150 Best Philip J. Fry Quotes

[first lines]
Fry: [offscreen] Space. It seems to go on and on forever. But then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you.

Mom: [TV advert] Mom's oil is made with 10% more love than the next leading brand.
Announcer: [behind the scene] "Mom," "Love" and "Screen Door" are registered trademarks of MomCorp.

Captain: Brannigan's Law is like Brannigan's love, hard and fast.

[Bender and Fry in Benders apartment]
Bender: [while sleeping] Kill all humans, kill all humans, must kill all hu...
Fry: [shakes him] Bender wake up.
Bender: I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it.
Fry: Listen, Bender, uh... where's your bathroom?
Bender: Bath-what?
Fry: Bathroom.
Bender: What room?
Fry: Bathroom.
Bender: What what?
Fry: Aaah, never mind.
[Bender shuts himself down to sleep, Fry lies on the floor]
Bender: [while sleeping] Hey, sexy mama... Wanna kill all humans?

Fry: Hey, I got everyone magnets.
[puts one on Bender's head]
Bender: Get it off! Get it off! Oh-oh. How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a... Aaoow!
[Fry removes magnet]
Bender: Don't ever do that! Magnets interfer with my inhibition unit.
Fry: So you flip out and start acting like a folk singer?
Bender: Yes. Although a robot would have to be crazy to be a folk singer.

Fry: [Knocks on the door before opening it] Hello? Hello? Pizza delivery for um... I.C. Wiener? Aww crud. I would have thought that at this point in my life I would be the one making the prank phone calls.

Fry: This is my old neighborhood. This brings back so many memories.
Bender: Keep 'em to yourself, pops.

Fry: That's the saltiest thing I ever tasted, and I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.

Wendy: At least the nightmare is over.
Robot: It will never be over, Wendy. Even now, humans are lurking in our playgrounds, our breezeways, even in... our movie theaters!
[Movie audience gasps]
Fry: God help us!

Professor: Sweet zombie Jesus!

Fry: We could totally escape, Bender. All you have to do is bend the hatch off this steam pipe.
Bender: Hey, yeah.
[He bends open the hatch; the cell fills with steam]
Fry: No good, it's full of steam!

Captain: Oh, God, I'm pathetic. Sorry. Just go... You want the rest of the cham-paggin?
Leela: No, and it's pronounced "cham-pain".
Captain: Oh, God, no!

Captain: Has my fame preceded me or was I too fast for it?

Professor: I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Woman at bar: You're from the 20th century? That's incredible. I'm from the 21st century.
Fry: No way. We've got so much in common.
Woman at bar: We sure do. Remember when those cyborgs enslaved humanity?
Fry: Uh... yeah. That rings a bell.

Fry: If you rule out every guy with a lizard tongue or a low IQ or an explosive violent temper, of course you're going to be lonely.

Professor: Oh, dear. I really ought to do something. But I am already in my pajamas.

Captain: So, crawling back to the big Z like a bird on its belly. Delicious.
Leela: Birds don't crawl.
Captain: They'd been known to.

Fry: Wow, a real live robot! Or is that just some sort of cheesy New Year's costume?
Bender: Bite my shiny metal ass!
Fry: Doesn't look so shiny to me.
Bender: Shinier than yours, meatbag!

Moon: No one really knows when, where, or how man landed on the moon...
Fry: I do!
Moon: ...but our Fungineers imagine it went something like this.
[Animatronic whalers emerge from a lunar lander]
Animatronic: [singing] We're whalers on the moon.
Animatronic: We carry a harpoon.
Animatronic: But there are no whales, so we tell tall tales and sing a whaling tune.
Fry: That's not how it happened.
Leela: Oh, really? I don't see you with a Fungineering degree.

Dr. Zoidberg: Relax, Fry. I'll simply spin you in a high-speed centrifuge, separating out the denser fluid of his highness.
Fry: But won't that crush my bones?
Dr. Zoidberg: Oh, right, right, with the bones. I always forget about the bones...

