250 Best You Quotes

Joe: Turns out, parenthood is Groundhog Day as written by Jean Paul Sartre.

- to figure out how to, quote,
- "get rid of the Conrads."
- And I am tasked with restoring our home to a state of Rockwell perfection.
- Rockwell by way of Bettie Page, anyway.
- All while trying to keep my son's attention on his cartoon.
- Don't worry.
- After today, we're never doing this again.

Joe: I'm not a "maybe." I'm The One.

- For now, friends are hopeful that the police will find her with the help of this community.
- Reporting live from Madre Linda,
- Ryan Goodwin, Channel 3 News.
- We got it.
- Every day it's the same fucking story.
- We need him to give a statement.

- Cary Conrad uses this stuff all the time.
- So it shouldn't exacerbate your head injury.
- Too much.
- Julie.
- Julia.
- Julia Quinn-Goldberg.

- You're not hearing me because I'm not saying that.
- We need to be clear.
- You're erasing everything you've gathered of your own volition and entirely alone.
- And throwing the whole thing away because, damn it,
- I just felt like an upgrade. Got it.
- Hey, I'm sorry,
- I was just coming to look for my charger.

- I can't let her feel that her mother could ever abandon her.
- So I'm leaving Madre Linda.
- You're leaving?
- Follow them to New Jersey, even if it means sleeping in my car, flipping burgers, whatever it takes.
Joe: I'm going to lose you.

- Let's be honest, rebuilding the cage was crazy.
- Could've really backfired.
- And yet it worked.
- We slowed down.
- Reflected.
- Responded.
- Proved we're a team. For Henry.

- You're only friends because she's the only option in town.
- It's not a crime to fit in, Theo.
- Maybe you'll understand that when you're older.
- You've changed.
- That's not always a bad thing.
- Enjoy the muffins. Okay?

Joe: I don't want it to happen here like this.
- I want you some place luxurious.
- You deserve that.
- The car is fine. Shut up and kiss me.
- Did you just read my mind?

Joe: All books add up to one essential truth, which is, if your IQ is above a certain number, life is pretty much unbearable. And the number is not even that high.

[Chandra] There you go.
- You know what else they don't tell you about teammates?
- The sex is better.
- Like, "Don't bother to describe it to your unmarried friends" better.
- The passion fueled by the deepest trust.
- And it's fucking primal.

- What are you doing?
- Uh, nothing, nothing.
- Um...
- Is that a key?
- I know that it's not true.
- What the Conrads said that you did.

- If you hadn't lied, you wouldn't be sick.
- Tell the nurse. She was a terrible mother.
- -Stop it.
- -She was selfish and crazy.
- -Stop.
- -Didn't take care of you.
- Go away. Go away!
- -Where are you going?
- -It's too late now!

- turns out, it can come back.
- Maybe this is what we were looking for in each other, Natalie.
- What I needed from you.
- A way back to Love.
- Maybe, thanks to you,
- I can make this work.

- to take our relationship to a new level.
- Would you be game?
- -[cell phone chimes]
- -Oh.
- Sorry, it's my babysitter.
- What the fuck?
- -I'm so sorry.
- -Yeah.

- if you hadn't grabbed a weapon?
Joe: Oh, wow.
- No one will ever love you like I do, Joe.
- It's something to think about while you're lying there.
Joe: Okay, this isn't great.
- -Love...
- -[phone chimes]

- I'm leaving out the part where if your marriage isn't on rock-solid footing, swinging is all but guaranteed to nuke it, aka the dream.
- Still, after my conversation with Dottie about the fate of Love's first husband,
- I need to tread lightly.
- Be game but not too. Make it all her idea.

- Shit, shit. Let me--
- -Just let me see.
- -Stay away from me.
- -I know head trauma.
- -Stop.
[yelling] Get the hell away from me, honey!
- Hey!
- Hey.

- Why does she look like that?
- I had to remove her teeth.
- Right. Dental records. Yeah.
- Where did you put them?
- The teeth? Don't wanna find them in a hidey-hole in my house.
- You won't. It's safer if you don't know.

- Henry. Henry.
- Henry, you see?
- You're getting into my head.
- I'm gonna do everything I can.
- I just don't know what that means yet.
- I...

Joe: And have you both cross? No, no, no.
- It'll be pretty boring.
- I wouldn't want to inflict that upon you.
- How'd I end up with such a thoughtful husband?
Joe: This game is tricky.
- Juggling you and Love won't be easy.
- But if this is the game I have to play to get closer to you, then game on.

[first lines]
Joe: [thinking as he observes a woman in his store] Well, hello there. Who are you? Based on your vibe, a student. Your blouse is loose. You're not here to be ogled, but those bracelets, they jangle. You like a little attention. Okay, I bite. You search the books. Uh, fiction. F through K Now, hmm, you're not the standard insecure nymph hunting for Faulkner you'll never finish. Too sun-kissed for Stephen King. Who will you buy?
Guinevere: [running into each other] Sorry...
Joe: [continues thinking] You sound apologetic, like you're embarrassed to be a good girl. And you murmur your first word to me.

- Hey. Wondering if I should put Henry down.
- I'm not sure when Joe's coming.
- Let me know. No presh.
- What?
- Hey, Dante.
- Yeah, thank you so much for taking him.
- Let me double-check with Joe. If I can't reach him, I'll call you in a sec.
- Thank you.

[first lines]
Joe: [thinking to himself] It's been three whole days since I've seen you. I failed you, Beck, and this is my punishment. Is this my walk to the gallows? Should I be preparing last words? Some humans, Beck, are cancer. Peach is Stage IV metastatic. I tried to cut out the mess before it consumed you, but now, best case, got to go in there and win an Oscar kissing the ring. Worst case: she knows it was me and it's over. Is this an ambush? Will you love me in prison?

- Let me get some coffee. Yeah. Yeah.
- -Do you think he's warm?
- -I think he's just tired.
- Maybe I should stay.
- You're projecting your anxiety on your son.
- Go run your bakery.
- Forty and I are gonna have a beautiful day.

- I shouldn't have left you alone.
- Hey, Dante, can you watch Henry for just a little bit?
- Oh, my God. Yes.
- -Bring the little prince here.
- -Thank you. I'll be there soon.
- Love thinks I'm getting rid of evidence.
- Ought to buy me some time.
- I'm coming, Marienne.
- Don't do anything you'll regret.

