Top 800 Quotes From The Umbrella Academy
- You're an adult now, Vanya.
- You don't get to blame your problems on anyone but yourself.
- Oh, my god.
- It's him. Ben.
- Now who's the lookout?
- Hey, where's that new recruit?
- The shaggy hair, caveman face?
Instructor: No clue, sorry.
- Loyalty isn't a choice, it's a lifestyle.
- Meet me in the alley behind Elliott's in 30 minutes, okay?
- Do not be late.
- I won't.
- I won't.
- Good to see you, brother.
Ben: You too.
- Bye. [Grunts]
- Oh, no.
- It's whether you've got something special.
- And maybe you just... don't.
- You can put in your 10,000 hours, or... you can go find something you're actually passionate about and stop slogging away at stravinsky like a scared 13-year-old.
- Think it over.
- What's wrong?
- Why do you have these?
- Huh?
- Why?
- Do you know them?
- -[Harlan grunts]
- -[Viktor gasps]
- This is your home.
[Sobbing] I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
[Sobs] I didn't mean it...
- I didn't mean...
- I can see that, Vanya.
- Shit.
- Oh, shit.
- We've been compromised.
- Regroup at the backup location.
- Yes, boss.
Diego: Five...
- Last time you were this quiet, we were 12.
- Ran down the stairs wearing grace's heels, tripped over, and broke yourjaw.
- How long was it wired shut again?
- Eight weeks.
- Eight glorious weeks of bliss.
- Hey, just... just drop me off here.
Hazel: Sometimes what you want is right in front of you. By the time you realize it, it's too late.
- I'm the only one fighting to save both.
- We just need to know what Dad is planning before more of us get killed.
- Where the hell is Five?
- He was right behind me.
- Five?
- Five?
- you had to be isolated we were so young.
- None of us knew to question it.
- Now...
- You have to take your medicine like a good girl.
- It'll help calm your nerves.
- the Commission will make certain nothing like this ever happens.
[narrator] Or God help us all.
[woman in audience] Bravo!
- Go on. Go! [laughs]
- But when will I see you again?
- Go on. Go before someone sees you.
Sissy: Vanya.
[Panting] Vanya, wait!
[Wheezing] I can't breathe in here.
[Sobbing] I can't breathe in here.
- Then do something about it.
- Embrace who we are.
- I can't...
- Who we've been all along.
- -♪ just like my daddy ♪
- -[Softly] Hey, miles.
- You coming? do your thing, bro.
Raymond: All right now.
- And the best part of it is, she's gonna look after us, no questions asked.
- Never ever. Right?
- Come on.
- -I may have questions.
- -[Luther] Yeah, me too.
- This place is weird.
- Trigger woman.
- Huh. That's too bad.
- That gun could have cleared my brother's name.
- Well, today's your lucky day, amigo.
- Take 'em both. [Sighs]
- I'm done with this life.
- I know that we can be your family, if you just let us.
- It's true, isn't it? What five said.
- Answer me! Is it true?
- Well...
- The case!
- Just me.
- Thank you for trusting me with this.
- You're family, Viktor.
- Okay?
- And there's nothing… nothing that would make me love you less.
Raymond: Baby?
- What's wrong?
- What the hell did you say to her, Luther?
- And neither is she.
- If you're not in a hurry, the rest of the tapes are in that cabinet.
- Make sure you lock up when you go.
- Things have been disappearing lately.
- These are too important to lose.
- that I can't discuss with you.
- Someday... I hope to share it all with you.
- Until then...
- I'm asking you to trust me.
[Sobs softly] I can't wait that long.
- I'm sorry.
- Yeah. I think I could squeeze you in.
- Come on.
- Oh, boy.
- Oh, my god.
- Oh, gosh. Okay.
- I guess I'm just tired of all this being told what to do, where to go.
- Let's forget the stupid briefcase.
- Why not just stay here 7
- -This one you gotta do alone.
- -[Klaus sighs]
- Alone?
- Yeah, okay.
- Yeah, I can do that, sure.
- Hello there.
Klaus: Yoo-hoo! Guten haben.
- It was an accident.
- I understand.
- You need to remain in a controlled environment.
- More research is required to determine whether your behavior can be regulated.
Vanya: I'm scared.
- The briefcase is here?
Cha: It's where commission said.
- All righty.
- Come on.
- Follow me.
- You gotta get me out of here, bro.
- I can't. They're transferring you upstate this afternoon.
- I didn't kill patch.
- I know.
- I'm not the guy you gotta convince.
- That's bullshit, you know that.
- -♪ Hello ♪
- -♪ Hello ♪
- -♪ Goodbye ♪
- -♪ Goodbye ♪
- -♪ Hello ♪
- -♪ Hello ♪
- -♪ Goodbye ♪
- -♪ Goodbye ♪
Number: What is wrong with you? I just told you the world's going to end in ten days.
Luther: Yeah, well, you're always saying that.
Number: And so far I've been right!
- -[grunts]
- -♪ In a nutshell, I suppose ♪
[woman in crowd] Love you, Marcus!
- -♪ Maybe all of the time ♪
- -[raven cawing]
- -♪ And now the cocaine scene ♪
- -[caws]
- it was supposed to happen.
- That's insane. The end of everything?
- Not everything.
- Just the end of...
- Something.
- Do we have an agreement?
- Diego hargreeves, you're under arrest on the suspicion of murder of detective eudora patch.
- Rodriguez, I thought we were friends.
- You killed a cop, asshole.
[Chuck] You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you.
- Use that against me.
- And despite everything, I'm...
- I'm grateful for him.
- I mean, without him, we never would have met.
[Chuckles] I...
- Right.
- I think maybe you're the only person who really knows who I am and still likes me anyway.
- My methods must remain mysterious.
- Well, you're not the only one with secrets.
- Just in case.
- Ah. Oh, and, uh...
- One more thing.
- It's, um... it's for you.
- Well...
- You two idiots have certainly screwed things up.
- Allison, please.
- Look, I had to do it.
- {gasps} -Wh...
Leonard: It's okay.
- We're okay.
- We're more than okay.
[Waitress] It should only be a couple more minutes on the jelly-filled.
- I'll call you when they're ready.
Cha: That son of a bitch!
- Why the hell not?
- We've tried everything else.
- Look, maybe this is just what the universe needs.
- I say, embrace the apocalypse.
- See what's on the other side.
- What if it's… nothing?
- Then it's been nice knowing you all.
- Whatever's on your bucket list,
- I recommend you do that now.
- Today is polynesian day in the cafeteria.
- Wanna join me for some iau iau?
- Ask me again,
- I'll staple your face to the wall.
[Clears throat] Okay.
Herb: Ow!
- -[Typing stops] {935951
- and you will be my right hand.
- But I need to know...
- That I can trust you...
- At all times...
- In all ways.
[Softly] You can.
- Look at this.
- That's right. Her concert is tonight.
- Hello.
- I hate to intrude, but my manager says if you're not gonna bowl, you gotta leave.
Diego: Whose turn is it?
- Oh, for...
Klaus: I love you! Even if you can't love yourself!
- The holy wanderer has returned!
Klaus: Stay in the mansion.
[Man 1] Prophet!
- No! No, you guys should all stay in the mansion!
[Overlapping shouts] Prophet!
Klaus: Stay in the...
Klaus: Shit-sticks!
[Man] Right this way, sir.
Vanya: Hello?
- Guys? Is everyone okay?
- Hello?
- Guys?
- Diego, stop talking.
- That's how much he couldn't stand the sight of you!
- Boys, stop this at once!
[Screams] Come on, big boy!
- Stop it!
- Hit him! Hit him!
- We'd like to be served, please.
- You are not welcome here.
Ben: The hell are we doing here?
- S-Some ol' diy?
- You just stay here, pumpkin.
- Okay.
Allison: When something seems too perfect, it's usually anything but.
- And you're in my dreams every night.
- You're the most important person in the world to me."
- That's, uh...
- That's what your mom says.
- Yeah. Yeah, I... I promise.
- She'll be home soon.
- Oh, come on.
- Th... that's crazy.
- I mean, it... it was like this before.
- That's a coincidence.
- Leonard, it's impossible.
- Come on. My place is close.
- You should go to the airport.
- And get back to your real life.
- I would if I could.
Allison: Thank you.
- You're a good sister.
- It was magical.
- Music, dresses, the smells.
- All the ladies at the counters looked like livin' dolls. Still do.
- Could you ever imagine bein' that elegant?
- Hey.
- You're plenty elegant.
- What is your name again?
[Softly] Vanya.
[Conductor] Louder, please.
- Vanya hargreeves.
- Right.
- Well?
- I could have taken every one of your organs.
- Why?
- The point is, if the world is truly ending, then you're running out of time to master your gifts.
Reginald: Oh!
- -We have work to do!
- -[Klaus] No, Dad!
- -[Ben groans]
- -[Jayme snarls]
- -[yells]
- -[Jayme grunts]
- -♪ I say ♪
- -♪ I say ♪
- -♪ Look back, look back ♪
- -♪ Don't look back ♪
- -♪ I say ♪
- -[both gasp]
- -♪ Look back ♪
- -♪ I say don't look back ♪
- Hey.
- What do you say you and I go to America and terrorize an old friend of mine?
- Could be fun.
- -Hmm…
- -[man exhales]
Stan: Sure. I'm down.
Lila: Cool.
[whispers] Run.
- Oh, "run"!
- Molotov this, bitches!
- Stanley! Not now.
- -[smoke alarm blaring]
- -Oh shit.
- Power up.
- I was angry.
- I was angry that you were gone, that you'd moved on with your life.
- And I was still stuck here, alone with dad in this shitty old house.
- But I was wrong, because I pushed everyone away, and...
[Crying] ...That's including the one person I love with all my heart.
- Super don't like being threatened, Ben.
- You'll do as we say, or else…
- Birds. In my brain.
- -[raven caws]
- -Got it.
- Don't forget your tote bag.
- Hope you enjoyed your stay.
- Don't even know why I came here.
- Listen, February 21, 1968, in the a shau valley, you take fire trying to hold hill 689...
- You never come off that hill, Dave.
- That's... that's it.
- You're lying.
- You're some kind of con artist.
- Here, look, look, look. Look, look.
- Kung pao chicken, extra spicy.
- Okay. Sounds great.
- Thanks.
- Great.
- Back in a jiff.
- Uh, keys.
Luther: Come on, buddy, let's go.
Carl: Get your hands off me.
- Get him out of here, now.
- Get off me. Get off me!
- Get your big arms off me.
- Dad should've left him on the moon.
[Boy] Kick it over here!
[Boy echoing] Whoa!
- Won't matter much longer anyway.
- In a few days, we'll all be, uh, Kugel-toast.
- And I guess
- Harlan will have died for nothing.
- Nice work.
- Stop crying on my bedsheets, emo.
- It's gross.
- So much hostility in such a tiny package.
- Did you out yourself shaving?
- I could teach you to shave like a big boy.
- No, I just ran into an old family friend.
- You didn't untie him?
- Was I supposed to?
Vanya: Luther!
- Come back.
Klaus: Where you going?
Luther: Save it, Diego.
- No one leaves until we figure this out.
- Jeez_.
- When did the monkey learn how to fight dirty?
- Son of a bitch.
- Hey, no more numbers.
- No more bullshit. We're team zero.
- We're all team zero.
Luther: Uh, Diego.
- You don't have the conch.
- Classic.
- I need you to get in contact with your superior so I can have a chat with her.
- Face-to-face.
- About what?
- Well, I don't believe that's any of your concern.
- Just don't tell her about the briefcase.
- Fair enough.
[Sissy] You have given me the greatest gift of a lifetime.
- You let me feel alive for the first time.
- You helped me find hope again.
- That's a wonderful thing.
- Except for me.
- XO, Mom.
- -[grunting]
- -[siren wailing]
- Keep walking!
[woman] Hey.
- Can I borrow your sledgehammer?
- The crack of an assassin's bullet.
- A nation mourns, the world grieves.
- The man who became the 35th president less than three years ago is dead.
- He led his country boldly through the treacherous shoals of cold war crises.
- His firm commitments to support the cause of democracy throughout the world won him acclaim almost unprecedented in the history of the presidency...
- We're done.
- Jack, please.
- Jack. Jack!
- Luther?
- Would you, uh... just get out, please?
- Well, I don't mind staying, and I have some more questions.
- This feels oddly familiar.
- At least this time, we're not aiming at each other.
[Man] Number four, order's up.
- -♪ ...Hurt♪
- -[Man] Number four.
- -♪ you're all, all alone... ♪
- -[Indistinct conversation]
Luther: Can I get one more beer?
[Server] You got it.
- Allison.
- Oh, shit.
- We don't know what it does.
Viktor: Allison, stop!
Viktor: Don't make me do this!
- Do you trust me?
[Five] Viktor, what are you doing?
- Stop her!
- -[Klaus] Allison, wait!
- -[Five] Allison, don't do it!
- So, if you're playing me right now, you win.
- But if this… if this is for real, we have to trust each other because we're not our families.
Luther: You got this. Come on, let's go.
- To go on a mission, Vanya, you have to have a power.
- Vanya! What do you want?
- Just get out!
- What they're doing is too important.
- What are you talking about?
- You're our number one, remember?
- "0 captain! My captain!"
- Remember?
- Yeah, right?
- What do you really want, Vanya?
- You have something I need, and I want it back.
- I have a query for you.
- Oh?
- Items from your father's office have gone missing.
- In particular, an ornate box with Pearl inlay.
- Really?
- Really?
- You don't say.
- Any idea where it went?
- Which one is your favorite?
- Ballerina is kind of my best.
- Or maybe the duck.
- Or the other duck.
- Or the other duck.
- But there is one you should see.
- Ugh.
- Are they all perverts?
- I don't know, but at least we know who owns the shoe.
- You're welcome.
- I was doing fine.
- Oh, yeah, you really had them...
Diego: Ever hear of a rope-a-dope?
Luther: Get out of here now! Go!
Diego: Luther, go!
Hazel: I lost my gun.
Cha: I'm going after them.
[Voice trembles] Diego, no...
- It's true, what five said, isn't it?
[Handler] Darling,
- I need to know that we can get past this, be a happy family again.
- They're my real family.
- Do you even love me?
[Boy 1] Yeah!
[Boy 2] Yeah! King Kong!
Luther: Allison?
- My bad.
- Dipshit.
- All right.
- Carry on.
- Why are you here?
[Sighs] I've decided you're the only one I can trust.
- Why me?
- Because you're ordinary.
- Because you'll listen.
- Okay.
- You know these guys?
- Yeah, I do.
- And?
- Well... we're screwed.
- Guys, it's cha-cha!
- It's cha-cha, she...
Luther: Klaus! Get down!
Luther: Get down!
- Klaus!
- Dad!
- Klaus.
- Klaus.
- Breathe.
- You're in the worst of it now.
- Just try and stay calm.
- It's okay, little fella.
- No one's gonna hurt ya.
- And, as you know, we cannot allow him to get his nose into our business.
- I've confirmed the motorcade will indeed be turning left on elm street.
- We'll have our people in place.
Reginald: Gentlemen, this plan of yours seems ill-timed.
- It's going to be a Turkey shoot.
[Whispers] Dad?
Reginald: Shh.
- well, maybe we can discuss these over dinner.
- My name is ray.
- What's your name?
[Voice scratchy] Allison.
- Well, all right, miss Allison.
- Dinner?
- You want a beer, Carl?
- No, ma'am.
- -Where to?
- -Sparrow Academy.
- The world's ending, so I think it's time we put our petty bullshit aside and work together on this Kugelblitz.
- Yeah? Or what?
- Or Stanley won't be the last of us to disappear.
- Come on.
- Well...
- You could always do your, uh, you know...
- Rumor thing.
- Yeah, I don't do that anymore.
- What happened?
- Same thing that always happens.
- I made a wish, and it came true, and I couldn't take it back.
- Uh, wait.
- I hate to rain on your parade, but there's something I have to show you.
- Something big.
Lila: Ugh!
Herb: Wait, no.
- It's...
- It's this.
- not a nanny.
[Gibbs] Vanya, wake up.
- Open your eyes.
- I just have a few questions for you.
- It's all gonna be over soon.
- What are you doing to me?
- Move again and you'll regret it.
- -You need to be wooed.
- -Wooed.
- -Ooh.
- -Yeah, flowers.
- An expensive bottle of wine.
- Or I could find another DILF to play Daddy.
- I'm the daddy here.
- Yeah, you are.
- You boys must be lost.
- I suggest you find a barber shop in oak lawn.
- They specialize in your kind of hair.
- Okay, come on, girl.
- Let's sit you down. Yeah.
[Woman 2] Yeah.
- Poor thing.
[Woman 3] That's right, take it easy.
- Mom.
- You okay?
- Of course I am.
- You didn't hear the noises?
- The guys in the masks that just shot up the house?
- What are you talking about, silly?
- We did it again.
- Apparently.
- Did what again?
- Ended the world.
- Or we will in seven days from now, according to five.
- What?
- Doomsday. [Chuckles]
- Klif bulletin, from Dallas, three shots reportedly were fired at the motorcade of president Kennedy today, near the downtown section.
- Klif news is checking out the report.
- We will have further... [broadcast stops]
- Where the hell is he?
- You got a live one, Luther!
- Shit. Sloane!
- -Harlan, wait!
- -Hey!
- Um… Go help Luther.
- What about you?
- -I can handle it. Go.
- -[Allison] Okay, okay, okay.
- Home sweet home.
- Yep.
- There isn't.
- I will die here, but you won't.
- I won't allow it.
- The world needs you, Reggie.
- Now go.
- Oh, he better be at the end of this, or I'm gonna be pissed.
- It was your bright idea to go into this murder hole.
- -What? Since when?
- -Fine. Italian?
- -Absolutely not.
- -I could do Italian.
- -[Marcus] We done here?
- -[Luther groans] Nope.
[chuckles] I don't run from a fight.
- -Yeah, that's the wrong answer, dude.
- -Let him finish him off.
- Then let's end this.
Number: Look, you can either stay here and wait for the IKEA mafia to come back to kill you, or you can come with me.
- Mmm.
- -♪ In a young girl's heart? ♪
- -Wait! Sir?
- -♪ How the music can free her ♪
- -[whistles]
- -♪ Whenever it starts ♪
- -[playful growl]
- Beautiful evening, isn't it?
- On your feet and come with us.
- They want to talk.
- I've got nothing to say.
