1000 Best iZombie Quotes

[Gilda and Liv talk about Gilda's hot guy at work, also known as Major]
Olivia: Whatever happened to Magic Mike, that super-hot guy you hired?
Gilda: Let's just say he's done some quality work underneath me.

[Liv tells Ravi that Jordan Marsh was trying to star in the new Power Rangers movie before his murder]
Ravi: If I'm hearing you right, there's going to be another Power Rangers movies!

[Clive and Liv bring in Miss Shaefer to identify the dead body of Corey]
Miss: [Miss Shaefer sees the body] Oh! Oh, this jackass.
Clive: You do know him?
Miss: Kind of. His name's Corey. I hooked up with him a couple months ago. Dick never called me again.
Olivia: Possibly because he was dead.
Miss: Yeah. You're right. That's probably why. 'Cause I know he had a good time.

[Liv compares herself to Britney Spears while talking to Major]
Olivia: When I eat someone's brain, it sets up camp in me. It's like, I'm always Britney, but sometimes I'm Hit Me One More Time Britney, and sometimes I'm... shaved head, smashing car windows Britney.
Major: Real talk? I thought both of those Britney's were hot.

[Blaine and Ravi stand over Gabriel's dead body who died from the anti-cure]
Blaine: I'm calling it. Time of death, 9:47 p.m. Drug overdose. This job isn't so hard.

[last lines]
Surgeon: Your brother has-has lost a lot of blood, and he's going to need more in order to survive. Unfortunately, he's O-negative, and we don't have any.
Eva: Liv is O-negative. Remember? That time you sliced open your head on that nail. Evan was a match for you. Oh, thank God you had your phone on.
Surgeon: We don't have much time. Can you come with me, Miss Moore?
Eva: Liv? Did you hear him? There's more. Liv. Liv. Go with the doctor!
Olivia: No.

Blaine: You don't want to know what I had to do to get this brain.
Don: You want me to blue brain it? Or...
Blaine: It's my $100,000 gift to you.
Don: What? Did you get me Kid Rock?
Blaine: No.
Don: If you bought a brain for 100 grand and I'm the one eating it, there's no way it's gonna be anything good.

Peyton: You've been on a junkie brain.
Ravi: Mmm-hmm.
Peyton: Where does one hide drug paraphernalia?
Ravi: Uh, nooks, holes, things of that nature. Or a hollowed-out book, a la Shawshank.

[Rita gives Major the password to the Max Rager cells]
Gilda: Just punch in 876-5309. What can I say? Dad loves the '80s.

Clive: What are you doing
Olivia: I'm negging her, Clive.
Clive: Nagging?
Olivia: No, no, no. "Negging." I'm undermining her confidence so that she'll be more vulnerable.

[Liv prepares herself on finding out the killer of Chad Wolcoff]
Clive: I'm really gonna need a hand with this, so let me know when things get extrasensory.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Clive walks off as Ravi whispers to Liv] Well, I hope you like yager bombs and homoerotic subtext.
[the scene cuts to the scenes of Liv microwaving, eating, and washing the dishes after eating Chad's brains]
Clive: [Clive calls Liv] Can you meet me upstairs?
Olivia: Yes.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Liv turns, burps, and walks forward] And so it begins...

Ravi: Time-travel murder! Perhaps the impaled knight stepped out of the TARDIS seconds before his death.
Clive: What the hell's a TARDIS?
Olivia: Something nerdy.

[Clive hands Agent Bozzio a muffin while her head's flat on her desk]
Clive: You should eat.
Clive: [Bozzio turns her head while looking exhausted] And sleep.
[Bozzio scoffs]

Olivia: Look at you... Right at home. Born to be Lieutenant.
[Taps nameplate]
Olivia: Babineaux.
Clive: You need anything else, Liv?
Olivia: Mmm. A raise wouldn't hurt.
Clive: No.
Olivia: Can I have a gun?
Clive: No.
Olivia: Ooh, how about a squad car?
Clive: No.
Olivia: Diplomatic immunity?
Clive: No.

[Ravi gets too tipsy to stay up with Peyton at night]
Peyton: No, no. Don't go.
Ravi: I must. I know how this turns out. It's like the shots contest in Raiders of the Lost Ark. You're Karen Allen, and I'm the fat Nepalese guy that ends up under the table.

[Don E. finds zombie-Candy in the basement of the morgue]
Don: Candy, have you seen Blaine? He's been ignoring my texts all day. He knows I have abandonment issues.
Don: [Candy turns around eating on a brain] Oh, damn!

Olivia: This case is bigger than we thought. I'm thinking deep state. Shadow government.
Peyton: Wait... The government's involved?
Olivia: Well, not the "government" government, obviously. But the people behind the government, the Illuminati.
Peyton: Liv... Whose brain have you eaten?
Olivia: [Looks around nervously] Who wants to know?
Peyton: I do. That's why I asked.

Olivia: This floor is made for batucadas.
Ravi: Actually, it was made for draining blood and embalming fluid, but that twisty, spinning bit was delightful.

[Major and Ravi see New Hope the test rat subject dead in its cage]
Major: It's not like whatever happens to this rat happens to me.
Ravi: Oh! Hey! Maybe he's grown wings and like super powerful...
Ravi: [when both Major and Ravi find New Hope dead] Balls.

[Major agrees to be something more serious with Liv]
Olivia: So you're okay with it? Because if we're gonna do this we have to be totally honest with each other this time around.
Major: Of course I want to sex you up, girl. You're very attractive, and I very much have a penis. But just being with you is enough. Honest.

[Major tells Blaine that he was given a zombie list]
Major: I was given a list. Three hundred names, all suspected zombies, all connoisseurs of fake tans, hair dye and hot sauce. My job was to figure out which ones were zombies and which ones weren't, and get rid of the ones that are. I was told that if I didn't do it, they would take out every single person on the list, and they would start with Liv.
Blaine: Oh. Who's the 'they'? Let me know who's making you do this.
Major: No.
Blaine: You must have a pair on you the size of watermelons.
Major: If I told you, you have no reason to keep me alive. And aren't you a little bit interested to know if you're on their list?
Blaine: Maybe a few more hours in the dark will make that quick death more appealing. Close him up. I'm not going to miss you.

Angus: [On video] The cure, the cure for what exactly? For domination? For immortality? For basking in the warmth and the loving gaze of a vigilant god? She must be cleansed of this Earth.
Clive: You notice anything?
Ravi: That he somehow got 10,000 views even though he's super old.

[Blaine questions Liv about why she's still pretending to be a cop]
Blaine: I'm curious. Why? Why are you still suiting up for Team Z? The uniform sucks. Morale is, let's be honest, consistently low. Don't tell me you've actually developed a taste for brains.
Blaine: [Liv remains silent] Hold the phone! You dig it. You get off on being a hero, don't you?
Blaine: [Blaine begins imitating actor, Jimmy Stewart] Oh, would you... Would you look at that. That's a... That's a crime-solving zombie. Roger, get in here! Why, she's a credit to her species. Why can't they all be like her?
Olivia: [Blaine laughs] It's not a choice.

[Clive and Liv go over the murder scene of Lacy Cantrell]
Clive: No DNA. Nobody saw anything, nobody heard anything. A flying start.
Clive: [Clive turns his head to Liv] What about you, Zoltar?
Olivia: Johnny Cash, Loretta Lynn, Dolly Parton. I'd say Lacy was a little bit country.
Clive: And I'm a little bit 'let's rock and roll.' Tell me something I can't see.

[Ravi gets Major to admit that he's the Chaos Killer]
Ravi: You're the Chaos Killer?
Major: Technically, I'm the 'Chaos Kidnapper.' No one is dead, they're frozen.
Ravi: In preparation for their long-haul interstellar journey?

[magician-brain Liv stands in the morgue over Syd Wicked's dead body while surrounded by candles]
Olivia: Well, would you look at that? The death card. The 13th trump in the Tarot. A fitting reminder that no matter how clever a path we run, the Reaper always takes his bounty.
Blaine: [Blaine walks into the morgue] Did you eat Edgar Allen Poe?

Clive: You're not being upfront with us here, Herbert. About being the last to see her. About the tenure of your conversation. Why is that?
Herbert: Oh, I suppose I thought those details might make me seem guilty.
Clive: Lying definitely makes you seem guilty.

Olivia: Clive's out this week with his back. And you know what that means?
Ravi: That this is Cavanaugh's case?
Olivia: It means we can do whatever we want. Like police harass the crap out of Blaine. We can get a warrant for his big, fancy house. We can ransack it.
Ravi: Can I be the guy that takes a knife and rips into his couch cushions?

Liv: I know you.
Jimmy: Do you? Do you know me? Do you recognize the slope of my alpine-snow-drift nose?
Liv: Kind of.
Jimmy: I'm sorry. I can't work with her.

Dale: So, what's it like being the most hated man in Seattle?
Blaine: I don't know. I haven't talked to A-Rod in a while.

Olivia: Could you hang on to this for me? It's pinching me like crazy.
[Takes a necklace, starts patting at him]
Clive: What are you... What the... We are in the south now. You don't put stolen jewelry in a black man's pocket.
Olivia: [whispers] It's not in your pocket.
Clive: I just made a terrible mistake

[Steph meets Peyton in front of Ravi, as Peyton leaves the two alone on the couch]
Steph: That's the girl you used to date?
Steph: [holds her hand up to Ravi for a high-five] Damn, playa!
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: No, no. I'm not high-fiving that. I wasn't born yesterday.

Blaine: Let's face it... we've all got a little monster in us.

Sergeant: Got your ID?
Ravi: You have a copy right here.
Sergeant: They're sticklers for this stuff. You don't like it? Change the incentives.
Ravi: [Opens box] There's nothing in here.
Sergeant: Yeah, that was Sergeant Paul. Not a stickler. Now fired. See how it works?

[Ravi tells Major and Liv that the two of them get to have zombie sex now that there's no cure]
Ravi: Silver lining... You know, you two finally get to have hot zombie sex. Right? Room temperature zombie sex?
Major: Yeah, about that...
Olivia: We broke up.
Ravi: [Major mouths to Ravi that Liv broke up with him] Ah. Right.

[Ravi tries to beg for Peyton to stay with him and Major]
Ravi: Stay here. You know, you'll have two men living with you, one's practically a Greek God, who's turned his body into a finely-tuned weapon, and, of course, Major. And either of us would do anything for you.
Peyton: My new place has a 24-hour doorman and a hot tub.
Ravi: The Major will serve as our doorman. All right? He's great with doors. The opening. The closing. And I will make sure your tub time's hot as hell.

AJ: You're a zombie. I get it. You were a zombie when we tussled. That's how you knew Kung Fu. And that's the only reason you beat me.
Olivia: I might not know Kung Fu anymore, but I know Brooklyn.
[Holds up a fist]

Don: Check it out! We got regulars. We're the kinda place where...
[sings]
Don: Where everybody knows your name!
[Normal]
Don: Actually, I don't know their names. I think it's like private corporal something,

[Liv strolls over the Alpha Beta house on a search to find Chad's killer]
Olivia: [narrating] Right now, I've got one word in my bro-cabulary, and that word is 'Justice'. I am going on a vision quest of all vision quests. I will not rest until I find the bastard who...
Olivia: [Liv screams out when seeing a table] Beer Pong! Time to get your balls wet, bro!

Ravi: Clearly, American Ninja Warrior brain. We basically have to do a high-wire obstacle course through the labs of Zone 19. One ninja warrior, we'll be able to climb walls.
Olivia: Look, I'm just saying Cirque du Soleil is a bit more stealthy. We have to climb without being seen.
Ravi: We don't know what role they had. They could've been a mime.

[Liv asks Clive why he was twitchy around the Romero Zombies]
Olivia: What's with you? Why were you all twitchy?
Clive: Zombies kinda freak me out.

Jordan: Is that Lil' Bones Jones?
Major: You mean Major Jones.
Jordan: Major Jones with a major booze Jones, Major Major.

[first lines]
Olivia: [Liv walks up to her brother's hospital bed, narrating] Time heals all wounds. Time heals all wounds.
Olivia: [Liv sits on the bed beside her brother Evan who's asleep] Hey, buddy.
Olivia: [narrating] Another surgery to remove shrapnel. Three months. Three surgeries.
Eva: [Eva Moore walks into the room] You need to leave. Right now.

[Liv asks what to do when Drake calls her]
Olivia: [Drake calls] It's him. What do I do?
Ravi: Well, he's a zombie with anger issues and a prison record. As far as millennial break up options go, ghosting him gets my vote.

Sherry: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stare. It's just... I feel like I know you.
Olivia: I get that a lot.
Sherry: Oh. No, I'm sure I've seen your face before. Are you on TV?

[Liv and Bethany Miller go through Liv's closet of dresses]
Olivia: [Bethany pulls out one of Peyton's dresses] That belonged to someone. A long time ago, we used to be friends.
Bethany: Hmm.
Olivia: [Liv pulls out a bottle of red wine] Ready to try on something red?
Bethany: White is so last bottle.

Liv: [about Blaine] I think he's a liar. And a phony. And I think he's just using me for my brains. Well, *their* brains.

[Major asks Vaughn Du Clark if he's been doing a good job with the zombie list]
Major: Have I not been doing a good job?
Vaughn: Well, you know what? Let's find out.
Vaughn: [Vaughn Du Clark shakes a little black 8 ball on his desk, reading] 'Ask again later.'

[first lines]
Kimber: [their car just struck a pedestrian] Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Nate: Oh my God! What the hell? He came out of nowhere!
Teresa: Everything comes out of nowhere when your headlights are off, dumbass!
Nate: Hey, man, you okay?
Teresa: Does he look frickin' okay, Nate?
Kimber: Okay. I kind of learned CPR at Seeds of Faith camp. Somebody needs to do chest compressions to the beat of All For the Best, from Godspell. Go check his pulse.
Teresa: Yeah. Let me just rub my DNA all over him. I think not!

[Liv tells Clive that Major is a zombie]
Olivia: Major is a zombie.
Clive: Metaphorically?
Olivia: Literally.

[Mr. Boss does taxes for the thug Billy the Chin]
Stacey: I'm not disputing that Bonnie and Clyde are like family to you, but the IRS doesn't allow you to claim pit bulls as dependents.
Billy the Chin: But I'm their sole provider.
Stacey: I know, but I always advise my clients to stay on the right side of the law.

[Blaine reveals to Major that he's back to being a zombie]
Blaine: [Blaine startles Major] What's the word? 'Boo?'
Major: This is you? You're a zombie again?
Blaine: Yep. Back on the brain gang. Dang.

[Clive and Liv interview the stylist Bethany Miller, who comments on Liv's shoes]
Bethany: Those shoes are amaze, by the way.
Olivia: Thanks. They're actually my roommate's. I'm looking to find some that are like them, but...
Bethany: Strappier.
Olivia: Yes.
Bethany: Possibly in suede.
Olivia: [Liv with a big smile on her face] Can you crawl back out of my mind?
Clive: [Clive breaks the conversation between both girls] Can I ask a non-shoe related question?

[Liv on the set of Zombie High recalls some of the show's scenes]
Olivia: [Liv gasps in the school hallway] Oh, my God. That's where Burdick defied principle Henson and went out looking for more ammo.
Olivia: [Liv gasps] And this is the drinking fountain where Burdick first got the news that his foster brother was his actual brother.
Ravi: [Ravi gasps when he see's the actual dead Burdick] And that's where Burdick died.

Don: I get you're laying low. But you could still help out in the back.
Blaine: By doing what?
[Scoffs]
Blaine: Invoices?
Don: For instance. At least, just consider it.
Blaine: Considered. No.

[Detective Benedetto tells Liv what his police precinct says about her]
Detective: Wanna know what people say about you?
Olivia: What?
Detective: That you're the real deal. That you'll be running your own morgue before you're 35.

Clive: [Liv's eye is twitching] You having a vision?
Olivia: I'm Kegeling. Pelvic floor. Tragically overlooked muscle group.

Olivia: All that sex talk made me horny. Mind telling Ravi that I left early to tap some ass?
Clive: [Rolls eyes] Yeah. I'll get right on that.
[Writing note]
Clive: "Tapping that ass."

[the zombie Natalie tells Major she was screwed into becoming a zombie]
Natalie: I literally got screwed into becoming a zombie hooker.

[Liv tells Clive that she's a zombie]
Olivia: Clive, I'm a zombie, too. I got scratched at the Lake Washington boat party massacre. And I turned. Like Major. I keep myself from turning all the way with brains from the morgue. That's where my visions come from, I feel out victim's personalities, I experience their memories. And I'm telling you this now, because Major has been locked up without brains, and he's going to turn. And if he turns, he'll infect everyone in that jail, it will spread out of control. You need to let him out. If you don't, by some time tomorrow, we can be looking at the beginning of the end of the world.
Clive: I'm sorry, Liv, but... I don't believe you. I mean, I can't. I mean... You want me...
Clive: [Liv walks into Clive's kitchen] Liv... Liv, Liv, what are you doing?
Olivia: [when Liv stabs herself in the chest with a butcher's knife] Do you believe me now?

Clive: Why the school desk?
Olivia: Do you have any fantasy life at all?

Enzo: Tell me the names of every conspirator of the Underground Railroad.
Olivia: Mangez mon short.

Ravi: All I'm saying is, next time you and Peyton get into a bar fight, I'd like to be there.
Olivia: We did all right without you.
Ravi: Oh, I know, I don't need to participate, I just wanna watch.

[Clive interrogates Major with his theory of what's going on with the brains]
Clive: That's come up a lot. Brains. Missing brains. Brains in people's freezers. Here's my theory. There's some kind of weird brain cult out there. They killed some of your kids, you went after them.
Brandt: [Brandt Stone chuckles before looking over to Major] Okay, can we just get Jules Verne in here? Because I'm only licensed to practice law in this dimension. What the hell is he talking about? Don't answer that.

[Ravi asks Clive what's George R.R. Martin up to right now]
Ravi: Clive. What's George R.R. Martin up to right now?
Clive: [Clive answers seriously] Not writing.

Candy: You know what my idea for a zombie brothel name would be?
Don: Hmm?
Candy: Cold Cocks.
Don: [Not getting it] Why, because of all the fights?

[Gilda tells Vaughn Du Clark they have a major problem]
Gilda: I think we've got a major problem.
Vaughn: A 'Major' major problem or a minor major problem?

Clive: Jake was just telling me how he used to be the head chef at Le Dome before contracting the zombie virus.
Jake: It's hard to prepare gourmet meals when your taste buds are shot.
Olivia: Beethoven was deaf. Suck it up.

[a student informant asks Clive if he's the Serpico of his police precinct]
Informant: Is it true you're the Serpico of your precinct? The guy nobody likes?
Olivia: So true.

Rudy: You're asking me who would've wanted Finn dead? You've seen the show. Finn pissed off a lot of people, But everyone who worked on the show loved him. He was a genius.
Clive: We're still talking about the guy who jumped through a fire ring in a hay suit?

Liv: So, multiple victims, or victim in multiple pieces?

Clive: You say you were Mr. Piercy's "Principal Life Enabler"? I'm unsure what that...
Nora: We reject traditional job titles here. It's a tech thing.
Clive: But in traditional terms you'd be... ?
Nora: "Personal assistant."

Olivia: No one would've been wise if Blaine hadn't shown up. What was he up to? That's the real question.
Clive: Well, did you get an answer?
Olivia: The same usual smarmy evasiveness.
Clive: So that's no answer.

[Liv picks up a bottle of Cannonfire alcohol for her birthday alone]
Liquor: [the clerk reads Liv's birth date] Hey, it's your birthday. Looks like we're having quite the party.
Olivia: Massive. All my friends will be there.

Nellie: [On the phone] Sir, the contract allows for, and I quote, "Minor artistically valid changes." That's all this is.
[Continues]
Nellie: I didn't even make changes. I made *a* change, one minor change. Everyone in the show who had the AIDS virus now has the zombie virus. That's it. And I would like to think an intelligent man would appreciate the metaphor.
[Yelling on the other end]
Nellie: Look, Bub. You're in New York. I'm in Seattle. There's a militarized border wall and 10,000 zombies between you and my stage. Good luck stopping me.

[Blaine talks to Chief at the funeral home]
Blaine: [exhales] Two of our customers have gone missing now, Chief. Two. Poof. Gone. Like it's friggin' rich zombie rapture. Can't a guy make an honest living creating undead and selling them cadaver brains? Huh?
[mute Chief types up a text message and shows it to Blaine]
Blaine: [reads aloud] "Two's not that bad," smiley face. Well, I appreciate the pep talk, big fella. I really do. But I don't think there's an emoji that rightfully expresses my feelings about losing 50K a month. You know?

[Liv tells Ravi that the vigilante The Fog is a grown man in tights]
Ravi: The Fog certainly took some licks for the greater good.
Olivia: Ravi, the most this guy ever did was momentarily distract criminals, who were shocked to see a grown man in tights.

[Liv meets the zombie district attorney Floyd Baracus]
Floyd: How did you know? About me. What I am.
Olivia: You have forty varieties of hot sauce and three heads in the fridge.

[Vaughn Du Clark tries to ask Vivian Stoll what her plans with Super Max is going to be]
Vaughn: So tell me about all the cool stuff your mercenaries will be doing when you pump 'em full of Super Max. They gonna be dodging bullets Keanu Reeves-style, huh?
Vivian: You know, the thing about private military contractors is that they love gabbing with strangers about what they do.

[Blaine asks Liv is she's ever happy to be a zombie]
Blaine: Are you ever happy you're a zombie?
Olivia: You should know that's a stupid question.
Blaine: Is it? Before I became a zombie, I was wasting my life. Human Blaine was a nobody. An underachiever. He was a, he was a joke. Zombie Blaine, though... Zombie Blaine was the man.
Olivia: He was a murderer.
Blaine: But he was exceptional.

[Liv and Clive make an arrest by exposing a magic trick]
Clive: Normally we bring witnesses down to the station to take statements.
Olivia: [Liv smiles] Where's the magic in that?

[Liv tells Ravi that Vaughn Du Clark is pure evil]
Olivia: Vaughn Du Clark. That man is pure evil. I know that at my very core.
Ravi: Rationalization isn't just a river in Egypt. No, no, wait. That's denial. Nevermind.

Don: Do you remember the name of the bagpiper we hired when we tried Scotch and Soda Night? Darcy wants bagpipes at the wedding.
Blaine: No. But I could strangle a duck for half of his price.

Ravi: I hate sex slavery as much as anyone, but I don't feel like going out in public at the moment.
Major: Ravi, it's a stakeout, all right? We'll hunker down in my car. You don't even have to wear pants.
Ravi: ...Why not?

[Liv asks Major if he's been brushing his teeth hard in case of any open sores]
Olivia: How hard have you been brushing your teeth.
Major: [Major wanting to keep kissing Liv] So hard.

Ethereal: The most important thing to remember is that the birth of a child is a sacred experience.
Dale: [Clive is taking notes] Really? You need to write down "sacred"?
Clive: She just said it was important!

[Clive reads a letter that murder victim Lacy Cantrell wrote to a man in prison, as Liv and Ravi listen along with]
Clive: Here we go. "I can't stop thinking about that bar in Lubbock, when that wildcatter started chatting me up. You threw him clean across the room. When we made love that n..." Oh, okay. Yeah, right.
Olivia: I hate that phrase, "made love." It's like sex went and hired a PR firm.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Well, I just say, 'do sex.' You know, like, uh...
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [whispers in Clive's ear while grabbing his shoulder] 'Thank you for doing sex with me.'

[first lines]
Don: [Don E. walks into Blaine's funeral office seeing Blaine unconscious in his chair] Blaine? What is your go-to bagpipe player's name again? I know it's Something McSomething, but... Blaine?
Don: [Don E. starts to shake Blaine's body] Come on. Come on, man. Wake up. Wake up! Wake up!
Blaine: Oh! Hey. What's with the manhandling?

Don: You sprang for the optional Core i7 CPU?
Blaine: Mmm-hmm.
Don: Will you judge me if I happy cry?
Blaine: Yes.

[last lines]
Olivia: [Major opens the safe in his closet for Liv] My engagement ring. I thought for sure you'd sold that when I gave it back to you.
Major: I couldn't stand the idea of anyone else ever wearing it. Besides, I never gave up hope that you'd want it back.

[Major finds Ravi in his room looking for nail clippers]
Ravi: Uh, I didn't know you were home. I was looking for my nail clippers.
Major: Be honest, man. When I leave the house, you like to try on my clothes just to feel close to me.
Ravi: Sometimes.

[Clive talks to Liv as her friend about the case he has against Major]
Clive: I'm here as a courtesy, Liv. Because we're friends, and things are about to get complicated.
Olivia: More complicated than they are now?
Clive: My case against Major is solid. We have his DNA at the scene, we have the witness who sold him the guns, we have plausible motive. You are his only alibi. You haven't been deposed yet, but when this gets going, you are going to get hammered hard. It's going to be rough. So what I came here to say is this, think it over. Then think it over again. If there's anything you left out, anything else you want to say, now's the time to come clean.
Olivia: Clive, I told you, he was with me.
Clive: I'm not here to discuss it. I just wanted to advise you to think about it. As a friend. Goodnight, Liv.

Olivia: Your ex is such a pig. You def traded up. Rav is the bomb. Like, part Prince Jr. Part Van Der Beek, but with a beard.

[the coffee shop cashier Darcy meets Clive and Liv while at Positivity]
Darcy: Hi! Welcome to Positivity. What can I get for you this amazing morning?
Clive: I'm Detective Babineaux, Seattle P.D.
Olivia: I'm Dr. Moore, with the medical examiner's office.
Darcy: Oh, you must know Ravi. He's one of my favorites.
Olivia: Isn't he just the best?

Olivia: I see it's your time of the month.
Ravi: It's obvious?
Olivia: You're wearing that stocking cap indoors. Plus, zombies have this stench to them.
Ravi: I've never noticed.
Olivia: It's true. They smell. They're disgusting.

Ravi: [Reading Liv's personal ad] "Liv from the Scratching Post." "Tim, my blue crew twinsie. You stole a kiss then stole my heart." Liv, you didn't. You did not post a Missed Connection...
Clive: "I believe in feta?"
Olivia: Fate! I was very hungry.

Clive: What can you tell us about our human victim?
Enzo: [Opens pad] The 206 Weekly says "Walden Schwartzman was a promising voice in the underground Seattle rap scene". He went by the name 'Dirty Reign'. It also says he was feuding with his identical twin brother, Weston. Better known as 'Lil Drizzle'.
[Closes pad]
Enzo: Okay. Have fun "getting jiggy with it".

[Gilda asks Major how many zombie removals he'll have this week]
Gilda: So, how many zombies removals can I put you down for this week?
Major: I don't know. How many people are you going to murder this week?
Gilda: Not people. Zombies. How about we shoot for two. Go big or go home, I say.

[Liv, Clive and Major arrive to the dead Rob Thomas party]
Clive: Looks like the party's over.
Major: Everyone's dead.
Olivia: Or undead. Watch your backs.

Clive: Did Mrs. Brinks have any enemies you know of?
Carlton: None that I can think of. Mrs. Brinks was well-loved.
Olivia: [On Mrs Binks' brain] You club-foots be careful with that piano, comprende? You drop it, I'll bury you in it!
Clive: ...No one?

Don: What about our customers who aren't crazy rich? 'Cause I've got to say, having Dino here whack a guy every time you want lunch is super one-percent.

[Vaughn Du Clark welcomes musician Rob Thomas to the stage]
Vaughn: Who's ready to have their world rocked? I cannot tell you how much I love this man, okay? His music is ripped from the headlines of my soul. And if his song Real World is not on your cardio playlist, I don't want to know you. Ladies and gentleman, the one, the only, Rob Thomas!

Liv: [surprised about cocktail] This is hot.
Lowell: Perks of dating a zombie.

[Blaine counts his money at the funeral home]
Blaine: You know, it's hard enough being a rich zombie. You got to worry about paying taxes, eating brains. And now some nut-job's out there picking off your kind like ducks in a shooting gallery.

Major: [Ravi confronts Major about being the Chaos Killer after breaking into his safe] Why did you do this?
Ravi: [Ravi yells] Because I have the right to know if I'm living with a murderer! I should know if my friend is killing people!
Major: I'm not killing people!
Ravi: What? They're not people? They're zombies? So, what's Liv to you?
Major: Look, you don't understand.
Ravi: You stalk them, Major. You hurt them and you drugged them, and I'm terrified to find out what you...
Major: Stop!
[as Major begins to turn into a zombie rage mode]

[Liv leaves Drake a voice message]
Olivia: Hey, it's me. I thought you were coming over for dinner? Text me so I know you're alive? Unless I'm being ghosted. In which case that would defeat the purpose. Ah, frack!

[Ravi talks to Liv about dumping Janko's body in the bay]
Olivia: You saved both of our lives.
Ravi: Maybe we don't report it. And we, uh... We, we smuggle the body out, and dump it in the bay.
Olivia: Is that what you do? Dump it in the bay by the cover of darkness?
Ravi: Wait. No... Right. I'll just turn myself in.

[Cher confesses to Clive that she killed her mother and then set up her boyfriend Gilbert]
Cher: Something that body snatcher that replaced my mom after The Beacon Forum never understood. Love makes you stupid.

[Liv while on the stakeout feels she willed herself a pizza to be delivered]
Olivia: [to Clive] Holy crap. I think I just willed myself a pizza. This way, pizza boy. Mama wants some pepperoni.

[Liv wakes up Major by checking his blood pressure]
Olivia: [Major hears the blood pressure pump] How are you feeling?
Major: Great. Who doesn't enjoy waking up to a beautiful girl cutting off his circulation?

[Major and Ravi dig in the open field when Major continues to find buried license plates]
Major: Why do people bury license plates? Do they think cars are going to grow out of the ground? All this digging in a field, and still no tainted Utopium, but I have license plates from 30 states.

[last lines]
Troop: [Blaine crawls out of the ground behind a group of girl scouts during their bird watching] Girls, binoculars up. It's not quite mating season, so we might not see any pairs. But if you keep your eyes open you might get lucky.
Troop: [Blaine walks up behind the girls half naked] There's one over there. You see it? The yellow belly. No. Look! It flew over there. Three branches down from the top left.
[as the girls scream when they see Blaine covered in dirt walk past them]

[Liv asks Ravi if he heard what the last words of Leslie Morgan were while at the coffee shop]
Olivia: Did you happen to catch her last words?
Ravi: 'I'll get the pooper-scooper!' Then, ker-splat.

Ravi: Messing with the mind, it feels kind of Frankenstein-y.
Olivia: Horses disrupted feet. Trains disrupted the horse. Smart drugs will disrupt the mind itself. Imagine, Ravi. The new normal.
[Draws on white board]
Olivia: Synthetically enhanced brains processing a massively expanded sensorium wired into a worldwide data net with cybernetically empowered superbodies.
Ravi: Got it. The future will be obnoxious.

[Liv asks Ravi if they would've still became friends if she hadn't become a zombie]
Olivia: I wonder if we would've been friends if we'd met before I became a zombie.
Ravi: Definitely. Like me for my antidotes, love me for my anecdotes.

[Liv tells Ravi at the morgue that she's ready to tell Blaine to cut the fake amnesia]
Olivia: I'm about to help him to a fistful of, 'Cut the crap' if this doesn't stop.

[Liv comes to the lab wearing a bright blue dress, wearing make-up, with straight hair]
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: I'm confused. Is this a Seattle morgue or a Milan catwalk?
Olivia: You like? It's my roommate's. I literally had nothing to wear until she gave me a free pass to raid her closet. I thought this was a good look for work, because I wear this dress like someone's paying me to.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Oh, as I do with this.
[Ravi gives a twist in his lab coat]

Don: [Ravi suddenly goes silent] Is he having a vision?
Clive: I think he's staring at his reflection in the beer tap.

[Blaine tells his father Angus DeBeers that he needs to learn how to humble brag]
Blaine: Someone should teach you how to humble brag. People might hate you less.

[a detective walks in on Liv at the morgue as she listens to her music]
Olivia: [the detective turns off the radio] Gonna lose a hand turning off a girl's music like that.

[first lines]
Olivia: [Liv and Major lay in bed togther after making out] Phew! That was pretty good.
Major: Yeah.
Olivia: It was almost as good as sex. Like the difference between a turkey burger and a hamburger.

[Liv joins her new roommate Gilda in the living room to watch some Zombie High, when it's revealed Liv's new roomie is a spy for Vaughn Du Clark]
Olivia: Hmm. What are those pesky zombies up to this week?
Gilda: [Gilda smiles] Death and mayhem. The ush.
Olivia: Hey, how was work?
Gilda: [Gilda chuckles, talking about Major] Oh, my God. You would not believe the guy we hired. Super freaking hot. Like, stupid how. Magic Mike hot.
Olivia: Right on. Are you gonna work your Gilda magic on him?
Gilda: [Gilda sighs] It's under serious consideration. Maybe I'll just toy with him for a while.
Olivia: Oh, he doesn't stand a chance.

[Defense Lawyer Brant Stone introduces himself to Major]
Brandt: Brandt Stone. You can call me Mr. Stone, or Washington State Defense Lawyer of the Year Brandt Stone, or don't call me anything at all, since... It'll be me doing most of the talking. This case is Oscar the Grouch's dream house. It's a pile of garbage, okay? A serial murder case with no bodies. Ha! So, best case scenario, I call my good friend Federal Judge Danny Hersh, the ol' Hershey bar, he throws this case into the Puget Sound.
Major: Worst case?
Brandt: [Stone whispers] Depends. Did you do it?
Brandt: [Major doesn't answer] Naw, I'm kidding.

Olivia: First order of business, bar. Then I need eyes on me. Once I fan the mark, I'll tug my dress strap. Left strap means leather in the pit. Right strap, the prat. Both straps, I'm legit adjusting my dress.

[Drake tells Liv his mom's kitchen sink is leaking and it's an emergency]
Drake: [Drake receives a phone text] I am so sorry, can we reschedule? My mom's kitchen sink is leaking. Which I know doesn't sound like an emergency, but if I don't handle it, she'll call 911.
Olivia: Buzzfeed teaches us that when a man abruptly changes his plans, he's up to no good.

[Liv returns late to the lab speaking to Ravi]
Olivia: Sorry. I would've been back sooner but we got stuck behind an Asian driver.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Hey, Archie Bunker. I'm of Asian descent.
Olivia: Great. Explain to your people how turn signals work.
[Ravi freezes]

[Liv and Major see Clive and Agent Bozzio together]
Major: [speaking to Liv behind his smile] Oh, no. Abort. Just turn around.
Olivia: [speaking to Major behind her smile] I'm already waving, that would be incredibly weird. Nut up.
Olivia: [Liv finally talks to Clive] Hey, you. Didn't know you existed outside the station. I thought you were just put back in your Detective Clive box. Pull his string and he says, 'Miss Moore, please.'

Chase: Major is the new vice president of getting stuff done. Which means he outranks any of you because... Well, he gets stuff done.

Ravi: Face was doused with a flammable liquid, set alight. Prolonged and painful. Not the way I'd choose to go. Whale ingestion, if you're curious.