[Bender explains why he drinks so much]
Bender: Nah, I'm trying to watch my input. I need plenty of wholesome nutricious alcohol. The chemical energy keeps my fuel cells charged.
Fry: What are the cigars for?
Bender: They make me look cool.

[after Zapp and Leela have slept together]
Captain: Now you're officially my woman. Kudos! I can't say I don't envy you.

Fry: I can't believe we traveled halfway across the galaxy and enjoyed a good steam just to get lunch for that dumb animal!
Bender: He's pending for a bending!

Bender: Where are you going to stay?
Fry: I don't know. Do refrigerators still come in cardboard boxes?
Bender: Yeah, but the rents are outrageous.

Leela: Fry you can't spend all your time in the dark listening to classical music.
Fry: I could if you didn't turn the lights on and turn off my stereo.
Leela: Fry this isn't healthy, you're living in the past.
Fry: I'm rich I can live whenever I want!
Leela: But we're your friends and we live here in the year 3000.
Bender: Yeah, now are you going to come to the squid fights with us, or sit here wallowing in your pre-historic junk!
Fry: Junk? Maybe you can't understand this, but i finally found what i need to be happy, and it's not friends, it's things.
Bender: I'm a thing...
Leela: Fry please...
Fry: *Shuts the door on his friends*
Leela: My pony tail is caught in the door!
Fry: I don't need them!

Kif: The jackass wants to see you in his quarters.
Leela: Good. This will be my chance to reason with him, captain to captain.
Kif: He also requests that you wear this.
[Kif holds up a skimpy costume. Leela ignores it and knocks on Zapp's door]
Captain: [sexily] Come and get it!

Leela: If everyone is done being stupid...
Fry: I had more, but go ahead.

Captain: [about the space ship Titanic] I am gonna fly her brains out.

Fry: Did you build the Smelloscope?
Professor: No, I remembered that I'd built one last year. Go ahead, try it. You'll find that every heavenly body has its own particular scent. Here, I'll point it at Jupiter.
Fry: Smells like strawberries.
Professor: Exactly. And now, Saturn.
Fry: Pine needles. Oh, man, this is great... hey, as long as you don't make me smell Uranus.
Leela: I don't get it.
Professor: I'm sorry, Fry, but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all.
Fry: Oh. What's it called now?
Professor: Urrectum. Here, let me locate it for you.
Fry: No, no, I, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here.

Leela: We'd be killed instantly if we set foot on the surface, so we need to look and act like robots.
Fry: [robotic voice] I am fully operational.
Leela: We need to move like robots, talk like robots, and if necessary, solve complex differential equations like robots.
Fry: I can sort of dance like a robot.
[does the robot]
Leela: Fry, first of all, this is serious. And second of all...
[does the robot better]

Fry: Hurry up! I wanna get to the moon!
Leela: Relax. It's open 'til nine.

Dr. Zoidberg: That stench. That heavenly stench!
[Eats all the anchovies]
Dr. Zoidberg: More. More.
Fry: There aren't any more, and there never will be.
Dr. Zoidberg: [advances menacingly] More! More! More! *More!*

Fry: My God, it's the future. My parents. My co-workers. My girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again.
[pause]
Fry: Yahoo!

Leonard: Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy.
Fry: Spock? Hey, do the thing!
[does Vulcan salute]
Leonard: I don't do that anymore.
Fry: This is unbelievable! What do you heads do all day?
Leonard: We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity.
Caretaker: Feeding time!
[Caretaker drops food flakes on jar; Nimoy nibbles at them like a goldfish]

Leela: Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring as mom and apple pie. That's why they jazzed it up.
Fry: Boring? Baseball wasn't... Wait. So they finally jazzed it up.

Leela: Look at these guys. Do you have any idea what the average span of their reign was?
Fry: Eighty thousand years?
Leela: No. One week!
Fry: Damn! I knew you wouldn't have asked me unless it was really low or really high.