- at my hearing?
- Of course. You're an incredible asset to the library.
- Cool. Great. Thanks.
- But I actually need you to play up the whole kick-ass mom thing.
- I will character witness the motherly living shit out of you.
- Thank you.

Guinevere: I read one of your essays in the "Review" last month, and it was so illuminating. I tweeted it.
Blythe: Social Media. It's like the next great genocide.

- You're saying, "I don't know."
- You hit him and put him in a cage when we could've--
- -Sued him.
- -The cage was your idea.
- -No, no, no. We are not going to--
- -How--?
- You are not making me kill anyone!
- We are not doing that to our son.

- Mutually-assured destruction.
- Get something that he doesn't want anyone else to know about and he can't expose us.
- -He opens his mouth, we open ours.
- -Worked for me once before.
- It would have, Benji.
- -He may look like a choirboy...
- -So did Dahmer.

- Stupid fun, really.
- Yeah, you and your wife, Love.
- Just having fun.
- Yeah, again,
- I apologize if it disturbed you.
- We were saying we should have you over for dinner sometime soon.
- Yeah, real busy with work. But sometime.
- Sometime.

- That boy will distract you from your son.
Joe: I can't cage what's inside of me.
- Better to feed it just enough to keep it in check, but make sure it knows the rules.
- So now I have you, Marienne.
- Things will be different this time.

- I put the ring on the sink so it looked like she washed her hands.
- What now?
- I know where to go.

- -Easy, hon!
- -Is that my nine?
- Just sit and be quiet.
- New rules. One of you takes this, shoots the other.
- I let whoever lives out.
- -Are you insane?
- -Wait, what?
- Well, if your marriage is so perfect, stay together, die together.

Guinevere: [thinking] What was that? Eight seconds?
[glances over at Joe]
Guinevere: Oh, yeah. He's got that "Trump just took Pennsylvania" look.

- And I have to figure out how I'm gonna live with it.
- And Henry makes it worth it.
- -Yes.
- -Mm.
- -Yes, and I did not see that coming.
- -Mm-hm.
- Yeah, neither did I.
- I just want her back.

- I guess that seems fair.
Joe: This wasn't the plan, but I can't blame you.
- You're trying to solve an impossible problem, and that problem is Ryan.
Travis: Why don't you just sleep in your office? I don't care.
[Fiona] Travis!

Joe: Oh, fuck. I'm gonna need more tarps.
- No! [groans]
- Oh, my God.
- -Cary?
- -You didn't graze me.
- You fucking... shot me in the leg.

- You're a fucking monster.
- I always knew your marriage was a sham.
- But... it looks like the only murderer in this room is you, Sherry.

- I hear that her husband, he has to take pharmaceutical molly just so he can get it up for her.
- Yeah.
- Oh, and please tell me you saw that speech, right?
- I have to pee. Be right back.
- Okay.

- Excuse me, sir.
- You calling Uber?
- It's gonna rain. Get in.

- How could she know?
- It's roast chicken.
- -Hmm. Where's Henry?
- -He's asleep.
- -I'm gonna check on him.
- -No.
- Sit.
Joe: She knows.

- I killed the adulterer next door.
- I framed the anti-vaxxer who sickened my child, hunted down the reporter who threatened us.
- I trapped the couple who tried to sabotage us.
- Forced them to really see each other.
- Babe.

- My issue is that you're still flirting and I asked you not to.
- I'm not flirting with you.
- I'm begging you for food.
- Okay. Jesus fucking Christ.
- Thank you, my lady and savior.
- Okay.
- -Carrot or chai walnut?
- -Carrot, please.

Dottie: Schadenfreude is karmic suicide.

- I'm sorry.
- I'm so sorry.
- This isn't forever.
- I love you more than anything.
- Hey.
- I don't know what to say.

- You know... publicity... it has a way of flattening.
- Flattening you and the people you love into types.
- And it's really hard because nobody will ever let you forget what happened.
- Yeah.

- a professor at Stanford University.
- In a letter, Mr. Brigham confessed he murdered Mrs. Engler and disposed...
Joe: And the town of Madre Linda settles into begrudging acceptance that the sordid tale of suburban ennui, sex and murder has come to an end
- 'cause, well, what bored suburbanite isn't gonna buy that?

- but I'm married to her.
- If I go down too... what happens to our son?
- After Dottie's meltdown,
- Love drew up papers to prevent the Quinns from ever getting near him, but if not them or me, then--
- I can't let him get put somewhere like I was.

- Mm. Leez. Hi. Come on in.
- Please. How long has it been?
- -Gosh, couple years, right?
- -Yeah, couple of years. That's right.
- Thanks, Theo. I'm hearing great things about your work on the corporate side.
- The team loves you. You've come a long way from the cocky, young coder
- -who hacked my e-mail.
- -My asshole days are far behind me.
- Here's the thing. Not too far, I hope.
- I need your help with something. Please.

- It's very therapized.
- Mm.
- What'd you have in mind?
Joe: Even with therapy, our wounds may take a long time to heal.
- We can't just erase our worst impulses.
- But maybe we can control them.

- If someone... sees me...
- -Why does she look like that?
- -I had to remove her teeth.
- If someone sees the real me... they'll go away.
- For good.

- I'm gonna take care of you.
- I promise.
- Okay?
- He's not gonna hurt you anymore.
- I'll be back.
- Okay.

- -but is actually perfectly capable of it.
- -Want some?
- Mm. Thank you.
- I don't let myself think about who Love is, what she is.
- My job is to be a good husband so I can be a good father.
- Hey, Natalie!
- Hi.

- I love that.
- You're the best dad to the best kids.
- And don't forget 6% body fat.
- You're down to--? Jesus.
- When we get out of here, you're gonna have all the burgers.
- And you'll be the hottest one-eared bitch in Madre Linda.

- Sadly, the demons won.
- I know from my recon that Ryan is the kind of nutjob who thinks taking the stairs will add years to his life.
- Well, the irony.
- Wait, where's he going?
- The elevator, you lazy piece of shit.

- Yeah.
- I guess one could argue,
- I was in a cage of my own making the moment I had kids.
- No, got married.
- And at some point, it all feels like the game is rigged.
- This was all and-Hilariously inevitable.

