50 Best Peyton Charles Quotes

Olivia: [Hoping to meet Allan at 'The Scratching Post', while she's under hopeless-romantic brain] I can't wait to see Allan and look deeply, sensually, into his eyes.
Tanner: Wanna open a tab?
Peyton: Blaine let's us drink here for free.
Olivia: I can feel it Peyton. The twirling forces of fate and destiny, burning inside me, tickling my loins...
Peyton: Like bad sushi.

[first lines]
Major: [Major wakes up to an eggs and bacon breakfast in the kitchen] Whoa! Eggs! Mmm. Mmm-mm.
Major: [Major sits at the table and speaks to the bacon] What's shakin' bacon?
Peyton: [as Ravi and Peyton watch] Body Snatchers?

[Peyton talks to Ravi and Major about women not being too needy]
Peyton: Let's get it all out in the open, Man-Things. What about Liv? She's not glomming onto you, is she? She's not cramping your style? She's not being too needy?
Major: No. It's all good. Real good.
Major: [Peyton and Ravi remain quiet] I mean, today she left me a voice-mail about how drowning would be a beautiful way to die, but otherwise, you know, same old Liv.
Ravi: Ah, yeah, uh, she's rolling hard on a death-obsessed magician. It will pass. She just needs to eat someone else's brain.
Major: Is that all?
Ravi: Mm-hmm.

Peyton: If they go through with this, they're gonna pay, Liv. I will make it my mission.
Olivia: Then they should be very afraid. We always said we were gonna make big names for ourselves. I guess we should've been more specific.

[Peyton makes out with Blaine on the couch]
Peyton: [Peyton stares at Blaine] I think you put some serious time into this look.
Blaine: Well, we can't all look like we were created in a lab by 14 year-old boys, can we?
[as Blaine continues kissing Peyton]

[Liv has a vision in front of Peyton before telling her that she has to go]
Peyton: [Liv wakes up out of her vision] Hey, you're back.
Olivia: Yeah, but I gotta go. Sorry about the mess.
Peyton: Okay. But don't eat a new brain, until this is dealt with.

Peyton: [Reading a text from Ravi's phone] "Mosco Bandiwax fell to his death in the Cavern of Nasty Pricks." Does that mean anything to anyone?
Ravi: Only to a little old halfling lady in Mirkwood who will have one less mince pie to bake during the Feast of Belbuck.

[Peyton sees Liv tweet a selfie photo of them both that she just took]
Peyton: Did you just tweet that photo of us? Hashtag 'friendship goals.' Hashtag 'booty had me like what'?
Olivia: [Liv with a smile on her face] Not cool?
Peyton: Uh, little weird.

[Brandt Stone quotes a line from the movie Silence of the Lambs to Peyton]
Brandt: [Brandt in a weird accent] Quid Pro Quo, Bernice. Silence of the Lambs.
Peyton: I think it's Clarice, but... Okay, Quid Pro Quo.

Ravi: You're going to DC?
Peyton: Yeah, in a couple days. Did I forget to mention it?
Ravi: Yeah, you did. By the way, your voice goes up an entire octave when you're being sneaky.
Peyton: [High pitched] I'm not being sneaky.
Ravi: That's two octaves.

[Peyton and Liv on stripper-brain follow a girl into the women's bathroom]
Peyton: Does it help for me to mention this isn't really you?
Olivia: [Liv and Peyton enter the bathroom] Hey! You in the stall! You're gonna flick me in the grill with your cheap-ass wannabe-Ariana-Grande clip-on and then just hide in the bathroom?

Ravi: We produce the episodes, we post them online. The episodes go viral.
Peyton: Viral's good.
Ravi: Right. Think about what Will & Grace did for gay people. Or what The Cosby Show did for...
Peyton: Let's not use that example.

[Peyton stops by the police morgue to see Liv]
Ravi: [Ravi holds a brain in his hands] Peyton, what a pleasant surprise. If I had known you'd be stopping by, I would've worn my less bloody lab coat.
Peyton: Never visiting you at work again.