Bender: You humans are afraid of a little robot competition. You would never let a robot on the field.
Fry: What are you talking about? I see plenty of robots out there.
Bender: Yeah, doing crap work. Robots are only working as bat boys, ball polishers and sprinkler systems. But how many robot managers are there?
Fry: Eleven?
Bender: Zero!
[Throws a bottle on the ground; a robot cleans it up]
Bender: And look who's cleaning up the crap! A human child? I wish!

Professor: [about Hermes' grandmother] Your granny can go to hell!

[Fry and Leela meet]
Fry: Can I ask you a question?
Leela: As long as it's not about my eye.
Fry: Uhh...
Leela: Is it about my eye?
Fry: Sort of.
Leela: [sighs] Just ask the question.
Fry: What's with the eye?
Leela: I'm an alien.
Fry: [excited] Cool, an alien. Has your race taken over the Earth?
Leela: No, I just work here.

Fry: Uh, greetings Moon Man, we come in peace. I am Fry from the planet Earth.
Sal: Wise guy huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach.
Fry: But, you are lazy right?
Sal: Oh, don't get me started.

Captain: As my protégé you should know that the only way to deal with a female adversary is to seduce her.
[Kif groans]
Captain: This time we are sure she's a woman, right?
Kif: *Yes*.

George: Yes it was me. And I never would have got away with it regardless of you meddling kids.
Fry: And you knew bombing the Stadium would drive people into the Kabuki Theatre!
George: No, that's not why I did it.
Fry: Why then?
George: I'm Mentally Ill!

[Fry and Leela are taking a ride on the Moon Park]
Moon: The story of lunar exploration started with one man - a man with a dream.
Animatronic: One of these days, Alice. Bang. Zoom. Straight to the moon.
Leela: Wow! I never realized the first astronauts were so fat.
Fry: That's not an astronaut, it's a TV comedian! And he was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife.

Philip J. Fry: Wow! It's working! I guess the instructions were in English.

[Fry is serving pizza with anchovies]
Fry: Ok my friends, get ready for the most delicious extinct animal you've ever tasted.
Amy: I don't know, I've had cow.

[repeated line]
Dr. Zoidberg: Hooray!

Fry: [watching a robot beeping on a wedding on the soap opera "All My Circuits"] Is he objecting or backing up?
Amy: Sounds like both.

Leela: Should we really be celebrating? I mean, what if the second ball of garbage returns to Earth like the first one did?
Fry: Who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years.
Professor: Exactly. It's none of our concern.
Fry: That's the twentieth century spirit.

Fry: Are we going to fly all over space, fighting monsters and teaching alien women how to love?
Professor: If by that you mean delivering cargo, then yes. It's a little home business I started to fund my research.
Fry: Cool. What's my job gonna be?
Professor: You're gonna make sure the cargo reaches its destination.
Fry: So, I'm a delivery boy?
Professor: Exactly.
Fry: All right! I'm a delivery boy!

[after Bender has acted very strange when a magnet was placed on his head]
Fry: So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folk-singer?
Bender: Yes,
[stares longingly into the distance]
Bender: I guess a robot would have to be crazy to wanna' be a folk-singer...

Fry: [looking at an empty portrait frame marked Fry's Assassin's Assassin] Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him.

Fry: My Lord. What is this place?
Bender: The decaying ruins of old New York. Welcome home, buddy.

Professor: Now, now. There'll be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return.

Fry: W-What are we gonna do?
Leela: I don't know! I don't know! It's not an easy decision. If only I had two or three minutes to think about it.
[the show goes to commercial]

Professor: Now that you're our new employees, I'd like you to have a look at our commercial. I paid to have it aired during the Super Bowl.
Fry: Wow.
Professor: Not on the same channel, of course...

Fry: It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for the winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. And also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?

Captain: You look like a woman who appreciates the finer things in life. Come over here and feel my velour bedspread.

[about Dr. Zoidberg]
Professor: Now Fry, before you go into space you'll need to see our staff doctor. I should warn you though, he's a little... um, unusual
[whispering]
Professor: He wears sandals.

