- That you weren't begging for it in millions of ways...
- Because I am worn out here.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You know, there's this Russian woman. She told me something that's very true. She said, only here, in America, do we expect to be happy. I mean this woman, she had a terrible leg disease since she was 9. She was dirt poor. She's getting on with her life. I mean, over here, we come and we bitch to shrinks. I mean, what the fuck?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Well, part of that may be true. But, who said that after getting out of the dirt and the poverty, do we have to stop looking for pain and truth?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Pain and truth? Come on, I'm a fat fucking crook from New Jersey.

- He's not happy with Phil neither.
- I know.
- You're not part of that family.
- You're basically retired.
- Everybody trusts you.
- What I'm thinking, you'd supply a neutral location, guarantee everybody's safety.
- I could do that.

- What the fuck is this?
- It was a front-end collision, Phil.
- This new paint isn't as brilliant.
- It's factory paint, same as original.
- It is different, it's duller.

Tony: [Referring to his recollection of his mother excited by fresh meat] it was probably the only time the old man got laid
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Probably
Tony: Pretty sick huh? Getting turned ob by free cold cuts
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Do you think you questioned why the meat was free? The meat that was going into her children's mouths?
Tony: [Referring to his parent's intimacy] I don't know, I don't want to know, I don't even want to think about any of this shit
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I'm sure it was too much for you then too, that's why you short-circuited. Puberty, witnessing not only your mother and father's sexuality but also the violence and blood so connected to the food you were about to eat. And also the thought that someday, you might be called upon to "bring home the bacon", like your father
Tony: All this from a slice of gabagool?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Kind of like Proust's Madeleine's
Tony: [Confused] what?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Marcel Proust wrote a seven volume classic: Remembrance of Things Past. He took a bite of a Madeleine, it's kind of a tea cookie he used to have when he was a child and that one bite unleashed a tide of memories of his entire childhood and ultimately of his entire life
Tony: This sounds very gay, I hope you're not saying that
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: No, understanding root causes will make you less vulnerable to future episodes
Tony: My fuckin head is swimming here
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: We're going have to stop, it's a lot to process but we've made real progress today, good work and I'd really like you to write down any thoughts or "associations."

- Ton? Ton, you there?
- Goddamn! Fuck!
- Call me back!
- You're not gonna believe this.
- He killed 16 czechoslovakians.
- The guy was an interior decorator.
- His house looked like shit.

- Dr. Cipolla's service.
- I need to talk to the doctor.
- Is this an emergency?
- Of course.
- Dr. Cipolla's out of town.
- Dr. Paglieri's on call.
- Do you wanna be connected?
- Nah.

- What?
- I need to give this back to you.
- I can't keep it.
- But why? I mean, I love you.
- I love you too, Anthony.
- Look, I don't know. Maybe I don't.
- All's I know is
- I just don't feel it.

- Sadness, Anthony, stay with that.
- Mommy tried to kill you and you gave her airline tickets.
- Fuck you.
- Now you're really in trouble.
- I'm gonna beat this shit, you kidding me?
- And with that...
- Anthony?

Jack: [while giving him a painting of the Rat Pack] I saw this and I thought of you
Tony: [surprised] Oh, look at that
Jack: A little gift to show my gratitude for all our work together
Tony: [shakes his hand, referring to the images of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Sammy Davis, Jr] Thanks. Look at those guys: they had sometime
Jack: You know we're gonna finally cut the ribbon for the museum on the twenty second? Their gonna ask me to make a speech on the challenges of contemporary urban development
Jack: [after placing his order with the waitress] listen, my buddy in City Planning says they pulled the permit to turn the old bus into a mixed use but the thing is Zellman hasn't given me a number, has he said anything to you about another bid?
Tony: We don't talk much, take your hat off: relax
Jack: yeah, I just started Rogaine, do you think you can ask Ron if this falls under the same arrangement?
Tony: [points to his desert] Kind of soggy if you want to know the truth
Jack: [nervously] This is federal redevelopment
Tony: I'll look into it
Tony: [after the waitress brings Jack's order to the table] So, a speech huh?
Jack: Yeah
Tony: [referring to the name of their construction project] The Museum of Science and Trucking
Jack: I just wish my mother could've seen it
Tony: Well, whenever she is, I'm sure she's proud
Jack: Actually, I do know exactly where she is and it's pretty fuckin hot
Tony: You had one of those too huh?

- Kitty got this dot-com job in San Diego, so we're moving.
- I didn't even know you were married.
- Yeah.
- But you're in luck.
- Birgit is taking over.
- How wonderful.
- I never even played once.
- That's why you're here.
- Carm, I was wondering about letters of recommendation...

- He probably moved them by now.
- However, this engagement party for the sister?
- I'll wire you up.
- I know you're sensitive...
- What the fuck was I, his errand boy?
- The saturn, yeah.
- Looking for his kid's teacher's car.
- What is that? Any faith I had went out the window that day.

- It's business, jan.
- Now?
- Yeah.
- Well, when are you coming back?
- I'm not sure. A couple days.
- A couple of days?
- The salernos are coming tomorrow.
- Stop fucking nagging me.
- I'll be back as soon as I can.

- I have to.
- Oh, god, why?
- What did I say now?
- I suppose I should've just kept my mouth shut, like a mute.
- And then everybody would've been happy.

Tony: [Referring to Paulie] you should've seen him out there, he could handle himself his got the balls of twenty year old, his my friend but can't stop, his such a bladder mouth, he asks me not tell anyone about his prostate I say "sure" then he tells everybody
Peter: He was always like that, You forgot, one time I fell asleep while he was on the phone, I wake up twenty minutes later and he was still going
Tony: I've got to say, it concerns me lately
Peter: People live alone and they get like that it's sad
Tony: [Referring to Beanie's wife] you married a good woman the way she stood by you?
Peter: That's what Paulie doesn't have and I'm speaking to your point, his got no wife and no kids
Tony: His got so steady income stream either, except for Barone which is coming to an end, I told him if you can't legitimate income your vulnerable to the Feds he don't do shit about it
Peter: I think you're worrying for nothing
Tony: Things are going great finally, maybe I'm just waiting "for the other shoe to drop"
Peter: All I know is Paulie Gualtieri is a standup guy
Tony: Has he been ever to the test? He had this painting in his house, I was all dressed up as a general
Peter: [laughing] I heard about that
Tony: It pissed me off I thought it was a fucking joke but now I don't think it was
Peter: He loves Tony, your all his got, you, the guys, and his image
Tony: I love him too

- It's a loan, I'm juicing her.
- Usually it's fake tits they want.
- Yeah, well, she don't need those, that's for sure.
- That kid's a thoroughbred.
- But, madonn', those choppers.
- A fucking train wreck.

- But of course, it makes sense.
- Don't besmirch the man, sal.
- So about the yard...
- Do you believe this fucking guy?
- You're done with that.
- Come on. Let's go check out these DVDs.

