Top 800 Quotes From The Umbrella Academy

- You're an adult now, Vanya.
- You don't get to blame your problems on anyone but yourself.

[Thumps counter] It's not fair.
Luther: I know.
- But we have to risk everything to save everything.
- I mean, that's our best trait as a family, right?
- What? Recklessness? [Sighs softly]
- Hope.

- Allison, wait.
Raymond: Don't go in there, Allison.
- No, no. We are not doing this again.
- Get your black ass outta here before I call the police.
- I heard a rumor that you shut your damn mouth.

- No. Don't try to talk. Don't try to talk.
- It will cause more damage, all right?
- Allison, I'm so sorry I wasn't there.
- It's okay.
- Oh, okay. Hang on. Wait.
- Here.

- Shit.
- Oh, shit.
- We've been compromised.
- Regroup at the backup location.
- Yes, boss.
Diego: Five...

- Did you enjoy the show, you little flotsam?
- I don't know how you did it, but I know your work.
- I'm sure you think you're very clever.
- The thing about fish, aj, is they're no match for a shark.

- There's just no way.
- I love him.
- This just doesn't make any sense.
- And this power... I...
- I don't know.
- I don't know what's going on.
- I don't know what to do.

- Oh God.
- Viktor.
Allison: Viktor!
- Viktor!
Allison: Viktor!

Reginald: Paddles.
- Quickly!
- Again.
Reginald: Damn it!
- Bring me the serum.
- Pogo.

- Why the hell not?
- We've tried everything else.
- Look, maybe this is just what the universe needs.
- I say, embrace the apocalypse.
- See what's on the other side.
- What if it's… nothing?
- Then it's been nice knowing you all.
- Whatever's on your bucket list,
- I recommend you do that now.

- You know, after all this time,
- I know she would love to meet you.
- Uh, dad's monocle is still missing, so I can't just forget about that.
- Dad died because his heart gave out, Luther.
- Don't turn his death into a mission.
- Is that what you think this is?
- I think there's a reason why you never left.

- -I won't let you hurt them.
- -Won't let me?
- You forget yourself, Pogo.
- They're my children.
- And they will do whatever it is I ask of them.
- If you disapprove, perhaps you might find other employment.
- I can be gone by morning.
- Why wait? You can be gone in an hour.

- We've done nothing wrong.
- Except kidnap a child.
- He's my baby, Jerry.
- That's between you and Carl.
- Get out of the car.
- I don't want to hurt you.
- I ain't askin' you a third time.

- You don't have to join to become a man.
Brian: Hit the queer.
Klaus: Don't sacrifice yourself.
- Hit him, damn it.
- 'Cause I love you.
Brian: Hit him!
- I love you.
- Hit the queer!
- And I know there's a day you'll love...
Brian: Hit him! Hit him!
- Oh!

- My God, Dad.
- What happened to you?

- Just me.
- Thank you for trusting me with this.
- You're family, Viktor.
- Okay?
- And there's nothing… nothing that would make me love you less.

- Jayme!
Fei: Alphonso!
- Pull back!
- Sloane. Sloane, are you okay?
- Whoa.

- Come on! Come on!
[Man] Come on! Get up!

- What's wrong, Mama?
- Nothing, baby. [sniffles]
- Oh, I'm just so happy to be home.
- -[Allison sobbing]
- -[footsteps approaching]
Raymond: It's where you were always meant to be.
- Hey, baby.

- Just need to sober up!
- Clear thoughts. [Exhales]
- Come on! Come on, chop-chop!
- You always were a stubborn bastard!
[Panting] I don't know about you, but I need a drink.
- Oh!

- Diego, thank you for joining us.
- We have decided on, drum roll, waffles.
- I'm gonna drop you off at the bus stop.
- I gotta get back to work.
- What, breaking bones and cracking skulls?
- Saving lives, baby.
- Well, I guess it's frozen waffles again.

- A silly life on a silly farm.
- That's not meant for you.
Allison: I hope we find Vanya in time.
- You can't deny your true self any longer, even if you are afraid.
[Panting] I'm not afraid.
Reginald: Then eat!
- One more bite, and you can go.

- This one, or this one?
- Uh-uh. I wanna hear about the time the Umbrella Academy defeated the robbers at the museum.
Allison: Again?
- Okay. [laughs softly]
- It was a dark and stormy night…

- No. No, there's something else going on here.
- You wouldn't be risking your life like this.
- Look, whatever it is, you can tell me.
- You don't have to be here.
- Well, I don't have anywhere else to go.
- But I'm not gonna stand here and watch you try to kill yourself.

- And you know what, it's getting late, and...
- I have lessons early, and I need to sleep, and I'm sure you do, too.
- Here.
- We'll talk in the morning again.
- Okay? I promise.
- Night.
- Night.

Klaus: Come here, Vanya.
- Come on.
- Get over here.
Klaus: I love you guys.
[Gasps] Oh! You guys!
- I love this song!

- Mom?
- Why do people keep calling me that?
[groans] Where am I?
- The Academy, silly.
- Everybody's waiting for you.
- The Academy?

- Hmm.
- Hello, number seven.
- My name is grace. I'm your new nanny.
- Your father tells me you don't like oatmeal, but we need our breakfast to grow up big and strong, and you have to train with the others after you eat.
- Here, let me help you.

- -[grunts]
- -♪ In a nutshell, I suppose ♪
[woman in crowd] Love you, Marcus!
- -♪ Maybe all of the time ♪
- -[raven cawing]
- -♪ And now the cocaine scene ♪
- -[caws]

- -[indistinct chatter]
- -[baby crying]
Manager: Dumb mistake.
[boy] Mom, my hands are wet.

[in Korean] Are you okay?
- Uh-huh.
- Your stomach! Somebody help!

- So much hostility in such a tiny package.
- Did you out yourself shaving?
- I could teach you to shave like a big boy.
- No, I just ran into an old family friend.
- You didn't untie him?
- Was I supposed to?

[man 1] Ain't no cause to make a building like this.
- Have you ever been called arrogant?
- I don't know what that means, but these plans is bizarre.
[in Japanese] That's all there is to it.
- Follow the blueprint.
[man 1] I said,
- I don't understand these plans,
- I don't understand you.

- No, that's not what I...
- Vanya, wait.
- Let her go.
Diego: It's for the best.

Allison: When something seems too perfect, it's usually anything but.

- If it wasn't completely obvious,
- I've compared every man I've ever met to you.
- Oh, we should have done that a long time ago.
- I'm an idiot.
[Laughs] No you're not.
- You know, if we leave now, we can make that flight.
- We?

- We can put an end to this and still be together.
- How?

- Children."
- My mum used to say something along those lines.
- Yeah?
- Switch.
- What are you doing?
Lila: Just follow my lead.
- Uh, honey, no. I'm the man here.
- Shh...

- j' / bet you gonna ambush me I j' you'd have me down, down, down, down j”
- I on my knees now, wouldn't ya? I
- .f' barracuda j” j oh j' -[Tires screech]
Manager: Get out of the way, bitch!

- I don't know, and I don't care.
- Yeah, you do.
- Oh, my god.
- I think we've earned a day off.
- Okay, half a day. A few hours.
- Hush up.

- Well, we got two choices: Fight and die now or run and die later.
- Either way, we're food for worms.
- Preference?
- Wouldn't mind a few more minutes breathing air through the old windbags.
- All right.
- Let's get this over with, shall we?
- Run!
Allison: Go! Go!

Cha: You idiot!
- What?
Cha: You didn't put the "do not disturb" sign on the door!
- I did! I know I...
- Shit!
- Oh, my god, he's still here.
- Hi.

- She's just not ready for this.
Reginald: You're all wrong.
- Number seven deliberately chooses not to remember.
Vanya: Mom?
- Are you okay?
- Of course I am.
- Why wouldn't I be?

- Yeah, well, you go fill out your forms while I go hunt these animals down.
- And, detective,
- I do give a shit.
[Sighs] I still can't get over the fact that you two used to...
- Not another word, beeman.
- Not another damn word.

- Good night, gentlemen.
- Don't be too sure of that, reg.
- You're gonna keep giving us that fancy technology of yours.
- And why would I do that?
- Because if you don't, we'll tell the world who you really are.

- Oh, right. That.
- My family already thinks I'm a traitor.
- So, I can't--
- -No, I totally get it.
- -Good.
- My family probably is plotting vengeance.
- So, I guess we just go back to fighting until everybody's dead.

- Oh, please, not you, too.
- I have to book a flight back to la.
- If this happens I have to be with my daughter, custody be damned.
- And you said it yourself...
- We need the full force of the academy to even stand a chance.
- I'm sorry, Luther.

- -♪ do-do-do-do-do ♪
- -♪ every night and day I go and stay ♪
- -♪ I'm comin' home, baby ♪
- -♪ come on home ♪
- -♪ comin'home, baby, now♪
- -♪ you know I'm waitin' here for you ♪

- -He isn't a part of the deal.
- -[Ben] He is now.
- Ben, they aren't working with him.
- They had nothing to do with the attacks--
- Then they won't mind finding him and handing him over.
Ben: It's simple.
- Bring us the man who killed our siblings, and this will all be over.
- If not…

[first lines]
Pogo: [narrating] On the 12th hour of the first day of October 1989, 43 women around the world gave birth. This was unusual only in the fact that none of these women had been pregnant when the day first began. Sir Reginald Hargreeves, eccentric billionaire and adventurer, resolved to locate and adopt as many of the children as possible.
Sir: [to one of the mothers] Extraordinary! How much do you want for it?
Title: He got seven of them.

- and she never gave up hope that you'd come back to us one day.
- Why did you leave us?
- I needed you.
- We thought you'd be safer away from me.
- But I wish I had stayed.
- I should have stayed.

- I don't know, three weeks.
- And that's only because I was so tired of looking for a place to sleep.
- He did make the most fantastic osso buco, though. It was...
- Five?
- -[Gasps}
- -Don't stop. Just keep going.
[Shouting] Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, what about my money?

- j' don't say you love me j” j' 'cause I'i/ only kick you out of the door .f'
- .fi yeah, and / know your name is Rita .f' j' 'cause your perfume smells sweeter .fi
- I since when lsaw you down on the floori' j' guitar, yeah I

- Because that worked so well the first time.
Klaus: You got any painkillers, or could you just please shut up?
Klaus: Could you just keep it down to a dull roar?
- Do you think you could…
[Five] Hey, I found the sigil!
- -It's on the--
- -[glass shatters]

- Please don't.
- Look at you. You're nothing.
- You're just ordinary.
- Stop it!
- Less than ordinary!
- Stop it!
Leonard: You are not special!
- Ordinary. Ordinary. Pathetic. Nothing!
- Stop it! Stop it!

- Next time, use the front door.
- Yes, ma'am.

- You're on Ruby's shit list, and I don't wanna be.
- I'm real sorry.
- Phil.
- Come on, man, it's me.
- Gotta be out by 3:00.
- Phil...
- Great.

- Do you understand me?
- We need to stick together, find the others, figure out how to stop doomsday.
- Whoever this person is, they can't be more important than the end of the world.
- We need to go.

- You're the reason we're stuck here in the first place.
- If I did nothing, we would all be dead right now, thanks to you.
- They're coming with me.
- Vanya, do not test me right now.
- That's funny.
- 'Cause I was just about to say the same thing.

- I don't need another.
- But the team might.
- Grace!
Luther: Mom?
- -Are you all right?
- -Of course. Why do you ask?
- Open it.

- They can hear the pollen.
- Okay. What-[scoffs] What are you saying?
- You need to stop listening with your ears.
- Listen with your marigold.
- And find mine.

- and you can't, not anymore.
- I'm good at this.
- You know I can help you.
- I know you give me agita.
- And I do not need...
- I do not want your help.
- Okay?
[Sighs] Lord, you test me.

- Hurry! It's the only way to stop him!
- Number Five, quickly!

- -♪ just like my daddy ♪
- -[Softly] Hey, miles.
- You coming? do your thing, bro.
Raymond: All right now.

- And that's how Phil determined that the archduke just had to go.
- Care for dessert?
- I had a bad twinkie in the apocalypse once.
- It kind of put me off desserts.
- Please, indulge me.

- He's gone.
- You know what our real problem is?
- You.
- -[exhales sharply]
- -You're a shit Number Two, Fei.
- -[Christopher speaks]
- -[Ben chuckles] See?
- Even Christopher agrees with me.

- It's beautiful, isn't it?
- Yes, it is, Vanya.
- I will learn to play it. [Chuckles softly]
- I am going to be extraordinary.
- Put your whole heart into it, dear, and I promise, one day, you will be.

Luther: All right.
- Allison?
- Stage left. Stage right.
- You guys take the front.
- I'm sorry. There's no time, Allison.
- If she finishes this concert, the world goes up in flames.

- Home, sweet home.
Cha: Yep.
Hazel: Hey, um...
- You hungry?
Cha: I could eat.

Raymond: Allison.
- What the...?
Raymond: Allison?
- More.
Raymond: Allison, stop it.
- More.
- Look at his hand. You're hurting him.
- More.
- Enough.
- You proved your point, babe.
- Sorry.

- …my mum failed me?
- Then you won't.
- Because behind the crazy bullshit, there's a good and decent person.
- -You sure?
- -[scoffs gently]
- -One thousand percent.
- -[Lila laughs, sniffles]

- It's the elephant in the room, buddy.
- I wish you well.
- Happy-It's not your birthday.
- Happy wedding day, my friend. Take care.
- There is no time.
- I can't do this without you.
- Do we have a deal?
[Five] Who the hell is he talking to?

- And he programmed her to be a mom, to be our mom.
- Sometimes when I look at her,
- I just see him.
- Maybe that was true at first.
- But she evolved.
- Well, how do you know?
- Because dad only loved himself.

- I'm not sure. Um... [sniffles]
- I have, um... uh, a friend in California.
- You go there, and you live a beautiful and wonderful life.
- You ever find a safe way back to me, you take it. [Sniffling]
- You hear me? [Gasps]

[quietly] See? You're not so terrible when you're asleep.
[Grace vocalizes] ♪ Glo… ♪
- -[Grace] ♪ …oria ♪
- -[Klaus gasps]
- Oh, wow!
- The Lord.
- The Lord is upon me.

[In Swedish] Enough.
- I almost had her.
- Why the hell did you stop me?
- Because_.
- I love her.

Luther: Bah, bah, bah!
- My day!
- Two hours.
- Do you think you can manage that?
- Yeah, fine.
- -Thank you.
- -[bell dings]
Lila: Wow.

- Okay, Luther, but be careful.
- I mean, I've...
- I've lived a long life, but...
- You're still a young man.
- You got your whole life ahead of you.
- Don't waste it.
[Five] Hmm...
- Here we go.

- Kung pao chicken, extra spicy.
- Okay. Sounds great.
- Thanks.
- Great.
- Back in a jiff.
- Uh, keys.

[Mom chuckles] I suppose that's odd.
- I wonder what the weather is like today.
- It would be nice to go to the park.
- Dad never let you off the grounds.
- Your father isn't here anymore.
- You can do whatever you want, mom.

- You're using her as a distraction, aren't you?
- Our best chance to incapacitate Vanya.
- Oh.
- She'll thank us later.
Klaus: So, what's the plan?
Luther: Uh, you wait out front.
- What?
- Yeah, you're the lookout.
- The lookout?

- What? We're still on?
- I'll be right there.
Raymond: Listen, I have got to run.
- Do you want to leave a message for Allison?
Luther: Would you just tell her that I need to talk to her?
- Sure.

Lila: [to Diego] I know everything about you. You are an open book written for very dumb children.

- Really? Are you sure?
- Yeah.
- And you can stay and read to Harlan.
- I got this.
- Don't take this wrong, but... [sighs]
- I wish I'd run you over years ago.
- All right, baby, come on.

- But now, I know nothing in my life was real.
- So I'm starting over.
- I just didn't think it would be so hard.
- It'll get easier.
- Some things just take time.
- Yeah.
- And some things just stay broken.

Vanya: Is anything happening?
Leonard: Keep trying.
[Sighs] But I don't...
- Think about how you want the boat to move.
[Groans] Okay, but what?
- Do I... do I... do I stare really hard?
- Am I supposed to point my fingers? Is...
- I don't know.
- There's only one way to figure it out.

- Get your ass back here! You little shit!
Buck: That's my truck!
- Oh, shit.
- Give me back my truck, asshole!
- You little... [shouts indistinctly]
[Man] Shit!

- -What? Since when?
- -Fine. Italian?
- -Absolutely not.
- -I could do Italian.
- -[Marcus] We done here?
- -[Luther groans] Nope.
[chuckles] I don't run from a fight.
- -Yeah, that's the wrong answer, dude.
- -Let him finish him off.
- Then let's end this.

- -Dad…
- -There's an old saying, Luther.
- The best way to bring a family together is at a wedding or a funeral.
- We tried the one.
- Now it's time for the other.

- -♪ don't know what I'm gonna do ♪
- -ah!
- Just in time for a nightcap.

- And the best part of it is, she's gonna look after us, no questions asked.
- Never ever. Right?
- Come on.
- -I may have questions.
- -[Luther] Yeah, me too.
- This place is weird.

- Hmm. This Colombian?
- It's my own blend.

Luther: You got this. Come on, let's go.
- To go on a mission, Vanya, you have to have a power.
- Vanya! What do you want?
- Just get out!

- that you do.
- Show them.
- Be everything
- I was afraid to let you become.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Okay, fine. I'll do it.

- I'm, uh...
- I'm not good at this whole sister thing.
- I hadn't noticed.
- Ouch.
- Tell me how you really feel.
- Maybe I will.
[Allison laughs] Okay!

- Something concrete to lock on to, no matter what changes around you.
- And what if I had one, and I lost her?
- Then find another one.
- Or you'll fall down.
- We're ready.

- giving up the family secrets.
- Sure that went over well.
- They hate me.
- Oh, there are worse things that can happen.
- You mean like what happened to Ben?
- Was it bad?

Klaus: Oh.
- Oh, I see.
- It's gonna be one of those kinda nights, huh?
- So, are we burnin' or buryin'?
[Allison, echoing] Lheard a rumor...
- You killed your brother.

- And what are we? Chopped liver?
- Whatever, whatever.
- I need a hit of sucrose.
- I'm headin' to the vending machine.
- Fine.
- Fine. Fine.
[Whispers] Oh, my god.

- In the meantime, make yourself at home.
- Oh, and, uh… before I forget, if you try to escape,
- Fei's birds will peck your eyes out and make a nest inside your skull.
- Cool.
- So, what do you like to do for fun?