[Drake's mother takes a picture of Drake and Liv standing together]
Drake's: Okay, press your tongues to the roof of your mouths. You know, we don't want any waddles. And smile!
Olivia: [Drake's mother snaps the off-centered picture] If you post that, you have to tag me in it.
Drake's: [Drake's mother smiles] I don't know what that means, honey.

[Liv talks to Clive while an African male gang member keeps trying to get her attention at the police precinct]
Gang: Hey, Snowflake. You look like you could use a little color in you, you know what I'm saying?
Clive: Sir. Unless you want to spend the night in the cell with Aryan Knights of the New Confederacy, you're gonna need to zip it.
Olivia: Thanks, Clive. You're one of the good ones.
Clive: [Clive slowly stands up from his chair taking Liv's comment as a racial slur] I'm gonna go get myself a coffee and try very hard to forget that you said that.
Olivia: [Clive walks off] What? Oh, it was a compliment.

[Ravi continues to try and think of a superhero name for Liv]
Ravi: What do you think about calling yourself 'Doctor Power'? 'Dead Power'? 'Doctor Dead'? How about 'Snow Woman'? Because you're ice-cold, right? Potentially deadly and...
Olivia: A woman, clever.

[first lines]
Olivia: [Liv talks to Ravi on the phone while organizing his house] I'm here, Ravi. You were late so I let myself in with the hide-a-key. I did the living room, but I can't tackle the kitchen or the closet until you get back from the store. How bad is traffic? Okay you better hurry, because this Type A brain won't last forever. No, this is all wrong, I need to break this down by genre. Bye.

Ravi: What's up with you? You look like the zombie who ate the canaries brain.

Clive: So, check it out. That red button found at the scene... Not hers.
Olivia: Not hers? Interesting.
Blaine: [Voice-over] No, it's not. We all know the drill. You eat the brain. Find clues. Blah, blah, blah. Case closed. But this isn't her story. It's mine.

[Vaughn Du Clark tells Major Lilywhite about the zombie problem at hand]
Vaughn: Zombies don't deserve our mercy, so just put that thought out of your head.
Vaughn: [Du Clark chuckles before exhaling] How to explain? I love submarine movies. Big fan. And there's always this moment... It's the moment where the sub is torpedoed, and the compartment is flooding, and the captain's gotta give the order to, 'seal it up,' even though he still knows that there are men still alive in there. Cut to the sailor who receives that order. Tears in his eyes, closing that hatch on his comrades. The man that closes that hatch is a hero, isn't he?
Vaughn: [the scene cuts to showing a man be attacked in his own home] But we are both doing what needs to be done. We are saving lives. There are zombies living among us. And they are feasting on human brains. Where do they get these brains? Who knows? But don't you think it's a good idea to put an end to it? Sure, they look like us, they sound like us, but if you think about them as brain-eating atomic bombs, you'll sleep like a baby.
Major: You've got the wrong man for the job.

[Don E. gets a gun pulled on him by Mr. Boss's henchmen Kenny]
Don: Just make it quick. One to the head, bam, like Chief there. No throat-slitting, gut shot nonsense. I can't handle pain, man.
Don: [Don E. starts to laugh at Kenny shaking] Are your fricking hands shaking? Damn, son.
Kenny: My hand's not shaking!
Don: Aw, man. Just move close. It'll make it easier to aim. What? Mr. Boss couldn't send a pro? Am I your first?

Blaine: No one's stopping you, brother. Look, I don't know if you're hungry, but you know what my mom always says?
Major: "Why'd I stop using birth control?"

[Liv shows up to The Slow Roll country bar, explaining to Ravi how nervous she is]
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: What? What's with the face?
Olivia: [nervously] I'm sweating like a 10-dollar whore on nickel night. What if my voice cracks? What if, in the middle of my song, some redneck shouts out, 'Show us your hooters!' and I go into full-on zombie mode?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Oh, 'if, if, if.' If a bullfrog had wings it wouldn't bump its bum when it jumps.

Olivia: You each start the campaign with this many gold pieces.
Ravi: [Rolls dice] Twenty-seven gold pieces.
Clive: I buy a small farm, retire from adventuring.

[Vaughn Du Clark threatens Major Lilywhite to help him and the Max Rager corporation clean-up]
Vaughn: Major, we are doing our civic duty here. We played a big part in creating this problem. And we are gonna be very aggressive in cleaning it up. We do know of one zombie, Liv Moore. We don't have to start with her, but we've gotta start somewhere.

[Mr. Boss asks Blaine if he has any last words before putting him in the hole]
Stacey: Here we are. Any last words?
Blaine: [Blaine smiles] I gave you a run for your money, didn't I?

[Peyton and Ravi share a drink together when she tells him about her college days]
Peyton: When I was in college, I had this professor, and when he'd hand out the Friday quiz, he'd say, 'Duck soup for you, Sweetheart.' I think he thought it was easier for me than everyone else. But I was probably working twice as hard.
Ravi: Yeah, before you moved in, I just thought you were a fembot that plugged into a charging station at night.

[first lines]
Blaine: [on the phone] Just calm your ass down, we're not a pizza place! There's no 30-minute-or-less guarantee. You'll get your astronaut brains when you get them.

Olivia: [Clive and Ravi are trying to convince her to eat the brain Ravi has been experimenting on] I'm not putting that in my mouth.
Ravi: The memory restoration serum had no effect on Blaine.
Olivia: Blaine's human, I'm not. But that's not my problem.
Ravi: It's the color, right? Blue isn't appetizing.

[Ravi tells Blaine that his body is reverting back to a zombie like the test rat subject New Hope]
Ravi: Our test rat who reverted back to a zombie. She died.
Blaine: Too much for a rat suicide?

Blaine: Look, I get that you work here at the brain automat, but for the rest of us, meaning me, procuring brains is kind of a massive undertaking. So I was hoping, from time to time, you might be so inclined as to help a brother out.
Liv: [long stare, then finally] Okay.
Blaine: Jeez, that pause was like a year!

[Liv and Ravi learn that Clive plays the piano]
Olivia: Clive plays piano?
Dale: Beautifully. He's got one in his living room. You've never been to his place?
Olivia: Nope.
Ravi: Clive has a strict church and state policy with regards to his work and personal life.

[Vaughn Du Clark sets the zombies free into Major's cell]
Vaughn: Dinner is served! Go get 'em, guys!
Vaughn: [the zombies stop and grunt at the glass] What's the dealio? Will no one rid me of this meddlesome Jason Priestly-type? Hey! Hey, dummies! There's your first course. Hot cross brains. Right there!
Vaughn: [the zombies completely ignore Major when Du Clark suddenly gets it] Oh... Snap. Yeah, I'm arguing with a dead guy.

[Liv and Clive listen to Grace LeGare's pre-release copy of her audiobook]
Kristen: [Liv and Clive share headphones] 'The Upright Position,' as read by Kristen Bell.
Olivia: I've always felt a kind of connection to her.
Kristen: [the audio sample continues] He tore off my scarf, a savage beast in heat. 'You've been a bad little bitch, haven't you?' My breasts heaved against the cool, molded plastic of the airplane's instruments. He pressed his maleness against me. 'Sonja,' he growled, husky with passion. 'I'm gonna show you why they call it a cockpit.'

[the magician Houdina tells Clive and Liv about Steve AKA Syd Wicked]
Houdina: We were young and doing crappy clubs. Syd's whole gimmick was the goth, death thing. But it was just an onstage persona.
Olivia: He didn't believe in that stuff?
Houdina: Ah! No. When I met him he was still going by Steve and owned all the Police Academy movies. Over the years, he got more and more into it. When he told me he'd hired a Wiccan to perform the wedding ceremony, I got the hell out of there.

Liv: So 'you are what you eat' isn't just a bitchy thing my mother says about fat people.

[Liv and Bethany are trying out dresses while out shopping together]
Olivia: [narrating] Sometimes you have to move on from an old friend. And when you do, sometimes there's a new friend waiting. Someone who helps you see that in life, at the end of the day...
Olivia: [Liv's phone rings and she answers it with] Hello?
Clive: [Clive on the phone] Liv. I think I know who hired Joe to kill Taylor. It was Terrence's personal stylist, Bethany.

[Ravi holds one of Taylor Fowler's breast implants]
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: She must have taken quite a fall. The other implant burst on impact.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi throws up and catches the implant in front of Liv and Clive] German. Top of the line.

[Clive and Liv interview Becky who rented the Captain Wozzles costume]
Becky: Uh... I'm a furry.
Clive: A what?
Becky: I'm into costumes that look like stuffed animals. Like sexually. It's a fetish, okay?
Olivia: [Liv happily responds to wanting to know more] I was not expecting that. Uh, here's what I'm going to need. I'm going to need details, photos.
Clive: We don't need details or photos.
Olivia: Unless you have them, and they're hilarious.
Clive: We definitely don't need details or photos.
Olivia: [Liv pauses, looking to Becky] Yes, we do.

Clive: Were you aware of anyone who might've wanted Mike dead?
Howard: Not that I'm aware of.
Olivia: Oh, come on! You're telling me you had a bunch of drag queens squished into this tiny bar for years and years, and no one wanted to murder anyone?

[Angus DeBeers tells Blaine that he works for him now]
Angus: I'm afraid I've got some bad news.
Blaine: [Angus shoots Chief in the head] Ahh.
Angus: You work for me now.
Blaine: [Blaine talks to Chief's body on the ground] Chief, you had one job.

Olivia: Tim wrote his number on my hand last night, and it smeared off and now it's gone.
[Cries]
Olivia: Tim. Tim!
Peyton: Liv, I'm sure you can find another way to contact him.
Olivia: How? I don't know his last name. I don't know where he works. All I know is he has these piercing emerald eyes and the smooth, velvety lips of a sex angel.
[sighs]
Olivia: And that's not exactly something you can Google, is it?
Peyton: Not if you don't wanna see stuff you can't unsee.

[Vaughn Du Clark tells Rita where she was conceived]
Vaughn: Did you know that you were conceived at a Santana concert?
Vaughn: [as zombie Rita stares at Vaughn Du Clark from her glass cell] Oh, get over it.

Don: I was thinking a pinball machine next to the crapper.
Angus: We need a name, one that would assure customers they would never encounter pinball or the word "Crapper".

Clive: Liv... Remain calm. You're going full-on zombie.
Olivia: It's called beast mode.

Major: [Liv wants to go to Don E's zombie bar] The place is full of rowdy, boozed-up, horny zombies. And frankly, you're not at peak bad-ass on preschool teacher brain. You see the potential in everyone.
Ravi: You told me I could be an astronaut if I studied hard enough.
Major: Me, too! We don't all want to be astronauts, Liv.
Olivia: The point is, you could be. Or firemen. Or the president!

[Ravi catches Liv posting a picture of Madison Brenneck's brain on Instagram]
Ravi: [Ravi clears his throat] Did you post a picture of what I assume is Madison Brenneck wrapped in sushi rice on your Instagram account? Hashtag 'brain food'?
Olivia: 'Course I grammed it, that fish was on fleek. Oh, my God. Why did I post that?
Ravi: Why does anyone post pictures of food? I think it's okay. It just looks like raw tuna.

[Mr. Boss throws Blaine's body down to the hole in the ground]
Stacey: There's your second-place prize. Well, God?
Stacey: [Mr. Boss waits to see if Blaine has a God call come down and save him, when nothing happens] I think we're good.

[Vaughn Du Clark tells Gilda Max Rager has a new lab team]
Gilda: Wait! Who is this? Where's Dr. Irving?
Vaughn: Oh, lab accident. Dr. Lockett's getting his big break.
Gilda: [Gilda scoffs] They're like drummers for Spinal Tap.

[Ravi gives Blaine the untested zombie cure]
Ravi: This is an in-case-of-an-emergency break-glass potential cure. Cured the zombie rat, who remains, for the moment, alive. But we have no idea of its long-term effects.
Blaine: Like life itself.
Ravi: I am only giving this untested version to you because of the potential of your death leaving Seattle zombies unfed.
Blaine: So it's not the love that dare not speak its name brewing between us?

Amanda: You guys think I did this? No one kills a guy that gives her multiple orgasms.
Clive: I'm not sure that defense will hold up in court.

[Major leaves Vaughn Du Clark trapped in the elevator with raging zombies trying to get in]
Major: I know you're a fan of submarine movies, so I'm sure you'll understand.
Vaughn: [Vaughn Du Clark screams] No, no, no, no. No! Ah!
Major: Good luck!
[Major closes the roof to the elevator]

Ravi: [Watching Clive show off his salsa skills] This might be weird but I think Clive just got me pregnant.
Clive: Let's not joke about that right now.

[Ravi finds out just how bad Major is at scoring drugs]
Major: I was wrong about the bathroom being the place to score drugs. There's uh, definitely transactions going on in there, but not the kind we're looking for. How are you holding up?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Everyone looks like a drug dealer in this lighting. I have to say, I'm disappointed, I thought you'd be better at this.
Major: Because everything about me says I'd be awesome at scoring drugs?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: You bought a grenade out of the trunk of a car. How can you not figure out how to buy drugs at a nightclub?
Major: It's a different skill set. If you want a bazooka, I can get you a bazooka in fifteen minutes, at cost.

[Liv looks at the paintings inside of Byron Thistlewaite's house]
Olivia: You do all of these paint by numbers, or you have a slow nephew or something?
Byron: No, I found them at a gallery.
Olivia: Were they in the garbage?

[Major asks Ravi and Peyton for Zombie-Liv advice]
Major: Question. Since the two of you have really experienced zombie Liv first-hand, how extreme do her personality swings get?
Ravi: She can be a bit mercurial. But most of the time I enjoy the variety. Of course, I don't have to date her.
Peyton: There was the time her eyes turned red and she killed someone. I'm thinking that was probably a one-off.
Major: A one-off. That's good.

[Liv and Clive ask to speak to the manager of the Positivity coffee shop]
Clive: Could we speak to your manager?
Darcy: I'm a manager. Everyone who works here is. We're all co-managers.
Olivia: Amazing.

[Liv tells Ravi that she beat up one of Mr. Boss's men while looking for Drake]
Olivia: I just beat the snot out of one of his goons trying to get answers, but he didn't know anything.
Ravi: You did what?
Olivia: He started it. He... He tried to manhandle me.
Ravi: So you went Jack Bauer on him? Are you mental?
Olivia: Okay, I might need to get off stripper brain.

Vampire: [about Zoe] I think we may yet be joined in holy union.
Olivia: Good luck with that. She's polyandrous, and would only stay married until a male child is born. Plus, you'd need to find a unicorn to sacrifice.
Vampire: You don't know. I could find a unicorn.
Clive: ...I was talking about real life.

[Liv describes how she has a vision while on the stripper-brain]
Peyton: This is how you trigger a vision?
Olivia: Yeah. No matter what brain I'm on, I just sit on some strange knuckle-nut's lap and 'Poof,' vision!

Olivia: Gimme the line.
Baron: Get out of the truck!
Olivia: Where's my second hijacker?
Stan: Ah...
[Looks at page]
Stan: "Do what we say..." "Do what we say and you won't get..."
Baron: "Get on your knees, fool!"
Olivia: Baron is blowing you off the stage right now, Stan, and you're just letting it happen!
Stan: He's going off-script!

Angus: [Sees his followers of zombies growling and chomping on their plates of brains on other tables at 'Romero's', whilst he is eating with Blaine] Enough! You are rushing through a sacrament. I want each of you to take one bite using a fork. For God has given us the tools we need, my friends. One bite.
[They listen and cut their plates of brain, then put a piece into their mouths]
Angus: There. Now, hold it in your mouth. And let the divine flavors linger on your tongue until your mouth fills with glory. Savor it. Savor it! Now swallow.
[Blaine looks surprised]
Angus: And repeat.
Blaine: Swallowing on command.
[pauses]
Blaine: That's a power that I should never be entrusted with.
[Smirks]

Saul: Who didn't fantasize about offing that lady? Total nightmare.
Clive: So did you fantasize about...
Saul: Oh, yeah. Not like that though. More, uh, a machete thing.

Justin: You okay, man?
Major: Yeah, just a flesh wound... Thirty-five flesh wounds.

[erotica-librarian-brain Liv tells Drake that this is the brain making out with him]
Olivia: She hadn't gotten laid in years. This really isn't me.
Drake: This isn't, uh, far from me. Really, I would've been willing pre-brain. Pre-zombie. Pretty much anywhere after my 12th birthday.

Clive: There's Baracus.
Olivia: A regular man of the people when he's not spread-eagled on a bondage bed wearing a gimp suit.
Clive: ...Thanks for planting that image in my mind.

[Liv goes out shopping with the stylist Bethany Miller]
Bethany: Look what I found for you.
Olivia: [Bethany holds up a red dress] That is so cute. I literally want to die, just so that I can be buried in it.
Olivia: [Liv pulls out her credit card to the cashier] Start a tab.

Ravi: I ate a brain tube as soon as that kid confessed to the murder, then deleted a couple of hundred photos from my Instagram account.
Clive: Good call.

[Liv talks to Ravi about the remaining body of Wendell Gale]
Olivia: We're cremating Wendell? We couldn't find any next of kin?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: We found them. They just weren't interested in claiming his body.
Olivia: [Liv rolls out Wendell's dead body, narrating] What do you have to say for yourself, Wendell? Life dealt you a lousy hand, so you just folded tent, decided it was easier to be a rotten bastard. That's not gonna be me. I'm going down swinging.

Major: It's the worst. My job is pretending to be Robo Cop, but the Buzzfeed Quiz explicitly told me I'm a C3-PO.

[Ravi reveals to Clive and Liv the piece of rotting fish he found with Syd's dead body]
Ravi: So, I took a gander around the room, and found this in the wastebasket, with this lovely note attached. 'Welcome to PrestoFest.' 'Here's a gift from your fellow magicians.' So I thinks to myself, 'Hmm. Okay. Kind of boilerplate stuff.' Maybe they thought the summer sausage would make up for the stock sentiments. But wait, there's more.
Clive: We're all hoping.
Olivia: [Ravi reveals the old piece of meat] Ugh!
Ravi: [as Ravi concludes on reading the note] 'Enjoy the decay!'

[Major asks Liv if he can buy Minor a Seahawks jersey]
Major: Hey, would it be weird if I got Minor a tiny Seahawks jersey and on the back it said, 'Ruff L. Wilson'?

[Liv and Ravi tell Clive they weren't surprised by Jordan's pierced penis]
Clive: You two don't seem that skeeved.
Ravi: We've pulled stranger things out of corpses. Golf balls. A snake.
Olivia: Besides, we were expecting it.
Clive: Jordan's pierced...
Ravi: Yeah, it's front and center on his sex tape.
Clive: He had a sex tape?
Ravi: [Ravi looks at Liv] Aw... So innocent.

[Liv on doctor-brain asks herself about Drake's secret behavior]
Olivia: [narrating] Drake. Late again. What does it mean? Existing data points. Lateness, standing me up, leaving at odd hours of the night suggest various hypothesis. He's just not that into me, he's got a zombie on the side. Maybe I'm the zombie on the side. What I need is additional data and more detailed observation.

[Clive asks superhero-brain Liv if she wants to come check on the two muggers with him]
Clive: So I spoke to these muggers P.O. and got a last place of employment. Turns out, they work together. Wanna go check them out?
Olivia: [Liv in a low voice] I make time for justice.
[as Ravi rocks his head up and down, smiling]

Weston: 'Sup, shawty? What is good?
Olivia: On my grind, you know. Gettin' that schmoney.

Blaine: You make these charges disappear and get me out of here, and I'll have brain operations back up in a day. Because I can't take it. The rec room TV is just repeating the edited-for-television version of Snakes on a Plane.
Major: You're toxic. If I let you out, people will riot in the streets.
Blaine: Well, I guess we're all screwed, monkey fighter.
[Major gives him a look]
Blaine: You see? Samuel I. Jackson just doesn't work edited for TV.

[Blaine threatens Major with his life by wanting to know how he's finding his zombies to kill]
Blaine: Bad news, brother. Today is the last day of your life. So you better get straight with your God, 'cause here comes the big one. You comfy in there? I ask, because it's where you're going to be spending eternity. But because I'm a forgiving man, I'm willing to let you decide which way you go out. There's quick and painless, a bullet straight to the heart. I know, a head shot would be quicker, but that brain of yours is gonna fetch a pretty penny. Or... we turn you into a zombie and we bury you in this box, where you will suffer forever with an abiding hunger for brains that you will never sate.
Major: Wait. What do you want to know?
Blaine: Well, it's obvious there's a leak in my organization. I mean, how else are you finding my zombies? Give me a name, and we'll go the quick route. Scout's honor. Otherwise it is... express train to Zombieland.

Peyton: I'm interested in hearing more about these mutant powers. Did she know martial arts?
AJ: Damn right, she did. She was skilled.
Peyton: As skilled as a ninja, perhaps?
AJ: Totally.
Peyton: She's a mutant ninja. Did she have a round shell, hankering for pizza?

Clive: He didn't do it.
Olivia: I agree. Classic milquetoast husband. Probably collects commemorative plates. Murder takes balls.

[Liv tells Drake that she'd like to get to know him more]
Drake: So, here's the thing... if I can't deal with Blaine anymore, you think I could, um... get brains from you? From here?
Olivia: I don't really know you.
Drake: Oh. No, I totally get it. I'll make the Blaine situation work.
Olivia: But I'd like to know you.
Drake: [Drake chuckles] Yeah? Just say when.

Ravi: Nice look. Bit more reserved than I was expecting, frankly.
Olivia: Like I would be interested in the input from someone whose style would best be described as British boy school CPR mannequin.

[Liv and Ravi introduce themselves to Uma Voss while undercover]
Olivia: I'm Julie Walker and this tall drink of water is my fiance.
Ravi: Shawrama Parachanchetabarka.
Olivia: [Liv continues speaking] We just started wedding planning.

[Liv chugs down a beer as her roommate Gilda walks in]
Gilda: [Liv burps] Bad day?
Olivia: I got smacked down by someone I used to be tight with. It was harsh.
Gilda: Hey, I'm happy you're drink-through-the-pain type. Not the sad-girl-surrounded-by-empty-ice-cream-pints type.

Bitchkraft: I have better things to do than watch a couple of old queens make dad jokes and sing show tunes. Bitch needs to have her eyes checked.
Olivia: As should you. Those lashes look like drowned spiders.

[Liv explains the Empress tarot card to Blaine]
Blaine: [Liv holds the card] What's that chick's problem?
Olivia: That's the Empress. She symbolizes fertility and growth in the natural world. Ancients say...
Blaine: Super boring. Sorry I asked.

Ravi: What the hell are you doing here?
Blaine: Is that any way to speak to a man in his own home?
Ravi: And my, what a home it is.
Blaine: Hey, I just heard you compliment my lamp. No takesie-backsies.

[Liv tells Ravi that she had a vision of a full Romero zombie in the Max Rager basement]
Olivia: A full Romero zombie, Ravi. Dr. Cash had one in captivity. That's gotta be what's in the Max Rager basement.
Ravi: Wait, how do you know you didn't see a zombie at some cheesy Halloween haunted house? Or on TV? In case you haven't noticed, our popular culture is quite inundated with zombies.

[superhero-brain Liv tells Ravi this city needs more than a symbol]
Olivia: [Liv in a low voice] This city needs more than a symbol.
Ravi: Yeah, you keep saying stuff like that. I'll follow behind you, jotting notes for the graphic novel.

Olivia: Should I be the first to point out that a cradle robber works at a nursery?

[Mr. Boss and his men walk Blaine out to a hole in the night woods]
Blaine: Oh, look. A hole. Someone could fall in there.

[first lines]
Ravi: [Ravi tells Major and Liv what he salvaged from their unburied Utopium bodies] Stomach acid ate through all of the tainted Utopium-filled condoms they swallowed, but luckily, one of them had the good sense to stash these in their prison wallet, allowing me to salvage enough powder...
Major: If not your dignity.
Ravi: ...to create more cure.

[Major tells Vaughn Du Clark that he slept with Rita]
Major: You didn't know?
Vaughn: That you were doing the feather bed jig with my daughter? Um, no?
Major: Your...
Vaughn: [Vaughn yells out] Daughter!

[Don E. tells Chief he doesn't see the reason for burying the coffin of drugs]
Don: I can't believe we're gonna bury this. I'm a natural criminal, I don't see the point in being good.

Ravi: They have retinal scans, Liv.
Olivia: Pfft. cut off a dead guy's hand once for fingerprint access to a secret lab elevator. Well, Major cut it off, but I carried it around on my belt.

Olivia: Your story begins. Night falls on Astergrove. A hamlet on the frontier of the human kingdom of Oosterglovia. You have never seen each other before, but you find yourselves gathered in the study of Georgie Fogglebottom. Last wizard east of Gloomy Glen. You regard each other uncomfortably.
[the group just stares blankly]
Olivia: You regard each other uncomfortably.
Clive: Anyone know if Gloomy Glen is a person or a place?

[first lines]
Drake: [Liv walks into her bedroom, seeing Drake in bed] Everything okay?
Olivia: Yeah. Just helping a friend. Sorry I took so long.
Drake: Don't be sorry. Watching you crawl back into bed is not a bad thing.

[Liv cuts the red suit off the dead Santa Claus in the morgue]
Olivia: This isn't the sort of visit from old Saint Nick I had in mind.
Ravi: [Ravi into his recorder] Beard color, white as snow.

Olivia: That dame's got you dizzy, Don E. That's what dames do. But I'll tell you somethin'. They can't break your heart... if ya never let 'em near it in the first place.

Don: Let me go, you inbred turds!
Bo: He doesn't think we're Nazis anymore.
Ravi: It's progress.

[Vaughn Du Clark sells his Super Max energy drink to Vivian Stoll]
Vaughn: What can we expect? A new generation of Super Max fueled super-soldiers, making the world's hotspots safe for capitalism, hmm?
Vivan: Don't worry your pretty head about it. I'll sign over the billion dollar check as soon as I'm sure that the product isn't getting blamed for a certain serial killer's actions. I don't want your dirty laundry becoming my dirty laundry.
Vaughn: Always with figurative language, this one.

[Agent Bozzio tries to get the computer app for the GPS dog tracker to work]
Dale: Ugh. Why is the little dot not coming up?
Clive: You gotta tap reload to make it...
Dale: Did you hear that?
Clive: What?
Dale: It sounded like a man who's never used this app in his life trying to mansplain.

[Liv takes Major to basketball practice when he sees a group of kids on the court]
Major: Liv, what are we doing here?
Olivia: You mean, with this ragtag group of disadvantaged kids who tragically lost their coach a few days ago? Oh, did I forget to mention they'd be here?

Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [cell phone chiming and vibrating] What's going on? You keep getting texts that disappoint you.
Liv: They're not the texts that I want.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: I hate to pry...
Liv: Said the man who keeps asking me for my urine samples.

[last lines]
Olivia: [Liv has a vision of the laboratories at Max Rager while on Janko-brain] He's alive! Drake's alive. I just saw your zombies. They're all alive!

[Brody hits on Liv upstairs at the frat party]
Brody: Come on, let's go get naked and cuddle. Just kind of see what's what.

Johnny: I thought I could make the whole thing go away by paying the money.
Olivia: Only an idiot would trust a blackmailer to destroy the footage. Say it out loud. "I'm an idiot".
Brandt: Detective, can you tell your partner to stop verbally abusing my client?
Olivia: Tell your client to stop asking for it.

Olivia: Always by the book, Babineaux. You clear many cases that way?
Clive: Uh, almost all of them, as you know.

[Ravi watches erotica-brain Liv leave the morgue]
Ravi: Go forth and direct your lust elsewhere.

Clive: Sweet sassy malassy!

[Liv beats away on her drum instruments while at the apartment]
Olivia: [narrating] Okay, so, one mystery solved. Apparently, this brain belonged to a drummer. Just as well, because I pretty much have nothing but nervous energy these days.

Major: Nachos, gaming. We talk girls, it'll be like old times.
Ravi: So, Liv?
Major: Yeah. There's still something there, you know? But I'm human again, so we're back to square one. Or two. Or I've lost count of the squares. And stuff with Peyton?
Ravi: She made her choice with Blaine, I probably drove her into his arms. I left a lengthy apology on her voice-mail.
Major: How'd she respond?
Ravi: She didn't.
Major: I remember girl talk being more fun.

Major: It's not what fate dealt me, Liv. You did. The same person who let me check myself into a mental hospital, let me think I was crazy. But when you had a chance to play God and-and decide whether I died or became this, did you decide based on what you wanted or what you thought I wanted? If it's what you thought I wanted, then you don't know me as well as you think you do.

[Ravi calmly lectures Liv about her pranks on him while he was asleep, putting make-up on his face and writing 'fart' on his forehead]
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Liv smiles the whole time] I know you can't fully control your actions when you're on a brain. But I really need you to try and rein in the bro. We would be in serious trouble if someone came in and saw how you arranged the medical skeletons.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi holds his hands up to his face] And this, this is unacceptable. What if someone came in to identify their loved one and the medical examiner had 'fart' written on his forehead?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Liv chuckles] It isn't funny.
Olivia: It's pretty funny.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: It really isn't.
Olivia: It kinda is.

[Vaughn Du Clark tells from behind his desk]
Vaughn: I've got the brains, we've both got the looks. Let's make some money!

[Ravi sees social-media-brain Liv write a mean food review]
Ravi: 'Real talk? Your sandwich artist was chugging some serious haterade today. No eye contact? Am I a leper? Also, where's the main-from-scratch sriracha? The artisanal pickles?' One star. A bit harsh for Bernie's Sub Shack, don't you think? We eat there once a week.
Olivia: [Liv keeps typing] Hashtag 'Sorry, not sorry.'

Enzo: [French accent] Ah, a hate crime. Most likely the work of the Dead Enders. The human was, how you say... "Dommage collateral".
Olivia: That's not how I say it.

Don: Get this through your head. Blaine is King Kong and the rest of us are merely Skull Island natives. Don't ask why. Just go tell the girls that Twofer Tuesdays is a real thing decreed by the mighty Kong.
Candy: Remember, Don E, "'twas Beauty killed the Beast".
Don: Yeah, well, there are worse ways to go.

Brandt: My client has information in the Roxanne Greer case, but we have a conundrum. Relaying what he knows may or may not indicate that he violated the law.
Clive: Well, he either broke the law or he didn't. Which is it?
Brandt: It's both. And it's neither.

[a customer at the strip club tries to ask Peyton for a lap dance]
Drunk: How much for a lap dance? $20?
Peyton: I'm a lawyer.
Drunk: $40?

[Liv asks Major and Ravi if they've ever wrestled]
Olivia: Have you guys ever wrestled? Stripped down, oiled up, seen who winds up on top?
Major: [both guys hesitate] Have we?
Ravi: Strangely enough, no.
Major: [Major looks back to Liv] Night's young.

Isobel: I can't help noticing that you have all six seasons of Zombie High on a shelf in there.
Olivia: Yeah.
Isobel: Is it any good?
Ravi: *Is it any good?*
Olivia: It's only the best Zom-Com-Rom-Dram on TV.
Ravi: I went in thinking I wasn't going to like it.
Olivia: He's a snob.
Ravi: But there's always a great plot twist around the corner. I find the characters so winning.
Olivia: So self-aware.
Ravi: Exactly. They react to absurd situations almost exactly like we would.

Olivia: They're the same type of guns used in the Baracus shooting... And Wally's murder. I thought we should run ballistics to confirm.
Clive: If Cavanaugh learns we have these, *he'll* go ballistic,

[Ravi and Liv tell Clive about the Grace LeGare homicide]
Ravi: [about Grace LeGare] So they send her to us. And she might've been categorized a 'respiratory failure' due to 'unknown'. But...
Olivia: But Ravi figured it out, and he's super desperate for an attaboy.
Clive: [Clive hesitates] Attaboy.

[Liv on coffee-girl-brain asks Clive what his notion of Heaven is]
Olivia: What's your notion of Heaven, Clive?
Clive: Just, you know, Heaven-heaven.
Ravi: Except in 'Clive-heaven' things are a little bit tougher than here on Earth.

Ravi: I sold 60 raffle tickets.
Olivia: Sixty? We only got 50.
Ravi: I sold 10 of yours too, which makes me current sales leader.
Olivia: I haven't started, you cheated.
Ravi: I've heard that before. Oh, that's right, it's the first line of the loser national anthem.

[first lines]
Major: [Major and Ravi dig in the open field in search of the Utopium on the dead body] Ravi! Ravi!
Major: [Ravi takes his headphones off] We did it! There he is! Zombie cure, here we come!
Ravi: It isn't one of our guys. Ours has been dead for nearly two years. This one's only a couple of months gone.
Major: Then who is this?

[Blaine extorts money from his father, Angus Debeers]
Blaine: This story ends with me taking this chair, this desk, this office, your entire company. The only thing that means anything to you. I will watch you walk out of here with a cardboard box full of paperclips and K-cups. It's the dream that gets me out of bed each day. And after I watch that play out, I'm gonna stick you in the same hellhole where you stuck grandpa.
Angus: He babied you.
Blaine: He loved me. You just don't know the difference.
Blaine: [Blaine throws his father's check book at him] Make it out for half a million. Look at me. Chip off the old block.

[Kenny the bag man reminds Mr. Boss why Blaine had the nickname of Chinatown]
Kenny: [about Blaine] Remember his nickname?
Stacey: No.
Kenny: Chinatown. 'Cause you gave him a corner right in the middle. Of the blue cobras' territory, told him it was his if he could hold it.
Stacey: In Chinatown. Got it. Great story.
Kenny: No. That's not how he got his name. He got it from the way he took the corner. He recruited these two 'roided-up Asian dudes from the gym. And put blue cobra tattoos on 'em. Had 'em grab the beat cop that worked that corner. They sliced open his nostril like Nicholson's. In Chinatown.

[Liv tells Clive that the zombies need brains just like the movies]
Olivia: If zombies can feed regularly on human brains they can stay more or less functional. I've been feeding Major from the morgue. If they don't get brains, then yes, it's Dawn of the Dead, 28 Days Later, World War Z. Take your pick.

[Liv watches Sonny get arrested for the murder of Chad Wolcoff]
Olivia: [narrating] Our lives are a collection of choices. Sonny chose to avenge his father. I chose to not tell my fiancé I'm a zombie. We make our own beds. Seems beneath our dignity to whine when we are forced to sleep in them. But Major held me... Held me and told me he would let nothing happen to me. Maybe, just this once, there's a do-over.

[Liv sees Drake while she's on the erotica-brain]
Drake: Liv.
Olivia: [Liv takes a deep breath] God help me.

[Dr. Lockett explains to Vaughn Du Clark the Super Max effect on zombies]
Dr. Lockett: Super Max magnifies the effect of adrenaline exponentially. As long as it's in your system, you have all the strength at your disposal that you might have if your loved one were trapped under a car.
Vaughn: Hmm.
Dr. Lockett: These zombies have taught us how to unlock our potential. And I shouldn't need to tell you it's dangerous.