Olivia: And who might this hirsute stranger be? Introduce yourself.
Ravi: I am Mosco Bandywax of the Mirkwood Bandywaxes. I'm a Halfling monk.
Olivia: And you, good sir?
Major: I am Sir Jay Esclaborne, the human paladin.
Olivia: I don't remember your character earning a knighthood.
Major: Oh, he's not a knight. His first name is: Sirjay.
Olivia: ...Clever. I'll be watching you. And, you, madam?
Peyton: Uh, Brangelina Darksbane. Dark elf assassin.
Olivia: And who might this stout fellow be?
Clive: Earl. Dwarf fighter.

[Peyton tells Ravi that she tried quitting her job]
Peyton: Man, you work up the nerve to resign and your boss gets abducted.

[Peyton reveals to Blaine that Liv is her friend]
Peyton: [Liv stands at Peyton's side] Blaine thinks he and I could have something special.
Olivia: Aww, he swiped right. I'm sure that your Tinder photo is hair-centric and flattering, but how do you spin that bio? 'I'm a humble guy, always down for a hike, or we could just murder and chill.' 'My fave slays are astronauts, homeless teens and boyfriend.'

[Major asks Ravi and Peyton for Zombie-Liv advice]
Major: Question. Since the two of you have really experienced zombie Liv first-hand, how extreme do her personality swings get?
Ravi: She can be a bit mercurial. But most of the time I enjoy the variety. Of course, I don't have to date her.
Peyton: There was the time her eyes turned red and she killed someone. I'm thinking that was probably a one-off.
Major: A one-off. That's good.

[Ravi tells Peyton that he's considering to become a bad boy]
Ravi: Personally, I've been toying with the idea of, uh, becoming a bad boy.
Peyton: Is that right?
Ravi: Yeah. Start banging my mates' girlfriends, get into strip club fights, tip a few cows.
Peyton: I can't imagine you doing any of that.
Ravi: Well, you can't imagine good Ravi cow tipping, but bad Ravi?
Ravi: [Ravi scoffs] He'll knock a broad-arse bovine on her side without a second thought.

[Ravi tells Peyton that him and his girlfriend Steph are planning to celebrate Guy Fawkes Day together]
Ravi: Well, she's just getting a bit intense, you know, okay... I mean, she told me we're celebrating Guy Fawkes Day tomorrow. I didn't have the heart to tell her it was a few weeks ago.
Peyton: [Peyton chuckles] Guy Fawkes Day, huh? Yeah... she's definitely going to propose.

[Ravi asks Peyton for girlfriend advice]
Ravi: You know Steph, the woman I'm kind of seeing?
Peyton: 'Kind of seeing.' Yeah. Women love when you use qualifiers like that.
Ravi: I like her, it's... My question is, look, she just changed her Facebook status to 'In a relationship.'
Peyton: And that freaked you out. Look, I change my status to 'In a relationship' all the time, just to get dudes to leave me alone.
Ravi: Yeah. Okay. I can see that.

[Peyton tells Blaine off after finding out his true identity]
Peyton: For the record, all you are to me is a giant mistake.

[Peyton tells Liv that she knows how to party when Liv organizes their entire kitchen]
Peyton: Ah, old Liv. Don't let anyone tell you the girl doesn't know how to party. Because you do. You do know how to party.

[Peyton still tries to get the Cassidy information out of Liv on stripper-brain]
Peyton: Maybe try closing your eyes. Focus on the phrase, 'Stash house.' 'Stash house.' 'Stash house.' 'Stash house.'
Olivia: It's not about focusing, okay? It's not Pop-A-Shot.

Peyton: I'm exhausted. I just watched a barbershop quartet do Ebony and Ivory. Two of them in whiteface.

Peyton: If it doesn't work, they'll come after you.
Ravi: Yeah. Well...
Peyton: I love you.
Ravi: I know.
Peyton: Oh, no, you didn't.
Ravi: I'm kidding, I love you, too. I love you mucho... I... I love you mucho grande. I love you like gangbusters. To infinity and beyond... I was doing Han Solo, I thought it would be charming.
Peyton: It was a little charming. I mean, I like the groveling afterwards better.