- -[Luther chuckles]
- -Where's he going? Where's he going?
- This isn't the end.
- -[sighs]
- -[Klaus] Come on, who's up for some more…
- -[Ben] Scrabble?
- -[Klaus] …karaoke. Yeah!
- That's my cue.
- -Good night.
- -Night.

Luther: Shit!
- Hey, Mom, Mom, Mom!
- It's Diego. Don't make us hurt you.
- -The day of vengeance was in my heart…
- -Whoa!
Grace: …and my year of redemption hath come!
- Lila, I need you.

- Nine, eight, seven, six... five, four, three, two, one. lgnition... [continues indistinctly]
- -♪ floating weightless ♪
- -[Shrieking]
- -♪ calling, calling home ♪
- -[Soft hooting]
[Man] Cabin pressure holding, 5.5.

- -[energy pulsing]
- -Oh… Whoa!
- Oh shit!
- Hello there, stranger.
- Oh! Hey.

- See? And that was the lowest voltage.
- Only goes up from there.
[Vanya panting] What is that?
[Gibbs] Now, just relax.
- What is that?
[Gibbs] Don't struggle. Go with it, or this can turn into an extremely unpleasant experience for you.

- You know, every time I close my eyes,
- I see a diarrhetic hippo about to shit on my face.
- It's terrifying!
- Terrific.
- No! No.
- Lean back.

- -You're the drunk one, aren't you?
- -No, no. I'm Klaus.
- I'm the… spiritual one.
Jayme: All right,
- Reg, you know the drill.
- Pills, bills, and num-nums.
- I'm not hungry.
- Come on. I'm really not in the mood for your bullshit today.

- You're really just going for it.
- Yeah.
- Um, no, I'll actually take that.
- And we're just gonna start with the basics.
[Man] What's up? Hey, Diego.
Diego: Yo. What up, Nigel?
[Woman] What's up, Diego?
Diego: Doing good, huh?
[Man] Si

- That's what it was?
- I couldn't cut it?
- So he sent me away?
- No, no, that's not...
Luther: Pogo...
[Crying softly] Please leave me alone.
- Master...
- Now, please! [Yelling] Get out!

- Holy shit, you're drunk.
- And you busted into dad's liquor cabinet.
- He's gonna be so pissed.
- Get him.
[Sighs] Dad. Do it, now.
- I told you already, all right?
- I... I can't!
- -[Gasps} -Little shit!

- {gasps}
[Man on TV] Moments ago, police reported the death of the most eccentric and reclusive billionaire.

- My methods must remain mysterious.
- Well, you're not the only one with secrets.
- Just in case.
- Ah. Oh, and, uh...
- One more thing.
- It's, um... it's for you.

- You're okay. Yes, you are.
- I got you.
- I got you, you still got your voice, okay?
- Just breathe for me, baby. There you go.
- Breathe.
[softly] ♪ There been times
- That I thought ♪

- He's been in a state ever since you left.
[Chuckles softly] Now...
- Tell me what the hell happened out there.
- I don't know where to begin.
- Let's start with breakfast.
- How about that?
- Gotta hit the head.

- as hundreds of people across the city have vanished, seemingly without a trace…
- Another silly conspiracy theory.
- …have increased by a staggering 500% in recent days.
- However, with no bodies found, no suspects, and no explanation, police have been scrambling to…

- When pogo dies?
- Not if you die first.
- Yeah, love you too, sis.
- Good luck on your next film.
- Hope it turns out better than your marriage, huh?
- Are... are we leaving?
- No, I'm leaving, me by myself.
- Oh, fabulous! I'll get my things.

- Stop. Stop.
- Please stop.
- Stop!

- All right? I am fine.
- I don't need any help.
- People are attacking our family.
- I mean, come on. Talk to me.
- I can't. I...
- Please.
- Just leave me alone.

- Looks like tinned beef.
- I was expecting more man and less…
- …can.
- It can't be.
- What's wrong?
- It's me.

- No, no, there's something...
- Something doesn't feel right about this.
- What... what do you mean?
- I don't trust him.
- But he's you.
- Exactly.
- A tidy workspace is a happy workspace.

- And to show the police that we will not be bullied into submission.
- We will continue to fight for equality, even in the face of persecution.
- With or without ray.
- Because we're ready.
- All in favor?

- The holy wanderer has returned!
Klaus: Stay in the mansion.
[Man 1] Prophet!
- No! No, you guys should all stay in the mansion!
[Overlapping shouts] Prophet!
Klaus: Stay in the...
Klaus: Shit-sticks!
[Man] Right this way, sir.

Lila: Jesus.
- Stan?
- Stanley?
- Ugh, rank. [hisses]
Diego: Found something.
- What?

- You want it?
- Go ahead.
- What's that?
- Shit.
- Now...
- Where were we?
[girl] Look, mama, fireworks. come on, sweetie.
- We'll be late for the parade.

- -[energy whooshing]
- -[splattering]
- Well, shit.
- Hey, did you--

- only to discover you've had this in you the entire time.
- You owe it to yourself to discover what that really means.
- Okay?
- Clear your mind.
- Focus.
- Where better to do that than here?

- Nothing to solve, nothing like that.
- It's just a sad old man who kicked it in a big, empty house.
- Just like he deserved.
- You should leave.
- Whatever you say, brother.

- You are going out there...
- I'm not! Go away!
- Or I'm gonna beat you, and not the way you like it!
- That's my cue.
- Hey! Allison!
Klaus: No! Allison!
- Vanya!
- Vanya!

- Othennise, you wouldn't have risked everything coming back here to save us all.
- But you're not on your own anymore.
[Sighs] There is one way.
- But it's just about impossible.
- More impossible than what brought you back here?

- But if we go through the portal, we could… we could save the universe.
- We could save… everybody.
- So can we just put our past behind us and move forward together?
- Can you give me that?
- I love you.
- I love you too.

Klaus: I bet you're loving this. Hmm? The team at its best. It's just like old times. Best funeral ever!

- You were dead five minutes ago.
- You're fragile!
- -I gotta go after him.
- -[Diego] No. Wa-Klaus, wait!
- -I'm out, bitches.
- -[Viktor] Come on.
- We should stick together and figure this out--
- What are we supposed to do?
- Live our lives?

- Last night, what I said...
- No, no, don't. Don't worry about it oh, I have your keys.
- Why do you have my keys?
- It's a long story. [Sighs]
- Do you wanna get a drink?
- Sure.

- Number seven. [Echoing]
- Number seven.
- You're late for supper. sit down.
- Come on, Vanya, who are you really?
- Where did you come from?

- Impressive.
- -♪ oh, no, no, no ♪
- -[Grunting]

- Mamie pink on special, which always goes very nice in the latrine.
- That sounds perfect.
- Is this considered stalking?
- 'Cause I think you're stalking now.
[Hissing whisper] Shut up!
- You're pretty good at that. [Chuckles]
- Thanks. [Laughs softly]

- Mom! Get out of there now!
- Mom, get out of there! Mom!
- I'm coming after you!
- No, Diego!
- No!
Klaus: Diego!
Diego: Please! Mom!
Klaus: Get back!
Diego: Mom!

- To finish the feast. [Giggles]
Allison: Oh, god! Oh!
- Shoot. Hang on...
Allison: Oh, oh, oh... okay...
Luther: I... just...
- Yeah. Oh... oh.
[Laughs] Just gotta get in there.
[Laughing] Easy, easy!

- Mom.
- You okay?
- Of course I am.
- You didn't hear the noises?
- The guys in the masks that just shot up the house?
- What are you talking about, silly?

- Oh, my god! You're okay. You're okay.
- Harlan! Harlan! Harlan!
- He's okay. He's okay.
- Oh, my baby! Oh, my baby!
[Whispers] Thank you. Thank you.
- Oh, baby.

- This one.
- Hey.
- What? You don't like the color?
[Loudly] Stop being a Princess and get in!
Diego: Shh!
- You know the other window was open, right?

[Handler] That I can work with.
- Run him through orientation, fill out his start papennork.
- But...
- If he ruffles even one feather, you will kill him yourself.
- Understood?
- Thanks, mum.

- Shit.
[Handler] So, how's your first day going?
- Couldn't be better.

Woman Getting Mugged: Help! Someone help me!
- Help! Somebody help me!
[Jfk on TV] ...And the glow from that fire can truly light the world.
- And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.

- I don't know. He was ruthless in our performance reviews.
- He always gave me five stars.
- Really?
- Look, I'm old enough to trust my instinct, and it's telling me this is a trap.
- Food for thought.

- We had a breakthrough today, Vanya.
- This thing that's happening to you, it's important.
- So is my music.
- Huh. Right. [Chuckles]
- You're right, of course. [Clears throat]
- Yeah, go practice.

- the consequences of which are dire.
- Hold on to this feeling, children.
- Let it fester in your hearts...
- So there is never a next time.
- Training will be canceled today out of respect for your brother.
- We resume tomorrow at 6:00 am.

Diego: Five, I think I'm gonna puke.
- No time!
[Five] What now?
- We blink into the house, man!
[Softly] Okay.
- What?
- Shit, I'm out of fuel. I'm too tired.
- Go! I'll... I'll coverfor you.
- Diego, what are you...
Diego: Go!

- Since when are you the optimist?
- Making a few changes, I guess.
- The hair?
- It's a bit more than that, actually, but…
- I'll explain on the way.
- Okay.

- We've caused way too much trouble.
- You notice something's missing?
- We don't have a briefcase.
- She's leavin' us to die.
- Look.
- There's Vanya.

- -♪ and it's all right ♪
- -[Grunts]
- -♪ and it's comin' along ♪
- -[Passerby] Oh, no!
Woman Getting Mugged: Son of a biscuit.
- -♪ we gotta get right back... ♪
- -[Wind whipping]
[Five] Luther!
- Diego!

- Oh shit.
- Shit!
- Whoa!
- Whoa!

- Stop what?
Hazel: You know.
Cha: That's impossible.
Hazel: Why? Number five came back.
- And he failed.
- He's back at the commission.
- There's no way around this, Hazel.
- Our only choice is to do what they say.
- One way or another, they always get you.

- It's very… It's irritating.
- I'm just saying it's something you can work on, you know?
- For the future.
- Why you smiling, you little pisspot?
- 'Cause of that.
- Well, you could have led with that.

- -You need to be wooed.
- -Wooed.
- -Ooh.
- -Yeah, flowers.
- An expensive bottle of wine.
- Or I could find another DILF to play Daddy.
- I'm the daddy here.
- Yeah, you are.

- Now, go back to the car.
- If I don't come out in two minutes, that means I'm probably dead.
- So...
- That happens, go get help.
- Okay?
- Yeah, okay, okay, okay, okay.
- Okay.

- Pogo.
- Hey.
- It's all right, little buddy.
- Pogo. It's good to see you.
- Diego!
- Diego!

- 740... 41... 42...
- 743.
- Okay.

Diego: Go, go!
Lila: Who are those guys?
Diego: No idea. what the hell are you stopping for?
- We need a distraction.
- Follow me.
- -♪ come on home ♪
- -[People screaming]
- -♪ you're hearing what I say ♪
- -♪ that you're comin' home ♪

Ben: That makes no sense.
- Beautiful! Bravo, Dad! Bravo!
- I didn't think the old man had it in him.
Chet: All right, all right.
- Time to turn those frowns upside down!
- This one is for all the party people in the place.

- I quit.
- We've worked together for a long, long time.
- We're good at what we do.
- We can kill anyone.
- But when I got the order to kill you,
- I knew I couldn't do this anymore.
- I'd appreciate it if you would accept my wishes, and...
- We could go on our own separate ways.

- Which one is your favorite?
- Ballerina is kind of my best.
- Or maybe the duck.
- Or the other duck.
- Or the other duck.
- But there is one you should see.

- Hey, where's that new recruit?
- The shaggy hair, caveman face?
Instructor: No clue, sorry.
- Loyalty isn't a choice, it's a lifestyle.

- Okay.
Pogo: Like I said, master Luther, number five hasn't lived in this room since he was a boy.
- Yeah, I know, but we need to warn him.
- He doesn't even know we were attacked.
- He doesn't know they're looking for him, he doesn't know...
Diego: What are you doing here?

- I just wanted to...
- Things have gotten so messed up.
- All / ever wanted was to be a good sister to you.
- Guess / pretty much failed at that.
- But you need to call me, okay?
- I love you, sis.

- Oh! Oh!
[Whimpers] Thank you.
- Come with me.
Klaus: Okay.
[Woman] I'll take care of you.
Ben: Seriously, Klaus?
- J' sunnyj'

- j” / guess I'd better go now j” j” let me sleep all night in your soul kitchen ♪ j” warm my mind near your gentle stove j” j” tum me out and I'll wander, habyj” fl stumb/in ' in the neon grove j” j” oohj”

- in the first place.
- They are going to kill him.
- They're gonna shoot him in the head right here in Dallas.
- All right? Understand?
[Moncton] Let go!
- All right! I'm okay.
- Let go!
- I'm sorry. Look, I'm okay.
- I'm okay. I'm okay.

[Swede 1 in English] Where is Diego?
[Choking] I don't... I don't... I don't...
- I don't know.

Elliott: Huh. "Frankel Footage." Friends of yours?
Number: Cousins on my robot mother's side.

- Oh, here we go. Ah, right here.
- This, uh... oh, right here.
- That's hoyt right there.
[Five] Huh.
- I only count 11.
- Well, that's because they've only identified 11 so far.
- Who's the twelfth?

Odessa: There it is.
- "Behind every man..."
[Mutters] Come on.
- What in tarnation?

- So, what'll it be?
- Uh, give me a chocolate éclair.
- Mm-hmm. Sure.
- Can I get the kid a glass of milk or something?
[Scoffs] The kid wants coffee. Black.
- Cute kid. [Chuckles]
- Okay.

Sissy: Vanya.
[Panting] Vanya, wait!

- Everything is fine. I can explain.
- But first,
- I need to introduce you to somebody.
- Just... promise me you won't freak out.
- What the hell are you talking about?
- Uh! Don't freak out.
- No freak-outs.
- All right.

- Relax.
- Just concentrate.
- Listen to everything around you.
- What do you hear?
- Let all the other sounds drop away and focus on one.
- Let that one sound resonate in you.

- What's he talking about?
- I don't know.
- He was so grateful to you,
- Hazel, for having spared his wife.
- You know, there may be hope for him yet. Don't you think?
- Bathroom, now!

- Five?
- Allison!
[Both] Allison!
- Allis...
- Allison!
- -♪ you give me your love ♪
- -♪ give me your love ♪
- -♪ I just can't stay away, no, no ♪
- -[Grunts]

- Two stowaways.
[Laughs] Okay.
- Assuming you still wanna do it.
- I understand...
- Hazel.
- Yeah?
- I've never been more sure of anything in my life.
- Okay.

- Harlan could go back to spending time with his mommy and his daddy like he should.
- Now me and Jim gonna have us a drink.
- So... [chuckles] ...You take the car.
- And I do expect you to be packed up and gone by the time I'm back.

- All right. Peace and love, peace and love.
- Here I come.
[Klaus groans] Damn it.
- Come at me, litter box!
- Hey! Listen,
- I have amazing hair, all right?
- This was era-appropriate!
- That's all you got?

- Children, find a star on the sigil.
- Stand on it!
- Ben, now's your time, boy! Quickly!
- Seven points, seven of us?
- We're the bells?
Reginald: No.
- Not you.

[Sissy] You have given me the greatest gift of a lifetime.
- You let me feel alive for the first time.
- You helped me find hope again.
- That's a wonderful thing.

- She wasn't so lucky.
- Your brother is missing, and this is how you rise to the occasion?
- Take your nonsense elsewhere.
- Now.
- Sorry, pogo.
- Yeah, sorry, pogo.

[Five] Which one?
- It's the, uh, atmospheric radar.
[Five] Good.
- I don't get it. What are you tracking?
- A hurricane? A storm front?
- Sound waves.
- Sound waves.
- Wow. What...
- Where are you going?

- Sorry.
Viktor: Allison?
- Are you okay?
Allison: Yeah.
- Um…
- Let's go.

- I was angry.
- I was angry that you were gone, that you'd moved on with your life.
- And I was still stuck here, alone with dad in this shitty old house.
- But I was wrong, because I pushed everyone away, and...
[Crying] ...That's including the one person I love with all my heart.

Elliott: It's all true, yeah? UFOs... crop circles?
Number: Well, the truth is out there.

- I missed you.
- Thank god someone did. [Chuckles softly]

- Jesus!
- You should have locks on your windows.
- I live on the second floor.
- Rapists can climb.
- You are so weird.

- This is my problem, and I appreciate your concern, but I'm gonna figure it out.
- I'm gonna fix it.
- -What's going on?
- -Oh my God. He got you too?
- You okay?
- -Great. You?
- -Never better.

- What the hell were you thinking?
Klaus: What do you care?
- What do I care? I needed it, you moron, so I could get back.
- I could start over.
- Just... just...
- Where you going?
- Interrogation's over, just...
- Leave.

[whispers] Run.
- Oh, "run"!
- Molotov this, bitches!
- Stanley! Not now.
- -[smoke alarm blaring]
- -Oh shit.
- Power up.

- God?
- Yes, God is in the basement, and he called Marcus home.
- -Does she need a checkup?
- -Focus, Fei.
- We play this right,
- Sparrow Academy is all ours.

- To use me on this stupid mission?
- You did have a purpose.
- I left you to guard the most precious thing in the universe.
- And what was it?
- You'll soon understand.
- You all will.

- Bless you.
- Oh. Thanks.

[Five] Okay.
- Hey, that was really nice of you.
- Kill Mom so Diego didn't have to.
- My God. We are a weird family, aren't we?
- Sorry. Yeah, I heard it as I said it.
- It's all right.

- -♪ First ♪
- -♪ We got to turn it around ♪
- -♪ Second ♪
- -♪ And put your feet on the ground ♪
- -♪ Third ♪
- -♪ Now take ahold of your soul ♪
- -♪ Footloose ♪
- -[sound of crowd cheering]
- -♪ Footloose ♪
- -♪ Footloose ♪

- Okay.
- Hiya, five. How's it going?
- I must have utter silence in order to complete this task.
[Stammers] Oh, okay.
- Hey, a few of us are having lunch, and I was wondering if you...
- You're doing something.

- Oh, man. See?
- You used to think I was an idiot.
- I still think you're an idiot.
- They're getting away.
- You're welcome.
- Shit.
- Get in the car. Oh...
- Was this all part of your master plan?
- Shut up.
Klaus: Hm?

- Carl, no!
- Time to get him the help he needs!
- Carl!
- No, he doesn't belong in one of those places!
- Hold on, Harlan.
- Gonna get you some help.
- No matter what your mama says.

