100 Best Emergency! Quotes

Captain: [Roy and Johnny pull Captain Stanley from the foam-covered floor after an explosion knocks him down] What a way to get clean!

Fireman Chet Kelly: [after responding to the call with the arguing married couple and waiting as the Paramedics treat the husband for chest pains] The guy needs a marriage counselor.
Captain: A baseball bat will do.

[last lines]
Fireman John Gage: Anita!

Molly: You know, it - It's funny. When Dick was first assigned to the 51, he used to come home all the time and talk about all of you here. I was jealous of you for a while. You know, I knew I'd like Joe Early, but I wasn't so sure about Kel. The way Dick described him, he sounded sooo efficient, cold almost. I expected him to be an ogre.
Dixie: [smiling] Well, there's some nurses here who just might agree to that!

Dr. Kelly Brackett: [to young, unconscious patient] Tommy. Tommy, can you hear me?

Fireman Roy DeSoto: [Roy and Johnny discuss the fate of the Old Truck] Hey, I thought you were gonna turn in.
Fireman John Gage: Yeah, I am, in a little bit. You know, Roy, in its day, that was the latest thing. Modern. Up to date.
Fireman Roy DeSoto: Yeah. Wonder how many responses it had.
Fireman John Gage: I don't know. Thousands, probably.
Fireman Roy DeSoto: Yeah, easy.
Fireman John Gage: And all the men that used to work on her?
Fireman Roy DeSoto: Hundreds, I'll bet.
Fireman John Gage: Yeah, probably.Roy...
Fireman Roy DeSoto: Yeah, I know. You don't want to junk it. Neither do I. It's the only sensible thing to do.
Fireman John Gage: Yeah, but on the other hand...
Fireman Roy DeSoto: We could always get the frame welded. That'd be no big deal.
Fireman John Gage: That's right. Let's see what happens from there!
Fireman Roy DeSoto: One step at a time. I mean, we're in no hurry.
Fireman John Gage: That's right. And if it still gets too much for us, we could scrap it anytime.
Fireman Roy DeSoto: But we won't. You know that.
Fireman John Gage: Yeah, I know that.

Joe: Hey, Roy.
Firefighter: Hi, Doc.
Joe: I understand your friend here won't be of much help to you for a while.
Firefighter: Hey, listen, I'm skinny, but I'm tough.
Firefighter: So is Chet Kelly's fried chicken.
Firefighter: Oh, very funny! You're humor is in worse shape than my shoulder.

Kelly: [after rescuing a man who had jumped out a window at Rampart] Hey, nice going, fellas. You did a great job up there.
Firefighter: Thank you, Doc.
Firefighter: Thank you. Listen, you didn't do half-bad yourself. Now listen, if you want to join the Paramedic Program, I can put in a good word for you.
Kelly: Thanks a bunch!

[first lines]
Paramedic: I'm not even letting you in the house.

Paramedic: [after John narrowly escapes from the lion pit] I didn't know you climbed a rope that fast.
Paramedic: Neither did I.

Paramedic: Sixth and Kenmore. That's over near 10's. Hang a left, I know a shortcut.
Paramedic: I know a better one. We swing right to Rampart Emergency.
Paramedic: What for?
Paramedic: Get a nurse on board. You forgot: we're the impotent wonders.

Fireman Chet Kelly: Only John Gage can take a girl out to dinner for eight dollars and forty-two cents.

Dr. Kelly Brackett: [victim has his arm stuck in the gears of a machine. Brackett has to decide whether or not to amputate] Roy. His arm comes out *now*! Either way it has to come out *now*!

[last lines]
Paramedic: [Responding to a comment Roy made] Yeah! Tell me about it.

Paramedic: [Captain Stanley is washing dishes. Johnny Walks in] Hey, Cap.
Captain: Hello, John.
Paramedic: I just got off the phone with Sarah, the duty nurse. She said Chet's gonna be fine, but they're gonna have to keep him for observation til in the morning.
Captain: Glad to hear he's all right. We'll have a replacement for him here in an hour or so.
Paramedic: You having fun, Cap?
Captain: Oh, yeah. This is a lot of fun. Why don't you grab a towel and have some fun yourself?

Fireman Chet Kelly: FF Chet Kelly to Roy regarding Gloria Truelove; consumer credit rep."she's got a voice that's soft and low like she just ate a pound of cocoa butter."