[Don E. and Chief wish Blaine a happy birthday]
Don: [Don E. singing] Happy birthday to you, Blaine / I think this gift will make good...
Blaine: It's not my birthday, Don E!
Don: ...Brain!

Rachel: Your roommate is the Chaos Killer? I need to get out of here.
Ravi: Um, um... Rachel!
[She runs out]
Major: ...Chaos *Kidnapper*, if you must know.

[Liv on actor-brains does some improvisation with Ravi and an imaginary apple]
Olivia: Remember what it's like to eat an apple? Oh, look, there's one now, ripening on this tree.
Ravi: [Liv picks the apple off the imaginary tree] Hey, I was saving that.
Olivia: [Liv shines the apple on her lab coat before taking a bite of it] The skin is so smooth and cool. Here, let me make it shiny before I... Mmm. So crisp and juicy. Oh, sorry. I got some on you.
Ravi: Fascinating. I wish I had some popcorn. Oh, wait, I do.
[Ravi smiles, opening his computer desk and pulling out a bowl of imaginary popcorn]

Don: It's upload time. Right after we add some hashtags.
Crybaby: Hashtag zombie, hashtag apocalypse.
Don: Sure. I mean, we want people to see it. So...
[Types]
Don: Hashtag lesbians, hashtag twins, hashtag badonkadonk, hashtag bodacious tatas.
[Carl looks at him coldly]
Crybaby: It's disrespectful, Don E. Women with large breasts are born that way.
Don: Yeah, some of them.

[Clive eats a fresh muffin on the set of Zombie High]
Clive: Did you know the donuts at the precinct are all a day-old? That's how civil servants are valued.

[Liv tells Clive what she see's in her vision about Terrence Fowler]
Olivia: When we interviewed Terrence, he already knew that Taylor was sleeping with Vaughn. I saw the moment he learned about the affair. He was pulling his fist out of a wall. Eek!
Clive: So when he sat at that coffee table, it was all an act.
Olivia: I thought you'd be more surprised.
Clive: I'm speechless surprised.
Olivia: I know, but I was hoping for something, like...
Olivia: [Liv in a whisper gives a high pitch moan] Ah!

Ravi: Cars can be possessed. Herbie for example.
Olivia: Herbie wasn't possessed. You're thinking of Christine.
[Emotional]
Olivia: Herbie wasn't evil, he was the Love Bug.

[Liv tells Major and Ravi to film their wrestling]
Olivia: If you do wrestle, film it.

[pathological-liar-brain Liv tells Clive the drink she invented when she used to bartend]
Olivia: I invented the Orgasm, Clive. Amaretto. Irish Cream Whiskey. Coffee Liqueur. That was me.

[Peyton arrives at Ravi's house for a sleepover]
Ravi: [when Peyton apologizes] Don't be sorry, we love having you here. Although, you do have a habit of picking the marshmallows out of my cereal, leaving me with a less-than-ideal ratio of marshmallow to crunchy bits, but, you know, I'll let that slide...
Ravi: [when Ravi sees that Peyton's been crying] Oh, no, Peyton. What is it?
Peyton: I screwed up at work.
Ravi: Can I do anything? I mean, because if you want me to pick every last marshmallow bear out of that box for you... I'll do it.

Don: You don't look happy to see me.
Ravi: I prefer non-alive guests here to remain quietly on their shelves.

Olivia: Let the music take control. Let the rhythm move you.
Ravi: Are you really quoting C+C Music Factory right now?

Olivia: What was she like? Anything weird?
Ravi: You know, driven, direct, nothing weird. You've had worse.
Olivia: That's your glowing endorsement? You slept with this woman.

Blaine: You remember when I was on that real-estate agent brain a couple weeks ago?
Don: Yeah. You were asking me all those non-sequitur questions aimed at determining my annual income?

[Liv tells Clive about the time Ravi took a video of her snoring]
Olivia: Ravi took a video of me snoring, and I was on the verge of ripping out every follicle of his facial hair if he hadn't deleted it.
Ravi: [Ravi next to the two] Steady.

[Blaine offers Liv a piece of candy]
Blaine: [Blaine chuckles] Chocolate?
Olivia: Rain check.
Blaine: [Blaine unwraps the candy to put in his own mouth] Oh, forgot. Taste buds as kaputski as the rest of you. Ah... mmm.
Olivia: [Blaine continues moaning with the candy in his mouth] Are you eating that or impregnating it?

[Agent Bozzio reveals Blaine's true identity to Clive]
Clive: [Clive holds up a mug shot of Blaine] Blaine. We found him.
Dale: Gets crazier. DeBeers is an alias, too. It's a moniker he picked up from some high schoolers he sold beer and pot to with a real winner, Julien DeWeed. As in 'Blaine's got da beers, Julien's got da weed.'

[Blaine unzips the body bag to his dead father]
Blaine: Oh! They're so cute when they're sleeping.

[Clive and Liv find Mr. Boss in the Santa outfit]
Clive: That's Mr. Boss. He's head of the biggest crime syndicate in Seattle.
Olivia: [Liv in a low voice] So all this Santa delivers to our city is crime.

[Blaine tells Liv that he knows about the FBI Agent Dale Bozzio on the missing persons case]
Blaine: Look, I know they brought the FBI in on this missing persons case. Read it in the paper. Been a Sunday subscriber since '07, NBD. Anyway, they got this lady Fed heading up the investigation, Dale Bozzio. Bitching name. One you'd remember. Ring any bells?
Olivia: Maybe.

Blaine: I saw you heading this way, my curiosity was piqued.
Olivia: Here's hoping that curiosity has the same effect on you as on the proverbial cat.

[Gilda and Dr. Erving at Max Rager watch a zombie try to pick up a cane]
Gilda: It's like watching my mother try to refold a map. The cane is right there. It's right there!
Dr. Erving: This is what I'm telling you. This is as far as I can go with these mindless shamblers. Now, if we're gonna make any real headway with the Super Max recipe, we need the DNA of a coherent, intelligent, functional zombie. You live with a functional zombie. Can you get me some of her blood?
Gilda: Are you thinking she keeps a vial of it in her makeup drawer, or are you expecting me to shiv her?

[Vaughn Du Clark's zombie-daughter Rita screams for him outside his office door]
Gilda: Let me in. Dad! Let me in! Dad!
Gilda: [Rita screams and grunts] Let me in! Let me in!

[Liv turns in her case work for the Bailey Barker case]
Olivia: Idle brains are the devil's workshop.
Clive: I think it's 'hands.'
Olivia: What did I say?

[Liv tells Gilda about all the women she found on Major's Facebook page]
Olivia: Well, I started out just looking for one name. But once I started poking around, I started noticing all these chicks throwing themselves at my man. Oh, 'So true, Major. Violence is bad. Keep fighting the good fight.' Classic whore line. 'A bunch of us are going out for karaoke. You should come with.' Toss your panties at him, Jezebel.
Gilda: Wow!

[Liv and Clive pay a visit to Brody Johnson]
Brody: [Brody wraps his arms around Liv] Bro! Bring it in like Flynn! Oh... Mmm, you smell good! You back here down to pound? Wanna go back to the house, play some flip cups, maybe touch bits?
Olivia: Not even a little.

[Blaine asks his funeral make-up artist, Candy Baker a question]
Blaine: You know what I fear more than death?
Candy: Love?
Blaine: Unrealized potential.
Candy: Oh.
Blaine: I am overflowing with potential, and I'm tapping every last drop.

[Gilda sees Major at the Max Rager gym and questions why he hasn't texted her]
Gilda: Good news is you're not dead. Bad news is you have to come up with some other excuse for not responding to my text.
Major: Yeah, well, I didn't get it until this morning. But it did make my heart flutter. 'U, up?' You stole my heart in those three characters.
Gilda: Whatever. You have to earn me spelling words out in their entirety.

[Pam sings a song she wrote for her boss Leslie Morgan while at Leslie's memorial service]
Pam: [singing] Leslie, Leslie, I loved you like my bestie / I'm making cappuccinos, roll up like Al Pacino / Leslie, Leslie, Leslie, in peace may you rest-ie.

Angus: Mark Jarrett. A rival of mine. Needs taking care of.
Blaine: You want his brain? Help yourself to some trade secrets?
Angus: His son's, actually. He's the heir apparent, in on everything. So, I get the trade secrets and the bonus of emotionally devastating my rival.
Blaine: Oh. So this guy loves his son?

[Ravi tells Major that he's thinking of trying the Utopium drug]
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: I've been mulling it over, and I think it would be beneficial for me to try some. You know, so I could better understand its effects.
Major: Isn't that kind of like slapping a bear to better understand being mauled to death?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: No. It's like smacking a bear to better understand physical exertion and adrenaline. Field research is incredibly helpful. Experiencing how Utopium works in the body could help my research immeasurably.

[Ravi receives a text from social-media-brain Liv]
Ravi: 'The struggle is real. Props for the good looks. Boom.'

Blaine: Nootropics, huh? I take these and I'm like the Limitless guy?
Dalton: Steroids for your mind. Your brain will be kicking sand in the face of all the weakling brains down at brain beach.
Blaine: They said you'd gone legit. This seems like a pretty nice little scam.
Dalton: Oh, it works. I get string theory now.

[Liv meets the anonymous phone lead, Byron Thistlewaite, as Liv reads his T-shirt]
Olivia: 'T-shirts Are Passé'? I don't get it. You're wearing a T-shirt.
Byron: It's meant to be ironic. It's a joke.
Olivia: Good one.
Olivia: [Byron chuckles] Your T-shirt is stupid. That's meant to be literal.
[Byron and Clive both get silent]

[Liv and Clive tell Gilbert Lambert that they know he's the murderer of Leslie Morgan]
Clive: Pardon my French, Gilbert. Your ass is grass.
Olivia: 'A work of art is a confession.'

[Don E. gets Chief to scratch him on the arm to become a zombie]
Don: [Don E. smiles] Let those bitches try and kill me now.

[fatal-attraction-brain Liv asks Major who's using his shower]
Olivia: Who's the bitch using your shower?
Major: Uh...
Olivia: Or did you suddenly switch to Sinful Diva shampoo? 'For the shine that gets him to notice you'?
Major: Oh. That's Ravi's. Smell it.
Olivia: [Liv smells the shampoo] It does smell like Ravi.

[Clive and Liv pay a visit to Byron Thistlewaite's home to question him about his missing dog]
Clive: Evening, Mr. Thistlewaite. We had a few more...
Olivia: [Liv quickly interrupts Clive] Where's your dog, Byron?
Byron: Uh...
Olivia: 'Uh. Uh. Uh.' It's a simple question. Don't stall for time. Don't invent a story. Produce the dog.
Byron: [Byron begins calling for his dog] Lana! Come here, girl.
Olivia: [the dog comes running from around the corner as Liv exhales] Hmm. As we suspected... You have a dog. That's just a little game we play called, 'Does the person we're questioning have a dog?'

Peyton: What's the first thing you wanna do once you're human?
Olivia: Escape the city. Go somewhere where no one knows me. Never date, get fat.

[Byron Thistlewaite tells Liv and Clive about the local teenager that terrorizes the neighborhood]
Byron: This... This kid, he's, like, the terror of the neighborhood.
Clive: What kid?
Byron: Rodney Ricks. Okay, he's from a couple blocks over. He's a real thug.
Olivia: [Liv sits forward] He's a teenager. Not a bear. Pretend you got a pair and speak up, son.

Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [reads description of a corpse in the morgue] Marvin Webster here, family man, two kids, suburbs, owner operator of Sea-Tac Bug Whack until someone ran him over in the Whole Lotta Lotta car park. Should be a pretty safe brain to eat.
Liv: Said nobody. Ever.

[Major suggests to Ravi that they use the cure on Vaughn Du Clark]
Major: Vaughn can be our talking rat. Look, look, I scratch him, turn him into a zombie. We give him the cure. If he doesn't lose his memory, we know Blaine's lying. And if he does lose his memory, well, maybe the upside is he becomes a harmless shell of himself, like Blaine.
Ravi: I mean, there are some ethical hurdles I need to get my head around...
Major: He's planning on killing Liv and me as soon as I'm done with that zombie list.
Ravi: Okay, ethical hurdles cleared. I'll go prepare a syringe.

[Liv tries to reject Blaine's request]
Olivia: I try not to make a habit of fraternizing with murderers.
Blaine: That's no way to go through life, is it?

[Liv and Clive interrogate the stripper Lorelei who can't stop crying]
Olivia: [Lorelei crying uncontrollably] Is this chick crying because her granny is finding out she's a stripper? You're being questioned in a murder case because you're a suspect. Oh, my God. It's like a frickin' Adele concert in here. More information. Less tears and snot.
Clive: Lorelei, we need to know what happened the night Cassidy was killed. Were you with Nick when he left the club?
Olivia: [Liv and Clive leave the room] That was like interrogating a puddle.

[Blaine returns to Peyton's apartment and finds Ravi knocked out on the ground]
Blaine: Hey. What the hell happened? Where's our district attorney friend?
Ravi: They took Peyton, and pistol whipped me.

[as Don E talks to mute Chief about whether or not Christ was a zombie]
Don: Yeah, okay. Jesus rose from the dead. That doesn't make him a zombie if he doesn't eat brains.
[mute Chief taps out a text message to Don E on his phone]
Don: Dude, that body-of-Christ stuff, that was for his *disciples* to eat. I don't know what you qualify when you make other people eat you.
Blaine: Narcissistic.

[Liv narrates her final thoughts about what love is]
Olivia: [narrating] What is it Cher said? 'Love makes you stupid.' With every passing hour, Leslie's impossibly upbeat brain has less control over me, and I'm able to see how naive I am about Drake. Does this mean I'm in love, or does it mean I'm dimwitted? Or is it the fact that even as I get back to my old self, I'm still giddy about him showing up that makes me an idiot?

Ravi: [after Isobel's date with a Zombie High actor] So how was it?
Isobel: Perfection.
Ravi: Well, that's nice to...
Isobel: And I checked off a lot of stuff from my bucket list.
Ravi: [Suspicious] Like what?
Isobel: You know.
Ravi: You're joking.
Isobel: Ravi. Of course, I am.
[Ravi sighs in relief]
Isobel: Or am I?
Ravi: Are you?
Isobel: I am.
Ravi: Good.
Isobel: Or am I?

[Ravi tells Liv that the vigilante The Fog was a man who stood for justice]
Ravi: I think it's noble to go out and pursue danger to protect the innocent, to be an active symbol of hope. To show the world that one person can make a difference.
Olivia: I just think it's kind of ridiculous.
Ravi: Would you say that to Batman?
Olivia: If he were real, yes, I would.

[Ravi calls Clive the man of the hour for his heroism]
Olivia: We've been pulling bullets out of Mr. Cole all day. We heard you were inches away.
Clive: Yards away. Nothing heroic about not getting shot.
Ravi: Well, did you soil yourself?
Clive: No.
Ravi: [Ravi smiles] Then it's heroic in my book.

[Uma Voss gives Liv some advice before signing her own confession]
Uma: [about Ravi] That guy you came in with, is he really your fiancé?
Uma: [Liv nods side to side] Smart. Every man cheats. They can't help themselves.

[Ravi records into his phone the effects of the Utopium drugs he's on while in the rave club]
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Major watches] I feel amazing. I'm so present, so in my body, but I'm also floating. Like watching the experience be experienced. Like I literally don't have a care in the world! I'm just floating on goodness. When did everything get so beautiful?

Blaine: Oh, man. He doesn't know? Dude, you are about to go out with one large dose of irony. Seattle's preeminent zombie hunter, not realizing the entire time that his own beloved - I mean, the hair, the eyes, the complexion. You thought those were, what? Just questionable style choices?

Olivia: [Texting] Lady next to me says she recognizes me from somewhere. She signed up for wifi.
Clive: Not good.
Olivia: She's looking up "The Good Place". She thinks I'm Kristen Bell.
Ravi: She will be sorely disappointed.

Olivia: [a red zed has been painted on their door] "Z." For "zebra." The referees read what I wrote on their NFL fan board, and this is their revenge.
Peyton: Liv, it's for "zombie."

Ladybird: Topher was a powerful mindfulness teacher. Everyone loved him.
Clive: Doesn't seem like everyone loved him. Did he have any exes? Angry clients?
Ladybird: Topher said he only had one enemy. The inability to accept the gift of change.
Clive: ...Got it.

[Liv questions Vaughn Du Clarke on how many times he slept with Taylor Fowler]
Vaughn: Zero, Miss Moore. Zero. We were not lovers. At the risk of sounding like a cliché, I prefer younger women. Blonder women.
Olivia: [Liv looks to Clive beside her] Are you just gonna let him talk to me like that?
Clive: Like what?
Olivia: [Liv throws her water at Du Clarke] I'm not your little whore!

Olivia: Buck up, buttercup. You're bumming these kids out.
Ravi: ...We're at a memorial.

[Blaine interviews a couple at a funeral home, Blaine's new place of business]
Blaine: Death. I can't sugarcoat it. This won't be easy. But I'm here to make the process... What's the word? Palatable. It's what I do. You'd be hard-pressed to find anyone with more experience. I bet ever since you got the news, you've been walking around like a zombie, am I right? Yeah. I thought so. Just know this. My number-one priority is your piece of mind. I never stop thinking about it. So, let's take this journey together. What do you say? Hmm?
[the couple look at each other, as Blaine shakes the hands of the couple]

Officer: I just got a report from a woman about a pimp yelling at a hooker in a car.
Clive: Meaning us?
Olivia: You have been snippy with me.

Olivia: You know, you'd be calmer if you lived in the moment.
Clive: I am. This moment is about finding a witness to help solve a case.
Olivia: The lightness and clarity of mindfulness will help us solve the case.
Clive: Yeah, when? You haven't had any visions. Name one thing this brain's done to help catch the killer.
Olivia: Can we get over this fixation of who did what, when?
Clive: It's a murder investigation!

Blaine: [to Major in the deep freeze] This has got to suck. So I've been doing a bit of online research trying to figure out how long you'll survive in here before body parts start falling off, and guess what I discovered? Most of the pertinent data comes courtesy of the Nazis. Yeah. Those Nazis. Great minds, huh? They wanted to know if there was something in Russian genetics that allowed those commie bastards to survive Stalingrad winters. Spoiler alert, there wasn't. Turns out we all freeze to death roughly the same way.
Blaine: But I digress. The point is, they kept meticulous notes. And thanks to those notes, I can keep you in here alive and suffering as long as I want. As long as it takes to get the information I need.
Major: [shivering] Why are you doing this?
Blaine: Daddy issues.

[Blaine gives Peyton his phone number or at least thinks he does]
Blaine: Here, take this.
Peyton: [Peyton looks at the card] A free car wash?
Blaine: Whoops, wrong card. I don't think our relationship is quite at that level yet.

[Ravi tells Darcy what the millennium falcon is]
Ravi: Bonjour, Darcy I've been at the lab all day, so I didn't really get a chance to primp. So, apologies if my hair looks like I've been driving with my head outside the window of the millennium falcon.
Darcy: Is that the new ford? The one for millennials?
Ravi: [Ravi chuckles] Ford. Well played. Wait, what?
Darcy: Hmm?
Ravi: Hmm? The millennium falcon. A modified yt-1300 light freighter? Piloted by Han Solo? Played by Harrison Ford in Star Wars.
Darcy: Oh, Star Wars. Right.
Ravi: [Ravi smiles] Yeah.
Darcy: I've never seen it.
[when Ravi loses all expression in his face]

[Blaine looks through his fridge for brains to lend to Liv]
Blaine: Brains. Brains. The magical food. The more you eat, the more less brood.

Ravi: We produce the episodes, we post them online. The episodes go viral.
Peyton: Viral's good.
Ravi: Right. Think about what Will & Grace did for gay people. Or what The Cosby Show did for...
Peyton: Let's not use that example.

[Ravi arrives back to work late with Liv's lunch]
Ravi: Lunch is here! Finally. Did you get lost?
Olivia: I would've been back sooner, but the guy in front of me in line had a mild heart attack. I had to administer CPR, wait for paramedics... He'll survive, but your Kung Pao chicken may be cold.
Ravi: [smiles] Then it would be small of me to complain.

[Liv tells Major him and her have no future as a couple]
Olivia: Unless there's a cure, we have no future as a couple.
Major: You sure about that?
Olivia: Well, think about it. You've always wanted kids. That could never happen. No sex. Clearly, not ready to write that off.
Major: I seem to recall a couple items on the menu that don't involve exchanging fluids.
Olivia: I could be holding your arm, walking down an icy sidewalk. I slip, I reach out for you, I scratch you, instant zombie.
Major: [Major leans to Liv] So far, to me, it sounds like all of our problems could be solved with condoms and rock salt.

Ravi: These are some kids we rescued from their captors. All, unfortunately, suffering from Freylichs, but, doing okay for now.
Olivia: Ravi, you did it.
Ravi: Major helped.
Major: I was gigolo bait, and I got shot.

[Liv asks Ravi how him and his girfriend Steph are]
Olivia: Things good with you and Steph?
Ravi: Yeah, they're fine, I guess.
Olivia: Can you have sex without worrying you'll turn her into a member of the undead?
Ravi: Yeah.
Olivia: Then no bitching.
Ravi: Well, I didn't think I was. It might be time for someone to eat.

[Ravi tests Liv with a Jennifer Lawrence question]
Ravi: Little test here, Liv. Jennifer Lawrence, out of my league?
Olivia: She'd be lucky to have you.
Ravi: Of course she would.

[frat boy Brody gives a speech for Chad]
Brody: [the Alpha Beta house chants Chad's name] I remember this one time, me and Chad were kayaking in the San Juans. He told me, if I ever die, bro, 'I don't want it to be lame.' He said that he wanted his death to be like his life. An epic party, where anything goes, but clothes!
[the crowd cheers as Brody walks forward only wearing a stack of pizza boxes over his crotch]

[Liv, Clive, and Ravi watch the video of Syd Wicked on his laptop]
Syd: Death. Most of us live in constant fear that at any moment, death will wrench us into an eternal darkness. But I have stared Death right in his face and he blinked first. Mark that. I'll use that for the intro for my closer.
Ravi: What showmanship. The world has lost a storyteller.

Peyton: I'm exhausted. I just watched a barbershop quartet do Ebony and Ivory. Two of them in whiteface.

Olivia: Guess who was tied for second place with Laurie-Beth? Elise. Ironic, right?
Clive: Well, I think you're using ironic wrong, but...
Olivia: Oh, I think I'm using it right.
Clive: Define ironic.
Olivia: Like, you know, just... Ironic.
Clive: Agree to disagree.

[Vaughn Du Clark turns on his television for Major to see what happened to the Trickster27 troll]
Vaughn: Looks like he's had something of a bad day. Yeah, that's Thai for 'pool of his own blood.' Yeah, I don't think he's going to be thumbing through any of those magazine subscriptions.
Gilda: [Gilda looks at Major] Wonder if he had any adorable rugrats.

[Clive learns that zombies are stored in a secret lab at Max Rager]
Clive: I'm still processing zombies, and now you're giving me secret labs? Are all the zombies being dangled over a shark tank?
Ravi: It's a good deal to digest.

[Major talks to Liv from the bathroom floor as she still wears her frat outfit]
Major: Am I that messed up, or are you wearing police tape?
Olivia: You're that messed up.

[Liv tells Major how she truly feels]
Olivia: From the moment that I met you I knew that we were meant to be together. I was sure of it. It was like fate. But that was before I witnessed a mass murder. Before I'd eaten fresh brain, before I'd lied to you, or let you put yourself in a mental hospital. It was before I watched you die. And it was before all of this cruelty was directed back at me. Now, I don't think space can fix what's wrong with us. We're a dream that's dead. I doubt that I will ever stop loving you, but it's over now. I gotta let you go. Completely. Forever.
Major: [Without any emotion, Major replies] Perfect. Uh, thanks for stopping by.
[Major then closes the front door on Liv]

Ravi: Clearly you're being distant. It's not my fault we brain-banged.
Olivia: I'm just having a weird day, okay?
Ravi: Most women can't help thinking about sex when they look at me. You'll get used to it.
[pause]
Ravi: I have to ask. Did you see my...
Olivia: I don't want to talk about it.
Ravi: I'll take that as a yes.

[Blaine walks into the police morgue]
Blaine: [walking in hunched over] Brains! Bra...
Blaine: [when Blaine clears his throat] Kidding. Kind of. I do need brains. You got any?
Ravi: You've reverted to zombie form?
Blaine: Well, if I haven't, things have just gotten... kinky.

Clive: What was the vision?
Olivia: It's news we already knew.
Don: We're in Harley's truck, Liv's squeeze in our headlights, frothing at the mouth. He wants our brains, man! I yell, "Go! Go! Go!" Harley guns it in reverse. Her friend is chasing us down going like 60 miles an hour.
Blaine: That's a slight exaggeration.
Don: Dude, I was there!
Blaine: We were all there.
Clive: This was on YouTube for God's sake!

Major: My job is pretending to be RoboCop, but knowing the Buzzfeed Quiz explicitly told me I'm a C-3PO.
Olivia: Well, I am on board for all your reforms, for what it's worth.
Major: And Ravi keeps reminding me that C-3PO's an Ewok god, so, I've got that going for me.

[Clive tells Liv and Ravi that Regina Summer was a badge bunny]
Clive: She was a badge bunny.
Olivia: A what?
Clive: A badge bunny. A woman who sleeps with cops. Something about the badge turns them on.
Ravi: [Ravi whispers to himself] I have a badge.

Clive: McKenna probably saw who killed her. Liv should make this a quick one, where is she?
Ravi: Funny... Funny story. She's been kidnapped.
Clive: It's not that funny.
Ravi: By Major. In a nice way.

[Major and Liv try to come up with a plan to get into Max Rager]
Ravi: So, what? You plan on Weekend At Bernie's-ing a dead Janko through the halls of Max Rager?
Major: Of course not.
Olivia: We'll just take his hand.
[Ravi frowns at their decision]

[Peyton and Liv arrive at a stripper club]
Peyton: Did that dancer just accept a tip with her butt cheeks? That's just... I mean, how does she even know how much he gave her?
Olivia: Oh, she knows.

[Liv lays in bed, listening to her headphones while looking up at her bedroom ceiling]
Olivia: [narrating] When I was 21, it was a very good year. 27? Less great. Best friend gone. Love of my life avoiding me. And my brother and mom still unwilling to hear me out. Tomorrow I'll eat a new brain, get Wendell out of my system. Maybe someday I'll be forgiven. With any luck, someone with a winning personality is out there getting murdered right now. Whoa. Uncool, Liv. Get out of my head, Wendell.
Olivia: [there's a knock on Liv's bedroom door, as she turns off her handheld radio] Yeah?
Gilda: Hey, roomie? Wanna watch the season premiere of Zombie High?
Olivia: [narrating] Not really. I want to stay in here feeling sorry for myself, not listen to IRS break room gossip.

[Liv, Clive, and Ravi go over the hotel security tapes that were watching over Syd Wicked's hotel room]
Olivia: So, Syd went into his room alive, no one else came in or out of it, and yet, he was murdered?
Ravi: You know what this means, right? The murder is a magic trick. Sometimes I really love this job.

Blaine: Of course I don't seem upset. I abhorred that kid. Doesn't mean I killed him.
Ravi: Well, it doesn't mean you didn't, either.
Blaine: Now, wait a minute. From a strictly rhetorical standpoint, I believe you're correct. He's good.

Don: I was thinking...
Angus: I don't think you should start sentences that way anymore.

Clive: Go home. Get some sleep.
Olivia: I'll sleep when I'm dead.
Clive: You're already dead.
Olivia: We're all already dead, Clive. We just don't know it yet.
Clive: ...Cool.

AJ: [restrained by cops] What are you, lady?
Olivia: Just a girl. You got your ass kicked by a girl. Get over it.
AJ: You're a freak!
[hauled away]
Olivia: [turning to Clive] I don't know how many Take Back the Night self-defense seminars they gave at your sorority house, but I could pretty much take out Batman with a spiral notebook and a student ID card.

[Ravi tells Major the good news about the location of the tainted Utopium]
Major: Where do you think it is?
Olivia: In the stomach of a dead drug dealer with a prosthetic leg.
Ravi: Well, the good news is, we've managed to narrow the location of his unmarked grave to a single 100-acre field.
Major: You really need to work on the whole 'good news' concept.

Olivia: First thing I do when I'm human? Geez, I don't even know.
Ravi: Don't say ice cream, I had to watch Major slobber up gallons of it and it ruined ice cream.

[Don E. brings in a dying man to Blaine's funeral home]
Don: [Don E. nervously] This is so bad. This is so bad, you got to do something.
Blaine: [Blaine spoofs Star Trek] 'Dammit Don E., I'm a brain dealer not a doctor!'

Clive: Did they have mirrors in the bathroom?
Olivia: Yes.
Clive: So you saw what you looked like and didn't take off the hat?

Olivia: We need to find a Rhonda Hardbody porno where she plays a private eye's sexy Italian client.
Ravi: Why not? I've got nothing better to do.
Olivia: [Passes over a list] It's one of the movies on this list. Focus on the crime thrillers.
Ravi: So, ignore remakes of classics, such as The Magnificent Seven-Way, Bone-hur... No doubt part of the criterion hard-core collection.

[Major gives Liv her Christmas present]
Major: I got you a little something, Liv.
Olivia: [Liv opens the present and gasps] Zombie High, the Complete Second Season!
Ravi: What's my gift?
Major: Not having to watch that.

Vampire: Dearly beloved, we are here to get through this thing called personalized wedding vows.
Officer: Boo.
Dale: They're really short.
[Crowd cheers]
Dale: I, Dallas Anne Bozzio, promise to care for Clive Babineaux only in health because we'll be zombies, so we won't get sick.
[Crowd laughes]
Dale: And... though we can't have kids, I will attempt to bring magic and a sense of wonder into our marriage. And if you're still missing kids, I'll let you spank me from time to time.
[More laughter]
Vampire: That's beautiful. Clive?
Clive: I, Clive Babineaux, promise... to spank you only until I hear the safe word.
[Dale giggles]
Clive: Though for the life of me, I can't remember us having a safe word. I promise to never make you feel sad that I'll have to eat brains... and that I won't be a father. This is my choice. I... want to be your husband more than some entitled Minecraft-playing brat's dad.

[Clive arrests the coffee employee Pam in Leslie Morgan's apartment]
Clive: Ma'am, I'm arresting you for breaking and entering.
Pam: Your lips are movin', but it's the system talkin'!

[Major makes a joke with Liv to stop her from thinking he's a zombie]
Olivia: Do you know what I keep asking myself?
Major: Why? Why didn't the Seahawks just give the ball to Marshawn?
Olivia: How stupid we must be?

[Liv is seen cooking Lacy Cantrell's brains, mixing eggs with flour and pinches of powdered spice, pieces of brains dropped into a batter, fried balls with a serving of hot sauce dip, as Liv begins to eat]
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [groans] God help me, that smells sensational.

[Liv asks Gilda where the birthday cake for her came from]
Olivia: So I don't have you to thank for the birthday cake?
Gilda: No. Some chick came by, waited around a bit, but then she had to fly. I'm sorry, I use the names part of my brain to store body envy. This girl had several parts I'd kill for. And a beauty mark right where I wanted to punch her.
Gilda: [Gilda laughs, then points to her upper lip] Here.
Olivia: [Liv smiles with slight tears in her eyes, looking back down at the cake] Her name is Peyton.

[Liv yells at Major with how she feels by him]
Olivia: Hey! Stop! I'm coming here like and adult, trying to talk to you. How can you be this cold to me?
Major: Who exactly am I being cold to? Huh? Uh, who-whose brain did you eat this week?
Olivia: Oh, this is all me! And in case you've forgotten, I didn't ask for this. I went to a party because you told me I should. I woke up on a shore craving brains. And next thing I know, I've cracked this corpse's head open... How could I bring that home to you? How could I be your wife? I had become a monster. And I was confused, and I was dangerous. Every decision that I made last year, I made trying to protect you from my new reality. I-I know that in your eyes I screwed up badly along the line, but I did the best I could.
Major: You know, I just... I keep asking you for some space, and every time I turn around, here you are.
Olivia: [walks away but then pauses at the door] Why are you doing this?
Major: Doing what?
Olivia: Making me doubt the only thing in my life that I was sure was real.

Martin: Riley's team takes over a brothel, infects conventioneers, who bring it home, and... Bingo! Zombies are everywhere. Where we're meant to be. And a new order begins.
Olivia: Martin, that's... That's crazy.
Martin: No, it only seems that way because you're not looking at it from the right perspective.
Olivia: From my perspective, it looks like mass murder

[Gilda and Liv talk about Gilda's reasons for not coming home at night]
Olivia: [Liv hints towards sex] So, those nights you didn't come home...
Gilda: I'm loud. Seriously, I sound like a cartoon character being murdered. I wouldn't want to put you through it. And what about you? It's like a convent up in here.

Clive: Why're you chewing that nicotine gum?
Olivia: I'm trying to quit.
Clive: You don't smoke.
Olivia: Then why am I dying for a ciggie?

Olivia: Look around, Clive, this place is utterly gray. Not a nice Kim Novak suit in Vertigo gray, I mean, a lifeless, greenish gray. We work inside a dead frog.

[Liv's brother Evan starts to wake up while in the hospital bed]
Evan: [mumbles] Liv...
Olivia: Hey. I'm here.
Evan: [mumbles again] Go away. Don't come back. I don't ever want to see you again.

[Liv sits next to a bushel of dying red roses]
Olivia: This flower had color and could bloom once. And yet death, blind to the beauty of all living things, even one as vibrant as this, has swept over it, wrenching it closer to the ground. Until it breaks.
Major: So, is that a 'yes,' you want a quesadilla or no?

[Brody Johnson tells Liv and Clive how he had to change his campaign after the Bailey Barker murder]
Brody: Oh, the Bailey thing. Two murders in one year. What are the odds? Campaign had to totally switch gears. What do you think? 'Brody Johnson. Your best and only choice.'
Austin: Goosebumps.

[Ravi arrives home calling out for Major]
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [a dog greets Ravi at the front door] Hello there, boy. Uh... When did we get a...
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [as Peyton and Major step our from around the corner] Peyton.

[Liv and Ravi tease Clive while eating his Grandma's Po' Boys]
Olivia: [Liv takes a bite] Hmm. Mine's a little uninspiring. How's yours?
Ravi: [Ravi with a full mouth] I'm neither overwhelmed, or underwhelmed. I guess I'm whelmed.
Olivia: Grandma must have lost her touch.

[Liv comments on Clive's suit and tie]
Olivia: You ever think about a pocket square, a little splash of color.
Clive: [silently replies] Every time I get dressed.

Peyton: You are talking about a major heist.
Clive: Yeah, you'd need an Ocean's Eleven- styled team of highly skilled criminals to pull this job off.
Major: Yes. Yeah, at least some kind of hacker genius. And there's always the con man, the safe cracker.
Peyton: The pickpocket, the computer guy...

[Agent Bozzio and Clive see Blaine walk into the police precinct]
Dale: Well, isn't it Blaine-John-DeBeers-McDonough-Deaux-Jingleheimer-Schmidt.