- It doesn't have to go this way.
- You think I want to shoot a kid?
- Go home with that on my conscience?
- Well, I wouldn't worry about that.
- You won't be going home.
- -Get him, Luther!
- -♪ Keep punching my card ♪
- -♪ Eight hours, for what? ♪
- -Luther, what are you doing?
- Protecting our honor, bro.
- Oh shit! We're really good at this!
- Hey.
- Please, please...
- Please stay with me, Dave.
[Sobbing] Stay with me.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
- No, no, no.
- Damn it, I need a medic!
- Maybe. A couple.
- I don't know.
- Well, then, keep them to yourself.
- Time is flying, so hurry up.
- He's waiting for you.
- Who is?
- It's beautiful, isn't it?
- Yes, it is, Vanya.
- I will learn to play it. [Chuckles softly]
- I am going to be extraordinary.
- Put your whole heart into it, dear, and I promise, one day, you will be.
- I have been up all night calling hospitals.
- Ray, I thought you were dead.
- I'm right here.
[Scoffs] And you didn't even call.
Odessa: Raymond.
- Let's talk about this outside.
- She saw me for who I really am.
- I'm not ready to give that up.
- I feel the same about Ray.
- We better not have left them just to die in some superhero turf war.
- You need to go home.
- Hug your daughter.
- And he programmed her to be a mom, to be our mom.
- Sometimes when I look at her,
- I just see him.
- Maybe that was true at first.
- But she evolved.
- Well, how do you know?
- Because dad only loved himself.
- -[gulps]
- -[Alphonso] Get a move on.
- Sit.
- Now…
- -What is this?
- -Doesn't concern you, old man.
- We say sign, you sign.
- Don't make me get Christopher.
- Bless you.
- Oh. Thanks.
- Perfect.
- Because I'm somewhat of a lone wolf myself.
- Hargreeves, you have a visitor.
- Who?
- I ain't your secretary.
- Maybe daddy finally came to say,
- "I love you."
[Mocking English accent] Piss off.
- if we didn't find the briefcase?
Cha: You know what happens to people who step out of line.
Hazel: / guess / 'm just tired of all this being told what to do, where to go.
- Wouldn't it be nice to kill who you want for a change?
- Not who the commission tells us to?
- Sure are in the middle of nowhere.
- Why don't you tell Allison that?
- Jesus.
- He's due any minute now.
- That was a joke.
- You do jokes now.
- Actually, what I'm here to discuss… is deadly serious.
- Uh-oh. Someone's ready for a fight.
[Man 2 whispers] What's he doing?
- We had a breakthrough today, Vanya.
- This thing that's happening to you, it's important.
- So is my music.
- Huh. Right. [Chuckles]
- You're right, of course. [Clears throat]
- Yeah, go practice.
- "Your brother says hi."
- My brother. Been missing since yesterday.
- I need to find him.
- Son of a bitch.
Luther: Let's split up.
Diego: Wow. Good thinking.
- How do you know our mothers?
- What did you do to them?
- Tapes. I need my tapes.
Viktor: Hey. I'm talking to you!
- -No!
- -[Harlan strains]
[panting] No.
- Not until you tell me the truth.
- -I could tear you to atoms.
- -Try it.
[man] Everything is a-okay in the cockpit.
- -♪ starting to collect ♪
- -[Bell dings]
- -♪ what will it affect... ♪
- -[Console beeps]
- He's going to hand-control movement now.
- -♪ earth below us, drifting, falling ♪
- -[Nervous chittering]
- -♪ floating weightless ♪
- -[Shrieking]
- Come on, give me a name.
Luther: Thank you, Jack.
Jack: "Hargreeves."
- What is she, your ex?
- S... sorta.
- Y-Yeah. Sure.
- Three more hours.
- Don't leave me.
Mandarin: Klaus.
- Go away.
- Dad!
[Woman] Klaus!
- You went there again, didn't you?
[Whimpering] No, no, no, no...
- but it won't matter because the new timeline will be even worse for me.
- I can't keep doing this.
- I can't keep losing people. It's not fair.
- Hey.
- Hey, come here.
- You never know when to stop, do you?
- You got enough material for your sequel yet?
- He was my father, too.
- Mom.
- Let's go inside.
- Come on. Okay? Come on.
[Gibbs] We've gotta stop her.
- You're going to have to terminate.
[Gibbs] I'm trying! I'm trying!
[Gibbs] How is she still alive?
- I remember.
- I remember.
- -♪ But every time you pass me by ♪
- -[mooing]
- -♪ It's a cryin' shame ♪
- -[distressed mooing]
- What is…?
- Oh, can't I get one fucking day off?
- I wasn't sure what kind you like best.
- You did create all of them.
- Klaus.
[Groans] Just leave me.
[Whimpering] Just leave me.
- They'll be here soon enough.
- Everybody dies eventually.
- -Am I right?
- -Mm.
- Yeah, I mean, we're dead, right?
- As the Dougie, baby.
- -[laughs] As the Dougie!
- -Yeah!
- So what happens if I do this?
Leonard: Things are different now. You got me. The Sonny to your Cher; the, um, peanut butter to your jelly.
- Um... I'm so sorry I'm late.
- I hadn't noticed. [Clears throat]
[Conductor] From the top.
- You gotta just let it go.
- Figuratively, but yeah, that works, too.
- One day at a time.
- I know that peaceful dark place you're in right now.
- And I know the pain you'll be in when you leave it and wake up...
- To someone that's not quite you anymore.
- How'd you do that?
- Don't really have time to explain.
- You from the Pentagon? Huh?
- Definitely not.
- CIA? FBI. Kgb?
- Is that fresh?
[Screams, panting] What...
- You're a terrible leader with no loyalty to anyone but yourself.
- You don't speak for Christopher.
- -Really, dude?
- -[Fei snickers]
- I'm Number One.
- You'll do as I say when I say it.
- Not anymore.
- Here's to a new life without this dickhead.
- It's the elephant in the room, buddy.
- I wish you well.
- Happy-It's not your birthday.
- Happy wedding day, my friend. Take care.
- There is no time.
- I can't do this without you.
- Do we have a deal?
[Five] Who the hell is he talking to?
- Well, so much for the element of surprise. What else you got?
- No shit, Allison. Tell us something we don't already know.
- She's talking about the violin.
- It's her lightning rod.
- If we can take it from her and stop her from playing, we might have a shot.
- I went to the pharmacy to buy gauze for your disgusting stab wound.
- Is that allowed or...?
- As a matter of fact, you owe me $1.89.
- Or you would if I'd actually paid for it.
- They're playing our song.
Reginald: After 72 days of success, number seven showed an unexpected resistance to her training.
- Number seven, concentrate on the sound around you.
- This is one of your designated training days.
- Number seven!
- Your insolence is unacceptable!
Vanya: Wait, how did you get back?
Number: In the end, I had to project my consciousness forward into a suspended quantum state version of myself that exists across every possible instance of time.
Diego: That makes no sense.
Number: Well, it would if you were smarter.
- Okay, you gonna fill me in now, boys?
- What the hell is this shit we're watching?
- No, that's impossible.
- Clearly, it's not.
[Muffled] What... what is it?
[Both] Dad.
- If you're here about the guest room,
- I only got space for one.
[Muffled] You're hurting me.
[Whispers] I'm sorry too, Vanya.
- Stop. [Gasps]
[Groans] Please stop.
- I'm sorry.
Elliott: Huh. "Frankel Footage." Friends of yours?
Number: Cousins on my robot mother's side.
- but I'd have to see him from the shoulders down.
- The date, you idiot.
- Oh, yeah.
- "February 11, 1960"?
- 1960.
[Both] Shit.
- You're the reason we're stuck here in the first place.
- If I did nothing, we would all be dead right now, thanks to you.
- They're coming with me.
- Vanya, do not test me right now.
- That's funny.
- 'Cause I was just about to say the same thing.
- Impressive.
- -♪ oh, no, no, no ♪
- -[Grunting]
- Okay.
Pogo: Like I said, master Luther, number five hasn't lived in this room since he was a boy.
- Yeah, I know, but we need to warn him.
- He doesn't even know we were attacked.
- He doesn't know they're looking for him, he doesn't know...
Diego: What are you doing here?
- Luther hargreeves, will you dance with me?
- Oh, please, not you, too.
- I have to book a flight back to la.
- If this happens I have to be with my daughter, custody be damned.
- And you said it yourself...
- We need the full force of the academy to even stand a chance.
- I'm sorry, Luther.
- Gesté... Allison...
- En casa buena?
- Oh, sweet Jesus.
[Slurring] I just need a place to crash for one night.
- Couch is all yours.
- Don't go chasing waterfalls.
- I mean, stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to, bitches.
- Get outta my way.
- Shit.
- Luther.
Vanya: Why didn't he fight back?
- {gasps}
- There's something you have to see.
- Really? Are you sure?
- Yeah.
- And you can stay and read to Harlan.
- I got this.
- Don't take this wrong, but... [sighs]
- I wish I'd run you over years ago.
- All right, baby, come on.
- Two stowaways.
[Laughs] Okay.
- Assuming you still wanna do it.
- I understand...
- Hazel.
- Yeah?
- I've never been more sure of anything in my life.
- Okay.
Vanya: Harlan?
- Come out, come out, wherever you are.
- Hanan?
- Hanan?
[Thumps counter] It's not fair.
Luther: I know.
- But we have to risk everything to save everything.
- I mean, that's our best trait as a family, right?
- What? Recklessness? [Sighs softly]
- Hope.
- But now, I know nothing in my life was real.
- So I'm starting over.
- I just didn't think it would be so hard.
- It'll get easier.
- Some things just take time.
- Yeah.
- And some things just stay broken.
- Sorry I'm not a stoned undergrad sitting in freshman philosophy.
- Wait a second.
- -Where exactly are we?
- -We're dead, man.
- We're dead.
- Welcome to my hood.
- -[bicycle bell chiming]
- -[gentle string music playing]
- Jesus, Ben.
- What the hell did you just do?
- I think I was...
- Inside of you.
Klaus: Ugh.
- I'm sorry.
- We've caught you in the middle of prayer.
- Dave?
- Jill.
- Viktor? Allison?
- Okay.
- I'm really happy for you, baby.
- Do you wanna come with?
- No. No, you go ahead. I'm, um...
- Not feeling too well.
- Oh.
- Well... I'll be back soon.
- And I will bring soup.
- Mwah.
- to my daughter… and my husband.
- But it wasn't enough. Feelings are just…
- They're too big for words.
- Luther loved you to the moon and back.
- You made him so happy.
- Humor is good, truth is better.
- Who is the real Diego?
- I don't know.
- I guess I've never known.
- But I'm ready.
- I'm ready to find out.
- Why? How do you do it?
Klaus: We've been to seven bars, three strip joints, and a laundromat.
- Luther's not here. Can we go home now?
- Would he give up on you?
Klaus: Uh...
[Woman] That's the biggest hairy guy
- I have ever seen.
Sloane: Psst!
[whispering] Luther! Hey!
- I'm just trying to help.
- No, you could've been killed.
- Or gotten any of us killed.
- She is a liability.
- Allison?
- I think what he's trying to say is that this kind of stuff is dangerous.
- You're just...
- Not like you.
- With my own eyes.
[Sighs] You were there.
- We all were.
- Shit.
- I need to make a phone call.
- Vanya.
[In Swedish] Enough.
- I almost had her.
- Why the hell did you stop me?
- Because_.
- I love her.
[Whispers] Shit. Shit.
Luther: Whoa!
- Whoa!
Klaus: Catch me! Catch me! Catch me!
- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
[Whispers] Oh, thank god.
- Cashew butter, almond butter, sunflower butter, tahini, Brazil nut.
- Wow. You know what?
- Now that you mention it,
- I am feeling a little bit, uh, peckish, actually.
- -Help yourself.
- -[Luther] Thanks.
[softly] Wow.
Sir: Nietzsche once said, "Man is as a rope stretched between the animal and the superhuman. A rope over an abyss. It is a dangerous crossing, a dangerous looking-back, a dangerous trembling and halting."
Sir: As much as you must strive for individual greatness, and strive you must, for it won't come to you of its own accord. You must also remember that there is no individual stronger than the collective.
Sir: The ties that bind you together makes you stronger than you are alone. They will make you impervious to the pain and hardship the world will thrust upon you. And believe me when I tell you, life will be hard. It will be painful.
Sir: We can accomplish anything when we accept responsibility together. This is what creates trust.
Sir: Together, you will stand against the reign of evil.
[quietly] See? You're not so terrible when you're asleep.
[Grace vocalizes] ♪ Glo… ♪
- -[Grace] ♪ …oria ♪
- -[Klaus gasps]
- Oh, wow!
- The Lord.
- The Lord is upon me.
Luther: No. He must have known something was going to happen. Look, I know you don't like to do it, but I need you to talk to Dad.
Klaus: I can't just call Dad in the afterlife and be like, "Dad, could you just stop playing tennis with Hitler for a moment and take a quick call?"
- Ah, don't underestimate the damage that man can do at a family meeting.
- That is not the same man.
- And you aren't the same boy you were.
- You're my husband.
- And whatever you decide,
- I'll be by your side.
- -Okay.
- -Okay.
- You're really just going for it.
- Yeah.
- Um, no, I'll actually take that.
- And we're just gonna start with the basics.
[Man] What's up? Hey, Diego.
Diego: Yo. What up, Nigel?
[Woman] What's up, Diego?
Diego: Doing good, huh?
[Man] Si
[in Korean] Are you okay?
- Uh-huh.
- Your stomach! Somebody help!
- Look.
- Vanya's getting off.
- This is where you get off.
- You mother... [screams]
- get him!
- Yeah!
- -♪ steady, bet ♪ -come on!
- -♪ like rocket fuel? ♪
- -[Man in crowd shouts indistinctly]
[Opponent] Come on!
- {935951 -[Knife clatters]
[Crowd] Oh!
Ben: You really want to throw three years of sobriety out the window?
[Klaus laughs] In case you didn't notice, the last three years have been a royal shitshow.
- And this is only gonna make it worse.
- Maybe. Let's find out.
- -♪ very long ♪
- -[Sighs heavily]
- She fights like every one of you commission drones.
[Handler] Hmm.
- No matter, here we are.
- Together again.
- I've gotta ask...
- Did you miss me, you little shit?
- Deeper than that.
- Beneath the wind.
- Every living thing has an energy wave.
- A sound of its own.
- I… I…
- No, I… I can't.
- Concentrate. I want you to hear it.
- Does your way include decapitation?
- Quartering, boiling, thumbscrews, burning at the stake, or Chinese water torture?
- Iwanna let him go.
- Peons...
- Out.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- I only wish your self-actualization could have come at a better time for the universe.
- I… I don't understand.
- -[flesh ripping]
- -[grunts]
- -You said no mushrooms.
- -[mocking] I speak English!
- So does my son.
- We speak American, asshole.
- You are an American asshole.
[store owner] Let go of me! Let go!
- Get outta my store! Get out of here!
Viktor: Okay, how do we start?
- Have you ever moved a nest of bees?
- No, because that's weird.
Sloane: You can't just pick it up.
- You have to keep the nest calm while you build a box around it, and then you trap it.
- -[Allison sighs]
- -♪ It's been a long ♪
- -♪ But tell me what I know ♪
- -[soft chuckle]
- -Change is gon' come.
- -Yes, my baby.
- Change is gon' come, baby. [kisses]
- And for the first time, someone thinks I'm special.
- I'm just worried about you.
- Well, you're not my mother.
- Worry about your own daughter.
[Sighs] That's not fair.
- I want you to leave.
Klaus: What happened here?
Diego: You look like shit.
Klaus: Why, thank you.
- Hey, where you going?
- Nope.
- What?
- I'm not giving you a ride.
- Oh, come on, man.
- You know I can't drive.
- I don't c...
- Okay, great. I'll just get my things.
- Two minutes.
- It's just noise.
- No, Marcus.
- It's a message from God.
- Listen.
- I hear it.
- You mind your manners.
- Why are we here?
- You were always a climber, darling.
- Or we could all die horribly.
- I'm in.
- -You're not the one we need.
- -Excuse you?
- For this to work, we need Sloane, Lila, Christopher, and--
- Viktor.
- Of course.
Hazel: Life is short. Future doesn't come with any guarantees. You want something in life, you gotta go for it.
- This one, or this one?
- Uh-uh. I wanna hear about the time the Umbrella Academy defeated the robbers at the museum.
Allison: Again?
- Okay. [laughs softly]
- It was a dark and stormy night…
- You're gonna do great in prison, Grant.
- Trust me, I've been there.
- Little piece of chicken like you.
- Oh, my god, you're gonna get passed around like a...
- You're just... you're gonna do great.
- That's all I'm saying.
- Jesus, you are a real sick bastard.
- Thank you.
[Mutters] Ah, shit.
- "I told you so."
- Well, if dad's here, he's never met you before, so he can't say "I told you so."
- I'm sure he'll find a way.
- Right.
- Gotta remember that. [Clears throat]
- And you know what, it's getting late, and...
- I have lessons early, and I need to sleep, and I'm sure you do, too.
- Here.
- We'll talk in the morning again.
- Okay? I promise.
- Night.
- Night.
- A little pre-anniversary gift for my beautiful wife.
- I know I promised you the stars, but...
[Chuckles softly] The moon.
- I see you staring at it every night.
- So now you can see it whenever you want.
- When?
- About half an hour ago.
- Uh, said she found your brother.
- Well, that didn't make sense.
[Both] Klaus.
- Go. I'll wait here with...
[Sighs] ...Him.
- Aw, Jesus, Hazel!
Klaus: Jan says you're a real mensch, Hazel.
Klaus: He said you were such a great...
- No.no! No!
Cha: Now.
- Screw it.
Klaus: Oh...
Cha: Shut up!
- When he's hungry, he eats, when he's tired, he nests, when he's horny, he screws, free to be free.
- Pretty sure they got it figured out.
Cha: And what's that?
- A simple life with a partner.
- Sometimes what you want's right in front of you.
- By the time you realize it, it's too late.
- What are you talking about?
- Don't play dumb, you prepubescent piece of shit.
- Enough. The point is, all of you are going to die today. Hmm?
- Oh. Well, I don't like your chances.
- Seven of us, two of you.
- You know, you're right. Let's change that.
- Something wrong?
- Just not hungry.
Reginald: Try it.
- It might help you remember.
[Gibbs echoes] ...Remember.
