Top 50 Quotes From Chief M.E. Dr. Albert 'Al' Robbins

Al: [about Russel Caris] What was going through his mind just before he crashed into the police cruiser? "I want to die today and take somebody with me"?

Dr. Al Robbins: [to Catherine] Kids don't belong in the coroner's office unless they're in a drawer. You should've found a different way to deal with your daughter's rebellion.
Catherine: Well, with due respect, Doc, this doesn't concern you.
Dr. Al Robbins: Ever notice how childhood keeps getting shorter and shorter? Whose fault is that?
Catherine: I honestly don't know!

Dr. Al Robbins: From everything I've heard, this guy was a considerable ass.

Judge: [cheerfully] So, Doctor. How did my son die? Anaphylactic shock?
Dr. Al Robbins: No, no, he didn't live long enough for that. C.O.D. was asphyxiation. When the blood oxygen drops to less than 16% and the CO2 builds up, there's a rapid loss of consciousness. Death within minutes with no disfiguring physical findings.
Judge: He'll look great at the funeral.
Dr. Al Robbins: Oh, yes.
Judge: His mother will appreciate that.

[Warrick has concluded that the shooter was moving fast while firing]
Dr. Al Robbins: Drive by?
Warrick: With a hit-and-run chaser.

Al: [Dr. Robin made a pie] Just try it
Warrick: Thanks
Al: You know it's vegan, low fat, low sugar, low carbs
Warrick: Low taste

Dr. Al Robbins: Gabe Miller's still alive. As much as a politician can be.

[about the opened body on the autopsy table]
Dr. Al Robbins: In the end, this is all we really are.

Dr. Al Robbins: You know, David, our job is never easy, but this is a colleague. If your emotions are too raw and you feel you need to excuse yourself...
David: [Touching a frozen body which causes a crunching sound] Look!
[Touches the dead body again]
David: He's crunchy.

Greg: But the bottom line is, we've been working with the wrong cause of death
Dr. Al Robbins: And with the wrong cause of death, you most likely have the wrong killer

[in the autopsy room, looking over fragmented bones]
Dr. Al Robbins: You want a breast or a thigh?
Catherine: It's your kitchen.

Al: [about Becky Lester's injuries] Exsanguination from five lacerations: two to the forehead, one to the right temple and two to the occipital bone.
Gil: Are they consistent with a fall?
Al: Yes, but I'd expect to see hand fractures as a result of the impact, and there are none.
Gil: Are they consistent with blunt force trauma?
Al: Sure, but if the husband bludgeoned her, there'd be fractures to the skull.
Gil: And there are none.
Al: None.
Gil: Well, you've given me a lot of information, doc, and none of it very helpful.

Dr. Al Robbins: Tuberculosis victims emit breath that smells of wet leaves.
Gil: Maple? Ash? Elm? What?
Dr. Al Robbins: I don't know.

Dr. Al Robbins: [as Dr. Al Robbins performs the autopsy on the body found in the drain, Greg Sanders' first] In the end, it's all we really are.

Dr. Al Robbins: Come on, you bitch!

Al: Whoo hoo, the guy was a walking buffet
Catherine: Multiple contusions, he's got a pad of dead tissue on his wrist, no fingernails
Al: Cuticles are inflamed but still intact. They weren't pulled off they were bitten down. I first thought of tortured and forced fed but the usual signs of forced feeding are absent. No abrasion on the surface of the lips, no aspirated food in the airways
Catherine: So what are you thinking now?
Al: He ate himself to death

Dr. Al Robbins: [after David has performed an autopsy on a living man, who later passes on] All right David, take two.

Al: Are you really leaving?
Gil: Yup. Think of it this way doc: you'll have somebody new you can tell all you old jokes to.
Al: I like the old guys' fun. Are you running away from something, running to something, someone?
Gil: [smiling] I'm running to my office.
Al: I think you're nuts.
[after Gil has left]
Al: I am never going to retire.

[Cath stares at the body of her deceased ex-husband]
Dr. Al Robbins: Catherine, you can't say goodbye in an autopsy room.

Warrick: [on seeing Doc Robbins yawn] What's the matter Doc, you been hitting it a little too hard?
Dr. Robbins: No, canine-induced insomnia. I'm fostering some puppies. Jack Russells. Had me up all night. How 'bout a puppy to keep you company?
Warrick: No, if I stay up all night, it's not going to be because of a puppy.

Dr. Al Robbins: Interesting fact about cyanide - not everyone can smell it.
Sara: Right, it's a genetic quirk.
Dr. Al Robbins: Unfortunately, I don't have that ability.
David: [walks into the morgue] "The nose" has arrived.
Sara: Hodges has the genetic quirk?
[Robbins nods]
David: It's a blessing and a curse.

Gil: Did you know that rodents have skeletons with flexible joints?
Dr. Al Robbins: No.
Gil: If they can get their head through something, the rest of their body can contort to fit. They can crawl into spaces as small as a quarter.
Dr. Al Robbins: Lousy varmints.
[on seeing the fried rat, Doc laughs]
Dr. Al Robbins: Bastard hit the main line.

C.S.I. Night Shift Supervisor Dr. Gil Grissom: Left to right, back to front. Only cops were shooting that direction.
Al: Are you saying Bell was hit by a friendly fire?
C.S.I. Night Shift Supervisor Dr. Gil Grissom: Maybe not so friendly.

Dr. Al Robbins: She's a natural blonde.
Catherine: [after seeing Grissom looking at her] Why are you looking at me?
Gil: [shakes his head] Sorry.

