The Best William Hickey Quotes

Fulton: Are you sure that you're doing the right thing, sir?
Carlton: What do you mean, Fulton?
Fulton: [referring to Linda] Well, how can you be certain that she will fall in love with you, even after you make these... changes?
Carlton: Because I love her, and love conquers all.
Fulton: Love can also be blind, sir. I just pray that you aren't the only one it conquers.

Lowell: Hey, is that your brother standing over there?
Carlton: Yep, that's Milford, all right. Oh, the years haven't been kind to him, have they?
Antonio: Guess he didn't drink from the Fountain of Youth, like you did.

Carlton: Hey, if a monkey were to bite ya, what kinda drugs would they make ya take?
Antonio: I don't know... maybe Joe knows...
Joe: You sure ask a lotta questions, don't you, Carlton?
Carlton: Well, my mother always told me 'There's no such thing as a stupid question'.
Brian: Run that one about the monkey past her sometime.

Carlton: [after 23 hours of misunderstandings and $10,000, Carlton has beaten his estranged brother of 50 years at an airport in Wyoming] Well, I said all I had to say to that son of a bitch! What are you waiting for? Take off!
Brian: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't get it. You pay $10,000 and fly all this way just so you can beat your brother senseless?
Carlton: Hell, no! I got my daddy's watch back, too!... wait a minute! This isn't Daddy's watch! And, come to think of it, Milford doesn't have red hair... maybe it *was* Las Cruces!

Carlton: Are we on the ground?
Brian: No, we crashed and died, and Heaven's really disappointing.

Carlton: What do you suppose they do with those little pieces of metal they punch out when they make a flute?

Carlton: I want to look like I'm thirty years old.