[Don E. tells Blaine that he thinks Chief might've scratched somebody]
Blaine: [Blaine looks at the rugged Don E] What happened? You tussle with a Doberman?
Don: One of our client's bodyguards went after Chief by mistake. Oh, he thinks he may have scratched him.
Blaine: Well, I guess we'll hear soon if all zombie hell breaks loose.

Olivia: The only way the killer gets in is through that door. I'm a zombie, and Ravi is heavily-armed.
Ravi: With... With this.
[Pulls out gun]
Ravi: Which I've never used before.

Brandt: Are there any other questions you'd like me to expertly evade?

[last lines]
Olivia: [narrating] Yeah, no kidding it'll make you crazy. You spend your life in a comfortable dream state believing in destiny. Then reality snaps you awake like a kick in the teeth. Bad things happen as often as good things. People who think they're meant to be together, aren't. Turns out we're nothing more than chemicals hurtling through space, haphazardly bouncing off each other.
[there's a knock on Liv's front door]
Olivia: [narrating] Feeling stupid we ever believed there was some grand plan.
[Liv opens the door, seeing an emotional Major on the other side]
Major: I need help.
[the two give each other a tight hug, the two begin to kiss, repeatedly, passionately]

Olivia: Fillmore-Graves is The Borg.
Peyton: I don't know what that means.
Olivia: Keep dating Ravi, you will.

Ravi: [Going through Frank Chisel's closet] Oh, a trench coat for every day of the week. Got to admire his commitment.

Clive: [to the chef] You programmed Mrs. Brinks' safe, because she wasn't good with that stuff, was she?
Olivia: Who can blame her? All the stupid gadgets these days, beepin' and boppin' and boopin'.

[the thugs of Mr. Boss report to him that Blaine is still alive]
Stacey: We slit his throat. How in the hell could he still be alive?
Howard: Maybe it was a miracle or something?
Stacey: A miracle? The only miracle is that I'm not asking Kenny to shoot you right now.

Johnny: You need me to take a cure for zombie-ism on live TV?
Ravi: This cure.
Johnny: Why me?
Major: You may be Seattle's most well-known zombie.
Johnny: I'm not even Seattle's most well-known zombie in a six-foot radius.

[Ravi tries thinking of a superhero name for Liv]
Ravi: 'Super Dead,' that's just too awkward to say. 'Help me, Super Dead.' Ooh! 'Mighty-Whitey!' What do you think?
Olivia: I think I would be the Ku Klux Klan's favorite superhero.

[Clive and Liv wish Bethany Miller the stylist a good stay in prison]
Clive: Enjoy prison.
Olivia: [Liv sarcastically tells the stylist] What doesn't orange go with?

[Clive believes he solves the Cassidy Kozlowski case]
Clive: Nick's our guy. His ankle monitor puts him at the time and place of the murder. We'll use it to track him down and arrest him.
Olivia: Why can't they all be this easy?
Ravi: [Ravi puts his thumbs up] Hooray for dumb criminals.

Clive: Liv, you're off the case...
Liv: I'm never off the case! The case is in here.
[pointing at her head]
Liv: I'm the freakin' murder victim whisperer.

[Major receives the chocolate-covered fitness bar from Brandt Stone]
Major: [Major takes a bite in disgust] My friend gave you this?
Brandt: Yeah. I mean, not that exact one. My Shiba Inu ate the one she gave me. But I got you the same kind. You know, I didn't remember if she gave me Choco-nilla nut or Choco-nilla, so I went with just Choco-nilla, in case of nut allergies. Last thing I need is a lawsuit, am I right?
[Brandt chuckles]

[Gilda and Vaughn Du Clark discuss Liv's discovery of a zombie killer]
Gilda: So, the thought of a zombie who works for the police and hates you, finding out we're killing zombies really isn't worth worrying about?
Vaughn: Okay, so you really think she's going to go to all her cop buddies, and say, 'Hey, everyone! Zombies exist!' 'Let's go arrest all those guys who rid the world of zombies.' Please.
Gilda: Maybe. Or maybe she just gets hungry one night and decides to eat you.

[Liv and Clive get out of the police car, as Liv yells at a couple teenage skateboarders rolling by on the sidewalk]
Olivia: [Liv yells] Turn your hat around, punk. Show some respect!
Olivia: [Clive stares at Liv] What? Was he crouching behind home plate at Yankee stadium?

[Liv questions Major after finding the text messages he received in his phone from Rita]
Olivia: [Major scoffs] No 'pfft!' There's no 'pfft!'
Major: All right, you should've been able to see from your snooping that I haven't texted her since we got back together.
Olivia: How do I know that you didn't call her from a landline?
Major: Because it's not 1987.

[first lines]
Liv: [in shock] He was like that when I got there.
Detective: You said you arrived just before 10:30. Neighbors heard a shot in Mr. Tracey's apartment 10 minutes before. Where were you then?
Liv: Driving.
Detective: Great. What streets? We can check the traffic cameras.

Don: Owning a bar is supposed to be fun. I shouldn't be doing grunt work. God! My life is the worst.
Candy: We could switch, I'll run the bar, you could be the zombie prostitute.

[last lines]
Don: [Don E. talks to Blaine in the morgue of the funeral home as Blaine listens to orchestral music] What are we listening to? Can we turn this crap off.

Major: I've got work, and Ravi can't be alone.
Peyton: He can't?
Major: He already got into the medicine cabinet. I had to pry a bottle of cough syrup away from him. He *bit* me.
[Peyton stares]
Major: I think he stole my only other work uniform but won't tell me where he put it. He offered to...
[Air quotes]
Major: "Pleasure me" for my car keys. Yeah, I think he was kidding, but I'm only 60% sure.

[Liv tells Ravi she wants to name the test subject rats after the Boston Celtics players]
Olivia: As the ranking zombie on-site, shouldn't I get veto-power over their names? I'm kind of over your whole Star Wars theme. Why don't we name these guys after the '86 Celtics?
Ravi: As in Celtic F.C., from Glasgow?
Olivia: As in Boston Celtics. Bird, Mchale, Parrish.
Ravi: Then, no. I don't have the foggiest idea who those guys are. And neither will you in a few days. We'll just be standing here trying to remember why we're calling a rat Bird.
Ravi: [Ravi talks down to one of the rats, Ravi then smacks his lips] Isn't that right Boba Ratt?

[Liv cooks an Asian plate of noodles with Bailey Barker's brains]
Ravi: Mmm, that smells familiar. Like something I had from Taiwan from a street car in the capital city.
Olivia: Taipei.
Ravi: Ooh, look at you, always with the answers.

[Clive asks Liv if she wants to go with him on his lead to Lacy Cantrell's murder]
Clive: Sue's working at a pawn shop downtown. Wanna go for a ride?
Olivia: Does the one-legged duck swim in circles?
[Clive remains silent]
Olivia: Is a pig's rump pork?
Clive: I'm gonna start walking. If all that meant yes, catch up.

Thug#1: [noticing plastic sheeting] Gonna do some painting in here, huh?
Blaine: In a manner of speaking. You come up with a name for your new start-up? I wouldn't give it another thought.
[shoots both thugs in the head]
Blaine: It's no surprise, really. Most small businesses fail.

Olivia: I brought brain broth, and even more importantly, according to medical professionals, my emotional support through this.

Olivia: [narrating] Sean Posey let a tragedy ruin his life. His sister died, and he couldn't get past it. Now two lives are ruined. What was it Mom said? Right before "Sit up straight?" Something about not letting life pass me by.

Olivia: She was a dominatrix, Ravi. A dominatrix who went by the name "Sweet Lady Pain".
Ravi: Oh, that? You're already a bit on the bossy side, I doubt anyone would even notice.

Olivia: Did she promote you? Do we get to start calling you Major... Major?

[Mr. Boss demands to his henchman that Don E. and Chief are murdered]
Stacey: So, these two have taken over Blaine's business? I want them dead. Extra bloody.
Kenny: You sure? So soon...
Stacey: I won, Kenny. Seattle threw in the towel. I own this city. So, let's take our victory lap.

Olivia: And who might this hirsute stranger be? Introduce yourself.
Ravi: I am Mosco Bandywax of the Mirkwood Bandywaxes. I'm a Halfling monk.
Olivia: And you, good sir?
Major: I am Sir Jay Esclaborne, the human paladin.
Olivia: I don't remember your character earning a knighthood.
Major: Oh, he's not a knight. His first name is: Sirjay.
Olivia: ...Clever. I'll be watching you. And, you, madam?
Peyton: Uh, Brangelina Darksbane. Dark elf assassin.
Olivia: And who might this stout fellow be?
Clive: Earl. Dwarf fighter.

Kelly: The last thing I heard was this guy keyed Clint's car. Wrote something that riled up my husband.
Clive: You remember what it said?
Zorn: "Richard Sherman is an average cornerback."
Olivia: WHAT?
Clive: Liv...

[Ravi tells Liv that if she eats Clive's ex-girlfriend's brain that she might have a vision of having sex with him]
Ravi: What if you have a vision of having sex with Clive? You might see his O-face!
Olivia: Really? That's where your mind goes?
Ravi: I bet it's super angry.
[Ravi makes an angry 'O' face]

[Vivian Stoll introduces herself after saving Clive, Liv and Major]
Vivian: Vivian Stoll, Fillmore-Graves Enterprises.
Clive: Clive Babineaux Seattle P.D. This is Olivia Moore from the Medical Examiner's office.
Vivian: You're gonna be a busy girl.
Major: [Major introduces himself] Major Lilywhite. Personal trainer.

[last lines]
Olivia: [Major arrives home seeing Liv still on the magician brain, heading straight to bed] Major? Major!

[Major talks to Liv at the Max Rager headquarters]
Major: Hey, Liv. New nails?
Olivia: [Liv replies disgruntledly] Now you're talking to me? Because I'm kinda busy. Sound familiar? And, yes, they're new. The color is called, 'Sorry, Beyonce' and I might be in love with it.

Olivia: There is no easy way to tell you this, but I've met someone and I think he may be the love of my life.
Major: [Exhales] ... I've had a very long day unsuccessfully tracking down an incriminating video. Plus we're in a fight, so... I'm gonna go make myself a burrito.
[Leaves]
Olivia: He is so brave.

Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: His paintings are very popular. Who doesn't love a vibrant, abstract nude?
Liv: Hint, she eats brains... It looks like he was just trying to show off how many different colors of paint he owned.

[Clive leaves Agent Bozzio a voice message]
Clive: Hey. It's me again. I have a feeling you're not listening to these messages, but I'm really hoping we can get together and talk, Dale. I wish you could trust I had a good reason to do what I did. Please call me back. I miss you.

[Ravi arrives home only to find his home and Steph in a British setting]
Steph: 'Hello, Governor! Mind the gap.' Is the accent too much?
Ravi: [Ravi nervously laughs] This... This looked like it took a lot of work.

Ravi: Bunny La Fonda, mid 20s, 5'4", 110 pounds. Time of death, about 11:00 p.m.
[Puts on noir-esque voice]
Ravi: It was a hard rain that night. The kind that turns street into rivers. It rained so hard, the house cats almost felt bad for the rats in the alley.

Olivia: You get lost in that innocent face and those big shining eyes, pleading for you to be her white knight, lift her out of her nightmare, and before you know it, she's slipped an ice pick in your spine, casual as putting a pen back in the holder at the bank.

[Liv bumps into the nerdy Jimmy Hahn in the police precinct]
Olivia: Did they find the guy who did that to your hair, or is he still at large?
Clive: Jimmy. Jimmy. Hey, never mind her. There are some bear claws in the break room. Why don't you take mine?
Jimmy: I'm taking hers, too.
Olivia: Oh, you'll lose a hand!
Jimmy: I'm not scared of you!

[Agent Bozzio gives Clive an application to the FBI]
Clive: How did that get there?
Dale: For what it's worth, I think you'd make a hell of an FBI agent. Seattle PD doesn't appreciate you. You clear cases like Frank Drebin, but they treat you like Nordberg.

[Liv swears to never have interpersonal relationships again]
Olivia: Until I'm human again no more interpersonal relationships. I am all business. I'm one of the Riders of the apocalypse, leaving pestilence and misery in my wake.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: I take it drinks with the new roommate didn't go well.

Ravi: What if it's Blaine?
Olivia: Huh?
Ravi: What if it's not a teenager or a middle-aged man? What if Blaine and his goons walk through the door? Trained killers.
Olivia: I'd forgotten about Blaine.
[Quickly]
Olivia: It's probably not Blaine.

[Ravi tells Peyton that him and his girlfriend Steph are planning to celebrate Guy Fawkes Day together]
Ravi: Well, she's just getting a bit intense, you know, okay... I mean, she told me we're celebrating Guy Fawkes Day tomorrow. I didn't have the heart to tell her it was a few weeks ago.
Peyton: [Peyton chuckles] Guy Fawkes Day, huh? Yeah... she's definitely going to propose.

Olivia: You were in Vice. How many people who've been heavily addicted for 30 years turn themselves around?
Clive: Hmm, I know it happens.
Olivia: That's good.
Clive: ...I've never seen it, though.

[Agent Bozzio questions Ravi about his roommate Major Lilywhite]
Dale: Questioning. You know how this works. You work for the police.
Ravi: The people I work with usually don't speak much.

[Blaine tells Liv he has no reason to help her find a cure for the zombie disease]
Blaine: Why would I want to help? I'm human. I got a thriving business. I just learned I've been pre-approved for a Best Buy card. I've gone legit. Put my criminal ways behind me.
Olivia: We're not sure if your cure is permanent. The first batch killed the test rat inside of two days.
Blaine: And which batch did you shoot me up with?
Olivia: [Liv smiles] The second.

[Ravi asks Liv why she's on the Seattle PD database]
Ravi: What are you doing on the Seattle PD database?
Olivia: Looking for background info on Drake. I feel like he might be hiding something. What kind of person doesn't use Twitter or Facebook?
Ravi: Only a lunatic. How else would he disseminate inspirational quotes and latte art?

Wally: Is that mustache real?
Clive: No, I glued it to give myself more authority in situations like this.
Wally: Well, you look like black Tony stark

[first lines]
Major: [Major thanks Liv while beating on imaginary drums in the air] Thanks for letting Ravi and me stay here. I drove by my place, and my front yard is still occupied by reporters and looky-loos.
Olivia: I know you're still rolling on drummer brain, but you need to switch to this. Janko brain.

[Liv questions Clive about being a Knicks fan after spotting his New York Knicks mug]
Olivia: You're a Knicks fan?
Clive: Yes. I've had this mug as long as you've known me. You're just now realizing I'm a fan.
Olivia: I'm just impressed you broadcast it. Nice job using your lottery pick this year on Kristaps Porzingis.
Olivia: [Liv coughs] Darko Milicic.
Clive: We're really talking about basketball now? I caught you trying to put paperclips in here a couple week ago. You thought it was for knick-knacks.

[Liv sits beside Ravi and begins smelling what smells like cologne]
Olivia: [sniffs] Are you wearing cologne?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Uh, it's called Desire-Rx. It has human pheromones in it. I'm a walking sex experiment.
Olivia: Seeing Steph again tonight?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Obviously. She's my test subject.
Olivia: Look at you! You don't know whether to wind your watch or scratch your ass.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: I'm fairly certain I do. My watch self-winds. My ass, on the other hand...

Waiter: That's not the only brain in the ocean - or on our list.

[Peyton asks Major and Ravi to rent the apartment across from her and Liv]
Peyton: Please, try and rent the apartment across the hall.
Olivia: So we can be like the friends from Friends.
Peyton: Oh! Yes!
Ravi: Fantastic idea! Peyton is Monica-esque.
Ravi: [Ravi looks at Liv] You're clearly a Rachel. Type-A. Relationship drama.

Major: I tried to get you to listen to jazz for years. I spent weeks strategically arranging the perfect mix CD for you and you stopped listening after two songs.
Liv: I think this is the CD.
Major: You said you thought the lack of structure was narcissistic and you'd rather listen to someone dropping cutlery.

Ravi: Clive should be himself, only fun and less tightly-wound.
[Clive stares grumpily]
Ravi: Clive should be another person. A better person.
Clive: Just give me the hat, Liv.
[Puts on fedora, wanders off]
Ravi: I was hoping for a Frosty the Snowman moment. And the instant we gave him the hat, he would become full of life. He'd have swagger. He'd be crackling with sexual magnetism.
Olivia: What kind of perverse version of Frosty the Snowman did they show kids in England?

Don: I am a team player. After all, there is no "I" in billionaire.
[Smiles]
Don: There's two.
Blaine: There's three.
Don: The third is silent.

Ravi: She the cast of Clueless or something?
Clive: '90s Teen Pageant Girl brain.
Ravi: Gnarly.
Clive: Uh... That was more '80s.
Ravi: [Valley girl accent] Whatever!

[Ravi tells Liv that he'll ask Cher for her alibi]
Olivia: You won't ask a poor orphaned girl for her alibi? Clive would. But not you. You're a softie like me.
Ravi: You know, I'm offended. I'm just as hard as the next man. Yeah? Be it Clive, or Jason Statham, or Dwayne Johnson. A man so hard, he was once called The Rock.

[Blaine and Ravi both watch Liv scratch the unconscious Drake]
Blaine: Hey, let's get some mojitos. You know, celebrate.
Ravi: The next shift is showing up here in 10 minutes. This would be rather hard to explain.
Blaine: [Blaine looks at Drake un the body bag] Gotta zip you back up, friend. Down you go.

[Ravi sits Liv and Major on the couch to tell them something]
Ravi: I thought you should both hear this at the same time.
Major: Oh, no, are you and Mom getting a divorce?

Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Though not remotely sexual that's got to be some form of harassment.
Liv: Watch your fingers that scalpel is sharp.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: I'd say Emily's brain effects are taking hold, specifically the fierce maternal instinct that kicks in just prior to giving birth.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: I can call it a day, unless you have the urge to make me lunch or do my laundry.
Liv: You wish. Have you, really, not eaten lunch ?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Please let this conversation end with you cutting the crust of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Liv: That's not funny. Are you really, hungry though, seriously ? I think I'm done for the day. But you should eat something. Possibly, with vegetables, if you so choose. Okay, I'm leaving now.

Ravi: [Trying to call for help] Be home, Liv. Okay. Two-one-three-five... Or maybe it's three-seven. Eight-six-seven-five... Oh, bloody hell!
Don: You can't remember any numbers, huh? That's modern living for you.

[Ravi asks Liv if they can follow Positivity-brain Major all day]
Major: I got some hair to dye and some skin to spray-tan. Carpe diem!
Ravi: [Major taps his heels together to Liv and Ravi before walking out] Can we play hooky and follow him around for the rest of the day?

[Andy LeGare explains his motive for killing his wife]
Andy: I'm going to be in this chair for the rest of my life. You know what gets me through my days? Knowing that people look at me and they see a hero. You know what I was going to be once that book came out? The guy who couldn't give it to his wife, so she fantasizes about doing it with everybody else. Threesomes. French guys. Ex-cons.
Olivia: She didn't cheat on you. They weren't her stories.
Andy: No one's gonna believe that. I begged her not to publish. She didn't care. My wife didn't care.

[Liv examines Leslie Morgan's brain and finds a piece of concrete in it]
Olivia: [Liv holds up a piece of Leslie's brain] You missed a piece of sidewalk.
Ravi: Fiber.

Clive: AJ and another Cobra member, Bi Li Xiong, AKA "Fleabag", helped Ghansu with a heist that netted a quarter-mil in jewels.
Ravi: Fleabag? Do you think there was an isolated incident were the man had fleas, or did he always have them and everyone's just accepted it?
Olivia: I assumed that he had a taste for cheap motels.

Olivia: She DJ'ed at ice ship? Hashtag, my kind of cool bitch.
Joel: I told you, she was so talented. She could've been a star if she hadn't been murdered.
Olivia: It so sucks when that happens.

Clive: I need you to focus on the task at hand.
Olivia: You know how many tasks I can focus on at once? I clocked Gladys when I walked in while pinching two wallets and this watch.
Clive: Is that... my watch?

[Liv talks to Clive at the auto body shop as they're leaving]
Olivia: Oh, I'll just wait here. For you to pull up the car.
Clive: What am I, Driving Miss Crazy?
Olivia: I didn't know I would be walking today. This is more of a sitting shoe. Super cute though, huh? Look how long they make my legs look.
Clive: You need to use those long legs and get yourself to my car.

[Clive tells Liv that he has to call in the police to Max Rager]
Clive: I have to call this in. Even though I have no idea how any of this is going to get explained away.
Olivia: Super Max. It created a violent chain reaction. Armed guards lost their heads and began firing on rampaging employees.
Clive: You think that's really gonna fly?
Olivia: You think 'zombie outbreak' has a better chance?

[the zombie Natalie tells Major that being a zombie hooker is horrible]
Natalie: Being a zombie hooker is horrible. Being a zombie hooker when you've eaten the brain of a Benedictine nun? Or a man with dementia? That is an extra level of devastating.
Natalie: [Natalie chuckles in sadness] A few weeks ago, I shot a deer. I started being a vegan when I was 16 and hunter-brain made me kill Bambi.

Ravi: I'm taking you out tonight, Clive. I'm a phenomenal wingman.
Clive: I hate going out. Mmm-mmm.
Peyton: Oh, we know. It says so here in your list of "hates."
[Looks at his tinder profile]
Peyton: You hate warm weather, and "This Is Us".
Clive: Yeah, it's emotionally manipulative.

[the two Zombie actors tell Liv and Clive they are the Zombie High show]
Zombie: Hey, hey, without us, there is no Zombie High. It's just... High.
Zombie: Yeah, where's the mutual respect? You know what'd be fun? A zombie show where a zombie's the star.
Clive: That's dumb.

Stacey: We're gonna break him out and get my money back.
Blaine: Out of a prison transport bus?
Stacey: We'll go halfsies on the cash, of course.
Don: Not thirdsies?

[Kenny the bag man collects Mr. Boss's money from Blaine]
Kenny: I work for Mr. Boss. I believe you have something for me.
Kenny: [Blaine hands him the cash] Fifteen more payments and you're free and clear.
Blaine: I'm not sure I ever want it to end. If it means not having these moments together, you know?

Peyton: Aren't you forgetting a certain four-letter word that starts with "F"?
Olivia: Funk?
[Peyton shakes her head]
Olivia: Fart?
[Peyton sighs]
Olivia: I give up.
Peyton: Fate.

[Drake is asked a question by the man carrying a machete]
Ink: Do you know who I am?
Drake: [Drake looks at Ink's open jacket] A big Danny Trejo fan?

Ravi: So, I swear, I'm not making this up.
[Points to each of the three skulls]
Ravi: Larry, Moe and Hurley.
[Liv and Clive stare at him]
Ravi: Their names are Larry Nunn, Moreece Dubois and Doug Hurley. Larry, Moe and Hurley. That's insane.
Clive: It'd be insane if the last one was Curley. Like the Stooges.

Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: The detective on his case needed me to open him back up. Guess what he was missing?
Liv: A strong male role model?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: And a half-pound of brain.

[first lines]
Olivia: [Liv and Major make out inside her doorway] What are we doing?
Major: Well, it's hard to put a label on it just yet. But I'll get back to you in a minute.
Olivia: We should stop. We don't know enough about how the zombie is transferred. All this kissing.
Major: [Major and Liv keep kissing] I've been kissed by Blonde Liv before. Still human.

Ravi: The original batch of Boat Party Utopium. Now I know how Sir Galahad felt when he at last held the Holy Grail.
Olivia: The Holy Grail? So, who would that make my father?
Ravi: ...Mordred?

Stacey: Of all the things I miss about the first world, high quality bourbon isn't the least.
Don: We're still considered the first world?

[Clive, Liv, and Major exchange weapons in the Max Rager garage]
Olivia: Let's rock and roll.
Clive: Sorry, that's all the firepower I've got.
Major: [Major sees an axe on the wall] There's always 'In case of fire' power.

[Liv, Clive and Ravi go over the murder of actor Jordan Mason Marsh]
Clive: The actor who pulled the trigger apparently had no idea he was holding a real weapon.
Olivia: Who was that?
Clive: Wyatt Carver.
Olivia: [Liv in excitement] Cody! Sorry.
Ravi: Uh, she's seen every episode. On purpose.

[first lines]
Carlos: [the two men chase down a female victim in the street, knocking her to the ground] Get up, bitch!
The: [when The Fog vigilante intervenes] Prey on the weak. Feast on my fury.

[Liv on stripper-brain gives Peyton a lap dance to maybe get a vision]
Olivia: It's a lap dance. Low mileage. No knee to groin contact. I'm your best friend.
Peyton: Yeah. That's why this is awkward.
Olivia: So, with some other girl it would be fine? Wait. Do you not find me attractive?

[Liv tells Blaine that he'll reverse back into a zombie]
Blaine: How long have I got? If it's less than a couple weeks, I need to add brains to my Christmas wish-list.

Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: So, in the five months you've been here, what's the weirdest thing you've seen?
Liv: You drinking cereal milk over a corpse?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: I like that you always keep it under 15 syllables. It gives us a good rhythm. Working with my last resident was like prepping for the Newlywed Game. "Oh, what's your favorite color?" "How old were you when you first touched a boob?" It's nice to know I can dissect a Jane Doe's spleen without feeling obligated to list my top desert island albums.

[Vaughn Du Clark tells Major that Super Max is no energy drink]
Major: Hate to break it to you, you being the owner of the company and all, but, all the sugar and caffeine in energy drinks just makes you crash.
Vaughn: Super Max is no energy drink, my friend. It is a revolution in liquid form.

Clive: She's a Louisiana State Correctional Officer on disability, following a human bite sustained during a prison riot.
Olivia: She said she wanted to be a vet.
Clive: Well, I wanted to be a test pilot.
Olivia: And you can be. If you work hard and believe in yourself, there's nothing you can't...
Clive: You wanna hear what I got or make another one of these speeches?

[Clive tells Liv he thinks her phone is giving her third eye cataracts]
Clive: No visions? I think the radiation from your cell phone is giving you third eye cataracts.
Olivia: Don't hate 'cause you can't relate.

[Major wakes up in bed next to Gilda, as Gilda rolls over moaning to the half-naked Major]
Gilda: Umm. Cut me off a piece of that for breakfast.

Jordan: So, Gretchen is saying stuff like, "Looking a little pale, Jordan. Do you wanna borrow some of my makeup, Jordan? Uh, is that a streak in your hair? It's so punk rock." And, I'll be honest, I was kind of dreaming of cracking her head open. But I wasn't sure there'd be a brain inside.

Olivia: I was in the neighborhood. I thought maybe we could talk more strategy? Save a few more lives?
Levon: Is that before or after you texted me, "Down to duck"?

Olivia: [after finding out Tim is a zombie-supremacist] Goodbye, Tim. I guess I didn't need to know your last name after all.
Tim: It's Timmerson.
Olivia: Tim... Timmerson? No, thank you.

[Liv calls Clive after having a vision of who murdered Big Fish]
Olivia: Big Fish saw Terrell bent over Popeye Collier's dead body, blood on his hands. Big Fish could've put Terrell away for murder. That has to be why Terrell killed him.
Clive: We should drop back in on Terrell. I can swing by first thing.
Olivia: Great. I'll be ready. Oh, and Clive, if you can, pick me up a soy vanilla latte. There's this new study that says caffeine helps stimulate psychic activity. Clive? Clive!

[Clive gathers information to pass onto Agent Bozzio]
Clive: I'll run this by Bozzio.
Ravi: [Ravi whispers] If she bears your children, you'll start using her first name, right?

[Major tells Blaine that he thought he had more time before becoming a zombie]
Major: I got the impression I might have longer.
Blaine: Yeah, I don't think Ravi factored in microchondrial metabolism as an effect of interaction... Whoa. I'm so sorry. This nerd brain I ate is so annoying.

Guinevere: It's not what you think.
Clive: Well, that's good, Guinevere, because what I think is that your husband, King Arthur, murdered your lover, Lancelot.
Olivia: You do know that when LARPing, you are free to change the endings?

[Clive and Liv watch Lacy Cantrell's manager, Richard DePalma, speed off in his car after questioning him]
Olivia: [in a southern accent] Well, butter my butt and call it a biscuit.

Clive: [Going through victim's room] What the hell is a "Weener Kleener"?
Ravi: I'll bet it gives you a cleaner weiner.

[Peyton tells Ravi maybe it's a bad idea she moved in after Ravi tries to kiss her]
Peyton: Aren't you seeing Steph?
Ravi: Well, I, uh, I ended it.
Peyton: Maybe this was a bad idea, moving in.
Ravi: No, no, no, no, no, no, stay. I'm an idiot. Maybe I've been drinking? No, it's just the idiocy.

[Ravi watches a scene of Zombie High]
Ravi: Ugh, it's like a bad-acting workshop. This is what you get when a TV show worships at the altar of youth, bimbos and himbos running around screaming, in a school where, apparently, shop class isn't the only place to see something wooden and poorly constructed.

[Blaine gets reacquainted with the tied-up Major at Blaine's funeral home]
Blaine: What do you think of my latest business venture? Your girlfriend gives it her old zombie stamp of approval.
Major: Liv doesn't...
Blaine: No, she's totally down with me getting my brains from people that don't need them anymore. We're BFF's now. Who else is gonna feed Seattle's zombies? At least until you kill them all, right?
Major: I'm not killing...
Blaine: Shhh, the lying to save your life section comes later.

[Ravi tells Liv that he made clones of the test subject rat New Hope]
Olivia: What am I looking at, Ravi?
Ravi: Matricide. These six young zombie rats are clones of New Hope. The remains you see here are those of the mother that gave birth to them. Apparently, the little clones decided it was time to switch from mother's milk to brains.
Olivia: Why the clones?
Ravi: When we find the tainted Utopium, I'd prefer to test on rats, normal and zombie, rather than humans. New Hope, like Blaine and Major, became a zombie and was given the cure. Her clone should give us the most accurate picture of what Blaine and Major can expect. I'd hate to lose a perfectly good zombie rat.

[Liv and Ravi learn that Clive is a Game of Thrones fan]
Dale: Oh, yeah. Clive is a huge Game of Thrones fan. You want to really set him off?
Ravi: Yes, please!
Dale: Ask him what George R.R. Martin is doing right now.
Ravi: [Ravi gasps] We don't know this man at all. Maybe he is a murderer. We should check his basement for human remains.

Ravi: What's a "Fillmore-graves brain tube thing?"
Major: It's like a yogurt tube full of mashed-up brains. No personalities. No visions. I'm pretty psyched to try it.
Olivia: No, no, no, no! If they wanna eat brain mash, let them eat brain mash. But in this house, we eat whole brains and we solve murders.

[erotica-librarian-brain Liv asks Clive a question about men]
Olivia: Men are always so phallocentric, Clive. Why is that?
Clive: [Clive turns away] Just are.

[Liv on erotica-librarian-brain slaps Ravi in the butt at work]
Olivia: I've been a bad morgue attendant. I'll understand if there are punitive measures.
Ravi: Liv, did you eat a librarian from a porno?

Olivia: She must've been an amazing chef.
Saul: A genius, but also a monster. It happens, you know. Edison electrocuted puppies.

[Liv tells Drake they can still have sex after the erotica-brain wears off]
Olivia: Here's the plan. If we're still interested when this brain wears off a bit, we can pick up where we left off. But right now, we can't do this.
Drake: [Drake clears his throat] Story of my life. Zombie date sends me away until horny-brain wears off.
[as Drake kisses Liv's forehead]

[Agent Bozzio and Clive come up with a plan to track John Deaux]
Dale: So we use FBI resources. Get the mother of all databases on it.
Clive: And then we bust this S.O.B.
Dale: And then victory sex.

[Liv and Clive begin questioning Rodney Ricks in the interrogation room]
Olivia: I'm warning you, son. A bunch of good men didn't die face-down in the muck so you could paint your face like a $2 whore.
Clive: I think what she means to say is, did you or did you not threaten Mr. Gale?

[Vaughn Du Clark shows Rita his Max Rager ad]
Vaughn: [Vaughn Du Clark holds up his Max Rager ad to Rita] What did you do today? Watch TV? Surf the web? Do your laundry? What do you wish you would've done instead? We could all use an extra little kick sometimes. Life's a bitch. This is the slap. Super Max. You're welcome! Live to the Max, Super Max!
Vaughn: [the music of the ad kicks in] That's Rob Thomas. I mean, there's something so compelling about the stuff he writes.

[Liv finds Ravi in the morgue watching Zombie High]
Olivia: I thought you hated the show.
Ravi: [Ravi rolls his eyes] I did. But it's like mental pork rinds. I can't stop!

[Liv returns to her job at the morgue happy to be back]
Olivia: Hello, body. Hello, beakers. Hello, bone saw!
Olivia: [Liv answers the phone to talk to Ravi] Hello, Ravi. Yes, I am here, and who knew I'd ever be this excited to be back in a morgue? Yes, the rats are in fine shape, the aneurism hook is looking sharp, the sutures are fresh.

[Gilda taste tests the bubblegum and yellow Super Max flavors]
Gilda: [Gilda exhales] Ugh. Mystery solved. Yellow represents its urine flavor. Can you register some concern with my news? You had me move in with her, so you wouldn't get blind-sided by this sort of thing.
Vaughn: Stay on task, sweetie.
Gilda: [Gilda coughs at the second sample] Go with the urine-flavor.

Don: Cruise's tan is way too even, and he's barely aged a day in 30 years.
Blaine: Why do you think he does his own death-defying stunts? It's 'cause he's already dead.
Olivia: I'll bet he doesn't eat the brain of anyone over the age of 25.
Clive: So I should be thinking, "That's a raged-out zombie," next time I see Tom Cruise doing a chase sequence?

Vivian: I saw the carnage at the Super Max party firsthand. People losing their minds, attacking their friends...
Harley: The zombie outbreak.
Vivian: We're thinking a freak virus that caused the infected to crave brains.
Harley: You're just using different words to say the same thing.

[Houdina gives Clive her alibi for the time of Syd Wicked's murder]
Clive: You weren't performing when Syd was killed. You'd already disappeared off-stage for your closer.
Houdina: Guys, I didn't actually disappear. I hate to break this to you. Magic isn't real. You remember the cocktail waitress at the end of the show? The one you asked if she knew where I was? That was me. I had her costume on underneath mine.
Clive: But I looked right at you.
Houdina: That's the thing about a magic trick. If it's done well, the answer's right in front of you.

[Blaine tells Drake that he's a zombie]
Blaine: How familiar are you with the movie... Dawn of the Dead?
Drake: I've seen it.
Blaine: Remember how that group of survivors barricaded themselves inside of a mall?
Drake: Yeah.
Blaine: You're what's outside of the mall. You're a zombie.

Clive: Stop calling me "My Luurd."
Olivia: Yes, my liege.
[Clive makes a face]
Olivia: Your Grace.

Olivia: So, what brings a nice British lad like you to Seattle?
Lowell: Well, I had to escape the chilly, wet, depressing London weather. So, Seattle, naturally. There may have also been a girl.
Olivia: Oh, there's always a girl.
Lowell: So, your ex, what's he like?
Olivia: Determined.