Nurse: Kell.
Dr. Kelly Brackett M.D.: Yes?
Nurse: 51 on the link.
[indicates communication radio link to field paramedics]
Dr. Kelly Brackett M.D.: What do they want?
Nurse: Help.
Dr. Kelly Brackett M.D.: [into transmitter link] 51, go.
Paramedic: [over biophone] We have a male, tunnel worker, approximate age 60, was trapped under a digging machine. Patient had a cardiac history. He is now diaphoretic. Vital signs: 80 over 50; rate: 100 and irregular; respirations: 12 and shallow.
Dr. Kelly Brackett M.D.: Do you have your EKG hooked up?
Paramedic: Affirmitive, doctor.
Dr. Kelly Brackett M.D.: Send me something so I can get a reading.
[turns on EKG printer]
Paramedic: This will be Lead 2.
[turns on ELG transmitter]
Dr. Kelly Brackett M.D.: [reads EKG strip] Multiple PVC's.
[sees reading change]
Dr. Kelly Brackett M.D.: V-Tac.
[reading changes again]
Dr. Kelly Brackett M.D.: He's starting to fibrillate.
[to DeSoto]
Dr. Kelly Brackett M.D.: Defibrillate! 400 watt/seconds!
Nurse: Kell! They're not authorized to...
Dr. Kelly Brackett M.D.: [into link] Are you receiving? Come on, 51! You've got a dying man on your hands.
Paramedic: Doctor, if we administer shock and we lose him...
Dr. Kelly Brackett M.D.: You're losing him right now!
Paramedic: You said yourself it wasn't worth risking the program for one case!
Dr. Kelly Brackett M.D.: I just heard from Walski in Sacramento. The bill passed late last night.
Nurse: Kell... You never heard from Walski.
Dr. Kelly Brackett M.D.: Yeah, well I should have.
Nurse: Do you know what you're doing? If that bill doesn't pass Kell, they'll crucify you.
Dr. Kelly Brackett M.D.: [looking at EKG strip] I don't care about that. We're not at a party or talking to a committee. That man's dead right now.
[into communication link]
Dr. Kelly Brackett M.D.: Zap him, dammit! Zap him!
Paramedic: [watches as Gage applies the defibrillator paddles to the man's chest] 400 watt/seconds!
[Gage shocks him]
Dr. Kelly Brackett M.D.: [reads strip] No conversion.
[into link]
Dr. Kelly Brackett M.D.: Hit him again!
Paramedic: 400 watt/seconds!
[Gage shocks the man again. At the hospital, Brackett sees the EKG adopt a normal rhythm]

Paramedic: [applying a bandage and trying to make conversation with an uncooperative young boy who was bitten by his dog] That's a cute little dog, what's his name?
Jackie: Tammy. It's a 'she.' Dummy.

Fireman Chet Kelly: Grinding noises are very common in $80 fire engines.

Dr. Kelly Brackett: Well, if it isn't Dr. Knott - with a 'K'."
Dr. Alexander Knott: Dr. Knott with a one-way ticket out of here, you mean...

Dr. Morton: [the attempt to save the goat is not going well] He's drifting on us. We're gonna lose him. You'd better ligate him fast.
Dr. Kelly Brackett: Eighty million bucks' worth of hospital, a hundred and fifty thousand dollars' worth of talent, and we can't save one damn little goat!

Paramedic: [Gage learns that the man he rescued had worsened beyond hope in transit to the hospital because his team was not able to medically stabilize him first] Rescue, Hell! All we rescued was a corpse.

Paramedic: [to Mrs. Hurley, who is cautiously holding a shotgun] Look, ma'am, he hasn't had a heart attack, but he is very sick. Now, he's got to get to a hospital. You should come along with him.
Mrs. Hurley: Oh, no, you're not taking him anywhere and he's gonna stay right here with me.
Paramedic: Ma'am, he has a blood clot in the lung. It's very serious.
Paramedic: Ma'am, I don't think you understand. If this man doesn't...
Mrs. Hurley: I understand, all right. The police put you up to this. It's a trick to get us out of this house. Now--now, you get out of here, right now, and leave us alone! I mean it! You get out of here, right now, or so help me... I'll use this gun.
Karen: [stands up completely annoyed] That is the stupidest thing I ever heard. Is this house more important to you than your husband's life?
Mrs. Hurley: Ma'am, we've lived here for over 40 years. We've worked to pay it off. Our children grew up here. They're not gonna take this away from us!
Karen: Oh, they will. But they'll pay you for it. Then, you and your husband can go anywhere you want. That is if you still have a husband an hour from now. Now, put the gun down and stop acting like a fool!
Mrs. Hurley: You just don't understand.
Karen: Oh, I understand. You're the one that's confused.

Kelly: [about Bob Hurley, who took exception to being fed intravenously after abdominal surgery] He's got the constitution of a horse.
Dixie: And an appetite to match. What are we gonna do with him?
Kelly: Try to keep him calm and conned at least until he makes some kind of recovery.
Dixie: Recovery? He's in better shape than most healthy people!
Kelly: Well, don't worry. Our hospital food'll take care of that.

Dr. Alexander Knott: You're the head of the E.R.? You're just a youngster.
Dr. Kelly Brackett: I'm old enough to be your son.

Fireman Mike Stoker: My uncle manufactures fertilizer.
Fireman John Gage: Yeah, so do you.

Paramedic: [the San Francisco Fire Chief wants to meet Johnny and Roy] Boy, they're making us feel right at home here, aren't they?
Paramedic: What do you mean right at home? They don't treat us like this at home.

Dr. Kelly Brackett: Start an IV, 51... D5W TKO!

Paramedic: What'd you say that I said that you said?
Fireman Chet Kelly: That your partner here is a nut.
Paramedic: Aha! aha, aha.
Paramedic: What about it?
Paramedic: You admit it?
Paramedic: That you're some kind of nut? Yeah, I said it, so what? You're a nut, but you're a friendly kind of nut.
Paramedic: Oh, that's a heck of a thing to say about someone you work every shift with!

