The Best Harrison Quotes

Roxie: He was trying to burgle me.
Assistant: From what I hear, he's been burgling you three times a week for the past month.

Bailiff: Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Velma: And then some.
Bailiff: Take a seat.
Assistant: Would you state your name for the record, please?
Velma: Velma Kelly.
Assistant: Ms. Kelly, would you please tell the court if the object that I am holding is the one you happened to come across in the defendant's jail cell?
Velma: Yes, it is.
Assistant: I submit this as Exhibit X - Roxie Hart's diary!
Billy: I object! My client has never held a diary! And even if she did, this would be... invasion of privacy, and violation of the fourth amendment, and... and illegal search without a warrant!
Roxie: Yeah, AND she broke the lock!

Billy: Objection!
Judge: Sustained.
Assistant: Your Honor, I haven't even asked a question yet.

Assistant: You mean he was dead when you got home?
Amos: She's got him covered in a sheet and she's telling me this cock-and-bull story about this burglar, and how I ought to say it was me 'cause I was sure to get off. "Help me, Amos," she says, "it's my goddamn hour of need."
[talking over Roxie's singing]
Amos: That cheap little tramp. So she's been two-timing me, huh? Well, I'm through protecting her; she can swing for all I care! Boy, I'm down at the garage working my butt off fourteen hours a day and she's out there munching on bonbons and tramping around like some goddamn floozy! Thought she could pull the wool over my eyes? Well, I wasn't born yesterday. I tell ya, there are some things a man just can't take, and this time she pushed me too far. That little chiseler! Boy, what a sap I was!