Ravi: So, I searched the AKA database for that utopian chemist Major told us about from the surveillance tape.
Olivia: Beanpole Bob?
Ravi: Not a single hit. Several variations of Mike the Pole, Joe the Pole, so-and-so the pole, all miscreants of Polish descent. Ooh, one Beanpole Jim, and a cat burglar who perished in an AC duct. Zero Beanpole Bobs.

Blaine: So who's here?
Don: Think of all the people in the world you'd enjoy seeing.
[pause]
Don: It's none of them.

Stan: Who're you playing?
Olivia: An amazing role, thank you for asking. She has many layers to her and a very difficult accent, because we challenge the audience when we challenge ourselves.

Stacey: I shot you. I slit your throat. We buried you.
Blaine: Mmm-hmm. And, yet, here I am.
Stacey: How the hell are you still alive?
Blaine: Well, I'm eating a human brain. So, that makes me a...
Stacey: Cannibal?
Blaine: Technically, I suppose, but that's not the answer I'm looking for. I'm eating a human brain, I'm indestructible, therefore, I am a...
Stacey: A serial killer?

Olivia: [watching Clive trying to pick up women] Oh, code red. The herd has arrived.
[Clive shows the woman his phone]
Olivia: That better be a photo of his penis.
Ravi: And it looks like she's crying.
Olivia: Okay, it probably is his penis.

[coffee shop owner Stan Mendoza defends the Daily Grind to Liv and Clive]
Stan: Seattle's Daily Grind uses the same exact coffee. Same beans, same methods. You know what the difference is? They draw a little flower in the foam.
Olivia: I love those flowers!

[Liv and Clive sit on a stakeout together]
Olivia: How do you not have any food in your car?
Clive: Because you already ate two granola bars and my emergency almonds.

[Vaughn Du Clark reads out a tweet from Twitter to Major]
Vaughn: 'Max Rager tastes like the ass of a turtle swimming in a dirty river.'
Gilda: I don't know why he does this to himself.
Vaughn: Thank you, Sambulo21, from Swaziland. Boy, I just love this guy's comprehensive knowledge of how turtle ass tastes.

[Liv on stripper-brain talks to Peyton in the strip club when one of the girls whips Liv in the face with her hair]
Olivia: Did that bitch just flick me in the face with her pony tail?
Peyton: I think it was an accident.
Olivia: It is on. I'm gonna smack the wet 'n' wild right off her face!

Olivia: Rough night, playa?
Ravi: Please keep your rebuke to a dull roar.
Olivia: I'll let god be your judge.
[pause]
Olivia: But let's review the facts, shall we? First, you tell Peyton that you're in love with her, leaving her confused and speechless, and then you take home your old boss for a drunken hate-bonk. And when Peyton shows up to say that she's ready to take a chance on Pavi or Rayton or whatever it is that you two would call yourselves, you kiss her, while your latest conquest is in the next room. Not good.
Ravi: I know.
Olivia: Also, I believe god is a woman, so, you're really screwed.

[Mr. Boss tells Blaine that he used to be a Dungeons & Dragons player]
Stacey: I did. I was a hell of a Dungeon Master. If players screwed up, they did something dumb, they paid the price. But... as they were bleeding out on the battlefield, there was always a Hail Mary. The God call. That 1% chance the God that they worshipped would come down from the heavens, smite their enemies and save them. I suggest you make your God call.

Ravi: I can't even prevent a bunch of dying kids from being hunted like dogs. I'll be in my office beating myself up mentally and emotionally.

Ravi: I need another minute for the toxicology report. Liv changed our filing system. The deceased are now arranged by hotness quotient.

Major: I figure Natalie's in a second location which Mr. Oates is gonna lead us to. All we have to do is affix this GPS tracking device to his car.
Ravi: The one parked behind those massive gates?
Major: Dude, don't pitch problems, all right? You're the brainy sidekick.

[Liv tells Clive she has a vision of who killed The Fog]
Olivia: The Fog, he was attacked by another guy in a costume. Tic-Tac-Toe Man, or something.
Clive: That's Hashtag. I'll bring him in. He's another joker in a mask.
Olivia: You know where to find him?
Clive: All you have to do to summon Hashtag is to hashtag, Hashtag.

Olivia: [narrating] I know it's not a different sun that came up this morning. But somehow, it looks sunnier. Ravi is hitting it off with Major, who seems willing to give me another shot at this friends thing. The "pretending to be something I'm not" isn't over, but at least Sammy's brain is out of my system, finally. I'm so ready to start looking forward instead of constantly watching my back. What's that old zombie saying? Today is the first day of the rest of your half-dead life.

Sloane: Do you still have some of that whiskey?
Don: What? No. Even if I did, it'd be my whiskey, wouldn't it?
Sloane: Please... I'd been partying hard all night when you grabbed me.
[Breathes heavily]
Sloane: I have like, no serotonin in me.
Don: What can I tell you? Make better life choices next time.
[sighs]

[Liv asks Vaughn Du Clark what kind of research did Dr. Eleanor Cash do at his company]
Vaughn: Energy drink research. We are an energy drink company.
Olivia: What, specifically? CNS stimulation cascades? Amino acid recombination chains? Effects on cell integrity stimulated ATP production?
Vaughn: I understood very little of that.

Clive: I gave them what I could find, but that's not the main guy, you know. I mean, they need the Clooney. What's Ocean's Eleven without George Clooney?
Dale: Ocean's Ten with Brad Pitt.

Allan: It's just not fair. Tomorrow was our month anniversary.
Olivia: I understand. Most of my boyfriends have died in terrible ways too.

Major: Once I'm new me, keep reminding me of what we meant to each other?
[sighs]
Major: And give me a new name. One that's less silly.
Olivia: Gern Blanston.

[Liv sums up what Twitter is to Ravi]
Olivia: Twitter, a vast collection of humanity's impetuous thought vomitings.
Ravi: I'd like to think I'm quite introspective about what I tweet to my, 23 followers.

[last lines]
Olivia: [Liv has a vision of Don E. selling Blaine's drugs] Blaine is the new player.

[Clive goes over the crime scene of Mike Hayden as Liv and Ravi talk sarcastically]
Olivia: So, what? He turned off the cameras so his killer couldn't be identified? Think how easy it would be if there was video footage.
Ravi: Yeah. And the killer could've been wearing a T-shirt that inexplicably has his name and address written across his chest.
Olivia: And the address was, like, right next to the police station.
Ravi: And the killer's just waiting calmly, already in handcuffs, just, sort of, reciting his Miranda rights to himself.
Olivia: That would be so great! Now what're we gonna do?
Clive: [Clive hesitates] I guess we earn our paychecks.

[Liv gets in a taxi with Major and Ravi who are still on Utopium]
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: You guys are the best And - And can I just say how glad I am we're all in the know over the whole zombie thing.
Olivia: [Liv whispers with the cab driver in the front seat] Not cool, bro.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi looks at Liv] I am your bro.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi looks at Major] And I'm your bro.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi tells the cab driver] And I'm your bro.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Liv gets a text message, as Ravi tells Liv] And I'm a bro to whoever's texting you.

Olivia: This pathological liar brain is gonna get me in trouble. I can feel it.
Ravi: Not with me. I'll know the truth when I hear it.
Olivia: Ahh! I stand corrected.

Liv: Even if I laid out here long enough I still wouldn't get a tan. I used to have freckles. I miss my freckles.

[Liv and Ravi show Jordan Marsh's pierced penis to Clive at the morgue]
Olivia: Well, there it is. Some of the most famous junk in America.
Clive: Cover it. Cover it. Who gets pierced there? Why?
Ravi: It's called a Prince Albert. I wonder how you get it through airport security?

[Clive finds Liv in the police precinct snoring away on the couch]
Clive: Liv. Liv!
Olivia: [Liv gasps] What, already?
Clive: Late night?
Olivia: Suddenly you're Matlock?
Clive: Neighbor of the deceased called the tip line, left an unintelligible message. I was gonna run it down. Any visions yet?
Olivia: Yeah. I got a vision of you leaving me the hell alone, so I can catch some shut-eye.
Clive: Fine. I'll handle this solo. You take care of that hangover.
Olivia: Oh, brush the sand out of your crack and relax. I'm just busting your chops, flatfoot.
[Clive freezes, staring back]

[Liv sees zombie Major for the first time while he's on Leslie Morgan-Positivity brain]
Major: [Major singing in the morgue] Oh, what a beautiful morning / Oh, what a beautiful day.
Ravi: We're inside.
Major: [Major smiling] Well, that is where the warmest rays of light come from, inside.

Olivia: If Sir Garrett did doth portray himself falsely a zombie whilst in battle with zombies, who, believing him kindred, fought without care, 'tis on Garrett's own shoulder the fault doth lay, does it not?
Clive: That's what I was thinking, but in a less annoying way.

[Peyton stops by the police morgue to see Liv]
Ravi: [Ravi holds a brain in his hands] Peyton, what a pleasant surprise. If I had known you'd be stopping by, I would've worn my less bloody lab coat.
Peyton: Never visiting you at work again.

[Major holds an ax when he opens the elevator door to Vaughn Du Clark inside]
Major: Here's Major!

[Don E. tells Blaine that he was unconscious, when Blaine calls him Scott E]
Don: You were unconscious.
Blaine: Most people call that sleeping, Scott E, but way to add the drama.
Don: It's Don E., Blaine. You just called me Scott E.
Blaine: Did I? Oh, in my defense, you do look just like him.

[Liv tells Clive that their rescue mission is a zombie thing]
Clive: I can't help you with this.
Olivia: I would never expect you to. This is a zombie thing.

AJ: I hear you're looking for Ray. And that you're into Asian dudes. I'm A.J. , and I'm into white girls. Really white girls. You might just be my Moby Dick. I didn't catch your name.
Olivia: Melody.
AJ: You sure about that?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Please. It's been Melody, Melanie. She even tried to get me to start calling her Starfire last year, but I drew a line.

Ravi: I've got some good news for you. I can make you human.
Olivia: Are you serious?
Ravi: 100% serious... 80% certain it will work.

[Liv yells at the horse race on TV]
Olivia: Thread the needle, baby! That soft grass is nothing, it's nothing.

Major: Listen to this love letter. "When they make a Chaos Killer TV movie, I hope you watch it in he'll with your pal Ted Bundy".
Ravi: Wait, you didn't actually kill anyone.
Major: Yeah, and the joke's on them. I'm not pals with Ted Bundy either.

[Liv asks Major if he remembers the Friends episode about a zombie]
Olivia: Remember the episode when Ross and Rachel break up because she's a zombie who wants to solve murder cases?
Major: Mmm. That was so us.

Lowell: Okay, uhm. So, here's the speech. The zombie thing is a bitch. Your world shrivels down to a dot. You know this. And, all you can think about is how to get your next meal, and keeping your secret. And no-one can really know you now. Kissing, touching, sex, love, yelling at someone for stealing the blankets. Uhm, out of the question, forever. But then one day I see this
[pause]
Lowell: beautiful woman. She's the only thing in colour. Odd, 'cos she's so pail. And then suddenly there's hope again. That's what I'm saying. Who knows if we even like each other. But, I like everything I've seen so far and, ah, what have I got to lose.
Liv: I am free this weekend, and I have your number.
Lowell: I'll only hover by the phone for the next 72 hours or so. After that, I'm on to the next zombie girls.

Olivia: Are you thinking what I am thinking?
Ravi: [Stretching] Are you thinking about searing groin pain?

[Agent Bozzio tells Clive that they found more brains]
Clive: More brains? Like the brains Mrs. Suzuki gave us? That we tested? And that came back bovine?
Dale: Not these. Too big for a cow. Unless this cow's a genius. Cows are large. But their brains are smaller than ours. You ever met a cow? They're dumb.

[the CI Tanner sees Liv at the police precinct]
Tanner: You look just like this doll my little sister used to have.

[Major tells Ravi that there's no point to curing himself if he'll have no memory of who he is]
Major: Look, if I take the second cure, and I survive, but I had no idea who you are, no idea who Liv is, if I don't even know who I am, what's the point? I mean, whose life would I be saving?
Ravi: You know what we need. A talking rat. Then we'll know if Blaine's telling the truth.
Major: Ravi, you magnificent bastard, that's it!
Ravi: I hope that whatever's got you excited doesn't require me to build some rat mind-reading device.

[Peyton makes out with Blaine on the couch]
Peyton: [Peyton stares at Blaine] I think you put some serious time into this look.
Blaine: Well, we can't all look like we were created in a lab by 14 year-old boys, can we?
[as Blaine continues kissing Peyton]

[Clive walks into the morgue and sees a balloon animal on the table]
Clive: Is that a balloon animal?
Ravi: [Ravi smiles] Ah, yeah, clown college. Uh, I'm available for parties.

Clive: Time to solve some murders. We're burnin' daylight.
[Sneezes]
Olivia: Sounds like someone didn't get his flu shot.
Clive: And maybe turn into a werewolf? No, thanks.

Angus: Blessed is he with a white streak. You must visit our church and be baptized. For we who taste, can see.
[Looks at Clive]
Angus: You people wouldn't understand.
Ravi: He did not just say that.

[Gilda flirts with Major in the exercise room at Max Rager]
Gilda: [Major walks Gilda walk into the exercise room] I had you as more of a Plyometrics guy. I thought you'd be into the short, explosive bursts. But I guess we're both into slow and controlled, making it last.
Gilda: [Major faces away from Gilda, facing the wall to workout, as Gilda comes up behind him, when Major sets down his weights] You don't have to go. I was just looking for an exercise ball.
[Major turns around, kissing Gilda as the two begin to undress each other]

[Blaine and Chief stand over the coffin Major's nailed shut in]
Blaine: [Major continues to thump for help] Should we see what he wants? I sure don't want my hole to go to waste.
Blaine: [Blaine gets a text message from Chief] Yeah, Chief, 'That's what she said.'

[Blaine sings to himself while sitting in his funeral hearse]
Blaine: [Blaine bangs on the steering wheel] Nice girls not one with the defect / Cellophane shrink-wrapped, so correct.

[Blaine asks Ravi for some clothes while at the morgue]
Blaine: You wouldn't happen to have any clothes I could borrow? Maybe something vaguely redolent of punting on the Thames?
Ravi: Will that be all?
Blaine: You mind calling me an Uber?

[Liv and Ravi ask Clive why he kept his cooking skills a secret from them]
Ravi: Why did you keep it a secret? You figured Shaft never cooked for his friends, so neither could you?
Olivia: It's adorable.
Clive: And there it is. Need I say more?

[Gilda reminds Vaughn Du Clarke to not sleep around with his partners wives]
Gilda: Try to keep it in your pants next time. Can you do that, champ?
Vaughn: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Come on, now. Let's not throw the baby out of the bath water. Because remember, if it weren't for me sleeping with other men's wives, you would not exist.
Gilda: Maybe you can have one of those floozies pin a medal on your baby-maker.
Vaughn: [Gilda walks off] Perhaps a clip-on.

[Ravi's date Steph questions him on the cologne scent he's wearing]
Steph: You're wearing a cologne made of pheromones? How do you know whose pheromones are even in there?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: You think the cologne makers were like, 'Hey, death-row inmate, scrape some pheromones in this cup. There's a pack of cigarettes in it for you.'
Steph: It's a possibility.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Me, I choose to believe they have the Hemsworth brothers on an elliptical wearing nothing but sponges.

Olivia: I think I banged that dude.
Clive: Chase Graves? Yeah, you banged him.

Sergeant: Big fan of the show, Mayor. Wife and I binged the whole shebang. I'm such an Ed.

Ernie: Why would anyone kill such a nice old lady? Every day at sunset, she used to walk the gardens and tell me how much she loved them.
Olivia: I bet she didn't love these gladiolas. They are crap. Crapiolas!

Gary: "Did anybody want to murder Mike?" Please. Bunch of drag bitches packed into a tiny bar? Somebody wanted to murder someone every night.

[Peyton still tries to get the Cassidy information out of Liv on stripper-brain]
Peyton: Maybe try closing your eyes. Focus on the phrase, 'Stash house.' 'Stash house.' 'Stash house.' 'Stash house.'
Olivia: It's not about focusing, okay? It's not Pop-A-Shot.

[last lines]
Peyton: [before leaving Liv's home, Peyton tells Liv with tears down her eyes] You know, you sleep with someone, you think you know them. But they could be anybody. Good night.
Drake: [as Liv walks into her bedroom, seeing Drake in bed] Everything okay?

Clive: [Explaining the process of getting permission to date co-workers] You go to Diana, in HR, on the fifth floor. You tell her about...
Olivia: [Starts singing] Go to Diana in HR / And tell her how you feel...
Clive: ...She gives you a waiver for legal and an official declaration form.
Olivia: [singing] Once you declare what's in your heart / It means your love is real

Olivia: [after finding Shawna's tumblr page] I don't want you to freak out, but I think Shawna's...
Major: Crazy?
Olivia: --- A zombie hunter trained by the CDC. Getting close to you is step one of a nine-step plan. Step two...
Major: I'm going to stick with she's crazy,

[Liv makes out with Drake on the table]
Olivia: Wait! I'm taking advantage of you.
Drake: I don't think that's true.
Olivia: [Drake continues kissing Liv] Wait. I roofied you with horny-librarian brain.
Drake: That's a first.

[Brandt Stone questions Clive by pointing out the condition of his client Major]
Brandt: [Brant Stone chuckles] Detective, I don't even know where to begin. The constitution, maybe? Arresting my client again after he's just been charged? That is textbook cruel and unusual. I mean, look at him. Look at my client. He looks like a... day-old dog dump. No offense.

Olivia: [Watching video of Gordie Shultz] This is him?
Clive: It's a highlight reel of sorts.
Ravi: You're going to be a hockey player, Liv.
Olivia: He's not a hockey player, he's a felon.
Clive: He's a goon.
Ravi: [Happily] You're going to be a goon, Liv!

Ravi: Mmm. A guy with an ankle monitor gets a hot girlfriend. Yet some women won't date a guy who wears Crocs.

[Liv changes her hair to go undercover at Max Rager]
Ravi: What does it mean that I find your new look weird and creepy?
Olivia: It means that you spend too much time with the dead.

Olivia: A zombie crashing a zombie haters club meeting. It's like the coolest dare imaginable. We could even do accents. You be American and I'll be Brit!
[Puts on a terrible cockney accent]
Olivia: Mind the gap, you dumb squib! I cocked up that giddy kipper. Now I'm all collywobbles.
Ravi: [Terrible American accent] And I only speak one language and I wear white socks! USA! USA!
Olivia: I think we need to practice.

[Ravi tells both Liv and Peyton that Major didn't kill Liv's boyfriend Drake]
Olivia: So, these victims aren't even dead? Major didn't kill them?
Peyton: And he did all this to protect Liv?
Ravi: Yeah.
Olivia: So Drake is still alive?
Ravi: Frozen and, as discussed, a zombie, but yes...

[Clive interrogates Harry Cole with Liv pacing back and forth behind him]
Clive: Let me tell you what it looks like, Harry. You have a gambling problem. Racked up debts you couldn't pay. Telly was sent to break some bones, or worse, but Telly brought a hammer to a bat fight.
Olivia: [Liv whispers in Clive's ear] Nice touch, Clive. You got this.

[Ravi and Liv walk to a crime scene in the early morning while Ravi is hung over]
Ravi: Why are we sprinting?
Olivia: Because I'm hungry. I haven't eaten anything lately.
Ravi: I was afraid that horny-librarian-brain would lead to poor life choices.

Clive: Was there anything strange about any other players? Something that might make people think of them as a freak of nature?
Coach: I heard one of the guys can milk himself.

[the coffee shop cashier Darcy reads Ravi their thought of the day]
Darcy: 'We must become the change we wish to see in the world.' That's Gandhi.
Ravi: Your boss is Gandhi?
Darcy: No, the quote is Gandhi.
Ravi: I know that. Of course I know that. I'm British. That manky old git cost us the crown jewel of our empire.

Don: Sergeant Hoyt Carroll! Serial number 58079086. You'll get nothing from me, you dirty krauts.
[the Truthers chuckle]
Don: You weren't laughing after big week, were you, Fritz? Our mustangs blasting your stukas outta the sky!
Harley: ...What the hell, Doc? Why is he acting like he's on Hogan's Heroes?
Ravi: I have no idea.
Bo: You think this thing's been around since World War? Maybe zombies live forever. Like vampires.

[Clive questions the coffee employee Pam when finding her in Leslie Morgan's apartment]
Pam: My Boss was murdered. And that woman made me what I am today.
Clive: A pot-smokin' break-in artist?
Pam: Hey, that's reductive, man. 'Cause I was here huntin' for clues. I just took a little break for a little pain relief.
[Pam smokes more of her weed]

[Vaughn Du Clark tells zombie Rita that she's going to laugh about being a zombie one day]
Vaughn: I promise you, one day, years from now, we're gonna be sipping limoncello on the patio of my new Lake Como estate, watching your kids run around, assuming you can still have kids... Whatever, maybe they'll be adopted. Who cares? Anyway, limoncello, frolicking kids and... We're gonna lock eyes across a sundrenched patio and we'll think...
Vaughn: [Vaughn Du Clark giggles] 'Remember... That whole crazy secret basement thing?'
Vaughn: [Vaughn Du Clark chuckles] 'Oh, how far we've come.'

Blaine: Renegade's operating out of a laundromat.
Don: Nice. Which one?
Blaine: There's more than one? I don't know anything about laundromats, I'm rich.

[Ravi tells social-media-brain Liv that he did some research on Madison Brenneck]
Ravi: It turns out our Madison was quite the millennial social media maven. Instagram, Facebook, Tumblr. She had over 600 Yelp reviews. The day she died, she tweeted 27 times.
Ravi: [when Ravi notices Liv not paying attention by tweeting] Liv. Liv.
Olivia: 'Devoured tuna roll.' Hashtag 'Sushi obsessed.' Hashtag 'Covering my ass.'

Olivia: Straight talk? I don't think you and Peyton work. True, you like a challenge and Peyton is certainly that, but she dates guys you'd find in a most eligible bachelors on the planet catalog, if such a thing existed.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: And you don't think I'd be featured in the pages of Hunks Quarterly?
Olivia: Ravi, she's a lawyer who looks like Victoria's Secret model.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Liv, I'm a tall doctor with fantastic hair and a British accent. But to hear you tell it, she's out of my league. I mean, I don't even *need* to be this attractive.

Blaine: Any idea who our mystery caller might be?
Darcy: My roommate took the call, said his name was like Ravi "Shark Buddy" or something. And he was putting on a fake British accent.
Blaine: I know him actually, accent's real.

Ravi: What brought you here?
Rachel: I'm a photographer. I want to shoot a zombie. I've already got a Nessie and a Sasquatch.

Clive: [Reading Liv's personal ad] "I wanna spend the rest of my life decomposing with you."
Olivia: What? What? It's zombie romance.
Clive: No.
Clive: No, no, no, no. It's desperate.
Ravi: It's what someone would point to if you decapitated a stranger at the back of a bus and they were looking for warning signs.

[Clive and Liv approach the magicians Smoak and Meers for the first time]
Clive: Smoak and Meers?
Smoak: Guilty.

Clive: Can you confirm whether you sent the deceased the following text?
[Reads]
Clive: "I hope your eggplant emoji falls off, and you drown in a pool of your own poop emoji. I hate your pig-face emoji, you rooster emoji."

[Ravi inspects The Fog's utility belt]
Ravi: As a man who's mentally assembled his own utility belt, I find The Fog's impressive. Carabiner hooks. Giant marble. Oh! A giant marble.
Olivia: Marble?
Ravi: Always handy. Mace.
Ravi: [Ravi sniffs the mace] No. No, wait. It's chloroform. And the handiest of crime-fighting tools, duct tape.

[Clive asks Rodney Ricks to put his foot up on the table in the interrogation room]
Rodney: [Rodney puts it up to Clive] You know, if we were in Baghdad, this would be like me flipping you off.
Rodney: [Rodney looks at Liv] Should I put the other one up here, too?
Olivia: Does this look like your gynecologist office?

[the zombie Natalie tells Major that he's a quality boyfriend]
Natalie: [Natalie smiles] You sound like the sort of quality boyfriend I've only heard about.
Major: Yeah, I wouldn't be too sure about that.
Natalie: You're doing all of this to keep your girlfriend safe. She's got to appreciate that.
Major: Ah, she doesn't know. I can't tell her. Liv would try to stop Vaughn. I'd end up getting her killed, and I can't risk that. I won't risk that. You know, it's like a cult over there, and he is their messiah offering up immortality in a can. I'm working on a plan, but in the meantime, I have to keep abducting zombies, taking them away from their families, and proving I'm a good soldier, and I'm pretty sure that Liv would find that... reprehensible. I know I do.

[Major tells the group where the Max Rager party is going to be]
Major: So, it turns out the party at Max Rager tonight is a lock-in, down in an underground parking lot. Prison-themed. Because of their new Super Max drink.
Clive: A prison theme? White people.

Blaine: Color me curious what sort of trouble Bunny had got her self into. She was a valued employee.
Olivia: She was a hooker.
Blaine: Who brought such joy to so many. What's more valuable than that?

Olivia: We said 0900.
Clive: [Checks watch] It's nine right now.
Major: If you're early, you're on time, if you're on time, you're late.
Clive: Just so I understand... If we can find you two some new non-soldier brains, you won't be like this?
Olivia: Depends on the brains.
Major: If we ate the brains of a train conductor, for example, similar issue.

Don: I stretched out my shirt. Whatever. With the money we're raking in, shirts mean nothing to me now. We could buy Shirt Island! We could pay scientists to genetically engineer a shirt-tree for us.

[Liv leaves the hospital after visiting her brother who had just told her to never see him again]
Olivia: [narrating] I couldn't have given Evan my blood even if I had been willing to turn him into a zombie. The second some nurse took my pulse and my temperature, they would've quarantined me. Maybe it's better this way. I'm radioactive. That I repel the people I love. Keep things simple. Harden yourself, Liv. You have no more family. You're a monster. Act like one.

Mrs. Brinks' Chef: Mrs. Brinks wasn't afraid to tell you what she thought, but she had such a generous spirit. A big laugh, and such a way with words.
Olivia: Raggle fraggle riggin frakety frack. Ugh!
Clive: What are you doing?
Olivia: Oh, just trying to warm up my rum toddy.
Clive: You got into their rum?
Olivia: Yeah! And I'm trying to warm it up in the microheater but I can never figure these gizmos out.

Don: I know plenty of zombies that would kill for your gig. I dunno, Blaine. Maybe we should give one of them a call.
Blaine: Maybe. But then, of course, we have to trick them into working full-time without benefits. And we, never pay overtime, which even I feel bad about. So how about we just take the path of least resistance, and, Tanner, you learn how to lock the door.
Tanner: ...So I'm... underpaid?

[Liv for the first time visits Blaine at his place of business at the funeral home]
Olivia: Oh, the humanity.
Blaine: [Blaine chuckles] You see anything you like?
Blaine: [surrounded by coffins] It's so rare the dead get to choose. I got one with a breakaway lid that's a real-time saver for today's zombie looking to make that classic-hand-shooting-up-through-the-dirt big entrance.

Herbert: The morning I found Chef, I get there. And there's a pork loin and duck thawing on the counter, with cabbage and warm beet salad.
Olivia: [Scoffs] Ugh!

[Liv accepts on helping Blaine]
Blaine: So, what do you say? Team up with me. Stop a zombie killer, maybe save a few lives? Have a few laughs?
Olivia: I don't think so.
Blaine: Okay, let me put it to you in Liv-speak. Some of these missing zombies have families and are 'nice people.' And more 'nice people' are going to go missing unless you and I do something about it. Look, we know things the FBI doesn't. So we're ahead of the curve. Help me, Zombie-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope.
Olivia: This doesn't change the fact that you still sicken me.
Blaine: [Blaine smiles] Wouldn't be me if I didn't.

Ravi: Dungeons & Dragons. The granddaddy of all fantasy role-playing games.
Clive: So, the victim has kids?
Ravi: ...Adults play it, too.

[Major has his first brain shake]
Major: Mmm. Tastes nasty... Oh, but feels great!

Olivia: Have you got some information for us?
Vampire: "I want to touch your monkey."
Olivia: Bold, direct, and a little confusing. I was hoping for something more along the lines of Harris' password.
Vampire: That is Harris' password. For everything. All one word, lower-case.

[Clive questions the Marina Owner]
Marina: [the Marina Owner yells to his son who's on his phone] Kids and their phones. You'll understand what I mean some day.
Clive: [as Clive turns to to see Liv taking a selfie of herself] No, I think I get it now.

[Major sees Don E. for the first time]
Major: Scott E?
Don: Nope. I'm flattered, though. That was one good-looking man.

Johnny: Frankly, I resent being questioned every time a hooker or stripper or dominatrix gets killed in this town. Why don't you ever bug me when somebody murders a plumber?
Clive: You hang out with a lot of plumbers?

Female: The man sitting next to me. He was very suspicious.
Ravi: How so?
Female: Well, he was one of those, you know... Like you, and he had one of those whoosie-whatsits on his head.
Ravi: A whoosie-whatsit?
Female: One of those Muslim thingamabobs. Like Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard.
Ravi: So, by whoosie-whatsit you mean Turban. By Muslim you mean Sikh. And by like me you mean brown.
Female: [Unabashed] Yes.
Ravi: Wow.

[superhero-brain Liv tells Clive there's bad people in this world]
Clive: Our mugging victim ID'd her assailants. They're both in the system.
Olivia: [Liv in a low voice] They're not in the system. They are the system.
Clive: [Clive hesitates] Yeah, not really following.
Olivia: [Liv slowly walks up to Clive] There are bad people in this world. We put them in cages, expect them to change, they never do.

[frat brother Austin, tells Liv and Clive how serious Chad Wolcoff could be]
Austin: Look. Chad wasn't just pranks and stuff. He was always there for his brothers. When you're doing your fourth funnel, and you're not gonna puke, but you might still give up, he was the guy yelling, 'Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!'

[Liv hugs Peyton after the two realize that Peyton slept with Blaine]
Peyton: I should, uh, head home and take a Silkwood shower.

[fatal-attraction-brain Liv in bed questions Major's late night text]
Olivia: I'm going to plead temporary insanity.
Major: Hey. A little jealousy makes a guy feel wanted.
Olivia: [Major gets a late night text] Little late for a text, isn't it?
Major: But let's not overplay it.

[the bartender identifies the body of Corey Carp]
Bartender: Yeah, Corey Carp. But everyone called him Big Fish.
Olivia: Because he's a big guy and his name is Carp?
Bartender: [the bartender chuckles] No. Because everything out of his mouth was a lie.
Olivia: Ah.
Bartender: A fish story.

[first lines]
Grace: [a man walks into a school library] Can I help you?
Kyle: I just need to use the computers.
Grace: Do you need the Wi-Fi password?

Stacey: They're eating that guy's brains right out of his head. They didn't even kill him first.
Blaine: I'm pretty sure he's dead.
Stacey: His legs are moving.
Don: I think that's a nervous system thing.
Blaine: Now he's definitely dead.
Man: Oh, God, no...
Blaine: Oop. No, wait.
[Man screams]
Blaine: Okay, now.

[Ravi listens to all of his phone recordings of himself from the night before while he was on Utopium at the rave club]
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi listens to the recording] Bubbles... Are... Magical!
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi skips to the next] I'm lagging, swagging, high on the wagon that she dragging! Blow her brain out the back with goods I'm packing! Weezy...
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi skips to the next] Major, you know what we need for the house? Velvet! Major. Major. Major! Major - Major.

[Blaine asks Major to bring his dad body back to him]
Blaine: I'm gonna need my dad back. God, do I miss that man.
Blaine: [Blaine tries to cry] Nope. Can't do it. You need me to show you a photo, or?
Major: No, I have no doubt which one is your dad. Imperious, fancy dresser, owns a bust of himself.
Blaine: [Blaine smiles] That's the guy!

[coffee-shop-brain Liv chooses to believe that the spirit of Leslie Morgan is in a better place]
Olivia: What a mess. Poor thing. I choose to believe she's in a better place now.
Ravi: Than under an air conditioner, you mean?
Olivia: I'm talking about Shangri-La. The happy hunting grounds. Valhalla. The great coffee shop in the sky.

Ravi: The memory loss won't be instant. It'll feel like a slow fade. With Blaine, it took a couple of days.
Major: Got it.
Ravi: You know, I had this whole speech planned. It was funny and heartfelt, profound. But it feels like a waste if you're just gonna forget it anyway. Let's just agree it was brilliant.

[Ravi gives Liv the brain of an innocent victim who died]
Ravi: [Ravi talks like a game show host] Olivia Moore! Let's see what's inside drawer number one. Today we're sending you home with Madison Brenneck.
Ravi: [Ravi opens one of the morgue doors] 25 years old. The victim of an ill-fated rendezvous with a Seattle cross-town. Bus driver said she never even looked up from her phone. She's only in our morgue because she was killed on city property. So, Madison comes complete with wonderfully unremarkable, non-murdery visions.
Olivia: All the great taste, none of the foul play.

Chase: What is this?
Hobbs: It appears to be a full-length documentary film about the exploits of our prisoner Renegade.
Paul: [Voice over on video] Liv Moore understood the stakes when she took over Seattle's largest human smuggling organization. She was there when her predecessor was executed. She resuscitated the organization when others believed Fillmore-Graves' attempt at intimidation had succeeded.
Chase: Is that Paul Rudd narrating?
Hobbs: Yeah, sounds like it.
Chase: Paul Rudd, he's a good get.

Ravi: Oh, please don't be a grosser than normal death that ruins my memory of the most incredible romantic meal of my life.
Olivia: You brought Peyton to Le Dome? On your salary?
Ravi: So worth dropping premium cable.

Olivia: 'Tis with the proudest of hearts that I shall fulfill the third of my promises three.
Isobel: Oh, great. Quick question. Do all zombies talk like you or do you, like, actually work at a Ren Faire?

[coffee-girl-brain Liv compliments Gary Derryberry's real estate apartment]
Olivia: Very airy, Gary Derryberry.

[Brody Johnson tells Liv and Clive that his alibi was going for a D and M]
Brody: Me and Austin were having a D and M.
Brody: [Liv and Clive remain silent] A deep and meaningful? You know, like when you grab a bottle of whiskey and you just walk and talk about life.
Austin: True story, bro.
Olivia: You two went on a walk, that's what you're gonna go with?
Brody: What's with the tone, bro? You've changed.

Justin: If we make it out of here, I'm transferring to accounting.

[Dr. Lockett shows Vaughn Du Clark the Super Max effect on the zombie test subject]
Dr. Lockett: As you can see, the test subject is struggling to keep up at three miles per hour. But once the Super Max enters the blood stream... The results are immediate. We can crank the treadmill up as high as nine miles per hour. Endurance and strength also sky rocket.
Vaughn: [the zombie snarls while running] Woah. I'm impressed. Considering how little cash your typical member of the undead carries.

