The Best Roxie Hart Quotes

Roxie: They LOVE me.
Billy: They'd love you a lot more if you were hanged. You know why? Because it would sell more papers!

Roxie: And then I started foolin' around... and then I started screwin' around, which is foolin' around without dinner.

Roxie: It'll never work.
Velma: Why not?
Roxie: Because I hate you.
Velma: There's only one business where that's no problem at all.

Ms. Sunshine: [singing] Are you sorry?
Roxie: Are you kidding?

Bailiff: Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Velma: And then some.
Bailiff: Take a seat.
Assistant: Would you state your name for the record, please?
Velma: Velma Kelly.
Assistant: Ms. Kelly, would you please tell the court if the object that I am holding is the one you happened to come across in the defendant's jail cell?
Velma: Yes, it is.
Assistant: I submit this as Exhibit X - Roxie Hart's diary!
Billy: I object! My client has never held a diary! And even if she did, this would be... invasion of privacy, and violation of the fourth amendment, and... and illegal search without a warrant!
Roxie: Yeah, AND she broke the lock!

Roxie: He was trying to burgle me.
Assistant: From what I hear, he's been burgling you three times a week for the past month.

Roxie: [singing] Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes we both, oh yes we both, oh yes we both reached for the gun, the gun, the gun, the gun. Oh, yes, we both reached for the gun, for the gun.

Roxie: I bet you want to know why I shot the bastard.
Billy: [grinning] Shut up, dummy.

Velma: You wanted my advice, right? Well here it is. Don't forget Billy Flynn's number one client is... Billy Flynn.
Roxie: What's that supposed to mean?
Velma: It means, don't let him hog the spot-light when you're the one they paid to see.

Roxie: Mr. Flynn!
[pretends to faint]
Billy: Someone open this door immediately!
Ms. Sunshine: Oh, my God! Roxie! What is it, dear?
Roxie: Oh! Oh! Oh, no no no. Don't, don't worry about me. Oh, I only hope the fall didn't hurt the baby.
Matron: Baby?
Velma: Shit!

Roxie: You want some advice, well here's a piece of advice from me to you, lay off the caramels.
[She winks]

Roxie: You're, THE Velma Kelly. I was there the night you got arrested.
Velma: Yeah? You and half of Chicago.

Roxie: Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
Matron: You're talking to the wrong people.

Roxie: I'm gonna be a celebrity, that means somebody everyone knows. They're gonna recognize my eyes, my hair, my teeth, my boobs, my nose.

Roxie: In the Bed Department, Amos was... zero. I mean, he made love to me like he was fixing a carburetor or something.

Velma: You know you're really pretty good.
Roxie: Yeah, that and a dime. What are you doing here?
Velma: I heard you been, uh, making the rounds.
Roxie: Yeah, well, if it was up to you I'd be swinging by now.
Velma: Come on, I always knew Billy'd get you off. You should learn how to put things behind you.
Roxie: Oh, thank you. I'll put that at the top of my list. Right after finding a job and an apartment with a john.