- Vanya, what are you doing in Dallas?
- Keep ignoring me and see what happens.
- We will get you to talk.
- There's just no way.
- I love him.
- This just doesn't make any sense.
- And this power... I...
- I don't know.
- I don't know what's going on.
- I don't know what to do.
Luther: Look, you want to go save the world? Knock yourself out. All right? I already got a job.
Number: Wait, you work in this shithole?
Luther: Yeah. Well, my boss owns the place. I'm his body man.
Number: What's that? Like a masseuse or something?
- or how you got past our security, but we're done here.
- You got 30 seconds to get out of our house.
- And if we don't?
- Then we'll have to settle this the old-fashioned way.
- Agreed.
- These years with Klaus...
- It's all been gravy.
- At least this time I get to say goodbye.
- Can I ask you a weird favor?
- Anything.
- Can you hug me as I go?
- It's been a long time since...
- -♪ rock your body ♪ -out!
- -♪ rock your body right... ♪
- -[Continues groaning]
- I can't believe it. I mean, you're here.
[Five] We've got eight minutes left.
[Whimpers] I just had the strangest dream.
- Where are the others?
- I'm sorry you had to see that.
- If you want to change your mind about being with me...
- I understand.
- Everyone has a past.
- Yeah, of course he did.
- No warm-blooded 12-year-old can resist a mystery tunnel.
- Stan!
- You going?
- -After you.
- -Fine.
- Enjoy the view.
Ben: It's a shitty world filled with shitty people sometimes.
- Well, my druggie brother just got him sober. Go figure.
- Then Project Oblivion is starting again, and you are all in danger.
- Then I should probably get that ink.
- Complete the loop.
- Are you sure?
- Oh, I don't think destiny cares whether I am or not.
- Bitch is cruel, ain't she?
- Well, congratulations, Viktor. [chuckles]
- You managed to destroy everything.
- Again.
- I really thought you were smarter than that.
[Klaus scoffs] Well!
- That went great!
- Hey, mom.
- Mom?
Allison: Vanya?
- You're actually here.
- Hey, Allison.
- Hey, sis.
[Man 2] You can get out!
- Take my seat.
- Next shift's about to start anyway.
- Get the hell outta here!
- Get out!
- Stay the hell outta here!
- Do you hear us? We don't want you here.
- Come on!
- Any last words of wisdom before you go?
- "Oh, my god, we're back again.
- Brothers, sisters, everybody sing!
- We're gonna bring you the flavor.
- We're gonna show you how."
- -♪ oh, my god, we're back again ♪
- -[Choking gasps]
- Allison!
- We were all thinking it.
Allison: Oh, so you're thinking, Diego?
- That's a first.
- Screw you!
- Hey!
- Dad was right. We should've done more.
- This didn't have to happen.
Allison: Excuse me?
Diego: I couldn't do it all by myself.
- You're supposed to be number one...
Cha: I hate sprinkles.
- Maybe I just hate doughnuts.
- Why are we here again?
- Refill?
- God, yes, please.
- Thank you.
[last lines]
Number: When I jumped forward and got stuck in the future, do you know what I found?
Vanya: No.
Number: Nothing. Absolutely nothing. As far as I could tell, I was the last person left alive. I never figure out what killed the human race, but I did find something else. The date it happens. The world ends in eight days, and I have no idea how to stop it.
Vanya: [pauses] I'll put on a pot of coffee.
- You know, check it out.
- This week I'm... busy, but...
- It's fine. I understand.
- Another time.
- See you next week.
- Bye.
- -♪ sunny, one so true ♪
- -thank you.
- -♪ sunny ♪ -[Grunts softly]
- -♪ that sweet bouquet, sunny♪
- -[Grunting]
- Okay.
- He's been in a state ever since you left.
[Chuckles softly] Now...
- Tell me what the hell happened out there.
- I don't know where to begin.
- Let's start with breakfast.
- How about that?
- Gotta hit the head.
- Did you enjoy the show, you little flotsam?
- I don't know how you did it, but I know your work.
- I'm sure you think you're very clever.
- The thing about fish, aj, is they're no match for a shark.
- I stopped tracking what was possible a long time ago.
- We better get moving.
- I'll check the Infinite Switchboard.
- And I'll check Herb's office.
- Little cockroach would survive anything.
- -Bye.
- -[Five] See ya.
- Miss you.
[Five] That's weird.
- We can accomplish anything when we accept responsibility together.
- This is what creates trust
- I thought he was...
- He pulled through.
- He's an amazing kid.
- Except for that obsession with Mr. Pickles.
- That is a true nightmare.
- Where's yours?
- I should leave.
- It's more of an existential problem, really, Ben.
- Awesome. Well, here's your next problem.
- You know, even though you're a total asshat now…
- …it's nice to see you again, really.
- Who's your daddy? I'm your daddy!
- Who's… your… daddy?
- Would you mind if I, uh...
- Knock yourself out.
Allison: Lcouldn't speak for a year.
Klaus: Ooh.
- Ooh, I'm sorry, Allison.
Allison: No, it's okay.
- I actually really like who I am without it.
- Everything I have, I've earned, and it feels really good.
- You know?
- -[Luther chuckles]
- -Where's he going? Where's he going?
- This isn't the end.
- -[sighs]
- -[Klaus] Come on, who's up for some more…
- -[Ben] Scrabble?
- -[Klaus] …karaoke. Yeah!
- That's my cue.
- -Good night.
- -Night.
- -Dad…
- -There's an old saying, Luther.
- The best way to bring a family together is at a wedding or a funeral.
- We tried the one.
- Now it's time for the other.
Vanya: Okay.
- I guess I'll see you when I see you.
- -♪ do-do-do-do-do ♪
- -♪ every night and day I go and stay ♪
- -♪ I'm comin' home, baby ♪
- -♪ come on home ♪
- -♪ comin'home, baby, now♪
- -♪ you know I'm waitin' here for you ♪
- Something concrete to lock on to, no matter what changes around you.
- And what if I had one, and I lost her?
- Then find another one.
- Or you'll fall down.
- We're ready.
- Yeah, I could do egg and bacon, but I'm trying to cut down on my pig products.
- This was unusual only in the fact that none of these women had been pregnant when the day first began.
- Sir Reginald hargree ves, eccentric b/I/ionaire and adventurer, resolved to locate and adopt as many of the children as possible.
- Extraordinary!
- How much do you want for it?
- Get off me!
- We don't have time for this.
Diego: Come here, big boy!
- And there goes Ben's statue.
- Diego, no!
- So, whatever he did, it must've been somethin' bad.
- I just wish I could remember something.
- Anything.
- It'll come back.
- Doc said it would take time.
- You can't rush it.
- And in the meantime,
- I have no idea who I was.
- My farmacistas.
- This is good.
- 'Cause you know…
- Thank you, Klaus.
- All right, great talk.
- Go get 'em, buddy.
- or everything will blow.
- Don't shake the bees. Got it.
- Lila, when you're ready, do exactly like Viktor.
Luther: Hey, what's she doing?
- Using its own gravity to condense it.
- That's pretty cool, huh?
- But five is.
- And Diego listens to him and trusts him.
- Five...
- Has been playing puppet master all this time.
- I'd say it's time that we solved this problem...
- Once and for all.
- I can take it.
- -[Viktor groans]
- -[Allison] Harlan, that's enough!
[echoing] I heard a rumor you let him go.
- Listen harder, Viktor! You have to listen!
[straining] I can… hear… it.
- Focus on it.
- Let it flow through your body.
- You aren't a monster.
- You're my sister.
- And right now, our siblings are risking everything out there trying to save you.
- You aren't alone at the table anymore,
- Vanya.
- You can do this.
- No one's gonna win a fight against me and my tiny badass brother.
[sighs] Okay.
- Well, I need the briefcase too.
- It's my only way back to Sissy.
- But no more improvising, okay?
- We do things together from now on, got it?
- Got it.
Stan: This is so cool.
Reginald: I adopted them instead of you.
Klaus: Dad!
Reginald: I'm not your father, young man.
- Not anymore.
Stan: What is this?
[gasps] Whoa.
- j” the needle stopped the kicking j”
- J” the clothespins on the floorj” j and my heart is pla yin ' hide and seek j” -[Briefcase buzzes]
- J wait and count to four j” j will you lo ve me like you loved me? J”
- -j” and I w ne ver ask for more j”
- -[Crying softly]
- Ow! What the...
- I could smell it was you.
- What the hell?
- You could have killed me.
- If I wanted you dead, you'd be dead.
- I'm not sure. Um... [sniffles]
- I have, um... uh, a friend in California.
- You go there, and you live a beautiful and wonderful life.
- You ever find a safe way back to me, you take it. [Sniffling]
- You hear me? [Gasps]
- It's gonna be hard after I break yourjaw.
Diego: Lila?
- You're not the only one who wants out, wolf man!
- Watch my shoulder. [Grunts]
[Whispers] How'd you get out?
- -♪ I'm comin' home, baby, now♪
- -♪ do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do ♪
- Again! Hit me!
- Luther, are you crazy? Just hit him!
- Come on, Luther!
- Hit me. Iwanna feel pain.
- I wanna feel all the pain.
- Give me everything you've got!
Reginald: [Watching T.J. Hooker on television] You've got this, T.J.
- No, that's not what I...
- Vanya, wait.
- Let her go.
Diego: It's for the best.
- What if Diego's right and the Sparrows attack?
- We fought the entire Commission.
- I mean, we can handle, what?
- Seven jerks in uniforms?
- They just caught us off guard.
- Yeah.
- You were dead five minutes ago.
- You're fragile!
- -I gotta go after him.
- -[Diego] No. Wa-Klaus, wait!
- -I'm out, bitches.
- -[Viktor] Come on.
- We should stick together and figure this out--
- What are we supposed to do?
- Live our lives?
[Woman] They're coming!
- I think I see their car!
[Man] I see them! I see the car!
[Woman] Spaceboy! My favorite!
[Voice trembling] Hello?
Luther: Vanya.
- Is Allison...
- She survived.
- Thank god.
- The only person I've ever truly loved more than myself.
- Cheers.
- Well, you're luckier than most.
- When you lose someone, at least you can...
- See them whenever you want.
- we're gon' keep on living in there and in here.
- No matter when or where you are, we're both always gon' be with you, so you have got to do what it takes to survive this.
- Promise me.
- -[thunder rumbles]
- -[sighs]
- Good night, gentlemen.
- Don't be too sure of that, reg.
- You're gonna keep giving us that fancy technology of yours.
- And why would I do that?
- Because if you don't, we'll tell the world who you really are.
- Please don't.
- Look at you. You're nothing.
- You're just ordinary.
- Stop it!
- Less than ordinary!
- Stop it!
Leonard: You are not special!
- Ordinary. Ordinary. Pathetic. Nothing!
- Stop it! Stop it!
- -Seriously?
- -[Allison] Move, move, move, move!
- The briefcase!
- -What?
- -No time!
- -[Luther] I hate that he can do that!
- -[Allison] Go! Shut it!
Luther: Quick! Get in!
- Oh shit.
Sissy: Harlan?
Vanya: Harlan!
- Hadan?
- Hanan!
- Oh, my god.
- Hanan!
Allison: Excuse me...
- My husband would like to try on this suit.
- Colored folks can't try on the merchandise, but if you'd like to make a purchase...
- I heard a rumor that you let him try on anything in the store.
- Get your ass back here! You little shit!
Buck: That's my truck!
- Oh, shit.
- Give me back my truck, asshole!
- You little... [shouts indistinctly]
[Man] Shit!
- No, I'm... I'm not ready for that.
Leonard: Vanya.
- You are an amazing violinist.
- You already taught me how to play
- "frere Jacques" in under an hour.
- That's pretty impressive.
- I'm telling you, if you...
- Believe in yourself for once, just once, great things are gonna happen for you.
- What actually happened the first time around?
- Yeah. What are you not tellin' us?
- Come on, big boy, spit it out.
[Sighs] We died.
- What was that?
[Coughs] I said, uh, we died.
- Looks like tinned beef.
- I was expecting more man and less…
- …can.
- It can't be.
- What's wrong?
- It's me.
- But if we go through the portal, we could… we could save the universe.
- We could save… everybody.
- So can we just put our past behind us and move forward together?
- Can you give me that?
- I love you.
- I love you too.
- I didn't really feel like a superhero up there, but...
- Those few moments when my whole world was glowing,
- I felt like maybe I was meant to be there.
- You know?
- I wish I'd been there with you.
- You were.
- Boy, you come here.
- Better he sees who his mama really is.
- How she wants to break up the family.
- You leave him be. This is between us.
- Harlan...
- Harlan, it's okay, baby. It's okay...
- No! [Echoes]
- What's wrong, Mama?
- Nothing, baby. [sniffles]
- Oh, I'm just so happy to be home.
- -[Allison sobbing]
- -[footsteps approaching]
Raymond: It's where you were always meant to be.
- Hey, baby.
Diego: What the hell was that?
[Five] That was a Kugel wave.
- -[Five] Oh, it's getting worse.
- -[Luther] How long do we have?
- At this rate of escalation, if you factor in--
- How long, Five?
- Four, maybe five days before the rest of existence is blitzed.
- Now! Open the portal!
- Right.
- He's been sitting in this Van in front of a... a lab or something, and...
- Looking for the owner of an eyeball.
- One of those fake ones.
Hazel: That makes no sense.
Cha: Hold on, just hold on.
- Tell us more about this eye, and why is it so important?
- He said it had something to do with the end of times, or something.
- j” / guess I'd better go now j” j” let me sleep all night in your soul kitchen ♪ j” warm my mind near your gentle stove j” j” tum me out and I'll wander, habyj” fl stumb/in ' in the neon grove j” j” oohj”
- giving up the family secrets.
- Sure that went over well.
- They hate me.
- Oh, there are worse things that can happen.
- You mean like what happened to Ben?
- Was it bad?
- They're agonizing over kitchen cabinets as if the entire fate of the universe rests on whether they choose azure blue or asparagus green.
- And your point is?
- Sometimes there's beauty in the mundane, you know?
- Well, then, this is the most beautiful room I've ever seen.
- Now, the minute she can't use you, she will turn on you, and deep down,
- I know you know that.
- You don't know me, Diego.
- Don't I?
- I know that we can be your family...
- If you just let us.
[Clears throat] Here.
- I got his.
- Thanks.
- You must know your way around the city.
- I hope so.
- I've been driving it for 20 years.
- Good. I need an address.
Diego: Now, let's talk offense, all right. What's our Sparrow plan of attack? I got the rest of the afternoon.
Luther: Relax. Vanya and Allison handled it.
Diego: It's Viktor.
Luther: What?
Diego: Vanya's Viktor now.
Luther: What else did I miss while I was kidnapped?
- Can't believe I never saw it.
- Saw what, ray?
- The timing of it, Allison.
- How you just fell out of the sky, sweeping up hair, in this shop of all places, reading my pamphlets, wanting to join us.
- I told you, I can explain.
- Then do it. Please, god, explain.
- I want my family by my side.
- Look, I'm sorry.
- We have other priorities right now.
[Five] Diego's right.
- Foronce.
- We need to make our stand here and now.
- We use my ability to time travel.
- You're the genius who said we should jump.
- Right? You're the one who got us stuck here.
- Maybe your appetite is disproportionate to the size of your abilities.
- Start small.
- Seconds, not decades.
- Holy shit, you're drunk.
- And you busted into dad's liquor cabinet.
- He's gonna be so pissed.
- Get him.
[Sighs] Dad. Do it, now.
- I told you already, all right?
- I... I can't!
- -[Gasps} -Little shit!
- Number seven. [Echoing]
- Number seven.
- You're late for supper. sit down.
- Come on, Vanya, who are you really?
- Where did you come from?
- Vanya! We could go somewhere.
- For a few days.
- We wouldn't have to tell anyone, not even Carl.
- I'll bring the gun. I'll keep you safe.
- You know that's not right.
- Neither is you leaving us.
- of any living board members, it is my solemn duty to assume control of the commission.
[Softly] How is she in charge?
- She was demoted.
- The briefcase room will be closed temporarily as a security precaution.
- Any questions?
- Five, you... you don't have to...
- I know. You owe me one, sis.
- Children ride in the back.
Klaus: Okay.
Allison: Whoa!
- Oh, Christ.
- Guys, I don't know what to say.
- Attagirl.
Allison: I've got a blender and some much better booze.
- So, ifwe're gonna start day-drinking, we should do it right.
[Whimpers] I love you so much.
- Yeah. Yeah!
- Oh!
- But the president, the first lady, the vice president, and Mrs. Lyndon Johnson are all walking along the edge of this fence, shaking hands with the crowd.
- And they are being greeted by placards of varying emotional and, uh, political feeling...
- I let 'em rise for about half an hour before I fry 'em up.
- That's what makes them so...
- Light and fluffy.
- How come you're so light and fluffy?
[Laughs] Well,
- I guess you are what you eat.
- Uh, might I try a raspberryjelly?
- Oh. Sure.
Diego: Klaus!
- I'm not gonna make it!
- It's up to you, buddy!
- You gotta save the world!
- No, Diego, that's a terrible idea!
- resolved to locate and adopt as many of the children as possible.
- Extraordinary.
- How much do you want for it?
- Surely you don't want to keep it.
[in Korean] How much do you want for him?
[in English] You lay one finger on my grandson, I slice you in half!
- Excellent! I like a spirited negotiator.
- that you do.
- Show them.
- Be everything
- I was afraid to let you become.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Okay, fine. I'll do it.
- All of them?
- Yes, all of them.
- Well...
- I'll see what I can do.
- Do we have a deal?
- One thing.
- You're seriously gonna do this today?
Allison: Way to dress for the occasion, by the way.
Diego: At least I'm wearing black.
- You know what? I... maybe he's right.
- And I shouldn't...
Allison: Forget about him.
- I'm glad you're here.
- If what you're saying is true,
- I'd be talking to a man well into his sixties.
- Now, if you'll excuse me,
- I've had a very long day.
- Pogo, you need to listen to me.
- -Time to go home to Mommy, li'l guy.
- -[door opens, shuts]
- Or what?
[Man 1] Don't mess with her. Damn.
- I hope that felt good.
- You have no idea.
- So much for honor and dignity.
- Him first.
- Y'all can go on about your business now.
- -[car crashes]
- -[Reginald] Faster.
- -[stopwatch clicks]
- -[gasps]
- -[Reginald grunts]
- -[Klaus strains]
- See? Never doubted you.
