The Best Lotterman Quotes

Lotterman: The average guy don't rock the boat 'cause he wants to climb aboard it. And our readership is vividly average. They don't care who the losers are. They wanna know who won. Who won the bowls, who won the races, who won the pot at the slot machines. /... / And this is the American Dream.

Lotterman: How does anyone drink 161 miniatures?
Paul: Are they not complimentary?

Paul: So many hotels you can't see the sea.
Lotterman: You can see the sea by checking into the hotels.
Paul: Pay to see the sea?
Lotterman: What's the matter with that? You're paying to be in the dream...

Lotterman: It's a schizoid society, Kemp. They got two languages, two flags, two loyalties, two anthems... we bring 'em stuff they never had: they either hate it or they want more of it. It's a reluctant part of America; it's like an England with tropical fruit.

Lotterman: How much do you drink?
Paul: I suppose at the upper end of social.

Moburg: Two of the best scoops you ever had came out of my brain and you'd better moderate your language or I'll go elsewhere.
Lotterman: Elsewhere where? You couldn't get work as a fly repellent. You're worthless, Moburg. The last onion in the jar.

Lotterman: [after mentioning that the former writer, male, of the horoscopes was raped to death in a public toilet] Say, you're not .uuh. artistic, are you Kemp?
Paul: Oh no
Lotterman: Y'might wanna rethink those menthol cigarettes

Lotterman: You're paying to be in the dream. There's a thin veneer, Kemp, between the dream and the reality. You wake them up and people might start asking for their money back.

Lotterman: What do you know about horoscopes?
Paul: Nothing.
Lotterman: Ah, well, if I can write one, you can. So it's every day with a special "Star's Star" featured Saturday with Betty Grable and Neil Sedaka, things like that. So here, everything you need is right there. It's called "Madam La Zonga Predicts."
Paul: What happened to Madam La Zonga?
Sala: He got canceled.
Paul: What do you mean, fired?
Lotterman: They raped him to death.
Paul: They raped him to death?
Sala: There are very few places on this island I decline to visit, but the toilets frequented by sailors on the west side of Candado Pier is one.
Paul: They raped him to death?