- Holy fucking shit.
- I think that was the best sex we've ever had.
Joe: Yes, it was.
- The spark our marriage needed doesn't come from swinging.
- Our love language is violence.

- I don't know what you think you heard...
- But we're...
- There you go.
- It's gonna end badly for Love too.
- Sherry knows Krav Maga.
- Go to sleep, buddy.

- And if you feel too overwhelmed, just use the safe word: Hakuna matata.
- Disney should sue these people.
- Okay. No more talk. Let's dance.
- Love?
- Hey, you.

- You knew, and you sat in my house and you said nothing.
- I should kill you.
- I should kill you right fucking now.
- -What?
- -[Joe] Follow my eyes.
- Come on. I'm pointing with my eyes.
- Check the search history.
- You're a tech guy, you know this.

- Okay.
- But I'll figure it out.
- I will.
- Okay.
- You're the best.
- Fucking creep show.

- Maybe they didn't hear anything.
- We have to know for sure.
- Okay, well,
- Sherry has this tell when she's lying, she scratches her arm.
- I'll follow your lead.
- Okay.

- "When you've been worked on for so long, you never know you're done."
- Jericho Brown.
- You know his work?
Joe: What am I doing, using my old games on you? I'm not this guy anymore.
- I read his work in The New Yorker, and that line... stayed with me.
- But I don't know his writing much, actually.

- That's Bad Parenting 101.
- Witnessing us dig up a body isn't?
- He has barely any depth perception, which you should know.
- What I'm hearing is, even as I am doing everything in my power to save my child, my parenting skills aren't up to your standards.
- Is this important right now?

- You just do.
- Um...
- -Don't do that.
- -Yep.
- Oh, shit. I got a text from my dad.
- Whoa. They think they found something.
- They think they might have just found a murder weapon.

- Oh, ho-ho-ho.
- Oh, Marienne.
- You are the only one who could make whatever's about to happen worthwhile.
- It's okay, you can look at it.
- Look at my dick.
- Welcome to the real party, brother.

- So glad you're here.
- What the fuck is happening?

- Brutal, man. Brutal.
- Yeah.
Joe: And just like that, Ryan Goodwin takes one small step off the wagon...
- Today's already so fucked.
- I'm calling in sick so we can get blasted.
- -...and one giant leap toward rock bottom.
- -Let's do it.
Joe: You're welcome, Marienne.

- Big boy. [grunts]
- Yes.

- If you were here, you'd laugh.
- You said I'd be a terrible mom.
- Number two might be in me as we speak, and there's no one I can tell that...
- I'm not sure I want it.
- Stop insinuating.
- It's not Theo's baby.
- Couldn't be, I don't think.

- Lipstick.
- Are you going on a date?

- I don't understand why I would go to this!
- -[Matthew] Theo, can you be reasonable?
- -You can't make me volunteer!
- -That's implied in the word "volunteer"--
- -Theo! Keep your voice down.
- Dad, they're making you look pathetic.
- I am not going.
- When you're ready to talk like a person above the age of 6, I'll be inside.

Joe: But I don't want Love.
- I don't want any of this.
- All I want is you.
- -I killed Natalie for you!
- -Shut up!
- Go.
Joe: Swinging was supposed to be my marriage's dying gasp, not theirs.
- How the fuck are these two getting out of here alive?

- It's cracked. Maybe that's good.
- Could've just broken when--
- In the bakery when she fell.
- But what if it didn't?
- Still have to move it.
- The body can't be where the ring died.
- -So just...
- -Yeah.

- It's not just our son.
Joe: This is new.
- Exciting.
- The joy of being a team.
- And I'd be remiss if I didn't admit, we have an excellent therapist.

- Hey, uh... we're running low on diapers, so I'll be right back.
- Honestly, you're what's gotten me through this imprisonment.
- The green light at the end of my dock.
- Knowing you feel the same as I do.
- Hello, neighbor.

- Hey, kid.
- Love that book.

Joe: The first step to fixing something is to know no matter how destroyed it seems, it can always be saved.

- But what choice did I have?
- So I played.
- And I realized your fence, your doorbell cam, you tell yourself you're keeping your family safe, but it's a lie.
- You're too afraid to do what you need to do to really protect your own.

- Alrighty.
- Thank you.

- Us ending.
- Me.
- Perfect. I got here just in time.
- Okay.
- Don't you worry, Joe.
- It's gonna be over real soon.

- I'll be back in, like, ten minutes.
- Then... I'm gonna save our fucking marriage.
Joe: What the fuck am I gonna do now?
- Theo, come on, answer your texts.
- Look, we're mad, that's fine.
- But now I'm worried.
- Call me back or I'm calling the police.
- I'm serious.

- And I have to figure out how to trash
- Sherry and Cary's smorgasbord of sex toys.
- Make it like this disaster of a night never happened.
- This stuff I should keep.
- Could prove useful.
- Unlike their lifetime supply of double-headed dildos, those I've seen enough of.

- It's a letter of introduction for the counselor who's gonna get your son into preschool.
- Hey, truth?
- One mother to another.
- In no universe would I ever jeopardize that baby's future.
- And trust me, you only get one shot at Ashman.

- "Happily ever after" looks a lot different than I thought.
- And a family, the reality of one, might not be for everyone... but it's all I've ever wanted.
- So I'm gonna make this work.
- No matter what it takes.
- Goodbye, you.

- What about you, Love?
- When else have you felt the way that Joe makes you feel?

- Yeah.
- Now... where were we?
Joe: I just can't tell.
- Something wrong?
- Oh, I'm great.
- Why don't we get on the bed?

- and I went and got Häagen-Dazs instead.
- Are you okay? You look a little flushed.
- I just had a drink with the neighbor.
- -Hmm. [chuckles]
- -You're right. She's crazy.
- Look, I'm sorry for running off.
- I just--

- You don't need to tell me everything.
- I trust you.
- -Wow. That was some weekend you had.
- -Yeah. Really, it was.
- Fuck, okay, okay.
- -People are here. Get a shower real quick.
- -Yeah.
- Okay.

- You'll look just like
- Matthew's douchebag kid.
- Sealed and everything.
- It's almost like you anticipated needing it all along.
- -Shut up.
- -You shut up.
- Where are you going?
- Where you should be going.
- Boo Radley's house.