[a commercial for Farnsworth's delivery company]
H.G. Blob: Evans! Where's that package from Earth?
Employee: Uh...
[H.G. Blob swallows him whole]
Employee: I'm not Evans!
H.G. Blob: He should've used Planet Express!
Commercial: When those other companies aren't brave or foolhardy enough to go, trust Planet Express for reliable on-time deliveries!
Evans: Here's your package, Mr. Horrible Gelatinous Blob!
H.G. Blob: Good work, Evans! You've got a future around here!
[swallows him whole]
Evans: Thank you, sir!

Mom: I felt terrible when I heard about your money troubles. And I thought maybe I could help out a sweet, young man by buying his anchovies.
Fry: Sorry, but the anchovies aren't for sale.
Mom: What? Listen, you little bastard, I control the robot oil business and I won't let you ruin me! How much do you want?
Fry: You might as well put that checkbook away. Because I've discovered something even more important, my friends. And they aren't worth even a penny to me!

Amy: [at a nightclub] Everything is so retro.
Fry: Why is everyone wearing those rings?
Amy: Guh! Because nobody wears them anymore. Rings are stupid.
Fry: I think they're cool.
Amy: Shh! Don't let anyone hear you.
Guy: Hey, did that guy just say that rings are cool?
Amy: No, he said they're stupid.
Guy: Cool!

Professor: I was inventing things before you were barely turning senile.

Dr. Zoidberg: Now open your mouth and lets have a look at that brain.
[Fry opens his mouth]
Dr. Zoidberg: No, no, not that mouth.
Fry: I only have one.
Dr. Zoidberg: Really?
Fry: Uh... is there a human doctor around?
Dr. Zoidberg: Young lady, I am an expert on humans. Now pick a mouth, open it and say "brglgrglgrrr"!
Fry: Uh... brglgrglgrglgrrr!
Dr. Zoidberg: What? My mother was a saint! Get out!

Bender: Well, it was nice meeting you Fry. I'm gonna go kill myself.
Fry: Wait, you're the only friend I have!
Bender: You really want a robot for a friend?
Fry: Yeah, ever since I was six.
Bender: Well, all right, but I don't want anybody thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my debugger.

Fry: [Fry struggles to cry and fails] It's no use. I want to cry, but I'm just too macho.
Bender: I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything.
Fry: Wha'd'you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet.
Bender: Good point... but here's a disturbing reminder: anyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead.
Fry: These things happen.
Bender: Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one, 'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Ha ha ha!
Fry: Phew, that's a load off my mind.
Bender: Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry.
Amy: You did your best, Bender.
Bender: Up yours, bimbo!
[Amy cries]
Dr. Zoidberg: Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help.
Bender: Cram it, lobster!
[Zoidberg cries]

Turanga: Fry, this isn't healthy. You're living in the past.
Fry: I'm rich! I can live whenever I want!
Turanga: But we live here, in the year 3000.
Bender: Yeah! Now, are you gonna come to the squid fights with us or sit here wallowing in your prehistoric junk?
Fry: Junk? Maybe you can't understand this, but I finally found what makes me happy, and it's not friends, it's things.
Bender: I'm a thing.

Fry: Leela we're trying to watch T.V.
Bender: Yeah, would you kindly shut your noise hole.

Lisa: I can't believe you're all giving up without a fight.
Turanga: Lisa, we're just a package-delivery service.
Philip J. Fry: And not a very good one!

Professor: Ah, to be young again... and also a robot.

Walt: And if you need further proof that we are a thousand years in the past, here is contemporary actress Pamela Anderson.
Pamela: Hello, Fry. Remember me from "Baywatch: the Movie?"
Fry: Huh?
Pamela: It was the first movie to be shot entirely in slow motion.
Walt: It hasn't been made yet.
Pamela: Then he doesn't know I won the Oscar?
Walt: Nope.
Pamela: Crap!

