The Best Pat Quotes

Eric: [Eric steps in front of a news camera] This just in! Eric Matthews is a huge loser.
Pat: Why is he a loser?
Eric: Oh. Sorry, I didn't know anybody else was here. I'll get out of your way and let you clean.
Pat: I got plenty of time to clean.
Eric: Oh, here.
[He hands Pat a trash can]
Pat: Were you here for the internship?
Eric: Yep. And I blew it.
Pat: Aw. How do you know?
Eric: 'Cause I wasn't myself. Oh, man, I really wanted this job.
Pat: Why?
Eric: Wh... 'Cause what could be more exciting than working in TV? I mean, all those straight-A guys want is something to put on their résumé. You know, they don't get it here, they'll get it someplace else, but this is everything to me. You know, Miss Cannon doesn't know this, but I'd do that job so much better than any of them 'cause I need it more.
Pat: Did you tell her that?
Eric: No, I was too busy choking. I just choked in front of the most important person at the station.
Pat: No, you didn't.
Eric: Oh, yeah, I did. I mean, I was sweating so much in there my shoes started to squish.
Pat: [chuckling] No. No, I meant she's not the most important person at the station. I am.
Eric: Hey, pal, I know coffee's really important and everything, but...
Pat: Pat Darby, station manager.
Eric: Where?
Pat: Right here. Shaking the hand of our new intern. See you Monday. Be yourself or I'll fire you.
Eric: Oh, oh. Oh, yes, sir. Thank you so much, sir. Thank you so much. I'll be here.
[He starts to leave but then turns back]
Eric: One thing, real quick, one thing. Before I go home and tell my parents, do you have, like, a business card and a photo ID?