- Two bodies, one story, if we get this part right.
- And we will. I will.
- I have to.
- It's on me to protect you and Henry.
- There's no one else who will.
- Here are your flags. Drop them as you go.

- Mm.
- Let me be clear. You fascinate me.
- But Love is my soul mate, mother of my child, love of my life.
- And my job as a husband and a father is to keep it that way.

- -Reporters, I get it.
- -Yeah.
- -You sure I can't help you home?
- -I'm okay. I'm okay.
- My wife and kid are coming back.
- -You've done more than enough.
- -Okay. Get home safe.
- Don't wanna find you passed out by the trash again.
- Mm.

- Hey, you okay?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- How do you get it so fucking moist?
- Come show me.
- Yeah. Just like that.

- Jacob?
- Jakey, let's go.
- Such a nice day, right?
- There's nothing I'd rather do than be with you, buddy.

Joe: Huh. The burbs are even more miserable than I thought.
- Um-I, um...
- Aw, damn you.
- Oh, yeah, those look worth fucking my glycemic variability for.
- Okay. Well...
- -Mm.
- -Here you go.

- Which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
- I mean, if we did find something...
- It would probably be something that indicated she's not alive anymore.
- I know this is hard.
- And I'd just say to you, let us keep working.
- -[dogs barking]
- -[whistles blowing]

- Oh, okay, so this is really happening.
- Uh-Mm. Ow.
- Watch.

- I'm gonna go check on him.
- -Let me get--
- -No, I'll check him. I'll get him.

- Hi.
- Get away from me!
- -It was only supposed to graze you.
- -No! That--
- -[Sherry] You just made me so mad!
- -That was your pull--
- -Hey.
- -Hey.
- Hey.

- Okay.
- One foot in front of the other.

- You're just who you are.
- You don't hide or embellish, you own your mistakes and stand up to the strikes against you. You're so...
- Oh! No! Please, no!
- It's okay, look.
- I think, it's-It's just us.

- Do you think they could see that her heart stopped?
- -I didn't invent the fucking ring.
- -[Matthew] Stop!
- Hey. Hey, man.
- No, listen to me.
- We need to stop production, then.
Joe: He hasn't put it together yet, but it's only a matter of time.
- Natalie's been gone over 24 hours.
- Our window is rapidly closing.

- Your stuff has to be good.
- -That, I'm not worried about.
- -Then nothing to worry about.
- Except landlord has another offer.
- But he loves me, so sign a 3-year lease today and you're golden.
- I already sent you papers to e-sign.
- -Can I--? Can I see downstairs?
- -Yeah, let's go.

- That's for her.
- Robbery-homicide may have to do.
[woman] Oh, my God. Help!
- -[Joe] Always stay through Shavasana.
- -[woman] Help! Somebody call 911!

- Was that at the desk here?
- Her office. She'll be back in an hour.
- Okay. I think she meant while she's out.
- So diligent... after taking three hours to shelve that one cart this morning.
- Thank you.

- To protect, yes.
- But can you be a good father if you're a bad man?
- It's not the kind of father I wanna be and the kind of mother you wanna be.
- Thank God.
- Our little Scout will be better for it.

- Is there something wrong?
- Are you okay with this?
- More than okay.
Joe: I'm embarrassed for us.

- Are you okay?
- Go hang out with your friends.
- Who pissed in her Wheaties?
- That guy she's dating hurts her.
- What are you gonna do about it?
- Gonna beat him up?
- Come on, man. Didn't you learn from last time with your mom?

- Love Quinn became the Mrs. Lovett of Madre Linda.
- Once the nausea passed, people were ravenous for her.
- Her tragic family history, her quasi-feminist revolt against upper-class hypocrisy.
- A bit of a folk hero, more famous even than Guinevere Beck.

- and accepted me anyway.
- Is this what it feels like to have friends?
- Fitting in is not always the worst.
- Yes, they're silly. Yes, what happens out here is fucking nuts.
- All I know... is I feel like me again.

- who mysteriously don't attend today's party.
Joe: Not better.
- -That's not what I'm saying.
- -No?
- What I'm hearing is that you would really like some alone time.
- So I'm gonna go take Henry and let you work in peace.
- Not what I said.

- We should get back to it.
- What happened with Ryan?
- I'm sorry.
- I'm not okay with what I saw, and I would like to know how someone who treats you like that could have custody of your child.

- But that little voice in the back of my head that I've been suppressing this whole fucking time, it was right.
- I'm not the problem.
- My husband is the problem.

- Your phone is dead in my nightstand because you are dead.
- And no one will ever read this.
- So, what am I confessing for?
- Speaking of terrible mothers...
- Ugh. The last thing I need is a weekend all about Dottie and her second act.
- I wish you were here.
- I need you.

- Hard to be invisible with the greatest lady magnet in the history of the species strapped to you.
- The Fifth Season, Gone Girl, Seabiscuit.
- Okay, I'm stumped. Why those?
- -Who are you?
- -[Henry crying]
- Oh, Henry, okay.

- Yeah, I'm okay. What about--?
- Oh, they're-They're just waking up.
- Hey.
- We're a team, okay?
- Till death do us part.
Joe: Clearly, my plan has backfired.
- My wife seems more into me than ever.

- -You do seem happy.
- -[Sherry] No Cymbalta here.
Joe: Why do I still feel so on the outside?
- Joe, come over here, sweetie.
- The vibe is much better.
- -Wow.
- -Oh, yeah.
- I think Theo's visiting home.
- Theo.

Nurse: Does he have a middle name?
- Forty Quinn-Goldberg.
- We were told it would be a girl.
Nurse: Oh, probably just shy.
- -Kept the goods hidden.
- -Karma. God owed us a boy.
Joe: As I was saying, fucked.

- I mean, that pea fucking killed me.
- I am so sorry.
- Don't be sorry for surviving.
- You were the strong one.
- You always knew it was gonna turn out this way.
- It's why you held me so tight.

Love: Fuck Dottie.
- What's she know?
- We were accessories to her.
- A couple of purse dogs she'd overfeed, then scream at when we shit on her Gucci wallet.
- Fuck Dottie.
- I hate her.