Blaine: It may have gotten back to Mr. Boss that I had developed, um, feelings for Miss Charles
Detective: And those feelings were..
Peyton: Unreciprocated.
Detective: Yeah, but, boy... Talk about grand gestures.
Ravi: "Unreciprocated," she said. You didn't get that down.
Detective: Only because I can't spell it.

[Liv sees Ravi hungover again from drinking late with Peyton]
Olivia: Is your breakfast not using its indoor voice?
Ravi: [Ravi stares into his Rice Krispies cereal bowl] Snap, crackle, pop. So loud.
Olivia: Drinking on a school night again with Peyton. You're a disgrace to your country's proud history of functional lushes.

[Ravi and Liv show up at the crime scene of a man crushed by a failed jack under a car]
Clive: Watch out for the blood.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: This is why I pay someone to fix my car.

[Liv sits down with a guitar while in the pawn shop fingers and strums a G Major chord, getting the eye of the cashier]
Phillip: You got a good eye there, Miss. How long you been playing?
Olivia: Just picked it up.
[Liv plays a rising chord progression over four frets]
Olivia: [with a southern accent] Just like ringing a bell. I'll take it.

[Gilda tells Vaughn Du Clark what Mom used to say about him]
Gilda: Do you know what Mom used to say about you?
Vaughn: 'You should've gotten that man's name?'
Gilda: 'Vaughn Du Clark, smartest man in the world until you stroke his ego. Then he's like all the rest.'

Peyton: Why are you acting so weird? What, are you high?
Blaine: Probably?

[Rita tries to tell Liv, Clive and Major that they're all on the same side]
Gilda: [Rita whining through the glass] Come on, guys. We're all on the same side here. We all hate my dad. We all want to survive the night. We've all seen Major naked
Clive: I haven't seen...
Olivia: Do it, Major. She makes one false move, I'll put a bullet in her brain.

Olivia: Did I mean for Steve to get shot? Of course not. Could the plan have gone better? Sure. But ask yourself... Could it also have gone worse?
Clive: Yes, that's the point!

[first lines]
Liv: [narrating] This was my life before I died.
EMT: 17-year-old male. Went down playing basketball 20 minutes ago.
Monica: I've got no pulse!
Liv: He's cyanotic!
Monica: Where, the hell, is our chief resident. Did someone page Doctor Jeffries?
Liv: I need xray, pulse ox, and a central line, now. And the biggest needle you've got. We're doing this now.

Olivia: It gets worse. Detective Cavanaugh is on the case.
Ravi: Detective Cavanaugh? That weasel-faced kiss-ass? He'd waterboard his own mom if it meant making lieutenant.
Detective: [Enters] To make lieutenant?C'mon. I'm not a monster. Now, for captain's bars? I'd go full Gitmo on the old biddy.

[Drake thanks Liv for saving his life by turning him into a zombie]
Drake: Thank you. And I guess I should thank you for saving my life too, huh?
Olivia: You may want to wait a couple weeks. See if you still feel grateful.

[Liv straps the dismembered hand of a lab tech to her belt]
Olivia: A massive zombie outbreak means never having to say you're sorry.

Blaine: Don E. How soon could you have a grave dug?
Don: I have plans, actually.
[Blaine remains silent]
Don: A few hours.
Blaine: Well, let's get 'er done.

Olivia: Excellent work, Steve. I would say that warrants a special deal on raffle tickets. I'll go 10 for 10 bucks.
Vampire: That's not a special deal, that's just what they cost.

Jane: It's so dark in here.
Clive: Sorry, bulb blew.

[last lines]
Major: These coolers are full of brains. Now, it's a lot to absorb, I know, but I will explain everything. And don't worry, 'cause I'm gonna kill them. I'm gonna kill them all.

[the Zombie High prop master Fitz calls the actor Jordan Marsh Numbnuts]
Clive: Did you find the prop gun?
Fitz: Not yet. You can bet it'll be me who gets fired for it, not Numbnuts.
Olivia: I love the cute little nicknames the crew have for the actors.

Justin: Know what all those guys did before they were zombie mercenaries?
Major: I don't know, Justin. Play villains in '80s movies?

[Peyton reveals to Blaine that Liv is her friend]
Peyton: [Liv stands at Peyton's side] Blaine thinks he and I could have something special.
Olivia: Aww, he swiped right. I'm sure that your Tinder photo is hair-centric and flattering, but how do you spin that bio? 'I'm a humble guy, always down for a hike, or we could just murder and chill.' 'My fave slays are astronauts, homeless teens and boyfriend.'

Brandt: I have good news and bad news.
Blaine: Good news. I could use some good news.
Brandt: I'll start with the bad news.

Clive: According to his parents, in his spare time, he did something called "larpering." The parents didn't know much about it, but it sounded in your wheelhouse, so...
Ravi: It's actually called LARPing and it stands for "Live Action Role-Playing."
Clive: So it's like a sex thing?
Ravi: What? No.

[Vaughn Du Clark tells Liv that he has secrets in his Max Rager basement]
Vaughn: You wanna know what's in the basement?
Olivia: Yes.
Vaughn: Secrets. You know who else has a secret basement? Everyone. Because it's business, and businesses compete by trying to come up with even cooler new things, and you don't want someone trying to copy your new cooler thing before you're done, do you? So you work on it in your secret basement.

Johnny: Look, hookers, strippers, yeah but a dominatrix? I'm a married man Detective, I already give way too much of my money to a woman who abuses me.

[Major questions Liv about hanging around with Blaine]
Olivia: I'm not palling around with him. One of the weird, um, 'perks', at my job is that I get to know just about every funeral director in the city.
Major: You didn't tell me.
Olivia: Yeah, because I thought you would do something unwise with the information. Drop by the grenade store.

[Major bumps into Liv, who calls him bro when trying to talk to him]
Olivia: I'm on frat boy brains at the moment, and everything's getting filtered through the boy-zone layer.
Major: [Major chuckles] I'm on frat boy brains. 'No big whoop.' Just like you're doing a cleanse. Eating dead people brains.
Olivia: It's just a fact of my life right now. Look past it, please. I wanna catch up.
Major: Sorry, bro. No can do.

Major: Hey, a couple of months of not being a zombie sounds good to rne. I mean, no offense.
Olivia: I'm gonna take a little offense.

Doc: I'm a Niners fan, okay? I... I have a sticker on my car, sure, but, like most of America, it's because I hate the Seahawks. I hate how cocky they are.
Olivia: It ain't cocky if you can back it up.
Clive: It's true. They're awful.

[Liv and Clive question Vaughn Du Clark about the homicide of Dr. Eleanor Cash]
Vaughn: Dr. Cash? Never heard of her. What makes you think she works here?
Olivia: We, uh, we...
Clive: We have a source.
Vaughn: Source? So, it's not just that you enjoy dropping by every time a homicide is committed in King County?

Ravi: Charlie just asked for help getting her sister Laila a message?
Laila: And yet, she's the smart one. The one that doesn't realize saying "twin" is the same as saying "sister," but with more information.
Ravi: Unless the twin is a brother.

Ravi: You know the old saying, "A watched pot never boils," until its contents reach a temperature at which the vapour pressure of the liquid is equal to the pressure exerted on the liquid by the surrounding atmosphere.

[last lines]
Ravi: [Ravi speaks into his recorder, after he finds that the test rat regressed and went back to zombie form] The subject maintained a normal state for 162 days. The reversion to zombie form was sudden and complete. There were no warning signs. If the cured rat regressed to zombie form, it's more than likely that at some point, the cured humans will as well. The reversion also casts doubt on all working theories about the cure, muting whatever hopes we've been able to muster. And if hope is indeed lost, what's left for our zombies to live for?

[Liv makes Peyton a chocolate-covered brain nougat for her to get to Major in jail]
Peyton: And this is, what exactly?
Olivia: Chocolate-covered brain nougat. We have to get Major brains by tomorrow morning, or we're in serious trouble.

[Ravi learns that Seattle has a vigilante crime fighter named The Fog]
Ravi: I'm sorry, Seattle has a vigilante crime fighter called The Fog? How did I not know about this?
Clive: Oh, we've got a few superhero wannabes here.

Peyton: [Reading a text from Ravi's phone] "Mosco Bandiwax fell to his death in the Cavern of Nasty Pricks." Does that mean anything to anyone?
Ravi: Only to a little old halfling lady in Mirkwood who will have one less mince pie to bake during the Feast of Belbuck.

Ravi: She was conked in the head, then wrapped up. Sometime around 1:00 a.m.
Clive: Conked with what?
Ravi: Based on the bruise, something about the width of a French bread.
Clive: We don't need to have a motif here.
Ravi: You asked.

Clive: The man's having a bad day. Let's go make it worse.

Clive: I figured if you're gonna eat a bunch of criminals, you should have some law enforcement with you. And it'll give me one last hurrah with my partner.
Ravi: "S." Partners.

Liv: That's the thing about pain isn't it. Really feeling it it doesn't make it stop. It just show's you you're still alive.

[Blaine pulls his reanimated father out of the freezer]
Blaine: [Blaine made-up to look and sound like an old man] Daddy? You've come back to us. After 50 years of praying, here you are. You missed it all. The Zombie Apocalypse, the Rapture, the Ginger Rapture, the Great Floods of '28 and '44.
Angus: Blaine? Is that you?
Blaine: Quick! We've got to get you out of here before Dr. Zaius catches us! You see, winter is coming!

Blaine: First rule of brain club, you don't talk about brain club.

Clive: I'm not gonna be able to sleep until I've got that vaccine coursing through my veins.
Ravi: Hmm. Insomnia is actually one of the earliest symptoms of Aleutian flu.

Detective: Hey, any idea why Liv Moore would text me "Down to duck" in the middle of the night? My wife was pissed, I had to sleep on the couch.

Olivia: I'll lift her keycard and get it to Ravi, who will access her office computer and switch Charli's retinal scan to read as Saxon's. All you gotta do is keep her occupied and out of her purse till he gets it back. Got it?
Clive: Yeah. I'm the Clooney, I got it.

[Vaughn Du Clark tells zombie Rita that he's doing everything for her]
Vaughn: The company is selling for more money than I can ever spend over multiple lifetimes. And now, with all these zombie guinea pigs, finding a cure for you will have my full attention.
Gilda: Wow. You're doing all this for me?
Vaughn: Yeah, I am.
Gilda: Yet you couldn't hold an elevator door open for three seconds.

[Major meets the zombie Natalie]
Natalie: I was a call girl. The normal, human kind... upscale clientele. Then this mystery man contacts me. We have our date. And the next morning I wake up, and guess what sounds tasty to me?
Major: Brains.
Natalie: Exactly. Then this John drops back by, welcomes me to 'Team Z.' And explains that I was a zombie now and in exchange for the brains I needed to survive, I would have to service his zombie clients.
Major: That's horrible.

Don: I've got a client at my nightclub. Trust fund kid. Loaded. Zombie life doesn't agree with him and he's down. Moaning how he wishes he had a cure...
Ravi: Okay, I see. My answer is still...
Don: For one dose, he's offering $100,000. We can split, 50-50. 50k, that buys a lot of...
[Looks at Ravi]
Don: Sweaters, or whatever it is you're into.

[Ravi and Liv arrive to the Karma Cleaners & Alterations shop]
Ravi: All right, what's the plan?
Olivia: We'll wing it. You ready to do this?
Ravi: Yes, and...
Olivia: And what?
Ravi: 'Yes, and... ' It's the first rule of improv? It's what keeps the scene moving forward.
Olivia: Try not to talk. You willing to hold my hand?
Ravi: [Ravi smiles while holding Liv's hand] Yes. And...

Johnny: Look, I was upset because Cassidy was stealing, but, we had a special bond. Truly. I'm not sure I'll ever get over losing her.
Destiny: [Walks up] I'm free now, Mr. Frost. Ready to hit the champagne room?
Johnny: [to Liv and Peyton] You'll have to excuse me. Destiny is calling.

[Jenny Rosine admits to the police and her sister that she murdered Dr. Eleanor Cash]
Jenny: I killed her, Annie. For what she did to you. To us. You know how much Annie got in the settlement? Report says $50,000. Look at her. You think that's fair? To either of us? I wanted to be an archeologist. See the world. Annie wanted to be a television news reporter. Well, good luck, huh? Now I'm Annie's nurse. Someone's gotta do it, go out in the world, get groceries, make it to the drug store. What'd you tell me, once, Annie? You know how the Elephant Man feels.

Clive: What happened back in Vaughn's office?
[Gilda is eavesdropping from an office alcove]
Clive: I assume you had one of your psychic visions that told you Vaughn was sleeping with Taylor.
Olivia: Yeah. The kind I'd like to erase. The man has sex with an ankh necklace on. On a leather cord!

Clive: Zen Guru beaten to death with a Buddha statue, feels personal.
Ravi: Or a tragic misunderstanding of "Open your Mind".

Olivia: I've been on zombie dates before where the gentleman zombie and I weren't rocking the same brain. I was a pathological liar, he was a hypochondriac. He was gay, I was a nympho. So, how about we hop on the same brain train?
[Passes a spoon of Brain Chili]
Justin: Mmm... this spoon-feeding thing makes me think you ate my mom's brain. That'd make for an uncomfortable night.

Ravi: So, I've got some weird news.
Olivia: Oh, you and Peyton tried the soak-and-stare technique.
Ravi: Uh, no.

Olivia: You know, I could catch any D I want in this place?
Ravi: Most of the guys in here are human.
Olivia: They won't be when I'm making them brains for breakfast.
[Ravi gives her a look]
Olivia: Just kidding. I'm not gonna let them stay for breakfast.

[Major tries to rush Ravi for the zombie cure]
Major: Now, imagine how put out the guy who invented the polio vaccine must've been. You know, what with all the impatient children dying of polio stacking up.
Ravi: Jonas Salk is the man's name. Perhaps if he'd score a touchback for the Huskers.
Major: Or a touchdown for the Huskies.

[Peyton and Ravi drink one last night together and talk about zombies]
Peyton: Look, I know one thing. If I ever was turned into a zombie, my first order of business would be to scratch you. I'd be like, 'Oh, man! I'm a zombie.' Scratch!
Ravi: Seems a little self-serving, but okay.
Peyton: No way am I doing this whole zombie thing without you.

[the coffee shop cashier Darcy tells Clive about the chances Leslie Morgan would give people]
Darcy: She made a point of hiring the less-advantaged. So that they could have a second chance. Or even a third chance.
Clive: How many chances did Pam get?
Darcy: Lots.

[Liv wonders what a night watchmen's brain will show her]
Olivia: Night watchmen brain. Wonder what fresh hell this is going to be.
Ravi: In cricket, a night watchmen is a low-order batsman moved up in an effort to maintain the strike till the end...
Ravi: [Liv turns on the bone saw] Funny girl.

[Liv scrambles eggs, slices open a brain, fries it, to fold it in-between an egg omelet]
Olivia: [Liv talks with her mouth full] Mmm. Oh, my God.
Ravi: Nothing more primal than a zombie craving brains.

[Peyton talks to Ravi and Major about women not being too needy]
Peyton: Let's get it all out in the open, Man-Things. What about Liv? She's not glomming onto you, is she? She's not cramping your style? She's not being too needy?
Major: No. It's all good. Real good.
Major: [Peyton and Ravi remain quiet] I mean, today she left me a voice-mail about how drowning would be a beautiful way to die, but otherwise, you know, same old Liv.
Ravi: Ah, yeah, uh, she's rolling hard on a death-obsessed magician. It will pass. She just needs to eat someone else's brain.
Major: Is that all?
Ravi: Mm-hmm.

[Liv tells Major that the two of them can no longer kiss]
Olivia: That's it. Kissing moratorium until we're sure I just didn't turn you into a zombie.
Major: So, we're going the Pretty Woman no-kissing-on-the-mouth route. I'm down!
Olivia: Oh, my god. Horny boys are the worst. When all your blood returns to the normal locations in your body, you're gonna care whether that make-out session has left you living or living dead.

Don: Wanna know what I'm gonna do with you?
Dino: [Severed head] Not really.
Don: I'm boxing you up and I'm mailing you to Gwyneth Paltrow. She'd think that's funny, right? She seems cool.

[Liv on stripper-brain gives Peyton a more rough lap dance]
Peyton: What do you want me to say?
Olivia: I want you to appreciate how freakin' hot I am.
Peyton: Okay.
Olivia: Why do you have to make it all emotional? I have a body, all right? Can't you just think of me as a sexual object?
Peyton: Fine. Whatever. You want to back up that booty, back it up. Let's see what you got.
Olivia: Oh, I'll show you what I got.
Peyton: Oh, bring it.
Olivia: [Liv dances her butt up to Peyton's face] You know it's still 20 bucks, right?

[Blaine and Ravi arm themselves with weapons to save Peyton]
Blaine: If I go out, it's going to be in a blaze of glory, not by friendly fire.
Ravi: [Ravi talks serious with Blaine] So you know, I'm squad leader on my Call of Duty World League Challenge Division team. I know what I'm doing.

[Liv and Clive interview Houdina who denies believing that Syd Wicked is dead]
Clive: We'd like to ask you some questions about Syd Wicked.
Houdina: He's not dead. I bet it's a stunt. Syd's very talented.
Olivia: Trust me, he's dead.
Houdina: [Houdina smiles] Whatever you say.

[Blaine pays a visit to Liv asking for her help]
Blaine: You know those five missing gentlemen in the newspapers, the ones the FBI has seen fit to investigate?
Olivia: Yeah?
Blaine: Well, three of them were big fans of brains. I know. They were my customers. It seems someone out there is killing Seattle's zombies.
Olivia: And you're here to warn me? To make sure that I watch my back?
Blaine: Oh, God, no. I'm telling you this because I need your help to stop whoever's killing our living-challenged friends. Not to mention, it's bad for my bottom line. So, what do you say, partner? Should we take justice into our own hands?
[Blaine holds up the Justice Tarot card]

[Ravi checks over Blaine's memory loss and gives him a professional diagnosis]
Ravi: I'm not seeing any post-concussion red flags. But if your memory loss persists, you should get an MRI, or a CT scan. Maybe a PET scan. Anything with an acronym, really, just as long as it tests brain function.

Clive: Liv, I know you're on a flighty romantic brain, but I need you to focus. You cannot see Allan outside of this case. I think he may be our guy.
Olivia: But I'm 100% sure he's innocent.
Clive: Based on what?
Olivia: The fact that he may be my future soulmate!
Clive: He may be a future inmate, Liv!

[Angus DeBeers tells Blaine that he's going to need a bigger coffin to dispose of Chief's body]
Angus: You're gonna need a bigger box for your employee here.
Blaine: We usually just chop off the feet. Nobody looks down there.

[the coffee shop cashier Darcy tells Clive and Liv about the jar of money they're raising for Pam]
Olivia: Oh, look, Clive, they're collecting money to get Pam out of jail.
Darcy: Pam would never hurt Leslie. It's not just me saying that. So is the money in the jar.
Clive: The jar is half-empty.
Olivia: It's half-full.

[Vaughn Du Clark tries to talk to Liv about her snooping around his business]
Vaughn: Okay, impulse. Impulse to incinerate Liv Moore. Oh...
Vaughn: [Vaughn groans] Shake it off. Shake it off. Huh.

[first lines]
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [sewing stitches] Easy. You're lucky you're not dead. Although, if you were, this would come much more naturally to me.
Major: [laying on his exam table] You know what you're doing, right?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: I mean, theoretically. Sure. But did you consider a trip to the ER?
Major: I'm a social worker. My insurance covers, like, one Band-Aid a year.
Olivia: [entering] Major? What the hell?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: It's nothing.
Olivia: Those are Y-incision stitches! They need to be closer together, unless you're going for that Frankenstein look.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: The man's too good-looking. I'm giving him character.

[Major and Liv see Ravi going to bed with Peyton]
Major: I'm guessing we won't be needing this inflatable mattress.

Clive: A.J.'s running toward the edge of the roof, and I see someone has laid down these planks over the alley, kind of a makeshift bridge to the next building. Know what I do?
Olivia: You shoot the planks.
Clive: Damn straight I do. I shoot the first one, BANG! But A.J. decides he's gonna try his luck with the remaining plank, and he takes his first step. Guess what I say?
Olivia: "One more step, and it'll be planks for the memories?"
Clive: Really? You think I'd say something like that?
Olivia: I would.

Olivia: Suspect number six. Dimple chin, high cheekbones, barbells in each of his nipples.
Jimmy: This is kind of a "from the neck up" situation.
Olivia: [Mildly threatening] Draw the nipples, Jimmy.

Ravi: What's that look?
Olivia: I'm hatching a scheme.
Ravi: I'm not in the mood, Liv.
Olivia: I didn't ask, 'cause guess what? I know how to heal your chakra, Barti. 'We're gonna solve the case.
Ravi: First of all, there'll be no further wordplay with my name.

[first lines]
Taylor: Remember at the Botox party, how she was going around behind my back telling everyone I was a bitch? So I called her on it. Today at lunch. Ha! She flat-out denied it. Can you believe it?
Woman on Phone: [the woman on the phone] Oh, my God! What did you do?
Taylor: [Taylor sighs] I threw my drink in her face and I walked out. I mean, I love that woman but she is too much drama.
[the doorbell rings]

Clive: I guess this is what they call "the good life"
Olivia: With these knees, they better have an elevator in "the good life" or you're going to be carrying me up the stairs like a Sherpa.
Clive: Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

Ravi: It's just Peyton. She's just a little bit...
Olivia: Underwhelmed in the sack?
Ravi: What? Did she say something?
Olivia: You're probably overdoing it. It's a common mistake for young men. It's simpler than you think. You know, four hours before sex, you just take an ice bath, eat three Brazil nuts...
Ravi: Okay, thank you.
Olivia: ...a spoon of fermented trout butter, and then, during the jam sesh, you just, sort of, soak. You know, think of it as a hot tub. Not a lap pool. And focus on the eyes.
Ravi: ...I was gonna say she's a bit overwhelmed at work.

[Liv tells Major and Ravi that Clive really fills out his fitted shirts]
Olivia: He really fills out those fitted shirts, huh?
[both Major and Ravi nod up and down while eating]

Detective: Don't waste your sympathy on these guys. They're the worst of the worst.
Ravi: Who's that guy who put his victims' organs in jars?
Detective: Perry the Pickler.
Detective: There's Ice Pick Rick, Zombie Killer Cain...

[Ravi talks to Liv through the prison visiting glass]
Ravi: We get eight more minutes. So, what do you want to talk about? Oh, what's the best American album of all time? I say, it's Pet Sounds by the Beach Boys.
Olivia: Can we just sit here? Eight minutes of silence is just what the doctor ordered.

[Gilda comes home and finds jealous-brain Liv on Major's Facebook page]
Gilda: Well, look who's home for once.
Olivia: [Liv talks at her laptop] You slut!
Gilda: [Gilda hesitates] Um... Whatcha doing?
Olivia: Making a list of all the women who comment or post on Major's Facebook entries. This is bad, huh?
Gilda: It isn't good.

[Peyton and Ravi hug each other goodbye]
Peyton: You're the best.
Ravi: You know, for the record, I'd be very sad to see you go. My liver, on the other hand, is like, 'Good riddance.'

Don: You're the turncoat who got Blaine's dad out of the well. Blaine's pissed. You'll see when he gets back. Did you hear me?
Dino: Not interested.
Don: Classic Dino! Sparkling conversationalist. I worked with a mute, and we had so much more fun.

[the zombies in the Max Rager garage chase Major, Liv, and Clive into a single storage room]
Major: This is why I self-park.

[Liv interviews Bailey Barker's friend Frankie when she tells her Brody Johnson is Bailey's murderer]
Olivia: Why would he want to kill her?
Frankie: He was running against Bailey for president of the student senate.
Olivia: They must really take their student government seriously here.

[Major tells Blaine that he doesn't kill his zombies but freezes them]
Major: My handlers don't care which zombie I take out next as long as I make my way steadily down my list.
Blaine: And they have you freeze them?
Major: They think I'm killing them.
Blaine: Killing sounds easier.
Major: Yeah, except I'm not a murderer.
Blaine: I bet you tell that to all the families grieving for their loved ones.

Ravi: The report was for a dealer from Mr. Boss's crew, busted a day after the boat party with Utopium in his possession. Possibly cooked by Beanpole himself.
Olivia: [On pageant girl brain] That's great. I think drugs is one of the biggest issues facing young people today. Or any people.
Ravi: It's true. Albeit unrelated. The best part is, the dealer made bail then vanished. Likely meaning Mr. Boss had him murdered.
Olivia: Oh. Well, um, murder is almost always bad. But, uh... I don't know.

Major: [Catching Ravi playing D&D] So, you know, I'm out on the streets trying to catch a murderer.
Clive: I catch a murderer every week.

[Liv gets on stage of The Slow Roll country bar to sing her song]
Olivia: [speaking while strumming the intro to her song] Hi, I'm Liv. This is a song that I wrote about two people that I have gotten to know recently. They love each other, desperately, but they can't seem to stop hurting each other.
Olivia: [begins to sing her song] So you heard from some folks that I ain't been true / I guess you still get gossip in the clink / It happened on one night, I was full of SoCo and lime / When a pretty boy bought me a drink / And he said, "Darlin', you're too pretty to be sad" / And I said, "Mister, I needed to hear that real bad"...
[Babineaux leaves Liv a voicemail message regarding the case as a woman brings in a bag of something her son found]
Olivia: [singing] There's only nightmares ahead of us / And sweet dreams long ago / It's time to wake up, baby / It's time I let you go / Oh oh, oh oh / I've got to let you... go.

[pathological-liar-brain Liv tells Clive she used to bartend]
Olivia: You know, I used to bartend.
Clive: You never mentioned that.
Olivia: Yeah. At this island-themed place called Jamaica Me Thirsty. The bartenders were the show, juggling bottles, making drinks blindfolded, dancing on the bar. I was kind of a big deal. Don't bother looking for the place now.
Clive: Wasn't planning to.

[Gilda teases Vaughn Du Clark about decorating his office after his murder]
Vaughn: As I know you've already redecorated my office in your mind, you can only hope.
Gilda: I'll be going with a mid-century vibe. Desk facing north. Warhol originals. Your Elon Musk Bobble-head in the trash.
[Gilda sarcastically chuckles while walking away]

[Liv tells Ravi about Rita's true identity]
Ravi: Gilda-slash-Rita slept with Major, you found out, confrontation, argue, argue, argue, exit Gilda.
Olivia: And I punched her in the face.
Ravi: You Americans and your violence.

[last lines]
Drake: [Drake talks to his mother on the phone] Yeah, Ma. Yeah, Ma. Ma, I gotta go.

Clive: I don't think I can roll with this. I mean, what if in the history of the Zombie Wars I'm the human who had a chance to say something, and I sat on my hands?
Ravi: I mean, bright side, the writer of the history of the Zombie Wars will very likely be a zombie, and you'll be viewed as a hero.

[Clive arrives to the crime scene of Syd Wicked's dead body]
Ravi: Ugh! What is that horrible, horrible smell?
Clive: I'm guessing it's the dead body.

[first lines]
Gilda: [Gilda finds Liv in their kitchen, as Liv downs a bottle of hot sauce out of the fridge] Good morning, stranger. Hangover cure?
Olivia: Just a weird craving. At least it's not hollandaise sauce, right?

[Clive tells Liv and Ravi about the stalker Regina Summer]
Clive: All she wanted to talk about was my job. She wanted details on the cases. She wanted me wearing my holster when we were, uh, intimate. She wanted to hold my gun.
Clive: [Ravi prepares to make a comment when Clive silences him off] Mmm-mmm.

[Ravi asks Peyton for girlfriend advice]
Ravi: You know Steph, the woman I'm kind of seeing?
Peyton: 'Kind of seeing.' Yeah. Women love when you use qualifiers like that.
Ravi: I like her, it's... My question is, look, she just changed her Facebook status to 'In a relationship.'
Peyton: And that freaked you out. Look, I change my status to 'In a relationship' all the time, just to get dudes to leave me alone.
Ravi: Yeah. Okay. I can see that.

[Ravi gives Liv some advice about what to do in regards to Peyton Charles returning to the city]
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Look, you and Peyton have been best friends since college. You don't just casually walk away from that. Now, I bet she'll want to be back in your life. Maybe not right away. But eventually. And when she does, I hope you've left the door open.

[Ravi and Liv follow the new lead of magicians Smoak and Meers]
Ravi: Hashtag, 'I think we have a new lead.'
Olivia: Don't do that.

[Liv discovers that Major has a safe in his closet]
Olivia: You have a safe in your closet?
Major: You're back.
Olivia: I didn't like how we left things, so I came back to apologize. When did you get the safe?
Major: I got it when a giant zombie broke into my place last year.

Blaine: Al Bronson of Bluster magazine. Met Liv and Ravi. From the Seattle P.D. They just popped by to see if I committed a murder. We do this every few months.

[the TV director yells out cut on the set of Zombie High]
Director: Cut! Come on, people. There's only one gunshot. So why are there two squibs?
Bonnie: Standards won't let us get away with that much blood.

[Ravi imitates Marlon Brando from The Godfather, while going over the crime scene of Bailey Barker's corpse in the water]
Ravi: [in Brando's accent] 'It's a Sicilian message. It means Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes.' That's Don Corleone.
Clive: No, it wasn't. And it was Clemenza who said that line, anyway.

[Liv takes over to coach Major's basketball team during practice]
Olivia: [Liv blows the whistle] Huddle up! Here's what's going to happen, gentlemen. You're going to pick it up. I want to see ball movement, proper screens, hard cuts to the hole. And if I don't, I'm going to run you like dogs.
Olivia: [the kids laugh, as we see them running on the court next] Let's go, ladies! Hustle! I tried to warn you, you want to dance, you got to pay the band.

[Major arrives home to find out Ravi named Major's new dog, Minor]
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Things are different now with Minor here.
Major: Minor?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: He was whining all night.
Major: You named the dog Minor?

[Mr. Boss demands to his henchman that he wants Blaine dead]
Stacey: I want Blaine dead. Dead, dead. And when it's done, cut his head off, bring it to me in a hat box. This is Seattle, not Sleepy Hollow.

[Liv explains to Don E. why she needs to give brains to Major in prison]
Olivia: You know the so-called Chaos Killer?
Don: Yeah! They caught the zombie killing son-of-a-bitch!
Olivia: Yeah, well. He's a zombie himself. And if he doesn't get out of jail soon, he's going to get his brains the old fashion zombie way. 24 hours later, you'll be the savvy businessmen selling sand in the Sahara.
Don: Oh, God.

Olivia: It's just my... Martin...
Major: Your dad?
Olivia: That word still does not come naturally to me. It's like calling a pine cone Your Majesty.

[the magician Houdina performs her card throwing trick on stage with Liv as the volunteer]
Houdina: People think playing cards is just for fun and games. But a full deck is like a gun with 52 deadly bullets in the chamber.
[Houdina throws the playing card, cutting the celery stalk Liv holds in her mouth]

[Vaughn Du Clark calls for his zombies in the Max Rager labs]
Vaughn: There they are. Come on, people. Look alive-ish.

[Clive tries to tell superhero-brain Liv that the police can't just raid a place]
Clive: We can't just raid a place. There's a protocol. First there's probable cause. Then comes the warrant.
Olivia: [Liv in a low voice] I'm the probable cause.

[last lines]
Eva: You're hiring? Because my son needs a job. He's 16. Is that too young?
Blaine: Let's have him fill out an application, see what happens.

[Liv and Ravi arrive to the set of Zombie High]
Olivia: Last night, I was watching Zombie High, and now I'm friggin' in it. But only because the star's been murdered. Is there a word that means both cool and awful?
Ravi: In the 16th century, the word was egregious. Now it just means, 'shockingly bad.' As in, the way Zombie High treats science.
Olivia: It's not supposed to be a documentary on zombie biology.
Ravi: Then mission accomplished.

[Peyton tells Blaine off after finding out his true identity]
Peyton: For the record, all you are to me is a giant mistake.

[Vaughn Du Clark tells Major he has a list of more zombie names for him]
Vaughn: Well, we're constantly monitoring hot sauce, hair dye and fake tan spending in the Pacific Northwest. We would not want any zombie-come-latelies crashing our parties. Would we?

[Vaughn Du Clark reminds Major how swell the strength of Super Max is]
Vaughn: Just finished my keynote for Rager-Con '16, and it's not even 10:00.
Vaughn: [Vaughn chuckles] Super Max, man. Super Max! I mean, my mental energy is like, it's... It's off the charts. And physically? Forget it. Ask the Air Gaulle flight attendant how many petits morts she morted last night? Go ahead.
Major: Sounds like a personal question for a total stranger.
Vaughn: Six! You're welcome! Saved you the embarrassment.

[Agent Bozzio has hope for Clive's case against Major]
Dale: Your case seems pretty damn solid. Wonder twin powers?
[as the two lock fists together, smiling, imitating explosion noises as they pull fists away]

[Blaine comments on Liv and him sitting on a stakeout together]
Blaine: Look at us, on a stakeout. You're like, the stoic by-the-book veteren and I'm the fun guy who...
Olivia: Who deals drugs and kills homeless teenagers.
Blaine: I was gonna say, 'Doesn't play by the rules,' but sure.

[Angus DeBeers tells Blaine he'll do what he says when he says it]
Angus: That pounding in your ears is the sound of your leverage evaporating. I am the new CEO here. You love being human. The food. The sex. You always were a hedonist. You're built for it, so... You'll do what I say, when I say it, or...
Angus: [inhaling sharply with a slice to Blaine's neck] Back to Zombieland for you.

Gary: Have you spoken to Bitchcraft?
Clive: "Bitchcraft." Is that a person?
Gary: One of the new zombie kids. A stone-nasty skinny bitch, and I do not mean that as a compliment.

[Clive questions Vaughn Du Clark about Dr. Eleanor Cash's issues with her co-workers]
Clive: How did she get along here? She ever have issues with the other employees?
Vaughn: Well, she had issues with me. I had her demoted for failing to deliver results on time. But I don't murder employees over missed deadlines, as a rule.

Clive: What happened to your arm?
Wally: Fighting off the ladies. You know how it is.
[Gives him a look over]
Wally: Or maybe you don't.

[Blaine tells Drake that he needs to eat brains as a zombie]
Blaine: You were dying, and in an effort to save you... Well, we had a zombie scratch you. I may have buried the lead here. Zombies are a real thing.
Drake: So the fact that I crave...
Blaine: Brains? Yeah, that's a zombie thing. But fear not, everything's gonna be just fine. If you follow my instructions, you'll have all the brains you need.
Drake: I need brains.
Blaine: [Blaine chuckles] Sorry. Wow. I am really rusty at the 'Welcome to Team-Z' speech. I should've made pamphlets.

[Rita reminds her father the manic episodes that can be caused by the Super Max drink]
Gilda: Accounting-wise, we've factored in lawsuits. There'll be violent episodes similar to the frequency we experienced with Max Rager.
Vaughn: Only now, these manic episodes will be committed by super-strong, super-fast, tireless Super Max drinkers. Yeah, I got news for you. Everybody's going to be drinking Super Max. The take-away is, the only thing that can take down a bad guy having a Super Max freak out is a good guy chugging a Super Max.