[Peyton and Liv arrive at a stripper club]
Peyton: Did that dancer just accept a tip with her butt cheeks? That's just... I mean, how does she even know how much he gave her?
Olivia: Oh, she knows.

[Peyton tells Ravi that she wanted to see him in person finally]
Peyton: I wanted to talk to you in person. I went straight from the airport to the press conference. This is the first chance I've had. Can I just give you a hug?
[Peyton gives Ravi a close hug]
Peyton: So you crushed your date tonight, huh? Tell me all about it.
[Ravi nods his head to not want to share]

Olivia: This case is bigger than we thought. I'm thinking deep state. Shadow government.
Peyton: Wait... The government's involved?
Olivia: Well, not the "government" government, obviously. But the people behind the government, the Illuminati.
Peyton: Liv... Whose brain have you eaten?
Olivia: [Looks around nervously] Who wants to know?
Peyton: I do. That's why I asked.

[Liv on stripper-brain talks to Peyton in the strip club when one of the girls whips Liv in the face with her hair]
Olivia: Did that bitch just flick me in the face with her pony tail?
Peyton: I think it was an accident.
Olivia: It is on. I'm gonna smack the wet 'n' wild right off her face!

[Peyton tries questioning Liv on the stripper-brain for information]
Peyton: Anything about Hong Kong suppliers? Or shipment schedules?
Olivia: No.
Peyton: Hmm. Cassidy said she knew every criminal thing Nick was involved with. Maybe just start with that.
Olivia: I'm gonna start with throwing this frickin' plate across the room if you don't step the hell off.

[Peyton and Ravi share a drink together when she tells him about her college days]
Peyton: When I was in college, I had this professor, and when he'd hand out the Friday quiz, he'd say, 'Duck soup for you, Sweetheart.' I think he thought it was easier for me than everyone else. But I was probably working twice as hard.
Ravi: Yeah, before you moved in, I just thought you were a fembot that plugged into a charging station at night.

Peyton: I'm interested in hearing more about these mutant powers. Did she know martial arts?
AJ: Damn right, she did. She was skilled.
Peyton: As skilled as a ninja, perhaps?
AJ: Totally.
Peyton: She's a mutant ninja. Did she have a round shell, hankering for pizza?

[Peyton asks Major and Ravi to rent the apartment across from her and Liv]
Peyton: Please, try and rent the apartment across the hall.
Olivia: So we can be like the friends from Friends.
Peyton: Oh! Yes!
Ravi: Fantastic idea! Peyton is Monica-esque.
Ravi: [Ravi looks at Liv] You're clearly a Rachel. Type-A. Relationship drama.

Major: I've got work, and Ravi can't be alone.
Peyton: He can't?
Major: He already got into the medicine cabinet. I had to pry a bottle of cough syrup away from him. He *bit* me.
[Peyton stares]
Major: I think he stole my only other work uniform but won't tell me where he put it. He offered to...
[Air quotes]
Major: "Pleasure me" for my car keys. Yeah, I think he was kidding, but I'm only 60% sure.

[Liv talks to Peyton for the first time since Peyton's return]
Peyton: You stalked me, and you brought me a present?
Olivia: That birthday cake you left last night. It meant the world to me.
Peyton: Look, um... When I left, I can't lie, I resented you. I can't tell if it was more, 'I can't believe my best friend is a zombie,' or, 'I can't believe my best friend didn't tell me she's a zombie.'
Olivia: I get that.
Peyton: While I was away I had a chance to put myself in your shoes, and... Ugh, I realized how hard this last year must have been for you. You gave up being a surgeon, you gave up the love of your life. And then I bailed.
Olivia: Well, to be fair, you had just seen me stab someone in the head.

Olivia: [a red zed has been painted on their door] "Z." For "zebra." The referees read what I wrote on their NFL fan board, and this is their revenge.
Peyton: Liv, it's for "zombie."

[erotica-librarian-brain Liv tells Peyton about Drake]
Olivia: He's got these thick biceps that stretch the cottony limits of his T-shirt.
Peyton: Hmm.
Olivia: He's got a scar on his face that speaks of sin. This is a man who knows when to take a woman by the back of her neck and...
Peyton: Oh!
Olivia: Sorry. I'm on horny-librarian-slash-erotica-novelist brain.