- You're under a lot of stress.
- I know you don't mean--
- God. I want you to leave.
- I came here for a fresh start, and you followed me here and brought all your toxic garbage with you.
- You have so much anger.
- It's not healthy.

- So... just be normal.
- Exactly.
- Something terrible happened to Natalie Engler.
- We had nothing to do with it.
- We are just the nice, normal neighbors next door.

- but he was wasted, stepped too close to the edge, even took a tragic leap.
- It all works, so long as this bastard's--
- Alive?
- One person cuts out before Shavasana,
- I'm doing 20-to-life.
- You don't have it in you.

- You are? Oh, my God.
- -Is it Joe's or that neighbor kid's?
- -Keep your voice down. I was--
- I have seconds before kickoff.
- We'll finish this later.
- Maybe a little lipstick, sweetheart?
- You're pale.
Love: Remember pretending to be orphans?
- That was fun.

- -Really? That's great.
- -Yeah. I'm sorry.
- I mean, I really-I am hungry.
- Well, no, no, that's great.
- I'll bring you something back.
- What do you want? Al pastor?
- Yeah, yeah. That'd be great. Thanks, Dad.
- Sure.

- Of course.
- Your husband's screwing someone else while you're what, changing diapers?
- Sherry, shut the fuck up.
- Where is he now?
- Fuck him. Letting you fix a marriage that never stood a chance in the first place.

- It's what I've done with Cary, and my vagina has never been happier.
- Look, I'll send you a post
- I wrote about it.
- Along with an RSVP list of the guests
- -with food allergies.
- -Okay.
- Thanks again.
- Whoo!

- Beck was a child.
- And Love? She fooled me into believing she was someone she wasn't.
- The only thing I'm thankful for, she brought our son into the world and led me to you.
- It's you, Marienne.
- Oh, no.

- I just wanted to make sure that I made you a nice dinner first.
- Okay.
- Something is up with her.
- Did she kill someone else and she's trying to distract me?
- I have a little less time.
- -Okay.
- -A little you time, actually.

- I have expertise in that area.
- Oh, so you want a job.
- Well, you know you need a Master's to work in a library, but...
Joe: Do you though?
- I will think about it.
- Thanks.

- Hey, it's Fiona.
- Something happened.

- And this fucking guy...
Joe: He's gonna tell them
- I threw him off a fucking cliff, that I'm crazy, whatever the opposite is of "part of the tribe."
- Goldberg is a fucking animal.
- Come here.
- You are one fine specimen of a man, Joe.

- It had to be enough.
- I had to finally stop you.
[sobbing] We're perfect for each other.
- But bad... for Henry.
- He'll know what you are.

Joe: Chekhov, you fucker. I can't, right?
- That's the guy Love wants me to be.
- Then again, people like us, we figure it out.
- Ryan has to die.

- I have to.
- To protect my daughter.
- Congratulations, Dad. It's a boy.
- -It's a boy?
- -Hey.
- -Hi.
- -[Joe] I'm fucked.
- And so is he.

- I went into his office, and he hired a PI to stalk people.
- And he has all this insane conspiracy shit about Natalie's murder with these names of people in Madre Linda, including you and Joe.
- What?

- you ungrateful, little bitch.
- You have no idea what I had to do to give it to you.
- Your choice to fuck the neighbor boy or blow up your life has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you being spoiled and bored.
- I'll take the blame for spoiling you.
- But the source of your unhappiness?
- Look in the mirror instead of spouting your hypocrisy at everyone else.

- Thank you for listening.
- Let's go.

Joe: [looking at the video of Annika] this looks old, but casual racism is ever green.

- Cary says this trip's about being a man.
- I think it's about being a kid again.
- Hmm.
- Here.
- You can have a meaningful experience while maintaining a normal blood-sugar level.
- Thank you.

Joe: We're putting down roots, building a future for our son.
Joe: You'll dominate your little corner of this town.
- And I...
- I'm gonna find mine.
- It's time.
- -This gonna become an everyday thing?
- -I hope so.

- You know why?
- Because... you know who they are.
- The whole messy truth.
- And that's beautiful and worthwhile.
- And exactly what I would want in my life.
- No matter what happened in the past, someone out there will want you too.
- You're a good kid.

- Does that mean
- I can stop reading Sherry's shitty blog?
- There's still time to bond with him.
- Try reading him something other than Fitzgerald. He is a baby.
- Yeah, I'll give it a shot.
- Should we go home?
- Yeah, let's go home.

- It's going to be beautiful.
- -Thank you.
- -Marienne, you have to submit this.

- of good places to disappear people?
- Considering who I'm married to, yeah.
- I kind of have to.
- Oh, I'm the psycho.
- How did you get rid of her so fast?
- How did you know where to go?
- -What were you planning for?
- -What are you insinuating?

Joe: I'd give anything to.
- Joe, where the fuck are you, brother?
- I wish I could, but...
- No, no, no. It's okay.
- No, you've actually-You've done enough.
- Thanks for answering, Goldberg.

- Um...
- Yeah, thank you. Uh--
Joe: That was hope.
- The least I can do... is hasten the end of my marriage.

- Dwell Magazine, Twilight Zone fucking purgatory forever.
- -Is it that bad here?
- -Ha.
- If you're not careful, you'll start caring about private schools, stock portfolios, start reading on a Kindle.
- Fuck.

- I know it was something.
- Oh, it's no big. I just...
- I got a weird vibe from the guy
- I rent the bakery from.
- I wanna make sure he's legit.
- I don't want to put in all of this work just to have the property seized by the IRS.
- I'll get you his number.

Sherry: Let me go!
- No! No, please! No! God!
Joe: That does not sound good.
- He could be at Matthew's by now.
- Guess I'm gonna use Cary's gift from the hunting trip after all.

- -Did you have fun? All right.
- -Mm-hm.
- Henry's down for the night.
- Hey.
- Come to bed.
Joe: Mm. Trying to reignite the spark, and my move here is make it not so easy.

- That's amazing.
- You and my wife in the same place.
- I've got six people at the bakery setting up this insane stove situation.
- I'm gonna be up all night.
- I know your boss is picky, so I hope I'll make her happy.
- I'm sure you will.