- Only dink I see is yours, tough guy.
- -You followed me here?
- -Don't flatter yourself.
- Leave now, or I'm gonna spank you like the little bitch you are.
- Take your best shot, tubby.
- -[bone cracks]
- -Oh shit!
- I know. Doesn't feel good, does it?

- I guess I'll just...
- Drop these off to Vanya at rehearsal.
- You know what?
- I'll take the keys to her.
- Sure.
- Whatever's easiest, right?
- It's great seeing you.

- -[gulps]
- -[Alphonso] Get a move on.
- Sit.
- Now…
- -What is this?
- -Doesn't concern you, old man.
- We say sign, you sign.
- Don't make me get Christopher.

- and she's this close to making pension.
[Panting] Sorry to interrupt.
- May I have a moment alone?
- Of course.
- Duty calls.
- We'll continue this discussion later, five.
- Sure. May I?
- Please.

- {gasps} -Wh...
Leonard: It's okay.
- We're okay.
- We're more than okay.

- Six days.
- We've got six days.
- Six days until what?
- I can't explain, okay?
- Just, we need to go now, please.
[Sissy whispers] Vanya.
Vanya: Please, come. Please...
- Vanya. Vanya. Vanya!
- I can't.

- Oh, please, Vanya.
- Everything is out in the open.
- We can move on!
- Oh, I'm moving on.
- But not with you, with Leonard.
- With Harold, you mean.
- With Leonard!
- The only person who has ever loved me for me.
- Look me in the eye and tell me you're not threatened now.

- What?
- What were you gonna say?
- Eggs are ready!
- Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
- Now, eat up.
- Both of you.

- -[Ben groans]
- -[Jayme snarls]
- -[yells]
- -[Jayme grunts]
- -♪ I say ♪
- -♪ I say ♪
- -♪ Look back, look back ♪
- -♪ Don't look back ♪
- -♪ I say ♪
- -[both gasp]
- -♪ Look back ♪
- -♪ I say don't look back ♪

- Sloane, will you marry me?

- The man's never apologized for anything in his life.
- I actually feel bad for him.
- Don't worry. It'll pass.
- So now what?
- We wait for the end.
- See you around. It's been interesting.

- Um... I'm so sorry I'm late.
- I hadn't noticed. [Clears throat]
[Conductor] From the top.

- Do you, um... do you like it?
[In normal voice] I'll never take it off.
- I almost forgot. I brought one more thing.

Ben: It's a shitty world filled with shitty people sometimes.

- Attagirl.
Allison: I've got a blender and some much better booze.
- So, ifwe're gonna start day-drinking, we should do it right.
[Whimpers] I love you so much.
- Yeah. Yeah!
- Oh!

- Okay, you gonna fill me in now, boys?
- What the hell is this shit we're watching?
- No, that's impossible.
- Clearly, it's not.
[Muffled] What... what is it?
[Both] Dad.
- If you're here about the guest room,
- I only got space for one.

- Hey.
- What do you say you and I go to America and terrorize an old friend of mine?
- Could be fun.
- -Hmm…
- -[man exhales]
Stan: Sure. I'm down.
Lila: Cool.

- Hazel. What the hell's going on here?
- There's no time to explain.
- Those are nukes, old-timer.
- What about my family?
- You can't save 'em ifyou're dead.
- -♪ and did it my♪
- -[Explosions booming]

- -Where to?
- -Sparrow Academy.
- The world's ending, so I think it's time we put our petty bullshit aside and work together on this Kugelblitz.
- Yeah? Or what?
- Or Stanley won't be the last of us to disappear.
- Come on.

- Can I have the room?
- Er… I don't think I should leave you two alone.
- Lila, I need the room.

Sir: Nietzsche once said, "Man is as a rope stretched between the animal and the superhuman. A rope over an abyss. It is a dangerous crossing, a dangerous looking-back, a dangerous trembling and halting."
Sir: As much as you must strive for individual greatness, and strive you must, for it won't come to you of its own accord. You must also remember that there is no individual stronger than the collective.
Sir: The ties that bind you together makes you stronger than you are alone. They will make you impervious to the pain and hardship the world will thrust upon you. And believe me when I tell you, life will be hard. It will be painful.
Sir: We can accomplish anything when we accept responsibility together. This is what creates trust.
Sir: Together, you will stand against the reign of evil.

- {gasps}
- There's something you have to see.

- Back so soon?
- And here I thought you were the smart one.
- How disappointing.

- You gotta be kidding me.
- I know we don't look like much, but we're resourceful.
- Don't mess with case management.
- Stand down, dot.

- but just don't look, because I'm shy.
- And finally, I'm dairy-free.
- Trust me on that.
- Thank you.
[Exhaling] Whatever, just...
[Sighs] Just make it quick.

Agnes: Can I get the kid a glass of milk or something?
Number: The kid wants coffee. Black.

- Diego, you need to let me handle this.
- You're not equipped...
- You always loved telling me what I can and can't do.
- You know, maybe for once, just try things my way.

- No, I'm... I'm not ready for that.
Leonard: Vanya.
- You are an amazing violinist.
- You already taught me how to play
- "frere Jacques" in under an hour.
- That's pretty impressive.
- I'm telling you, if you...
- Believe in yourself for once, just once, great things are gonna happen for you.

- Won't matter much longer anyway.
- In a few days, we'll all be, uh, Kugel-toast.
- And I guess
- Harlan will have died for nothing.
- Nice work.
- Stop crying on my bedsheets, emo.
- It's gross.

[Handler] "This is the start of something bigger than yourselves, and I will be the ne..."
- Now is not a good time.
- What?
- Well?
- I've never seen anything like this.
- The anomaly is off the charts.

Number: This world ends in five days if we don't get out of the timeline.
Reginald: Worlds end. Paleozoic, Jurassic, and so on.
Number: We can do something about this one.
Reginald: Man's greatest flaw: the illusion of control.

- If you had Ray and Claire back, would you even be here?
- But they're not back, are they?
- I get that you need a distraction, but you can't use me for that.
- I can if I want to.
- That's not funny.
- I heard a rumor you stay. [voice echoes]

- -♪ backstreet's back ♪
- -[Growling loudly]
- -♪ everybody ♪
- -[Both groaning]
- -♪ yeah ♪ -♪ come on ♪
- -♪ rock your body ♪ -[Choking]
- -♪ yeah, everybody♪ -[Screams]
- -♪ rock your body right ♪
- -[Shuddering grunts]

- He didn't even give you a room to sleep in.
- But I've got such beautiful views here.
Diego: Mom, those are just paintings.
- Of course they are. [Sighs]
- What a wonderful world she lives in.
- Sometimes I wonder if she's lonely.

- So…
- Well, dead even. Four in, four out.
- That leaves you, Number Five.
- I saw the future, and it told me to sit this one out.
- I vote stay.
- It's time we accept our fate.

Diego: [about Vanya] What is she doing here? You don't belong here. Not after what you did.
Allison: You're seriously gonna do this today? Way to dress for the occasion, by the way.
Diego: At least I'm wearing black.

- What's it gonna be, maestro?
- -It's gonna be a duet, my friend.
- -[Luther] Oh!
- Yay!
- I feel so special!
- Oh! This is gonna be good.
- No karaoke is good. That's the point.

- What they're doing is too important.
- What are you talking about?
- You're our number one, remember?
- "0 captain! My captain!"
- Remember?
- Yeah, right?

- How'd you do that?
- Don't really have time to explain.
- You from the Pentagon? Huh?
- Definitely not.
- CIA? FBI. Kgb?
- Is that fresh?
[Screams, panting] What...

- -♪ I'll state my case ♪
- -[Luther shouts]
- -♪ of which I'm certain ♪
- -[Screaming]
- -♪ I traveled each and every highway ♪
- -[Overlapping screams]
- -♪ and more ♪
- -[Body splatters]
- Hey!
- I heard a rumor that I blew your minds.

- Last time you were this quiet, we were 12.
- Ran down the stairs wearing grace's heels, tripped over, and broke yourjaw.
- How long was it wired shut again?
- Eight weeks.
- Eight glorious weeks of bliss.
- Hey, just... just drop me off here.

- j / cried power I j power, power j”
- .fi power j' j power fl -Vanya?
- -[Hazel] Come here! J power.”
- -[Yells] J power, powerj'
- Phew.

Klaus: I just hate group break-ups. It's why I stopped dating twins.

- Five, you... you don't have to...
- I know. You owe me one, sis.
- Children ride in the back.
Klaus: Okay.
Allison: Whoa!
- Oh, Christ.
- Guys, I don't know what to say.

- but I'd have to see him from the shoulders down.
- The date, you idiot.
- Oh, yeah.
- "February 11, 1960"?
- 1960.
[Both] Shit.

- This was unusual only in the fact that none of these women had been pregnant when the day first began.
- Sir Reginald hargree ves, eccentric b/I/ionaire and adventurer, resolved to locate and adopt as many of the children as possible.
- Extraordinary!
- How much do you want for it?

- I don't wanna argue with you.
- Then go!
- Uh...
- I'm only trying to help you.
- I don't want your help!
- Vanya, I love you!
- Stop saying that!

- Hey, mom.
- Mom?
Allison: Vanya?
- You're actually here.
- Hey, Allison.
- Hey, sis.

- Maybe. A couple.
- I don't know.
- Well, then, keep them to yourself.
- Time is flying, so hurry up.
- He's waiting for you.
- Who is?

- -Come on! What are you waiting for?
- -This isn't over!
- Get in the tunnel!
- Wait! What are you doing?
- You've done a fine job bringing me back into the family fold.
- You're just more trouble than you're worth. Sorry, Klaus.
- No, Dad!

- it was supposed to happen.
- That's insane. The end of everything?
- Not everything.
- Just the end of...
- Something.
- Do we have an agreement?

- It's gonna be o... [crying softly]
- Remember what we worked on.
- Just picture the word in your mind.
- It's gonna be okay... [stutters] ...Mom.

- She's right. Whatever did this had a long curved blade.
- How… How can you be sure?
- I don't know much, but I know knives.
- Children, what's going on? [gasps]
- Oh God! Luther.
- If we attacked first, he would still be alive.

- But I'd think you'd wanna pop every pill on the planet.
- Oh, the thought did cross my mind, believe me, but...
- There's something I need to do, and the whole pesky thing doesn't seem to work unless I'm sober.
- Is this is about conjuring the one you lost?
Diego: What was her name?

- Look around.
- Nobody's polishing their boots or pressing their tights.
- We're a complete and total shit show.
- Ya get it?
- And our Ben, my Ben, was just that kinda disaster, and it made him ridiculously easy to love.

- -[groans]
- -[glass shatters]
- -[Vanya whimpers]
- -[Alphonso coughs]
Marcus: It's over.
- Go.
- Don't come back.

- It's just noise.
- No, Marcus.
- It's a message from God.
- Listen.
- I hear it.
- You mind your manners.

- Temporarily.
- Congratulations.
- For what?
- I think that's the first time you've ever stood up to dad.
Luther: Hmm.
- Are you okay?
- So much for having my back in there.
- Team zero, my ass.

- Why? How do you do it?
Klaus: We've been to seven bars, three strip joints, and a laundromat.
- Luther's not here. Can we go home now?
- Would he give up on you?
Klaus: Uh...
[Woman] That's the biggest hairy guy
- I have ever seen.

Number: Wonder if it's too late to be un-adopted.

- Nothing personal.
- Okay.
[in robotic voice] ♪ Onward ♪
[voice slows, distorts] ♪ Marching ♪

- Look.
- Vanya's getting off.
- This is where you get off.
- You mother... [screams]

- On your feet and come with us.
- They want to talk.
- I've got nothing to say.
- It doesn't have to go this way.
- You think I want to shoot a kid?
- Go home with that on my conscience?
- Well, I wouldn't worry about that.
- You won't be going home.

- I thought he was...
- He pulled through.
- He's an amazing kid.
- Except for that obsession with Mr. Pickles.
- That is a true nightmare.
- Where's yours?
- I should leave.

- Never good to keep a lady waiting.
- Tell him that if you find him.
- Hey, uh, grace?
- It was nice meeting you.
- You too.
- Lila.

Klaus: Old Holland Road, Pennsylvania.
- -Hmm.
- -[Diego sighs]

- This is officially worse than the apocalypse.
[Five] Ah, there we are.

- There's no apocalypse. The sun is shining.
- Birds are doing whatever the hell birds do.
- That's all that matters.
- We're done messing with time.
- And I'm officially retired.
- Is he wearing aftershave?
- I'm concerned.

[Five] Hmm.
- Nice to see nothing's changed.
- Uh, that's it? That's all you have to say?
[Five] What else is there to say?
- The circle of life.
- Well...
- That was interesting.

Reginald: Not everyone in this world can be powerful. Chasing something unattainable is a recipe for a lifetime of disappointment and resentment.

- -Yeah.
- -Would you pass the moo shu?
Klaus: I don't know.
- Doesn't it seem kind of rude that Dad unadopting us didn't change anything?
- -I'm offended.
- -Hold up.
- -[Five] I never said that, Klaus.
- -I'll be right back.
Klaus: How are we gonna know where it changed?

- We're not kids anymore.
- There's no such thing as good guys or bad guys.
- There's just people, goin' about their lives.
- But when the world ends, all those people die, including our family.
[Sighs] Time changes everything.

- That we're gonna get.
- Now, listening up.
- There's no easy way to say this, so I'm just gonna spit it out.
- This is a bad idea.
- Yeah.
- Klaus.
- I conjured dad last night.

- -You said no mushrooms.
- -[mocking] I speak English!
- So does my son.
- We speak American, asshole.
- You are an American asshole.
[store owner] Let go of me! Let go!
- Get outta my store! Get out of here!

- We use my ability to time travel.
- You're the genius who said we should jump.
- Right? You're the one who got us stuck here.
- Maybe your appetite is disproportionate to the size of your abilities.
- Start small.
- Seconds, not decades.

- Hey, you know something?
- Tonight is all I ever really wanted.
- To get hitched?
- Just… everybody coming together when it really matters.
- One big real family.

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- I didn't want--
- Sorry is what you say when you spill a glass of milk, not obliterate somebody's child!
- What are you gonna do?
- Stan!

- Marcus is missing.
- I'm taking the reins.
- What? You think it should be you?
- You had your chance once.
- Didn't turn out too well, now, did it?
- Say that again.

- What happened to that beer, girl? Oh, shit.
- You caught me naked as a jaybird.
- I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later.
- That's all right.
- You're part of the family.
- Don't you dawdle, now.

- But I don't think you're better than me, Marcus.
- I ended the world twice.
- And you?
- You're just meat in spandex.
- And I bet you don't want the whole world watching when I prove that to you.

Luther: We're different than everyone else. We're special. And, good or bad, that means we don't get to live normal lives, here or anywhere.

- Please evacuate.
- Remain calm.
- Do not panic.
- I do owe a debt.
- But it's not to you.
- Please evacuate.
- Remain calm.
- Do not panic.
- Shit.

- No more "number one,"
- "number two" bullshit.
- From now on, it's...
- Team zero.
- "Team zero"?
- Team zero.
- All the way.

- But just so you know,
- I have the hand-eye coordination of a drunk kitten.
[straining grunt] See?
- Ha-ha!
Reginald: Klaus Hargreeves.
- Reanimation training.
- Trial commencing 1:15 p.m.

- You should go to the airport.
- And get back to your real life.
- I would if I could.
Allison: Thank you.
- You're a good sister.

- When he's hungry, he eats, when he's tired, he nests, when he's horny, he screws, free to be free.
- Pretty sure they got it figured out.
Cha: And what's that?
- A simple life with a partner.
- Sometimes what you want's right in front of you.
- By the time you realize it, it's too late.

Cha: Hazel.
- Couldn't have gone far.
- That's not the only problem.
- The briefcase.
Cha: Shit!

Diego: Klaus!
- I'm not gonna make it!
- It's up to you, buddy!
- You gotta save the world!
- No, Diego, that's a terrible idea!

- Ow! I told you already. He's not coming.
- No one will.
- Well, number five knows now.
- We left him a message.
- And when he comes for you, we'll be ready.
- Huh. [Sighs]
[Klaus sobs] This...

- Does that taste good, little one?
- J' blue, blue ♪
- -j' my world is blue ♪
- -[Handler chuckles]

- I'm gonna try.
- Well, then…
- I'm sorry.
- I pronounce you married as shit!
- Viva la apocalypse!
- -[cheering]
- -["Teenage Dream" by The Rescues plays]

- .fi / think we 're alone now j'
- .f' the beating of our hearts is the only sound I
- .fi / think we 're alone now j' j' there doesn't seem to be anyone around I
- .fi / think we 're alone now j'
- .f' the beating of our hearts is the only sound I

- Klaus!
- All right, fine.
- Okay.
- Butwait!
- Oh!
- We need to talk about ground rules.
Sissy: Excuse me, babe.
Vanya: Thanks.
Sissy: Mm-hmm.

- Uh so take me back to constantinople .fi j' no, you can't go back to constantinople .i'
- .f' been a long time gone, constantinople .f'
- .fi why did constantinople get the works 7 j”
- .f' that's nobody's business but the Turks'j' j' Istanbul .fi

- Shit.
[Woman on radio] We have a 7074 at gimbe/ brothers department store.
- Shots fired. Repeat, shots fired.
- 6045 Vanderbilt

- and we read James and the giant peach.
- Any episodes?
- No, ma'am.
- How about you? How are you feeling?
- Oh, my headaches are a lot better.
- Still no memories.
- Well then, we just need to get busy making you some new ones, hmm?

- Home sweet home.
- Yep.

- "Your brother says hi."
- My brother. Been missing since yesterday.
- I need to find him.
- Son of a bitch.
Luther: Let's split up.
Diego: Wow. Good thinking.

- my mom.
- I have no idea what you're talking about.
- I feel like if I could just find the person who did it…
- Do you want some ice cream?
- Would that shut you up?
- -Yeah. Yeah, I do.
- -[Reginald chuckles]

- What did we miss?
- The universe is ending, and we're all going to die.
Grace: Why have you brought me before my God?
- -Your right eye. Give it to me.
- -What are you doing?
- If we wanna beat this thing, first we need to understand it.
Ben: It's time to see what's on the other side.

Five: It means you're very dangerous, Viktor Hargreeves. The decisions you make impact the entire world. So, no matter how benevolent they may seem; you don't get to make them alone. You know what they call a superhero who works alone and doesn't listen to anybody? A villain.

- Klaus!
- Dad!
- Klaus.
- Klaus.
- Breathe.
- You're in the worst of it now.
- Just try and stay calm.