Dixie: How's the filming coming?
Paramedic: Not bad, not bad at all. You know what she wants to do? She wants to a special show on just what firefighters do in their off-time. Me included.
Dixie: Can they show that on TV?

[first lines]
Joe: It's not serious. I think you better...
[cut off by nurse entering room]

Fireman Roy DeSoto: You know, Johnny, if you would stop riding her maybe she would write something nice. Now I - I think she's very talented.
Fireman John Gage: You want to fight a fire with her?
Fireman Kelly: Roy, Gage is right. She's about as talented as a tapeworm.
Fireman Roy DeSoto: Well she's just going through a stage. She's young.
Fireman John Gage: Oh yeah. Young. I know.
[Baby talk]
Fireman John Gage: She's just a little baby.
[Normal voice]
Fireman John Gage: She's a baby barracuda.
Christy: "Baby barracuda," huh?
Fireman John Gage: A baby barracuda eavesdropper.
Christy: We use what weapons we have, Johnny Baby.
Fireman John Gage: [Muttering] "Johnny Baby."

[first lines]
Dispatcher: [On intercom] Station 51. Sheriff reports man caught in an air conditioning duct. 2913 North Balwin. 2913 North Baldwin. Cross street Gale. Time out 20:17.

[first lines]
Paramedic: Anyway, you just watch and see if I'm not right. This is gonna be one incredible day.

Fireman Marco Lopez: Hey, if Johnny's going to get married, we won't be able to make fun of him from striking out anymore.
Fireman Chet Kelly: Don't worry. With Gage's personality, he'll strike out with his own wife.

Dr. Kelly Brackett: What grade are you in?
Tim: Third year of Junior High.

[first lines]
Paramedic: Man, you sure are dedicated.

Paramedic: [John and Roy enter the kitchen the day after taking their exam. The rest of the men are at the table, with long faces] What's the matter with you guys?
Paramedic: Yeah, is something wrong?
Fireman Chet Kelly: You could say that.
Paramedic: You found out about the test.
Captain: Yeah, just talked to them.
Paramedic: We FAILED?
Paramedic: How could we have failed?
Captain: You didn't fail.
Paramedic: Oh, well, if we didn't...
Captain: But you didn't pass, either.
Paramedic: Well, if we didn't fail, we passed.
Fireman Marco Lopez: We'll never know.
Captain: Well, you know they were feeding the tests into a computer?
Paramedic: Yeah.
Captain: Well, whatever happened, some twit pushed the wrong button, I don't know... Anyway, uh, it... It ate 'em up.
Paramedic: It ate them up?
Captain: Yep, the tests are gone. All of 'em.
Paramedic: Oh, no. Oh, no, they're not. We passed it. You guys are just putting us on! They didn't eat 'em up!
[points to Chet]
Paramedic: And I bet it's all your idea!
Captain: Well, I wish it was his idea.
Paramedic: Well, what do we do now?
Captain: All right, they've rescheduled the exam for Tuesday.
Paramedic: Tuesday? Why so soon?
Captain: Thought it was only fair. Let you take it while everything was still fresh in your mind.
Paramedic: [dejected] Oh, that's nice of them.
Paramedic: That's REAL nice of them!

Dr. Kelly Brackett: Get outta here, you hosejockey!

[opening credits, 6th season. These credits were also incorrectly used on some earlier DVD releases and syndication]
Dispatcher: Fifty-One, informant reports toxic chemicals are stored in tanker. Use caution.
Dr. Kelly Brackett: Squad Fifty-One, this is Rampart - can you send me some EKG?
John: 10-4; transmitting EKG - we're sending you a strip, vitals to follow. Pulse is 160, the - victim is in extreme pain, Rampart.
Paramedic: Patient is in V-fib! Rampart, we have lost the victim's pulse! Beginning CPR! We're defibrillating victim, Rampart! Rampart, we've defibrillated victim; he's in sinus rhythm.
Joe: Administer two amps sodium bicarb and insert an airway. Start an IV, Fifty-One - lactated Ringer's.
Dixie: Squad Fifty-One, continue monitoring vitals and transport immediately.
John: We're on our way, Rampart!

Fireman John Gage: Hey, I don't think I caught your name.
Wanda: When you find it, bring it back to reception for me.

Dr. Kelly Brackett: That vet, Coolidge. I'd sure like to meet him one of these days.
Dr. Joe Early: Why don't you give him a call?
Dr. Kelly Brackett: Ah, I wouldn't want to bother him. He must be a pretty busy guy.

Debbie: [to Lt. Crockett, at the elevator section] He was known as the Lighter-than-Air Man!
Dr. Kelly Brackett: [In his office, to Lt. Crockett] Medford's lying
[about the leg]
Dr. Kelly Brackett: !
Lt: ...how can I put it?
Dr. Kelly Brackett: You don't have to put it delicately, Lieutenant. Any doctor examining Mr. Medford will confirm that he's lying about the leg. You're welcome to have another doctor check him.
Lt: Sorry, Doctor, but I get paid to be suspicious.
Dr. Kelly Brackett: So do I.
Lt: Touché!... speaking of which... how did you know that Medford was actually lying about that leg?
Dr. Kelly Brackett: Well, he showed no signs of voluntary movement in his leg when I examined him. There are people who pretend to be paralyzed. But there's a simple test called the Hoover's test in which you ask a patient to move his good leg. Muscular movement in the bad leg indicates it's not really paralyzed.
Lt: And Medford does have movement in that leg?
Dr. Kelly Brackett: No question.