Carmela: [after hanging up the phone with AJ] Tony seemed to "hit the hooch" a little at lunch today, I think his feeling his age?
Janice: What'd you think it's like for me? When we were kids, he did whatever I said. My therapist, Sandy said our mom was a "splitter". She "pit" the three of us against each other, to toughen us up, I guess? I couldn't help overhearing you with AJ, God, you gotta "walk on eggshells" with these kids today, huh?
Carmela: We're "almost" through that "phase", thank God
Janice: Your good with them
Carmela: really? I wish he'd go back to college: sleeps most nights at Blanca's
Janice: Speaking of kids and ma, Sandy said something "interesting", that when we were babies, everything was "fine" but ma couldn't stand as babies get older, they "separated" from her. When they started to talk and express ideas, that's when the trouble started, it wasn't that she didn't love us

- These two suck each other's cocks.
- What'd you say to him?
- Have a nice day.

- How could you say that?
- Look, Tony.
- I don't feel well. My joints ache, my stomach is all queasy.
- You asked, I told.
- Just making conversation.
- If you don't care, don't bring it up!
- All right, calm down.
- I don't have enough on my plate?
- One of my key guys disappeared to Naples, for Christ sakes!

- Tony...
- Hey!
- I got stuff for the party, toys.
- From me and junior.
- They're not wrapped, but this way they can see what they're getting.
- Tell junior thank you.

Gerry: Don't get me wrong, I love Dom more than anybody: my point is we don't know if Tony was behind this
Phil: It's payback for Vito
Gerry: So, why the fuck did they blow up the Wire Room?
Albie: [referring to Tony] Balls on this prick
Butch: To blow up a store? You call that balls? Balls is you look a guy in the eye while you jam an ice pick through his lung
Albie: I meant balls as in nerve, gall
Butch: [irritated] I know what the fuck you meant. As far as I'm concerned, this is like 9/11, Tony wanted our attention? Fine, he got our attention. Now we wipe him off the planet
Phil: You know that fat cocksucker says I look like the Shah of Iran?
Butch: Who does?
Gerry: Tony
Albie: I never got that at all
Phil: Fat piece of shit
Butch: It's irrelevant, Phil but his testing you: all the time and you keep indulging him
Phil: Your right but whack a boss? I won't do that
Butch: It's been done before
Phil: And it was wrong then
Butch: [insistently, referring the Soprano crime family] eye for an eye then, huh? Pick somebody over there

- Welcome home, t.
- Come here, you malingerer you.
- Easy, easy, easy.
- Great to have you back, t.
- Fucking great to be back.
- Sit, ton', I'll clear your spot.
- We got you your bialy as soon as we heard you were coming in today.
- Nuke that Joe so it's hot.

- Good morning. Anthony soprano.
- Yup. See some photo ID, please?

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Tony is having a fever dream where Pussy is a fish on ice at a food market] How much you weigh?
Salvatore: Eight pounds.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Lost a lot of weight!
Salvatore: Swimmin'! The best exercise. Works every muscle group.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Get the fuck outta here! You never exercised once in your life!
Salvatore: Anyway, $4 a pound.
[pause]
Salvatore: You know I've been working with the government, right, Ton'?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Don't say it.
Salvatore: C'mon, Ton'. Sooner or later, you gotta face facts.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I don't want to hear it.
Salvatore: Well you're *gonna* hear it.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [dejectedly] Fuck.
Salvatore: You passed me over for promotion, Ton'. You knew.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: How much shit you give 'em?
Salvatore: A lot.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Jesus, Puss.
[pause]
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Fuck of a way for it all to end, huh?
Salvatore: Yeah.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah.
Salvatore: [referring to the fish lying next to him] These guys, on either side of me... they're asleep.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Don't say that! Not fuckin' funny!
[angrily turns over the table and knocks all the fish to the ground]

- or act at cross-purposes.
- Here. So you can buy a suit to look nice forjob or college interviews.
- This is not for fun.
- This is not to be used for any kind of personal entertainment.
- Thanks.

- So this guy still in a coma?
- Should I visit him, or is that too fucked up?
- Yeah, I think you should go see him.
- I don't know.
- Maybe I should send flowers, or some shit.
- Oh, what the fuck?

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: So, all the women in your house are gone. How do you feel about Carmella taking a trip without you?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Do we really have to fuckin talk about this?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Of course not. Before we end, is there anything you'd like to discuss?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Remains silent]
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: OK
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: How about the fact that I hate my son? I come home and his sitting in front of the computer in his fuckin underwear. Wasting his time in some chit chat room going back and forth like some other fuckin jerk off giggling like a school girl. Fuckin smash his fuckin face in. My son, what'd you think about that?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Anthony, I think your anger towards AJ has been building up for some time, we have to deal with this
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: All I know is it's a good thing my father's not alive because let me tell you he'd find this fuckin hilarious
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Find what hilarious?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: The kind of son I produced
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You mean because Anthony doesn't conform to what your father's idea of what a man should be?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: His, mine, or anybody's. Let me tell you if Carmella let me kick AJ's ass like my father kicked my ass, he might've grown up with some balls
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Like you?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah like me
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: He might've also grown up taking out his anger and his father's brutality towards him on others. He might've grown up with a desperate need to dominate and control. Anthony we've been "dancing" around this for years: how you live, what is it you want from your life?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I couldn't even hit him if I wanted to. His so fuckin little, his Carmella's side of the family, they're small people. Her father, you could knock him over with a fuckin feather
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Ok but I have to point out: what you resent Carmella doing for AJ, protecting him from his father, is the very thing you had often wished your mother had done for you

- You were like a fish out there.
- Where's dad?
- He couldn't make it.
- He had a meeting.
- He'll be here next time.
- This is the last meet of the season.
- Next year, I mean.
- Oh.
- Okay.

[Paulie and Christopher chase Mikey into the woods, until he finally twists his ankle and falls]
Mikey: Please, please, come on! No!
Paulie: Fuckin' poison ivy all over me.
Christopher: My friend Brendan, you shot him in the bathtub, naked. No chance to run.
Mikey: I swear to god, it wasn't me! It was Junior! He fucking hated that kid!
Christopher: Yeah, right. It was Junior. Mr. Magoo!

Bill: [after seeing Janice come through the door] Svetlana, get out here
Janice: [while noticing the boxes his carrying, cheerfully] Oh, hi, you must be the famous Bill, moving day huh?
Svetlana: Oh, I didn't think you had the nerve to show your face to me
Janice: Why? What happened? What's wrong?
Svetlana: [disgusted] Oh, don't give me bullshit. Where is my leg?
Janice: Your leg? Oh, yeah. Where's your...
Svetlana: [interrupts her] I know you took it
Janice: That's preposterous. I mean what possible use could I have for your leg?
Svetlana: Because you think that will make me give the records back but you are wrong
Janice: [sarcastically] If you see some karmic connection between your taking my mother's records and the disappearance of your leg, the records returned to the rightful owner and so will your leg, I can see how you got there
Bill: I don't know how you can live with yourself
Svetlana: Bill, don't waste your breath, this cunt is gonna be sorry she ever fuck with me

Christopher: [to J.T. Dolan referring to the movie Cleaver they wrote that has similarities to aspects of Tony's life] It was an idea, I don't know, who knows where they fuckin' come from? Isaac Newton invented gravity 'cause some asshole hit him with an apple!