- I think / found his brother tell him to meet me at 4535 Calhoun as soon as he can.
- Uh, hold on, hold on.
- I, uh...
- I could use some backup.
- All right, lady.
- Ill let him know you called

[Slurred] Di-e-go...
- Re... mem... ber.

- Look, this is for your own good, Diego.
- No! Five!
- Listen, my brother is a very sick man.
- No, five!
- I only pray that he gets the help he so desperately needs.
Diego: No, please! Not the needle! No!
- No! No!
- Be back for you later, okay? Just...
- Well, nighty night.

- You have till tonight.
- Otherwise, I swear, I'm gonna rumor your ass to come back with me, okay?
- Yes, yeah.
- Sibling swear.
- I'm serious.
- Don't mess with me, tiny.

- Yeah. I think I could squeeze you in.
- Come on.
- Oh, boy.
- Oh, my god.
- Oh, gosh. Okay.
- I guess I'm just tired of all this being told what to do, where to go.
- Let's forget the stupid briefcase.
- Why not just stay here 7

- j' don't stop me now... fi
Cha: Got him!
- J' just give me a call .fi j' don't stop me now... fi
Hazel: The bastard jumped again.
Cha: Come on, let's go.
- J” / don't wanna stop at all j'

- So, if you're playing me right now, you win.
- But if this… if this is for real, we have to trust each other because we're not our families.

- -First off--
- -Here we go.
- -Time travel is complicated, people.
- -Yeah, we get it. Your job is so hard.
- Just… what?
- And secondly…
- I no longer have the briefcase.
- Five, where the hell is the briefcase?

- Well, if you see him, you can tell him
- I'm this far from firing his ass.
- He works here?
- Eh, he, uh, mops the floor in exchange for the back room.
- Okay. Thanks.
- Think about the fight game, eh?
- You got the build.

- What? How... how do you know?
- Um... I'm just guessing.
- Putting it together.
- But it makes sense. Right?
- Your brain is constantly taking in stimuli.
- And for you, when you feel a strong emotion, the sounds around you are somehow converted into energy.

[man] Everything is a-okay in the cockpit.
- -♪ starting to collect ♪
- -[Bell dings]
- -♪ what will it affect... ♪
- -[Console beeps]
- He's going to hand-control movement now.
- -♪ earth below us, drifting, falling ♪
- -[Nervous chittering]
- -♪ floating weightless ♪
- -[Shrieking]

- Come on, give me a name.
Luther: Thank you, Jack.
Jack: "Hargreeves."
- What is she, your ex?
- S... sorta.
- Y-Yeah. Sure.

- How do you know our mothers?
- What did you do to them?
- Tapes. I need my tapes.
Viktor: Hey. I'm talking to you!
- -No!
- -[Harlan strains]
[panting] No.
- Not until you tell me the truth.
- -I could tear you to atoms.
- -Try it.

- Ow! What the...
- I could smell it was you.
- What the hell?
- You could have killed me.
- If I wanted you dead, you'd be dead.

Reginald: This isn't your home.
Allison: What are you talking about?
- This is the Umbrella Academy.
Reginald: Wrong again.
- This… is the Sparrow Academy.

- Anything else you want to share, pogo?
- Any other damn secrets?
- Hey, calm down, Luther.
- No, I won't calm down.
- We've been lied to by the one person in this family we all trusted.
- It was your father's dying wish, master Luther.
- I... [sighs]
- I had no choice.

- Diego?
- What are you doing?

- -♪ Hello ♪
- -♪ Hello ♪
- -♪ Goodbye ♪
- -♪ Goodbye ♪
- -♪ Hello ♪
- -♪ Hello ♪
- -♪ Goodbye ♪
- -♪ Goodbye ♪

- Hey, could I get some change?
- Oh, sure, I'll just look in my purse.
- Only a nickel and a couple of dimes.
- Oh! You... are...
- In... luck, mister.
- You know, some say the best luck is to die at the right time.

- And then, I guess after a while,
- I stopped caring myself.
- You know, about training, the missions…
- About… being Number One. [scoffs]
- You're not what I was expecting.
- -I'm not?
- -No.
- You're actually really sweet.

[Sighs] I thought we were in this together.
- For the long haul.
- We are.
- I'm sorry.

- Leonard!
- Help!
- Help!
- Help!

- -Oh shit!
- -What do we do?
- Haul ass!
- Where's the briefcase?
- Shit, it's gone!
- Vanya, get out of there!

- And for the first time, someone thinks I'm special.
- I'm just worried about you.
- Well, you're not my mother.
- Worry about your own daughter.
[Sighs] That's not fair.
- I want you to leave.

- the dead, which explains why he knew about the dead Russian yesterday.
- And the idiot in the mask can curve anything he throws, usually knives.
- Well, he's the one we need to worry about right now.
- Why?
- 'Cause he's in the parking lot, hiding behind an ice-cream truck.

Stan: This is so cool.
Reginald: I adopted them instead of you.
Klaus: Dad!
Reginald: I'm not your father, young man.
- Not anymore.
Stan: What is this?
[gasps] Whoa.

- Jesus, Ben.
- What the hell did you just do?
- I think I was...
- Inside of you.
Klaus: Ugh.
- I'm sorry.
- We've caught you in the middle of prayer.
- Dave?
- Jill.

[Five] "Soviets attack us"?
[Five] No, this can't be right.
[Soldier 1, in English] Gonna get you out.
- Keep your head down.
[Soldier 2, in English] Medic! Medic!
- Hey, kid, get down!
- What the hell did we do now?

- Police!
- Drop the gun, or you're going down!
Hazel: I'm coming out. Don't shoot.
- Hands behind your head, asshole.
Hazel: Okay.
- Just don't shoot.

- Hmm?
- You said it twice.
Officer: Time.
- Uh, I... [sighs]
- We'll talk about this later, okay?
Officer: Let's go, ma'am.
Allison: Honor and dignity.
- Honor and dignity.
- I promise.

- Right, but there won't be a next anything if we don't find the briefcase.
- End of story.
- Whatever.
- Whatever.
- Whatever. Whatever.
- I need a hit of sucrose.
- I'm heading to the vending machine.
- Fine.
- Fine.

[In English] "Sing in me, muse, and through me tell the story of that man skilled in all ways of contending, the wanderer, harried for years on end..."
- Reggie, he's sleepin'.
- Then I suppose homer will have to wait.

[last lines]
Number: When I jumped forward and got stuck in the future, do you know what I found?
Vanya: No.
Number: Nothing. Absolutely nothing. As far as I could tell, I was the last person left alive. I never figure out what killed the human race, but I did find something else. The date it happens. The world ends in eight days, and I have no idea how to stop it.
Vanya: [pauses] I'll put on a pot of coffee.

- Yeah, I know.
- I'll go get him.
- Wait, no.
- Let me do it.
Viktor: He trusts me.
- I can convince him to come quietly.

- Uh, you have some blood on you.
- A lot of blood, actually.
- Five, what did you do?
- Attention all commission supervisors, please report to the main foyer.
- Attention all commission supervisors, please report to the main foyer.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- I only wish your self-actualization could have come at a better time for the universe.
- I… I don't understand.
- -[flesh ripping]
- -[grunts]

- Are those explosions coming f...
Pogo: Vanya.
- We need to get to safety outside the academy.
- Don't forget mom!
- Yeah...
Luther: Pogo.
- Now!

- -[Marcus] Stay down!
- -Luther!
- Vanya!
Sloane: You again.
- Luther, go! Get out!
Vanya: No!

Reginald: After 72 days of success, number seven showed an unexpected resistance to her training.
- Number seven, concentrate on the sound around you.
- This is one of your designated training days.
- Number seven!
- Your insolence is unacceptable!

- What do you really want, Vanya?
- You have something I need, and I want it back.

- Hey, five.
- Oh, shit.

- Herb! How long have you been on the lusitania?
- Oh, ah... well, let's see, I, uh... I...
- Sorry?
- When I first started...
- Sorry? I can't hear you.
- Still can't hear you.
[Handler] Oh, gene, a word before you go to lunch.
- Gutenberg seems to be having second thoughts about the printing press.

- No, the world needs a leader and I'm not it. I'm not.
- Dad knew it, and now I know it.
- I'm done.
- Can I show you something?
- What? What is it?
- Just... just come with me.
- What? You got something better to do?

- Yeah, you're right.
- But, I just thought that...
- Yeah.
- I know what you thought.
- Now...
- You have a nice day, brother.
- All right.

- Where is Claire?!
- -I need to get some air.
- -Hey!
- Where are you g--?
Allison: What are you looking at?
Allison: Hey!
Allison: Hey, I'm talking to you!

- No one's gonna win a fight against me and my tiny badass brother.
[sighs] Okay.
- Well, I need the briefcase too.
- It's my only way back to Sissy.
- But no more improvising, okay?
- We do things together from now on, got it?
- Got it.

- Fl run, boy, run j'
- -[grunts]
- J break out from society j”
- J' tomorrow is another day j' j'and you won't have to hide away j' j' you'll be a man, boy j'
- I but for now, it's time to run it's time to run j'

- Three more hours.
- Don't leave me.
Mandarin: Klaus.
- Go away.
- Dad!
[Woman] Klaus!
- You went there again, didn't you?
[Whimpering] No, no, no, no...

- You aren't a monster.
- You're my sister.
- And right now, our siblings are risking everything out there trying to save you.
- You aren't alone at the table anymore,
- Vanya.
- You can do this.

- Vanya.
- I can't believe I have a sister.

- The hell's going on with you?
- I'm just sick and tired of you not listening!
Carl: Well, I'm sick and tired of having to fight for your goddamn attention.
- Are you my wife or not?
Carl: What in the hell was that?

- It's not here.
- Maybe the junkie took it.
- No shit. Any other brilliant insights you wanna throw at me?
- Yeah, I got a couple.

- Never gonna hurt anyone. Ever.
- That part's not me. That's--
- That's me.
- That's kinda my thing.
- I've hurt a lot of people with my power.
- And I am just so sorry you were one of them.

- Get your hands off me!
- Ray! Ray! No!
- Stop it! Get off of him! Stop!
[Officer] You don't belong in there, boy!
Allison: No!
- You're next!
- Stop it! You're killing him!
[Man] Get off her!
- I heard a rumor... that you walked away.

- Please don't make me go back.
- A little word of advice, my boy.
- Not everyone in this world can be powerful.
- Chasing something unattainable is a recipe for a lifetime of disappointment and resentment.
- So get off my property.

- Ugh.
- Are they all perverts?

- -[Five] Luther!
- -Oh!
- -Come on. Come on.
- -[laughs]
[Five] Viktor. Viktor, don't be shy.
- Diego, you too.
Viktor: You don't want this.
- Okay, screw it.
- -Get in here, Diego!
- -Come on! Come on! Look lively!

- to kill Luther and Klaus?
- I'm done. I'll meet you in the lobby.
- Hey… Hey, wait, no. [sighs]
- Wait… Five. [scoffs]
- Allison.
- No, just listen to me.

- the earth was destroyed in a cataclysmic event.
- Billions of people were wiped out in a matter of minutes.
- Ironically, the six survivors of the apocalypse were the very siblings who brought it on.
- Hold on!
- This could get messy!

- All right...
- I guess this is it.
- This is it.
- No!
- Five!
- It's shrinking!

- What actually happened the first time around?
- Yeah. What are you not tellin' us?
- Come on, big boy, spit it out.
[Sighs] We died.
- What was that?
[Coughs] I said, uh, we died.

[Sissy] You don't even notice the box that you're in until someone comes along and lets you out.
- -[barber] Can I help you?
- -Hey.
- Thanks.
- -[squeals]
- -[playful instrumental music playing]

[Whispers] Shit. Shit.
Luther: Whoa!
- Whoa!
Klaus: Catch me! Catch me! Catch me!
- Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
[Whispers] Oh, thank god.

- It's gonna be hard after I break yourjaw.
Diego: Lila?
- You're not the only one who wants out, wolf man!
- Watch my shoulder. [Grunts]
[Whispers] How'd you get out?
- -♪ I'm comin' home, baby, now♪
- -♪ do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do ♪

- Okay!
- Hey, daddy.
- You got a sec?
- Diego!
- Come on, we gotta go.
- Yeah. I'll be right back.
- Okay.
- I promise.
- Come on.

[Voice trembles] Diego, no...
- It's true, what five said, isn't it?
[Handler] Darling,
- I need to know that we can get past this, be a happy family again.
- They're my real family.
- Do you even love me?

[Swede 1] Where is he?
- I told you, I don't know.
- Aah... [gasping]
- Say "ahh." Ahh!
Sissy: I don't like how we left things.
- I wanna explain.

- How'd he find us?
- Well, he was us.
- He knows all the protocols.
- He says he has the briefcase.
- Wants to set up a meeting.
- Come on, we're late already.
- What about our friends outside?
- Last thing we need's a tail.
- Manila, 1902?
- Let's just go with the ice bucket.

- I could have taken every one of your organs.
- Why?
- The point is, if the world is truly ending, then you're running out of time to master your gifts.
Reginald: Oh!
- -We have work to do!
- -[Klaus] No, Dad!

- -♪ I was made for lovin' you, baby ♪
- -[Diego grunts, shouts]
- -♪ you were made for lovin' me ♪
- -[Horn honks]
Diego: Dad.
- -♪ and I can't get enough of you... ♪
- -[Chaotic chatter]

- A hard thing for a little girl to hear. ”
Vanya: "If you're raised to believe nothing about you is special, if the benchmark is extraordinary, what do you do if you're not?"
[Panting] Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
- Shit.

Luther: No. He must have known something was going to happen. Look, I know you don't like to do it, but I need you to talk to Dad.
Klaus: I can't just call Dad in the afterlife and be like, "Dad, could you just stop playing tennis with Hitler for a moment and take a quick call?"

[Five] I'm sorry, Hazel.
- What about the commission?
- I quit those assholes, remember?
- I don't owe 'em the fuzz off my peaches.
- Well then, who the hell are those guys?
Hazel: Shit.
- Run!

- -Nothing.
- Absolutely nothing.
- As far as / could tell,
- I was the last person left alive.
- I ne ver figured out what killed the human race, but..
- I did find someth/ng else.
- The date it happens.

- What do you mean? Where?
[Voice trembles] I don't know yet.
- I don't know.
- But I won't let anything happen to you or Harlan.
- I can protect you.
- I just need you to trust me.

- Sloane… Sloane…
- I know, I know.
- Just as you found love.
- It is a terrible shame.
- But don't worry.
- I'll be sure to look after her.
[shuddering] You…

- Deeper than that.
- Beneath the wind.
- Every living thing has an energy wave.
- A sound of its own.
- I… I…
- No, I… I can't.
- Concentrate. I want you to hear it.

- Five killed my family.
[Woman] No, don't kill us!
[Man] No!
- And aj Carmichael gave the order.

- Something wrong?
- Just not hungry.
Reginald: Try it.
- It might help you remember.
[Gibbs echoes] ...Remember.
- Vanya, what are you doing in Dallas?
- Keep ignoring me and see what happens.
- We will get you to talk.

- Oh shit.
Stan: No.
- Uncle Klaus!
- -[recording stops]
- -Viktor?
- Viktor?

- -[Ben] But who invited him?
- -[Allison] Just suffer with us.
Ben: I can't get invited to a party, and he's invited to this?
- -[Allison] Wow. You really can't relax.
- -Now we're all here.
Allison: Ben?
- Chill.
- -♪ We could be falling in love ♪
- -[Klaus] Psst.

- You're gonna do great in prison, Grant.
- Trust me, I've been there.
- Little piece of chicken like you.
- Oh, my god, you're gonna get passed around like a...
- You're just... you're gonna do great.
- That's all I'm saying.
- Jesus, you are a real sick bastard.
- Thank you.

Reginald: [Watching T.J. Hooker on television] You've got this, T.J.

- Mom!
- Where is she?
Klaus: Mom!
Diego: Mom!

- Get it together. [panting]
- Get it together, you coward--

- Well, don't worry.
- He'll sober up eventually.
- Be back to his normal, unpleasant self.
Diego: Yeah, I can't wait that long.
- I need to find out what his connection is with these lunatics before someone else dies.
- All that stuff he was saying before...
- What do you think he meant by that?

[Man] Number four, order's up.
- -♪ ...Hurt♪
- -[Man] Number four.
- -♪ you're all, all alone... ♪
- -[Indistinct conversation]
Luther: Can I get one more beer?
[Server] You got it.
- Allison.
- Oh, shit.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- I can't...
- No, I can't...
- I can't go back. I can't go back!
[Yells] No! Wait!
[Gasps] Stay!

- Because I need you to believe me, okay?
- That I did this for all of us.
- Luther and Klaus too.
- What did he offer you?
- I need you to trust me.
- Look at me. If we get through this, everything's gonna be okay.

- ♪ whoo ♪ [echoing]
- ♪ hey... ♪ [echoing]
- What's your game, crazy lady?
- Who cares? You said if you saw me again, you'd kill me.
- Oh, I remember.
- Well, come on, big talker.
- Let's get this done.
- All right.

- get him!
- Yeah!
- -♪ steady, bet ♪ -come on!
- -♪ like rocket fuel? ♪
- -[Man in crowd shouts indistinctly]
[Opponent] Come on!
- {935951 -[Knife clatters]
[Crowd] Oh!

- The contents of that box are...
- Priceless.
- Were they to find their way back to the office, whoever took it would be absolved of any blame or consequences.
- Oh, well, lucky bastard.
[Clicks tongue] Indeed.

- Son of a bitch.
[Five] What's this?

- But your powers were...
- Too great.
- He only wanted to protect you from yourself.
- As well as your siblings.
Vanya: Did...
- You know?

- J” / wanna taste the way that you bleed j”
- -j” you're my kill of the j”
- -[Thuds]
- J” nightj” you know that's not how we do things here.
- Where's Gloria?
- Don't know. Couldn't find her anywhere.

- Don't even know why I came here.
- Listen, February 21, 1968, in the a shau valley, you take fire trying to hold hill 689...
- You never come off that hill, Dave.
- That's... that's it.
- You're lying.
- You're some kind of con artist.
- Here, look, look, look. Look, look.

- J' stormy weather .f'
- Lheard a rumor I made the soccer team.
- -I heard a rumor you wanna be my friend
- -/ heard a rumor you I/ke broccoli.
- I heard a rumor you left me alone.
- / heard a rumor you stopped crying.
- I heard a rumor I did it in one take.
- / heard a rumor I'm perfect for the role.
- I heard a rumor that you lo ve me.

