The Best Danielle Van De Kamp Quotes

Bree: Is, is that what you would prefer, Danielle? To live with your father.
Danielle: I don't really care, as long as I have my own bathroom.
Bree: Um, all this, um, wine is, uh, giving me a headache.

Danielle: Why can't we ever have normal soups? Like French Onion, or Navy Bean?
Bree: Well, Danielle, your father is deathly allergic to onions, and I won't even dignify your *navy bean* suggestion with a response.

Danielle: [to Bree] When are you gonna take me seriously?
Bree: When you start acting like an adult.
Andrew: She sleeps with them. That's a start.

Gabrielle: Hey, Danielle.
Danielle: Hey, Mrs. Solis.
Gabrielle: Oh, Danielle, remember when you said you wanted to be a model?
Danielle: You remember that? That was, like, last summer!
Gabrielle: Well, as it turns out, Pershing Modeling Academy has an opening for their summer program. Would you like me to sponsor you?
Danielle: Would I? Oh my god, that's like one of the best schools in the country! You would do that for me?
Gabrielle: I sure would.
Danielle: I would so love to go to New York.
Gabrielle: Oh, and I would so love to help you get there.

Danielle: Why can't we ever have normal soup?
Bree: Danielle, there is nothing abnormal about basil puree.
Danielle: Just once, can we have a soup that people have heard of. Like French Onion, or Navy Bean?
Bree: First of all, your Father can't eat onions. He's deathly allergic. And I won't even dignify your navy bean suggestion.
[turns to Andrew]
Bree: So, how's the osso buco?
Andrew: It's okay.
Bree: It's okay? Andrew, I spent three hours cooking this meal. How do you think it makes me feel when you say "it's okay" in that sullen tone?
Andrew: Who asked you to spend three hours on dinner?
Bree: [shocked] Excuse me?
Andrew: Tim Harper's Mom gets home from work, pops open a can of pork and beans, and boom, they're eating. Everyone's happy.
Bree: You'd rather I serve pork and beans?
Danielle: [turns to Andrew] Apologize now, I am begging.
Andrew: I'm saying, do you always have to serve cuisine? Can't we ever just have food?
Bree: Are you doing drugs?
Andrew: What?
Bree: Change in behavior is one of the warning signs and you have been as fresh as paint for the last six months. That certainly would explain why you're always locked in the bathroom.
Danielle: Trust me, that is not what he is doing.
Andrew: Shut up.
[to Bree]
Andrew: Mom, I'm not the one with the problem, all right. You're the one who's acting like she's running for Mayor of Stepford.
Bree: [at the dinner table] Rex, seeing that you're the head of this household I would really appreciate it if you said something.
Rex: Pass the salt?

Danielle: You're always mean to me, just like you were to dad. You emasculated him. Well, you're not gonna emasculate me.
Bree: You don't even know what that means, you petulant sock puppet.
Danielle: Who cares? I'm going to the store.
Bree: Buy a dictionary.

Danielle: [to Julie] Don't listen to him. You hold on to your virginity. If Austin won't wait, then he doesn't deserve you.
Julie: I just don't wanna lose him.
Danielle: It's better than losing your self-respect. Take it from a girl who's known at school as "Little Miss Van De Tramp".
Julie: I thought you made that up.
Danielle: Only 'cause it was nicer than the other names they were calling me.

Bree: Danielle! How was school.
Danielle: It was okay.
Bree: Good. Where does Andrew keep his marijuana?

Andrew: Mom, Grandma's leaving. All right, you have to talk to her.
Bree: No, I don't. If you heard the things that she said to me...
Andrew: Look, I'm sure she was a real bitch, OK, but she's family, so that makes her our bitch. Let her say goodbye to Dad.
Bree: She went out of her way to be cruel to me. I don't want her at the funeral.
Danielle: [crying] Mom, if you don't let Grandma come, I will never forgive you!
Andrew: [to Danielle] Did I ask for your help?
[to Bree]
Andrew: You know Dad would want her there.

Danielle: [shouting to Andrew] I liked you better when you were a psychopath!