- Now you're ready.
Klaus: Ready for what?
- -[Marcus] Stay down!
- -Luther!
- Vanya!
Sloane: You again.
- Luther, go! Get out!
Vanya: No!
Klaus: [to Ben, about sobriety] Where has it gotten me? Nowhere. I can't talk to the person I love. People still don't take me seriously. I wanna be numb again.
- All right, one game.
- I'll finish setting up inside.
Vanya: You better get going.
- All right, one...
- Two...
- Three...
- -You didn't have to do that!
- -Oh, I'm pretty sure I did!
- -He did.
- -[Marcus] Get back!
- -[Vanya] Luther, hey!
- -Back off! [grunts]
- Oh shit!
- Bad touch, Luther! Bad touch!
- Sorry.
- Harlan! Listen to my voice.
- I know you don't want to hurt anyone.
- Yes, Harlan. Harlan, listen to me.
Vanya: Listen to my voice.
- Harlan, you're okay.
Vanya: You're gonna be okay.
Klaus: Come here, Vanya.
- Come on.
- Get over here.
Klaus: I love you guys.
[Gasps] Oh! You guys!
- I love this song!
- in the first place.
- They are going to kill him.
- They're gonna shoot him in the head right here in Dallas.
- All right? Understand?
[Moncton] Let go!
- All right! I'm okay.
- Let go!
- I'm sorry. Look, I'm okay.
- I'm okay. I'm okay.
- to commune with the dead,
- I might think about,
[laughs] I don't know, I don't know...
- Manifesting!
- Do the whole big angry ghost lecture.
- Tell everyone who done it, and find eternal peace.
- Eternal peace is probably overrated.
[Five] Okay.
- Hey, that was really nice of you.
- Kill Mom so Diego didn't have to.
- My God. We are a weird family, aren't we?
- Sorry. Yeah, I heard it as I said it.
- It's all right.
[man 1] Ain't no cause to make a building like this.
- Have you ever been called arrogant?
- I don't know what that means, but these plans is bizarre.
[in Japanese] That's all there is to it.
- Follow the blueprint.
[man 1] I said,
- I don't understand these plans,
- I don't understand you.
- and report any anomalies we see along the way, keeping the correct timeline at all times.
- Whatever your skill, education, or comfort level with moral ambiguity, the commission has an exciting career path in store for you.
- Let's start with the tube room...
Lila: Jesus.
- Stan?
- Stanley?
- Ugh, rank. [hisses]
Diego: Found something.
- What?
- Are those explosions coming f...
Pogo: Vanya.
- We need to get to safety outside the academy.
- Don't forget mom!
- Yeah...
Luther: Pogo.
- Now!
- Did it work?
- Next Kugelwave in three, two, one.
- Where'd you learn how to fight like that?
- My mother.
- Come on.
- -♪ come along ♪
- -[Guard] Don't shoot.
- -♪ I'm comin' home, baby, now♪
- -[Groans]
- -♪ I'm comin'home, baby, now♪
- -[Alarm blaring]
- -Where is Claire?!
- -Lady, there's no Claire here.
- -You're scaring her!
- -I'm sorry. I…
- Something is wrong.
- Something is very wrong.
- -[thunderclap]
- -[man clears throat]
[man] We're here. Hotel Obsidian.
[Sissy] You don't even notice the box that you're in until someone comes along and lets you out.
- -[barber] Can I help you?
- -Hey.
- Thanks.
- -[squeals]
- -[playful instrumental music playing]
[Handler] That I can work with.
- Run him through orientation, fill out his start papennork.
- But...
- If he ruffles even one feather, you will kill him yourself.
- Understood?
- Thanks, mum.
- I heard a rumor… [voice echoes]
- …that you were… [voice echoes]
- …happy.
- To use me on this stupid mission?
- You did have a purpose.
- I left you to guard the most precious thing in the universe.
- And what was it?
- You'll soon understand.
- You all will.
[Man] Show me where the safe is, or your family's dead!
- Where's the safe?
[Man 2] Just leave us alone!
[Weatherman on TV] ...Little bit of rain potentially, later in the week.
[Man 5] Who is this guy?
- -Nothing.
- Absolutely nothing.
- As far as / could tell,
- I was the last person left alive.
- I ne ver figured out what killed the human race, but..
- I did find someth/ng else.
- The date it happens.
- I'm fine.
- Let's continue.
Ben: Sweet.
- You guys fight just like us.
- Nah, man.
- We don't fight like this.
- Exsqueeze me.
- You're excused.
- Operations bunker.
- -[alarm buzzes]
- -[Lila] We're screwed.
- -[female voice] Unauthorized access.
- -Oh shit.
- Jesus. You're sweating like a dodgy shrimp on ice. What's wrong?
- as hundreds of people across the city have vanished, seemingly without a trace…
- Another silly conspiracy theory.
- …have increased by a staggering 500% in recent days.
- However, with no bodies found, no suspects, and no explanation, police have been scrambling to…
- Ow! I told you already. He's not coming.
- No one will.
- Well, number five knows now.
- We left him a message.
- And when he comes for you, we'll be ready.
- Huh. [Sighs]
[Klaus sobs] This...
- What do you think that meeting at the consulate was all about?
- It is a conspiracy.
- We have to stop him.
- You're mistaken.
Diego: Don't take my word for it.
- Ask him yourself.
- How are they doing that?
[Handler] Your turn, dear.
- Last night, what I said...
- No, no, don't. Don't worry about it oh, I have your keys.
- Why do you have my keys?
- It's a long story. [Sighs]
- Do you wanna get a drink?
- Sure.
- That we're gonna get.
- Now, listening up.
- There's no easy way to say this, so I'm just gonna spit it out.
- This is a bad idea.
- Yeah.
- Klaus.
- I conjured dad last night.
[grumbles] Who did it?
- -Maybe we should go.
- -Right behind you, honey.
Diego: Come on, come on!
- -[Lila] Diego, wait.
- -Screw this.
- Jayme!
Fei: Alphonso!
- Pull back!
- Sloane. Sloane, are you okay?
- Whoa.
- If you had Ray and Claire back, would you even be here?
- But they're not back, are they?
- I get that you need a distraction, but you can't use me for that.
- I can if I want to.
- That's not funny.
- I heard a rumor you stay. [voice echoes]
- Five killed my family.
[Woman] No, don't kill us!
[Man] No!
- And aj Carmichael gave the order.
- When pogo dies?
- Not if you die first.
- Yeah, love you too, sis.
- Good luck on your next film.
- Hope it turns out better than your marriage, huh?
- Are... are we leaving?
- No, I'm leaving, me by myself.
- Oh, fabulous! I'll get my things.
- .f' don't have to tell you I
- .f' / love your precious heart j”
- I! Was standing .f'
- I you were there j”
- .f' two worlds collided j'
- .f' and they could never tear us apart .fi
- I'm sorry I can't be of more help.
- I'm sorry, too.
- I gave you such a hard time as a kid.
- I didn't know any better.
Reginald: Hmm.
- No skin off my teeth, old man.
- Jesus!
- You should have locks on your windows.
- I live on the second floor.
- Rapists can climb.
- You are so weird.
- Oh, no, shit!
- God.
[Chuckles] Oh!
- Ah! [Sighs]
- Oh. Yeah.
- We're not kids anymore. [Laughs]
Diego: You're luckier than most. When you lose someone, at least you can see them whenever you want.
[Sighs] Don't muh... muh...
- Remember, Diego, just picture the word in your mind.
- D-Don't mm... muh...
- D-Don't mmm...
- Don't mo-move.
[Gasps] You did it! I'm so proud of you!
- only to discover you've had this in you the entire time.
- You owe it to yourself to discover what that really means.
- Okay?
- Clear your mind.
- Focus.
- Where better to do that than here?
- -♪ oh-oh-oh... ♪
- -[Impact thud]
- Would you please... [groans]
- -♪ with myself... ♪
- -[Song fades out]
- -Hey! _[Fives whooshing]
- I'm getting really sick of this!
- Vanya?
- Careful, now, or you are going to tire yourself out.
- How are you doing this?
- Oh, anything that you can do,
- I can do better.
Sissy: Is that you, Vanya?
- Who the hell are you?
[Mock Texas drawl] I'm his new mama.
- You know, you don't have to tell me that.
- I know there are only six days left.
- Yeah, you got a better idea?
[Scoffs] Okay, then.
[Five] There's our guy.
[Five] What the hell is he up to?
- This is officially worse than the apocalypse.
[Five] Ah, there we are.
- We've done nothing wrong.
- Except kidnap a child.
- He's my baby, Jerry.
- That's between you and Carl.
- Get out of the car.
- I don't want to hurt you.
- I ain't askin' you a third time.
- Oh, um...
- Uh... your desk is...
- Over there.
- It's time, number three.
- But then he asked me to do something
- I ne ver understood...
- Until now.
- Do it.
- I heard a rumor...
[Allison, echoing] / heard a rumor...
- You think you're just ordinary.
- You think you're just ordinary.
Vanya: How do you guys deal with this?
Klaus: What?
Vanya: I mean, all of it. The time travel, seeing the dead, the end of the world.
Klaus: Well, I get really high.
- I'm gonna try.
- Well, then…
- I'm sorry.
- I pronounce you married as shit!
- Viva la apocalypse!
- -[cheering]
- -["Teenage Dream" by The Rescues plays]
Diego: [about Vanya] What is she doing here? You don't belong here. Not after what you did.
Allison: You're seriously gonna do this today? Way to dress for the occasion, by the way.
Diego: At least I'm wearing black.
[Father] Harold!
- Get your ass down here.
- What's that shit on your face?
- Make yourself useful and go get me another beer.
- Hurry up!
- I wonder how you got those.
[Vanya, softly] Iwonder.
- It's late. We should mosey.
- Yeah. [Exhaling]
- I'll... I'll clean up.
- Good night, then. [Sighs]
- Vanya!
- We have to go!
- No!
- I can't just leave her!
- We have to go now!
[Screams] Oh, no, no...
- Vanya, come on!
- No, no, no, no, no!
- Now!
- Police!
- Drop the gun, or you're going down!
Hazel: I'm coming out. Don't shoot.
- Hands behind your head, asshole.
Hazel: Okay.
- Just don't shoot.
- -[indistinct chatter]
- -[baby crying]
Manager: Dumb mistake.
[boy] Mom, my hands are wet.
- Mom!
- Where is she?
Klaus: Mom!
Diego: Mom!
[first lines]
Pogo: [narrating] On the 12th hour of the first day of October 1989, 43 women around the world gave birth. This was unusual only in the fact that none of these women had been pregnant when the day first began. Sir Reginald Hargreeves, eccentric billionaire and adventurer, resolved to locate and adopt as many of the children as possible.
Sir: [to one of the mothers] Extraordinary! How much do you want for it?
Title: He got seven of them.
- Yeah, then trust me. I need my brand.
Alphonso: Jayme, get me munchies.
- -Oh, I found it--
- -[shushes]
- -Go wait outside.
- -[Stan] Why?
Diego: I'm about to kick this fool's ass.
- -Don't worry. I got your back.
- -Go.
- Now, Luther! Shoot him!
- No! Luther, shoot him!
- Shoot him!
- No, Luther, shoot him.
[Adult five] Luther, shoot him!
- Luther, shoot him.
[Adult five] Now, Luther!
- Luther...
- I'm sorry, buddy.
- Mamie pink on special, which always goes very nice in the latrine.
- That sounds perfect.
- Is this considered stalking?
- 'Cause I think you're stalking now.
[Hissing whisper] Shut up!
- You're pretty good at that. [Chuckles]
- Thanks. [Laughs softly]
Five: It means you're very dangerous, Viktor Hargreeves. The decisions you make impact the entire world. So, no matter how benevolent they may seem; you don't get to make them alone. You know what they call a superhero who works alone and doesn't listen to anybody? A villain.
- I, um…
- I think I'm a bloody mess.
- And I think that someone who's… who never had a family is in no position to ask for one.
- But that's what I want.
- With you.
- She's just not ready for this.
Reginald: You're all wrong.
- Number seven deliberately chooses not to remember.
Vanya: Mom?
- Are you okay?
- Of course I am.
- Why wouldn't I be?
- My God, Dad.
- What happened to you?
- Cha-cha.
Cha: That's our kid.
- When the job is done.
- -You want 'em all dead?
- -All dead.
- Back in a flash.
Reginald: Paddles.
- Quickly!
- Again.
Reginald: Damn it!
- Bring me the serum.
- Pogo.
- j' don't stop me now... fi
Cha: Got him!
- J' just give me a call .fi j' don't stop me now... fi
Hazel: The bastard jumped again.
Cha: Come on, let's go.
- J” / don't wanna stop at all j'
[Five] I'm sorry, Hazel.
- What about the commission?
- I quit those assholes, remember?
- I don't owe 'em the fuzz off my peaches.
- Well then, who the hell are those guys?
Hazel: Shit.
- Run!
- Five?
- Allison!
[Both] Allison!
- Allis...
- Allison!
- -♪ you give me your love ♪
- -♪ give me your love ♪
- -♪ I just can't stay away, no, no ♪
- -[Grunts]
- Allison…
- I'm done letting other people decide how much I can stand to lose.
- Allison, please.
- Don't do this.
- I heard a rumor you want me.
- No, I don't.
Diego: So that's three?
- Wait.
- To two.
Allison: Vote's not final yet.
- What?
- Five's not here.
- The whole family has to vote.
- We owe each other that.
- Right.
- No, we should wait.
- Nice shot, sweetie. [panting]
- -Oh, fuck me.
- -Oh.
- -[snarls]
- -[bell dings]
- -Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
- -[Lila] Press the button!
- -Okay, what floor? What floor?
- -Any one!
- -[guardian growls]
- -[gasps]
- I hope you know your father loved you very much.
- In his own way.
- Yeah, well, that's kind of the problem, isn't it?
- Take care of yourself.
- You as well, miss Vanya.
Diego: Go, go!
Lila: Who are those guys?
Diego: No idea. what the hell are you stopping for?
- We need a distraction.
- Follow me.
- -♪ come on home ♪
- -[People screaming]
- -♪ you're hearing what I say ♪
- -♪ that you're comin' home ♪
[Clears throat] I heard a rumor...
- You killed your brother.
- J' picture yourself when you're getting old j' j' sat by the fireside a-pondering on fl j' picture book j' j' pictures of your mama taken by your papa j' j'a long time ago long time ago fl j' long time ago yeah, yeah, yeah I
- j' don't stop me, don't stop me fl j don't stop me j” j hey, hey, heyj'
- .f' don't stop me, don't stop me ooh, ooh, ooh .fi j / like it j' j don't stop me, don't stop me .fi j have a good time, good time .fi j don't stop me, don't stop me .fi
- .fi yeah, all rightfi
- Get off!
Ben: Ow!
- Aah!
- Have you showered?
Ben: Ow! Ow! Ugh! Ow!
Klaus: No!
- Look, there's dad.
- What do we do?
[Five] Uh-oh.
- Yeah.
[Five] Agh.
- Oh, shit.
- Diego.
Allison: It's happening again.
Klaus: Oh, Jackie.
- Mom?
- Why do people keep calling me that?
[groans] Where am I?
- The Academy, silly.
- Everybody's waiting for you.
- The Academy?
- j' got made, reluctant renegade fl j' Lea vin ' empty souls fl j' when he avenged j' fl evil spirits flowed I'
- Huh?
- J' he drank the blood like lemonade j'
Klaus: The only thing that the Umbrella Academy knows about love is how to screw it up.
- j' / bet you gonna ambush me I j' you'd have me down, down, down, down j”
- I on my knees now, wouldn't ya? I
- .f' barracuda j” j oh j' -[Tires screech]
Manager: Get out of the way, bitch!
- I don't wanna argue with you.
- Then go!
- Uh...
- I'm only trying to help you.
- I don't want your help!
- Vanya, I love you!
- Stop saying that!
- Herb! How long have you been on the lusitania?
- Oh, ah... well, let's see, I, uh... I...
- Sorry?
- When I first started...
- Sorry? I can't hear you.
- Still can't hear you.
[Handler] Oh, gene, a word before you go to lunch.
- Gutenberg seems to be having second thoughts about the printing press.
- Because that worked so well the first time.
Klaus: You got any painkillers, or could you just please shut up?
Klaus: Could you just keep it down to a dull roar?
- Do you think you could…
[Five] Hey, I found the sigil!
- -It's on the--
- -[glass shatters]
- Oh, right. That.
- My family already thinks I'm a traitor.
- So, I can't--
- -No, I totally get it.
- -Good.
- My family probably is plotting vengeance.
- So, I guess we just go back to fighting until everybody's dead.
- Of course. Sunset, 7:33 pm.
- Moon was waxing Crescent, dinner was cornish hen, wild rice, and carrots.
- No. No, uh... later that night.
- In his bedroom.
- Did you go and see him?
[Chuckles] I don't recall.
- well, fair game.
- And now they're my fair game.
- And I'm gonna see to it they pay.
- That would be a mistake, Diego.
- They've killed people far more dangerous than you.
Diego: Yeah, we'll see about that.
- or you're going with him.
- Allison.
Officer: I said back up.
- Allison. Allison, baby, it's okay.
- Baby, I love you.
- It's okay. I'm fine. I'm gonna be okay!
- Do we have a problem here?
- Officer.
- Where is Claire?!
- -I need to get some air.
- -Hey!
- Where are you g--?
Allison: What are you looking at?
Allison: Hey!
Allison: Hey, I'm talking to you!
- -[Ben] But who invited him?
- -[Allison] Just suffer with us.
Ben: I can't get invited to a party, and he's invited to this?
- -[Allison] Wow. You really can't relax.
- -Now we're all here.
Allison: Ben?
- Chill.
- -♪ We could be falling in love ♪
- -[Klaus] Psst.
Stan: So…
- Do you got any food?
- Grace.
- Have you seen a briefcase?
Marcus: What are you doing?
- Worshiping.
- All right? Iwent through orientation and I passed and I stopped doomsday.
[Sighs] Sissy, why aren't you picking up?
- -[Harlan shouts] {935951 help me!
Vanya: Harlan!
- What about Ben?
- Great, yeah, he's in.
- Okay, great. Luther, grab Vanya.
Luther: Wait, should we be taking her?
- I mean, if she's the cause of the apocalypse.
- Isn't that like taking the bomb with us?
