The Best Warren (segment "Death Proof") Quotes

The: I've seen me a lot of weird shit in my day, but I ain't never seen a one-legged stripper. I seen me a stripper with one breast. And I seen me a stripper with twelve toes. I've even seen me a stripper with no brains at all, but I ain't never seen a one-legged stripper. And I've been to Morocco.

Cherry: You a doctor?
Dr. Dakota Block: Hm. I was earlier tonight.
Cherry: I always wanted to be a doctor, instead, I can do this. Useless talent number 66. I'm very pliable.
Dr. Dakota Block: You know my girlfriend had a theory, she said that you find a use for every useless talent you ever had.
Cherry: I'm not that optimistic. I feel like I'm stuck a drain and I can't get out.
Dr. Dakota Block: [Interrupts Cherry] She'd say, "when you're stuck in that spiral, just reach up".
Cherry: What if there's nothing up there?
Dr. Dakota Block: Just reach up.
The: [Comes in] You're a dancer.
Cherry: I was earlier tonight.
The: Well I'm pulling you out of retirement!

Pam: Hey Warren, is there anybody in this place you could vouch for to give me a ride home?
Stuntman Mike: [tosses keys across table in front of Pam] Fair lady, your chariot awaits.
Pam: You've been eavesdropping?
Stuntman Mike: [chuckles] Eavesdropping and can't help but hear, I think I belong in the latter category.
Pam: So, uh, "icy hot", you're offering me a ride home?
Stuntman Mike: I'm offerin' you a lift, if, when I'm ready to leave, you are too.
Pam: And when are you thinking about leaving?
Stuntman Mike: Truthfully, I'm not thinkin' about it. But when I do, you will be the first to know.
Pam: Will you be able to drive later?
Stuntman Mike: I know looks can be deceiving, but I'm a teetotaler. I've been drinking club soda and lime all night, and now I'm buildin up to my big drink.
Pam: Which is what?
Stuntman Mike: Virgin Pina Colada.
Pam: [pause] Okay. Why would someone who doesn't drink spend hours at a bar, drinking water?
Stuntman Mike: You know, a bar offers all kinds of things other than alcohol.
Pam: Hmm, really. Like what?
Stuntman Mike: [pause] Women. Nacho Grande platters. The fellowship of some fascinating individuals, like Warren here.
Pam: Fair enough. So what's your name, icy?
Stuntman Mike: Stuntman Mike.
Pam: [pause] "Stuntman Mike's" your name?
Stuntman Mike: You can ask anybody.
Pam: Hey Warren, who is this guy?
Warren: Stuntman Mike.
Pam: And who the hell is Stuntman Mike?
Warren: He's a stuntman.