The Best Sex Education, Season 1, Episode 6 Quotes

- It's good to be home, frog face.
- Disappear again and I'll stab you in the eye.

Maeve: Pessimists outlive optimists.

- Not many people have ideas.
- You're an original thinker.
- I don't need the inspirational speech, thanks.
- I want you to think about applying for the Moordale Aptitude Scheme.
- It could help you get a university scholarship.
- Just think about it and let me know.

- You need to focus.
- I am focused.
- Look. You've got your whole life for girlfriends, Jacko.
- You've got county trials coming up.
- And then you're on to the nationals.
- Remember, winners never quit.
- -Quitters never win.
- -Aye. Let's go again.

- -In case you forgot.
- -No.
- No, I didn't forget.
[chuckles] Okay.
- So...
- -The bathroom.
- -Yeah.
- Yeah.

- -Cynthia and I had another fight.
- -Oh.
- I got a tattoo, I thought she'd like it.
- -I mean, it's nice, right?
- -Erm...
- Yeah. Yeah, it's uncanny.
- Hm. Bye, Jeffrey.
- -Yeah.
- -Yeah.

- You know, just...
- Mm. Soft.
- Why don't I wank you off?
- You could go down on me.
- -I can't do that.
- -Do you wanna do this or not?
- Bye, then.
- Wait!

Jean: Intercourse can be wonderful, but it can also cause tremendous pain. And if you're not careful, sex can destroy lives.

- -Squeeze my nipples.
- -[chuckles]
- Like that?
- -[loud orchestral music starts]
- -That-Wow.
- My fantasy Friday playlist. [chuckles]
- -[sighs]
- -[turns music off]
- -["Let's Do It" by Tone Loc plays]
- -♪ Let's do it ♪

- -Yes! Yes!
- -[laughs]
- Well done!
- Yes, sir!
- Power! [laughs]
- Look at the time.
- Whoo!

Lily: To be clear, I don't want to have sex with you specifically. Just a human man with a penis.
Otis: That's... great for my self-esteem.

Lily: We've been holding hands for 45 minutes. I know how to hold hands. I'm here to fornicate.

- I don't... know what happened earlier.
- But it seemed like it was a big step.
- I'm not prying, I just...
- I just want to know that you're okay.
- I'm okay.

- has probably ruined our chances of being together?
- Bitch, please.
- Pretty boys like me are definitely not your type, okay?
- Enjoy suspension, trumpet boy.
- What's my type?
- Still not your friend.

[chuckles] I'm so proud of you.
- Thanks, Mum.
- Aren’t we so proud?
- -Oh, yes. Yes!
- -Proud of Adam, yes!
- Erm... Ye-Yes, already said.
- We're very proud.

- Er, Adam Groff.
- Erm... Er...
- Well, le-let's, er...
- Let's give Adam a round of applause as we welcome him on stage to, er, read out... the winning entry.

[about her essay]
Maeve: How did you know it was mine?
Otis: Well, Adam thought "As You Like It" was a song by Jay-Z. And only you could turn the topic of dreams into existential angst.

- What happened to Tromboner?
- I think he's going for that prison chic.
- -[grunts]
- -[gasping]
- Eric...

- Right, that was an old mate.
- I'll be back very, very soon.
- -Mm-hm.
- -Is there any chance
- I could just scab a very little tenner?
- Which I promise I'll pay you back as soon as I get a new job.
- -Scout's honour.
- -You didn't go to Scouts.
- -Inside pocket in my bag.
- -Thank you. Thank you so much.

- Intercourse can... be wonderful, but it can also cause tremendous pain.
- And if you're not careful... sex can destroy lives.
- "Happy Hubert was going to the happy horse festival, to see all his happy horse friends..."

[man] Why use your venom on me?
- -[woman] You killed my love.
- -[man] That's possible.
- I've killed a lot of people.
- Do I ever remind you of Dad?
- Sometimes.
- But just the good bits.