- The apocalypse will always happen and Vanya will always be the cause, unless we take her with us and fix her.
- Does that taste good, little one?
- J' blue, blue ♪
- -j' my world is blue ♪
- -[Handler chuckles]
- And to show the police that we will not be bullied into submission.
- We will continue to fight for equality, even in the face of persecution.
- With or without ray.
- Because we're ready.
- All in favor?
- Hey, you know something?
- Tonight is all I ever really wanted.
- To get hitched?
- Just… everybody coming together when it really matters.
- One big real family.
- -♪ backstreet's back ♪
- -[Growling loudly]
- -♪ everybody ♪
- -[Both groaning]
- -♪ yeah ♪ -♪ come on ♪
- -♪ rock your body ♪ -[Choking]
- -♪ yeah, everybody♪ -[Screams]
- -♪ rock your body right ♪
- -[Shuddering grunts]
- -First off--
- -Here we go.
- -Time travel is complicated, people.
- -Yeah, we get it. Your job is so hard.
- Just… what?
- And secondly…
- I no longer have the briefcase.
- Five, where the hell is the briefcase?
- the dead, which explains why he knew about the dead Russian yesterday.
- And the idiot in the mask can curve anything he throws, usually knives.
- Well, he's the one we need to worry about right now.
- Why?
- 'Cause he's in the parking lot, hiding behind an ice-cream truck.
- Hey-oh!
- The skinny one is their weak link.
- Unless hiding behind couches shouting,
- "Where's my daddy?" is his superpower.
- Enough post-gaming.
- They disrespected us, Marcus.
- We need to be out there finding these freaks and taking 'em out.
- Oh, you mean like this?
[Swede 1] Where is he?
- I told you, I don't know.
- Aah... [gasping]
- Say "ahh." Ahh!
Sissy: I don't like how we left things.
- I wanna explain.
- No more "number one,"
- "number two" bullshit.
- From now on, it's...
- Team zero.
- "Team zero"?
- Team zero.
- All the way.
Klaus: Le petit mort, le petit mort.
Allison: What? You don't speak French.
Klaus: It's "the little death."
Klaus: Oh, wow. Look at this old stuff.
- Oh, wow.
- I know this is impossible, but...
- Did we all get sexier?
- Hey! No!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Vanya: Leonard!
- Stop it!
- Leave him alone! Stop it!
[Man] Come on, you piece of shit!
- Help!
- -[heart monitor flatlining]
- -♪ To wear that ball and chain ♪
- No!
- Stop! It hurts!
- -[echoing scream]
- -♪ They call the Rising Sun ♪
- -♪ And it's been the ruin ♪
- -[echoing scream] I can't!
Elliott: Who's Diego?
Number: Imagine Batman, then aim lower.
- Could you just moan a little softer?
- My head is killing me.
- Listen to me, you useless puke bag, we just blew our chance to save the world!
[Scoffs] God damn it.
- Shit.
- We were that close.
- That close. [Sighs]
- Need a word with Pogo.
- Ain't no Pogo here, pumpkin.
- Okay.
- So I suggest you get your ass off my property before I call a truant officer.
Pogo: It's okay, Tammy. Let the boy in.
- See? And that was the lowest voltage.
- Only goes up from there.
[Vanya panting] What is that?
[Gibbs] Now, just relax.
- What is that?
[Gibbs] Don't struggle. Go with it, or this can turn into an extremely unpleasant experience for you.
- Please don't make me go back.
- A little word of advice, my boy.
- Not everyone in this world can be powerful.
- Chasing something unattainable is a recipe for a lifetime of disappointment and resentment.
- So get off my property.
- Uepoflefl threats with such firm shows of force that khrushchev backed down in Cuba and softened the hard red line on Berlin.
- He brought to the white house the vigor of youth...
Allison: And we all have choices to make.
- We're safe here for a bit.
- We can't stay long.
- We gotta pack our things.
- Vanya.
- Vanya.
- Let's clean you up.
- Do you, um... do you like it?
[In normal voice] I'll never take it off.
- I almost forgot. I brought one more thing.
- Don't ever say
- I never did nothing for you, you big galoot.
[Muffled] You found her?
- South Dallas.
- It's a hell of a place. [Chuckles]
- You sure know how to pick 'em. [Cackling]
- This is so cool.
- Hey, come on. Chop-chop, Stan.
- Gotta go see a man about a buffalo--
- I quit.
- We've worked together for a long, long time.
- We're good at what we do.
- We can kill anyone.
- But when I got the order to kill you,
- I knew I couldn't do this anymore.
- I'd appreciate it if you would accept my wishes, and...
- We could go on our own separate ways.
Number: We didn't choose this life, we're just living it.
- You're using her as a distraction, aren't you?
- Our best chance to incapacitate Vanya.
- Oh.
- She'll thank us later.
Klaus: So, what's the plan?
Luther: Uh, you wait out front.
- What?
- Yeah, you're the lookout.
- The lookout?
- Five?
- Are you upstairs?
- Five?
- Children."
- My mum used to say something along those lines.
- Yeah?
- Switch.
- What are you doing?
Lila: Just follow my lead.
- Uh, honey, no. I'm the man here.
- Shh...
Number: Wonder if it's too late to be un-adopted.
Diego: So what's this guy want with Vanya?
Number: I don't know. How about we ask him after we kill him?
Diego: Bingo, the infinite switchboard.
- All right. [Pops knuckles]
- How hard can this be?
- -♪ used to know a girl lived down there ♪
- -come on!
- -♪ she'd go pick her a mess of it... ♪
- -stupid mother fudge nutter!
[Screams] Fuckin' fudge nutter!
- -♪ don't know what I'm gonna do ♪
- -ah!
- Just in time for a nightcap.
- .fi / think we 're alone now j'
- .f' the beating of our hearts is the only sound I
- .fi / think we 're alone now j' j' there doesn't seem to be anyone around I
- .fi / think we 're alone now j'
- .f' the beating of our hearts is the only sound I
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- I didn't want--
- Sorry is what you say when you spill a glass of milk, not obliterate somebody's child!
- What are you gonna do?
- Stan!
- We should get back to the lobby.
- Yeah.
- Which one of our moronic siblings do you think rang the damn bell?
Viktor: Allison!
- -[Allison groans]
- -[Viktor] Allison, we gotta go!
- Allison, get up! Let's go!
- I just, I needed something to hold onto, and ray gave me that.
Luther: Hey.
- No one gets to tell us how to deal with the end of the world.
- Right?
- Not even each other.
Number: I want to time travel.
Sir: No.
Number: But I'm ready. I've been practicing my spatial jumps just like you said.
[teleports from his seat to stand beside Sir Reginald]
Number: See?
Sir: A spatial jump is trivial when compared with the unknowns of time travel. One is like sliding along the ice, the other is akin to descending blindly into the depths of the freezing water and reappearing as an acorn.
Number: I don't get it.
Sir: Hence the reason you're not ready.
- -Yeah, we did break into their house…
- -Our house.
- …bust up all their nice antiques and shit.
- Yeah. I don't think the crime-fighting… super nerds are gonna let that go.
- Let's just think of some place off the radar where we can lie low and not draw attention.
- What kind of a weird-ass place are we not gonna draw attention?
- -[energy whooshing]
- -[splattering]
- Well, shit.
- Hey, did you--
- But I'd think you'd wanna pop every pill on the planet.
- Oh, the thought did cross my mind, believe me, but...
- There's something I need to do, and the whole pesky thing doesn't seem to work unless I'm sober.
- Is this is about conjuring the one you lost?
Diego: What was her name?
- Hurry! It's the only way to stop him!
- Number Five, quickly!
- She's right. Whatever did this had a long curved blade.
- How… How can you be sure?
- I don't know much, but I know knives.
- Children, what's going on? [gasps]
- Oh God! Luther.
- If we attacked first, he would still be alive.
- Sorry.
Viktor: Allison?
- Are you okay?
Allison: Yeah.
- Um…
- Let's go.
- Now...
- Try and do what you did last night in the parking lot.
- With the car engine.
- Let all the other sounds drop away and focus on one.
- Let that one sound resonate in you.
- You'll feel better in the morning. Okay?
- Fine, I'll go by myself.
- What? No.
- No, no, no, Luther!
- Luther, I can't let you...
- Oh, shit.
- Oh shit.
Stan: No.
- Uncle Klaus!
- -[recording stops]
- -Viktor?
- Viktor?
- When you said you'd take me for a drink,
- I had something a little stronger in mind.
- -Do not disrespect the Slushee.
- -[scoffs]
- Check the glove box.
- Oh, thank God.
Lila: Stanley?
- -You gotta be kidding me.
- -Where the hell were you?
- What? A kid doesn't have time to get a Slushee and a Slim Jim?
Diego: Oh shit.
[Mom chuckles] I suppose that's odd.
- I wonder what the weather is like today.
- It would be nice to go to the park.
- Dad never let you off the grounds.
- Your father isn't here anymore.
- You can do whatever you want, mom.
- But just so you know,
- I have the hand-eye coordination of a drunk kitten.
[straining grunt] See?
- Ha-ha!
Reginald: Klaus Hargreeves.
- Reanimation training.
- Trial commencing 1:15 p.m.
- 'Cause you're not supposed to be here,
- Vanya.
- In Dallas?
- No. Here, in 1963.
- Holy shit.
- Yeah, pretty wild, right?
- It's good to see your powers are still intact. Let's go.
[Five] "Soviets attack us"?
[Five] No, this can't be right.
[Soldier 1, in English] Gonna get you out.
- Keep your head down.
[Soldier 2, in English] Medic! Medic!
- Hey, kid, get down!
- What the hell did we do now?
Luther: Put the gun down.
- You're not killing anyone today.
- I know she's important to you, so don't make me do this.
Luther: It's either her or the gun.
- You decide.
- Phew.[Panting]
- I can keep doin' this all day.
- I don't know. Something must have happened last night, but I don't know what.
Reginald: There is no time.
- I can't do this without you.
- Do we have a deal?
Viktor: Five! Five! What?
- -It's Allison.
- -What is?
[Sloane screams] No!
- -♪ I'll state my case ♪
- -[Luther shouts]
- -♪ of which I'm certain ♪
- -[Screaming]
- -♪ I traveled each and every highway ♪
- -[Overlapping screams]
- -♪ and more ♪
- -[Body splatters]
- Hey!
- I heard a rumor that I blew your minds.
- I don't need another.
- But the team might.
- Grace!
Luther: Mom?
- -Are you all right?
- -Of course. Why do you ask?
- Open it.
- J' cause you're in love I please let her go!
- Please don't do this.
- Are you watchin'?
- No!
- J and love is here j' -[Screams]
- J to stay.”
- What the hell?
Klaus: Sorry for crashing your party.
- Okay, fine. Okay. Listen, we'll do it.
- -We'll try, okay?
- -Okay.
- Also, just like on a motivational scale of one to, like, Braveheart…
- -Yeah?
- -…this was like half a Rudy.
- -All right, notes later, pal. Notes later.
- -I thought you could probably do better.
- Hey, Lila. Truth?
- She's dangerous.
- And you're scared of what she'll do with all that new power.
- That's why you dragged me to the commission.
- Because I know what it's like to love dangerous people.
- Difference is...
- Come on! Come on!
[Man] Come on! Get up!
Klaus: Have you ever heard the fable of The Scorpion and the Frog?
Allison: What?
Klaus: The scorpion wants to get across the river, so he asks the frog to carry him across. But the frog's like, "Well, what's in it for me?" And the scorpion's like, "How about five bucks?" And the frog says, "Make it 20." The scorpion's like, "Ten." The frog goes, "All right, fine, 15." And the scorpion's like, "All right, fine, 15." Then halfway across the river, the frog feels this terrible pain on his back, and... eh... the scorpion stung him. You know? And the frog's like, "Well, what the Hell? We're both gonna drown now," And... they both did.
Allison: ...What the Hell is the point of that story?
Klaus: The point is, frogs are bitches, and we do not negotiate with terrorists.
- and she never gave up hope that you'd come back to us one day.
- Why did you leave us?
- I needed you.
- We thought you'd be safer away from me.
- But I wish I had stayed.
- I should have stayed.
[Five] Well, he was killed before he could explain.
- But whatever he wanted us to see, it's on this film.
Dan: This is very exciting.
Dan: Oh, my god!
- Oswald.
Dan: The president!
[Five exhales] Oh, no.
- -Oh shit!
- -What do we do?
- Haul ass!
- Where's the briefcase?
- Shit, it's gone!
- Vanya, get out of there!
[man] One more!
[Man 2] Allison, here!
[Man 3] Ai... Allison, Allison!
- Allison!
- Allison! Have you heard the news?
- When was the last time you saw your father?
- Have you heard from your brothers?
[Woman] Allison, will you wear Valentino to the funeral?
- and she's this close to making pension.
[Panting] Sorry to interrupt.
- May I have a moment alone?
- Of course.
- Duty calls.
- We'll continue this discussion later, five.
- Sure. May I?
- Please.
- He didn't even give you a room to sleep in.
- But I've got such beautiful views here.
Diego: Mom, those are just paintings.
- Of course they are. [Sighs]
- What a wonderful world she lives in.
- Sometimes I wonder if she's lonely.
- There's no apocalypse. The sun is shining.
- Birds are doing whatever the hell birds do.
- That's all that matters.
- We're done messing with time.
- And I'm officially retired.
- Is he wearing aftershave?
- I'm concerned.
- Come on. We can't keep doing this.
- Please, how do we get back to the way things were?
- Before that fake apology and--
- And the lies?
- Allison, come on. How do we do that?
- I don't know that we can.
- What the hell is goin' on with you lately?
- You're just not...
- Especially on this job.
- You're distracted!
- his little game of "hide the sausage" with my daughter needs a swift end.
- I just have one request.
- Don't hurt the little one with the cute socks.
- Lavenden
- Ah shit!
- -♪ You mean happiness to me ♪
- -[grunts]
- Dude, your chin.
- It does that sometimes.
- …my mum failed me?
- Then you won't.
- Because behind the crazy bullshit, there's a good and decent person.
- -You sure?
- -[scoffs gently]
- -One thousand percent.
- -[Lila laughs, sniffles]
Klaus: Old Holland Road, Pennsylvania.
- -Hmm.
- -[Diego sighs]
Vanya: Why didn't you just time travel back?
Number: [sarcastically] Wish I'd thought of that! Time travel is a crapshoot. I went into the ice and never acorn-ed. You think I didn't try everything to get back to my family?
- Klaus, shockingly, has a point.
- What gives us a win this time?
Allison: Je... Jesus!
- You guys, am I still high, or do you see him, too?
- Five, where have you been?
- Are you all right?
Luther: Who did this?
[Five] Irrelevant.
- Can I think about it?
- Yeah.
- Of course.
- Hey, you, stay strong.
- I believe in you. Okay?
- You, not so much.
[Man] Bye, Klaus.
- We'll see you soon, Klaus.
[Attendant] Stay sober.
- Mm.
- Unfortunately, time is something of which we have very little.
- Good thing we got a wedding to crash tonight, baby.
- We do? Why? No one wants me there.
- Oh, come on.
- They want you to earn being there.
- Be a dad, not a boss. Dad, not a boss.
- Trust me, you showing support for Luther is gonna go a long way.
- Okay.
- Hiya, five. How's it going?
- I must have utter silence in order to complete this task.
[Stammers] Oh, okay.
- Hey, a few of us are having lunch, and I was wondering if you...
- You're doing something.
- She might be the devil.
- I mean, I don't know. Who's to say?
- I don't know which is which.
- You are marvelously deranged.
- Sit.
- Sit. Come, tell me everything!
Klaus: Okay.
- Que sera, sera.
[Handler] Oh, good.
- You're still alive.
- Lucky you.
- You got to see how this all played out.
- we never know what we're truly capable of until we're forced to confront our own extinction.
- And as their sensei, it is my job to make sure they never have to.
- Then you overestimate yourself.
- Children, leave us.
- Let's go, guys.
- the consequences of which are dire.
- Hold on to this feeling, children.
- Let it fester in your hearts...
- So there is never a next time.
- Training will be canceled today out of respect for your brother.
- We resume tomorrow at 6:00 am.
- Back so soon?
- And here I thought you were the smart one.
- How disappointing.
[Exhales sharply] Okay, just focus.
- Stay focused.
Number: Well, it finally happened. That gorilla DNA has taken over your mind.
- I don't know, and I don't care.
- Yeah, you do.
- Oh, my god.
- I think we've earned a day off.
- Okay, half a day. A few hours.
- Hush up.
- I'm sorry,
- I must have the wrong address. I...
- Who you looking for?
- Allison hargreeves.
- You mean Allison Chestnut.
- Chestnut?
Raymond: My wife.
- Apparently, it's, like, a thing I do.
- Who knew, right?
- And look, look, look.
Klaus: It's… It's already healing.
- What would happen if we cut off your head?
- Would it grow two of you?
- Stan.
- Would it?
- Can I have the room?
- Er… I don't think I should leave you two alone.
- Lila, I need the room.
Vanya: If you're raised to believe nothing about you is special, if the benchmark is extraordinary, what do you do if you're not?
- Hey.
- So, what's the plan?
- -What do we do when the Sparrows get here?
- -Follow our lead.
- Uh-uh. Nice try.
- We don't take orders from you.
- -Uh-uh.
- -[Diego] Mm-mm.
- Oh shit. They're early.
[Clicks tongue] No!
- Wait, it's too late for eggs.
- Waffles. Huh?
- You like waffles, right?
- Ah. Of course you do.
- Everyone likes waffles.
- Hmm. This Colombian?
- It's my own blend.
Luther: Mm.
- Did-Yeah, okay, this is my lamb.
- -That's your lamb.
- -[bell dings]
Diego: I don't think he actually hates it.
- We should do that later.
- Oh.
Luther: Bah, bah, bah!
- My day!
- Two hours.
- Do you think you can manage that?
- Yeah, fine.
- -Thank you.
- -[bell dings]
Lila: Wow.
- Othennise, you wouldn't have risked everything coming back here to save us all.
- But you're not on your own anymore.
[Sighs] There is one way.
- But it's just about impossible.
- More impossible than what brought you back here?
- {gasps} they have a real live peacock there.
- And over here is...
- Just two miles from a vegan doughnut shop.
- Why would anyone do that to a perfectly good doughnut?
- Looks like you got three years' worth of stops mapped out.
- And we have time to see 'em all.
- You can't make me.