Dr. Zoidberg: I'll have some squid log.
Hot: Sorry, we don't serve that.
Dr. Zoidberg: Fine, then I'll have one of your young on a roll.
Hot: We don't serve rolls.
Dr. Zoidberg: Fine, just give me something crawling with parasites.
[Cut to Zoidberg and the others eating hot dogs]
Fry: At least hot dogs haven't changed.

Fry: Stop! One more step and I'll breathe fire on you!
Leela: He'll do it! He's crazy.
Orange: Can humans really do that, or did we just made that up?
Blue: I think it was from that movie.
Green: Was that the original or the remake?
Blue: I'm not sure... Hey, they're getting away!

Fry: I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life.

Murg: This is Your Majesty's harem. You may choose any of these maidens to be your royal consort.
Fry: Puh, puh, puh... How about that one?
Murg: Oh, I didn't realize Your Majesty was into that sort of thing.
Fry: On second thought, I'll take that one.
Murg: Hey, whatever you say. I'm not here to pass judgement.

Professor: [after taking a DNA test with Fry] By God I am your nephew! This is absolutely incredible!
Bender: Can we have some money, now?
Professor: Oh my no.

Fry: Look at that! A Mr. Spock collectors plate and, woah! a Bart Simpson Doll!
Bartholemew: Eat my shorts!
Bender: OK! Mmmmmm, shorts.

Fry: Why would a robot need to drink?
Bender: I don't *need* to drink, I can quit any time I want.

Fry: I'm never gonna get used to the 31st century. Caffineated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? ADMIRAL Crunch?
Leela: Well, if you don't like that, try some ARCHDUKE Chocula.

Professor: No! I was about to close the deal!
Fry: Bender! They had a backwards time machine!

Bender: Admit it, you all think robots are just machines built by humans to make their lives easier.
Fry: Well, aren't they?
Bender: I never made anyone's life easier, and you know it!

Fry: Hey, whatcha' watchin'?
Bender: [hastily turning off the TV] Uh, nothin'!
Leela: Was that a cooking show?
Bender: No, of course not! It was, uh... porno! Yeah, that's it!
Leela: [turning the TV back on] Bender! I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute.
Bender: Aww, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long...
Fry: It's okay Bender, I like cooking too.
Bender: Pansy.

[Cut: Fry's Dream. He is in a packed college classroom. An elderly teacher is stands at the front of the room, wearing frosted half-moon glasses and grey hair]
Teacher: Good morning, class. I trust you've all prepared for today's final exam.
Fry: Uh, excuse me? I missed a few lectures. What subject is this?
Teacher: Ancient Egyptian Algebra.
[She points to the blackboard, revealing it is filled with Egyptian hieroglyphs, Fry gasps]
Fry: What a nightmare!
Teacher: Mister Fry, are those your briefs?
[Fry gasps, after looking down to see he is only wearing white briefs, he stands up while the class points and laughs at him, much to his discomfort]

Professor: And what will you be presenting this evening, professor?
Professor: Let's just say it'll put you young whippersnappers in your place.
Professor: I just hope it's not that lame death clock you presented last year.
Professor: Uh... last year, you say?
Professor: That's right.
Professor: Oh, my. Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place?
Professor: Hardly. We all laughed so hard our teeth fell out. Come along, Cinnamon.
[Wernstrom leaves with his fish]
Professor: Oh, dear. I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes. Perhaps some sort of death clock.

Amy: My fabulous body! It's ruined! What happened to my parasol?
Fry: I don't know. It wasn't here when I took your umbrella.

Fry: [Matrix Parody] When you say the human body is the most efficient thing to use as a battery, wouldn't anything make a better battery? Like a potato? Or a battery?

Leela: Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new. Let's blow it up already.
Fry: This junk isn't garbage! I can dig in any random pile and find something great.
[He dives into a pile, comes up chocking from a six-pack ring around his neck; Leela cuts it with a knife]
Fry: All right, let's get to work.

Captain: Captain's journal. Stardate: uhhh...
Kif: April 13.
Captain: April 13... point two.