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Paulie referring to Ralph] you lay a hand on him and you're going to answer to me, if you can quote the rules you can fucking obey them, do you understand?

Carmine: One other thing though. John told me he went to a cookout at your house.
Tony: Yeah.
Carmine: A don doesn't wears shorts.

- And they can't find him, so somebody's gotta go down there and pay the vet.
- Down where?
- The racetrack.
- It's a racehorse?
- So why do you have to go?
- You bought a racehorse?
- No. I didn't buy it.
- It followed you home?
- The horse is sick.

- What?
- Come here. We're exterminating.
- I'm busy now.
- Get some sfogliatelle for the guys.

- I could have an empire like Bobby flay.
- And it still wouldn't be good enough for you.
- Okay, I'll make you a deal, Artie.
- We'll start working on your empire...
- Right after we pay the $10,000...
- Of orthodonture
- Melissa's gonna need this year.

- What's the matter, Tony?
- Nothin'.
- I tell you we do real good business-wise?
- I got fuckin' double on those cars.
- Here he comes.
- Hey, c'mon!

Skip: [meeting privately, referring to meeting with Tony] how'd it go?
Skip: [after Pussy hands him an audiotape of the wiretap his been recording] was Sundeep there?
Salvatore: yeah
Salvatore: [before handing him a white envelope full of money] my whole cut
Skip: [handing him a small amount of money from the same envelope] here
Skip: [when Pussy rolls his eyes and shakes his head after looking at the small amount of cash] what's the matter?
Salvatore: what's the matter?
Skip: [irritated] I know, Tony's your best friend
Salvatore: President Franklin is my best friend, and his in there
Skip: look, some cooperators, when they finally get their new identity, they do pretty fuckin good. Some snitch I worked with became garbage commissioner of a good size city in Florida

- A self-perpetuating revenue base.
- The $100 million Newark museum of science and trucking...
- Will serve to make this the attraction of the area and beyond.
- This fucking busted valise, he's worth every cent of his cut.
- Fucking dry wall contracts alone.
- Thank you very much.

- I'm child of divorce.
- Shouldn't have been drinking in the afternoon.
- How about a little sympathy?
- You got ice in your veins?
- I had ice in my veins on your uncle couch?
- Most expensive piece of ass I ever had.
- Right. I know what you are thinking too.
- Take care, Tony. You're a strong guy.
- You'll be all right.

Christopher: Wait a minute. What's if Vesuvio's bugged, and the fuckin' Feds told Johnny?
Silvio: Conspiracy theories now?
Christopher: Why not? Create a little dysentery among the ranks.
Tony: First of all, the place is swept once a week. Second of all, what the Feds want is a lot more interesting shit that's being talked about in there besides Ginny Sack's fat ass.

- He's a goddamn hothouse flower.
- That's his problem.
- Thank you for getting my TV fixed, Paulie.
- Vitro it's such a sin.
- He fired his Spanish helper.
- Took his boy out of college.
- He couldn't afford it anymore.
- He said it's his last time coming here.

- My god, you scared the shit out of me.
- No. Shut them off.
- Why are you sitting in the dark?
- I don't know.
- I like the dark.
- Sit.
- I gotta go online.
- Oh, come on. Sit for a minute.
- Come on.

- What a shame Barry Sanders retired.
- He's a real sweetheart.
- A.j., did you tell them how I served him at Kenny Rogers?
- Colonel Sanders.
- No. At Kenny Rogers. Barry Sanders.
- Yeah, she served him.
- Yes!
- Hey.

Bobby: [talking privately with Sil and Vito to settle a dispute] That was Junior's neighborhood, now's its mine
Silvio: Whoa, keep your voice down
Vito: It was Eugene's going on three years and Eugene was with me
Bobby: He should've never had it to begin with except with the beef with that guy: Junior ruled on it and it wasn't right then
Vito: [irritated by Bobby] This fuckin guy!
Silvio: [to Vito] How much we talking about?
Vito: 3g's a week
Bobby: Maybe that's what that guy admitted to you, I heard 5
Vito: [to Bobby] You heard wrong
Bobby: What do we do here, Sil?
Silvio: [after thinking it over] Here's the thing
Vito: What, skip?
Silvio: For the time being, it's Bobby's... but his still gonna kick up twenty percent to you
Vito: How long is for the time being?
Bobby: Yeah, Sil?
Silvio: [to both of them] What, you speak Norwegian? For now

- Motherfucker.
- What?
- Nothing.

- What are those, tic tacs?
- I just found them.
- I didn't know I had them on me.
- Give me some!
- There ain't no more. I ate them.
- I'm dying here!
- Then fucking die already.
- Where you going?
- I'm eating those berries.
- I'm telling you, they're poison.
- At least I won't die hungry.

- He's dropping a.J. Off later.
- This is the last thing
- I need to get into right now.
- Oh, please, he never had it so good.
- Well, that's him.
- You two should talk. Let me just pee.
- Okay.

- When you did the same, you got forgiven.
- Think about it. There's a difference.
- Don't call me.
- Mr. X, can you play chess?
- No.
- I can. My daddy taught me.

Christopher: You remember that Princess Di? You think the Royal Family, uh, had her whacked?
Paulie: Heh, heh. Last time I take a fuckin' limo in Paris.
Christopher: Like you were ever in Paris, Paulie.
Paulie: I went over for a blow job. Your mother was working the bon-bon concession at the Eiffel Tower.
[to Silvio]
Paulie: Sil, did you hear what I told him? Told him "I went over for a blow job. Your mother was working the bon-bon concession at the Eiffel Tower."

- Yeah, are you ready to go on the ride with mama?
- Are you ready? Get ready.
- Yeah, we're gonna go soon.
- Oh, here we go!
- All around the floor.
- Wipe that puss off your face.

- For days.
- Bobby took advantage of him last night when Tony had had too much to drink.
- There is no excuse for the way
- Bobby blindsided him.
- Tony is not a vindictive man.
- What did I say?

- So...
- Turns out my uncle zio's going downhill.
- The day we met, I told you, we were there at the cemetery to Bury his wife.
- My aunt concetta.
- Seventy years they were together.
- Poor guy's taking it very hard.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: All right, spit it out. Whenever I bring her up, you get this weird puss, and then you ask me, "does she seem happy?" like maybe she's not. Or, "does she remind you of somebody?" with that weird puss on, like you don't like it. "Our mo fo" or whatever the fuck you call our relationship!

- You gotta snap out of this, Caitlin.
- Maybe you need to talk to somebody.
- Yeah, well, I'm already taking those buspar pills.
- Well, maybe that's not enough.
- Where are you going?
- To the library.

- That much of Dell computer bought in 1989 is worth 5 million today.
- We don't have that kind of money on hand right now.
- Things are tight.
- Don't you read the papers?
- The economy.
- Well, it sounded like a wonderful opportunity.
- What are you gonna do, huh?

- The one with the peaked roofs, you're right, cuse.
- When they were auctioning off the last truck...
- And I wanted it as a souvenir...
- Gotti outbid me.
- Gave me a ride home.
- You know, he rang that bell the whole way home?