- You're in the library first period, right?
- Great. You can take these back for me.
- Oh, and by the way,
- I have some late fines.
- I'd like to be helpful.
- Give me some.
- Come on.

Aimee: Steve says his "thing" is girls properly enjoying sex. He says he can tell I'm being fake.
Otis: Well, are you?
Aimee: Yeah. I'm always fake.

- -[both] The counties.
- -Yeah.
- Speaking of that...
- I really need to focus for the next few weeks, so I might not be able to, like... hang out as much.
- Sorry for being boring.
- We're not married, Jackson. It's fine.

- What I'm saying is... before you talk to Steve, you... you should probably figure out... you know, what works for you... and your body.
- So you're prescribing a wank?
- Yeah.

- -But the pheromones...
- -Yes, just... send off powerful signals of... attraction.
- -♪ Maybe later you'll get your chance ♪
- -Okay.
- -♪ So when the show was finished ♪
- -[groans]
- -Can I touch your penis?

- Eric Effiong to Mr. Groff's office.
- Eric Effiong to Mr. Groff's office.

Aimee: I've been wanking all night. I ate four packets of crumpets, and I think my clit might drop off.

- great for my self-esteem.
- I feel the same way. [chuckles]
- Purely... pragmatic.
- -Do you wanna meet up this week?
- -Tonight.
- Your house. I'll bring the condoms.
- -You bring the lube.
- -No...

- -[sighs]
- -For all the work.
[sighing] Yeah.
- It was nice meeting you, Jean.
- Yeah. It was nice meeting you too, Jakob.
- Hi.
- Thank you.

Otis: Only you could turn the topic of dreams into existential angst.

- everyone treatin' me like shit.
- It's how we all feel.
- But you can't go around punching people.
- -You told me to toughen up.
- -But not like that.
- What kind of man do you want to be?
- What kind of man do you want me to be, Dad?

- Why don't you ask Eric over?
- I don't think he's gonna forgive me, Mum.
- Course he will. If you keep trying.
- Show him you mean it.
- You'll be friends again before you know it.
- You'll see.

- -How are you?
- -Great. Yeah.
- -Great.
- -Cool.
- Hey!
- -Watch where you're goin'.
- -Sorry.

- Did it sound like Adam to you?
- Are you suggesting I don't know what my own son sounds like?
- I am suggesting that someone else wrote it for him.
- Miss Sands, can we have this conversation at another time?
- -I'm running late for an appointment.
- -Of course.
- -We'll, er... pick it up later.
- -Hm.

- My name is Eric!
- Stop trying to be cool.
- You're an alcoholic music teacher who thinks that he "gets jazz".
- You're tragic.
- I don't appreciate that tone.
- -Eric, come back here--
- -Don't fucking touch me!

Otis: What I'm saying is, before you talk to Steve, you... you should probably figure out, you know, what works for you... and your body.
Aimee: So you're prescribing a wank?
Otis: ...Yeah.

- Did you know that whales only have sex for 35 seconds?
- Which is odd, actually, because their penises are seven feet long.
- I reckon you could drown in their come.
[gasps] Fascinating.
- So, exactly how slow are we talkin'?
- ‘Cause I’m good to go.

Lily: What is it with boys? It's like you all suddenly woke up with boundaries.

- He's fine.
- Did you talk to him about your fight with Eric?
- I think it's important
- -you don't bottle up residual guilt.
- -Mum!
- What did you talk about?
- Father-son stuff.

- Sorry, who's the dickhead?
- -My brother.
- -What?
- Oh... Sis, did you not tell
- Action Man about me?
- -Where the fuck have you been?
- -Houston. Texas.
- -[sighs]
- -Training to be an astronaut.
- I've lost my keys.

- I mean, it is a shame about the weather, and the human rights issues, but... actually, very good rockets.
- Those pancakes better have whipped cream on them.
- What do you take me for?
- An amateur?

- I've been wanking all night.
- I ate four packets of crumpets and I think my clit might drop off.
- But I know exactly what I want.
- That's, er... excellent.
- I gotta go find Steve.