The Best Busy Philipps Quotes

Cookie: It's that car! You're driving around town, you're tramping it up in that car! I know what you do!
Kim: Yeah, you should know! I learned it from you!
Kim: You're grounded for good, you got me?
Kim: News flash. You're not my father, fat ass!
Kim: Damn right, I'm not!
Cookie: Aw, that's it! We're selling the car!
Kim: No! That's my car! Aunt Kathy gave me that car!
Cookie: Oh, yeah? Well, your aunt Kathy spent $1,000 of my money snorting it up her nose, so as far as I'm concerned, that car is mine!

Laurie: Its just like 1,2,3,4,5,BAM!... and then he farts

Meghan: So, our school needs a kid about your age to be in our school play. It'll be a lot of fun. The play is by a guy named William Shakespeare. He was a writer way back in the olden times.
Dabney: He was a syphilitic drunk fronting for the fourteenth Earl of Oxford!
Lloyd: Why can't you leave the Bard alone? So he didn't have the benefit of higher education. How many PhD's have written King Lear?
[Class starts arguing]

Lindsay: So who's Wendy Franklin?
Kim: Ugh, long story. Let's just say she's a cheap little slut that Daniel made out with while we were broken up.
Lindsay: But it's over with her, right?
Kim: Lindsay, that's not the point. He did it with her at the Laser Dome. Now he wants to go there with me?
Lindsay: So, are you going?
Kim: Well, yeah. I mean, what else am I gonna do?

Laurie: [throwing a man at Jules] You left this at the bar bitch!

Laurie: What sort of skank wears a watch?

Daniel: What, so it's my fault that you left your stuff in my car?
Kim: No, it's your fault that you're the most unreliable person ever.
Daniel: Well, you're certainly reliable, you're always a BITCH!

Kim: [sobbing] You're, like, my only friend Lindsay! And you're a total loser!

Lindsay: [about Mr. Rosso] Have you ever looked at him? He's kinda good looking.
Kim: Yeah, if you're attracted to guys that look like Jesus.

[Kim Kelly cranks up the car stereo]
Daniel: Will you knock it off, Blondie, you're gonna blow the speakers.
Kim: Oh I'm sorry Grandpa, I'll try not to blow anything of yours from now on.

Jules: In one of our friend talks he told me she is not even on the pill... Condoms break all the time!
Laurie: Especially if there's piercing involved!
Ellie: Stop,I'm begging you

Laurie: [Waking up with Grayson "the morning after"] What we did last night was perfectly natural, like the wind... and not trusting Canadians.

Laurie: [after meeting her soon-to-be boyfriend, Smith] He has a first-name last name and a last-name first name! I swear to God, if I ever have a white baby, I am totally naming it Smith!

Kim: [watching the marching band practice] Check out the pizza-face dork with the trombone! Why doesn't he just pop those things?
Daniel: I think if he did, he'd die of blood loss.

Alex: Hey, Kelli Ann. Uh, did I get any calls?
Kelli: Since you asked me 11 mins ago, no, not a lot of phone traffic.
Alex: [obsessively checks phone for signal]
Kelli: Oh, my God.
Alex: What?
Kelli: What's her name?
Alex: Who?
Kelli: The girl... Alex.
Alex: There's no girl.
Kelli: You can't hide it, man. I know strung out, and YOU are strung out.
Alex: Please.
Kelli: This is amazing. You can't focus. Right? Jumping every time your phone rings. Checking your e-mail a hundred times a day. Wishing you could write songs.
Alex: [laughs]
Kelli: No. Feeling the need to bring up her name in random conversations. It's always the same and it has happened to you, my friend.
Alex: Shit.
Kelli: Welcome to my world, asshole. Let me get the door.

Kim: Are you calling me irrational? Because I'll tear your head off, Daniel. I'll tear it off, and I'll throw it over that fence.

[Karen has discovered the word SLUT spray-painted on her locker]
Karen: [to Sam] Did you do that to my locker?
Kim: *I* DID IT! Because you ARE a slut. SLUT!
Karen: [referring to Daniel] Hey. He hit on me!
Kim: Oh, yeah? Well, after school, I'm gonna hit on you!
[Karen is stunned]
Kim: BYE!
[Karen storms off]
Sam: Hey, Kim. Thanks. That was really cool.
Kim: No problem, GEEK.

Kim: My aunt Cathy was so rad. She lived in L.A., she was on "Kojak." She doinked Ryan O'Neal once at a party.
Lindsay: Wow, she sounds awesome!
Kim: Yeah, well she's dead. She OD'd on coke.

Kim: You guys, I killed Millie's dog.
Ken: Like, with your bare hands?