Joe: Home early.
- It's very unusual for you.
- Yes, yes, I know that place.
- Okay. Yeah, great. I'll see you there.
Joe: What's got you stepping out of your routine?
- I dearly hope it doesn't involve pegging someone on this bed. RIP Peach.
- Okay, now you're just playing with me.

- Especially when everything else feels so unfixable.
- Oh, shit. I knew it, we're late.
Joe: What am I fighting for?
- What am I fighting for?
- -Is this really the life I want?
- -Hi.
- -Welcome.
- -The only thing worse than a kid's party is a rich kid's party.

- Doesn't exactly scream skeletons but then neither do you.
- There's nothing in your work files or search history.
- It's just, there's no "you" here at all, which tells me
- I'm not looking hard enough.
- Hmm. "Recovery." This is a surprise.
- This deepens my curiosity, and now I need more.

- -I'm sorry about--
- -No, it's fine.
- I wolf you.
Joe: Wolf? We're dog-on-a-leash now.
- This is fine. It's normal.
- It's fine.
- And if it feels like it's not, maybe I'm the problem.

- She's not a boring, tired suburban mom.
- She's fun. Wild.
- Still the Love Quinn who flirts with strangers in the produce section.
- Which is why I'm going to satisfy her as only someone who knows her can.
- Safe. Reliable.
- We can do anything together.

- Oh, yeah.
- 'Cause your plan, unlike my shit, is proving to be real fucking solid.
- Hello?
- Love?
- You here?
- Love?

- No, I need my power back.
- I need justice. I need karmic retribution.
- -Do you want hot sauce?
- -I want all the hot sauce and a lighter.
- Excuse me?
- I'll give you...
- 300 dollars for a lighter.

- Monica's math.
- Who the fuck has a geo tutor, Cary? No one!
- You know what?
- We're not gonna fucking debate which parent gets to live!
- Fuck this.
- -What are you doing?
- -Stand back!

- What a mess my wife has made.
- I loved her.
- Why did she do this?
- This is not your fault. She fooled me too.
- Are you gonna... kill me?

Joe: It's been said,
- "Nothing ever happens in the suburbs."
- -Hey.
- -Hey.
- It's an inadequate gesture for making sure I didn't die last week.
- Unnecessary. Thank you.
- I'm glad you're better.
- If you'll excuse me, I'm expecting a call.
Joe: Maybe it's more like,
- "Nothing ever really changes."

- Oh, shit.
- Love is gonna kill you.

- But Love has no loyalty for anyone but herself.
- If anything were to happen to you,
- I'd never forgive myself.
- Like a young Gregory Peck.
- Could Love have killed her first husband?
- I've been so worried about her hurting you that I failed to remember: I am also fair game.

- Nurse Fiona,
- I think you'll like this. It's--
- Wait for you outside, beautiful.

Love: Joe, you didn't kill Delilah. I did.

- -Your mother knew and she told me.
- -My mother is a malicious bitch.
- All I'm saying is that we can part ways amicably.
- Be there for Henry, support him, co-parent, and give each other the chance to be happy.
- Love...
- I want a divorce.

- Why so wary?
- So scared to be seen.
- That's what I want in friends, to be inspired to wonder.
Marienne: Joe?
- -[Joe] Who is she?
- -Show me.
- Your drawing.

- -Does this have GPS?
- -[Cary] We all wear them.
Joe: If Matthew has access to Natalie's ring, he'll be able to see exactly where she is.
- I put the ring on the sink so it looked like she washed her hands.
- So... they know.
Joe: We've got this. Together.

- I came to realize it's a lot simpler than I was making it.
- Here's what you do as a parent: You keep them healthy and safe and be a good person.
- That's it. Protect, be good, get out of the way.
- To be honest, I'm jealous.
- You have it all ahead of you.

- Something is going on.
- You're always distracted.
- -I'm not distracted.
- -Why won't you tell me?
- I've got him.
- I'm gonna take him to his grandma's.
- -Love.
- -No, don't worry about it, Joe.
- Enjoy the quiet.

Derek: No one is coming to save you.
- What you gonna do, Goldberg?
- Don't!

- We just have to tie up a few loose ends.
- I can't believe we're doing this.
- I can. It's fate.
- Mm. Gotta go.
- Bunch of songbirds just landed on me and I think we're going flying.
- I'll see you in the sky.

- Love, this is my son, Theo.
- -I didn't know you had a son.
- -Stepson from my first marriage.
- Thank you, but we're dealing with something right now.
- Let's go.
- -Enjoy.
- -Yeah.
- Have a good night.

- Okay, so I know how it looks, but I was told this is the best walk-in freezer on the market.
- Let me show you the other storage room.
- Permits are easy.
- So you can have this place up and running crazy fast.

- That's-That's so generous.
- -I am generous.
- -You really are, and I'm an asshole.
- -No, you're not. You're just--
- -I am. And it's been so crazy.
- And I was just thinking about that bite.
- And you were hungry?
- -Yeah.
- -Me too.

- -Our marriage is completely one-sided.
- -That is absurd.
- You made me kill her.
- In addition to being mother of the fucking year,
- I had to run interference on one of your fucking patterns!
- -I killed Natalie for you!
- -Shut... up.

- With this?
Joe: New trope: wishing you had Chekhov's gun to fire.
- I think I'll call the cops.
- Great. I'll tell them about the drugs in your car.
- You tell that bitch, she's lucky I didn't kill you.
- You got it?

- Wait.
- It's-It's not nothing.
- I'd never break up your family.
- -I'd never do anything to hurt Henry.
- -I know.
- I'd never get in the way of you getting your family back.
- -I would never hurt Juliette.
- -I know.

- No.
- It's like you're playing house.
- But none of this actually makes you happy.
- I'm playing house?
- You're a teenager chasing after a married woman.
- What's your endgame?

- I really am.
- Well, I guess I have you to thank.
- For getting Theodore to come.
- He told me you talked to him.
- -He called you a kind person.
- -I barely said anything. I just...
- He seems like a good kid.
- Excuse me.

Joe: Sometimes, we do bad things for the people we love. It doesn't mean it's right, it means love is more important.

- I have to choose Joe now.
- I'll always love you.
- But I have to say goodbye.
- For real this time.
- As much as it hurts.
- Goodbye, you.

- And then I will be back as soon as I can. Okay?
- Okay.
- Okay, okay, okay.
- Oh, my God.
- Joe.
- I have a plan.