[last lines]
Paramedic: You know, this is one time I really don't care if Wheeler does make the papers.

Sister: Am I going to die?
Paramedic: No, you're going to be alright. You understand? You're going to be alright.
Sister: Could you do me a favor? Can you find my purse?
Paramedic: [Johnny and Roy look around the school bus] Yeah, yeah its right here.
Sister: Inside a rosary
[Roy finds the rosary and hands it to Johnny who places it in her hand]
Sister: and a there is a prayer book. There is a prayer pasted in the front. Will you read it for me?
Paramedic: I'm not a catholic.
Sister: I don't think God would mind
Paramedic: Remember O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who implored your help or sought your intercession was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence I fly to you O virgin of virgins my mother. to you I come, before you I stand sinful and sorrowful. O mother of the word incarnate despise not my petition, but in your mercy hear and answer me. Amen.

[first lines]
Engine: [on phone] This is Engine 60. Respond an ambulance to us.
[hangs up and addresses paramedics]
Engine: She's back here. It's a real mystery. She's got all the symptoms of a flu but I've never seen it this bad before.

Paramedic: [inquiring about the shooting victim] How's Mrs. Barlow doing?
Kelly: Mother's fine. Baby's fine. Father fainted. Twice.

[last lines]
Fireman Roy DeSoto: Ten-four.

[first lines]
Captain: First bell. Freeze!

Paramedic: I must be getting old. I don't like pop art; rock music; I don't smoke pot; I keep my hair cut too short; I take a shower everyday.

Fireman Mike Stoker: [into the radio] L.A., Engine 51. We have a brush fire with two separate ignition points. 1300 Canyon Road. Respond a brush assignment, and notify the power company the lines are down. We also have a Code "I" at this location.
[Code I is "fireman down," since Captain Stanley was electrocuted]

Fireman Kelly: [Johnny is screeching away on bagpipes] Why bagpipes?
Fireman Roy DeSoto: Can you think of anything more irritating?

Capt. Stanley: Uh, where is she?
Fireman John Gage: Well, if she was a normal type girl she'd be out powdering her nose, but I think I saw her arguing with a brick wall... and she's winning.

Battalion: Gage.
Paramedic: Yes sir?
Battalion: That special training program. Remember? We were talking about it a couple of days ago?
Paramedic: Yes sir. The para-something-or-other...
Battalion: Paramedics. The first class just finished last week.
Paramedic: Good.
Battalion: I'm supposed to encourage all our young rescue personnel to volunteer for the next class.
Paramedic: Yes sir. Wellll, I guess I'm just too stupid to take advantage of such an opportunity.
Battalion: I know it's work. No raise in pay. But, it just might be worthwhile.
Paramedic: It might be, if I wanted to be an ambulance attendant; but I don't. Chief, I'm a rescue man. I trained to be a rescue man and I like being a rescue man. Now, why should I die from improvements?
Battalion: Why should you?
Dispatcher: [tones sound] Squad 10. Truck 127. Possible high-voltage electrocution. 13270 Flower. 13270 Flower. Cross street Third. Time out, 07:51.
Battalion: You like being a rescue man.

Fireman John Gage: I wonder if that moonshine was any good.
Fireman Roy DeSoto: I imagine it'll get you about 25 miles to the gallon.

Fireman John Gage: It's here!
[John and Roy walk out back to look over the 1932 Dennis rig]
Fireman John Gage: All right, all right!
Fireman Mike Stoker: Guy dragged it in a half-hour ago.
Fireman Chet Kelly: And it was clanking and grinding something awful!
Fireman John Gage: I hope he didn't do any damage to it.
Fireman Chet Kelly: Well, if you ask me...
Fireman Roy DeSoto: Nobody did. Looks pretty good, huh?
Fireman John Gage: Yeah! they sure don't build 'em like this anymore!
Fireman Chet Kelly: THAT'S for sure!

Paramedic: [John and Roy are preparing to leave Rampart after bringing in Molly's daughter. John grabs the radio mic, but stops before calling in] You know, every time we get a run, and it involves a child, I get the same feeling. It's like a... It's a knot inside my stomach. In the past five years, it's the same thing. I just get that same feeling all the time.
Paramedic: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Paramedic: Man, I really want to pass that exam tomorrow. I don't want to go back to the engine. That's why I joined the paramedics in the first place.
Paramedic: Yeah.
Paramedic: [into the radio] Squad 51, available.
Sam: Squad 51.

[first lines]
Fireman Chet Kelly: Hey Gage! You read this morning's paper?

