The Best Jules Cobb Quotes

Jules: I have a date with this mean dermatologist. She's the worst.
Travis: Then why do you go to her?
Jules: Because she's the best.

Jules: In one of our friend talks he told me she is not even on the pill... Condoms break all the time!
Laurie: Especially if there's piercing involved!
Ellie: Stop,I'm begging you

Jules: I'm guessing the boy I flashed goes to your school
Travis: Yes he does.
Jules: Is he single?... Kidding! Why don't you ever laugh at my jokes?
Travis: Because they make me sad.

Jules: [Angry] You based all of my treatment on your dog?
Glenn: Ajam.
[Jules is stressed]
Glenn: Ok, I'm just gonna light a little sage in here 'cause, you know? It's very calming so let's all just
[whistles]
Glenn: calm.
Jules: It's just... I can't believe you lied to me.
Glenn: [Pointing at Jules, slightly angry] Hey, hey, hey, Jules! And yes, this is my steering voice.
Jules: [Slighty intimidated] I don't like your steering voice.
Glenn: All I ever do was used my personal experience
[starts coughing because of the sage]
Glenn: to help you. All right? I've never lied on this office. Ever. This is a sacred circle
[keeps coughing]
Glenn: of truth.
Jules: Is it, Glenn?
Glenn: What?
Jules: Tell me. After we left, did you leave a note on that car?
Glenn: Yes, I did.
Jules: What did it say?
Glenn: It said: Suck it!
[Jules nods, having proved her point]
Glenn: I'm not perfect, Jules.
Jules: [Ironic] Really?
Glenn: That's how we connect. We are kindred spirits. Last time you said that you felt guilty because you hang up on your dad. Last Christimas, I set my car on fire so my mother would think I was dead.
Jules: Those aren't the same!
Glenn: Bah, they're so close. But you know what? I'm done playing with your judgement games. I'm not gonna play. You're gonna have to find another therapist.
Jules: YOU are firing ME?
Glenn: Here's your information.
Jules: Are you serious?
Glenn: Yeah.
Jules: You are a nutjob!
Glenn: Yeaaaaah.
Jules: You take your dog to communion!
Glenn: [Angry and obviously crazy] Hey, that was not my choice. That was Gabriel's choice. I was totally against that, Jules.

Jules: Are you threatening me?
Dr. Amy Evans: I haven't decided yet.
Jules: Well when you know let me know.
Dr. Amy Evans: I decided. Back off!

Ellie: I understand we have a, uh, felony break in and a body in the closet. Is that correct? All right. Do what I say, and we'll get through this. Jelly Bean, find that damn purse. We can still prove she's a gold digger. Jules, get a rag, wipe the place down- tables, door knobs, anything you may have touched. Get to work.
Jules: A "please" would be nice.
Ellie: Come again?
Jules: I said a "please" would be nice.
Ellie: Get it straight, buster. I'm not here to say "please." I'm here to tell you what to do. If my help's not appreciated, best of luck, lady.
Jules: No, no. I-I'm sorry, Miss Ellie.

Jules: You wanna use less tongue, you're not a cow at a salt lick.