Pogo: More importantly, thanks to you and your brothers, she's still with us.
- Grace and I can take it from here, master Luther.
- Go. Rest.
- You're the last person I would trust here.
- I'm not going anywhere.

- No, it's my fault.
- I just wanted them to be proud of me.
- And how could I presume to be worthy of their attention?
- Nothing's ever big enough next to their holier-than-thou, weight of the world bullshit.
- Vanya!
- What?

- You're a terrible leader with no loyalty to anyone but yourself.
- You don't speak for Christopher.
- -Really, dude?
- -[Fei snickers]
- I'm Number One.
- You'll do as I say when I say it.
- Not anymore.
- Here's to a new life without this dickhead.

Luther: Look, you want to go save the world? Knock yourself out. All right? I already got a job.
Number: Wait, you work in this shithole?
Luther: Yeah. Well, my boss owns the place. I'm his body man.
Number: What's that? Like a masseuse or something?

- She fights like every one of you commission drones.
[Handler] Hmm.
- No matter, here we are.
- Together again.
- I've gotta ask...
- Did you miss me, you little shit?

- Hmm.
- Shall we try again?
- Better eat that oatmeal before it gets cold.

- -Get him, Luther!
- -♪ Keep punching my card ♪
- -♪ Eight hours, for what? ♪
- -Luther, what are you doing?
- Protecting our honor, bro.
- Oh shit! We're really good at this!

- I'm not in the mood for all of your riddles and allegories and sick little parlor games, okay?
- Can I just hang out for a little while to improve my tan?
- I mean, you said I was pale.
- All right, but could you just please tell me which way that I'm supposed to go?

- She's good.
[Sighs] Jesus.

Leonard: Things are different now. You got me. The Sonny to your Cher; the, um, peanut butter to your jelly.

- I'm really happy for you, baby.
- Do you wanna come with?
- No. No, you go ahead. I'm, um...
- Not feeling too well.
- Oh.
- Well... I'll be back soon.
- And I will bring soup.
- Mwah.

- that I can't discuss with you.
- Someday... I hope to share it all with you.
- Until then...
- I'm asking you to trust me.
[Sobs softly] I can't wait that long.
- I'm sorry.

- What do you think that meeting at the consulate was all about?
- It is a conspiracy.
- We have to stop him.
- You're mistaken.
Diego: Don't take my word for it.
- Ask him yourself.

- Jayme. Jayme, come on. Just tap out.
- I'm afraid there's no tapping out in the real world, children.
- -[bones snapping]
- -[Jayme wails]
- -That's enough!
- -[Reginald] No!
- Jayme will let us know when she's had enough.
- -[tentacle tightening]
- -[Jayme gasps]

- america's favorite in 1955.
- Remarkable.
- You'll be happy to know it's the very division that's building your new body.
- Oh, that reminds me.
- I have something for you.
- Carla?
[Carla over intercom] Yes?
- Would you bring the box in, please?
- Certainly.

- Who the hell was that guy?
Sissy: Vanya! Help!
Vanya: Harlan.
Vanya: Sissy?
- Harlan? Harlan!
- Whatever it is I gave you,
- I can take it back, okay?
- We just, we need to stop this.

Reginald: June 72th.
- A controlled environment has proven ideal for the maximum impact of number se ven's powers.
- But in the face of sure, uninvited chaos, she must be trained to locate control in another form.
- Concentrate, number seven.

[Man] Jenkins, Harold.
Klaus: Yeah...
- Come on, baby.
- Money, money, money, money, money...
- Come on, come on!

- And, as you know, we cannot allow him to get his nose into our business.
- I've confirmed the motorcade will indeed be turning left on elm street.
- We'll have our people in place.
Reginald: Gentlemen, this plan of yours seems ill-timed.
- It's going to be a Turkey shoot.
[Whispers] Dad?
Reginald: Shh.

- Really, I am. I just…
- I'm still an Umbrella.
- Are you?
- You can stay as long as you like.
- What the hell was that?
- Wouldn't you like to know.

[Man 1] Don't mess with her. Damn.
- I hope that felt good.
- You have no idea.
- So much for honor and dignity.
- Him first.
- Y'all can go on about your business now.

Number: What is wrong with you? I just told you the world's going to end in ten days.
Luther: Yeah, well, you're always saying that.
Number: And so far I've been right!

- -♪ sunny, one so true ♪
- -thank you.
- -♪ sunny ♪ -[Grunts softly]
- -♪ that sweet bouquet, sunny♪
- -[Grunting]
- Okay.

- That's because she's a terrible person.
- And I'm amazing.
- Remember that.
- It's eight dollars.
- That's a month's salary for a kid.
- Get outta here.
- I'm so good at this.

- j' don't stop me, don't stop me fl j don't stop me j” j hey, hey, heyj'
- .f' don't stop me, don't stop me ooh, ooh, ooh .fi j / like it j' j don't stop me, don't stop me .fi j have a good time, good time .fi j don't stop me, don't stop me .fi
- .fi yeah, all rightfi

[Woman] They're coming!
- I think I see their car!
[Man] I see them! I see the car!
[Woman] Spaceboy! My favorite!

- But the president, the first lady, the vice president, and Mrs. Lyndon Johnson are all walking along the edge of this fence, shaking hands with the crowd.
- And they are being greeted by placards of varying emotional and, uh, political feeling...

- And neither is she.
- If you're not in a hurry, the rest of the tapes are in that cabinet.
- Make sure you lock up when you go.
- Things have been disappearing lately.
- These are too important to lose.

- Which is?
- Well, that's the thing about the commission, isn't it?
- Some things just don't make sense...
- Until they do.
- I like the fringe.
- Protect number five at all costs.

[Ray, softly] All right.
[Whispers] Allison?
- What do we do now?

- Meet me in the alley behind Elliott's in 30 minutes, okay?
- Do not be late.
- I won't.
- I won't.
- Good to see you, brother.
Ben: You too.
- Bye. [Grunts]
- Oh, no.

- It's not like we're gonna use it while we're doing the job, anyway.
- It's against protocol.
- We gotta have it with us at all times.
[Sighs] A rule written by a bureaucrat who never had to carry one. [Scoffs]
- They can shove their protocol up their asses.
- Let them try lugging around the damn thing.

- If there is one thing the FBI takes seriously, it is a communist threat to this country.
- Now, I want answers, real answers, and I will do whatever it takes to get them.
- You're not going anywhere until I find out who you really are.

Number: Look, you can either stay here and wait for the IKEA mafia to come back to kill you, or you can come with me.

- Cashew butter, almond butter, sunflower butter, tahini, Brazil nut.
- Wow. You know what?
- Now that you mention it,
- I am feeling a little bit, uh, peckish, actually.
- -Help yourself.
- -[Luther] Thanks.
[softly] Wow.

Luther: What are you...
Allison: What is that gonna do?
- I don't know.
- Do you have a better idea?
Luther: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Everyone get behind me.
- Yeah, get behind us.
Klaus: I vote for running! Come on!

- Oh… Woof!
- Ooh, that takes me back.
- All right.

- to my daughter… and my husband.
- But it wasn't enough. Feelings are just…
- They're too big for words.
- Luther loved you to the moon and back.
- You made him so happy.

- And despite everything, I'm...
- I'm grateful for him.
- I mean, without him, we never would have met.
[Chuckles] I...
- Right.
- I think maybe you're the only person who really knows who I am and still likes me anyway.

- Of course she does.
- You're lucky, you know that?
- You got a blank slate.
- Start over.
- Be anyone you want.
- The rest of us are stuck with who we are.

- Klaus.
[Groans] Just leave me.
[Whimpering] Just leave me.

Allison: And we have to live with the consequences...
- Before we find the right way home.
[Five] Everyone ready?
Luther: Let's do it, yeah.
[Five] Okay.
Luther: All right.
- All right.
- Wait!

[Ben and Klaus] Yes!
Klaus: I knew it, I knew it.
- Hey, big guy. Awfully nice of you.
- Yeah, you're… you're welcome.
- Ooh! Whoa!
- Holy smokes.

- Your mother, that slut.
- Whoever she was. We met at...
- The disco. [Chuckles]
- Okay? Remember that.
- Oh, my god, the sex was amazing.
- What a disturbing glimpse into that thing you call a brain.
- Don't make me put you in time-out.

- He's been sitting in this Van in front of a... a lab or something, and...
- Looking for the owner of an eyeball.
- One of those fake ones.
Hazel: That makes no sense.
Cha: Hold on, just hold on.
- Tell us more about this eye, and why is it so important?
- He said it had something to do with the end of times, or something.

- Aw, Jesus, Hazel!
Klaus: Jan says you're a real mensch, Hazel.
Klaus: He said you were such a great...
- No.no! No!
Cha: Now.
- Screw it.
Klaus: Oh...
Cha: Shut up!

- Christopher, what's wrong?
- Back away, Fei.
- Chris, it's going to be okay.
- -[Ben] Fei!
- -I'm going to help you. Just--

- Yeah, then trust me. I need my brand.
Alphonso: Jayme, get me munchies.
- -Oh, I found it--
- -[shushes]
- -Go wait outside.
- -[Stan] Why?
Diego: I'm about to kick this fool's ass.
- -Don't worry. I got your back.
- -Go.

- we never know what we're truly capable of until we're forced to confront our own extinction.
- And as their sensei, it is my job to make sure they never have to.
- Then you overestimate yourself.
- Children, leave us.
- Let's go, guys.

- Oh!
Klaus: Oh! Please be money.
[Groans] Only money.
- Or... treasure.
- Diamonds.

- Now, the minute she can't use you, she will turn on you, and deep down,
- I know you know that.
- You don't know me, Diego.
- Don't I?
- I know that we can be your family...
- If you just let us.

- You know, the door was unlocked.
- Yeah, well, my way works just fine.
- Spread out.
- Yell if you, uh...
- You know, you're in trouble. [Sighs]
- Ah, inspiring leadership.
- One of the greats.

- Could you just moan a little softer?
- My head is killing me.
- Listen to me, you useless puke bag, we just blew our chance to save the world!
[Scoffs] God damn it.
- Shit.
- We were that close.
- That close. [Sighs]

- Berlin, here we come.
- Uh…
- Come on, work, you stupid briefcase.

- All the correspondence
- I sent down from the moon?
- I, uh... I'm not sure.
- Your father was a very private person...
Luther: Stop it, pogo!
- You know everything our dad did.
- What?
- Clever old man.

- Nice shot, sweetie. [panting]
- -Oh, fuck me.
- -Oh.
- -[snarls]
- -[bell dings]
- -Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
- -[Lila] Press the button!
- -Okay, what floor? What floor?
- -Any one!
- -[guardian growls]
- -[gasps]

- She might be the devil.
- I mean, I don't know. Who's to say?
- I don't know which is which.
- You are marvelously deranged.
- Sit.
- Sit. Come, tell me everything!
Klaus: Okay.

[Patch] Are you Diego's brother?
[Klaus, muffled] Yeah.
[Patch] I'm detective patch.

[Woman sobbing] No! No! No!
[Man] Please! Please, don't kill us.
[Woman sobs] No! Please, no.
- Please! Don't! Don't kill us! No! No!
[Man] Please! I beg you, no!
- No, please, don't!
- Shame.

- Now...
- Try and do what you did last night in the parking lot.
- With the car engine.
- Let all the other sounds drop away and focus on one.
- Let that one sound resonate in you.

- -Seriously?
- -[Allison] Move, move, move, move!
- The briefcase!
- -What?
- -No time!
- -[Luther] I hate that he can do that!
- -[Allison] Go! Shut it!
Luther: Quick! Get in!
- Oh shit.

Raymond: Baby?
- What's wrong?
- What the hell did you say to her, Luther?

- I, um…
- I think I'm a bloody mess.
- And I think that someone who's… who never had a family is in no position to ask for one.
- But that's what I want.
- With you.

- Got it?
- Yeah. Sure.
- Great. Big smile.
- -[Klaus grunts]
- -[grunts]
- Bye.
- Ow!

[Wheezing] I can't breathe in here.
[Sobbing] I can't breathe in here.
- Then do something about it.
- Embrace who we are.
- I can't...
- Who we've been all along.

- How'd you get up here?
Elliott: Huh?
- What's wrong?
- You hungry?
- Let's see here... ooh.
- Look what I got. [Whistles]

- You gotta just let it go.
- Figuratively, but yeah, that works, too.
- One day at a time.
- I know that peaceful dark place you're in right now.
- And I know the pain you'll be in when you leave it and wake up...
- To someone that's not quite you anymore.

- You just get in country?
- Oh, uh...
- Yeah.
- Yeah, shit's crazy. I know.
- Yeah!
- You'll adjust.
- I'm Dave.
- Klaus.

- This is so cool.
- Hey, come on. Chop-chop, Stan.
- Gotta go see a man about a buffalo--

Luther: Do you ever remember a single time that dad wasn't wearing his monocle?
- Yoo-hoo, Diego!
- I hate to rush you through any kind of brooding moment you might be having, but come on, man, we're starving!

- Que sera, sera.
[Handler] Oh, good.
- You're still alive.
- Lucky you.
- You got to see how this all played out.

- Hey.
- So, what's the plan?
- -What do we do when the Sparrows get here?
- -Follow our lead.
- Uh-uh. Nice try.
- We don't take orders from you.
- -Uh-uh.
- -[Diego] Mm-mm.
- Oh shit. They're early.

- -[car crashes]
- -[Reginald] Faster.
- -[stopwatch clicks]
- -[gasps]
- -[Reginald grunts]
- -[Klaus strains]
- See? Never doubted you.
- Now you're ready.
Klaus: Ready for what?

- Now, let's start with a simple question.
- Who are you? [Echoing]
[in Russian, echoing] Who are you?

- Raymond, you clearly have something to say, so why don't you just go ahead and say it?
- Did you use it on me?
- Ray, of course not.
- But if you had, would I even know?

- All questions will be answered at the end of the film.
Diego: How long is this?
- Sit your ass down.
[Woman over pa] A better tomorrow comes from an orderly today.
- I really need this to work, so...
- Don't screw it up.
- Okay, bye.

Vanya: If you're raised to believe nothing about you is special, if the benchmark is extraordinary, what do you do if you're not?

- No one. I was alone.
- Though I doubt you were in any condition to remember.
- We should go.
- Don't want to be late for the meeting.
- I would move if I were you.
- -What, are you threatening me?
- -[rumbling]
- Shall we?

[Hushed female voice echoing] Klaus!
[All screaming] Klaus!
- Klaus!
[All scream] Klaus!
[Female voice] Klaus.
[Screams] Klaus!
[All shrieking] Klaus! Klaus!

[Sighs] Don't muh... muh...
- Remember, Diego, just picture the word in your mind.
- D-Don't mm... muh...
- D-Don't mmm...
- Don't mo-move.
[Gasps] You did it! I'm so proud of you!

Vanya: Now's the only time. 'Cause how much time do we have left? We could have years, we could have days, but we only have one life. And we gotta go with our hearts.

- Mmm.
- -♪ In a young girl's heart? ♪
- -Wait! Sir?
- -♪ How the music can free her ♪
- -[whistles]
- -♪ Whenever it starts ♪
- -[playful growl]
- Beautiful evening, isn't it?

- Well, my druggie brother just got him sober. Go figure.
- Then Project Oblivion is starting again, and you are all in danger.
- Then I should probably get that ink.
- Complete the loop.
- Are you sure?
- Oh, I don't think destiny cares whether I am or not.
- Bitch is cruel, ain't she?

[Clicks tongue] No!
- Wait, it's too late for eggs.
- Waffles. Huh?
- You like waffles, right?
- Ah. Of course you do.
- Everyone likes waffles.

Vanya: Wait, how did you get back?
Number: In the end, I had to project my consciousness forward into a suspended quantum state version of myself that exists across every possible instance of time.
Diego: That makes no sense.
Number: Well, it would if you were smarter.

- well, maybe we can discuss these over dinner.
- My name is ray.
- What's your name?
[Voice scratchy] Allison.
- Well, all right, miss Allison.
- Dinner?

- You know, before you kill him, you might wanna hear what he has to say.
- I'm gonna kill you for what you did to patch.
- Or don't. See how that goes.
Hazel: Are you gonna...
- Come on!
- That's gotta hurt.

[Father] Harold!
- Get your ass down here.
- What's that shit on your face?
- Make yourself useful and go get me another beer.
- Hurry up!

- Come on.
- Follow me.
- You gotta get me out of here, bro.
- I can't. They're transferring you upstate this afternoon.
- I didn't kill patch.
- I know.
- I'm not the guy you gotta convince.
- That's bullshit, you know that.

Reginald: Your siblings may be on this mission longer than usual.
- So as you wait, be prepared to do your studies alone.
- Do you understand?
- Very well.

- Unfortunately, time is something of which we have very little.
- Good thing we got a wedding to crash tonight, baby.
- We do? Why? No one wants me there.
- Oh, come on.
- They want you to earn being there.
- Be a dad, not a boss. Dad, not a boss.
- Trust me, you showing support for Luther is gonna go a long way.

- Come on.
[grunts] What? No way!
- We were kicking their asses!
- "He who fights and walks away lives to fight another day." Okay?
- -That's some lame-ass shit.
- -Yeah, I know.

- What? Is that all you got?
- Look, you wanna be number one, fine, but you're gonna have to get us on the same page, because right now, we're all over the place.
- You're right.
- We need a plan.

- Hey! No!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Vanya: Leonard!
- Stop it!
- Leave him alone! Stop it!
[Man] Come on, you piece of shit!
- Help!

[Five] Your girlfriend, patch...
- What did you like about her?
Diego: She believed in people.
- She always saw the good inside.
- I'm sure she'll be proud to know that you're killing Hazel and cha-cha as a way to honor her memory.

- With my own eyes.
[Sighs] You were there.
- We all were.
- Shit.
- I need to make a phone call.
- Vanya.

- You never know when to stop, do you?
- You got enough material for your sequel yet?
- He was my father, too.
- Mom.
- Let's go inside.
- Come on. Okay? Come on.

Stan: Whoa! This is so cool.
Klaus: Hey, come on. Chop-chop, Stan.
- Gotta go see a man about a buffalo--
[groaning] Oh shit.
Klaus: So these weren't near-death experiences.
- These were actual-death experiences.

Lila: Hi, little guy.
- Hey.

- Well...
- You could always do your, uh, you know...
- Rumor thing.
- Yeah, I don't do that anymore.
- What happened?
- Same thing that always happens.
- I made a wish, and it came true, and I couldn't take it back.

Diego: Wait up.
Allison: Hold it.
Klaus: Hey, everyone.
Luther: Excuse me.
- Good. We're all here.
- ♪ this is what you want this is what you get ♪ [lyrics echoing]

- No, not to me, Vanya.
- Please.
- Please!
- {gasps} oh!

