The Best Fireman Marco Lopez Quotes

Fireman Marco Lopez: Hey, if Johnny's going to get married, we won't be able to make fun of him from striking out anymore.
Fireman Chet Kelly: Don't worry. With Gage's personality, he'll strike out with his own wife.

Paramedic: [John and Roy enter the kitchen the day after taking their exam. The rest of the men are at the table, with long faces] What's the matter with you guys?
Paramedic: Yeah, is something wrong?
Fireman Chet Kelly: You could say that.
Paramedic: You found out about the test.
Captain: Yeah, just talked to them.
Paramedic: We FAILED?
Paramedic: How could we have failed?
Captain: You didn't fail.
Paramedic: Oh, well, if we didn't...
Captain: But you didn't pass, either.
Paramedic: Well, if we didn't fail, we passed.
Fireman Marco Lopez: We'll never know.
Captain: Well, you know they were feeding the tests into a computer?
Paramedic: Yeah.
Captain: Well, whatever happened, some twit pushed the wrong button, I don't know... Anyway, uh, it... It ate 'em up.
Paramedic: It ate them up?
Captain: Yep, the tests are gone. All of 'em.
Paramedic: Oh, no. Oh, no, they're not. We passed it. You guys are just putting us on! They didn't eat 'em up!
[points to Chet]
Paramedic: And I bet it's all your idea!
Captain: Well, I wish it was his idea.
Paramedic: Well, what do we do now?
Captain: All right, they've rescheduled the exam for Tuesday.
Paramedic: Tuesday? Why so soon?
Captain: Thought it was only fair. Let you take it while everything was still fresh in your mind.
Paramedic: [dejected] Oh, that's nice of them.
Paramedic: That's REAL nice of them!

Fireman John Gage: [the kittens are born] Hey, would you look at that?
Fireman Roy DeSoto: I told you she'd make a great mother.
Fireman Marco Lopez: Three, four, five!
Fireman Chet Kelly: Congratulations, John! Quintuplets!
Fireman John Gage: Well, now wait a minute. We got a problem.
Fireman Roy DeSoto: WE do?
Fireman John Gage: Yeah. There's five of them, and there's six of us. Hey, you don't suppose she'd have another one, do ya?
Fireman Roy DeSoto: I don't think she likes that idea.
Fireman John Gage: Oh. Well, I guess all we can do is just draw straws. I mean, I hope somebody's not gonna be too disappointed.
Captain: Well, now wait a minute. I appreciate the offer, and they are undeniably cute, but the last thing in the world I need is a kitten.
Fireman John Gage: Well, no problem, then!
Fireman Roy DeSoto: I sure like 'em, but I don't think my dog would like the idea, so I'm gonna have to pass.
Fireman Marco Lopez: And I've already got two cats.
Fireman Chet Kelly: Cat fur makes me sneeze when I'm around 'em too long.
Fireman Mike Stoker: Sorry. I'd like to, but I've got a No Pet Clause in my lease.
Fireman Roy DeSoto: I thought you told me that your landlady didn't like pets.
Fireman Chet Kelly: Looks like we got a new problem: Instead of one too few, we have five too many.
Fireman Roy DeSoto: Y'know, I used to date a girl once whose cat had kittens. And after they were weaned, she used to take one of them with her every time she went to a dinner party. She'd put a big red bow around their neck. She'd walk in the door, hand the kitten to the hostess, and say "You're probably so tired of receiving flowers or wine."
Fireman John Gage: Yeah? Well, what happened?
Fireman Roy DeSoto: People stopped asking her to dinner.

Fireman Chet Kelly: [the guys are shredding newspaper for the box the cat will use to give birth] Which one of you bums took the sports section? Oh, this isn't it, is it? All right, can somebody tell me who won the track meet?
Fireman Mike Stoker: "The mini skirt is coming back next season. Look for..."
Fireman Marco Lopez: "... three fugitives who escaped after stealing..."
Fireman Roy DeSoto: "... a cup of chopped onions, six ounces of noodles, half a teaspoon of salt..."
Fireman John Gage: And the track meet's gonna be in Portland, Oreegon, and St. Louis, Missouri. I guess this must be it here.
Fireman Chet Kelly: Did you find a headline in there that says "Berserk Fireman Kills Buddies"?
Fireman John Gage: I don't know. I'll look.