[Fry has been using the ship engines to dry his hair]
Leela: Fry, what were you thinking? You're getting a huge dose of radiation!
Fry: And great lift.

[Fry has woken up 1000 years into the future and met Leela]
Fry: [gasps] Is that blimp accurate?
Leela: Yep. It's December 31st, 2999.
Fry: My god, a million years...

Kif: Sir, they're headed straight for us.
Captain: A well calculated move. Straight out of Sun Tzu's classic text, "The Art of War". Or my own master work, "Zapp Brannigan's Big Book of War". But the one thing their captain doesn't realize and never will is that...
Kif: Sir, they've docked with us and have come aboard.

Fry: Now that you mention it, I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills.
Shady: Yes, gills. Then, uh, you don't need lungs anymore, is right?
Fry: Can't imagine why I would.
Shady: Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week.

Robot: Be you robot or human?
Leela: Robot, we be.
Fry: Yep, just two robots out roboting it up.
Robot: Administer the test.
Robot: Which of the following would you prefer? A. a puppy; B. a flower from your sweetie; or C. a large, properly formatted data file? Choose!
[Fry and Leela discuss in whispers]
Fry: Is the puppy mechanical in any way?
Robot: No. It is the bad kind of puppy.
Leela: Then we'll go with that data file.
Robot: Correct.
Robot: The flower would have also been acceptable.
Robot: You may pass.

Fry: [about Bender's closet] This is huge! Bender, why don't I just live in here?
Bender: In a closet? Oh humans...

Captain: Mmm... Welcome to my humble chamber or as I call it, "The Lovenasium".

Fry: Wow, you guys have every kind of meat here except human.
Neptunian: What? You want human?

Professor: Good news, everyone. Tomorrow, you'll be making a delivery to Ebola 9, the virus planet.
Hermes: Why can't they go today?
Professor: Because tonight's a special night and I want all of you to be alive. It's the Academy of Inventors annual symposium.
Fry: Wow, I love symposia!
Professor: It's the event of the scientific season. Every member presents an invention. The best one wins the Academy prize.
Bender: Sounds boring.
Professor: Oh my, yes.

Leela: That's Zapp Brannigan's ship.
Fry: *The* Zapp Brannigan?
Leela: Uh-huh.
Fry: Who's *the* Zapp Brannigan?

Bender: You really want a robot for a friend?
Fry: Yeah, ever since I was six!
Bender: Well, all right. But I don't want anyone to think we're robosexual or anything, so if anyone asks, you're my debugger.

[repeated line]
Professor: Good news everyone!

Fry: Can I do the countdown?
Leela: Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out.
Fry: Ten.
[ship takes off]
Fry: Nine.
[ship reaches the moon]
Leela: Okay, we're here.
Fry: [quietly] Eightsevensixfivefourthreetwooneblastoff.

Fry: Wow, way to tell that guy off. Now what's your secret escape plan?
Leela: Uhh... I guess to sit here and wait for death.
Bender: [cheerfully] Can do.

Fry: Look, Leela. I'm sorry. I never should have dragged you out here.
Leela: That's right, you shouldn't have. I still don't get what the big attraction is.
Fry: I never told anybody this, but a thousand years ago I used to look up at the moon and dream about being an astronaut. I just didn't have the grades, or the physical endurance. Plus I threw up a lot, and nobody liked spending a week with me.
Leela: A week would be a little much.
Fry: The moon was like this awesome, romantic, mysterious thing, hanging up there in the sky where you could never reach it, no matter how much you wanted to. But you're right. Once you're actually here, it's just a big, dull rock. I guess I just wanted you to see it through my eyes, the way I used to.
[the window reflects off Fry's helmet; Leela looks outside and sees a beautiful moonscape with the Earth in the sky]
Leela: Fry, look. It really is beautiful. I don't know why I never noticed it before.

Fry: So let me get this straight. This planet is completely uninhabited?
Bender: No, it's inhabited by robots.
Fry: Oh, kinda like how a warehouse is inhabited by boxes.