- Sorry I'm not a stoned undergrad sitting in freshman philosophy.
- Wait a second.
- -Where exactly are we?
- -We're dead, man.
- We're dead.
- Welcome to my hood.
- -[bicycle bell chiming]
- -[gentle string music playing]

- the Commission will make certain nothing like this ever happens.
[narrator] Or God help us all.
[woman in audience] Bravo!
- Go on. Go! [laughs]
- But when will I see you again?
- Go on. Go before someone sees you.

- Why do you think I'm stress eating dead bloody fish, you wanker?
- Look, I adore that little criminal, okay?
- More than you ever will.
- But Stanley can take care of himself.
- He's probably having a laugh.
- We just need to--
- Forget it. I'll deal with this myself.
- We should probably stay in one place.
- What if he wanders by?

- What's wrong?
- Why do you have these?
- Huh?
- Why?
- Do you know them?
- -[Harlan grunts]
- -[Viktor gasps]

Number: Trust me. I know myself better than... better than I know myself.

- Go!
- -Now, Chris.
- -[piercing feedback whining]
Luther: What the hell?
- I heard… I heard a rumor… [groans]
- That you're about to die?
- Kill 'em.

- We're going on a drive, okay?
- Yeah. Here, Harlan, let's go.
Sissy: Here. Okay.
Vanya: Let's get to the car.
- Oh, shit!
- The coffee can. You get Harlan in the car.
- Yeah.
- I'll just be a sec.

Stan: Watch out!
- That girl was gonna hork on you, dude.
- -[hisses]
- -[Diego] Move! Get down!
- -I can handle my own shit!
- -Yeah, sure you can. [grunts]
- -Fuck yeah!
- -Hey, watch your mouth!

- Viktor? Allison?
- Okay.

- What are you talking about?
- Don't play dumb, you prepubescent piece of shit.
- Enough. The point is, all of you are going to die today. Hmm?
- Oh. Well, I don't like your chances.
- Seven of us, two of you.
- You know, you're right. Let's change that.

- Look, there's dad.
- What do we do?
[Five] Uh-oh.
- Yeah.
[Five] Agh.
- Oh, shit.
- Diego.
Allison: It's happening again.
Klaus: Oh, Jackie.

- Now, Luther! Shoot him!
- No! Luther, shoot him!
- Shoot him!
- No, Luther, shoot him.
[Adult five] Luther, shoot him!
- Luther, shoot him.
[Adult five] Now, Luther!
- Luther...
- I'm sorry, buddy.

- Klif bulletin, from Dallas, three shots reportedly were fired at the motorcade of president Kennedy today, near the downtown section.
- Klif news is checking out the report.
- We will have further... [broadcast stops]
- Where the hell is he?

Hazel: Sometimes what you want is right in front of you. By the time you realize it, it's too late.

- so just give me the information I need, and I'll be on my merry way.
- And if you call me "young man" one more time,
- I'm gonna put your head through that damn wall.
- Oh, dear.
[Softly] Call security.
- Yeah.

- Can I think about it?
- Yeah.
- Of course.

Klaus: They're gone like a fart in the wind.

- I'm the only one fighting to save both.
- We just need to know what Dad is planning before more of us get killed.
- Where the hell is Five?
- He was right behind me.
- Five?
- Five?

[Man] Go, go, go/
Klaus: We need a medic here/
- -da ve/ -[Gunfi re]

- A little pre-anniversary gift for my beautiful wife.
- I know I promised you the stars, but...
[Chuckles softly] The moon.
- I see you staring at it every night.
- So now you can see it whenever you want.

- J' picture yourself when you're getting old j' j' sat by the fireside a-pondering on fl j' picture book j' j' pictures of your mama taken by your papa j' j'a long time ago long time ago fl j' long time ago yeah, yeah, yeah I

Lila: Stanley?
- -You gotta be kidding me.
- -Where the hell were you?
- What? A kid doesn't have time to get a Slushee and a Slim Jim?
Diego: Oh shit.

[Mutters] Ah, shit.
- "I told you so."
- Well, if dad's here, he's never met you before, so he can't say "I told you so."
- I'm sure he'll find a way.
- Right.
- Gotta remember that. [Clears throat]

- Excuse me, miss?
- Yeah?
- Could you give that mannequin something new to wear?
- She likes sequins.

- -[Allison sighs]
- -♪ It's been a long ♪
- -♪ But tell me what I know ♪
- -[soft chuckle]
- -Change is gon' come.
- -Yes, my baby.
- Change is gon' come, baby. [kisses]

- What is your name again?
[Softly] Vanya.
[Conductor] Louder, please.
- Vanya hargreeves.
- Right.
- Well?

- Get outta my way.
- Shit.
- Luther.
Vanya: Why didn't he fight back?

- Or we could all die horribly.
- I'm in.
- -You're not the one we need.
- -Excuse you?
- For this to work, we need Sloane, Lila, Christopher, and--
- Viktor.
- Of course.

Cha: I hate sprinkles.
- Maybe I just hate doughnuts.
- Why are we here again?
- Refill?
- God, yes, please.
- Thank you.

- Where did you get that?
- All the children of the prophet have them.
- And does this "prophet" have a name?

- This feels oddly familiar.
- At least this time, we're not aiming at each other.

- Exsqueeze me.
- You're excused.
- Operations bunker.
- -[alarm buzzes]
- -[Lila] We're screwed.
- -[female voice] Unauthorized access.
- -Oh shit.
- Jesus. You're sweating like a dodgy shrimp on ice. What's wrong?

- Come here, darling.
- Come, come.
- Yeah.
- Come on.
- Yes.
- There we go.

- Uh, wait.
- I hate to rain on your parade, but there's something I have to show you.
- Something big.
Lila: Ugh!
Herb: Wait, no.
- It's...
- It's this.

- The only person I've ever truly loved more than myself.
- Cheers.
- Well, you're luckier than most.
- When you lose someone, at least you can...
- See them whenever you want.

- You know yesterday when you were talking about us running away?
- What if we could?
Sissy: Where would we go?
- Somewhere safe for Harlan and...
- Where we could be together like this all the time.
- I'd go there right now.

- You know these guys?
- Yeah, I do.
- And?
- Well... we're screwed.
- Guys, it's cha-cha!
- It's cha-cha, she...
Luther: Klaus! Get down!
Luther: Get down!

- -[female voice] Access granted.
- -[door unlocks]
- I guess you're essential personnel.
- Wow.

- Name?
[Man 3] Mcguire.
Manager: Next!
- Name?
[Man 4] Peter.
Manager: Next!
- Name?
- Reginald hargreeves.

- Uh, we don't know where she is.
- Powers?
- Uh... I don't understand.
- I do.
- It's time for the last of your father's secrets to come to light.

Diego: I can save you some time. They're all locked. No force entry, no sign of struggle. Nothing out the ordinary.
[comes further into the room]
Diego: Whoa, you got big, Luther! What's the secret, huh? Protein shakes? Low carbs?

- -[rabbit chomps]
- -[winces]
- -♪ My father was ♪
- -[woman reacts in disgust]
- -♪ Not to do what I have done ♪
- -[school bell rings]
[boy] Freak!

- Guess dad wasn't much for home decor.
- Feels more like a front.
- A front for what?
[Five] I don't know.
Diego: Well, I'll take the left.
- Yell if you, uh... get in trouble.

- This is insane.
- There is no way we're gonna get past this to make it to the Commission.
- Okay, perhaps we can't get to trust, but there is a certain honesty in white-hot hatred.
- Then come over here, you god-awful little shit.
- And hold my hand.

- -[Luther] Morning!
- -♪ And I ride, and I ride ♪
- -[cawing]
- -♪ I see the stars come out of the sky ♪
- -[rapid grunts]
- -♪ You know it looks so good tonight ♪
Luther: Huh.

[Clears throat] Here.
- I got his.
- Thanks.
- You must know your way around the city.
- I hope so.
- I've been driving it for 20 years.
- Good. I need an address.

- Here, your gift became your nightmare.
- A man is not a man until he slays the demons of his youth.
- Oh yeah. Good one, Obi-Wang, but my demons are literal.
- All the more reason to face them.
- You lost something vital here.
- It's time you take it back.

- 'Cause you're not supposed to be here,
- Vanya.
- In Dallas?
- No. Here, in 1963.
- Holy shit.
- Yeah, pretty wild, right?
- It's good to see your powers are still intact. Let's go.

- You're still lookin' for Mr. Puddles.
- I... I got out of rehearsal and was in the neighborhood, so I thought...
- -Came all the way to bricktown?
- Well, since you're here, you might as well come in.

- Luther, Luther, Luther...
- Are you okay? Hey!
- Oy.
- We haven't officially met. I'm Lila.
Allison: Yeah.
- It is so nice to meet you.
- Yeah, I like you.
- Is that the best you got?

- Okay, I just...
- Sorry.
[Agnes laughing] Okay.
- Bye.
[Gasps] Bye.

Vanya: How do you guys deal with this?
Klaus: What?
Vanya: I mean, all of it. The time travel, seeing the dead, the end of the world.
Klaus: Well, I get really high.

- Come on,
- I gotta show you something.
Allison: Five?
- What the hell happened to you?
- Are you okay? Can we help?
- There's nothing you can do.
- There's nothing any of you can do.

Luther: Mm.
- Did-Yeah, okay, this is my lamb.
- -That's your lamb.
- -[bell dings]
Diego: I don't think he actually hates it.
- We should do that later.
- Oh.

- -[Allison grunts]
- -♪ No more heroes any more ♪
- By the way,
- I heard a rumor you can't move.
- -Hit me.
- -What?
- -Come on. Hit me in the face.
- -Okay.
- Hit me!

- I'd do anything for him.
- What happens to me now?
- You go home.
- We clean up your mess.
- With the Sparrows.
- Yeah.

Klaus: I love you! Even if you can't love yourself!

- It's my bread and butter.
- But I do play around with other things.
- Like what?
- I don't know.
- It's kind of embarrassing.
- Come on.

- Apparently, it's, like, a thing I do.
- Who knew, right?
- And look, look, look.
Klaus: It's… It's already healing.
- What would happen if we cut off your head?
- Would it grow two of you?
- Stan.
- Would it?

- I let 'em rise for about half an hour before I fry 'em up.
- That's what makes them so...
- Light and fluffy.
- How come you're so light and fluffy?
[Laughs] Well,
- I guess you are what you eat.
- Uh, might I try a raspberryjelly?
- Oh. Sure.

- He made me sign up.
- I ship out next week.
- What?
- So save these for the next dumb kid you're trying to recruit.
- Dave.
- Dave? Dave, come back.

- and not do anything stupid until I get the briefcase.
- Yeah, and you're not the boss of him, okay?
- -Who--
- -[Klaus] Come on.
- We'll get a few road sodas for the journey.
- -Sometimes, you gotta clear the head out.
- -[Viktor] Guys, wait. Where are you going?
- -Get the rats out of the maze, you know?
- -[Five] Come on.

- We can go in there.
- Get a drink, see if they start something.
Diego: And we make damn sure we finish it.
- Or, we could just drive home.
- You know.
- I could really use another drink.

Carl: I don't know.
- Depends how hard they make me work to provide you with this wonderful life.
- Fine. Just be quiet when you get back in.
- Don't want you to wake the boy.
- See you in the morning.
- Night, Vanya.
- Night, Carl.
Carl: Night, Harlan.

- We're done.
- Jack, please.
- Jack. Jack!
- Luther?
- Would you, uh... just get out, please?
- Well, I don't mind staying, and I have some more questions.

- {gasps}
Klaus: Dave!
[Klaus, echoing] Dave!
[Klaus screams] Dave!
Klaus: Dave!
Klaus: Oh, boy...

Klaus: What happened here?
Diego: You look like shit.
Klaus: Why, thank you.
- Hey, where you going?
- Nope.
- What?
- I'm not giving you a ride.
- Oh, come on, man.
- You know I can't drive.
- I don't c...
- Okay, great. I'll just get my things.
- Two minutes.

- Recess is over.
- It's grown-up time.
- You're still trying to prove that, when you were kids, running around in those stupid uniforms, that it wasn't for nothing.
- Yeah... I know you, too, Diego.
- Now leave, before I change my mind.

- That's against the rules.
- I have to take them every day.
- All you have to do is just pop to the side such as this.
[murmurs] Ta-da!
- Old necessary rehab trick.
- I didn't care for you when last we met, but I must admit you're growing on me.

- You're our sister.
- And a member of the umbrella academy.
- Like it or not, that's who you are.
- Look, that's who I was, okay?
- New timeline, new me.
- No, that's not how it work...

Luther: Did you see Diego?
Allison: With his stupid outfit?
Luther: Oh, I know. Do you think he wears that thing in the bathroom?
Allison: Like in the shower?
Luther: Yeah.
Allison: Yes, absolutely.
[laughs]

- Except for me.
- XO, Mom.
- -[grunting]
- -[siren wailing]
- Keep walking!
[woman] Hey.
- Can I borrow your sledgehammer?

- Your brothers and sister have all finished their oatmeal and begun their training for the day.
- Don't you want to join them, number seven?
- Is someone having a tough morning?
- You know what cheers me up when I'm down?
- Singing.

- You know, you are so goddamn big, sometimes I forget what a sensitive bastard you are.
- It's all gonna work out.
- We're on the right path.
- Oh, yeah? How do you know?
- There's a long, black car that's been following us since we left Elliott's.
- Six o'clock.

- She put up with a lot of your shit.
- I never understood it.
- Maybe it had something to do with our...
- Contentious relationship.
- Or maybe she knew you cared about helping people as much as she did.
- Good luck, Diego.

Number: Well, it finally happened. That gorilla DNA has taken over your mind.

Klaus: The only thing that the Umbrella Academy knows about love is how to screw it up.

- You can go whenever you want.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, 1,000 percent.
- Trust me, benerino.
- It's not goin' anywhere.
- I'm the expert on the dead, remember?
- Hey, wanna watch me piss in dad's gas tank?
- Yeah, sure.

- or everything will blow.
- Don't shake the bees. Got it.
- Lila, when you're ready, do exactly like Viktor.
Luther: Hey, what's she doing?
- Using its own gravity to condense it.
- That's pretty cool, huh?

- You can't make me.
- Oh, then again, a little exercise couldn't hurt.
- Yeah.
- I said go!
- Vanya, I love you!
[Echoing] /heard a rumor...

- She saw me for who I really am.
- I'm not ready to give that up.
- I feel the same about Ray.
- We better not have left them just to die in some superhero turf war.
- You need to go home.
- Hug your daughter.

- Everybody just needs to be cool.
- Clearly, you guys are on a different chakra frequency right now.
- Hey, Pops, let's go have a nice cup of tea in the suite.
- -Let go of my arm.
- -Luther, Sloane.
- Oh my God. I'm beyond thrilled.
- You guys are gorgeous.
- Amazing. Send me your registry!

- It's time, number three.
- But then he asked me to do something
- I ne ver understood...
- Until now.
- Do it.
- I heard a rumor...
[Allison, echoing] / heard a rumor...
- You think you're just ordinary.
- You think you're just ordinary.

- Die...
- To know that she's okay and happy.
- You separate yourself from everyone and everything.
- You always have.
- Because dad made me.
- Did dad make you write that book about us, too?

- Diego hargreeves, you're under arrest on the suspicion of murder of detective eudora patch.
- Rodriguez, I thought we were friends.
- You killed a cop, asshole.
[Chuck] You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you.
- Use that against me.

- Hey, um, I'm seven cents short.
- Uh... give me what you got.
- Damn it.
- Sorry about that.
- Thanks.
- That boy stinks.

- Don't ever say
- I never did nothing for you, you big galoot.
[Muffled] You found her?
- South Dallas.
- It's a hell of a place. [Chuckles]
- You sure know how to pick 'em. [Cackling]

- Five, please, you're being unseemly.
- Look at you.
- I admit there is a possibility that I may not be in my fully...
- Right mind right now.
- Okay, good.
- But whatever I've got, he's got it too.
- What?
- You two quit grab-assing. We're here.

- j” it's a supernatural delight j” j” everybody was dancin ' in the moonl/ght j”
- .fi dancin ' in the moonl/ght j” j” e verybody's fee/in' warm and br/ght j” j” it's such a fine and natural sight j” j” e verybody's dancin
- ' in the moonl/ght j”

- J” that you ll ever do j”
- J” one is the loneliest numberj” j” that you ll ever do j” j” numberj” j” one is the loneliest numberj” j” that you ll ever do j”

- Now! Open the portal!
- Right.

- Ah! [chuckles]
- Even better.
- Today, I'll be collecting samples from the Burrell crater.
- Um…
- Hope all is well down there and, uh…
- End transmission.

- Could you just for one second turn off that cynical brain of yours?
- I mean, this could be the last time we ever...
- Ta-da!
- Wow.
- Are these...?
- Yep, the very same.

- Did something happen?
- Dad died. Remember?
- Oh. Yes, of course.
- Is mom okay?
- Yeah, yeah, she's fine.
- She just needs to rest.
- You know, recharge.
- Whenever you're ready, dear boy.

- Shit.
- Hey, I need your bike. It's an emergency.
- Think you have me confused with someone who gives a shit.
- Give me the bike or else…
- Okay.
- Whoa! [grunts]

- It's whether you've got something special.
- And maybe you just... don't.
- You can put in your 10,000 hours, or... you can go find something you're actually passionate about and stop slogging away at stravinsky like a scared 13-year-old.
- Think it over.

- When you said you'd take me for a drink,
- I had something a little stronger in mind.
- -Do not disrespect the Slushee.
- -[scoffs]
- Check the glove box.
- Oh, thank God.

- Yeah, of course he did.
- No warm-blooded 12-year-old can resist a mystery tunnel.
- Stan!
- You going?
- -After you.
- -Fine.
- Enjoy the view.

- I just wanted them to be proud of me for once.
- I mean, how... how could I even presume to be worthy of their attention?
- Nothing's ever big enough next to their holier-than-thou, weight-of-the-world bullshit.
- Vanya!
- What?

- Now go ahead and take a look at that.
- -♪ by the railroad track ♪
- -[Chatter resumes]
- J'ohj'
- -♪ waitin' for my baby ♪
- -[Overlapping conversations]
- -♪ comin' back to me... ♪
- -excuse me?
- In case you wanted to get involved, sister.

Klaus: Come on! You don't...
- Maybe I just wanna hang out with my brother.
- Not you.
- /ll/li hermano/
- I love you!
- Even if you can't love yourself!