- Oh, then again, a little exercise couldn't hurt.
- Yeah.
- I said go!
- Vanya, I love you!
[Echoing] /heard a rumor...
- j' don't say you love me j” j' 'cause I'i/ only kick you out of the door .f'
- .fi yeah, and / know your name is Rita .f' j' 'cause your perfume smells sweeter .fi
- I since when lsaw you down on the floori' j' guitar, yeah I
- The world is safe again.
- But the president is dead.
- And I am long gone.
- I wish I could be with you right now, in your arms.
- I don't belong in 1963, but my time here has changed me.
- He made me sign up.
- I ship out next week.
- What?
- So save these for the next dumb kid you're trying to recruit.
- Dave.
- Dave? Dave, come back.
- Jayme. Jayme, come on. Just tap out.
- I'm afraid there's no tapping out in the real world, children.
- -[bones snapping]
- -[Jayme wails]
- -That's enough!
- -[Reginald] No!
- Jayme will let us know when she's had enough.
- -[tentacle tightening]
- -[Jayme gasps]
- Let's see 'em get out from behind their desks, get their hands dirty for once.
- Damn lazy bastards.
- Are you done?
- Yeah.
- Well, let's get back out there and kill this little shit.
- You want it?
- Go ahead.
- What's that?
- Shit.
- Now...
- Where were we?
[girl] Look, mama, fireworks. come on, sweetie.
- We'll be late for the parade.
- Name?
[Man 3] Mcguire.
Manager: Next!
- Name?
[Man 4] Peter.
Manager: Next!
- Name?
- Reginald hargreeves.
- Your brothers and sister have all finished their oatmeal and begun their training for the day.
- Don't you want to join them, number seven?
- Is someone having a tough morning?
- You know what cheers me up when I'm down?
- Singing.
- You've learned absolutely nothing.
- I mean, nobody tells me shit.
- The truth is,
- I'm the one person in that house nobody will even notice is gone.
- You assholes kidnapped the wrong guy! [Laughs]
- Ow! I'm sorry, okay?
Hazel: Please make him stop talking.
- There's always choice.
[Sighs] I gotta think.
- Marcus is missing.
- I'm taking the reins.
- What? You think it should be you?
- You had your chance once.
- Didn't turn out too well, now, did it?
- Say that again.
- Hadan, honey?
- Let's get your shoes on. Come on.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- Just spending the day with my family.
- Oh, my god! You're okay. You're okay.
- Harlan! Harlan! Harlan!
- He's okay. He's okay.
- Oh, my baby! Oh, my baby!
[Whispers] Thank you. Thank you.
- Oh, baby.
- She's good.
[Sighs] Jesus.
- Oh! Oh!
[Whimpers] Thank you.
- Come with me.
Klaus: Okay.
[Woman] I'll take care of you.
Ben: Seriously, Klaus?
- J' sunnyj'
- I have to find her.
- I could get fired for just bringing you down here with me.
- Please. I think she's in trouble.
- I need your help.
[Sighs] Answer the lady's question.
- Is this the girlfriend?
- Sorry, but the doctor's ordered more tests.
- You're gonna have to ask him questions later.
- We just wanna protect you.
- Protect me.
- I don't need your protection, Diego.
- Do you have any idea how many people I've killed?
- I'm the four frickin' horsemen.
- The apocalypse is coming.
- -♪ Thursday, I don't care about you ♪
- -[sobbing]
- -♪ Monday, you can fall apart ♪
- -[alarm blaring]
- -[beeping]
- -Denied.
- What the hell? Stupid moon.
- His brother Jerry is a St...
- He's a state trooper and if he thinks I'm gonna run...
- Hey, hey, we won't let him, okay?
Sissy: Okay. Okay, okay.
- It's gonna be everything as usual until we're ready.
Sissy: Okay.
- Just give me a little time.
- He's with your other brother.
- Who, Diego?
- I thought he was in the asylum.
- Uh, he escaped.
- He say when they'd be back?
- Not sure.
- Okay.
Cha: You idiot!
- What?
Cha: You didn't put the "do not disturb" sign on the door!
- I did! I know I...
- Shit!
- Oh, my god, he's still here.
- Hi.
- That's because she's a terrible person.
- And I'm amazing.
- Remember that.
- It's eight dollars.
- That's a month's salary for a kid.
- Get outta here.
- I'm so good at this.
- ♪ whoo ♪ [echoing]
- ♪ hey... ♪ [echoing]
- What's your game, crazy lady?
- Who cares? You said if you saw me again, you'd kill me.
- Oh, I remember.
- Well, come on, big talker.
- Let's get this done.
- All right.
- Uh, you have some blood on you.
- A lot of blood, actually.
- Five, what did you do?
- Attention all commission supervisors, please report to the main foyer.
- Attention all commission supervisors, please report to the main foyer.
- -♪ / love you ♪
- -[Overlapping murmurs]
- Now, steady. Hands off!
- Just let go... just...
- Form an orderly...
- Destiny's children!
Klaus: Let us all commune with music.
- We're not gonna do it like that.
- I don't wanna forget you.
- I don't wanna forget us.
- I would take my year with you over a lifetime with anybody else.
- You hear me?
- I'm still the luckiest man I know.
- He's gone.
- You know what our real problem is?
- You.
- -[exhales sharply]
- -You're a shit Number Two, Fei.
- -[Christopher speaks]
- -[Ben chuckles] See?
- Even Christopher agrees with me.
- Leonard!
- Help!
- Help!
- Help!
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- I can't...
- No, I can't...
- I can't go back. I can't go back!
[Yells] No! Wait!
[Gasps] Stay!
- She wasn't so lucky.
- Your brother is missing, and this is how you rise to the occasion?
- Take your nonsense elsewhere.
- Now.
- Sorry, pogo.
- Yeah, sorry, pogo.
Pogo: More importantly, thanks to you and your brothers, she's still with us.
- Grace and I can take it from here, master Luther.
- Go. Rest.
- You're the last person I would trust here.
- I'm not going anywhere.
- I don't know, three weeks.
- And that's only because I was so tired of looking for a place to sleep.
- He did make the most fantastic osso buco, though. It was...
- Five?
- -[Gasps}
- -Don't stop. Just keep going.
[Shouting] Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, what about my money?
- Some of those.
- Condoms?
- -For sex.
- -[both chuckle]
- Which is a thing I do now.
- Anything else?
- Anything else… Hmm.
Diego: Move! Go, go, go, go, go, move!
- Oh, shit!
- Recess is over.
- It's grown-up time.
- You're still trying to prove that, when you were kids, running around in those stupid uniforms, that it wasn't for nothing.
- Yeah... I know you, too, Diego.
- Now leave, before I change my mind.
- 1989.
- Oh.
- -What's the matter?
- -No, it's just that that's my…
- That's my birthday.
- -[Caleb] English, the cows are missing!
- -You need to leave. Now.
- -Oh! Oh shit!
- -Go now!
- Well, don't worry.
- He'll sober up eventually.
- Be back to his normal, unpleasant self.
Diego: Yeah, I can't wait that long.
- I need to find out what his connection is with these lunatics before someone else dies.
- All that stuff he was saying before...
- What do you think he meant by that?
- She put up with a lot of your shit.
- I never understood it.
- Maybe it had something to do with our...
- Contentious relationship.
- Or maybe she knew you cared about helping people as much as she did.
- Good luck, Diego.
- What did we miss?
- The universe is ending, and we're all going to die.
Grace: Why have you brought me before my God?
- -Your right eye. Give it to me.
- -What are you doing?
- If we wanna beat this thing, first we need to understand it.
Ben: It's time to see what's on the other side.
- Right, but there won't be a next anything if we don't find the briefcase.
- End of story.
- Whatever.
- Whatever.
- Whatever. Whatever.
- I need a hit of sucrose.
- I'm heading to the vending machine.
- Fine.
- Fine.
The: Sweetheart, your vagina needs glasses - he's not worth it.
Woman Getting Mugged: Help! Someone help me!
- Help! Somebody help me!
[Jfk on TV] ...And the glow from that fire can truly light the world.
- And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.
- No one. I was alone.
- Though I doubt you were in any condition to remember.
- We should go.
- Don't want to be late for the meeting.
- I would move if I were you.
- -What, are you threatening me?
- -[rumbling]
- Shall we?
- That's what it was?
- I couldn't cut it?
- So he sent me away?
- No, no, that's not...
Luther: Pogo...
[Crying softly] Please leave me alone.
- Master...
- Now, please! [Yelling] Get out!
- Really, I am. I just…
- I'm still an Umbrella.
- Are you?
- You can stay as long as you like.
- What the hell was that?
- Wouldn't you like to know.
- does not mean…
- Hey!
- …it is within reach.
- There is always something in the way.
- Sometimes it is your opponent.
- Sometimes it is yourself.
- A little smaller every day.
[Voice quavers] And you don't even notice the box that you're in...
- Until someone comes along and lets you out. [Quiet sob]
- You tell me...
- How you let her go. [Gasping sob]
- Tell me, and I'll do it.
- Sissy, I can't...
- You know, every time I close my eyes,
- I see a diarrhetic hippo about to shit on my face.
- It's terrifying!
- Terrific.
- No! No.
- Lean back.
- If this all goes sideways, do me a favor and tell delores I'm sorry.
- I'm ready.
- But, uh...
- Yes?
- You don't need to call me by my number anymore.
- Why not?
- Because I'm the only one left.
- Why do you think I'm stress eating dead bloody fish, you wanker?
- Look, I adore that little criminal, okay?
- More than you ever will.
- But Stanley can take care of himself.
- He's probably having a laugh.
- We just need to--
- Forget it. I'll deal with this myself.
- We should probably stay in one place.
- What if he wanders by?
- -[groans]
- -[glass shatters]
- -[Vanya whimpers]
- -[Alphonso coughs]
Marcus: It's over.
- Go.
- Don't come back.
- All of you, just get out!
- She doesn't leave your sight.
- Do you understand?
Allison: This isn't over.
- Come on, let's go.
[sighs] Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe.
- Jesus!
- What the hell do you think you're doing?
- I don't understand you!
- Ow. Oh, oh, ow, ow, ow, ow...
- Too much?
- Just_
- Be gentle.
- Neven
- It's very… It's irritating.
- I'm just saying it's something you can work on, you know?
- For the future.
- Why you smiling, you little pisspot?
- 'Cause of that.
- Well, you could have led with that.
- It's my bread and butter.
- But I do play around with other things.
- Like what?
- I don't know.
- It's kind of embarrassing.
- Come on.
- Die a horrible death. [Laughs]
- While you weigh your options, just know your siblings are fighting for their lives without you.
- You brought me here to pull me away.
[Handler] It's been nice knowing you, five.
- Cheers!
- Everyone has their own vibration.
- Like a sonic fingerprint.
- Oh, yeah?
- What's mine sound like?
- Wrong.
- You're unpleasant to be around, you know that?
- j' but some of us don't know why j'
- I! Was standing .f'
- I you were there j”
- .f' two worlds collided j'
- .f' and they could never .i'
- .f' ever tear us apart j'
- But your powers were...
- Too great.
- He only wanted to protect you from yourself.
- As well as your siblings.
Vanya: Did...
- You know?
- Hey, five.
- Oh, shit.
- They can hear the pollen.
- Okay. What-[scoffs] What are you saying?
- You need to stop listening with your ears.
- Listen with your marigold.
- And find mine.
- Go help the others. I'll handle this one.
- -Okay.
- -What are you, their mascot?
- More like their ringer.
- Ugh.
- Hey, gross, all right?
- The hell?
- Well, we got two choices: Fight and die now or run and die later.
- Either way, we're food for worms.
- Preference?
- Wouldn't mind a few more minutes breathing air through the old windbags.
- All right.
- Let's get this over with, shall we?
- Run!
Allison: Go! Go!
- -Now, you be firm this time, okay?
- -Yes, dear.
- Oh!
- -[Herb] You wanna…
- -[Dot] I just…
Herb: Sorry. Try not to… Excuse me.
- Uh, maybe we don't take Vanya for a test run.
- Oh, yeah, that's probably not a good idea.
- Yeah.
- It's fine.
- I can handle it.
- Handle it?
- Last time you handled it, you definitely blew up the moon.
- No, Vanya, don't!
- I'm not in the mood for all of your riddles and allegories and sick little parlor games, okay?
- Can I just hang out for a little while to improve my tan?
- I mean, you said I was pale.
- All right, but could you just please tell me which way that I'm supposed to go?
Luther: All right.
- Allison?
- Stage left. Stage right.
- You guys take the front.
- I'm sorry. There's no time, Allison.
- If she finishes this concert, the world goes up in flames.
- Sloane, will you marry me?
- Elliott.
- Your Swedish buddies got him.
- Oh, shit.
- I liked that shit-muppet.
- Well, here's to Elliott, I guess.
- I'll miss his crazy theories...
- And I'll miss sharing his bed with you.
- I just wanted to...
- Things have gotten so messed up.
- All / ever wanted was to be a good sister to you.
- Guess / pretty much failed at that.
- But you need to call me, okay?
- I love you, sis.
- Now, go back to the car.
- If I don't come out in two minutes, that means I'm probably dead.
- So...
- That happens, go get help.
- Okay?
- Yeah, okay, okay, okay, okay.
- Okay.
- Vanya.
- I can't believe I have a sister.
- You're our sister.
- And a member of the umbrella academy.
- Like it or not, that's who you are.
- Look, that's who I was, okay?
- New timeline, new me.
- No, that's not how it work...
- What happens now?
- Now we wait.
- Is that her?
- What the hell is he doing here?
- Go faster!
- Wee!
- It's a setup!
Vanya: Now's the only time. 'Cause how much time do we have left? We could have years, we could have days, but we only have one life. And we gotta go with our hearts.
- All right? I am fine.
- I don't need any help.
- People are attacking our family.
- I mean, come on. Talk to me.
- I can't. I...
- Please.
- Just leave me alone.
- Look around.
- Nobody's polishing their boots or pressing their tights.
- We're a complete and total shit show.
- Ya get it?
- And our Ben, my Ben, was just that kinda disaster, and it made him ridiculously easy to love.
- Bingo.
- You do know that killing these people is not gonna make you feel any better.
- Yeah, but when it's done...
- I'm gonna sleep like a baby.
- Sure you will.
- the most noteworthy, perhaps.
- My walther pistol.
- The very one Hitler used to kill himself.
- We're not supposed to take these kind of things, but...
- He wasn't gonna use it anymore.
- Feel... how perfectly balanced that is.
- Out. Else I'm calling the police.
- I'd like to be served, please.
- Can't you read, girl?
- Seven languages.
- Oh. You a smart one, huh?
- -♪ I'm tired of looking for answers ♪
- -[knocking at door]
- -Hi.
- -Hey.
- Can I come in?
- Always.
- -♪ Can't worry 'bout what's behind you ♪
- -[droning]
- We can go in there.
- Get a drink, see if they start something.
Diego: And we make damn sure we finish it.
- Or, we could just drive home.
- You know.
- I could really use another drink.
- Shit.
[Handler] So, how's your first day going?
- Couldn't be better.
- -We need to get out of here.
- -Not without Stan.
- -[Diego screams]
- -[Lila] Go!
- -[bell dings]
- -[Lila] Go, go, go!
Diego: Go! Go!
- -[Diego grunts]
- -Go! Come on!
- -[Diego] Whoa, whoa!
- -Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
- Harlan could go back to spending time with his mommy and his daddy like he should.
- Now me and Jim gonna have us a drink.
- So... [chuckles] ...You take the car.
- And I do expect you to be packed up and gone by the time I'm back.
- Diego?
- What are you doing?
- Okay!
- Hey, daddy.
- You got a sec?
- Diego!
- Come on, we gotta go.
- Yeah. I'll be right back.
- Okay.
- I promise.
- Come on.
Diego: A little hard to trust anyone who wears corduroy.
Cha: Hazel.
- Couldn't have gone far.
- That's not the only problem.
- The briefcase.
Cha: Shit!
- Hm. Pardon me.
- Wo-man.
- That's bullshit.
[Receptionist] They're your rules, not mine.
- Think I ain't read the constitution?
- I don't think you can read.
- Come back with a warrant.
[In English] "Sing in me, muse, and through me tell the story of that man skilled in all ways of contending, the wanderer, harried for years on end..."
- Reggie, he's sleepin'.
- Then I suppose homer will have to wait.
- you're welcome.
- -♪ we're gonna make it all come true ♪
- -[Groaning]
- -♪ you were made for lovin' me ♪
- -[Grunts] oh, yeah, mofo.
- It's just you and me.
- Show me what you got.
- 740... 41... 42...
- 743.
- Okay.
- You're still lookin' for Mr. Puddles.
- I... I got out of rehearsal and was in the neighborhood, so I thought...
- -Came all the way to bricktown?
- Well, since you're here, you might as well come in.
- Look, this is for your own good, Diego.
- No! Five!
- Listen, my brother is a very sick man.
- No, five!
- I only pray that he gets the help he so desperately needs.
Diego: No, please! Not the needle! No!
- No! No!
- Be back for you later, okay? Just...
- Well, nighty night.
- You can go whenever you want.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, 1,000 percent.
- Trust me, benerino.
- It's not goin' anywhere.
- I'm the expert on the dead, remember?
- Hey, wanna watch me piss in dad's gas tank?
- Yeah, sure.
Number: This world ends in five days if we don't get out of the timeline.
Reginald: Worlds end. Paleozoic, Jurassic, and so on.
Number: We can do something about this one.
Reginald: Man's greatest flaw: the illusion of control.
- You don't have to do this.
- You'd do it for me, right?
- Okay. Harlan, you're gonna go with Allison for a bit.
- What about you?
- I'll join you as soon as I can. I promise.
- Okay, go.
- Vanya is the bomb.
- Vanya is the bomb.
- She will always be the bomb.
- I need to get back to Dallas.
- Now.
- We need la resistance.
[Man] Jenkins, Harold.
Klaus: Yeah...
- Come on, baby.
- Money, money, money, money, money...
- Come on, come on!
- Hurry! Let's get him inside.
- Get that gear off him.
- Where did you get that?
- All the children of the prophet have them.
- And does this "prophet" have a name?
- -♪ ooh ♪
- -[Jill chuckles softly]
Jill: Hello?
Ben: Oh.
- Hello, Jill.
- Cool if I join you?
- No. I mean... yeah, of course.