Peyton: You're supposed to be dead.
Angus: And lo, the stone was rolled away from the tomb.
Peyton: Blaine, um... This man is your father.
Blaine: Well, I'm starting to see the problem with the will.

Peyton: Did I tell you that I've always wanted to be a paleontologist when I grew up? I bet that's a hard job to get fired from. You don't find any dinosaur bones, you're just, like, "Nope. No dinosaurs died here."

[a customer at the strip club tries to ask Peyton for a lap dance]
Drunk: How much for a lap dance? $20?
Peyton: I'm a lawyer.
Drunk: $40?

Peyton: Aren't you forgetting a certain four-letter word that starts with "F"?
Olivia: Funk?
[Peyton shakes her head]
Olivia: Fart?
[Peyton sighs]
Olivia: I give up.
Peyton: Fate.

Peyton: What's the first thing you wanna do once you're human?
Olivia: Escape the city. Go somewhere where no one knows me. Never date, get fat.

[Peyton asks Blaine about his haircut]
Peyton: [Peyton starts combing Blaine's hair] So, this hair...
Blaine: Mm-hmm?
Peyton: How much product do you got working in here?
Blaine: It's just a dollop of pomade and I'm out the door.

Peyton: So, we can go and find Castle What's-His-Nuts, fight that thing, come back and we'll get rewarded by this little old lady.
[Looks at Liv]
Peyton: Or we could just tie up this little old lady, and take what we want now.
Olivia: Georgie begins to mutter an incantation. Electricity fires from her hands and strikes Brangelina.
Ravi: I try to dive in front of the lightning bolt. "Not on this day, Ms. Fogglebottom!"
Olivia: The lightning bolt has already struck Brangelina. And Mosco lands on the ground in front of her, looking foolish.

[Liv makes Peyton a chocolate-covered brain nougat for her to get to Major in jail]
Peyton: And this is, what exactly?
Olivia: Chocolate-covered brain nougat. We have to get Major brains by tomorrow morning, or we're in serious trouble.

[Ravi tries to beg for Peyton to stay with him and Major]
Ravi: Stay here. You know, you'll have two men living with you, one's practically a Greek God, who's turned his body into a finely-tuned weapon, and, of course, Major. And either of us would do anything for you.
Peyton: My new place has a 24-hour doorman and a hot tub.
Ravi: The Major will serve as our doorman. All right? He's great with doors. The opening. The closing. And I will make sure your tub time's hot as hell.

[Peyton and Ravi drink one last night together and talk about zombies]
Peyton: Look, I know one thing. If I ever was turned into a zombie, my first order of business would be to scratch you. I'd be like, 'Oh, man! I'm a zombie.' Scratch!
Ravi: Seems a little self-serving, but okay.
Peyton: No way am I doing this whole zombie thing without you.

[Ravi asks how Peyton feels after losing her case to Mr. Boss]
Ravi: How are you feeling?
Peyton: Like I let an entire city full of people down. I was contemplating going door to door handing out 'sorry I suck so bad' gift baskets.

[Ravi gets too tipsy to stay up with Peyton at night]
Peyton: No, no. Don't go.
Ravi: I must. I know how this turns out. It's like the shots contest in Raiders of the Lost Ark. You're Karen Allen, and I'm the fat Nepalese guy that ends up under the table.

[Peyton and Blaine share accents with how drunk whiskey makes them]
Peyton: [Peyton in a southern accent] I don't know what it is, but it makes me drunk southern. Uh-huh.
Blaine: [Blaine in a southern accent] Mmm-hmm. What about champagne?
Blaine: [Blaine in a French accent] Do you go French? Ooh! What about tequila?
Peyton: Oh, God, no. You do not want to know what happens to me when I drink tequila.
Blaine: I'm pretty sure I do.
Peyton: No. No.
Blaine: Yes. As for me...
Blaine: [Blaine in a Cockney accent] I go drunk Cockney, I do. Oh! A cuppa mudder's ruin, luv, an it's all 'Varder those bonnie lallies.' Etcetera, etcetera.