- Why don't we go back and relax a little bit, okay?
- Yeah, that sounds nice.
- And, uh...
- Later, maybe we can grab some dinner?
- I know this great little spot in town.
- Yeah.

- We did it again.
- Apparently.
- Did what again?
- Ended the world.
- Or we will in seven days from now, according to five.
- What?
- Doomsday. [Chuckles]

- Did it work?
- Next Kugelwave in three, two, one.

- Oh!
Luther: All right!
- I don't know about you guys, but I need a drink.
Luther: Yes.
- In fact, I need several.
- I'm in. I'm in.
- I should go find Claire.
- Oh, come on, one drink.

- Which is why I've given you a particularly complex first case.
- It's too bad Joseph spah decided against sabotaging the fuel tank.
- It would've been so much easier.
- Anyhoo...
- If you have any questions...
- I'll be right behind you.

[Lila pounding on door] Diego! Diego!
- You've hit him with your ax five times.
- He should be dead by now.
- The armor. It's like hitting cement.
- -There's a space between the backplates.
- -We need to get behind him.
- -Let's kill this thing.
- -[Five] Wait--
Sloane: Hey, asshole!

Number: I'd ask what you're up to, Klaus, but then it occurred to me... I don't care.

- felt safer than telling you the truth.
- Which is?
- I'm pregnant, Diego.
- Diego.
- I'm pregnant.
- I'll pee on whatever stick you want later, but for now, please, can you just…

- When?
- About half an hour ago.
- Uh, said she found your brother.
- Well, that didn't make sense.
[Both] Klaus.
- Go. I'll wait here with...
[Sighs] ...Him.

- Where'd you learn how to fight like that?
- My mother.
- Come on.
- -♪ come along ♪
- -[Guard] Don't shoot.
- -♪ I'm comin' home, baby, now♪
- -[Groans]
- -♪ I'm comin'home, baby, now♪
- -[Alarm blaring]

- Oh, no, shit!
- God.
[Chuckles] Oh!
- Ah! [Sighs]
- Oh. Yeah.
- We're not kids anymore. [Laughs]

Vanya: Hello?
- Guys? Is everyone okay?
- Hello?
- Guys?

- resolved to locate and adopt as many of the children as possible.
- Extraordinary.
- How much do you want for it?
- Surely you don't want to keep it.
[in Korean] How much do you want for him?
[in English] You lay one finger on my grandson, I slice you in half!
- Excellent! I like a spirited negotiator.

Klaus: [to Ben, about sobriety] Where has it gotten me? Nowhere. I can't talk to the person I love. People still don't take me seriously. I wanna be numb again.

- Okay.
- I'm ready.

Vanya: Luther!
- Come back.
Klaus: Where you going?
Luther: Save it, Diego.
- No one leaves until we figure this out.
- Jeez_.
- When did the monkey learn how to fight dirty?
- Son of a bitch.

Grace: The day of vengeance was in my heart…
Diego: What are you talking about?
- …and my year of redemption hath come.
- -[fire roars]
- -[Diego] Shit!
- The day of vengeance was in my heart, and my year of redemption hath come.

- Well, so much for the element of surprise. What else you got?
- No shit, Allison. Tell us something we don't already know.
- She's talking about the violin.
- It's her lightning rod.
- If we can take it from her and stop her from playing, we might have a shot.

- Uh, maybe we don't take Vanya for a test run.
- Oh, yeah, that's probably not a good idea.
- Yeah.
- It's fine.
- I can handle it.
- Handle it?
- Last time you handled it, you definitely blew up the moon.
- No, Vanya, don't!

- -♪ ooh ♪
- -[Jill chuckles softly]
Jill: Hello?
Ben: Oh.
- Hello, Jill.
- Cool if I join you?
- No. I mean... yeah, of course.

- Hey, no more numbers.
- No more bullshit. We're team zero.
- We're all team zero.
Luther: Uh, Diego.
- You don't have the conch.
- Classic.

- We gotta stick together.
- Where do we start?
- There's no other addresses in the file, but there is another relation listed.
- Jenkins' grandmother.
- She lived near jackpine road.
- You think he took her there?
- It's a good enough place to start.

- We were all thinking it.
Allison: Oh, so you're thinking, Diego?
- That's a first.
- Screw you!
- Hey!
- Dad was right. We should've done more.
- This didn't have to happen.
Allison: Excuse me?
Diego: I couldn't do it all by myself.
- You're supposed to be number one...

- The world is safe again.
- But the president is dead.
- And I am long gone.
- I wish I could be with you right now, in your arms.
- I don't belong in 1963, but my time here has changed me.

- -♪ But every time you pass me by ♪
- -[mooing]
- -♪ It's a cryin' shame ♪
- -[distressed mooing]
- What is…?
- Oh, can't I get one fucking day off?
- I wasn't sure what kind you like best.
- You did create all of them.

- I didn't really feel like a superhero up there, but...
- Those few moments when my whole world was glowing,
- I felt like maybe I was meant to be there.
- You know?
- I wish I'd been there with you.
- You were.

[grumbles] Who did it?
- -Maybe we should go.
- -Right behind you, honey.
Diego: Come on, come on!
- -[Lila] Diego, wait.
- -Screw this.

- j” the needle stopped the kicking j”
- J” the clothespins on the floorj” j and my heart is pla yin ' hide and seek j” -[Briefcase buzzes]
- J wait and count to four j” j will you lo ve me like you loved me? J”
- -j” and I w ne ver ask for more j”
- -[Crying softly]

- Have you had your lunch?
- Not yet.
[Handler] Great. How would you like to lunch with me in my office?
- You can eat solid foods, and I can live vicariously...
- Through you.
- Sounds great.

- his little game of "hide the sausage" with my daughter needs a swift end.
- I just have one request.
- Don't hurt the little one with the cute socks.
- Lavenden

- I am one bell ring away from my prize.
- You're going to ruin everything!
- Oh, if I had a nickel for every time
- I heard that, I'd have a dollar.
- Which isn't that much money, but then again, there are those dollar stores which are quite reas-[grunts]
- That's that.

Number: I want to time travel.
Sir: No.
Number: But I'm ready. I've been practicing my spatial jumps just like you said.
[teleports from his seat to stand beside Sir Reginald]
Number: See?
Sir: A spatial jump is trivial when compared with the unknowns of time travel. One is like sliding along the ice, the other is akin to descending blindly into the depths of the freezing water and reappearing as an acorn.
Number: I don't get it.
Sir: Hence the reason you're not ready.

- I'm pretty sure I stepped in half those peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches.
[Sighs] Your father always believed that number five was still out there somewhere.
- He never lost hope.
- And look where that got him.

- Hey.
- Please, please...
- Please stay with me, Dave.
[Sobbing] Stay with me.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
- No, no, no.
- Damn it, I need a medic!

- You don't have to do this.
- You'd do it for me, right?
- Okay. Harlan, you're gonna go with Allison for a bit.
- What about you?
- I'll join you as soon as I can. I promise.
- Okay, go.

- It's more of an existential problem, really, Ben.
- Awesome. Well, here's your next problem.
- You know, even though you're a total asshat now…
- …it's nice to see you again, really.
- Who's your daddy? I'm your daddy!
- Who's… your… daddy?

- with this new power.
- I mean, it must be scary.
- Terrifying, really, to discover that you can do something that you never thought you could do.
- Look, if what pogo told me is even half true, then she is not just a danger to us.
[Sighs] Allison, what are you doing down here? You should be in bed.

- Yeah, I could do egg and bacon, but I'm trying to cut down on my pig products.

- Harlan! Listen to my voice.
- I know you don't want to hurt anyone.
- Yes, Harlan. Harlan, listen to me.
Vanya: Listen to my voice.
- Harlan, you're okay.
Vanya: You're gonna be okay.

Sloane: Psst!
[whispering] Luther! Hey!

Elliott: Who's Diego?
Number: Imagine Batman, then aim lower.

- Vanya!
- We have to go!
- No!
- I can't just leave her!
- We have to go now!
[Screams] Oh, no, no...
- Vanya, come on!
- No, no, no, no, no!
- Now!

- Hey, you might wanna...
- Fast-track your timeline.
- Really? Why?
- Life is short.
- Future doesn't come with any guarantees.
- You want somethin' in life, you gotta go for it.
- Yeah.

- Let's see 'em get out from behind their desks, get their hands dirty for once.
- Damn lazy bastards.
- Are you done?
- Yeah.
- Well, let's get back out there and kill this little shit.

[Gibbs] We've gotta stop her.
- You're going to have to terminate.
[Gibbs] I'm trying! I'm trying!
[Gibbs] How is she still alive?
- I remember.
- I remember.

- I have to find her.
- I could get fired for just bringing you down here with me.
- Please. I think she's in trouble.
- I need your help.
[Sighs] Answer the lady's question.
- Is this the girlfriend?
- Sorry, but the doctor's ordered more tests.
- You're gonna have to ask him questions later.

- Ah shit!
- -♪ You mean happiness to me ♪
- -[grunts]
- Dude, your chin.
- It does that sometimes.

- You boys must be lost.
- I suggest you find a barber shop in oak lawn.
- They specialize in your kind of hair.
- Okay, come on, girl.
- Let's sit you down. Yeah.
[Woman 2] Yeah.
- Poor thing.
[Woman 3] That's right, take it easy.

- So, whatever he did, it must've been somethin' bad.
- I just wish I could remember something.
- Anything.
- It'll come back.
- Doc said it would take time.
- You can't rush it.
- And in the meantime,
- I have no idea who I was.

- -♪ / love you ♪
- -[Overlapping murmurs]
- Now, steady. Hands off!
- Just let go... just...
- Form an orderly...
- Destiny's children!
Klaus: Let us all commune with music.

- Just… [rapid breathing]
- Just let me talk to her.
- Okay? Please.
Allison: Trust me.
- She's gonna talk.
- It's okay.

[Exhales sharply] Okay, just focus.
- Stay focused.

- I need you to get in contact with your superior so I can have a chat with her.
- Face-to-face.
- About what?
- Well, I don't believe that's any of your concern.
- Just don't tell her about the briefcase.
- Fair enough.

- Wha...
- Why'd you do that?
- I have no idea.
[Woman] Whoo-hoo!
Ben: Come on, Klaus. You can do this.
- Stay strong. Don't give into temptation.
[Yelling] No!
- -[Scream' in -no! 9]

- not a nanny.
[Gibbs] Vanya, wake up.
- Open your eyes.
- I just have a few questions for you.
- It's all gonna be over soon.
- What are you doing to me?
- Move again and you'll regret it.

- We don't know what it does.
Viktor: Allison, stop!
Viktor: Don't make me do this!
- Do you trust me?
[Five] Viktor, what are you doing?
- Stop her!
- -[Klaus] Allison, wait!
- -[Five] Allison, don't do it!

- Any last words of wisdom before you go?
- "Oh, my god, we're back again.
- Brothers, sisters, everybody sing!
- We're gonna bring you the flavor.
- We're gonna show you how."
- -♪ oh, my god, we're back again ♪
- -[Choking gasps]
- Allison!

- How? You're Number One, remember?
- Yeah, but I'm a different kind of Number One.
- Mm, the shitty kind.
- That's why Dad demoted you.
- That's why he made Marcus Number One.
- You don't know how to lead.
- You don't have what it takes.

Diego: So what's this guy want with Vanya?
Number: I don't know. How about we ask him after we kill him?

- -[groans, coughs]
- -[guardian snarls]
- -Nobody hurts my wife, you son of a bitch.
- -[guardian grunts]

- well, fair game.
- And now they're my fair game.
- And I'm gonna see to it they pay.
- That would be a mistake, Diego.
- They've killed people far more dangerous than you.
Diego: Yeah, we'll see about that.

- Uh-oh. Someone's ready for a fight.
[Man 2 whispers] What's he doing?

- Bingo.
- You do know that killing these people is not gonna make you feel any better.
- Yeah, but when it's done...
- I'm gonna sleep like a baby.
- Sure you will.

- Uh Istanbul j' uh Istanbul j'
- .fi even old New York was once newamsterdam .fi
- .f' why they changed it, / can't say I uh people just liked it better that way .f'
- -[Man 3 gasping]
- J' Istanbul was constantinople now it's Istanbul, not constantinople j'
- .F' that's nobody's business but the Turks'j'

- -[heart monitor flatlining]
- -♪ To wear that ball and chain ♪
- No!
- Stop! It hurts!
- -[echoing scream]
- -♪ They call the Rising Sun ♪
- -♪ And it's been the ruin ♪
- -[echoing scream] I can't!

- Humor is good, truth is better.
- Who is the real Diego?
- I don't know.
- I guess I've never known.
- But I'm ready.
- I'm ready to find out.

- I don't know. Something must have happened last night, but I don't know what.
Reginald: There is no time.
- I can't do this without you.
- Do we have a deal?
Viktor: Five! Five! What?
- -It's Allison.
- -What is?
[Sloane screams] No!

- Diego, I... I...
- We shouldn't...
- You know what?
- I'm used to dealing with liars, Lila, but I like it better when I know what they're lying about.
- Oh, come on, Diego. Really?
- You're just gonna walk away?
- Diego.

Luther: This is it. He's still here.
- This is five's Van.
- Go. Go.
- I'm one.

- -♪ I'm tired of looking for answers ♪
- -[knocking at door]
- -Hi.
- -Hey.
- Can I come in?
- Always.
- -♪ Can't worry 'bout what's behind you ♪
- -[droning]

Diego: Now, let's talk offense, all right. What's our Sparrow plan of attack? I got the rest of the afternoon.
Luther: Relax. Vanya and Allison handled it.
Diego: It's Viktor.
Luther: What?
Diego: Vanya's Viktor now.
Luther: What else did I miss while I was kidnapped?

- My farmacistas.
- This is good.
- 'Cause you know…
- Thank you, Klaus.
- All right, great talk.
- Go get 'em, buddy.

[Panting] Okay, Klaus.
- You can do this.
- You fought in Vietnam.
- You survived a family of seven.
- And you once wore a sarong to a fraternity party and got a shitload of numbers.

The: Sweetheart, your vagina needs glasses - he's not worth it.

- You okay? You okay?
- I'm sorry. I had to do the thing because I... yeah.
- Shh. [Panting]
- Okay.
Diego: Allison, help!
- Luther!
- Oh, shit. Come on.

- Well, paramedics couldn't save them.
- And the one that made it?
- Critical condition, but still with us, thank god.
- Just waiting for him to wake up.
- Come on.
[Klaus whispering] Luther...

- Maybe start with what you did in the barn back in 1963.
- But that didn't work.
- I'm not a kid anymore. I can help you.
- Okay, how?
- Let me show you.

- -./' even old New York j”
- -[Man grunts]
- Uh was once newamsterdam j'
- -[Groaning]
- .F' why they changed it I can't say people just liked it better that way j'
- -[man 2 screams]
- Uh so take me back to constantinople .fi j' no, you can't go back to constantinople .i'
- .f' been a long time gone, constantinople .f'

- -You getting how this works yet?
- -That's my kid, asshole!
- Are you getting tired yet?
- Heart's getting weaker?
- Not… even close.
- -You all right? Where'd he get you?
- -I'm fine. I'm fine!
- -[Diego] Oh, you'll be all right.
- -Oh dear!
- You're good. You're okay.
- It's not that bad. Stop crying, all right?

- I don't wanna fight you!
- Aww! Did you wanna be best friends?
- You know, for a blind person, you're not bad.
- Who says I'm blind, asshole?

- I wonder how you got those.
[Vanya, softly] Iwonder.
- It's late. We should mosey.
- Yeah. [Exhaling]
- I'll... I'll clean up.
- Good night, then. [Sighs]

- They must've been here when I stopped by the cabin.
- Yeah.
- Maybe they went back there.
- I'm gonna go get my sister.
- Whoa, hold on.
- We got a missing Vic, and this guy might be dangerous.
- I need you to stay here.
[Chuckling] Allison frickin' hargreeves, man, oh, man.

- Oh, he better be at the end of this, or I'm gonna be pissed.
- It was your bright idea to go into this murder hole.

- make you stronger than you are alone.
Reginald: They will make you impervious to the pa/n and hardship the world will thrust upon you.
- And believe me when / tell you, life will be hard.
- It will be painful.

- Well...
- You two idiots have certainly screwed things up.
- Allison, please.
- Look, I had to do it.

- Uh... only one room was booked.
- Dammit.
- I'm sick of this cost-cutting bullshit.
- Just tell me there's two beds.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Real firm.
- Now, how long do you think you'll be staying with us?
- Just the one night. I believe there's a package waiting for us.

- A little smaller every day.
[Voice quavers] And you don't even notice the box that you're in...
- Until someone comes along and lets you out. [Quiet sob]
- You tell me...
- How you let her go. [Gasping sob]
- Tell me, and I'll do it.
- Sissy, I can't...

[Man] Oh, shit.
[Handler] "...Take this institution to the heights it reached..."
- My parents didn't die in a robbery.
- They were executed.
- Kill order 743.
- And I know who did it.

Number: You know, some say the best luck is to die at the right time.

- Gesté... Allison...
- En casa buena?
- Oh, sweet Jesus.
[Slurring] I just need a place to crash for one night.
- Couch is all yours.
- Don't go chasing waterfalls.
- I mean, stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to, bitches.

- Does your way include decapitation?
- Quartering, boiling, thumbscrews, burning at the stake, or Chinese water torture?
- Iwanna let him go.
- Peons...
- Out.

- Hey-oh!
- The skinny one is their weak link.
- Unless hiding behind couches shouting,
- "Where's my daddy?" is his superpower.
- Enough post-gaming.
- They disrespected us, Marcus.
- We need to be out there finding these freaks and taking 'em out.
- Oh, you mean like this?

- Boy, you come here.
- Better he sees who his mama really is.
- How she wants to break up the family.
- You leave him be. This is between us.
- Harlan...
- Harlan, it's okay, baby. It's okay...
- No! [Echoes]

- It's okay, little fella.
- No one's gonna hurt ya.

Hazel: Life is short. Future doesn't come with any guarantees. You want something in life, you gotta go for it.

- No smiles, eyes ahead.
- Quickly, now.
Young: Dad!
- Dad!
- Dad!
Reginald: No talking!
- Stand still.

- I said I need her.
Vanya: It's okay.
- I'll go with Carl.
- Fine.
- Let's go, babe.
- We'll be back in a little while.

- I heard a rumor… [voice echoes]
- …that you were… [voice echoes]
- …happy.

- It was an accident.
- I understand.
- You need to remain in a controlled environment.
- More research is required to determine whether your behavior can be regulated.
Vanya: I'm scared.

