The Best Chunk Quotes

Francis: [grabs Chunk by the throat] Hey, kid. I want you to spill your guts, tell us everything.
Chunk: Everything?
Francis: Everything.
Chunk: [sobbing] Everything. OK, I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I play Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... and then, my mom sent me to the... to the summer camp for fat kids... and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out!
[much later]
Chunk: But, the worst thing I ever done: I mixed up all this fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this.
[imitating vomiting four times]
Chunk: And then, I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. And I never felt so bad in my entire life!
Jake: [amused] I'm beginning to like this kid, Ma!
Mama: [tired of Chunk's stalling] Hit puree!
[Francis turns on the puree blender]
Chunk: No! I'm too young!
[the Fratellis grabs his arms]
Chunk: No, I want to play the violin! No, not my hand! Please!
Mama: Now, do I get the truth? Do I get the truth, or do you get juiced?

Chunk: Hello, Sheriff's Office? I'd like to report a murder!
Sheriff: Hold on, hold on a minute. Is that you again, Lawrence?
Chunk: Listen, Sheriff, I know I've jerked you around before, but this is for real now. I'm in the Fratellis' basement, with this guy...
Sloth: Rocky Road? Heh Heh!
Sheriff: Yeah, like that time you told me about the fifty Iranian terrorists who took over all the Sizzler steakhouses in the city?
Chunk: Sloth, get back here! Sloth!
Sheriff: Just like that last prank about all those little creatures that multiply when you throw water on them?
[as Chunk follows Sloth, the phone cord rips out of the wall. The Sheriff hears a dial tone]
Sheriff: Lawrence?

Chunk: Look, how's that? How's that?
Mikey: Oh, you idiot! You glued it on upside down!
Brandon: You dork! If God made it like that, you'd all be pissing in your faces!
Chunk: Looks fine to me.

Chunk: [running toward the road in the dead of night to find help] I'm not all alone in the dark. I like the dark. I love the dark.
[Chunk ducks and crawls under a tree branch]
Chunk: But I hate nature! I HATE nature!

Chunk: I just saw the most amazing thing in my entire life!
Mouth: First you gotta do the truffle shuffle.

Chunk: Listen, okay? You guys'll never believe me. There was two cop cars, okay? And they were chasing this four-wheel deal, this real neat ORV, and there were bullets flying all over the place. It was the most amazing thing I ever saw!
Mikey: More amazing than the time Michael Jackson come over to your house to use the bathroom.
Brandon: More amazing than the time you saved those old people from that nursing home fire, right?
Mouth: Yeah, and I bet it was even more amazing than the time you ate your weight in Godfather's pizza, right?
Chunk: Okay, Brand. Michael Jackson didn't come over to my house to use the bathroom. But his sister did.

[Chunk looks at the map]
Chunk: Look! That says sixteen thirty-two. Is that a year or something?
Mouth: Who knows? It's your top score on Pole Position.

[Chunk and Sloth are chained up together]
Chunk: Want a candy bar? Are you hungry? I got a Baby Ruth.
Sloth: Ruth! Ruth! Baby! Ruth!
Chunk: Here you go.
[Chunk tosses the candy bar to Sloth and it hits him in the head. Both scream]
Chunk: I'm sorry, mister! I'm sorry!
[Sloth rips his chains out of the wall and goes to pick up the candy bar. Then, he realizes he's free]
Chunk: Gee, mister. You're even hungrier than I am.

Chunk: Look at this. They've got Misissippi Mud and they've got Chocolate Eruption and they've got what?
[Everyone screams]
Chunk: It's a stiff.
[Everyone screams and drops the dead body]

[Data comes flying into the house knocking over everyone]
Chunk: [saves the statue of Michaelangelo's David] Hey! I bet you guys thought I was going to drop it huh? I know you would think that from good ol' Chunk.
[Chunk places the statue on the table, but it falls off]
Brandon: You idiot!
Mikey: Oh, my god!
[Mikey runs over to pick up the statue and hold the breathalizer in his mouth]
Chunk: [examines the statue] Look, look! It's not broken. It's perfect! Ha ha!
Mikey: [sees that the statue's penis has broken off] Oh, my GOD! That's my mom's most favorite piece!
[Mikey tries to put the penis back on]
Chunk: Oh, my god.
Mouth: You wouldn't be here if it wasn't.
Mikey: Shut up, Mouth!
Brandon: Shut up, Mouth.

Chunk: Mikey, Mikey, this ain't the kind of place you want to go to the bathroom in.
Mama: Why not?
Chunk: Because they might have daddy longlegs and um... dead things, Mikey. DEAD THINGS!