- It made her hate me so much, she put me here.
- So I thought, with Fiona,
- I didn't want her to hate me.
- For the record, you don't know how your mom feels. You're making it up.
- Hey, trust me, I do it too.
- But I'll never actually know why mine left me here.
- Neither will you.

- It's enough.
- Where are you going?
- Shit.
- I am calling a Lyft.
- Excuse me for hoping my daughter would lend a sympathetic ear.
- -[door opens, then closes]
- -[cell phone chimes]

- You can let us out.
- Everybody will believe you.
- It's always the husbands.
- You know, they force us into these shapes and we break.
- But you and me, we're strong, right?
- All you gotta do is...
- He fucking betrayed you, Love.

- Actually, I probably need it tonight.
- Okay. Down the hatch.
- Thattaboy.
- Now... allow me to introduce you to my ritual for a night like tonight.

Love: I forced my husband to play along.
- But in the end, he was a coward too.
- And when I realized he had grown to hate me,
- I killed him.
- Better than a messy divorce.
- Everybody keeps their dignity.

- Natalie is a fixture of Madre Linda.
- We need her, and now she needs us.
[sobbing] So good luck out there and--
- Sorry.
- Hashtag, "Natalie, come home."

- I'm fucking moved, man.
- -Oh, my God. You're alive.
- -Of course I'm alive.
- Been taking glutathione for a decade.
- I'm impossible to kill.
- -[shoulder cracks]
- -[groans]
- Ooh.

- -What?
- -Might want to wait in the car with Henry.
- I can handle it. Just fucking do it.
Joe: We'll see.

- It's done.
- I'm ending it.
- I would do anything for you.
- It's just, ask. Just ask me.
- What am I supposed to do now?
- What do you want?

- There's the Love I remember, free, open.
Joe: I couldn't be happier for--
- Oh, there it is. Compersion.
- Come on. I wanna show you what I set up in the bedroom.
Joe: And I'm officially terrified.

- then disrupting his morning routine will.
- He'll be off the beam by your next custody hearing.
- And we can thank my son's toys for that never-ending supply of drained batteries.
- I should go but not before I unearth more about my nemesis.
- Does this man own a book not written by Tim Ferriss or Tony Robbins?
- What's this?

- But this?
- This will cost not just you but every person who works for you.
- You'll destroy lives for nothing because the worst offense the townspeople are guilty of is tacky athleisure.
- It stops now. You get that, right?

Joe: Despite living in some Greek myth about pushing a boulder of baby poop up a hill, it's incredible, the urge to protect.

- When the shock wears off... and you feel safe jogging in your expensive athleisure again...
[Joe and Love] ...remember, you can get off the hamster wheel at any time.
Joe: You just have to be willing to burn it to the ground.

Joe: Unremarkable people don't worry about being unremarkable.

- Just call me back as soon as you get this.
Joe: I left her to her own devices for too long.
- God knows what she--
- The Conrads are probably dead.
- Maybe she burned their house down, then bashed Matthew over the head.
- Goddamn it, Love.
- Who's that, Joe?

- He gets mad at you and he hurts you.
- He says he's sorry, it'll never happen again, and he gives you flowers, right?
- There are a lot of bad men out there, and sometimes you can't tell until it's too late.
- Go outside and eat with the other boys.

- But I have a new purpose now and that's protecting my family.
- -From you. [laughs]
- -How can you say that? I'm your mother.
- Having no mother would be better.
- You think you're so much better than me?
- You're just me 20 years ago.
- One day, you will lose everything too.
- And then you'll see how cruel you really are.

Joe: I'd imagined parenthood would feel like an essay by Nicholson Baker.
- Tiny moments made magnificent.
- Yeah.
Joe: Or maybe a novel by Louisa May Alcott.
- Hard work but rewarding. Noble, even.
- -Go, go, go.
- -Okay, okay, okay.

- It hurts me to leave these here.
- He doesn't deserve any part of you, but it's temporary, Marienne.
- I'm gonna fix it for you.
- Fix him.

- -Oh, great.
- -Was that not the plan?
Joe: No, it sure wasn't.
- It was. She texted me and I spaced, so I'm sorry.
- Nice to see you both.
- See you.
Joe: Oh, no.

- I don't fucking believe that, okay?
- I can't fucking believe that.
- I just keep thinking.
- If I look harder, I'm gonna see it.
- Okay, you have combed through this thoroughly. Am I wrong?
- You have to decide if you're gonna let this hunch destroy you, your company, this family.
- These people are coming for you.
- It needs to be gone.

- Go.
- Fuck this.
- -[Sherry] What are you doing?
- -Stand back!
- You just shot my ear.
- She caught her husband cheating with your stepmom and she murdered her!
- Get us out of here, Theo.

Rhys: I never took you as a "top."

- My wife.
- I deserve this.
- Aw, Daddy's still working.

- -I don't know what I was thinking.
- -I've had a long day.
- -It was a good idea.
- -Yeah, of course.
- I don't know why I'm trying to blow you the second you walk in the door, that's silly.
Joe: I did not anticipate this.
- Love is unpredictable.
- I'm gonna have to fix this.

- Frame him. Trying to think of a word not from a movie.
- It's fine. I'm in.
- How?
- I do still have one thing from the box.
- Natalie's scarf with her blood on it.
- I only kept it for insurance.
- Take care of it.

- It's great. I should have said great.
- Wait.
- Ah. Not again.
- Hold on, I just--
- -I need a sec.
- -Hey, it's fine. It's fine.
- I'm tired anyway.

- I cannot frame an innocent man.
- I can't do it.
- I'd be killing a mockingbird.
- I know that you love Natalie, but you're not talking to the press.
- -I don't care about the press.
- -You should.
- If you don't tell your story, they will tell it for you.
- You can't be there for Theo if you're behind bars.

- but because he taught you that you don't deserve a second chance, but you do.
- We both do.
- I don't feel bad about this.
- It isn't like what Love does.
- She is crazy, impulsive.
- But real evil has to be dealt with and you don't do that by letting it live to take good people down.

- Yes?
Love: Friends and neighbors...
- I'd like to thank you for welcoming my family with open arms, but... you didn't.