Professor: [Takes Bender's head off for cleaning] My goodness, Bender. You're filthy.
Bender: Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck.

Fry: You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but don't pay you or let you go.
Turanga: That's the only thing about being a slave.

Announcer: Do you remember a time when chocolate chips came fresh from the oven? Pepperidge Farm remembers.
Fry: Ah, those were the days.
Announcer: Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain people weren't allowed on golf courses? Pepperidge Farm remembers.

[they have found an internet documentary about the garbage ball]
Fry: Wow. In my day, the internet was only used to download porn.
Leela: Actually, that's still the case.
Scientist: Now that the garbage is gone, doctor, perhaps you could help me with my sexual inhibitions.
Scientist: With gusto.
[documentary music]

Fry: Where are we going?
Leela: Nowhere special. The moon.
Fry: The mo - the moon? The moon moon? Wow! I'm going to be a hero, like Neil Armstrong and all those other brave guys no one ever heard of.

Shady: You want to buy organ? Fresh and cheap, ready for transplant.
Fry: Ooh! What's this?
Shady: Ah! Is X-ray eyes. See through anything.
Fry: Wait a minute! This says Z-ray.
Shady: Z is just as good. In fact, is better. Is two more than X.

Fry: Do you take Visa?
Clerk: Visa hasn't existed for 500 years.
Fry: American Express?
Clerk: 600 years.
Fry: Discover Card?
Clerk: Sorry, we don't take Discover.

Dr. Zoidberg: By the way, I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.

Captain: Kif, I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

Professor: There's no scientific consensus that life is important.

Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: Good news, everyone!
Philip J. Fry: [Whispers to Marge] That means it's bad.

Fry: You're not gonna believe this, but someone landed an amusement park on the moon!
Amy: Guh! It's the happiest place orbiting Earth.

[Fry ate an alien mummy thinking it was jerky]
Professor: My God, this is an outrage! I was going to eat that mummy.

Fry: C'mon Bender, it's up to you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals and animal robots.
Bender: You're full of crap, Fry!
[Gets electrocuted]
Bender: You make a persuasive argrument, Fry!

Professor: Wangle a new dangle on life!

[after escaping a suicide booth, Fry and Bender are in a bar, Bender is telling Fry about his life]
Bender: I'm a bender. I bend girders, that's all I'm programmed to do.
Fry: Were you any good?
Bender: Are you kidding? I was a star. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees, 32 degrees, you name it. 31... But I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for.
Fry: What for?
Bender: Suicide booths.

Professor: Good news, everyone.
Bender: Uh-oh. I don't like the sound of that.
Professor: You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol.
Bender: Here it comes.
Professor: A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the Forbidden Zone.
Bender: Thank you, and good night.
Leela: Professor, are we even allowed in the Forbidden Zone?
Professor: Why of course. It's just a name, like the Death Zone, or the Zone of No Return. All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror.

Professor: Wernstrom!
Professor: The very same.

[Checking out an appartment that looks like an M.C. Escher print]
Leela: Wow, this is fantastic.
Fry: I don't know, I don't want to pay for an extra dimension we're not going to use.

[Zapp Brannigan offers Leela some champagne]
Captain: Cham-paggin?
Leela: I didn't realize you were such a "coin-asseur."
Captain: Well, I have studied abroad... or two.

[Fry drops Nixon, spilling his head on the floor]
Richard: [angry] That's it. You just made my list.

Fry: Wait a second. You're a bender, right. We could escape if you would just bend the bars.
Bender: Dream on, skintube! I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like, a debender?
Fry: Who cares what you're programmed to do? If someone programmed you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?
Bender: I'll have to check my program.
[pause]
Bender: Yep.

Leela: Fry, we have a crate to deliver.
Fry: Well let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it.
Bender: Too much work. Let's burn it and *say* we dumped it in the sewer.

Fry: [as they board the ship] So long, suckers!
[the robots start piling up on each other, getting closer to our heroes]
Fry: Uh, hello, suckers.