[last lines]
Fireman John Gage: I mean, dogs and kids, they're an awful lot alike. I mean, they... They have a lot of things in common. I mean, picture Boot up there in that cage. There he is, with the... The wind is blowing through his fur and he's barking and everybody else is hollering and everybody else is...
[trails off when he realizes DeSoto has walked away and is no longer listening]

Fireman Chet Kelly: [the guys are shredding newspaper for the box the cat will use to give birth] Which one of you bums took the sports section? Oh, this isn't it, is it? All right, can somebody tell me who won the track meet?
Fireman Mike Stoker: "The mini skirt is coming back next season. Look for..."
Fireman Marco Lopez: "... three fugitives who escaped after stealing..."
Fireman Roy DeSoto: "... a cup of chopped onions, six ounces of noodles, half a teaspoon of salt..."
Fireman John Gage: And the track meet's gonna be in Portland, Oreegon, and St. Louis, Missouri. I guess this must be it here.
Fireman Chet Kelly: Did you find a headline in there that says "Berserk Fireman Kills Buddies"?
Fireman John Gage: I don't know. I'll look.

Joe: Do you have any medical problems?
Bob: I got a bullet in the gut. What would you call that?

[first lines]
Fireman John Gage: Wonder when they're coming?

Paul: I gotta call my folks!
Dr. Joe Early: I just got off the phone with them. They're on their way from Santa Barbara.

[last lines]
Billy: [speaking with Gage about a photo shoot] Says you don't look like a fireman. He sent me back to do the whole thing all over. I'm a... I'm gonna need another man. The client selected DeSoto here. Found him in the backlot of some of these shots. Says he... uh... really looks like a fireman.

Dr. Kelly Brackett: [while operating on a goat] Clamp off that bleeder.
Dr. Joe Early: This one?
Dr. Kelly Brackett: What did you do, sleep through your animal medicine?

Fireman John Gage: How long have you been a journalist, Christy?
Christy: Two years. Since college.
Fireman John Gage: Oh.
[Clears throat]
Fireman John Gage: Well, have you ever written about anything as dangerous as this?
Christy: Tell me, what is so dangerous about your job?
Fireman John Gage: You're kidding.
Christy: No.
Fireman John Gage: Well, what have you covered that's more risky than fighting fires?
Christy: Interviewing guys like you.

Dr. Morton: [Johnny has a pulled muscle in his shoulder] Well, you just might miss your next shift.
Firefighter: Morton, don't you think this is kind of a big deal over a nothing little...
Dr. Morton: Look, Gage, a Mr. America, you're not. I mean, you've got an average build, with an average muscle tone, and like most Americans, you're just a little bit soft and frail.
Firefighter: Soft?
Dr. Morton: Soft.
Firefighter: No. Uh-uh.
Dr. Morton: Gage, it's nothing to be ashamed of. You don't have to apologize. I mean, none of us really have the time to keep in really good shape. Soft!
Firefighter: But you don't understand. I'm not soft!
[to Roy]
Firefighter: Do I - Am I - Do I look soft to you?
Firefighter: Oh, only from the neck up.
Dr. Morton: Heh-heh... I agree.

[Brackett is addressing a legislative committee to promote support of the bill to allow paramedics to operate]
Dr. Kelly Brackett M.D.: Gentleman, you are all in danger. If an earthquake or a bomb should hit this room right now, I might be the only doctor available to all of you. Oh sure, independently owned ambulances with attendants would be here in a few minutes, and rescue units from the fire department. But all they could do is carry you off to where another doctor is waiting. I wonder if you could all last that long. Now, what about first-aid? Sure, these men are permitted to render some elementary first-aid. Like your mother did when some kid bloodied your nose, or your wife when she pulls a sliver out of your finger. Have any of you seen a freeway accident lately? I mean up close, where you can't tell the bodies from the steel. Or, have any of you had a heart attack recently? Seventy percent of all cardiac cases never live long enough to reach a hospital. How do you think your mother, or your wife, or the good-guy next door would make out under those conditions? Well, those *are* the conditions we're talking about. Now, I've given you the impression I'm in favor of fire department personnel, with a crash course in emergency medicine, taking human lives into their own hands. I am not. I'd like to see a specialist handling every bloody nose, so we'd know whether it's the result of a good right-cross or a tumor. I'd like to see a cardiologist on the scene every time someone drops in the street with a killing pain in his chest. But, you can't ask someone not to die while you're trying to find out what's wrong with him. And they *do* die, gentlemen; on the way from where it happens to my hospital. They die by the hundreds every year; not from mortal wounds, but from neglected wounds. Not from incompetence or indifference but from time, from lack of time. I'm in favor of more doctors, more hospitals and better equipment. And, I'm also in favor of this bill until those other things come along, because it *will* save lives. Maybe a dozen lives, maybe a thousand, maybe just one. And, who knows which one? Thank you, gentleman, for your time.

