The Best Michael Quotes

Declan: If you don't have her phone number, how are you gonna do some sexting?
Michael: I don't want to do some sexting. She's a modern woman.
Declan: Isn't that the whole point of having a mobile phone though?

Paula: She
[Jane]
Paula: smokes grass.
Michael: No way!
Paula: Yeah.
Michael: She sounds a little like my brother without all the painting, poetry or any of the creativity at all.
Paula: Really? Bit of a stoner?
Michael: He's like Snoop Dogg and all of Seth Rogen's performances in all of his movies rolled into one... big joint.
Paula: I'd definitely like to meet him.
Michael: Yeah, I don't know if you'd get along. Your mum might though.

Declan: Fuck you man, you're such a manipulator.
Michael: I know. I'm in advertising.

Paula: She
[Jane]
Paula: just paints, writes poetry and listens to the radio and tends to her indoor plants.
Michael: She sounds brilliant.
Paula: She kind of is.

Garda: I've heard a lot of excuses today, but that really is quite touching.
Michael: Right?
Garda: *No.* It's the most *stupid*thing I've ever heard.