Paulie: [commenting on the Bada-Bing dancer's Christmas outfit] Heh, I fucked a girl wearing a Santa hat once. It was too distracting. I kept losin' my hard-on.

- So I called another accountant.
- And?
- Frankly, when he heard your husband was the defendant...
- He demurred as well.
- So, what does this mean, you don't want the case?
- Well, as my partners reminded me,
- I do have a full caseload already.
- I probably should've mentioned...

Tony: [Driving in car] So what's goin' on with you?
A.J. Soprano: Nothin'.
Tony: Nothin. You know, that 'No God' shit. That upsets your mother very much.
A.J. Soprano: It's not 'No God'. It's 'God is dead.'
Tony: Who said that?
A.J. Soprano: [Misspeaks] Nitch. He's a 19th century philosopher from Germany. Anyway, that's why I'm not getting confirmed.
Tony: Enough with that shit, alright? Your confirmation's comin' up this weekend and you ARE gettin' confirmed!
A.J. Soprano: That sucks my nut!
Tony: [Lightly slaps AJ with the back of his hand] Ay! You got a lotta balls, you know that? You go to Catholic school and your mother wants it!
A.J. Soprano: Yeah, what does she know?
Tony: She knows that even if God IS dead, you're still gonna kiss his ass!

Neil: [to the Judge at Tony's hearing] your Honor, the police pulled over some kid and found a baggy with cocaine residue. They also found a gun loaded with hollow point bullets on the floor. Now in order to beat the wrap this sixteen year old punk claims he saw my client drop that weapon and mind you not yesterday but over two years ago. Using it to shoot at cans and impress his friends

Carmela: [when Tony returns home] I thought you were at Raymond's birthday dinner?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: left early
Carmela: nice to be home: there's chicken parm. Was Christopher there?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: no
Carmela: did you know that him and Adriana broke up?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: no, this kid, that's his trouble, he keeps it all "bottled up", then they wonder why they get chemical dependencies?
Carmela: do you think there was somebody else?
Carmela: [after he shrugs] because there was this one night: it was way back, movie night with the girls. Adriana was very upset, and she wanted to get "something" off her chest, then she just ran out of there crying. I bet she was seeing somebody?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: you never know about people

- It's Meadow.
- I don't know, we think maybe she ran off to Europe.
- Europe?
- Yeah.
- So you got a minute?
- Who's that?
- Nobody, go back to sleep.
- Oh, hey, sil.
- How you doing, hon?

- Flush.
- You motherfucker.
- You slow-rolled me.
- What were you doing to that hand?
- His money's good. He wants to sail, it's his business.
- Fuck you too.
- I should've stayed with my goomar tonight.
- Hey, cheese fuck, get me some food.

- But still decisive enough for a grope in the closet.
- Yeah. Something like that.
- Oh, shit! That's all I need.
- We were speeding?
- I wasn't looking.
- Pull over.

- Baby, how are you?
- Is Tatiana here?
- I'll go get her.
- You are Jimmy?
- Yeah, that's right, I'm Jimmy.
- My man!
- Big tits, little feet.
- A hit in any man's league.
- Have a seat.

Tony: So, I saw my uncle Jun, he says hello
Fran: [surprised] Junior? Jesus, how's he doing?
Tony: I don't know if you know it, he was always a little hot for you
Fran: He was practically a stalker
Tony: He said he suffered in silence
Fran: [doubtful] Suffered in silence? He used to sulk outside my building at all hours: weird phone calls. I always had a hunch he'd tell Livia about me and Johnny
Tony: Jesus Christ
Fran: She was a handsome woman, your mother, not sexy exactly but statuesque

Rosalie: [while in the hospital cafeteria] I'll be glad to sit with Tony
Carmela: Hospital rules: it's only family for now but thank you. Angie phoned, I guess she's very busy over there with her body shop?
Rosalie: [after AJ walks up to their table, jokingly, implying AJ resembles the Italian-American fashion model] Oh, look who's here, Fabio, I'm available
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: [to his mother] So, what, now there's actual roaster of who and when stays with dad and I'm not on it?
Carmela: Frankly, I don't think you'd be interested
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: I was sick and I've been trying to study, which is what everyone is usually hassling me about twenty-four, seven. I guess there always has to be something right?
Carmela: Come here and sit down, ok?
Carmela: [when AJ ignores his mother and walks away] Studying? He goes clubbing in New York
Rosalie: You cut him too much slack: you still protect him
Carmela: I know he avoids Tony because he can't face seeing him like that, it frightens him
Rosalie: [adamantly] It frightens everybody, he should get a pass? Kids his age are getting blown up in Iraq
Carmela: you know what's interesting? Janice noticed when AJ talks about Tony possibly not coming out of this, he can't even use the word Dad, he says Anthony Soprano is not going to die.
Rosalie: [sarcastically] Well, that's a fascinating psychological nugget but it don't change the fact if that kid don't pull his end in this, his never gonna forgive himself and nobody else should either
Carmela: It's just that Tony has always loomed so large for AJ
Rosalie: Well, maybe AJ is just a selfish kid that don't give a shit?
Carmela: I'm sorry your son is no longer with us but don't use mine as a guinea pig for your ideas on parenting. I never saw you take a hard line
Rosalie: Why do you think I'm talking to you like this?
Carmela: The thing is Tony has an open incision. If you are there when they change the dressing, it's very hard to take, I don't know if AJ should see that?

[Sighs] It could be better.
- The summers down there...
- We were ignoring the negatives.
- It's fucking brutal with the bugs.
- Tony and silvio, all they understand is appearances.
- We'll buy a new car.
- It'll raise my profile.
- You watch, I'll make captain.

- Tony?
- You got anything to drink?

Christopher: [Referring to Tony] Fuck this piece of shit. You hear me? I'm done. Put my life on the line. My fuckin' life!
Adriana: Baby, I hate seeing you like this.
Christopher: Fuck family, fuck loyalty. You cost them a dime; you're fuckin' done. I gave that fuck pieces of my soul, Adriana. You know what he said to me? He said I should have a fuckin' drink.
Adriana: When?
Christopher: Up there, when we were at Uncle Pat's farm.
Adriana: Well, you don't need to listen to him, isn't that why you have a sponsor?
Christopher: Him and Tony B, breaking my balls. Teasing me like when I was little. I mean what kind of fucked up undermining shit to tell someone who's got the disease? You know I could take that fat fuck out in a second. BANG! His kids wouldn't even give a fuck.
Adriana: Don't talk like that. You're a better man than he is. You're a better person.
Christopher: Fuck all this shit with Paulie and all. You know what hurts me the worst? Right to my heart. Him and our ass wipe cousin. That two faced cock sucker. He could get all of us killed with New York and him, Tony has to think about what to do with him now. After all this shit. Me? He don't need to fuckin' think. Well maybe I need to think? Ever thought of that? You fat fuckin' scumbag!

Tony: How was he?
- Fine.
- Same.
- So any news?
- No.