- Die a horrible death. [Laughs]
- While you weigh your options, just know your siblings are fighting for their lives without you.
- You brought me here to pull me away.
[Handler] It's been nice knowing you, five.
- Cheers!

- Go help the others. I'll handle this one.
- -Okay.
- -What are you, their mascot?
- More like their ringer.
- Ugh.
- Hey, gross, all right?
- The hell?

[Waitress] It should only be a couple more minutes on the jelly-filled.
- I'll call you when they're ready.
Cha: That son of a bitch!

- Again! Hit me!
- Luther, are you crazy? Just hit him!
- Come on, Luther!
- Hit me. Iwanna feel pain.
- I wanna feel all the pain.
- Give me everything you've got!

- you're welcome.
- -♪ we're gonna make it all come true ♪
- -[Groaning]
- -♪ you were made for lovin' me ♪
- -[Grunts] oh, yeah, mofo.
- It's just you and me.
- Show me what you got.

- Anything a little more profound than that?
- She believed in people.
- No matter how much shit and filth she saw on the streets.
- She always saw the good inside.
- Well, I'm sure she'll be proud to know that you're killing Hazel and cha-cha as a way to honor her memory.

- You want a beer, Carl?
- No, ma'am.

- You're a champ, Reg.
- Woo! Jesus, Reggie. You stink.
- Hurry up, douchebag. I'm starving.
- I'm telling the robot to give you a bath.

- I'm sorry,
- I must have the wrong address. I...
- Who you looking for?
- Allison hargreeves.
- You mean Allison Chestnut.
- Chestnut?
Raymond: My wife.

- Now look at us.
- We're lucky enough, we get a second one.
[Chuckles] Yeah.
- You are right.
- I do have a lot of growing up to do.
- I'll never forget you, delores.

- Did you find him?
Diego: I can't… I can't get out.
- The doors won't let me.
- Yeah, I am never eating here again.
- You have the attention span of a fruit fly.
- -Where are you going?
- -To get help finding Stan.
Lila: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! No!

- -♪ I don't care if Monday's blue ♪
- -Oh shit!
- Ow! God.
- -[gasps] Shit!
- -♪ Tuesday, Wednesday, break my heart ♪
- -♪ Oh, Thursday doesn't even start ♪
- -[panting]
- -♪ It's Friday, I'm in love ♪
- -[grunting]

- If what you're saying is true,
- I'd be talking to a man well into his sixties.
- Now, if you'll excuse me,
- I've had a very long day.
- Pogo, you need to listen to me.
- -Time to go home to Mommy, li'l guy.
- -[door opens, shuts]
- Or what?

- You know, you don't have to tell me that.
- I know there are only six days left.
- Yeah, you got a better idea?
[Scoffs] Okay, then.
[Five] There's our guy.
[Five] What the hell is he up to?

[Five] Well, he was killed before he could explain.
- But whatever he wanted us to see, it's on this film.
Dan: This is very exciting.
Dan: Oh, my god!
- Oswald.
Dan: The president!
[Five exhales] Oh, no.

- Vanya is the bomb.
- Vanya is the bomb.
- She will always be the bomb.
- I need to get back to Dallas.
- Now.
- We need la resistance.

- What the hell is goin' on with you lately?
- You're just not...
- Especially on this job.
- You're distracted!

- Is that...?
- It's coming from our bedrooms.
Hazel: Cha-cha, shoot him.
Cha: Get out of the way, dumb-ass.
Cha: Come on.

- Why shouldn't I be?
- Yeah. Y-Yeah, you're right.
- I'm... I'm just happy that we're home and... together again.
- "Home"? This isn't your home.
Allison: What are you talking about?
- This is the umbrella academy.
Reginald: Wrong again.
- This is the sparrow academy.

- Vanya! We could go somewhere.
- For a few days.
- We wouldn't have to tell anyone, not even Carl.
- I'll bring the gun. I'll keep you safe.
- You know that's not right.
- Neither is you leaving us.

- but it won't matter because the new timeline will be even worse for me.
- I can't keep doing this.
- I can't keep losing people. It's not fair.
- Hey.
- Hey, come here.

- even if, sometimes...
- One shouldn't.
- Come with me.
- I want to show you something.
- It might just cheer you up.
- And make sure you fully extinguish that cigarette.
- Wouldn't want to start a fire.

Klaus: Who in this room knows shit about relationships? This one?
[Looks at Vanya]
Klaus: In secret love with some farm Frau.
Vanya: Her name's Sissy.
Klaus: ...Which is an improvement on her previous love interest, the serial killer.
Vanya: *What?*
Allison: Later.
Klaus: [Continues] Meanwhile, I'm carrying a torch for a soldier I haven't technically met yet, and Luther is in love with his sister.
Allison: Okay, again, we are not biological.
Klaus: Face it, the healthiest long-term relationship in this family was when Five was banging that mannequin.

- You know too much.
- And you fight like you know what you're doing.
- He's got a point.
- So I know how to handle myself, and that makes me the bad guy?
- Whoever you are, you're in my way.
- If I see you again, I will kill you.

- I'm sorry I can't be of more help.
- I'm sorry, too.
- I gave you such a hard time as a kid.
- I didn't know any better.
Reginald: Hmm.
- No skin off my teeth, old man.

- This is your home.
[Sobbing] I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
[Sobs] I didn't mean it...
- I didn't mean...
- I can see that, Vanya.

- After you.
- What, I can't be polite?
- Cut the crap.
- All right? My dimwitted brother might buy your bullshit, but I don't trust you for a second.
- O ye of little faith.
- Stick it up your ass.

- -♪ in the darkness ♪
- -[Diego and five both groaning]
- Lila!
- -♪ tonight♪ -help me!
- Lila! Help... [echoing]
- Protect number five at all costs.

[quietly] Look, Allison…
- She needs something to take her mind off Claire.
- So, we'll handle this.
- Yeah. Copy.
- Hey, um…
- Thanks for looking out for her.

Luther: Put the gun down.
- You're not killing anyone today.
- I know she's important to you, so don't make me do this.
Luther: It's either her or the gun.
- You decide.
- Phew.[Panting]
- I can keep doin' this all day.

Luther: Come on, buddy, let's go.
Carl: Get your hands off me.
- Get him out of here, now.
- Get off me. Get off me!
- Get your big arms off me.
- Dad should've left him on the moon.

- Diego, stop talking.
- That's how much he couldn't stand the sight of you!
- Boys, stop this at once!
[Screams] Come on, big boy!
- Stop it!
- Hit him! Hit him!

[man] One more!
[Man 2] Allison, here!
[Man 3] Ai... Allison, Allison!
- Allison!
- Allison! Have you heard the news?
- When was the last time you saw your father?
- Have you heard from your brothers?
[Woman] Allison, will you wear Valentino to the funeral?

- Jesus!
- What the hell do you think you're doing?
- I don't understand you!
- Ow. Oh, oh, ow, ow, ow, ow...
- Too much?
- Just_
- Be gentle.
- Neven

- -You didn't have to do that!
- -Oh, I'm pretty sure I did!
- -He did.
- -[Marcus] Get back!
- -[Vanya] Luther, hey!
- -Back off! [grunts]
- Oh shit!
- Bad touch, Luther! Bad touch!
- Sorry.

- You know, I, uh…
- I spent a little time on the moon.
- What? That is so cool!
- -You think so?
- -Yeah! The moon?
- -My God. No one ever thinks that's cool.
- -Yes!
- The moon, yeah!

- Klaus, shockingly, has a point.
- What gives us a win this time?
Allison: Je... Jesus!
- You guys, am I still high, or do you see him, too?
- Five, where have you been?
- Are you all right?
Luther: Who did this?
[Five] Irrelevant.

- You know, check it out.
- This week I'm... busy, but...
- It's fine. I understand.
- Another time.
- See you next week.
- Bye.

- Perfect.
- Because I'm somewhat of a lone wolf myself.
- Hargreeves, you have a visitor.
- Who?
- I ain't your secretary.
- Maybe daddy finally came to say,
- "I love you."
[Mocking English accent] Piss off.

- How are they doing that?
[Handler] Your turn, dear.

- I just, I needed something to hold onto, and ray gave me that.
Luther: Hey.
- No one gets to tell us how to deal with the end of the world.
- Right?
- Not even each other.

- Nobody wants to listen to your endless bickering.
- Now, spread out, leave no stone unturned, and meet back here in 30 minutes.
Ben: This is a total waste of time.
- Did you hear that? He called us a duo.
Lila: I think your father is starting to grow on me.
- I forgot my journal.
- Go on. I'll meet you on five.

- -Are you sure?
- -[Allison] Yeah, very.
- What do we do now? What's our next move?
- I'm sorry. I can't… I can't deal with this right this second.
- We can talk later, okay?
- No, not okay.
- Later, please.

- I don't know, but at least we know who owns the shoe.
- You're welcome.
- I was doing fine.
- Oh, yeah, you really had them...
Diego: Ever hear of a rope-a-dope?
Luther: Get out of here now! Go!
Diego: Luther, go!
Hazel: I lost my gun.
Cha: I'm going after them.

- You got a live one, Luther!
- Shit. Sloane!
- -Harlan, wait!
- -Hey!
- Um… Go help Luther.
- What about you?
- -I can handle it. Go.
- -[Allison] Okay, okay, okay.

Viktor: Okay, how do we start?
- Have you ever moved a nest of bees?
- No, because that's weird.
Sloane: You can't just pick it up.
- You have to keep the nest calm while you build a box around it, and then you trap it.

- The crack of an assassin's bullet.
- A nation mourns, the world grieves.
- The man who became the 35th president less than three years ago is dead.
- He led his country boldly through the treacherous shoals of cold war crises.
- His firm commitments to support the cause of democracy throughout the world won him acclaim almost unprecedented in the history of the presidency...

- Come on. We can't keep doing this.
- Please, how do we get back to the way things were?
- Before that fake apology and--
- And the lies?
- Allison, come on. How do we do that?
- I don't know that we can.

- He won't stop until we're all dead.
- Okay, you need to stop!
- I'm almost done.
- And when I am, you and I will get what we came here for.
- No, you're killing them!
- Everything in life has a price.

Diego: A little hard to trust anyone who wears corduroy.

- I went to the pharmacy to buy gauze for your disgusting stab wound.
- Is that allowed or...?
- As a matter of fact, you owe me $1.89.
- Or you would if I'd actually paid for it.
- They're playing our song.

- .fi oh, yeah .f'
- Out of the way!
- -Luther! J power.”
- .Fi power j'
- .fi power, power j'
- .Fi power j'

- Ah, don't underestimate the damage that man can do at a family meeting.
- That is not the same man.
- And you aren't the same boy you were.
- You're my husband.
- And whatever you decide,
- I'll be by your side.
- -Okay.
- -Okay.

[Muffled] You're hurting me.
[Whispers] I'm sorry too, Vanya.
- Stop. [Gasps]
[Groans] Please stop.
- I'm sorry.

- If this all goes sideways, do me a favor and tell delores I'm sorry.

- Oh, wow!
- You really think the moon is cool?
- -Luther, I wasn't--
- -Duh!
- -I'm such--
- -[raven caws]
- Ben would like a word.
- Go get cleaned up.
- -Luther, I wasn't trying---
- -Sloane.

- I have been up all night calling hospitals.
- Ray, I thought you were dead.
- I'm right here.
[Scoffs] And you didn't even call.
Odessa: Raymond.
- Let's talk about this outside.

- -That's a lot of blood.
- -It's fine.
- -That's a lot of blood.
- -[footsteps approaching]
- -[pounding]
- -[Lila] Push harder!

- No, we should all stick together.
- We don't have time for this.
- Let's roll. I know where we can find this asshole. Klaus, you're with me.
- Yeah. I... I'm good.
- I think I'll, uh...
- I think I'll pass, I'm...
- Feeling a little under the weather, so, uh...

- Luther hargreeves, will you dance with me?

- -♪ used to know a girl lived down there ♪
- -come on!
- -♪ she'd go pick her a mess of it... ♪
- -stupid mother fudge nutter!
[Screams] Fuckin' fudge nutter!

- -♪ rock your body ♪ -out!
- -♪ rock your body right... ♪
- -[Continues groaning]
- I can't believe it. I mean, you're here.
[Five] We've got eight minutes left.
[Whimpers] I just had the strangest dream.
- Where are the others?

[Umbrellas] Shit.
- Ben.
- Is that really you?
- And who are the weirdos on the balcony?
Reginald: They are the Sparrows.
- My children.

- Elliott.
- Your Swedish buddies got him.
- Oh, shit.
- I liked that shit-muppet.
- Well, here's to Elliott, I guess.
- I'll miss his crazy theories...
- And I'll miss sharing his bed with you.

- There's always choice.
[Sighs] I gotta think.

Number: Everything about our family is insane. It always has been.

- I stopped tracking what was possible a long time ago.
- We better get moving.
- I'll check the Infinite Switchboard.
- And I'll check Herb's office.
- Little cockroach would survive anything.
- -Bye.
- -[Five] See ya.
- Miss you.
[Five] That's weird.

- It's called a bullet wound.
- From what?
- From getting shot in the head.
- Is the bullet still in there?
- Fragments of it are, yes.
- Huh.

- -We need to get out of here.
- -Not without Stan.
- -[Diego screams]
- -[Lila] Go!
- -[bell dings]
- -[Lila] Go, go, go!
Diego: Go! Go!
- -[Diego grunts]
- -Go! Come on!
- -[Diego] Whoa, whoa!
- -Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

- There isn't.
- I will die here, but you won't.
- I won't allow it.
- The world needs you, Reggie.
- Now go.

- I'm just trying to help.
- No, you could've been killed.
- Or gotten any of us killed.
- She is a liability.
- Allison?
- I think what he's trying to say is that this kind of stuff is dangerous.
- You're just...
- Not like you.

- They'll be here soon enough.
- Everybody dies eventually.
- -Am I right?
- -Mm.
- Yeah, I mean, we're dead, right?
- As the Dougie, baby.
- -[laughs] As the Dougie!
- -Yeah!
- So what happens if I do this?

- Why don't you tell Allison that?
- Jesus.
- He's due any minute now.
- That was a joke.
- You do jokes now.
- Actually, what I'm here to discuss… is deadly serious.

- if we didn't find the briefcase?
Cha: You know what happens to people who step out of line.
Hazel: / guess / 'm just tired of all this being told what to do, where to go.
- Wouldn't it be nice to kill who you want for a change?
- Not who the commission tells us to?
- Sure are in the middle of nowhere.

- And... it was a little bit awkward with your sister earlier.
- It's fine. She knows it was a misunderstanding.
- Do you wanna get breakfast tomorrow?
- Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that.
- Well, I'll, uh, talk to you in the morning.
- Okay, bye.

Vanya: Okay.
- I guess I'll see you when I see you.

- -Yeah, we did break into their house…
- -Our house.
- …bust up all their nice antiques and shit.
- Yeah. I don't think the crime-fighting… super nerds are gonna let that go.
- Let's just think of some place off the radar where we can lie low and not draw attention.
- What kind of a weird-ass place are we not gonna draw attention?

- I couldn't exactly find a diamond on short notice, but the stone is moon rock.
- Um, I brought it back with me, and I've kind of been keeping it for a special occasion, and, well, I--
- Luther, it's beautiful.

Luther: Is she alive?
[Whispers] Yeah.
- She is? Yeah?
- Oh, thank god.
Luther: We did it. We saved the world.

- I hope you know your father loved you very much.
- In his own way.
- Yeah, well, that's kind of the problem, isn't it?
- Take care of yourself.
- You as well, miss Vanya.

- or you're going with him.
- Allison.
Officer: I said back up.
- Allison. Allison, baby, it's okay.
- Baby, I love you.
- It's okay. I'm fine. I'm gonna be okay!
- Do we have a problem here?
- Officer.

Diego: Bingo, the infinite switchboard.
- All right. [Pops knuckles]
- How hard can this be?

- His brother Jerry is a St...
- He's a state trooper and if he thinks I'm gonna run...
- Hey, hey, we won't let him, okay?
Sissy: Okay. Okay, okay.
- It's gonna be everything as usual until we're ready.
Sissy: Okay.
- Just give me a little time.

- What if Diego's right and the Sparrows attack?
- We fought the entire Commission.
- I mean, we can handle, what?
- Seven jerks in uniforms?
- They just caught us off guard.
- Yeah.

- -[Whoosh' |n -ah! 9]
- It's working!
- Hold on! It's gonna get messy!

- Careful, now, or you are going to tire yourself out.
- How are you doing this?
- Oh, anything that you can do,
- I can do better.
Sissy: Is that you, Vanya?
- Who the hell are you?
[Mock Texas drawl] I'm his new mama.

- Dad!
- J” run, boy, run!
- This race is a prophecy... j' anyone!
- Fl run, boy, run!
- And disappear in the trees... j'
- Come on!
- Shit.

- The briefcase is here?
Cha: It's where commission said.
- All righty.

Klaus: Sorry for crashing your party.
- Okay, fine. Okay. Listen, we'll do it.
- -We'll try, okay?
- -Okay.
- Also, just like on a motivational scale of one to, like, Braveheart…
- -Yeah?
- -…this was like half a Rudy.
- -All right, notes later, pal. Notes later.
- -I thought you could probably do better.

- -Uh, it was… it was the wind.
- -[Luther] Who's the kid?
- The hell are you doing in here?
- Shaving my nest, you little perv.
- Don't flatter yourself, Lila.
- I like my women a little less likely to kill me in my sleep.
- -We're learning so much about each other.
- -[Five] Mm.

- Help him, Klaus.
Klaus: Luther!
- Sorry, sorry, sorry.
[Man] Get him off me, guys!
- Luther!
Klaus: Luther!
- Luther, help! Ow!

- Number seven! Either you remember...
- Or you will go to your room without dessert!
[Gibbs] What the hell's going on with the lights?
- She's not responding.
- Let's help motivate her.

- Look at this.
- That's right. Her concert is tonight.
- Hello.
- I hate to intrude, but my manager says if you're not gonna bowl, you gotta leave.
Diego: Whose turn is it?
- Oh, for...

[Boy 1] Yeah!
[Boy 2] Yeah! King Kong!
Luther: Allison?
- My bad.
- Dipshit.
- All right.
- Carry on.

Stan: So…
- Do you got any food?
- Grace.
- Have you seen a briefcase?
Marcus: What are you doing?
- Worshiping.

- When the job is done.
- -You want 'em all dead?
- -All dead.
- Back in a flash.

- J'all on that day j”
- .fi / said rock I
- ./' what's the matter with you, rock? .F' j' don't you see I need you, rock? J' j' good lord, lord j'
- -./' all on that day j' -[Gasps}