Clive: [Questioning Major] I also had them test some urine found in the Meat Cute freezer, and guess what? It matched your DNA.
Brandt: You're saying my client shot up a butcher shop and peed in the freezer?

Olivia: Bunny ain't talking. Corpses are funny that way.
Ravi: Uh, there's a lot we can deduce from a body. That's literally our job.

[Blaine pays a visit to Ravi to pick up the zombie cure]
Blaine: [singing the Cure] I don't care if Monday's blue / Tuesday's gray and Wednesday too / Thursday I don't care about you / It's Friday I'm in love
Ravi: To what do I owe the pleasure?
Blaine: Come on. The Cure? I don't know why I bother.
Ravi: The cure won't be ready for a while, yet.

[Blaine pays a visit to Gabriel, the thief who stole some of his Utopium]
Gabriel: Welcome, brothers. Have you heard the good news? Jesus saves.
Blaine: That is good news. Do you know where he shops?

[Blaine reads the FBI files that find his yellow coolers in multiple cases]
Blaine: 'Found in the home refrigerators of three of the missing persons,' 'identical insulated yellow coolers.' Damn it. We should've gone with the freezer bags. I'm such a slave to aesthetics.

[Clive and Liv question Mr. Boss about the vigilante crime fighter The Fog]
Stacey: What exactly is a 'vigilante crime fighter'?
Olivia: You know exactly what he is, a superhero. A selfless defender of those who can't defend themselves.
Stacey: I see. I don't want to pretend to know how to do your job, but it just seems to me, your best bet, would be to aim a floodlight into the night sky with his logo burned into it. I'm sure he'd find you.

Clive: You might wanna make yourself a little snack.
Olivia: It will be just a *little* snack, thank you very much. Because this---
[Holds up tiny brain bits]
Olivia: ... Has to last me a week.
Ravi: Don't you always say you wish you were on a diet?
Olivia: I'm kidding. I'm mocking people who say that. That's how anti-diet I am. I have bits about my hatred of that lifestyle choice.
Ravi: All right. You're hangry

[opening theme]
deadboy & the Elephantmen: [singing] Uh-huh / Uh-huh / Oh-oh-oo / Yeah / Stop, na-nana-ooo / I'm already dead, yeah / I a-am... a-a-a-already de-e-ead

[last lines]
Major: [Major, Ravi and Liv find the dead body in the open field] Oh! Whoo!
Ravi: Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Yeah! Yay!

[Agent Bozzio at the police precinct tells Clive she hates tea]
Dale: I hate tea. Burnt water with plants in it. Some dick took the last K-cup.
Dale: [Bozzio smiles when she sees that it was Clive who's sipping away at the K-cup] I'd throw this on your lap if I wasn't going to use it later.

[Major tells Liv he wants to get back together with her]
Major: Liv, I don't want to do this anymore.
Olivia: Do what?
Major: Pretend I'm okay just being your friend. I want more. I want us to be together again.
Olivia: Major, nothing has changed. I still...
Major: I know all the risks, and the reasons it can't work. But I don't care. I'm a better man with you in my life. Can we give it another shot?

Peyton: Did I tell you that I've always wanted to be a paleontologist when I grew up? I bet that's a hard job to get fired from. You don't find any dinosaur bones, you're just, like, "Nope. No dinosaurs died here."

[Gilda walks up to Liv who finishes a game of Beer Pong]
Gilda: Hey! I know you're going for gold in the bro-lympics. I'm just wondering how that's a work thing?
Olivia: Right. My bad. Time to focus.
Olivia: [Liv grabs a kid's beer and chugs it in front of Gilda, walking off] You got this, bro. You got this.

[Liv tells Major that they can watch the movie Hoosiers together]
Olivia: We can watch Hoosiers.
Major: After all these years? You've always refused before.
Olivia: [Liv smiles] Well, back then, I was worried that seeing you cry over fictional sports would adversely affect my sexual desire for you. But that's not an issue anymore, friend.

[Clive thanks Vivian Stoll for saving their lives from the horde of zombies]
Clive: We were out of ammo. You got here in the nick of time.
Vivian: I'm the new owner here. I'm starting to think I overpaid.

Don: Did you talk to those lawyers I texted you about?
Blaine: Were they from the firm of Young & Willing?

[Mr. Boss holds up a toy train to his henchman]
Stacey: Here it is, boys. The Great Northern Railway's premiere passenger train, the Empire Builder. When this baby's whistle blows, I might, too.

[Brandt Stone quotes a line from the movie Silence of the Lambs to Peyton]
Brandt: [Brandt in a weird accent] Quid Pro Quo, Bernice. Silence of the Lambs.
Peyton: I think it's Clarice, but... Okay, Quid Pro Quo.

[Liv meets Drake's mother as Drake works on her sink]
Drake's: She's got the coloring of a paper towel, but I'm not supposed to say anything.
Drake: [Drake scoffs] I'm sorry. She tends to say the first thing that pops into her head.

[Major talks to Liv through the prison visiting glass]
Olivia: Well, I'm likely unemployed now, so... Silver lining, my inner stalker has left the building. You can invite some girls over tonight. Play some Twister. See if I care.
Major: These girls I'm inviting over? I'm warning you, they're basically adult film stars. And not even the under contract ones. I'm talking the anything goes kind.
Major: [Liv smiles] I'll be here when they let you out.
Olivia: I can't wait.

[Peyton stops Clive from interrogating Blaine]
Blaine: [to Peyton] You look good on a white horse.

[Clive brings Agent Bozzio a burrito from the taco truck]
Clive: Breakfast taco truck was out of Migas, so I got you a vegetarian.
Dale: Sweet. What'd you get?
Clive: Chorizo on bacon.
[Bozzio silently switches out her burrito with Clive's]

[Peyton tells Liv that she knows how to party when Liv organizes their entire kitchen]
Peyton: Ah, old Liv. Don't let anyone tell you the girl doesn't know how to party. Because you do. You do know how to party.

Major: What'd you see?
Ravi: Were you losing your virginity to Howard Hughes?
Olivia: I believe I'll be saving that information for my driver.
Ravi: Liv, Clive isn't your driv...
[Liv walks off]

Liv: [referring to Jerome's American Flag themed shoes] Section 8 of the Flag Code states that the American flag should never be used as apparel, although enforcement of the code conflicts with your First Amendment right to freedom of speech as laid out in the 1990 Supreme Court case United States v. Eichman.
Jerome: [to Major] You didn't say you was marrying Siri.

[Blaine responds to knowing that he'll go back to being a zombie]
Blaine: Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!

Clive: This is where you end up when your parents don't tell you they love you.
Olivia: Don't be so close-minded. A control freak like you could enjoy being told what to do for a change.
Clive: Whips, chains... Unlikely.

[Vaughn Du Clark tells Liv and Clive that he should murder somebody to get his tax dollars worth]
Vaughn: I really should murder somebody, get my tax dollars worth.

[Clive goes over the murder of David Biel the Santa Claus]
Clive: David Biel, a resident of the Yesler Mission Men's Shelter. Lately, he's been raising them money at Third and Cherry dressed like this, ringing a bell.
Olivia: Any idea why someone rang his?

[last lines]
Olivia: [Gilda laughs, as Liv begins yelling at the TV] No, zombie!
Olivia: [Gilda stares at Liv with an evil smirk] Dumb, dumb, zombie.

[superhero-brain Liv introduces the Super-Team to Detective Clive Babineaux]
Olivia: [Liv in a low voice] Ghost Cobra. Gray Area. Superfly. Mega Fist. Blue Swallow. Detective Babineaux needs your help. And someday, you may need his. Think of him as your Jim Gordon.
Clive: I'm not your Jim Gordon.
Olivia: That's right. He's his own man. Detective Clive Babineaux. Remember that name. Your friend in the Seattle PD.

Olivia: There are, like, 80 movies here. How long did you work in the porn business?
Rhonda: Five months.

Tanner: Tupac's most definitely a zombie. Dude gets capped, but he's still releasing songs.
Don: You know who I'd bet is a zombie? Christina Ricci. She gives off a real zombie vibe.

[Mr. Boss tells Liv and Clive he's not a super villain]
Stacey: I'm a CPA, not a super villain!

Major: How long do I have?
Ravi: Weeks. Maybe. Then you'll have to take the cure, memory loss and all.
Olivia: [On Zen brain] Identity's just a hallucination of the unenlightened mind anyway.

Ravi: Can you focus, please?
Olivia: I am focused. I just don't understand why you can't spend five minutes with me without also trying to solve a murder!
Ravi: Liv!
[Exhales]
Ravi: You know how we finish...
Olivia: Each other's sentences?
Ravi: Yes! And sometimes can even read each other's...
Olivia: Texts!
[Ravi gives her a look]
Olivia: Minds!
Ravi: So what am I thinking right now?
Olivia: You want to... Get the phone, solve the case, and eventually become dance partners.
Ravi: Close enough.

[Agent Bozzio questions Clive on why he chose to throw away their relationship and murder cases]
Clive: Dale, I... It's hard to explain.
Dale: You've got to know you just blew up both of our cases. Your career... You can kiss any hope of getting into the FBI goodbye. Just, why?
Clive: New evidence came to light. You know the feeling. He's not the guy. I just... Know it.
Dale: [Bozzio tears up] That's the best I'm going to get? You're throwing everything away, your case, your career. Me. Just because? That's all you have? I don't understand. And it looks like I probably never will.
Dale: [Clive remains silent] Goodbye, Clive.

[Liv interviews Smoak and Meers about their feud with Syd Wicked]
Olivia: How long have you two had a feud with Syd Wicked?
Smoak: [Smoak whistles] Wow. Gonna just jump right in there, Lady Cop. Where's the craft? The showmanship? Look, you know the score with Syd. Everyone in this business had a beef with the guy. But us? We just liked screwing with him.

[Harry Cole admits that he didn't kill Telly Levins]
Harry: We have a guy who works at our firm, a fixer. He cleans up messes like this. He told me to wipe down the bat and everything else with bleach.
Olivia: But you forgot the blinds.
Harry: I was working fast.
Olivia: 'Be quick, but don't hurry' John Wooden said that.

[Major and Chief carry in the body bag to Blaine's frozen dead father]
Blaine: I guess someone's gotta make an obligatory popsicle joke, right? No? When did it get so highbrow in here?

[Gilda arrives home with Liv and Peyton on the couch]
Olivia: Gilda!
Gilda: Hi.
Olivia: Want some Tom Yum soup? I ordered it extra-spicy.
Gilda: Thanks, but, uh, new diet. No eating after 6:00.
Olivia: [softly] Unless it's a whiskey sour.

[Ravi comes up with one last superhero name for Liv]
Ravi: Ideally, the name should be symbolic and correspond with your aesthetic and/or powers. Okay. Give this one a moment. Don't say no right away. 'Ol' Scratchy'!

[Liv on actor-brains defends to Ravi what an actor is]
Olivia: That's the essence of acting. It's a search for truth.
Ravi: [Ravi crosses his legs and fingers like a therapist] Tell me more about this truth and how to find it.
Olivia: To create a reality where the truth is fear of zombies, I would draw on a sense memory of something that scared me. Like the time I went camping and I saw a bear.
Ravi: Or the times you've seen actual zombies.
Olivia: My point is you don't act with words. You act with your soul. With your imagination. That's what gives the words life.

Olivia: A pint of ranch dressing is 2,200 calories. FYI.
Clive: Good to know. Thanks.
Olivia: It's just... I know you like ranch dressing.
Clive: I usually manage to avoid having a pint in a sitting.

Clive: Why'd you lie to us?
Olivia: He's a Niners fan, Clive. They do dumb things. They re-signed Blaine Gabbert, for God sakes.
Doc: Oh, I'm sorry, you want to talk "dumb"?
Olivia: "Dumb," like running off Jim Harbaugh?
Doc: At least we would've known you run Marshawn Lynch against a gassed New England defensive line, when you have three downs to win the mother-freaking Super Bowl!

[Vaughn Du Clark watches Liv shoot the zombie Drake dead]
Vaughn: Dead. Oh, man! She shot him! Okay? Shot him dead! Well, more dead. A couple more deaths, we're gonna be able to change this Lifetime movie into a Greek tragedy.

[Ravi tells Major that they have to tell Liv about Max Rager]
Major: Okay, look, everything I have done has been to protect her.
Ravi: Not to be funny, but that's what she said.

[Liv and Clive interrogate the CI Tanner about a new player in town]
Olivia: [Liv takes a photo of Tanner when he doesn't cooperate] What's your Twitter handle, Tanner? Hashtag 'real CI's of Seattle,' hashtag 'riding the U-boat.'
Tanner: Sally Tiny Tears is freaking me out, man. I can't have people thinking I'm tight with cops.

[first lines]
Blaine: Time to look alive, baby.
Jackie: So, last night, is that a service you provide all your clients?

[Blaine gets a visit from his father Angus DeBeers at the funeral home]
Angus: Son.
Blaine: Dad. I'd hope your first visit here would be more... horizontal.

[Liv arrives to the crime scene of the murdered Chad Wolcoff]
Olivia: [Chad's corpse wears a Caesar outfit] What happened to Caesar?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Oh, he came, he saw, he was stabbed several times in quick succession with a sharp cylindrical object. Likely an ice pick.

Major: Remember Shawna, the girl who wrote me that sweet letter? The big Chaos Killer fan?
Ravi: You didn't.
Major: Oh, but I did. Several times.
Ravi: Ah...
Major: It's not just sex, though. I mean... No, I mean, it's mostly sex, but... She has a lot of other qualities, and I... I cannot wait to experience whatever those are as well.
Ravi: I'm sure propriety and modesty are high on that list.

Liv: Careful! Don't open yourself up to the classic reverse Sicilian gambit. That's a chess thing, right ?
Major: Sounds more like something a call girl would make you pay extra for.

Candy: Did Blaine really tell the mayor he could have me on the house, and we'd go all night?
Don: Yes. In fairness, the whole city is on lockdown. So, it's not as if you could leave anyway.
Candy: So I may as well just stay here and spank Mayor Freakfest for eight hours?
[Waves at him with false nicety]
Candy: Hi...
[Back To Don E]
Candy: Is that what's happening?
Don: Blaine always has a good reason for doing what he does.
[Stares at her breasts]
Don: I usually just motorboat with it.

Clive: Zombies! Heh. I would be a dangerous man if the zombies came. I wouldn't be makin' any mistakes. Is that a scratch on my grandmother?
[shouts]
Clive: Blam!
[softly speaks]
Clive: Oh. Hasta la vista, meemaw.
Liv: Chivalry is dead.
Clive: Oh, but Clive is alive.

Peyton: So, we can go and find Castle What's-His-Nuts, fight that thing, come back and we'll get rewarded by this little old lady.
[Looks at Liv]
Peyton: Or we could just tie up this little old lady, and take what we want now.
Olivia: Georgie begins to mutter an incantation. Electricity fires from her hands and strikes Brangelina.
Ravi: I try to dive in front of the lightning bolt. "Not on this day, Ms. Fogglebottom!"
Olivia: The lightning bolt has already struck Brangelina. And Mosco lands on the ground in front of her, looking foolish.

[Liv tells Mega Fist she's disappointed with him]
Olivia: [Liv in a low voice] You disappoint me.
Mega: Yeah, that's what The Fog said.
Mega: [Mega Fist sighs] I'm sorry. I work at a cold-pressed juicery during the day. I'm not taking on a crime lord.

[Vaughn Du Clark tells Major he'll be so upset if he's not telling him the truth]
Vaughn: I'm going to be so upset if you're not telling me the truth. And I don't get mad, Major.
Major: You get even?
Vaughn: Oh, God, no. No, no, no. Where's the fun there? No. I get even with interest. I embrace the Chicago way.

[Liv, Clive, and Ravi go over Syd Wicked's crime scene]
Olivia: What kind of name is Syd Wicked?
Clive: Stage name. He's a magician. You don't dress like that unless you do magic or you hate your parents. Apparently there's some big magician convention happening at this hotel all week.
Ravi: Of course! PrestoFest. How did I miss that. I'm on the mailing list.

[Liv finds Rita in one of the Max Rager cells]
Gilda: Hey, roomie.
Olivia: Well, if it isn't the poster child for poetic justice. Did someone have a lab accident?
Gilda: I'm gonna guess, based on that dismembered hand in your belt, that you weren't invited down here.

[last lines]
Liv: [narrating] I wanted to do something with my life. I wanted to help people. Not, necessarily, as a zombie psychic who eats murder victim brains, but still, I so nailed it today. I've spent five months bemoaning all that was taken from me. It never occurred to me that I'd have something to give. A way to contribute. A reason for being not alive. To sleep, perchance to not dream. All I needed was some hope that there was a future that I fit into somehow. At last. Sweet blissful sleep.
[wakes up in a panic]

[last lines]
Dale: [Agent Bozzio sees the sketches of Blaine on Clive's police desk] Who's this?
Clive: Uh, a suspect in the Meat Cute Massacre. Why?
Dale: I just met him. Two of my missing presumed-dead guys had his phone number on them. This is our guy!

Olivia: I can't find a body for this leg.
Ravi: It's like the most horrible jigsaw puzzle ever.

Major: Abandoned warehouse in the middle of nowhere. Place does indeed look suspicious.
[Sees Bubba]
Major: Well, and that guy does look like a child smuggler.

Ravi: The formula is in a vault that only Dr. Saxon has access to. To even get into that room, you have to pass through a series of security checks. The first is a keycard which can't be copied, and if it's lost the entire system will be reset. His photo comes up on a security cam. This only gets him into the outer room. Next, he has to pass more security cameras to get to the second of three checkpoints, where he has to pass a retinal scan. And this leads him to a vault that only Saxon can access. We have no way of knowing how he accesses it. We suspect it's by DNA, possibly from saliva, could be from blood. If any one of these systems is set off, it will activate a lockdown.
Major: Quick question. Is any of that true or are you just doing the Tom Cruise monologue from Mission Impossible one for your own amusement?
Ravi: ...Both.

[Clive and Liv interview the sophisticated Alex Towne]
Clive: Liv, anything you want to ask?
Olivia: Yes. Your bag. Is it a Stella?
Alex: [Alex Towne holds up her bag] Timeless, isn't it?
Olivia: I can't even.
Alex: I wasn't sure if it would be appropriate for a police interview.
Olivia: It's perfect. It's businesslike but with an informality that says, I'm not a 'suspect'.

Bruise: Why you gotta ask so many questions, man?
Clive: It's an interrogation. That's kind of the point.

Dr. Holland: You're saying this Sebastian is a zombie?
Vaughn: Well, now you're getting into semantics here. He craves brains, he can't seem to die, his heart beats once every six seconds. Yeah, I guess, you know, after awhile, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...

Ravi: Oh, no. It's the crap episode of Zombie High where it's clear, the show ran out of money, so everything cool happens off-screen and the characters just talk about it afterwards.

[Ravi asks how Peyton feels after losing her case to Mr. Boss]
Ravi: How are you feeling?
Peyton: Like I let an entire city full of people down. I was contemplating going door to door handing out 'sorry I suck so bad' gift baskets.

[Drake gets dressed for work when Liv asks him out to dinner for the following night]
Drake: Work called. G-Rad got attacked by a drunk bachelorette. Girl nearly took his eye out with a penis straw. They need me to go down there and cover the door.
Olivia: How about dinner tomorrow? I make a mean brain ziti.
Drake: Yeah. Sounds great. Wait. Is that another lie?

[Liv and Clive talk to a Zombie actor while in line for food on the set of Zombie High]
Zombie: You must be new. Has anyone showed you how zombies walk?
[the Romero Zombie actor holds up his arms and plate, grunting]

[Mr. Boss tells Drake about his first murder]
Stacey: I remember my first. It went so smooth, like filling out a 1040A. Afterwards, I treated myself to a steak. Double cut. Medium rare. It's a nice tradition.

[Clive compares Liv to a box of chocolates for her wackiness at the Alpha Beta house]
Clive: You're like that box of chocolates from Forrest Gump, I never know what I'm gonna get.
Olivia: You're getting chocolate, bro.

Olivia: Think I'm gonna go catch that D I was talking about.
Ravi: I think I'm gonna go home and make love to my girlfriend.
Olivia: Don't be gross.

[Liv and Peyton reunite as roommates with Peyton moving in]
Olivia: What is happening over there?
Ravi: [as Ravi tries to lift up his bottle of beer] I literally can't lift my arms. Why did I get all the boxes of books?
Major: Because you made me carry the furniture all by myself.

[Liv asks Ravi how the safe sex research for zombies is going]
Olivia: I've got that lucky feeling tonight, Doc. Give me some good news on the safe sex research.
Ravi: Oh, nothing certain yet, though I have proven that when you purchase boxes of every brand of condom available at once, the lady at the drugstore counter looks at you funny.

Olivia: I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you, Peyton. Weckler killed Roxanne.
Peyton: No!
Olivia: Roxanne caught him as he was stealing the camera memory card. She was calling for help and he panicked and strangled her.
[Peyton looks upset]
Olivia: You know, most prosecutors would be happy that the person they put away was actually guilty.
Peyton: Yeah, but my desire to be right is even greater than my desire to win.

[last lines]
Olivia: [Liv visits Major to pick up her phone, wanting to talk to Major, knocking at his bedroom door] Major? It's me.
Major: [from the other side of the door] I left the phone with Ravi.
Olivia: I just want to say 'Hi'.
Major: [through the bedroom door] Kinda busy.
[Liv hangs her head down and walks off, as we see Major laying in bed snorting more of the Utopium drug]

[Liv meets Drake during his first brain feeding]
Don: To eat brains or not to eat brains? That is the question.
Blaine: It's a bit of an acquired taste.
Olivia: You couldn't of flavored it up a bit for him?
Blaine: Sorry. The quality of all the meals have gone downhill here since someone's boyfriend offed my chef. Poor Don E. has been reduced to eating pepperoni pockets.

[Peyton and Ravi drink together as Ravi compliments her]
Ravi: I don't know what happened at work, but I promise, the only opinion you need to worry about is your own.
Peyton: It's a pretty low opinion right now.
Ravi: Well, it shouldn't be. You are formidable. I mean, you're clever and disciplined.
Peyton: Hardly.
Ravi: Those are just the top tier qualities. All right? You're also clearly blessed with a hollow leg.

[Vaughn Du Clark holds up two cocktails for his guest Vivian Stoll]
Vaughn: Oh, cocktails! Perfect timing. Cellblock Mango, or Convicted Melon? Which would you prefer, Viv?
Vivian: Vian. I only drink liquor that comes out of a barrel. The way God intended.
Vaughn: Double-fisted it is, then.

Major: [On Truth Serum brain] I've been pretending to be on your side the whole time, just playing Russ, gaining his trust, hoping he'd eventually bring me to you. Which he did, because he's not exactly Ivy League material. Like, maybe Brown, if he's got connections.

[first lines]
Major: [Major wakes up to an eggs and bacon breakfast in the kitchen] Whoa! Eggs! Mmm. Mmm-mm.
Major: [Major sits at the table and speaks to the bacon] What's shakin' bacon?
Peyton: [as Ravi and Peyton watch] Body Snatchers?

Olivia: Get over here, you dirty little soldier boy, and let mama show you a trick I like to call the "Loni Anderson."
Major: Do I want to ask what brain you're on right now?

[Drake tells Detective Benedetto to arrest him if they want to talk again]
Drake: Right, well, if you forgot anything, just haul me in, cold-cock me, and we can talk.
Detective: Cold what you?

[magician-brain Liv does a magic card trick for Ravi]
Olivia: Okay. Have you thought of a card? Do you see it?
Ravi: [Liv does the magic trick, as Ravi gasps] The 10 of clubs is missing. Where did it go, you witch?
Olivia: Ah! The 10 of clovers. A clover needs a dark space to take root. A place as dark as a closed casket buried six feet under.
Ravi: That's dark.
Olivia: Or, a man's back pocket.
Ravi: [Ravi gasps when finding the card in his back pocket] This is the best brain ever! I almost want to start killing magicians so it never ends.

[Blaine is reacquainted with Mr. Boss and tells him why he never returned to Mr. Boss's business]
Blaine: I saw things at that boat party. Things that still haunt me. I spent a couple weeks shivering in a dark room, and I decided it was a sign that I needed a change.
Stacey: A sign, huh? You think God was so desperate for you to change your ways that he slaughtered all those innocent people to make a point?
Blaine: Well, we're talking about the same guy that thought Noah's Ark was a solid plan

Major: If Major as we know him is gonna vanish soon, he should really make some proper goodbyes to the important people in his life. Leave something behind to remember good old Major.
Olivia: Is good old Major planning on new Major being a real dick?
Major: If only to make people appreciate good old Major. The guy was a sweetheart.
Olivia: I'm cool with that. As long as he doesn't speak in the third person like good old Major used to.
Major: Yeah, good old Major was pretentious in that way.

Ravi: It's the missing Freylich kids. I found someone who might lead us to someone who just might know where they might be... If we're lucky.
Major: Sounds rock solid.

[first lines]
Jeff: [entering] Yo, numbnuts! What is your malfunction, Major?
Major: Good one. Just waiting for Scott E.
Jeff: Maybe he's tired of kicking your ass.

Don: [All on conspiracy theorist brain] All those people that night on the street in Vegas, no one sees a shooter!
Blaine: It's because he didn't get shot. Look at the cover of Don Killuminati. There's Tupac crucified, and in the liner notes it reads, and I quote, "Exit Tupac, enter Makaveli." He is alive and well, and will return like a new messiah.
Don: That's insane.
Blaine: Oh, so you think he's dead?
Don: No, of course he's not dead. He's working for the Feds as an informant. He's mowing his lawn in Scottsdale.
Olivia: Stop! You two sound crazy. Sad to say, but Tupac is dead and gone.
[pause]
Olivia: Biggie Smalls' twin brother killed Tupac, and it's that twin that got shot in LA. Biggie, at this moment, is sipping mojitos in Havana...

[Ravi tells Clive about the poison hemlock]
Clive: What do we know about hemlock?
Ravi: Well, I believe it was Socrates who said of hemlock, 'I drank what?'

Blaine: Correct me if I'm wrong, Doc, but usually when a man's shirt is that open, someone's coming at his chest with crash pads.
Ravi: I don't engage in hate speech, so I have no response for you.

Peyton: If they go through with this, they're gonna pay, Liv. I will make it my mission.
Olivia: Then they should be very afraid. We always said we were gonna make big names for ourselves. I guess we should've been more specific.

Olivia: You say Gordie was your friend, but you act like you don't care who killed him.
Levon: Oh, I care. But this is New Seattle we live in.
Olivia: Meaning?
Levon: It's Chinatown.
Olivia: Huh.
Levon: That about it?
[Leaves]
Olivia: Chinatown. What does that mean?
Clive: It's like the movie.
[Continues]
Clive: The line speaks to the futility of obtaining justice in an inherently corrupt system.
Olivia: Oh! Huh. I still don't get it.
Clive: [sighs] Goon brain.

[Ravi tells Blaine that him and Peyton were involved with each other]
Blaine: [about Peyton] Why would Mr. Boss think I'd endanger myself to save her?
Ravi: Because, as I understand it, you were, uh, involved with her.
Blaine: How deeply?
Ravi: A merciful God spared me the details.

Peyton: How are things on the Justin front? I mean you're highly-critical. You broke up with a guy once because his o-face made you laugh.
Olivia: If you had seen it, ugh!

[Clive tells Liv the blonde stripper Lorelei is suspicious at the club]
Clive: We should wait until she gets off work and follow her.
Olivia: Should we sit at the tip rail or do you want to grab a table?
Clive: I meant wait in the car.

[Liv on coffee-shop-brain tries to comfort Cher for the loss of her mother Leslie Morgan]
Cher: Behind all those nutty sayings, She was just the kindest...
Olivia: Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
Cher: That's exactly the kind of dorky thing she would say.

[Major asks Liv for the zombie cure while talking to her through the glass of the jail visiting room]
Major: Liv, look at me. You need to get me the cure. Soon. Very soon.
Olivia: Major, I mean about the case, and getting you something decent to eat.
Major: It's too late for that, Liv. All right? It's taking everything to stay myself, and if I'm not myself in here, it'll be bad.
Olivia: Major, no. No, we can't. It wipes away your memory, everything...
Major: You have to make a choice, Liv, 'cause we're going to lose me one way or the other, and we both know one way is a lot worse.

Jimmy: [about his comedy troupe doing zombie sketches] We go all out, too, you know. Like white wigs, zombie makeup.
Clive: So you paint your face and appropriate another culture?
Jimmy: Oh. Never thought about it that way.

Olivia: [Drinking a cup from a "Tasty coffee" machine] You lie!

Olivia: Fear not! I have slain the rodent foul. No more will his pestilent droppings threaten the purity of our tools and provisions and our boxes of cardboard will forevermore go un-gnawed.
Ravi: ...I think she killed the storage closet mouse.

[Ravi gets home from his nightly digging]
Ravi: Minor, guess who found some bones!

Ravi: Peyton left me a message saying she wants to talk.
Major: She wants to "talk"? What does that even mean?
Ravi: ...Well, I'm fairly certain it means she wants to talk.
Major: Okay, is she the single most selfish person on the planet? She literally made you Eskimo brothers with Satan. She doesn't deserve face time with you.
Ravi: She doesn't?
Major: She slept with Blaine, which, first of all, ew, and second of all, I can't even.

[Liv and Ravi talk about Ravi's life with the ladies]
Ravi: I used to be a real wand hand until I realized it didn't help me with the ladies.
Olivia: So you moved onto video games and forensic pathology?
Olivia: [Ravi hesitates] Hey, uh, Clive and I have to go question a magician after his show tonight You want to come?
Ravi: [Ravi hangs his head in disappointment] I wish. I have a date.
[Liv squints her eyes at Ravi]

[Ravi finds Major in the kitchen after arriving home]
Ravi: Hey. Good night of making rich white people less fat?
Major: Yeah. It's God's work what I do.

Clive: Can you tell me where you were Saturday night at 11:00 p.m.?
Dr. Alan Benway: Home. Alone. Weeping. My dating life isn't what it was.

Mrs. Brinks' Chef: He's only six. Mrs. Brinks would rather let him die than loan me 20 grand. She said it would set a bad precedent.
Olivia: Well, it would.

[Peyton asks Blaine about his haircut]
Peyton: [Peyton starts combing Blaine's hair] So, this hair...
Blaine: Mm-hmm?
Peyton: How much product do you got working in here?
Blaine: It's just a dollop of pomade and I'm out the door.

[Liv and Ravi begin to work on a dead body in the morgue]
Olivia: What's that Missy Elliot song, 'Cerebellum, don't fail me now'?
Ravi: I don't think that's how it goes.

[first lines]
Verna: [Major watches the television in his kitchen] My father has been missing for two days now. He's six-feet tall, with brown hair and brown eyes. If you've seen him, or have heard of anything at all, please contact the Seattle Police. Please help us find our dad. We love him so much and we just want him to come home.

Don: [about Ravi and Peyton] How in the hell did the Ricky Gervais face-making-knob bag a woman like that? The guy ain't rich, he's barely a doctor. I mean, yeah, the hair, whatever, and I guess the accent...

[Don E. is threatened by Mr. Boss's henchmen Kenny]
Kenny: Now Blaine's dead, and somehow Lucky U is back on the streets. And I'm guessing that he's not the brains behind the operation. Which leaves...
Don: [Don E. begs for his life] Me? I'm a glorified gopher. I'm no one.

[Peyton tries questioning Liv on the stripper-brain for information]
Peyton: Anything about Hong Kong suppliers? Or shipment schedules?
Olivia: No.
Peyton: Hmm. Cassidy said she knew every criminal thing Nick was involved with. Maybe just start with that.
Olivia: I'm gonna start with throwing this frickin' plate across the room if you don't step the hell off.

[Major wakes up after Ravi was forced to tranquilize him]
Major: What happened?
Ravi: Let me see, what was it? Oh, yeah, um... I accused you of being the Chaos Killer, you turned into a raging zombie, I tranquilized you. How do you feel?
Major: Honestly? Hungry.

[Ravi shows Liv the dead body of a drug dealer from the rave club]
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: All four victims are missing teeth and fingernails. The detective on the case thinks someone was sending a message.
Olivia: [Liv and Ravi walk up to the body on the table] And this is the guy who sold you and Major Utopium at the club?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: I buy drugs one time, purely for research purposes, and this is what happens. How bad must my karma be?

Isobel: I'm just thinking of all the stuff I'm gonna miss out on. You know, going to college. Winning a Nobel Prize. Falling in love. Having sex.
Ravi: Let me stop you right there. sex? Totally overrated.
Isobel: Is that why you wait up until 2:00 a.m. for Peyton to come home? Because sex is "totally overrated"?
Ravi: ...I wait up for the companionship.

Brandt: Fun fact. No one in the history of the criminal justice system has ever gotten off as a result of a witticism.

[Liv and Blaine sit on their stakeout outside Agent Bozzio's house]
Olivia: [they see Bozzio and Clive kiss from the front window] Love is only a delay of death, a tragedy waiting in the wings.
Blaine: [Blaine turns his head to Liv] You're bumming me out, man.

Pretty: So, what's the craziest thing you've ever seen on the job?
Ravi: Oh, Clive. You gotta tell this one. You're the raconteur.
Clive: Oh, um... Well, probably the middle-aged mom who was smashed by a falling AC unit. Brains and guts everywhere. Children walking by splattered with blood.

Olivia: Fear not my lord, for both my sword and my life are yours.
Clive: You don't have a sword. Or a life, if we're being technical.

[Liv tries to offer Clive a way out from the enclosing zombies by scratching him]
Clive: No way I'm getting eaten alive.
Olivia: There's another option. I could scratch you.
Clive: You wanna turn me into one of them?
Olivia: Not one of them. One of us.

Major: You need a favor.
Ravi: It's just that there's... There's a thing that I thought we could do together. Might be a fun change of pace for both of us.
Major: What? Like bowling?
Ravi: Yeah, no. More of a... "Locate some kidnapped teens" kind of thing.

Don: Stop requesting songs about tractors and cold beers. You're making everybody wish they were more dead.

[Major tells Ravi how he was approached by the Max Rager corporation]
Major: Max Rager knows about zombies. And they know that they are, at least, partly to blame for them. They want to get rid of the evidence. They identify potential zombies through purchases. Okay, so, hot sauce, tanning, hair dye. But there are hundreds of names. They learned that I can detect zombies. So now they have me going down the list taking out anyone who sets off my zombie sense.
Ravi: Did you consider turning down their offer?
Major: They said they'd murder everyone on the list starting with Liv.
Ravi: I see. That's a tough first offer.

Clive: You don't even know his last name. Look. You wrote, "Mrs. Tim's wife."
Olivia: Clive, what's even in a last name?
Clive: Accountability.

[Vaughn Du Clark questions Rita about sleeping with the help]
Vaughn: So, sweet child of mine, who's always telling Daddy not to sleep with the help.
Gilda: [Rita looks to Major] Really, Major? I didn't figure you for the kiss-and-tell type.