Bobby: Ya, fuckin' greaseball, ya. C'mon, c'mon. Any more smart remarks?
Petey: No Mr. Bacala! Please, please! No more!
Bobby: [shoots Petey]

Paulie: [referring to the incident with Valery] so, we open the trunk, this suffocating Russian cocksucker pops up: his still alive
Christopher: [after they all laugh] we lead him through the snow, this asshole's shivering. I mean his wearing fuckin pajamas and slippers in like eight-degree weather
Christopher: [continuing the story and the sound of a gun, after Tony greets them and leaves] anyway, he starts running, the Russian. Boom! I'm telling you the top of his head came off like a fuckin bad rug
Paulie: what a beating we had to give this prick
Vito: where's he now, do you think?
Paulie: who the fuck cares, right Chrissy?
Christopher: who the fuck knows?
Vito: [referring to Valery] poor bastard
Christopher: never would've happened if Paulie hadn't initially "overacted" but it's one for the books
Paulie: what'd you mean "overreacted?"
Christopher: you choked him with the guy's lamp, Paulie, we could've got Silvio's money without having to spend the night in the fuckin open
Paulie: [clarifying the details to everybody, referring to Christopher] he let him jab him with the shovel was the problem: he let his guard down
Christopher: we would've caught up to the prick, if you didn't lose your fuckin shoe
Vito: Paulie, you lost your shoe? You didn't tell us about that
Christopher: [impersonating Paulie pleading] "Chrissy please, don't leave me out here."
Paulie: you little cocksucker
Christopher: I covered your ass with Tony about that whole "thing" and never a word of fuckin thanks: ever!
Paulie: who's playing the "blood relations" card? Tony's "little favorite"
Christopher: fuck you!

Paulie: [in the dinning area of Nuovo Vesuvio] "In the midst of death, we are in life", huh? Or is it the other way around?
Meadow: I think it's the other way around.
Paulie: Either version, you're halfway up the ass.

- in the water.
- Brain dead.
- Poor kid's in one of those padded wheelchairs now.
- Oh.
- I can't get that story out of my mind.
- I don't know why.

- But Tony says he's gonna hire a detective.
- Look at this.
- Two of you were so cute.
- Well, even then my cannoli was bigger than his.
- Oh, stop.
- Oh, man, there he is.

- The whole family was laughing.
- My mother was laughing.
- Any other loving experiences?
- Hey, she's a good woman.
- She put food on the table evely night.
- I'm the ungrateful fuck.
- I come here, complain about her...
- And I let my wife exclude her from my home.

- Hey.
- The rotor on the washing machine broke.
- Carm said I could use yours.
- Clean out the filter this time.
- Disgusting.

- Score some shit and find out what's going on?
- Please!
- Brendan, let's go. Wake up, man.
- The fool leaves his door open.
- I gotta pee.
- Go for it.
- Yo, Einstein, you should have seen me at the hospital. It took three nurses...

- Not seven.
- All right. Done.
- Did you pick up the birthday cake for gin with the marzipan flowers?
- The stuff behind the pool?
- No, an actual fuckin' cake.
- It's her birthday.

- It's better this way.
- He's making the right decision.
- He'll get a place, you'll go and visit.
- It'll be better. You'll see.
- Well, you guys could still get back together maybe?
- Right?
- Yeah. Sure.
- We're still close.

- Who else is behind you?
- Who knows about it?
- I hated seeing you suffer with that writer's block.
- When I saw the ad in the paper...
- I had to get it for your birthday.
- I'm sorry.
- Adrian, I'm sorry!

- Best part is, we'll be 20 minutes from a.C.
- We get a room, freshen up, some Blackjack.
- Fuck that, I gotta eat.
- We'll go to Morton's, have a steak.
- So the day won't be a total loss.
- Things with you and carmela seem to be going well.
- It's the therapy.

Johnny: I want you to sanction a hit on Ralph Cifaretto.
Carmine: What, are you fucking kidding me?
Johnny: He violated my wife's honor.
Carmine: Ralph slept with Ginny?
Johnny: He insulted her. He made a very insensitive joke about her body to some friends of ours.
Carmine: What did he say?
Johnny: [indignant] I have to repeat it? My word's not good enough?
Carmine: Not if you want him clipped over it.

- Uh, Anthony soprano.
- Yeah. I just talked to assemblyman zellman.
- Get him out of here.

Carmela: So Finn, Meadow's telling me your going skiing?
Finn: For four days next week a whole bunch of us: a friend of my dad has a cabin near Montreal. You can ski right onto the trails
Meadow: I saw the pictures, there's this humongous stone fire place
Carmela: Just be careful with all the accidents you read about: Sonny Bono
Tony: How about you Alex? Do you ski?
Alessandra: I used to, my family had a retreat near the Pyrenees
Tony: Pyrenees?
Meadow: Aless is descended from Spanish royalty
Tony: Seriously?
Colin: She's our little princess
Alessandra: My great, great grandmother was a countess
Carmela: [to Meadow] you should've told me you were living with royalty
Tony: My daughter's an Italian princess, does that count? My wife too for that matter
Meadow: There's more chicken if anybody wants?
Tony: Yeah I'll take a little more
Finn: [Including him into the conversation] so AJ, your a junior?
A.J. Soprano: Next year
Finn: Are you looking at any schools yet?
A.J. Soprano: Not really, I'll go to Rutgers I guess
Meadow: Are you passing everything?
A.J. Soprano: I got a C on a paper I did on Billy Budd
Carmela: [Disappointed] A C?
Tony: [to Carmella] he usually gets D's and F's, what's with you today? You ok?
Carmela: You worked so hard on it, why only a C?
A.J. Soprano: I don't know
Finn: Did you like Billy Budd?
A.J. Soprano: It was ok. My teacher said it's a gay book
Carmela: Mr. Wegler? Oh that is ridiculous
Finn: [while Colin and Aless nod] I've heard that before
Carmela: That was written when? The nineteenth century?
A.J. Soprano: Yeah, I didn't even know they had fags back then
Meadow: [Chastising him for saying something offensive] AJ
Tony: [to Colin] no offense
Colin: Oh, I'm not gay
Tony: Your not?
Colin: No
Finn: [Jokingly] I read where they found gay cave drawings in Africa
Alessandra: Really?
Alessandra: [Realizes he was teasing her] shut up
Carmela: This stuff is pervading our educational system, not to mention movies, TV shows

- Get the fuck out my house, motherfuckers!
- Get out and stay out!
- Hey, mister, mister.
- I'll kill you, come around here, bitch.
- Don't come back here no more.
- Get out before we kill your asses, nigga!

- Is that right, wishing her dead?
- Is that being a good son?
- Good son?
- Yeah, a good son. I mean, bad sons...
- Bad sons what?
- They should fucking die.
- That's a fucking disgusting thing to be.
- Your kid, at bard.
- He better be a good son, right?

- So what's that about?
- What do you think it's about?
- Well... ahem...
- It's probably the reason I still come here to hang out with you...
- 'Cause nothing really changes with the therapy part.

Tony: There was a time, Mead, when the Italian people didn't have a lot of options.
Meadow: You mean like Mario Cuomo?
[Tony stares at her]
Meadow: Sorry.
Tony: You know I put food on the table. My father was in it. My uncle was in it. Maybe I was too lazy to think for myself. To consider myself... A rebel. Maybe being a rebel in my family would have been selling patio furniture on route 22.