Al: [When Catherine sees Eddie's body in the morgue] Catherine, you can't say good-bye in an autopsy room.

Dr. Al Robbins: She was raped... The attack was brutal.
Gil: Aren't they always? I don't know why people think that rape has anything to do with sex.
Dr. Al Robbins: If a guy just wants sex, he can hire a hooker.

Dr. Al Robbins: [to phone] I thought you were asked to come home.
Captain: [to phone] I'll be home tomorrow.
Dr. Al Robbins: I hope she was worth it.
Captain: What do you mean?
Dr. Al Robbins: I don't know, I mean, you put your career on the line, I assume there's a woman involved.
Captain: What are you, a detective now?

Al: Whoever removed this guy's organs knew how to handle one.
Nick: So a dog killed him, then someone came along and cut him up.
Gil: Someone with two legs and a medical degree.

Nick: I found tan fibers on his boxers.
Dr. Al Robbins: You, too, huh? His body's covered in them.
Nick: Fibers on his body and his underwear, but not on his shirt and pants. Why?
Dr. Al Robbins: Well, maybe it was as simple as he wasn't wearing his shirt and pants.
Nick: Okay, then at some point, he was with his shrink in his underwear.
Dr. Al Robbins: Exactly what kind of therapy was this?

D.B. Russell: What was the toxin?
Dr. Al Robbins: Snake venom. The species is called Daboia Russelii, commonly named Russell's viper. No relation I'm assuming?
D.B. Russell: None that I'm aware of

Gil: This is a .25 caliber.
Dr. Al Robbins: What, disappointed?
Gil: We found a .22 in the victim's car. This just ruled that out as the murder weapon.
Dr. Al Robbins: So shoot me.

Dr. Al Robbins: [talking about a Medical Examiner that retired after Doc Robbins first started] I once saw him do a Y-incision with one hand while holding a hot dog in the other!
Michael: I take it he wasn't known for his rigorous analysis?
Dr. Al Robbins: He was known for liking hot dogs.

Julie: Doc, can you explain this text I got from Hodges? Okay: "Nobody knows what the nose knows until the nose knows it. See Doc"
Dr. Al Robbins: Our friend Hodges has the gene that allows him to smell the bitter almond odor of cyanide. It's a gift
Julie: He has so many gifts
Dr. Al Robbins: Oh, yeah.

Dr. Al Robbins: What is it about organized sports?
Gil: Well, organized sports is the paradigmatic model of a just society... Everyone knows the same language, everyone knows the rules, and there's a specific punishment handed out the moment someone tries to cheat. It's instant morality.

Gil: [to Robbins about Izzy Delancy] Cause of death?
Al: [sings] Blunt force trauma to the back of the skull and a fracturing of the occipital lobe there was massive hemorrhaging on the brain and death was probably swift. Yeah!
Gil: [glances down at Izzy's body] Sorry, Izzy.

Dr. Al Robbins: [sarcastically] Nice work.
Gil: At least I tried to get him... Where were you?
Dr. Al Robbins: I *hate* rats.

Detective: Two pairs of socks, two pairs of underwear, two T-shirts. That tells me the guy was going to be staying in Vegas for two days.
Dr. Al Robbins: Your powers of deduction are remarkable, detective.
Detective: Thank you.

Dr. Al Robbins: I love this table.

Gil: Hey Doc, tell me something I don't know.
Dr. Al Robbins: When I was in fourth grade, I dropped karate because some kid half my size made me cry.

Al: Botox: the ultimate wrinkle cream.

Dr. Al Robbins: How about Darier Disease?
Gil: Doesn't that give you a rash that smells like human excrement? We're looking for something a little sweeter.

[Gil Grissom and David Philipps are rolling Warrick's corpse on a stretcher in the morning, and come across Dr. Robin at the morgue]
Gil: Are you gonna do the post?
Al: No. I've asked the dayshift I'm gonna handle this one.

[Dr. Robbins uses home pregnancy tests instead of buying from the lab's expensive supplier]
Catherine: Eye on the bottom line. I find that...
Dr. Al Robbins: Sexy?
Catherine: Prudent. That was a good try, though.
Dr. Al Robbins: Plus sign. You know what that means.
Catherine: Who's yo daddy?

Dr. Al Robbins: [discussing findings re: latest victim] Well, Tox detected methamphetamine, sildenafil, and oxycodone.
Catherine: Stimulant, erection, and a painkiller. Party in a pill.
Dr. Al Robbins: Where was that on my wedding night?

[In the second "game", Henry has been found frozen]
Al: Why don't you let me know when he softens up, and we'll start the cutting.
David: Wait so... we're just gonna wait him to thaw?
Al: What do you want me to do, stuck him in the microwave?

David: [about Nick] Do you think he suffered?
Dr. Al Robbins: Do I think he suffered? Yes. Definitely.

Dr. Al Robbins: [shady guys with guns are stealing a corpse] What the hell is going on here?

Gil: Can you smell that?
Dr. Al Robbins: Yes.
Gil: You shouldn't be able to smell that though your suit.
Dr. Al Robbins: Good to know.

Dr. Al Robbins: [there are three Laotians in the morgue at the same time] Bad night for Laotians.

[Robbins takes a camera out to snap photos of dead Julian Harper]
Warrick: What are you doing?
Dr. Al Robbins: It's for my scrapbook. I've got a perfect spot for him: A place of honor between Tupac and Entwistle.