- j” it's a supernatural delight j” j” everybody was dancin ' in the moonl/ght j”
- .fi dancin ' in the moonl/ght j” j” e verybody's fee/in' warm and br/ght j” j” it's such a fine and natural sight j” j” e verybody's dancin
- ' in the moonl/ght j”
- Hmm?
- You said it twice.
Officer: Time.
- Uh, I... [sighs]
- We'll talk about this later, okay?
Officer: Let's go, ma'am.
Allison: Honor and dignity.
- Honor and dignity.
- I promise.
- Diego, you need to let me handle this.
- You're not equipped...
- You always loved telling me what I can and can't do.
- You know, maybe for once, just try things my way.
- -He isn't a part of the deal.
- -[Ben] He is now.
- Ben, they aren't working with him.
- They had nothing to do with the attacks--
- Then they won't mind finding him and handing him over.
Ben: It's simple.
- Bring us the man who killed our siblings, and this will all be over.
- If not…
- -♪ and it's all right ♪
- -[Grunts]
- -♪ and it's comin' along ♪
- -[Passerby] Oh, no!
Woman Getting Mugged: Son of a biscuit.
- -♪ we gotta get right back... ♪
- -[Wind whipping]
[Five] Luther!
- Diego!
- After you.
- What, I can't be polite?
- Cut the crap.
- All right? My dimwitted brother might buy your bullshit, but I don't trust you for a second.
- O ye of little faith.
- Stick it up your ass.
- Sloane… Sloane…
- I know, I know.
- Just as you found love.
- It is a terrible shame.
- But don't worry.
- I'll be sure to look after her.
[shuddering] You…
- .fi oh, yeah .f'
- Out of the way!
- -Luther! J power.”
- .Fi power j'
- .fi power, power j'
- .Fi power j'
- Die...
- To know that she's okay and happy.
- You separate yourself from everyone and everything.
- You always have.
- Because dad made me.
- Did dad make you write that book about us, too?
Luther: What are you...
Allison: What is that gonna do?
- I don't know.
- Do you have a better idea?
Luther: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Everyone get behind me.
- Yeah, get behind us.
Klaus: I vote for running! Come on!
- Finally, someone with a power worth mimicking.
- Lila? Why were you in a closet?
- -[exhales]
- -[footsteps approaching]
- -I'll explain later.
- -[guardian snarls]
Lila: Shit.
- -I'm tired of running.
- -Me too.
[Softly] Flatulence. Stage four.
- See? What's your plan now, bucko?
- That was just lunch, all right? Shut up.
- No, the world needs a leader and I'm not it. I'm not.
- Dad knew it, and now I know it.
- I'm done.
- Can I show you something?
- What? What is it?
- Just... just come with me.
- What? You got something better to do?
[Five] Which one?
- It's the, uh, atmospheric radar.
[Five] Good.
- I don't get it. What are you tracking?
- A hurricane? A storm front?
- Sound waves.
- Sound waves.
- Wow. What...
- Where are you going?
- but just don't look, because I'm shy.
- And finally, I'm dairy-free.
- Trust me on that.
- Thank you.
[Exhaling] Whatever, just...
[Sighs] Just make it quick.
- Excuse me, miss?
- Yeah?
- Could you give that mannequin something new to wear?
- She likes sequins.
- This isn't how I pictured our bachelors' party, you know?
- Well, the world's running a little short on strippers and tea cakes right now.
- Just surprised you didn't invite
- Daddy Dearest to come join us.
- Oh, come on.
- He's such a kind and thoughtful soul.
- He's not like our Hargreeves.
- Au contraire.
- But I'll admit I needed a break from the old dog.
- A hard thing for a little girl to hear. ”
Vanya: "If you're raised to believe nothing about you is special, if the benchmark is extraordinary, what do you do if you're not?"
[Panting] Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
- Shit.
- Are you kidding me?
[Five] All right, then.
- Let's get down to business.
Klaus: So, vanny, what's new?
- Hey, Diego.
- Can't say hi to nobody?
- Hi, Allison.
- What was that?
- Hi, Allison!
- Thank you!
Allison: And we have to live with the consequences...
- Before we find the right way home.
[Five] Everyone ready?
Luther: Let's do it, yeah.
[Five] Okay.
Luther: All right.
- All right.
- Wait!
- -[Whoosh' |n -ah! 9]
- It's working!
- Hold on! It's gonna get messy!
Raymond: Allison.
- What the...?
Raymond: Allison?
- More.
Raymond: Allison, stop it.
- More.
- Look at his hand. You're hurting him.
- More.
- Enough.
- You proved your point, babe.
- Sorry.
- Hey, you might wanna...
- Fast-track your timeline.
- Really? Why?
- Life is short.
- Future doesn't come with any guarantees.
- You want somethin' in life, you gotta go for it.
- Yeah.
- J” that you ll ever do j”
- J” one is the loneliest numberj” j” that you ll ever do j” j” numberj” j” one is the loneliest numberj” j” that you ll ever do j”
- -That's a lot of blood.
- -It's fine.
- -That's a lot of blood.
- -[footsteps approaching]
- -[pounding]
- -[Lila] Push harder!
- You know yesterday when you were talking about us running away?
- What if we could?
Sissy: Where would we go?
- Somewhere safe for Harlan and...
- Where we could be together like this all the time.
- I'd go there right now.
- -Uh, it was… it was the wind.
- -[Luther] Who's the kid?
- The hell are you doing in here?
- Shaving my nest, you little perv.
- Don't flatter yourself, Lila.
- I like my women a little less likely to kill me in my sleep.
- -We're learning so much about each other.
- -[Five] Mm.
- I'm, uh...
- I'm not good at this whole sister thing.
- I hadn't noticed.
- Ouch.
- Tell me how you really feel.
- Maybe I will.
[Allison laughs] Okay!
- This is insane.
- There is no way we're gonna get past this to make it to the Commission.
- Okay, perhaps we can't get to trust, but there is a certain honesty in white-hot hatred.
- Then come over here, you god-awful little shit.
- And hold my hand.
- In the meantime, make yourself at home.
- Oh, and, uh… before I forget, if you try to escape,
- Fei's birds will peck your eyes out and make a nest inside your skull.
- Cool.
- So, what do you like to do for fun?
- so just give me the information I need, and I'll be on my merry way.
- And if you call me "young man" one more time,
- I'm gonna put your head through that damn wall.
- Oh, dear.
[Softly] Call security.
- Yeah.
- Now go ahead and take a look at that.
- -♪ by the railroad track ♪
- -[Chatter resumes]
- J'ohj'
- -♪ waitin' for my baby ♪
- -[Overlapping conversations]
- -♪ comin' back to me... ♪
- -excuse me?
- In case you wanted to get involved, sister.
- What? We're still on?
- I'll be right there.
Raymond: Listen, I have got to run.
- Do you want to leave a message for Allison?
Luther: Would you just tell her that I need to talk to her?
- Sure.
- -./' even old New York j”
- -[Man grunts]
- Uh was once newamsterdam j'
- -[Groaning]
- .F' why they changed it I can't say people just liked it better that way j'
- -[man 2 screams]
- Uh so take me back to constantinople .fi j' no, you can't go back to constantinople .i'
- .f' been a long time gone, constantinople .f'
- It's not like we're gonna use it while we're doing the job, anyway.
- It's against protocol.
- We gotta have it with us at all times.
[Sighs] A rule written by a bureaucrat who never had to carry one. [Scoffs]
- They can shove their protocol up their asses.
- Let them try lugging around the damn thing.
- All right...
- I guess this is it.
- This is it.
- No!
- Five!
- It's shrinking!
- I think / found his brother tell him to meet me at 4535 Calhoun as soon as he can.
- Uh, hold on, hold on.
- I, uh...
- I could use some backup.
- All right, lady.
- Ill let him know you called
- What happened to that beer, girl? Oh, shit.
- You caught me naked as a jaybird.
- I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later.
- That's all right.
- You're part of the family.
- Don't you dawdle, now.
- I love this place.
[strains] Okay.
- -Get his head, get his head.
- -Yeah, I got it. I got it.
- -Oh, that's heavy.
- -[Diego] Press the button.
- Okay.
- -Ground, ground. G. There you go.
- -Yeah. Okay.
- This one.
- Hey.
- What? You don't like the color?
[Loudly] Stop being a Princess and get in!
Diego: Shh!
- You know the other window was open, right?
- Klaus wasn't lying, I got drunk.
- I mean...
- Really drunk.
- Plus the pills.
- You know, 'cause it was a rave, and...
- I'd never been to a rave before, and...
- Well, they're...
- They're pretty amazing, actually...
- Five, please, you're being unseemly.
- Look at you.
- I admit there is a possibility that I may not be in my fully...
- Right mind right now.
- Okay, good.
- But whatever I've got, he's got it too.
- What?
- You two quit grab-assing. We're here.
- Here, your gift became your nightmare.
- A man is not a man until he slays the demons of his youth.
- Oh yeah. Good one, Obi-Wang, but my demons are literal.
- All the more reason to face them.
- You lost something vital here.
- It's time you take it back.
- Nine, eight, seven, six... five, four, three, two, one. lgnition... [continues indistinctly]
- -♪ floating weightless ♪
- -[Shrieking]
- -♪ calling, calling home ♪
- -[Soft hooting]
[Man] Cabin pressure holding, 5.5.
- Diego, I... I...
- We shouldn't...
- You know what?
- I'm used to dealing with liars, Lila, but I like it better when I know what they're lying about.
- Oh, come on, Diego. Really?
- You're just gonna walk away?
- Diego.
- Oh God.
- Viktor.
Allison: Viktor!
- Viktor!
Allison: Viktor!
- I don't wanna fight you!
- Aww! Did you wanna be best friends?
- You know, for a blind person, you're not bad.
- Who says I'm blind, asshole?
- I missed you.
- Thank god someone did. [Chuckles softly]
- Yes, miss Vanya.
- I knew.
- I said I need her.
Vanya: It's okay.
- I'll go with Carl.
- Fine.
- Let's go, babe.
- We'll be back in a little while.
- Well, paramedics couldn't save them.
- And the one that made it?
- Critical condition, but still with us, thank god.
- Just waiting for him to wake up.
- Come on.
[Klaus whispering] Luther...
- Please evacuate.
- Remain calm.
- Do not panic.
- I do owe a debt.
- But it's not to you.
- Please evacuate.
- Remain calm.
- Do not panic.
- Shit.
- -You getting how this works yet?
- -That's my kid, asshole!
- Are you getting tired yet?
- Heart's getting weaker?
- Not… even close.
- -You all right? Where'd he get you?
- -I'm fine. I'm fine!
- -[Diego] Oh, you'll be all right.
- -Oh dear!
- You're good. You're okay.
- It's not that bad. Stop crying, all right?
- They must've been here when I stopped by the cabin.
- Yeah.
- Maybe they went back there.
- I'm gonna go get my sister.
- Whoa, hold on.
- We got a missing Vic, and this guy might be dangerous.
- I need you to stay here.
[Chuckling] Allison frickin' hargreeves, man, oh, man.
- He won't stop until we're all dead.
- Okay, you need to stop!
- I'm almost done.
- And when I am, you and I will get what we came here for.
- No, you're killing them!
- Everything in life has a price.
- And... it was a little bit awkward with your sister earlier.
- It's fine. She knows it was a misunderstanding.
- Do you wanna get breakfast tomorrow?
- Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that.
- Well, I'll, uh, talk to you in the morning.
- Okay, bye.
- -[Luther] Condom? Put the knife away!
- -[Klaus] Can't exchange those for cash.
- Why do I have a hairnet?
Luther: Oh.
[sighs] All right.
- Ooh.
- What does this get us?
Agnes: Can I get the kid a glass of milk or something?
Number: The kid wants coffee. Black.
Odessa: There it is.
- "Behind every man..."
[Mutters] Come on.
- What in tarnation?
- Mom! Get out of there now!
- Mom, get out of there! Mom!
- I'm coming after you!
- No, Diego!
- No!
Klaus: Diego!
Diego: Please! Mom!
Klaus: Get back!
Diego: Mom!
Number: Trust me. I know myself better than... better than I know myself.
- You know, you are so goddamn big, sometimes I forget what a sensitive bastard you are.
- It's all gonna work out.
- We're on the right path.
- Oh, yeah? How do you know?
- There's a long, black car that's been following us since we left Elliott's.
- Six o'clock.
- Hmm.
- Hello, number seven.
- My name is grace. I'm your new nanny.
- Your father tells me you don't like oatmeal, but we need our breakfast to grow up big and strong, and you have to train with the others after you eat.
- Here, let me help you.
- Go!
- -Now, Chris.
- -[piercing feedback whining]
Luther: What the hell?
- I heard… I heard a rumor… [groans]
- That you're about to die?
- Kill 'em.
- Wha...
- Why'd you do that?
- I have no idea.
[Woman] Whoo-hoo!
Ben: Come on, Klaus. You can do this.
- Stay strong. Don't give into temptation.
[Yelling] No!
- -[Scream' in -no! 9]
- Did you find anything?
- Well, the fire inspector says that the speed of the Blaze indicates that an accelerant was used.
- Oh, and, uh... we... found this.
- Get that over to the lab immediately.
- I'll be right back.
- -[rabbit chomps]
- -[winces]
- -♪ My father was ♪
- -[woman reacts in disgust]
- -♪ Not to do what I have done ♪
- -[school bell rings]
[boy] Freak!
- J' stormy weather .f'
- Lheard a rumor I made the soccer team.
- -I heard a rumor you wanna be my friend
- -/ heard a rumor you I/ke broccoli.
- I heard a rumor you left me alone.
- / heard a rumor you stopped crying.
- I heard a rumor I did it in one take.
- / heard a rumor I'm perfect for the role.
- I heard a rumor that you lo ve me.
- Allison, wait.
Raymond: Don't go in there, Allison.
- No, no. We are not doing this again.
- Get your black ass outta here before I call the police.
- I heard a rumor that you shut your damn mouth.
- Home, sweet home.
Cha: Yep.
Hazel: Hey, um...
- You hungry?
Cha: I could eat.
- j / cried power I j power, power j”
- .fi power j' j power fl -Vanya?
- -[Hazel] Come here! J power.”
- -[Yells] J power, powerj'
- Phew.
- This is my problem, and I appreciate your concern, but I'm gonna figure it out.
- I'm gonna fix it.
- -What's going on?
- -Oh my God. He got you too?
- You okay?
- -Great. You?
- -Never better.
- You know too much.
- And you fight like you know what you're doing.
- He's got a point.
- So I know how to handle myself, and that makes me the bad guy?
- Whoever you are, you're in my way.
- If I see you again, I will kill you.
- Oh, wow!
- You really think the moon is cool?
- -Luther, I wasn't--
- -Duh!
- -I'm such--
- -[raven caws]
- Ben would like a word.
- Go get cleaned up.
- -Luther, I wasn't trying---
- -Sloane.
- Shit.
- Hey, I need your bike. It's an emergency.
- Think you have me confused with someone who gives a shit.
- Give me the bike or else…
- Okay.
- Whoa! [grunts]
- You are going out there...
- I'm not! Go away!
- Or I'm gonna beat you, and not the way you like it!
- That's my cue.
- Hey! Allison!
Klaus: No! Allison!
- Vanya!
- Vanya!
- How'd he find us?
- Well, he was us.
- He knows all the protocols.
- He says he has the briefcase.
- Wants to set up a meeting.
- Come on, we're late already.
- What about our friends outside?
- Last thing we need's a tail.
- Manila, 1902?
- Let's just go with the ice bucket.
Grace: The day of vengeance was in my heart…
Diego: What are you talking about?
- …and my year of redemption hath come.
- -[fire roars]
- -[Diego] Shit!
- The day of vengeance was in my heart, and my year of redemption hath come.
[Five] Your girlfriend, patch...
- What did you like about her?
Diego: She believed in people.
- She always saw the good inside.
- I'm sure she'll be proud to know that you're killing Hazel and cha-cha as a way to honor her memory.
- Good mornin'!
- -[phone rings]
- -For some.
- Huh.
- You're okay. Yes, you are.
- I got you.
- I got you, you still got your voice, okay?
- Just breathe for me, baby. There you go.
- Breathe.
[softly] ♪ There been times
- That I thought ♪
- I couldn't exactly find a diamond on short notice, but the stone is moon rock.
- Um, I brought it back with me, and I've kind of been keeping it for a special occasion, and, well, I--
- Luther, it's beautiful.
- Or we can have that shampooed.
- We also provide body removal services.
- I love you, Raymond Chestnut...
- And I really wish I had time for the nervous breakdown you so deserve.
- But you have to go.
- I have to go.
- Anything else you want to share, pogo?
- Any other damn secrets?
- Hey, calm down, Luther.
- No, I won't calm down.
- We've been lied to by the one person in this family we all trusted.
- It was your father's dying wish, master Luther.
- I... [sighs]
- I had no choice.
- If there is one thing the FBI takes seriously, it is a communist threat to this country.
- Now, I want answers, real answers, and I will do whatever it takes to get them.
- You're not going anywhere until I find out who you really are.
[Lila pounding on door] Diego! Diego!
- You've hit him with your ax five times.
- He should be dead by now.
- The armor. It's like hitting cement.
- -There's a space between the backplates.
- -We need to get behind him.
- -Let's kill this thing.
- -[Five] Wait--
Sloane: Hey, asshole!
- -♪ in the darkness ♪
- -[Diego and five both groaning]
- Lila!
- -♪ tonight♪ -help me!
- Lila! Help... [echoing]
- Protect number five at all costs.
Ben: That makes no sense.
- Beautiful! Bravo, Dad! Bravo!
- I didn't think the old man had it in him.
Chet: All right, all right.
- Time to turn those frowns upside down!
- This one is for all the party people in the place.
- Got it?
- Yeah. Sure.
- Great. Big smile.
- -[Klaus grunts]
- -[grunts]
- Bye.
- Ow!
- Okay.
- Okay.
- -[Allison grunts]
- -♪ No more heroes any more ♪
- By the way,
- I heard a rumor you can't move.
- -Hit me.
- -What?
- -Come on. Hit me in the face.
- -Okay.
- Hit me!
- I'm pretty sure I stepped in half those peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches.
[Sighs] Your father always believed that number five was still out there somewhere.
- He never lost hope.
- And look where that got him.
- Okay, I just...
- Sorry.
[Agnes laughing] Okay.
- Bye.
[Gasps] Bye.
- Dad!
- J” run, boy, run!
