20 Best Neely O'Hara Quotes

Neely: You stupid ass nurse! What are you looking at?

Neely: Who are ya hiding from, Helen? The notices couldn't have been that bad.
Helen: The show just needs a little fine tuning.
Neely: Don't worry, sweetheart. If the show folds I can always get a part as understudy for my grandmother.
Helen: Thanks. I already turned down the part you're playing.
Neely: Bull! Merrick isn't that crazy.
Helen: You oughta know, honey, you just came out of the nuthouse.
Neely: It was not a nuthouse!
Helen: Look. They drummed you right outta Hollywood! So ya come crawlin' back to Broadway. Well, Broadway doesn't go for booze and dope. Now you get outta my way, I got a man waitin' for me.
Neely: That's a switch from the fags you're usually stuck with!
Helen: At least I never had to MARRY one!
Neely: YOU TAKE THAT BACK...
[pulls off Helen's wig while scuffling]
Neely: ... oh my God, it's a wig! HER HAIR'S AS PHONY AS SHE IS!

Neely: Just one... and two more. My beautiful little dolls.

Neely: I'm Neely O'Hara, pal, that's ME singing on that jukebox!
Man: Neely O'Hara sings like a bird. You sound like a frog.

Neely: [drunk in a bar] Who's stoned? I am merely traveling incognito.

Neely: Mel? God? Neely?... NEEEEEEELYYY O'HARAAAAAAAA!

Anne: Neely, you know it's bad to take liquor with those pills.
Neely: They work faster.

Edward: Shall I call you a cab?
Neely: I don't need it - I don't need ANYBODY. I got talent, Edward. BIG talent.
[Standing at doorway, thinking]
Neely: They Love me.

Neely: [catching her husband in the pool with a girl] Having fun, kiddies? Don't mind me. Go right ahead! I'll watch.
[girl runs away, naked, into the house]
Neely: You'd better run, you little tramp. How dare you contaminate my pool! Here.
[empties bottle of alcohol into the pool]
Neely: Maybe this will disinfect it.

Mel: You're spending a lot more time than necessary with that fag.
Neely: Ted Casablanca is NOT a fag... and I'm the dame who can prove it.

[after catching her bisexual husband with a girl]
Neely: All right, faggot! Start explaining!
Ted: You need glasses, Neely. She's hardly built like a boy.
Neely: I could take that better!
Ted: I'm sure you could. You know, you almost made me feel I was queer.

Lyon: They're going to replace you with a younger girl.
Neely: Younger? Lyon, I'm 26!
Lyon: You look 36.

Mel: Honey, listen, it's a rotten business.
Neely: I know. But I love it!

Neely: Well, I've lost five pounds already. These pills are really great, Jen. They kill your appetite. Only trouble is they pep me up so much I can't sleep.

Neely: I didn't have dough handed to me because of my good cheekbones, I had to work for it.

Man: I wonder what happened to Neely O'Hara.
[snidely]
Man: They SAY she had laryngitis.
Neely: [taking a drink - searching for a pill] WHO HAD LARYNGITIS?
Edward: We're closing now, Miss O'Hara.

Neely: Then I heard she went to Paris to make art films.
[laughs]
Neely: Art films? Nudies! That's all they are. Nudies.

Neely: I want a doll! I want a doll!

Neely: Jennifer, shame on you! Hey, still got that mole on your keister? Nope! They covered it up with make-up.

Helen: Give me that damn wig! What the hell are you doing in there?
Neely: Giving it a shampoo. Goodbye, pussycat. Meeowwww!
[flushes toilet]
Helen: My God, she's throwing it in the can, I'll kill her!
Neely: How do you like that? It won't even go down the john!
Helen: Give me that wig!
Neely: Okay, you want it back? Here it comes, special delivery!
[tosses Helen's wet wig over the stall wall, then exits the stall]
Neely: So long, Granny. I'll tell your boyfriend not to wait.