[the Professor is on the phone]
Professor: Oh how awful. Did he at least die painlessly?
[pause]
Professor: To shreds you say, tsk tsk tsk. Well, how's his wife holding up?
[pause]
Professor: To shreds, you say.

Fry: Hey, you have no right to criticize the 20th century. We gave the world the light bulb, the steam boat and the cotton gin.
Leela: Those things are all from the 19th century.
Fry: Yeah, well, they probably just copied us.

Professor: Eureka!
Fry: Did you build the smellascope ?
Professor: No. It turns out I built one last year.

[Bender is caught with the moon farmer's robot daughters and is chased into the barn with Leela and Fry]
Fry: Bender, you didn't touch the Crushinator, did you?
Bender: Of course not. A girl that fine you gotta romance first.

Bender: Oh, sure. Let the robot do all the work.
Leela: Bender, this is the first actual work you have been asked to do.
Bender: Well, I can't do it. It so happens tomorrow is a robot holiday.
Fry: Really? Which one?
Bender: Only Robanukah, the two holiest weeks in the robot calendar.
Leela: Last week it was Robamadan, and the week before that, Robanzaa.
Fry: Man, that one was a blast.
Bender: I was not just a blast. It was a celebration of the accomplishments of my past prototypes, which just happened to take the form of a drinking contest.

Leela: You know Zapp, once I thought you were a big pompous buffoon. Then I realised that inside, you were just a pitiful child. But now I realise that outside that child is a big pompous buffoon!
Captain: And which one rocked your world?

Fry: No, Professor, don't give up. There were plenty of times in my century when I was going to give up, but I never did, never. Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up.

Fry: Being poor sucks. What kind of world is this where they advertise things not everybody can afford?

Fry: What if I don't wanna be a delivery boy?
Turanga: Then you'll be fired.
Fry: Fine.
Turanga: Out of a cannon, into the sun.

Fry: Look, I don't understand this world, but you obviously do, so I give up. If you really think I should be a delivery boy, then I will.
[he holds out his hand for Leela to implant the occupation chip; instead, she removes hers]
Fry: Your chip. What are you doing?
Leela: Quitting.
Fry: Why?
Leela: Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you.

[Bender's antenna is affecting the TV reception in his apartment]
Professor: Obviously your thoughts are being transmitted on the same frequency.
Tennant: They're on my cell phone too.
Bender: Madame, I believe you're mistaken
Bender: [voice from cell phone] Wow, that lady's got a huge ass.
Bender: [spoken] Those could be anyone's thoughts, fat-ass.

Captain: Captain's log. Stardate: 3000.6.
Kif: Who are you talking to?
Captain: You, Kif. Aren't you writing this down?

Fry: This is a cool way to die!

Fry: Bender! You're blind, stinking sober!
Bender: That's right! I'm sober and crazy, and I don't know what I might do!
Fry: Don't do it!
Bender: I don't know what it is yet!

Professor: I am already in my pajamas.

Professor: [Funeral] Let us bow our heads in prayer. Oh, mighty Isis...

Fry: [yelling] Pizza delivery for...
[normal voice]
Fry: I. C. Weiner. Aww... I always thought by this stage in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls.

Captain: We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars?
[pause]
Captain: Kif, I'm asking you a question.
[Kif groans]

Leela: I don't get it, Fry. Who was Ted Danson, and why did you bid ten thousand dollars for his skeleton?
Fry: I have an idea for a sitcom.

Professor: Hermes! Don't push that button!
Hermes: [long bureaucratic pause] Okay

Leela: Our car broke down and we're low on oxygen. Can we borrow some?
Moon: Borry? Listen here, city girl. Oxygen doesn't grow on trees. You'll have to work it off doing chores on my hydroponic farm. You can go back to your precious park at sun-up.
Fry: I guess we can do chores for a few hours.
Leela: Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon.
Moon: Yep, drops down to minus-173.
Fry: Celsius or Fahrenheit?
Moon: First one, then the other.

Captain: In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces.