Top 200 Quotes From Samurai Jack

Lazzor: We are forever grateful, great warrior, to your deeds done today. If there is anything that you seek, please honor us by letting us help you.
Samurai: There is one thing that I quest for.
Lazzor: [an image of Aku appears in Lazzors eyes] Yes... I understand. Travel North, Samurai. There you will find a magical place that can help you fulfill your destiny...

X: [after been defeated by Jack, about his dog] Lulu. Take care of Lulu...
[pause]
X: ... sweet thing.

Spartok: [narrating] Long ago he came to us in our time of need. His name was... Jack. Nothing would be the same.

Samurai: Why do I have this feeling that I am being followed when I know it to not be true? Hmm!

Jack: They call me Jack. The creatures of this mystical land have guided me here. Is this the passage through time that I have quested for?
Guardian: Yep.
Jack: [bowing] I humbly request your permission to use this great power.
Guardian: Hahahahaha!... No.
Jack: Guardian, by what right do you deny me?
Guardian: For countless eons I have guarded this magical power of time travel. *All* have been denied, from the mightiest of giants, to the tiniest of warriors. You see samurai, only one man has been prophesized to defeat me. And that man is the only man who can use this time passage. And you, my man... ain't that man.
Jack: I had hoped that just once, I would not have to battle for my goal, because it is noble and just. But I see that this is impossible. I must use the power of this time passage, and so, *I* will defeat you.
Guardian: [smiling] Ain't gonna happen.
Jack: We shall see.
[draws katana]
Guardian: Ahhh, you goin' all old school on me, huh? Well, I got me one o' those.
[draws sword]

Samurai: [to Demongo] You are next!

Samurai: [sees Ashi after a long time] I... uh... like your hair. And dress.

Odin: This blade was forged from the righteous energy within thee.
Ra: It possesses the power to destroy this evil force.
Rama: But be warned. This evil is not of the human world. It has magic beyond your understanding. Trust not what you see, but what you feel.

Jack: Looking for a seat?
Ezekial: Yep. Yours. I'm gonna make a lot of money cashin' in on your hide.
Jack: I hear that often. But only from poor men.
Ezekial: Hmm, well, I got bills to pay, and I done already addressed the envelopes.
Jack: [sighs] I hope you have yet to stamp the postage on your parcels, for you-
[Clutch punches him]
Jack: .
Ezekial: Consider 'em *stamped*.

Chitron: [Aku is rubbing his thumb and index finger together as if playing a tiny violin] You can't do that! These are royal heirs to the throne of Chrysalis. You can't just...
Verbina: [Aku crushes Chitron 6 under his thumb] Chitron!
Aku: Oh, I certainly can! I am Aku, this world is Aku, and everything in it is Aku!

Demongo: You've met your match, samurai! Crush him! Crush, crush, crush, crush, CRUSH!

Ultra: [Last words] Unbelievable.

Dominator: Ha, ha! Would you look at that? Righteous fool. After everything he still can't hurt an innocent. Turning those brats into weapons, pretty ingenious, right? Children are foolish little things. Easily manipulated. Surgically implant a chip in their neck, and the right audio frequency does the rest. Well... back to the fun!
[Zaps Ashi again, making her scream in agony]

Samurai: You have not yet earned the right to face my blade.

Jack: That pillar did not move by itself, Aku!
Aku: [shiftily] Yes, it did.

Celtic: The moon is full. Destroy the men and throw the fat female in the pot.
Scotsman's: Fat? Fat? I'M NOT FAT; I'M STOUT!
Celtic: Silence!
[the Scotsman's wife punches him in the stomach then tosses him]

High: Your training is complete. Go kill!

Samurai: [Echoing his father from memory] You have chosen this path. Life works in strange ways. Your choices have clearly lead you here, as have mine. I will give you a new choice: Leave here now and live. Or stay and face your destiny.
Ashi: Our destiny is your death!
Samurai: So... I guess you're staying. Perhaps I was unclear.
Ashi: Enough words! Show yourself, samurai, so you can die!
Samurai: Very well. The decisions you make, and the actions that follow, are a reflection...
Ashi: [interrupting] SHUT UP!
Samurai: [continuing] Of who you really are.

High: [final words before her death] The Samurai is our mortal enemy. He must die at any cost.

[Jack is captured easily by the Imakandi]
Lionor: [disgusted] Such a waste! Tell Aku we have his bounty secured for him!
Samurai: Aku... No! I will not be brought to Aku like an animal!
[breaks free and escapes]
Lionor: [smiles] We hunt, my brothers.

Samurai: The decisions you make and the actions that follow are a reflection of who you really are.
Samurai: You cannot hide from yourself.

Jack: [Jack has been defeated while fighting blind-folded] It's no use. No one can fight like this!
Grand: A great warrior must be in tune with *all* of his senses. Only then will you be able to extend your awareness so that you may fight on any level. Try again.
Jack: Yes, Sifu.

Jack: Aku's control over these children must stop!
DJ: Aku will never be silenced!

Ashi: [seeing the dead body of one of her sisters, killed by Jack in the previous episode] Death is failure.

Jack: Who are you, and why did you help me?
Ikra: You're welcome.
Jack: ...My time in this land has made me harsh and rude. I did not mean to insult you.
Ikra: No tears shed samurai.
Jack: -Jack.
Ikra: What?
Jack: It is what the people of this land have named me.
Ikra: O-kaaay.

Ashi: [while restrained by her kusarigama, Ashi makes several fruitless attempts to hit Jack while swinging back and forth] DIE! DIE! WHY WON'T YOU DIE? Scum, Aku will be triumphant! I will undo the evil that is you, samurai! I will kill you, as long as I have breath in my body, I will strike you down! Long live the glory of Aku!
Samurai: [short pause, calmly] You... are very troubled. And very confused. Aku is the evil one, not me. I have met machines that are programmed with such hate and lies, but never a human.
Ashi: DECEIVER! WORM! SCUM!
Samurai: Now you're just repeating yourself.

Warrior: Accursed monster, your spell is broken!

Samurai: Shinobi. Warrior of the night. Trained to use the darkness of the shadow. I know your arts as well. But I have been trained to use the light.

Jack: WHO ELSE WANTS SOME?

The: Is she a fast ship?
Captain: She's fast enough for you, Scots man. Whe're ya headed?
The: The great unknown.
Sailors: Ooooooooooh...
Captain: Arr, that's the real trick, isn't it? And it's gonna cost ya. Ten Thousand, in advance.
Brent: Like ten thousand? Dude, we could like almost buy our own ship for that. Dude, I know this guy...
Captain: Yeah... but who's gonna sail it, kid, you?
Brent: Well, like, yeah, I could. I worked on a boat before.

Alien: [speaking of Jack] The greatest of warriors.
Alien: A noble spirit.
Alien: Such sacrifice.

Aku: Who dares to summon the Master of Masters, the Deliverer of Darkness, the Shogun of Sorrow, Aku?

Ganeesh: A wise man knows everything. A shrewd one, everybody. You can hide but you cannot run. A true coward does not run from his opponent but from himself. Many receive advice. Only the wise profit by it.

The: You're not going anywhere, you big buffoon!
Aku: I am sorry, old man. I think you are lost.
The: I ain't lost, ya tree ogre. I might be old, but I've lived long enough to see the world rise against your tyranny! Admit it, ya big oaf! You're scared. The samurai is still out there inspiring people by the thousands. After all these years, you're powerless against him. You've been shivering like a wee baby, hiding in your crib, afraid to show yourself 'cause ya know he's out there, and you can't do anything about it! You're just a big baby! Why don't you go cry to your mama?
[Aku incinerates him]
Aku: Now why did he mention the samurai?

Master: Aku's very essence is creeping through your veins, possesing your body, poisoning your mind. It means to devour your spirit.
Samurai: Please... help me... I beg you...

Samurai: You have insulted my footwear.
[the three bikers laugh at him]
Samurai: My sandels don't like to be laughed at.

[season 5]
Samurai: 50 years have passed. But I do not age. Time has lost its effect on me. The suffering continues. Aku's grasp chokes the past, present and future. All hope is lost. Got to get back, back to the past, Samurai Jack.

[theme song]
Chorus: Gotta get back / Back to the past / Samurai Jack!

[the Hermit has all the gems of the Titans and tries to attack Jack, but finds a jewel missing]
Samurai: What's the matter? Missing something... Aku?

Samurai: Evil spirit of the well, you will not take another innocent life! I wish thee, destroyed!

Guardian: I told you, man. You ain't the one.

Jack: Aku!
Aku: Yes, it is I, Samurai Jack.
[Aku rolls his eyes]
Aku: How incredibly observant you are.

Jack: We are in no condition to fight these odds.
Scottsman: [gruffly] Especially not with a pajama wearin' daisy strapped to me wrist.

Wizard: People. Always bumping into me.
[shouts]
Wizard: Always!

Boss: Ah, so now mr. Goody-two-sandals feels like talkin', eh?

Samurai: [dressed up as a princess] Hello.

Samurai: Who are you?
Thief: Funny. I was gonna ask you the same.
Samurai: They call me Jack. Samurai Jack.
[the Thief laughs]
Thief: Four thousand years, and still every wannabe super-spy in black tights has to use the same old tired joke. "Ooh, I'm a dark ninja. Sneaky, sneaky. Whoo! You can't see me!"

Master: You have been infected by pure evil which can only be purged by the light of good. The good within you.

DJ: And for public enemy number one; the scratch in Aku's groove, Samurai Wack; lets mix it up with a taste of the bass, beats in his face; the brand new hard core track: Jack Attack!

Emperor: Dry your tears, my son, for nothing worth having is easily atained. Sometimes you must fight for what is yours and for what you believe in.

Warrior: I have engraved a recording of my past, so that I would never forget the life that I had, the man I was. So thy people would not be lost to the dust of time. Let me take thee on a journey into the past...

African: Your father, the Emperor, shortly after you were born, gathered together the chiefs of all the great tribes of the world. We devised a plan. A plan that would prepare you for the ultimate battle against the ultimate evil. Aku must be destroyed and only you can wield your father's magic sword. Together you are the one instrument that can stop this evil.

Aku: [noticing the blade failed to kill Jack] HOW? HOW?
Samurai: Even I had forgotten that the sword was forged with purity and strength. It can only be used for good. In the hand of evil, it can never harm an innocent. And so, Aku, it cannot harm me. But it can harm *you*!

Extor: High-five.
Samurai: What?
Extor: High-five.
Samurai: What?
Extor: High-five.
Samurai: I do not understand.
Extor: Never mind.

Viking: Yeeeeeeessssss. At last, after all these years, a worthy opponent.
Jack: Enough of this pointless battle. I will continue to fight you no more.
Viking: [strikes] I say thee nay!

Aku: You have failed me Demongo.
Demongo: No, master. Please forgive me.
Aku: Hmmm... NO.

Samurai: What is at the peak of this mountain?
Monk: Truth.

Samurai: There must be a way to defeat Demongo, a way to stop Demongo from using essence, essence of traped warriors. Trapped essence? Free the essence, Demongo has no power; how do I free the essence?
[sees essence been reabsorbed by Demongo]
Samurai: Yes, from within. How do I get inside?
[Strikes tiger warrior, then grabs hold of its essence as Demongo is reabsorbing it]
Demongo: [Realises something isn't right] Huh?
[sees Jack hurtling towards him]
Demongo: Impossible!

High: Kill the samurai!

Aku: Now let us test your enchanted steel against the power of the Titans!

Guardian: That was my favorite suit you just ruined!

Samurai: Excuse me. Is this wishing well that you spoke of, real?
General: Why, yes! Beyond that mountaintop over there.
[Jack prepares to leave]
General: Wait! I beg you, reconsider. There are only three archers, yet they decimated my whole army. You are just one man. Do the math. Why attempt it?
Samurai: That well could bring me home.
General: There are other ways to get home.
Samurai: Not for me.

Past: Long ago in a distant land, I, Aku, the shape shifting master of darkness, unleashed an unspeakable evil. But a foolish samurai warrior wielding a magic sword stepped forth to oppose me. Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in time, and flung him into the future where my evil is law. Now the fool seeks to return to the past and undo the future that is Aku!
Aku: ...NOT! Because, after all these years, I have finally captured SAMURAI JACK AND THE SWORD!
[cackles evilly]
The: No!
Ravers: Samurai!
Ringo: Jack?
Woolie: Oh no!
Monkey: Friend.
Rothchild: Oh, dear.
Aku: To all those fools who dare oppose me, your hero is dead! Your hope is dead! I am the one true master! Let this be a lesson to all! TIME TO DIE, SAMURAI JACK!

The: [having been crying on Jack's shoulder] I'm just overcome thinking 'bout her. How can I live without my bonnie wife?
Samurai: I suggest we waste no time crying then.
The: Aye.

Hermit: Who dare to blow my door horn?
Samurai: I am called Jack. I am a traveler.
Hermit: Hm. Never heard of you. I'm a hermit, after all.

Head: [talking of a bomb] The gift that keeps on givin'.

Samurai: Jump good.
The: Yeah, yeah.

Aku: Samurai... Samurai... why won't you
[shouting]
Aku: die!

The: Oy, you've got to meet me bonny daughters! There's Flora, Maeve, Isla, Bradana, Murdina, Alana, Oban, Ardbey, Fiona, Assie, Bonnie, Lorna, Mawina, Shona, Nora, Piesil, Shanath, Euspeth, Edme, Freya, Gilbartha, Gesha, Grizela, Innes, Dawntha, Cora, Davina, Kina...
Samurai: So many.
The: Aye, my pride and joy.

Samurai: What sorcery is this? Who are you?
Mad: Don't be such a fool! I'm you.
Samurai: If you are me, then who am I?
Mad: Oh! You're so stupid. You are you also.

[a bug bot takes a step back]
Samurai: No, there is no escape.

Guiness: Due to the nature of our geography it's not often that we receive visitors. In fact, you're the first.

[Having become frustrated with telling fairy tales that go nowhere, Aku snaps at the children angrily]
Aku: Here is the truest tale of all! There was an almighty, all-powerful wizard and there was a pathetic little samurai, and the wizard destroyed him! THE END!

Witch: *I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL*!

Samurai: Aku's wrongs must be righted. Surely there is a way to reverse his spell. I will find a way back to my own time. There, I will finish what I started centuries ago, and defeat Aku's evil before it was ever truly unleashed!

Samurai: You must give me the diamond!
Thief: I can't!
Samurai: You must!
Thief: I can't!
Samurai: You must!
Thief: I can't!
Samurai: You must!
Thief: I can't!

Extor: Of course, on your own you are not strong enough to cut through their adamantium metal. But with my last scientific invention you can cut through them like butter...
[holds up a huge mechanical arm]

Aku: [as a mouse in a high-pitched voice after being defeated] I will get you yet, Samurai!

Samurai: I will destroy you, Aku! I swear it!

[upon bringing Jack to a bustling sea port]
The: Ye will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy... and the crab cakes aren't bad either.

Samurai: [Jack is now the villain in the story of "The Three Little Pigs"] Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in!
The: Not by the hairs of our chinny chin chins!
Samurai: Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, AND I'M COMIN' IN!

Aku: Who dares to summon... Oh, it is YOU.

Spring: What is your quest, young servant? What brings you through such bitter lands?
Samurai: My destiny... But it continues to be elusive. And so I journey on.

Alien: They came from nowhere. They left as mysteriously as they came. To the east, they left to the east.

[repeated line]
Scotsman's: La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!

X: Seems like Aku got himself a little problem... a problem that won't go away... a samurai problem. I wanted nothing to do with it but that funny scientist informed Aku of my emotions. They got Lulu... sweet thing. I have no choice. Damn feelings. I came out of retirement.

Aku: Tales of the Samurai's heroics have spread through the world like a virus. But I will cure the world of this plague of hope.

Samurai: I met someone.
The: Who?
Samurai: Her.
[points at Ashi attacking his allies]
The: I don't think she's your type, laddie.

Guiness: [clears his throat] Lord Aku, we have fulfilled *our* obligation to you. We now ask that you...
Aku: Fulfill mine? Yes, the obligation, of course. It seems that I've CHANGED MY MIND!
[the trio are horrified by this revelation]
Aku: And your city will remain sunken; isolated from the world for as long as I see fit!
[laughs evilly]

Aku: You're so lucky, Samurai - most of us have to live with our mistakes, but you get to die by yours!

Elder: A warning: only one of pure heart may approach and use the power of the jewel.
Samurai: My mission is noble, my heart is pure. I have nothing to fear.

Fishman: [Jack is about to enjoy his tea in a seedy bar] You got some kinda nerve. Here what I'm sayin'?
[Jack ignores him]
Fishman: I'm talking to you! You got some gump comin' here, know what I mean? Better finish that drink quick, cuz you might not *live* much longer. Aku's offering two googleplex for your head. Two googleplex, that's a *lot* of money. And we aim to collect it. Right about now.
[Jack dispatches the room, then finishes his tea]

Jack: Who were they?
Man: [crying] The children... of Aku...
Jack: Aku! Truly his evil has spread to even the youngest of souls.

Monk: Brother, why did you come back?
Jack: You were prepared for sacrifice. I was not.
Monk: But with the portal closed, you will have to find another way home.
Jack: [a little sadly] I'm getting used to that.

Demongo: What is my bidding, my master?

Analyst: What is wrong, friend? Odds are 3 to 1 you should have fun.
Samurai: I too desire to find my home. You see, in days long past, where rockets and robots were nowhere near creation, a young warrior forged into battle with Aku. At the point where victory was eminent, Aku tricked the warrior and flung him from his own time to a distant time in the future. To reclaim his homeland and undo the evil of Aku, the warrior has to find some sort of time passage home. Such a magic is difficult to find.
Analyst: [impressed] Is that warrior you?

Aku: Oh, put that thing away, Samurai. We all know what's going to happen. You'll swing your sword, I'll fly away, and probably say something like, "I'll be back, Samurai!" And then I'll flutter over the horizon and we probably won't see each for... about a week. And then we'll do the same thing again.
Jack: Your word play will not trick me, villain!
[he attacks Aku]
Aku: No, wait! I'll be back again, Samurai - you'll see! Haaaaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...
[flutters over the horizon then reappears]
Aku: See what I mean?

Samurai: [imitating Jack Torrance from The Shining] Here's JACKIE!

[last lines]
[Ashi collapses at her wedding to Jack]
Ashi: Without Aku, I would never have existed.
Samurai: No.
[fades away]
Samurai: Ashi...

Ezekial: Josephine? What in tarnation are you doing here?
Mrs. Clench: Well, it's nice to see you too, Ezekial.
Ezekial: Aw, shoot. There ain't never been nothin' nice about you, woman.
Mrs. Clench: Now now, let's not get nasty, darlin'.
Ezekial: Don't call me darlin'.
Mrs. Clench: Well, then don't act like a fool! I know what you're up to. You're after the bounty on that samurai.
Ezekial: And what business is it of yours?
Mrs. Clench: I want in.
Ezekial: Pfft. Nooooo.
Mrs. Clench: You need me.
[Ezekial walks off]
Mrs. Clench: He's *better* than *you*.
Ezekial: [smiling] Ain't nobody better than me, woman. You oughta know that. Sides, the court says you ain't even supposed to come within a 150 feet of me, so back off.

Aku: [choosing the first story] Little Red Riding Hood.
[reading the first line]
Aku: "Once upon a time, "there was a little girl who was loved by all." Hmm...
[smiles deviously]
Aku: Yes, I am familiar with this one.

Verbina: Aren't you a little short for a demonic minion?
Samurai: Hm? Oh, the uniform.
[ripps off his disguise]
Samurai: I am called Jack and I am here to rescue you.

Samurai: [When he is first asked his name, he relives some guys watching him fighting] They call me... Jack.

[Jack was knocked out a bounty hunter]
Jack: Looks like there'll be no money for you, crazy round man.

Princess: I have more power and skill than all of you.
Gentleman: It seems her tongue bites as hard as her stick.
Princess: But even I cannot defeat the samurai on my own.
Gentleman: What's that?
Princess: The only way to defeat him is to join forces and attack him together, all at once.
I: A wize and powerful plan this would be...
Am: ...but who is the one to claim the bounty?
Princess: I am.
[the others object]

Aku: Yes, chamberlain. What pittyable persons have you brought before my all enschrouding Akuness?

Jack: You have been pawns of Aku's evil, but now you are free. Return to your homes, and never dance to this evil beat again!

Baby: Momotaro!

Da: Aint's no bout adout that. Don't call me bad, call me: badder. I'm da Samurai dud who invented rude.

Samurai: You have won many victories, rekindling hope in the hearts of those you have protected. Each sends their blessing. Each blessing, a stone to fortify this land. Your castle is strong, my son. Your allies are many. Wield what lies within, and reclaim what is yours. Break the siege of darkness!

Aku: Here's the truest tale of all: there was an all-mighty, all-powerful wizard and there was a pathetic little samurai and the wizard destroyed him! THE END!
[vanishes]

Aku: [appearing to Jack after 50 years] Samurai Jack!
Samurai: Aku!
Ashi: Aku?
Aku: It has been too long. Far, far too long, but you're probably saying to yourself...
Samurai: [Aku imitating Jack] "Why? Why now for our sudden reunion?"
Aku: [normal voice] Well, A little birdie told me...
Scaramouche: ...that Samurai Jack has lost the one thing in the entire universe that can destroy Aku!
[laughs manically along with Aku]
Aku: YOU FOOL!
[Jack reveals he *does* have the sword]
Aku: Huh?
[glares at Scaramouche]
Scaramouche: Oh, but, Master, I...
[his head blows up]

[Jack and the Scotsman have been fighting all night and are exhausted]
Scottsman: Are ye ready to give up yet?
Jack: I am not defeated, and I will hold my ground.
Scottsman: Hold yer ground, ye can barley hold yer sword.
Jack: Then come get me.
Scottsman: Wha-? I...
[struggles with his sword and gives up]
Scottsman: Seeing as I'm a sportsman, I'll give ye a moment to recuperate.

Samurai: You have deceived me many times, Aku. But you have become careless. Your lust to destroy me left *you* the blinded one! And now, my trap is sprung!

Monk: [Jack is exhausterd from climbing the mountain and collapses in a heap before reaching the summit claiming "It is impossible." The monks appear to him in a dream] Do you give up?
Monk: Will you abandon their hope?
Monk: Can you not feel their desperation?
Monk: Will evil forever rule the world?
Monk: Have you forgotten?

Scottsman: By the look on your face I can tell you like the pipes, wee laddie.

Aku: From deep within the bowels of the pit of Hate, I summon: Demongo!

Lionor: We accept your challenge. But we need not your treasure. Our reward is the thrill of the hunt. For we are Imakandi.

Aku: [Aku is surprised to have been hurt] How can this be?
Young: This sword was forged from the strength and power of the human spirit. It represents all that is good. It's purpose is to destroy you.
Aku: Bah!

Samurai: Aku!
Aku: Samurai fool! Your efforts are in vain again. This gateway to the past is once more beyond your...
[Jack jumps]
Aku: ...reach? You can fly?
Samurai: No, jump good!

Samurai: It seems... so... familiar... this place...

Aku: [after the Imakandi captured Jack] Please hand him to me.
Lionor: No.
Aku: WHAT?
Lionor: I cannot. A prey that has provided such an intense and noble hunt has earned its right to run free. It is the way of the Imakandi.
Aku: Insolent fool! I will take what is mine!
Lionor: No! You will not!
[he teleports with Jack just before Aku could grab him]
Aku: [anguished] NOOOO!

Jack: [Shackled to the Scotsman] The arrow relies on the bow, and the bow relies on the arrow, but they are not tied together.
Scottsman: That would be pointless, now wouldn't it?

[Upon a planet of enslaved canine beings]
Jack: I have seen Aku implement these atrocities before, but no more. Even dogs should not be forced to live like dogs.

Aku: [dials phone number] Bwah-ha-ha-ha! Yes, I can hold. Yes, I'd like to place an order for delivery. Aku. I think I'm in the computer. Yes, that's it. I'd like a large... What? Huh? Extra thick! 30 minutes or it's free? Excellent! Bwah-ha-ha-ha!

Holy: My Lord, the elixir is ready. It is the key to extinguishing this devilry.

Scaramouch: What a freak. Looked like a talking penis.

Lionor: You have given us the greatest hunt. You have earned your freedom. It is our way, the Imakandi way! Run free, Samurai Jack, run free.

Homeslice: Yo, Jack, that was some awesome show.
Brobot: I have never peered upon moves like that, Jack.
Cole: Word! Jack was all ricochetic and jumpadelic!
Homeslice: Oh, he's prodigiously acrobatastic!
Brobot: Word! Word! But then, like, when Jack went all Swiss on them... He was all like... Swig! Swag! Swoop! Man, right through the car! Swigattack, whack, was full on the back, Jack!
Cole: Oh yeah, yeah! And it was all, Swoo... boom! Man, eat that, flugget crunker!
Homeslice: Yo, then my man just, like, lands all coolish-style. Like, no sweating chill.
Cole: B-but then that gunner wanna come out all ram-a-lam-a-lam-a, and the trashing and all the munching and crunching and snack mixing...
Brobot: And that fat super-caga-fragilistic-cystic tie, yo!
Homeslice: Yeah, but Jack's just like, Word, let me get some. Tie, grab. Zoop! I'm out, yo.

Flora: We're ready, dad!
The: Wha...? Flora! What in bonnie blazes are yah wearing? I take you out for a day of battle, and ye dress like you're going dancing! Cover yourself! You'll catch your death of cold!
Flora: [embarassed] Dad!

Aku: [as doctor] So, tell me what's been bothering you.
Aku: [as Aku] Well, you see, doc, it's been over fifty years already.
Aku: [as doctor] It's been that long?
Aku: [as Aku] Yes, you see, that's the actual problem. Once I eradicated all the time portals, I thought I would just wait it out and then, the Samur...
Aku: [as doctor] We don't say his name here, it is a safe place.
Aku: [as Aku] Yes, sorry, doctor. Well, I just assumed that eventually over time, he will just...
Aku: [Both yell] DIIIIIIIE!
Aku: [as Aku] But he hasn't even aged. I mean like at all! He just grew that stupid beard. It looks like he'll be here forever! I, I just don't know if I can handle that!
Aku: [as doctor] Yes, it seems that the initial time travel has affected the aging process. It's quite the conundrum.
Aku: [as Aku] Yes! Eh, w-what is that again?
Aku: [as doctor] Just a confusing, a difficult problem.
Aku: [as Aku] Yes, problem. I wish there was someone who can dispose of my problem.
Aku: [Both] Yes, one can hope.

Aku: The beast was struck, and was transformed, into... BEEEEEEF JERRRRRRRKY.

Aku: You are strong, yes. But in the future, my strength will surpass yours!
Samurai: There is no future for you, Aku!
Aku: I disagree.
[opens a time portal]
Samurai: What trickery is this? Aku...!
[is sucked into the portal]
Aku: Do not worry, samurai. You will see me again. But next time, you will not be so fortunate...

Mrs. Clench: [the Clenches are dangling from a high bridge after their bickering lost them Jack's bounty] Um, Zeke? Sugarplum? Maybe I was a mite hasty.
Ezekial: Court says a 150 feet, woman. 150 FEET!

Scissorsmith: At the fork in the road, follow the rocky path. it will take you to the dragon's lair.
Samurai: Where will the other one take me?
Scissorsmith: Space Ace!

Crow: [Repeated quote] Murder her!

Samurai: [reaches to a small doorway] Seems we must find an alternate way out.
The: Why?
Samurai: This doorway is so very small and your wife is so very...
Scotsman's: [offesnively] WHAT?
Samurai: Oop!
The: [in terror] RUN!

Mantoid: You have been found guilty of breaking Aku Law 101 and 203: Habitation in an unauthorized facility, and unauthorized construction of an escape vehicle. Your punishment is extermination.

The: What do you think of that, Mr. Pajama-wearin', basket face, slipper wieldin', clype-dreep-bachle, gether-uping-blate-maw, bleathering, gomreil, jessie, oaf-lookin', scooner, nyaff, plookie, shan, milk-drinkin', soy-faced, shilpit, mim-moothed, snivelin', worm-eyed, hotten-blaugh, vile-stoochie, cally-breek-tattie?

Samurai: I am forever in your debt.
The: Ah, don't mention it. So how've you been?
Samurai: [slips back into Brents voice] Like, totally cool.
The: What?
[the both laugh it up]

Monkey: You jump good!

Man: He's injured. Bring out the Finisher.
Man: But, but that's two opponents at once. That's, that's cheating.
Man: [pause] DOOOO IIIIIIIT!
Man: It's always me. I always have to get the Finisher. Every time. "Do this, do that. Go get the Finisher." *I* always have to.

The: I got a bad feelin' about this.

Da: [pulls out his sword] And this here is my mama. Don't you talkin' bad about my momma. Or she'll give you a whoopin' aint that right, Mama? Hm-hm, hm-hm, that's right, baby. Cause... I... am... Da Samurai!

Jack: I fear no man.
Scottsman: Oh, that's some tough talk from someone who wears a basket on his head.

Samurai: Who are you and why did you help me?
Ikra: You're not the grateful kind, are you?

Samurai: [looks at the sky] I know you're watching. These tricks are starting to annoy me.

Guardian: [about the time portal] You can't use it yet, Samurai Jack. Not yet... Not yet.

Jack: Music maker man, your beats are bad.
DJ: That's right, they're baaaad.
Jack: Not "bad" good. "Bad" bad!
DJ: Whatever!

Samurai: Run, you cowardly shadow, for your destruction is at hand! It is only a matter of time.

Emperor: [speaking to young Jack] When the evil shapeshifting wizard Aku arose from the bowels of hate to ravage our land. I was a young emperor at the time and was helpless against his powers. But I remembered our grandfather's-grandfather's stories about three monks, who were gifted with mystical powers. I rode to the highest peak of the mountainside, where the monks agreed to forge me an enchanted sword with great magic. Armed with the sword and the hope of my people, I plunged into battle against Aku. His evil was no match for the power of righteousness, and with the sword's magic, Aku's demon forces were implanted into the earth, forever petrifying him into the wasteland that he created. Through years of hard work, we have rebuilt our glorious past with hopes never to encounter an evil such as Aku again. Always be alert, my son, for the presence of evil is sometimes right behind you.

Aku: [Aku is desperately finding the real sword among a plethora of fake ones] ALRIGHT, JACK! WHERE IS THE SWORD?

[after Aku tells a very detailed story about how he is a hero and Jack is evil, the children surrounding him are mystified]
Aku: Hmm... Perhaps my story is too complex for these young minds. A story of the purest simplicity must be told.
[a book of fairy tales is lowered down to him]
Aku: Yes, fairy tales are simple, but the heroes within are legendary.

Aku: Can you not see? Aku is beyond destruction!

Aku: [sends Jack through the portal] Do not worry, samurai. You will see me again. But next time, you will not be so fortunate...
[Jack and Ashi appear]
Aku: What? You're back already?

Viking: Come.
Jack: That voice beckons me further in. Surely he takes me for a fool to follow deeper into his traps.
Jack: [the floor and spike-covered ceiling begin to converge] A fool I be!

The: [ghost] I be back, and in me prime no less!

Tribe: In appreciation for saving our humble tribe from extinction at the hands of the evil Aku, we give you this map it reveals the hidden location of a great source of power that Aku keeps locked away. A power that can end your quest and return you to when you belong. Many have sacrificed to bring us this information. You must use it wisely. For this powersource is sealed in a fortress. A fortress stumped with countless guards to protect it against the finest warriors and filled with an array of booby traps to defend it against the most cunning thieves. Be careful. Beware. Be victorious. If you dare...

Samurai: Thanks are not necessary. It is my duty to oppose the minions of Aku and my mission to vanquish the very demon himself.

Emperor: You've forgotten your purpose! You have forsaken us!

Samurai: [spirit of younger Samurai Jack] Time to end it, don't you think?
Samurai: Never! They are just machines. I'll find a way. I always have.
Samurai: [spirit of younger Samurai Jack] When you had the sword! But now it's gone! There's no hope!
Samurai: I've been doing fine without it.
Samurai: [spirit of younger Samurai Jack] Well, listen to you! And what are you going to do when Aku finds you and realizes you have no sword?
Samurai: Aku doesn't know. And he hasn't shown himself in years. He keeps thinking that one of his machines can defeat me.
Samurai: [spirit of younger Samurai Jack] Maybe he's right. You haven't faced anything so powerful! How much longer can you can keep this up?
Samurai: It always seems bad at first. But then I find a way. They are just nuts and bolts. Just nuts and bolts...
Samurai: [spirit of younger Samurai Jack] Who cares anymore? There's no way home, there's nothing to fight for! There's no more honor! Come to think of it, the only honorable thing to do is...
Samurai: Quiet.
Samurai: [spirit of younger Samurai Jack] No! I won't spend eternity in this forsaken time!
Samurai: What do you want from me?
Samurai: [spirit of younger Samurai Jack] I want it to end!

Jack: [Is only allowed one question to decide which of the two worms is the "magic" worm, armed only with the knowledge that one tells the truth and the other lies] If you were your brother, which one would you say was the magic worm?
Worm: Which one are you asking?
Jack: It doesn't matter.
Worm: Hmmm. That's easy. It's him!
Worm: Of course! It's me!
Jack: Then I choose *you*.
[chooses Worm #2 instead]
Worm: He knows!
Worm: What makes you choose me? I told you it was him!
Worm: Yes, me!
Jack: If you were the truth-telling one then what you said would be a lie because you will answer truthfully what your lying brother will say. Therefore I can safely say that the answer will be the opposite of what you say. On the other hand if you were the lying worm then you will tell me what your truth-telling brother will say but it would be a lie, therefore the answer will also be the opposite of what you say. Understand?

Scaramouch: Samurai Jack! Man, it is good to see you, babe. What took you so long? I decimated this village days ago, just for you. Oh wait, this is you, right? I mean who could recognize you with all that gear, and ruggedness, baby? I'll tell you who: Me! Be-bee-ba-boo-bo-da... Scaramouche the Merciless! The Pied-Piper of Ruination, the Crooner of Carnage, the Ambassador of Annihilation, the Eradicator of All, baby! Also known as... Aku's most favorite assassin, babe.

High: [Ashi sees the moon turn into the High Priestess' face] Ashi, what are you doing? The Samurai sleeps. Kill him in his slumber before he wakes.
Ashi: No. I have questions, Mother. The Samurai, he saved my life. He...
High: [cutting her off] How dare you! You know he is deceitful. He will do everything in his power to defy the master! You were always the weak one: distracted, unfocused. May Aku punish you for your sins!
Ashi: I just want the truth.
High: You have failed us.

Robot: They appeared from nowhere. First came explosion. We tried to defend ourselves, but our attempts were futile. And then, there was fire. We didn't stand a chance. They were relentless. They destroyed the city, all of it. Then, they left as mysteriously as they came.
Samurai: Madness. This senseless destruction must be stopped.
Robot: They-they-they left to-to-to the east.
[Shuts down]

Mad: Hurts, doesn't it?
Samurai: Not as much as this is going to hurt you!

[Jack prepares to attack a group of vandals]
Man: No! Wait! They're children!

Grandmaster: Speak, my son.
Jack: Grandmaster, I am the pupil of Master Chu.
Grandmaster: I am Tan Zang. I was also a pupil of Master Chu, with you, at the temple.
Jack: How can this be?
Grandmaster: I remember the day that you arrived at our temple. I was but a boy then. An emperor's son had come to learn our ways. You were training for your eventual battle with the ultimate evil. Eventually, Aku came for us and the temple was destroyed. But the survivors and I rebuilt the temple in secret. Over time, I became the grandmaster. The years passed and my chi grew more powerful. I became one with nature and received energy and nourishment from the earth itself. I have attained the highest levels of awareness and wisdom.

Jack: Clever how you people use this beast for travel.
Monk: We do not use him. It's his generosity that allows us to cross this lake. Only he can cross it.
Jack: [Jack is ashamed] I meant no disrespect.
Monk: He has forever lived in this lake. Seen many things, all knowing and very wise.

The: I see you changed your wardrobe. Got tired o' wearin' your granny's jammies, were ya?

[last lines]
Mom: Thank you, kind sir, for returning our baby to us!
[sees the baby is now quiet and stern]
Mom: My baby... what happened to him?
Samurai: I am afraid your son has seen many things on our travels.

Samurai: [cries] My home.

X: Lulu... Sweet thing... I miss her. I hate the rain. It makes me all... sentimental.

Aku: Fool! Nothing of this world can harm me. For I am Aku! The Shogun of sorrow, the deliverer of darkness. Your new master. And you will bow to me.

Aku: Is he dead?
Ashi: No. And he never will be.
Aku: How dare you talk back to your father!
Ashi: No, you're not my father!
Aku: Yes I am!
Ashi: No you're not!

Monk: [the time portal has closed] He is free. We have done it.
Monk: [surrounded by stone warriors] We will not escape this. But we will die with honor.

Samurai: Ashi, you have Aku's powers!
Ashi: [gasp] I do!
[Ashi and Jack open a time portal and go through]
Aku: Oh, no.

Thief: Jack... I'm sorry.
[He closes the elevator behind him]
Samurai: NO!
[All sounds become a blur for the Samurai as he slices the robotic guardians in a fury. He collapses, exhausted. More robots advance in on him]
Thief: Hey! Jack!
[He lowers a rope down to him and pulls him up onto the roof. The Thief gives the Samurai a smile. The Samurai frowns suspiciously]
Thief: You're welcome.

Aku: Long ago in a distant land, I, Aku, the shape shifting master of darkness, unleashed an unspeakable evil. But a foolish samurai warrior wielding a magic sword stepped forth to oppose me. Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in time, and flung him into the future where my evil is law. Now the fool seeks to return to the past and undo the future that is Aku.

Samurai: I have a bad feeling about this.

Lil: [shouting] Get out of the great Kahn's chair. What are you, telling stories again? Get swabbing or I'll toss you over board, you has-been!

Aku: Once upon a time there was a sweet little girl, with a red riding cape and GREAT FLAAAAMING EYEBROWS!

Aku: You: thank you.
Young: No! My intention was to destroy you!
Aku: Oh?
[laughs]
Aku: But it was your poisoned arrow and your hocus pocus that set me free.
[more laughter]

Gordo: I am the master mechanic, the alpha and omega. I will put a hurting on you, slave. I'm gonna tear you up into little shreds, and then I'm gonna take those shreds and tear them up into little shreds. I will make your mother cry. I will make your Aunt Edna from Withershoot proper, south of Barnaby cry. Are you ready for pain, Two Sandals?
[crowd cheers]
Samurai: I am not intimidated by your shouting. A true warrior fights not with words, but...
[Gordo the Gruesome punches Samurai Jack in the face]

Lazzor: We are forever grateful, great warrior, for your deeds done today. If there is anything that you seek, please honor us, by letting us help you.

Taxi: Well, the cats out of the bag now, my friend.

Samurai: Very well. I am leaving your doll. Here on the... the, eh...

Aku: Accursed Samurai. You have succeeded again in alluding my effort. But I am not worried for one day you will fail.
[laughs hysterically]

Samurai: When does the magic begin?

Samurai: [encounters a burglar] Excuse me, I need to take your clothes.
[knocks him out and puts on his clothes]

The: Jackie boy!
[goes in for a hug, but phases through Jack]
The: Great, keep forgetting about that.
Samurai: You...? You're dead?
The: Aye. Just a wee bit.
Samurai: Then how?
The: Celtic magic!

Aku: Once again, I am free to smite the world as I did in days long past.

Aku: He is stronger than I remember. But no matter. For you see, little samurai, the world is mine! My eyes and ears are everywhere, nothing you do will go unseen! Quest as you may, but we will meet again when I see fit, in a time and place of my choosing! And it is I who shall put an end to the war started in that age long past, Samurai Jack! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!

Jack: No matter what form you take, Aku, you will never defeat the side of righteousness.

Mad: What the heck is going on?
Jack: You have lost. The battle is over.
Mad: What?
Jack: You are my inner demon. You have been born from the hatred within me. But now, the hatred is no more. Thus, you do not exist.
Mad: You fool! I am real! Now taste the reality of my cold hard steel!
[charges at Jack]

DJ: Welcoooooome, bruthas and sistahs. Can I get a kazam?
Crowd: KAZAM!
DJ: DJ Stylbator am once again here to drop upon you all the majestical sounderiffic beats of the Master...
Crowd: [entranced] AKUUUUUU

[Jack, back in the past thanks to Ashi, has Aku trapped in the blade of his sword]
Samurai: No... MORE!
[Jack plunges his sword into the ground, causing an explosion that destroys Aku once and for all]

Spartok: And that is the story of the brave warriors... the Three Hundred, plus One. But I believe that the One survived. A warrior that great could not be stopped so easily.

Thief: [tearing up over the shattered diamond] All that beautiful money... gone.
[the Samurai says nothing, but lifts himself out of the snowdrift and continues on his way]

Aku: As far as the eye can see the land is desolate and full of despair. Shadows draw across the earth and block out the light. Darkness oozes from every crevice. Hope has been eradicated; only terror reigns! And yet there is one who mocks my omnipresent evil with his existence! He possesses a sword which could destroy me. They call him... Samurai Jack!