Paramedic: This application isn't signed.
Paramedic: I wanted to talk to you first.
Paramedic: Sure. What do you want to know?
Paramedic: You went through that first class of special medical training, right?
Paramedic: Right.
Paramedic: If you rolled on a rescue call now. Today. Could you use that training to treat a victim on the scene?
Paramedic: No.
Paramedic: Then why should I, or anybody else, spend twelve weeks, or twelve minutes, learning to do what we can't do?
Paramedic: Because you said *today*. There's a bill before the state legislature right now, Assembly Bill PM 11307, that will permit qualified fire department personnel to administer medical assistance in the field.
Paramedic: *If* it's passed.
Paramedic: You've asked a few questions before you came in here, didn't you?
Paramedic: I want to find out if it's a job, or just a title.
Paramedic: It's a job all right. It's going to be the most important advance in emergency medicine in the last fifty years.
Paramedic: Going to be. Well, maybe you'd better just hang-on to that application until it is.
Paramedic: That'll be too late. We're already late. Gage, there are over six-and-a-half million people in Los Angeles County right now and not nearly enough doctors to handle them even under normal conditions. When you get into an emergency situations: freeway accidents, drownings, heart attacks and a thousand others, people are dying at the scene! People who could stay alive if there was somebody at the spot who knew what to do!
Paramedic: But they won't let you fuction.
Paramedic: They will. They'll have to. Look, if that bill passes in the Legislature today, do you know how many people we have ready for the job?
[Gage shakes his head "no"]
Paramedic: Just me, and five other guys who took the training course. Six men for six-and-a-half million people. No, we can't wait for the go ahead and then train our people. If there's once chance in a million that bill will be passed, we have to be ready.
Paramedic: Use your pen?
[Gage signs the application]

Fireman Chet Kelly: [Chet Kelly to John Gage; becoming annoyed with John's photography hobby] "Let's take one of all of us jumping up and down on your camera".

Dr. Joe Early: [a little boy walks up to Dr Early in the hallway and tugs on his sleeve] Yes.
Steve: Are you a doctor?
Dr. Joe Early: Yes. What can I do for you, son?
[Steve reaches into his pocket and pulls out some coins]
Dr. Joe Early: So, you've got seven cents.
Steve: I'd like to buy a bandage.
Dr. Joe Early: What for?
Steve: My friend Pete. He's outside. He fell.
Dr. Joe Early: Oh. Why don't you bring Pete in? I'll bandage him myself.
Steve: He won't come in. He's afraid.
Dr. Joe Early: But you're not.
[Dr Early kneels down in front of Steve]
Dr. Joe Early: Listen, son. I'll tell you what. You tell Pete if he comes in and lets me bandage him, I'll do it for nothing. It's free. You guys can keep the seven cents. Okay?
Steve: No tricks?
Dr. Joe Early: No tricks.
Dr. Joe Early: [a few scenes later, Pete sits on a bed in an exam room while Dr Early places a bandage on his knee] There, Pete. That wasn't so bad, was it?
[Dr Early picks Pete up and stands him on the floor, then sits down in front of the boys]
Dr. Joe Early: I'll tell you what. You guys come back in a couple of days, I'll look at it again. Okay?
Pete: No thanks.
Dr. Joe Early: How come?
Pete: Cuz this is a scary lookin' place.
Dr. Joe Early: It is?
Steve: [Pointing to Dr Early's chest] Like that thing. What's it for?
Dr. Joe Early: A stethoscope? That's for listening. You wanna try it?
[Steve backs away and Dr Early gently pulls him back in toward him]
Dr. Joe Early: Come on, Steve. Don't be chicken. Come on. It won't hurt you.
[Looks at Pete]
Dr. Joe Early: Tell you what, Pete. Steve is going to listen to your heart and after he finishes, you're gonna listen to his heart. Okay?
[Pete nods yes and Dr Early places the stethoscope ear pieces into Steve's ears]
Dr. Joe Early: Those fit in your ears alright.
[Dr Early pulls Pete's shirt down a little and places the stethoscope against his chest]
Dr. Joe Early: Do you hear anything?
[after a few seconds, a smile comes to Steve's face]
Pete: Let me try.
Dr. Joe Early: Okay.
[He takes the ear pieces out of Steve's ears and places them in Pete's]
Dr. Joe Early: There you go. That side in your ear.
[Turns to Steve and reaches for his shirt]
Dr. Joe Early: Pull that zipper down a little bit.
[Places stethoscope against Steve's chest]
Dr. Joe Early: There you go.
[Turns to Pete]
Dr. Joe Early: Do you hear anything?
Pete: That's his heart?
Dr. Joe Early: That's right.
[Takes the ear pieces out of Pete's ears]
Pete: Doctor, if I put it against his head, could I hear what he was thinking?
Dr. Joe Early: [chuckles] It's not that sensitive. I'll tell you what. If you come back in a couple days, we'll do some more listening. We'll do some more talking. Alright?
Steve: Sure. We'll be back. Why not?
Pete: Yeah, we'll be here. Same time.
Dr. Joe Early: Good. Good enough.
[Dr Early walks the boys out of the exam room]
Steve: Thanks. Bye.
Dr. Joe Early: Bye boys.