- Thing is, the Newark facilities manager, he's gonna fix it so we do all the window replacements in the projects.
- I was thinking maybe you should work that.
- I'm honored just to be considered.
- Then we'll see what happens after that, long-term.

Tony: Okay. I need to tell you something and I want you to hear it from me, not from some asshole on the street. About four, five months ago I started seeing a psychiatrist. I was passing out, and they couldn't find nothing. She's been helping me with that... Okay, c'mon, give it to me. Give it to my face. C'mon.
Silvio: Well, I'm sure you did it with complete discretion. And speaking for Pussy, if he's still alive, I'm sure he would agree.
Tony: Business was not discussed, no names were mentioned. Junior knows. He's decided to use it against me. Ask now. 'Cause we're not discussing this again.
Paulie: It's not the worst thing I ever heard. I was seeing a therapist myself about a year ago. I had some issues. Enough said. I learned some coping skills.
Silvio: Look, this thing of ours, the way it's going, it'd be better if we could admit to each other these painful, stressful times. But it'll never fucking happen.
Tony: What about you? You got a problem with this?
Christopher: It's like marriage counseling?
Tony: Yeah. Like that. Sort of, yeah.

- That's Don vittorio.
- You didn't have to leave your house tonight.
- Annalisa, sweetheart, how are you?
- Don vittorio, allow me to present our friend from america.
- Anthony soprano.
- Don vittorio, it's an honor.

Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: [happily to a friend and fellow student] I might be learning disabled!

- Sent her a bottle of shalimar.
- She never mentioned it.
- You should be happy at least, the stent was a complete success.
- Let's not tempt fate by taxing the heart.
- How many migs you shoot down last week?

Carmela: You know, Ma, your son loves you very much. He worries all the time. And he felt bad that you didn't come to the open house. I don't care if you think it's disrespectful, but I want you to cut the drama. It's killing Tony.
Livia: What are you talking about?
Carmela: I'm talking about this. This "poor mother, nobody loves me" victim crap. It is textbook manipulation. And I hate seeing Tony so upset over it.
Livia: I know how to talk to people.
Carmela: I am a mother too, don't forget. You know the power that you have. And you use it like a pro.
Livia: Power? What power? I don't have power! I'm a shut-in!
Carmela: You're bigger than life. You are his mother. I don't think for one second that you don't know what you're doing to him.
Livia: Who me? Me? What did I do?

- Adam and Eve would be running all the time, scared shitless.
- But the Bible says it was paradise.
- You can disagree with Evangelicals, but they're great friends of the Jews because Israel is the holy land.
- You wait.

Tony: [stares at the desert sun] I get it. I get it!

Christopher: [to Martin Scorsese] Marty! "Kundun", I liked it!

FBI: We've had every one of Tony Soprano's phones bugged for four years, but the guy says less than Harpo Marx.

- What?
- Nothing.
- It's just, you send in an old man?
- What's he gonna do, gum him to death?
- Anybody ask for your input?
- No, no, I'm just saying.
- You should let me do it.
- I'll take the guy apart at the joints.
- With him conscious.

Ralph: I represent a group of concerned citizens who are very upset about this protest your "spear heading", no pun intended
Professor: Who do you represent?
Ralph: Italians here in New Jersey, good people "family" people and they asked me to tell you that it's not in your best interest to go through with this fuckin thing
Professor: Well, if you've come here to intimidate me? You don't know much about Indian resolve
Maggie: Del, should I call security?
Professor: No
Ralph: [Showing him a poster of Iron Eyes Cody] you remember this guy?
Professor: Iron Eyes Cody, he was an actor in the movies
Ralph: [Listing some of movies he was in] Son of Paleface, Sitting Bull. Your fuckin poster boy. Part Cherokee, part Cree. Wasn't even a fuckin Indian. Second generation Sicilian from Louisiana named Espera DeCorti
Professor: Well, I think you better leave now
Ralph: The guy's a total fuckin phony, total fugazi but he kept it quiet. Well, we're not going to. You keep up with your bullshit, we're going to go wide with this thing
Professor: Knock yourself out
Professor: [after Ralphie leaves, to his assistant] Jesus Christ is this true? This is a fuckin disaster
Maggie: [Rubs his arm to conform him] chill out. You didn't know about this? It's been on Access Hollywood, E!
Professor: [Interrupts her] this is a major PR boner
Maggie: Del, it's been researched: Cody was definitely a Native American, a total environmentalist
Professor: Are you sure about this?
Maggie: Look Del, I'm one eighth Italian myself
Professor: You are? You never told me that

- Hibernating throughout the winter.
- Just take your medicine, uncle jun.
- Make you feel better.
- Help with your memory.
- Believe me, there's plenty
- I'd like to forget.
- Yeah, you and me both.

- What did the guy say?
- Our friend from the other place, he talked to the guy?
- What's his name, thelocalguy.
- Yeah, yeah, I know.
- Hold on.
- Yep, I see it. Thank you, ro.

- Don't move.
- What?
- See...
- If you...
- Can not...

- Look at the stems on blondie.
- He's riding high.
- Nice to be young, huh?

- Let's be realistic.
- Let's be realistic?
- What? You wanna leave me?
- Yeah.
- Then get the fuck out.
- It doesn't have to be like this.
- How should it be?
- How the fuck should it be?

Benny: [Answers the door after Artie rang it several times late at night] Artie, do you know what time it is?
Artie: We need to talk
Benny: Now? My wife is pregnant, she needs to sleep
Artie: Martina told me about your credit card business, step outside Ben
Benny: [to his wife] I'll be outside a minute honey
Benny: Look, your upset alright? But it's not my fault that little "trick" got greedy
Artie: [Eventually pushes him against the wall] oh, so she's a little "trick" huh?
Benny: I was going to cut you in but now your acting stupid

- Talk to Paulie here.
- He'll tell you about fair!
- Absolutely.
- You're worse than my son!
- Get him the fuck outta here!
- Hey!
- How was I supposed to know?
- My family kept me in the dark.
- What kind of pathetic fuckin' excuse is that?! Don't you communicate?
- You make me sick, you fucking baby.

- What class you ditching?
- Assembly.
- Excellent Jersey.
- Yeah.
- Wait. You went out for jv ball?
- Yeah.
- Mr. Quadriplegic, remind me not to visit you in the hospital.
- That is a cool shirt.
- Yeah.
- What position?
- Douche bag.

- This is our chance to get out, Tony.
- We could start a whole new life.
- Have some mormons over to dinner.
- Eat some tomatoes with no taste.
- I want those kids to have a father.
- They got one. This one.
- Me. Tony soprano.
- And all that comes with it.
- Oh, you prick!

- You let me go, t.
- I asked you. Now it's my fault Artie and Benny got into it?
- This is what I was concerned about,
- Christopher, the loss of focus.
- Look...
- Not many guys have had to make the kind of sacrifice I did.
- How many times you gonna play the Adriana card?

- Well, they had to get it for me.
- There's no real public transport out here.
- But I said no more SUV.
- Well, that's the cool part.
- Twenty-three highway. It's not so bad.

- It's just a bigger version of an emerald ring.
- So you can keep on with your other life.
- You don't know me at all.
- I know you better than anybody, Tony.
- Even your friends.
- Which is probably why you hate me.
- Hate you?
- Well, don't worry,
- I'm going to hell when I die.
- Nice thing to say to a person heading into an mri.

- To wonderful friends, to Alan's shark-fin soup and to a wonderful day.
- Hear, hear.
- Cheers.
- And now, ladies and gentlemen, the sands hotel proudly presents...
- The star of our show, direct from the bar, Dean Martin!
- What the hell?
- It's that boat.

- Fuck you!
- Sit the fuck down, you mullethead!
- This isn't the right place for them.
- You suck!
- Without the right help from you...
- Visiting day could end up in the miscellaneous v section.

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: There's a psychological condition known as alexithymia, common in certain personalities. The individual craves almost ceaseless action, which enables them to avoid acknowledging the abhorrent things they do.
[Dr Melfi further expounds that their is a high correlation between this condition and anti-social personalities]

Tony: [on the golf course, giving Dr. Kennedy a golf club as a gift] For you. Titanium. I use one! Added ten yards to my drives!
Dr. John Kennedy: Thanks, but I really can't accept it.
Tony: For everything you've done for my uncle. Anyway, what am I gonna do with it? I already got one, and Mr. Williams here
[motioning to Furio]
Tony: , he don't play. Right?
Furio: Stupid-a-fucking game!

- Holy fuck. Shit.
- It's him.
- We should've said hello.
- Or asked him what time it was.
- Think we should go in?
- Wait, you got...
- How do I look?
- Good.
- Your hair...

Christopher: Whatever you do, do not engage Silvio in conversation.

Salvatore: [regarding Feech] What did I ever do to this guy?
Paulie: They release these fucks from the can. Obviously, he wasn't rea-bull-ated.

- Thank you. Don't get into it.
- I don't wanna know.
- It's just weird, you know?
- Being where he's been.
- He hasn't been anywhere.
- Nothing happened.
- I told you that.
- Don't matter.
- He's been there in his mind.
- Ugh. Fine.

- 'This is our version of the protestant ethic, '
- Mr. Ferrarotti said.
- The case concerned a clerk of a civil court in potenza...
- Who was jailed for promising to speed up someone's trial.
- Evidence showed that he received
- 88 pounds of fish...
- In return for his assistance."

- But I don't know if I'm ready.
- Don't over-think it.
- Eitherjump in with both feet or don't.
- Leave a message and make sure you leave your phone number.
- With my schedule, I cannot look up phone numbers.
- I'll tell you one thing. You can't be high on scag and have children.

- I will go to court and get power of attorney and place you there.
- Then kill me now.
- Go on, go into the ham...
- And take the carving knife and stab me here.
- Here! Now please, it would hurt me less than what you just said.
- I know seniors that are inspired!

Orderly: [while bringing his meal] there you go Corrado
Junior: How come I don't get no mail?
Orderly: Maybe you need to write some letters? Start a correspondence
Junior: [after the orderly leaves, referring to the orderly, to the others sitting at his table] lying cock sucker

Tony: [to Benny] You don't shit where you eat. And you especially don't shit where *I* eat.

- What do you want?
- You think I'm a whore?
- Just calm down.
- You'll just come over and fuck me?
- I don't got time for this shit.
- Now you're gonna leave?
- You lowlife shit! Here!
- Take your fucking dinner!

- As soon as I found out it was your mom's place.
- O.d. Friend says special k and ecstasy.
- You fucking kidding me?
- Your kid's all right.
- She's a little drunk.
- 321, repeat, you're breaking up.
- 529, are you in pursuit of vehicle on 75 north?

Tony: [Tony gets into Christopher's car and punches his head in anger] What the fuck is wrong with you?
Christopher: Didn't Paulie tell you I haven't been feeling good?
Tony: I wipe my ass with your feelings.
Christopher: Thanks, thanks a lot
Tony: Drive the fucking car, we're under the microscope and I heard you shot some civilian in the foot because he made you wait for buns?
Christopher: Fucking Paulie
Tony: Don't blame fucking paulie, Makazian comes to me and tells me Nutley PD has got a description make and of the car, why don't you leave a fucking urine sample next time?
Christopher: If I could've...
Tony: [shouting] SHUT UP and Georgie comes into the club his got vomit all over his shirt I ask him what the fuck, he says your digging up somebody you clipped three months ago
Christopher: I was...
Tony: [shouting] SHUT UP, people that shit they want to get caught
Christopher: I want to get caught?
Tony: Yeah you want to get aught I've seen that before that's cowboy-itis you want to be a big bad guy Christopher?
Christopher: I was worried I didn't...
Tony: [shouting] SHUT UP
Christopher: Can I try and explain here? I don't know it's just the regularness of life it's just too hard for me or something I don't know
Tony: [Patting and rubbing Christopher's head] Look at you. I bet you're sleeping all the time right?
Christopher: It's the only thing I still enjoy. You know what I think? Maybe I have cancer, remember how Jackie got it?
Tony: Cancer?
Christopher: Something horrible is going on inside my body, there's a physical change or something
Tony: does this word cancer pop into your head a lot, or a little bit or what?
Christopher: [Confused] What?
Tony: I'm thinking maybe your depressed.
Christopher: Me? I'm no fucking "mental midget"
Tony: Right.

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [Reading a letter from Tony to her psychiatrist, Dr. Kupferberg] I've been thinking, and I apologize for my use of foul language, 'foul' with a "w"... in regards to yourself. You said some very hurtful things to me in regards to myself. But it is still no excuse to use the vile word that I used of which I am sure you know that I'm talking about. You don't wish us to be social friends, and so that is that. I still have great... riggard for you even though you said some horrible things. P.S. I'm doing fine, Anthony.

Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: Un-fuckin'-believable!

- You wanted to see me?
- Yeah, Tony.
- About what?
- About what? You know...
- To apologize.
- Oh.
- Sit down?

- Anyway...
- "When Mr. Claggart gets mad at Billy, it is a surprise...
- Because he is always saying how handsome Billy is.
- This does not seem realistic, because why would an officer care...
- If a sailor was handsome or not?"
- Hey, Tony.
- Hey.

- Three hearts and a seven. Queen bets.
- Here.
- Make it a dime.

- Lying cocksucker!
- They throw my mail out.
- Your uncle is having dinner, but you can see him now.
- Warren will take you in.
- This way.
- Wait for me, please.

- Well, did you call Janice?
- I mean, her or Bobby should go.
- I'm all the way out here on a boat.
- They can't do it.
- What do you mean can't?
- I don't know.
- She didn't elaborate.
- It didn't seem like she wanted to.
- Aw, god damn it!
- I'm sorry, Tony.
- All right, all right, all right.