- This race is a prophecy... j' anyone!
- Fl run, boy, run!
- And disappear in the trees... j'
- Come on!
- Shit.
- Why shouldn't I be?
- Yeah. Y-Yeah, you're right.
- I'm... I'm just happy that we're home and... together again.
- "Home"? This isn't your home.
Allison: What are you talking about?
- This is the umbrella academy.
Reginald: Wrong again.
- This is the sparrow academy.
- What's it gonna be, maestro?
- -It's gonna be a duet, my friend.
- -[Luther] Oh!
- Yay!
- I feel so special!
- Oh! This is gonna be good.
- No karaoke is good. That's the point.
- It's not here.
- Maybe the junkie took it.
- No shit. Any other brilliant insights you wanna throw at me?
- Yeah, I got a couple.
- It's gonna be o... [crying softly]
- Remember what we worked on.
- Just picture the word in your mind.
- It's gonna be okay... [stutters] ...Mom.
- even if, sometimes...
- One shouldn't.
- Come with me.
- I want to show you something.
- It might just cheer you up.
- And make sure you fully extinguish that cigarette.
- Wouldn't want to start a fire.
- You just get in country?
- Oh, uh...
- Yeah.
- Yeah, shit's crazy. I know.
- Yeah!
- You'll adjust.
- I'm Dave.
- Klaus.
- Get your hands off me!
- Ray! Ray! No!
- Stop it! Get off of him! Stop!
[Officer] You don't belong in there, boy!
Allison: No!
- You're next!
- Stop it! You're killing him!
[Man] Get off her!
- I heard a rumor... that you walked away.
- I need to get to the airport and get home to Claire.
- Goodbye, Luther.
- Allison, wait.
- Luther, I can't. My plane.
- Allison hargreeves...
- Will you dance with me?
- Hey, um, I'm seven cents short.
- Uh... give me what you got.
- Damn it.
- Sorry about that.
- Thanks.
- That boy stinks.
- Stay in the car.
- What are you talkin' about?
- This guy tortured me.
- I have a plan.
- No. No, there's something else going on here.
- You wouldn't be risking your life like this.
- Look, whatever it is, you can tell me.
- You don't have to be here.
- Well, I don't have anywhere else to go.
- But I'm not gonna stand here and watch you try to kill yourself.
- -[Five] Luther!
- -Oh!
- -Come on. Come on.
- -[laughs]
[Five] Viktor. Viktor, don't be shy.
- Diego, you too.
Viktor: You don't want this.
- Okay, screw it.
- -Get in here, Diego!
- -Come on! Come on! Look lively!
[Swede 1 in English] Where is Diego?
[Choking] I don't... I don't... I don't...
- I don't know.
- Come on,
- I gotta show you something.
Allison: Five?
- What the hell happened to you?
- Are you okay? Can we help?
- There's nothing you can do.
- There's nothing any of you can do.
- Now look at us.
- We're lucky enough, we get a second one.
[Chuckles] Yeah.
- You are right.
- I do have a lot of growing up to do.
- I'll never forget you, delores.
- You're a champ, Reg.
- Woo! Jesus, Reggie. You stink.
- Hurry up, douchebag. I'm starving.
- I'm telling the robot to give you a bath.
Klaus: Come on! You don't...
- Maybe I just wanna hang out with my brother.
- Not you.
- /ll/li hermano/
- I love you!
- Even if you can't love yourself!
- J” / wanna taste the way that you bleed j”
- -j” you're my kill of the j”
- -[Thuds]
- J” nightj” you know that's not how we do things here.
- Where's Gloria?
- Don't know. Couldn't find her anywhere.
- The hell's going on with you?
- I'm just sick and tired of you not listening!
Carl: Well, I'm sick and tired of having to fight for your goddamn attention.
- Are you my wife or not?
Carl: What in the hell was that?
- I guess I'll just...
- Drop these off to Vanya at rehearsal.
- You know what?
- I'll take the keys to her.
- Sure.
- Whatever's easiest, right?
- It's great seeing you.
- Relax.
- Just concentrate.
- Listen to everything around you.
- What do you hear?
- Let all the other sounds drop away and focus on one.
- Let that one sound resonate in you.
- Christopher, what's wrong?
- Back away, Fei.
- Chris, it's going to be okay.
- -[Ben] Fei!
- -I'm going to help you. Just--
- No smiles, eyes ahead.
- Quickly, now.
Young: Dad!
- Dad!
- Dad!
Reginald: No talking!
- Stand still.
- Never good to keep a lady waiting.
- Tell him that if you find him.
- Hey, uh, grace?
- It was nice meeting you.
- You too.
- Lila.
- Pogo.
- Hey.
- It's all right, little buddy.
- Pogo. It's good to see you.
- Diego!
- Diego!
- Nothing personal.
- Okay.
[in robotic voice] ♪ Onward ♪
[voice slows, distorts] ♪ Marching ♪
Lila: [to Diego] I know everything about you. You are an open book written for very dumb children.
- and we read James and the giant peach.
- Any episodes?
- No, ma'am.
- How about you? How are you feeling?
- Oh, my headaches are a lot better.
- Still no memories.
- Well then, we just need to get busy making you some new ones, hmm?
- You gotta be kidding me.
- I know we don't look like much, but we're resourceful.
- Don't mess with case management.
- Stand down, dot.
Reginald: Not everyone in this world can be powerful. Chasing something unattainable is a recipe for a lifetime of disappointment and resentment.
- You don't have to join to become a man.
Brian: Hit the queer.
Klaus: Don't sacrifice yourself.
- Hit him, damn it.
- 'Cause I love you.
Brian: Hit him!
- I love you.
- Hit the queer!
- And I know there's a day you'll love...
Brian: Hit him! Hit him!
- Oh!
- Since when are you the optimist?
- Making a few changes, I guess.
- The hair?
- It's a bit more than that, actually, but…
- I'll explain on the way.
- Okay.
- The contents of that box are...
- Priceless.
- Were they to find their way back to the office, whoever took it would be absolved of any blame or consequences.
- Oh, well, lucky bastard.
[Clicks tongue] Indeed.
Lila: I'm waiting.
- -♪ I'm the bad guy♪
- -[Lila laughs]
- Fed up yet, five?
- How'd you get up here?
Elliott: Huh?
- What's wrong?
- You hungry?
- Let's see here... ooh.
- Look what I got. [Whistles]
- Oh, man. See?
- You used to think I was an idiot.
- I still think you're an idiot.
- They're getting away.
- You're welcome.
- Shit.
- Get in the car. Oh...
- Was this all part of your master plan?
- Shut up.
Klaus: Hm?
- Oh shit.
- Shit!
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
- West Berlin.
- 1989.
- -Uh, sehr gut.
- -[Dot exhales, gasps]
- -[chuckles nervously] Okay.
- -Look at it.
- That's a bullet.
- Auf Wiedersehen.
- Have you had your lunch?
- Not yet.
[Handler] Great. How would you like to lunch with me in my office?
- You can eat solid foods, and I can live vicariously...
- Through you.
- Sounds great.
- Everything is fine. I can explain.
- But first,
- I need to introduce you to somebody.
- Just... promise me you won't freak out.
- What the hell are you talking about?
- Uh! Don't freak out.
- No freak-outs.
- All right.
- Delores?
[whispers] Delores?
- He thought people were out to get him.
- Well...
- I guess maybe he was right.
- But mom?
- I mean, she's not capable of...
[Sighs] Is she?
Reginald: June 72th.
- A controlled environment has proven ideal for the maximum impact of number se ven's powers.
- But in the face of sure, uninvited chaos, she must be trained to locate control in another form.
- Concentrate, number seven.
[Sniffles, voice breaking] I can't.
- Vanya, I would do anything for you.
- To protect you.
- But Harlan has been through enough.
- I can't... I can't put that child in any more danger.
- I can't.
- {gasps}
Klaus: Dave!
[Klaus, echoing] Dave!
[Klaus screams] Dave!
Klaus: Dave!
Klaus: Oh, boy...
- Grace, is this what took Marcus?
- He went right up and touched it.
- Brazen man.
- The light of the Lord is too much for mere mortals.
- Grace, when did God get here?
- Two days ago, with our new visitors.
- And then, I guess after a while,
- I stopped caring myself.
- You know, about training, the missions…
- About… being Number One. [scoffs]
- You're not what I was expecting.
- -I'm not?
- -No.
- You're actually really sweet.
- To finish the feast. [Giggles]
Allison: Oh, god! Oh!
- Shoot. Hang on...
Allison: Oh, oh, oh... okay...
Luther: I... just...
- Yeah. Oh... oh.
[Laughs] Just gotta get in there.
[Laughing] Easy, easy!
- and you can't, not anymore.
- I'm good at this.
- You know I can help you.
- I know you give me agita.
- And I do not need...
- I do not want your help.
- Okay?
[Sighs] Lord, you test me.
- Um, okay, so we're on a tight schedule.
- The bachelor party is in 15 minutes, and not everyone is invited--
- -[Ben] What was that?
- -So--
- Nothing, man. [chuckles]
- Nothing.
- Okay. [chuckles]
[Handler] "This is the start of something bigger than yourselves, and I will be the ne..."
- Now is not a good time.
- What?
- Well?
- I've never seen anything like this.
- The anomaly is off the charts.
- Dave.
- {gasps}
- Dave!
- Dave!
- Dave?
- Temporarily.
- Congratulations.
- For what?
- I think that's the first time you've ever stood up to dad.
Luther: Hmm.
- Are you okay?
- So much for having my back in there.
- Team zero, my ass.
- I don't know. He was ruthless in our performance reviews.
- He always gave me five stars.
- Really?
- Look, I'm old enough to trust my instinct, and it's telling me this is a trap.
- Food for thought.
- Come here, darling.
- Come, come.
- Yeah.
- Come on.
- Yes.
- There we go.
- Come on.
[grunts] What? No way!
- We were kicking their asses!
- "He who fights and walks away lives to fight another day." Okay?
- -That's some lame-ass shit.
- -Yeah, I know.
- with this new power.
- I mean, it must be scary.
- Terrifying, really, to discover that you can do something that you never thought you could do.
- Look, if what pogo told me is even half true, then she is not just a danger to us.
[Sighs] Allison, what are you doing down here? You should be in bed.
Vanya: Is anything happening?
Leonard: Keep trying.
[Sighs] But I don't...
- Think about how you want the boat to move.
[Groans] Okay, but what?
- Do I... do I... do I stare really hard?
- Am I supposed to point my fingers? Is...
- I don't know.
- There's only one way to figure it out.
[Patch] Are you Diego's brother?
[Klaus, muffled] Yeah.
[Patch] I'm detective patch.
- Get it together. [panting]
- Get it together, you coward--
- We gotta stick together.
- Where do we start?
- There's no other addresses in the file, but there is another relation listed.
- Jenkins' grandmother.
- She lived near jackpine road.
- You think he took her there?
- It's a good enough place to start.
- Shit.
[Woman on radio] We have a 7074 at gimbe/ brothers department store.
- Shots fired. Repeat, shots fired.
- 6045 Vanderbilt
- You okay? You okay?
- I'm sorry. I had to do the thing because I... yeah.
- Shh. [Panting]
- Okay.
Diego: Allison, help!
- Luther!
- Oh, shit. Come on.
- Is that...?
- It's coming from our bedrooms.
Hazel: Cha-cha, shoot him.
Cha: Get out of the way, dumb-ass.
Cha: Come on.
- The one we left in your house.
- Deal.
- The briefcase for our brother.
- Great.
- Hotel Obsidian, four o'clock sharp.
Allison: Or we'll send him back in pieces.
- Did you find him?
Diego: I can't… I can't get out.
- The doors won't let me.
- Yeah, I am never eating here again.
- You have the attention span of a fruit fly.
- -Where are you going?
- -To get help finding Stan.
Lila: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! No!
- You're stuck.
- Nowhere to go.
- Nowhere to change.
- That's the real torture, if you gotta know.
- Watching your brother take for granted everything you lost and pissing it all away.
- So…
- Well, dead even. Four in, four out.
- That leaves you, Number Five.
- I saw the future, and it told me to sit this one out.
- I vote stay.
- It's time we accept our fate.
- the earth was destroyed in a cataclysmic event.
- Billions of people were wiped out in a matter of minutes.
- Ironically, the six survivors of the apocalypse were the very siblings who brought it on.
- Hold on!
- This could get messy!
- Yeah, I know.
- I'll go get him.
- Wait, no.
- Let me do it.
Viktor: He trusts me.
- I can convince him to come quietly.
Klaus: I bet you're loving this. Hmm? The team at its best. It's just like old times. Best funeral ever!
- Your mother, that slut.
- Whoever she was. We met at...
- The disco. [Chuckles]
- Okay? Remember that.
- Oh, my god, the sex was amazing.
- What a disturbing glimpse into that thing you call a brain.
- Don't make me put you in time-out.
- You know, I, uh…
- I spent a little time on the moon.
- What? That is so cool!
- -You think so?
- -Yeah! The moon?
- -My God. No one ever thinks that's cool.
- -Yes!
- The moon, yeah!
- Six days.
- We've got six days.
- Six days until what?
- I can't explain, okay?
- Just, we need to go now, please.
[Sissy whispers] Vanya.
Vanya: Please, come. Please...
- Vanya. Vanya. Vanya!
- I can't.
- So, what'll it be?
- Uh, give me a chocolate éclair.
- Mm-hmm. Sure.
- Can I get the kid a glass of milk or something?
[Scoffs] The kid wants coffee. Black.
- Cute kid. [Chuckles]
- Okay.
- You got me?
[chuckles] Oh!
- William Shatner. Amazing.
[groans] Oblivion.
Klaus: Oblivion?
- Hmm.
- Oh, here we go. Ah, right here.
- This, uh... oh, right here.
- That's hoyt right there.
[Five] Huh.
- I only count 11.
- Well, that's because they've only identified 11 so far.
- Who's the twelfth?
[Rasping] Get me to a hospital.
- Don't think that was intestinal gas.
[Whispers] Oh, shit.
[Man 1] You can probably kiss those wontons goodbye.
- -J' ...Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo j'
- -[People whispering]
[woman] Ah, shit. The handler's back.
- Yeah, you're right.
- But, I just thought that...
- Yeah.
- I know what you thought.
- Now...
- You have a nice day, brother.
- All right.
- Anything a little more profound than that?
- She believed in people.
- No matter how much shit and filth she saw on the streets.
- She always saw the good inside.
- Well, I'm sure she'll be proud to know that you're killing Hazel and cha-cha as a way to honor her memory.
- Hey, could I get some change?
- Oh, sure, I'll just look in my purse.
- Only a nickel and a couple of dimes.
- Oh! You... are...
- In... luck, mister.
- You know, some say the best luck is to die at the right time.
- Fine.
- "Fine," what?
- I'll be there, but I need to say goodbye first.
- Oh, Vanya, we don't have the time.
- Well, it's either that or I'm not coming.
[Five] The alley.
- Don't be late. [Sighs]
- Hey, ray?
- Yeah?
- I love you.
- -♪ oh, babe ♪ -[Diego] Blood.
Luther: Shit.
- Elliott?
- -♪ afterl count down three rounds ♪
- -[Luther] Diego?
- You have till tonight.
- Otherwise, I swear, I'm gonna rumor your ass to come back with me, okay?
- Yes, yeah.
- Sibling swear.
- I'm serious.
- Don't mess with me, tiny.
Lila: Well, you are easily distracted.
- It can't be.
- A silly life on a silly farm.
- That's not meant for you.
Allison: I hope we find Vanya in time.
- You can't deny your true self any longer, even if you are afraid.
[Panting] I'm not afraid.
Reginald: Then eat!
- One more bite, and you can go.
- We can make that happen.
- We can make you...
- Yourself again.
[Sighs] And what about my family?
- What about them?
- I want them to survive.
- Do you understand me?
- We need to stick together, find the others, figure out how to stop doomsday.
- Whoever this person is, they can't be more important than the end of the world.
- We need to go.
- Fl run, boy, run j'
- -[grunts]
- J break out from society j”
- J' tomorrow is another day j' j'and you won't have to hide away j' j' you'll be a man, boy j'
- I but for now, it's time to run it's time to run j'
- And what are we? Chopped liver?
- Whatever, whatever.
- I need a hit of sucrose.
- I'm headin' to the vending machine.
- Fine.
- Fine. Fine.
[Whispers] Oh, my god.
Luther: Shit!
- Hey, Mom, Mom, Mom!
- It's Diego. Don't make us hurt you.
- -The day of vengeance was in my heart…
- -Whoa!
Grace: …and my year of redemption hath come!
- Lila, I need you.
Lila: Hi, little guy.
- Hey.
Diego: I can save you some time. They're all locked. No force entry, no sign of struggle. Nothing out the ordinary.
[comes further into the room]
Diego: Whoa, you got big, Luther! What's the secret, huh? Protein shakes? Low carbs?
- Well, if you see him, you can tell him
- I'm this far from firing his ass.
- He works here?
- Eh, he, uh, mops the floor in exchange for the back room.
- Okay. Thanks.
- Think about the fight game, eh?
- You got the build.
- Who are you?
- The only one who can help Harlan.
Vanya: Harlan?
- Harlan, it's Vanya!
- Look, Harlan, I know you're really scared, but I can help you.
- I need you to listen to me, okay?
- Can you do that?
[Woman sobbing] No! No! No!
[Man] Please! Please, don't kill us.
[Woman sobs] No! Please, no.
- Please! Don't! Don't kill us! No! No!
[Man] Please! I beg you, no!
- No, please, don't!
- Shame.
- What? Is that all you got?
- Look, you wanna be number one, fine, but you're gonna have to get us on the same page, because right now, we're all over the place.
- You're right.
- We need a plan.
- You're on Ruby's shit list, and I don't wanna be.
- I'm real sorry.
- Phil.
- Come on, man, it's me.
- Gotta be out by 3:00.
- Phil...
- Great.
- This is all I needed.
[Five] ♪ I can't even offer you a smile… ♪
- That used to be us.
- We were never like that.
- Gross.
- That's more like it.
- You know, before you kill him, you might wanna hear what he has to say.
- I'm gonna kill you for what you did to patch.
- Or don't. See how that goes.
Hazel: Are you gonna...
- Come on!
- That's gotta hurt.
- It's called a bullet wound.
- From what?
- From getting shot in the head.
- Is the bullet still in there?
- Fragments of it are, yes.
- Huh.
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