Paramedic: [Johnny walks behind the squad and sees 3 boys] Well, how's it goin', guys?
3rd: Not so good.
Paramedic: Wanna report a fire?
[3rd boy shakes his head no]
Paramedic: Did you start one?
3rd: If we did, we wouldn't tell you.
Paramedic: Well, that's true.
Boy: We lost somethin'.
Paramedic: Okay. What?
3rd: A key.
Boy: To my handcuffs.
Paramedic: [Johnny motions to the boy in the wagon] And... .he's wearin' 'em?
[Johnny turns to the other 2 boys]
Paramedic: Well, where is the key?
3rd: My sister's got it.
Paramedic: And she won't give 'em back?
Boy: She can't. She threw it down the sewer. Girls!
Paramedic: Yeah.
[Johnny looks at the cuffs on the wagon boy's wrists]
Paramedic: Well, looks like I better get the K-12.
Boy: Will it hurt?
Paramedic: A bit. But you're tough, aren't ya?
[Boy in wagon nods yes]
Paramedic: Yeah.
[Johnny climbs up on the back of the squad and pulls the K-12 chop saw out of the case. He looks down as the boys are starting to walk away]
Paramedic: Hey, where you guys goin'?
3rd: We'll try the police station.
Paramedic: Well, they'll probably use a Wuffle Spring on ya.
Boy: What's A Wuffle Spring?
Paramedic: Well, it's a thing that operates a Raltnee. Has a big ratchet on it like a Crabbitts. Great for takin' off stuck handcuffs. But, of course, it makes a lotta noise.
[Boys look worried]
Paramedic: On the other hand, I might be able to get 'em off with a StetsoHydraulic Activator.
3rd: What's that?
Paramedic: A pair of pliers.
Boy: Honest?
Paramedic: Honest.
[Johnny grabs a pair of pliers, steps down off the squad and removes the handcuffs from the boy's wrists]

Captain: Station 51, KMG365.

Dr. Kelly Brackett: [after Dr Brackett tested the anti-venom on John Gage to make sure he wasn't allergic to it] No reaction. Carol, start the anti-venom. IV. 10 viles to start with.
Fireman Chet Kelly: That mean he's gonna be alright?
Dr. Kelly Brackett: I'd say he's got an excellent chance right now.
Fireman Chet Kelly: I'm gonna go tell the other guys.
[Chet walks past Roy and Dixie and out the treatment room door]
Dixie: I didn't realize how fond he is of Johnny.
Paramedic: I don't think Chet did either.

[first lines]
Fireman Roy DeSoto: [Reading results of inspection] OK. Item number 12. All the alleyways should be a minimum of ten feet width. All right? Number 13. There are several piles of accumulated combustibles around your yard here. Item 14. All acetalyne bottles should be stored in an upright position. Now uh...
[cut off by Junkyard Owner]

Fireman Roy DeSoto: Now you listen to me: You're not in Nam and you're not a doctor! And if you don't get your head squared away you're not going to be a paramedic either!
Ed: Is that a threat?
Fireman Roy DeSoto: You bet it is!

[last lines]
Paramedic: Hey Johnny. They ate it!

Lt. Crockett: [Walking in hospital with Gage and DeSoto; asking about car they saw leaving scene of robbery] Now about that car... is there anything else you can tell me about it--the make, the model, the license plate number?
Paramedic: No, just a late model green two-door car!
Lt. Crockett: There's gotta be more than that somewhere!
Paramedic: Yeah... on the back of the bumper... was a white paper plate, like one of those dealer's plates...
Lt. Crockett: Yeah... which means it's probably stolen...
[turns to Dixie]
Lt. Crockett: and how are you, Ms. McCall?

Fireman John Gage: [upon seeing the new Ward LaFrance rig for the first time] Man, what a monster!

Paramedic: I remember... I was working B-Shift over at Station 10. That was a great, old station. Know why?
Paramedic: It had a pole?
Paramedic: It had a pole. A fire station just isn't a fire station without a pole.

Paramedic: I don't know if this car is my type.
Fireman Chet Kelly: I didn't know "slightly demented fireman" was a type.

Police: [commenting on the injured ice cream truck driver] Ambulance on the way. He gonna be OK?
Fireman Roy DeSoto: Yeah, he'll live.
Fireman Kelly: Bet he doesn't eat any ice cream for a long time.

[first lines]
Dispatcher: [Over intercom] Engine 51, Squad 51, Truck 8. Possible cardiac victim trapped in an elevator.

[first lines]
Paramedic: So as you can see, that gives us the same capability in the field as you and the doctors have in the hospital.

[first lines]
Fireman Roy DeSoto: For an injured man they sure called out the troops.

Paramedic: Hey, Roy, did you ever give any thought to retirement?
Paramedic: Not much.
Paramedic: You got the best retirement insurance a man can have.
Paramedic: How's that?
Paramedic: Family. Better than money any day.
Paramedic: Maybe so. Maybe you'd better get yourself a wife.
Paramedic: I think I'll go with money.

[first lines]
Fireman John Gage: With our luck, we're probably gonna have to drive him around.
Fireman Roy DeSoto: Now look. Don't complain. Any publicity this program can get is valuable.
Fireman John Gage: Yeah. We have enough to do on our runs without to playing host to some newspaper guy.

[first lines]
Fireman Roy DeSoto: [from off screen] Hey Johnny. You wanna hand me this other air bottle?

Fireman Mike Stoker: Hey, Gage, is this going to take long?
Fireman Chet Kelly: Need you ask?

[last lines]
Fireman John Gage: You know, he's lucky Sheila didn't get ahold of him.

[last lines]
Paramedic: One way or another I'm promoting a dish washer for this station. See ya!

Barney: Thoase people at Rampart, they did all right on this. I'd like to meet that fella Brackett one of these days.
Supervisor: Why don't you give him a call?
Barney: Nah. They're busy over there. I wouldn't want to bother him.

[first lines]
Mrs. Johnson: Where is he? Where's my boy?

Tom: [Patient is removed from a burned garage after having a car fall on him & a flash fire extinguished. He comes out with only broken ribs & John is tending to him outside on the ground as he wife kneels next to him, crying in relief] Some people are just naturally, never happy, you know?

Fireman John Gage: Give these chicks an inch and they'll take over. How would you like to live with a dinosaur like that? You know what she sounded like? She sounded like some wom...
Christy: Hey, Gage... You know what you sound like? You sound like every man I've ever known. Arrogant, conceited, chauvinistic, misogynistic...
Fireman John Gage: Wait a minute. Come again on that last one.
Fireman Roy DeSoto: It means woman-hater.
Fireman John Gage: Oh, yeah? What a great word. "Misogynistic." That's a great word.
Christy: You really like being a jerk, don't you?
Fireman John Gage: I like being a man, if that's what you mean.

[last lines]
Paramedic: I've got a problem all right. Pretty soon I'll have to be taking out candy stripers.

Dr. Joe Early: [the 3 doctors and Dixie walk out of an ER room after losing a patient] Was he married?
Dr. Larry Sunderlin: Yeah, I'll have to call his wife.
Dr. Joe Early: We just couldn't get that pressure up.
Dr. Larry Sunderlin: Well, we tried everything in the book.
Dr. Kelly Brackett: Maybe someday we'll get a better book.
Dixie: [Speaking to Dr Sunderlin] Was everything in order, doctor? Everything available? Proper medical environment? And still you lost the patient.
Dr. Kelly Brackett: Dix.
Dixie: [Emotional and crying] Kel, I'm too tired and whipped. I only talked to him a couple of minutes. He seemed like a nice guy.
Dr. Larry Sunderlin: Yes, he was.
Dixie: [Still emotional] And I'm mad and I don't care.
Dr. Joe Early: [Speaking of Roy DeSoto to Dr Sunderlin] You chewed out a paramedic the other day.
Dr. Larry Sunderlin: Oh, that.
Dixie: [Speaking to Sunderlin, still emotional] And he's thinking of quitting. Doctor, he's taken care of people in places that would curl your hair. When was the last time you risked your life for a patient? Well, they do it with some regularity. Doctor, you were ten miles out of line.
[Dixie turns and slowly walks away]
Dr. Larry Sunderlin: I thought nurses resented paramedics.
Dr. Kelly Brackett: Not that one. They're highly motivated men, doctor. Very conscientious. And she knows it.
Dr. Larry Sunderlin: I didn't realize.

Fireman Chet Kelly: And I'll be in my dumpy apartment watching the game on my dumpy TV set.
Paramedic: Beats a drive to Bakersfield.
[mutters]
Paramedic: Anything beats a drive to Bakersfield.

[first lines]
Capt. Stanley: Let's have a reel line on this gas!

Fireman John Gage: [the kittens are born] Hey, would you look at that?
Fireman Roy DeSoto: I told you she'd make a great mother.
Fireman Marco Lopez: Three, four, five!
Fireman Chet Kelly: Congratulations, John! Quintuplets!
Fireman John Gage: Well, now wait a minute. We got a problem.
Fireman Roy DeSoto: WE do?
Fireman John Gage: Yeah. There's five of them, and there's six of us. Hey, you don't suppose she'd have another one, do ya?
Fireman Roy DeSoto: I don't think she likes that idea.
Fireman John Gage: Oh. Well, I guess all we can do is just draw straws. I mean, I hope somebody's not gonna be too disappointed.
Captain: Well, now wait a minute. I appreciate the offer, and they are undeniably cute, but the last thing in the world I need is a kitten.
Fireman John Gage: Well, no problem, then!
Fireman Roy DeSoto: I sure like 'em, but I don't think my dog would like the idea, so I'm gonna have to pass.
Fireman Marco Lopez: And I've already got two cats.
Fireman Chet Kelly: Cat fur makes me sneeze when I'm around 'em too long.
Fireman Mike Stoker: Sorry. I'd like to, but I've got a No Pet Clause in my lease.
Fireman Roy DeSoto: I thought you told me that your landlady didn't like pets.
Fireman Chet Kelly: Looks like we got a new problem: Instead of one too few, we have five too many.
Fireman Roy DeSoto: Y'know, I used to date a girl once whose cat had kittens. And after they were weaned, she used to take one of them with her every time she went to a dinner party. She'd put a big red bow around their neck. She'd walk in the door, hand the kitten to the hostess, and say "You're probably so tired of receiving flowers or wine."
Fireman John Gage: Yeah? Well, what happened?
Fireman Roy DeSoto: People stopped asking her to dinner.