- Come on, bro! Clock me, motherfucker!
- What you gonna do, Goldberg?
- Fucking hit me!
- Now!
- -[Cary screaming]
- -[thuds]
Joe: Oh, shit.

- I hate you too.
- For leaving me with her.
- You should've just eaten me in the womb, Forty.

Joe: He's lying.
- -Are you absolutely sure?
- -[Gil] I'm cool!
- I'm cool. Let me out, please?
- No doubt. He'll go straight to the police.
- -Fuck.
- -Guys, let's be grown-ups about this!
- -Now what?
- -Come on!

- It's fine.
- Come on. Let's go. Let's go.
- -[Henry stops crying]
- -Hey, hey, hey.
Joe: Why does my own child not like me?
- You know, babies can tell when your heart's not in it.
- -I-What--?
- -No. I'm sorry. It's all in my head.

- Well, it's go time.
- Oh, welcome back.
- I missed you.
Joe: Someone's loose.
- -Are you okay? You still seem tense.
- -You think?
- -I'm good. No, I'm good.
- -He's just a little shy.

- You've done so much.
- How about we just get back to it?
- -Thank you.
- -Of course.
- Let's go.
- -So that happened.
- -"A hard day"?
- Fucking seriously?

- I don't know.
- I just feel like it's gonna make him, like, even that more unreachable.
- You okay?
- -[Katzir] Ms. Quinn-Goldberg?
- -Yes.
- -A moment?
- -Yes. Thank you.
- -Thank you.
- -[stammers] Yeah, of course.

- Cement is set.
- We're in the clear.
- -Anything from next door?
- -Not that I can see.
- She's been gone for days.
- He's gotta know by now.
- I wish I knew what he was thinking.

- -You've been sneaking around.
- -That's crazy.
- You made me feel like something's wrong with me.
- And I've done everything you asked.
- You've been lying to me this whole time!
- What the fuck was that, Joe?
- You are clearly not happy.
- I hope this weekend helps you get your shit together. Something has to.

- You're gonna figure that out.
- That's what people like us do.

- How's that for self-awareness?
- Am I amusing you?
- No, no, no. No.
- I'm sorry. Also, I'm not sorry.
- I'm not one to let bullies bully.
- I would've done that for anybody.
- Okay.

- Go.
- Hey, Sherry.

- Did you get vaccinated, Joe?
- He's not moving! Somebody get a doctor!
- Somebody help me!
[Fiona] Joe?
- Are you not feeling well?
- I'm Nurse Fiona.
- I'm going to check you out.
- Come in. Sit down.

Joe: Real love doesn't evaporate when things get hard.

Joe: She's the best wife ever... while I'm doing this.
- All to prove you aren't worth it.
- You are just a fleeting crush.

- So let me be blunt. Grow up.
- That boy will distract you from your son.
- I know you love Henry, but that doesn't mean you won't harm him.
- Here, have some of my cab sauv.
- Much healthier addiction than a teen boy.
- Now, if you'll excuse me, my crush Rachel Maddow is waiting.

Joe: This.
- This is real.
- I don't have to pretend with you.
- I'm the real me. This is our beginning.
- I'll find a way to fix everything, so that this is our every day.

- I think about it with Forty.
- If he'd grown up differently, maybe--
- I get it.
- I'm just... trying to fix this.
- Hey.
- I love you.

- Hey, hey, hey. You're okay.
Joe: Note to self, if you take a baby on a drunk joyride to go burn down a vineyard, make sure you're a rich, white lady whose lawyer can get you in a fancy rehab instead of jail.
- -Thank you for--
- -What the fuck were you thinking?
- Just put him to bed, okay? I've got this.

- Call me if you wanna see it.
- Natalie. I wanted to see the place you were talking about.
- You can have this place up crazy fast.
- This place could be a raging success.
- So, what do you think? [gasps]
- Hey, Love. Hey, you okay?
- Joe, I think we need to go to couples therapy.

- -♪ You didn't even hear me out ♪
- -♪ You didn't even hear me out ♪
- -♪ You never gave a warning sign ♪
- -♪ I gave so many signs ♪
- -♪ I never learned to read your mind ♪
- -♪ Never learned to read my mind ♪
- -♪ I couldn't turn things around ♪
- -♪ You never turned things around ♪
- -♪ 'Cause you never gave a warning sign ♪
- -♪ I gave so many signs... ♪

- Do you have a first aid kit?
- Yeah.
Joe: It feels right.
- Taking care of you.
- There. I think you'll live.
- -Does it hurt?
- -Nothing more wine won't cure.

- The National Alliance on Mental Illness.
Joe: I'm beginning to think this generation may just save us all.
- That'll be $1,237.37.
- I only take Bitcoin.
Joe: The lengths I will go to for you,
- Marienne... including sneaking in while Ryan's at work and Juliette and Grandma are at ballet.

Gabe: As Mama Ru says, "If you cannot love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?"

- God is good!
- She is good.

- And your wife.
- And as soon as I became that... you punished me for it.
- I mean, you gaslit me so fucking hard.
- I started to question... every single thing about myself.

- Dad, I got you dinner.
- Dad?
- Come on, you can be mad at me, but at least eat something.

- What you want will take a long time.
- Oh, I don't think it will, not if you're involved.
- And I'm prepared to dramatically overpay.
- Plus, you'd be doing a service to the world.
- How so?
- Finding a murderer.

- I'm still very unclear as to why you decided to volunteer here.
- I'm at the hospital.
- Henry has the measles.
- -Who do you think it was?
- -Not closed yet, are you?
- Can't tell you how sorry we are for exposing Henry.
- We hope you won't hold it against us.
- -Hey, Gil.
- -Yep?

- -Yeah. Yeah.
- -Yeah. Yeah, go.
- But I don't want Love,
- I don't want Sherry.
- I don't want any of this.
- All I want is you.
- There you are.
- There you are.
- I knew you'd come.

- I can't believe it's taken me this long.
- I'm growing.
- "The absence of burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into heights, take leave of the earth, free.
- What then shall we choose?
- Weight or lightness?"
- -Hey, what--?
- -[Marienne] Hey. It's an emergency.
- I'm sorry for calling so late.

- slipped around my neck at some point.
Joe: You're a prisoner too.
- I guess marriage isn't really built for secrets.
- Or people aren't really built for marriage.
- Come with.
- I need another drink.