[first lines]
Liv: I had one chance at love. Turns out my would be soul mate survives on the brains of murdered teenagers.

[pathological-liar-brain Liv tells Agent Bozzio about her imaginary lotto ticket]
Dale: Hey, Liv. What's up?
Olivia: Clive didn't tell you? About my lottery ticket?
Dale: First I've heard of it.
Olivia: I hit five out of six numbers, and I only missed the sixth by one. I was this close to $40 million.
Clive: Five out of six numbers, I think that still wins you 50 grand or something like that.
Olivia: Oh shoot! Why did I tear up my ticket? I just was so mad. Live and learn, I guess.
Clive: That's very Zen of you.
Olivia: [Liv smiles] Well, back to the salt mines.

[Liv prepares to eat the brains of Taylor Fowler]
Olivia: I've never had a lady-who-lunches for lunch.
[the scene cuts to the scenes of Liv slicing Taylor's brain, a tomato, opening a can of tuna, biting into her tuna salad]
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: She looks as tasty as she was tasteful.
[Ravi eats a handful of cheerios from a jar]

[Ravi breaks down the crime scene of the stripper Cassidy Kozlowski]
Ravi: [Ravi picks up one high heel] Bad news. One of our eye witnesses is dead...
Ravi: [Ravi picks up the other high heel] ... And the other is not talking.

Olivia: [Hoping to meet Allan at 'The Scratching Post', while she's under hopeless-romantic brain] I can't wait to see Allan and look deeply, sensually, into his eyes.
Tanner: Wanna open a tab?
Peyton: Blaine let's us drink here for free.
Olivia: I can feel it Peyton. The twirling forces of fate and destiny, burning inside me, tickling my loins...
Peyton: Like bad sushi.

[Liv on stripper-brain talks to Clive on the phone]
Olivia: Do I need to get, 'I'll tell you if I have a vision' tattooed on my forehead?

[last lines]
Liv: [dials the phone with a bloody hand]
Operator: 9-1-1, what's your emergency? Hello? Hello?

Don: You have the zombie cures?
Blaine: Uh-huh.
Don: Oh, my God! We're gonna be billionaires!
Blaine: No, no. *I* am a potential billionaire. You are a man who's desperate to prove his loyalty to me, so you can reap the benefits of my success.
Don: That's fair.

[Liv walks pass the mouse cage of New Hope in the lab]
Olivia: Have you noticed that Final Hope hates me?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Her name is New Hope, not Final Hope. You Know this. If I wanted to give her a depressing name, I would've gone with Phantom Menace. And she doesn't hate you, she just feels like you don't put enough energy into the relationship. And she is not gonna let you be a bit player in your grand drama. At least that's what she insinuated to me. Sorry, New Hope. I can't be trusted with secrets.
Olivia: I am serious about this.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi sighs] I think someone is feeling sorry for herself.
Olivia: Who, me? Or...
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Oh, you.
Olivia: Well, I do feel sorry for myself. But that doesn't mean I'm wrong about Final Hope. She looks traumatized every time I get close to her cage.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Well, maybe it's the cannibalism. She is squeamish.
Olivia: Great. I'm grossing out a rat.

Ravi: The problem was me. I was too immature. I wasn't ready for someone like you.
Vanessa: I wish someone would just be honest with me for once. I mean, it's not like I fell in love with you. I didn't even remember you being Russian.

Ravi: What's the prize for whoever sells the most tickets?
Clive: A mountain bike.
Ravi: The mountain's on the other side of the wall.
Clive: Then don't win the contest.

[Peyton tells Ravi that she wanted to see him in person finally]
Peyton: I wanted to talk to you in person. I went straight from the airport to the press conference. This is the first chance I've had. Can I just give you a hug?
[Peyton gives Ravi a close hug]
Peyton: So you crushed your date tonight, huh? Tell me all about it.
[Ravi nods his head to not want to share]

[Ravi talks to the test subject rats to test the zombie cure on]
Ravi: All right, friends. What we have here is a concentrated dose of Max Rager and what we hope is Boat Party Utopium. If it's indeed the right stuff, you'll soon be zombie rats. Your courage will neither be forgotten, nor in vain. Who goes first? Do I have a volunteer?

[Ravi rushes into Liv and Clive's bedroom]
Ravi: Are you decent?
Olivia: [under the blankets together] Decent enough.
Ravi: Tell me you haven't had sex yet.
Major: Seems like a question you could've asked outside the door.

Harris: Dude, you're killing me, Hamm-bone. You know this is a party, right?
Hamm: You know I hate your punny little nicknames, right?
Harris: Do you find them too... Hamm-fisted?

[first lines]
Blaine: [Blaine sits on a city bus listening to the music] I am hungry like the wolf.
Bald: [the passenger beside him] What?
Blaine: The music. Hungry Like The Wolf.
Bald: I think that's The Reflex.
Blaine: So true. So true.

Detective: It's been one week since my last confession. And I gotta be straight with you, I haven't demonstrated much personal growth since last we spoke. You know the weird sex stuff we talked about? Yeah, I'm having a tough time giving that up.

[Liv sees how Clive acts differently when staring at former NBA basketball player Calvin Owens]
Clive: We should probably go talk to Calvin.
Olivia: You look like me going to see NSYNC when I was 10.

[Major says goodbye to Minor before leaving him on a public bus]
Major: [Major pets Minor on the bus] You're going to be famous, buddy.
Major: [Minor's nose whistles] Yeah! You know that? Huh? Everyone's looking for you. Yeah, I know. This time tomorrow, you'll have a great home, maybe a couple of kids. I'm sorry, buddy. I'm gonna miss you.
[Major kisses Minor on the head]

Olivia: It's just, his expression was more like he demanded respect for an imagined authority.
Jimmy: Liv, I can't draw that, okay?

[FBI Agent Bozzio meets Liv and Major for the first time]
Dale: [to Liv] Dale. It's nice to get a name. In my head you've been, um, 'Girl from the morgue who somehow makes Goth work.'
Major: Oh, that is her Native American name. Hi, I'm Barely Employed Arm Candy. No, I'm Major.
Dale: [Bozzio smiles] You certainly are.

Major: Did you get anything out of her before you chased her to her death?
Darcy: We yelled "stop", she said "no".

[Ravi and Liv ask Clive how Regina Summer got a hold of his gun]
Ravi: How'd she get your gun?
Clive: Stolen from my place the night before her murder.
Olivia: She wanted to have something you touched against her skin.
Clive: Whose side are you on?

[Liv has a vision in front of Peyton before telling her that she has to go]
Peyton: [Liv wakes up out of her vision] Hey, you're back.
Olivia: Yeah, but I gotta go. Sorry about the mess.
Peyton: Okay. But don't eat a new brain, until this is dealt with.

Doc: Look, I'm being set up here.
Olivia: Typical Niners fan. It's never your fault. "It's the ref's. It's the injuries."

Ravi: Look at us! Working together to solve mysteries. We should get a van and a dog.

Ravi: [Tastes a blood-looking substance at crime scene] It's corn syrup.
Olivia: Nice work, Ravi.
Ravi: Thank you.
Olivia: ...You just ate 57 empty calories.

Clive: Silverware? People ate in here?
Olivia: Big whoop. Half my meals are consumed in a morgue.

[Liv plays the guitar back at the lab with Ravi beside her on the couch]
Olivia: [singing] When you near beat a man to death and got yourself thrown in / Walla Walla State Pen
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Love and murder. Country song staples.

[Ravi tells Liv she's a zombie on stalker brain]
Ravi: 'Hell hath have no fury like a zombie on stalker brain thinking she's been scorned.'

[Liv has a flashback of Chad arguing with one of his frat brothers]
Olivia: [Liv looks at frat brother Randy] Hey, you. How did Chad ruin your life?
[the frat brothers all look around at each other]
Brody: [Randy look at his brothers, as Brody yells out in a high pitch yell] Damn!

Clive: [Major is trying to choose between brains] You should eat the daughter. Words I never thought I'd hear myself say.
Ravi: The new normal.
Clive: God, I hope not

[Major shakes Clive's hand for getting him out of prison]
Clive: Be like Private Ryan. 'Earn this.'
Major: [Major smiles] That's the plan.

Transit: You know the union's position. First of all, they've got no proof that Mr. Harrison is a zombie.
Nurse: Of course he is! Look at him! Every day he becomes more belligerent. Last week he snapped at me!
Peyton: With his teeth?
Nurse: ...No, for not having correct change.

Olivia: I'm Seattle's only identifiable zombie.
Peyton: No, you're not identifiable. People look at you and all they see is gorgeous.
[Points to newspaper]
Peyton: That looks like a picture of a monster.
Olivia: You know that's still me, right?
Peyton: Sorry..
Olivia: I mean, it's not a great picture but... Monster?
Peyton: [Backtracking] A cute monster.

[Liv on doctor-brain sits with Drake at the bar while out on their date together]
Olivia: [narrating] So, Drake does have a job. He's on familiar terms with a crusty bartender. He's known and liked by regulars. He's told people about me. Current hypothesis? Initial data points to Drake being on the level.

Olivia: Flirty Zone 19 janitor who likes you is good.
Ravi: You could, like, subtly pump him for inside information.
Dr. Collier: Oh, I've tried. The only scoop I got is that there's a racist security guard who thinks Darrell and the other black janitor are the same guy, and he calls them both "Chief."

[Annie Rosine tells Liv and Clive her story]
Annie: Look, I won't lie. It was a nightmare. I looked grotesque, my face looked like it was on fire, and, yeah, I wished horrible deaths on everyone involved. But thanks to modern medicine I lost my motivation to murder anyone.

Ravi: A few weeks ago, I gave a syringe to Major, just in case. He never used it. He's still got one dose.
Olivia: So, we just wait for Major to get back?
Ravi: It'll give you time to think of something better than ice cream. A figgy pudding, perhaps. Oh! Or a Sherry trifle. A good flummery... .

[first lines]
Olivia: [Liv arrives at Ravi's house] Hey, I just got your message. I came as soon as I could.
Ravi: I texted you last night. Several times. Where were you?
Olivia: Out thinking. Where were you, Pigpen?
Ravi: Out digging.

Liv: [voice-over] They call death "the eternal sleep". But I haven't slept in five months. I tortured myself obsessing over every worst-case scenario, like my best friend catching me eating brains, or my brother being consumed in a zombie apocalypse I unwittingly bring on. But it's not like I can talk it out or confide in my loved ones about what's going on with me. I have no idea who I am anymore. What purpose, if any, I serve.
[pause]
Liv: But the real question is, why do I suddenly, desperately need a handful of plastic eyeballs?

[Clive tells Agent Bozzio that the tip line for the Chaos Killer is filling up]
Clive: Maybe a witness will come forward. I hear the tip line has been filling up.
Dale: The tip line crazies? Oh, God...
[Dale hangs her head in stress]

Dale: Just wondering if you had any new information on my John Doe.
Ravi: Yeah. He was murdered.

[Liv hums 'The Blue Danube' song while working on a dead body next to Ravi]
Ravi: [as Liv hums] Did you and Major have sex?
Olivia: Whoa. Aren't Brits supposed to be repressed? What would Judi Dench say?
Ravi: She'd say we don't know a lot about the sexual transmission of zombie-ism.

[Agent Bozzio interrogates Major with his lawyer Brandt Stone present]
Dale: Tell us where we can find the bodies. Give the victims some closure.
Brandt: He can't tell you that. My boy has no idea. And you have 30 hours to either charge him or let him go. Guard! Now if you don't mind, I need to get back to my office and rub ointment on my Shiba Inu's ass, 'cause some breeder sold me a $1000 dog with mange. So, if you're looking for a real criminal to go after... Take my client back to jail.

[Don E. tries to charge Liv $25,000 for the brain she needs for Major]
Olivia: I can bring you a brain in return in a couple days.
Don: [Don E. smiles] It's not brain friends, Liv, it's brain business.
Olivia: You did hear the part about the apocalypse, didn't you?
Don: Sure did. That's what's called leverage. I'd think preventing the end of the world is worth 25 grand.

[Ravi asks Major in prison where his storage unit is in the form of a video game question]
Ravi: [Ravi clears his throat] I... actually... wanted to ask you about, a um... video game thing.
Major: Video game?
Ravi: I'm playing that zombie game we play? And I'm stuck. Um, and I have to get to the, uh, frozen zone... Where everything's frozen.
Major: What game is this?
Ravi: Zombie... Town?
Major: [Major looks at the guard over his shoulder] Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Zombie Town.
Ravi: Yeah. I need to find the frozen zombies to beat the level, but I don't know how to get there.
Major: Right. Right. Um, the frozen zone. Okay, what you have to do, is go to the edge of water... world.
Ravi: Edge of Water World?
Major: Yeah. On 15th. Level. 15th level.

Clive: Knocked out by meat? I mean, is that even possible?
Olivia: If it was frozen, it would be like swinging a club.
Clive: Ravi did say the murder weapon was French-bread sized. I mean, do we DNA test the pork?
Herbert: Actually, the pork loin was served.
Olivia: With warm beet salad?
[scoffs]
Olivia: Were fries extra? Did they come served in a box with a prize?

[Liv lays in bed thinking about the people who lie]
Olivia: [narrating] Everyone lies. It's a coping mechanism. A key survival trait. Show me someone who always tells the truth, and I'll show you a weirdo. But maybe the most dangerous lies are the ones we tell ourselves. That boy you like? The one who gets shot, the one who hangs out with Don E. and Blaine and disappears in the middle of the night. You've never seen his place or met his friends.

[Sue talks to Liv about how much he loved Lacy Cantrell]
Sue: I liked your song. I think Lacy would've liked it, too. Growin' up, my dad used to tell me, "Son, you can screw up a steel ball." I did that with Lacy. I loved that girl.
Olivia: Love ain't always enough.

[Blaine walks in the basement of the funeral home and see's Don E. running his own drug trade]
Blaine: What is all this?
Don: None of your concern. We talked about this. Are you starting to lose your short-term memory, too? We can get your body covered in reminder tattoos, like that dude from Memento.

Ravi: I'm not mad. In an apocalypse, it'd give me solace knowing you're safe in Cornell's bunker. While I battle motorcycle cannibals.

Ravi: Clarissa Bates is desperate to get out of Seattle, and she's tired of dating old sugar daddies. So, I figured, a dashing specimen such as yourself might, you know...
Major: That's what this is about? You want me to be some kind of gigolo bait?
Ravi: Oh... I was thinking "spy." It sounds cooler and less dirty.

[Major looks out the window while talking to Blaine at the funeral home]
Blaine: Hey. Hey. Hey. It's the FBI, man. They've got a crush on me. They've got it in their head that I'm the Chaos Killer. You're gonna have to leave here the same way you came in, back of a hearse.

Olivia: Remember where we found her? In her dungeon surrounded by her freaky sex toys and strangled by her whip, does that sound fun to you?
Ravi: Thinking?

[Blaine waits for his father, as Angus DeBeers walks into his office]
Blaine: 'And Alexander wept when he realized there were no more worlds to conquer.' Do you weep, Angus?
Angus: Let me guess, business has been so bad you're reduced to making your own deliveries.
Blaine: [Blaine points to his own head] No. The only brains I brought today are right up here.

Dale: [about Michelle] So, you slept with her, then broke up with her the next day, and asked me to marry you?
Clive: Yeah. It sounds a lot faster when you say it like that.
Dale: You mean, when I say it in the order in which it happened?

Detective: [Clive's gun guy is at the station] This guy says he sold you some concert tickets?
Clive: Uh, yeah, that's right.
Detective: Cool. Who are you gonna go see?
Clive: ...Music.

[Agent Bozzio tries to question Major on where the Chaos Killer's victims are]
Dale: The bodies. Where are they?
Clive: [Major remains quiet] Brooding expressions don't show up on tape. Use your words.

[first lines]
Jordan: [three kids walk down the street sharing a beer together] Yeah, my left nut you went to third base with Jolene Fisk.
Dirt: You don't got to believe it. I've got my memories.
Mama's: Up the shirt's not third. Third's in-the-pants stuff.
Jordan: Shut up, Butterball. The only boobs you've ever seen are your own.

Dale: Maybe it's a sign. Maybe we should wait.
Clive: Ravi's phone call is a sign?
Dale: Yeah.
Clive: Didn't we talk about this all night?
[Phone buzzes]
Clive: Ravi, again.
Dale: Waiting until marriage doesn't sound even a little bit sexy?
[Clive sighs, Dale's phone rings]
Dale: Hello?
[Turns to Clive]
Dale: It's God. He says we should wait.

[Ravi tells Blaine the full story about how he's a murderer]
Ravi: And that about covers it. Oh. You also murdered the fourth man to walk on the moon. One assumes, his brain fetched a tidy sum. And you picked a fight with me once. Don't worry about it, though. I won.
Blaine: None of this makes sense, man.
Ravi: I don't know, I'm scrappy. I've got reach.

[Clive tells coffee-girl-brain Liv they're meeting the real estate agent Gary Derryberry]
Clive: The real estate agent Gary... Derryberry, is meeting us there.
Olivia: Gary Derryberry?
Clive: [Liv gasps] You know him?
Olivia: No, but he sounds like a hoot!

Olivia: [Rapping] Comin' at you from the basement of the SPD / It's the E to the M to the C-E-E / ME's rolling up for an autopsy / Getting brain like a boss / Call me Queen Zombie

[Liv on stripper-brain sits on the lap of a guy while waiting for a vision to happen]
Cocky: Olivia. I like how your mouth looks when you say that.
Olivia: [Liv smiles in the guys lap] Olivia.

[Clive tells Liv after she kills Drake that she's a soldier]
Clive: Liv. Let the brain take over. You're a soldier. You've been trained for this.

[Liv tells Major that they both belong with their own kind]
Olivia: Can we both be honest for a moment? We both know deep down that this can't work. Being a zombie has changed me. You love the woman I was before. You tolerate the woman I am now.
Major: Who you are now is only temporary.
Olivia: This brain is temporary. But... The not being able to have sex, the day-to-day personality changes, that's the new normal. And that's what neither one of us is okay with. We're not. The truth is, we belong with our own kind.
Major: Is this... are we breaking up?
Olivia: We have to.

[the vigilante Hashtag tells Clive why he threatened The Fog crime fighter in the past]
Hashtag: The Fog thought he was the king of the superheroes. Always bad-mouthing me to the others. Then I find out he's got a super-team and doesn't ask me. Do you know how many marketing opportunities I was going to lose out on if I wasn't included? You ever hear of Snake Bite?
Clive: No.
Hashtag: But I bet you can name everyone in the Justice League, can't you? I rest my case.

[Liv sees that Drake doesn't have a Facebook when she asks for Clive's advice]
Olivia: What does it mean if the guy you're dating isn't on Facebook?
Clive: I don't use Facebook. So, nothing?
Olivia: Hmm.
Clive: Or maybe he's married with a bunch of kids.

Blaine: How hard can it be? They're dying kids. That has to be one of the top five easiest types of kidnapping.
Bubba: Not when they know their Freylich brains are zombie cures. Some of them are taking precautions.
Blaine: So up your game. Get more guns, more guys. Get one of those net traps that the Ewoks used.

[Liv asks both Clive and Ravi out for drinks and a bite to eat]
Olivia: Hey, later-later, like Friday, I was thinking we could all grab a drink after work, maybe get a bite to eat? I mean, if you guys are free. It's just been a while since we got together.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Friday's tricky, yeah. I've been seeing Stephanie. You know, the girl I met at the club. Been seeing a lot of her, actually. She's trying to get Friday night off work so she can fix me a home-cooked meal. Turns out, right, she's got this whole Martha Stewart side to her. Which combined with her raw honesty and lack of intellectual pretense giving me a sense of emotional intimacy I've not felt in a long time, you know?
Clive: [Liv quietly stares at Clive who answers] Can't, busy.

[Gilda reminds Major that he has a job to do in killing the suspected zombies]
Gilda: Let me tell you a story. When we first came up with the 'Suspected Zombies' list, Vaughn's idea was to send them all letters, zombies and non-zombies alike, informing them they'd won an all-expense-paid Hawaiian cruise. And then scuttle the ship in the middle of the Pacific. Your work, distasteful as you find it, saves lives.

[Ravi tells Peyton that he's considering to become a bad boy]
Ravi: Personally, I've been toying with the idea of, uh, becoming a bad boy.
Peyton: Is that right?
Ravi: Yeah. Start banging my mates' girlfriends, get into strip club fights, tip a few cows.
Peyton: I can't imagine you doing any of that.
Ravi: Well, you can't imagine good Ravi cow tipping, but bad Ravi?
Ravi: [Ravi scoffs] He'll knock a broad-arse bovine on her side without a second thought.

[Liv asks Blaine if he killed the fourth man who walked on the moon]
Olivia: You killed the fourth man who walked on the moon?
Blaine: Please, nobody cares about the fourth person to do something.

[the Imposing Elf Thug asks the vigilante-masked Liv what she's supposed to be]
Imposing: What are you supposed to be?
Olivia: [Liv turns into her zombie rage mode] I'm the nightmare before Christmas.

Clive: Were you aware of something called "Project Z"?
Dalton: What, the bunker thing? Wild, huh? The guy was a visionary.
Clive: You know, he kept a list of who he intended to let in.
Dalton: Was I on it?
Clive: No.
Dalton: Ah, well, guess we'll be Mad Max-ing it out here together then, huh?

[Brody comments on the empty pumping from the corner of the frat room]
Brody: Oh, hey, I think we killed that.
Clive: [Clive turns around to see Liv pumping air out of a keg] What are you doing?
Olivia: Coaxing the flow to the hose.
[Clive stares Liv down as Liv drops down the hose walking off]

[Liv talks to Peyton for the first time since Peyton's return]
Peyton: You stalked me, and you brought me a present?
Olivia: That birthday cake you left last night. It meant the world to me.
Peyton: Look, um... When I left, I can't lie, I resented you. I can't tell if it was more, 'I can't believe my best friend is a zombie,' or, 'I can't believe my best friend didn't tell me she's a zombie.'
Olivia: I get that.
Peyton: While I was away I had a chance to put myself in your shoes, and... Ugh, I realized how hard this last year must have been for you. You gave up being a surgeon, you gave up the love of your life. And then I bailed.
Olivia: Well, to be fair, you had just seen me stab someone in the head.

[Ravi tells erotica-librarian-brain Liv to think about baseball]
Olivia: She wrote erotica, I can barely keep it in my pants.
Ravi: Then you think about something sacred, like your mum. Or something gross, like Margaret Thatcher. What do American boys think about?
Olivia: Baseball, I guess?
Ravi: [Ravi rocks his head up and down] Then think about baseball.

[Liv sees Blaine for the first time after he loses his memory]
Olivia: Does he remember that he's a dick? I can smack him in the head a couple hundred times. See if that shakes something loose
Blaine: Do you know me?
Olivia: Unfortunately, yeah.

[Ravi comes home to find Blaine at his house]
Ravi: With everything that's going on, I have no business feeling this happy, yet, here I am, feeling...
Ravi: [Ravi sees Blaine in his kitchen] Nauseas.

[Blaine and Freida Bader listen to his father's will, as the father states Frieda will receive $10 million]
Angus: [on the television] To my dear friend, Frieda Bader, who has served me loyally for 35 years, I leave $10 million and the Lake Como estate.
Blaine: And why not? She only starved your son to punish him for tracking in mud. Gave away his dog when he was caught shoplifting bubblegum.
Frieda: And you still believe that, shedding barking mutt was given away. You never wondered why the rose bush in the south garden grew so fast and full?

[Peyton tells Ravi that she tried quitting her job]
Peyton: Man, you work up the nerve to resign and your boss gets abducted.

Ravi: We're calling the prison bus murders "Satan's Jigsaw Puzzle".
Olivia: We started with the face pieces and are working our way out.

[Clive asks Liv if she's okay due to how efficient she's acting at her job]
Clive: Everything okay?
Olivia: Why? Did I do something wrong?
Clive: Not exactly, you're the opposite of distracted. Your efficiency is kinda scaring me.

Liv: Javier's brain shows me a view of the world that's brighter, more vibrant. I can't let Lola diminish that view. I'm not ready to go back to a world without that light. I want this feeling to last. I want to leave something more than impressive report cards to remember me by. There is so much beauty in the world. And that's all that matters. Inspiration, love. The heart wants what it wants. Who are we to deny it ?

[Liv sits with Major on the bathroom floor, as he lays his head in her lap, while Major comes down from being on Utopium]
Major: [Liv begins combing Major's hair, as he whispers] I won't let anything happen to you.
Olivia: [Liv whispers a frat boy response back] And I won't shave your eyebrows.

[Vaughn Du Clark yells at the zombie Rita]
Gilda: Did you ever care about me?
Vaughn: [Vaughn Du Clark yells at Rita] Do you hear yourself? Do you hear yourself? Making this moment about you! 'Cause I'm the one who stands to lose a billion dollars tonight! Not to mention my reputation! One hundred dead employees, one dead Rob Thomas. I mean, this just looks bad. You think Twitter's gonna be kind?

Angus: Fillmore-Graves? The fortune 500 pmc with ties to multinational affairs has zombies in its ranks?
Don: Word is they're all zombies.
Angus: You don't say.
Don: Are you having a vision?
Angus: Oh, I've got a vision, all right. I've seen the future. And the future is brains.
Don: Did you eat Steve Jobs' brain? 'Cause you are straight up power trippin' right now.

[Peyton and Liv on stripper-brain follow a girl into the women's bathroom]
Peyton: Does it help for me to mention this isn't really you?
Olivia: [Liv and Peyton enter the bathroom] Hey! You in the stall! You're gonna flick me in the grill with your cheap-ass wannabe-Ariana-Grande clip-on and then just hide in the bathroom?

[Blaine threatens Major to get him his dad back]
Blaine: Uh, Major.
Major: Yeah?
Blaine: I know where you live. I know where Liv, um, lives. Give me my dad or things are gonna get ugly fast, okay?

[the CI Tanner tells Clive about the Lucky U he's selling for a new mystery man]
Tanner: Okay, yeah, there's a new player. A mystery man with a new product. Lucky U. It's the sickest Utopium out there. Totally uncut, insane high. And cheap. The bunk I'm slinging's got more steps than Helen Keller in a corn maze.
Clive: Tell me more about this mystery man.
Tanner: It's like you don't know what the word mystery means.

Blaine: Et tu, Candy?

[Clive and Liv find the dead body of Rob Thomas on stage]
Clive: Uh, poor Rob Thomas.
Olivia: This is how a skull breaks.

Olivia: Logic dictates, if you withhold data, you have reason to hide it. "
Ravi: Data," what... You mean her statement?
Olivia: It's all data, Ravi,
[Thinks]
Olivia: I mean, you could design a system, you'd have a mechanism to gather crime data. Physical evidence, testimony, relationships, motive. A smart algorithm analyzes. And voilà.
Ravi: Congratulations. You just invented the police.

[Liv and Clive examine Roger Thrunk's turtle]
Olivia: I saw a movie once set in a jungle prison. Prisoners wrote messages on the bottom of turtles' shells.
Clive: [Clive puts on a pair of gloves, picking up the turtle] Ah... The things they never tell you that you'll be doing at the detective academy.
Dale: [as Dale Bozzio walks into the room] Babineaux! You and that turtle get a room.
Clive: I'm looking for messages.
Dale: [Bozzio nods] I won't ask.

Clive: Dr. C, mind if I take your assistant on a field trip?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: I'd sign her permission slip, but my hands are covered in viscera.
[raises his hands from his autopsy]

[Ravi reminds Major that science is a marathon]
Ravi: Science is a marathon, not a sprint.

[Ravi tells social-media-brain Liv to be careful on social media]
Ravi: You need to be careful not to overshare on social media. Anything zombie-related is TMI.
Olivia: Don't worry. I'm on my chill hustle hundo-p.
Ravi: My annoying millennial speak knowledge ended with TMI, so I have no idea what you just said.

[jealous-brain Liv goes through Major's phone late at night]
Olivia: [narrating] This isn't you, Liv. It's the brain. You know this. Put the phone down and get back in bed. You don't know his pass code, anyway. Or maybe this is a sign.

[Bonnie tells Liv that Wyatt Carver was trying out for the role of the Blue Power Ranger]
Lana: After we started sleeping together. He's so nice and... He'd ask about my job and what was going on in the writers' room. Then a few months ago, he read for the Blue Ranger part in the new Power Rangers movie.
Olivia: I don't know if he has the range for Blue.

Ravi: Gut shot. Three times. Detective Benedetto didn't just die he ---
[Dramatic voice]
Ravi: Died hard.
Olivia: Hmm. My expert medical opinion is that he...
[Dramatic voice]
Olivia: Died hard, too.
[Normal voice]
Olivia: And such beautiful weather today, would you say...
Ravi: Yes. It was...
[Dramatic voice]
Ravi: A good day to die hard.
Clive: You two done?

Liv: I'm having a hard enough time pretending I'm alive, let alone throwing a performance as a psychic into my repertoire.
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Liv, you ate the girl's temporal lobe. Going to the police with her potential murderer is the least you can do.

Peyton: If it doesn't work, they'll come after you.
Ravi: Yeah. Well...
Peyton: I love you.
Ravi: I know.
Peyton: Oh, no, you didn't.
Ravi: I'm kidding, I love you, too. I love you mucho... I... I love you mucho grande. I love you like gangbusters. To infinity and beyond... I was doing Han Solo, I thought it would be charming.
Peyton: It was a little charming. I mean, I like the groveling afterwards better.

[Vaughn Du Clark reads out a tweet from Twitter]
Vaughn: 'Vaughn Douche Clark.' So original.

Ravi: The loveliest trick of the devil is to persuade you he doesn't exist.

[Liv gives Ravi a lecture back at the lab]
Olivia: I am literally going through hell. Do you even care?
Dr. Ravi Chakrabarti: Okay, you've literally forgotten the meaning of the word 'Literally'
Olivia: It's not my fault! All my friends are cold-hearted bitches, and that includes the men. Why is everyone abandoning me? Why?
Olivia: [Liv throws her bag down and sits on the couch] I'm sorry. I just really need a pinot and some salty chocolate right now.

[Drake approaches erotica-librarian-brain Liv]
Drake: I would've called you but I don't have your number.
Olivia: Babe...
Olivia: [Drake squints] Ruth.

[Agent Bozzio asks Clive to leave work early with her]
Clive: Oh, I can't. I'm doing another canvass of Pioneer Square.
Dale: Swing by when you're done and you can canvass this. And by canvass, I mean have sex with.

Don: The matchmaker. She was murdered?
Olivia: Can you believe it? She's trying to make people happy, ends up thrown off a balcony.
Clive: Did you meet Mrs. Barbera?
Don: I poured her a drink. She told me that she had my perfect match.
[Gasps, points at Liv]
Don: You're in her brain! Please tell me you remember the name. When... When she told me, I dropped a glass.
[Throws a glass on the ground]
Don: Come on. Have a vision.
[Drops another]
Don: Nothing? Come on!

Ravi: [Wearing Garrett's armor] I know this sounds like some kind of role-play come-on, um, but I literally can't figure out how to take this off.

[Ravi wakes up hungover one last time from drinking late with Peyton]
Olivia: [Liv over the phone] Like I told you, when you're playing drinking games with Peyton, all you'll walk away with is a 'thanks for participating' ribbon.
Ravi: A tiny man with a jackhammer has taken up residence in my skull.

Clive: So anyone this rich, you've gotta assume money's a motive.
Ravi: Clive. You may have a fractured vertebra. You can't keep detective-ing through a broken back. You're not Batman.
Clive: You don't know that.

[Blaine brings the dying man Drake Holloway to the police morgue]
Ravi: We are not an emergency room. We're not equipped for this. This man is dying, and your first thought is to bring him here?
Blaine: Actually, my first thought was to call you and have you come to my place, but I had some concern you wouldn't show, so...

Clive: How does a zombie disappear from a walled city? If you scratched me right now, what's the first thing I'd do?
Olivia: Take Bozzio to Bone Town.
Clive: ...After that,

Ravi: I've had a vision. Rick walks out to his car, finds his windscreen smashed.
Clive: That's it? You call that a vision?
Ravi: And the words, "Die, pig" spray painted on his hood.
Clive: I don't suppose you saw who smashed his window and tagged his car?
[Ravi is silent]
Clive: Yeah, you never do.

[Liv arrives home discussing that her only friend just may be an alcoholic drink]
Olivia: [narrating] What was I saying back at the boutique about friends? Oh, right. Lose one, find another. Hello, friend. Happy birthday to me. Hey, maybe I should invent a special cocktail. One part spicy whiskey, two parts zombie tears, a dash of hot sauce. I'll call it the 'Liv & Learn'. Because maybe this is the way it's gonna be from now on.

Clive: You're in "nootropics"?
Dalton: "Smart drugs," if you will. Cutting-edge pharmacology for brain enhancement, increased energy and executive function.
[In slogan-y voice]
Dalton: The bio-engineered mind, the next step in human evolution.
[Continues]
Dalton: You know, I'm surprised you guys don't do it. I bet you the criminals do.

Don: It's private. You got the TV... The couch... I spent some pretty good times down here.
Blaine: I'm sure you did.
Don: Where you are right now, me and Pam Haggler watched the One Tree Hill premiere And I lost my V-...
Blaine: Ah, if you continue, the scream I utter will shatter the universe.

Ron: Real Lady was getting picked up by a big dude in a Cutlass. He sees your victim and he yells out, "It's not funny, you bleeping bleep. It's demeaning." Dead Guy gets in his car real quick. He did not wanna mess with Big Guy.
Clive: Big Dude and Big Guy?
Ron: Same person.

[the zombie Natalie tells Major to not bring her back if there's no cure]
Natalie: If this doesn't work... if the cure doesn't happen...
Major: It's going to.
Natalie: But if it doesn't... I don't want to come back as a zombie. Not like this. And definitely not like one of those mindless, drooling monsters you see in the movies.

[the prison guard tells Clive he'll let him into Max Rager for one reason]
Prison: Look, man, you cannot tell Mr. Du Clark that I let you in. I'm begging you. Say it was Rob Thomas. You cannot believe the crap that guy gets away with.

[Liv on coffee-girl-brain asks Clive what brings him to the morgue on a beautiful morning]
Olivia: So, what brings you down here on this beautiful morning?
Clive: It's raining.
Olivia: [Liv with a smile] That's liquid sunshine, my friend. Don't believe me? Ask a farmer. Or a duck.
Ravi: Or Gene Kelly.

Chase: Roche is a dolt. No way he's the ringleader. I want you to buddy up to him.
Major: Fun, fun.
Chase: If he likes getting a colonic, you take him out for his-and-his colonics. Make him a colonic-themed mixtape.

[the kids report to Liv and Clive about who they suspect killed their basketball coach]
Grieving: Who chokes someone at basketball practice?
Olivia: Well, Latrell Sprewell does. A Knick, wasn't he?
Clive: Not at the time.

Nellie: [singing] How can I find out who I am / When there's always someone else inside my head? / To be or not to be / It don't apply to me /'Cause I'm already dead