The Best Max Quotes

Brooks: [dangling keys] Whoever finds the victim wins the grand prize: the keys to the Stingray.
Max: What?
Annie: Wow.
Ryan: [densely] Just the keys?
Brooks: No, Ryan, the whole car.
Ryan: [childishly] Oh, yes! Oh, man!

Annie: Can you charade it to me?
Max: Charades? That's some cute full-circle bullshit.

Max: You didn't happen to see a fellow brought in here, looks a little bit like me, but he's got a little bit of a sharper chin and higher cheekbones?
Bartender: So, a better-looking guy?

[the group shows up unannounced Gary's house, telling him they want a spontaneous game night]
Gary: I will admit I have eagerly awaited a visit such as this.
[Gary steps away from the door and walks back into his dark house]
Annie: Do we follow him?
Max: It seems like it.
Sarah: Ryan, you go first.
Ryan: I'm scared.

Annie: You're not Liam Neeson.
Max: That hurts my feelings.

Max: Very nice house, Tony Stark. Should we give our drink orders to JARVIS?
Brooks: I got the Tony Stark part, but then you went full nerd on me.

[Max and Annie are hosting a game night and have kept it from Gary]
Gary: I do hope you keep me in mind for any future game nights.
Max: Oh, you bet.
Gary: I've always enjoyed the camaraderie of good friends competing in games of chance and skill.
Annie: Yeah. Yeah, well, we'll do that, but tonight, it's just the two of us.
Gary: Three bags of Tostito's Scoops, I notice.
Max: There was a special on these tonight. Three for one.
Gary: Three for one?
Max: Yep.
Gary: How can that be profitable for Frito Lay?
Max: These corporations, I don't know what they're doing.
Gary: Well, you two enjoy each other. It's often we don't appreciate what we have until it's gone.
[Max and Annie wait, until they suddenly realize the conversation is over]
Max: I think that's it.
Annie: Okay. Bye-bye!

Brooks: I'm a fraud, Max. I'm not the carefree dude that wins at everything he touches. You know how I win? I cheat. I cheat at everything. I even cheated when we were kids playing Battleship.
Max: What?
Brooks: Didn't you ever wonder why I made you sit with your back to the TV? It was so I could see your ships in the reflection. I mean, I even took five grand every time we played Monopoly, before we even started playing the game. I cheated at the game of life. And at The Game of Life.

Annie: Honey, we'll get you to a hospital, okay?
Max: No, no hospital. This is a gunshot wound, they'll call the cops.
Annie: Shit! Okay, so we go to a mob doctor, right?
Max: You know one of those, sweetheart?
Annie: No.
Max: No.
Annie: What about a veterinarian that works for the mob?
Max: You know one of those?
Annie: No.

Max: You didn't invest in Panera?
Brooks: I ate at Panera.

[first lines]
Max: Who cares about winning? Let's get drunk!

Max: I think we're gonna be okay though. I got a feeling.
Val: [receiving orders] You want us to kill them all?

Gary: Three bags of Tostitos Scoops I noticed.
Max: There was a special on these tonight. Three for one.
Gary: Three for one?
Max: Yup.
Gary: How can that be profitable for Frito-Lay?

Annie: [in trying to find some sort or antiseptic so that she can dig the bullet out of his arm] They didn't have rubbing alcohol and they don't sell hard liquor, so I got you this lovely chard.
Max: Good idea. Way to pivot, yep.

Annie: A guy who rents a house this big must be making up for something pretty small, I'd say.
Max: No no, I've seen his dick, it's pretty great.
Annie: Well, I tried.