Paulie: [after playing pool] are you wearing a wire?
Christopher: Are you fucking crazy?
Paulie: [to Patsy] pat him down
Christopher: If he fucking touches me...
Paulie: Then make it easy on us all, take everything off.
Christopher: [Christopher takes off his pants]
Paulie: [Referring to his underwear] I said "everything"
Christopher: Go fuck yourself
Paulie: Before I was breaking balls now you're beginning to worry me
Christopher: [Christopher takes off his underwear]
Paulie: I guess you can call that a dick
[laughs]

- You're right, it's him.
- He asks for a meeting to discuss shit we covered. He's wearing a wire.
- You got my okay.
- Send a message to everybody else.
- All right.
- See you later.

- Look, I'm fucking depressed, okay?
- You broke up.
- How long you wanna cry about it?
- She was my life.
- You're 20 years old. You barely have a life, and you're better off anyway.
- She was cute, okay, but come on.
- With another guy's kid to boot.
- She was the best thing that ever happened to me.

- Or what?
- One of these days, you wait,
- I'm gonna kick your fuckin' ass.
- What's wrong with right now, then?
- Huh?
- What's wrong with right now?
- Come on!
- Blah.

- Probably thinks we left.
- If he's alive, which he ain't.
- What's that?
- A Nathan's bag.
- Fuck, there's some ketchups and shit!
- Clean?
- I don't know, they were in a bag.
- They're a little halfway frozen.
- Fuck it. Give me some.
- Here.

- Aunt ro? Yeah, I gotta go.
- Thank you.
- Jackie, where are you?
- I can't make it.
- We're all waiting. You promised.
- Fuck it.
- The way he talks to me...
- You know what? I'll bring it up to Tony, maybe he'll talk to him.

- But now there was a murder,
- Christopher, and they know about it.
- At the club.
- Matush and some other guy.
- I tried to cover it up.
- But I had no choice.
- They've been filming us in the parking lot.

- You got it?
- Yeah, it's good.
- Regarding Phil, I gotta ask: Whatever happened to
- "stop and smell the roses"?
- You're right. You're right.
- You can't fight every fucking battle, right?
- Asbestos.

- He's got homework to finish before the trip. Go ahead, Anthony.
- That's a nice example he sets.
- Ma.
- The man's got two speeds, moping or yelling, when he's here.
- He's got an uncle sick with cancer.
- They didn't speak for a year.
- Actually, if you must know,
- Tony has been better.
- We've been seeing his therapist together.

- Is he hallucinating?
- She's here.
- I don't know. He could be.
- Sometimes they see people who've passed.
- John, look at me, baby.
- John.
- You want a cigarette, baby? John.

- Wood trim package,
- GPS, with everything.
- Only 7500 miles.
- I don't think it's gonna last till Saturday.
- Tomorrow? Great.
- No, I'm sorry. I can't.
- We're doing a sales meeting at lunch.
- Okay. See you. Bye.

Christopher: What do you got to be stressed about? That bar?
Adriana: War, Christopher? The Middle East?
Christopher: You don't listen to the president? We're gonna mop the floor with the whole fuckin' world; the whole world's gonna be under our control, so what are worked up about?

- Come on, Bobby, let's go.
- Where are you two going?
- Play some golf with some people.
- Oh, right.
- Why don't you just hit a few into the lake?
- Bobby, come on.

[In the nursing home, where his mother lives]
Paulie: I don't understand. All the money I put in this place, and my mother is getting picked on by the others. I want it stopped.
Nursing: You'll have to excuse these girls. Sometimes they think it's a high school with wheelchairs.

- You don't even know what you're apologizing for.
- It's our anniversary, Tony.
- Ours. Not yours, mine and
- Johnny-fucking-sack's.
- Ours.
- I thought we could get a room at the Plaza like last year or...
- I don't know. I don't...

- You bring Harpo down here.
- It's a big place.
- Harpo changed his name.
- He's hal now.
[Sighs] Janice...
- Well, you need anything, you know I'm minutes away.

- Oh, Meadow got rear-ended on bloomfield Avenue.
- He'll come see you later.
- Is he still mad?
- He was never mad, a.J.
- He loves you.
- How long do I have to stay here?
- Dr. Vogel thinks it might be a good idea...
- For the time being just to take a time-out.
- Like I'm in preschool?

- Hey, no speeding.
- This is a party zone!
- Come on! We can do it!
- Hey, Janet Jackson.
- Hi, Mr. Soprano!
- Where's Meadow?
- I give up. In the house?

- Hi, dad.
- Hey there, champ, you been good?
- You been behaving?
- Yeah, you know...
- Dad?
- I gotta go.
- You take care of your mother, okay?

- The lord bless her and keep her.
- The lord make his face to shine upon her and be gracious to her.
- The lord lift up his countenance upon her and give her peace.
- Amen.

Phil: [meeting privately, referring to killing Vito, and the derogatory term for homosexuals] you were going to "take care" of that fuckin Finook
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [irritated] oh, for Christ's sake, Vito, again? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Phil: his in town, isn't he? I was over at Marie's the other night, she played the "innocent" but I could tell she's seen him
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to the character played by Johnny Carson as host of The Tonight Show] your fuckin Carnac the Great" now too, huh?
Phil: I gotta tell you, if Vito was here, and you knew about it...
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [ignores him and leaves] fuck this

- They could try me on mail and wire fraud, but they want a major rico.
- Tony. Line two.
- Who is it?
- It's a woman. I think she's crying.
- Let me get back to you.
- Hello.
[Sobbing] Tony.

Mikey: I may be getting bumped up. A notch or two. Tony Soprano's on his way out, and I mean as in forever.
JoJo: Oh my god. He's going to jail?
Mikey: Nah, the other forever.
JoJo: Does Junior know?
Mikey: [chuckles and shakes his head] Oh, jeez.

Ralph: [to Pie-o-My's trainer] And tell that midget not to be shy with the whip.
Hesh: [about Ralph] If only his mother had taken that advice.

Tony: Look, Tony's in hiding, John.
John: You either deliver that prick to my door, or I will rain a shitstorm down on you and your family like you have NEVER fucking seen.
[pause]
John: We're done here.

- Holy Jesus!
- What the fuck you looking at?
- Cal! 9-1-1.
- I don't feel a pulse.
- I'm sorry.
- Thank you, Tony.
- He was a good man. Never said a bad word about anybody.
- Thank you, Tony.

- You won't find any of that.
- I'm reading, I'm lifting weights.
- I know what you think, ton, but you'll see.
- I'm gonna prove myself to you.
- I only chipped that once, on the day with her.

[Chrissy catches Paulie sniffing Adriana's panties]
Christopher: [angry] Motherfucker!
Adriana: What?
Christopher: Nothing.

- You got any wine?
[Speaks Italian] Malanga!

- Papi!
- Papi!
- Papi! Papi!
[Crying ] Papi!
[ Fades ] Papi!

Christopher: You ever think what a coincidence it is that Lou Gehrig died of Lou Gehrig's disease?
[everyone laughs]
Tony: You're gonna make that same stupid joke every time that comes up?

- In your grandmother's house.
- Now he's repeating himself.
- Just lucky I knew that cop.
- So he cut me a favor.
- Let me guess, he owes you money?

- Look what I made that living for.
- You had dinner an hour ago. What the fuck are you doing to yourself!?
- Leave him alone.
- I'm supposed to get a vasectomy when this is my heir?
- Look at him.
- Tony, come back here and apologize!